I had a similar experience myself. It was a painful experience but in the end, and very thankfully, my homosexuality led me to letting go of God and freeing myself from religion and believing in gods. It led me to use my ability to reason.
@@GayExTradglad you made it out? You made it out of Jesus Christ Church the Church he established in 33 AD you see Christ didn’t accept compromise he told the truth and just like a fornicator or homosexual if in that state they are headed to hell , Our Lady at Fatima said most souls go to hell because of sins of the flesh and that’s what you chose you chose the devil over Christ and you think your free ? Give me bondage to Jesus and his teachings and sacraments of his Holy Catholic Church what you have and all of us have is FREE Will and right now your on the side of the devil .
Whether you like it or not, you will ALWAYS have a relationship with God. YOU DO LIVE ON EARTH WITH GRAVITY --- DON'T YOU? You choose the good or bad. He likes your good so, act on it.
"I could share so much here or ask you. I studied for the priesthood and was deeply in love with God. During my time in seminary, I discovered that I was gay. At the end of my studies, I left because I had a relationship during my time at the seminary. I gave up my faith and began to believe in more esoteric/Eastern beliefs. I had several gay relationships, even adopting a very hedonistic lifestyle. After all of this, I started to become very depressed and felt lost in this world. Honestly, I missed my Christian faith. But I couldn't believe in it anymore. However, in November, I started praying the rosary again, and after a few days, a joy came over me and all the depression disappeared. Since then, I have fallen in love with God again, and He is once more my greatest joy. I no longer desire a relationship because I find that I can give God the most space as a single person. I appreciate that you are on an honest path with yourself, and that's what matters most-that we are authentic. One thing I wonder is if you still pray? You can leave the church, but if you have experienced God's love so strongly, it will never let you go." I promissed a lot of people my prayer. You will be one of them. I have no judgements about all you told here. God is on a journey with us. Where we are on our evolution, He stands with us. He s all loving and tenderness. Let go all fearfull images... I think we need to integrate our sexuality in our relationship with God and not cut it away. God embrace everything. My friend, i bless you with whole my Heart ❤
One note I will make is to say that to fill an emptiness with delusion is a terrible decision. That is what I tried to do and I regret wasting much of my life on such things but it taught me valuable lessons. The Christian religion is in grave error, as are all religions I have investigated. All religions make claims that are objectively untrue. Hedonism can be emptying and depressing but to replace it with vain repetitions to a non existent deity or virgin out of fear is at its core the great scourge of the earth. Religion acts this way and so can political ideologies like communism or fascism. I’d encourage you to look at church history, the development of the Bible from an academic perspective and comparative religion. It has helped me so much in understanding of where the Christian religion comes from.
I appreciate your story Gunter, and while I personally don't believe in god, I can understand where you're coming from. I would however like to mention that there's nothing wrong with finding love with another person and starting a relationship with that person. Whether or not that entails marriage and having kids is beside the point. Again, I don't really believe in god, but if a god were to exist, I truly don't believe he would have a problem with two people having a loving relationship. And just in case some dishonest theist wants to bring up pedophiles, that's obviously not what I'm talking about here. Those relationships are harmful to children, so there is a clear reason for any rational person to oppose it. Gay relationships, just like straight relationships, don't harm anyone, and as Cade explained, he is currently in a happy and healthy relationship. I guarantee you, if god is truly loving and has any ounce of rationality, he supports gay relationships. Not trying to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. But if you're choosing to be single just because you believe that entering into a gay relationship would offend god, I just want to assure you that no loving god would be offended by that. If it turns out god exists and is opposed to gay relationships, that god is a disgusting, immoral monster, and I don't see why anyone would want anything to do with him. As long as you aren't harming anyone, please live your life in a way that is authentic and fulfilling to you, and don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
@@scottmoore7588 @scottmoore7588 dear Scott, thank you for your reaction. I m single becos as i said, i feel i can give God the most space in my life. Even if i would be hetero, i would make this decision. So i didnt say i stay single because i would think its an offend to the Lord ;). Yes i also think we can not ask all gay oriented people to stay single there whole life. It would be inhuman and i agree, then that God would be a monster. Yes i can see Cade supports this morals in his relationship. And such couples we need in this world. You can have a healthy stable and loving relationship also as a gay couple. ❤️
@@gunterverlie59 My apologies, I wasn't trying to assert your reasoning for staying single. It's just that I've heard of several gay people who chose to stay single because they thought god would be against them being in a loving relationship, and I just wanted to address that in case that's what was going on here. But that's clearly not the case, so I'm just glad you're living a happy and authentic life :)
I am converting to Catholicism, and cannot deny my long battle with Christianity as a bisexual person. I do have it easier because I can be in straight relationships, but I very much relate to feeling diseased, evil, and/or rejected by God. All I could think the whole time you were talking was that you are so incredibly loved by God. This voice in my head just kept saying “I love him, I love him” and seeing Jesus’ face in my mind’s eye. The fact that you were rejected from giving your life to the church and Christ breaks my heart, because I know with 100% certainty that Jesus would have opened his arms to hug you with loving tears in his eyes. He would have raised you up and would tell that church that they should repent and know that they have NO right to deny my son! I commend you for your courage throughout your life, and your care to share with others. I know that God has you in his heart and WILL always be there guiding and holding you ❤As you get older and continue to always search for truth and love, God will continue to guide you. please know that Jesus loves you! PERIOD! And absolutely sees how much you have given of yourself for him! May God bless you and continue to be with you ❤ Sending you my love
@@MissChelsea i can see what you are saying and under stand up but in the Bible John chather 3 vears 35 God eyes what ever gender you are man women i love for who you are and true to anyone even some sex or any sex true Love to all ages, Race in the WORLD R.S.M or Richard May LBGTQ male Asexuality i, am English single disable MALE person all my life Worthing England UK West Sussex
@@MissChelsea i can see where coming but says same sexs are just others in eyes we not love is Love for All R.S.M. or Richard May English England UK Worthing West z
Simply one word: Respect. You are brave man. As a catholic I feel sad about the fact that you felt rejected from the church. Even though you left I'll still consider you my (catholic) brother in Christ, because as you already know - you may have left the church but Jesus will never forsake you. You are the proof that "the truth sets us free". Peace out and may God continue to bless you and your loved ones ☕
i was the same.. i left the Catholic church, thinking that they've rejected me for choosing to be gay... became an angry atheist for years but eventually, I came back to being Catholic... i still am gay, but the struggle of staying closer to Christ is worth more than enjoying the gayness of the world... Good luck on your journey 🙏
No it isn't you are just living a life of self denial which sexual deprivation is not healthy for anyone in service to your evil Jesus who hates LGBT people in your religion. You should reject Catholicism and come to a decent Pagan faith that will accept you for who you are because I am sure like most ex ex gays you will eventually succumb to your desires because your Jesus Christ is a piece of shit who can't even deliver a pizza,
Even straight people who are leaving together without marriage might consider that feelings come and go but sure Gods love is still the surest way to go. Even if you convince yourself you have 30 more years to go so why not enjoy that without Jesus but how about if 30 years is 3 minutes because you got hit by a car where then is the joy to ETERNITY.
How fortunate you are to work things out at your age. Listening to you tell your story...all I could do is cry. A good part of your story was mine. Considering my "coming of age" years was during the 1960's...life was just so different. Now, I'm 67 and alone. No family. No friends. ( They've all passed ) But I'm glad you are able to live the life you deserve. Just don't pity me. Timing is everything. I did become a chef and I traveled the world in my employment. But it has left my life empty and I live as a hermit in prayer. I just don't know what it's like for someone to hold me and say "I love you". That is my biggest hurt. God bless.
I hear you. I’m 61. Would things had been like way they are now when I was young. I hope this generation remembers the sacrifices we made so they can find themselves earlier and openly.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. As a gay man in my early 30's I can relate to some of your experiences and I find it very healing to see that there are other people who have had similar experiences and thoughts as yourself. You are truly an inspiration to those of us that still struggle. Thank you for being a light to others, sending you so much love, joy, and peace ❤🌈
I have never understood people having their sexual preference be the core of their identity..... You need to transcend your "sexuality"... It's literally the most unimportant part of a being. It ain't just xtianity saying this ... Hindus will tell you this.
@@RockerfellerRothchild1776 honey, the only reason sexuality is 'part of peoples' identities' is because of a heteronormative culture. In queer spaces, sexuality/gender identity aren't a big deal at all - people just live their lives.
I appreciate you sharing your journey-it’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought into reconciling your faith and sexuality. As an openly gay man who is also married and a practicing Catholic, I understand how challenging it can be to balance both. It seems like part of the struggle comes from the idea of self-denial, especially with no Catholic community around to support you. You mentioned the Latin Mass and how you’ve come to see it as a cult-this could reflect the tension you felt in trying to reconcile older, stricter teachings with your identity. Those teachings came from a different time and may have contributed to your confusion or internal conflict. I was going to be a priest and even applied to seminary, so I understand the draw to a vocation and the struggles that come with it. What helped me is finding gay-friendly Catholic communities-there are groups out there where you can practice your faith authentically while also embracing and affirming who you are. It’s also important to be careful about fully identifying with any one group, whether faith or sexuality. Both are integral parts of who we are, but letting either define you too much can create its own challenges. I’ve found a way to integrate my faith and my relationship, but it’s a journey we each walk differently. I hope you continue exploring both sides of yourself and find peace. Just know there are others who’ve walked this path and found a balance that works for them. God bless you and your journey.
This isnt how the church sees being gay it does not embrace it. I struggle with immorality a lot but, embracing sin just tires you out. Just worrying how you feel doesnt make things better it just becomes pride at that point and it gets old and fake. God didnt create a religion that is based on just humans making stuff up.
As a Catholic, I've met at least 1/2 a dozen of male either religious or laity that were same sex. They were absolutely amazing people. I remember when a wonderful priest left the priesthood to live with a man. It crushed me because I knew that I would never be able to see him in the parish again. The men that I have met that were same sex, were on average better people that the heterosexuals that I met. In saying this, one of the Popes said that sodomy is the worst sin on earth based on Sodom an Gomorrah. I remember telling a friend "ya, way worse the genocide, rape, kidnapping or torture, etc" the other problem I noticed, is that it becomes something that others can point their fingers at, instead of focusing on their own personal sin.
Absolutely! Sodomy is seen as one of the 'sins that cries out to heaven for vengeance' while nearly everyone who is gay seems to live a perfectly average life, perhaps even more kindness, than straight folks. Only way to get around this is to say 'well gays are being deceived by the devil' which is an accusation we can't investigate or prove/disprove, so I just ignore it.
Over a million young men are dead from practicing sodomy which the CDC Atlanta warns cannot be done safely even when wrapped up in plastic. And there is no natural function for sperm and fecal matter. The church is simply pointing out the obvious. Nobody "is" gay. Your body is a reflection of your soul.
@@tommore3263 Do you understand that homosexuality does not equate anal sex? Stop projecting your latent fantasies. Gay people fall in love, have long term relationships, have kinds of sex that don’t involve penetration etc etc. Are all those things good then, if the only thing you object to is anal sex, something many straight people also engage in? And no, anal sex is not a death sentence.. in fact 1/3 of straight couples are likely to engage in it at one point or another. And sorry to ruin your fantasies, but there is no ‘fecal matter’ ; you prepare in advance so that doesn’t happen. If you’re so interested in this topic I suggest looking at a gay porn film and you’ll see gay sex can work just fine :) good day, troll
You're both not taking into consideration that you live in a society with modern medicine. Today, we have antibiotics, antivirals, etc that prevent us from experiencing the natural consequences of our actions. All sex in the past was effectively bareback, since the only type of condoms that existed were sheaths of intestines (which themselves could have disease), and provided zero protection against viruses and bacteria. Today, if you get HIV, you can live a pretty normal life and get your viral levels to untraceable, but in the past there was no such thing as treatments for diseases. It was effectively the gay experience in San Francisco in 1980 for the previous 100,000 years-- you would watch people drop like flies. Simple diseases like syphilis were 100% deadly and there was literally no treatment. Also, one of the current most commonly performed surgeries in San Francisco is colorectal reconstruction, due to the large amounts of anal sex happening within the community there. Obviously there was no such thing as reconstructive surgery in the past, and even if you had someone try to perform surgery (and only simple surgeries even existed back then) there was no way to sanitize the equipment, which meant that you could easily die from the surgery itself. Surgery was always a last resort. So only sample surgeries existed, and even the surgeries themselves commonly led to sepsis and death. So yes, there's a reason it's described as a sin that cries out to heaven. It's only become sanitized and minimized in seriousness because of modern technology/medicine.
Yes - there's such a rich anthology of coming out videos with the same motifs! A self realization, an reticence to admit, flight from embracing one's identify, until ultimately reconciling one's internal identity with their lived experience
Wow! That was an amazing and beautifully assembled "apologia" for your life struggle and to the place where you now live your life. Thank you for sharing this. I think many people will find that this path can lead to life lived in joy and completeness. Your display of confidence and the articulation of this journey is really worth listening to again and again.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful, sincere, from the heart story. "I can lie very, very well." Sorry, that made me chuckle. Great story. I have been a Catholic who is gay for 52 yrs (I am including my birth). I remain a Catholic. I struggle at times. I've explored other denominations, but I continue to return to the Catholic church. I have been blessed that I belonged to two churches in the Midwest where being a person who is gay was welcome and accepted. That was it. No one questioned it. No one argued. These Roman Catholic churches simply accepted it, granted the metro area was accepting of the LGBTQ community. Thank you for sharing. Keep sharing your story.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m glad you have found happiness and fulfillment. I found myself emotional multiple times while you were talking. I was also a zealous convert to the TLM. I was so in love with the mass and I fully believed that I had to share Catholicism with everyone else because I wanted everyone to know Jesus. I knew from a very young age as well that I as a woman was also attracted to women. I identify as bi, and before I converted I was in a relationship with a woman at one point but I convinced myself that I never loved her and as long as I remained faithful and was devoted to God He would make it go away or at least my suffering would be worth it and if it pleased God I would be ok with it. I also had no idea that I had OCD and when it latched onto my religiosity I was completely blindsided by the pain it would cause me later. Prayer became my compulsion, and I was completely unaware because my brain had always been wired like this. I went to a diocesan TLM but I had many traditional Catholic women surrounding me with big families and when you mentioned how people that you met that were raised in traditionalism you didn’t want to see kids being raised like that I could relate so much. The people I went to church with were good parents and loved their kids but I saw online from trad twitter just how destructive being raised like that could be. I still very much so value the relationships I had with those women but I witnessed first hand from myself what trying to be a “trad mom” could do to someone. I tried, I took my vocation as seriously as I could. Praying nonstop, doing nothing but spending time with my kids. Catechizing my oldest while also deepening my understanding. The more I understood the more I feared god. I was terrified of hell and the saints made it worse with their private revelations. I was also beginning to instill it in my children and I still have a ton of guilt for that as a mother. I have two girls and two summers ago I had a complete breakdown that would lead to my deconstruction later. I felt crushed under the weight of getting not only myself to heaven but also my children and I realized some of the devotions I had were self-harm in disguise. The psychological problems you mentioned I found out as well that religious OCD (normally focused around the intense fear of hell) is so prevalent especially amongst ex-trads and I came to grips with if this is the absolute truth and the Church is the authority and its laws enact the will of God why are so many people falling apart from it? I hated myself for not fitting into the mold. I hated myself for experiencing love with women. I hated myself for having thoughts about women. It’s honestly so upsetting the way the vocational life is exemplified because there truly is no place for queer people in it. & according to its teaching there never will be. It wasn’t until I allowed myself the space to think for myself that I realized how cruel it was to expect LGBT people to never experience love. I’m married to a man but when you mentioned the realization hitting you “you’ll never date, get married, be loved”etc. I just felt so sad for so many Catholic youth out there that feel the same way. You are such an articulate man for your age (I say as someone 27 lol) but I didn’t have myself or my beliefs nearly as understood when I was 21. It’s very refreshing to see someone else’s perspective as someone who left the church because it can be so isolating when you leave everything and everyone you knew. We need to see more people being honest with their experiences like this. You deserve to love and be loved and to live without shame, I still believe that we all have inherent worth and dignity maybe not given to us by god but just by the virtue of existence, I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. From one oversharing (hopefully someone can find some comfort from my struggles), queer ex trad to another. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I enjoyed reading your experience and it seems like we all had the same experience. I’m so happy to hear you found space to love yourself and find treatment for OCD. I’ve found trad communities attract a lot of people dealing with underlying mental health conditions. You should write an essay or make a video sometime - your story is very compelling!!
Ex-Trad Catholic and gay man here. I have to ask since we have these traits in common, what is it about traditionalist Catholicism that attracts so many gay men struggling with self-acceptance? I’m talk specifically traditional Catholicism and not other conservative religious traditions.
That reminds me of this interview I saw a while back. He describes his friends who have converted to Tridentine Mass Catholicism because (as he puts it), “they want to drink as directly from the well as they can.” They prefer this over a ‘watered down’ form of Christianity. Whether that’s a fair assessment for why some gay men do, I don’t know. Everyone has their different reasons I suppose. It's an interesting question though. ua-cam.com/video/q8oHTKMsze4/v-deo.html
Traditional priests are the original drag queens but in all seriousness, it's the perfect mask: you get to be beyond confident that you're holy, masculine, don't have to accept yourself, and get to still dress up and sing. When you can't ever accept yourself, you get offered an easy way out from having to confront something about yourself and weaponize that insecurity into certain to make sure no others can do it
@@GayExTrad I have to agree with you that the pomp and pageantry that comes with traditionalist Catholicism attracts a lot of self loathing gay men. They get to wear elaborate costumes and participate in an elaborate rituals, and not have anybody question their masculinity.
I have ADHD so usually don’t watch really long videos like this. But this was great. I am a 49 year old gay man, happily out and married, who has lead a relatively great life. I grew up on a farm in a rural part of the country before the internet. I would have loved to see this video when I was in high school and not sure if I would ever come out. You are a great speaker and role model for others. Curious what your profession is. You would be a great motivational speaker or counselor.
Dang, John, so proud of you for making the journey out and building a wonderful life with your husband!! That warms my heart to hear :) I'm very glad to hear this could've been helpful to you, but so glad to hear you were strong and still came out. I run a marketing agency and do a lot of public speaking on that, but I've been told a lot recently to look at doing more public speaking on topics like this. The kind comments people are leaving are definitely making me think about doing more of this type of content.
Thanks for this story and your channel. Most of my life was a procession of ever stricter religious groups which I now realize was driven as an attempt to deal with my sexuality. Catholicism & Orthodoxy occupied my journey for 23 years. When I converted my godfather was a Trad but I gravitated to the Byzantine Church. I was constantly in Confession about my "impure thoughts" about men, telling the various priests as we began: "Let me explain, Father, I suffer from an attraction to men..." The dissonance in my life grew greater and greater and 11 years ago I had an epiphany and finally came out to myself. "I don't *suffer* from an attraction men," I said out loud in a private moment. "It's who I am and I'm glad for it." I had immediate peace. I'm 70 now and so glad a young man like you can help Catholics in the closet not to feel that their only option in life is to be celibate and shun a loving relationship for the rest of their lives. Your vocation to what you are doing now is so needed!
@@Lerian_V My understanding is that is a more modern distinction. For many men, the line between attraction and lust is blurred. The brain often quickly moves on to fantasies or memories. The question of whether it Is scrupulousity or proper guilt can lead to the decision to go to the confessional.
It is no coincidence that those who "struggle with same sex attraction" are suppressing their sexuality to fit a theology. It's a self- fulfilling prophecy. If I starved myself of food I would struggle with "lustful attraction for food" !❤
It's crazy how similar our stories are! I unfortunately spent several years post-college trying to still be a "good Catholic boy" but finally got depressed to the point of deciding that either I had to leave the Church and find a boyfriend or I was going to end my life. It was scary and painful but very necessary and long overdue. I won't say my life is perfect now, and I'm still single, but I do feel much freer than I was before. I still love studying the Bible and world religions, but from a secular perspective, and I have NO intentions of ever going back. And I hope you continue having a happy and healthy life, man!
I experienced what you are experiencing now. I left catholic church when i was 20. I had a few gay relationships, even adopting a gay lifestyle. But 6 years ago when i was 34, i felt that i did not happy with "gay lifestyle". I depressed, felt empty, and had a though of end my life. But then one day, i decided to attend daily mass, and i was crying while praying. After that i feel the Joy of God and decided to come back to God ever since. I appreciate everything you say, and i am happy with your decision to be who you are. Wish you all the best mate,,,
Thanks for sharing! I believe above all in people choosing things that work for them - if the church makes you happier, good for you. Unfortunately, that’s not where I find peace any longer
I had the same experience man. Cade is now in a period of his lifetime that he wants to experience who he really is, what he wants and yes found happiness in a relationship. I had this same experience. If you come from a very traditional and strict catholic church, its very normal you have enough of this. I hope he can still be connected with God and experience Him in a free way. A God that accepts him as he is and make his journey with him. ❤
‘Gay lifestyle’- which is what, exactly? Is there a ‘straight lifestyle’? Or are you negatively stereotyping an entire group of people because of your personal experiences?
@@RationalistMHyeah there’s no such thing as a “gay lifestyle” you can lead any life and be gay. I think when people say this they mean mainstream gay culture which can be quite toxic. In that regard not participating in queer culture doesn’t make you any less queer.
I admire your slow but steady courage. You found the life that is right for you and then offer your example for others to consider. In particular, you can offer reassurance to young people who may feel a degree of fear. At 78, I recall finding it to be quite easy to act on my self knowledge. I am glad for you in your finding your genuine life. Thank you. Owen Son of Herman
I was very active in the Catholic Church, studied Theology and wanted to become a religious but my sexual attraction to same sex and scared of being identified as gay made me not to pursue my vocation. Power struggle in the church made me stay away for almost 20 years. And during those times when I stayed away from the Church that I explore my sexuality. In spite of unsuccessful gay relationships, I was always in constant prayer with God, in spite of all the pains I endured, and the struggle is what made me even more closer to God. The pains I had in relationships made me even more compassionate and more God-centered that slowly I learned to forgive.... even the church that causes me disappointments. However, I am still cautious getting actively involved in the Catholic Church. And yes, studying Theology in a Liberal Theology school made me convinced that being gay is not a sin, yet I also need to protect myself of being abused because of my sexual orientation. Right now I put my own hermitage and in my own way, a hermit yet gay, religious yet living in a secular world without needing church approval. I feel freedom being detached from the hierarchy. But I am hopeful that the current pope will be more welcoming to people like us. Right now, the thoughts of the priesthood is again in my mind, seeing that the ministry of the priesthood is not about leadership but making holy our life.
@@GayExTrad it was not that easy. It took me 25 years to accept what happened. Since I was 16, I was closeted and only my vocation director knew. Even if I was a virgin and had no sexual encounter, I was judged and refused entry to the seminary. It was traumatic that I hid my sexual orientation. It was only in studying Theology that my professor in Moral Theology finally guided me and see what is moral in my sexuality. In silence, I minister to gays in the 90s, in spite of them being unwelcomed in my community then. But as become a lay leader and have enough influence in the diocese, I was able to bring gays into the ministry. But then, power struggle in the church took a toll on me, which led me to withdraw from them. But had I not done that, I would not have the chance to immerse myself into the culture of the gay community (in Manila) and see their struggle which also becomes my struggle, knowing too what was/is wrong so that I may know where we need redemption. And finally, able to see the light in the midst of the shadow behind me, in spite of all the pains and hurts, yet I still have the heart filled with love and wanting to love more as Jesus did. And this is now what I do in the hermitage, fully aware of myself as gay, holy and a follower of Jesus.
I'm so glad and thankful that someone is finally out here talking about deconstructing from Catholicism. There's so much out there about Evangelicals deconstructing but nothing for us former Catholics. You are extremely eloquent and in your story telling, very jealous about that. Wish I could share my story like you.
