Can you make a video on how close family members can deal with a petulant borderline? What to do/say, what not to do/say? Do you “fight” back or do you walk away and ignore them? It seems like everything we do (or don’t do) makes it worse. Then it gets to the point where I am stuck and have no idea how to resolve it or get passed it.
This video is an eye opener and a relief for many. I cannot understand the overwhelming accuracy of this description with a real case I am dealing with.
I'm just learning that Petulant BPD is a thing and it explains a lot of what I saw in my ex when we were together. I had no idea what her deal was at the time. She displayed all of the behavior you're describing, and it resulted in her alienating herself from literally everyone. It's kind of sad because she has zero awareness of how she's made her life the mess that it is. She believes that all of her problems are everyone else's fault.
In 1992 I befriended a guy who was probably a petulant borderline. As I've learned about BPD and favorite person relationships, I've realized that this guy would probably be diagnosed with BPD and I was his favorite person. I entered this relationship expecting to have a normal friendship and found to my horror that the guy was a needy and controlling wacko who thought he was entitled to choose my girlfriends for me. I kid you not. The guy saw a young lady working at a movie rental place near his house and thought she'd be a great choice to be my girlfriend. It really angered me that this guy would intrude into such a personal area and I was cool towards this attempt to "help" me. I was unemployed at the time, so a girlfriend was the last thing I wanted or needed. If I would have gone on a date with her, I would've been embarrassed if she asked me what I did for a living. But my quasi-friend took my lack of interest in this unsolicited offer of help as a personal affront. He thought I found the young woman unattractive and was rejecting his taste in women. Instead of calmly talking to me about it and finding out what was going on, he jumped to conclusions and angrily accused me of not liking the girl. Since he couldn't mention the incident without carrying on like a hysterical idiot, I got sick of the entire subject very quickly and wasn't going to have any more conversations about it. The third time he mentioned it, I looked at him as if I wanted to cut his head off with a hacksaw. I swore to myself that if he ever mentioned this girl again, I'd terminate the relationship. He took a hint and didn't broach the subject for another year but, of course, he had to regurgitate this puke one more time and I cut him loose so he could become someone else's problem. I've never hated someone so much in my life as I did this guy and I've never been so eager to be rid of someone. I tried my best to be a decent friend to this guy but he made my job impossible. I washed my hands of him at the beginning of 1996 and I suspect he's spent the last 28 years driving away whatever friends he's made within a matter of weeks or months. The guy was smart enough to get a master's degree and at least five bachelor's degrees but he has no self-awareness whatsoever and doesn't listen to others when they try to talk to him about his problematic behavior.
Yes, my husband ex-husband had a mix of petulant with impulse borderline. Although, the “ I’m sorry” or “ I apologize “ was present after lashing out, it was super fake cause the abusive behavior would repeat a few days later. It seems that NPD is an ossified version of BPD. His actions was unmasked at home, but masked to others around work and social situation where authority was present.
I am a senior and I live my older sister who has petulant BPD. She is absolutely toxic. I have to move before things get more out of hand. She just cannot stop bitter complaining about everything and everyone. She is a black hole of negativity. When contradicted her temper is volcanic.
Spot On. I know someone with petulant BPD. This person is big on getting others to “gang up on” and treat “the victim” how they are treating them. Manipulation…..but one thing that I’ve noticed the most is the need for this person to do/say anything and go to just about any length to hurt another, if they feel you have hurt them. Even when the “victim” did nothing wrong and did not say or do anything to them. I’ve seen this person take a very nonchalant/nothing comment and twist it around then on top of that, create a false narrative that of course they feel is directed at them. But it never happened. This person lashes out and goes to extremes, will not apologize or admit they are wrong about something (even when it’s right in front of them, they will still deny any wrongdoing), they will go so far as to not speak to this person for at least a year. They will take what they know will hurt “the victim” more than anything…..and use it against them. Ten years will go by…..and if the subject ever came up, they still will never admit anything or say they are sorry. I wonder…..when or if people like the person I know recover, are they able to look back on these situations and problems they caused, and see them for what they really are? Will they ever understand how out of line/paranoid/manipulative/hurtful they have been? Will that ever happen? This person unfortunately has not been diagnosed but they are having trouble hiding their rage and have been lashing out at those close to them for a couple years now. Frequency is escalating. And their behavior is so extreme. I wonder if this person is getting close to the point where they will have to get help. Your description of the petulant borderline is so accurate.
This describes my daughter-in-law, unfortunately. After 22 years of being with her, our son is a wreck. An empty shell. A shadow of himself. We have not had contact in years, cannot see our grandchildren. The behaviour is exactly how you describe it. Whoever has not experienced it, will not believe it. Irrational to the max. And very, very hurtful, lashing out, manipulating, backstabbing, lying - every sentence and word said in this video nails it. But you know, I have had enough people in my life who have said: "Maybe it is something you said that upset her?" Absolutely hopeless. I don't tell anyone any more, rather suffer in silence. It is channels like this one where I feel understood. Other than that it is a waiting game if our son will come around and we will ever see our grandchildren again. There is another word for this kind of person: plain evil.
@@troll23-troll23 Exactly. And they also weaponize sex. So sorry for your son. Best if you all stay away and get a protective Order for your grandchildren vecause she will use them as tools and traumatize them So much it could be irreversible.
@@petekdemircioglu Your comment, coming out of the blue, after three months of me leaving my comment, has been comforting for me today. None of my friends ask anymore, and then there is a helpful, empathic voice out of nowhere! I am grateful to you. No change on our front, just a waiting game. Utterly absurd and painful, and some days I wonder how I get through. I worry for our son and our grandchildren, as life goes by. Unfortunately, in Germany grandparents have no rights, and I am sure if we showed up, she would call the police. It is a grotesque situation. A crazy person having all the power. Until some day, somebody, something will crack...
Selfish, manipulative, childish, passive aggressive, emotionally empty, destructive, depressive, suicidal. They remind me of Mario Bros. ticking Bob-ombs. Very difficult to deal with them, you touch them and they self destroy. Not worth falling in love or get in a relationship with them.
Every BPD I’ve ever known are always the first to apologize AFTER the episode, if you try to get them to see it during the storm you’ll see the worst of them.
I’ve been struggling for a decade with what causes my husband’s extreme emotional dysregulation. He’s so easily offended by everything, reacting with angry, disproportionate outbursts. He either adores me or hates me. Constantly sulking...every third day something stupid sets him off (usually because he’s merely disappointed by something insignificant), then it takes him three days to come down. I quit trying to talk him off of a ledge. I’m exhausted. He refuses to seek counseling, even though I said I’d go, too. I’m ready to hit the eject button on this crazy-making ride.
I don’t know if you are a God-fearing woman. And I know how hard it is to deal with a partner with BPD. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who has BPD, would you want your husband to leave you? Marriage is for better and for worse. And the only ground the Bible allows for divorce is sexual immorality. I know Western women tend to leave a marriage easily compared to women from traditional cultures. Leaving a marriage like this does not necessarily mean you’ll be happier in your next relationship.
@@drapered7762 Marriage is a partnership, not a vampiric relationship. And believe me, I have been harmed more by the “faith“ and the tongue-clucking Bible study gossipers then by any relationship. No, marriage is not for life if you were married to a sociopath or a permanently dysregulated, unreasonable, and unstable Person who refuses to get help. If he got help, or tried to get help, of course I would support that. I do know this… You can’t love them through this. I am not equipped or trained to handle this on a 24 seven basis, even my therapist said that. But I love how Christians everywhere throw a blanket platitude of “just have faith“ or “just pray “or “Jesus will save him “over a situation that’s way more complex. I know it’s uncomfortable when Christians don’t have an answer. But here’s my point… Even Jesus didn’t save them all. It sounds like you may be the person in your relationship who suffers from BPD. If you do, my heart goes out to you, but that does not mean I want to be in a relationship with you. I am the other person in this relationship, and I count, too
I deal with the issues he has and struggle with procrastination idk if he does that but I’d suggest to him you would go with him or help him and if that don’t work give him a hard boundary either seek help or else. I use a dbt workbook maybe you could encourage him to get one.
This description matches somebody I knew so well, it's just uncanny. Maybe one or two aspects I didn't see, but it was spot on just like her for the most part. Phenomenal accuracy.
Some of the characteristics here also apply to Disorganised Attachment Disorder - for instance lack of trust, and the paranoia that comes with it, whilst at the same time needing connection. It would be great to see a video on the differences/similarities across the disorders: BPD, Narcissistic, Attachment Disorders, etc - as there seem to be so many crossovers and grey areas.
I just read this after watching, and thought I would mention to you that all of these disorders are stemming from trauma and attachment wounds at their root. We humans like to categorize and label everything, but no one human is the same as the other.
Okay see, this only mentioned anxious attachment, but I feel my person had more along the lines of avoidant than anxious but I feel like anxious also. Where did you get that from this video?
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18. This is me to a T. Took me a long time to fully accept this disorder because it’s very hard to stomach the truth and it’s also incredibly complicated. Whilst I am very good at manipulating people I make no conscious effort it just happens before me and I am totally out of control. I’m not Machiavellian at all, it’s not me being clever. I just watch myself do it. And most of all, something else is manipulating me that is far far more advanced than I could ever be. I feel like I’m possessed. I don’t blame people for hating BPD, you should we are terrible people. I opted to never involve myself with anyone again and I’ve been completely isolated with zero people in my life for several years now
Was recently disagnosed with bpd, even tho ive struggled with the symptoms for years, and feel like petulant and impulsive are the subtypes that i resonate with the most. Its been so destructive to my relationships with friends, family members, and romantic interests. Very reassuring to hear my feelings and experiences put into words by a professional
@@Nando_lifts2021 look up the DSM criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder... there are several traits... I think 8 or 9? I can't remember. read through them and see if you feel they relate to you. come on man use Google before asking such simple questions.
This describes the core of my personality. I got diagnosed with adhd but it hasnt even slightly touched the bad stuff of my personality. Ive tried to see drs for diagnosis, they keep asking me if im sad, anxious or suicidal and end up diagnosing me over and over again with anxiety disorder. They never ask me any of these questions eg. About impulsivity, anger, paranoia, irritability, controlling behaviour, outbursts, swinging emotions, none of those topics are ever asked about by the diagnosing drs. Its really frustrating, then i come across this video on UA-cam and finally hear someone actually discussing my personality and behaviours. Which i am unable to control, ive tried for so long. Without a diagnosis i cant get proper help but i cant self diagnose and nobody will ask me the right questions so they arent going to diagnose me either!! I AM NOT SIMPLY ANXIOUS!! 🤬 Im gonna start looking up how to heal myself cos lord knows the "professionals" arent going to ever even recognise whats wrong
Oh, and last time I tried to get a proper diagnosis for my personality, I heard the same old stuff "how sad are you" and I told him, look I want a full proper diagnosis, these are my symptoms, listed everything, from the impulsive reckless behaviour to the constant state of anger and irritation and hyper sensitivity and passive aggressive behaviours and outbursts I keep subjecting my loved ones to, everything, and he STILL said "anxiety disorders" oh and he then said goodbye now, hung up. I checked my Medicare and he got $120 or something ridiculous for that BS "diagnosis" why don't drs want to actually help me ??????
