Limerence is real and can crush your life very fast. My wife is in limerence and within the last 2weeks she told me that she want to separate and kick me out of our house. I just lost everything I cared for but need to keep strong.
My wife fell into limerence affair with a dangerous man, I found out about it after he date raped her. I wanted to kick her to the curb, but I still cared enough for her to not want to see her go back to him. So I stayed, still ended up losing everything I had, and 19 years later I still suffer from betrayal trauma. So does she, this man she loved (limerenced) turned on her like a bad tuna fish sandwich. My advise if they cheat get out, start a new life, when you are still young. I'm too old to start again, and I don't want to ... but I wish I had all those years ago...
It's scary how accurate your video is to my situation, I can see all 10 signs in my wife, who asked for a divorce to move in with a man she's barely known for 3 months. In some ways being able to classify this as limerence has helped me in some ways in the grief process, as it's hard to stay angry at someone who essentially has become a drug addict. Instead it has turned into a sadness for her and what will inevitably come of her new life/relationship. Thank you for all your videos on limerence, it makes what was a very puzzling breakup into something that is easier to manage.
Hormones: Postpartum nightmare - In my case my wife went limerent with a coworker beginning the day she returned to work after giving birth. Pregnancy made her emotionally out of control with manic episodes & I had no idea what was going on it was like she had become possessed by the Devil. Then one day she snapped out of it like the spell was removed.
He showed all these signs, every single one. It lasted 3 months after he moved out, he’d known her for 4 months. He said “it wasn’t real” and went into a deep depression for a year afterwards. It was like he was possessed and a completely different person. I thought he’s been pretending all this time. The romantic story of how we met, the deep connection, how much he adored me, all rewritten. It was terrifying.
Everything you've said here is 100% my husband. oh my gosh...NOTHING about what he was doing or saying was making any sense. It goes completely against his character. We had a good marriage, I was a good wife to him. There was a time when our sex life wasn't so great, so I think that's where she came in, it started over Whatsapp, an emotional attachment happened before the physical. But then our sex life picked up again...I guess it was too late. One minute I'm his wife, believing he loves me, we have a great life, the nest minute I'm out and she's by his side. It confused me so much! We live in a small town, so they are very public with their affair. he seems to forget he still has a wife. And she still has a husband.
Thank you always Fenna. Is my partner in a limerent episode? ====================================================== 1. Rush to get into the relationship 2. We are just "friends" 3. No signs of a grief process 4. You see them in crystallization ("I've always been unhappy" and you don't recognize your own relationship). 5. Extreme mood swings (no contact with the other makes them feel depressed) 6. They shut you out (the world orbits around the other person) 7. They are not a logical fit. 8. There are obstacles (living in another city, co-worker, married themselves) 9. Partner starts to behave out of it's character 10. You are puzzled. You question everything.
spot on 13 year age difference, long distance living in different countries, jobb standard, different background, many obstacles in the form of family dont aprove them both, etc
Hello! I am definitely in Limerence with my co-worker. I did have childhood traumas as my parents did not accept me as I was the 3rd daughter and they did not want girls because of cultural issues! My parents had fights almost every day and I was terrible. I was molested I am married and have kids. My marriage has been a roller coaster. It's OK now. But I am having an affair with my coworker and it's obvious I have limerence. I want to let go of him but am unable to! So please help.
Those symptoms are spot on for my wife when I discovered her affair a few months ago. In order to be "with the LO legally" she suggested that we file for divorce but she wanted to stay with me and my daughter in the same house, then came the mood swings one day she would dress up nicely and ask my approval and happily go to work, then another day she would come home and make herself drunk and silently crying at midnight. I'm relieved that this is all over now and hope that she wouldn't be repeating the same again in the future. Is it usual that someone can fall into limerence multiple times? there must be ways to prevent this from happening.
Yes it's quite common to get limerent multiple times, your wife has to decide to never want this too happen again and invest more in your marriage probably. Good luck!
