I think he said JLo "represents" something important to people to distance her from the public image she has. As we saw, he values his privacy and feels strongly that there is a difference between how he is perceived vs who he really is/how he identifies himself. It seems like he feels the same for her, and he is distancing her from what she represents to people just to subtly remind us that we don't really know her either. Great video, as always :)
What an interesting perspective. Because he also talks alot about how the public persona celebrities have is fake so it would make alot of sense that what he means is people love what she represents because that’s all they know. They can’t love her because they don’t know her. Such a great interpretation, thank you!
@@TheBehavioralArts Thanks :) It almost felt protective of her to me, like he wasn't distancing her from the fame or the greatness but he was distancing our knowledge of her personally as a way of respecting her privacy.
@@TheBehavioralArts I thought the "she's so famous" gesture just wasn't genuine. It was trying to cover up something or another thought or feeling. His focus is more on what people think. To me there is a lot of effort on his part to appear a certain way or hide his true feelings in general about everything. He ranted at a roast recently so I think he's focusing on appearing neutral and positive and feels embarrassed about that
@@evap.5121 it’s definitely possible that there’s some of that. As you know, eye blocking isn’t a conclusive gesture it doesn’t mean one thing so it can be emphasis but it can also be blocking. Like I said, I can argue that one both ways and I think that’s fine. Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking body language can always give us all the answers. 🤗
@@TheBehavioralArts I thought he mentioned it to emphasize the story he was telling about time square and draw the picture of how famous she is, so one can only imagine the type of attention that would elicit, especially in a place like time square. I also do think there was something of protection like the first commentor said.
Ditto. Very nice. My dog ran up to him and threw his front legs around Ben's waist, and he only asked, "Does he bite?" I told him no, and he just looked confused while I tried to herd my other dogs. Later someone told me Ben was terrified of dogs, in which case, he took it like a champ. I've always rooted for Ben, and I've never been much of a fan of Jen.
Your (Spidey's) comment on Ben Affleck's positive attitude at 20min reminded me that I once met a camera man who had worked on Argo. And he had pointed out that there's many self absorbed a-holes in the business but Affleck stood out positively in terms of being down to earth and having a lot of positive energy.
Totally agree. They seemed such a mismatch. He really seems like a person you can just hang out with...wonderfully down to earth 🌎 and easy to talk 👄 to!
Super useful! I am auditorially sensitive (I also do a lot of eye blocking for concentration, like Affleck seems to), and I’m quite confident in my ability to “hear” subtle cues in someone’s word choice and tone. But playing the video alone is helping me to feel more confident in my visual body language reading. I absolutely nailed which clip was which, even though I didn’t consciously pick up the visual cues of contempt, for instance. Overall, I could sense the “tone” of what he was saying without the sound, though. It was very interesting. Thanks, Spidey! Keep doing this, please! Also, I wonder if there might be times that it could be useful to play the audio only, without the video, and see if we could guess what visual body language was going along with the audio cues of tone, word choice, pauses, and emphasis (or lack of it.) So many people focus on the physical body cues to the exclusion of everything else. But I’ve seen/heard you taking both into account, and I really appreciate that.
#1 Neutral because of his lack of expressions and looking down; He almost looked embarrassed. #2 Someone he admires because his eyes brighten/widen, and he looks upwards.
@@tm1830yeah! I was gonna say the same, he’s looking downward so much in clip 1. Hand gestures downward, too. The body says so much. And now we know that first clip was him talking about his dad & lack of fulfilled potential, at least that which the father desired for himself.
After- Did I completely misunderstand the instructions? I had shortened it in my mind as one is positive the other is negative but didn't really see either one?
I feel like being characterized as an angry person in general is a lot different than just being angry that your picture is being taken when you don't want it to be.
But then do the most to have ur picture taken lol let's not act like Ben hasn't joined Jlo in baiting the paps for the last 3 yrs...making out on boats , recreating her Jenny from the block video... smh....of he's disgusted it should be with himself
I actually laughed out loud when you were pointing out a phrase Ben used...you kind of grinned and said "as frat boys tend to do". Omg! That was HILARIOUS!!!!
Love your videos, Spidey! Just came to remind people there is nothing wrong with being a mechanic, or doing custodial work, etc. if that is what feeds you and your family, and you are not unhappy in your work. Some people look at life like a competition, or look down on these very necessary type of jobs, jobs that some people take no issue with. If you are unhappy in what YOU do, YOU make that change for yourself. But don't look to society for approval about what YOU want to do with YOUR life, and don't put others down for what they choose to do with theirs. Remember that life isn't about how famous you become, or about how much money you amass. I remember reading this little story at a Jimmy John's once years ago and I feel it serves as a good reminder that true success and happiness are often misunderstood by our (American) society: "How Much is Enough" The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.” The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.” The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this take?” To which the American replied, “15-20 years.” “But what then?” The American laughed and said, "That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.” “Millions?” asked the fisherman. “Then what?” The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evening, sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos!”
I didn't feel that Ben was looking down on the jobs his father did, and he confirmed that. However, his problem with them is that his father, clearly, was unhappy and unfulfilled at not following his own dreams/ambitions. Ben comes across as authentic and thoughtful .
@@mmcs4973 I feel the "pushing a broom" terminology can come across a little condescending but I completely agree with you that his father was obviously unhappy with his work, very sad. So my main thing is just do whatever brings you happiness/fulfillment, I hope that's something we can all strive for. ❤️
Sobriety and a LOT of therapy gave him insight/accountability. Acting gave him those eyebrows. Thanks for the breakdown. It's a really interesting video.
