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Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever - Hilariocity Review
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2020
- Chris Stuckmann reviews Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, starring Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu, Talisa Soto, Gregg Henry, Ray Park. Directed by Kaos.
I remember watching this on HBO when I was a kid because it said graphic violence and nudity. Little Anthony was disappointed that evening.
Your Li'l Anthony will have a more pleasant experience by watching Lucy Liu vampire movie. If violence and nudity are what you looking for.
A suprise seeing Jiggly here, lol
@@manchesterunitedno7 Lucy Liu was in a vampire movie??
@@Icanonlycountto4 Rise: Blood Hunter is the title.
I was gonna like this comment but it’s at 69 rn so I don’t wanna be that guy
Chris, you've teased us with the Gods of Egypt hilariosity 4 years ago. We've been waiting ever since. The time has come to release it.
Edit: God damn it, this request didn't age well😥.
Oh dear God I forgot about that horrible mess of a movie. I tried to suppress the memory of it.
Gods of Egypt is great what you talking about ? hahahaha..if you want to see a movie that will leave you speechless watch killer camera monsters..
@@orinorio1 LOL I seen the trailer for that OMG but at least I could laugh at it plus its not a big budget film. Gods of Egypt is not only bad but so inaccurate LMAO a Scottish man as the lead Egyptian God villain I mean seriously and lets not forget Ra.
I swear there was another one he teased at the end of one of the older Hilariosities... I’m trying to remember/find it.
@@orinorio1 I watched it recently and it did leave my speechless. I just couldn't comprehend how $140 million dollars went into that piece of garbage. I tried to find out what happened and I can't find anything!
"I have never seen it [Jaws 4], but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"
-Micheal Caine
I can respect that. Over people jumping on cultural/political bandwagons pretending like they actually care.
the Ruthless bad guy is Ruthless because, he had a wife named ruth and, she left him for somebody less boring.
Nailed it.
Nail on the coffin right there
@Justin Gary Verse four sixty nine, of chapter 420. Word of luke, agreement of Liegha!
"Ba dum tiss"
When your main actress has no idea what’s going on in an action scene then you know your movie is bad.
You'd think the director or stunt coordinator would explain it to her before shooting the dangerous and potentially deadly action scene.
And the thing is we've seen her be good in other action roles, the director did a criminal job, he didn't guide the actors at all. The villain's actor was the worst IMO, cheesy ruthless bad guy.
I can only try to explain this movie with two words..........:
FIRST DRAFT !!......... .............. ........................
This is how MCU movies are shot lmaoo
a time when Lucy Liu seemed to be the only asian in hollywood so they cast her in everything and she never turned down a script.
True. I was kid at time but I had crush on her
@@ShimaS-0079 same
That's how she made her "fuck you" money
There’s still not enough Asian actors visible enough in Hollywood...and if there are, they’re usually delegated to roles as sidekicks, stoic warriors, or nerds.
Hey, for a minor character, she was hilarious in Payback!
I saw this.
In the theater.
On the day it opened.
Were you able to stay awake during the film?
Well was it still playing the day after? :D
I pity you.
yeah. me too. and I regretted it. waste of time and money. I wish I waited for it's DVD version or nowadays, free download
I can only try to explain this movie with two words..........:
FIRST DRAFT !!......... .............. ........................
You can so tell by the way Lucy Liu explains the making of the action scenes how much of a clusterfuck making this movie was. Insane 🤪😂
I remember sneaking into the theater to see this as a kid.... I didn’t know any better
Same, I was like 14 at the time and only went to see it for Lucy Liu. Wasn't worth it.
@@mattakudesu yeah shes hot and all but.... it ain't worth sacrificing your soul
The sad thing is this movie's more of a crime than you sneaking in to see it.
That'll teach ya to sneak into a movie. 😆
At least you didn’t pay for this crap
9:53 That little girl has the best acting in the whole movie which actually says it all...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh my god. How excruciantingly slow this movie is. It's like it's trying to be an experimental drama like Roma or something
The One and Equilibrium. Just takes me back to the early 2000s. A simpler time. 😎
When your lead actress says in an interview "I had no idea what was going on. I just showed up, did what they told me and that was it", you know you've made a horribly bad movie.
