There is an issue that is very important to me. It has to do with school shootings. The question of what drives kids to pick up a gun and go kill other kids has long been unanswered for me. But just recently I came across a movie based on a real investigation : 'The Impact. Agroundbreaking documentary'. From it I learned about the puzzle piece coding method. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I am starting to look for information on this topic and came across a video message of an American intelligence agent, where he warns about the danger of this method of impact. But it is very necessary to know the opinion of experts exactly on child psychology. And most importantly, how to protect your children from this. I will be very grateful if you will tell about this method of influence. This topic is so important for all parents. And the recent events in England are proof of this, we need to protect our children
As the second oldest of five children and the only girl, I have no memory of my mom ever holding or hugging me. Don't recall ever holding her hand. I do remember my dad holding and calming me once when I narrowly escaped being hit by a car.
I was one of 5 children so felt I had to compete for attention and always trying to please. I'm now 55 and married to someone who shows minimal affection, I have to ask for a hug. He's bit of a narcissist. I became ill with CFS 7 years ago and the first 4 years were all about him, all I got from him was anger and him saying daily What about me?!' I'm getting better now thanks to your wonderful clinic. I meditate, do yoga and keep reading inspirational books to get me through this. Things are better between us now but not sure I want to stay anymore.
I am sorry for your experience. I can totally relate. Narcissistic partners are not there for us when we need them most. It's because they are self absorbed and lack true empathy. A narcissist can fake empathy for a short while but not over a prolonged period. I eventually left my narcissistic wife because I had never been so unhappy with my life. Every year got worse. I was not growing as a person and we must always grow and continue to develop. We can never do this when we are with a narcissist who loves nothing more than to bring us down to their level yet claim that we are the problem.
All 3 of these were not met while I was growing up. Therapy saved my life. Vulnerability, Inner-child work, self-compassion. And lastly forgiveness which brought so much peace to my life. In one of the books (Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson) I read the following: trauma blocks love and love heals trauma. Took me a while to understand it fully. But through my own therapy, today I can say that I cannot agree more with the above statement.
I'm also wondering how you found a good trauma therapist. Most therapists don't care about what I've been through and won't validate me so they hurt me further.
My mom was physically abusive and emotionally neglected me. She never hugged me, reassured me or told me that she loved me. My dad traveled a lot and only felt safe with him. I grew up thinking she didn't love me and that she was jealous of my dads love for me(he was very attentive to me and not her when he was home).
In my personal life, these needs were met, literally, by God from my childhood onwards. When I was young he showed me a verse that was then, and always has been, true for me, in a literal way, it says: Psalms 27:10 "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." The love, safety, comfort, guidance and help I needed was found in God - and I know many people will reject that but I hope some people here will realise how very real and true that is.
None of the core needs were met in my childhood or beyond. My mother was a narcissist and we all (there were 5 children) heard that we were no good, we were stupid, and there was constant turmoil in our daily lives. I learned to cope by doing what felt like survival to me and later I found staying away from my mother seemed to be best because every single time I was in her presence alone, with no other people to witness our encounter, she told lies about me that did not even resemble the truth. I will never understand how a mother can hate their own child or children so much. She was also diagnosed with mental health issues but I do not know that her narcissistic tendencies were ever realized by doctors or addressed. She passed several years ago and I hope she found peace in passing because she was an extremely unhappy and mean person during her life. Thank you, Alex Howard, for what you share and please know it is very helpful.
I too had a narc mother and a father that went along with her agenda. The damage done is too painful for me sometimes. It’s not a fun childhood and unless you went through narc abuse you don’t know what I mean but I can soo relate / a mind f*** really to have to grow up with an evil, hateful mother that envied their children. Bizarre how these people aren’t considered criminals
likely she did not hate you... she used her lies against you to Garner her narcissistic supply from others using her lies about you. weirdly enough I was able to NOT see this as an attack against me. it was her twisting reality to reflect what would gain her the most sypethy as the 'victum'.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
Yesterday I was at home and I did something, which was a behavior that I had developed as a child in response to my environment around me. And this behavior I didn’t realize until yesterday I had been doing for years. I want to learn how to undo this because I also realized that I have been putting myself in this survival mode for years and I’ve always had the choice to not be there as an adult. I’m a 32 year old man that has a lot going for me and I don’t want to be in this self imposed prison for the rest of my life. Thanks for the video, it was great.
