How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful: The Harvard Business Review Guide
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- Опубліковано 14 чер 2024
- Just agreeing with your boss (or your boss’s boss) feels easier, but it’s often better to voice your disagreement. HBR's Amy Gallo shows how.
00:00 Let’s say you disagree with someone more powerful than you. Should you say so?
00:30 Before deciding, do a risk assessment
01:39 When and where to voice disagreement
02:20 What to say ...
04:00 … and how to say it
05:38 Ok, let’s recap!
How exactly do you voice dissent with your superior? And is it always worth it to do so? First, weigh the risk of pushback or a negative reaction from a boss against the risk of not speaking up. If you do decide to voice your opinion, there are some best practices to keep in mind. State your opinions as facts, avoiding using judgment words. In addition, ask permission to dissent instead of offering an unsolicited opinion. Keep in mind that the final decision is still in the hands of your boss, but being honest and respectful will show them that they have more options.
Reading list:
How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful than You
hbr.org/2016/03/how-to-disagr...
How to Disagree with Your Boss
hbr.org/2014/11/how-to-disagr...
Say No Without Burning Bridges
hbr.org/2014/06/say-no-withou...
Produced by Amy Gallo, Scott LaPierre, and Jessica Gidal
Video by Andy Robinson
Edited by Jessica Gidal
Design by Riko Cribbs and Karen Player
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I've tried all these on the list and I can attest that you will never be right in the eyes of a narcissist.
Its a matter of conviction and principles now, either you wanted to die as a victim, or lived long enough and able you say to yourself you are a survivor. Pick your poison.
I doubt a narcissist would like to lose money. You just need to convey your opinions properly...
try lookin up chriss voss. Especially when it comes to a narcissit, giving the illusion of control, is more powerful. Also the laws of power by robert greene. Ive found these 2 sources useful for everyday negotiations
Totally agree .. dealing with Narcissist is different
@@bisacool7339 BS - he did not state that he feels victim - the fact is - there are number of psychos and egocentrics with whom non of these (as the matter of fact none at all) tactic works - other than "pleasing" them - but you are right in a certain way - you can (and should) leave the environment like that ;-) love it - change it - or leave it (3 options)
I'm impressed that this video acknowledges the real world possibility of having a vindictive boss.
One thing I have done as the head of Communications is said “my job is to protect your reputation and the reputation of the company. With that in mind I am sharing this feedback”
I've got the same job and I can feel the emotions in that statement..I use a similar approach.
This is a very good statement. Thank you.
Like this idea - works well as head of communications! Guess it can be tweaked depending on the context! Thanks!
Thanks for this
Best comment.
"How to do all of the emotional heavy lifting for the powerful man above you who has never, in his life, had to emotionally regulate himself for the sake of connection."
😂 exactly....I'm just gonna disagree immediately and not think too much about it, if that upsets someone's ego then that's really not my problem!
I have a formula for giving our opinion in a fair manner. It's called ABCD
A. Approve. Give nod and interest when you hear other people. I.e: "ok..."
B. Breakdown. Ask the detail about their message or opinion and make sure that you have same point to discuss and reconfirm the point as the goals of the idea is also good so you can have a same page situation
C. Compare. After you have breakdown the opinion and state the goal, then you can give them your disagreement or your different notion.
D. Decide. Make a final statement for you to give them the decision depend on who is the one who has the decision.
Thank you, noted
This rule may work next time. I blame myself that I broke on tears in front on my boss during a disagreement
@@andreamonroy3693 Please don't blame yourself. We are humans after all. It's Ok to be yourself. I broke in tears at work before. Your boss should regret that they pushed you to the verge of tears.
📖 saved - abcd technic
This really works. When I was a young and inexperienced lawyer I had to appeal to a judge in her private chamber. In the end I said it was her decision. I was very humble and respectful. She wasn't my boss, but it's a similar scenario.
It’s cute how many people in the comments don’t think they need to learn these skills because they can talk to their supervisors as equals. I’m glad so many people have lived such a blessed life so far. Thank you for sharing these tips with those of us who do need them.
It's not a blessed life, it's courage to look someone in the eyes and dare them to look down on you, and frankly, it's not something you will learn from a YT video.