Not always, Tom Holland literally don't know what to do in Infinity War and Endgame because of him having a hard time keeping his mouth shut but both ended up being a good movie. All he did was just put him in the scene and say his line and follow what the director says. Even told about Tony's funeral as a wedding 😂. But in the case of this shitty movie, yeah no excuse for that
@@Bjork4s Tom Holland may be the exception, as normally actors want to know at least the synopsis upfront so they can do some research to properly portray their character.
And yes, sometimes there is some secrecy around a movie, but not to the extent described here, that sounds like there's no real script, no real dialogues and they literally are "making it up as thye go", which is a really bad way to shoot a movie.
Always puts a smile on my face when Chris uploads a Hilariocity
For me it’s just when he uploads at all
Same here 😊
living through a pandemic and riots isn’t fun at all. But this Hilariocity does put a smile on my face.
Chance Ondriezek same here !!!!
I live for these. Perfect timing for some much needed humor.
"You're sweating"
Guy looks drier than the Sahara 🤣
He was sweating internally. He's the sort who keeps everything bottled up inside.
🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
@@stephenrice2063 🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🏻
“You’re sweating. Relax. Take a deep breath.”
All the best actors can sweat on cue.
I loved 'The One' when it came out! Jet Li kills a guy by crushing him with two motorcycles!
I once crushed a motorcycle with two guys!
I liked it as well
Yeah, me too!
The One was sort of a generic action movie but *way* less boring than this one
An amazing movie every one should love to hate
That movie is underrated as hell, really wouldve loved to see a 2nd movie
I just fucking love when the actors have more charisma in the behind the scenes than in the movie
I just got stuckmanized for a movie that has 0% on rotten tomatoes
For metacritics it has 19%
Lol
I was so excited to see this as a teen (finally I could go to the movies!) I ended up walking out
Das Boom: Good call!
The most hated films like Starship Troopers and American Pie!
That Lucy Liu interview was astonishingly revealing about the production, holy shit.
The way she talked about it makes me think that they had a better movie in mind but it got progressively worse as studios heavily interfered in the filmmaking process.
I can only try to explain this movie with two words..........:
FIRST DRAFT !!......... .............. ........................
@@chanceneck8072 Actually, it's less than a first draft
I like how Chris’ mockery of the reactions to gunshots in this movie are more animated than the actual reactions In the film.
So Lucy liu is DISSING the movie in the making of 😅😅
Yep and it’s fucking awesome.
Nothing compared to Robert Pattinson's Twillight ROASTS!!!
This movie is like an homage to 80's cop shows: the foley work is terrible, the music is cheesy, and every vehicle they destroy is some old piece of shit they probably got for 200 bucks.
Miami Vice still rules...Kinda. I know what the director was going for: A "Le Samourai" type of ripoff because he thinks silence and motionless creates style.
😂
Lucy Liu commenting about this movie is adorable.
The only reason anyone would own a copy of this movie on DVD
@@deathmetal271 you are correct. Even a bad Lucy Liu is still a good Lucy Liu.
@@deathmetal271 - Rare appearance of plain old Ray Park without costumes and voice dubs?
“Except he’s not sweating at all” made me laugh out loud 🤣
"It's a fucking close up god dammit, you think we're fucking idiots???" 🤣🤣
7:03 When my math teacher thinks that I studied for the test
I had the "honor" of seeing this movie as a free pre release, audience screening preview. I believe the only thing that was different from the final release was the title screen music or the font
When it finished, and mind you the theater had studio suits to administer those audience questionnaires, some guy just shouted "I want my money back".
The whole place burst into a loud laughter.
Holy schiznik, I always wanted Chris to do a Hilariocity on this movie.
Kablaam!
Take that back
i loved "The One". Guilt pleasure, but I cant help it.
"I can describe this query with a graphic." That killed me XD
So what you're saying is there's no such thing as a "spoiler" in this movie. You can't spoil the spoiled.
Man shut the fuck up
Literally unspoilable. Maybe a new segment? About movies that are soooo bad they're unspoilable.
