Anger Management | 5 Minute Video
Вставка
- Опубліковано 24 лют 2016
- Do you struggle to control your anger? Are you the victim of someone who loses their temper? When you feel angry, controlling that rage is very difficult--but it's possible. And Joseph Telushkin, a rabbi and best-selling author, shares one simple, doable rule that may just save the relationships of those who take it seriously.
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Script:
Do you wish you had better control over your temper? Do the people around you, your spouse, your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your children, wish you had better control over your temper?
Unfair or excessive anger is a major cause of marital strife, of tensions between parents and children, and of tensions in work places. Sometimes anger is responsible for more than just tension. “Road rage,” for example, is implicated in hundreds of deaths and thousands of accidents each year.
Of course, anger is not always wrong. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. There is evil in the world and sometimes in our own lives. If that didn’t make us angry, neither nations nor individuals would ever oppose it. Think about it for a moment: Would you want to live in a world where no one except victims felt anger toward terrorists, rapists and murderers?
But that's not the sort of anger I am talking about now. I'm talking about day-to-day anger and the role an angry disposition plays in poisoning our daily lives and the lives of those around us. People with quick tempers sometimes say that they can't control their anger. But that’s not true. People can't always control how they feel, but they can almost always control how they act.
Let me offer an example: Imagine you're walking down the street when suddenly you're confronted by a person with a weapon demanding your money. Clearly, you're furious. But do you shout at the person? Do you curse him? Very unlikely. You speak in as calm a voice as you can, probably even in a respectful manner -- if you speak at all! We all know why we would act in such a calm way -- in order to save our life. Obviously, then, we can control our tempers when we really want to.
Now there are whole courses on “anger management” and they undoubtedly have many ideas and suggestions. But I would like to offer one rule that will enable you to control your anger and almost guarantee that you will never say something that will lead to an irrevocable break or a permanent hurt in your relationship with another person: No matter how angry you get, restrict the expression of your anger to the incident that provoked it.
This means when someone has done something wrong and has hurt you, express anger for what they did - but only concerning that incident . Don't use words like “always,” or “never.” "You're always inconsiderate," "You never think before you act." What’s the other person supposed to say? “You're right. I am always inconsiderate.” In addition to making the other person defensive -- who wouldn't become defensive when accused of always being anything bad -- your statement is untrue. No one is always inconsiderate. No one never thinks before he or she acts.
That someone has done something wrong to you doesn't give you the right to lie to or about them.
For the complete script, visit www.prageru.com/videos/anger-...
Very smart. "Restrict your anger only to the incident that started it."
Do not control your anger. Use it, it gives you focus makes you stronger.
+sykopath66190 That isn't really the best advice when the reason you're angry is almost always at yourself.
+ProfessorVasuda In my case, the main reasons normally include self-righteous arseholes who ignore evidence and reasoning in favour of their own fantasies, which often results in my suffering.
Jorion Edwards That's not a good idea.
Masashi Ng What do you mean? I'm a bit confused.
My biggest regret in life was wasting my time expressing my disappointment or anger towards others. It's a waste of time and energy. I have learned that the best way to manage my anger is remove dependency on people and keep people away that simply have potential to infuriate you. Though I am at risk of becoming a hermit.
True, and self control and a calm voice tone helps!
I agree
+Maverick ...I agree too. ....better to walk away and to not have anything to do with such people. ......better to have a few good people around, than a lot of angry and vicious people. ......so tiresome.
+Maverick ... Do you have a job, because I can't think of any job that doesn't rely on others :(
Thamyris Vision I work from home and I am essentially my own boss. I pick and choose who I decide to do work for. Not everyone has that luxury but it does go to show how far I go to avoid being dependent on others. You're right though to bring up work. I suggest finding an employer who shares your values and is honest.
"You are weak if you can't control your anger" I remember this statement when I feel angry. It really helps to calm down.
I'M NOT ANGRY
MY CAPS BUTTON IS JUST BROKEN
I SCREAM INTO BABIES
im very furious but my caps button is also broken
@@dominik4666 hold down SHIFT next to the..windows..buttom 😂
@@mariuschiriac1512 jokes on you im on mac
IRONY:
If you forward this video to people you know who have anger issues...they will become angry with you!
