HOW TO SPEAK ELEGANTLY | Conversation Mistakes to Avoid | Speak like a Lady
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- Опубліковано 26 лип 2021
- Ladies, did you know people judge us immediately by the way we speak?
People can assume all kinds of things from our level of education, social class and how well or ill mannered we are.
In this video, I take you through 14 crucial points that you must take on board if you want to portray an image of respectability and class when speaking.
How we speak is so important. If you make certain mistakes, it can cost you the image that you have worked so hard to acquire.
Woman Of Elegance is a platform to help women globally become the best version of themselves. Founded by Vivienne Abena, a social etiquette and protocol coach trained by
world class Etiquette coaches.
Here at Woman Of Elegance, we pride ourselves on giving you invaluable advice that will help you in all facets of your life, from your lifestyle, Refinement and Etiquette.
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#HOWTOSPEAKELEGANTLY #Conversationmistakes #speakwithelegance #speaklikealady - Навчання та стиль
This is your most didactic video yet. The topoc placements and the instructions are so specific I actually was inspired to take notes. The tip about breaking the eye contact monotony was inspired! Looking away and pretending to cough etc . That's not easily thought of. And it is commendable you added that training is required. The same way a woman trains her body so it tapers and refines to what she wants it to project, so much more must she train for how her speaking conveys. Excellent video again
Manners,manners
This us great, I just subscribed for more of it. Thanks for sharing
Watch you for the first time. You are doing a great job keep it up..blessiings
Right
That's the problem I have. And Feel like I'm rude by interrupting.
HOW TO SPEAK WITH ELEGANCE
1. don't use fillers
2. speak in a measured tone
3. vary your pace and tone
4. don't raise your voice
5. don't speak too much
6. maintain eye contact but don't stare in a bizarre manner/don't interrupt
7. avoid excessive use of hand gestures
8. avoid the use of slang
9. never use profanities
10. don't be monotone
11. don't be stiff. smile and be expressive
12. show your listener you are actively listening and not passively listening
13. widen your vocabulary
14. don't cackle with laughter
Thank you for listing these its very helpful
I struggle with interrupting others, I have recognized that but the reason I do it is because I know that I'll forget what I want to say in response to their conversation, so I have a little book to make notes in and share my thoughts during a break in our dialog
I have this issue and I realized it’s because I’m thinking of how to respond instead of intently listening that this happens. When you intently listen you’re response is always better than half listening and thinking of what you were about to say. I really hate being interrupted so I try my best to just listen and realize not everything needs responding to
That’s crazy because I am the same. I’ve been working on it. Listening is more important than speaking.
If you’re focusing on what you’re gonna say then you’re not listening. Completely forget about what you were gonna say, that’s how you become a good listener.
You're not alone. Me too. It's a very bad habit that I've been trying to break. It's not that I'm not intentionally trying to be rude- regardless of my intentions, it offends people , and it has to stop
Thank you for the suggestion.
"...don't continue to rant on for minutes on end...people will start avoiding you." ITS SO TRUE! I avoid people who talk too much and don't actively listen. It's exhausting listening to people who talk and talk and talk. Thank you for this video!
Amen.
Nah cuz I used to do dis and one day I was doing it to someone and she literally left like she just nodded and walked away💀
😩 Dang.
👍👍👍👍 I get bored with people that talks too much….
Specially if they’re always saying something negative or always complaining 🫠
A lot of this takes me back to childhood. I was raised to be a "Lady". I would get punished for speaking too loud, using slang, improper grammar, sitting improperly, unnecessary running, bad table manners and a host of other things that were considered "unladylike". The other kids teased me for being "prissy" but as I got older I saw the value in being considered a "Lady". I'll always be thankful to mother. I've found it especially useful as a Black woman. Thank you for taking this on and teaching others the value of poise and presentation.
