How To Heal From Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2024
- In this video, we explore how to heal from the impacts of childhood emotional neglect.
We all have 3 core emotional needs. As children, we depend on our primary caregivers to meet these needs. How well they do so teaches us how to meet them for ourselves as we become adults.
As a child, you have few options to deal with unpleasant events. You cannot physically get up and leave your home if your parents are emotionally abusing or neglecting you. So the only way to survive painful events is to withdraw- to disconnect emotionally.
This emotional disconnection often continues into adulthood and can look like using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb feelings. Or you may put all your energy and focus into your work to escape how you feel.
It’s easy to think negatively about how you learnt to cope when subjected to childhood trauma. But the first part of healing is understanding that those coping strategies helped you survive at the time. By understanding that they once served a necessary purpose, we can begin to let them go from a place of love.
The gift of being an adult is we’re not dependent upon others to meet our core emotional needs. We have within us what we need to heal, but to access this we need to slow down, make space and learn to connect to the love within us.
00:00 Introduction
00:15 What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
01:36 How To Heal CEN
01:48 Learn To Meet Your 3 Core Emotional Needs
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Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).
Which of these core emotional needs were not met for you in childhood and what has helped you to effectively meet these needs for yourself? 👇
As the second oldest of five children and the only girl, I have no memory of my mom ever holding or hugging me. Don't recall ever holding her hand. I do remember my dad holding and calming me once when I narrowly escaped being hit by a car.
I was one of 5 children so felt I had to compete for attention and always trying to please. I'm now 55 and married to someone who shows minimal affection, I have to ask for a hug. He's bit of a narcissist. I became ill with CFS 7 years ago and the first 4 years were all about him, all I got from him was anger and him saying daily What about me?!' I'm getting better now thanks to your wonderful clinic. I meditate, do yoga and keep reading inspirational books to get me through this. Things are better between us now but not sure I want to stay anymore.
All 3 of these were not met while I was growing up.
Therapy saved my life. Vulnerability, Inner-child work, self-compassion. And lastly forgiveness which brought so much peace to my life.
In one of the books (Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson) I read the following: trauma blocks love and love heals trauma.
Took me a while to understand it fully. But through my own therapy, today I can say that I cannot agree more with the above statement.
How did you find a good trauma therapist?
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Shelly renee white* , and she is a great spiritual counsellor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
It‘s totally fine to vent and receiving some empathy and caring replies.
None of the core needs were met in my childhood or beyond. My mother was a narcissist and we all (there were 5 children) heard that we were no good, we were stupid, and there was constant turmoil in our daily lives. I learned to cope by doing what felt like survival to me and later I found staying away from my mother seemed to be best because every single time I was in her presence alone, with no other people to witness our encounter, she told lies about me that did not even resemble the truth. I will never understand how a mother can hate their own child or children so much. She was also diagnosed with mental health issues but I do not know that her narcissistic tendencies were ever realized by doctors or addressed. She passed several years ago and I hope she found peace in passing because she was an extremely unhappy and mean person during her life. Thank you, Alex Howard, for what you share and please know it is very helpful.
I have no memory of being held or loved by either parent. But I do have fond memories of being hugged, fed, and boundary settings with my grandparents. Sadly by aged 8 their love went away from my parents moving away from them. I think it's my grandparents love is what has saved me a little, I don't want to imagine what I would be like today without their love, but I'm sure my traumas would be worse. Thank you Alex for your videos, they help me loads to understand myself 😊
I also was mostly loved by my grandmother who died when I was 9. When she died i felt like a part of me was also gone with her. She was the only person I could hug and express love and affection
My mom was physically abusive and emotionally neglected me. She never hugged me, reassured me or told me that she loved me. My dad traveled a lot and only felt safe with him. I grew up thinking she didn't love me and that she was jealous of my dads love for me(he was very attentive to me and not her when he was home).
Thanks Alex.none of these were met for me on Childhood. I've done a lot of work on myself, and had a lot of therapy, I'm now clean and sober 13 years. But, over last 5 years I've developed ME/CFS and I think a part of this is due to the chronic stres, anxiety and depression I've dealt with as a result of this childhood trauma. It's only now I'm realising that I've only really dealt with the surface and there is so much work to do. I need now to work on my self esteem, separating my love of myself and my worth from my productivity, which is so hard. I'm trying! Thank you for this very timely video.
What I like about utube is when comments are acknowledged by the presenter but that doesn't happen on this channel. It makes it real.
Yesterday I was at home and I did something, which was a behavior that I had developed as a child in response to my environment around me. And this behavior I didn’t realize until yesterday I had been doing for years. I want to learn how to undo this because I also realized that I have been putting myself in this survival mode for years and I’ve always had the choice to not be there as an adult. I’m a 32 year old man that has a lot going for me and I don’t want to be in this self imposed prison for the rest of my life. Thanks for the video, it was great.
What was the behaviour? I am glad you discovered it to bring it to light.
@@29aaronjones growing up wasn't a great experience in my household. there were times when i had to sneak into the kitchen or pantry and get food to hide in my room so that i could prepare for a day when i wasn't allowed to eat. and there were times that day would come. so there i would be. hiding in my room, popping corn kernels individually on a lamp to eat one by one in the winter. this type of behavior waned as i grew older but i noticed that when i was in a specific train of thought, i would revert to that cycle.
myself and siblings always lived in fear and this make me even to this day ...on guard .
Hi Alex I don’t think any of them were met for me. Parents were there but not emotionally, bullied relentlessly, poor boundaries. Thanks for giving a strategy to follow
❤ excellent
I would say all 3. Struggled a lot throughout my life in every area of my life. Still figuring out how to get out of this or if my life is worthwhile.
Nothing was meet in my childhood 😢😢😢
well that is good news ..just need to learn how to keep updated for myself .
How?????
👏👏
I am an English boy who was sent to a boarding school in Africa aged 8 and remained in boarding schools until I was 19. I suffered from low self esteem, alcoholism and anxiety, fear of people in authority all my life. I’m always projecting and speculating worst case scenarios. This was probably due to being bullied and sexually abused by older boys.
So sorry for all you have been through.Did you hear Charles Spencer is coming out about his boarding school abuse too?I am sending prayers and healing.❤
Bountries
oh my fucking god, thanks for nothing how the fuck do you heal it i already know what emotional neglect is
Lol exactly
difficult to trust someone who thrives on exposure on the web,,, Sorry
Why are you sorry? Buy a book, read a research article, or find someone who doesn’t “thrive on exposure on the web”, or suffer in silence!