@@29aaronjones growing up wasn't a great experience in my household. there were times when i had to sneak into the kitchen or pantry and get food to hide in my room so that i could prepare for a day when i wasn't allowed to eat. and there were times that day would come. so there i would be. hiding in my room, popping corn kernels individually on a lamp to eat one by one in the winter. this type of behavior waned as i grew older but i noticed that when i was in a specific train of thought, i would revert to that cycle.
I have no memory of being held or loved by either parent. But I do have fond memories of being hugged, fed, and boundary settings with my grandparents. Sadly by aged 8 their love went away from my parents moving away from them. I think it's my grandparents love is what has saved me a little, I don't want to imagine what I would be like today without their love, but I'm sure my traumas would be worse. Thank you Alex for your videos, they help me loads to understand myself 😊
I also was mostly loved by my grandmother who died when I was 9. When she died i felt like a part of me was also gone with her. She was the only person I could hug and express love and affection
Thanks Alex.none of these were met for me on Childhood. I've done a lot of work on myself, and had a lot of therapy, I'm now clean and sober 13 years. But, over last 5 years I've developed ME/CFS and I think a part of this is due to the chronic stres, anxiety and depression I've dealt with as a result of this childhood trauma. It's only now I'm realising that I've only really dealt with the surface and there is so much work to do. I need now to work on my self esteem, separating my love of myself and my worth from my productivity, which is so hard. I'm trying! Thank you for this very timely video.
I thank God for my father..he was a great hugger..I'm in my 50s now and moved in with my mother after believing that she needed help as she has had a fall and broke her arm... I'm just now seeing after all of these years that she is still emotionally unavailable... now so much makes sense..I'm a loner with 4 failed marriages...I can't remember one time in my childhood of holding her hand or drying my tears and telling me that everything was going to be ok... she loves me...I had no idea what an impact that had on my life...now we are still in the same place.. she has no interest in talking about it or even acknowledging my feelings...I just want to find a way to move on.. it's never going to happen
Ever since I turned to God ten months ago, I feel it has been months of healing. I couldnt get a boyfriend because i was never emotionally available, I didnt let anyone in. I still struggle but its getting easier. I hope to be in a relationship again so o can feel and grow in that way. I never trusted anyone with my heart because my heart was broken by my loved ones. I cried to them and they acted bothered. I wanted to spend time with them and its like pulling teeth. I wanted to connect through conversation but i always get cut off. I never plugged into anyone before-- ever. I want to change that. Wish me luck.
All 3 of them... but im working on it now.... to heal and have healthy relationships and maybe to spread awareness of these needs to others including my own family. Thank you
I am an English boy who was sent to a boarding school in Africa aged 8 and remained in boarding schools until I was 19. I suffered from low self esteem, alcoholism and anxiety, fear of people in authority all my life. I’m always projecting and speculating worst case scenarios. This was probably due to being bullied and sexually abused by older boys.
So sorry for all you have been through.Did you hear Charles Spencer is coming out about his boarding school abuse too?I am sending prayers and healing.❤
Thank you for this. I wasn't even aware of something like this. I always knew there was a lot to unpack from my past. But living everyday constantly made me so exhausted that I didn't know where to start. Boundaries, safety and love. These three feel like foreign emotions. I am a natural people pleaser who allows people to constantly enter in my personal space. Safety, I do feel unsafe around a lot of people but once in used to their vibe, I am okay. But some family members constantly make me feel unsafe. And to feel love, I watch shows and movies because only that shows me how love is or even how it is supposed to be. This also makes me have unrealistic expectations. I have no passions and I live very practically. I want to have a hobby I am crazy after. I want to love someone healthily. But I don't know how to. Too much is holding me back. Hope I can heal and become a healthier person emotionally and physically.