Cade, thank you. As someone who has taught and counseled your age group since before you were born, I want to congratulate you for your relationship with Jesus in spite of the Catholic Church. Sad to say, but as Sr. Joan Chitister [a Benedictine nun] says in her books: "Don't confuse the Roman Catholic Church with the person of Jesus Christ. Quite often they are two different things" Cade, like so many other thinking people, you are a recovering Catholic. God bless and keep up the recovery.......Ray
Wow, you are SO transparent! Thank you so much. The path you have walked is very similar to mine. It took be until my early 20s that I came out but I was born much earlier than you. Your observations are very intelligent and emotionally grounded. You have taken me along my path again but with much more peace. Peace to you. 😇
You are a beautiful soul. When I was your age and also profoundly catholic in a profoundly catholic family in the way that you describe, not only was homosexuality condemned by the Church but punishable by up to 14 years in prison. I had not yet met a single gay person, since revealing to anyone at all such an anomaly was just too scarry. I feel so blessed to have the oppotunity to listen to you, bringing back to mind where I was at that period of my life, and recognizing that society has moved forward, way beyond what I could have ever imagined. Life today is a better place. Love is not a crime. Bless you.
@@GayExTrad We fought that crap and the battle gave us strength. The reward is not so much that I feel better, the reward is to see that the generations that followed did not have to go through what we went through. That was the objective, giving us not only a sense of relief but a sense of victory. By the way, my story is a Canadian story. Homosexuality in Canada was decriminalized only in 1969. I was 31 years old. As for the Catholic Church, it has not yet recognized that homosexuality exists everywhere in nature, including all animal species, and is therefore a natural state of life on earth. It is chastity and celebacy that are contrary to human nature.
Takes all kinds to make up this planet I'm gay and came into the Catholic Church. Don't need a pile of manifesting, I'm just extremely content in the faith. ❤ the lord. . He's given me so much strength and welcome ! Good luck to everyone on their journey
I hope you're happy and don't buy into the toxic parts of religion that will try to shame you into living a life of celibacy. As long as you're doing that, I'm glad you're happy :)
@@jasonreese4573 As long as you're being celibate because that's what you want to do and not because you feel forced to by god or religion, then I'm happy for you.
@scottmoore7588 "Forced" is not the word I would ever use because no matter what the Church states or even what God asks of me, I still have free will and can do whatever I want. In my case, I believe it's what God wants for me AND it's what I want.
Your communication skills are truly amazing to hear and see. The Catholic Church provided us with excellent training. Impressed with your maturity and tact. You are attractive and evocative. I enjoyed your sharing your experience.
@@GayExTrad you are confronting the prejudice and anti-Christian culture deeply imbedded in this ancient Imperial patriarchal men’s club. Taking on Rome is often futile but you are asking them to respond and they would rather rally their 🐑 sheep in commands to tighten their paranoiac rules. Hope you can find a way to get gay and LGBTQ Catholics involved to bring about change.
I really appreciate your story and your willingness to tell it! I'm a gay man, 27 years old, and I totally understood the knowing early-on part of your experience. When I was younger I definitely knew I liked guys, I also just didn't know what this was that made me different. I came out to my parents probably like 7 times over the years, middle school through high school. You were very fortunate to have a family who was immediately supportive of you, because each time I told my parents they came up with some excuse as to why I couldn't be gay or how hard it would be for them to accept and work through. Honestly my grandmother was immediately accepting of me which I loved and was so grateful for. I wasn't raised in a Trad Catholic household, but my family is Catholic. The Church has certainly plenty of cultural and historic beauty to it, it has a strong intellectual and philosophical tradition as you said, and definitely has some useful things to promote and say in our modern day; at least I think so. That is probably one of the big reasons why I'm supportive of the "traditional" mass in Latin because it is a preservation and continuation of the historicity of the Church. Surprisingly enough, I have several friends who are Trad Catholics and who know I'm gay and that I'm open about it. I certainly don't believe in all the "hellfire and brimstone" that priests and missionaries tell will come to gay people, that message and rhetoric has been used as an excuse to marginalize people who don't fit the mold exactly for a long time. I think in the end Trads, and Catholics in general, will make peace with being gay because it is one of the weakest parts of their worldview honestly. Long story short: I'm a gay man, I'm a conservative, I'm a supporter of tradition, and have Trad Catholic friends, it's a crazy combo for sure haha. Over the years I have come to terms with all of those things others would find contradictory, but I'm fine with it. Again, Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I wish you many years of happiness and fulfillment in your life! 🙏❤
I had a similar upbringing as you, raised in a secular Catholic household that didn't have a problem with being gay. Like you, I also became more devoutly Catholic as a teenager (though never went as far as you to go to traditional mass, Catholic college, or try to become a priest). I left Catholicism not for its stance on homosexuality, but because I agreed with other doctrine. Ironically I became more homophobic after I left, and started going to a Baptist church instead. This was all before I had admitted to myself that I was gay, but after a couple of years, I started to realize I was. Still, I didn't have a problem being in a church that believed homosexuality was sinful, and the only reason I stopped going was because my family didn't like the church's stance. After a five year hiatus, I started going back to that Baptist church last year, and actually met a gay guy around the same age as me on the first day. However, the church still believed that gay men should remain celibate and were against gay marriage, and this was the same stance the other LGBT people I met at that church held. After a while it felt suffocating. As someone who 100% believes in God and the Bible and wanted to remain a Christian, I decided to go to another church that is affirming of gay marriage. This year I began attending the United Church (the largest Protestant denomination in Canada) which happens to be gay affirming, since I wanted a fresh perspective from Christians who supported gay marriage while also not believing it is a contradiction to scripture. Still figuring things out, but so far its a good church with a sense of community, a big youth population, and is centered on Christ.
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. You are an amazing human being with so much to offer. I wish I had this much wisdom thirty years ago when I was struggling with not wanting to be gay and its conflicts with my being raised Catholic.
I really appreciated your post. Thanks for your honesty. I was a Baptist minister and missionary. But I am gay, medically proven. Married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for almost 26 years, before she passed. We had a son and a daughter now both married and I have 4 grandsons. Reconciling my faith and my sexuality was very important though different from your experience. So in many ways I have lived a lie most of my life, but I am single now and live alone. I am not looking for a boyfriend/husband. Too old now. I am 77. But I totally support gay marriage. What convinced me was seeing gay Christian couples and seeing their very deep love for one another. I asked myself, where did that deep love come from? It is something wonderful that God has done, not a doubt. No way am I going to condemn them for that. I hope you are able to marry the man you love one day. Its not wrong. Its normal. You are going to make a great husband and he will be a very lucky man to have you. Hugs and all the best.
Thanks for sharing your journey, Ron!! I'm honored to have heard it. It sounds like a kind soul who's thought deeply about the world and want to make it a better place. Your point is great on where deep, abiding love comes from! I've interviewed dozens of married gay couples, and they often have normal or even better marriages than straight couples I know. You might not be looking for romance, but I might recommend attending some gay community events in your local area and see you're not alone.
Ron, I'm so sorry for what religion did to you. You denied a part of who you are all because religion told you it was wrong. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and I know you know that now. I've heard of gay people that had worse experiences, but yours is just as sad to me, because religion got you to live a life you didn't want to live. I'm sure you don't regret the kids and grandkids that you have, but no one should be forced or pressured into living a life they aren't comfortable with. The thought of being forced to marry a woman and have kids with her terrifies me, and yet religion does its best to try and indoctrinate me and other gay men into doing just that. Even though you are now single, I hope you feel peace from having accepted yourself. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and there's nothing wrong with being happily single. Just be yourself. Be brave enough to prioritize your own happiness and mental health over what some people want your life to look like. This is something I've known my whole life, and it greatly upsets me every time I hear about people that allowed others to dictate their life for them. Thank you again for sharing your story Ron, and I hope more people like you and Cade coming forward and sharing their story can help more young people be confident with themselves so they don't get indoctrinated by religion!
@@GayExTrad Bruh I literally just realized you said your name in the beginning of this video, idk how I missed it the first time XD I'm only mentioning it because I had originally said that I didn't know what your name was in my comment to Ron (I edited it once I realized you had said it). Sorry about that!
@@footsholdier I think he just means that the scientific consensus is that he was born gay and that it wasn't a choice, just like every other gay person. I think he's in a way responding to people that see homosexuality as a choice that people can be groomed into, and not something that just happens naturally like heterosexuality.
Hey again, thanks for another heart-felt and opened and honest video. I super appreciate this content. As I said in my comment on one of your other videos, my experience is very different and my conclusions have been somewhat opposite to yours (I’m a practicing celibate Catholic) but there’s certainly a lot I resonate with here. Sometimes it’s just nice knowing that you’re not the only one that goes through the struggles of same-sex attraction and Catholic faith. I was saddened that you felt you couldn’t question or doubt your faith or church teaching under pain of sin. Perhaps this was more the (I hope you don’t mind me using the term) ‘rad-trad’ thinking-and I suppose it depends on what you mean by doubt/question. I think the church is very opened to exploring new ways of thinking and engaging with ideas. Yes, there are things that won’t change, and I agree the church’s teaching on marriage, the intrinsic nature of sexuality, etc, cannot change, but I don’t think that means it is done with thinking about it and finding ways to meet the world on this issue. The church’s position, for example, on ssa and the priesthood is a disciplinary thing that can (and in some ways I’m persuaded, should change). For my part, I’ve been questioning for years how the church has dealt with this issue (which generally seems to be pretend it isn’t an issue or at least not talk about it except to reiterate its teaching on homosexual acts, and not adequately address the other deeper issues). I’m still trying to figure out what can be done. Again, I’m thankful for being able to hear your story and would love to have a chat with you one day. If you’re ever in Australia let us know
Oh wow... A friend of mine joined that exact carmelite order last year. Man listening to your story made me emotional. I dealt of these same things. The rejection from an application despite being super committed and faithful and living within in the church's teachings is the part that hit me the hardest. Felt like whiplash and like I was being lied to. "I was told you can be catholic and be attracted to men". I even had a Jesuit monk I was discerning with that was telling me the same thing and had the same doubts. Also... when people started dating/marrying was also the point when I started feeling really isolated too. All the talk about "brotherhood" and the ideals I was sold kinda got pushed back and it really messed me up just like you mentioned....
Thank you for sharing your story. My nan and grandad my Dads parents are Christians they own their own church my grandad is a Bishop. I grew a Christian i knew from a young age i was attracted to both men and woman but being told as young as i can remember being gay was wrong. I spent a lot of my life not accepting and hating myself and i tried to force myself to be someone I'm not. It did a lot of damage i wasn't leaving the house i was wasn't taking to anyone and i would cry so much i would give myself really bad headaches. I one time ran away from home. When i was 17 years old i stopped being religious i came out to a few friends then i came out on social media my friends support me. My nan and grandad don't. I barely speak or see my nan and grandad and i don't speak to my family apart from my mum, sister and a cousin. Since I've been out I've my confidence back I'm finally happy and my mental health is much better.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I relate so much to your story, and it’s so healing to hear about others like me! Was in the trad community from 18-21, the only gay person there as far as I knew, and I didn’t really realize I was a lesbian until after leaving (women’s desire and attraction were basically never talked about!) and finally allowing myself to form my own opinions and beliefs. When I left, I immediately cut everyone off when I left bc of how toxic and intense the community was. So I never really have gotten to talk to people with a similar experience to me- I was so stunned when I found this video haha. I loved hearing you say how much you love your life now, I’m right there with you! I have a wonderful girlfriend of two years, and our relationship has brought me such joy and fulfillment. As a Catholic I was told that gay relationships are inherently selfish, putting “temporary lusts” above God and above salvation. I realize now how ignorant that is- there is nothing selfish or temporary about our relationship, and it’s not all about sex. Anyways my heart is just so so happy for you, and I wish all the happiness in the world for you and your boyfriend! And thank you for your patience and grace in responding to so many of these comments, you are a lot stronger than I could be!❤❤
Wow - we're so similar! So glad that you were able to find your way out of that mental trap. You're not selfish for loving someone in a great relationship. (p.s. - you def weren't the only gay person there - I'm convinced trad catholicism has a very high number of closeted queer folks. Hopefully we can start an exodus out). Thanks for watching!! Stay strong
@Emilae1985 Many religious people see literally everything as a sin, including just existing. I know not all religious people believe that, but it’s just sad and disgusting to see anyone trying to make people feel guilty for being born. Religion is truly a cancer on the world.
Many religious people view everything as a sin, including merely existing lol. I wish I was making this up but I'm not. Unfortunately, much of religion is toxic, and the parts that aren't don't require religion. I've personally advocated for the removal of all religious institutions, as I don't see one good reason to keep them around. At best, they can provide a sense of community and peacefulness that isn't unique to religion at all, but at worst, then can justify people's bigotry in ways that nothing else can.
Hello Cade, this is the 2nd time that I have seen you share your story & just want to say how much I admire you. In particular I love the coming out advice that you give towards the end of this video & I just hope that many young people (or anyone thinking about possibly coming out or trying to accept their own sexual orientation ) will see this video. The advice, firstly from a secular perspective & then from a religious perspective is just so helpful!!!! . I haven't got to the end of the video yet because I have paused it to comment... but I hope that you will write a "self-help"book. I would definitely like to read it & would recommend it to many others too. Also your family sound absolutely amazing! Wishing you the best & thanks again ♡
Wow, thank you for this very kind comment!! I’m so sooo glad to hear that you enjoyed and I’ll def look at making more content on the coming out advice!!
Each time I watch and listen to your presentation, reassures me, that you are correct, that you are right. As You said, grass is not even greener on the other side. Enjoy life, because that makes us happy. God is on your side.
Enjoyed hearing about your experience. I too left Catholicism as a young gay 19-year old decades ago. I have had a contented life, so far, with a couple of long-term relationships that I cherish. It sounded sort like deprogramming from a kind of cult, which in some cases is how the more fundamentalist religious sects can appear. Have a great life, you two!
Thanks for sharing your experience - glad to hear you made it out too!! Definitely cult de-programing to intellectually make it out. Keep living your best life, homie!
If you grow up in a gay friendly community, maybe people are programmed to accept the gay lifestyle. How do you know that the gay lifestyle is not the cult?
I had a couple of experiences with God as an evangelical that started me questioning the indoctrination. I was prayed for once to "rid" me of homosexuality. I thought, "Here goes. Maybe a demon will manifest". Instead, a blanket of peace descended upon me and in my mind I heard, "It's ok. It's ok". I thought, "Well that wasn't supposed to happen!" I also experienced the Love of God powerfully once, and knew, without a shadow of doubt, that this Being would send no one to a torturous hell. I kept quiet and left the evangelical religion about a year later. There is a difference between God and what is taught about God. Now happily in a civil partnership and closer to God than ever. So glad you are being true to yourself 💖
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. (Also, I have to say that you are a very good speaker/storyteller) I am struggling with a similar issue right now. My mother’s side of the family is very devout Catholic; my grand uncle is a priest, and my grand aunt is a nun. Every single one of my family members on my mother’s side is baptized, including all of my grandmother’s siblings, their kids, and their grandkids. I was also baptized as an infant. Sadly, I lost my mom when I was 5, and after that, our immediate family didn’t go to church regularly. But in 5th grade, my dad started taking me to church again. I attended Mass and Sunday school every week for months to receive my first communion, but my dad had a conflict with the church, and I ended up not receiving the communion even though I had completed the program. After that, we rarely went to church, less than once a year. Despite this, my mom’s side of the family loved my sister and me unconditionally, even though we were a lot less religious than them. From a young age, I knew I was Catholic, but I never fully believed in Christian teachings. I wasn’t sure if God was real, and even if He was, I couldn’t believe that the creation story actually happened; it just didn’t make sense to me. I thought everyone knew the stories in the Bible didn’t actually happen and were just myths we could learn lessons from. So when I first realized that Christians actually believed those stories were historically accurate, I was shocked. After that brief period of being back in church, religion never played a significant role in my life, although I would always tell people I was Catholic if asked. When I was in middle school, I started sensing that I might be gay. But I was in denial for a long time. It wasn’t like, “There’s no way I’m gay,” but more like, “Am I actually gay, or do I just want to be different?” Growing up in Korea, where being gay wasn’t even a topic of discussion, I never came out to my loved ones or close friends, or even brought up the topic. Then my immediate family moved to the US, specifically Massachusetts. I attended a non-religious all-girls school, which meant my school was as progressive as could be, and it was a very new experience to see LGBT topics being discussed in class, hear that homophobia is wrong, and have gay and lesbian teachers around me. During my first two years in America, I still had a lot of internalized homophobia, even as I appreciated having the privilege of seeing gay adults in my community embracing their identities and thriving. By this time, I was pretty sure I was gay, though I wasn’t certain if I was bisexual or lesbian. I just became certain I wasn’t straight. I consumed a lot of lesbian media, but I was still hesitant to even bring up the topic or say the word “gay” out loud. Senior year was when I first told some of my closest friends that I was gay. I’m not open to all my friends, but I have many queer friends, and I felt safe enough to be open with them. And it felt AMAZING to be able to be honest about my true self and have someone to talk to about my feelings toward my crush. During this time, I was deeply agnostic/atheist and had a strong dislike for all religions. Sometimes I thought there was no supernatural creator, and other times I simply didn’t care about deities or the afterlife because I knew I couldn’t find out the truth until I died anyway. I started thinking I was a lesbian because I thought I could never love men the way I loved women. I was planning to start coming out to more people, be openly gay and date women in college, and eventually marry a woman and create a family with her. (Just to note, I had never dated or been in a sexual relationship with either a man or a woman then, and I still haven’t dated anyone. I just had attractions.) After HS graduation, I went back to Korea to visit my extended family and spend the summer there. I stayed with my aunt and her family; she’s my mom’s identical twin, so I’m naturally closer to her than most people are to their aunts. I also have more affection toward my mom’s side of the family because I miss her and feel connected to her through them. (I have two more aunts on her side, in addition to the twin aunt.) While I was with her, I saw her and my cousins going to church every week, and one of them was getting confirmed. I became curious, so I started going to church as well. My family also holds an annual reunion, during which my grand uncle, the priest, hosts a Mass just for our family. This was my first time attending in five years because of COVID and my being in America. While I know my family loves me, I always felt a bit guilty for not being as religious as the rest of them. I wanted to be able to receive the Eucharist during the family Mass. I wanted to feel more connected to my mom by being a more faithful Catholic. So I started thinking, “What if I stop being an atheist and become God’s child again?” The next thing I did was check if there was a Catholic church near the college I’m going to. It turned out that the school had a significant Catholic student center and also offered an RCIA program. As soon as I saw it, I signed up for RCIA because I wanted to receive communion and be confirmed like everyone else in my family. Another thing to note is that when I was in my deep gay and atheist phase, I hadn’t seen my mom’s side of the family for a couple of years, and I thought I could just ignore them if they didn’t accept me for being gay and live as a gay person in America. But after visiting them, I realized I love them too much to ignore them. This might sound contradictory, but it’s hard to explain. The point is, the visit made me realize how much I love my family, and because of that, I wanted to pursue a lifestyle they would love to see me living-being faithful and not homosexual. After returning from Korea, I kept going to church in my town (I haven’t started college yet). But then I started going down the rabbit hole of researching the Catholic Church’s teachings and its stance on sin. This is when I really understood that almost all of my personal beliefs go against the Church’s teachings. I experience same-sex attraction, and I don’t think it’s a choice to be gay. I believe people should use contraceptives to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancies, and that schools should teach about it. I believe abortion is healthcare, and the government cannot force women to continue unwanted pregnancies. (I was shocked when I found out that the Catholic Church technically opposes abortion, even for rape victims or when the mother’s life is in danger, and that it considers abortion one of the gravest sins.) I started facing endless questions: What should I do? Should I just submit and try to embrace the Church’s teachings? Do I share these concerns with the priest once I get to my school’s church? But what if I still can’t submit, and he says I’m not ready to receive confirmation? Do I just believe whatever I want and still call myself Catholic? How can I be Catholic if I don’t follow the Church’s teachings? But how can it be “true love” to make people deny their sexual orientation and live a lie when it’s been clearly proven that praying the gay away doesn’t work? How can it be morally right to force a woman to give birth to a baby conceived through rape? They argue every life is valuable, but in reality, they are not responsible for those children. Does God even exist? People say the bad things in the world are because of human free will. But if there’s truly an omnipotent creator of the universe, how could He just sit there and let babies in Gaza die, women get raped and murdered, or innocent people suffer from diseases? If we credit all the good in the world to God and all the bad to evil or humans… is God even worthy of worship? But what if God really IS real? I can’t stop asking myself these questions (and many more), but I haven’t found the answers yet. (My parents clearly got confused and chose thought daughter.)
Thanks for sharing, friend! That sounds like a super long journey. I'm happy to answer a direct question if you have any, but my general thoughts are that if realizing how much you love your family lead you to live a lifestyle they would love to see you living, they don't really love you. I like giving my family gifts or doing activities that they enjoy together, but loving someone doesn't mean controlling your basic identity, who you can love, and how you live. At some point, you have to start living your life. As to your questions about god, the answers are 'nobody knows.' There's tons of claims, tons of arguments, tons of debates - but there are no objective answers to questions that don't even make sense. Hope this helps!
Ex-Catholic here. Just want to say thank you for sharing your story. I’m a straight woman, but coming to terms with the harm caused by the Church’s teachings on homosexuality was one of the most soul-shattering aspects of my deconstruction journey. I can’t even imagine how much more harrowing that process must be for the queer folks directly harmed by that teaching. I’m so sorry for the years of self-doubt and being unaccepted, and I’m so happy you’re in a brighter place now.
Beautifully said. I’m so proud to know that people like you exist and are so powerfully telling this story. The sad part is, you’ve also articulated my story: I went through a very similar journey about 30 years ago. Catholic. Should have been able to come out to supportive family around me much earlier, but didn’t know how. Got all twisted up for far too long. Delayed so many experiences. It’s emotional to hear so many of the same notes in your story and realize that so many kids continue to live through this. But I didn’t tell my story the way you are doing now, so I hope your truth helps break the cycle. Either way, it is brave, powerful and appreciated. If it helps to know, I’ve been with my wonderful husband for 21 years. We have two amazing kids, and have a very normal happy life. I hope all the best for yours, too. Thank you.
Incredible to hear another the followed this path. I wish we could all gather together for a group discussion. It’s so good knowing I’m not the only one.
Former trad catholic here, now Eastern Orthodox. I also went to a conservative catholic college and saw a lot of the same phenomena. Praying that you find peace and healing ☦️
Just came across your channel and it’s great to see. I’m 28 and was involved in traditional Catholicism for about six years. I went from planning on coming out to my family on my 14th birthday but deciding not to (as was unsure how to) to be coming incredibly religious at 16 after going on pilgrimage to Lourdes. Started going to Latin Mass at about 20 and went all in on it. But then in 2020 when Covid lockdowns happened I started to accept I was gay and didn’t believe any more. And in about late 2021 early 2022 I left Catholicism (I identify as agnostic now) and joined a dating website. In July 2022 started talking to this guy and as of October 2022 we are boyfriends and are planning on moving in together (we live about 260 miles apart and I’m planning on moving to his city) and I love him so much. Thank you for sharing your video as I felt a bit alone being a gay ex trad.
While I do sympathize with your struggle, I think it is much less complicated than you make it out to be. All priests whether straight or gay must give up their sex life when taking holy orders. It’s the same struggle regardless. It’s not as if straights have less of a need to be sexually active. they also are bound to celibacy and chastity when entering the priesthood. Obviously there’s tons of priests who break their vows. Of course there’s many. However, it seems to me that you simply made the decision that you preferred to live out your sexuality over the priesthood. You chose sex over consecrated life. All priests have to make the same choice to give up sex or not whether they are gay or straight. Some priests run off with women some with men. You being gay is not the problem. The problem is that you couldn’t handle being celibate. Fair enough. But don’t point the finger at the Catholic Church. Any sex outside of marriage and for procreation is not seen as a good thing in the church regardless of whether straight or gay. Everybody knows that there’s tons of gay priests in the church. One can assume most remain celibate so it’s not an impossible thing. Regardless, you made your choice to not become a priest but that shouldn’t mean you should leave the Catholic Church. As many others have commented, a life of sex can only lead one so far. Christ is ultimately the one who leads to true happiness.
