How To Get Kids To Stop Lying
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- Опубліковано 16 кві 2019
- The best way to teach a child is through setting an example and if you're dealing with kids who lie a lot, you've got to be honest yourself first. I give you 3 specific strategies to get kids to stop lying.
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Dr. Paul Jenkins
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Dr. Paul, how do you do it? How do you hit the nail on the head Every. Single. Time? Thank you isn't enough, but I have no other words. THANK YOU for this video. THANK YOU for your channel. THANK YOU for your time. THANK YOU for sharing your wisdom. THANK YOU for being an incredible resource for parents. It's the hardest job in the world, & we are so fortunate to have you!!!
You are doing great at parenting, Tecumseh A. Thank you for your kind words.
I have an 8 year old child who would simply choose not to tell the truth on simplest things like saying she washed her face while she did not. She clearly knows i can check and tell if she wash her face or not but still chose to do so. Sometimes it goes over the limit for me, especially when i point out the “evidences” and she would just out-blank deny it. I have tried from gentle talk, to giving heavier consequences with lying and praise her when telling the truth, remind her how things goes when she tells the truth vs lying, using stories. She would listen, and seem to understand but the next day the cycle repeat. I myself just go from frustration to disappointment. I don’t know what else i can do.
TChoppy, consequences so she knows it is best to tell the truth.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you!
I'm 56. 1 of my daughters told me she used to lie bc she was afraid I'd get mad at her.
I was also frustrated at her alot... I took things personally & got angry at her, when she didn't listen.
OF COURSE she lied... She didn't want to hear me yell or get angry or be disappointed in her.
After 11 sweet grands, I've finally learned It's NEVER ok to be angry at or yell at a childs behavior or them not listening. They are merely following OUR ENERGY.
@@Kbmaas thanks for sharing your experience. Any tips to remain calm in these situations?
After 3 daughters & 11 sweet grands, I've finally learned It's NEVER ok to be angry at or yell at a childs behavior or them not listening. They are merely following OUR ENERGY.
K Maas, thank you, there is some food for thought here.
Thank you,I need to hear what you have to say,my great grandson lives with me and until I came across your teaching I and him butt head and I know it were not good for us, I have thought about giving up on him,he is turning 15 this month. Now I am more calm and don’t let things get to me like before,I can see a different in him also,he is starting to share ,open open about school as before he go in his room and stay there,Even tho I risers three boys I am it was hard for me to except how children are now and when I raised up mine,but you have helped me a lot for ease of mind ,now I smile more where as before I were upset because he was pulling one way and me another
So glad you are figuring this out. You are amazing.
Thank you for this. My 4 year old has just started the lying about anything and everything. Hard work now makes it easier later. Love this
R&R von Schill, such a funny stage in their development. Hopefully you can look back later and recall some of the whoppers.
Mine too. How is yours doing now?
Thank you so much for this!
You are welcome, Faith Barbie.
Amazing. Thank you so much.
You are welcome, Umm Bilaal. Thank you for watching and being at Live On Purpose TV.
I always watch your video it’s amazing I have learned a lot from you
Thank you, amrullah khairullah. I am honored to be on your team.
How do you know if your child is lying or telling the truth? Sometimes you can tell but then sometimes you just have no clue. Especially when your 2 children have a fall out and you get 2 storys! You never know who is telling the truth! Sometime when your close by and they dont realise your listening you catch who started it and what happened next and then try to stop them but when you don't overhear, your stuck on what to say when they run up saying he said this she said that.. Thank you. Us parents really cant thank you enough for your amazing videos!!
Sometimes we don't know, and in those cases we have to proceed with caution, caring for kian. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
That's what am facing at the moment. Sometimes I end up punishing the innocent one.
Thank you so much for sharing. Watching your techniques it helps me to work out how to raise my young son. It works very well all aspects that I struggled with. Thank you so much 😊
Aksone Saysana, thank you for watching.
Need to send this message to Washington DC. It’s good to be honest
Agreed.
Wonderful explanation....
Thank you, Shine Sherry.
Wow
Teaching honesty versus not lying
Very good information thank you very much
My pleasure
I like “ take the emotions out of the discipline “
A game-changer for sure.
Thank you for being a part of my team! I'm glad you're on my squad and I needed to hear this! It was right on time! I was wondering if you're able to read that book I told you about!?
Not yet, Patiently Waiting. I have had a full schedule and was sick recently also.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ok in case you forgot the name it's called houses of healing!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I hope you feel better quickly!
THANK YOU !
