How to Have a Good Conversation | Celeste Headlee | TEDxCreativeCoast
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- Опубліковано 6 тра 2015
- When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have great conversations - and most of us don’t converse very well. A great conversation requires a balance between talking and listening. This balance is important because bad communication leads to bad relationships, at home, at work, everywhere.
Celeste Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host, and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show The Takeaway. She also guest hosted a number of NPR shows including Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, Weekend All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition.
Celeste holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still, the Dean of African American Composers. Celeste is an avid hiker, biker, paddler and dog walker.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
4:31 1: "Don't multitask."
4:53 2: "Don't pontificate."
6:06 3: "Use open-ended questions."
6:44 4: "Go with the flow."
7:36 5: "If you don't know, say that you don't know."
7:57 6: "Don't equate your experience with theirs."
8:38 7: "Don't repeat yourself."
8:58 8: "Stay out of the weeds."
9:21 9: "Listen."
10:41 10: "Be brief."
*Please like this comment so it can stay up and more people are able to see it.*
Good Job
Thank you
you just saved me 12 minutes on a school assignment thank you
@@chili4698 same lol
@@chili4698 Wait school assignment??
"Most teens at this time send over 100 texts a day"
Me: *looks at phone*
*two texts*
-_-
You don't wanna live that kind of life anyway, it ends up being more depressing then simply doing a hobby. Mind you when you have your hobby you then can find other like minded individuals who are more than willing to look past your "flaws".
Trap-lord - me. None.
Its such BS
im definitely this person. its more convenient and less intrusive.
Franchesca Rivera same but my friends n I always take the opportunity to group call/FaceTime instead of txt
Almost 7 years later this still has such a huge impact on everyone. She's absolutely great.
I didn't even realize how old this was till I saw your comment, the whole thing seemed very current
@@tonyoman5018 bitcoin
@@TysonAllen99 yes
ipek
after how many years 😅
I get sick of providing a "listening service" to people who just want to hear themselves talk. Everyone should take turns during a conversation.
Amen. Plus 1.
Apply the first advice she gave. If you don't want to be in the conversation, just don't be in it.
It's a matter of give and take mate.
You clearly missed the point.... (and so do all the people that thumbed up....) You are not there for you, you are there for the other, be open and listen. If you can't that's fine, but end the conversation. I you start the conversation with a me vs them the real conversation stopped before it even started. You have conversation to listen not to be heard! You can't learn from saying what you already know.If you focus on what you want to say you are not listening.
@@florisbackx1744 can you rephrase and elaborate cuz ur point isn't clear enough (for me at least) to properly fathom.
"Dont listen to reply, listen to understand"
This is such a powerful quote and it really resonated with me. Thank you Celest!
I think it's important for me because I'm very impatient and unfortunately I try to interrupt to reply several times during the conversation, so I know it's really rude
You spot on Tasha! A good understanding keeps the conversation flowing. Don't forget an open-ended question is the best way to have better understanding.
However if someone keeps talking and shows no interest in the things you have to say, that person is selfish and wants control and domination.
Tasha good. Celeste thank you 🙏 good morning ☀️ super nice way to start our morning conversation! Thank you everyone for this to take place in my heart ❤️
Notes from video:
4:31 1. Don’t be half in half out of the conversation. Be in it or out of it.
4:53 2. Don’t pontificate. Stating an opinion without the opportunity for response, argument or discussion. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Set aside your personal opinion. Everyone you meet knows something that you don’t. Everyone is an expert in something.
6:06 3. Who, what, where, when, how? Let them describe it.
6:44 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come and go.
7:36 5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap.
7:57 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about the time they lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they start talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t start talking about how you hate your job. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual.
8:38 7. Try not to repeat yourself. It can come across as condescending and it’s really boring. We tend to do it a lot in work situations and conversations with our kids.
8:58 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the minutiae. What they care about is you.
9:21 9. Listen. This is the most important.
• If your mouth is open you’re not learning - Budda and every Dad there ever was.