I was accused of being White. 😊
I can't be the only one who listened till the end, because I love the way she spoke
😆😆same here
*You must be one of the few lol…*
_To me unless it’s a vid like fixing a car issue or a specific recipe am following, you rarely can get me to just watch such a vid from start to finish. And especially if it is longer than 10 minutes! No way._
I like to scroll real quick down and a lot of times I get lucky; always one person who feels the need to put a time stamp summary! You have no idea how much i LOOOOOOVE these people! Even if there is no time stamp, just the points in summary. Kinda like when you go watch a music video and someone has taken the trouble to copy and paste the entire lyrics! Oh, i love ‘em!*
I agree 💯💯
Me too. 😃😃😃.
At a point I had to check if I was actually watching everything 😃😃😃
😅😅😅🙋🏾♀️😍😍😍
I'm 50 and I'm trying to level up every area of my life. Including my education. Thank you for this, it is so needed in this day and time.
same here.... we shall get there..Glad that there are like-minded ladies like you who believe in learning, re-learning and unlearning
Me too dear.
Wow people in your age struggle more with changing their self. Congratulations!
I don’t know you but you’re amazing
Share sentiment
As a gentleman, i must admit that “liberation” gave room to “degradation”. We pride ourselves in being free, but we have become slaves of a system that degrades us, reducing our self-worth. I love how you make it a point to incarnate elegance with your behavior and poise. Cheers to you!!
You’ve perfectly described our current society. I couldn’t agree more
That's so deep.
ITS A DIFFERENT ECONOMIC TIME.
women had to "lower themselves" because men own properties.
1. you stay home forever with parents 2. you get married
you could not tell any man; to go kick rocks.
I am all for civility with both sexes. We all know how to be nice.
But when the moral police and the elegance police shows up. its concerning. THOSE PEOPLE will turn our world into a "Black Mirror" episode.
"liberation" came about because the prior way was suffocating. if that demographic was happy. = no change would have occur. 1+1 =2
Frankly, society did not benefit from it. = just look at the volume of wars .
everyone was elegant, yet wars and riots were every 4 seconds🤣😅
My father had a teacher that always said "if you find that you resort to swearing, that means your vocabulary isn't big enough".
I personally think that instead of swearing, it's better to take a second to think about the message you're trying to express. Obvious, but underrated tip.
Yes!! 😍 I love using vocabulary. It a good way to develop witty humor
I agree and disagree. Many of us have fantastic vocabulary. We just LOVE to curse
Loss of control?
Right, you can insult people with more creative ways. Without them knowing even.
@@mementomori1022 How?
Please speak about the importance of (and how) to mantain elegancy even within your home. Many times we tend to lose that especially in our comfort zone - worst if we live on our own. Elegancy is not for show but it is a lifestyle.
~Jamaica🇯🇲
🇯🇲🇯🇲🇯🇲
Yea Tassia
Especially with your kids, yelling and bring agitated brings out the worst!
Oh my god you just called me out. When I'm out I am more conscious of my behaviour but not in the comfort of my own home.
@@ka.ariyah true
Listening is probably the most important element of good communication.
“Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand… don’t be this person” This truly spoke to me, thank you! I struggle with interrupting my friends so much, when I catch myself I IMMEDIATELY apologize and tell them to please say something next time bc it’s something in trying to work on.. but it’s still so hard for me I don’t understand WHY. I’m working on healing this toxic habit, and this video really spoke to me thank you!
Same
Ladies remember not to judge others because that's most important!
As a Public Speaking Coach and speaker, I agree with you 100%. I just liked, shared, and subscribed to your channel. I love it! Keep up the good work.
Hi@Susan Nwokedi I request to talk to you.
Please can you coach me on how to speak in the public
❤
For the love of God, and Men and healthy heterosexual relationships, ladies please DO NOT lower your voices.......that is it wise , a prince is not looking for a princess that sounds like a man 🎩
Do not lower your tone. Not good "general advice". While this may be helpful to a minority of women in business or work, certainly will not help her secure a good man who is looking for a women that actually sounds like a women who by nature have non lowered voices
Elegant women are poetic, and they leave lasting impressions 👏👏
I am a guy, but I took a lot from this to practice for everyday speaking.
I had to share this content with three female friends cause I couldn’t be selfish to keep it. Thank you so much for this content.🙌🏾
All the way from west Africa Liberia, 🇱🇷 you’re my female mentor 😊
is there any channel for men?
