HOW TO SPEAK ELEGANTLY | Conversation Mistakes to Avoid | Speak like a Lady

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  • Опубліковано 29 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,9 тис.

  • @africanTHEfire
    @africanTHEfire 3 роки тому +1161

    This is your most didactic video yet. The topoc placements and the instructions are so specific I actually was inspired to take notes. The tip about breaking the eye contact monotony was inspired! Looking away and pretending to cough etc . That's not easily thought of. And it is commendable you added that training is required. The same way a woman trains her body so it tapers and refines to what she wants it to project, so much more must she train for how her speaking conveys. Excellent video again

    • @lilymaniquis8460
      @lilymaniquis8460 2 роки тому +20

      Manners,manners

    • @nelogorgeous31
      @nelogorgeous31 2 роки тому +8

      This us great, I just subscribed for more of it. Thanks for sharing

    • @fattyhenry1106
      @fattyhenry1106 2 роки тому +9

      Watch you for the first time. You are doing a great job keep it up..blessiings

    • @donnajacksunn489
      @donnajacksunn489 2 роки тому +2

      Right

    • @janetjohnson9690
      @janetjohnson9690 2 роки тому +9

      That's the problem I have. And Feel like I'm rude by interrupting.

  • @adamola2105
    @adamola2105 Рік тому +152

    HOW TO SPEAK WITH ELEGANCE
    1. don't use fillers
    2. speak in a measured tone
    3. vary your pace and tone
    4. don't raise your voice
    5. don't speak too much
    6. maintain eye contact but don't stare in a bizarre manner/don't interrupt
    7. avoid excessive use of hand gestures
    8. avoid the use of slang
    9. never use profanities
    10. don't be monotone
    11. don't be stiff. smile and be expressive
    12. show your listener you are actively listening and not passively listening
    13. widen your vocabulary
    14. don't cackle with laughter

  • @anishgalhotanishgalhot
    @anishgalhotanishgalhot 2 місяці тому +937

    Such a helpful video! Normally, I don’t promote anything, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is too good not to share. It provides powerful knowledge about wealth and self-care that’s hard to find. Best wishes to everyone

  • @gigglezillakids7379
    @gigglezillakids7379 2 роки тому +477

    "...don't continue to rant on for minutes on end...people will start avoiding you." ITS SO TRUE! I avoid people who talk too much and don't actively listen. It's exhausting listening to people who talk and talk and talk. Thank you for this video!

    • @JuliaShalomJordan
      @JuliaShalomJordan 2 роки тому +7

      Amen.

    • @user-oc7ox2pl1w
      @user-oc7ox2pl1w 2 роки тому +17

      Nah cuz I used to do dis and one day I was doing it to someone and she literally left like she just nodded and walked away💀

    • @gigglezillakids7379
      @gigglezillakids7379 2 роки тому +6

      😩 Dang.

    • @aliceolawuyi260
      @aliceolawuyi260 Рік тому +4

      👍👍👍👍 I get bored with people that talks too much….

    • @montsedilaz5799
      @montsedilaz5799 Рік тому +1

      Specially if they’re always saying something negative or always complaining 🫠

  • @samanthamyers2878
    @samanthamyers2878 2 роки тому +398

    I'm 50 and I'm trying to level up every area of my life. Including my education. Thank you for this, it is so needed in this day and time.

    • @elizabethkendra3878
      @elizabethkendra3878 2 роки тому +9

      same here.... we shall get there..Glad that there are like-minded ladies like you who believe in learning, re-learning and unlearning

    • @malasingh3427
      @malasingh3427 2 роки тому +2

      Me too dear.

    • @thaisportela4841
      @thaisportela4841 2 роки тому +4

      Wow people in your age struggle more with changing their self. Congratulations!

    • @gabriellepalandy7575
      @gabriellepalandy7575 2 роки тому +4

      I don’t know you but you’re amazing

    • @ashaki555
      @ashaki555 2 роки тому

      Share sentiment

  • @onevenus6040
    @onevenus6040 2 роки тому +2423

    I struggle with interrupting others, I have recognized that but the reason I do it is because I know that I'll forget what I want to say in response to their conversation, so I have a little book to make notes in and share my thoughts during a break in our dialog

    • @chihir0047
      @chihir0047 2 роки тому +346

      I have this issue and I realized it’s because I’m thinking of how to respond instead of intently listening that this happens. When you intently listen you’re response is always better than half listening and thinking of what you were about to say. I really hate being interrupted so I try my best to just listen and realize not everything needs responding to

    • @LataushaTheAuthor
      @LataushaTheAuthor 2 роки тому +120

      That’s crazy because I am the same. I’ve been working on it. Listening is more important than speaking.

    • @Whimswirl
      @Whimswirl 2 роки тому +147

      If you’re focusing on what you’re gonna say then you’re not listening. Completely forget about what you were gonna say, that’s how you become a good listener.

    • @gwendiit.9296
      @gwendiit.9296 2 роки тому +81

      You're not alone. Me too. It's a very bad habit that I've been trying to break. It's not that I'm not intentionally trying to be rude- regardless of my intentions, it offends people , and it has to stop

    • @reece1929
      @reece1929 2 роки тому +10

      Thank you for the suggestion.

  • @Lafamiliavera
    @Lafamiliavera Рік тому +123

    As a gentleman, i must admit that “liberation” gave room to “degradation”. We pride ourselves in being free, but we have become slaves of a system that degrades us, reducing our self-worth. I love how you make it a point to incarnate elegance with your behavior and poise. Cheers to you!!