• No man ever listened his way out of a job - Calvin Coolidge.
10:41 10. Be brief.
• A good conversation is like a mini skirt; short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.
Be interested in other people.
Everyone has some hidden amazing thing about them.
Go out, talk to people and prepare to be amazed.
Some of us make mistakes in conversation because we panic when there is silence or feel uncomfortable that we wont provide what the other person needs
Dangit I should have looked at the Comments before I made my own notes -_-
Thank you
Meaty Ogre ‘
thank you so much
I totally agree with her. What I have experienced lately though is that my „skill“ of being a good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about themselves, but in return don’t ask questions. And so conversations get really exhausting and one directional. And unfortunately I don’t get amazed too often by the content of it.
Agreed. good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about them selves. they don't care my time.
some point, I needed to cut it out their talking.
Thanks for my english assignment 💋
so agree
lol! Very well said. I have observed that too, and the path forward is an obvious one- and it's how you make meaningful relationships.
I use to think it was my job to "help" the people who only talk about themselves, but hv since decided that was not my cross to bear. Politely exit from their story-telling / relationship, and give your energy to people more engaged in a meaningful exchange. 🌈
Love this! As an ex-national news journalist, now working in corporate communications, who interviews and has conversations with fascinating people, my favourite tip on her list is "be interested in people, be prepared to be amazed". If you go into all interactions with this mindset, all her other tips will happen naturally, and it will be a rich experience guaranteed.
Yes! I felt I knew this when I was younger + somehow lost that sense of wonder about strangers. Must regain that sense of surprise.
O
Yeah, but what if you are genuinly not interested in people?
Hears “don’t multitask” while reading comments.. lol my bad
Iol, i just wanna laugh...😂🤣
I love hearing new music on SPOTIFY and I color with super fine pens to relax. Can't do either properly at the same time. Truth is no one can multitask well.
I like u
exactly me😂
People don't really "multitask" anyway. We switch tasks exceptionally fast, and well, but we don't, and never have been able to actually multitask all that well. If you were reading comments, then you were simply reading comments and barely able to pay attention to the talk.
I hate how much people interrupt. I leave most conversations unsatisfied because I end up shutting up to avoid interrupting, but most people don't return the favor.
Massimo Bozzi I hate being interrupted, too, and I’ll do the same thing. However, there were a couple of people who I’m friends with who often interrupted me, and I got so irritated especially while trying not to forget what I was trying to say (and I’m naturally pretty quiet), I interjected with a stern voice, “I was still talking.” Or “Please don’t interrupt me.” I didn’t like having to do that because I felt really rude, but I had enough of that treatment.
Yeah, it's not often fair. But sometimes shutting up like that, you can just let them go until they run out of steam. But I think there are ways to interject and take back control, especially by asking relevant questions that help to create dialog. If the person never asks you about anything though, probably not worth your time. Sadly, for me anyway, that's a lot of people I know.
@@Chrysanthemum808 Try "can I just finish this point?"
I'm not a good conversationalist and you are actually helping me by insisting on your rights.
It's not rude. On the opposite you say yourself it "costs" you something.
However if you avoid me in future, you may be rude. Even though it's my fault.
Most of the people in this thread care way to much about what others think, yes you want to be nice but sometimes you have to be rude every now and then to get what YOU want
Beta! Lol
"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject." nice one.
1. be present
don't multitask, while having a conversation. Get out of the conversation if you want to, but if you wanna make a nice one then be present!
2. don't pontificate
if you wanna stay to your opinion without any oppurtunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, then write a blog. :)
You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
TRUE LISTENING REQUIRES A SETTING ASIDE OF ONESELF.
Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his/her mind to the listener.
EVERYONE YOU WILL EVER MEET, KNOWS SOMETHING YOU DON'T.
3. Use open-ended questions
Start your questions with who, what, when, why or how. Let them describe there opinion or their experience. Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're gonna get a much more interesting response.
4. Go with the flow
Just listen and ask related to their answers, just to be present. Never think that you've a clever question and you would forget and then you got tied to that particular thought of question and you're out of the conversation.