Absolutely love this channel! You don't need money to have elegance, manners are worth their weight in gold!
It all starts with being connected , invested ,and present in your conversation. Most communication issues derive from focusing on the self, being listened to but not “listen.” It takes patience and availability. Emotional maturity is important in the process.
Amen.
Emotional maturity
I agree, if we are truly connected, present, and listening to understand nearly everything else falls in to place The conversation will feel authentic and less pretentious.
People interrupting me when I talk is the MOST frustrating thing! I am an introvert, so I don't talk about trivial items or chat just to talk - I have something to say. So when someone interrupts me, I register that as a sign that what I am saying is not interesting or they aren't listening to me. That is a great way for me to rarely speak to that person or keep what I speak to them about very surface level. I find it highly disrespectful to be cut off mid-sentence as though what I am saying doesn't matter. This video needs to be is most women's weekly video rotation. We can all be better at speaking and listening. Love the Hemmingway quote! Thank you for this rich content!
great things from this woman, so much advice !! but we know that lots of things doesn't end up at conversations but somewhere else. then comes relationship, sometimes a few quarells but lots of men think of sex... i don't know who taught them but it's like that, i think most of them or all of them. one even forced spanish fly drops on me, just how it feels for women? but i have to admit that the expereince was absolute top, top
I will teach these to my kids. And I've taken a few pointers for myself. One thing I would add is to be genuine. That is, be that way at home with your husband instead of just putting on a show for others. Then it truly becomes the real you, and you set a wonderful example for your children and they naturally learn these skills from you, skills that will help them succeed.
VERY IMPORTANT!! Thank you!
My boyfriend said that I have a crass and unladylike way of speaking. I never was told this before so I am going to try really hard to work on it. It’s really sad for me to realize these were things that I never learned and it was never brought to my attention
People sometimes are a reflection of their network And circle. Your BFs comment is out of love and concern.
Your comment is well written. Be blessed
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
His comment could also be him trying to create an insecurity with negative intent . but that's for her to figure out . learn this if you want to and use it when you want 2
@@queenliloxox Exactly. While knowing this, he proceeded to being her boyfriend. All of the proper etiquette really doesnt matter in the end...overall happiness within is what really counts. Everything else is just to please people in the world, and they can turn their back on you in a heartbeat.
Also, to expand your vocabulary: try watching historical -- especially Victorian or Edwardian -- dramas. I'm an avid reader and journaller, but I still discover new words or new ways to express an idea whenever I watch a well-written period drama.
Love this!
Yes each week I tried to learn a new word and implemented in my conversations one of my favorite words I picked up over the last is nonage it means immature oh, and another one of my favorite words is you you is most singular and plural and often people do not know this so you say you people people get offended which I laugh to myself because I'm like I'm talking to the Marketing Group something about you people in the Marketing Group How Could You mistake that as negative when all of your of different ethnicities but then again satistics say that only 40% of people United States have graduated from high school
Also if you read a lot of Agatha Christie, Margery Allingham- all the ladies of the golden age of crime writing- you will find when you pick up a modern novel that the sentences are very short and stilted. Then if you move on to someone like Oscar Wilde you will never go back :)
Really excellent video. As a public speaker, this is not about pretending to be whom you are not but adding value to self. Be unique and elegant
Thank you for this video. A lot of work was put in here and handed down to us for free because you genuinely care about us and want us to be a better version of ourselves. As a lawyer in active practice, I cannot overemphasize how important elegance and class is. I shall consciously work towards becoming better I promise. Thank you. 💕
watching this makes me realize i do everything we shouldn’t do ugh 😩
Great tips. This is what so many women need to hear. Finally someone who teaches etiquette
Thank you very much..there is alot of mistakes I leart I make from this video..I always look away after a brief look with persons I talk to.. but I am there present
Not only women, etiquette should be used by everyone (god knows guys need them)
I love how much content you put into your videos. Some youtubers on elegance put just enough content in to make an interesting video, not to actually educate. Your videos are always so comprehensive.