All were met, kind of, sometimes. Not consistently. I never knew what I would get, support or ignored, or punishment. The suspense could make ya crazy...
I think love is the key to all our closed doors. Learning to love oneself helps us to appreciate the little things that we accomplish. Letting go of the past ,thinking that no matter what , i can do it . There is so much more but these things help me. Being in a verbal relationship.. Worda are like a sword ,it stans in plces were the wound never seems to heal.
I know the question is abt childhood . But just like to see myself as a child learning to deal with a person who was verbally and physically abused as a child. The person treats others the same way. 43 years. And looking at this helps me to see that children thinks and acts how they were bought up.A perdon can become a man or woman but never grow . They are grown but never mature. In this group the people needs real help . They cand do it on there own because they see things only their way. 😢
Alex I have listened to many of your you tube videos and almost finished your three amazing RESET videos. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your knowledge, dedication, passion and care. As a child of emotional neglect ( loss of sibling who was 6 yrs to terminal leukaemia-I was 5yrs) my parents who definitely loved me hadn’t the resources to give me my three core emotional needs. I am 25yrs in alcoholic recovery through AA and dx with CFS/INS and every word you ve said resonates at the deepest level. So my everlasting gratitude to your overwhelming knowledge and passion
Just like many of us I experienced the same but to add to that, we're not well off. Because my parents haven't got a decent job they weren't able to save money for themselves but they still made enough for us to be comfortable most days of our lives. And now I'm in my early adulthood looking for job looking to the future, I can't help but think how I'm gonna live while also shouldering my parents. And because of that, I'm lost, thinking that I might not be able to live my own life. I try my best to look for ways to atleast get us out of our situation but when I see them being so disconnected with each other it demotivates me thinking it might not even be enough. Nevermind the fact that I'd also want to have my own family in the future, smh.
Hi Alex I don’t think any of them were met for me. Parents were there but not emotionally, bullied relentlessly, poor boundaries. Thanks for giving a strategy to follow
All 3 And Parents that didn't want me! I have never felt true love from Carers in my life. I had to fend for myself. Therefore I have no sense of who I am. I've drifted my whole life! And Being in The Care system around so many people that I failed to bond with left me Angry isolated and alone!!! My Parents did all the damage and it can't be reversed. I'm still a child at heart functioning as an adult. But the Neglect has had a profound long term impact on my Psyche I'm a a Survivor And I'm tired of that! I have no drive or ambition! And I was born by mistake! TRUTH!
My mother hid from her four children in her room when she could. Otherwise, she left notes on the refrigerator outlining specific chores. When she had to appear her seething resentment of having to have kids was palpable. Very tense and walking on eggshells all the time was horrific. No wonder I have depression and out of this world anxiety. To make things worse, she doesn't call, she writes letters and has not once explained to me what on earth happened to her to make her do cold and distant. My dad shot himself when I was 24 snd and she can only blame him for our dysfunction family. At 90 years old she's just as distant .
I have had to learn the only way to overcome the emotional neglect which was from both parents and siblings as they were thought to believe I was to blame because I did not meet there expectations my father was violent and I was to blame because I was an easy target I felt unsafe unheard and not loved or cared for I was never validated for how I felt and was told I was incapable. I hated my self and denied love care I was a perfectionist who either never tried because I feared failure or tried so hard I nearly collapsed under the pressure. But what I have learned is I needed to first believe I was not bad and not everything was my fault then I had to accept myself as worthy of respect and I was just the same as anyone else I eventually learned to love myself as others to accept value and love me it was the only way. Without loving myself I could not stay safe or feel safe and I was attracting other toxic people into my life. I learned that it’s hard to give others what they need if I couldn’t give them first to myself. Relationships take time and without self love I was so lonely. It’s taken along time to get to this point but the only way to survive in this world
For me, Safety has always been an issue but understanding that safety is a state of being. Everyday it's a struggle to fit into my external environment where I fall back on that there's really no safe place to land.