Clip 1, neutral. Clip 2, admiration 1. His body moves side to side evenly. His gestures don’t seem very emphatic. He doesn’t look up and down. He transfers energy from hand to hand as he speaks, but does not favor one side to the other or make a strong direction punctuation (i.e. no hand punching forward or up or down). His body language shows no particular emphasis as he goes through the conversation . He seems to be saying with his side to side hand and head movements “Well, it could be this. Or it might be that. But you never can tell.” He shrugs his shoulders a lot. Clip 2. He becomes physically more excitable with hand movements. He looks more directly at the interviewer. He looks up (full head movement) and gestures upwards with a hand. He has that far off slight grin at times that people get when they are thinking fondly of something or someone. His eyebrow flashes are more emphatic as he continues his speaking. There is so much in both, that I could talk about this for as long or longer than your whole session.
His Hs director for theater and my director were best friends. Matt Damon came back to HS drama festival finals right before they hit fame. I sat with my director and he with him- the mentor Ben speaks of. You brought back the memory to me.
In re to the story of Ben’s father being in jail when he was in 7th grade: I took the non-verbal behavior from Kevin Hart as one who clearly understood Ben A’s story of his father being in jail as “relating and understanding” the embarrassment of having your friends knowing about your father being in jail. But being so innocent that he wasn’t quite sure to how to handle it emotionally.
I get so excited when i see your new videos pop up! I think i was pretty spot on with the no sound clip: during 1, I'm thinking, "he is looking bored and derisive". Like ok, here's this guy, I'm going to list these things, it's really dumb. He's looking to the sides and shaking his head a lot. During clip 2, he's looking straight at kevin and emphasizing more, eyebrows up, trying to make a case. And then even that look up to the ceiling, like, see this person is up here. Keep up the great work, Spidey! Also, if you've read this far, have you seen the Netflix documentary Dancing for The Devil? Its about how these current famous Tik Tok and UA-cam viral dancers have gotten caught up with this cult leader leader. Really interesting, there are interviews, videos and social media posts you might be able to analyze the behavior of some of the people. Just a suggestion!
About eyebrows and facial expressions... they always get me in trouble. I make like 100 different facial expression within one sentence. I wish I didn't. People often misinterpret me. But my mind is going at 60mph, and face is changing from word to word.
We come here because your kind heart calms us down. You always share parts of yourself that help us! You're so cool and a genuinely nice person. We suffer from Panic Disorder, and this is a wonderful place to find peace. You take such good care of us. We love your advice about being kind to others who are being self-critical. Love you!
In regards to when he’s talking about J-Lo (30:56): Re: Eyes closed (blocking) recalling the memory: When he’s closing his eyes (eye blocking) the expression on his face looks like he’s talking about something sentimental and positive. Like he’s recalling one of the most treasured things to eat during his favorite holiday as a boy. Sentimental affection. Re: She represents something important to people (w/ hands going into fists): What I heard with the distancing language is that he admires her for the amount of fame she has because this is what he values himself, like a personal constitution, to be known and respected widely (also might be connected to the conflicting feelings he has about his dad). He is very much tuned in to how he is perceived/received by others (his personality's default settings tip toward high image consciousness). I think he’s talking affectionately about her, and this is the flavor it takes on: idealization. He idealizes her image (and namely being important in the eyes of others, something he secretly strives for himself). BUT his fists represent the conflict he has with that much importance/fame: the pressure. The pressure to fit the image. The same frustration he emits when talking about how he is perceived by others.
I find this eyebrow topic so fascinating. I'm high masking on the Autism spectrum. I move my eyebrows like crazy. My whole facial expressions are totally over the top, as it feels to me. But that's what I learned to do for people to get that I'm socializing 😅
I think it’s hard because I thought I saw some disgust in both clips but he was a lot more animated on the first clip and he definitely had the lip scrunch, which made me feel that one was more negative.
i really, REALLY loved this. he is such an interesting person to watch, excellent story teller, and to see you analyse him is very compelling. excellent video, dear spidey
Hi I am new to you and I think it's just amazing I even found you and I am SO excited to hear all of this it is SO intriguing!! Thank you!!! Love always Kelli
i know ben from my childhood. and i’m going to tell you…he is a very very nice guy. he and my bro were classmates. his dad did custodial work with my mom… i won’t say where but it’s a prestigious place. my mom moved up the ladder-his dad did not. that courthouse is right next to the place where his dad did custodial work though. i know exactly what courthouse he’s talking about. i will say i have sooooooo much respect for ben’s mom. i don’t care what the tv shows about Ben. he’s not as pretentious as tv portrays him to be.
Oh, that's interesting. I wonder if Will Hunting was partially based on Ben's father? He was a custodian at a prestige school and had enormous potential that he just couldn't seem to make it happen. Always getting in his own way.
@@melindapye7435 no it was not made on his father. it was based off of george dantzing. not his dad. i believe matt wrote it with ben while he was studying at harvard. from what i recall…can’t really remember. i do remember when the movie was being shot in cambridge…i was so excited to see robin williams. i used to work in a video store called video pros…lol and robin williams walked in. lol
I figure since Matt Damon has stuck by him all this time he must be a decent person...I think he has some demons but I also think he's a genuine person who tries his best to learn from his mistakes...
It feels like Clip 2 is about the person he admires. I chose that option because there was a lot of looking/gesturing upwards, sort of like holding someone in a high regard. And the change in the camera's POV is very telling. Kevin Hart looks super intense while he's listening.
Wow this is my second video of yours.. and I love watching these! It’s so exciting to learn because I pick up on nonverbal queues all the time but the way u explain them.. love it
Fantastic analysis. You are truly so great at this. 🙌 For what it’s worth, I do wish them well and hope they stay together happily if that is what’s in the cards for them.
