"I Had To Have My Appendix Removed" - Jim Gaffigan Stand up (Quality Time)
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- Опубліковано 13 тра 2020
- Last time I was in Alaska I removed me own appendix with a dull butter knife and killed a bear with my bare hands. A new video every day during the pandemic. Click Subscribe & turn on notifications and LET’S BECOME BEST FRIENDS!
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Former Alaska resident here. The reason you get pepper spray to prevent an attack is because when the bear approaches you, you spray it all over yourself and hope the bear has an aversion to spicy food.
LOL~~~ 😂
😆😆🤣🤣Yes!! We have bears come around often, & we joke about what flavors we would be for them based on our diets😁
Lol!
I would prefer to feed them large pieces of lead
But if that bear is covered in Mardi Gras beads, better spray the guy next to you🌶️
"I had to be airlifted on advice of counsel" 🤣😆😂
I don't get these people that thumbs down. This talented man is so funny and he has kept me from going absolutely nuts during these crazy times. Thank you Jim!😍
This man can make anything funny... even surgery. 😂😂😂
He makes us laugh our asses off.😻
“Sweet Jesus, please don’t let it be gas!” 😂😂😂
Dannie McGuire That is particularly funny because my mom WAS taken to the hospital by ambulance for a possible heart attack, and by the time we all rushed and got to the hospital we were told that all she had was one big trapped FART! So now we call it her “fart attack”!! 😂😂
RacinGIRL911 I in e fed
Info for anyone curious about the appendix. It’s kinda TMI but if you are watching this guy you’re not afraid of poop (i kid). I’m a medical nerd so this stuff fascinates me.
The appendix is a small pouch off the intestines in between the small and large bowel. It’s true for a while nobody knew what it was for but now we have a better understanding. One thing you have to understand about digestion is how important bacteria is for us. We have a symbiotic (mutually beneficial) relationship with the bacteria that live in our gut. They break down many of our foods into molecules that we can digest allowing us to eat a wider variety of food and in return we provide them food to break down and shelter by allowing them to live in our body. There are a wide variety of types which are also important because if one type gets out of control the others will step in and kill them off.
What does all this have to do with the appendix?
Before the age of ovens with preset temperature settings, thermometers, refrigerators, and food preservatives, people consumed a lot of food without knowing for sure if it was safe to eat. Anyone who has experienced food poisoning knows that you can get cleaned out pretty good, the same was true for other common illnesses like dysentery. When this happened there was a risk of losing all or part of the beneficial bacteria. People either became malnourished or had to rebuild their microbiome quickly. Having a tiny pouch that held a small sample of that bacteria would have been helpful to repopulate the gut much faster( note the central location). Now, since most people rarely experience food poisoning, it’s considered unnecessary (you can also take a probiotic pill and replace it if you don’t have an appendix). Unfortunately in some people the appendix can get clogged and stretch and if left untreated burst. So yes now it’s more hassle than it’s worth but it actually does have a function.
I could blab all day about medical stuff but I doubt anyone is interested. If you did read the whole thing congratulations!
I read it all :)
I expected to lose interest halfway through but you held my interest and you not only taught me something interesting but you gave me something to bore others with. Thanks.
Richard Vinsen you are very welcome!
Wow, people are actually proud they read an entire paragraph. Kids these days have the attention span of a gnat.
@@TroIIingThemSoftly Okay, Boomer.
I’ve probably watched/listened to upwards up 20 hours of Jim the past few weeks while renovating my house. It’s amazing how much material this guy has come up with. Although he’s funny every time, I can tell the difference over the past 10 years as he’s honed his craft to what it is today. Thank you Jim for providing so many hours of entertainment, sometimes with over an hour of material on a single subject!
Same…❤😁😆🥳
"You'll be hearing from my lawyer/doctor." lol 😂
I laughed so hard I cried at this one. Jim, you are the BEST!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for getting me through this depressing period of time. I’m home nursing an injury, the world is going nuts, and the only thing that keeps me happy is tuning in to you. Such a breath of fresh air.
The appendix is like the Kardashians. Love it.
This was the best line I have ever heard
Yeah that was good!!
That has to be the best -joke- fact he's ever given us.
Yes Best line PERIOD! I suspect Jeanie penned that line. She was wise enough to avoid Facebook all these years so ...
you're cleared as a non-Kardasshian, carry on. . .
By far my favorite stand up comedian. Love his act.
He's great. I just discovered Sarah Millican. Check her out. She's hilarious. I bet Jim would agree.😀
He is my fave, too. I LOVE THIS DUDE....HE IS AWESOME.