Wow, this was an awesome and very well articulated video. I see many people struggle with interrupting others when they speak. I myself battle ADHD and this is one of many struggles because executive functions responsible for working memory are impaired, leaving folk concentrating on responses rather than listening. I'm better than I was and educating moms why their children do this to help them. All is not lost because videos like hers make you want to seek help to get to the root. At 51, I'm striving in my faith walk, and being beautiful in my elegance is my goal. Thank you.
You can't imagine how much I appreciate this video of yours!! 💯
Aww thank you🥰
I am so excited to come across this video. I just sent it to ladies in my inner circle whom I am struggling not to AVOID for all the reasons mentioned; Constantly interrupting, horrible listeners, talk way too loud, abrasive, harsh tone, over use of hand gestures, and so on. Found Useful tips to improve myself as well. Thank you so much! You nailed it!!!
I'm in the library working on my thesis and I've just stumbled upon your channel. I've binge listened all your videos and you're heaven sent. Thank you so much and helping us women glow and grow.
We live in such a rude society This was such a wonderful video - anyone can benefit from watching this!
As we work hard on our outer elegance & appearance, let's not forget our insides, our hearts, where it all starts for out of the abundance of our hearts, we speak & act. A perfect outward look with a dark heart is the mother of narcissism
Thank you. These all boil down to a high level of self-control and awareness with an outward focus. These are wonderful tips for anyone involved in public relations (you are your best advertising) and public speaking.
I love that you are also addressing charactor habits. The world is so overdue a level up
This is great. Some environments have taken away the poise and etiquette we have been given. We must never underestimate the influence of our environments. I agree we have to train ourselves.
This video was informative and elegant as you. The 14 points raised are very valid and should apply to everyday life whether at home or work. When you speak loud or raise your voice one comes across as Angry and people become fearful of you. Show respect to others and don't use acronyms, not everyone will know the meaning. Thank you.
Very valuable information, and your are a fantastic role model! I'd also like to add that while on your journey of speaking elegantly, try to be as authentic as possible, keeping in mind the different cultural nuances. It's ok to allow your personality and culture shine through while maintaining elegance of speech. I don't think we need to adjust so much to the point that we present as robotic or arrogant. Sometimes a good cackle can be therapeutic! 🙃
I watch your videos to learn how to speak properly I use a dictionary afterwards. Also I watch how you speak and facial and tone of voice You are giving us something we so desperately need an example to follow God bless you for doing this it’s truly a ministry
I have a friend that always cuts me off and he likes to dominate the conversation and even tries to tell me what I’m trying to say w/o letting me finish.
Hi, I really appreciate your way of teaching elegance to ladies in all ways not only looks but also through behaviours, speech etc. Most of the channels which aim the same topic talks generally not in detail. Thanks
Most charming and beneficial for self-improvement by a true lady of elegance. It is so awesome to play and replay, to reflect and ponder her words of wisdom. Becoming your own best self.
You are so classy, articulate and expressive and polite! I came to youtube to learn about this and this is for sure one of the best videos. Thank you! ❤
I have to avoid the cackle with laughter. I'm a cheerful individual, but sometimes this makes me look overbroad. I beat myself mentally after doing this. Thanks for the respectful insight on how to better ourselves.
Me too 🤭
Same here. But I try to tone it down depending on the environment I’m in. If I’m inside my own home, I don’t care.
On several occasions, I have been referred to as being “proper”, shortly following an introduction, and would feel somewhat embarrassed. After listening to you, I believe what others were trying to say was that I am elegant.
Vivienne, thanks a million. I really love these tips in the handbook. One word: Brilliant!
My tone and emotions is my biggest issue when I speak. The way you speak is so soothing. New subscriber💕
This is amazing advice and much needed for many of us...however you can be as refined and elegant as you want to but if you lack character, if you lie, steal and cheat, that will be found out and undermine your elegance. Your outside will take you there but only character and integrity, having the humility to be kind to everyone, without regard will maintain you. An otherwise great video.
@Deltina Dalphinis
Now, that's true Elegance!!!