I feel like whatever i do i am never safe not even in my own body not even in my own brain no matter what i do no matter how much i try to provide that safety for me i never actually feel safe i just feel like a little kid left in an empty cold room and have to sleep on its own and deel with their own nightmares all alone and face those little monsters under the bed all alone too i feel scared really scared to the bone that deseappearing while not actually doing so is the solution, more like dissociation.
All three of these were left off in my childhood, primarily Safety and Love. I still have a lot of personal work to do in this. What you say about that sense of safety coming from physical connection - learning from our parents to calm ourselves in the face of traumatic events does lead me to a question: Do you think the neglect of this leads to people leading into physical intimacy and sexuality as a means of finding that kind of calming connection? Since things like meditation and tai-chi and such, focusing on regulating the body, perhaps people move to sexuality to do that. Seems plausible to me. We may not be living in the past but the past is living within us, in our normal day-to-day. Powerful statement.
Magnificent how you touch the core of our selves and how you explain it and don,t forget the style of not just tel the words but writing it so as we listening we memorise the words as beautiful as hopefull❤❤❤
My parents never taught me how to set boundaries around people, how to say "No" if something is happening wrong to me by others, absent when i needed them the most for emotional support. And they yet says " why you hate us?!" 😢
i don't understand why all the videos are about showing us the symptoms but not one is about the steps we can take to meet these needs. I mean I'm aware that i lack love and safety from childhood but how do i start feeling that when i don't know what it even feels like at the first place.
My mom would order me to hug her, kiss her, kiss her on the lips, tell her I love you. This was apart from the times she was beating me with a stick and saying abusive shit to me. She grabbed my ass once and I told her not to touch me that way. She said she would touch me any way she wanted and that she owned me. She went on to grope me Sexually several times for many minutes. I laid there and took it. I was so scared and conditioned to take her abuse. No boundaries, no feelings were allowed.
I’ve never felt love or needs met and sadly carried on so having an abusive partner maybe means it’s the norm. Need to know how to break the cycle I’m 51 and still can’t heal 😌
No wonder I’m so fk’d up… I was raised like a feral child… I was always afraid and dismissed… not shown any love really … but wasn’t necessarily abused either
Which of these core emotional needs were not met for you in childhood and what has helped you to effectively meet these needs for yourself? 👇
😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
There is an issue that is very important to me. It has to do with school shootings. The question of what drives kids to pick up a gun and go kill other kids has long been unanswered for me. But just recently I came across a movie based on a real investigation : 'The Impact. Agroundbreaking documentary'. From it I learned about the puzzle piece coding method. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I am starting to look for information on this topic and came across a video message of an American intelligence agent, where he warns about the danger of this method of impact. But it is very necessary to know the opinion of experts exactly on child psychology. And most importantly, how to protect your children from this. I will be very grateful if you will tell about this method of influence. This topic is so important for all parents. And the recent events in England are proof of this, we need to protect our children
@@Fotyuf345 thank you for being honest with us ❤
As the second oldest of five children and the only girl, I have no memory of my mom ever holding or hugging me. Don't recall ever holding her hand. I do remember my dad holding and calming me once when I narrowly escaped being hit by a car.
I was one of 5 children so felt I had to compete for attention and always trying to please. I'm now 55 and married to someone who shows minimal affection, I have to ask for a hug. He's bit of a narcissist. I became ill with CFS 7 years ago and the first 4 years were all about him, all I got from him was anger and him saying daily What about me?!' I'm getting better now thanks to your wonderful clinic. I meditate, do yoga and keep reading inspirational books to get me through this. Things are better between us now but not sure I want to stay anymore.