Hooray, thank you Spidey. I love when you do this. So I think the first clip is someone it really likes. He has a warmth in his eyes and a soft smile. His face seem warm and relaxed, and in the other shorter clip, his eyebrows are tense. 😊 OK I’m going to watch the rest now. Fun and exciting. I appreciate you so much.
With the curved fingers in front of his chest when talking about his teacher, I interpreted that as relating to his (metaphorical) heart. As in having an emotional connection with the teacher, or that his teacher taught him how to open up his emotions to improve his craft.
Clip one he shows disdain, looking down a lot, hand movements in a downward motion and a lot of head shakes. Clip 2: positive. Nodding his head, lifts his hands, lifts his head.
With those two silent videos at the start, the first one looked exactly how I would imagine someone ranting about their SO, exasperated and a little fed up. The second one didn’t exactly give me “I respect this person” but it seemed to me that whatever he was talking about, he was saying earnestly
I feel that the reason it’s hard to tell if he’s talking positively about someone in the second clip is cause there’s an anger that his dad wasn’t that inspirational figure for him, but his teacher was, cause he makes the same gesture in that as when he said “the father” in the first clip, showing that he compares them
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I am binge watching your clips. It is so refreshing to see a balanced approach when using celebrities as the teaching platform. Your clear efforts to minimize prejudice also helps frame the analytical approach needed to successfully unwind our own emotions when considering external factors. Thank you.
29:36 how do you know which Jennifer he’s talking about. I’ve never seen him and j lo with the kids. Could it have been Jennifer garner? I didn’t see the actual interview… just a thought
@27:11 he is talking about his children and he says"this shit would never happen if I wasn't in this life.. But I also know I like this life for them better than the one I had"
I love this game! clip 1: Ben looks down, shakes his head, rolls eyes with his eyelids closed, makes a small gesture of disdain and moves his shoulders as if he was uncomfortable. clip 2: He put his hand is in front of his chest, as if what he is saying comes from the heart and he looks up as if something is elevated next to him.
Your comment on how people perceive you got me. I was perceived in high school as being very sophisticated when actually I was painfully shy. 40 years later and having lost all my shyness I went to our reunion and was surprised to find out that the ones I perceived as mean and “popular “ were suffering angst just like me. Actually I was just totally self centered and I think most shy people are. “are they looking at me” was drilled into me by my mother who told me how beautiful I was from infancy which literally gave me the creeps. I could go in how that influenced my sisters perception of me and herself . Weird life as I think back.
You have to admit, he’s in the wrong profession if he hates it that much. Perhaps a career in auto repair would serve him better. People would be able to get to work because of him. There’s honour in that.
@@Gojiberry2There are a lot of actors and directors that keep their personal life private, but I do believe for he and JLo to have worked they would have needed to solidify those ground rules and really work together on it.
I think subconsciously he does not hate it as much as he says he does. Why go into Hollywood? Why marry someone twice who feeds off & loves the limelight & attention. Why are ppl babying him so much? If he wanted privacy so much he gas enough money to go live in a valley in Timbuktu.. He is a grown ass man. J-lo cannot be blamed for his decisions. He needs to stay away from all Jens & seriously sort himself out. Going back & forth between these 2 women does no one any good especially not their kids.
I absolutely love Ben Affleck, I never saw him and Jennifer has a couple. She’s so out there in the Hollywood lifestyle and seems to be a down to earth guy, private and just wants to live his life with out all the chaos of the fans and cameras. She on the other hand seems to delight in all the attention. I would have to say I would take the road of Ben. I really red him has an actor. Clearly I don’t know either of them 😂, but, Ben just seems to be such a cool guy.
The comment you made regarding how people see you and how you think you are, my opinion of myself is just one opinion, and yet several people have this same thought about me. It is very on point.
Thank you for emphasizing that. I agree that it’s an excellent point. I’ve heard variations on it, but never heard it out quite like this. Our opinion of ourself is only one opinion, whereas if we are hearing the same or similar things from other people, that represents many opinions, not just one. Useful!
I Think he Had Alot of Anger in in him he needs to release like suppressed Anger that Somethings triggers if he doesnt like something or someone anger builds up in some peeople.No body knows Ben but the people who Really know Him 😊
For me clip 1 showed discomfort but I mostly got that from the shoulder shrugs. On watching with the audio i still see and hear the discomfort but mostly about his dad, about trying to suggest his dad inspired him but mostly by his dad's negative experiences, but also balancing that with not wanting to judge him (acknowledging they were bring judged by his classmates too, which must have been so hard).
I hear pain.,😢 I love Ben. Also, I think those tapes would be a great documentary on Hulu like others have made. He could be very proud & vulnerable of his work. Very admirable of him to be open in this interview. Bravo 👏
I’ve used all I’ve learned here to enhance my work as a psychotherapist and I have helped ppl explore their feelings more deeply when I see that contempt flash. I know to explore more when I see it & people appreciate the distinction and knowing themselves more fully when they realize the difference btwn contempt & disgust. Tks for being the change you wish to see in the world!
As someone who struggled for 20 years with alcohol. I can say with confidence Ben was inebriated during this interview. The inflections, the tonality, everything.
i dont think he was being negative about JLo's fame but I sensed him express how overwhelming her fame sometimes feels for him because of how famous she is. not negative or positive but overwhelming.