    • @NachoAE360
      @NachoAE360 Рік тому +6

      You’ve perfectly described our current society. I couldn’t agree more

    • @janeallnew724
      @janeallnew724 Рік тому +3

      That's so deep.

    • @cinnamonstar808
      @cinnamonstar808 Рік тому

      ITS A DIFFERENT ECONOMIC TIME.
      women had to "lower themselves" because men own properties.
      1. you stay home forever with parents 2. you get married
      you could not tell any man; to go kick rocks.
      I am all for civility with both sexes. We all know how to be nice.
      But when the moral police and the elegance police shows up. its concerning. THOSE PEOPLE will turn our world into a "Black Mirror" episode.
      "liberation" came about because the prior way was suffocating. if that demographic was happy. = no change would have occur. 1+1 =2
      Frankly, society did not benefit from it. = just look at the volume of wars .
      everyone was elegant, yet wars and riots were every 4 seconds🤣😅

  • @christanlawrence23
    @christanlawrence23 2 роки тому +1360

    Please speak about the importance of (and how) to mantain elegancy even within your home. Many times we tend to lose that especially in our comfort zone - worst if we live on our own. Elegancy is not for show but it is a lifestyle.
    ~Jamaica🇯🇲

    • @kingstonstreet3726
      @kingstonstreet3726 2 роки тому +15

      🇯🇲🇯🇲🇯🇲

    • @xerxeskata4291
      @xerxeskata4291 2 роки тому +5

      Yea Tassia

    • @ka.ariyah
      @ka.ariyah 2 роки тому +63

      Especially with your kids, yelling and bring agitated brings out the worst!

    • @evaeva-ju5pd
      @evaeva-ju5pd 2 роки тому +25

      Oh my god you just called me out. When I'm out I am more conscious of my behaviour but not in the comfort of my own home.

    • @cookwithrafia1828
      @cookwithrafia1828 2 роки тому

      @@ka.ariyah true

  • @MK-hh1vo
    @MK-hh1vo Рік тому +55

    A lot of this takes me back to childhood. I was raised to be a "Lady". I would get punished for speaking too loud, using slang, improper grammar, sitting improperly, unnecessary running, bad table manners and a host of other things that were considered "unladylike". The other kids teased me for being "prissy" but as I got older I saw the value in being considered a "Lady". I'll always be thankful to mother. I've found it especially useful as a Black woman. Thank you for taking this on and teaching others the value of poise and presentation.

  • @lovelylauz02
    @lovelylauz02 2 роки тому +11

    People interrupting me when I talk is the MOST frustrating thing! I am an introvert, so I don't talk about trivial items or chat just to talk - I have something to say. So when someone interrupts me, I register that as a sign that what I am saying is not interesting or they aren't listening to me. That is a great way for me to rarely speak to that person or keep what I speak to them about very surface level. I find it highly disrespectful to be cut off mid-sentence as though what I am saying doesn't matter. This video needs to be is most women's weekly video rotation. We can all be better at speaking and listening. Love the Hemmingway quote! Thank you for this rich content!

  • @sonyaguadalupe4898
    @sonyaguadalupe4898 2 роки тому +30

    Ladies remember not to judge others because that's most important!

  • @dayramena6124
    @dayramena6124 2 роки тому +60

    “Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand… don’t be this person” This truly spoke to me, thank you! I struggle with interrupting my friends so much, when I catch myself I IMMEDIATELY apologize and tell them to please say something next time bc it’s something in trying to work on.. but it’s still so hard for me I don’t understand WHY. I’m working on healing this toxic habit, and this video really spoke to me thank you!

    • @sab20245
      @sab20245 Рік тому +2

      Same

    • @d33gr4y
      @d33gr4y 4 місяці тому

      Look indo adhd, that was it for me :x

  • @Tues658
    @Tues658 2 роки тому +113

    I am a guy, but I took a lot from this to practice for everyday speaking.
    I had to share this content with three female friends cause I couldn’t be selfish to keep it. Thank you so much for this content.🙌🏾
    All the way from west Africa Liberia, 🇱🇷 you’re my female mentor 😊

  • @francesada2476
    @francesada2476 2 роки тому +420

    I can't be the only one who listened till the end, because I love the way she spoke

    • @batchanzie4077
      @batchanzie4077 2 роки тому +1

      😆😆same here

    • @letscuthairtoday9038
      @letscuthairtoday9038 2 роки тому +2

      *You must be one of the few lol…*
      _To me unless it’s a vid like fixing a car issue or a specific recipe am following, you rarely can get me to just watch such a vid from start to finish. And especially if it is longer than 10 minutes! No way._
      I like to scroll real quick down and a lot of times I get lucky; always one person who feels the need to put a time stamp summary! You have no idea how much i LOOOOOOVE these people! Even if there is no time stamp, just the points in summary. Kinda like when you go watch a music video and someone has taken the trouble to copy and paste the entire lyrics! Oh, i love ‘em!*

    • @royalhighness6263
      @royalhighness6263 2 роки тому +1

      I agree 💯💯

    • @iamthereginatetteh2
      @iamthereginatetteh2 2 роки тому

      Me too. 😃😃😃.
      At a point I had to check if I was actually watching everything 😃😃😃

    • @kalabafunga5878
      @kalabafunga5878 2 роки тому

      😅😅😅🙋🏾‍♀️😍😍😍

  • @dan11118
    @dan11118 3 місяці тому +2

    I'm not a woman, but as an English learner, besides the knowledge that you give out, I studied a lot of new beautiful words and phrases. so lovely you are, love you from Vietnam

  • @minalld2873
    @minalld2873 2 роки тому +178

    It all starts with being connected , invested ,and present in your conversation. Most communication issues derive from focusing on the self, being listened to but not “listen.” It takes patience and availability. Emotional maturity is important in the process.