I am sorry for your experience. I can totally relate. Narcissistic partners are not there for us when we need them most. It's because they are self absorbed and lack true empathy. A narcissist can fake empathy for a short while but not over a prolonged period.
I eventually left my narcissistic wife because I had never been so unhappy with my life. Every year got worse. I was not growing as a person and we must always grow and continue to develop. We can never do this when we are with a narcissist who loves nothing more than to bring us down to their level yet claim that we are the problem.
Joe dispenza is worth looking at
All 3 of these were not met while I was growing up.
Therapy saved my life. Vulnerability, Inner-child work, self-compassion. And lastly forgiveness which brought so much peace to my life.
In one of the books (Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson) I read the following: trauma blocks love and love heals trauma.
Took me a while to understand it fully. But through my own therapy, today I can say that I cannot agree more with the above statement.
How did you find a good trauma therapist?
I'm also wondering how you found a good trauma therapist. Most therapists don't care about what I've been through and won't validate me so they hurt me further.
Amazing stuff man. ive just started my journey through this
My mom was physically abusive and emotionally neglected me. She never hugged me, reassured me or told me that she loved me. My dad traveled a lot and only felt safe with him. I grew up thinking she didn't love me and that she was jealous of my dads love for me(he was very attentive to me and not her when he was home).
me too
Sounds like she also had issues growing up. Sending you hugs.
In my personal life, these needs were met, literally, by God from my childhood onwards. When I was young he showed me a verse that was then, and always has been, true for me, in a literal way, it says: Psalms 27:10 "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." The love, safety, comfort, guidance and help I needed was found in God - and I know many people will reject that but I hope some people here will realise how very real and true that is.
You lucky you got some good imaginary friends
@@SwiftbladesMike Psalm 14
@@SwiftbladesMike You only have to imagine God until you meet Him. God is everywhere.
That is Amazing ❤
that is an awesome perspective
None of the core needs were met in my childhood or beyond. My mother was a narcissist and we all (there were 5 children) heard that we were no good, we were stupid, and there was constant turmoil in our daily lives. I learned to cope by doing what felt like survival to me and later I found staying away from my mother seemed to be best because every single time I was in her presence alone, with no other people to witness our encounter, she told lies about me that did not even resemble the truth. I will never understand how a mother can hate their own child or children so much. She was also diagnosed with mental health issues but I do not know that her narcissistic tendencies were ever realized by doctors or addressed. She passed several years ago and I hope she found peace in passing because she was an extremely unhappy and mean person during her life. Thank you, Alex Howard, for what you share and please know it is very helpful.
She could have had a brain chemical imbalance 😮
I too had a narc mother and a father that went along with her agenda. The damage done is too painful for me sometimes. It’s not a fun childhood and unless you went through narc abuse you don’t know what I mean but I can soo relate / a mind f*** really to have to grow up with an evil, hateful mother that envied their children. Bizarre how these people aren’t considered criminals
This is my life. 5 kids. Narcissistic mom. Prayers to you.
you and I need to talk. my experience was very similar.
likely she did not hate you... she used her lies against you to Garner her narcissistic supply from others using her lies about you. weirdly enough I was able to NOT see this as an attack against me. it was her twisting reality to reflect what would gain her the most sypethy as the 'victum'.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Shelly renee white* , and she is a great spiritual counsellor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
It‘s totally fine to vent and receiving some empathy and caring replies.
Yesterday I was at home and I did something, which was a behavior that I had developed as a child in response to my environment around me. And this behavior I didn’t realize until yesterday I had been doing for years. I want to learn how to undo this because I also realized that I have been putting myself in this survival mode for years and I’ve always had the choice to not be there as an adult. I’m a 32 year old man that has a lot going for me and I don’t want to be in this self imposed prison for the rest of my life. Thanks for the video, it was great.
What was the behaviour? I am glad you discovered it to bring it to light.