I’m a VP and I want anyone at any level to disagree with me at any time, and I would do the same with anyone above or below me. Clarity is kindness and if you don’t agree you need to be clear about that. We don’t have time to wait for someone to work up the courage and find the right time. The right time is always now, when the discussion is happening. If we live in fear of raising our voice we put the entire company at risk. Just say what you think and be ready for an ensuing discussion so we can all gain greater clarity.
That's great that you are an exec open enough to "entertain" disagreements with your ideas. Many execs create an environment that is threatening and employees do not feel safe sharing their ideas or dissenting opinions. I think this video is targeted to those.
@@carolineomondi5361 totally hear you on that, there are def execs out there who are managing their ego more than their teams or the company. If someone is under someone like that, you can still disagree but frame it as a question. So rather than saying, I don’t think our customers want that feature, you can try something like, how did we determine that our customers will want that feature.
Finding the right way to disagree based on the person adds a layer of complexity, but the most important part is that it’s done sooner rather than later. The longer we wait to voice our concern, the less likely that concern will have any relevance because we’ve already executed on the decision and moved on.
It can be super uncomfortable and feel like you’re taking a risk, but in my experience coming up, leaders respect people who raise their voice thoughtfully, even if it’s in disagreement, far more than the folks who tend to just nod in silence. The former are hard to come by in the workforce while the latter are a dime a dozen. A good leader, even with a fragile ego, will recognize who is contributing vs who is just playing along and over the one run that risk will translate into reward.
@@BusterDarcy Got it. I would still add context and timing as key determinants of how one's differing opinion is received.
Glad there's some open discussion going on here. And, the video goes into "asking for permission to disagree". It just goes to show how hierarchical and one-directional power is in organizations. Despite all of this truth, all modern organizations perpetrate the ideas of "flat hierarchies" and "titles don't matter". In practice, they totally matter.
That sounds exactly like a VP email I would not read.
You should be able to disagree with your superiors in the exact same way that you disagree with everyone else. If you can't speak your mind freely, then this is probably not a place you want to work at. Also, if you wait to express your opinion, in many cases the bad idea / wrong direction ends up building momentum and it becomes much harder to stop later on.
This video isn't about which kind of a company you should work at or whether you need to have a work environment where everyone can talk their mind freely to their superiors. It is about how to convey differences in opinion to your superiors (and might I add) in the real world.
@@sushant1233 The world is what we choose to make of it. If we accept the premise that people need to be afraid to speak their mind, then that is the type of world we will create.
These methods work well when speaking with everyone. Respect, thoughtfulness and constructive language should be a part of our everyday speech. Also, being afraid to speak up isn’t necessarily a sign that your work environment is unhealthy. That fear might came from our own insecurities, lack of experience, or past troubles. I think this video can be especially helpful for those who need an extra shot of courage or confidence.
Sometimes you have a superior that doesn’t take criticism well, so it can be helpful to be able to work with them with minimal repercussions while you strategize either leaving the company or (if possible) waiting out their time in that position
I live in north korea and my boss is this chubby guy who thinks he owns the place. Tomorrow I'll tell him what I think about this place. Wish me luck guys!
This is so stupid lol.
I thought it's funny 😅
😂😂😂
Sounds like how you disagree can be just as important as disagreeing.
Astute observation, Billy
Disagreeing with someone was never a boxing match, no matter where you stand in the hierarchy
In the culture that i worked. If you were to disagree. You will be shown the door. My stratgey to first agree and take the course then show them why its not working has helpled me to keep my job...
Great tips, beautiful presentation, but of course we should remember the importance of "culture" and "the person we are going to disagree with". 👍
When my superior demands an unrealistic timeline, I just report sick.
😂😂😂❤
Well stated here - nice work!
Love the role play u did - pls dial this more as it helps to see those words said out loud
Fantastic advice! Thank you for posting.
When presented with a " Need for Your Decision" from Others ...
That Individual usually has Already Spent Time Mulling Over / Deciding ..
and in some Prof & Personal Situations ..
has Likely Thought over "What to Say to You"
And they might Strongly Suggest Your Buy In .. Right Away ..
I have found that the Simple Expression > Let Me Think it Over ..
not Only Defuses the Other's Imposed Urgency on You .
but it gives You Time to Think Over and make the right Decision for You Perspective ..
not the other Person .