I agree. I think JLo is more famous than Ben. Not because she’s a better artist or anything mind you. I think he’s just less out there than she is and her audience/ fans encompasses Latinos that are not bilingual and includes music, movies, and television. So she just has a greater reach by virtue of the type of work she does. Ben does some good acting work, but also a lot behind the scenes. So not necessarily in the spotlight as much.
i've learned alot from watching ur videos. I like watching some of them over and over and over. I feel that the way u explain them gives a sense of resonating with the person in question or the question in question. I apply what ur talking about to u also. ur baseline and hand gestures when u talk is resounding to me. in a sense not in it for the views but to spread a true knowledge , learning lots of people r full of shit now days and crap we were taught as we were growing up.....at home, in school etc. I just want to say thank u for not being selfish with the knowledge. I'm finding out I have a lot of interest in the y's of person rather than the hows and the what's of them. I'm learning the different aspects that make a person with a soul and how little u can know about them and still just know the true them..I hope this makes sense to u, cuz it was kinda hard to put into words how I genuinely felt about u and ur videos....its hard to know truth without truth in it. thanks again.
Why are so many resistant to analysing themselves/ their part / their decisions when that is the most beneficial thing to do. It's also really hard to help a friend in need when they refuse to look at things honestly . You can become the enemy when you won't agree with their delusional version of things , of how their situation came to be.
Love this, thank you… I would love it if you played the clip, explained it and then played it again... For those who are trying to catch up it is so helpful❤
So I’m a recovering alcoholic very much immersed in the AA community. I find it pretty cool that he’s mentioning some of the ideals we practice in AA. Taking inventory of ourselves and seeing our part. Clearing our side of the street and letting go of resentments.
I love to watch your channel and I’m learning so much. At 60, I realized I have ADHD so I look at things through that lens sometimes. I look at him and definitely see ADHD and so many things that comes with. I’m trying to figure out the collectivein body language and ADHD personality traits
I also have ADHD, diagnosed late in life. I don’t know if I necessarily see it in him. But I do resonate with the closing of the eyes to block out distractions. Do you do that too? I’ve had issues with it, because I will also add a little frown of concentration sometimes. Some people have concluded that I must be mad at them or judging them, when I’m just concentrating on listening.
You're a person not a diagnoses. I don't buy any of these later diagnoses either. Like a trend..or more money to be made for those corporations..Everyone has idiosyncratic qualities.
I think he said JLo "represents" something important to people to distance her from the public image she has. As we saw, he values his privacy and feels strongly that there is a difference between how he is perceived vs who he really is/how he identifies himself. It seems like he feels the same for her, and he is distancing her from what she represents to people just to subtly remind us that we don't really know her either.
Great video, as always :)
What an interesting perspective. Because he also talks alot about how the public persona celebrities have is fake so it would make alot of sense that what he means is people love what she represents because that’s all they know. They can’t love her because they don’t know her. Such a great interpretation, thank you!
@@TheBehavioralArts Thanks :) It almost felt protective of her to me, like he wasn't distancing her from the fame or the greatness but he was distancing our knowledge of her personally as a way of respecting her privacy.
@@TheBehavioralArts I thought the "she's so famous" gesture just wasn't genuine. It was trying to cover up something or another thought or feeling. His focus is more on what people think. To me there is a lot of effort on his part to appear a certain way or hide his true feelings in general about everything. He ranted at a roast recently so I think he's focusing on appearing neutral and positive and feels embarrassed about that
@@evap.5121 it’s definitely possible that there’s some of that. As you know, eye blocking isn’t a conclusive gesture it doesn’t mean one thing so it can be emphasis but it can also be blocking. Like I said, I can argue that one both ways and I think that’s fine. Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking body language can always give us all the answers. 🤗
@@TheBehavioralArts I thought he mentioned it to emphasize the story he was telling about time square and draw the picture of how famous she is, so one can only imagine the type of attention that would elicit, especially in a place like time square. I also do think there was something of protection like the first commentor said.
I can only speak for myself but I met Ben once and he was shockingly kind
Ditto. Very nice. My dog ran up to him and threw his front legs around Ben's waist, and he only asked, "Does he bite?" I told him no, and he just looked confused while I tried to herd my other dogs. Later someone told me Ben was terrified of dogs, in which case, he took it like a champ. I've always rooted for Ben, and I've never been much of a fan of Jen.
I thought he owned a dog
That is wonderful to know. Too good for her....
@@MyFakeAlterEgoAwesome 👌 story 😅
I love Jen, very hard worker.
The way you do your videos is so interactive and informative. I really appreciate the time ans uniqueness you put into them.
Thanks 😊 glad you enjoy them
Your (Spidey's) comment on Ben Affleck's positive attitude at 20min reminded me that I once met a camera man who had worked on Argo. And he had pointed out that there's many self absorbed a-holes in the business but Affleck stood out positively in terms of being down to earth and having a lot of positive energy.
Totally agree. They seemed such a mismatch. He really seems like a person you can just hang out with...wonderfully down to earth 🌎 and easy to talk 👄 to!
I’ve heard that before . One woman said he chatted with her dad ab 20. Never heard a negative comment.
I don't know how a down-to-earth, positive man could pair up with J lo.
I like the new segment of playing clips in silence to see what we can notice in their non-verbal communication
I love it!
Agree. It’s interesting to see the cues you pick up with just body language and no audio.
Super useful! I am auditorially sensitive (I also do a lot of eye blocking for concentration, like Affleck seems to), and I’m quite confident in my ability to “hear” subtle cues in someone’s word choice and tone. But playing the video alone is helping me to feel more confident in my visual body language reading. I absolutely nailed which clip was which, even though I didn’t consciously pick up the visual cues of contempt, for instance. Overall, I could sense the “tone” of what he was saying without the sound, though. It was very interesting.
Thanks, Spidey! Keep doing this, please!
Also, I wonder if there might be times that it could be useful to play the audio only, without the video, and see if we could guess what visual body language was going along with the audio cues of tone, word choice, pauses, and emphasis (or lack of it.) So many people focus on the physical body cues to the exclusion of everything else. But I’ve seen/heard you taking both into account, and I really appreciate that.
Yea its brill!