You're welcome!
Priceless information. I am trying to figure out what the best thing to do for my 10-year-old son is. Unfortunately, even though my child spends 80% of his time with me, my child to spend about 20% of his time with his father. Truthfulness and honesty are simply not a priority there. In fact, my child’s father, along with my child’s grandmother, have coerced my child into lying to me over the phone while they were on vacation. They instructed my child to lie about where he was, or what he was doing. I feel like this is completely harmful to my child, which includes teaching him that it is OK to manipulate others, even his own mother. The “good” part is that as soon as my son was returned to me, he immediately told me all about it. Even though I knew already (at the moment it was all unfolding), I am glad that my son felt compelled to let me know about it. He was instructed to lie to me. This was when he was six years old, and it is heartbreaking that someone would put him in a position that no child should ever be in, especially those who are supposed to have his best interest/wellbeing at heart.
That is sad. I am glad you can talk to him and understand the pressure that was for a 6 yr. old. Good job.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you. ☺️
I tell my kids, "You are being punished for (misbehavior) because there are always consequences for doing things you shouldn't, but since you told the truth, and I know that was so hard, you will not get (bigger or additional punishment), which is the positive consequence for telling the truth."
Sounds like you have it under control, Katie Harris.
I wish I had had you on my team 19 years ago. The last tip is great. I have the problem that none of the 7 kids did it. And I don't even have a poltergeist to ask. So I stay angry a lot longer than is healthy.
Oh my goodness, same! Except when none of my children confess, we say the "ghost" did it. 😄 It's very frustrating, I feel your pain.
What is funny is that later in life they may start confessing when they not under your roof anymore. They end up telling on themselves and it can be funny depending on the situation. Thanks for watching and commenting, Rachel Nise.
We may never know some things in this life, Tecumseh A. Haha!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks. 🤨 ... 😆 😉
Please help me. I don't live with my sons mother since he was 1. My relationship was brilliant with him, but all of a sudden his mother is reporting back that my son is really upset and doesn't want to come to mine anymore, because I hit him. It's broken me. Now he is a super sensitive kid and has changed. I don't get any vibes from him that he is scared of me, but you can see something is going on in his mind.
Chrispy Southern Comfort, could ideas be put in his head? Might be time to do some digging as to what the motivation is for the change.
Maybe he was lying he "doesn't know" - this is what I hear all the time. What if child know what is wright and still does it, no matter what consequences are?
They need to experience the consequences, agnieszka graham. That is the only option when they are at a level one in maturity.
and what about when they lie to get out of doing something? For example today my son lied to his teacher saying that he had a headache and a cough (he doesn't) knowing full well he'd get sent home because of this pandemic. Right now I've taken away his tablet, tv, and he can't have any friends over for the week, month? I for quite a while. but I need to get him to understand how important it is to be honest.
Jessica Salonson, consequences are the only thing that work. Maturity will help.
I so appreciate your video and have learnt a lot. But what of when it's a Forster child from her grand parents newly introduced to the house at age eight. She is coming from the opposite setting from our home. She stayed out late outside the house playing up till 11:00pm at night,ate food anywhere she got it and for two years she is with us we see her abiding by the rules in the house like don't take money from anyone outside,never go out alone. But of recent I caught her trying to steal meat from the pot,and lying about money she got from outside. I just don't know why the change and to the best of my knowledge I do treat her with equity. I do her laundry as well as for the other children and we share chores among the more grown up children who are about her age that's 11,she is going to be 11 by September. My husband has threatened to send her back if she keeps on lying about stuff. We have prayed with her over this issue and told her to trust God to take away the urge to steal and lie. We just want her to have a better life than that of her mum and sister who have children from different father's. It would really be heart breaking to take her back but we risk the other children learning this nasty habit ,she confessed she had started stealing from her grannies place. Hmmm I'm just wondering if these rules would equally apply and work for a non biological child. I want to give a week of no TV watching for telling lies about money issues. I don't know are there any other views as to why the change in habit or perhaps we are just never knew that it was happening. We love her ,I love her and it would equally break my heart to let her go if she doesn't change. Please I need you guys to throw in your thoughts even if Dr is too busy to respond.
matanyesu allforjesus, give it a little time, give her consequences and show her lots of love. Does she get any counseling as part of being in foster care? Talk to her social worker and see what is available for her.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for the reply,she is showing a lot of effort in not trying to continue the habit. Okay I will try to show her more love. No she is not receiving any form of counselling.