    • @BBGshop7
      @BBGshop7 2 роки тому +2

      Amen.

    • @Allegory101
      @Allegory101 Рік тому +3

      Emotional maturity

    • @celgrl28
      @celgrl28 Рік тому

      I agree, if we are truly connected, present, and listening to understand nearly everything else falls in to place The conversation will feel authentic and less pretentious.

  • @castaway2680
    @castaway2680 Рік тому +18

    Absolutely love this channel! You don't need money to have elegance, manners are worth their weight in gold!

  • @overworked123
    @overworked123 2 роки тому +67

    Listening is probably the most important element of good communication.

  • @Lena-fg4vj
    @Lena-fg4vj 2 роки тому +75

    I will teach these to my kids. And I've taken a few pointers for myself. One thing I would add is to be genuine. That is, be that way at home with your husband instead of just putting on a show for others. Then it truly becomes the real you, and you set a wonderful example for your children and they naturally learn these skills from you, skills that will help them succeed.

    • @raegen5618
      @raegen5618 11 місяців тому

      VERY IMPORTANT!! Thank you!

  • @SusanNwokedi
    @SusanNwokedi 2 роки тому +480

    As a Public Speaking Coach and speaker, I agree with you 100%. I just liked, shared, and subscribed to your channel. I love it! Keep up the good work.

    • @fridahkarimi2065
      @fridahkarimi2065 2 роки тому +1

      Hi@Susan Nwokedi I request to talk to you.

    • @QueenYardie2
      @QueenYardie2 2 роки тому +1

      Please can you coach me on how to speak in the public

    • @florencebalogundavids6501
      @florencebalogundavids6501 Рік тому

    • @briann5001
      @briann5001 Рік тому

      For the love of God, and Men and healthy heterosexual relationships, ladies please DO NOT lower your voices.......that is it wise , a prince is not looking for a princess that sounds like a man 🎩

    • @briann5001
      @briann5001 Рік тому

      Do not lower your tone. Not good "general advice". While this may be helpful to a minority of women in business or work, certainly will not help her secure a good man who is looking for a women that actually sounds like a women who by nature have non lowered voices

  • @bookbutterfly2408
    @bookbutterfly2408 2 роки тому +38

    Also, to expand your vocabulary: try watching historical -- especially Victorian or Edwardian -- dramas. I'm an avid reader and journaller, but I still discover new words or new ways to express an idea whenever I watch a well-written period drama.

    • @devonnebeckham5553
      @devonnebeckham5553 2 роки тому +1

      Love this!

    • @baileysmooth97
      @baileysmooth97 2 роки тому +1

      Yes each week I tried to learn a new word and implemented in my conversations one of my favorite words I picked up over the last is nonage it means immature oh, and another one of my favorite words is you you is most singular and plural and often people do not know this so you say you people people get offended which I laugh to myself because I'm like I'm talking to the Marketing Group something about you people in the Marketing Group How Could You mistake that as negative when all of your of different ethnicities but then again satistics say that only 40% of people United States have graduated from high school

    • @Chahlie
      @Chahlie Рік тому

      Also if you read a lot of Agatha Christie, Margery Allingham- all the ladies of the golden age of crime writing- you will find when you pick up a modern novel that the sentences are very short and stilted. Then if you move on to someone like Oscar Wilde you will never go back :)

    • @sokawai5
      @sokawai5 3 місяці тому

      Omg thank you, i thought i was really low on speaking right. But i do! I love history

  • @OgemaryNweke
    @OgemaryNweke 2 роки тому +33

    Elegant women are poetic, and they leave lasting impressions 👏👏

  • @luchiadvocate
    @luchiadvocate 2 роки тому +167

    Thank you for this video. A lot of work was put in here and handed down to us for free because you genuinely care about us and want us to be a better version of ourselves. As a lawyer in active practice, I cannot overemphasize how important elegance and class is. I shall consciously work towards becoming better I promise. Thank you. 💕

  • @prayerlover7672
    @prayerlover7672 2 роки тому +16

    Really excellent video. As a public speaker, this is not about pretending to be whom you are not but adding value to self. Be unique and elegant

  • @bookbutterfly2408
    @bookbutterfly2408 2 роки тому +344

    My father had a teacher that always said "if you find that you resort to swearing, that means your vocabulary isn't big enough".
    I personally think that instead of swearing, it's better to take a second to think about the message you're trying to express. Obvious, but underrated tip.

    • @swizzledizzler9417
      @swizzledizzler9417 2 роки тому +2

      Yes!! 😍 I love using vocabulary. It a good way to develop witty humor

    • @mcfrisko834
      @mcfrisko834 2 роки тому +26

      I agree and disagree. Many of us have fantastic vocabulary. We just LOVE to curse

    • @bernadinetinker3028
      @bernadinetinker3028 2 роки тому +2

      Loss of control?

    • @DiamondsRexpensive
      @DiamondsRexpensive 2 роки тому +3

      Right, you can insult people with more creative ways. Without them knowing even.

    • @mcfrisko834
      @mcfrisko834 2 роки тому +1

      @@mementomori1022 How?