I always hit like before I finish your videos. Always interesting. Thanks Spidey
#1 Neutral because of his lack of expressions and looking down; He almost looked embarrassed. #2 Someone he admires because his eyes brighten/widen, and he looks upwards.
ADDED AFTER: Looks like I caught embarrassment vs contempt.
Wow! Really really great job!
@@tm1830yeah! I was gonna say the same, he’s looking downward so much in clip 1. Hand gestures downward, too. The body says so much.
And now we know that first clip was him talking about his dad & lack of fulfilled potential, at least that which the father desired for himself.
@@tm1830 there was embarrassment and contempt.
After- Did I completely misunderstand the instructions? I had shortened it in my mind as one is positive the other is negative but didn't really see either one?
I feel like being characterized as an angry person in general is a lot different than just being angry that your picture is being taken when you don't want it to be.
But then do the most to have ur picture taken lol let's not act like Ben hasn't joined Jlo in baiting the paps for the last 3 yrs...making out on boats , recreating her Jenny from the block video... smh....of he's disgusted it should be with himself
@@JojoBean-zo7nx I don't care for celebs and gossip really, but making out on boats seems like a pretty normal thing to do as a couple.
I love that you have a passion for sharing knowledge and teaching beyond just giving the analysis. That really does set you apart
Hey Spidey! Just wanted to say that i appreciate you, your channel and the community that you've built here. 👋🏻
I actually laughed out loud when you were pointing out a phrase Ben used...you kind of grinned and said "as frat boys tend to do". Omg! That was HILARIOUS!!!!
When he said Jay Lo is so famous, my instinct was he was being sweet because he is so famous and yet I thought he was elevating her success over his.
Yea I think that he was over exaggerating her fame.
No she’s def always been more famous. And she loves the spotlight which is one of the reasons why they clash
@@christinamitchell6608I think you're confusing fame with popularity.
@sunshinecasey nah....its true. She became way more famous than him.
Clip 1 he seems calm.
Love your videos, Spidey! Just came to remind people there is nothing wrong with being a mechanic, or doing custodial work, etc. if that is what feeds you and your family, and you are not unhappy in your work. Some people look at life like a competition, or look down on these very necessary type of jobs, jobs that some people take no issue with. If you are unhappy in what YOU do, YOU make that change for yourself. But don't look to society for approval about what YOU want to do with YOUR life, and don't put others down for what they choose to do with theirs. Remember that life isn't about how famous you become, or about how much money you amass.
I remember reading this little story at a Jimmy John's once years ago and I feel it serves as a good reminder that true success and happiness are often misunderstood by our (American) society:
"How Much is Enough"
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.” The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.” The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this take?” To which the American replied, “15-20 years.” “But what then?” The American laughed and said, "That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.” “Millions?” asked the fisherman. “Then what?” The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evening, sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos!”
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this 🙏 ❤❤❤❤
I didn't feel that Ben was looking down on the jobs his father did, and he confirmed that. However, his problem with them is that his father, clearly, was unhappy and unfulfilled at not following his own dreams/ambitions. Ben comes across as authentic and thoughtful .
@@mmcs4973 I feel the "pushing a broom" terminology can come across a little condescending but I completely agree with you that his father was obviously unhappy with his work, very sad. So my main thing is just do whatever brings you happiness/fulfillment, I hope that's something we can all strive for. ❤️
Sobriety and a LOT of therapy gave him insight/accountability. Acting gave him those eyebrows. Thanks for the breakdown. It's a really interesting video.
JLo’s hairdresser gave him those etebrows
Yes. It was interesting. I appreciated it being intelligently presented too
Clip 1, neutral. Clip 2, admiration
1. His body moves side to side evenly. His gestures don’t seem very emphatic. He doesn’t look up and down. He transfers energy from hand to hand as he speaks, but does not favor one side to the other or make a strong direction punctuation (i.e. no hand punching forward or up or down). His body language shows no particular emphasis as he goes through the conversation . He seems to be saying with his side to side hand and head movements “Well, it could be this. Or it might be that. But you never can tell.” He shrugs his shoulders a lot.
Clip 2. He becomes physically more excitable with hand movements. He looks more directly at the interviewer. He looks up (full head movement) and gestures upwards with a hand. He has that far off slight grin at times that people get when they are thinking fondly of something or someone. His eyebrow flashes are more emphatic as he continues his speaking.
There is so much in both, that I could talk about this for as long or longer than your whole session.
Ha! You’ve earned your magnifying glass icon! Nailed it!
@@TheBehavioralArts I’m always humbled when you compliment me. Thank you Spidey❤️❤️❤️
I think you should follow up on both of these individuals! 😂❤
His Hs director for theater and my director were best friends. Matt Damon came back to HS drama festival finals right before they hit fame. I sat with my director and he with him- the mentor Ben speaks of. You brought back the memory to me.
I love that you took away sound. i just happened to do that a few weeks ago on my own, and noticed it clearly emphasizes those behavior clues
In re to the story of Ben’s father being in jail when he was in 7th grade:
I took the non-verbal behavior from Kevin Hart as one who clearly understood Ben A’s story of his father being in jail as “relating and understanding” the embarrassment of having your friends knowing about your father being in jail. But being so innocent that he wasn’t quite sure to how to handle it emotionally.
I get so excited when i see your new videos pop up! I think i was pretty spot on with the no sound clip: during 1, I'm thinking, "he is looking bored and derisive". Like ok, here's this guy, I'm going to list these things, it's really dumb. He's looking to the sides and shaking his head a lot. During clip 2, he's looking straight at kevin and emphasizing more, eyebrows up, trying to make a case. And then even that look up to the ceiling, like, see this person is up here.