🤔
LOL! Most likely.
Mike Bennett not me...for i may have a temper but i am aware of it and just ...
Maybe you are one of those people who make them angry in the first place. ;)
That is not an angry person. That is a immature, childish, person.
@Homelander 😉
1:35 I won't be angry - I WILL BE SCARED TO DEATH...
+Alex Stefanov (umnikos) You'll probably feel that an injustice is being brought upon you, but your fears quench your discontent.
Arbitrary Renaissance And your adrenaline kicks in
very true. if you add the words "always" and "never," it becomes a lot worse.
Well those words along with whatever should be removed from The English Language.
@@act4666 yes?
@@zhbvenkhoReload I hate the word whatever it makes adults sound like teenagers
There *is* a difference between anger and narcissistic rage.
LET THE RAGE FLOW THROUGH YOU
It gives you focus!
AND COME TO THE DARK SIIIIDE!!!
“Take your weapon! Strike me down with it, and take your father’s place at my side!”
I don't know why anyone would give a thumbs down to this video, this is the best advice I've heard so far on dealing with anger.
i always was a calm person but lately I am angry all the time, and it's out of control, I can remember something that happened years ago and it drives me crazy like i want to go out find that person and confront him, but then I understand how stupid that is and I'm getting even angrier at myself, maybe I should read more often like I used to and stop watching tv! get my thoughts straight
Russian Bear.. maybe try forgiving that person 1st, and then DO confront them and tell them how u felt when they did whatever... you won't be attached to how they respond to you, like if they apologize or not.. but at least you won't be losing personal power every time you think about it .. ahh so easy to say! im watching this vid cuz i am angry at someone.... :(
i dont think its a good idea, picking at your past, like it was just yesterday I was apologizing for getting angry at someone, when i blow up like a volcano cause he was picking at me, but he didn't want to hear my apology, which got me more angry lol i think its best to move on, write down your feelings maybe? getting physical is never a good idea, people can be idiots, move on
Live Life I use to constantly pick st my past, yet I always have a feeling of something on my temple.. like tension that happens all the time around my parents.
Amanda Devore Unfortunately you can't be an angel in a world of wolfs, honestly I think it's natural to be extra angry sometimes when your current life situation is just pushing you around, it's sucks to carry that with you but hey what you gonna do, I just became more humorous because of this and maybe little more sarcastic, I got into reading again and it helped me a lot, Russian classic literature is one of the greatest things I ever discovered for myself
NotJustMeowth Yeah I had very tense relationship with my father that sadly passed away 3 months ago, and still I get little pissed when I remember our arguments, but he was my parent, and arguing or living together is not an option, first gotta remember to respect those who are older but also gotta remember that you and only you will build your life, so just listen to what good they say and just secretly ignore everything else, get a job, make a family, have kids, be happy
Call Jesus every time
+Coquille Peace and Breath...
Peace, be still...
+Jordan Wendt Amen 😃
Amen 😃
What's the number?
anger is the most real feeling i've ever felt. i can control my anger issues, but i don't want to calm down, i want to keep being angry until i get tired enough so i can go to sleep already.
I'm so angry right now. I can't control my anger. I need to keep trying!
Being a Christian helped me with my anger to the people that wrong me, I just forgave them the same way God forgave me for my sins, because Yashua payed for them on the cross.
Being Jewish and having God in my life has also helped with me learning to control my anger
I got angry watching this
Peeetah Griifin hahaha!
grinds my gears
good fer u
😂… (i hope this is a joke)
same but at something else.
"Serenity Prayer"
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
It seems that a lot of addictions are rooted in anger issues.
That’s a great prayer I like it
26 people couldn't control their anger from this video and just had to dislike it.
26 likes lol
Now 400
that was amazing. i hope i can apply this to my life.