Very accurate, thank you. Recently separated and this is my ex to a T. It's sad but I had to get out for my own sanity and for the wellbeing of our 6 year old son.
I believe my son is married to a similar type. They have 2 small children now and she’s making his life very hard taking care of everything that triggers her. I think he’s going to stay as long as possible for the kids . What made you finally leave?
@@cyndimoring9389 The analogy is like in an airplane. Put your oxygen mask on before that of your child. If not, you can't protect them. That is to say, I got out to protect myself first. Because if I am not strong, I cannot protcet or help my child. It's not selfish at all. Remove yourself from the situation, even for a day, and coldly look at it from a distance. Be very honest with yourself and then make an informed choice. The worst thing possible is to waste years in the same repititious cycle. Good luck! *protect
@@davidmuyllaert8364 I completely get it. Was it a cumulative thing or was it a huge thing at the end? I worry for my son since she’s completely isolated him from his family with her drama. I wonder how much he’s in for before he has to leave. Check out videos by DSD who counsels guys who married a narcissist. He was in the situation and didn’t see it for years but now has a channel for guys in the same situation.
I feel I am in a similar position and just beginning to understand this condition. These characteristics fit my wife very closely - married for 9 years and we now with a 1 year old son. She has always been ‘high drama’ , childlike, easily offended, clingy, projects guilt and blame etc but have felt I’ve always been able to manage this. Nevertheless It has been a year of particularly intense trauma and abuse. Screaming, rage and panic attacks, crying daily, worst possible language towards me and my parents, accused of having prevented her from breastfeeding,refusing to buy her painkillers or get her water after a Caesarian, weekly threats of divorce, suicide threats, told I’m a useless dad, have been physically pushed and grabbed, panic attacks in public and an obsessive attachment towards our son. When I finally had the courage to tell her I was having a breakdown, there was zero empathy. I have not been sure how much of this is normal ‘stress’ post partum, hoping things would ease in time as she got more sleep. They have not. I have remained committed to the marriage - to her and our son - but she has finally asked to divorce. We are fairly isolated from family and friends because of her drama and I have been driven to the brink. She is very close to her parents but I’m not sure they see it are both heavy alcoholics. Abuse is an insidious thing and it is only now I see it clearly. She is an incredibly devoted mother but I am very concerned for our son long term if I’m out the picture.
@@benwilde1708 you have my total sympathy. I believe my son might be living your life too. What a choice you have to make: protect your son or leave and save your sanity. I hope you can do both!
I like how you make point of our feleings of distrust and unloveableness .... and I think peole feel its only for control .... but to paint a picture.... i have been having medical issues ... and though i know the awensers of a good imaging report is a pozative awenser and that i have a multiple sclerosis that gives me a awenser for my symptoms..... just reading the report triggered me to feel unloved,unbelvied, that they dident even try ect .... this resentment is internalized now but i am at my core more with petulent emotional reactions .... and evej when its not a loved one or someone im close to these feelings come up and i have to work extremely hard at reminding and copeing with positive results like a clear imaging report... that as i know wasent any real rejection or uncaring action ... still made me feel this way .... we dont allways need control ... we arnt seeking power ... we are reacting to real or perceived negative views of ourselves ....
I have and live with a triple diagnosis ; one of which is BPD. I'm in recovery and incredibly grateful for this video. It's helping me to understand my unwellness better.
I hope I'm not being nosey, but I was just wondering what your other diagnoses are? the reason I ask, is I know the person I'm watching this to try and understand her better, she had an eating disorder once too.
Rob S, No, you're not being nosey at all. Other mental illnesses like eating disorders are commonly associated with BPD for example. I have eating disorders too. I do 12 step programs and no longer need mental health services in my country. The triple diagnoses I spoke of in my comment don't include the eating disorders. That's how mental illness rolls I'm afraid. I'm sorry your friend that you are helping is disorder afflicted. Recovery is possible. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wish you well and all the very best in life and thanks for taking the time to reply.
People don’t just fit neatly into just one type though, right? Their type is just the main one? Do people shift from being quiet then petulant briefly then back to quiet? Or is it like, no you’re either type 1, 2, 3, or 4?
yeah, you're not necessarily stuck in one box. the different types aren't officially recognized in the DSM-5, but they have sprung up in the community to address generalizations and stigma; seeing as you need at least 5 of 9 symptoms to be diagnosed with BPD, that's 256 possible combinations. in other words, no two pwBPD are the same. so, i believe it's very possible to sometimes embody certain behaviors but then different ones become a bigger problem. i would like to note i'm not a professional by any means, just very enthusiastic about psychology and this is what i've gathered through research and lived experience.
This is NOT a description of Petulant BPD but a more general description of BPD. Petulant are angry, violent, and rarely suicidal. They blame everything wrong in their life on others, specifically a “target.” Imagine a 2 year old in a 40 year old’s body. Yes, they may injure themselves during a tantrum but rarely set out to purposefully hurt themselves. Nothing you do is ever good enough. You “should have known” I wanted…is their mantra. They are angry that they don’t have the same things as others such as families and will try to disrupt other relationships you have. They will also ruminate on how they believe the target did them wrong and will talk badly about their target trying to gather others to hurt you. Don’t be surprised if they call your family members and friends, trying to get them on “their side.” It isn’t worth responding to slander about you, just wait they will always eventually show their true colors. When you finally get away, run and never look back.
Yes. I had a roommate for 7 years who I suspect is a petulant bpd. It was as if her default setting was anger and everything was always someone else’s fault. She was super passive aggressive, but also really combative and confrontational. If I was her target of blame, she always needed to badmouth me to others (usually her family) so that they would take her side and she would feel justification. Other times when someone else was her target she would badmouth that person to me, and if I disagreed with her in any way or tried to make her see the other person’s point of view, then I became the enemy for not being “on her side.” Living with her was like living with a black cloud. I’m so glad that period of my life is behind me.
Indeed. As a 63 year old, raised by a father who had BPD but was never diagnosed and now married to a woman with Petulant BPD for 14 years, I can sum up my life in three little words, “NEVER good enough”. They live in FEAR 24/7 and that takes a heavy toll on those closest to them.
"You should have known", "You should have guessed" or I also got "You should have sensed/felt that I needed this because you're spiritual", basically blaming me for not being able to telepathically/magically perceive his needs even though we were separated by 1000 miles! "They are angry that they don't have the same things as others such as families" > this is so true! I felt he always resented me every time I told him I was spending time with my brother.
It seems nobody gets why BPD people self sabotage or seem fearful of success. Well, let me explain why I, personally, self sabotage. The higher I climb, the bigger the fall is as a reaction when it all seems to be falling apart. I'm safest when my life is mediocre. If I became a super success tomorrow, the inevitable episode coming in the future will be just as big in the opposite direction towards self destructive behavior. I self harm pretty bad already. I'm scared of what I'll do if I climb too high in life or social circle. Suicide isn't far from reach. It's not something I'm willing to risk just so I can vacation more or buy more things. It's just not. I have to make sure I stay within my safe zone since I am guaranteed to have BPD episodes. There is no way to stop them from happening and no coping skills or therapy works enough to stop an episode before I engage in self destructive behavior.
Have you tried developing Critical Thinking competency? You seem very Self aware and certainly caring for other people. Critical Thinking can stop you from doing those. Many big Publishers have it. Just Google Critical Thinking assessment and training.
Thank you Jay you just described exactly what it is like inside my mind as well and nobody else seems to truly understand except my therapist who specializes in BPD and she's treating me with EMDR to uncover the traumas that triggered the onset of my diagnosis and DBT to replace the old acting out self sabotaging behaviors with positive self soothing techniques to handle my present and future circumstances through Distress Tolerance, Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these type of thinking patterns that have always made me feel "different" than how others approach life and success. There's an extra layer for me as well. If I succeed then my additional fear besides having another episode and having farther and harder to fall is actually also not ever having another episode again and just doing well in life and truly flourishing. Because in my disordered mind, that would justify and excuse my family and ex intimate partner's emotional abuse towards me. I can't win without them winning too because they would all condescend to me about how much they just want me to do well for myself while also mercilessly berating me for the smallest things. So by being mediocre or even a straight up failure I'm "not letting them win", not giving them the satisfaction of basking in smug self congratulatory behavior in my success because then they could say, "And see look how well you're doing now, see you turned out just fine once you finally started acting like an adult and really put your nose to the grind stone, see all I ever wanted was just to help you and now look and see how well you're doing because me, because of the "tough love" I gave you. It's a good thing I was so hard on you all those years because how else would you have turned out if I went all soft on you and let you off easy? I'm glad you turned your life around and finally started listening to some common sense. Try not to f your life up anymore and just stay on a roll for once." If I win, they win, so I lose. If I lose, I win, but my life is terrible, so actually I still lose, and they still win. I'm also learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy so I can learn to accept the reality of situations and commit to certain life affirming actions despite the fear of failure or success. I have a really long expensive road of intensive treatment ahead of me but it's either that or throw all my time, money, and energy away on useless high distractibility endeavors trying to mask my dysfunction and live with this horrifically agonizing constant emotional painful internal torment of hell, or kill myself. So I'll give it my all and see what happens with intensive therapy twice a week for the next 2 years. Because what else is there to do in life anymore besides just get better, stay the same, or get worse. I could throw all my money and energy down the drain on trying to keep white knuckling my way through finishing school and going to concerts with friends and launching a career and saving up for a house and retirement and trips and oh I don't know maybe just trying anything in the world to feel like a normal regular not insane person for once but what's the point unless I can't actually follow through on or enjoy any of it if I don't try to heal with the help of a professional first? There's a third fear of success as well. I have done a lot of bad things in the past in my desperation and anger and loneliness that haunt me and keep me up night after night with unending guilt and shame and self interrogation of, "Why did I do that? How could I have done that? What's wrong with me? What kind of person would do that? I'm a deranged monster there's no hope for someone as awful, despicable, pathetic, and lowly as me." In many ways I take a sick twisted sense of safety, protection, and comfort in my low profile low status lifestyle because I have nothing and no one but if I were to really raise myself up to a level others saw me really triumphing in life then I'm afraid my past will come rip me apart for daring to ever climb back out of my dark sad little cave back into the light and sunshine and throw all my past unhealed BPD behaviors in my face as a form of ridicule, blackmail, guilt tripping, manipulation, and a paranoia of concerted efforts by others to take me down simply for daring to climb and to try to be happy at all ever. So if I just stay put in the shadows I'm miserable but less of an appealing target for everyone being as currently I'm just doing so embarrassingly badly in life the rationale is, I'm "not worth the trouble". But if I started doing well, that is scary for me, that's when I feel most at risk of getting destroyed so better to stay on the ground rather than try to get up and get kneed in the ribs for it. But I'm trying to work on changing this mindset. It's hard though, it helped me survive my childhood, it just no longer serves me in adulthood.
