1. Be calm in situations where most people would show fear; 2. Hold eye contact during conflict; 3. Don’t let other people dictate where your attention goes; and 4. Be honest even when it goes against your best interest.
“Attitude is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” Roy T. Bennett 🖖
“I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.” Ayn Rand
Great content. 1) when you pause it makes the other person feel you are thinking about their feelings or request, giving them some hope. Works in many situations. When you react immediately it makes a person feel as though you weren’t listening at all and that you were just waiting to say what you wanted to say.
1. Be calm in situations where most people would show fear 2. Hold eye contact during conflict 3. Don't let other people dictate where your attention goes 4. Be honest even when it goes against your best interests
The 3 second rule helps alot. I used to just pop off with my first verbal jab just to prove they didn’t want to argue with me. Over time, I realized I didnt want to win that way. Staying calm, pausing and saying what needs to be said, not what I want to say. Im the type of guy that doesn’t talk much, I’ll show interest in the convo, but not much banter. Then when i speak up, even to interrupt, my words hold more value with their unsaturated rarity. I commanded respect from top level professionals when I knew i was in the right. Dont be a victim, speak up, clearly.
>Im the type of guy that doesn’t talk much, I’ll show interest in the convo, but not much banter. Then when i speak up, even to interrupt, my words hold more value Not really. I've know a lot of men like you and when they finally speak people just say "who tf rattled his cage" then everyone laughs and the group moves one while mister shy and enlightened goes back to being ignored.
@@MontyBarrington You misunderstood my comment. I speak up a lot actually. I say what others wont. I just don’t need to use a lot of extra time repeating myself. Being the loudest person in the room doesn’t make you right. I’m the guy who asks why you wont stand up for yourself, not someone who just speaks up to whine. Sounds like you need better friends.
As someone who has spent thirty years in public service jobs, I've had numerous opportunities to use such tactics. They definitely work. When dealing with rude, angry people it pays to be cautious with them. Remain calm and collected always.
A favorite of mine when dealing with angry customers is to talk calmly, slowly and the more they scream the lower i get my voice. If they interrupt I let them talk then go back to repeat the same sentence I was trying to say before from the beggining. And if they talk too loud I make a face like I have a headache and tilt my head, close my eyes for 2 seconds then go back to my original point.
Both Tommy and Alfie always command attention and respect when in any place but in completely different ways. Tommy is calm, calculating, and unreactive while Alfie is loud, unpredictable, and intimidating. The one thing both share in common is intelligence.
People break eye contact and get distracted all the time in the middle of a conversation with me. Not much are more disrespectful than that. While it's on me to earn more respect too, it'd do them good to know these things.
Having to do with eye contact and eye direction: While walking towards any location, stare directly at the path you are going to take. People will move out of your way because they see that you have a purpose and a clear mode of direction. It's like parting the Red Sea. I use this daily for work and it helps wonders especially in crowded areas as most people are looking around, down on their phones, or otherwise not sure where to go.
i do this too!! like a lot, even when i’m just walking on the streets and yk streets here in the philippines are very crowded most of the times and people would avoid my direction when they see me walking straight ahead with my head up high and my eyes to the front, mind you, i’m a woman and only 4’11 (yes i’m small af) but it does work!! even middle aged guys here that usually catcalls women gets silent when i walk past them and let me tell you, it brings me so much confidence 😩✨ (sorry if i have grammar mistakes, english is not my first language)
I am still in school and I don't use this in order to look more outgoing and practice holding eye contact. But when I need to get somewhere now, I surely will employ this method
When someone gets really mad or angry at me, I calmly say: "I love people who show passion", it usually disarms them and gives me time to think about my next move.
Then how many smack you? Just curious cause that can come off as smug not confident. Be careful how you respond to someone angry. Sometimes your attempt to disarm can just piss them off more.
There’s this old saying where I’m from “I’d rather take a sore face than a red face” meaning you’d rather face the challenge of a fight that be embarrassed (red face) for walking away from the fight. When you grow up with that psychology, these tips seem ridiculous. There was also the fact that if you went home beat up your dad would tell you go back & finish it or slap you for getting a kicking. Characters like Tommy Shelby, Alfie Solomons are products of their environments, not to mention they’re fuckin actors. In an actual argument, no one ever lets anyone get their point across. There’s no cue just ppl getting louder & cheekier till someone throws a punch. It’s not something you can adapt to ppl, you learn it cos it’s your real life.
@bodosam7798 It's scary how much people take things out of context to prove a point. makes things so conveluted, to an extent that the original point is lost. Good examples of this are the LGBTQ community, religious finatics, the telephone game, and the comment above.