I think you’re first mistake is thinking that all it was that made him leave was that he couldn’t have sex with other men? Sex is not all to life and I’m sure he knows that. That was probably the last thing that was on his mind. I feel like people forget asexual gay people exist lmao.
@@nylalyris I didn’t forget about asexual gay people. Many Catholic priests are gay and asexual. I literally pointed that out. Many priests are non practicing gays. That’s why I said being gay isn’t the problem it’s being celibate. You obviously didn’t understand what I said. Also he literally says that he left the Catholic Church because of his sexuality. Not just the priesthood but the entire faith itself. That was the defining thing. Again that was his choice but there’s plenty of gay people who choose to stay in the church. Just read the other comments. So many other people have pointed out in the comments that they are gay but they’re catholic. It’s obvious you can be gay and asexual but that’s not what he says. He wanted to live out his sexuality as a gay man. Which again is totally fine but it was ultimately his choice and not the church’s fault. As I repeat again, there’s so many gay priests and sometimes they have been caught with other men but they still remain Catholics. You can be gay and remain catholic the two aren’t exclusive. Not everyone can be celibate and chaste though that applies to anyone gay or straight. The priesthood isn’t for everyone. So I’m glad he figured out what he wanted. Nobody is forced to believe if they don’t. You conveniently ignore the fact that he puts his homosexuality as the central issue. It’s literally in the title. Lol.
@@Veritaseeker24 most priest are definitely not asexual at least in the beginning not feeling any type of sexual attraction to any gender and being celibate don’t go hand in hand. Him being gay definitely wasn’t the sloe purpose of him leaving though it was at the fore front I was watching the “I tried to be straight” podcast and it’s on yt too where he talks about all that aswell. Yes you can be gay and catholic but you can’t be openly gay and catholic in the sense you can’t have a relationship with someone or the same sex get married n all that shit. In theory I guess you could but it’s definitely not something supported or to look for so in that regard you can’t really be gay and catholic you’re going to have to choose at some point. If you watch the “I tried to be straight” UA-cam video there is something that he said that resonated with me. He said that basically whenever there’s a problem with the teaching or the church it’s never Gods problem or the church’s fault it’s always your problem. Like you can’t follow the teachings or “you’re not happy with this or that” well it’s not Gods fault it’s yours the blame is alway on us because we’re just too selfish to give up all our desires for God etc.. He said something like that and it made me think more about religion.
@@Veritaseeker24 oh and I only brought up asexual gay people because of the argument of basically gay sex is the sin not being gay so by that standard asexual gay ppl in romantic relationships are fine? But ofc they probably believe romantic relationships between ppl of the same sex is wrong too
Its crazy to listen to your journey. I was in my diocesan seminary for 6 months, my journey was a bit of hell haha. I could fill a podcast with all the details but anyways Thank you for this video and I'm glad ur doing great.
@@GayExTrad haha well, i guess i should specify..i was 18 when i was in the seminary. And got out 6 months later. Came out the following year. And that was abbout 15 years ago haha.
Videos like this make me cry, not because of how positive your experience with being gay has been (though I hope you don't take that as me saying I'm not happy for you, because I'm tremendously happy that you've been able to live a happy life as a gay person). The crying comes from the fact that I can't help but think of all the people that I know that had basically the exact opposite experience. I've known people who had friends that were nearly killed by their parents when they came out. One had to be taken to a hospital and almost died. Another was disowned and now is a homeless person who no doubt gets told by conservatives that it's his fault and that he just needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps (I can feel my blood boiling just typing out those words). I hear all the time from theists that there's nothing wrong with just thinking that it's wrong to be gay. But beliefs can be influential. If you truly think being gay is a crime similar to murder or pedophilia, then it's understandable that you would disown your child if they told you they were gay. After all, if your kid told you they had murdered someone, you'd probably either turn them into the police or disown them, right? How anyone can see two people in love as comparable to murder is something I'll never understand. I get that people tend to be wary towards people that are different, but it's been taken to such greater extremes than merely being wary. Every time a theist tells me that thinking homosexuality is wrong is just their opinion, I think of all the gay people I've heard of who have had such pain and brutality inflicted on them, and I just feel sick to my stomach. How is anyone going to tell me that the people being beaten nearly to death simply for who they love are the ones in the wrong? I'll say something similar to what MLK said: Until I can live in a world where no one has to fear that they might be killed if people know they're gay, this is not my America.
Preach!!! Yes - exactly!!! When someone beliefs directly fuel hate that destroys peoples' lives, they can't fall back on the 'it's just my opinion' shtick. My experience was 8 million times easier than others, because I lived in a secular part of the country. If I lived in a religious family or religious part of the country, I'm not sure if I'd still be around. Keep sharing your friends' stories and never let people forget they have blood on their hands.
@@GayExTrad I will say that I have definitely noticed a growing trend of people being more and more hostile towards so-called "opinions" against homosexuals, and we all love to see that! Idk if this is maybe too far for me to say, but sometimes I wish homophobes felt the same fear that those gay people felt when their parents were beating them nearly to death. Then again, I know fighting fire with fire isn't the way, so I'll take social media bans where I can get em XD
@@GayExTrad I will say that I have definitely noticed a growing trend of people being more and more hostile towards so-called "opinions" against homosexuals, and we all love to see that! Idk if this is maybe too far for me to say, but sometimes I wish homophobes felt the same fear that those gay people felt when their parents were beating them nearly to death. Then again, I know fighting fire with fire isn't the way, so I'll take social media bans where I can get em XD
In order for devine aspects to be concluded we have to work up to that aspect of realization. The fastest counter position is look around at those rocks, trees, sky, planet, moon, sun, and even complex DNA,... all of this in manifestation has 1 of 2 perceived starting points. Nothing created something… or… intelligent being created it all. Buildings, houses, toys, and video games have a creator. If we say complex DNA has no creator but is an accident, do we not cheapen our own existence by saying we are accidents but that which we create from our hands holds more meaning? “Accidental Human” has accidental opinion, so we only really hold value past a certain “opinionated” point. Our thoughts and feelings are only important collectively and this still creates problems. The holocaust was justified by collective “moral will” of those together saying it was right to kill all jews. Men who formed this nation collectively supported the right to have a slave. These are moral collective opinions that you and I today know to be wrong but back then everyone decided it to be right. But if we are created, we hold value outside our opinions tethered to an absolute right or wrong independent of us. We KNOW right and wrong from an absolute position. If the US decided to enact the “purge” (did you ever see those movies?) we as a society would recognize the wrong in legal violence like rape and murder. We KNOW rape and murder is wrong without collectively realizing this. We know steeling and coveting is wrong. We know Hate is evil. We in every world society know its wrong from the same relative definition. Morality cannot be absolute and consistent if we are accidents in space and time. And Space and time from a mathematically flawed position of nothingness without creative creation has no position in logic. A creator or immense power is the only reasonable solution under an unexplainable moral code built in us. This pissed off Einstein with his theory of relativity. He realized his theory proved a starting point of the universe from a single explosion point. Knowing there is a “Creator” from what we see is not a hard position to except. Most of the planet accepts that reality with different labels. “Higher power” , “mother nature”, “supreme alien”, etc. we see creation around us and cannot explain how it came about from a starting point. We are forced to say it’s from “something”. The hard position is Jesus. If God exists, or a creator, how can we work out the validity of Jesus? History. The same way we work out the validity of George Washington, Paul Revere, etc. we establish existence, then we establish written accounts outside biased accounts, then we establish biblical accounts by using earlier writings before Jesus existence. If multiple accounts say he did what he did, it becomes a convincible acceptable position when finally reading the very accounts that talk about him directly. But it’s foolish to go to the direct accounts first. Declarative position has not weight without cross reference. If Jesus existed, there must be secular sources that confirm this outside a perceived biased position like the bible. We must seek non biased historical secular writings to justify bias writings. Ill let you dig around so I don’t continue writing a wall of text lol. • Jewish General Josephus and Eusebius write about Jesus and the claims of his followers. • The Jewish Talmud, Mishnah claim Yeshua (Jesus) was a heretic practicing black magic. • Dead sea scrolls found in Jordon in 1900s with copies of Isaiah confirmed carbon dated before Christ by 200 years with prophetic writings of descriptions of a man that does what secular writings claim he does. Those found writings line up with what we have today in our bibles. Isaiah 53:4-6, Isaiah 9:6 - written long before Christ was born. • The Gospel accounts which tell exactly what he did. That’s the order I would go in for checking claims. If they line up, then the likelihood of validity is high. The wider implications is the potential reality if its true. But people rarely ever go this far in trying to learn and disprove. I always tear up when I write this part….Scott, brother, Your life as a Gay man IS sin, welcome to the club,…all sin is an abomination to God. I came from a worse life. I was a porn addict, talked to Hookers, old girlfriends, cheated on my wife, verbally abused my wife and 2 little girls. I was a Lier, a thief, a fornicator. I justified my sin by saying there is no God. I said “what kind of “god” sends good people to hell?...screw that. Its hog wash”. I am the chief sinner. In anger I refused to care or believe. I loved my sin. I LOVED the inclusive feeling of it. The acceptance from the world. But in my sin I was angry, harsh, hurtful, lustful, prideful and arrogant. I sought self pleasure saying it was right and justified and correct because its my needs and my desires and its how “God made me”. “Me First” I came to a point of realization of who God was, who Jesus was AND the gravity of my sin. I thought I was unsavable. I didn’t pray a prayer or do a ritual. I believed my sin was wrong, I believed what Jesus did and I believed based on the available evidence I looked at. My sin didn’t drop right away. But it did eventually fade away. I still have thoughts of lust, but I don’t indulge as much. I don’t look at porn anymore. I don’t talk to old GFs or Hookers. I don’t lie, I don’t steel. I am a sinner who does not practice sin. This was not my overcoming but him who saved me. We do nothing alone. We don’t even come to him cleaned up. We come to him broken in despair. I know this stuff is aggravating and im sure you’ve encountered many hostile “holy than thou” Christians. I know this subject is hard. You are doing more than most ever consider. The fact that you are talking here and asking questions means the same holy God that brought me out of my sin is working on your heart. You can feel it even now. Even in the confusion of him and the confusion and irritation of life you feel him speaking to you. Tugging on your heart. Pulling you. You feel as if you are being pulled apart. You feel not too far gone. You are NOT. You are asking the right questions. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep searching. Keep your heart open. Keep looking for him. And if you are up for it, in your silent quiet alone moment, reach out to him privately and ask him to reveal himself to you. He will reveal the truth if you ask. I will certainly keep talking to you if you allow that. 😊
@@HillbillyBlack Yeah this is all nothing more than an incredibly wordy appeal to emotions that I am more than uninterested in engaging with. There's absolutely no crumb of evidence or logically sound arguments to be found here. Just appeals to emotion mixed with misunderstandings of several concepts. I don't have the time or energy to explain all of this to you, and I'm not trying to be rude, but the fact that you had the time to type out that essay filled with fallacious arguments and emotional appeals is really disheartening to see. I genuinely hope you become more intellectual in the future, but I have very little faith that it will happen, as I do with every other theist. You can respond to me all you want, since I don't have the power to stop you, but please know that unless you start making arguments that aren't laced with fallacies, and stop trying to appeal to my emotions because you know your arguments aren't logically sound, I will likely not respond to you.
I used to be Catholic, after going through hell and mental crisis because I felt I was never good enough, I became Episcopalian now im happy and can live for Christ and have a beautiful relationship thanks bro for your story!
I come from a Buddhist country. We do not have these religious sex obsessions, and we certainly do not have the hyper-homophobia that is the hallmark of western religions. I do hope you consider, as do I, that there are spiritual paths that do not involve violence - neither physical nor psychological. Namo Buddhaya.
Sexuality is not a ''sex obsession'' You are denying your sexuality. God made sexuality. Sex is a powerful human drive that God gave us. You have a long way to go.
Congrats. Well done. I'm a bit envious in some respects. I'm older. My path hasn't been quite so clear. But I'm also grateful -- you strike me as very normal and I don't see so much of that when I have looked around
Trad, you are a lovely man and have been through the most difficult part. Your parents did a good job raising you and you are going to make a great husband. My husband and I went through the same thing with our Catholic families in the late 1970s, after admitting that my college roommate and I were more than roommates. Initially, our announcement didn't go well. At that time we decided to move from Louisiana to San Francisco in 1982, where it was more accepting., Once we got settled in San Francisco, life got easier as time went on. Together, we built a great life, had amazing careers, bought a house and became financially stable, and we are now retired together some 45 years later back in our home state of Louisiana. I love my husband with all my heart, my dreams came true, and feel fulfilled. Things do get better.
Wow! Thank you so so much for sharing, Richard - I feel honored! It warms my heart beyond belief to hear you story and the wonderful life you two have built :). It sounds like you two had rough-starts to life with coming out in the 70s to religious families, but wow, 45 years together is just wonderful wonderful. Many blessings to you two, Richard!
I started coming out when I was 16. My first official public coming out (on social media) was when i was 18 years old at an all-guys Catholic high school. I'm 29 now, and gosh I wish 16 year old me could have seen this video ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story.
@GayTradSpeaks It wasn't easy by any means because the school basically ran on gay jokes. The good news though was that the overwhelming majority of the student body wasn't actually homophobic. I came out little by little...one friend at a time for the first few people. Then to a small group of about 7 people during a summer retreat. And then I eventually posted about it on social media a couple times throughout high school and college...always phrased as "same-sex attraction" like any good Catholic boy would ha ha. To this day, I still hate putting an official label on it. So I still consider myself "bisexual" to this day. Am I actually sexually attracted to women? Not most of the time, but I really hate putting labels on myself and I don't want to close that door indefinitely. So I prefer to keep things a little more ambiguous with the bisexual label. Thankfully, I was never officially bullied because of it. There was one time a classmate called me a f***ot. The teacher heard him say it, called him out immediately, and literally told him to "Shut the hell up." To this day, I still don't take that personally at all because that kid was dealing with way more stuff in his personal life at the time than I ever have.
@@PatrickVerst Glad it worked out! I'm endlessly fascinated by straight men's obsession with homosexuality. I don't know what it is, but straight guys (especially when just around other guys) can't stop making gay jokes. It's like a compulsion. Doesn't matter if they're gay-friendly or homophobic - they all make gay jokes and play chicken with each other of who's willing to go further in doing gay actions but as jokes. Why do you think that is?
@GayTradSpeaks I think the nature of high school jokes often tends to be a bit more sexual generally speaking. And I think the more progressive our society becomes, the more tolerant society becomes of homosexuals...yet somehow the gay jokes never seem to go away with that agree group. It's an interesting point that you made for sure, and one that I tend to agree with.
I'm a Catholic priest and I congratulate you and commend you on a well discerned journey. You are insightful and intelligent and empathetic. I wish you all the happiness in the world. The Church has got to come to admit that scripture scholarship does not support an anti same sex attraction. If we mean everyone is welcome to the church, then the implication is unconditional. Treating gay people and divorced and remarried Catholics as second class citizens does not match that sentiment at all.
@swagout7472 Bro - chill. His role as a father is to bring Christ to people, to serve people and to help people encounter Christ. His role is not to blame people for things these people can't change about themselves. We are ALL broken people - the only one of us who got it all together is Christ himself. We should be more humble as catholics and encourage one another to live a life worth living. The guy in the video found his way of living a fullfilling and authentic life and we have no right to judge him - in my opinion. Jesus died for every single one of us and his standards are different than any of our standards - we ALL rely on his mercy one way or another. Tbh I guess the man in the video is a better witness of God - than I could ever be. God bless.
@@swagout7472For me there is a huge difference between admonishing a sinner who chooses to sin and admonishing someone who is simply born a certain way. Shall we admonish a murderer for having murdered someone? Yes. Why? Because no one is born as a murderer. Shall we admonish a gay person simply for being gay? No. Why? Because this person was born this way. Only God knows why a person is born a certain way and Jesus knows better than anyone else, that life is not black and white. It is no accident that Jesus will be the ultimate judge and not you nor me: Jesus (alone) is truth, Jesus (alone) is love and Jesus (alone) is justice -> let us be humble enough to let Jesus decide "to judge or not to judge" people who God allowed to be born a certain way. Our task is to carry our own cross and to support one another. There are way more important aspects to a person than his/her sexual orientation. Take the parable of the good Samaritan for example: Where does Jesus specifically say that the good Samaritan is not gay? Nowhere. Therefore the good Samaritan may in fact be gay. In case the good Samaritan happened to be gay - would it mean that we should not try to be like the good Samaritan because he was born gay? I do not think so. I dare to say that Jesus did not even care if the good Samaritan was gay or not. On the other hand, Jesus makes it very clear that passing by a beggar without giving him any many food or money may send us one day to hell - as the parable about Lazarus points to. Now let us be honest with ourselves - how many times have we actively decided to ignore a beggar sitting on the street? We should be more worried about that, than being worried about people who did not choose to be gay for they were born this way - just like I did not choose to be straight for I was born this way. This has little to do with love, justice nor mercy.
My partner and I are together but have started abstaining only because I can't stop worrying about it. Sucks to be me, but I am still happy to be with him. He's a hero.
IFFFFFF you're a Catholic priest, why is your profile not showing that? Whether you are or not, nobody here can prove it, but you parading around on social media as someone who isn't is concerning and suspicious.
@thenewbornAustin Basically, the Church makes a distinction between desires (i.e. sexual desires for the same or opposite sex) and acts (sexual acts, but would also include intentional fantasies). The distinction between fantasies and desires would be that desires are not intentional. One doesn't purposefully desire something. That's part of why the Church tends not to use the word "gay" despite the fact that the broader culture does; the broader culture uses it in a more nebulous way that doesn't take account of the Church's distinctions between desires and acts. You might look up "CCC 2357-2359" to find the Catechism of the Catholic Church's explanation on this.
Its just like what the Church would say to a married Catholic who finds himself attracted to someone other than their spouse or a celibate priest attracted to someone after their vows: The feelings/attraction are no sin but acting on them would be sinful. So the married man is not guilty of adultery until he starts acting on his attraction to the other woman, as long as the attraction is involuntary and he's not doing anything to foster it. Because feelings and attraction of any sort are never a sin unless they're deliberately fostered or acted upon. The Church views all illicit sexual involvements the same way. They become sinful only when the person chooses to take some kind of action or if they're deliberately fostering the attraction. To the extent that its involuntary attraction, there can be no sin because the will is not engaged and in Catholic theology, only a free will can sin.
@@AuthenticityVeritas sounds very reasonable in the narrow minded religious viewpoint yet a distorted perspective from human being which truly distain and go against god's infinite novelty in creating gender diversity.
Thanks for sharing your story, I know there are a lot of young gay people who need to hear these things. I'm glad you found peace and resolution with your sexuality and spirituality. Hope to see more content from you in the future. As a side note, you have a great voice for sports commentary lol
6:22 I had a similar experience and Im 28. That early 2010s period was definitely something. There was no targeted abuse/bullying but also gay people did not exist. The concept of "gay" was not something you would casually encounter. I first came into contact with the idea from 2 sentences about heterosexuality in my mom's medical book, looked it up online, and found a brief mention of the opposite version Im from a very tolerant place, MA. It was the deafening silence on this issue that made me unwilling to directly tell my parents or any adult. It felt rude to mention. If I have to be honest, Im bitter about how my life turned out as a result (so far). I grinded 5th-12th grade because it was clear I deliberately not given a spot for social interaction & keeping a significant part of yourself out of socializing results in a personality that is not conducive for socializing I then grinded through college. There is not a clear roadmap & one does not just appear like it does for straight people. Im now grinding through work. Do I have anything to show for the grinding? Net worth of 60k, an apartment with 3 roommates, and an engineering degree from a state college. Not nothing but also not commiserate with the work I put in & the parts of life I didn't get to participate in. Idk, this may have deviated from the thesis of your video but that comment about 6:10 the silence on the issue struck me. It's like "Yah, nothing heinous happened to me but I guess on reflection I was completely unable to engage with people, community, or society in any way that wasn't exclusively about producing value. I was able to participate when the goal was generating value & when I had the capacity to generate significantly more value than my peers" So yahhhhh. Wow unpacked a lot just now. Very illuminating
Love it! Yes, I think you’re spot on here with overcompensating through achievement and grief for that time in life, but I know you’re strong and can keep pushing forward!
I am a woman who experiences same sex attraction. I have since 11 years old. I took on my faith seriously at 17, and have been wrestling with this issue seriously even to the point of counseling for the past year. I went to mass today, received the Eucharist, and decided / felt very affirmed that no woman was worth giving it the gift of that up. I know how trying this is, and I wish you all the peace you deserve.
But why dont you have BOTH??? Nobody asked you to give up the love of a woman so you can have Jesus! Jesus is happy to share you with another woman! Go on try it. You will be amazed how you wont lose Jesus because you love a woman too! In fact both of you can love Jesus together.
Not sure why this video automatically played but thank you for giving me a glimpse of your story. I converted to Catholicism in my mid-20s. Before that, my upbringing didn’t include God. I was raised without a faith. After an extraordinary encounter with Jesus, I converted and had to learn the Church’s teachings on sexuality and evaluate my over-a-decade same-sex relationship. I wanted to continue, I almost turned my back on God completely, but he showed me why we had to break up. In short, my salvation. I was headed the wrong way. By the grace of God, I live a chaste lifestyle now and can say it’s not always easy, however, I wouldn’t want it any other way. “The Universal Call to Holiness” looks different from person to person, mine includes picking up my cross, following the Lord, and living a sacramental life. The world will never challenge our lifestyle but the Holy Spirit will always call us to more. Our bodies speak a language and my same-sex relationship revealed I could never have kids with the one I loved. Something was wrong, but I didn’t want to face it. At the core of life, you’ll always need man and woman to bring about life. I believe it points to God and says a lot about the real purpose of our bodies, sexuality, and marriage. It’s possible to be catholic with SSA while striving to embody the gospel. Also, nothing in this world beats receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Any sacrifice is worth it
The Eucharist was the main thing that helped me, as a Catholic man who is gay, to learn to understand and love myself for who I am while also giving me the strength to choose and to desire to choose what’s right. I wish this for him and for everyone who is SSA and Catholic.
@@classicworks0316 I wish for every gay person to find a loving partner and start a family like every straight person does. You wish for them to be alone their whole lives because you call their love an abomination. The day you start telling every straight person to remain celibate for life will be the day gay people ( and not SSA- we’re not sick, so stop using such medicalizing language) will start taking you seriously. Your double standards only reveal prejudice and hatred. Nothing more.
Once again, internet ‘testimonies’ full of fake hyperboles.. ‘after an extraordinary encounter, I became homophobic and starting seeing the love that gay people for their partners as an abomination and a grave evil they need to repent for’- there, fixed it. Doesn’t sound so kind and loving now, does it? Gay people are and have been leaving your church in droves. Only self hating people with no self respect debase themselves so low to accept being told they are ‘objectively disordered’ for who they are. Thankfully, younger gay people don’t have that internalized hatred so will not abide by your arbitrary demands.