@@PassionateFlower well put. Great insight in to our daily struggles Try not to put so much emphasis on others winning while you win. I know it's not that easy but so what if they were somewhat right? We have a problem with authority in the sense that we think we can always do it better if we think outside the box and I feel that going along with any normal way of something cuts us a little bit because we know there is a better way if we just had time to analyze the situation more. It's ok to do what normal people do sometimes. We don't always have to flex our brain power on everything, every task ahead, every problem, every conversation. I want others to walk in my shoes to under me so, I need to walk in normal shoes sometimes just to understand their personality and perspectives sometimes. I know normal people about as much as they know me because I always do whats different. I think tge best place to be is in the middle and realize I don't have to be the smartest guy in the room at all times even though I most likely am. I want to show people a better, easier way, every time. But normal people don't see better as best. They're all comfortable doing it the hard way because they know how to do it and know what to expect, day in and day out. They're all comfortable in misery. Working jobs they hate. Daily routines. Settling on what they have in life. Because they know the problems and how to deal with them. An easier life is a gamble. They won't risk a change that leads to unknowing. It's a sense of control for normal people. "Hey, at least it won't get worse than this"...
Thank you for your video my daughter has PD n never been diagnosed with one or other, we have experienced all those situations u commented on n others. At this time things r quiet but always waiting for tide t turn. Difficult for loved ones dealing with the drama. N help is not out ther.. Many thanks again for your channel.
Hi got my borderline diagnosis about five years ago and it’s been a lot of consistent therapy and different forms of therapy. Honestly somethings kind of help but it still feels like I’m constantly alone and working on this all by myself. Especially because I don’t have a lot of money there’s just not a lot of resources available to people who have mental health issues and live in poverty. So a week ago I started doing research on shadow work and subcategories for borderline in addition to my other mental health issues but I thought I would be a little bit more upset to find out that I am a petulant borderline but to be completely honest this actually really helped me. In addition to the shadow work that I am doing. I have to learn to except this part of myself. Not to make excuses for behaving like a shitty human being but instead of shoving these uncomfortable feelings down I realize I’ve been avoiding this part of me that even I’m scared of and that push people away. My mother and father don’t even speak to me. I don’t have anyone. I have literally isolated myself so much that I don’t even wanna be around myself. I’ve tried to commit suicide a couple of times without success and I want so much to have a good relationship but I’m fucking terrified. I’m so scared to let somebody in. I don’t want to be judged anymore. I really just need some empathy and some goddamn compassion.
I would never ever deal with another one. The emotional rollercoaster 🤦🤦🤦🤦. And it seems as if they get a kick out of you reacting. I was doing him a favor because I was in no way attracted to him. And to constantly deal with the sensitivity and having to constantly patch up his ego...he took far more than he gave and was always questioning me and looking over my shoulder. Kudos to you guys who get therapy. And to the ones who dont, it's very unfair for you to make excuses for us who don't have it to take a ride through crazytown with y'all. Nobody wants to deal with your bullsh*t on a constant basis and for you to try to make us feel bad for not wanting to. Like, What the hell???????
It feels like we've dated the same person. Was yours also incapable of taking accountability or recognizing his role in anything, let alone apologizing? And I can relate so much to how they get a kick out of us reacting. Especially during fights, they're doing everything to push our buttons until we finally explode. I have read somewhere that it's a weird, twisted way to reconnect with us for them when/if they perceive any emotional distance.
As somebody with bpd, i feel as though the petulant subtype describes me the best. Especially when I’m having an episode not only do I have intense mood swings I will also lash out at the people around me and attempt to manipulate them. I got into a bit of an argument with my mother the other day over a water bottle. Yes, you read that right. A water bottle. My sister had given my mom a water bottle and as a joke I was going to grab the water bottle and run. My mom grabbed it before I could and declared that it was hers, for some reason that set me off and I started to feel angry and sad and hurt. I attempted to manipulate her into feeling bad or feeling regret for upsetting me but fortunately she recognized that I was having an episode and she just waited for it to be over. After, I didn’t feel ashamed nor regret but I knew that getting triggered over something so simple was really stupid. I didn’t apologize but I did explain to her why I reacted in that way. Of course, it doesn’t excuse my behavior. Fortunately, I am seeing a therapist and I am on medication. This is actually the first episode I’ve had in a while, I used to be much worse when I was younger
That kind of stuff sets me off as well idk if you were ever bullied but thats what causes mine is an emotional flashback of being bullied as a kid by my peers and parents.
I think my dad is this way. It’s so hard to understand. I try to see it as a separate virus that lives in him. I don’t have to hate him, but definitely shouldn’t trust him and never have too high of expectations of how things are gonna go when we spend time together. It’s amazing the way he’ll sabotage anything that feels too happy and/or peaceful.
Good day dr Magee. I came across your channel when i heard about "Patulant BPD". I always knew somthing where wrong about my mother an never realized that it might be this spesific disorder. Through all the oayn she has made me gone through i divided to go "No contract". But i can't help but feeling guilty about my discussion, because she is my mother?! But where do i draw the line, i need to help myself? I would appreciate any advise , thanks so much.
You draw the line where you would want your children draw the line if you would behave this way. There is also the „Raised By Borderlines“ Redit form you might find helpful.
I’ve been an ER Nurse for a while and I’ve interacted with patients having a BPD diagnosis. I was late to the game, when I realized my (ex)Girlfriend was probably BPD or maybe NPD. Mind you, we lasted about 7 weeks. At the beginning we were talking and became friends. She is an ICU Nurse; so, I expected structure, detail and organization; however, she had control issues. In the early beginning she flooded me with compliments; such as, “I hit the Jackpot”, “What a Catch”, “You have such a big heart”and I was flattered. It’s like she put me on a throne (A throne I would be evicted from very soon). During intimate times, she said I was amazing in bed; very experienced and knew what I was doing. This happened very early in the relationship. The more I got to know her, the behaviors were showing. She was passive aggressive, negative and critical. She wasn’t assertive and she would get angry and disappointed if I didn’t do something how she wanted it done. I told her “I can’t read your mind”. She liked to term, “that’s just common sense”. I don’t think she could be satisfied. Any compliment I gave, ended up dismissed. She would disagree and not validate nor accept my feelings or gestures. She didn’t like to accept help. I would offer and she wouldn’t accept it. If I didn’t offer, she would complain and act like a Martyr and a victim. She had regular friends; however, It seems like she had burned bridges with several of her good friends and her ex husband. I realized she was exaggerating some of his faults and lack contributions to his children. It would be interesting to have a beer with him. (Ok maybe not). There was a double standard. She would talk to me in a condescending manner or with disrespect. I addressed her behavior and it’s like I summoned a Demon! I was kicked off that Superboyfriend throne! Any constructive criticism was returned with… “I just won’t talk! It’s like I’m walking on egg shells around you.” Typical GasLighting behavior. She acted like I burned her house down and tortured her pets. Things turned from normal conversations to angry outbursts. Leaving me thinking, uhh what just happened?
Yup. That’s the script of gf with borderline!! I saw red flags within 30 days and by 3 months I had had enough and had to go no contact. I feel sorry for them but you can’t help them. Go find another gf who is capable of a loving relationship
As someone who's been with a woman like that, nothing you say is surprising. Once you know what you've dealt with you realise they're all the same. End of the day, unfortunately its impossible to have a loving relationship with someone who bites your head off every 5 minutes and accuses you of things you aren't thinking or doing.
When I said the similar thing as you "I can't read your mind, you have to express to me" she would lash out " it's all basic! (requirement for being her partner) use your heart and feel!" She got her anger episodes in things like the fact that I wanted to sleep because it was approaching midnight but she had her nap and wanted me to stay up with her. I was sleep deprived for many nights. All the screaming, throwing stuff, pushing me, name calling, foul language towards me... You name it. I told her if she uses anger the only way to communicate it wouldn't go far in our communication. She doesn't believe in healthy relationship, think therapy is waste of money. That's just my experience with my ex.
@@blee9304 sounds very similar to mine, my ex would get in a mood but I'd have to guess why? She wouldn't communicate and just expected me to know. She also did the sleep deprivation, she'd sleep in the day then expect me to want to be up past midnight with work the next morning. Basically its because they are totally inconsiderate and impossible people.
Well, very dangerous and very destructive and hurtful to those in a relationship with them, but I'm not sure that the words you are using here are Fair. On the other hand comma of the quick to anger and the amount of black white splitting, and the permanency of that, and the misuse of law enforcement... It's A Hard Road to hoe for those of us that suffer from them. And this comes from someone who thinks that he definitely has himself the discouraged subtype or at least those Tendencies :-(.
Funny thing is, after all the research I see one subtype in me, and my son agrees, and I see one subtype in him and I agree, and I see this subtype and my ex brother-in-law's wife, and I see the push me pull or push you pull me or what-have-you in her, but my disastrous relationship had her only pushing me and clearly it was no manipulation cuz she wanted me gone. I assumed she would be happier if I was dead. So there was no pull. Which of course leaves me wondering what I have missed and if this is indeed her.
Maybe the distinction is that she fears engulfment even more. So while she might have an anxious attachment style, she also has avoidant. I'm guessing there is comorbidity with something else, but I don't quite know what.
Bpd of any type is an often unfairly prejudiced disorder caused by ignorant and careless assumptions and blanket statements. These types of comments stigmatize and too often misrepresent people who truly have a difficult time processing emotions based on faulty beliefs and quite likely, unprocessed trauma. If you do a search for the most painful type of psychiatric illness or disorder this one will usually come up among the top 3 if not be the first. You may have had some unpleasant experiences with someone suffering this but that doesn't entitle you to group people together and judge in a negative light because you're bitter about your own experience. Try a little compassion. In the meantime, your comment confirms that bpd stigmatizing is still alive and well. 🙄😕
.......I think I see this within a person that I worked before... I ended up have to talk to my boss about that and he want to train him to manipulate me and my friends who chooses to go to the back of house work instead of front of house... I don't know what I can say because that's really bad. When I choose to talk to my friend because I know she's not in a good mental space, he got pissed and that's the time that I was off from work, so he didn't have the right to tell me what to do as long as I didn't affect the speed of the fast food service. And he purposely harassed and yelled at my brother and friends when I made my schedule changed that reasonates by my schedule from school, which he was pissed because he wants the situation that was controlled by him. He also purposely switch my schedule so that he can get me under his control and I ended up have to quit the job because he doesn't understand how toxic he was to me and others around me.
this description fits me perfectly...god i`m so tired! Just come out of another funk brought on by Xmas..I really want to get better. The push pull you described is so fitting. My boyfriend rescued two dogs at Xmas, nice thing to do. But I already have 2 dogs and in my mind, we were a family unit. I was logically happy that he did that, I would of done the same but I felt like my whole world collapsed. I looked at those dogs and felt like I hated them with seething jealousy and anger and I felt like my boyfriend did it on purpose because he doesn`t really love me or my dogs and he didn`t want to be with me and my world was over. I have learnt to control my anger to a point..I just don`t say anything now...I feel the turn happening, tighness of jaw, chest tightens, heart rate doubles...so I went to my house. This whole thing has taken me 10 days to process. Crying constantly, panicking until I`m being sick, thinking about killing myself, thinking about how horrible my boyfriend is over and over and over and over...on repeat. Not washing, not able to function at all. It`s exhausting. He must be a fricking saint, he came round every day..Do wanna talk? NO! And finally, yesterday, it was like a blanket of sadness, fear and anger had been lifted again. And now he is all good again....sigh. My plan: Tapping, praying, exercise, journalling, and a couple of weeks of the sauce. Itś so hard to stay consistent coz I lose focus of my goals. Wish me luck! Thanks for this video.