@@29aaronjones growing up wasn't a great experience in my household. there were times when i had to sneak into the kitchen or pantry and get food to hide in my room so that i could prepare for a day when i wasn't allowed to eat. and there were times that day would come. so there i would be. hiding in my room, popping corn kernels individually on a lamp to eat one by one in the winter. this type of behavior waned as i grew older but i noticed that when i was in a specific train of thought, i would revert to that cycle.
I have no memory of being held or loved by either parent. But I do have fond memories of being hugged, fed, and boundary settings with my grandparents. Sadly by aged 8 their love went away from my parents moving away from them. I think it's my grandparents love is what has saved me a little, I don't want to imagine what I would be like today without their love, but I'm sure my traumas would be worse. Thank you Alex for your videos, they help me loads to understand myself 😊
I also was mostly loved by my grandmother who died when I was 9. When she died i felt like a part of me was also gone with her. She was the only person I could hug and express love and affection
Thanks Alex.none of these were met for me on Childhood. I've done a lot of work on myself, and had a lot of therapy, I'm now clean and sober 13 years. But, over last 5 years I've developed ME/CFS and I think a part of this is due to the chronic stres, anxiety and depression I've dealt with as a result of this childhood trauma. It's only now I'm realising that I've only really dealt with the surface and there is so much work to do. I need now to work on my self esteem, separating my love of myself and my worth from my productivity, which is so hard. I'm trying! Thank you for this very timely video.
I thank God for my father..he was a great hugger..I'm in my 50s now and moved in with my mother after believing that she needed help as she has had a fall and broke her arm... I'm just now seeing after all of these years that she is still emotionally unavailable... now so much makes sense..I'm a loner with 4 failed marriages...I can't remember one time in my childhood of holding her hand or drying my tears and telling me that everything was going to be ok... she loves me...I had no idea what an impact that had on my life...now we are still in the same place.. she has no interest in talking about it or even acknowledging my feelings...I just want to find a way to move on.. it's never going to happen
Ever since I turned to God ten months ago, I feel it has been months of healing. I couldnt get a boyfriend because i was never emotionally available, I didnt let anyone in. I still struggle but its getting easier. I hope to be in a relationship again so o can feel and grow in that way. I never trusted anyone with my heart because my heart was broken by my loved ones. I cried to them and they acted bothered. I wanted to spend time with them and its like pulling teeth. I wanted to connect through conversation but i always get cut off. I never plugged into anyone before-- ever. I want to change that. Wish me luck.
myself and siblings always lived in fear and this make me even to this day ...on guard .
All 3 of them... but im working on it now.... to heal and have healthy relationships and maybe to spread awareness of these needs to others including my own family. Thank you
I am an English boy who was sent to a boarding school in Africa aged 8 and remained in boarding schools until I was 19. I suffered from low self esteem, alcoholism and anxiety, fear of people in authority all my life. I’m always projecting and speculating worst case scenarios. This was probably due to being bullied and sexually abused by older boys.
So sorry for all you have been through.Did you hear Charles Spencer is coming out about his boarding school abuse too?I am sending prayers and healing.❤
Nothing was meet in my childhood 😢😢😢
Thank you for this. I wasn't even aware of something like this. I always knew there was a lot to unpack from my past. But living everyday constantly made me so exhausted that I didn't know where to start. Boundaries, safety and love. These three feel like foreign emotions. I am a natural people pleaser who allows people to constantly enter in my personal space. Safety, I do feel unsafe around a lot of people but once in used to their vibe, I am okay. But some family members constantly make me feel unsafe. And to feel love, I watch shows and movies because only that shows me how love is or even how it is supposed to be. This also makes me have unrealistic expectations. I have no passions and I live very practically. I want to have a hobby I am crazy after. I want to love someone healthily. But I don't know how to. Too much is holding me back. Hope I can heal and become a healthier person emotionally and physically.
All were met, kind of, sometimes. Not consistently. I never knew what I would get, support or ignored, or punishment. The suspense could make ya crazy...
I am working on “self love” and I think it would be the main solution!
well that is good news ..just need to learn how to keep updated for myself .