+Baron Schwartzhardt It's okay to express your anger. Holding it back and bottling it up is what causes people to develop anger problems.
sure you cam. (y)
yes if you hold back your anger some day you will just snap and go loco on the other person and you will end up in jail.
poposisa Nay it isn't holding in your anger entirely, but rather releasing it in smaller portions. A teacher of mine who is also an anger management teacher for criminals and such gave me the same advice. (No I was not a criminal, she was my seminary teacher.)
poposisa that would be going about it in the wrong way. Anger control isnt just about locking things away, with this mentality there is no control you can have unless you are predisposed to be not angry. Rather after not overreacting to the situation and taking a moment to calm down. Just let it go. Like a weird movie about the future once said "Keep moving forward"
Take the gun instance, is your first reaction really anger when it happens? I would say its surprise or fear, anger may come later but not in that first instance.
Bad example to use.
+stunningarrayof He meant that you would like to call the robber a pitiful robbing blood-sucking creature, but that's obviously not like you adress a person with a gun
My instant reaction would be fury. It's accurate for me.
+stunningarrayof Anger stems from fear or hurt. You become angry because you fear for your life or your loved ones, in the case of the gun point. If he shot you and you lived, you'd probably feel angry from the pain of having a bullet in your body(physical hurt). Or if someone called you some choice words, you'd be angry that they hurt you(emotional hurt).
Terra D Serph
From the comments in reply to my post it would appear that people when confronted by similar situations react in differing ways.
Your description of emotions, or possible emotional reactions to various situations do not in any way match mine.
Lets just hope that the guy with the gun is not the angry and unstable one.
What about you boss?
You son't go and scream to you boss. You respectful ask for whats yours.
"You can control how you act" is that true when abject fear reduces a person to terrified crying? It's an emotion, just like anger.
Anger Management? I love managing people with my anger!
great ground rules for all our interactions, even those anonymous ones online.
Thank you for this video, it helped me think about my anger and what I'm doing wrong. Thank you!
01:45
OMG why do you portray the criminal in a black figure? That's waycissst!!! /s
EDIT: Forgot to add the /s
That never occurred to me when I watched it. It took me to read your post to even consider it. Is that because I'm racist? No. On the contrary, not only did I not consciously notice that figure was black, but my brain never considered it was an ethnically "black" man. In fact, in hindsight, my brain figured that the reason the figure was black was to portray the likely scenario of him dressing in black clothing and committing this crime in a dark area to not be noticed by witnesses. I honestly thought it was a white man in the shadow of a dark place. Therefore it is my opinion that it is the person that considers the colors chosen to mean the robber is black and that there must be racism involved is nothing more than projection of the accusers own racism. Sorry, just sayin.
+kerrywsmyth yeah,it never came to my mind about blacks
+kerrywsmyth Yes true! It's only in our brain!
+kerrywsmyth . And you're absolutely right! It's clearly a person with black clothing and a black ski mask. So tired of people always looking for reasons to complain about racism. Geez... 😒
+kerrywsmyth He's not serious.
The robbery example is terrible. If someone robbed me at gunpoint I wouldn't be angry, I'd be terrified!
thats if your broke
I did what the doctor said in this video
And now it is much easier to deal with my older brother and sister
❤thank you
sure, thanks for being so clear on HOW to do it.
SELF CONTROL AND SELF CONTROL AND SELF CONTROL. This is the key! I noticed how the tone of your voice changes everything, be calm and natural no need to fake it. My mom thinks she has self control but she doesn't if you watch her you can see her doing sudden moves, lip biting, which makes the person who watches her even more angry.
Wow! This is spot on! You are describing my mother there. In my case however she can lash out at you for long periods until you snap. But when I lose self-control, she says that I can never listen and negotiate in a calm manner :D
This alternate videos are cool. Prager don't have to only make videos about politics, economics, religion and ethics.
+Rick Apocalypse But their videos about politics, economics, religion and ethics are the best ones...
@@stormpilgrim7443 nah they suck
@@stormpilgrim7443 yeah they suck now.
I've been practicing this and I have no doubt that it is transforming my life. It's easier said than done but the example with the gun resonated with me. I now se that controlling my anger is me saving my life. It is the exact opposite of what my anger feels like. I use to feel like anger was my kryptonite. I feel like I'm dying inside when I rage therefore this videos is just confirming that I'm on the right path.