That’s great that you’re aware of it and do your best to manage it. Sounds very hard to do so but getting space like that I guess is the best thing you can do for yourself and others sometimes, like waiting for a storm to pass.
Is it posssible to have bpd without being reckless? It sounds like me but im not reckless and i feel like i have 'mild bpd' is thats a thing? Like im not unhealthy all the time
Bpd and adhd are similar disorders they can make people feel hyper sensitive and have emotional dysresulation. People with adhd tend to have the more quiet borderline symptoms.
I think my ex probably had this, she'd admit to being overly sensitive but never said if she'd been diagnosed. Unfortunately just by admitting youre sensitive doesn't really help the relationship if you don't try to alter your reactions. And these reaction were extreme. I wish she'd been more open and prepared to work on it cos I tried for 13 years to support her but she told me from the start she wouldn't change for any man!
Yep. Unfortunately it seems a lot of people with this problem know something is wrong/ off about them but then still won’t get therapy. It’s because deep down they know they need A LOT of it. Anyone can benefit from therapy, and I certainly have. It’s absolutely essential and the bare minimum for people managing this disorder though. Anything less than intensive therapy and a good deal of them wind up being consistently abusive to anyone around them. I feel bad that they have that problem and it sounds horrible, but there’s no good excuse for not taking as much responsibility for managing it as possible.
As someone with it myself, I recognize that I need therapy, but have struggled with being afraid of trying to seek it. I also have a crippling fear of going to the doctor, or doing anything mental health related due to having traumatic experiences with those things as a child. I would even go as far as to say that I suspect it's a phobia. I am currently working on trying to get insurance to go see a doctor and therapist because I'm getting so fed up with living like this, and it's obvious to me that I can't fix this on my own. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm an adult now, and that I have more control and say so when it comes to things like therapy. If I feel a therapist isn't a good fit, then I can always find another one. But I definitley want to give it a chance again, because I can't think of any other option that will help. Taking the matter into my own hands doesn't seem to work, and I desperately want to inprove myself as a person and be a better wife and mother. I don't think it's fair for anyone to have to put up with my baggage, and I don't want to keep suffering myself either. I wouldn't wish these kinds of feelings on anyone. It often feels like I exist in my own personal hell.
@LunaMoth-420 you're right to pursue therapy cos I'm pretty sure life can't get better without it, but therapy can work. Openness for me would be the key, admittance and honesty. I'd have gladly supported my ex with those things, even with the mood swings and rages aimed at me. But she wasn't prepared to look inward, she's now in her 50s and still chooses to blame the man and move on to the next one who won't be like the previous!! It's not the men in her life it's her.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Yeah, I definitely spent years trying to deny it, but I've reached a point in my life where I feel ready for change. Luckily for me, I came to the realization at the age of 29. I would say better later than never, but the sooner one realizes it the better off they'll be. Especially considering that as a person gets older, they're more likely to be set in their ways and it'll be harder to make changes (more difficult, but still not impossible).
Does the absence of Jelousy mean that this is not what someone has? I am almost certain a person I love has BPD, very much strongly meets the criteria, and particularly the petulant subtype, however, he isn't jealous in terms of fearing cheating, and he is also very trustworthy. Can someone be apwBPD if they are not jealous or fear abandonment? He defiantly fears being let down, and has strong suspicions as your intentions in terms of taking advantage of him or if you are manipulating him, just not jealousy in terms of fearing you're cheating.
He sounds pretty normal to me. Buy has obviously been hurt or let down in the past and us just being cautious, so that he doesn't get caught out again.
I think of it as a spectrum so there’s different levels and intensities which means it’s rarely a one size fits all answer, but I’d say yes they can experience loss and grief just like everyone else, their responses might be difficult to understand.
@@DarrenFMagee thank you so much for the explanation. Your videos are so very helpful. I’m the daughter of a narcissist and my therapeutic journey has been everything.
you forgot to mention all their temper tantrums, and gas lighting techniques. these people know exactly how to make others feel guilty for what they did, zero accountability.
Only if they don’t have the strength to look at themselves dead on and ask for other peoples opinions of how they come across. But you have to be extremely careful with that trust. The point is the core is shame. And it’s not an adult emotion it got stuck. If you see a child being shamed your natural instinct is to protect it. With an adult that natural instinct to sympathise doesn’t kick in. So they build a defence and defective armour that becomes attack oriented. It definitely takes a top notch therapist to get through. I know. I am one of these.
Who? Bc I have borderline, and I always admit when I'm wrong & so many other borderlines that I know have no issue saying they're wrong it seems like you're dealing with someone who hasn't grown up yet.
@@user-unk8i7l they are describing narcissism not BPD for a start so I wouldn’t mind that, probably watched too many amateur psychologists or biased interpretations of BPD on YT videos.The other thing is having a partner with a mental illness let’s the other “off the hook” and they can just pin it all on the illness. It’s an easy out.
I feel like u just described my personality and feel slightly triggered and attacked even though I know that wasn't your objective and you don't even know me.
Where can I get more information and resources on this particular BPD? My daughter exhibited symptoms of this even as a toddler. Now as a teenager, I believe it's full-blown. Therapists tell me they cannot diagnose until she is 18.
Referring to a toddler and to some extent a teenager, like this is concerning. A toddler is by definition petulant, it is developmentally appropriate to display the types of behaviour seen in BPD in toddler phase. It is when adults continue to behave like this that it is abnormal. Pathologizing normal toddler behaviour can be a sign that you yourself might need some support.
Is it normal to temporarily identify with mental health disorders from watching videos like this one, or reading books on related topics? I have heard that medical students sometimes experience the symptoms of the diseases they study. Could the same thing happen with psychological diseases as physical ones?
Also remember it dosent even have tk be they like someone else more .... it can be symply they dont like us as much as they say they do ... its a feeling of there puting up with us rather then being there for us or loving us .... i litrally dont care if he dose like some one else more as thats what i expect ... its the possibility they are lieing or playing some joke on us becuse how could anyone actully like us as much as they say they do .... now i know some actuly need kt to be someone else .... but for alot of us it dosent even matter if its someone else ... its simply that couldent and we cant see how they do .... and kts not even allways love ... it can even be they dont have care for us ..... bpd is hard no doubt ... but one of the only reasons me and my parnter made it after my d.v. charge was accepted it wasent about someone else stealing them .... the more we focus on that naritive the more we move away from the truth .... it cpukd be the tv and we would feel it proves we arnt reasly loved or cared about .... its not about another perosn ornobject
The difficulty in reassurance stands out. For example, isn't reassurance giving false hope to people in untenable financial distress? How about to children who are scapegoated by their classmates? To reassure them that these problems will be resolved when they will not be is a lie, and a harmful one at that. It would be, to coin a term, future gaslighting. An intelligent borderline would spot that, and naturally reject it as a dishonest attempt to delude them. Fair enough, right? So, how do you reassure without future gaslighting?
Uh. All of the overwhelming, intense emotional feelings are often internal, and U won't even know about it until U get some passive aggressiveness or see an angry look on their face, which is very different from an outward temper tantrum. The times you see the outburst are when the person is well past feeling like anyone around them gives a shit about them. Maybe instead of judging U should try hugging. It's not easy living with this.
I think i have quiet bpd because i keep everything in. The emotions are still there & it's almost unbearable like im burning alive but no matter how bad it gets in my head i dont utter a single word. It's like im hiding it. Masking 24/7 i used to be very controlling, lash out on anything and everything and it made ppl leave and i understood why.. so i tried to stop it, and now i can't even talk about how i feel. But anything is better than hurting the people i love.
Pray in Jesus name for peace, serve Christ. Go to Church The bible says cast all your anxieties on him (Christ) because he cares for you ( 1 Peter 1 or 1 Peter 2 I think) Look it up..
I hate having had this label slapped upon me. Basically because people act like any time my feelings get hurt, it’s because of my disorder. No. Not always. A lot of the time of my feelings are hurt, it’s because someone is being an asshole. Because the person who begged and pleaded for me to forgive them and build a life with them. Promised me (unprovoked) so many times over more than a decade that we would work through anything and that they would always be by my side. Then flaked out and abandoned me for Taiwanese hos, I get labeled with a personality disorder for being upset about a broken promise. F this. F humans. F life.
Fasting and prayer can cure anything. I think it is spiritual. Jesus is peace. Read Mark 5:5 I think Demons can afflict people just like in biblical times. Jesus said,"those kind" referring to demons can only come out by prayer and fasting. Just my thoughts. Prayer can change lives and move mountains.
The videos I make are requested by you the audience. If there are any topics you'd like me to cover int the future let me know.
Can you make a video on how close family members can deal with a petulant borderline? What to do/say, what not to do/say? Do you “fight” back or do you walk away and ignore them? It seems like everything we do (or don’t do) makes it worse. Then it gets to the point where I am stuck and have no idea how to resolve it or get passed it.
Thank you for your suggestion. That’s a difficult one but I’ll look into it for you
@@sarahjohnston8488 I have the same question and unfortunately I'm stuck in the same situation. Have you found a way to "cope" with this?
@sarahjohnston8488 Go no contact, I wasted 29 years of my life on a bpd mother. I niw habe severe health problems as a result.
This video is an eye opener and a relief for many. I cannot understand the overwhelming accuracy of this description with a real case I am dealing with.
Easily insulted and turns everything into a dramatic argument. Yep.
I'm just learning that Petulant BPD is a thing and it explains a lot of what I saw in my ex when we were together. I had no idea what her deal was at the time. She displayed all of the behavior you're describing, and it resulted in her alienating herself from literally everyone. It's kind of sad because she has zero awareness of how she's made her life the mess that it is. She believes that all of her problems are everyone else's fault.
In 1992 I befriended a guy who was probably a petulant borderline. As I've learned about BPD and favorite person relationships, I've realized that this guy would probably be diagnosed with BPD and I was his favorite person. I entered this relationship expecting to have a normal friendship and found to my horror that the guy was a needy and controlling wacko who thought he was entitled to choose my girlfriends for me. I kid you not. The guy saw a young lady working at a movie rental place near his house and thought she'd be a great choice to be my girlfriend. It really angered me that this guy would intrude into such a personal area and I was cool towards this attempt to "help" me. I was unemployed at the time, so a girlfriend was the last thing I wanted or needed. If I would have gone on a date with her, I would've been embarrassed if she asked me what I did for a living. But my quasi-friend took my lack of interest in this unsolicited offer of help as a personal affront. He thought I found the young woman unattractive and was rejecting his taste in women. Instead of calmly talking to me about it and finding out what was going on, he jumped to conclusions and angrily accused me of not liking the girl. Since he couldn't mention the incident without carrying on like a hysterical idiot, I got sick of the entire subject very quickly and wasn't going to have any more conversations about it. The third time he mentioned it, I looked at him as if I wanted to cut his head off with a hacksaw. I swore to myself that if he ever mentioned this girl again, I'd terminate the relationship. He took a hint and didn't broach the subject for another year but, of course, he had to regurgitate this puke one more time and I cut him loose so he could become someone else's problem. I've never hated someone so much in my life as I did this guy and I've never been so eager to be rid of someone. I tried my best to be a decent friend to this guy but he made my job impossible. I washed my hands of him at the beginning of 1996 and I suspect he's spent the last 28 years driving away whatever friends he's made within a matter of weeks or months. The guy was smart enough to get a master's degree and at least five bachelor's degrees but he has no self-awareness whatsoever and doesn't listen to others when they try to talk to him about his problematic behavior.