Hi doctor Paul
I have a question for you
My daughter was doing homework and she got the answer book try cheat from that and I caught her
How can I punish her saying lie to me
Have a talk with her about was honesty is and why it is important. That might be the end of the matter or you may want to give her a consequence like having to do more work, just be sure to forgive her and show her lots of love,
amrullah khairullah .
I wish Poor Mr Menendez knows your Parenting suggestions.
Send him a link.
What about extreme story telling with other kids? He told playground kids his sister fell on a knife when playing on monkey bars. Our Hawaii vacation was ruined by hot lava (we’ve never been to Hawaii) He always has bizarre stories like this.
zachary ward, do the kids know they are stories? Does he? I don't know the age, but this happens, monitor and talk to him about it.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’m not sure in school setting but at home he normally says he’s “pranking”.He’s 7 and I’ve had to explain that when “fantasy” playing he has to make sure other kids know it’s make believe. We’ve had the talk about lying, trust, boy who cried wolf story time and so forth. I hunt and have lots of guns and knives which I keep put up and educate on as needed but am very concerned with this hyper sensitive issue in school setting and am trying to steer him clear of talking about knives and guns while at school. He’s all boy so I want him playing hard but don’t want him fantasy playing at school about guns and knives for obvious reason. Sometimes I notice he fixates more on stuff we tell him not to do 🤷🏽♂️
So I have a very serious problem and need some help here with how to deal with it.
My son is 5. When he was 2 he broke his leg when falling off top bunk bed.
When he was two he was a little wild and was quite stubborn. We always have to repeat for him to stop banging or making loud noises with toys. Wouldn't listen when my husband and I would CONSTANTLY tell him "Do not climb up on the top bunk bed, it is dangerous and you could fall and hurt yourself!" So that day came. It was very late at night and he was supposed to be asleep in his bed at the bottom but decided to do what he wanted and climb up the bed and fell and broke his leg. I heard a loud boom and ran from my room to see what it was. At first I'd thought it might have been him banging on the wall or toys or something so I was upset and asked him why he was up and what the boom sound was and to please stop and go into his bed. He wouldn't barge when I asked him to go back into his bed. I saw he was very upset and I asked him to walk to me (there was a baby gate on his door way) then he said I can't and his leg was shaking when he tried standing on it. So I freaked and asked what was wrong with him and that's when I found out he fell (he says "I fell" while upset. He wasn't crying either so I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with him so I spoke with him) so my husband calls the ambulance and he goes with him to get checked out and that's how we found out his leg was broken. Since then I'd been the one to take him to all appointments for his cast and such.
Here's where it gets better. He is now at FIVE years old starting to say "mommy did it" when the situation about his leg comes up because it is still very much an issue with him not listening and now has a two year old little sister who does everything he does. So if he climbs up there, she does too.
I feel like when he says this infront of family members they believe him and probably think I'm some evil abusive mother.. I don't know how to deal with it or what to even say to him for lying in such a way. I love him to death and I'd do anything and everything for him as for my now two daughters but this is not okay. Please help ..
Shay, tell the incident in a story format with an ending, the true ending. Give him consequences when he isn't doing what he is supposed to do or breaks a rule. Praise him and give him lots of attention when he is behaving correctly.
Dr. Paul. My dad is living with us, but he is the one encouraging my 6 year old to lie, what shall I do? He has been giving my kid lollies when my kid was not allowed and tried to cover it up for him. I have asked him so many times not to give lollies and explained the reasons, but he would never listen. He even sometimes keep lying when I already find out the truth. I am really frustrated... and worried my 6 yo would become someone like my dad
bubbly_xy, did you ask him why he is doing it? It might be his way of trying to connect with the child and he doesn't know how to do it other ways. Perhaps you could brainstorm with him about other ways like reading a story, coloring together, or finding a "treat" that you don't object to him having. Try to get to yes with your dad so it isn't a fight.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you! I think you really made the point which I never thought about before, maybe it's the easiest way for him to feel connected with my son. I will definitely try your tips!
What if he lied saying he didnt know 🫢🫢😪😭
Then it is a lie.
Ohh, Don’t get mad at your child
Chituga Khalifa, just don't let it show, calm face, calm voice, calm body.
I Did Lied to my Family a lot I Cant Control my Mouth its Hard for Me to Stop Doing it and My Big Mouth is Open again Im The Mess its time for me Fixed it myself not My Families problem its Mine I Lied its time for me to Stop and Control myself not my Mother not my Sisters Just me to Fixed it my own I Learn to Stop Lying not Balme my Family for it Thats Bad No No
Chris Serino, I wish you the best in your journey to creating the new you.