One important thing to know here. In other videos handling more physical confrontations. If the person you are talking to is breaking conversation and eye contact and moves their eyes down to one side (noticed right side is more common) it is a good chance they will chose to attack you. By disengaging and distancing themselves for the conversation they give away that they plan another approach to the ongoing conflict. This has saved me from getting punched in the mouth several times. Many spend time talking as they want to be heard but in a conflict I rather let my opponent talk and even ask questions as they won't think of attacking you when they're thinking of the next thing to say. There are of course exceptions but then it's most likely a planned attack to begin with so always be aware of your surroundings and keep distance.
Many years ago I took a job as an engineering area manager in the UK. My boss had this trait where he would do just this...go silent for several seconds rather than immediately respond. It earned him the nickname of "Antichrist" with the other area managers. It was extremely off putting in meetings & definitely works to get someone rattled!
If you have ever met SAS soldiers you will understand how this works. They are calm, never shout, are fully ready to deliver overwhelming force but do it very controlled.
This channel is my absolute go to for honing my charisma. The material is so extremely valuable and well put together. I was able to take something that was stressful before, like job interviews, and make it something I can genuinely feel comfortable about. This content was able to help me tease out a quality in myself that I now consider to be one of my greatest strengths. So, thank you! Keep up the good work!
'This channel is my absolute go to for honing my charisma.' - But the fact that you have to use a UA-cam video to develop 'charisma' shows you have none and never will. Anyone with genuine personality can always see through an adolescent who has tried to learn the tricks.
A few years ago back in NYC, I was droping off my ex at her place after a movie. As I headed home a guy pulled a gun on me and tried to rob me. I had only a 20$ on me and thought if he got pissed off I was dead. I reminded calm and collected, and started a dialog. Guy responded and we spent the next 20 or so minutes talking about how F---Ed up life had gotten. I remember these words clearly "I was going to rob you, but there's something different about you and it doesn't feel right". He started to walk away and I told him to hold up and gave him the $20. I of course called the cops right after. I got lucky but he still had weapon and was ready to commit a crime. I hope he decided to not do it anymore. Times are tough but we shouldn't be in a position to harm others just to live. Anywho, 580 comments I doubt this will even get looked at, but I was reminded of that day when he was calm and honest with a gun in his face. Feel like it might be harder to lie and convince someone with a gun on you when the person you are lying to can just end your life if they feel wronged.
Why would you give him the $20 THEN call the cops on him? Until he had the $20 your version of events was hearsay at best but with him in possession of your $20 your story has a little more credibility meaning you essentially set him up.
@@Random-sk6hmI was kinda thinking that! Why give him a score then grass him in anyway. Your twenty quid would’ve ended up in evidence. I wouldn’t even pick him up in a line up then get the bastard when he left the cop shop..…without his gun lol
Every time I watch one of these, I find that I already do these things. Just live and adapt people, these results are just a natural result of learning through conflicts.
That long bit about confidence... one thing that was pointed to, but never once mentioned is called integrity. Standing behind the right thing whether you've enabled it or not, yeah, integrity. It's an extremely important factor in life that has been gasping for breath and nearing death quicker and quicker by the day. I'm not surprised, considering the state of humanity, that it wasn't named.
Repetition is the finest teacher. By 'acting as if' you have confidence, you gradually become more confident. Find role models you respect and study them. Then adopt some traits you see working, but always remain yourself.Truth is, most confident people I ever met were faking it until they made it, because confidence comes and goes.It's not a sin to improve yourself, but it could be to settle for less than you deserve? Best advice is to cheerfully make mistakes until you make yourself a success. At one time, as a known top Salesman, I actually gave Seminars on my mistakes in Sales, which i couldn't have if i was perfect. That way, other people learned from my mistakes and paid me for making them. Nobody is what's on the tin, inside they are all just like you, human, and they all have confidence crises. And i do mean all, and don't you forget it...
Tom Hardy is so entertaining to watch on screen. Enjoy all the characters he portrays from Mad Max to Bane, Black Hawk Down, and my favorite of his; Taboo
My dad used to scream at me sometimes and expected an instant response because he knew I was just a scared little boy. Today when someone asks me a question, I pause and respond in my own time. Nobody tells me at what moment I should speak now.
#3 is the one that gets people tripping. When someone tries to take away from what you want to discuss and you take that bait or even consider it, they will subconsciously not respect what you say.
That was fun. Take it from me, these things do work in life or death situations. Those themselves build confidence to know you're ok however it plays out. Principles are dying out, as quickly as mutual respect; living by them gives everyone around confidence in you.