Keep up the great work, Spidey! Also, if you've read this far, have you seen the Netflix documentary Dancing for The Devil? Its about how these current famous Tik Tok and UA-cam viral dancers have gotten caught up with this cult leader leader. Really interesting, there are interviews, videos and social media posts you might be able to analyze the behavior of some of the people. Just a suggestion!
I love how engaged you are in what you are doing. That' s why you are so good at it (sorry for my english). Sending much love from Slovakia 🙋
Your English is good, in this comment.
Yes! Great 👍 English. Your post was so sweet and friendly. ❤ I think you made many people smile.
@@pameladigaetano8119 thank you! ♥️
About eyebrows and facial expressions... they always get me in trouble. I make like 100 different facial expression within one sentence. I wish I didn't. People often misinterpret me. But my mind is going at 60mph, and face is changing from word to word.
Got you! Sometimes it can be a curse 🤬 to be so animated. I do the same. You and I should have been actors!!!😂 LOL
Same I’m too enthusiastic in my speech and my facial expressions are all over the place 😂
@@pameladigaetano8119include me in. I speak with my face 😂
Yes lol
As always, thank you! I learn so much from your videos and as always you are so mindful to be unbiased.
We come here because your kind heart calms us down. You always share parts of yourself that help us! You're so cool and a genuinely nice person. We suffer from Panic Disorder, and this is a wonderful place to find peace. You take such good care of us. We love your advice about being kind to others who are being self-critical. Love you!
I agree with you. I came here to listen someone sincere, honest, respectful, professional and not biased.
Haven’t watched yet to weigh in on the clips but I ALWAYS hit like 👍 before I even watch.
You Rock, Spidey!
Me too lol
In regards to when he’s talking about J-Lo (30:56):
Re: Eyes closed (blocking) recalling the memory: When he’s closing his eyes (eye blocking) the expression on his face looks like he’s talking about something sentimental and positive. Like he’s recalling one of the most treasured things to eat during his favorite holiday as a boy. Sentimental affection.
Re: She represents something important to people (w/ hands going into fists): What I heard with the distancing language is that he admires her for the amount of fame she has because this is what he values himself, like a personal constitution, to be known and respected widely (also might be connected to the conflicting feelings he has about his dad). He is very much tuned in to how he is perceived/received by others (his personality's default settings tip toward high image consciousness). I think he’s talking affectionately about her, and this is the flavor it takes on: idealization. He idealizes her image (and namely being important in the eyes of others, something he secretly strives for himself). BUT his fists represent the conflict he has with that much importance/fame: the pressure. The pressure to fit the image. The same frustration he emits when talking about how he is perceived by others.
I find this eyebrow topic so fascinating. I'm high masking on the Autism spectrum. I move my eyebrows like crazy. My whole facial expressions are totally over the top, as it feels to me. But that's what I learned to do for people to get that I'm socializing 😅
😅
😮👀😅😉
Same. Usually I have just a flat affect but I overcompensate with facial expression, especially in the eyebrows. Also asd
I think it’s hard because I thought I saw some disgust in both clips but he was a lot more animated on the first clip and he definitely had the lip scrunch, which made me feel that one was more negative.
Yeah, he looked annoyed and negative in both, but the first clip more so.
Thanks for covering this!
i really, REALLY loved this. he is such an interesting person to watch, excellent story teller, and to see you analyse him is very compelling. excellent video, dear spidey
Yeah he took a different take on talking about body language
Hi I am new to you and I think it's just amazing I even found you and I am SO excited to hear all of this it is SO intriguing!! Thank you!!! Love always Kelli
Wow, very interesting. We don't realise just how much we give away without knowing it.
Thanks very much 😊
i know ben from my childhood. and i’m going to tell you…he is a very very nice guy. he and my bro were classmates.
his dad did custodial work with my mom… i won’t say where but it’s a prestigious place. my mom moved up the ladder-his dad did not.
that courthouse is right next to the place where his dad did custodial work though. i know exactly what courthouse he’s talking about.
i will say i have sooooooo much respect for ben’s mom.
i don’t care what the tv shows about Ben. he’s not as pretentious as tv portrays him to be.
Oh, that's interesting. I wonder if Will Hunting was partially based on Ben's father? He was a custodian at a prestige school and had enormous potential that he just couldn't seem to make it happen. Always getting in his own way.
@@melindapye7435 no it was not made on his father. it was based off of george dantzing. not his dad. i believe matt wrote it with ben while he was studying at harvard. from what i recall…can’t really remember. i do remember when the movie was being shot in cambridge…i was so excited to see robin williams. i used to work in a video store called video pros…lol and robin williams walked in. lol
I figure since Matt Damon has stuck by him all this time he must be a decent person...I think he has some demons but I also think he's a genuine person who tries his best to learn from his mistakes...
Clip 1 - no admiration
Clip 2 - admiration
I agree.
It feels like Clip 2 is about the person he admires. I chose that option because there was a lot of looking/gesturing upwards, sort of like holding someone in a high regard. And the change in the camera's POV is very telling. Kevin Hart looks super intense while he's listening.
Great catch!!!
Wow! What a study subject Ben turned out to be 😊 thank you for this video
😂 use nice words, you know how frat boys tend to do. That was funny. Nicely done ❤️
His talk about accountabilty and self responsibility is part of working a sober program.
Bingo!!
I hope he sticks with his sobriety now that his marriage ended disastrously..
Wow this is my second video of yours.. and I love watching these! It’s so exciting to learn because I pick up on nonverbal queues all the time but the way u explain them.. love it
Fantastic analysis. You are truly so great at this. 🙌
For what it’s worth, I do wish them well and hope they stay together happily if that is what’s in the cards for them.
Closing my eyes while I’m talking helps me bring back the whole part, ie: thoughts, feeling and emotions
Clip one neutral. Clip two high regard. The second clip he was gripping his fist, holding it near his heart and raised his hand to the sky.