Hello, I’m a preschool teacher and use your children videos as tools for my classroom. I do have a question for a video request, I have a 3 year old classroom, my entire class is extremely well behaved and follow my directions very well, I think because of applying your tips in my classroom, but I have a student who just recently started in my classroom, he is always hurting my friends, and when i sit with him and talk about what hurting my friends is doing, and explaining that my friends don’t like it, and have my students tell him when he is hurting them that they don’t like it, he continues to do so, also he doesn’t follow directions at all, with all of my students seated on the carpet ready for learning time, I ask him to sit with his friends, he tells me no and that he is going to do what he wants to do, I give him the two options he adds his own third choice and doesn’t follow my two choices, when I talk to mommy, she says that’s just who he is and there is nothing wrong with him saying no and there is nothing wrong with him not following my instructions... you can see where the problem starts. What can I do or how can I handle this situation?
Princess Perfection, with this child, he does not get to choose option 3, there is no option 3. If he tries to choose option 3, then you put into place the option you told him about. This child needs to experience consequences.
I definitely agree, it is very obvious that there are zero consequences at home. Thank you.
I am also a preschool teacher and I have a very roudy class this year with multiple children with varying needs many of which are behavioural. If you don't mind my input, sometimes children hit, bit, kick, throw and/or punch because there is a need missing. For one of my little ones we got her a resistance band that helped to release that tension and need to throw. We also purchased a weighted puppy stuffy (it's $30 so it's an investment, but SO SO worth it) that also helps relieve tension in the body, as well as a quiet space away from the huslte and bustle of the classroom (we only allow 1or 2 children in at a time). Because how is a child expected to calm down, when they don't have a space to do so? I don't know whether this is something you have or not, but if not, that is the first and easiest change to make, just take a corner of your classroom, add blankets, pillows, stuffy and a couple books/squishies and bam you're good to go. Also, with the circle time, maybe he has a hard time staying still and need some sort of fidget tool and/or sitting in a teachers lap bouncing him lightly to provide movement. We have children who want to sit but have actually told me 'My body wants to move.' It's hard and I don't pretend to know all the answer, these are some things that worked for my students, the behaviours are not gone, but some of them have subsided due to these adaptation. If it was always easy we would never grow, good luck!
Pretty much that's my son also but I homeschool. He has consequences, his room is empty. He still will not budge.
What to do when you have a 7 year old and a almost 5 year old who generally always get along but sometimes there are days where I don’t know who is lying or telling the truth my 5 year old will cry and tells her sister to stop for example if I send them to go to bed and I’m downstairs taking care of my newborn I hear chattering and I hear my 5 year old telling her sister to stop then she starts to cry I go and check right away what is going on and my 5 year old tells me her sister poured water all over her shirt and immediately my 7 year old denies that she did it. I ask nicely for the truth to be told but my 7 year old still insists she didn’t do it , but then again I over heard my 5 year old telling her sister to please stop and then immediately starts to cry after there was even a time where my 5 year old told me that my 7 year old try to choke her but of course my oldest denies it I try my best as a single mother to do my best on my own with raising them and I always taught the importance of always being honest and how lying isn’t something good and how it has consequences and when I ask my oldest to be honest on what happened she starts to cry and still denies ever doing anything. Here is another example my 5 year old was crying hysterically I immediately go to see what is going on she tells me her older sister hit her in the head with a hard toy multiple times and my oldest denies that she did do it , but my 5 year old had a bump in her head where she said she was then hit a bump doesn’t just magically appear for no reason but my oldest will deny ever doing anything and not confess to telling the truth what can I do as a mother in a situation like this.
discipline the girls. Let her know that she will be punished for not telling the truth since her story is not believable. When she is disciplined, then she will learn that lying is not necessary.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV or to make her story believable.
thanks again mine thinks he is a expert liar
I hope he figures out that it is better to tell the truth soon, A Mc. It can be frustrating, to say the least...
My daughter lies so bad. I said did you iron your school clothes? Yes. I can see the clothes have no been ironed. I can say look I can see xyz. Why are you being dishonest ?
She might need to talk to someone to figure out why she is choosing this behavior over another.
Ay boi i aint lying stop talking on our generation goofy
Thank you for watching.
Does this man have any qualifications I’m so confused with how out of touch and silly he sounds
I have a Ph.D. in psychology and have been working in the field for over 30 years. I have also raised 4 children with my wife.