Yes, my husband ex-husband had a mix of petulant with impulse borderline. Although, the “ I’m sorry” or “ I apologize “ was present after lashing out, it was super fake cause the abusive behavior would repeat a few days later. It seems that NPD is an ossified version of BPD. His actions was unmasked at home, but masked to others around work and social situation where authority was present.
I am a senior and I live my older sister who has petulant BPD. She is absolutely toxic. I have to move before things get more out of hand. She just cannot stop bitter complaining about everything and everyone. She is a black hole of negativity. When contradicted her temper is volcanic.
Volcanic is a great way to describe it, a seething, bubbling, boiling volcano just waiting to erupt.
Spot On. I know someone with petulant BPD. This person is big on getting others to “gang up on” and treat “the victim” how they are treating them. Manipulation…..but one thing that I’ve noticed the most is the need for this person to do/say anything and go to just about any length to hurt another, if they feel you have hurt them. Even when the “victim” did nothing wrong and did not say or do anything to them. I’ve seen this person take a very nonchalant/nothing comment and twist it around then on top of that, create a false narrative that of course they feel is directed at them. But it never happened. This person lashes out and goes to extremes, will not apologize or admit they are wrong about something (even when it’s right in front of them, they will still deny any wrongdoing), they will go so far as to not speak to this person for at least a year. They will take what they know will hurt “the victim” more than anything…..and use it against them. Ten years will go by…..and if the subject ever came up, they still will never admit anything or say they are sorry. I wonder…..when or if people like the person I know recover, are they able to look back on these situations and problems they caused, and see them for what they really are? Will they ever understand how out of line/paranoid/manipulative/hurtful they have been? Will that ever happen? This person unfortunately has not been diagnosed but they are having trouble hiding their rage and have been lashing out at those close to them for a couple years now. Frequency is escalating. And their behavior is so extreme. I wonder if this person is getting close to the point where they will have to get help. Your description of the petulant borderline is so accurate.
This describes my daughter-in-law, unfortunately. After 22 years of being with her, our son is a wreck. An empty shell. A shadow of himself. We have not had contact in years, cannot see our grandchildren. The behaviour is exactly how you describe it. Whoever has not experienced it, will not believe it. Irrational to the max. And very, very hurtful, lashing out, manipulating, backstabbing, lying - every sentence and word said in this video nails it. But you know, I have had enough people in my life who have said: "Maybe it is something you said that upset her?" Absolutely hopeless. I don't tell anyone any more, rather suffer in silence. It is channels like this one where I feel understood. Other than that it is a waiting game if our son will come around and we will ever see our grandchildren again. There is another word for this kind of person: plain evil.
Seems like gonna end up in jail soon
@@troll23-troll23 Exactly. And they also weaponize sex. So sorry for your son. Best if you all stay away and get a protective Order for your grandchildren vecause she will use them as tools and traumatize them So much it could be irreversible.
@@petekdemircioglu Your comment, coming out of the blue, after three months of me leaving my comment, has been comforting for me today. None of my friends ask anymore, and then there is a helpful, empathic voice out of nowhere! I am grateful to you. No change on our front, just a waiting game. Utterly absurd and painful, and some days I wonder how I get through. I worry for our son and our grandchildren, as life goes by. Unfortunately, in Germany grandparents have no rights, and I am sure if we showed up, she would call the police. It is a grotesque situation. A crazy person having all the power. Until some day, somebody, something will crack...
I know someone who does that.
Bruh m in tears watching this evry fkin word is true -- please make a detailed video on causes and treatment of this specific BPD 🙋♂️💚
Thank you for your suggestion, and I'm glad you found it helpful
Selfish, manipulative, childish, passive aggressive, emotionally empty, destructive, depressive, suicidal. They remind me of Mario Bros. ticking Bob-ombs. Very difficult to deal with them, you touch them and they self destroy. Not worth falling in love or get in a relationship with them.
Every BPD I’ve ever known are always the first to apologize AFTER the episode, if you try to get them to see it during the storm you’ll see the worst of them.
Didn’t experience this
Not true at all.
I’ve been struggling for a decade with what causes my husband’s extreme emotional dysregulation. He’s so easily offended by everything, reacting with angry, disproportionate outbursts. He either adores me or hates me. Constantly sulking...every third day something stupid sets him off (usually because he’s merely disappointed by something insignificant), then it takes him three days to come down. I quit trying to talk him off of a ledge. I’m exhausted. He refuses to seek counseling, even though I said I’d go, too.
I’m ready to hit the eject button on this crazy-making ride.
I don’t know if you are a God-fearing woman. And I know how hard it is to deal with a partner with BPD. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who has BPD, would you want your husband to leave you? Marriage is for better and for worse. And the only ground the Bible allows for divorce is sexual immorality. I know Western women tend to leave a marriage easily compared to women from traditional cultures. Leaving a marriage like this does not necessarily mean you’ll be happier in your next relationship.
@@drapered7762 Marriage is a partnership, not a vampiric relationship. And believe me, I have been harmed more by the “faith“ and the tongue-clucking Bible study gossipers then by any relationship. No, marriage is not for life if you were married to a sociopath or a permanently dysregulated, unreasonable, and unstable Person who refuses to get help. If he got help, or tried to get help, of course I would support that.
I do know this… You can’t love them through this. I am not equipped or trained to handle this on a 24 seven basis, even my therapist said that.
But I love how Christians everywhere throw a blanket platitude of “just have faith“ or “just pray “or “Jesus will save him “over a situation that’s way more complex. I know it’s uncomfortable when Christians don’t have an answer.
But here’s my point… Even Jesus didn’t save them all.
It sounds like you may be the person in your relationship who suffers from BPD. If you do, my heart goes out to you, but that does not mean I want to be in a relationship with you.
I am the other person in this relationship, and I count, too
I deal with the issues he has and struggle with procrastination idk if he does that but I’d suggest to him you would go with him or help him and if that don’t work give him a hard boundary either seek help or else. I use a dbt workbook maybe you could encourage him to get one.
@@Aimeecinnamonsweets which one do you use? I’d be interested
Run for your life or you will be getting treatment for psych issues yourself.
This description matches somebody I knew so well, it's just uncanny. Maybe one or two aspects I didn't see, but it was spot on just like her for the most part. Phenomenal accuracy.
Some of the characteristics here also apply to Disorganised Attachment Disorder - for instance lack of trust, and the paranoia that comes with it, whilst at the same time needing connection. It would be great to see a video on the differences/similarities across the disorders: BPD, Narcissistic, Attachment Disorders, etc - as there seem to be so many crossovers and grey areas.
I just read this after watching, and thought I would mention to you that all of these disorders are stemming from trauma and attachment wounds at their root. We humans like to categorize and label everything, but no one human is the same as the other.
Okay see, this only mentioned anxious attachment, but I feel my person had more along the lines of avoidant than anxious but I feel like anxious also. Where did you get that from this video?
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18. This is me to a T. Took me a long time to fully accept this disorder because it’s very hard to stomach the truth and it’s also incredibly complicated. Whilst I am very good at manipulating people I make no conscious effort it just happens before me and I am totally out of control. I’m not Machiavellian at all, it’s not me being clever. I just watch myself do it. And most of all, something else is manipulating me that is far far more advanced than I could ever be. I feel like I’m possessed. I don’t blame people for hating BPD, you should we are terrible people. I opted to never involve myself with anyone again and I’ve been completely isolated with zero people in my life for several years now
You aren't terrible and I appreciate your openess and honesty, having borderline and denying it is worse in my opinion.
You all really are terrible people
Get help. Probably God. Your not a terrible person.
Hope you are pursuing help and working a DBT approach.
If recovered drug addicts can retire their brains to sobriety then so can you.
Pretty accurate description - thanks for uploading
You just described my Mother's side of the family.
Thank you for uploading this, very informative
Was recently disagnosed with bpd, even tho ive struggled with the symptoms for years, and feel like petulant and impulsive are the subtypes that i resonate with the most. Its been so destructive to my relationships with friends, family members, and romantic interests. Very reassuring to hear my feelings and experiences put into words by a professional
@Natalie all narcissism is a tango of the other and you
Where does one go and who diagnoses these disorders
@@Nando_lifts2021 one looketh into oneself (oh my) difficult as hell
@@Nando_lifts2021 drs
@@Nando_lifts2021 look up the DSM criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder... there are several traits... I think 8 or 9? I can't remember. read through them and see if you feel they relate to you. come on man use Google before asking such simple questions.
Super helpful and way easier to understand compared to other videos on this topic. Thank you!
I would love to see a video on the self destructive sub-type! I enjoy the content you’re putting out, keep up the good work. ❤️
This would be one i would recognise, I wasn't aware of the other kinds
This describes the core of my personality.
I got diagnosed with adhd but it hasnt even slightly touched the bad stuff of my personality. Ive tried to see drs for diagnosis, they keep asking me if im sad, anxious or suicidal and end up diagnosing me over and over again with anxiety disorder. They never ask me any of these questions eg. About impulsivity, anger, paranoia, irritability, controlling behaviour, outbursts, swinging emotions, none of those topics are ever asked about by the diagnosing drs. Its really frustrating, then i come across this video on UA-cam and finally hear someone actually discussing my personality and behaviours. Which i am unable to control, ive tried for so long. Without a diagnosis i cant get proper help but i cant self diagnose and nobody will ask me the right questions so they arent going to diagnose me either!! I AM NOT SIMPLY ANXIOUS!! 🤬 Im gonna start looking up how to heal myself cos lord knows the "professionals" arent going to ever even recognise whats wrong
Oh, and last time I tried to get a proper diagnosis for my personality, I heard the same old stuff "how sad are you" and I told him, look I want a full proper diagnosis, these are my symptoms, listed everything, from the impulsive reckless behaviour to the constant state of anger and irritation and hyper sensitivity and passive aggressive behaviours and outbursts I keep subjecting my loved ones to, everything, and he STILL said "anxiety disorders" oh and he then said goodbye now, hung up. I checked my Medicare and he got $120 or something ridiculous for that BS "diagnosis" why don't drs want to actually help me ??????
Very accurate, thank you. Recently separated and this is my ex to a T. It's sad but I had to get out for my own sanity and for the wellbeing of our 6 year old son.
I believe my son is married to a similar type. They have 2 small children now and she’s making his life very hard taking care of everything that triggers her. I think he’s going to stay as long as possible for the kids . What made you finally leave?