I am no expert, but, it seems like her affair partner was alternating between smothering with affection and witholding affection in order to play with your wife's mind. A common trick used by players. My wife became a religious fanatic and that seemed to keep her on the straight and narrow. There may be some truth in once a cheater......
I thought my wife was possessed by a demon-or on drugs, reflecting on some of the crazy talk she was repeating. Her AP was a pro and played her like a violin. Our pastor had a "come to Jesus intervention with her and she hated him for a long time as he burst her bubble with some direct talk. She was teaching Sunday School while carrying on an affair and the Pastor wouldn't stand for it in no uncertain terms. She hated me for a while as I prevented her from being with her soulmate. It was like she had to go through detox. Looking back on this episode I can hardly believe it happened.
@@followingfenna Yes, but it forever tainted our relationship. I have a near photographic memory and relive that episode often. For years I wondered what I did wrong, now I know it wasn't my fault.
My wife left me for a married rich man, all the 10 mentioned are true! Any time frame of how long this limurance affair will last? Im not going to wait for her, my life will continue.
I can't really predict this but limerence normally if a relationship is formed last not longer than 3 years. I would indeed not wait for this person but move on, good luck to you.
Since my responce things dont look good on theire side: the rich man is making empty promises, lei-ing, and my wife is keeping me as a option to go back incase things dont work out. Yet again thanks for your responce! @@followingfenna
my husband left 2 tiny kids and me for his La La Land Lover; I decided to finish; those people don't deserve our love, they have a choice, and they refuse to come back, so we'd better face reality and move on for ourselves and the children involved.
How long does this limerence maximum last? My ex has done many of those 10, literally announced his unhappiness, walked out never looked back, we'd been together 26 years. He went on holiday with online gaming friend other woman two weeks later. Filed divorce weeks after he walked out, and pushed it through. She was married also and from another country and wanted to live in our country, he told me about this months before I even knew she was an another woman! She was a gaming friend! They got married this year 3.5 years after he walked out on me. Is this still limerance?
Probably yes but of course I can't make a prediction with little information. Normally without any obstacles being in love last up till 3 years. In any case I hope you are focusing on yourself and grief the 26 years of marriage. Good luck to you !! 💓
Thank you for this video. My wife's situation displays almost all of these characteristics. She is having a limerent affair with a coworker and, because our relationship was very strong and healthy, is struggling with severe cognitive dissonance. I.e. "I was miserable for years!" and "Well of course I'm leaving you I do everything! I had to take out the trash again last night!" It's very scary because we just bought a house together and have a child with special needs. She will spend days at a time with this guy and not even tell anybody, leaving our son and I to wonder where she is. I just hope this means it will burn out faster and that hopefully she won't hold onto these dissonant thoughts about our relationship once the limerence begins to end. I also fear she may want to avoid reconciliation and grieving our relationship in order to evade the guilt/shame that would come with it.
Just a thought- have you asked yourself honestly if it's cognitive dissonance on her part, or is it yours? I'm not saying her limerance isn't real. But most times it stems from feeling a lack. All the time you thought you two were happy, perhaps that is your cognitive dissonance? Is your ego too big to acknowledge that maybe she really wasn't happy and it's too difficult to admit?
Limerence is real and can crush your life very fast. My wife is in limerence and within the last 2weeks she told me that she want to separate and kick me out of our house. I just lost everything I cared for but need to keep strong.
Good luck to you, I'm.so sorry.
My wife fell into limerence affair with a dangerous man, I found out about it after he date raped her. I wanted to kick her to the curb, but I still cared enough for her to not want to see her go back to him. So I stayed, still ended up losing everything I had, and 19 years later I still suffer from betrayal trauma. So does she, this man she loved (limerenced) turned on her like a bad tuna fish sandwich. My advise if they cheat get out, start a new life, when you are still young. I'm too old to start again, and I don't want to ... but I wish I had all those years ago...
i want to give you a hug, be strong!