I really needed this! I literally took my family on our first camping trip with a new camper that we had just purchased. Never been camping before. My appendix ruptured the first night there. I waited 2 more days before my wife drove me to the local hospital and I had an emergency appendectomy. I was in the hospital for 5 days. The surgery was 2 weeks ago, and I have dropped about 15 lbs. I myself am a 2XL guy. While in the hospital, every employee on my floor had to come by and see me. I was a mini-celebrity as "the one who lived." After I got to a stable point, the nurses and doctors told me I had literally looked into the valley of death. I am thankful that I had such a great team of professionals to get me through. Thank you again for the much needed laugh for this 44 year old.
Wow the campground was open? No really - glad you’re ok! 😛
@zxzrp0 right, and gonads too
Indeed you were lucky to survive that for 2 days! To my knowledge, the appendix is like a chemical laboratory for the digestive system, it's got lots and lots of kinds of goodies and baddies in there that can help digest your food, but once the appendix ruptures, you're getting poisoned from the inside!
Big Jim's Floors Inc appendix bursting is so serious. You must have done something good to still be here lol. My daughters appendix leaked as a baby and scar tissue encased it and that saved her life! We didn’t discover it til she was 5. So scary. God bless!
Big Jim's Floors Inc welcome to the ruptured appendix club! Good to hear you are on the mend- best wishes for your recovery!
Mine popped in ‘98, when I was living in Italy. Apparently I didn’t wail and thrash loud enough because the emergency medic that came to our apartment said it was “just gastritis”, and that I should “eat white food” for a few days to give my gut a break....then she shot me full of tranquilizers so I shut up and fell asleep. By morning, the appendix had ruptured completely and I was just bleeding internally...then came a parade of incompetent Drs ...4 Drs in 5 days! Yes, 5. All of them said the same thing...it’s nothing but some tummy troubles. (Ok, to be fair, I don’t ever run a temperature...zero fever during this trip toward sepsis!). Everything kept getting quieter and fuzzier. Zero desire for food or water. The 5th night at 2am I had a moment of clarity and realized that I needed to get to the hospital. I was rushed to surgery, ended up with peritonitis and a week of hospital, many years of recovery (I don’t think I ever fully recovered). The surgeon was astounded that I recovered so quickly- he thought I was a goner- And said that I probably wouldn’t have lived another ten hours had I not gone in!
Moral of the story: listen to your gut!
Interesting tidbit/brush with fame: I was operated on at the hospital in Florence Italy where Leonardo daVinci did his “anatomical studies”.
I don't really think a lot of people recognize what it takes to be a very funny "clean " comedian.
Jim and Brian Regan are two of the best.
I do, they are the best!
And Jimmy Breuer
Davevid45 ...Sinbad too! He's clean funny so much so, kids are in his audience👫👫
Check out DryBar, funny and clean.
Yessss
Another coffee with Jim first thing in the morning. If we have to stay at home ...laughter is the best medicine...without catheters !
I had a routine surgery, but there were some complications and they put a catheter in me. Was not happy about that. ☹
Same here Sue. Drinking my morning coffee with some laughs :) good way to start the day
I just did that, the best way to start the day before the kids wake up
I lost it on “Nurse Po’Boy!😂
A true professional. All his acts are 5 star comic genius.
Man I love this dude. I love how he often wiggle his mic after a funny punchline. 🤣 He always helps me through my monthly pain...
I could never get tired of listening to this hysterical man he is hilarious.
Watching Jim's stand up always cheers me up.
My youngest daughter just had to have her appendix removed a short time after the arrival of our granddaughter. I relish the chance to send her every appendix related humor I can find. Thank you, Jim, from the bottom of my still present and mysterious appendix.
If laughter is like medicine then none of us watching these videos will get sick from covid-19. Thanks Jim.🙂
Hey Jim, you are making life more "bearable" here in Mississippi. We really love you and your family friendly humor. I can only imagine what your family life is like. Stay healthy.
Jim is a great distraction from this corona😇
I found him last month. I'd never listened to him before, and he's so earnest and gosh darn respectable. He's truly a talented man.
Except when your son has appendicitis during covid and the hospital won’t let you in to see him bc covid 🙄
Amen 🙏
I hear ya.
What is a corona?
My friend and I listen to you on the way to work. People already think we're idiots, but hopping out of the truck, laughing hysterically, has some of our clients doubting our level of focus.