I think love is the key to all our closed doors.
Learning to love oneself helps us to appreciate the little things that we accomplish.
Letting go of the past ,thinking that no matter what , i can do it .
There is so much more but these things help me. Being in a verbal relationship..
Worda are like a sword ,it stans in plces were the wound never seems to heal.
I know the question is abt childhood .
But just like to see myself as a child learning to deal with a person who was verbally and physically abused as a child.
The person treats others the same way.
43 years. And looking at this helps me to see that children thinks and acts how they were bought up.A perdon can become a man or woman but never grow . They are grown but never mature.
In this group the people needs real help . They cand do it on there own because they see things only their way. 😢
childhood emotional neglect or abuse is great obstacle to our succes in life
I really thank you for putting this video for us to see.
Alex I have listened to many of your you tube videos and almost finished your three amazing RESET videos. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your knowledge, dedication, passion and care. As a child of emotional neglect ( loss of sibling who was 6 yrs to terminal leukaemia-I was 5yrs) my parents who definitely loved me hadn’t the resources to give me my three core emotional needs. I am 25yrs in alcoholic recovery through AA and dx with CFS/INS and every word you ve said resonates at the deepest level. So my everlasting gratitude to your overwhelming knowledge and passion
Just like many of us I experienced the same but to add to that, we're not well off. Because my parents haven't got a decent job they weren't able to save money for themselves but they still made enough for us to be comfortable most days of our lives. And now I'm in my early adulthood looking for job looking to the future, I can't help but think how I'm gonna live while also shouldering my parents. And because of that, I'm lost, thinking that I might not be able to live my own life. I try my best to look for ways to atleast get us out of our situation but when I see them being so disconnected with each other it demotivates me thinking it might not even be enough. Nevermind the fact that I'd also want to have my own family in the future, smh.
no one should b emotionally neglected ,and feel orphaned
Hi Alex I don’t think any of them were met for me. Parents were there but not emotionally, bullied relentlessly, poor boundaries. Thanks for giving a strategy to follow
All 3 And Parents that didn't want me! I have never felt true love from Carers in my life. I had to fend for myself. Therefore I have no sense of who I am. I've drifted my whole life! And Being in The Care system around so many people that I failed to bond with left me Angry isolated and alone!!! My Parents did all the damage and it can't be reversed. I'm still a child at heart functioning as an adult. But the Neglect has had a profound long term impact on my Psyche I'm a a Survivor And I'm tired of that! I have no drive or ambition! And I was born by mistake! TRUTH!
Alex, I just found you and truly appreciate the way you speak, you pace and the confidence you project. Great content brother!
My mother hid from her four children in her room when she could. Otherwise, she left notes on the refrigerator outlining specific chores. When she had to appear her seething resentment of having to have kids was palpable. Very tense and walking on eggshells all the time was horrific. No wonder I have depression and out of this world anxiety. To make things worse, she doesn't call, she writes letters and has not once explained to me what on earth happened to her to make her do cold and distant. My dad shot himself when I was 24 snd and she can only blame him for our dysfunction family.
At 90 years old she's just as distant .
Thank you
I Am lack no 2 n 3.
Now it make sense why I like meditation,yoga etc,to calm me. I chose to love my self n be happy.
What helped me was the title of a book, 'How to be Your Own Best Friend'.
❤ excellent
How?????
👏👏
I have had to learn the only way to overcome the emotional neglect which was from both parents and siblings as they were thought to believe I was to blame because I did not meet there expectations my father was violent and I was to blame because I was an easy target I felt unsafe unheard and not loved or cared for I was never validated for how I felt and was told I was incapable. I hated my self and denied love care I was a perfectionist who either never tried because I feared failure or tried so hard I nearly collapsed under the pressure. But what I have learned is I needed to first believe I was not bad and not everything was my fault then I had to accept myself as worthy of respect and I was just the same as anyone else I eventually learned to love myself as others to accept value and love me it was the only way. Without loving myself I could not stay safe or feel safe and I was attracting other toxic people into my life. I learned that it’s hard to give others what they need if I couldn’t give them first to myself. Relationships take time and without self love I was so lonely. It’s taken along time to get to this point but the only way to survive in this world
I would say all 3. Struggled a lot throughout my life in every area of my life. Still figuring out how to get out of this or if my life is worthwhile.