It's scary how accurate your video is to my situation, I can see all 10 signs in my wife, who asked for a divorce to move in with a man she's barely known for 3 months. In some ways being able to classify this as limerence has helped me in some ways in the grief process, as it's hard to stay angry at someone who essentially has become a drug addict. Instead it has turned into a sadness for her and what will inevitably come of her new life/relationship. Thank you for all your videos on limerence, it makes what was a very puzzling breakup into something that is easier to manage.
The limerent one is usually the one who ends up alone. Good luck to you and thank you for your comment :)
Amazing how close this is to how my wife left our 8 year marriage!
Next friday I do a live video om having a partner in limerence!
@@followingfenna I will give it a watch. Thank you Fenna🙏
Our Lady of Sorrows helps us to overcome addiction and obsession.
Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us
Hormones: Postpartum nightmare - In my case my wife went limerent with a coworker beginning the day she returned to work after giving birth. Pregnancy made her emotionally out of control with manic episodes & I had no idea what was going on it was like she had become possessed by the Devil. Then one day she snapped out of it like the spell was removed.
Thank you for sharing this.
He showed all these signs, every single one. It lasted 3 months after he moved out, he’d known her for 4 months. He said “it wasn’t real” and went into a deep depression for a year afterwards. It was like he was possessed and a completely different person. I thought he’s been pretending all this time. The romantic story of how we met, the deep connection, how much he adored me, all rewritten. It was terrifying.
I hear this plays out like that a lot, unfortunately
Everything you've said here is 100% my husband. oh my gosh...NOTHING about what he was doing or saying was making any sense. It goes completely against his character. We had a good marriage, I was a good wife to him. There was a time when our sex life wasn't so great, so I think that's where she came in, it started over Whatsapp, an emotional attachment happened before the physical. But then our sex life picked up again...I guess it was too late. One minute I'm his wife, believing he loves me, we have a great life, the nest minute I'm out and she's by his side. It confused me so much! We live in a small town, so they are very public with their affair. he seems to forget he still has a wife. And she still has a husband.
Thank you always Fenna.
Is my partner in a limerent episode?
======================================================
1. Rush to get into the relationship
2. We are just "friends"
3. No signs of a grief process
4. You see them in crystallization ("I've always been unhappy" and you don't recognize your own relationship).
5. Extreme mood swings (no contact with the other makes them feel depressed)
6. They shut you out (the world orbits around the other person)
7. They are not a logical fit.
8. There are obstacles (living in another city, co-worker, married themselves)
9. Partner starts to behave out of it's character
10. You are puzzled. You question everything.
spot on 13 year age difference, long distance living in different countries, jobb standard, different background, many obstacles in the form of family dont aprove them both, etc
Wauw !
Hello! I am definitely in Limerence with my co-worker. I did have childhood traumas as my parents did not accept me as I was the 3rd daughter and they did not want girls because of cultural issues! My parents had fights almost every day and I was terrible. I was molested I am married and have kids. My marriage has been a roller coaster. It's OK now. But I am having an affair with my coworker and it's obvious I have limerence. I want to let go of him but am unable to! So please help.
Thank you for sharing this!
I offer email coaching and one on one sessions.
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Great explanation; you are spot on.
Thank you so much
All these 10 signs my ex displayed. Tks for this video
Spot on!
Those symptoms are spot on for my wife when I discovered her affair a few months ago. In order to be "with the LO legally" she suggested that we file for divorce but she wanted to stay with me and my daughter in the same house, then came the mood swings one day she would dress up nicely and ask my approval and happily go to work, then another day she would come home and make herself drunk and silently crying at midnight. I'm relieved that this is all over now and hope that she wouldn't be repeating the same again in the future. Is it usual that someone can fall into limerence multiple times? there must be ways to prevent this from happening.
Yes it's quite common to get limerent multiple times, your wife has to decide to never want this too happen again and invest more in your marriage probably. Good luck!
I am no expert, but, it seems like her affair partner was alternating between smothering with affection and witholding affection in order to play with your wife's mind. A common trick used by players. My wife became a religious fanatic and that seemed to keep her on the straight and narrow. There may be some truth in once a cheater......