It also will give you Opportunity for You to Observe
how the other person Reacts to their
desire to Rush to "their" judgement ..
Their ReAction could be Very Telling as to their Actual Intent ..
or their Opinion of Your Suggestion.
For me it comes down to something simpler. To function correctly, humans need hierarchies that must be respected. You can't waste time debating every decision because someone needs their ideas to be accepted. Each person will have their time to have priority, but in the meantime they must accept those of their superior and keep quiet.
Never disagree and then change jobs every few years. That way you neither cause confrontation nor do you have to live with the consequences of management making bad decisions. Good for my paycheck, but bad for investors. Tough shit.
That kind of lacks moral courage.
So much fluff for just speaking our mind? The manager can say whatever without much consideration but a subordinate has to go through all this?
I still appreciate your ideas though...but Frankly this is just too much preparation for speaking one's mind.
So true. Speaking our mind with preparation (diplomatic approach not direct)
@@sjvbny291 The preparation is worth it because the results are worth it. Also, with practice the prep becomes automatic.
If you have a vindictive superior, strategy can be worthwhile
Great strategies! Thank you!
Very useful and insightful techniques.
Don't high expectation, open mind, focus on your strength point , read interviewer mind.
This is FAB, thank you!
Good to look at the risk.
Wow amazing talk
#3 in the if/when/where can cause someone to go in mental loops if they overthink it. Make a decision at some point and have self-compassion. #2 in the how can lead to be getting taken advantage of, so just be careful. Otherwise, great and sensible tips!
EXCELLENT! Thank you :)
Thanks a ton, Amy & HBR; this video and a video on 'Listening' would be great.
Dont try this in India
Do the right thing and say it ppl
Understand that as individuals, you and your boss are at the same level. He has no “power” over you. Once you are out of that frame, then think purely from a professional perspective, what can be done, and be diplomatic on it. If you are facing issues on a personal perspective on the other hand, speak directly and bluntly as you would to any other person.
Yea but you aren't individuals in the workplace, he's your superior and has power over your position. It's naive to think otherwise.
Great tips. I think it’d be great if managers had this discussion with their staff at the outset 🙌🏻
Some of us do
My favorite approach to persuading a boss was to plant an idea worthy of pursuit in my boss’s mind then wait. Eventually that idea would surface as the boss’s idea who would then take credit for coming up with it, but I would get what I wanted, frequently accompanied by a sweet bonus.
I just ignore my incompetent bosses (not the good ones) and let the situation get progressively sour until we can't stand eachother which ultimately results in me leaving or getting fired from the job.
I would rather get fired a thousand times than selling my soul.
Thats it my guy
Sounds healthy. Keep up. Definitely a recipe for long-term success and not for frustration and poor work-life integration.
The surrounding environment should be conducive for experiment with the communication. CEOs should be defining this culture with a top-down approach while allowing bottom-up information flow; constant circulation.
Excellent
good points
1. are you confident, comfortable with who you are?
2. do you respect yourself?
3. does the person respect you or not?
4. do you respect the person or not?
Other dimensions to consider.
thanks a lot!
Interesting Music.
And after following all these steps you would probably end up diluting the meaning in your disagreement to the point of its non-existence. The vital power in your speech is You, and that "You" has been successfully emasculated. Well done! I have lot of such people in my workplace who in the bid to not "offend" anyone cannot speak their mind. Trust me, no one takes them seriously. They are generally under-achievers in the workplace too, because they have curtailed their passion, just in order to survive.
Workplaces are different. It’s one thing to be in a young start up, a large finance corporation, a heavy manufacturing, or a large governmental organization. In some places, no one brings up a disagreement by emphasizing the “you.” And that works for those places. At the other extreme, you have workplaces where people get in each others’ face and scream at each other.
This is specifically a strategy of dealing with a more powerful figure at work, not all colleagues. Plus, the video makes it very clear that you should be calm and confident in your approach. Finally, nothing suggests you should dilute your message; it's about framing it in the best possible light.
Corporations are there to serve shareholders... employees are there to deliver value and align with the corporate vision and mission.
The more you align, the more you thrive.