You and your friend are geniuses
Funny part is, we're the only ones that think so. Makes us laugh even harder. Enrique Cordova.
" Well it's ALL true except there was.....no bear" lmao
I love it when those dramatic stories wind down and Jim says..." well, most of that's true..." You know what comes next, but it's always funny and you always laugh.
My sister has a great sense of humor - she had to have her foot amputated from diabetes. She said - its a weight loss program! She also gave me a ceramic foot for Christmas just because.
I laughed almost insultingly loud when he mentioned pulling a muscle in his stomach 😭
I laughed because before he said the Kardashians, i was i hope he says the Kardashians.
Lmao! Lord! Don’t let this be gas! 😂😂😂😂
Did you pull a muscle in your stomach, while laughing?
lunaticrose13 That’s not funny, man. I...have a stomach.
The delivery on "I thought I pulled one.... doin' nothing!" was perfect.
He never disappoints.
I think Jim should start a franchise of gyms called Gym-laugh again, and when you go inside its just a dunkin donuts.
Lol!
😂😂🤣🤣🤣Brilliant!! Yesss!!
Terrible paulsey -
😯🍩😒😏😁🍩😀
You are now my hero.
@@eddierayvanlynch6133 I'm no "hero" Eddie...I'm just doing my job sir...just doing my job. Speaking of heros...your name suspiciously reminds me of 3 guitar heros I idolized growing up. Eddie van Halen Stevie Ray Vaughan and George Lynch. Is that just a coincidence?
Better yet, Krispy Kremes. Or a Mom & Pop type of donuts. What a great idea you came up with.
🤣🤣🤣 Jim Gaffigan, you are hilarious! Your comedic timing, your inflections, and your observations are simply brilliant. My goodness that was good stuff. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your talent with the world! Thirty minutes until Dinner with the Gaffigan's... life is good (even when you're social distancing for the past couple of months.) ❤
"LOL" Land Salmon!
That one got me in stitches 😂😂😂
😂🤣😂🤣🤣"giant land salmon"!!!🤣🤣🤣 I'm dying laughing!!!
I had chronic appendicitis for 20 YEARS. It started when I was 5. The pain would sometimes last for an hour or 2. Sometimes I'd be sick with a high fever and vomit for days. But the doctors would tell my parents I had the flu. My pain was never on just one side. 2 weeks before my wedding, when I was 24, I got sick with again. All my tests were "inconclusive" so they asked if I wanted to do exploratory surgery. YES. Do something. My poor appendix was double the size it should have been. They could tell I'd had multiple flare ups bc of all the scarring. The only reason I went to the hospital the last time is bc my fiance made me. I was so used to being brushed off. I wonder if it would have eventually killed me.
That breaks my heart. Thank God your fiancee got you to get that done! Yes, I believe it would have killed you, & I fear it's yet another shameful testimony of our system's unequal treatment of women. Your words of being "brushed off" ring all too true to me, & sadly too many women have lost their lives due to men in power making those choices to treat women inequitably. More sadly, women still are being denied needed treatments of all sorts on a wide scale, & are being hit especially hard by covid-19. I pray for change, for new leadership, & enlightenment for all to come soon. (Sorry so long, your story just really moved me)-- God bless you!
@@rushfan1970 Growing up my parents were poor. We had no insurance at first so we had to go to county clinics. They are definitely the worst when your kid has something serious, persistent or recurring. I had strep throat a lot as well. One urgent care doctor refuse to do a throat culture. He called my parents over-reactive first time parents, even though they knew exactly what it was. My fever has spiked to 105 that night and I lost consciousness. by the time I got treatment it had gone into rheumatic fever.
@@bekahnavarro holy crap, I hope you don't have serious lasting damage from all that
@@rushfan1970 I see no reason to believe the story was about gender.
@@TallSilentGuy Really? It seems you would benefit from doing some research. Just like racial & economic barriers to fair and equal medical treatment, there most certainly exists a gender barrier here, as well, still in 2020. It will take a long time for everyone to become educated on the diseases of our "society", but it is coming, bit by bit, & it would be best for all to be educated before we speak. Countless female lives have been lost &/or fatally compromised by a sickeningly large majority of mazogenistic male physicians in our country. Our "system" is built on the used & abused backs of women & minorities, & it's far past time for that mindset to change. I pray you will seek enlightenment. Yes, her story was about more, but I bet if she were male, her story would have been very different. Nice that you at least read & considered it, though, so thanks for that.✌️
Those dislikes are from people who eat bananas with ketchup.