Just wanted to say you are awesome!! Thank you for being so logical and reasonable. I hope your story helps many… I grew up in a Pentecostal cult and had similar struggles in my own coming out. Unfortunately did not have as many supportive people in my circle of friends and family. Like you I had my faith rollercoaster. You are right it does get better. I hope you don’t loose that love for Jesus. The church may be blind and misguided, but Jesus love, and your love for him aren’t. They are but Pharisees. I was lucky enough to attend seminary as an openly Gay man, and become ordained. It will take time for the mainline church to open their eyes, but they too are getting better. There are small sects making progress. Yes it gets better every day…Please continue your good work. This story really tugged at my heart. I identify so much with your story, it could have been mine with a few detail changes. You handled things so much better than I did though. I hope many can use your story to guide their coming out, or help them understand a friend or family member who is coming out. Again, you are awesome!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I unfortunately went through the same thing you did. Dated woman but not because I was sexually attracted only to make my family think that I was straight. I loved the Catholic church and faith. I went to adoration, Mass, I was a committed Christian. Always felt guilty of my feelings for men. I almost got married but I realized it wouldn't work. I'm finally at peace with myself and I'm in a relationship . I wanted to be a priest too. I even was looking in to becoming a monk. I now go to the Episcopal church. I feel welcomed there. Thank you again for sharing your story because it will help others who are struggling .
I'm honored for you to share your story in such a raw way, brother! I'm so sorry to hear that you were forced (even if you made the decision 'freely', I would still consider it forced by the ideology of the church) to have to live life with a woman. I'm so glad to hear that you were able to make it out and have found peace in the Episcopal church. Keep on being you, friend, and telling your story!
Thank you for sharing your story, it's not easy even when you have a supportive family. I had a very similar experience to you, and had to take a step back from my Catholic faith to live authentically as a bi trans woman. Eventually I was able to return to it and reconstruct my faith in a way that was meaningful to me, and was blessed to find a Parish that is affirming and sees me and my wife as who we are. But that took 15 years lol, and for most of it I wanted nothing to do with religion. So if you feel like religion is not for you or you're still figuring that out then you are valid. You don't need to justify that to anyone. Sounds like you've learned to grow thicker skin and be confident in yourself. That's awesome. And for what it's worth I believe God loves you as He made you, gayness and all ❤️. The Vatican has an overly legalistic approach, but there are many loving lay catholics and clerics out there who see the truth right in front of them that being gay is okay 🙂.
The Catholic church will always be here, and it's actually quite common (and somewhat normal) to have a come-and-go relationship with its teachings at different times in your life. The choice to stay, or leave, or something in between is a matter of personal semantics and will depend largely on age and life experience. It's also ok to change this decision later on as new experiences and your lived reality will ultimately guide you. What I would caution you against doing, is reframing the idea of being gay as an "identity" which is somehow competing with religion for first place in your fulfilment priorities. Whilst Catholicism can make it seem this way, based on church teaching It's not a one or the other scenario. Religion and relationships (whilst inter-connected) are separate experiences, and they ultimately satisfy different needs, so you shouldn't feel shame in servicing either of them. There are seasons for celibacy and seasons for companionship. God will guide you in both.
I hated myself for endless years when this all started happening to me as a kid in the 80s and early 90s. Never thought I would struggle with same-sex attraction and always assumed I would marry and become a parent. It was my wish/prayer to God for 6 years straight when blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. I would do it internally while all the family cheered me on as I blew out the candles, but I hated myself inside because I knew it was a dirty secret and would cause great disappointment. It really sucked because I felt like a prisoner and could never make it go away. It was/has been probably the hardest thing in my life to endure. Good luck!
Wow - I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up in the 80s/90s and being gay. I had so much internal turmoil, and I was raised in an era where being gay was accepted. So happy that you were able to make it through and I hope you're living a great life now - thanks for sharing!
Wow, a gay trad! Always knew they existed, never thought I would meet another one... I'm even younger than you, and it's interesting to hear your story. I believe our Lord is loving and wants us to love, not to judge. It's a shame the trads mostly just judge others (oh well, now I'm judging trads). "The gays" taught me that you can love everyone. The only thing the catholic church taught me is how to judge anybody. Yet I'm still an active catholic, singing chant at a TLM parish and helping out at a dominican (OP) monastery. We are all just imperfect people serving a perfect, loving, caring Lord. And I know some people would judge me if they knew I'm gay (definitely the whole TLM parish lol). And I don't care what they think. I'm serving my loving Lord and not them, that's what I care about. And I believe one can be in a gay relationship and a faithful catholic at the same time. Good luck to you!
@@swagout7472 and that's exactly what I was talking about. You don't know me. Yet you dare to assume that I've committed grave sin and what I plan to do with my life. Just because I wrote a few sentences about myself. Is this the way our Lord Jesus Christ approached sinners and broken people? I don't think so. Where is your love? You live in this world labeling people sinful and think you are the righteous one? That's not what Jesus did. Matthew 7 is just one of the hundreds of passages I would recommend. I appreciate your desire to save me, but Christ has already died and risen, takes care of us all and your effort just can't compare to that. I talk to a handful of priests and confess my ACTUAL sins on a regular basis, but I doubt that will make you change your views about me. I would humbly advise working on your communication style, because I don't think you are going to spread Christ's message this way. Pax tecum.
Thanks for the kind words, homie! Glad to hear you're having a blast in the traditional movement. The smells, bells, chant, architecture, etc. are all SOO beautiful! I'm happy for youth you've found peace reconciling your identities. You'll get push back coming our or being in a relationship, but it sounds like you're strong! Keep crushing it, homie!
@@swagout7472 Yes, I agree, the church most certainly does teach that. However, I have two things to add to that. Firstly, the magisterial teaching of the church is a great resource, but history tells us its infallibility is at the very least debatable. It was considered mortally sinful to receive interest when loaning money for around 1500 years. Yet you don't tell bankers to repent nowdays. The magisterial teaching has changed and is changing profoudly to more closely approach the Truth. To say we currently have full knowledge of the True teaching is to deny history and the church's own development. Secondly, the reasons for which you may consider "gay relationships" sinful are probably twisted in some way and not even applicable to many of them. Love itself cannot be sinful, so you must be talking about other aspects not necessarily inherent to a relationship. Sadly, an expansion on that would be outside the scope of a single YT comment, so I'll leave it at that. If you are interested, the author of this video, although I do not completely agree with him on certain topics, attempted to disprove the foundation of the catholic teaching on natural law and homosexuality in his other content. Pax tecum.
@@GayExTrad Well thanks for your kind words and your content, it's really interesting to hear an ex-trad's perspective and certainly what we need nowdays, both as Christians and as gays. I came out to a few of my catholic friends, and from my experience most of the young catholic population is pretty affirming (went to a catholic school so...). And the strength? Yeah, I get that from Christ: I pray, go to adoration... you know the drill much better than I do haha. Definitely not as crazy as you though, certainly don't wanna become a priest. Thanks again and keep the content coming!
Thank you for your honesty and openness. I was sexually abused by a catholic priest when I was a boy. Over the years I have come to think that the institutional church is corrupt. Also I was a catholic priest many years ago following Vatican II and studied at the North American College in Rome but eventually left the church for many of the same reasons that you have. You are a brave young man.
I related to so so much of this. As one of those born-into-it Trads I appreciate your observations about how messy it is for us…. But we both made it out in the end!
Dear friend and brother! You are needed in the Church! The Church is still your home! And the home of your partner, and the spring of blessing of your love!
Very well articulated. A couple of points of similarity to what I went through: The first was the feeling of freedom after totally accepting who I am. I couldn't help saying to myself as I listed to you speak, "Your truth will set you free". For myself I felt I could truly care for other people, finally, because I learned to love who I truly am. The second thing is the amount of time you took to deconstruct, as that was similar for me, as well. I haven't given up on God or Christ. I just don't commit to a specific organized religious group, even the one I've been attending for 20 years. They were my healing, but I don't believe any man lead movement of Christ has totally got it right.
As someone who is NOT religious at all, I think I will always label myself a catholic nevertheless. I have often wondered what it feels like to truly believe and I feel like you have probably had that feeling at some point, would you say it’s something that almost life changing? I observe my mother as an example who is religious to an extent and to even say I don’t believe in god is crazy to her but it’s just not something I have ever felt in me. I wonder about it but that’s sort of the extent of it, idk maybe one day
The groups I was a part of were absolutely life changing! My life before and after joining were SOOO much different. Your every waking thought, desire, and concern is for Jesus and His Church. All you care about in this earthy life is saving souls, doing penance, loving Jesus, spreading His world. The world becomes alive with meaning and you can make a true, eternal difference in the world - and to the extend to which you love, you merit eternal reward. EVERYTHING in your life is for this cause. It's becomes almost impossible to fathom someone not wanting to partake in His Divine plan. Now, I don't believe I had good basis to believe all of that, but it wasn't the realest thing to me when I was a part.
Wow! It's amazing how similar your coming out story is to mine, except 10 years prior, the internet had not caught on yet, and it was as a parish priest for me. Still in the catholic church. we have a college here, and a catholic chapel. I believe in a God, and Jesus is accepting of all. He never said to exclude anyone, and that the church, and the people within, has warped what is written.
Very interesting... I think there's an undercurrent of latent homosexuality in many rad trad circles.. I mean, many Gen Z men who are rad trads are also groypers and worship Nick Fuentes, you presumably know him, and he is a closeted homosexual and I suspect some of his followers are as well.. I'd suggest perhaps making your videos a little bit shorter so that they do better with the YT algorithm, but other than that, I feel like there's a real need for people like you to share their stories. There's virtually no testimonies online that talk about things like getting radicalised into far right ideologies via Catholicism, the alt right pipeline etc.. Might be interesting for you to share your thoughts on Christian nationalism, or the weird LARPing Catholics do on Twitter etc . I see so many radtrad accounts on X literally just spouting Nazi level rhetoric.. It's insane.. I'm just wondering, do they actually believe God endorses what they're doing or are they knowingly faking it?
Oh boy, you his the nail on the head! Yes, the easiest to radicalize are the ones who hate themselves the most - often gay men, such as Fuentes and his cronies. It's either that, a crippling p***n problem, or they can relate to ladies. I'm debating putting my testimony out on become a Daily Wire obsessed middle-schooler and then alt-right catholicism into high school - and how I matured out. I was MUCH more heavy on the theology side and absolutely believed in catholicism, but a majority of alt-righters who become religious through Fuentes only care about their bloodlines/tradition and ethno-state. Shorter would definitely get more views, but part of my thinking is that those 10 minute videos get picked up into reaction videos or over-simplified. The only people who would watch through 50 un-edited minutes of me talking are those already considering leaving. I assume you have some background in the movement to talk fluent gen-z alt-rightism?
@@GayExTradHey! Sorry i forgot to get back to you in time. Yes, I’m more of a leftist myself ( though I’m European so things are a little bit different here) but i am chronically online and have been doing research on the far right and Christianity for some years now. Also, i think you’re almost ideally positioned to become the antidote we so desperately need ; you’re young, male and have experience with trad caths and could really help stem the growing pipeline from Catholicism to far right politics amongst young male demographics. You’re also the type of person that they wouldn’t expect ; Fuentes &co have a caricature of gay people as weak and feminine, but you obviously defy that so they would probably listen to you more easily than other ‘lgbt advocates’ per se. Also, just something you might want to react to, is the Pope just calling gay people the f slur today. It is honestly no wonder Catholicism is becoming so attractive to the far right. What happened to hate the sin not the sinner? Another lie of course, the mask slipped. Anyway, would love to chat to you more about this topic if you wish, I’m a 22 year old gay guy myself, though I’m also active on reddit so might hit send you a message there if other avenues aren’t possible. In any case I think something has to be done about Catholic radicalism amongst gen Z men. Wish you and your partner all the best!
When will you choose to carry own cross? To decide to some man instead of A Man that doesnt ask any physical favor to you, only trust. He would be adored and loved in His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity directly... and you simply abandoned it... You made your choice, but its always charitable to remember, He still awaits you brother.
You’re a roll model, Cade. Thanks for sharing your story! Relates closely to mine, supportive family, friends and community, just personal struggles (in my own faith journey) that made it so damn hard. I’d be curious to hear more about the catholic priest hood, and why you think repressed homosexuality is so prevalent In it. I appreciate you! (And you have a wicked voice, so nice to listen to!)
Glad you enjoyed the video! Yeah, there's a lot of people with our same story. As a priest, you get to hide your orientation and still be involved in the arts (and literally wear dresses) - priests are the midieval drag queens, haha
I'm a Catholic with SSA and the same age as yours, and I can say one thing: the love of the Lord is above everything a man can give you. You say that you are living happily with your boyfriend, but surely he has some defects and something that you bother about him. With God, it is not the same: he is perfect! That's why I live in celibacy. Yes, it is not easy, a big cross to carry. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I'm sure that God will reward me in Paradise
First of all, SSA is the kind of lingo Catholics use to pathologize gay people, makes it sound like some sort of disorder; which in any case your catechism believes it is since it calls you ‘objectively disordered’! How nice. You might be one of the 1-2% of people happy with lifelong celibacy. For most humans, gay or straight it is psychologically unhealthy to never have any romantic or sexual relationships. It is also cruel and inhumane to call the love that gay people have for each other ( because its not just ‘sodomy’- thats how your church dehumanizes gayness) sinful and an ‘abomination’. And lets see. You’re stiil very young( although curiously enough your channel was created 15 years ago and many of your playlists reference very old songs and trends that i struggle to believe a real Gen Zer would have any awareness of). Let’s check in 10-15 years when all your friends are married and have children how easy it will be for you to spend the next 50+ years without any romance or affection. No, the Church’s teaching is simply wrong. Remember, the Church at one point for hundreds of years endorsed slavery, colonialism, was against women’s right to vote etc etc. The bible was written at a specific time period and reflected the morals of the day. They had no clue what a sexual orientation even was. You can be celibate and thats your choice. The issue is when you promote that to other gay people when science and psychology tells us that the mental health of gay people in your churches is very bad and in fact leads many to suicide. Gay people will not accept to be dehumanized and degraded in 2024, we’ve had enough of that for hundreds of years. Our love is just as worthy as that of the straight people who wrote the Bible. If not, you should probably deal with your self hatred, not by remaining within a Church that wants to feel shame for who you are but by seeking counseling to help you overcome religious trauma.
@@linc1494 The word celibacy is used so flippantly now. You’re bisexual. You can fall in love, have sex with and marry any woman that you want to. Don’t compare your situation to that of gay people, whom your Church presumably asks to stay celibate for life, something 99% of straight Christians would never accept. I’m afraid in the year of 2024 gay people won’t either, and thats why almost all of them are leaving the Churches. Go tell straight men to forsake all romance and partnership ( its not just ‘ephemeral pleasures’, you reduce homosexuality to sex so you don’t seem cruel denying them the right to love and partnership) and tell me how it goes. This shouldn’t have to be an ultimatum. A God so petty and cruel he sends two guys who love each other to eternal hell fire is not a God worth worshipping.
@@RationalistMHIf you want to use your terminology, yes, I'm homossexual. And I just like old songs and things. The past was the best! And dude, I don't hate myself
@@liang5876 But you do, and understandably so, because your faith literally would call you falling in love an ‘abomination’ and a sin that ‘cries out to heaven for vengeance’. Don’t you find even a bit problematic that you see evil in other people’s loving relationships? And why should be this be an ultimatum. Why should gay people have to choose between God and their partners? This isn’t something you ask of straight people. So whats the difference? Prejudice and bigotry. Thats all. Once again, look at the scientific data which show that gay people in such religious environments experience much worse mental health and many are eventually driven to desperation and suicide. So thats why I’m annoyed when people like you are used by the Church as examples of what other gay people should do.
I find it immensely sad that a man with a great mind like yours, the Church didn't give you a chance to discern God's will. You deserve that, especially being so young. To know, love, and serve God. I don't know the vocations director at the monastery, but he should have directed you toward a place of real discernment instead of shutting you completely out. I know it's probably too far gone now that you've gone through the mode of deconstructing the faith. Regardless, there are a lot of men who are going through similar journey like you are (Priests too) so thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to do so.
I’m happy for you, because you are brave, smart and seeking happiness. It saddens me that our church was unable to live up to God’s teachings, and truly welcome you. As an institution we are still anchored in arrogance, intolerance, selfishness, and vanity in many ways. I trust you will always remember that God is everywhere, he loves you, and accepts you the way he made you, regardless of what some people or churches claim.
I'm a 38-year-old Catholic convert and a celibate gay man. For what it's worth, because of my own life experiences and insights, I've come to conclusions about religion and sexuality which are very different from yours. But I respect and admire your story: it impressed me, it moved me. Some of what you related is similar to what I went through and felt when I was young (though I came from an Evangelical background, not Trad Catholic). My present choice of lifestyle was indeed a heavy cross to bear for a few years, but I have now come to enjoy great happiness, contentment, and peace that I never had as an atheist or by being sexually and romantically active. To steal your words for my own beliefs, celibacy does get a lot better. It becomes very rewarding and rich when you discover what to do with your life after realizing you're not meant to settle down with someone. And it's a rewarding life only Christ can give. But I won't preach to you (as you have no doubt heard it all before). But I did want to say for the record that I was very moved by your story. Good luck to you, young man!
It sounds like you bear a heavy burden. I don't think in the long term (aka at the end of life) living a homosexual lifestyle will be as fulfilling or fruitful as you might think it is now. As hard as a lifetime of discipline is, I think it creates a more permanent sense a fulfillment that death can't take away. But I struggle with my impules, probably more than you do, so I can't say I'm any better now.
I’m trying to leave the Catholic Church for years now (at least a decade). My country of origin doesn’t ease the issue (Poland), and the Church itself also doesn’t do that, it’s so difficult to actually do so :( I feel for you, for me the choice was made long ago, nowadays I am just trying to legally tap it into the reality ❤
@@GayExTrad yes, trying to do so for ages, but the priest in the parish of my baptism is an alcoholic, so he is unable to process any claims to give me the certificate of baptism, that is needed for the apostasy - I also live abroad, so I can only contact him online/phone, and he is an old man at this point. So I have reached out to the Polish priest in the local area, and he said that he will try to obtain it, but I have lost contact with him - maybe he’s got some holidays, I have contacted him again as it virtually takes so long now… I cannot really ask the Catholic Church in the UK, as there would be a linguistic barrier - as a foreign language, he speaks only Russian (literally due to his age and the past communism in Poland), plus the excessive drinking (also, the village where I’m from is literally unpronounceable in English), so it is a steep ride 😂😂
"have never been happier" ---- It not about your personal happiness. Soldiers have an attraction to staying alive, but they put that aside for a greater good. Priests have an attraction to family life, but they put that aside for a greater good. Alcoholics have an attraction to vodka, but they put that aside for a greater good. Etc... Honestly, when you're an old man and just not interested in romance any more, you will really kick yourself for having forfeited such great goods--- just for a little poke. We all struggle with sin. Keep up the good fight and go back to Church. The door is always open.
@@GayExTrad I made no statement about any particular action being inherently wrong. Rather, I stated that we are all called to choose the greater good, and that we all struggle with sin. “do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father, but there is one who accuses you…” (John 5) "for whereas wickedness is fearful, it is because it bears witness to its own self-condemnation" (Wisdom 17) Peace be with you.
He's doing just fine. I came Out in 1978. I was in seminary. In my 60s now and never regret in the slightest being true to self. I'd say you have it backwards...if he didn't co.e out to truth. He regret that as an older person. Peace blessing your way 🙌
@@richardferrara3884 "if he didn't co.e out to truth. He regret that as an older person"-- My potential to be a horny old sod is no great revelation my friend. I also struggle with eating too much and have a history of alcohol abuse. Were I to let those animal urges define my existence, it would be truely regretful. I don't think "the cheeseburger that got away" will cause any great remorse in eternity. Fight the good fight my friend and never lose hope. "someday I will restore the fortunes of Sodom and Samaria, and I will restore you too" (Ezekiel 16:53)
I had a similar experience myself. It was a painful experience but in the end, and very thankfully, my homosexuality led me to letting go of God and freeing myself from religion and believing in gods. It led me to use my ability to reason.
Same here. There are no supreme saviors not god, not king, nor hero.
Glad you made it out!
@@GayExTradglad you made it out? You made it out of Jesus Christ Church the Church he established in 33 AD you see Christ didn’t accept compromise he told the truth and just like a fornicator or homosexual if in that state they are headed to hell , Our Lady at Fatima said most souls go to hell because of sins of the flesh and that’s what you chose you chose the devil over Christ and you think your free ? Give me bondage to Jesus and his teachings and sacraments of his Holy Catholic Church what you have and all of us have is FREE Will and right now your on the side of the devil .
Whether you like it or not, you will ALWAYS have a relationship with God. YOU DO LIVE ON EARTH WITH GRAVITY --- DON'T YOU? You choose the good or bad. He likes your good so, act on it.
"I could share so much here or ask you. I studied for the priesthood and was deeply in love with God. During my time in seminary, I discovered that I was gay. At the end of my studies, I left because I had a relationship during my time at the seminary. I gave up my faith and began to believe in more esoteric/Eastern beliefs. I had several gay relationships, even adopting a very hedonistic lifestyle. After all of this, I started to become very depressed and felt lost in this world. Honestly, I missed my Christian faith. But I couldn't believe in it anymore. However, in November, I started praying the rosary again, and after a few days, a joy came over me and all the depression disappeared. Since then, I have fallen in love with God again, and He is once more my greatest joy. I no longer desire a relationship because I find that I can give God the most space as a single person. I appreciate that you are on an honest path with yourself, and that's what matters most-that we are authentic. One thing I wonder is if you still pray? You can leave the church, but if you have experienced God's love so strongly, it will never let you go." I promissed a lot of people my prayer. You will be one of them. I have no judgements about all you told here. God is on a journey with us. Where we are on our evolution, He stands with us. He s all loving and tenderness. Let go all fearfull images... I think we need to integrate our sexuality in our relationship with God and not cut it away. God embrace everything. My friend, i bless you with whole my Heart ❤
One note I will make is to say that to fill an emptiness with delusion is a terrible decision. That is what I tried to do and I regret wasting much of my life on such things but it taught me valuable lessons. The Christian religion is in grave error, as are all religions I have investigated. All religions make claims that are objectively untrue. Hedonism can be emptying and depressing but to replace it with vain repetitions to a non existent deity or virgin out of fear is at its core the great scourge of the earth. Religion acts this way and so can political ideologies like communism or fascism. I’d encourage you to look at church history, the development of the Bible from an academic perspective and comparative religion. It has helped me so much in understanding of where the Christian religion comes from.
I appreciate your story Gunter, and while I personally don't believe in god, I can understand where you're coming from. I would however like to mention that there's nothing wrong with finding love with another person and starting a relationship with that person. Whether or not that entails marriage and having kids is beside the point. Again, I don't really believe in god, but if a god were to exist, I truly don't believe he would have a problem with two people having a loving relationship. And just in case some dishonest theist wants to bring up pedophiles, that's obviously not what I'm talking about here. Those relationships are harmful to children, so there is a clear reason for any rational person to oppose it. Gay relationships, just like straight relationships, don't harm anyone, and as Cade explained, he is currently in a happy and healthy relationship. I guarantee you, if god is truly loving and has any ounce of rationality, he supports gay relationships. Not trying to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. But if you're choosing to be single just because you believe that entering into a gay relationship would offend god, I just want to assure you that no loving god would be offended by that. If it turns out god exists and is opposed to gay relationships, that god is a disgusting, immoral monster, and I don't see why anyone would want anything to do with him. As long as you aren't harming anyone, please live your life in a way that is authentic and fulfilling to you, and don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
@@scottmoore7588 @scottmoore7588 dear Scott, thank you for your reaction. I m single becos as i said, i feel i can give God the most space in my life. Even if i would be hetero, i would make this decision. So i didnt say i stay single because i would think its an offend to the Lord ;). Yes i also think we can not ask all gay oriented people to stay single there whole life. It would be inhuman and i agree, then that God would be a monster.
Yes i can see Cade supports this morals in his relationship. And such couples we need in this world. You can have a healthy stable and loving relationship also as a gay couple. ❤️
@@gunterverlie59 My apologies, I wasn't trying to assert your reasoning for staying single. It's just that I've heard of several gay people who chose to stay single because they thought god would be against them being in a loving relationship, and I just wanted to address that in case that's what was going on here. But that's clearly not the case, so I'm just glad you're living a happy and authentic life :)
@@scottmoore7588 thank you for your concerning thoughts ;) i appreciate.