My older brother enjoyed accepting a bully's challenge with a few, well chosen words. My favorite was when he would get face to face, speak in a low voice, and reply "I can't stop you from trying but I'll break you of the habit."
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
I didn't realize that I already use the 3-4 second rule. And that I speak slowly at my own pace. I don't do this in intense conversation, I do this all the time. No wonder people take me way to seriously
Not saying I did everything right but I recently got in an argument with somebody over something that I perceived to be trivial applying this video to my actions in the situation I’m glad to know that I at least appeared confident well trying to communicate that I no longer wanted to waste my time on a friendship with them
When I’m in a conversation with people and someone butts in and the person I’m engaged with has turned to engage with the other person I walk away and I don’t engage with either of these people again until they engage and apologize. It drives them crazy, I simply wont be dismissed by either of them.
This guy makes u acknowledge any form of Insecurities that exists, makes it relate to u, with the fact that how u can tackle it. but before u know it completely, or are willing to know more of it now, he Sells his Program at that exact same point. ~Just appreciating the marketing efforts. ~
The mental dual between Alfie and Tommy at the desk was the greatest TV ive seen since Walt on Breaking Bad avoided getting killed by Mike in Breaking Bad the scene where Gail got murdered instead it was literally that tense.
Just here to share some things; knowledge cant be lost, time is gold, and let me share a quick motivational quote :) "I've never seen a strong man with an easy past" Thanks for your time and have a good one :)
I've been doing most of this gestures since I was young, like it was naturally in my personality, maybe this is the reason why I always been chosen to be a leader in a group, tbh I don't want to lead people or tell someone what to do and lastly I hate responsibility. but yes I can handle stressful situations where others go blank. I've been Team leader,Venue Head, supervisor, manager before I turned 27, but I still prefer more like a non-leading solitary role.
5:36 I remember when our boss had to mediate me and my collegue about having my collegue aren't recieved a set of copies of booklet for distribution to a certain number of stores. I am shocked that she had to spend a narrow time alloted to us instead of finding ways to cope up with the demand. She kept insisting that I should alloted her a sets of copies of that reason. At that time I am busy counting and binding booklets to be delivered to my own intended group of stores. I said in the mediation, I would alloted a sets of booklets to you first even if am left behind because you are assigned to those big stores BUT you aren't there at that time...so what should I do? I'll wait for her presence to come to our facility just give to what she want? And I said, No! I would rather give it to my assigned stores in order to get their copies. And my boss looked at me, and said you should appologize, in my mind "what the heck I am appologizing for?" In that moment I looked my boss her eyes evading her command. Then my boss concluded that I am a hard headed employee, then I felt puzzled by her utterance and left me speechless. To break the hiatus, I looked my phone then I said, excuse me I have a deliver to be taken with. Up until now my relationship to them revolves on work related and now I felt invinsible to them but that's ok for me at least.🙂
@King Apri - this! But also some people may have more sociopathic tendencies than others, and they will cope with all of it quite easy. In fact they will feel like fish in a water in some scenarios. Applicable to the office/corporate life too of course, and also on the other extreme, to some dangerous places in some cities around the world. Edit: grammar/spelling
Direct eye contact states you are willing to listen. People that eye pierce while you eye engage have something to hide or a different motive. Easy side thrust of the eyes is an easy way to disengage their thoughts and allow you to get a thought in. Thank you for your vids and keep them up, please.
How do you stay non attached, and centered when holding eye contact? I struggle with boundaries between self and others, and often in life feeling scattered and overstimulated.
nro 2 in building good internal self confidence: Keep in fit, feel you are in fit and learn self defence. Nro 1: Do something with your time which makes you appreciate your self.
I think Alfie likes & respects tommy just not as much as he likes & respects himself. but he always betrays him & Tommy knows there’s always a risk of that. Loved it when Alfie set Tommy straight “live by the sword…” he just understands their lifestyle & all the underhand shite that comes with it.
@@nulle.k Yeah, but I'm sure Young Vinny's comment that "Alfie...doesn't give af about Tommy" means that he doesn't care about Tommy's potential to harm him. So yes, there's respect, like you say, but that's not the point you are disagreeing to. And this ConC video shows that Alfie is one of the great gangster movie characters of all time, played by one of the great actors of the last 20 years. (Mad Max, Locke were his masterpieces.)
Thumbnail Shouts: ''THE THREE SECOND RULE'' - I was disappointed that it doesn't involve food. Seriously though, the point about breaking eye contact to the side versus down is excellent.