So much of the risk involved in disagreement arises from powerful people acting to defend their positions and to ‘assert dominance’.
Perhaps part of the risk assessment could be to work out which potential harms are from defensive responses and which are not. Other options include that you demonstrate an aspect of your own ignorance and that lowers your standing (likely a great learning opportunity), or that you do convince them to change something but it goes wrongly and you end up being blamed.
Thanks for this video. It helps us to disagree professionally and foster communication and understanding.
this is hard to watch for me, but i get the point. ill try to learn from.this.
All this is good etc…93% of communication is non verbal - work on them. Humbleness & friendly but confident subservience while keeping a focus on shared goals with your boss (while objectively discussing the difference) works
"Ask for forgiveness, not permission" comes to mind with these conversations. Otherwise you never have them especially when they are needed.
I was never such a person. At initial stage of my profession, I had 1 or 2 bosses who like to pick on me. But it is not a personal grudge. That is how they are with everybody, fussy, bossy and demand respect. I just do my work and follow all the rules. After some time, they like me bcoz I make their work easy by doing my job properly. They have nothing to find fault on me in terms of work. As I become senior, my bosses can even go to the extent to joke to change my mood and be playful with me.
That is the sweetest thing. Why must they do that for a subordinate?? So I have learn to be in the good books of my bosses without carrying their basket.
make your superior's work easy, do your job properly, and you will succeed in the workplace... it's an easy recipe...
you are hired to resolve problems, not create them
0:50 is exactly what happened at one of my old internships
Do supervisors go through these jumps and hoops to give feedback?... If not, then why should non-supervisors have to?
I like to use:
Help me understand…
How does this compare to… (or differ from…)?
Noted ✅️
Acknowledging authority seems fair. However, sometimes they use that as ammo. Go with your gut on that one.
3:24 I'd like to layout my reasoning, would that be okay with you??
4:38 Just thinking Outloud here
Can you do a video for how to do this with state jobs?
With Slack/Teams, it is a bit easier as we can relax behind our chat, but how how would you do it in real-time, when people call you out of the blue or come to you desk and need an immediate answer?
Or you are in a meeting with many stakeholders and not stating your opinion may put you in the bind?
Staying
As someone who lives in Texas this was painful to watch. Speaking up can get you treated harshly and fired. Even using every one of the aspects of the advice given. I feel this advice is only beneficial in places where laws can protect you from bias like California or the UK. However, I have learned strategies to simply negotiate with the information you're trying to convey. It's extremely challenging to do, but if you're in a place where the laws allow bosses to dismiss or mistreat you without cause, it is the only option of communication.
You are right towards the end, that’s a lot! Rather unrealistic approach, at least for me.
Thanks a lot for this guide. Again and again I come back to this topic to learn more about it. One point I'm not clear about though: How is it less threatening to meet a more powerful person in private? I feel more threatened when I meet a person that has more power than my direct manager. In a more public setting at least there are other people seeing the abuse, if it happens.
I love the reminder that I should look for the shared goal first. From time to time I find I can do that already. Also loving the idea to state my point as my opinion and leaving the "final call" to them, which might be true no matter what I think.
Your points are cool. Thank you. I think in the video, she meant that it is less threatening for the manager/boss for you to speak in private with them, so that they do not feel as if their faults have been made public.
In case you make a very valid point and they feel foolish, it is at least in the privacy of their office and not infront of everyone. Someone neutral may become angry and defensive in public whereas they may have stayed calm and open to changing their mind when confronted in private. It is, I guess, "saving face" for the boss. Which is also good.
Does this work for raises?
Asian bosses are different, most of them do not like any of their subordinate to defy their ideas or words. ' I SAY U DO' is the motto
Stems from caste system
These methods work with ‘normal’ people. Major workplace issues are often with the ‘not normal’ variety. They may be either narcissistic or sociopathic to some degree. Their aims are not your aims.
What if the boss is trying to KID what you did (That is nothing!!! I've done A, B, C) or to BOARD what you did (See we are all working for a number) ?
Wow, it wasn't academically cute. It was more connected to ground reality. Kudos.
👍nice
I am always the 1st one. Love it. I would like to participate as well.
Tried this with my military commander. Got an article 15.