I am converting to Catholicism, and cannot deny my long battle with Christianity as a bisexual person. I do have it easier because I can be in straight relationships, but I very much relate to feeling diseased, evil, and/or rejected by God.
All I could think the whole time you were talking was that you are so incredibly loved by God. This voice in my head just kept saying “I love him, I love him” and seeing Jesus’ face in my mind’s eye.
The fact that you were rejected from giving your life to the church and Christ breaks my heart, because I know with 100% certainty that Jesus would have opened his arms to hug you with loving tears in his eyes. He would have raised you up and would tell that church that they should repent and know that they have NO right to deny my son! I commend you for your courage throughout your life, and your care to share with others. I know that God has you in his heart and WILL always be there guiding and holding you ❤As you get older and continue to always search for truth and love, God will continue to guide you. please know that Jesus loves you! PERIOD! And absolutely sees how much you have given of yourself for him! May God bless you and continue to be with you ❤ Sending you my love
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@@MissChelsea i can see what you are saying and under stand up but in the Bible John chather 3 vears 35 God eyes what ever gender you are man women i love for who you are and true to anyone even some sex or any sex true Love to all ages, Race in the WORLD R.S.M or Richard May LBGTQ male Asexuality i, am English single disable MALE person all my life Worthing England UK West Sussex
@@MissChelsea i can see where coming but says same sexs are just others in eyes we not love is Love for All R.S.M. or Richard May English England UK Worthing West z
Simply one word: Respect. You are brave man.
As a catholic I feel sad about the fact that you felt rejected from the church. Even though you left I'll still consider you my (catholic) brother in Christ, because as you already know - you may have left the church but Jesus will never forsake you. You are the proof that "the truth sets us free". Peace out and may God continue to bless you and your loved ones ☕
I appreciate the kind words, brother! Perhaps one day I'll come back and join a liberal parish - the church really is beautiful :)
i was the same.. i left the Catholic church, thinking that they've rejected me for choosing to be gay... became an angry atheist for years but eventually, I came back to being Catholic... i still am gay, but the struggle of staying closer to Christ is worth more than enjoying the gayness of the world... Good luck on your journey 🙏
Thanks for sharing your story, friend! Glad you’ve found peace. For now, I think I’ve made the best decision
The gayness of the world is sending me XD
No it isn't you are just living a life of self denial which sexual deprivation is not healthy for anyone in service to your evil Jesus who hates LGBT people in your religion. You should reject Catholicism and come to a decent Pagan faith that will accept you for who you are because I am sure like most ex ex gays you will eventually succumb to your desires because your Jesus Christ is a piece of shit who can't even deliver a pizza,
Even straight people who are leaving together without marriage might consider that feelings come and go but sure Gods love is still the surest way to go. Even if you convince yourself you have 30 more years to go so why not enjoy that without Jesus but how about if 30 years is 3 minutes because you got hit by a car where then is the joy to ETERNITY.
gayness is a made up term
How fortunate you are to work things out at your age. Listening to you tell your story...all I could do is cry. A good part of your story was mine. Considering my "coming of age" years was during the 1960's...life was just so different. Now, I'm 67 and alone. No family. No friends. ( They've all passed ) But I'm glad you are able to live the life you deserve. Just don't pity me. Timing is everything. I did become a chef and I traveled the world in my employment. But it has left my life empty and I live as a hermit in prayer. I just don't know what it's like for someone to hold me and say "I love you". That is my biggest hurt. God bless.
Wow, that's a long journey. Have you ever been in a relationship?
Christ holds you every day if you let Him. He also LOVES you more each day. Praying for you.
I hear you. I’m 61. Would things had been like way they are now when I was young. I hope this generation remembers the sacrifices we made so they can find themselves earlier and openly.
This story is like MINE so crazy. I’m glad someone made a high quality video about it
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Well stated here! I believe many of us relate to varying extent. Pace 🙌
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. As a gay man in my early 30's I can relate to some of your experiences and I find it very healing to see that there are other people who have had similar experiences and thoughts as yourself. You are truly an inspiration to those of us that still struggle. Thank you for being a light to others, sending you so much love, joy, and peace ❤🌈
I'm so happy that you liked the video! Keep living your best life, homie
As an ex-Catholic bisexual woman, I related so much to you. I’m so glad your journey led you to this place.
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I have never understood people having their sexual preference be the core of their identity..... You need to transcend your "sexuality"...
It's literally the most unimportant part of a being.
It ain't just xtianity saying this ... Hindus will tell you this.
@@RockerfellerRothchild1776 honey, the only reason sexuality is 'part of peoples' identities' is because of a heteronormative culture. In queer spaces, sexuality/gender identity aren't a big deal at all - people just live their lives.
@@RockerfellerRothchild1776 Mentioning it =/= making it the core of one’s identity.
Glad you leave. Welcome to common sense gurl ❤❤
I appreciate you sharing your journey-it’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought into reconciling your faith and sexuality. As an openly gay man who is also married and a practicing Catholic, I understand how challenging it can be to balance both. It seems like part of the struggle comes from the idea of self-denial, especially with no Catholic community around to support you. You mentioned the Latin Mass and how you’ve come to see it as a cult-this could reflect the tension you felt in trying to reconcile older, stricter teachings with your identity. Those teachings came from a different time and may have contributed to your confusion or internal conflict.
I was going to be a priest and even applied to seminary, so I understand the draw to a vocation and the struggles that come with it. What helped me is finding gay-friendly Catholic communities-there are groups out there where you can practice your faith authentically while also embracing and affirming who you are.
It’s also important to be careful about fully identifying with any one group, whether faith or sexuality. Both are integral parts of who we are, but letting either define you too much can create its own challenges. I’ve found a way to integrate my faith and my relationship, but it’s a journey we each walk differently. I hope you continue exploring both sides of yourself and find peace. Just know there are others who’ve walked this path and found a balance that works for them. God bless you and your journey.
Love it, Frederick! So glad you found a great community:)
This isnt how the church sees being gay it does not embrace it. I struggle with immorality a lot but, embracing sin just tires you out. Just worrying how you feel doesnt make things better it just becomes pride at that point and it gets old and fake. God didnt create a religion that is based on just humans making stuff up.
As a Catholic, I've met at least 1/2 a dozen of male either religious or laity that were same sex. They were absolutely amazing people. I remember when a wonderful priest left the priesthood to live with a man. It crushed me because I knew that I would never be able to see him in the parish again. The men that I have met that were same sex, were on average better people that the heterosexuals that I met. In saying this, one of the Popes said that sodomy is the worst sin on earth based on Sodom an Gomorrah. I remember telling a friend "ya, way worse the genocide, rape, kidnapping or torture, etc" the other problem I noticed, is that it becomes something that others can point their fingers at, instead of focusing on their own personal sin.
Absolutely! Sodomy is seen as one of the 'sins that cries out to heaven for vengeance' while nearly everyone who is gay seems to live a perfectly average life, perhaps even more kindness, than straight folks. Only way to get around this is to say 'well gays are being deceived by the devil' which is an accusation we can't investigate or prove/disprove, so I just ignore it.
Over a million young men are dead from practicing sodomy which the CDC Atlanta warns cannot be done safely even when wrapped up in plastic. And there is no natural function for sperm and fecal matter. The church is simply pointing out the obvious. Nobody "is" gay. Your body is a reflection of your soul.
@@tommore3263 Do you understand that homosexuality does not equate anal sex? Stop projecting your latent fantasies. Gay people fall in love, have long term relationships, have kinds of sex that don’t involve penetration etc etc. Are all those things good then, if the only thing you object to is anal sex, something many straight people also engage in? And no, anal sex is not a death sentence.. in fact 1/3 of straight couples are likely to engage in it at one point or another. And sorry to ruin your fantasies, but there is no ‘fecal matter’ ; you prepare in advance so that doesn’t happen. If you’re so interested in this topic I suggest looking at a gay porn film and you’ll see gay sex can work just fine :) good day, troll
The people who quote Sodom and Gomorrah never seem to mention Lot offering his virgin daughters to rapists. It's only ever about gays.
You're both not taking into consideration that you live in a society with modern medicine. Today, we have antibiotics, antivirals, etc that prevent us from experiencing the natural consequences of our actions. All sex in the past was effectively bareback, since the only type of condoms that existed were sheaths of intestines (which themselves could have disease), and provided zero protection against viruses and bacteria. Today, if you get HIV, you can live a pretty normal life and get your viral levels to untraceable, but in the past there was no such thing as treatments for diseases. It was effectively the gay experience in San Francisco in 1980 for the previous 100,000 years-- you would watch people drop like flies. Simple diseases like syphilis were 100% deadly and there was literally no treatment.
Also, one of the current most commonly performed surgeries in San Francisco is colorectal reconstruction, due to the large amounts of anal sex happening within the community there. Obviously there was no such thing as reconstructive surgery in the past, and even if you had someone try to perform surgery (and only simple surgeries even existed back then) there was no way to sanitize the equipment, which meant that you could easily die from the surgery itself. Surgery was always a last resort. So only sample surgeries existed, and even the surgeries themselves commonly led to sepsis and death.
So yes, there's a reason it's described as a sin that cries out to heaven. It's only become sanitized and minimized in seriousness because of modern technology/medicine.
CONGRATULATIONS! I have listened to your podcast and am thrilled! I would tell ANY kid who was questioning their sexuality to listen to your podcast.
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This was fascinating and almost typical of life experiences as a gay guy in discovering themselves. All the best to u and your boyfriend ❤
Yes - there's such a rich anthology of coming out videos with the same motifs! A self realization, an reticence to admit, flight from embracing one's identify, until ultimately reconciling one's internal identity with their lived experience
Wow! That was an amazing and beautifully assembled "apologia" for your life struggle and to the place where you now live your life. Thank you for sharing this. I think many people will find that this path can lead to life lived in joy and completeness. Your display of confidence and the articulation of this journey is really worth listening to again and again.
🙏🙏 thank you for the kind words!!
I love how you shared so much love & honesty amidst all the struggles :)
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Thank you for sharing your wonderful, sincere, from the heart story. "I can lie very, very well." Sorry, that made me chuckle. Great story. I have been a Catholic who is gay for 52 yrs (I am including my birth). I remain a Catholic. I struggle at times. I've explored other denominations, but I continue to return to the Catholic church. I have been blessed that I belonged to two churches in the Midwest where being a person who is gay was welcome and accepted. That was it. No one questioned it. No one argued. These Roman Catholic churches simply accepted it, granted the metro area was accepting of the LGBTQ community. Thank you for sharing. Keep sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing your journey too! So glad to hear that you're living a great life
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m glad you have found happiness and fulfillment. I found myself emotional multiple times while you were talking. I was also a zealous convert to the TLM. I was so in love with the mass and I fully believed that I had to share Catholicism with everyone else because I wanted everyone to know Jesus. I knew from a very young age as well that I as a woman was also attracted to women. I identify as bi, and before I converted I was in a relationship with a woman at one point but I convinced myself that I never loved her and as long as I remained faithful and was devoted to God He would make it go away or at least my suffering would be worth it and if it pleased God I would be ok with it. I also had no idea that I had OCD and when it latched onto my religiosity I was completely blindsided by the pain it would cause me later. Prayer became my compulsion, and I was completely unaware because my brain had always been wired like this.
I went to a diocesan TLM but I had many traditional Catholic women surrounding me with big families and when you mentioned how people that you met that were raised in traditionalism you didn’t want to see kids being raised like that I could relate so much. The people I went to church with were good parents and loved their kids but I saw online from trad twitter just how destructive being raised like that could be. I still very much so value the relationships I had with those women but I witnessed first hand from myself what trying to be a “trad mom” could do to someone.
I tried, I took my vocation as seriously as I could. Praying nonstop, doing nothing but spending time with my kids. Catechizing my oldest while also deepening my understanding. The more I understood the more I feared god. I was terrified of hell and the saints made it worse with their private revelations. I was also beginning to instill it in my children and I still have a ton of guilt for that as a mother. I have two girls and two summers ago I had a complete breakdown that would lead to my deconstruction later. I felt crushed under the weight of getting not only myself to heaven but also my children and I realized some of the devotions I had were self-harm in disguise. The psychological problems you mentioned I found out as well that religious OCD (normally focused around the intense fear of hell) is so prevalent especially amongst ex-trads and I came to grips with if this is the absolute truth and the Church is the authority and its laws enact the will of God why are so many people falling apart from it?
I hated myself for not fitting into the mold. I hated myself for experiencing love with women. I hated myself for having thoughts about women. It’s honestly so upsetting the way the vocational life is exemplified because there truly is no place for queer people in it. & according to its teaching there never will be. It wasn’t until I allowed myself the space to think for myself that I realized how cruel it was to expect LGBT people to never experience love. I’m married to a man but when you mentioned the realization hitting you “you’ll never date, get married, be loved”etc. I just felt so sad for so many Catholic youth out there that feel the same way.
You are such an articulate man for your age (I say as someone 27 lol) but I didn’t have myself or my beliefs nearly as understood when I was 21.
It’s very refreshing to see someone else’s perspective as someone who left the church because it can be so isolating when you leave everything and everyone you knew. We need to see more people being honest with their experiences like this. You deserve to love and be loved and to live without shame, I still believe that we all have inherent worth and dignity maybe not given to us by god but just by the virtue of existence, I wish you nothing but peace and happiness.
From one oversharing (hopefully someone can find some comfort from my struggles), queer ex trad to another. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I enjoyed reading your experience and it seems like we all had the same experience. I’m so happy to hear you found space to love yourself and find treatment for OCD. I’ve found trad communities attract a lot of people dealing with underlying mental health conditions. You should write an essay or make a video sometime - your story is very compelling!!
Ex-Trad Catholic and gay man here.
I have to ask since we have these traits in common, what is it about traditionalist Catholicism that attracts so many gay men struggling with self-acceptance? I’m talk specifically traditional Catholicism and not other conservative religious traditions.
That reminds me of this interview I saw a while back. He describes his friends who have converted to Tridentine Mass Catholicism because (as he puts it), “they want to drink as directly from the well as they can.” They prefer this over a ‘watered down’ form of Christianity. Whether that’s a fair assessment for why some gay men do, I don’t know. Everyone has their different reasons I suppose. It's an interesting question though.
ua-cam.com/video/q8oHTKMsze4/v-deo.html
Traditional priests are the original drag queens
but in all seriousness, it's the perfect mask: you get to be beyond confident that you're holy, masculine, don't have to accept yourself, and get to still dress up and sing. When you can't ever accept yourself, you get offered an easy way out from having to confront something about yourself and weaponize that insecurity into certain to make sure no others can do it
@@GayExTrad I have to agree with you that the pomp and pageantry that comes with traditionalist Catholicism attracts a lot of self loathing gay men. They get to wear elaborate costumes and participate in an elaborate rituals, and not have anybody question their masculinity.
Trad-Cath is very Camp
@@claytonspeed tbh yes theres no way straight men are behind that aesthetic
I have ADHD so usually don’t watch really long videos like this. But this was great. I am a 49 year old gay man, happily out and married, who has lead a relatively great life. I grew up on a farm in a rural part of the country before the internet. I would have loved to see this video when I was in high school and not sure if I would ever come out. You are a great speaker and role model for others. Curious what your profession is. You would be a great motivational speaker or counselor.
Dang, John, so proud of you for making the journey out and building a wonderful life with your husband!! That warms my heart to hear :) I'm very glad to hear this could've been helpful to you, but so glad to hear you were strong and still came out.
I run a marketing agency and do a lot of public speaking on that, but I've been told a lot recently to look at doing more public speaking on topics like this. The kind comments people are leaving are definitely making me think about doing more of this type of content.
I often have thought that too, that it would have been great to see coming out UA-cam videos like this as a teenager.
Thanks for this story and your channel. Most of my life was a procession of ever stricter religious groups which I now realize was driven as an attempt to deal with my sexuality. Catholicism & Orthodoxy occupied my journey for 23 years. When I converted my godfather was a Trad but I gravitated to the Byzantine Church. I was constantly in Confession about my "impure thoughts" about men, telling the various priests as we began: "Let me explain, Father, I suffer from an attraction to men..." The dissonance in my life grew greater and greater and 11 years ago I had an epiphany and finally came out to myself. "I don't *suffer* from an attraction men," I said out loud in a private moment. "It's who I am and I'm glad for it." I had immediate peace. I'm 70 now and so glad a young man like you can help Catholics in the closet not to feel that their only option in life is to be celibate and shun a loving relationship for the rest of their lives. Your vocation to what you are doing now is so needed!
Wow - thanks for sharing! I’m so glad to hear you’re living an amazing life now - hopefully our stories can inspire many to be their authentic selves
I don't think the Church teaches that same sex attraction is sinful.
@@Lerian_V I’d encourage you to read the saying of Jesus where he is alleged to have said that to lust after a woman is to have committed adultery
@@Lerian_V My understanding is that is a more modern distinction. For many men, the line between attraction and lust is blurred. The brain often quickly moves on to fantasies or memories. The question of whether it Is scrupulousity or proper guilt can lead to the decision to go to the confessional.
It is no coincidence that those who "struggle with same sex attraction" are suppressing their sexuality to fit a theology. It's a self- fulfilling prophecy. If I starved myself of food I would struggle with "lustful attraction for food" !❤
Watched every minute, relate 💯 to all the things.
“I thought leaving the Church would be a big and scary thing….but, it wasn’t.”
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for watching - so glad you liked it! Yeah, I built up this mental image of what leaving would look like, but leaving was such a happy occasion
It's crazy how similar our stories are! I unfortunately spent several years post-college trying to still be a "good Catholic boy" but finally got depressed to the point of deciding that either I had to leave the Church and find a boyfriend or I was going to end my life. It was scary and painful but very necessary and long overdue. I won't say my life is perfect now, and I'm still single, but I do feel much freer than I was before. I still love studying the Bible and world religions, but from a secular perspective, and I have NO intentions of ever going back. And I hope you continue having a happy and healthy life, man!
Love it!! Thanks for sharing, broski - glad you made it out!!
I experienced what you are experiencing now. I left catholic church when i was 20. I had a few gay relationships, even adopting a gay lifestyle. But 6 years ago when i was 34, i felt that i did not happy with "gay lifestyle". I depressed, felt empty, and had a though of end my life. But then one day, i decided to attend daily mass, and i was crying while praying. After that i feel the Joy of God and decided to come back to God ever since.
I appreciate everything you say, and i am happy with your decision to be who you are. Wish you all the best mate,,,
Thanks for sharing! I believe above all in people choosing things that work for them - if the church makes you happier, good for you. Unfortunately, that’s not where I find peace any longer
I had the same experience man. Cade is now in a period of his lifetime that he wants to experience who he really is, what he wants and yes found happiness in a relationship. I had this same experience. If you come from a very traditional and strict catholic church, its very normal you have enough of this. I hope he can still be connected with God and experience Him in a free way. A God that accepts him as he is and make his journey with him. ❤
‘Gay lifestyle’- which is what, exactly? Is there a ‘straight lifestyle’? Or are you negatively stereotyping an entire group of people because of your personal experiences?
@@RationalistMHyeah there’s no such thing as a “gay lifestyle” you can lead any life and be gay. I think when people say this they mean mainstream gay culture which can be quite toxic. In that regard not participating in queer culture doesn’t make you any less queer.
@@RationalistMH sleeping around, sodomy, orgy etc
I admire your slow but steady courage. You found the life that is right for you and then offer your example for others to consider. In particular, you can offer reassurance to young people who may feel a degree of fear. At 78, I recall finding it to be quite easy to act on my self knowledge. I am glad for you in your finding your genuine life. Thank you.
Owen Son of Herman
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I was very active in the Catholic Church, studied Theology and wanted to become a religious but my sexual attraction to same sex and scared of being identified as gay made me not to pursue my vocation. Power struggle in the church made me stay away for almost 20 years. And during those times when I stayed away from the Church that I explore my sexuality. In spite of unsuccessful gay relationships, I was always in constant prayer with God, in spite of all the pains I endured, and the struggle is what made me even more closer to God. The pains I had in relationships made me even more compassionate and more God-centered that slowly I learned to forgive.... even the church that causes me disappointments. However, I am still cautious getting actively involved in the Catholic Church. And yes, studying Theology in a Liberal Theology school made me convinced that being gay is not a sin, yet I also need to protect myself of being abused because of my sexual orientation. Right now I put my own hermitage and in my own way, a hermit yet gay, religious yet living in a secular world without needing church approval. I feel freedom being detached from the hierarchy. But I am hopeful that the current pope will be more welcoming to people like us. Right now, the thoughts of the priesthood is again in my mind, seeing that the ministry of the priesthood is not about leadership but making holy our life.
Glad you found something that works for you!
@@GayExTrad it was not that easy. It took me 25 years to accept what happened. Since I was 16, I was closeted and only my vocation director knew. Even if I was a virgin and had no sexual encounter, I was judged and refused entry to the seminary. It was traumatic that I hid my sexual orientation. It was only in studying Theology that my professor in Moral Theology finally guided me and see what is moral in my sexuality. In silence, I minister to gays in the 90s, in spite of them being unwelcomed in my community then. But as become a lay leader and have enough influence in the diocese, I was able to bring gays into the ministry. But then, power struggle in the church took a toll on me, which led me to withdraw from them. But had I not done that, I would not have the chance to immerse myself into the culture of the gay community (in Manila) and see their struggle which also becomes my struggle, knowing too what was/is wrong so that I may know where we need redemption. And finally, able to see the light in the midst of the shadow behind me, in spite of all the pains and hurts, yet I still have the heart filled with love and wanting to love more as Jesus did. And this is now what I do in the hermitage, fully aware of myself as gay, holy and a follower of Jesus.
I'm so glad and thankful that someone is finally out here talking about deconstructing from Catholicism. There's so much out there about Evangelicals deconstructing but nothing for us former Catholics. You are extremely eloquent and in your story telling, very jealous about that. Wish I could share my story like you.
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Cade, thank you. As someone who has taught and counseled your age group since before you were born, I want to congratulate you for your relationship with Jesus in spite of the Catholic Church. Sad to say, but as Sr. Joan Chitister [a Benedictine nun] says in her books: "Don't confuse the Roman Catholic Church with the person of Jesus Christ. Quite often they are two different things" Cade, like so many other thinking people, you are a recovering Catholic. God bless and keep up the recovery.......Ray
Keep up the great work!
Wow, you are SO transparent! Thank you so much. The path you have walked is very similar to mine. It took be until my early 20s that I came out but I was born much earlier than you. Your observations are very intelligent and emotionally grounded. You have taken me along my path again but with much more peace. Peace to you. 😇
Peace to you too! Glad you eventually found your way out 🙏
You're a fine young man. Your parents must be very proud of you. I wish you the very best.
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You are a beautiful soul. When I was your age and also profoundly catholic in a profoundly catholic family in the way that you describe, not only was homosexuality condemned by the Church but punishable by up to 14 years in prison. I had not yet met a single gay person, since revealing to anyone at all such an anomaly was just too scarry. I feel so blessed to have the oppotunity to listen to you, bringing back to mind where I was at that period of my life, and recognizing that society has moved forward, way beyond what I could have ever imagined. Life today is a better place. Love is not a crime. Bless you.
Wow - that’s crazy!! So sorry to had to go through that, but I’m glad you’re doing better now
@@GayExTrad We fought that crap and the battle gave us strength. The reward is not so much that I feel better, the reward is to see that the generations that followed did not have to go through what we went through. That was the objective, giving us not only a sense of relief but a sense of victory.
By the way, my story is a Canadian story. Homosexuality in Canada was decriminalized only in 1969. I was 31 years old. As for the Catholic Church, it has not yet recognized that homosexuality exists everywhere in nature, including all animal species, and is therefore a natural state of life on earth. It is chastity and celebacy that are contrary to human nature.
Takes all kinds to make up this planet I'm gay and came into the Catholic Church. Don't need a pile of manifesting, I'm just extremely content in the faith. ❤ the lord. . He's given me so much strength and welcome !