I am such a huge fan. So envious of your skills. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and fantastic video.
Hooray, thank you Spidey. I love when you do this.
So I think the first clip is someone it really likes. He has a warmth in his eyes and a soft smile. His face seem warm and relaxed, and in the other shorter clip, his eyebrows are tense.
😊 OK I’m going to watch the rest now. Fun and exciting. I appreciate you so much.
Hahaha NOP! 😂 still have a lot to learn thankful to follow you. 😆🙏
I really appreciate how objective you are!
Clip 1 negative clip 2 positive
Agreed
“The way frat boys tend to do.” 😂😂😂 I laughed out loud on that one.
With the curved fingers in front of his chest when talking about his teacher, I interpreted that as relating to his (metaphorical) heart. As in having an emotional connection with the teacher, or that his teacher taught him how to open up his emotions to improve his craft.
i also saw the correlation between the fingers scrunching up, not all the way closed, but pointing a little to his heart.
Or just to " open up" .....ahahaha🌈
That was my impression too. It was really meaningful to him and he was figuratively speaking from the heart.
I love the sensitive positive way in which you always present your content. Wow! Thank you! Most content on YTube is very negatibe IMO ; not yours.
When he said they were out with Jen... I actually thought he was talking about his first wife, Jen Garner! LOL
Clip one he shows disdain, looking down a lot, hand movements in a downward motion and a lot of head shakes. Clip 2: positive. Nodding his head, lifts his hands, lifts his head.
“Like a frat boy would” 😆. U had such a cute smile after u said that. 😁💜☮️
Omg😂
thank you so much... waited so hard for the next video 🙂
He switched his position when talking about his practice videos with matt damon. So cool!
Spidey sense! ❤
love your videos!!!
With those two silent videos at the start, the first one looked exactly how I would imagine someone ranting about their SO, exasperated and a little fed up. The second one didn’t exactly give me “I respect this person” but it seemed to me that whatever he was talking about, he was saying earnestly
another great video, thank you for filling our need to learn about this deeper
So glad you decided to cover the couple formerly known as "Bennifer".
@@thekeysman6760I never knew that lol thanks my grammar is horrible.
@@thekeysman6760I love that you educated them without being nasty. People are less likely to learn when someone is nasty to them. 💛 Thank you.
Is kind of funny that him and J-lo are referred to as "Bennifer" but he was also married to Jennifer Garner, so why are they not also Bennifer? 😅
I've been thinking about you. So glad to see you add your expertise to current issues.
His love of movies & movie making is obvious..see how he leans forward and really engages..
I feel that the reason it’s hard to tell if he’s talking positively about someone in the second clip is cause there’s an anger that his dad wasn’t that inspirational figure for him, but his teacher was, cause he makes the same gesture in that as when he said “the father” in the first clip, showing that he compares them
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I am binge watching your clips. It is so refreshing to see a balanced approach when using celebrities as the teaching platform. Your clear efforts to minimize prejudice also helps frame the analytical approach needed to successfully unwind our own emotions when considering external factors. Thank you.
29:36 how do you know which Jennifer he’s talking about. I’ve never seen him and j lo with the kids. Could it have been Jennifer garner? I didn’t see the actual interview… just a thought
I’ve seen it more of it elsewhere, it’s definitely JLo. I’m sure Spidey watched enough of it to be sure of who she was also.
He doesnt really talk about his relationship with jennifer garner in the interview. It was definitely about JLo
Great video. Love what you do. I always learn so much from you. You’re awesome.
@27:11 he is talking about his children and he says"this shit would never happen if I wasn't in this life.. But I also know I like this life for them better than the one I had"
Ben you deserve soooo much better. Hope you and the mother of your children get back together ❤
I believe that everything u said I Agree because people who know me know what my expressions mean when I make them😊
31:58 Watching this channel for so long, I can pinpoint a Duper's Delight when I see one. :P
Great content, Spidey!
I love this game!
clip 1: Ben looks down, shakes his head, rolls eyes with his eyelids closed, makes a small gesture of disdain and moves his shoulders as if he was uncomfortable.
clip 2: He put his hand is in front of his chest, as if what he is saying comes from the heart and he looks up as if something is elevated next to him.
Wow! Nailed it!
Your comment on how people perceive you got me. I was perceived in high school as being very sophisticated when actually I was painfully shy. 40 years later and having lost all my shyness I went to our reunion and was surprised to find out that the ones I perceived as mean and “popular “ were suffering angst just like me. Actually I was just totally self centered and I think most shy people are. “are they looking at me” was drilled into me by my mother who told me how beautiful I was from infancy which literally gave me the creeps. I could go in how that influenced my sisters perception of me and herself . Weird life as I think back.
He hates the limelight and married to someone that loves it. Just a matter of time.
You have to admit, he’s in the wrong profession if he hates it that much. Perhaps a career in auto repair would serve him better. People would be able to get to work because of him. There’s honour in that.
@@Gojiberry2There are a lot of actors and directors that keep their personal life private, but I do believe for he and JLo to have worked they would have needed to solidify those ground rules and really work together on it.
@@Gojiberry2He is explaining that he loves hes job which he understands it has its ups and down.
I think subconsciously he does not hate it as much as he says he does. Why go into Hollywood? Why marry someone twice who feeds off & loves the limelight & attention. Why are ppl babying him so much? If he wanted privacy so much he gas enough money to go live in a valley in Timbuktu..
He is a grown ass man. J-lo cannot be blamed for his decisions. He needs to stay away from all Jens & seriously sort himself out. Going back & forth between these 2 women does no one any good especially not their kids.