Interesting is that in plain 2024 one still cannot disagree freely from bosses, even if they are clearly hurting the company with bad decisions and other impairments or so. At the end, the employee who disagrees will be the bad guy and suffer retaliation. Why the conversation can’t be open and free between peers working for toward the same goal? Why criticizing up is not acceptable? People are fallible, and teams exist to work together, with one holding a few more responsibilities than others, but still fallible, still accountable, still needing to learn every day. Agreeing with everything just enable poor decisions and management to perpetuate. I saw firsthand what bad management, making tons of mistakes can cause to a company and no criticism or disagreement was allowed. It is sad.
You will get fired and or even looked down or a threat or hated by your peers . Just built your own company or business that’s the future , be able to make your own money is your power
I've been in both situations. The biggest thing is to figure out if there is a good "fit" personality wise and professionally between you and your boss.
Great technics. But with a good boss or colleague, you don't need any of those strategies
Finding a good boss in the first place might help.
Will you please give some thought to how a person with a disability, who has achieved sufficient success may be able to share that experience, yet bumps up into a myriad of thresholds which are designed to narrow the field, rather than showing inclusive right to lending and credit, as well as markets. We find large gaps in the process of sharing what we believe to be essential components in the nutrition education field, based on science as it relates to food and healthy living. Feeling confounded and block at every turn, as people seek knowledgeable methods to achieve maximum wellness. #fatigued #confounded
Because we all know Plato’s Euthyphro was right about right! Try to identify toxic, authoritarian, or otherwise questionable cultures while interviewing, so you can accept an offer with confidence. Doing that, though, will require further resources and information.
My mother just turns off the air conditioning when I disagree with her. If I complain she says she’s saving the environment.
i just want to be myself and talk..
I wouldn't bother with this.
Try to meet my boss
🥺
I’m getting nervous watching this. 😅
Me: I would like to state my reasoning, would that be okay?
Boss: Nope
Me: Got it
Are you a nurse?
How long is too long or too late when waiting to present my case? Ive noticed that when I wait to gather my case, 2 months pass by and nothing is done yet. Maybe I can still present my case?
我不知道😅！
I find my voice to disagree with someone more powerful than me in being first, above board in my niche or job description. They usually miss your intention to make an idea better from calling for a rethink .
Most tie your opinion to undermining their authority if shared with others present .
I always prepare my work-life to sustain a six-month after a sudden sack hits if I ever give a contrary opinion and it's taken personally.
They only consider your opinion if they see you need them to check their stand again or hit an obvious pitfall.
They will do anything for you not to be right .
I tried after watching this video. Now I am unemployed.
Phyllis, how dare you disagree with Michael Scott?
Couldn’t keep watching with the childlike snaps and background drums. I guess I’ll keep trusting intuition.
Make it sound like it was the boss's idea
If you're working a job where you find yourself asking for permission to disagree then you should maybe consider leaving the company.
If you are nor allowed to speak your mind. You just leave this place already
It's too bad we can't just have direct, honest conversation. "Boss, that's dumb and you're going to make us waste a lot of time and money on a meaningless project."
Instead you gotta sugarcoat, manipulate, coddle and spoonfeed your dumb boss so you don't bruise their ego and have them use their hierarchical advantage against you.
I sent my boss an email last week trying to coax him to take a moral stance on something. He turned a deaf ear to me. Not sure what to do now because i know he hired me for that very purpose.
@@seanlimclarinet well, he acknowledged the email, thanked me for my thoughts, and said my colleague handled it fine enough. (But my point was that we needed to be the leaders, not allow a client to dictate terms to us).
If you want to be heard, top tip, dont play obnoxious music loudly as you speak...
Wait a minute. Boxing isn't a strategic sport?
For the love of God, just say what's on your mind. If they don't agree, who cares?
At least around mongolia got a monument im kuku thanks teachear ecology fun
I'll speak up, you look like Phyllis from The Office
This advice is certainly very valuable in the business world of the USA. As an anthropologist I might add that it can be counterproductive and even dangerous in a lot of other places and cultures. How many in the US military are allowed to disagree openly with a superior? Starting such a discussion e.g. in a Japanese firm is unimaginable. People living in countries led by dictators do not have the chance to speak their mind.