Good luck to everyone on their journey
Good for you!!
I hope you're happy and don't buy into the toxic parts of religion that will try to shame you into living a life of celibacy. As long as you're doing that, I'm glad you're happy :)
I'm gay and converted to Catholicism. I love Christ, love the Church and love my celibate life. I'm very happy.
@@jasonreese4573 As long as you're being celibate because that's what you want to do and not because you feel forced to by god or religion, then I'm happy for you.
@scottmoore7588
"Forced" is not the word I would ever use because no matter what the Church states or even what God asks of me, I still have free will and can do whatever I want. In my case, I believe it's what God wants for me AND it's what I want.
Your communication skills are truly amazing to hear and see. The Catholic Church provided us with excellent training. Impressed with your maturity and tact. You are attractive and evocative. I enjoyed your sharing your experience.
Thanks! Yes, the Catholic Church does offer great training in rhetoric, now I just get to used it against them hehe
@@GayExTrad you are confronting the prejudice and anti-Christian culture deeply imbedded in this ancient Imperial patriarchal men’s club. Taking on Rome is often futile but you are asking them to respond and they would rather rally their 🐑 sheep in commands to tighten their paranoiac rules. Hope you can find a way to get gay and LGBTQ Catholics involved to bring about change.
I watched the 1st part of this video on Tik Tok, but it only had half your story. Thank you for sharing ❤
Glad you made it all the way here to watch!
I really appreciate your story and your willingness to tell it!
I'm a gay man, 27 years old, and I totally understood the knowing early-on part of your experience. When I was younger I definitely knew I liked guys, I also just didn't know what this was that made me different. I came out to my parents probably like 7 times over the years, middle school through high school. You were very fortunate to have a family who was immediately supportive of you, because each time I told my parents they came up with some excuse as to why I couldn't be gay or how hard it would be for them to accept and work through. Honestly my grandmother was immediately accepting of me which I loved and was so grateful for.
I wasn't raised in a Trad Catholic household, but my family is Catholic. The Church has certainly plenty of cultural and historic beauty to it, it has a strong intellectual and philosophical tradition as you said, and definitely has some useful things to promote and say in our modern day; at least I think so. That is probably one of the big reasons why I'm supportive of the "traditional" mass in Latin because it is a preservation and continuation of the historicity of the Church.
Surprisingly enough, I have several friends who are Trad Catholics and who know I'm gay and that I'm open about it. I certainly don't believe in all the "hellfire and brimstone" that priests and missionaries tell will come to gay people, that message and rhetoric has been used as an excuse to marginalize people who don't fit the mold exactly for a long time. I think in the end Trads, and Catholics in general, will make peace with being gay because it is one of the weakest parts of their worldview honestly.
Long story short: I'm a gay man, I'm a conservative, I'm a supporter of tradition, and have Trad Catholic friends, it's a crazy combo for sure haha. Over the years I have come to terms with all of those things others would find contradictory, but I'm fine with it.
Again, Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I wish you many years of happiness and fulfillment in your life! 🙏❤
thanks for sharing, friend!!
@@GayExTrad Thank you for listening!! Sorry it was a long comment haha!
I had a similar upbringing as you, raised in a secular Catholic household that didn't have a problem with being gay. Like you, I also became more devoutly Catholic as a teenager (though never went as far as you to go to traditional mass, Catholic college, or try to become a priest). I left Catholicism not for its stance on homosexuality, but because I agreed with other doctrine. Ironically I became more homophobic after I left, and started going to a Baptist church instead. This was all before I had admitted to myself that I was gay, but after a couple of years, I started to realize I was. Still, I didn't have a problem being in a church that believed homosexuality was sinful, and the only reason I stopped going was because my family didn't like the church's stance.
After a five year hiatus, I started going back to that Baptist church last year, and actually met a gay guy around the same age as me on the first day. However, the church still believed that gay men should remain celibate and were against gay marriage, and this was the same stance the other LGBT people I met at that church held. After a while it felt suffocating. As someone who 100% believes in God and the Bible and wanted to remain a Christian, I decided to go to another church that is affirming of gay marriage. This year I began attending the United Church (the largest Protestant denomination in Canada) which happens to be gay affirming, since I wanted a fresh perspective from Christians who supported gay marriage while also not believing it is a contradiction to scripture. Still figuring things out, but so far its a good church with a sense of community, a big youth population, and is centered on Christ.
So happy for you!! Thank you for sharing your journey
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. You are an amazing human being with so much to offer. I wish I had this much wisdom thirty years ago when I was struggling with not wanting to be gay and its conflicts with my being raised Catholic.
Glad you enjoyed!
I really appreciated your post. Thanks for your honesty. I was a Baptist minister and missionary. But I am gay, medically proven. Married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for almost 26 years, before she passed. We had a son and a daughter now both married and I have 4 grandsons. Reconciling my faith and my sexuality was very important though different from your experience. So in many ways I have lived a lie most of my life, but I am single now and live alone. I am not looking for a boyfriend/husband. Too old now. I am 77. But I totally support gay marriage. What convinced me was seeing gay Christian couples and seeing their very deep love for one another. I asked myself, where did that deep love come from? It is something wonderful that God has done, not a doubt. No way am I going to condemn them for that.
I hope you are able to marry the man you love one day. Its not wrong. Its normal. You are going to make a great husband and he will be a very lucky man to have you. Hugs and all the best.
Thanks for sharing your journey, Ron!! I'm honored to have heard it. It sounds like a kind soul who's thought deeply about the world and want to make it a better place. Your point is great on where deep, abiding love comes from! I've interviewed dozens of married gay couples, and they often have normal or even better marriages than straight couples I know. You might not be looking for romance, but I might recommend attending some gay community events in your local area and see you're not alone.
Ron, I'm so sorry for what religion did to you. You denied a part of who you are all because religion told you it was wrong. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and I know you know that now. I've heard of gay people that had worse experiences, but yours is just as sad to me, because religion got you to live a life you didn't want to live. I'm sure you don't regret the kids and grandkids that you have, but no one should be forced or pressured into living a life they aren't comfortable with. The thought of being forced to marry a woman and have kids with her terrifies me, and yet religion does its best to try and indoctrinate me and other gay men into doing just that. Even though you are now single, I hope you feel peace from having accepted yourself. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and there's nothing wrong with being happily single. Just be yourself. Be brave enough to prioritize your own happiness and mental health over what some people want your life to look like. This is something I've known my whole life, and it greatly upsets me every time I hear about people that allowed others to dictate their life for them. Thank you again for sharing your story Ron, and I hope more people like you and Cade coming forward and sharing their story can help more young people be confident with themselves so they don't get indoctrinated by religion!
I'm sorry, what's medically approved mean ?
@@GayExTrad Bruh I literally just realized you said your name in the beginning of this video, idk how I missed it the first time XD I'm only mentioning it because I had originally said that I didn't know what your name was in my comment to Ron (I edited it once I realized you had said it). Sorry about that!
@@footsholdier I think he just means that the scientific consensus is that he was born gay and that it wasn't a choice, just like every other gay person. I think he's in a way responding to people that see homosexuality as a choice that people can be groomed into, and not something that just happens naturally like heterosexuality.
Hey again, thanks for another heart-felt and opened and honest video. I super appreciate this content. As I said in my comment on one of your other videos, my experience is very different and my conclusions have been somewhat opposite to yours (I’m a practicing celibate Catholic) but there’s certainly a lot I resonate with here. Sometimes it’s just nice knowing that you’re not the only one that goes through the struggles of same-sex attraction and Catholic faith.
I was saddened that you felt you couldn’t question or doubt your faith or church teaching under pain of sin. Perhaps this was more the (I hope you don’t mind me using the term) ‘rad-trad’ thinking-and I suppose it depends on what you mean by doubt/question. I think the church is very opened to exploring new ways of thinking and engaging with ideas. Yes, there are things that won’t change, and I agree the church’s teaching on marriage, the intrinsic nature of sexuality, etc, cannot change, but I don’t think that means it is done with thinking about it and finding ways to meet the world on this issue. The church’s position, for example, on ssa and the priesthood is a disciplinary thing that can (and in some ways I’m persuaded, should change).
For my part, I’ve been questioning for years how the church has dealt with this issue (which generally seems to be pretend it isn’t an issue or at least not talk about it except to reiterate its teaching on homosexual acts, and not adequately address the other deeper issues). I’m still trying to figure out what can be done.
Again, I’m thankful for being able to hear your story and would love to have a chat with you one day. If you’re ever in Australia let us know
Glad you're here and watching my content! Would love to have a further discussion on my discord
@ yeah I’d love that. I’ll see if I can find you on there. I’m new to discord so it might take a while haha
Good on you for kicking things like this to the curb.
literally
Oh wow... A friend of mine joined that exact carmelite order last year.
Man listening to your story made me emotional. I dealt of these same things. The rejection from an application despite being super committed and faithful and living within in the church's teachings is the part that hit me the hardest. Felt like whiplash and like I was being lied to. "I was told you can be catholic and be attracted to men". I even had a Jesuit monk I was discerning with that was telling me the same thing and had the same doubts.
Also... when people started dating/marrying was also the point when I started feeling really isolated too. All the talk about "brotherhood" and the ideals I was sold kinda got pushed back and it really messed me up just like you mentioned....
Dang, man! I hope he finds his way out - you too
Thank you for sharing your story. My nan and grandad my Dads parents are Christians they own their own church my grandad is a Bishop. I grew a Christian i knew from a young age i was attracted to both men and woman but being told as young as i can remember being gay was wrong. I spent a lot of my life not accepting and hating myself and i tried to force myself to be someone I'm not. It did a lot of damage i wasn't leaving the house i was wasn't taking to anyone and i would cry so much i would give myself really bad headaches. I one time ran away from home. When i was 17 years old i stopped being religious i came out to a few friends then i came out on social media my friends support me. My nan and grandad don't. I barely speak or see my nan and grandad and i don't speak to my family apart from my mum, sister and a cousin. Since I've been out I've my confidence back I'm finally happy and my mental health is much better.
Glad to hear you're doing well now! Sounds like you've been through a lot and it hasn't been easy, but keep on being you and staying strong, brother!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I relate so much to your story, and it’s so healing to hear about others like me! Was in the trad community from 18-21, the only gay person there as far as I knew, and I didn’t really realize I was a lesbian until after leaving (women’s desire and attraction were basically never talked about!) and finally allowing myself to form my own opinions and beliefs. When I left, I immediately cut everyone off when I left bc of how toxic and intense the community was. So I never really have gotten to talk to people with a similar experience to me- I was so stunned when I found this video haha. I loved hearing you say how much you love your life now, I’m right there with you! I have a wonderful girlfriend of two years, and our relationship has brought me such joy and fulfillment. As a Catholic I was told that gay relationships are inherently selfish, putting “temporary lusts” above God and above salvation. I realize now how ignorant that is- there is nothing selfish or temporary about our relationship, and it’s not all about sex. Anyways my heart is just so so happy for you, and I wish all the happiness in the world for you and your boyfriend!
And thank you for your patience and grace in responding to so many of these comments, you are a lot stronger than I could be!❤❤
Wow - we're so similar! So glad that you were able to find your way out of that mental trap. You're not selfish for loving someone in a great relationship. (p.s. - you def weren't the only gay person there - I'm convinced trad catholicism has a very high number of closeted queer folks. Hopefully we can start an exodus out). Thanks for watching!! Stay strong
You believed that doubt was a sin? God, I wish I could give younger you a hug. Doubt is never a sin.
Indeed - doubt was a sin in the group I was a part of
@Emilae1985 Many religious people see literally everything as a sin, including just existing. I know not all religious people believe that, but it’s just sad and disgusting to see anyone trying to make people feel guilty for being born. Religion is truly a cancer on the world.
Many religious people view everything as a sin, including merely existing lol. I wish I was making this up but I'm not. Unfortunately, much of religion is toxic, and the parts that aren't don't require religion. I've personally advocated for the removal of all religious institutions, as I don't see one good reason to keep them around. At best, they can provide a sense of community and peacefulness that isn't unique to religion at all, but at worst, then can justify people's bigotry in ways that nothing else can.
@@GayExTrad Where do such people get that idea? The Bible itself says we are to "Try the Spirit".
Hello Cade, this is the 2nd time that I have seen you share your story & just want to say how much I admire you. In particular I love the coming out advice that you give towards the end of this video & I just hope that many young people (or anyone thinking about possibly coming out or trying to accept their own sexual orientation ) will see this video. The advice, firstly from a secular perspective & then from a religious perspective is just so helpful!!!! . I haven't got to the end of the video yet because I have paused it to comment... but I hope that you will write a "self-help"book. I would definitely like to read it & would recommend it to many others too. Also your family sound absolutely amazing! Wishing you the best & thanks again ♡
Wow, thank you for this very kind comment!! I’m so sooo glad to hear that you enjoyed and I’ll def look at making more content on the coming out advice!!
Thanks for your honesty, recovering Catholic. I wish the 1/3 of seminarians would come out as well!
True, haha, most super-catholics are just super-closeted
Pfff, so sad. Nothing to rejoice about. Re read the Bible and stop distorting God's words and will. God bless you.
Each time I watch and listen to your presentation, reassures me, that you are correct, that you are right. As You said, grass is not even greener on the other side. Enjoy life, because that makes us happy. God is on your side.
Well said!
Enjoyed hearing about your experience. I too left Catholicism as a young gay 19-year old decades ago. I have had a contented life, so far, with a couple of long-term relationships that I cherish. It sounded sort like deprogramming from a kind of cult, which in some cases is how the more fundamentalist religious sects can appear. Have a great life, you two!
Thanks for sharing your experience - glad to hear you made it out too!! Definitely cult de-programing to intellectually make it out. Keep living your best life, homie!
If you grow up in a gay friendly community, maybe people are programmed to accept the gay lifestyle. How do you know that the gay lifestyle is not the cult?
@@SandyL0uise oh wow, you got me there - how do you know the straight lifestyle isn't a cult?
@@GayExTrad You should take the question seriously. Your eternal soul depends on it.
@@SandyL0uise You should take the question seriously. Your eternal soul depends on you accepting gay marriage
Beautiful video about your journey and very nice words to people maybe going through a similar path 👏
🙏🙏🙏
I had a couple of experiences with God as an evangelical that started me questioning the indoctrination. I was prayed for once to "rid" me of homosexuality. I thought, "Here goes. Maybe a demon will manifest". Instead, a blanket of peace descended upon me and in my mind I heard, "It's ok. It's ok". I thought, "Well that wasn't supposed to happen!" I also experienced the Love of God powerfully once, and knew, without a shadow of doubt, that this Being would send no one to a torturous hell. I kept quiet and left the evangelical religion about a year later. There is a difference between God and what is taught about God. Now happily in a civil partnership and closer to God than ever. So glad you are being true to yourself 💖
So happy for you!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. (Also, I have to say that you are a very good speaker/storyteller) I am struggling with a similar issue right now. My mother’s side of the family is very devout Catholic; my grand uncle is a priest, and my grand aunt is a nun. Every single one of my family members on my mother’s side is baptized, including all of my grandmother’s siblings, their kids, and their grandkids. I was also baptized as an infant. Sadly, I lost my mom when I was 5, and after that, our immediate family didn’t go to church regularly. But in 5th grade, my dad started taking me to church again. I attended Mass and Sunday school every week for months to receive my first communion, but my dad had a conflict with the church, and I ended up not receiving the communion even though I had completed the program. After that, we rarely went to church, less than once a year. Despite this, my mom’s side of the family loved my sister and me unconditionally, even though we were a lot less religious than them.
From a young age, I knew I was Catholic, but I never fully believed in Christian teachings. I wasn’t sure if God was real, and even if He was, I couldn’t believe that the creation story actually happened; it just didn’t make sense to me. I thought everyone knew the stories in the Bible didn’t actually happen and were just myths we could learn lessons from. So when I first realized that Christians actually believed those stories were historically accurate, I was shocked.
After that brief period of being back in church, religion never played a significant role in my life, although I would always tell people I was Catholic if asked. When I was in middle school, I started sensing that I might be gay. But I was in denial for a long time. It wasn’t like, “There’s no way I’m gay,” but more like, “Am I actually gay, or do I just want to be different?” Growing up in Korea, where being gay wasn’t even a topic of discussion, I never came out to my loved ones or close friends, or even brought up the topic. Then my immediate family moved to the US, specifically Massachusetts. I attended a non-religious all-girls school, which meant my school was as progressive as could be, and it was a very new experience to see LGBT topics being discussed in class, hear that homophobia is wrong, and have gay and lesbian teachers around me.
During my first two years in America, I still had a lot of internalized homophobia, even as I appreciated having the privilege of seeing gay adults in my community embracing their identities and thriving. By this time, I was pretty sure I was gay, though I wasn’t certain if I was bisexual or lesbian. I just became certain I wasn’t straight. I consumed a lot of lesbian media, but I was still hesitant to even bring up the topic or say the word “gay” out loud. Senior year was when I first told some of my closest friends that I was gay. I’m not open to all my friends, but I have many queer friends, and I felt safe enough to be open with them. And it felt AMAZING to be able to be honest about my true self and have someone to talk to about my feelings toward my crush. During this time, I was deeply agnostic/atheist and had a strong dislike for all religions. Sometimes I thought there was no supernatural creator, and other times I simply didn’t care about deities or the afterlife because I knew I couldn’t find out the truth until I died anyway. I started thinking I was a lesbian because I thought I could never love men the way I loved women. I was planning to start coming out to more people, be openly gay and date women in college, and eventually marry a woman and create a family with her. (Just to note, I had never dated or been in a sexual relationship with either a man or a woman then, and I still haven’t dated anyone. I just had attractions.)
After HS graduation, I went back to Korea to visit my extended family and spend the summer there. I stayed with my aunt and her family; she’s my mom’s identical twin, so I’m naturally closer to her than most people are to their aunts. I also have more affection toward my mom’s side of the family because I miss her and feel connected to her through them. (I have two more aunts on her side, in addition to the twin aunt.) While I was with her, I saw her and my cousins going to church every week, and one of them was getting confirmed. I became curious, so I started going to church as well. My family also holds an annual reunion, during which my grand uncle, the priest, hosts a Mass just for our family. This was my first time attending in five years because of COVID and my being in America. While I know my family loves me, I always felt a bit guilty for not being as religious as the rest of them. I wanted to be able to receive the Eucharist during the family Mass. I wanted to feel more connected to my mom by being a more faithful Catholic. So I started thinking, “What if I stop being an atheist and become God’s child again?”
The next thing I did was check if there was a Catholic church near the college I’m going to. It turned out that the school had a significant Catholic student center and also offered an RCIA program. As soon as I saw it, I signed up for RCIA because I wanted to receive communion and be confirmed like everyone else in my family. Another thing to note is that when I was in my deep gay and atheist phase, I hadn’t seen my mom’s side of the family for a couple of years, and I thought I could just ignore them if they didn’t accept me for being gay and live as a gay person in America. But after visiting them, I realized I love them too much to ignore them. This might sound contradictory, but it’s hard to explain. The point is, the visit made me realize how much I love my family, and because of that, I wanted to pursue a lifestyle they would love to see me living-being faithful and not homosexual.
After returning from Korea, I kept going to church in my town (I haven’t started college yet). But then I started going down the rabbit hole of researching the Catholic Church’s teachings and its stance on sin. This is when I really understood that almost all of my personal beliefs go against the Church’s teachings. I experience same-sex attraction, and I don’t think it’s a choice to be gay. I believe people should use contraceptives to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancies, and that schools should teach about it. I believe abortion is healthcare, and the government cannot force women to continue unwanted pregnancies. (I was shocked when I found out that the Catholic Church technically opposes abortion, even for rape victims or when the mother’s life is in danger, and that it considers abortion one of the gravest sins.)
I started facing endless questions: What should I do? Should I just submit and try to embrace the Church’s teachings? Do I share these concerns with the priest once I get to my school’s church? But what if I still can’t submit, and he says I’m not ready to receive confirmation? Do I just believe whatever I want and still call myself Catholic? How can I be Catholic if I don’t follow the Church’s teachings? But how can it be “true love” to make people deny their sexual orientation and live a lie when it’s been clearly proven that praying the gay away doesn’t work? How can it be morally right to force a woman to give birth to a baby conceived through rape? They argue every life is valuable, but in reality, they are not responsible for those children. Does God even exist? People say the bad things in the world are because of human free will. But if there’s truly an omnipotent creator of the universe, how could He just sit there and let babies in Gaza die, women get raped and murdered, or innocent people suffer from diseases? If we credit all the good in the world to God and all the bad to evil or humans… is God even worthy of worship? But what if God really IS real? I can’t stop asking myself these questions (and many more), but I haven’t found the answers yet.
(My parents clearly got confused and chose thought daughter.)
Thanks for sharing, friend! That sounds like a super long journey. I'm happy to answer a direct question if you have any, but my general thoughts are that if realizing how much you love your family lead you to live a lifestyle they would love to see you living, they don't really love you. I like giving my family gifts or doing activities that they enjoy together, but loving someone doesn't mean controlling your basic identity, who you can love, and how you live. At some point, you have to start living your life. As to your questions about god, the answers are 'nobody knows.' There's tons of claims, tons of arguments, tons of debates - but there are no objective answers to questions that don't even make sense. Hope this helps!
Ex-Catholic here. Just want to say thank you for sharing your story. I’m a straight woman, but coming to terms with the harm caused by the Church’s teachings on homosexuality was one of the most soul-shattering aspects of my deconstruction journey. I can’t even imagine how much more harrowing that process must be for the queer folks directly harmed by that teaching.
I’m so sorry for the years of self-doubt and being unaccepted, and I’m so happy you’re in a brighter place now.
Glad to hear you made your way out too!!
Thank you for sharing this journey and for arriving at a place where you're just YOU living a daily authentic life. Shalom.
I appreciate that - glad you enjoyed listening!
You're a fantastic role model !
Thank you for the kind words! I hope my story can help people that were in a similar situation!
The lighting is very good on this video.
I try ;)
Beautifully said. I’m so proud to know that people like you exist and are so powerfully telling this story.
The sad part is, you’ve also articulated my story: I went through a very similar journey about 30 years ago. Catholic. Should have been able to come out to supportive family around me much earlier, but didn’t know how. Got all twisted up for far too long. Delayed so many experiences. It’s emotional to hear so many of the same notes in your story and realize that so many kids continue to live through this. But I didn’t tell my story the way you are doing now, so I hope your truth helps break the cycle.
Either way, it is brave, powerful and appreciated. If it helps to know, I’ve been with my wonderful husband for 21 years. We have two amazing kids, and have a very normal happy life. I hope all the best for yours, too. Thank you.
So happy to hear you're doing well now!! That warms my heart. Yeah, there's a lot of people with a similar backstory.
Incredible to hear another the followed this path. I wish we could all gather together for a group discussion. It’s so good knowing I’m not the only one.
Former trad catholic here, now Eastern Orthodox. I also went to a conservative catholic college and saw a lot of the same phenomena. Praying that you find peace and healing ☦️
🙏
Good job telling your story and have a great life!
Thank you! You too!
Just came across your channel and it’s great to see. I’m 28 and was involved in traditional Catholicism for about six years. I went from planning on coming out to my family on my 14th birthday but deciding not to (as was unsure how to) to be coming incredibly religious at 16 after going on pilgrimage to Lourdes. Started going to Latin Mass at about 20 and went all in on it. But then in 2020 when Covid lockdowns happened I started to accept I was gay and didn’t believe any more. And in about late 2021 early 2022 I left Catholicism (I identify as agnostic now) and joined a dating website. In July 2022 started talking to this guy and as of October 2022 we are boyfriends and are planning on moving in together (we live about 260 miles apart and I’m planning on moving to his city) and I love him so much. Thank you for sharing your video as I felt a bit alone being a gay ex trad.
Dang - our stories and so similar! I know a ton of people that followed the same trajectory. Glad you made it out!