For me, Safety has always been an issue but understanding that safety is a state of being. Everyday it's a struggle to fit into my external environment where I fall back on that there's really no safe place to land.
I feel like whatever i do i am never safe not even in my own body not even in my own brain no matter what i do no matter how much i try to provide that safety for me i never actually feel safe i just feel like a little kid left in an empty cold room and have to sleep on its own and deel with their own nightmares all alone and face those little monsters under the bed all alone too i feel scared really scared to the bone that deseappearing while not actually doing so is the solution, more like dissociation.
All three of these were left off in my childhood, primarily Safety and Love. I still have a lot of personal work to do in this.
What you say about that sense of safety coming from physical connection - learning from our parents to calm ourselves in the face of traumatic events does lead me to a question: Do you think the neglect of this leads to people leading into physical intimacy and sexuality as a means of finding that kind of calming connection? Since things like meditation and tai-chi and such, focusing on regulating the body, perhaps people move to sexuality to do that. Seems plausible to me.
We may not be living in the past but the past is living within us, in our normal day-to-day. Powerful statement.
These explanations are very helpful! Thanks from an adult🙏!
I love how clear and concise yet emotionally intelligent this is. Appreciated!
Magnificent how you touch the core of our selves and how you explain it and don,t forget the style of not just tel the words but writing it so as we listening we memorise the words as beautiful as hopefull❤❤❤
My parents never taught me how to set boundaries around people, how to say "No" if something is happening wrong to me by others, absent when i needed them the most for emotional support. And they yet says " why you hate us?!" 😢
Im sorry to love the comments. I feel understood.
i don't understand why all the videos are about showing us the symptoms but not one is about the steps we can take to meet these needs. I mean I'm aware that i lack love and safety from childhood but how do i start feeling that when i don't know what it even feels like at the first place.
I do think he mentioned the things you can do
having to do all this extra work seriously pisses me the f off
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Safety, boundaries
My mom would order me to hug her, kiss her, kiss her on the lips, tell her I love you. This was apart from the times she was beating me with a stick and saying abusive shit to me.
She grabbed my ass once and I told her not to touch me that way.
She said she would touch me any way she wanted and that she owned me.
She went on to grope me
Sexually several times for many minutes. I laid there and took it. I was so scared and conditioned to take her abuse.
No boundaries, no feelings were allowed.
that is absolutely horrible!!!!
I’ve never felt love or needs met and sadly carried on so having an abusive partner maybe means it’s the norm. Need to know how to break the cycle I’m 51 and still can’t heal 😌
Boundaries
love
No wonder I’m so fk’d up… I was raised like a feral child… I was always afraid and dismissed… not shown any love really … but wasn’t necessarily abused either
No ,our parents didn’t like us
I always felt resented by my parents who barely did anything for us. Not to say they did nothing. But, we raised ourselves.
never bonded with my mom.
Great info. Very helpful
Yeah, but if it was never there from the start, then you don't have anything to compare it with.
i saw how some of my peers were with their parents…. comfortable and happy. couldn’t relate at all.
Bro, why call it "How to Heal", and then not give any actual instructions on how to heal?
I am 1 of 12. I am not sure if I can 1:10
ryt
Bountries
some parents do not like some children
seriously? you think meditation is as good as having a loving person in your life that can give you a hug and be there for you? I don't think so...
difficult to trust someone who thrives on exposure on the web,,, Sorry
Why are you sorry? Buy a book, read a research article, or find someone who doesn’t “thrive on exposure on the web”, or suffer in silence!