  • @Melaniegallegos76
    @Melaniegallegos76 Рік тому +111

    great things from this woman, so much advice !! but we know that lots of things doesn't end up at conversations but somewhere else. then comes relationship, sometimes a few quarells but lots of men think of sex... i don't know who taught them but it's like that, i think most of them or all of them. one even forced spanish fly drops on me, just how it feels for women? but i have to admit that the expereince was absolute top, top

  • @raschelelliott7667
    @raschelelliott7667 2 роки тому +3

    I watch your videos to learn how to speak properly I use a dictionary afterwards. Also I watch how you speak and facial and tone of voice You are giving us something we so desperately need an example to follow God bless you for doing this it’s truly a ministry

  • @staceyjones2696
    @staceyjones2696 2 роки тому +199

    Great tips. This is what so many women need to hear. Finally someone who teaches etiquette

    • @shaunipersaud5004
      @shaunipersaud5004 2 роки тому +1

      Thank you very much..there is alot of mistakes I leart I make from this video..I always look away after a brief look with persons I talk to.. but I am there present

    • @ac6155
      @ac6155 2 роки тому +11

      Not only women, etiquette should be used by everyone (god knows guys need them)

  • @KishaJohnsonMcrae
    @KishaJohnsonMcrae 2 роки тому +23

    Wow, this was an awesome and very well articulated video. I see many people struggle with interrupting others when they speak. I myself battle ADHD and this is one of many struggles because executive functions responsible for working memory are impaired, leaving folk concentrating on responses rather than listening. I'm better than I was and educating moms why their children do this to help them. All is not lost because videos like hers make you want to seek help to get to the root. At 51, I'm striving in my faith walk, and being beautiful in my elegance is my goal. Thank you.

  • @elenaboabes4539
    @elenaboabes4539 3 роки тому +62

    You can't imagine how much I appreciate this video of yours!! 💯

  • @marilynbyers6392
    @marilynbyers6392 2 роки тому +32

    We live in such a rude society This was such a wonderful video - anyone can benefit from watching this!

  • @mattatyisrael2882
    @mattatyisrael2882 2 роки тому +108

    Hello Vivian, I am grateful to have come across your channel. I am an African American male, a single father with a 15 year old daughter (same ethnicity) I love your videos: “How to speak elegant” “How to be confident” and the video about “ High value” Although I consider myself a high value male, I do have my flaws and I can definitely benefit from watching your insightful videos! Question? My fifteen year old daughter struggles with a lot of issues; Self hatred, low self worth, depression etc. Unfortunately, they’re no well rounded, inspiring women who can be a positive influence in her life. How can I help my daughter become the beautiful, confident, lively happy young lady I hope she could become?

    • @Olesia_Kurilo
      @Olesia_Kurilo 2 роки тому +13

      You are caring father 🙂🙂🙂!! Bravo! May you daughter love and respect herself!!! Send love for her!!!)))

    • @mattatyisrael2882
      @mattatyisrael2882 2 роки тому +1

      @@sandracorley3944 Parenting coach? I wish you were in Phoenix!

    • @diamondjackson1105
      @diamondjackson1105 2 роки тому +10

      What a beautiful thing to be humble of enough to admit!! I'm sure you're a gem of a father. I wis you the best and your daughter as well!

    • @mattatyisrael2882
      @mattatyisrael2882 2 роки тому +1

      @@diamondjackson1105 Thank you!

    • @uduakobongjoshua96
      @uduakobongjoshua96 2 роки тому +29

      Please, kindly encourage your daughter to read the bible she will find gems that will give her hope.

  • @nocomment4160
    @nocomment4160 2 роки тому +2

    Number 4 is so true, from a realistic perspective, everyone wants to talk about themselves. Nobody really wants to listen to someone go on and on without being able to share their portion, ESPECIALLY guys. They love to have the upper hand 😒
    But yea I’m loving these tips so far

  • @antoinettemunn3453
    @antoinettemunn3453 3 роки тому +110

    My boyfriend said that I have a crass and unladylike way of speaking. I never was told this before so I am going to try really hard to work on it. It’s really sad for me to realize these were things that I never learned and it was never brought to my attention

    • @blestnp
      @blestnp 2 роки тому +19

      People sometimes are a reflection of their network And circle. Your BFs comment is out of love and concern.

    • @moden2012
      @moden2012 2 роки тому +5

      Your comment is well written. Be blessed

    • @blestnp
      @blestnp 2 роки тому +23

      When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

    • @queenliloxox
      @queenliloxox 2 роки тому +20

      His comment could also be him trying to create an insecurity with negative intent . but that's for her to figure out . learn this if you want to and use it when you want 2

    • @AN-fg4cd
      @AN-fg4cd 2 роки тому +7

      @@queenliloxox Exactly. While knowing this, he proceeded to being her boyfriend. All of the proper etiquette really doesnt matter in the end...overall happiness within is what really counts. Everything else is just to please people in the world, and they can turn their back on you in a heartbeat.

  • @lovelyraincoat475
    @lovelyraincoat475 2 роки тому +14

    I love how much content you put into your videos. Some youtubers on elegance put just enough content in to make an interesting video, not to actually educate. Your videos are always so comprehensive.

  • @sharons.785
    @sharons.785 2 роки тому +9

    I am so excited to come across this video. I just sent it to ladies in my inner circle whom I am struggling not to AVOID for all the reasons mentioned; Constantly interrupting, horrible listeners, talk way too loud, abrasive, harsh tone, over use of hand gestures, and so on. Found Useful tips to improve myself as well. Thank you so much! You nailed it!!!

