4 Signs Of Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Опубліковано 8 січ 2024
- Did your parents emotionally neglect you?
Child emotional neglect is a form of child abuse. It is when a parent consistently fails to respond to the child's emotional needs. In this video, I share 4 signs of emotional neglect in childhood. It's important to note that these signs can manifest differently in individuals. The way someone responds to emotional neglect can vary widely based on their unique experiences. However, recognising these signs can be a crucial step towards healing.
We all have 3 core emotional needs. As children, we depend on our primary caregivers to meet these needs. How well they do so teaches us how to meet them for ourselves as we become adults.
Emotional neglect can happen when a parent is unavailable and unresponsive to the child's feelings. Examples of childhood emotional neglect can include a parent that withholds or does not show affection, doesn’t offer emotional support and disregards a child’s mental well-being.
Over time, the emotionally neglected child learns that their needs are not important. As a result, they stop seeking emotional support from their parents as they have learnt that they will only reject their emotions. So this leads to the child feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do with their emotions.
If we are not allowed to feel and process our emotions, they don’t just go away. We disconnect. One of the ways we disconnect is we go into our mind. We retreat into our mind and we lose our ability to be present in the moment.
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Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).
How do you notice the impacts of childhood emotional neglect in your life playing out in your adult life?
I’m inflexible and don’t take risks. For most of my younger life I craved validation because I felt so insecure. I have trouble identifying with myself, I don’t know who I am because I wasn’t praised, my parents put their own feelings first. I was a bystander in my own upbringing. Trying to reconcile later in life has been extremely difficult, unlearning a lifetime of neglect.
I have all of these. And no idea how to change it. I've struggled with Codependency, food, love addiction all my life
I talk too fast, I avoid doing activities where I may make a mistake and be judged. I pick my fingernails.
Addiction, low-self esteem, depression and anxiety.
1.addictions. 2. Anxiety 3. Depression. 4. Low self esteem
Emotional neglect resulted in depression starting at age 13, which I had on and off for decades, then got Fibro and CFS which was reversed by top down regulations working with thoughts and beliefs and learning to have a quiet mind and be present, but more imporantantly the bottom up regulation work of learning how to be in my body and feel all the emotions in the body. I just wish I learned the somatic work from the over 10 therapists I saw over many years.
Yes, I too have been to therapists for nearly 30 years-I am 57 now... Finally I have found a lady who is amazing.... I do have cptsd and ADHD too... I am so pleased you have found a way to be at peace.. God bless xxx
I'm 27 years old but it's too late for me and this fits my life perfectly and it's crazy how the people who caused this are judging me on how i turned out
Ive experienced all except ‘addiction’. I like to control my world to feel a sense of safety. Addiction to me is something that is out of control. Years of hyper vigilance and keeping myself safe has led to years of anxiety and fear of the world, I’m always ready to defend myself, which has led to burnout and breakdown. I go into robot mode and become numb, with the foresight ‘throw anything at me and it’ll bounce off’ almost not recognising my own limits and boundaries of what I should/shouldn’t tolerate. Emotional childhood neglect has also had a profound impact on my body, I’m plagued with inflammatory conditions and deregulated nervous system.
Sometimes we can become addicted to control or to things or behaviors that make us feel safe. The definition of an addiction is anything we can't stop or control willingly. I think the question I would ask myself if I were in your shoes is whether I could let go of that need of control? What would happen to me if I didn't feel the need to control myself or my environment?
Sometimes the biggest addicts never smoked or drank. Sometimes the need to control spirals out of hand and can't be stopped. I'm not saying you're addicted, just worth thinking about❤
Carnivore diet may help it drastically reduces inflammation in the body
I was always told by parents that they loved me…but my boundary needs and safety needs weren’t met or when they were met, then they weren’t respected. I knew I was loved by hearing it all the time…but never felt loved. I never felt respected & I never felt safe.
I suffered with an Addiction in my 30s. Low Self worth throughout my teens and 20s.
I'm 72 years of age. I am diagnosed with major depression which I have suffered since I was 18 years old. It is now that I am retired realize I cannot really enjoy the time I have for myself. Joy in life and all the positive feelings that come with this is not a usual part of my life. It is hard for me to identify my feelings for me to try to understand them. My family are confused and they tell me constantly that I am loved. I found the therapist I need to be with and I am now understanding my life patterns and how my childhood trauma contributed. Healing is in the works while my physical health is also improving. I've been watching your videos and find them very helpful. Thank you.