@@cyndimoring9389 The analogy is like in an airplane. Put your oxygen mask on before that of your child. If not, you can't protect them. That is to say, I got out to protect myself first. Because if I am not strong, I cannot protcet or help my child. It's not selfish at all. Remove yourself from the situation, even for a day, and coldly look at it from a distance. Be very honest with yourself and then make an informed choice. The worst thing possible is to waste years in the same repititious cycle. Good luck!
*protect
@@davidmuyllaert8364 I completely get it. Was it a cumulative thing or was it a huge thing at the end? I worry for my son since she’s completely isolated him from his family with her drama. I wonder how much he’s in for before he has to leave. Check out videos by DSD who counsels guys who married a narcissist. He was in the situation and didn’t see it for years but now has a channel for guys in the same situation.
I feel I am in a similar position and just beginning to understand this condition. These characteristics fit my wife very closely - married for 9 years and we now with a 1 year old son. She has always been ‘high drama’ , childlike, easily offended, clingy, projects guilt and blame etc but have felt I’ve always been able to manage this. Nevertheless It has been a year of particularly intense trauma and abuse. Screaming, rage and panic attacks, crying daily, worst possible language towards me and my parents, accused of having prevented her from breastfeeding,refusing to buy her painkillers or get her water after a Caesarian, weekly threats of divorce, suicide threats, told I’m a useless dad, have been physically pushed and grabbed, panic attacks in public and an obsessive attachment towards our son. When I finally had the courage to tell her I was having a breakdown, there was zero empathy. I have not been sure how much of this is normal ‘stress’ post partum, hoping things would ease in time as she got more sleep. They have not. I have remained committed to the marriage - to her and our son - but she has finally asked to divorce.
We are fairly isolated from family and friends because of her drama and I have been driven to the brink. She is very close to her parents but I’m not sure they see it are both heavy alcoholics. Abuse is an insidious thing and it is only now I see it clearly. She is an incredibly devoted mother but I am very concerned for our son long term if I’m out the picture.
@@benwilde1708 you have my total sympathy. I believe my son might be living your life too. What a choice you have to make: protect your son or leave and save your sanity. I hope you can do both!
I like how you make point of our feleings of distrust and unloveableness .... and I think peole feel its only for control .... but to paint a picture.... i have been having medical issues ... and though i know the awensers of a good imaging report is a pozative awenser and that i have a multiple sclerosis that gives me a awenser for my symptoms..... just reading the report triggered me to feel unloved,unbelvied, that they dident even try ect .... this resentment is internalized now but i am at my core more with petulent emotional reactions .... and evej when its not a loved one or someone im close to these feelings come up and i have to work extremely hard at reminding and copeing with positive results like a clear imaging report... that as i know wasent any real rejection or uncaring action ... still made me feel this way .... we dont allways need control ... we arnt seeking power ... we are reacting to real or perceived negative views of ourselves ....
very clear and helpful description. thank you.
I have and live with a triple diagnosis ; one of which is BPD. I'm in recovery and incredibly grateful for this video. It's helping me to understand my unwellness better.
I hope I'm not being nosey, but I was just wondering what your other diagnoses are? the reason I ask, is I know the person I'm watching this to try and understand her better, she had an eating disorder once too.
Rob S, No, you're not being nosey at all. Other mental illnesses like eating disorders are commonly associated with BPD for example. I have eating disorders too. I do 12 step programs and no longer need mental health services in my country. The triple diagnoses I spoke of in my comment don't include the eating disorders. That's how mental illness rolls I'm afraid. I'm sorry your friend that you are helping is disorder afflicted. Recovery is possible. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I wish you well and all the very best in life and thanks for taking the time to reply.
@@AmandaJane229 Thanks for the response and explanation. Cheers, have a great day.
@@itzajdmting you're so welcome, you too. There's hope.
People don’t just fit neatly into just one type though, right? Their type is just the main one? Do people shift from being quiet then petulant briefly then back to quiet? Or is it like, no you’re either type 1, 2, 3, or 4?
Although there are 4 recognised kinds I think it’s like a spectrum and there can be crossovers and similarities. Just my thoughts
yeah, you're not necessarily stuck in one box. the different types aren't officially recognized in the DSM-5, but they have sprung up in the community to address generalizations and stigma; seeing as you need at least 5 of 9 symptoms to be diagnosed with BPD, that's 256 possible combinations. in other words, no two pwBPD are the same. so, i believe it's very possible to sometimes embody certain behaviors but then different ones become a bigger problem. i would like to note i'm not a professional by any means, just very enthusiastic about psychology and this is what i've gathered through research and lived experience.
This is NOT a description of Petulant BPD but a more general description of BPD. Petulant are angry, violent, and rarely suicidal. They blame everything wrong in their life on others, specifically a “target.” Imagine a 2 year old in a 40 year old’s body. Yes, they may injure themselves during a tantrum but rarely set out to purposefully hurt themselves. Nothing you do is ever good enough. You “should have known” I wanted…is their mantra. They are angry that they don’t have the same things as others such as families and will try to disrupt other relationships you have. They will also ruminate on how they believe the target did them wrong and will talk badly about their target trying to gather others to hurt you. Don’t be surprised if they call your family members and friends, trying to get them on “their side.” It isn’t worth responding to slander about you, just wait they will always eventually show their true colors. When you finally get away, run and never look back.
100 percent true.
Yes. I had a roommate for 7 years who I suspect is a petulant bpd. It was as if her default setting was anger and everything was always someone else’s fault. She was super passive aggressive, but also really combative and confrontational. If I was her target of blame, she always needed to badmouth me to others (usually her family) so that they would take her side and she would feel justification. Other times when someone else was her target she would badmouth that person to me, and if I disagreed with her in any way or tried to make her see the other person’s point of view, then I became the enemy for not being “on her side.” Living with her was like living with a black cloud. I’m so glad that period of my life is behind me.
Indeed. As a 63 year old, raised by a father who had BPD but was never diagnosed and now married to a woman with Petulant BPD for 14 years, I can sum up my life in three little words, “NEVER good enough”. They live in FEAR 24/7 and that takes a heavy toll on those closest to them.
"You should have known", "You should have guessed" or I also got "You should have sensed/felt that I needed this because you're spiritual", basically blaming me for not being able to telepathically/magically perceive his needs even though we were separated by 1000 miles! "They are angry that they don't have the same things as others such as families" > this is so true! I felt he always resented me every time I told him I was spending time with my brother.
It seems nobody gets why BPD people self sabotage or seem fearful of success. Well, let me explain why I, personally, self sabotage.
The higher I climb, the bigger the fall is as a reaction when it all seems to be falling apart.
I'm safest when my life is mediocre. If I became a super success tomorrow, the inevitable episode coming in the future will be just as big in the opposite direction towards self destructive behavior.
I self harm pretty bad already. I'm scared of what I'll do if I climb too high in life or social circle. Suicide isn't far from reach. It's not something I'm willing to risk just so I can vacation more or buy more things. It's just not.
I have to make sure I stay within my safe zone since I am guaranteed to have BPD episodes. There is no way to stop them from happening and no coping skills or therapy works enough to stop an episode before I engage in self destructive behavior.
Have you tried developing Critical Thinking competency? You seem very Self aware and certainly caring for other people. Critical Thinking can stop you from doing those. Many big Publishers have it. Just Google Critical Thinking assessment and training.
Thank you Jay you just described exactly what it is like inside my mind as well and nobody else seems to truly understand except my therapist who specializes in BPD and she's treating me with EMDR to uncover the traumas that triggered the onset of my diagnosis and DBT to replace the old acting out self sabotaging behaviors with positive self soothing techniques to handle my present and future circumstances through Distress Tolerance, Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these type of thinking patterns that have always made me feel "different" than how others approach life and success.
There's an extra layer for me as well. If I succeed then my additional fear besides having another episode and having farther and harder to fall is actually also not ever having another episode again and just doing well in life and truly flourishing. Because in my disordered mind, that would justify and excuse my family and ex intimate partner's emotional abuse towards me. I can't win without them winning too because they would all condescend to me about how much they just want me to do well for myself while also mercilessly berating me for the smallest things. So by being mediocre or even a straight up failure I'm "not letting them win", not giving them the satisfaction of basking in smug self congratulatory behavior in my success because then they could say, "And see look how well you're doing now, see you turned out just fine once you finally started acting like an adult and really put your nose to the grind stone, see all I ever wanted was just to help you and now look and see how well you're doing because me, because of the "tough love" I gave you. It's a good thing I was so hard on you all those years because how else would you have turned out if I went all soft on you and let you off easy? I'm glad you turned your life around and finally started listening to some common sense. Try not to f your life up anymore and just stay on a roll for once."
If I win, they win, so I lose.
If I lose, I win, but my life is terrible, so actually I still lose, and they still win.
I'm also learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy so I can learn to accept the reality of situations and commit to certain life affirming actions despite the fear of failure or success. I have a really long expensive road of intensive treatment ahead of me but it's either that or throw all my time, money, and energy away on useless high distractibility endeavors trying to mask my dysfunction and live with this horrifically agonizing constant emotional painful internal torment of hell, or kill myself. So I'll give it my all and see what happens with intensive therapy twice a week for the next 2 years.
Because what else is there to do in life anymore besides just get better, stay the same, or get worse. I could throw all my money and energy down the drain on trying to keep white knuckling my way through finishing school and going to concerts with friends and launching a career and saving up for a house and retirement and trips and oh I don't know maybe just trying anything in the world to feel like a normal regular not insane person for once but what's the point unless I can't actually follow through on or enjoy any of it if I don't try to heal with the help of a professional first?
There's a third fear of success as well. I have done a lot of bad things in the past in my desperation and anger and loneliness that haunt me and keep me up night after night with unending guilt and shame and self interrogation of, "Why did I do that? How could I have done that? What's wrong with me? What kind of person would do that? I'm a deranged monster there's no hope for someone as awful, despicable, pathetic, and lowly as me." In many ways I take a sick twisted sense of safety, protection, and comfort in my low profile low status lifestyle because I have nothing and no one but if I were to really raise myself up to a level others saw me really triumphing in life then I'm afraid my past will come rip me apart for daring to ever climb back out of my dark sad little cave back into the light and sunshine and throw all my past unhealed BPD behaviors in my face as a form of ridicule, blackmail, guilt tripping, manipulation, and a paranoia of concerted efforts by others to take me down simply for daring to climb and to try to be happy at all ever. So if I just stay put in the shadows I'm miserable but less of an appealing target for everyone being as currently I'm just doing so embarrassingly badly in life the rationale is, I'm "not worth the trouble". But if I started doing well, that is scary for me, that's when I feel most at risk of getting destroyed so better to stay on the ground rather than try to get up and get kneed in the ribs for it. But I'm trying to work on changing this mindset. It's hard though, it helped me survive my childhood, it just no longer serves me in adulthood.
@@PassionateFlower well put. Great insight in to our daily struggles
Try not to put so much emphasis on others winning while you win. I know it's not that easy but so what if they were somewhat right?
We have a problem with authority in the sense that we think we can always do it better if we think outside the box and I feel that going along with any normal way of something cuts us a little bit because we know there is a better way if we just had time to analyze the situation more.