  • @ishahcanah7351
    @ishahcanah7351 Рік тому +3

    I laugh loud naturally. But I don’t exaggerate. It’s just the way I laugh. But you made the distinction and I appreciate it. Laughter is the best medicine. ❤

  • @TinaE2957
    @TinaE2957 2 роки тому +138

    This is amazing advice and much needed for many of us...however you can be as refined and elegant as you want to but if you lack character, if you lie, steal and cheat, that will be found out and undermine your elegance. Your outside will take you there but only character and integrity, having the humility to be kind to everyone, without regard will maintain you. An otherwise great video.

  • @drk7919
    @drk7919 2 роки тому +2

    I'm in the library working on my thesis and I've just stumbled upon your channel. I've binge listened all your videos and you're heaven sent. Thank you so much and helping us women glow and grow.

  • @alyssazuraihmiller
    @alyssazuraihmiller 2 роки тому +30

    watching this makes me realize i do everything we shouldn’t do ugh 😩

  • @VySharieff
    @VySharieff 2 роки тому +8

    My tone and emotions is my biggest issue when I speak. The way you speak is so soothing. New subscriber💕

  • @annalaw4684
    @annalaw4684 2 роки тому +25

    As a boomer, I am in total agreement with all of what this young lady has expressed!!! I grew up as a product of silencers, an era wherw we were taught to be graceful, elegant, principled, refined!!!!! Speaking eloquently is important, nonetheless, having the character of a lady speaks volume!!!!!!!

  • @shaysfashionablejewelry9859
    @shaysfashionablejewelry9859 Рік тому +7

    I believe you can have an on and off and speaking loud. You cant be silence or quiet all the time. You can have fun and be loud at concert , fun parks, zip lining. I believe it's a time and a place for everything.

  • @octaviabraye1654
    @octaviabraye1654 2 роки тому +8

    This is great. Some environments have taken away the poise and etiquette we have been given. We must never underestimate the influence of our environments. I agree we have to train ourselves.

  • @lchoward1599
    @lchoward1599 2 роки тому +2

    Most charming and beneficial for self-improvement by a true lady of elegance. It is so awesome to play and replay, to reflect and ponder her words of wisdom. Becoming your own best self.

  • @FineNaturalHairROCKS
    @FineNaturalHairROCKS 2 роки тому +90

    These tips are interesting; however I’m struggling with not speaking up when I’ve got something to say. As a human rights lawyer, I need to be able to access my voice and thoughts in a way that some people may not necessarily like. I wonder if we can redefine what being a modern lady looks like? Just some food for thought 💛

    • @A2521000
      @A2521000 2 роки тому +1

      Absolutely ❤️

    • @omokaroojiire
      @omokaroojiire 2 роки тому +10

      @Fine Narural
      I think she is basically describing "Professionalism" . These are basic attributes that are expected from professionals, so you are probably well versed in elegance!!!

    • @esebams6211
      @esebams6211 2 роки тому +8

      Casting pearls before swine, identify your listener. Don’t need to correct everyone all the time. Don’t stress yourself

    • @tastyrecipesonabudget1689
      @tastyrecipesonabudget1689 2 роки тому +3

      May I ask the area of human rights ? I’m looking for someone for something important. Ty

    • @FineNaturalHairROCKS
      @FineNaturalHairROCKS 2 роки тому +6

      @@tastyrecipesonabudget1689 all enumerated grounds under the human rights code but my focus is on anti black racism

  • @yuanitamusiga6100
    @yuanitamusiga6100 2 роки тому +5

    As we work hard on our outer elegance & appearance, let's not forget our insides, our hearts, where it all starts for out of the abundance of our hearts, we speak & act. A perfect outward look with a dark heart is the mother of narcissism

  • @EvaVas03
    @EvaVas03 2 роки тому +15

    I have to avoid the cackle with laughter. I'm a cheerful individual, but sometimes this makes me look overbroad. I beat myself mentally after doing this. Thanks for the respectful insight on how to better ourselves.

    • @projectikamva
      @projectikamva 2 роки тому +1

      Me too 🤭

    • @a.b.2405
      @a.b.2405 2 роки тому +3

      Same here. But I try to tone it down depending on the environment I’m in. If I’m inside my own home, I don’t care.

  • @adinamedrea5303
    @adinamedrea5303 Рік тому +4

    Dear Vivienne, I discovered your channel yesterday and you are already an inspiration to me. Thank you! Regarding subject 7 I would like to point out hand gestures are used mostly when the brain has a hard time expressing ideas. Hand gestures usually stop when the person starts reading more books because the brain is training its vocabulary and linguistic area, therefore the brain will be able to express ideas very easily when speaking and will not feel the need to support the communication through gestures.

  • @TM-ys8dy
    @TM-ys8dy 2 роки тому +8

    On several occasions, I have been referred to as being “proper”, shortly following an introduction, and would feel somewhat embarrassed. After listening to you, I believe what others were trying to say was that I am elegant.