Thoughts or questions might come to you and you let them come and go.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know
Be honest about what you know and what you don't know. Do that, talk shouldn't be cheap.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs
If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same, it's never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly it's not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered.
"I've no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers."
Conversations are not a promotional oppurtunity.
7. Try not to repeat yourself
It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.
Don't do that.
8. Stay out of the weeds
Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care, what they care about is you. They care about what you like, what you've in common. So forget the details. Leave them out.
9. Listen
Listening is perhaps the most, the number one, most important skill that you could develop.
"If you're mouth is open, you're not learning." ~Buddha
"No man ever listened his way out of a job."
Why do we not listen to each other?
We get distracted.The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to
500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in
those other 275 words. And look, I know,
it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that,
you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. You have to listen to one another.
"Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand.
We listen with the intent to reply." ~ Stephen Covey
10. Be brief
A good conversation is like a miniskirt;
short enough to retain interest,
but long enough to cover the subject.
All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and this is this one: Be interested in other people.
GO out; talk to people,
listen to people,and,
most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.
Thanks.
Thanks
1-Be present
2-Enter enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn
3-Use open ended questions
4-Go with the flow
5-If you dont know, say you dont know
6-Do equate you experience with theirs
7-try not to repeat your self
8-forget the details, only focus on expressing your self.
9-LISTEN
This is only for review purpose. If you havent seen the video pls watch it first then read this. And if you where reading this during the video pls restart it and watch it with you full attention.
10 - be brief
"3-Use open ended questions" not all conversations revolve in questions. you also forgot to mention the most important thing. to Listen !
No.6 Don't equate your experiences with theirs
ignis (,54&7
. C x Cx
"Be prepared to be Amazed" The final and strongest words.
I used these techniques and noticed an immediate difference instantly with my wife and friends. Honestly i think my problem was with listening as with most people.
Doi Bing 0
Me: **prepares self to be amazed**
Loud Minority: **race baiting, labeling people nazis, and witch hunting**
Me: "Ok that's enough attempts at social interaction online for the year."
Noe that I look back at my own experience, I have lost count on how many I've been amazed by some dude I don't know and we just kind of having good conversation.
yeah i'll take that, i always prepare to be disappointed...
"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest! but long enough to cover the subject."
Amazing quote
You never stop learning, so just keep listening. Listen to understand and not reply. That was amazing
Listen to understand, not reply. My favorite comment of Celeste's presentation.
Great important point
@@masummar361नननं
One of the most genuine and personable speaches ive ever heard. She speaks as if she were talking to a single person, but at an entire audience. She appears so comfortable and genuine on stage it does indeed leave me amazed.
yes
"we dont listen with the intent to understand.
we listen with intent to reply"
completely agree, i say "communication is not key, comprehension is"
this has defintitly changed my perspective
10:38
I swear, I completed that sentence even before she phrased it and i have never heard it before.
Proud of myself TBH
The good news is everybody is now ready to listen.
The bad news: nobody wants to talk anymore. 😂
Talking is involuntary 😂
That's not the whole thing of this video.
Exactly. Doesn't seem like she's talking about conversations to me. More like how to be a good interviewer or listener.
@@EricWilliamsCG 3:51, it's up to you to learn and apply these lessons to a conversation.
Haha! I just tried these methods to tell a friend something I thought interesting. and he **Imediately interrupted my first line of speech to "equate his experience with mine ". Immediately! Lol...! I objected to the interruption and his story (one I've heard MANY TIMES already) as irrelevant to my story, and was told if I would not interrupt Him so He could finish then I would understand how it is relevant! Omg! Breath. Slowly! Fn annoying!
I would add an 11 rule: Be yourself. When you are talking, don't say things or act like another person just to be accepted. People don't want maks, including yourself. We have to develop naturally our own personality, even if in our opinion, it's not enough to be beloved.