To be fair......it seems like the Wachowskis really didnt seem to know what made the Matrix good themselves either.
@TREE HOUSE oh yeah no doubt, and thats for sure evident since both of their transitions, I was just more talking about how they approached the sequels really.
@TREE HOUSE
?
Nah.
They spent a long time working on the script of the first film, and not nearly as much time working on the script for the second and third movies (which were supposed to be one movie). I bet if they stuck with their original plan of making the first movie the middle part of the trilogy, the results would have been far better.
@TREE HOUSE Elaborate please?
I think Pink Floyd said that about Dark Side of the Moon, in that they have no idea how they can make that album again..... nobody really knows when or why things strikes gold
I worked at a video store and no matter how much the price dropped on this movie I never bought with my discount or rented it for free.
One of the best decisions I've ever made I see.
"Uhh"
- Person who got shot
The Interview with Lucy made me like her even more
Rememeber when Luci Liu was one of the most popular actresses around? Good times.
She's great in Elementary but that just ended too
If she had a more consistently quality career she'd be so much bigger. A great shame, she's an amazing actress.
That was actually a very short period in time!
I seriously have to wonder if she has a story regarding Harvey Weinstein, considering Kill Bill.
The fact Weinstein was involved in that movie at all, UGH.
Charlie's Angels.
Hey, The One has merit in that Jet Li is still cool and you got to see Jason Statham before he was Jason Statham.
It's a guilty pleasure of mine✌❤😁
Same. The movie is a big guilty pleasure of mine
I like The one fun to watch
14:57 I almost spat out my drink! Who in their right mind would take such a nickname seriously!
"I know a killer when I see one."-Arya Stark, Chris Stuckman, not Antonio Banderas.
I never laughed so hard when Chris was talking about the second being shot scene.LMFAO!!
Mine was the sweating
I choked off of my own laughter lol
Same here lol
That guy falling on the car was indeed really cool
That and Ray Park were probably the only good things in the movie.
Maybe a little bit tooooo slloooooowwwww, thoooo.... it actually looks kinda funny and awkward. Shot would probably be a lot cooler and have more impact at regular speed.
One thing that ruined it was the wheel blowing off, that was a bit cartoonish.
imagine it in a better movie, i think it's pretty great.. i'd forgive the speed of the scene if there weren't that much slomo on every other one
Watch "The Avengers," not the marvel one, for an exercise in a lack of extras.
Oh. Right. Uma Thurman movie😒
@@I-speak-U-shut-it yeah, there are like six people in that movie
Thanks for reminding me
I'll never forget Sean Connery in a bear costume.
"...for an exercise in a lack of extras."
That deserved at least ten likes! 😅
Also, why is that? Budgetary cuts?
When Lucy Liu did the cartwheel in the vid I honestly felt like I was watching scary movie for some reason
"The One" is a guilty pleasure of mine.
Lol same, it's one of my favorite childhood movies
Yeah, it was awesome and fun, till the very last scene!
Same. I have a soft spot for early 2000's action movies.
Same.
No guilt, it's a perfectly fine movie, as action jet li movie go
The movie's director is named Kaos? I guess his movie ended up being Kaotic.
You know the movie is going to be bad when the director has a one-word working name.
lol 😂😂
He's from thailand
@@Pete4. it didn't happen to McG tho. Not all of his movies are bad, there are some ok or even good ones like The Babysitter and Terminator Salvation. His Charlie's Angels movie were my guilty pleasure tho 😂😂
I love that chris laughs at himself when his notes dont make sense
"Staring contest builds character *snorts* no it doesn't"
Ah yes, the comment I was looking for. This bit KILLED ME, so funny!
So I worked at Blockbuster when this movie came out and the amount of copies we received of a movie was based on its box office. I can't tell you how badly people treated me because the few copies we had were always rented out. To this day I have nightmares about working at Blockbuster.
I saw the movie title and clicked immediately. I knew he would destroy this one.
Oh no......I actually enjoyed "The One" when I was like 13 years old.....Please Chris, don't ruin my childhood memories!!! :P
Same!