  • @misbahailia3345
    @misbahailia3345 Рік тому +41

    1. Avoid fillers 1:36
    2. Speak in a measured tone 2:38
    3. Don't raise your voice. 3:38
    4. Don't speak too much. 4:44
    5. Maintain eye contact, but don't stare. 5:54
    6. Don't interrupt 8:10
    7. Avoid excessive hand movements. 9:48
    8. Avoid the use of slang 10:32
    9. Never use profanities 11:23
    10. Don't be monotone 12:20
    11. Don't be stiff 12:47
    12. Show your listener that you're actively listening 14:27
    13. Widen your vocabulary 14:58
    14. Don't cackle with laughter 16:08

    • @Stonkeyy
      @Stonkeyy 11 місяців тому +3

      thank youu

    • @okwuchiogechukwu1171
      @okwuchiogechukwu1171 6 місяців тому

      I have been searching through the comment section looking for you, thanks so much for writing everything out like this❤

  • @lisahobbs2312
    @lisahobbs2312 2 роки тому +4

    I too struggle with interrupting others so I will work on this and my vocabulary as well.

  • @nurv9648
    @nurv9648 2 роки тому +4

    Hi, I really appreciate your way of teaching elegance to ladies in all ways not only looks but also through behaviours, speech etc. Most of the channels which aim the same topic talks generally not in detail. Thanks

  • @iza595
    @iza595 2 роки тому +2

    Someone actually told me how many times i say “like” when talking😩
    I guess this video is the perfect timing lool.
    Thank you!

  • @beverlyrobertson9723
    @beverlyrobertson9723 2 роки тому +19

    I'm so thankful that you came and discussed how to be a lady. I've developed such bad habits. But I want to change. Your brief tutorial was extremely helpful and I will become a woman of elegance from what you shared. Each point would mold me to becoming a wo.an of elegance. Thank you, again. Sincerely, Beverly

  • @glynis3798
    @glynis3798 2 роки тому +25

    Very valuable information, and your are a fantastic role model! I'd also like to add that while on your journey of speaking elegantly, try to be as authentic as possible, keeping in mind the different cultural nuances. It's ok to allow your personality and culture shine through while maintaining elegance of speech. I don't think we need to adjust so much to the point that we present as robotic or arrogant. Sometimes a good cackle can be therapeutic! 🙃

  • @veronicalgraham
    @veronicalgraham 2 роки тому +5

    Great tips! Especially tip #1. I can't tell you how many UA-cam videos (and otherwise) I've turned away from after continuously hearing "um, uh, like, so", etc. After awhile it starts to sound like nails on a chalkboard, so I just tune out. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • @HumanbeingonfloatingEarth
    @HumanbeingonfloatingEarth 2 роки тому +2

    I love that you are also addressing charactor habits. The world is so overdue a level up

  • @CharlotteReneeLocs
    @CharlotteReneeLocs 2 роки тому +7

    So glad I found this channel. I can’t wait to become my best self in 2022!

  • @Lily_049
    @Lily_049 2 роки тому +1

    I have one co-worker who talks & talks & talks. What she says is ALWAYS & definitely more important than what the rest of us have to say, other than our supervisor & boss.
    You mention one thing to her & then SHE raises her voice above the room even if she's the only person speaking. Then, when you try to respond, your voice is drowned out by her voice.
    I have to raise my voice in order to get her to hear me.
    But, she never stops at all to see if we are listening. She never waits for a response. She will carry on with her preparations for work/ fiddling with her purse & etc. and, dominates the conversations, too!!
    I almost never say anything to her because once I do it's a one sided conversation & she's more than happy to carry on the conversation by herself. She's in her 70's, but, appears to be 50 something & she has done this for years.
    Then, the co-worker who comes in after her, Omg, she is just the same. She only listens to reply, then, 30 minutes later she's still talking. Neither of them give you a break or a breather to get a word in.
    Sometimes, the only way that I can get a word in is by raising my hand up/ waving my hand because they look everywhere when talking & never stop talking, too.
    Even when I share with them something that my boss informed me to share with them, they automatically cut me off. Take control of the conversation & when I tell them: Our boss asked me to share this with you..........she replied, you know me. You know that I do what I want. If it suits me.
    I can NEVER NEVER NEVER get a word in no matter what. How can I communicate better with these 2 in particular?

  • @janinedomingo9562
    @janinedomingo9562 3 роки тому +33

    I'm so happy to find this channel, I'm so glad there are more and more women like you these days that teach elegance

    • @Ammatullah-j6u
      @Ammatullah-j6u 2 роки тому +1

      What a cute imoji, where did you get it from?

  • @Wmverchena
    @Wmverchena Рік тому

    one content creator l have believed when she said, ladies l want you to watch this to the end .....
    because everything is meaningful and full of wisdom.

  • @akinyiwambui
    @akinyiwambui 3 роки тому +6

    Thankyou for this, I came across it on the very day I realized I need to polish my speaking.I dressed elegantly but my speech keept on lowering that, I need to work on it.

  • @ndidiamakaacocella2654
    @ndidiamakaacocella2654 Рік тому +2

    Could not have been told better. So well encapsulated. Being brought up by my Parents and being Jehovah's Witnesses sure taught my Siblings and I a lot, and I could not be more grateful. Then I went on to be a flight attendant where we had to attend the school of poise where I learned more . You have done an excellent job and I applaud you.
    Thank you!

  • @pep9803
    @pep9803 2 роки тому +4

    I need this I am ready to get ahead and this is the only thing I feel holding me back. Thank you so much for this!

  • @graceandglitz
    @graceandglitz 2 роки тому +6

    I hate being interrupted,so I make it a point not to interrupt others and if we start a sentence the same time I always say, "am sorry ,go ahead." I allow the other person to speak first. If you don't hear someone say something,never say "huh" you say pardon me or excuse me.