Sooner or later, you''ll have to be yourself, act like another person just cuts off your connection with other people and with yourself. I say this from my own experience
I agree
That's growth man! Proud of you.
@will simmons then being the self you are at that given time is key.
Baaaaaaaaaa
will simmons okay weirdo
Totally true! As a Lyft driver, i am constantly surprised, inspired, amazed, and in awe by my amazing passengers... 1,407 and counting. People are awesome!
These principles should be taught to everyone. A lot of people have lost the art of conversation due to social media, technology, etc.
This talk deserves more views
Easily the most impactful ted talk of my life.
This talk was short enough to retain attention and long enough to cover the subject.
Like a miniskirt
@@emmanuelezeudo4629 the best reply, 2 years later :P
Yasseen Moussalli you mean 1 year later, 300 days is a big difference
What a skirt-talk. New word coined
You're absolutely right 😀
Greatest Advice my father ever gave me “ Be Slow to Speak and Quick to listen”
"Each person is an island unto himself, in a very real sense; and he can only build bridges to other islands if he is first of all willing to be himself and permitted to be himself." - Carl Rogers
This lady is very interesting and comprehensive!
thanks
Sam Fersko I0
your gf made you say that 100%
If you're reading this, I hope you have a great day!😊
thanks and likewise
get fucked
+Romano Naidoo Obrigado
There are several components to reducing shyness naturally . One resource I found which successfully combines these is the Sebs Shyness Tactic (check it out on google) without a doubt the no.1 blueprint i've heard of. Check out the amazing information .
3 years later. I hope your having a great day too. thank you :-)
"Enter every conversation assuming there is something to learn" Set aside your personal opinion" Beautiful!
Millions listened this talk , genuinely listened, and didn't message as they don't want to show conspicuously that they listened your this video
#6 is me...I always thought mentioning how my experience is similar to theirs, it would let the person know I can relate, because I've been there. It never occurred to me that it could come across as changing the subject to me or as being narcissistic. I'm going to stop doing this as of now. Good advice! I'm an intravert, so, listening has always been my strong suit, but some great tips in this talk.
Same. Does this really annoy people?
logMMAn
I wrote this comment 2 weeks ago and since then I have been paying attention to how often I do this and how often others do this, and it is often.
When I've been catching myself, I stop and redirect back to the person. This has had an interesting effect that I just noticed yesterday. My conversations with people are much longer now and morph into far more expansive stories and in depth subjects. I also noticed people commenting what a great time they had with me, or what a great conversation we had. (One example) Yesterday, I met a fairly new acquaintance just for an early matinee movie at 11:00 am, after the movie we sat next door for a quick drink and conversation. We talked for about 3 1/2 hours and I didn't get home until dinner time. She texted me before I even got home how fun that was, and we need to plan another meet up. I was intentionally, actively re-directing our conversation towards her thru-out our talk and not injecting my experiences , but asking her to elaborate more on her experience.
It's been a fascinating experiment , and I have noticed some pretty dramatic reactions to this tiny switch in my behavior.
@@caroleehubbard8380 omg this is very interesting, thank you for sharing!
So my question is:
How do you give the person advice or comfort if you don’t go in with the “this happened to me” angle? What kinds of things do you say instead? For example, if a friend tells me they don’t know how they’re going to get through this breakup, instead of me saying “I’ve been there and I thought I wouldn’t make it through but I did”, what would you say?
Laura M
I suppose you could mention, "I've been there" "You'll get thru this" But, the key is to ask open ended questions about them. This gets them to open up, elaborate more about themselves, their thoughts, their feelings. You don't always have to be trying to solve their problems or have solutions for them. I've found that mostly people just want an outlet to express themselves, to feel understood and heard. At least that's been my experience.