Same
The One is a terrible movie, but it at least entertains thanks to Jet Li. This "Ballistic" movie has a main character who looks like he doesn't even want to be anywhere NEAR the plot.
How can do that you like movie you shouldn’t care what he says about it if Chris say eating shit taste good will you eat it be adult like what you like not what strangers and critics say
I mean... I think Lucy Liu is one of the few people alive who is allowed to transform a city into a war zone. She would never do it, which is part of why she is allowed to! All hail Lucy Liu.
Hey! "The One" is a good movie, and I'll stand by that.
I agree!!
Nope. Let me guess - you were a child when you watched it first time?
M4rcin I’m adult I still like movie everyone is different if adults want act like little kids have critics and strangers tell them what movies they should see so be it I’m adult I make my own decision I don’t like infinty war I do like all other avenger movies
I'm defending The One it was a fun film.
The One is AMAZING!
"... even the music is bored"
- Fanboy Flicks
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love his channel so much haha
@@adriannab.2887 Me too. When I first found it, I binge watched the entire channel over the weekend. Hahaha.... I have no life.... Hahahaha
chris came out with a hilariocity in june 2020.
NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES
Some wear awesome looking shirt and review movies.
What Is the What and some wear formal suits
David Oops
“This naturally pisses him off” dead
Man I miss me some Chris Stuckmann. Especially theatrical releases.
My mom: I’m assuming you have straight A’s?
Me: 7:03
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Sweet
Idk how the dvd of this movie ended up in my house 🤷🏻♂️ big mystery
Lucy Liu has that affect on people.
Burn it
This happens dude, there is a blu-ray of green lantern in my house and I have no idea how it came there.
@@rafaelalodio5116 Oof... burn it before it lays eggs.
Rafael Alódio 😂😂😂
Yo Chris, can we get a review of Avatar: The last Airbender show, and then a Hilariocity of The Last Airbender film. I honestly would love to see your reaction between the show, and the movie.
Edit: They on netflix son
My nostalgic inner child: "Chris, don't shit talk The One, it is a treasure"
Me grown and enlightened: "Tear the bitch apart!"
There's a special place in my heart for that steaming pile of crap.
@@ethanwilson9406 well I am glad am not the only one that like the ONE
no lie, I love that movie. It's got the perfect amount of cheese
I could not have said this better myself!
The One is a fucking live action anime that knows exactly what it is and while deserving of Criticism because it's not immune, to shit on it for the sake of shitting on it ignores everything great about it.
"You can possibly remain Conscious". -Chris Stuckmann
"Fucking wrong, bitch!" - Chris Stuckmann, 2020
Dang, this was my childhood movie. I loved it 🤣
Wow, This little girl has better acting than the rest of the movie.
"The One" is a guilty pleasure for me, I haven't watched it in years but I have fun with it when I do. I'm going to have fun watching you're Hilariocity if you ever do it lol. Love the soundtrack even if the fight scenes look terrible lol
Agreed the final fight was over the top but badass
Movie: has 118 rotten reviews: Chris: “After this review it’s about to be 119”
I'm bout to end this man's whole career
great joke dude did you think of it yourself??
i think we just watched the same video. that's crazy.
Yeah I too remember when he said that in the video, thanks for the comment!
This was the first movie I ever walked out of. I was 12. My older sister who had taken me, and who is notoriously forgiving toward bad movies, had fallen asleep. The day I learned that movies can be bad 💔
Villain gets shot "I Shouldn't have eaten that burrito earlier" face LOL
That fall onto the car is one of the biggest examples of a great moment / stunt in a completely undeserving movie that I've ever seen.
The actors in this movie remind of the last 10 years of Bruce Willis movies. Just sleepwalking though it.
One thing that caught my eye is Antonio Banderas seemingly getting hit by flaming debris from an explosion at 13:51. Apparently corroborated on IMDB: "While filming a large-scale action scene that involved explosives, a detonation occurred too close to Antonio Banderas, who escaped with minor burns. Afterward, he was allegedly very vocal with the FX team about their miscalculation of the explosion's size."
Do a hilariocity of "Fateful Findings" or any of Neil Breen's films already!