  • @carnationzhuwaki8658
    @carnationzhuwaki8658 2 роки тому +191

    Thank you for this video. It was very informative. When it comes to elegance, how do we still value cultural nuances that are part of expressing ourselves? For instance as African women, our natural hair texture and how expressive we naturally are as a people was generally labeled as "ghetto and not elegant". So my question is who defines elegance? Is it us as a people or is it the dominant culture that we find ourselves in?

    • @rosahacketts1668
      @rosahacketts1668 2 роки тому +50

      I suppose elegance seeks to makes the other feel relaxed and respected in your presence. It's a first of reading our natural hair texture is labelled as ghetto and not elegant. I think all-in-all elegance is how we carry ourselves.

    • @estherbeamsforaballad3342
      @estherbeamsforaballad3342 2 роки тому +24

      Expressiveness varies from culture to culture even within Africa. I've found East Africans to naturally have the quiet elegance the content creator speaks about. West Africans are more expressive. It depends on the culture really.

    • @FineNaturalHairROCKS
      @FineNaturalHairROCKS 2 роки тому +32

      EXCELLENT question!! African based cultures use many cultural nuances that would be defined as “not elegant”. I understand these tips from a Eurocentric point of view however they are not universal. It’s a fascinating take on the topic though!

    • @FineNaturalHairROCKS
      @FineNaturalHairROCKS 2 роки тому +46

      @@rosahacketts1668 if my natural hair isn’t considered elegant than I guess I’m not elegant… that’s ok to me though; I can live with that. 🤷🏽‍♀️😆

    • @chrishenry7303
      @chrishenry7303 2 роки тому +17

      Imo first impressions count regardless of hair type or ethnicity. How you present yourself will change the personal biases of anyone, even if it's for you only at that moment and time.

  • @Allegory101
    @Allegory101 Рік тому +1

    You are so classy, articulate and expressive and polite! I came to youtube to learn about this and this is for sure one of the best videos. Thank you! ❤

  • @bdacostap
    @bdacostap 2 роки тому +3

    This video was informative and elegant as you. The 14 points raised are very valid and should apply to everyday life whether at home or work. When you speak loud or raise your voice one comes across as Angry and people become fearful of you. Show respect to others and don't use acronyms, not everyone will know the meaning. Thank you.

  • @amandadasilva675
    @amandadasilva675 2 роки тому +1

    I wish my mom taught me this . She only taught me dining elegance. I never knew it went beyond dining.
    Definitely will be visiting your channel alot now that I'm a new subscriber.

  • @readingrestperiod9191
    @readingrestperiod9191 2 роки тому +8

    Thank you. These all boil down to a high level of self-control and awareness with an outward focus. These are wonderful tips for anyone involved in public relations (you are your best advertising) and public speaking.

  • @sostenibilidadyser
    @sostenibilidadyser 2 роки тому +1

    Any politician, public figure needs your coaching, oh God the world would be a more decent place to be 🤗❤️. Thanks for bringing your gift to the world!!!

  • @TameraXone
    @TameraXone 2 роки тому +7

    Beautiful! I am guilty of the fillers and is already working on that as I type. My husband and I was even talking about it the other night. Point taken! New sub!

  • @rosa9005
    @rosa9005 Рік тому

    I have a very crass way of speaking because of the way that I grew up and its currently my biggest weakness. This video is important. Thank you.

  • @KishaLray
    @KishaLray Рік тому +4

    Who needs an Ernest Hemingway quote, this is biblical “Answer not before thou hast heard the cause: neither interrupt men in the midst of their talk.” Ecc 11:8 KJV. People would be surprised how much of a better quality of life we would ALL have if they just obeyed the 'CREATOR'.

    • @berniceachaa
      @berniceachaa 2 місяці тому

      Sorry but I can’t find it in the quotation given

  • @jshipp6756
    @jshipp6756 2 роки тому

    I have a tendency to talk with my hands and touch others. This video is a wonderful reminder of how conscious I should be of my behavior & how it effects others

  • @joyl3926
    @joyl3926 2 роки тому +30

    Thanks so much for this important lecture! I would have loved a demonstration of the various examples you gave, maybe conversation samples with a friend or family would have been great too.

  • @moniquewhite2717
    @moniquewhite2717 2 роки тому

    It was God gift to come upon this . I have been looking for something such as this . I have to touch up on my communication skills. People definitely have no knowledge of how to have a good conversation.

  • @gutchiespencer1227
    @gutchiespencer1227 2 роки тому +3

    I always knew that speaking proper was very important to me, it helps me to feel good about myself as a woman of color, I'm glad I found your channel, and thanks for the tips....BTW! Interrupting others, I do that at times not out of rudeness, but some folks will just go on and on and on, and you will never get a word in....🙄

    • @deborahcurtis1385
      @deborahcurtis1385 8 місяців тому

      The correct grammar is "I always knew that speaking properly". It would be a good idea to take lessons in grammar and pronunciation.

  • @jonteroberts2510
    @jonteroberts2510 2 роки тому

    I have learned to carry paper and pen to write my thoughts as the speaker speaks. And wait to hear my thoughts as they continue. Once heard cross off my list to not have need to communicate. Conversing can be very time consuming but effective.

  • @jenkwasi-kumah4643
    @jenkwasi-kumah4643 2 роки тому +4

    I am so happy to come across your channel. I have mostly forgotten how to be a lady in most aspects of my life. Thank you very much. I am going to relearn how to be be a lady again. Also living in a foreign country made it worse and so I thank you. Happy New Year. It will open more opportunities for me in terms of my love life in seeking partner. God bless you.