He thing is I like listening, I’m really good at taking in what people say and developing their thoughts. The problem is then talking. I think I’m really weird in that aspect that I would much rather listen to someone talk about a topic and learn from them than to interject my own ideas into a conversation. I came to this trying to learn how to hold a conversation with someone, but this for the most part isn’t what I needed. I need the other end of the spectrum for advice. I need to learn how to talk more. I’m not trying to lessen what she said, I still think this helped me a lot and I’m gonna try using her tips. Idk, I guess this is what being an introvert is like
I consider myself an excellent listener. People wonder why everyone opens up to me when they hardly spoke to them. I think it's because people appreciate being listened-to and seek me out to talk. But I know what you mean and I used to be more like that (listening without saying much). As I get older with a lot of life experience, I answer with my own experiences on the topic at hand, which violates one of the speaker's edicts. On the one hand it seems like I am trying to one-up the person or make it about me, but on the other hand I at least have something to say. What else can I respond with? I guess I can ask questions to probe further, but sometimes the topic is of little interest to me and I do not want to extend the conversation. In those cases I feel like I'm being rude by just having "yeah, uh-huh," answers and hoping the person does not keep going.
Or you can say that you are not interested in this conversation? Isnt that honest
@@kellyq21 she says if you want to get out of a conversation, get out if it. Don't be half in half out. And no just saying I'm not interested is not ok. Honesty without compassion is just cruelty. Ask directions to the restroom. Conversation over.
@@jaypreacher3047 Summarized, this could read like "Lie your way out of the conversation". But what if you get called on the lie? What if you meet that person again, and you're further from the restroom than before? That will hurt the person way more than you intended (you just had no interest in their topic, it's not as if you had no interest in anything they had to say). So it seems as if honesty is the best way to do it, but like you said, simply blurting out you don't care and then walking away, is rude. Perhaps a better tack could be admitting you aren't interested in the topic (plus, based on their reaction, briefly explaining why), and then suggesting another topic to discuss?
@@Mesingel asking for directions to the restroom was a suggestion when googling "how to politely exit a conversation" 🤣🤣🤣 But what if is a fun game.
One of the best TedTalks I've ever heard.
she is the most charming ted talker i've seen to date.
-"average people speaks at 255 word/min but we can listen to 500 word/min"
-*proceed to put the speed x2*
I wonder how we can ever be “satisfied” if we can essentially take in twice as many words as people can speak at all times. That seems very difficult and odd.
@@melgon25 There's a slight flaw in that theory. People communicate with non-verbal signals as well, and paying attention to those fills up your concentration as well.
I saw your comment early on and watched the entire video like that. It worked pretty well.
If you have adhd you always talk at 2x speed 🤪
I legit watch many UA-cam vids at 1.5x. Depending on the speed of the speaker, 1.25-1.75x may still be intelligible.
As a person who struggles with social anxiety and holding a good conversation I must say this is the best tedx talk I've listened to, and I've watched tons...
everything aside her eyes are sparkling
my best friend sent me this when i was diagnosed with autism and bpd, ily arthur
In regards to when she says, "Don't equate your experience with theirs.," meaning, don't chime in with your story that's similar to theirs, I realized a while ago that I do this all the time. I find that this is how I connect with people. And when someone I meet just wants to talk about themselves and immediately shuts down interest when you share a similar story, well, that's selfish. Those people just want to talk about themselves. They are not interested in you. I've literally analyzed the exact moment whenever I chime in and go, "Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about because this one time..." and the other person's facial expression go from interested to never mind. Now, for the people whom I do get along with, they are the ones who WANT me to share my story that is similar to theirs. In fact, the conversation usually lights up at the point. These people seem to want to share a little bit about themselves at the same time they want you to share a little about yourself in a hopeful attempt to see if you can connect.
So my point is, I agree with her on this point and disagree because not everyone is the same.
this!!!!
Exactly!
"Those people just want to talk about themselves. They are not interested in you."
Do you realise that from this brief paragraph about yourself, you are clearly one of these people? How about listening and asking questions instead of starting to talk about yourself as early as possible?
I agree. Sometimes a conversation may only be successful if there is mutual interest in one another. Everyone is aware of these 10 tips. A conversation is a dance that sometimes changes who leads.