I love this rabbi. I wish I could attend the services he conducts.
You judge the size of a person, by the size of the things that bother them.
+Beth Tyler .....now kiss
+Legit Whiteman I judge them by how they treat others that cannot benefit them.
+Legit Whiteman What if small things bother them but big things don't?
Thats sort of an oxymoron.
Legit Whiteman Really? I rage at video games like no other, but besides that, I'm a very relaxed person.
if you keep thinking about it you will speak it out and give it life.
Man I got to practice doing that. I usually hold on to it to long, then explode later. Hurts everybody. I have to express like the dude said.
Anger is a human emotion, but what you do with it matters! It is ok to get angry, but place your anger within the context - Do not project on others and the environment around you because you are not resolving your anger. Anger is a human emotion that needs attention when it occurs, and needs resolution - hopefully as soon as is possible. Thank you for sharing this video on anger.
That was an amazing message. Thank you.
Never heard that one before.
It was definitely helpful for me.
thanks mr. telushkin,you trully are my greatest ally
that clears up a lot. very truthful.
Another positive aspect of this is that expressing anger encourages feelings of anger in the future. The truth is that by controlling how you respond to anger, you CAN control how you feel. Add to that the fact that saying something (like "You're always so patronizing!") can convince us that it's true or reinforce those thoughts. Once we're convinced that it's true, confirmation bias takes over. I admit--I can benefit from the advice in this video. Thank you, Prager University. I'll try to apply this to my life.
+CocoaNutCakery You've got some profound psychological truth there.
#MakeUA-camGreatAgain
#GradeAunderA2016
Trump approved XD
+Mystogan Edolas That's one of the greatest parts of youtube :P Btw. the creator of this channel doesn't support Trump (i don't too, but i'm not from USA, just a lover of econiomy and philosophy) as far as i know so kind of a missed refrence.
Daniel Podwysocki
Watch GradeAUnderA's video on youtubes guidlines. ;)
i saw that video, but im failing to see the relevence of your comment, care to explain?
Ian Sullivan
Then you didn't see it.
Great advice. This has opened my eyes. Thank you PragerU.
Thank you, Rabbi.
Red-faced anger is never a good idea, even if we limit it to the situation at hand. There are kind ways to express anger to let someone know they should make up for a wrong, and/or change. Those skills need learned by everyone. Skills + The Golden Rule are what help people win against a bad habit of rude anger expression.
Sadness without tears,
madness without fears.
Just say God bless your heart
Wow, a video that makes sense on this channel! I agree with what is proposed.
We need to get back to respecting our elders and the wise advice such as this that they have to teach us.
This video couldn't come at a better time.
gonna pass this on to every dota player I know
Thank you Dr for your meaningful video. Short & to the point. ❤
Great video as always :) Keep up the good work - it really helps with logic thinking and reinforcing your values.
Jesus is the only way to truly conquer anger. Ruh roh, here it comes.
Brandon Hawkinson amen
As he conveyed in the video anger can be an asset for protecting as well as a liability that's harmful. The distinctions lie in what we're angry about, righteous anger or not, and the measure of our response.
excellent, thank you. I've heeded by similar rules recently and have found more success as a result, both professionally and socially. it's okay to be angry once about a situation. once more and it's hatred.
Anger is a choice. Happiness is a choice.
I get angry with my co- worker for dragging me into their problems, after, I get home, I listen to my music
thanks. exactly what I needed to hear.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
Excellent, excellent, excellent advice. I wish I had it 60 years ago. I will go forward with it as of today. Thank you Prager U.
Nice video
As far as I know Anger comes for 2 reasons
1. when some one says lie about us
2. When we cannot control the situation they are in.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for this content
Excellent video and great bit of wisdom. Thank you Joseph and Prager University.
The rabbi looked all the time to the camera...wowwwwwwwwww!!! well done
that´s the way it always should it be done...
ANGER IS A GIFT
this helped so much
Thank You
I found this video very useful, the information in it is helpful to everybody regardless of political affiliation.
I'm not angry when someone points a gun at me, I'm scared as shit...
well I'd be angry...
angry I can'т do a godaмn тнιng тo ѕave мy ѕĸιn...