Obsessed about your channel guys thanks! Can you make a video about fluently speaking and staying on point when you are telling something. You never ramble and always on the right track when you are speaking it makes me think that you might be using a prompter actually 🙈 i know youtube videos are mostly scripted but i would appreciate any advise on this topic! In my videos i always use cuts in order to make the whole thing more fluent 😂 and also how to be “quick witted” could be a topic thanks in advance 🙏🏼Greetings from Turkiye 🙋🏻♀️
I have confidence when faced with real danger, I’ve had people hold guns to my head more than I care to say. On the other hand, I get extremely anxious in normal conversations.
While I hope to apply these lessons for personal reasons, they work great when it comes to customer service. Still, I to develop those skills in my profession over time. But when I have had to "go off" on a customer, I never raise my voice, and use pick apart the irate customer's counter-argument (if any). The moment profanity is used against me, that's when I know I "won". At that point, my typical response is to point out their crude-ness before telling them that they can call back when they behave themselves. Works every time.
1.Honest 2.Respect 3.Bouderies 4. Say the what you think even if it is not comfortable. 5. Show them you have the potentail of behave the same way other treat you if it requiresed.
Here's the problem...you have to BE this type of individual. In confrontations or other high stress situations, it's not as simple as "act like alfie" if you're not this kind of person naturally it won't work!
Exactly! There’s this old saying where I’m from “I’d rather take a sore face than a red face” meaning you’d rather face the challenge of a fight that be embarrassed (red face) for walking away from the fight. When you grow up with that psychology, these tips seem ridiculous. There was also the fact that if you went home beat up, your dad would tell you go back & finish it or slap you for getting a kicking. Characters like Tommy Shelby, Alfie Solomons are products of their environments. It’s not something you can adapt to ppl, you learn it cos it’s your real life.
@@basedWisco715 agreed! If you could just fake this attitude everyone would be an intimidating gangster. Christ knows what happens when they’d actually need to beat someone up or kill them cos they’ve disrespected your pseudo hard man reputation. It’s ridiculous
@@lyndsaycrawford i kn now its been a year, but this is absolutely the truth. If you grew up with a hard life, you have no choice but to be a stronger, harder person. You either are, or u arent.
Rule 1 I think can be truly tested against yourself when you are physically hurt. I’ve broken a bone and calmly explained what happened and what needed to be done next. It left people in disbelief.
Bit late to the party but, hey, all that matters is that I'm in the right spot! Came here for the Peaky Blinders connection but stayed for the impressively expert analysis and presentation. Oh, and I'm joining the channel for much the same reasons. Keep up the great work!
The thing is, anyone who is genuinely confident sees through these little learned tricks and despises the person using them even more. This is clearly something for adolescents.
You can thank the editor for the timing response. Those shots were shot at different times. Therefore it is the editor creating the psychological timing of the piece that you are viewing.
Knowing number 4 may have saved my marriage lol I always took the blame eventually in order to end the argument, and it seems I helped create a monster
My experience is that apologizing if I am wrong does deescalate and saves my integrity. The best tactic I have found for addressing when someone wrongs me is to have them swap roles with me and tell me how they would feel as the recipient while maintaining eye contact the entire time.
The only two questions you need to ask yourelf are " how far am I willing to go and how far is he willing to go." Sometimes it's best to walk away, or you might end up wearing a grass coat and a headstone for a hat. I'm speaking from real life experiences. Assess the situation and respect when it's smart to step down. You'll live longer.
yeh what we see in movies is make believe, not really the place to take serious life lessons. A quick way to get respect is to floor the other guy, in a 1:1. - not good, it's the only way some people understand. I think there's different "respect" for different situations, not all are violent intent.
Could you make videos on how to deal with or put limits/set boundaries on narcissistic, self-centered, egotistical, manipulative and toxic people, please? Great channel! All the best!
I’ve had people try to intimidate me with eye contact, only to hold it for too long as you said. They just looked ridiculous, especially in the cases when it wasn’t even a serious matter.
Rolling my eyes. No wonder it's harder every day to find good people, everyone and their 3 yr old sister is running an online store, pretending to be something there are not, or blaming anyone and everyone else for their poor choices.
Instead of speaking Arthur he turns to Tommy as says" Congregationalists Tommy, you now have the genuine article right here" .... he didn't insult Arthur but he also showed he wasn't intimidated. The writing on this show was next level.
Best thing is to get to the point where you could actually say that you’re ready to die: “Wouldn’t be my first choice, but if it’s time, I’m ok with it.” Which takes developing trust in your Creator and your place in the universe.
i have always found you can completely dis arm an opponent in a tense situation, by pointing at some random place and excitedly exclaim. Oh look at the squirel. they will b stunned and completely immobile . and you attack.