Totally agree on this as long as you aren’t interrupting to tell your story. I hate when people do that. It’s often unintentional but still, not it’s not great
I completely agree with some of the comments here that dispute the 'don't equate your experience with theirs' point. Everyone is different, but when I am going through a hard time, I don't want surface-level sympathy. I want someone to tell me "I've gone through [something similar] too, and [this] is how I overcame it." It's comforting and shows me that they're not simply nodding and smiling at a situation they can't comprehend.
But for me on the other hand, I don't want people to tell me stuff I don't want to hear. Idgaf how you overcame it as I will too. If I don't I will ask. Things are: this is very subjective. The safe route is to not equate your experience. The more you know the person, the more you know what they want and what they don't.
Yes, the difference could be in the timing, also in the delivery, it becomes annoying when it seems like the other guy is hogging the spotlight. If done right, it can be helpful.
For me I think both you and the communicator should talk both ways you wanna talk and what they wanna talk about
Me too
This talk isn’t just about good conversation but also about how to have a good and proper communication.
This has got to be one of the best Ted Talks on communication I've seen
At first i thought her heavy breathing was kinda distracting but i got used to it and it ended up adding a kind of passionate affect to the speech
also this speech made me happy
"Be prepared to be amazed" what a way to end ! All that it takes to be a good conversationalist is that we listen better to each other. One of the most valuable ted talks I've seen.
" if your mouth is open you're not learning"
Wow!!!
I was told this decades ago when I was in hospitality and then sales.
“Listen with your ears and eyes open and your mouth shut”
“You can’t offer a solution when you don’t know what the issue is”
Who is still watching this in 2019 ? Great job Ma'am ❤
Who is still watching this in 2019 ? Great job Ma'am ❤
She makes a bunch of great points in this talk. I think my favorite - or perhaps second to the one about being a good listener - was the one about letting go of the thoughts that run through our minds when someone's talking. We think that we'll forget it if we don't hold onto it, but it's our real-time responsiveness that'll make what we say hit. And we're capable of tracking a number of points that someone makes at the same time, so our responses to them can take on the nuanced character that really listening yields. Well look at that: letting go of our thought stream is really very closely related to careful listening.
Joshua Morristo wow... Well said...
I totally agree. I do that exact thing all the time. The conversation could go on for minutes and minutes and I still want to find a gap for me to slink in with the thing I wanted to say. And when I do, almost every time it was not worth it. First of all because it didn't really fit into what was being said at the time because my thought had to do with something that has already been said. Secondly, I realize that I have totally not payed any attention to what the others were saying during the time I was thinking of the perfect thing to say, and struggling not to forget about it.
Damn, I am really going to try to change this about me.
I always need to write down thoughts that come to my mind during conversations otherwise I am easily brought out of concept because I can't let go of them even if I want to.
Mom Lolo
this is what they show you on your first flight to earth
Listen to people you're conversing with, not with the intent to REPLY...but with the intent to UNDERSTAND... and always anticipate learning how the person you're listening to is going to amaze you... I like it... I've just been seeking others perspectives to gauge the temperature, mettle, and trajectory of my own all this time, well, that and for the adventure of where the conversation may travel.. This may be the best bit of perspective I've heard in more than a decade...and thats really saying something!
As a barber, I always do the talking, it's exhausting, this was a great video, I will use this, thanks a lot for posting
0 u
0f
JIM DELIOS How's your barber shop mate
Can agree. As a worker at a low paying job that requires social skills, it's very exhausting making up conversation you really may not be in the mood for or care for but need to in order get good customer satisfaction or whatever.
I laughed, but then felt bad. I personally talk a lot to my doctors, gas service agent, cashiers etc. Because I worked in retail in years and loved when people actually held a good conversation.
I understand why I have a hard time holding a conversation now. I'm just not interested in people. :|
cxa011500 your not interested in life. Be passionate about something and you'll see how much you'll have to say.
If you're not interested in people, you simply haven't met a person with a personality similar enough to your own. Find other introverts who hate talking to people, that how i got "unstuck".
cxa011500 I'm with you there, seriously people go to a party, you sit across from them all night, and it's actually hard work to get a conversation with some.