13:48 Think Antonio had a chat with his agent after that last explosion blasted him right in the face? (Watch in slow-mo for extra hilarity)
I thought the same, that looked dangerous!
That'll teach him not to run in slow motion.
Not an actual explosion, though. More likely an air mortar, which could still hurt and do serious damage at close range.
Also, it's not the agent's fault that Antonio said "yes". He read the script. Right?
Maybe Agent Smith gave him the script.
Lol
Not gonna lie, if video stores still existed and I saw a movie on the shelf with the critical tagline of "may possibly stay conscious" I would have to rent it.
I laughed when you mentioned the one. That is definitely a big guilty pleasure for me. I watched it so many times when it came out to rent
Why the hell the car in the background explodes when he shoots the tires of the other car????
I KNOW RIGHT
Cause that's how epic he is
If that was directed by Michael Bay, it would've had a better explanation
Chris, I have never heard of these films. But thanks for some funnies during quarantine!
Review Showgirls.
@@kobrien4121 You want me to review "Showgirls"?
Okay, here goes.
For some ungodly reason, the dude who made RoboCop decided to make a movie about a bunch of strippers. It's a terrible experience watching it. Never do it. Some people think it's a guilty pleasure, but we all know why they like it.
In the end, it's a piece of trash that is simultaneously unfunny, and terrible.
Rating: 1/5
Is that good?
Movie Maniac seriously he really did 🤢
@@theofficialvernetheturtley338 As in Robocop 1 and Predator 1? That has to be one of the biggest drops in quality when it comes to a director.
Also add Total Recall to the list of great movies he made before Showgirls. Like, what the hell happened?
@@okagron Yup. First RoboCop, and first Predator. Classics. Showgirls on the other hand...well let's just say it isn't a classic.
I saw a promo for this on tv around 2009/10 and thought it looked awesome. And I really liked Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu. But I fell asleep before I could watch it that night. I was a little bummed. I didn't know about Rotten Tomatoes back then, So I checked out my favorite place on the entire internet, the IMDb message boards. Thank God for the now dead Message boards because they've saved me from A LOT of train wrecks over the years.
James Hunt I’m still hurt about the fate of IMDB’s message board.
Tommy Swain Literally the only reason I even got an IMDB account. Also, it was literally the only place on the internet where you could discuss any film from any freaking decade in the history of Cinema. I don't rate movies or shows on a regular basis. I RARELY rate them on IMDB. I've legit never written a single IMDB review ever.
The message boards were a HUGE deal for me. Cause I love watching old films I missed out on growing up. Like I saw The Big Lebowski and Clue for the first time pretty recently. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I'd spend literally HOURS at a time on a movie or tv board after finishing that particular film or show.
9:45 That's one nice asmr scene right there :D
You totally nailed it. As I was watching this review, I realized that I remember almost nothing about this movie, though I definitely watched it. That's how much of an impression it made on me.
I still have this on dvd. It has that case that snaps closed lol
Same here lol it’s my personal good bad movie
Chris, fellow creator here! Just re-watched your Interview with Sean Bean (for tenth time I think), Please, do more of these, you are very good at it (Interviewing): U R passionate, ask questions for really getting the answer(not for asking them/then interrupting), and asking really good questions, Loved all the interview U have done, and The last one with Speak, pushed me for the suggestions! Cheers mate!
if only he could do interviews rn, i agree he’s a really good interviewer
I'm so jealous he got to interview him… I don't know if anyone has asked him but I wonder if Sean Bean is aware of the meme of him from Game of Thrones and Lord of the rings 😂
I love the Hilariocity reviews. Could you please do a hilariocity review for leprechaun in the hood, or leprechaun in space? Those movies need a hilariocity!
Do a hilariocity on the Wild Wild West movie
When I was like 10 I thought this movie was gonna be cool cause of the title... this is the first movie I remember that was genuinely bad and this was when I thought every movie I watched was good
Had that same experience with The Last Airbender
@@IantheDugan We...uh...we don't talk about that....
@@themarveldcfan3463 Avatar the Last Airbender doesn't have a movie. There's that fanfic Shamadingdong made but it's not a movie.