It's ok to do what normal people do sometimes. We don't always have to flex our brain power on everything, every task ahead, every problem, every conversation.
I want others to walk in my shoes to under me so, I need to walk in normal shoes sometimes just to understand their personality and perspectives sometimes.
I know normal people about as much as they know me because I always do whats different. I think tge best place to be is in the middle and realize I don't have to be the smartest guy in the room at all times even though I most likely am.
I want to show people a better, easier way, every time. But normal people don't see better as best. They're all comfortable doing it the hard way because they know how to do it and know what to expect, day in and day out.
They're all comfortable in misery. Working jobs they hate. Daily routines. Settling on what they have in life. Because they know the problems and how to deal with them. An easier life is a gamble. They won't risk a change that leads to unknowing. It's a sense of control for normal people. "Hey, at least it won't get worse than this"...
Thank you for your video my daughter has PD n never been diagnosed with one or other, we have experienced all those situations u commented on n others. At this time things r quiet but always waiting for tide t turn. Difficult for loved ones dealing with the drama. N help is not out ther.. Many thanks again for your channel.
Thank you for the detailed explanation. I feel like I understand this disorder much better now.
just the accent is enough. Lovely, thanks for the video👍🏻
I love his accent--he has a great. soothing voice.
Yes. Hes very sweet.
Hi got my borderline diagnosis about five years ago and it’s been a lot of consistent therapy and different forms of therapy. Honestly somethings kind of help but it still feels like I’m constantly alone and working on this all by myself. Especially because I don’t have a lot of money there’s just not a lot of resources available to people who have mental health issues and live in poverty. So a week ago I started doing research on shadow work and subcategories for borderline in addition to my other mental health issues but I thought I would be a little bit more upset to find out that I am a petulant borderline but to be completely honest this actually really helped me. In addition to the shadow work that I am doing. I have to learn to except this part of myself. Not to make excuses for behaving like a shitty human being but instead of shoving these uncomfortable feelings down I realize I’ve been avoiding this part of me that even I’m scared of and that push people away. My mother and father don’t even speak to me. I don’t have anyone. I have literally isolated myself so much that I don’t even wanna be around myself. I’ve tried to commit suicide a couple of times without success and I want so much to have a good relationship but I’m fucking terrified. I’m so scared to let somebody in. I don’t want to be judged anymore. I really just need some empathy and some goddamn compassion.
❤
❤❤❤❤. I hope u can give yourself compassion and empathy.
I would never ever deal with another one. The emotional rollercoaster 🤦🤦🤦🤦. And it seems as if they get a kick out of you reacting. I was doing him a favor because I was in no way attracted to him. And to constantly deal with the sensitivity and having to constantly patch up his ego...he took far more than he gave and was always questioning me and looking over my shoulder. Kudos to you guys who get therapy. And to the ones who dont, it's very unfair for you to make excuses for us who don't have it to take a ride through crazytown with y'all. Nobody wants to deal with your bullsh*t on a constant basis and for you to try to make us feel bad for not wanting to. Like, What the hell???????
It feels like we've dated the same person. Was yours also incapable of taking accountability or recognizing his role in anything, let alone apologizing? And I can relate so much to how they get a kick out of us reacting. Especially during fights, they're doing everything to push our buttons until we finally explode. I have read somewhere that it's a weird, twisted way to reconnect with us for them when/if they perceive any emotional distance.
No doubt!
As somebody with bpd, i feel as though the petulant subtype describes me the best. Especially when I’m having an episode not only do I have intense mood swings I will also lash out at the people around me and attempt to manipulate them. I got into a bit of an argument with my mother the other day over a water bottle. Yes, you read that right. A water bottle. My sister had given my mom a water bottle and as a joke I was going to grab the water bottle and run. My mom grabbed it before I could and declared that it was hers, for some reason that set me off and I started to feel angry and sad and hurt. I attempted to manipulate her into feeling bad or feeling regret for upsetting me but fortunately she recognized that I was having an episode and she just waited for it to be over. After, I didn’t feel ashamed nor regret but I knew that getting triggered over something so simple was really stupid. I didn’t apologize but I did explain to her why I reacted in that way. Of course, it doesn’t excuse my behavior. Fortunately, I am seeing a therapist and I am on medication. This is actually the first episode I’ve had in a while, I used to be much worse when I was younger
That kind of stuff sets me off as well idk if you were ever bullied but thats what causes mine is an emotional flashback of being bullied as a kid by my peers and parents.
What kind of meds are you prescribed? Thanks. Good luck
I think my dad is this way. It’s so hard to understand. I try to see it as a separate virus that lives in him. I don’t have to hate him, but definitely shouldn’t trust him and never have too high of expectations of how things are gonna go when we spend time together. It’s amazing the way he’ll sabotage anything that feels too happy and/or peaceful.
Good day dr Magee. I came across your channel when i heard about "Patulant BPD". I always knew somthing where wrong about my mother an never realized that it might be this spesific disorder. Through all the oayn she has made me gone through i divided to go "No contract". But i can't help but feeling guilty about my discussion, because she is my mother?! But where do i draw the line, i need to help myself? I would appreciate any advise , thanks so much.
You draw the line where you would want your children draw the line if you would behave this way. There is also the „Raised By Borderlines“ Redit form you might find helpful.
My supervisor at work for sure...
I’ve been an ER Nurse for a while and I’ve interacted with patients having a BPD diagnosis. I was late to the game, when I realized my (ex)Girlfriend was probably BPD or maybe NPD. Mind you, we lasted about 7 weeks.
At the beginning we were talking and became friends. She is an ICU Nurse; so, I expected structure, detail and organization; however, she had control issues.
In the early beginning she flooded me with compliments; such as, “I hit the Jackpot”, “What a Catch”, “You have such a big heart”and I was flattered. It’s like she put me on a throne (A throne I would be evicted from very soon). During intimate times, she said I was amazing in bed; very experienced and knew what I was doing. This happened very early in the relationship.
The more I got to know her, the behaviors were showing. She was passive aggressive, negative and critical. She wasn’t assertive and she would get angry and disappointed if I didn’t do something how she wanted it done. I told her “I can’t read your mind”. She liked to term, “that’s just common sense”. I don’t think she could be satisfied.
Any compliment I gave, ended up dismissed. She would disagree and not validate nor accept my feelings or gestures.
She didn’t like to accept help. I would offer and she wouldn’t accept it. If I didn’t offer, she would complain and act like a Martyr and a victim.
She had regular friends; however, It seems like she had burned bridges with several of her good friends and her ex husband. I realized she was exaggerating some of his faults and lack contributions to his children.
It would be interesting to have a beer with him. (Ok maybe not).
There was a double standard. She would talk to me in a condescending manner or with disrespect. I addressed her behavior and it’s like I summoned a Demon! I was kicked off that Superboyfriend throne!
Any constructive criticism was returned with… “I just won’t talk! It’s like I’m walking on egg shells around you.” Typical GasLighting behavior.
She acted like I burned her house down and tortured her pets. Things turned from normal conversations to angry outbursts. Leaving me thinking, uhh what just happened?
Yup. That’s the script of gf with borderline!! I saw red flags within 30 days and by 3 months I had had enough and had to go no contact. I feel sorry for them but you can’t help them. Go find another gf who is capable of a loving relationship
As someone who's been with a woman like that, nothing you say is surprising. Once you know what you've dealt with you realise they're all the same. End of the day, unfortunately its impossible to have a loving relationship with someone who bites your head off every 5 minutes and accuses you of things you aren't thinking or doing.
When I said the similar thing as you "I can't read your mind, you have to express to me" she would lash out " it's all basic! (requirement for being her partner) use your heart and feel!"
She got her anger episodes in things like the fact that I wanted to sleep because it was approaching midnight but she had her nap and wanted me to stay up with her. I was sleep deprived for many nights. All the screaming, throwing stuff, pushing me, name calling, foul language towards me... You name it.
I told her if she uses anger the only way to communicate it wouldn't go far in our communication. She doesn't believe in healthy relationship, think therapy is waste of money.
That's just my experience with my ex.
@@blee9304 sounds very similar to mine, my ex would get in a mood but I'd have to guess why? She wouldn't communicate and just expected me to know. She also did the sleep deprivation, she'd sleep in the day then expect me to want to be up past midnight with work the next morning. Basically its because they are totally inconsiderate and impossible people.
that sounds like friendship i ended in 2018
I have all 4 subtypes. Petulant is my 2nd highest besides quiet BPD
How to know if a person has petulant BPD and is passive-aggressive or has a passive-aggressive BPD?
The worst type of BPD. Very childish, very prickly, self entitlement
Well, very dangerous and very destructive and hurtful to those in a relationship with them, but I'm not sure that the words you are using here are Fair. On the other hand comma of the quick to anger and the amount of black white splitting, and the permanency of that, and the misuse of law enforcement... It's A Hard Road to hoe for those of us that suffer from them. And this comes from someone who thinks that he definitely has himself the discouraged subtype or at least those Tendencies :-(.
Funny thing is, after all the research I see one subtype in me, and my son agrees, and I see one subtype in him and I agree, and I see this subtype and my ex brother-in-law's wife, and I see the push me pull or push you pull me or what-have-you in her, but my disastrous relationship had her only pushing me and clearly it was no manipulation cuz she wanted me gone. I assumed she would be happier if I was dead. So there was no pull. Which of course leaves me wondering what I have missed and if this is indeed her.
Maybe the distinction is that she fears engulfment even more. So while she might have an anxious attachment style, she also has avoidant. I'm guessing there is comorbidity with something else, but I don't quite know what.
Bpd of any type is an often unfairly prejudiced disorder caused by ignorant and careless assumptions and blanket statements. These types of comments stigmatize and too often misrepresent people who truly have a difficult time processing emotions based on faulty beliefs and quite likely, unprocessed trauma. If you do a search for the most painful type of psychiatric illness or disorder this one will usually come up among the top 3 if not be the first. You may have had some unpleasant experiences with someone suffering this but that doesn't entitle you to group people together and judge in a negative light because you're bitter about your own experience. Try a little compassion. In the meantime, your comment confirms that bpd stigmatizing is still alive and well. 🙄😕
.......I think I see this within a person that I worked before... I ended up have to talk to my boss about that and he want to train him to manipulate me and my friends who chooses to go to the back of house work instead of front of house... I don't know what I can say because that's really bad. When I choose to talk to my friend because I know she's not in a good mental space, he got pissed and that's the time that I was off from work, so he didn't have the right to tell me what to do as long as I didn't affect the speed of the fast food service. And he purposely harassed and yelled at my brother and friends when I made my schedule changed that reasonates by my schedule from school, which he was pissed because he wants the situation that was controlled by him. He also purposely switch my schedule so that he can get me under his control and I ended up have to quit the job because he doesn't understand how toxic he was to me and others around me.
this description fits me perfectly...god i`m so tired! Just come out of another funk brought on by Xmas..I really want to get better. The push pull you described is so fitting. My boyfriend rescued two dogs at Xmas, nice thing to do. But I already have 2 dogs and in my mind, we were a family unit. I was logically happy that he did that, I would of done the same but I felt like my whole world collapsed. I looked at those dogs and felt like I hated them with seething jealousy and anger and I felt like my boyfriend did it on purpose because he doesn`t really love me or my dogs and he didn`t want to be with me and my world was over. I have learnt to control my anger to a point..I just don`t say anything now...I feel the turn happening, tighness of jaw, chest tightens, heart rate doubles...so I went to my house. This whole thing has taken me 10 days to process. Crying constantly, panicking until I`m being sick, thinking about killing myself, thinking about how horrible my boyfriend is over and over and over and over...on repeat. Not washing, not able to function at all. It`s exhausting. He must be a fricking saint, he came round every day..Do wanna talk? NO! And finally, yesterday, it was like a blanket of sadness, fear and anger had been lifted again. And now he is all good again....sigh. My plan: Tapping, praying, exercise, journalling, and a couple of weeks of the sauce. Itś so hard to stay consistent coz I lose focus of my goals. Wish me luck! Thanks for this video.