I thought my wife was possessed by a demon-or on drugs, reflecting on some of the crazy talk she was repeating. Her AP was a pro and played her like a violin. Our pastor had a "come to Jesus intervention with her and she hated him for a long time as he burst her bubble with some direct talk. She was teaching Sunday School while carrying on an affair and the Pastor wouldn't stand for it in no uncertain terms. She hated me for a while as I prevented her from being with her soulmate. It was like she had to go through detox. Looking back on this episode I can hardly believe it happened.
Did she come to her senses in the end ?
@@followingfenna Yes, but it forever tainted our relationship. I have a near photographic memory and relive that episode often. For years I wondered what I did wrong, now I know it wasn't my fault.
My wife left me for a married rich man, all the 10 mentioned are true! Any time frame of how long this limurance affair will last? Im not going to wait for her, my life will continue.
I can't really predict this but limerence normally if a relationship is formed last not longer than 3 years. I would indeed not wait for this person but move on, good luck to you.
Since my responce things dont look good on theire side: the rich man is making empty promises, lei-ing, and my wife is keeping me as a option to go back incase things dont work out. Yet again thanks for your responce! @@followingfenna
my husband left 2 tiny kids and me for his La La Land Lover; I decided to finish; those people don't deserve our love, they have a choice, and they refuse to come back, so we'd better face reality and move on for ourselves and the children involved.
How long does this limerence maximum last? My ex has done many of those 10, literally announced his unhappiness, walked out never looked back, we'd been together 26 years. He went on holiday with online gaming friend other woman two weeks later. Filed divorce weeks after he walked out, and pushed it through. She was married also and from another country and wanted to live in our country, he told me about this months before I even knew she was an another woman! She was a gaming friend! They got married this year 3.5 years after he walked out on me. Is this still limerance?
Probably yes but of course I can't make a prediction with little information. Normally without any obstacles being in love last up till 3 years. In any case I hope you are focusing on yourself and grief the 26 years of marriage. Good luck to you !! 💓
Affair = divorce period.
You have clear boundaries 👏
👍
Thank you for this video. My wife's situation displays almost all of these characteristics. She is having a limerent affair with a coworker and, because our relationship was very strong and healthy, is struggling with severe cognitive dissonance. I.e. "I was miserable for years!" and "Well of course I'm leaving you I do everything! I had to take out the trash again last night!"
It's very scary because we just bought a house together and have a child with special needs. She will spend days at a time with this guy and not even tell anybody, leaving our son and I to wonder where she is. I just hope this means it will burn out faster and that hopefully she won't hold onto these dissonant thoughts about our relationship once the limerence begins to end. I also fear she may want to avoid reconciliation and grieving our relationship in order to evade the guilt/shame that would come with it.
There are sooo many people in this position, I'm so sorry for you, its so tough, I wish you ALL the best.
Just a thought- have you asked yourself honestly if it's cognitive dissonance on her part, or is it yours? I'm not saying her limerance isn't real. But most times it stems from feeling a lack. All the time you thought you two were happy, perhaps that is your cognitive dissonance? Is your ego too big to acknowledge that maybe she really wasn't happy and it's too difficult to admit?
@@NotoriousPND429 the possibility is there. It's unfortunately impossible for me to provide you an objectively unbiased viewpoint :/
Limerence or not, anyone had infidility is fucking joker, people deserve better, just leave them, and enjoy your life. They don't deserve your love.
10 of 10
A lot of people must admit they are 10 out of 10 . Good luck !
Hi Fenna..if they leave to be with their LO does the limerence fade faster? And is there an average time for the limerence to fade?
Ye, the limerence will fade faster, when in a relationship limerence fades between a few months and 3 years. But most likely faster.
My partner moved out to be with his L.O the whole thing imploded within 3 months. I hope you’re ok, it’s really awful.
9/10
9 out 10
Good luck to you
So it's my wife and she has realized there's something wrong. She's quiting her job and detaching
There was no end game for her and I think she realized this
She never left myself and the children though