I like bananas and ketchup...I just dont like those people...
wall cow not me! I just ate bananas with ketchup, and this was hilarious.
@Tyrone Notwatson - What, are you a Kardashian fan or something?
@Tyrone Notwatson - No one forced you to watch, now GTFOH
Ohhhh I thought they were from the bears who like banana flavored ketchup on their humans 😂😭
'I probably looked like a giant land salmon" - best lol all day!!
I had my face eaten off by Tom Hanks. He was protecting his cubs. It was my fault, really.
There's no crying in baseball!
I saw the movie Hannibal.
I hate when that happens.
Genius - Jim literally tells us the punchline first, then the joke & it's hilarious everytime. And everything is clean! - well, except his shirt but what do you want for free entertainment! Best comedian ever.
I want a cookie, so badly, I can bearly stand it😻
you are my belly laugh exercise every day! THANK YOU!
You're so welcome!
I almost crashed my car from laughing so hard while listening to this. The cop thought it was funny too lol
wait what xD the cop actually listened ? thats awesome
Please don't UA-cam and drive, even in your fake stories.
Did you offer him a doughnut?
I laughed so hard I spilled bourbon on the steering wheel.
@Outcast I kind of discovered Jim on Sirius XM radio... on a regular bucks with his stand ups ... and that’s how I became to love him! He made MANY Of my driving time with Lyft so MUCH BETTER!
Jim is amazing. Squeezing comedy out of every experience 🤣
If you need to know what an Appendix is, just open a Medical Book & look up "appendix" in the....Appendix.
😊
much like the appendix itself, the Appendix is you know, that extra bit at the end of a book
AHH. So that's what the appendix is for.
@@kidsister316Music Time: I like my women the way I like my chicken... with a little bit o' fat on the end / not too much & not too little / Just enough to make me grin!
During the virus quantine, I've been watching Jim and his family on CBS Sunday Morning. I really never seen any of his stand up until now. Jim, your story telling is hilarious.
Doctor: We aren't sure WHY the appendix exists.
Gaffigan: Oh, my gosh...the appendix is like a Kardashian. Excellent.
Thank you for making me laugh. I needed this today.
My biggest criticism of Jim: he doesn't put out enough comedy.
😉❤❤
Yeah, I love comedians who put out.
You have other criticisms of him? Maybe you should pick another channel?
@@mandysimmons2769 you must be fun at parties. I have a feeling googling the word "sarcasm" will change your whole life.
Nicky L you laugh when you think something is funny. You’re welcome.
@@ryangodfrey4583 🤣🤣🤣
The dislikes are from the Kardashians
Are there THAT MANY?
XD
THERE ARE 190 OF THEM NOW?!!!
We need to address this pandemic NOW!!!
@tim conway Sure, Jan. 🙄
@tim conway 1) It's "Democratic." Don't be a twat. 2) Global Warming is real, as Climate Science proves. 3) There is a gender spectrum. Just because most people line up with biological, self-identification, and sexual orientation, doesn't mean those of us who don't do not deserve respect and equality under the law.
There you go: Both Democratic Science, AND an Ethics lesson. Meanwhile, your Jesus is rolling his eyes at you, worrying about the splinter in my eye, what with that log hanging from yours. You need to get right with your god.
Loved you on Conan needs a friend. I never laughed so hard. You remind me of my brother in looks and humor. Thanks for making us all laugh and for not using bad language to do it!
So glad I wasn't drinking my coffee while watching this. Not in the.mood to clean the kitchen.
A friend of mine wrote book and then they removed his appendix. But a few days later his table of contents burst.
OUCH! U R HIi Larry Us. Keep your day job, Jim's got the funny covered.😻
@@kritikitti3868 No can do. This is all I've got. I'm pandunemployed.
Always got it confused...
Table of contents
Contents of Table
Table of Continents
@@JA-vz1nl ...Comments of Tablet....
Jim is a great true story teller. ;-)
“Do you have a bear gun? Cause I don’t think this bear came to get his hair done” 🔥 bars 🎤
Totally laughing the kind of laughter with no sound - just my body doing belly movements... trying not to wake my husband. So many times! 🌹🌹🌹
I laughed through the whole routine. This is one of his best. And all he had to do was have an appendix attack.
I'm really impressed that he was able to go for a hike at all 12 hours after an appendectomy. the only things I could do 12 hours after my appendectomy were walk at 1/8 of a mile an hour for 30 seconds and cry when I coughed
The appendix is like a Kardashain. That is the best fucken line I have heard this year.