Amen
Great advice
Amen.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I too struggle with interrupting others so I will work on this and my vocabulary as well.
Take notes and read it and practice every day. That's inspiring. You are the Queen, Vivienne!!
Love this! This is one of my pet peeve especially for persons in the work sector that need to interact with customers. Keep it coming!
I need this I am ready to get ahead and this is the only thing I feel holding me back. Thank you so much for this!
I'm so thankful that you came and discussed how to be a lady. I've developed such bad habits. But I want to change. Your brief tutorial was extremely helpful and I will become a woman of elegance from what you shared. Each point would mold me to becoming a wo.an of elegance. Thank you, again. Sincerely, Beverly
Thank you so much ♥
It's absolutely necessary training. Thank you for taking time making this video!
Dear Vivienne, I discovered your channel yesterday and you are already an inspiration to me. Thank you! Regarding subject 7 I would like to point out hand gestures are used mostly when the brain has a hard time expressing ideas. Hand gestures usually stop when the person starts reading more books because the brain is training its vocabulary and linguistic area, therefore the brain will be able to express ideas very easily when speaking and will not feel the need to support the communication through gestures.
Great tips! Especially tip #1. I can't tell you how many UA-cam videos (and otherwise) I've turned away from after continuously hearing "um, uh, like, so", etc. After awhile it starts to sound like nails on a chalkboard, so I just tune out. Thanks so much for sharing!
So glad I found this channel. I can’t wait to become my best self in 2022!
Wow. This is the most honest video in elegance that I’ve seen with straight forward information and examples. Haha. I really loved it. Thank you!
I remember going through modeling classes… and training classes preparing for pageants.. and this was a course I took that I def needed to re reference!
Beautiful! I am guilty of the fillers and is already working on that as I type. My husband and I was even talking about it the other night. Point taken! New sub!
I hate being interrupted,so I make it a point not to interrupt others and if we start a sentence the same time I always say, "am sorry ,go ahead." I allow the other person to speak first. If you don't hear someone say something,never say "huh" you say pardon me or excuse me.
Your quality of being eloquent and perceptive is something! keep it up ma'am!
I believe you can have an on and off and speaking loud. You cant be silence or quiet all the time. You can have fun and be loud at concert , fun parks, zip lining. I believe it's a time and a place for everything.
I agree 💯
As a boomer, I am in total agreement with all of what this young lady has expressed!!! I grew up as a product of silencers, an era wherw we were taught to be graceful, elegant, principled, refined!!!!! Speaking eloquently is important, nonetheless, having the character of a lady speaks volume!!!!!!!
Ma'am!! I emphatically concur with you! Thank you for your uplifting exhortation, and obvious, heartfelt desire to fill the world with "Women of Elegance".
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Some of what you said I had always believed. I am glad to have finally found someone like you on UA-cam.
I wish my mom taught me this . She only taught me dining elegance. I never knew it went beyond dining.
Definitely will be visiting your channel alot now that I'm a new subscriber.
Thankyou for this, I came across it on the very day I realized I need to polish my speaking.I dressed elegantly but my speech keept on lowering that, I need to work on it.
This is a wonderful video, I love the work you're doing to help ladies in this area! 👏👏
Greetings and thank you so much for this video. It’s crazy how I have always been so scared of being seen as uptight.
Little did I know some of those traits were being elegant. Now I need to work on fixing all the wrong things I learned. Thank you so much for this video.
I have a tendency to talk with my hands and touch others. This video is a wonderful reminder of how conscious I should be of my behavior & how it effects others
I'm so happy to find this channel, I'm so glad there are more and more women like you these days that teach elegance
What a cute imoji, where did you get it from?
This is wonderful. Everyone needs this lesson.
I am a work in progress. So many of these I do like slang. Actually like using slang (talk about feeling flawed now). So I will make this a priority. Thank you, Sister V.