Well that's perfectly fine! :3 it's your beautiful self.
It is then entirely your fault.
I came back to watch when I figured I wasn’t letting my guest speakers speak on my podcast while I was doing the editing. I felt so sad and embarrassed. But I think I’m very proud of the other things that I’ve learnt.
I would add that according to Socrates, a good word checks all the following criteria :
- Is it true? (and not a lie)
- Is it useful? (and not said to fill a gap)
- Is it good? (and not said with bad intentions)
How to get better conversations :
1. Don't multitask
2. Don't pontificate (assume that you have something to learn
3. Use open-ended question (not a yes/no)
4. Go with the flow
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs. (its not about you, not to promote yourself)
7.try not to rephrasing yourself.
8. They dont care with the number name date etc, they care about how you like.
9. Listen (most people not listen to understand, but listen to reply)
10. Be brief
I strongly disagree with #6. If I can't promote myself, I don't have a way to let a person know what I'm truly interested in, to connect with that person. Connecting is suppose to be a key aspect of a conversation.
It is always best to listen to your enemies. They are trying to inform you about themselves.
12 minutes very well spent. As one comment on here mentioned, 7 years later, this is still fresh and very relevant. The last slide was super smart and hilarious. lol
This is my favorite Ted talk I’ve ever seen.
I RARELY type comments-this is one of the BEST talks I have heard...it made me go "HMMM.." many times. I intend to listen to it several times so I can really begin to implement these beautiful ways of being in conversation.
Are you a massive talker or a massive listener? (I'm exaggerating btw) lol
@@hugoreynoso302 I listen but I lean more towards the yapping....I need to practise the art of more silence
Watching this video got me to thinking about the past few conversations that I've had with people, and i can see why things go awkwardly sometimes. Waiting and remembering an idea only to interject it over another persons statements rather than listening and going with the flow is something i often do. This video has made me realize I'm not a very good listener and need to work on this in order to have more meaningful conversations with people.
1.ながらをしない
2.一方的に話さない
3.自由回答の質問をすること
4.流れに任せること
5.もし知らなければ知らないと言いましょう
6.相手の体験を自分の体験と同一視しない
7.同じことを何度も言わないこと
8.細かいことには拘らない
9.聞くこと
10.簡潔に
Listening to someone's queries should be our priority rather than giving them advice👍
I feel like we are always prepared to be offended instead of prepared to be amazed. That's the problem. So much feels.
now I'm prepared to be amazed ... hope I won't be deceived!
100% wonderful advice and guidance. We are SO narcissistic and self absorbed, that we feel the need to broadcast our opinions when someone is talking with us. LISTEN!!!!
One of the most helpful and entertaining TED Talks I've seen!
How can 2.7K viewers give a thumbs down to this educated/life skills positive lady? As a normal/open minded Canadian I understand 100% of her words/message.
First time in Ted talk I amazed how beautiful ly she explained everything . She is genius.
I really feel that people don't know how to have even simple conversations anymore. It's all about stating opinions, complaining, or small talk. I have good friends that I've known most of my life, and for the life of me, I can't get any of them to engage intelligently on any subject we might have in common. And people don't ask questions, especially open ended ones. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING! And if you disagree, don't see it their way, you're just plain wrong and there is no point in discussing it further. It's no wonder I avoid people so much in my later years. Wish I could avoid them completely sometimes.
One of the best Ted Talks you will see
I love how her eyes are sparkling
She has been by far my favorite TED speaker. I'm definitely going to follow any of her future speeches.
she is absolutely precise, humorous & sharp!! I like the way she made those humors!!!
"Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn" excellent advice! ty :)
What an absolutely lovely person. I actually wish I knew her.
So how do I keep a good conversation if I'm a really good listener?
Salsa Colombia imagine you're reading a book. What more do you want to find out about this story? What have you observed? Make a conversation interesting.
Blahstar Records Thats not funny...