I have a discord server you might like if you shoot me an email
While I do sympathize with your struggle, I think it is much less complicated than you make it out to be. All priests whether straight or gay must give up their sex life when taking holy orders. It’s the same struggle regardless. It’s not as if straights have less of a need to be sexually active. they also are bound to celibacy and chastity when entering the priesthood. Obviously there’s tons of priests who break their vows. Of course there’s many. However, it seems to me that you simply made the decision that you preferred to live out your sexuality over the priesthood. You chose sex over consecrated life. All priests have to make the same choice to give up sex or not whether they are gay or straight. Some priests run off with women some with men. You being gay is not the problem. The problem is that you couldn’t handle being celibate. Fair enough. But don’t point the finger at the Catholic Church. Any sex outside of marriage and for procreation is not seen as a good thing in the church regardless of whether straight or gay. Everybody knows that there’s tons of gay priests in the church. One can assume most remain celibate so it’s not an impossible thing. Regardless, you made your choice to not become a priest but that shouldn’t mean you should leave the Catholic Church. As many others have commented, a life of sex can only lead one so far. Christ is ultimately the one who leads to true happiness.
Why would I stay Catholic? Lmfao
I think you’re first mistake is thinking that all it was that made him leave was that he couldn’t have sex with other men? Sex is not all to life and I’m sure he knows that. That was probably the last thing that was on his mind. I feel like people forget asexual gay people exist lmao.
@@nylalyris I didn’t forget about asexual gay people. Many Catholic priests are gay and asexual. I literally pointed that out. Many priests are non practicing gays. That’s why I said being gay isn’t the problem it’s being celibate. You obviously didn’t understand what I said. Also he literally says that he left the Catholic Church because of his sexuality. Not just the priesthood but the entire faith itself. That was the defining thing. Again that was his choice but there’s plenty of gay people who choose to stay in the church. Just read the other comments. So many other people have pointed out in the comments that they are gay but they’re catholic. It’s obvious you can be gay and asexual but that’s not what he says. He wanted to live out his sexuality as a gay man. Which again is totally fine but it was ultimately his choice and not the church’s fault. As I repeat again, there’s so many gay priests and sometimes they have been caught with other men but they still remain Catholics. You can be gay and remain catholic the two aren’t exclusive. Not everyone can be celibate and chaste though that applies to anyone gay or straight. The priesthood isn’t for everyone. So I’m glad he figured out what he wanted. Nobody is forced to believe if they don’t. You conveniently ignore the fact that he puts his homosexuality as the central issue. It’s literally in the title. Lol.
@@Veritaseeker24 most priest are definitely not asexual at least in the beginning not feeling any type of sexual attraction to any gender and being celibate don’t go hand in hand. Him being gay definitely wasn’t the sloe purpose of him leaving though it was at the fore front I was watching the “I tried to be straight” podcast and it’s on yt too where he talks about all that aswell. Yes you can be gay and catholic but you can’t be openly gay and catholic in the sense you can’t have a relationship with someone or the same sex get married n all that shit. In theory I guess you could but it’s definitely not something supported or to look for so in that regard you can’t really be gay and catholic you’re going to have to choose at some point. If you watch the “I tried to be straight” UA-cam video there is something that he said that resonated with me. He said that basically whenever there’s a problem with the teaching or the church it’s never Gods problem or the church’s fault it’s always your problem. Like you can’t follow the teachings or “you’re not happy with this or that” well it’s not Gods fault it’s yours the blame is alway on us because we’re just too selfish to give up all our desires for God etc.. He said something like that and it made me think more about religion.
@@Veritaseeker24 oh and I only brought up asexual gay people because of the argument of basically gay sex is the sin not being gay so by that standard asexual gay ppl in romantic relationships are fine? But ofc they probably believe romantic relationships between ppl of the same sex is wrong too
Its crazy to listen to your journey. I was in my diocesan seminary for 6 months, my journey was a bit of hell haha. I could fill a podcast with all the details but anyways Thank you for this video and I'm glad ur doing great.
Oh wow! Glad you’re out now!!
@@GayExTrad haha well, i guess i should specify..i was 18 when i was in the seminary. And got out 6 months later. Came out the following year. And that was abbout 15 years ago haha.
Videos like this make me cry, not because of how positive your experience with being gay has been (though I hope you don't take that as me saying I'm not happy for you, because I'm tremendously happy that you've been able to live a happy life as a gay person). The crying comes from the fact that I can't help but think of all the people that I know that had basically the exact opposite experience. I've known people who had friends that were nearly killed by their parents when they came out. One had to be taken to a hospital and almost died. Another was disowned and now is a homeless person who no doubt gets told by conservatives that it's his fault and that he just needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps (I can feel my blood boiling just typing out those words). I hear all the time from theists that there's nothing wrong with just thinking that it's wrong to be gay. But beliefs can be influential. If you truly think being gay is a crime similar to murder or pedophilia, then it's understandable that you would disown your child if they told you they were gay. After all, if your kid told you they had murdered someone, you'd probably either turn them into the police or disown them, right? How anyone can see two people in love as comparable to murder is something I'll never understand. I get that people tend to be wary towards people that are different, but it's been taken to such greater extremes than merely being wary. Every time a theist tells me that thinking homosexuality is wrong is just their opinion, I think of all the gay people I've heard of who have had such pain and brutality inflicted on them, and I just feel sick to my stomach. How is anyone going to tell me that the people being beaten nearly to death simply for who they love are the ones in the wrong? I'll say something similar to what MLK said: Until I can live in a world where no one has to fear that they might be killed if people know they're gay, this is not my America.
Preach!!! Yes - exactly!!! When someone beliefs directly fuel hate that destroys peoples' lives, they can't fall back on the 'it's just my opinion' shtick. My experience was 8 million times easier than others, because I lived in a secular part of the country. If I lived in a religious family or religious part of the country, I'm not sure if I'd still be around. Keep sharing your friends' stories and never let people forget they have blood on their hands.
@@GayExTrad I will say that I have definitely noticed a growing trend of people being more and more hostile towards so-called "opinions" against homosexuals, and we all love to see that! Idk if this is maybe too far for me to say, but sometimes I wish homophobes felt the same fear that those gay people felt when their parents were beating them nearly to death. Then again, I know fighting fire with fire isn't the way, so I'll take social media bans where I can get em XD
@@GayExTrad I will say that I have definitely noticed a growing trend of people being more and more hostile towards so-called "opinions" against homosexuals, and we all love to see that! Idk if this is maybe too far for me to say, but sometimes I wish homophobes felt the same fear that those gay people felt when their parents were beating them nearly to death. Then again, I know fighting fire with fire isn't the way, so I'll take social media bans where I can get em XD
In order for devine aspects to be concluded we have to work up to that aspect of realization. The fastest counter position is look around at those rocks, trees, sky, planet, moon, sun, and even complex DNA,... all of this in manifestation has 1 of 2 perceived starting points. Nothing created something… or… intelligent being created it all.
Buildings, houses, toys, and video games have a creator. If we say complex DNA has no creator but is an accident, do we not cheapen our own existence by saying we are accidents but that which we create from our hands holds more meaning? “Accidental Human” has accidental opinion, so we only really hold value past a certain “opinionated” point. Our thoughts and feelings are only important collectively and this still creates problems. The holocaust was justified by collective “moral will” of those together saying it was right to kill all jews. Men who formed this nation collectively supported the right to have a slave. These are moral collective opinions that you and I today know to be wrong but back then everyone decided it to be right.
But if we are created, we hold value outside our opinions tethered to an absolute right or wrong independent of us. We KNOW right and wrong from an absolute position. If the US decided to enact the “purge” (did you ever see those movies?) we as a society would recognize the wrong in legal violence like rape and murder. We KNOW rape and murder is wrong without collectively realizing this. We know steeling and coveting is wrong. We know Hate is evil. We in every world society know its wrong from the same relative definition. Morality cannot be absolute and consistent if we are accidents in space and time. And Space and time from a mathematically flawed position of nothingness without creative creation has no position in logic. A creator or immense power is the only reasonable solution under an unexplainable moral code built in us. This pissed off Einstein with his theory of relativity. He realized his theory proved a starting point of the universe from a single explosion point.
Knowing there is a “Creator” from what we see is not a hard position to except. Most of the planet accepts that reality with different labels. “Higher power” , “mother nature”, “supreme alien”, etc. we see creation around us and cannot explain how it came about from a starting point. We are forced to say it’s from “something”.
The hard position is Jesus.
If God exists, or a creator, how can we work out the validity of Jesus? History. The same way we work out the validity of George Washington, Paul Revere, etc. we establish existence, then we establish written accounts outside biased accounts, then we establish biblical accounts by using earlier writings before Jesus existence. If multiple accounts say he did what he did, it becomes a convincible acceptable position when finally reading the very accounts that talk about him directly. But it’s foolish to go to the direct accounts first. Declarative position has not weight without cross reference.
If Jesus existed, there must be secular sources that confirm this outside a perceived biased position like the bible. We must seek non biased historical secular writings to justify bias writings. Ill let you dig around so I don’t continue writing a wall of text lol.
• Jewish General Josephus and Eusebius write about Jesus and the claims of his followers.
• The Jewish Talmud, Mishnah claim Yeshua (Jesus) was a heretic practicing black magic.
• Dead sea scrolls found in Jordon in 1900s with copies of Isaiah confirmed carbon dated before Christ by 200 years with prophetic writings of descriptions of a man that does what secular writings claim he does. Those found writings line up with what we have today in our bibles. Isaiah 53:4-6, Isaiah 9:6 - written long before Christ was born.
• The Gospel accounts which tell exactly what he did.
That’s the order I would go in for checking claims. If they line up, then the likelihood of validity is high. The wider implications is the potential reality if its true. But people rarely ever go this far in trying to learn and disprove.
I always tear up when I write this part….Scott, brother, Your life as a Gay man IS sin, welcome to the club,…all sin is an abomination to God. I came from a worse life. I was a porn addict, talked to Hookers, old girlfriends, cheated on my wife, verbally abused my wife and 2 little girls. I was a Lier, a thief, a fornicator. I justified my sin by saying there is no God. I said “what kind of “god” sends good people to hell?...screw that. Its hog wash”. I am the chief sinner. In anger I refused to care or believe. I loved my sin. I LOVED the inclusive feeling of it. The acceptance from the world. But in my sin I was angry, harsh, hurtful, lustful, prideful and arrogant. I sought self pleasure saying it was right and justified and correct because its my needs and my desires and its how “God made me”. “Me First”
I came to a point of realization of who God was, who Jesus was AND the gravity of my sin. I thought I was unsavable. I didn’t pray a prayer or do a ritual. I believed my sin was wrong, I believed what Jesus did and I believed based on the available evidence I looked at. My sin didn’t drop right away. But it did eventually fade away. I still have thoughts of lust, but I don’t indulge as much. I don’t look at porn anymore. I don’t talk to old GFs or Hookers. I don’t lie, I don’t steel. I am a sinner who does not practice sin. This was not my overcoming but him who saved me. We do nothing alone. We don’t even come to him cleaned up. We come to him broken in despair.
I know this stuff is aggravating and im sure you’ve encountered many hostile “holy than thou” Christians. I know this subject is hard. You are doing more than most ever consider. The fact that you are talking here and asking questions means the same holy God that brought me out of my sin is working on your heart. You can feel it even now. Even in the confusion of him and the confusion and irritation of life you feel him speaking to you. Tugging on your heart. Pulling you. You feel as if you are being pulled apart. You feel not too far gone. You are NOT. You are asking the right questions. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep searching. Keep your heart open. Keep looking for him. And if you are up for it, in your silent quiet alone moment, reach out to him privately and ask him to reveal himself to you. He will reveal the truth if you ask.
I will certainly keep talking to you if you allow that. 😊
@@HillbillyBlack Yeah this is all nothing more than an incredibly wordy appeal to emotions that I am more than uninterested in engaging with. There's absolutely no crumb of evidence or logically sound arguments to be found here. Just appeals to emotion mixed with misunderstandings of several concepts. I don't have the time or energy to explain all of this to you, and I'm not trying to be rude, but the fact that you had the time to type out that essay filled with fallacious arguments and emotional appeals is really disheartening to see. I genuinely hope you become more intellectual in the future, but I have very little faith that it will happen, as I do with every other theist. You can respond to me all you want, since I don't have the power to stop you, but please know that unless you start making arguments that aren't laced with fallacies, and stop trying to appeal to my emotions because you know your arguments aren't logically sound, I will likely not respond to you.
I used to be Catholic, after going through hell and mental crisis because I felt I was never good enough, I became Episcopalian now im happy and can live for Christ and have a beautiful relationship thanks bro for your story!
So glad you found something that works for you better!! Many blessings, friend
@@GayExTrad Thanks friend! enjoy your uploads thanks for everything!
I come from a Buddhist country. We do not have these religious sex obsessions, and we certainly do not have the hyper-homophobia that is the hallmark of western religions. I do hope you consider, as do I, that there are spiritual paths that do not involve violence - neither physical nor psychological. Namo Buddhaya.
Love it! Yes, I’ve looked into eastern religions and have a few Buddhists friends - seems to be a very peaceful life without all the rules
@@GayExTrad Ah, there are rules. However, the rules are aimed at helping you overcome real addictions, not imaginary ones.
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu
Love Buddhism
@@rmglabog And we love you, sir. May you be happy. Namo Buddhaya. 🪷
Sexuality is not a ''sex obsession'' You are denying your sexuality. God made sexuality. Sex is a powerful human drive that God gave us. You have a long way to go.
Congrats. Well done. I'm a bit envious in some respects. I'm older. My path hasn't been quite so clear. But I'm also grateful -- you strike me as very normal and I don't see so much of that when I have looked around
Glad that you've eventually found your way!
@@GayExTrad well. Sort of. I think bisexual is it. For me. But it's a wildly uncomfortable spot.
Thank you Cade for this lovely video. Your ability to share your story has inspired me and no doubt inspires others who had our experience.
🙏🙏🙏 - hopefully we can share stories like ours, to prevent stories like ours from happening
Trad, you are a lovely man and have been through the most difficult part.
Your parents did a good job raising you and you are going to make a great husband.
My husband and I went through the same thing with our Catholic families in the late 1970s, after admitting that my college roommate and I were more than roommates. Initially, our announcement didn't go well. At that time we decided to move from Louisiana to San Francisco in 1982, where it was more accepting., Once we got settled in San Francisco, life got easier as time went on. Together, we built a great life, had amazing careers, bought a house and became financially stable, and we are now retired together some 45 years later back in our home state of Louisiana.
I love my husband with all my heart, my dreams came true, and feel fulfilled.
Things do get better.
Wow! Thank you so so much for sharing, Richard - I feel honored! It warms my heart beyond belief to hear you story and the wonderful life you two have built :). It sounds like you two had rough-starts to life with coming out in the 70s to religious families, but wow, 45 years together is just wonderful wonderful. Many blessings to you two, Richard!
I started coming out when I was 16. My first official public coming out (on social media) was when i was 18 years old at an all-guys Catholic high school. I'm 29 now, and gosh I wish 16 year old me could have seen this video ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing! How'd it go coming out in an all-guys catholic high school?
@GayTradSpeaks It wasn't easy by any means because the school basically ran on gay jokes. The good news though was that the overwhelming majority of the student body wasn't actually homophobic. I came out little by little...one friend at a time for the first few people. Then to a small group of about 7 people during a summer retreat. And then I eventually posted about it on social media a couple times throughout high school and college...always phrased as "same-sex attraction" like any good Catholic boy would ha ha. To this day, I still hate putting an official label on it. So I still consider myself "bisexual" to this day. Am I actually sexually attracted to women? Not most of the time, but I really hate putting labels on myself and I don't want to close that door indefinitely. So I prefer to keep things a little more ambiguous with the bisexual label.
Thankfully, I was never officially bullied because of it. There was one time a classmate called me a f***ot. The teacher heard him say it, called him out immediately, and literally told him to "Shut the hell up." To this day, I still don't take that personally at all because that kid was dealing with way more stuff in his personal life at the time than I ever have.
@@PatrickVerst Glad it worked out! I'm endlessly fascinated by straight men's obsession with homosexuality. I don't know what it is, but straight guys (especially when just around other guys) can't stop making gay jokes. It's like a compulsion. Doesn't matter if they're gay-friendly or homophobic - they all make gay jokes and play chicken with each other of who's willing to go further in doing gay actions but as jokes. Why do you think that is?
@GayTradSpeaks I think the nature of high school jokes often tends to be a bit more sexual generally speaking. And I think the more progressive our society becomes, the more tolerant society becomes of homosexuals...yet somehow the gay jokes never seem to go away with that agree group. It's an interesting point that you made for sure, and one that I tend to agree with.
I'm a Catholic priest and I congratulate you and commend you on a well discerned journey. You are insightful and intelligent and empathetic. I wish you all the happiness in the world. The Church has got to come to admit that scripture scholarship does not support an anti same sex attraction. If we mean everyone is welcome to the church, then the implication is unconditional. Treating gay people and divorced and remarried Catholics as second class citizens does not match that sentiment at all.
I appreciate it, father! Glad to find a priest with empathy and understanding. Keep it up!
@swagout7472
Bro - chill. His role as a father is to bring Christ to people, to serve people and to help people encounter Christ. His role is not to blame people for things these people can't change about themselves. We are ALL broken people - the only one of us who got it all together is Christ himself. We should be more humble as catholics and encourage one another to live a life worth living. The guy in the video found his way of living a fullfilling and authentic life and we have no right to judge him - in my opinion. Jesus died for every single one of us and his standards are different than any of our standards - we ALL rely on his mercy one way or another. Tbh I guess the man in the video is a better witness of God - than I could ever be. God bless.
@@swagout7472For me there is a huge difference between admonishing a sinner who chooses to sin and admonishing someone who is simply born a certain way. Shall we admonish a murderer for having murdered someone? Yes. Why? Because no one is born as a murderer. Shall we admonish a gay person simply for being gay? No. Why? Because this person was born this way. Only God knows why a person is born a certain way and Jesus knows better than anyone else, that life is not black and white. It is no accident that Jesus will be the ultimate judge and not you nor me: Jesus (alone) is truth, Jesus (alone) is love and Jesus (alone) is justice -> let us be humble enough to let Jesus decide "to judge or not to judge" people who God allowed to be born a certain way. Our task is to carry our own cross and to support one another. There are way more important aspects to a person than his/her sexual orientation. Take the parable of the good Samaritan for example: Where does Jesus specifically say that the good Samaritan is not gay? Nowhere. Therefore the good Samaritan may in fact be gay. In case the good Samaritan happened to be gay - would it mean that we should not try to be like the good Samaritan because he was born gay? I do not think so. I dare to say that Jesus did not even care if the good Samaritan was gay or not. On the other hand, Jesus makes it very clear that passing by a beggar without giving him any many food or money may send us one day to hell - as the parable about Lazarus points to. Now let us be honest with ourselves - how many times have we actively decided to ignore a beggar sitting on the street? We should be more worried about that, than being worried about people who did not choose to be gay for they were born this way - just like I did not choose to be straight for I was born this way. This has little to do with love, justice nor mercy.
My partner and I are together but have started abstaining only because I can't stop worrying about it. Sucks to be me, but I am still happy to be with him. He's a hero.
IFFFFFF you're a Catholic priest, why is your profile not showing that? Whether you are or not, nobody here can prove it, but you parading around on social media as someone who isn't is concerning and suspicious.
Thank you for sharing your story and your heart! You’re so amazing! God does not make mistakes ❤
Absolutely!!
I didn't get it. What do they mean being gay is fine, but acting gay is inappropriate?
No, I don’t believe that, but that’s what the church teaches
@thenewbornAustin
Basically, the Church makes a distinction between desires (i.e. sexual desires for the same or opposite sex) and acts (sexual acts, but would also include intentional fantasies). The distinction between fantasies and desires would be that desires are not intentional. One doesn't purposefully desire something. That's part of why the Church tends not to use the word "gay" despite the fact that the broader culture does; the broader culture uses it in a more nebulous way that doesn't take account of the Church's distinctions between desires and acts. You might look up "CCC 2357-2359" to find the Catechism of the Catholic Church's explanation on this.
Its just like what the Church would say to a married Catholic who finds himself attracted to someone other than their spouse or a celibate priest attracted to someone after their vows: The feelings/attraction are no sin but acting on them would be sinful. So the married man is not guilty of adultery until he starts acting on his attraction to the other woman, as long as the attraction is involuntary and he's not doing anything to foster it. Because feelings and attraction of any sort are never a sin unless they're deliberately fostered or acted upon. The Church views all illicit sexual involvements the same way. They become sinful only when the person chooses to take some kind of action or if they're deliberately fostering the attraction. To the extent that its involuntary attraction, there can be no sin because the will is not engaged and in Catholic theology, only a free will can sin.
@@AuthenticityVeritas sounds very reasonable in the narrow minded religious viewpoint yet a distorted perspective from human being which truly distain and go against god's infinite novelty in creating gender diversity.
Thanks for sharing your story, I know there are a lot of young gay people who need to hear these things. I'm glad you found peace and resolution with your sexuality and spirituality. Hope to see more content from you in the future. As a side note, you have a great voice for sports commentary lol
Thanks for the kind words!!
6:22 I had a similar experience and Im 28. That early 2010s period was definitely something. There was no targeted abuse/bullying but also gay people did not exist. The concept of "gay" was not something you would casually encounter. I first came into contact with the idea from 2 sentences about heterosexuality in my mom's medical book, looked it up online, and found a brief mention of the opposite version
Im from a very tolerant place, MA. It was the deafening silence on this issue that made me unwilling to directly tell my parents or any adult. It felt rude to mention. If I have to be honest, Im bitter about how my life turned out as a result (so far). I grinded 5th-12th grade because it was clear I deliberately not given a spot for social interaction & keeping a significant part of yourself out of socializing results in a personality that is not conducive for socializing
I then grinded through college. There is not a clear roadmap & one does not just appear like it does for straight people. Im now grinding through work. Do I have anything to show for the grinding? Net worth of 60k, an apartment with 3 roommates, and an engineering degree from a state college. Not nothing but also not commiserate with the work I put in & the parts of life I didn't get to participate in.
Idk, this may have deviated from the thesis of your video but that comment about 6:10 the silence on the issue struck me. It's like "Yah, nothing heinous happened to me but I guess on reflection I was completely unable to engage with people, community, or society in any way that wasn't exclusively about producing value. I was able to participate when the goal was generating value & when I had the capacity to generate significantly more value than my peers" So yahhhhh. Wow unpacked a lot just now. Very illuminating
Love it! Yes, I think you’re spot on here with overcompensating through achievement and grief for that time in life, but I know you’re strong and can keep pushing forward!
I am a woman who experiences same sex attraction. I have since 11 years old. I took on my faith seriously at 17, and have been wrestling with this issue seriously even to the point of counseling for the past year. I went to mass today, received the Eucharist, and decided / felt very affirmed that no woman was worth giving it the gift of that up. I know how trying this is, and I wish you all the peace you deserve.
Thanks for sharing, friend - many blessings to you too!
But why dont you have BOTH??? Nobody asked you to give up the love of a woman
so you can have Jesus! Jesus is happy to share you with another woman! Go on try it. You will be amazed how you wont lose Jesus because you love a woman too! In fact both of you can love Jesus together.
@@declankelly9829 The church asked me to.