+gustavo pena
You can go on trumbler and call them racist? oO
I'll be scared,too.
Thank you so much
Wonderful advice!
Excellent! Thank you.
Any advice for people who are too passive and overly internalize their anger?
this was very helpfull. thank you.
i agree you need to express it
Good advice, I know a lot of people who could benefit from this advice.
Thank you
I wish I had seen this video before. I had the most beautiful and doting girlfriend ever. We were together for five years.
One day in the restaurant I got angry because she was incorrect about an actor who played a part in the movie and kept insisting it was right. I don't know what happened to me and I slapped her right in front of everyone. She was humiliated and I was shocked and disoriented at my actions. We quickly left the restaurant and then she broke up with me. I tried to win her back but she never forgot or forgave. This happened in 2006 and I am still heart broken and depressed. My work life got effected severely due to my depression and I got kicked out in 2011. My entire life fell apart with that one anger out burst and that too at something as trivial as hollywood shit. If only there were a time machine and saw this video before that fateful day.
Mr.Sceptic sorry, I'm sure things will start to get better soon. the first step is admitting the problem or fault and you have done that. maybe seek some help from a dr or therapist if needed. and talk if you need to rant I'm here ... letting go of a problem is important x
bearded_dragons_are_life xoxo Aye the first step is to realise what has been done and how it can be prevented. You have already done so. The next step is to talk with God, and if you have done that, then you know your heading. Thanks for your story.
Thank you. 🙂
Very good advice.
thanks for sharing.
I don't agree with everything on this channel, but this Video was pretty good.
Thank you for making me think about the issue of anger management.
thank you Sir it's very good speech
You said "you can control your acts", I really do believe that but it felt like I couldn't control myself today when I punched a kid in class, I'll try to control my temper, and I will take you're advice. Thank you
Actually look at this man while he speaks. He is more chill that Captain American in 1946.
*When anger takes possession of you watch and see, soon it will be gone. Nothing remains forever, in the mind everything is continuously changing*. Just wait and watch, and when it is gone you will feel so strengthened, so full of vigour, so full of energy that you will be surprised. And this is the energy that could have been lost in lust, in anger, in greed. Learn the real *Truth* about the nature of the mind, learn is falsehoods and mechanism. If you know the *Truth about the mind and life in general* you can overcome the mental prison permantly, the badstates of mind will dissapear. Google *TruthContest click on the earth icon and read the Present*
really informative
I have adhd no lie
I enjoy the feeling of anger. It just feels so pure.
I need this.
thx for the great video.
What if a person really has /always/ done something?
They really do always say "That's in the past, get over it".
This. And my response is always "I wouldnt complain about it all the time if you didnt do that all the time" or "I wouldnt say that if it werent true"
Then Id likely look for any excuse to make them look hypocritical (and they often are).
Example: "So you despise people who do X but are totally fine with people that do Y?"
I like videos like this which aren't America-specific, and are applicable to my life even as non-American
I started laughing about the "what people REALLY think of you" thing. People do not and WILL NOT change for others, thus there will always be anger. So you either have to fight or flee.
Joseph excellent video!
Kinda just hitting me how good the advice is...
There is a very similar rule spoken in programming (a bit more situational): during a code review: attack the code, not the person.
Recommendable!
Why do some of you turn everything into an argument? Stop taking very little thing so literally. Ease Up. Its annoying. Have a good day :)
+Abigial Rosser What's not to be taken literally?
Re-watch the part of the video where he says not to generalize...
I never generalize, I'm always on point
Why do some of you love to tell people what not to do, how not to think and what not to say?
I feel angry of myself because when I get angry I just break stuff 😢
Letitia Barnes thank you so much I've learnt to channel my rage into something good into making artworks that make me and many other feel good
Emotional freedom means not letting someone control your emotions. Be in control of your emotions.
Good advice for regular folk... May not be very effective for people whom have anger management issues that stem from something deeper and far darker.
Some days it actually is easier to get angry than other days. It's tough to see the red flags in yourself on those days when someone or something is going to get on your last nerve.