Lol same! I used to think that if it's called "Ballistic" it's GOTTA kick ass.
@@Thetruthiscosmic There is no movie in Ba Sing Se.
Ecks vs. Sever: They punch for a bit, then they're mates.
So Batman v Superman ?
@@scrrin zAcK sNyDeR bAd
@@raam726 ......did you just attempt to defend BvS? Cause it didn't work, movie still blows.
@@CitrusRev yeah I know cuz zAcK sNyDeR bAd
@@raam726 Nah, Zack Snyder isnt that bad, sometimes...Batman v Superman is FUCKING AWFUL though
I don’t look forward to The One. Trying to keep my childhood intact over here.
I loved this movie. Yes it was boring... But it was lots of good action.
Please do a Hilariocity review for “Fateful Findings.”
From the other reviews I’ve seen, it’s truly amazing in the worst ways possible :)
Ok, I was all in until Chris starting shit talking "The One" with Jet Li. My chinese western teenage angst was completely fulfilled by that film, it's the only film where Jet Li rocks dreads, a beachboy look and a ripoff of the "Parent trap" 😂 plot.
Seriously the soundtrack of that film was A+++
Agreed. Jet Li saying I'm nobody's bitch...classic.
Exactly. I love The One.
"The One" is a fun watch. Dope premise too
Such a fun badass movie. Took me by surprise too when Chris ripped on it.
CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES
“You can possibly remain conscious“ - Chris Stuckmann 2020
"Challenge accepted." --Me, also 2020
I just watched a few videos of yours from years ago. I went here to see if you’re still active. The consistency is amazing 🙂
The dude who wrote this movie also wrote some of the Wrong Turn movies.
Hey, the first Wrong Turn is awesome turn-your-brain-off fun!
Not the first two, I can tell you that!
3 is boring, and the fourth one, according to Phelous, is just plain awful. Heck, just seeing the clips from his review made me disinterested...
"You will possibly remain conscious." Chris Stuckmann 2020😂
“She is an emotionless... BRICK!”
...it had me in stitches 🤣😅🤣
😂
I bought this movie as a VHS when I was a kid because the cover looked so amazing.
9:27 was such a delayed reaction. Lol. It's like the actor forgot that he was supposed to die and didn't remember until last minute.
🤣
I liked this as a kid, but I haven't seen it in YEARS.
I've never watched it, I've been always curious to watch it cause Lucy Lu in any movie is beautiful to watch but I've never had a chance to do so. After this review I'm glad I haven't seen it lol
Well I liked Catwoman when I was a kid so......... yeah. Hahahahahahah 😁😁😅😅
You’re lucky you haven’t went back in a long time
me too
@@Timliu92 Same here. Loved _Catwoman_ when I first saw it and now it's the 3rd WORST superhero movie I've ever seen.
Fatal deviation. It’s on UA-cam. Gonna keep recommending it until you do it. You won’t regret it.
Yes!!!! Fatal Deviation!
With Mike from Boyzone!!!! Oh pleasepleaseplease
This film was on late- night television a TON back in the day, and I swear any time I was in a Blockbuster I'd see it on a shelf, in stock.
I actually liked "the One" with Jet Li.
The one was a guilty pleasure one for me. Liked it, but recognized its bad parts.
"Vancouver has turned into a war zone."
So basically, Vancouver after every hockey season ends.
Benjamin Abramowitz hey you don’t say that
Or when Jason Voorhees shows up for 15 minutes, thinking he's in Manhattan.
If only there was a Hilariocity Cop when Vancouver turned into a war zone.
I wonder if those passionate fans were ever tear gassed or hit with a club or rubber bullet (?)
That's cheap man...
…Honestly? That staring contest scene was actually pretty funny. XD
I thought so too! It had a bit of a Better Call Saul vibe to it.
Yeah that part by itself wasn't bad
Lyendith That little girl was absolutely adorable.
Speaking of Nick Park, you *need* to review "The King of Fighters" movie on a future Hilariocity episode.
Chris, your Hilariocity reviews are awesome.