I'm turning 23...... I hope you find peace in this life of time. Sending love to you ❤️
Hi Alex
Everything you mentioned in this video hits home for me. My thoughts usually race & I find it hard to regulate my emotions. I find it so hard to meet my own needs. So for me the world is such a scary place to live. Growing up I've always felt that I had to earn love by the things I did for my mother & other people in my life. I am as a result of my trauma finding it difficult to carve out a life of my own. I really appreciate your content on this matter. Keep up the good work. Thanks Bro.
I cannot ever remember feeling safe or loved as a child.
Alex u say, it doesnt mean they didnt love you. But the thing is i didnt feel loved due to their capacity or incapacity to convey that love. If their way of living was distorted and worped its hard to credit them for loving you, if that love was literally harming you.
Thank you Alex for another insightful video. I am gradually dismantling my stoic attitude towards life, which resulted from patterns adopted in childhood, which included some neglect. It wasn't 100% neglect; however I was told to not express feelings (don't be a crybaby, take that hangdog look off your face) which led to acting like a numb automaton. By the time I left the family at 17 these patterns unfortunately had become my modus operandi. Now I get to explore feeling and expressing myself, and trying new behavior patterns. Appreciate the wisdom and advice in your videos.
All signs & symptoms fit me. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. As a child, I was not free to say yes or no. Knew my whole life my mothers love was completely conditional. Being an HSP totally magnified CEN. Thanks again!
I'm 17 years old and I never felt loved or cares for or anything by anyone. I started cutting myself 3 days ago so I could feel something. Sometimes I fantasize about lashing out at my family for constantly hurting me yet I find myself choking up.
I can understand how that feels. I had the most weird coping mechanism in the world, to be honest i still have it. But I'm better now , far better.
You should check dr joe disepnza work, it has healed millions of people and i do it myself. And the knowledge is free so you don't have to worry if im a fraud.
Take care of yourself bro. ❤
I know me saying this wont change anything, but stop. Ive been there. From 14-16 I’ve done the same, then I’ve gone from alchohol on and off and weed until i hit 17. Im now 19 and am full on alcoholic. Cutting gets you a small feeling of relief and of retribution. I truly do not think this is emotional neglect on your parents, but i think youre the one not allowing yourself to feel. Starting destructive behaviours at 17, it sounds more like you need to find ways to actually process all your emotions. Not trying to make you feel unheard, but starting stuff at 17 is more likely to be an onset of another disorder than being an abuse response. Still sending lots of love. This sounds like you need to feel loved and validated which is why you think you relate tp the disorder, but understand its at an obsessive level. I think you really need a good psychologist and psychiatrist to figure out why at 17 youre starting to act up.
When there’s a disagreement,
someone will inevitably,
most likely,
be disappointed in me.
So I engage in any and every disagreement
in a way that ensures,
that the person disappointed in me,
never ends up being me!
I aim to never repress,
never suppress.
I aim to never lose a part of myself.
Radical honestly only: 100% of the time.
Always,
all ways.
Alex, good stuff. Can relate to all of it at some level
i don’t really have addiction to substances because my childhood trauma is partly caused by my parents’ addiction.
(but when i’m depressed, i tend to start eating a lot to satisfy my emotional needs
3 of these I can relate to… I have never heard it explained exactly this way… this is very helpful. Thank you
I recognise signs 2,3 and 4
Spot on !
Thank you for the video! A low self-esteem triggers at least one of the other three, for me. Because it causes a sense of untrust in the reality of the body signals, thus delaying an immediate action needed to be followed through.
Thanks, Alex. Always valuable.
Alex, I love your work and your books...
Hey Alex you just nailed it there brother
4 for 4 baby!
All of them.
Anxiety.
Low self esteem
I actually have all of it, unfortunately. I'm now 61, and it's been an ongoing challenge .
2 and 3
All of them
Doing my thesis on crying in psychotherapy... and the attachment/cry response. is this too broad?
Learning to cry and feel emotions has been critical on my journey (now fully recovered from depression and 95% recovered from Fibromyalgia). Crying and learning to let go is an essential skill to have (I say skill as I was so emotionally repressed I never cried and had to relearn) as in life we are continuously having loss and having to let things and people go until the final letting go!
What a wonderful and important thesis topic! I don't think it is too broad to start with. You will find the focal point in the exploration. Wishing you the best!
Anxiety
1 and 2
2
You dont need a UA-cam video to know if you actually went through it.
BINGO!
Oh shit.
👹
Way too scripted and rehearsed. Not nice.
I'm 27 years old but it's too late for me and this fits my life perfectly and it's crazy how the people who caused this are judging me on how i turned out
It’s not too late. Get yourself some help. I did when I was in my 30s. Now in my 40s my quality of life is so much better. I’m genuinely happy with who I am. It’s never too late.