Watched over 2 hours of your stand up today and its been an evening well spent. Naturally funny!
His delivery when he said, " I don't think I can return to my family! Hey kids, daddy's back! Had some gas!! Took a helicopter ride, none of you wanted to go to college right?" I had literal tears running down my face I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my entire life lol
🤣It was all true except for the Bear🤣
I’ve watched this video so many times I know it by heart but I laugh every time. Thanks Jim for keeping me somewhat sane while stuck inside...🥰
I’m the same with his hot pocket routine. I still crack up even after 10 years of hearing it. He’s got such brilliant timing.
Same same same
I love listening to you & your comedy Jim!!! Keep us laughing kiddo!! You're a precious "gem" to watch & be entertained by!!
Listening to the bear story again is even more hilarious knowing the ending.
A very funny skit that was executed perfectly! Great job. Thanks for giving us all something to smile about in these challenging times!
"You'll be hearing from my lawyerdoctor!"
Jim, you would have loved my family's physician for many years - Dr. Coffin. Really.
Thank you Jim for making me laugh when I don't think I can.
"That guy looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman" 😭💀
Thanks for making everyone smile which is so very much needed right now!
I'm listening to this while staring at the thumbnail for "Jim Eats the World- Kansas City Barbeque" and drooling.
Jim - thank you for posting daily videos. I listen to them several days a week and they have kept me going through some challenging and stressful times. God bless you.
Glad that we could make you happy.
My favorite comedian, every time LMAO 😂
Jim, you make my life better just by being your funny self. I'm already subscribed, but if I weren't, I would right now. Bless you and Jeannie, and the kids. All good wishes for a great 2022! Merry Christmas.
"But my tummy hurts" LOL
Jim, you’re absolutely the true pure meaning of comedy, you’re awesome and ur tricks/surprises when coming back at urself as combination of many characters is truly one of the kind.. please take care of yourself and family, God bless
He's a creative genius with a benevolent soul. And he's hilarious. 👍
"Both of them?" - That struck me as funny because at the beginning of the year my wife had to have hers removed. They took her to surgery, cut the appendix loose, but failed to remove it before closing her up and taking her to recovery. Once they figured out they didn't have the appendix, they had to take her back to surgery and open her back up to get it. So we have joked about her having her appendix out twice in one day.
i hope you got the surgery for free as well as a nice monetary parting gift!
@@1MinuteFlipDoc Right?!!?!! I hope so, too.
OMG. 😳😬🤯
No good
Was there a Junior Mint in there as well?
They're very refreshing
Thanks Mr.G
My dad just had his appendix removed last week. This just showed up in my feed. What are the odds?! I think I’ll share this with him to cheer him up while he’s recovering. Thanks, Jim. Oh, his name is Jim too!
Has he met a bear yet?
Omg... this man cracks me up every time. He is hilarious..
I really REALLY appreciate your "flavor" of stand up. I keep looking to find other stand ups to watch, and sometimes I do find others to watch (yes, there ARE other professional comedians), but I keep coming back to your UA-cam uploads and I'm sure I've watch several of your specials five or six times now....,. Funny every time. THANK YOU!!!
"Thought I pulled one... doin' nothin'." Delivery like Brian Regan. Hilarious.
Thank you for your pure ❤️ humor! Your a Blessing,God Bless you
My favorite comedian🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
The one thumbs down proves Kris Jenner watches these videos.
You're the best, Jim, so funny!
He is hysterical, I kept laughing at this one!!
Thank God for Jim Gaffigan
Jim. Dont worry. That weight's not really lost! I will find it, lol. Seriously, you are funny. Keep up the good work. You are the best distraction during these times.
I starting choking on my snicker-doodles when he said there was no bear.
I could bearly stand somuch funny either
"It's like your Kardashian!" Classic!
The tears are rolling down my cheeks.
" please don't let this be gas" none of u wanted to go to college did you😅
"I thought I pulled a muscle in my stomach, doing Nothing!". It's ok, lots of us who aren't getting any younger experience pains like that for no reason at all. So it was a perfectly logical thought!
Only Ben Button was getting younger.
my tummy hurts from laughing so much. Thanks Jim!
He is just plain awesome!
OMG....I am still laughing. Just subscribed to your channel this morning.
Yay! Thank you!
Thanks for the video Jim, the laughs you have me from this definitely made my day 👍
Favorite comedian.
I think this is my favorite bit. I can listen to it over and over. So funny!