This video doesn't really cover that because the fact is most people are not good listeners and all these tips are based mostly on trying to be a good listener.
Jennifer Bannink That's powerful!
Jennifer Bannink The catch is that people don’t read books so much...
4:29 To skip the introduction. This is a wonderful speech, but I'm finding myself listening to it over and over so I thought I would skip the introduction.
)ll
Be compassionate with other person good conversation traits will follow
This might be my favorite Tedtalk
I mean... who are we all gonna prepare to be amazed by if everybody just listens.. I'm taking one for the team.
your profile image cought my attention... what is it about ?
@@noussanim illuminattiiii.... no kidding. Er, I don't even recall it, some artwork I saw online once that I liked :) actually might be a cover from a free blackmetal album I was given to download once. Idk :) thanks for asking!
this was great! I thought I was good at most of them until she said "don't relate the topic to yourself" I always feel the need to relate to who I'm talking to and she is right. don't do it, it immediately turns people off to the conversation
no doubt the best tip from the whole video!
She is one of my favorite speakers 🙂
Brilliant. You could basically summarize all ten in one word. Humility.
Celeste Headlee is such a pro and drops some incredible advice for life, in 12 minutes. I was not prepared to be amazed, but I was! Besides being clever in a bunch of little ways, this was such excellent advice (for me personally). I need to rewatch this this regularly just to keep it fresh in my mind.
"go out, talk to people, listen to people, and most important things, be prepared to be amazed..."
Noted..
Engage to become amazed.
There is something else that Celeste has and does not mention. She is attractive because of her underlying sense of humour. Her face and body seems to smile with happiness all the time in a really natural manner. No fear or lack of confidence. It was impossible for me to be inattentive or unreceptive to her 10 point message because of her demeanour.
Thank you mam , I am 62 years old , just realise how bad I am in conversation in general , as person I am only listen what’s I am interesting , I just fine out that’s no good . that’s way now I will start to learn how to make conversation . and thank you a gain mam for this u tube .happy new year for 2023 . by the way I am came from Bali , living in Sydney Australia .
#6: She says that people shouldn't respond with their similar personal experiences. Personally, I feel better when someone does respond by relating their own experience/s similar to my own. It helps to know that they truly do understand what I am going through.
I think if you really do want to share that, the best approach in the future would to be listening to them, giving them the "how does that make you feel?" type replies and after you think they've had enough of talking about themselves maybe interject with your story. I think the point is that it's sort of rude to cut someone off without letting them get their emotions out, with a story of your own.
Kyle Tobin, I definitely agree, Kyle. I was actually referring to someone who is replying to my story, by responding with their own similar experience. It helps me, knowing they really do understand & know what I'm going through, whereas she says people shouldn't.
I learned so much about deaths in other people's lives when my loved one died. Then I realized my social circle was worse than I thought.
That is irrational though. Anecdotes are not evidence.
This was such a spot on presentation, I can't even... Excellent job Celeste, the world needs this!
This was easily the best tedtalk ive seen
most of us dont listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply
"Number seven, Number seven(repeats herself), try not to repeat yourself." LOL great presentation
Caleb Tsai It was so condescending! lol
She’s incredible
Def one of my top 5 Ted talks.
Take home from this excellent talk is that we are not listening to each other and are more polarized than ever before.
her closing statement should have been "thanks for listening"
Heh yeah
@@danielmerek3928 Yea! she likes to talk-she should have practiced what she preachers-engaged her audience-it was all about me
Many thanks, I have been researching "how do i stop being shy and insecure?" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Ever heard of - Beyophia Unimaginable Blaster - (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? It is a smashing one off product for discovering how to say goodbye to your shyness and anxiety without the normal expense. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my friend got excellent results with it.
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I remember listening to this about two years ago, and wow it's even more powerful now! She's an amazing speaker! Short, funny, relatable and engaging.
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Thank You
This lady not only sound smart but she IS smart and get her point very smoothly to her audience
Its so easy to listen to her and digest