Hello Vivian, I am grateful to have come across your channel. I am an African American male, a single father with a 15 year old daughter (same ethnicity) I love your videos: “How to speak elegant” “How to be confident” and the video about “ High value” Although I consider myself a high value male, I do have my flaws and I can definitely benefit from watching your insightful videos! Question? My fifteen year old daughter struggles with a lot of issues; Self hatred, low self worth, depression etc. Unfortunately, they’re no well rounded, inspiring women who can be a positive influence in her life. How can I help my daughter become the beautiful, confident, lively happy young lady I hope she could become?
You are caring father 🙂🙂🙂!! Bravo! May you daughter love and respect herself!!! Send love for her!!!)))
@@sandracorley3944 Parenting coach? I wish you were in Phoenix!
What a beautiful thing to be humble of enough to admit!! I'm sure you're a gem of a father. I wis you the best and your daughter as well!
@@diamondjackson1105 Thank you!
Please, kindly encourage your daughter to read the bible she will find gems that will give her hope.
So glad I found this channel. So much to learn and love the suggestions you gave.
I really enjoyed your video! Very practical ideas!
These tips are interesting; however I’m struggling with not speaking up when I’ve got something to say. As a human rights lawyer, I need to be able to access my voice and thoughts in a way that some people may not necessarily like. I wonder if we can redefine what being a modern lady looks like? Just some food for thought 💛
Absolutely ❤️
@Fine Narural
I think she is basically describing "Professionalism" . These are basic attributes that are expected from professionals, so you are probably well versed in elegance!!!
Casting pearls before swine, identify your listener. Don’t need to correct everyone all the time. Don’t stress yourself
May I ask the area of human rights ? I’m looking for someone for something important. Ty
@@tastyrecipesonabudget1689 all enumerated grounds under the human rights code but my focus is on anti black racism
I just came across your channel and you are fascinating!. What a wonderful compilation of real gems of true high calibre, of which you are a genuine one!. So surprisingly grateful to find out I naturally exercise so many of these qualities without having to be mindful of them. Very insightful and so much more to strive for!.👍💙🌟
Thank you so much! Stumbling on your page, is one of the best thing that happened to me today! Definitely turning on all notifications!
Excellent video Vivienne, Thank you!
What a beautiful presentation! I'm all about this lifestyle and this has been so informative. Thank you for sharing 👏♥️
This is very enlightening. The part of listening actively and listening completely is something I really need to learn, in fact, everything..*smiles* Thank you.
Thank you, Vivian. I appreciate you for providing such gems. I’m practicing now. God bless you.
Guilty of at least 3 of these 🙋🏽♀️ Amazing tips thank you 💖
You should do talks at girls’ high schools and find a male friend to talk at boys’ schools too!
I think she herself could also talk at a boy's school so no need to find a male friend to do it Yes!
Thank you for the reminder about elegance which I was taught when i was younger by grandmother
These are great tips, can't say less. Sometimes the simple etiquettes are forgotten because of our environment. Great reminder!
Thank you so much for this video. You’re a wonderful refinement mentor ❤️
Thank you so much
Brilliant tips for life 🙌🏾
Wow! Thank you so much! This is so helpful. I speak really fast and I have been trying to improve so that I sound better on my UA-cam channel as I give makeup and 4C hair tips. Thank you! You are so elegant! ♡
I don't even know how I got here but this is the most inspiring 17:44 minutes I've had today. Thank you. ❤
I've just subscribed to your channel.
I really love this. You are confidence in the flesh. Thanks for taking the time to do this.
Thanks. I can't wait to apply some of these in my next video👍
This is truly help. We definitely can learn from one another. Bless you!
Number 4 is so true, from a realistic perspective, everyone wants to talk about themselves. Nobody really wants to listen to someone go on and on without being able to share their portion, ESPECIALLY guys. They love to have the upper hand 😒
But yea I’m loving these tips so far
Thanks so much for this video 🥰 I've learnt a lot, my kid sis was around while I was watching this video, we couldn't stop laughing cos we realize the work we have to put in regarding the way we communicate.
***Pardon; Learned not Learnt *(In a very elegant tone).
I learned a lot in just one video. Thank you!
Thank you Vivienne. I am enjoying and learning from your videos. You're indeed the epitome of elegance.
Love this content! We most certainly are in need of such content. Thank you very much!