    • @keiraadolph442
      @keiraadolph442 2 роки тому

      Hello I recommend you to Dr James he helped me reconnected back my broken relationship and made my home secured from third parties within 2 days,and he can also save your marriage from divorce I advice you seek help from him..

  • @berniegumbira2370
    @berniegumbira2370 3 місяці тому

    This is excellent teaching, I struggle with interrupting others when they speak. And I'm currently training myself to improve. I love the reading part to improve your vocabulary. The look-away cough was a good way to look elegant

  • @odelnikki1898
    @odelnikki1898 3 роки тому +15

    This is one of the most important topic for elegant women.
    Thanks so much for the video.
    Do you have a podcast?

    • @WomanOfElegance
      @WomanOfElegance  3 роки тому +3

      Not yet but my Podcast Secrets of the High Value Woman will be coming this year. Thank you for watching! Xx

  • @perpetuahshiroh6482
    @perpetuahshiroh6482 2 роки тому

    My daughter's name is Vivian.. I'm so proud of you ❤️❤️❤️

  • @philomenaoseiagyemang8296
    @philomenaoseiagyemang8296 2 роки тому +10

    There’s a lot to work on , especially speaking with people you are soo comfortable with. This is where being conscious and intentional comes in I guess .
    Can you also be quiet through out a hangout around people you just met

  • @Michelle7-n4k
    @Michelle7-n4k 3 місяці тому +2

    Jesus, I am 46 and have decided to become a lady of elegance. I have so much work to do. It feels earth shattering.

  • @mariaessien4499
    @mariaessien4499 3 роки тому +50

    Thank you so much for this video. You’re a wonderful refinement mentor ❤️

  • @Melody.i.e
    @Melody.i.e 2 роки тому +1

    This is one of the best videos that I have come across this year.

  • @savitasharmavlog
    @savitasharmavlog 2 роки тому +3

    I feel we need to be natural & ourself .. these tips are good for corporate world . Nice efforts👍 loved your this look👌

  • @audreymongrue4062
    @audreymongrue4062 Рік тому +2

    Vivienne, thanks a million. I really love these tips in the handbook. One word: Brilliant!

  • @josievelasco3695
    @josievelasco3695 2 роки тому +21

    Ma'am!! I emphatically concur with you! Thank you for your uplifting exhortation, and obvious, heartfelt desire to fill the world with "Women of Elegance".

  • @xiomaraobrien1617
    @xiomaraobrien1617 2 роки тому

    My goodness! This video with its do's and don'ts places so much emphasis on reputation. You can be the most elegant speaker in a room full of people and still have someone perceive you as otherwise. I encourage ladies watching this to focus more instead on building character because that is what is locked inside of us, and what will shine outwards, especially in our speech. It's really quite a beautiful and obvious thing when you hear someone speak from their soul versus a thought that was created and tailored to please someone or maintain an image.

  • @sisteroflight
    @sisteroflight 3 роки тому +22

    Iam 63 and have never been a fan of wordiness, slang, or fillers. Routy and loud tones has never been a behavior I practice. Dignity, thoughtfulness,yes discernment and proper eye contact, sophistication, are key elements in conversing.

  • @munirafuhrmann6249
    @munirafuhrmann6249 Рік тому +1

    I love your video! Such a great point. We live in such society with no manners. How about you create one for the guys. Ladies need it for sure too. This video made me realize how we lack manners as society includes myself or maybe it’s more self awareness.

  • @murungicarol8846
    @murungicarol8846 2 роки тому +7

    Thank you, I need to work on the entire list of things you talked about here.

    • @keiraadolph442
      @keiraadolph442 2 роки тому +1

      Hello Carol I recommend you to Dr James he helped me reconnected back my broken relationship and made my home secured from third parties within 2 days,and he can also save your marriage from divorce I advice you seek help from him..

  • @Greatful4grace
    @Greatful4grace Рік тому

    I searched for help with communicating with others. I grew up in a home where everyone spoke loudly, so for me it's a bad habit that I want to break. I can also interrupt people, I am working on that as well, and I talk a lot. I like talking and sharing ideas, but I have to allow others to have the same attention that they give me. I am glad tha I stumbled across this video. I am on a journey to a better me.

  • @joycecarter2136
    @joycecarter2136 Рік тому +5

    You can take the girl out of the hood, but you can't take the hood out of the hood. I moved out of the hood into the big city.. and suddenly I want to follow all of my dreams again. And the environment is completely different and it's very difficult to make friends because of my past behavior. I use words like dude, bruh, profanity, etc. But I am on a natural self love/care journey. And I will get through this 😌

  • @victoriahutchins6358
    @victoriahutchins6358 2 роки тому

    We need more Woman like you sis, keep doing your thing. Thank you for being you

  • @karenwarner7688
    @karenwarner7688 2 роки тому +3

    Love this! This is one of my pet peeve especially for persons in the work sector that need to interact with customers. Keep it coming!

  • @honeytmogo3386
    @honeytmogo3386 2 роки тому

    I have learned from rude people that affected me so much that when I get too mad in public to the point that I yell and cuss. Because of that I believe that many who see that type of behavior is from being ill mannered and think I'm not classy. When I get offended and upset it makes me lose control because it (no respect) happens to me too many times. When many think they can hurt/provoke someone all they want it brings the worst out of you and can have that affect with anybody. Thanks for sharing with this type of smart advice for many.