So you didn't listen to the video, you just came to leave a negative comment
Interesting about Ben…Success is different to everyone, it can be peace of mind and happy family and for some is materialistic things.
I absolutely love Ben Affleck, I never saw him and Jennifer has a couple. She’s so out there in the Hollywood lifestyle and seems to be a down to earth guy, private and just wants to live his life with out all the chaos of the fans and cameras. She on the other hand seems to delight in all the attention. I would have to say I would take the road of Ben. I really red him has an actor. Clearly I don’t know either of them 😂, but, Ben just seems to be such a cool guy.
so many people say he appreciates people and usually very generous.
Very fascinating information thank you for sharing
The comment you made regarding how people see you and how you think you are, my opinion of myself is just one opinion, and yet several people have this same thought about me. It is very on point.
Thank you for emphasizing that. I agree that it’s an excellent point. I’ve heard variations on it, but never heard it out quite like this. Our opinion of ourself is only one opinion, whereas if we are hearing the same or similar things from other people, that represents many opinions, not just one. Useful!
I Think he Had Alot of Anger in in him he needs to release like suppressed Anger that Somethings triggers if he doesnt like something or someone anger builds up in some peeople.No body knows Ben but the people who Really know Him 😊
For me clip 1 showed discomfort but I mostly got that from the shoulder shrugs. On watching with the audio i still see and hear the discomfort but mostly about his dad, about trying to suggest his dad inspired him but mostly by his dad's negative experiences, but also balancing that with not wanting to judge him (acknowledging they were bring judged by his classmates too, which must have been so hard).
I hear pain.,😢 I love Ben. Also, I think those tapes would be a great documentary on Hulu like others have made. He could be very proud & vulnerable of his work. Very admirable of him to be open in this interview. Bravo 👏
I’ve used all I’ve learned here to enhance my work as a psychotherapist and I have helped ppl explore their feelings more deeply when I see that contempt flash. I know to explore more when I see it & people appreciate the distinction and knowing themselves more fully when they realize the difference btwn contempt & disgust. Tks for being the change you wish to see in the world!
I was thinking that the gesture when he's talking about his drama teacher was connected to his heart.
As someone who struggled for 20 years with alcohol. I can say with confidence Ben was inebriated during this interview. The inflections, the tonality, everything.
I know that his household was a toxic environment. He didn’t have a happy childhood. He started to have alcoholic problems in his early teens.
Loved this Spidey. You’re the best.
Clip 1 neutral clip2 positive
Maybe number 4 marriage for J Lo should have been a red flag. She also had a couple other engagements too.
I am such a fan of this couple being together but if it isn't right then it isn't right
2:22 that was too easy 😂🤣😂
i dont think he was being negative about JLo's fame but I sensed him express how overwhelming her fame sometimes feels for him because of how famous she is. not negative or positive but overwhelming.
I agree. I think JLo is more famous than Ben. Not because she’s a better artist or anything mind you. I think he’s just less out there than she is and her audience/ fans encompasses Latinos that are not bilingual and includes music, movies, and television. So she just has a greater reach by virtue of the type of work she does. Ben does some good acting work, but also a lot behind the scenes. So not necessarily in the spotlight as much.
Great channel ❤
This interview was pre-taped a while ago. All of the interviews for the season are ready to drop a once.
i've learned alot from watching ur videos. I like watching some of them over and over and over. I feel that the way u explain them gives a sense of resonating with the person in question or the question in question. I apply what ur talking about to u also. ur baseline and hand gestures when u talk is resounding to me. in a sense not in it for the views but to spread a true knowledge , learning lots of people r full of shit now days and crap we were taught as we were growing up.....at home, in school etc. I just want to say thank u for not being selfish with the knowledge. I'm finding out I have a lot of interest in the y's of person rather than the hows and the what's of them. I'm learning the different aspects that make a person with a soul and how little u can know about them and still just know the true them..I hope this makes sense to u, cuz it was kinda hard to put into words how I genuinely felt about u and ur videos....its hard to know truth without truth in it. thanks again.
Why are so many resistant to analysing themselves/ their part / their decisions when that is the most beneficial thing to do. It's also really hard to help a friend in need when they refuse to look at things honestly . You can become the enemy when you won't agree with their delusional version of things , of how their situation came to be.
Love this, thank you… I would love it if you played the clip, explained it and then played it again... For those who are trying to catch up it is so helpful❤
Hi taking responsibility is part of the 12 Step Program. Good for him for working the program and I’m glad he is healing.
Ben looks prepared. Like a tony robbins level self help seminar prepared.
Literally watched Gone Girl last night.
So I’m a recovering alcoholic very much immersed in the AA community. I find it pretty cool that he’s mentioning some of the ideals we practice in AA. Taking inventory of ourselves and seeing our part. Clearing our side of the street and letting go of resentments.
I love to watch your channel and I’m learning so much. At 60, I realized I have ADHD so I look at things through that lens sometimes. I look at him and definitely see ADHD and so many things that comes with. I’m trying to figure out the collectivein body language and ADHD personality traits
I also have ADHD, diagnosed late in life. I don’t know if I necessarily see it in him. But I do resonate with the closing of the eyes to block out distractions. Do you do that too? I’ve had issues with it, because I will also add a little frown of concentration sometimes. Some people have concluded that I must be mad at them or judging them, when I’m just concentrating on listening.
You're a person not a diagnoses. I don't buy any of these later diagnoses either. Like a trend..or more money to be made for those corporations..Everyone has idiosyncratic qualities.
Spidey, I like your behaviour analysis videos the best cause I can learn a lot from them. Thank you very much again! :)
For me, Affleck's 'frat boy' image has a good deal to do with his wardrobe.
No it's has more to do with the drinking, the gambling, the partying, the sleeping with the nannies, the strippers.