That’s great that you’re aware of it and do your best to manage it. Sounds very hard to do so but getting space like that I guess is the best thing you can do for yourself and others sometimes, like waiting for a storm to pass.
Thank you.
Is it posssible to have bpd without being reckless? It sounds like me but im not reckless and i feel like i have 'mild bpd' is thats a thing? Like im not unhealthy all the time
I think we can all have certain traits of things from time to time but not necessarily have a disorder
Bpd and adhd are similar disorders they can make people feel hyper sensitive and have emotional dysresulation. People with adhd tend to have the more quiet borderline symptoms.
Sure. Check out something called "quiet borderline".
I think my ex probably had this, she'd admit to being overly sensitive but never said if she'd been diagnosed. Unfortunately just by admitting youre sensitive doesn't really help the relationship if you don't try to alter your reactions. And these reaction were extreme. I wish she'd been more open and prepared to work on it cos I tried for 13 years to support her but she told me from the start she wouldn't change for any man!
Yep. Unfortunately it seems a lot of people with this problem know something is wrong/ off about them but then still won’t get therapy. It’s because deep down they know they need A LOT of it. Anyone can benefit from therapy, and I certainly have. It’s absolutely essential and the bare minimum for people managing this disorder though. Anything less than intensive therapy and a good deal of them wind up being consistently abusive to anyone around them. I feel bad that they have that problem and it sounds horrible, but there’s no good excuse for not taking as much responsibility for managing it as possible.
@@LXSeaV youre totally right. I appreciate your wise words.
As someone with it myself, I recognize that I need therapy, but have struggled with being afraid of trying to seek it. I also have a crippling fear of going to the doctor, or doing anything mental health related due to having traumatic experiences with those things as a child. I would even go as far as to say that I suspect it's a phobia. I am currently working on trying to get insurance to go see a doctor and therapist because I'm getting so fed up with living like this, and it's obvious to me that I can't fix this on my own. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm an adult now, and that I have more control and say so when it comes to things like therapy. If I feel a therapist isn't a good fit, then I can always find another one. But I definitley want to give it a chance again, because I can't think of any other option that will help. Taking the matter into my own hands doesn't seem to work, and I desperately want to inprove myself as a person and be a better wife and mother. I don't think it's fair for anyone to have to put up with my baggage, and I don't want to keep suffering myself either. I wouldn't wish these kinds of feelings on anyone. It often feels like I exist in my own personal hell.
@LunaMoth-420 you're right to pursue therapy cos I'm pretty sure life can't get better without it, but therapy can work. Openness for me would be the key, admittance and honesty. I'd have gladly supported my ex with those things, even with the mood swings and rages aimed at me. But she wasn't prepared to look inward, she's now in her 50s and still chooses to blame the man and move on to the next one who won't be like the previous!! It's not the men in her life it's her.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Yeah, I definitely spent years trying to deny it, but I've reached a point in my life where I feel ready for change. Luckily for me, I came to the realization at the age of 29. I would say better later than never, but the sooner one realizes it the better off they'll be. Especially considering that as a person gets older, they're more likely to be set in their ways and it'll be harder to make changes (more difficult, but still not impossible).
Does the absence of Jelousy mean that this is not what someone has? I am almost certain a person I love has BPD, very much strongly meets the criteria, and particularly the petulant subtype, however, he isn't jealous in terms of fearing cheating, and he is also very trustworthy. Can someone be apwBPD if they are not jealous or fear abandonment? He defiantly fears being let down, and has strong suspicions as your intentions in terms of taking advantage of him or if you are manipulating him, just not jealousy in terms of fearing you're cheating.
He sounds pretty normal to me. Buy has obviously been hurt or let down in the past and us just being cautious, so that he doesn't get caught out again.
Hi Mr. Magee? I would like to know is Narcissist feel true sadness like…. If a cousin dies etc, or their kid dies ?
I think of it as a spectrum so there’s different levels and intensities which means it’s rarely a one size fits all answer, but I’d say yes they can experience loss and grief just like everyone else, their responses might be difficult to understand.
@@DarrenFMagee thank you so much for the explanation. Your videos are so very helpful. I’m the daughter of a narcissist and my therapeutic journey has been everything.
Can you have petulant BPD with NPA and ASPD?
If a person in your life has this how do you deal with it??
you forgot to mention all their temper tantrums, and gas lighting techniques. these people know exactly how to make others feel guilty for what they did, zero accountability.
that is so true
Only if they don’t have the strength to look at themselves dead on and ask for other peoples opinions of how they come across. But you have to be extremely careful with that trust. The point is the core is shame. And it’s not an adult emotion it got stuck. If you see a child being shamed your natural instinct is to protect it. With an adult that natural instinct to sympathise doesn’t kick in. So they build a defence and defective armour that becomes attack oriented. It definitely takes a top notch therapist to get through. I know. I am one of these.
Who’s your borderline?
Who? Bc I have borderline, and I always admit when I'm wrong & so many other borderlines that I know have no issue saying they're wrong it seems like you're dealing with someone who hasn't grown up yet.
@@user-unk8i7l they are describing narcissism not BPD for a start so I wouldn’t mind that, probably watched too many amateur psychologists or biased interpretations of BPD on YT videos.The other thing is having a partner with a mental illness let’s the other “off the hook” and they can just pin it all on the illness. It’s an easy out.
Omg...i have never been described so acurately lol
Kudos to you for being aware 👍 I think the most dangerous are the ones who are in denial and never take accountability..
I feel like u just described my personality and feel slightly triggered and attacked even though I know that wasn't your objective and you don't even know me.
My mom 💯
Where can I get more information and resources on this particular BPD? My daughter exhibited symptoms of this even as a toddler. Now as a teenager, I believe it's full-blown. Therapists tell me they cannot diagnose until she is 18.
Referring to a toddler and to some extent a teenager, like this is concerning. A toddler is by definition petulant, it is developmentally appropriate to display the types of behaviour seen in BPD in toddler phase. It is when adults continue to behave like this that it is abnormal. Pathologizing normal toddler behaviour can be a sign that you yourself might need some support.
@@emmiwemmy it wasn't normal toddler behaviour
Is it normal to temporarily identify with mental health disorders from watching videos like this one, or reading books on related topics? I have heard that medical students sometimes experience the symptoms of the diseases they study. Could the same thing happen with psychological diseases as physical ones?
Yes, that can definitely happen!
Also remember it dosent even have tk be they like someone else more .... it can be symply they dont like us as much as they say they do ... its a feeling of there puting up with us rather then being there for us or loving us .... i litrally dont care if he dose like some one else more as thats what i expect ... its the possibility they are lieing or playing some joke on us becuse how could anyone actully like us as much as they say they do .... now i know some actuly need kt to be someone else .... but for alot of us it dosent even matter if its someone else ... its simply that couldent and we cant see how they do .... and kts not even allways love ... it can even be they dont have care for us ..... bpd is hard no doubt ... but one of the only reasons me and my parnter made it after my d.v. charge was accepted it wasent about someone else stealing them .... the more we focus on that naritive the more we move away from the truth .... it cpukd be the tv and we would feel it proves we arnt reasly loved or cared about .... its not about another perosn ornobject
subscribing for the lovely accent lol
The difficulty in reassurance stands out. For example, isn't reassurance giving false hope to people in untenable financial distress? How about to children who are scapegoated by their classmates? To reassure them that these problems will be resolved when they will not be is a lie, and a harmful one at that. It would be, to coin a term, future gaslighting. An intelligent borderline would spot that, and naturally reject it as a dishonest attempt to delude them. Fair enough, right?
So, how do you reassure without future gaslighting?
I think when gaslighting you are trying to undermine someone and make them doubt themselves. Predicting a better future is offering them hope.
Intense emotional reaction = temper tantrum
@Natalie gimme a break
omg you just singlehandedly cured every person with BPD! do you want a cookie?
@natalie7662Be quiet, BPD feminist.
😂😂😂
Uh. All of the overwhelming, intense emotional feelings are often internal, and U won't even know about it until U get some passive aggressiveness or see an angry look on their face, which is very different from an outward temper tantrum. The times you see the outburst are when the person is well past feeling like anyone around them gives a shit about them. Maybe instead of judging U should try hugging. It's not easy living with this.
Read Atomic Power w Fasting and Prayer by Franklin Hall
My "mom" is JUST like this
♥️
Yup...sounds just like my evil stepmother.
I think i have quiet bpd because i keep everything in. The emotions are still there & it's almost unbearable like im burning alive but no matter how bad it gets in my head i dont utter a single word. It's like im hiding it. Masking 24/7 i used to be very controlling, lash out on anything and everything and it made ppl leave and i understood why.. so i tried to stop it, and now i can't even talk about how i feel. But anything is better than hurting the people i love.
I don’t like how accurately this describes me 😏
Except for the being negative by nature, this sounds like me a bit.
I don't understand where these new terms are coming from aren't all border lines petulant? It's one of their basic core issues
aren't they all (petulant)
Pray in Jesus name for peace, serve Christ. Go to Church
The bible says cast all your anxieties on him (Christ) because he cares for you ( 1 Peter 1 or 1 Peter 2 I think) Look it up..
so far not helpful - as I think it's a misdiagnosis lol. Maybe I'm just "petulant"
Jealous of normies...yes.
They are unloveable! They got that bit right!
I hate having had this label slapped upon me. Basically because people act like any time my feelings get hurt, it’s because of my disorder. No. Not always. A lot of the time of my feelings are hurt, it’s because someone is being an asshole.
Because the person who begged and pleaded for me to forgive them and build a life with them. Promised me (unprovoked) so many times over more than a decade that we would work through anything and that they would always be by my side. Then flaked out and abandoned me for Taiwanese hos, I get labeled with a personality disorder for being upset about a broken promise.
F this. F humans. F life.
Fasting and prayer can cure anything. I think it is spiritual. Jesus is peace. Read Mark 5:5 I think Demons can afflict people just like in biblical times. Jesus said,"those kind" referring to demons can only come out by prayer and fasting. Just my thoughts. Prayer can change lives and move mountains.
Best thing to do is stay away from people, all you do is hurt others, dangerous people