Not sure why this video automatically played but thank you for giving me a glimpse of your story. I converted to Catholicism in my mid-20s. Before that, my upbringing didn’t include God. I was raised without a faith. After an extraordinary encounter with Jesus, I converted and had to learn the Church’s teachings on sexuality and evaluate my over-a-decade same-sex relationship. I wanted to continue, I almost turned my back on God completely, but he showed me why we had to break up. In short, my salvation. I was headed the wrong way. By the grace of God, I live a chaste lifestyle now and can say it’s not always easy, however, I wouldn’t want it any other way. “The Universal Call to Holiness” looks different from person to person, mine includes picking up my cross, following the Lord, and living a sacramental life. The world will never challenge our lifestyle but the Holy Spirit will always call us to more. Our bodies speak a language and my same-sex relationship revealed I could never have kids with the one I loved. Something was wrong, but I didn’t want to face it. At the core of life, you’ll always need man and woman to bring about life. I believe it points to God and says a lot about the real purpose of our bodies, sexuality, and marriage. It’s possible to be catholic with SSA while striving to embody the gospel. Also, nothing in this world beats receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Any sacrifice is worth it
The Eucharist was the main thing that helped me, as a Catholic man who is gay, to learn to understand and love myself for who I am while also giving me the strength to choose and to desire to choose what’s right. I wish this for him and for everyone who is SSA and Catholic.
There is unfortunately no truth in the Christian religion, it is in grave error.
@@classicworks0316 I wish for every gay person to find a loving partner and start a family like every straight person does. You wish for them to be alone their whole lives because you call their love an abomination. The day you start telling every straight person to remain celibate for life will be the day gay people ( and not SSA- we’re not sick, so stop using such medicalizing language) will start taking you seriously. Your double standards only reveal prejudice and hatred. Nothing more.
Once again, internet ‘testimonies’ full of fake hyperboles.. ‘after an extraordinary encounter, I became homophobic and starting seeing the love that gay people for their partners as an abomination and a grave evil they need to repent for’- there, fixed it. Doesn’t sound so kind and loving now, does it? Gay people are and have been leaving your church in droves. Only self hating people with no self respect debase themselves so low to accept being told they are ‘objectively disordered’ for who they are. Thankfully, younger gay people don’t have that internalized hatred so will not abide by your arbitrary demands.
I haven't been baptized yet, but hopefully I'll be at the end of the year. And the Eucharist is such a beautiful thing!
Just wanted to say you are awesome!! Thank you for being so logical and reasonable. I hope your story helps many… I grew up in a Pentecostal cult and had similar struggles in my own coming out. Unfortunately did not have as many supportive people in my circle of friends and family. Like you I had my faith rollercoaster. You are right it does get better. I hope you don’t loose that love for Jesus. The church may be blind and misguided, but Jesus love, and your love for him aren’t. They are but Pharisees. I was lucky enough to attend seminary as an openly Gay man, and become ordained. It will take time for the mainline church to open their eyes, but they too are getting better. There are small sects making progress. Yes it gets better every day…Please continue your good work. This story really tugged at my heart. I identify so much with your story, it could have been mine with a few detail changes. You handled things so much better than I did though. I hope many can use your story to guide their coming out, or help them understand a friend or family member who is coming out. Again, you are awesome!
Thanks for sharing your journey!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I unfortunately went through the same thing you did. Dated woman but not because I was sexually attracted only to make my family think that I was straight. I loved the Catholic church and faith. I went to adoration, Mass, I was a committed Christian. Always felt guilty of my feelings for men. I almost got married but I realized it wouldn't work. I'm finally at peace with myself and I'm in a relationship . I wanted to be a priest too. I even was looking in to becoming a monk. I now go to the Episcopal church. I feel welcomed there. Thank you again for sharing your story because it will help others who are struggling .
I'm honored for you to share your story in such a raw way, brother! I'm so sorry to hear that you were forced (even if you made the decision 'freely', I would still consider it forced by the ideology of the church) to have to live life with a woman. I'm so glad to hear that you were able to make it out and have found peace in the Episcopal church. Keep on being you, friend, and telling your story!
If you don't mind, do you believe the Church's teaching but find it hard to follow, or you do you not believe the teaching?
@@Lerian_V More likely because it's hard to follow.
@@faustinuskaryadi6610 Does your answer apply in your own situation as well?
@@Lerian_V Yes, because I know that I still can't stop masturbate despite it's called venial sin by Catholic Church.
Thank you for sharing your story, it's not easy even when you have a supportive family. I had a very similar experience to you, and had to take a step back from my Catholic faith to live authentically as a bi trans woman. Eventually I was able to return to it and reconstruct my faith in a way that was meaningful to me, and was blessed to find a Parish that is affirming and sees me and my wife as who we are.
But that took 15 years lol, and for most of it I wanted nothing to do with religion. So if you feel like religion is not for you or you're still figuring that out then you are valid. You don't need to justify that to anyone.
Sounds like you've learned to grow thicker skin and be confident in yourself. That's awesome. And for what it's worth I believe God loves you as He made you, gayness and all ❤️. The Vatican has an overly legalistic approach, but there are many loving lay catholics and clerics out there who see the truth right in front of them that being gay is okay 🙂.
Thanks for sharing - that warms my heart!! Yeah, I could see one day reconstructing in the right community. Keep being you and loving life!!
The Catholic church will always be here, and it's actually quite common (and somewhat normal) to have a come-and-go relationship with its teachings at different times in your life. The choice to stay, or leave, or something in between is a matter of personal semantics and will depend largely on age and life experience. It's also ok to change this decision later on as new experiences and your lived reality will ultimately guide you.
What I would caution you against doing, is reframing the idea of being gay as an "identity" which is somehow competing with religion for first place in your fulfilment priorities. Whilst Catholicism can make it seem this way, based on church teaching It's not a one or the other scenario. Religion and relationships (whilst inter-connected) are separate experiences, and they ultimately satisfy different needs, so you shouldn't feel shame in servicing either of them. There are seasons for celibacy and seasons for companionship. God will guide you in both.
Thanks for the wonderful insights, friend! I’ll definitely take it into consideration
Thank god my country is Buddhist then. 😊
When is the season for celibacy? When you just aren't in the mood? Lol
I hated myself for endless years when this all started happening to me as a kid in the 80s and early 90s. Never thought I would struggle with same-sex attraction and always assumed I would marry and become a parent. It was my wish/prayer to God for 6 years straight when blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. I would do it internally while all the family cheered me on as I blew out the candles, but I hated myself inside because I knew it was a dirty secret and would cause great disappointment. It really sucked because I felt like a prisoner and could never make it go away. It was/has been probably the hardest thing in my life to endure. Good luck!
Wow - I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up in the 80s/90s and being gay. I had so much internal turmoil, and I was raised in an era where being gay was accepted. So happy that you were able to make it through and I hope you're living a great life now - thanks for sharing!
Wow, a gay trad! Always knew they existed, never thought I would meet another one...
I'm even younger than you, and it's interesting to hear your story. I believe our Lord is loving and wants us to love, not to judge. It's a shame the trads mostly just judge others (oh well, now I'm judging trads).
"The gays" taught me that you can love everyone. The only thing the catholic church taught me is how to judge anybody. Yet I'm still an active catholic, singing chant at a TLM parish and helping out at a dominican (OP) monastery. We are all just imperfect people serving a perfect, loving, caring Lord. And I know some people would judge me if they knew I'm gay (definitely the whole TLM parish lol). And I don't care what they think. I'm serving my loving Lord and not them, that's what I care about. And I believe one can be in a gay relationship and a faithful catholic at the same time.
Good luck to you!
@@swagout7472 and that's exactly what I was talking about. You don't know me. Yet you dare to assume that I've committed grave sin and what I plan to do with my life. Just because I wrote a few sentences about myself. Is this the way our Lord Jesus Christ approached sinners and broken people? I don't think so. Where is your love? You live in this world labeling people sinful and think you are the righteous one? That's not what Jesus did. Matthew 7 is just one of the hundreds of passages I would recommend. I appreciate your desire to save me, but Christ has already died and risen, takes care of us all and your effort just can't compare to that. I talk to a handful of priests and confess my ACTUAL sins on a regular basis, but I doubt that will make you change your views about me. I would humbly advise working on your communication style, because I don't think you are going to spread Christ's message this way. Pax tecum.
Thanks for the kind words, homie! Glad to hear you're having a blast in the traditional movement. The smells, bells, chant, architecture, etc. are all SOO beautiful! I'm happy for youth you've found peace reconciling your identities. You'll get push back coming our or being in a relationship, but it sounds like you're strong! Keep crushing it, homie!
@@swagout7472 Yes, I agree, the church most certainly does teach that. However, I have two things to add to that. Firstly, the magisterial teaching of the church is a great resource, but history tells us its infallibility is at the very least debatable. It was considered mortally sinful to receive interest when loaning money for around 1500 years. Yet you don't tell bankers to repent nowdays. The magisterial teaching has changed and is changing profoudly to more closely approach the Truth. To say we currently have full knowledge of the True teaching is to deny history and the church's own development.
Secondly, the reasons for which you may consider "gay relationships" sinful are probably twisted in some way and not even applicable to many of them. Love itself cannot be sinful, so you must be talking about other aspects not necessarily inherent to a relationship. Sadly, an expansion on that would be outside the scope of a single YT comment, so I'll leave it at that. If you are interested, the author of this video, although I do not completely agree with him on certain topics, attempted to disprove the foundation of the catholic teaching on natural law and homosexuality in his other content. Pax tecum.
@@GayExTrad Well thanks for your kind words and your content, it's really interesting to hear an ex-trad's perspective and certainly what we need nowdays, both as Christians and as gays. I came out to a few of my catholic friends, and from my experience most of the young catholic population is pretty affirming (went to a catholic school so...). And the strength? Yeah, I get that from Christ: I pray, go to adoration... you know the drill much better than I do haha. Definitely not as crazy as you though, certainly don't wanna become a priest. Thanks again and keep the content coming!
@@jindrichnovak3830 Keep staying strong, brother!! Glad you had a great experience with your first few catholics friends
Thank you for your honesty and openness. I was sexually abused by a catholic priest when I was a boy. Over the years I have come to think that the institutional church is corrupt. Also I was a catholic priest many years ago following Vatican II and studied at the North American College in Rome but eventually left the church for many of the same reasons that you have. You are a brave young man.
Wow - I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I'm glad to hear you found your way out!! Wishing you the best, David!
I related to so so much of this. As one of those born-into-it Trads I appreciate your observations about how messy it is for us…. But we both made it out in the end!
So grateful you made it out! Your journey shows the incredible strength you're capable of - keep crushing it out there, homie 💪
Dear friend and brother! You are needed in the Church! The Church is still your home! And the home of your partner, and the spring of blessing of your love!
Thanks for the perspective
Adorable. Absolutely adorable.
🙏🙏
Very well articulated. A couple of points of similarity to what I went through:
The first was the feeling of freedom after totally accepting who I am. I couldn't help saying to myself as I listed to you speak, "Your truth will set you free". For myself I felt I could truly care for other people, finally, because I learned to love who I truly am.
The second thing is the amount of time you took to deconstruct, as that was similar for me, as well.
I haven't given up on God or Christ. I just don't commit to a specific organized religious group, even the one I've been attending for 20 years. They were my healing, but I don't believe any man lead movement of Christ has totally got it right.
Keep up the good work!
As someone who is NOT religious at all, I think I will always label myself a catholic nevertheless. I have often wondered what it feels like to truly believe and I feel like you have probably had that feeling at some point, would you say it’s something that almost life changing? I observe my mother as an example who is religious to an extent and to even say I don’t believe in god is crazy to her but it’s just not something I have ever felt in me. I wonder about it but that’s sort of the extent of it, idk maybe one day
The groups I was a part of were absolutely life changing! My life before and after joining were SOOO much different. Your every waking thought, desire, and concern is for Jesus and His Church. All you care about in this earthy life is saving souls, doing penance, loving Jesus, spreading His world. The world becomes alive with meaning and you can make a true, eternal difference in the world - and to the extend to which you love, you merit eternal reward. EVERYTHING in your life is for this cause. It's becomes almost impossible to fathom someone not wanting to partake in His Divine plan.
Now, I don't believe I had good basis to believe all of that, but it wasn't the realest thing to me when I was a part.
Wow! It's amazing how similar your coming out story is to mine, except 10 years prior, the internet had not caught on yet, and it was as a parish priest for me. Still in the catholic church. we have a college here, and a catholic chapel. I believe in a God, and Jesus is accepting of all. He never said to exclude anyone, and that the church, and the people within, has warped what is written.
Except the Latin mass should not exist after Vatican II.
It's not sinful to push back against the teaching of the church, it's the way you go about it that could be sinful.
Glad you found something that works for you!!!
Very interesting... I think there's an undercurrent of latent homosexuality in many rad trad circles.. I mean, many Gen Z men who are rad trads are also groypers and worship Nick Fuentes, you presumably know him, and he is a closeted homosexual and I suspect some of his followers are as well.. I'd suggest perhaps making your videos a little bit shorter so that they do better with the YT algorithm, but other than that, I feel like there's a real need for people like you to share their stories. There's virtually no testimonies online that talk about things like getting radicalised into far right ideologies via Catholicism, the alt right pipeline etc.. Might be interesting for you to share your thoughts on Christian nationalism, or the weird LARPing Catholics do on Twitter etc . I see so many radtrad accounts on X literally just spouting Nazi level rhetoric.. It's insane.. I'm just wondering, do they actually believe God endorses what they're doing or are they knowingly faking it?
Oh boy, you his the nail on the head! Yes, the easiest to radicalize are the ones who hate themselves the most - often gay men, such as Fuentes and his cronies. It's either that, a crippling p***n problem, or they can relate to ladies. I'm debating putting my testimony out on become a Daily Wire obsessed middle-schooler and then alt-right catholicism into high school - and how I matured out. I was MUCH more heavy on the theology side and absolutely believed in catholicism, but a majority of alt-righters who become religious through Fuentes only care about their bloodlines/tradition and ethno-state. Shorter would definitely get more views, but part of my thinking is that those 10 minute videos get picked up into reaction videos or over-simplified. The only people who would watch through 50 un-edited minutes of me talking are those already considering leaving. I assume you have some background in the movement to talk fluent gen-z alt-rightism?
@@GayExTradHey! Sorry i forgot to get back to you in time. Yes, I’m more of a leftist myself ( though I’m European so things are a little bit different here) but i am chronically online and have been doing research on the far right and Christianity for some years now. Also, i think you’re almost ideally positioned to become the antidote we so desperately need ; you’re young, male and have experience with trad caths and could really help stem the growing pipeline from Catholicism to far right politics amongst young male demographics. You’re also the type of person that they wouldn’t expect ; Fuentes &co have a caricature of gay people as weak and feminine, but you obviously defy that so they would probably listen to you more easily than other ‘lgbt advocates’ per se. Also, just something you might want to react to, is the Pope just calling gay people the f slur today. It is honestly no wonder Catholicism is becoming so attractive to the far right. What happened to hate the sin not the sinner? Another lie of course, the mask slipped. Anyway, would love to chat to you more about this topic if you wish, I’m a 22 year old gay guy myself, though I’m also active on reddit so might hit send you a message there if other avenues aren’t possible. In any case I think something has to be done about Catholic radicalism amongst gen Z men. Wish you and your partner all the best!
Thanks for sharing, Cade.
🙏
When will you choose to carry own cross?
To decide to some man instead of A Man that doesnt ask any physical favor to you, only trust. He would be adored and loved in His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity directly... and you simply abandoned it... You made your choice, but its always charitable to remember, He still awaits you brother.
Once again, you're just throwing statements out there without any evidence. Try bringing evidence next time instead of just assertions
@@GayExTrad the Mass happens, you should visit and know about it. Its a choice.
You’re a roll model, Cade. Thanks for sharing your story! Relates closely to mine, supportive family, friends and community, just personal struggles (in my own faith journey) that made it so damn hard. I’d be curious to hear more about the catholic priest hood, and why you think repressed homosexuality is so prevalent In it. I appreciate you! (And you have a wicked voice, so nice to listen to!)
Glad you enjoyed the video! Yeah, there's a lot of people with our same story. As a priest, you get to hide your orientation and still be involved in the arts (and literally wear dresses) - priests are the midieval drag queens, haha
I'm a Catholic with SSA and the same age as yours, and I can say one thing: the love of the Lord is above everything a man can give you.
You say that you are living happily with your boyfriend, but surely he has some defects and something that you bother about him. With God, it is not the same: he is perfect!
That's why I live in celibacy. Yes, it is not easy, a big cross to carry. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I'm sure that God will reward me in Paradise
"Grace be with all them that love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen." (Eph 6:24)
First of all, SSA is the kind of lingo Catholics use to pathologize gay people, makes it sound like some sort of disorder; which in any case your catechism believes it is since it calls you ‘objectively disordered’! How nice. You might be one of the 1-2% of people happy with lifelong celibacy. For most humans, gay or straight it is psychologically unhealthy to never have any romantic or sexual relationships. It is also cruel and inhumane to call the love that gay people have for each other ( because its not just ‘sodomy’- thats how your church dehumanizes gayness) sinful and an ‘abomination’. And lets see. You’re stiil very young( although curiously enough your channel was created 15 years ago and many of your playlists reference very old songs and trends that i struggle to believe a real Gen Zer would have any awareness of). Let’s check in 10-15 years when all your friends are married and have children how easy it will be for you to spend the next 50+ years without any romance or affection. No, the Church’s teaching is simply wrong. Remember, the Church at one point for hundreds of years endorsed slavery, colonialism, was against women’s right to vote etc etc. The bible was written at a specific time period and reflected the morals of the day. They had no clue what a sexual orientation even was. You can be celibate and thats your choice. The issue is when you promote that to other gay people when science and psychology tells us that the mental health of gay people in your churches is very bad and in fact leads many to suicide. Gay people will not accept to be dehumanized and degraded in 2024, we’ve had enough of that for hundreds of years. Our love is just as worthy as that of the straight people who wrote the Bible. If not, you should probably deal with your self hatred, not by remaining within a Church that wants to feel shame for who you are but by seeking counseling to help you overcome religious trauma.
@@linc1494 The word celibacy is used so flippantly now. You’re bisexual. You can fall in love, have sex with and marry any woman that you want to. Don’t compare your situation to that of gay people, whom your Church presumably asks to stay celibate for life, something 99% of straight Christians would never accept. I’m afraid in the year of 2024 gay people won’t either, and thats why almost all of them are leaving the Churches. Go tell straight men to forsake all romance and partnership ( its not just ‘ephemeral pleasures’, you reduce homosexuality to sex so you don’t seem cruel denying them the right to love and partnership) and tell me how it goes. This shouldn’t have to be an ultimatum. A God so petty and cruel he sends two guys who love each other to eternal hell fire is not a God worth worshipping.
@@RationalistMHIf you want to use your terminology, yes, I'm homossexual. And I just like old songs and things. The past was the best!
And dude, I don't hate myself
@@liang5876 But you do, and understandably so, because your faith literally would call you falling in love an ‘abomination’ and a sin that ‘cries out to heaven for vengeance’. Don’t you find even a bit problematic that you see evil in other people’s loving relationships? And why should be this be an ultimatum. Why should gay people have to choose between God and their partners? This isn’t something you ask of straight people. So whats the difference? Prejudice and bigotry. Thats all. Once again, look at the scientific data which show that gay people in such religious environments experience much worse mental health and many are eventually driven to desperation and suicide. So thats why I’m annoyed when people like you are used by the Church as examples of what other gay people should do.
I find it immensely sad that a man with a great mind like yours, the Church didn't give you a chance to discern God's will. You deserve that, especially being so young. To know, love, and serve God. I don't know the vocations director at the monastery, but he should have directed you toward a place of real discernment instead of shutting you completely out. I know it's probably too far gone now that you've gone through the mode of deconstructing the faith.
Regardless, there are a lot of men who are going through similar journey like you are (Priests too) so thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to do so.
Glad you enjoyed!
God create you perfectly ❤❤❤❤
🙏
I’m happy for you, because you are brave, smart and seeking happiness. It saddens me that our church was unable to live up to God’s teachings, and truly welcome you. As an institution we are still anchored in arrogance, intolerance, selfishness, and vanity in many ways.
I trust you will always remember that God is everywhere, he loves you, and accepts you the way he made you, regardless of what some people or churches claim.
Thanks for the kind words, Joaquin! I look forward to the day when the church is just a little more accepting
I'm a 38-year-old Catholic convert and a celibate gay man. For what it's worth, because of my own life experiences and insights, I've come to conclusions about religion and sexuality which are very different from yours. But I respect and admire your story: it impressed me, it moved me. Some of what you related is similar to what I went through and felt when I was young (though I came from an Evangelical background, not Trad Catholic). My present choice of lifestyle was indeed a heavy cross to bear for a few years, but I have now come to enjoy great happiness, contentment, and peace that I never had as an atheist or by being sexually and romantically active. To steal your words for my own beliefs, celibacy does get a lot better. It becomes very rewarding and rich when you discover what to do with your life after realizing you're not meant to settle down with someone. And it's a rewarding life only Christ can give.
But I won't preach to you (as you have no doubt heard it all before). But I did want to say for the record that I was very moved by your story. Good luck to you, young man!
Celibacy is a gift but not for everyone, hope one day all those who follow the “SSA ideology” understand it one day
Glad you found something that works for you!! Yes, celibacy can be a beautiful thing. Keep up the good work, brother!
Thank you for your beautiful story & heart 💙💫🙏🏻 love, a former trad convert turn spiritualist
You are so welcome!
It sounds like you bear a heavy burden. I don't think in the long term (aka at the end of life) living a homosexual lifestyle will be as fulfilling or fruitful as you might think it is now. As hard as a lifetime of discipline is, I think it creates a more permanent sense a fulfillment that death can't take away. But I struggle with my impules, probably more than you do, so I can't say I'm any better now.
I think the opposite
@@GayExTrad What's your take?
I’m trying to leave the Catholic Church for years now (at least a decade). My country of origin doesn’t ease the issue (Poland), and the Church itself also doesn’t do that, it’s so difficult to actually do so :( I feel for you, for me the choice was made long ago, nowadays I am just trying to legally tap it into the reality ❤
Just incur a latae sententiae excommunication or something
@@GayExTrad yes, trying to do so for ages, but the priest in the parish of my baptism is an alcoholic, so he is unable to process any claims to give me the certificate of baptism, that is needed for the apostasy - I also live abroad, so I can only contact him online/phone, and he is an old man at this point. So I have reached out to the Polish priest in the local area, and he said that he will try to obtain it, but I have lost contact with him - maybe he’s got some holidays, I have contacted him again as it virtually takes so long now… I cannot really ask the Catholic Church in the UK, as there would be a linguistic barrier - as a foreign language, he speaks only Russian (literally due to his age and the past communism in Poland), plus the excessive drinking (also, the village where I’m from is literally unpronounceable in English), so it is a steep ride 😂😂
"have never been happier" ---- It not about your personal happiness. Soldiers have an attraction to staying alive, but they put that aside for a greater good. Priests have an attraction to family life, but they put that aside for a greater good. Alcoholics have an attraction to vodka, but they put that aside for a greater good. Etc...
Honestly, when you're an old man and just not interested in romance any more, you will really kick yourself for having forfeited such great goods--- just for a little poke.
We all struggle with sin. Keep up the good fight and go back to Church. The door is always open.
The Christian religion is in grave error, I hope you expel yourself from its deep evils.
👏provide👏evidence👏for👏gay👏being👏wrong👏
@@GayExTrad I made no statement about any particular action being inherently wrong. Rather, I stated that we are all called to choose the greater good, and that we all struggle with sin.
“do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father, but there is one who accuses you…” (John 5)
"for whereas wickedness is fearful, it is because it bears witness to its own self-condemnation" (Wisdom 17)
Peace be with you.
He's doing just fine. I came Out in 1978. I was in seminary. In my 60s now and never regret in the slightest being true to self. I'd say you have it backwards...if he didn't co.e out to truth. He regret that as an older person. Peace blessing your way 🙌
@@richardferrara3884 "if he didn't co.e out to truth. He regret that as an older person"--
My potential to be a horny old sod is no great revelation my friend. I also struggle with eating too much and have a history of alcohol abuse.
Were I to let those animal urges define my existence, it would be truely regretful.
I don't think "the cheeseburger that got away" will cause any great remorse in eternity.
Fight the good fight my friend and never lose hope.
"someday I will restore the fortunes of Sodom and Samaria, and I will restore you too" (Ezekiel 16:53)