A great way to increase your self confidence is working out. There is something magical about how great you can feel with yourself when you see your body changing because of your own effort, it gave me a great boost of confidence.
I had a guy run into our house with a gun pointed at me, wanting the keys to my car to run from the police. I was the third door he tried that evening. I came out to the living room from the bedroom, because I heard the running steps in the house, and the door slammed shot. My fiancé and her daughter ran into another bedroom and called the cops. I calmly talked to him and with a very calm but assertive voice, talked him into running away out of the house. Didn't take long, just looked right at him in his eyes, and slowly walked towards him sideways. He took a look around, asked for help and keys, and I just told him to run as fast as he can. He did. Never showed any fear, because I didn't have any, but that's besides the point. The idea is, never let the other person think he or she has the upper hand and the power in the dynamics.
got to love how it's one of those websites that doesn't tell you anything about the program or price...just a bunch of people telling you how good it was until you sign up for somethingthe video Awesome by the way!
Hey guys can y'all please, please do a video on James Spader's character of Raymond “Red” Reddington from The Blacklist, i mean not only is he a total badass but he's also super smart and confident and doesn't care what others think of him at all, he would be great to do a video on i think.
Great idea. The thing I like about him is his ability to always have the conversation he wants to have. For example, he rarely answers a question from someone when it doesn't align with his goals for the meeting. Instead he briefly acknowledges it and then bridges to a more relevant point.
_ To COMMAND respect is the sign of a very ruthless person who cares very little for the welfare of another. Their importance is paramount. This leads to conflict. _ Tricks do not work when facing wisdom. _ Compassion/Love is the only true answer for all situations. _ Commanding respect is always the wrong approach. I say this from 75 years of experience. _ To give respect is always proper because everyone you meet is a manifestation of the same life that you are. By respecting others you are also respecting yourself. _ Analyzing scenes from a STORY to tell people how to behave is rather asinine. It is not actual life experience. _ To try to act a certain way does not reflect the actions of wisdom.
In my experience silently waiting that long to respond to people* will have unwanted side effects like make them walk away because they assume the discussion is over, just start talking again because they assume you have nothing you wish to say… *with certain settings or people you might have to do something during that wait to indicate you will be speaking momentarily. Or least the times when you’re about to reply to a statement (or in a 3+ person conversation), not a question.
Hey guys, we hope you liked today’s video! Who would like us to break down next? :-)
loving the channel!
you should make shorts, where videos are summaries of advice. UA-cam will eat it up
Norm Macdonald!!
Norm MAC donald!
Blake Griffin's good friend Nooorm!
Definitely Norm MacDonald
1. Be calm in situations where most people would show fear;
2. Hold eye contact during conflict;
3. Don’t let other people dictate where your attention goes; and
4. Be honest even when it goes against your best interest.
thank you
This was kinda pointless
@@owethunala2632 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Ryan Brunker thats.... literally what the original comment said
@@nulle.k in case someone misses the original comment obviously
“Attitude is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” Roy T. Bennett 🖖
Wisdom told me that I had to do something or the situation would become violent. So I broke his nose.
Noted sir.⭐
This is the one. Ignore the video, and look to things more like this quote.
@@Tim_Climie The video and the quote are very far from contradictory.
@@joshc5309 josh your pic shows me you far from a man you another weak minded boy
“I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
Ayn Rand
Great content. 1) when you pause it makes the other person feel you are thinking about their feelings or request, giving them some hope. Works in many situations. When you react immediately it makes a person feel as though you weren’t listening at all and that you were just waiting to say what you wanted to say.
That or you’re desperate. Of course it depending on the situation
Panicked
1. Be calm in situations where most people would show fear
2. Hold eye contact during conflict
3. Don't let other people dictate where your attention goes
4. Be honest even when it goes against your best interests
Basically, be Norm Macdonald on The View.
thank you my friend
Don't apologise just to avoid conflict.
O
I’m so very sorry!
The 3 second rule helps alot. I used to just pop off with my first verbal jab just to prove they didn’t want to argue with me. Over time, I realized I didnt want to win that way. Staying calm, pausing and saying what needs to be said, not what I want to say. Im the type of guy that doesn’t talk much, I’ll show interest in the convo, but not much banter. Then when i speak up, even to interrupt, my words hold more value with their unsaturated rarity. I commanded respect from top level professionals when I knew i was in the right. Dont be a victim, speak up, clearly.
"pop off with my first verbal jab just to prove they didn’t want to argue with me."
How old were these people you were 'proving' this to?
@@jaigi2 Yeah, that was clever. Took him 4 seconds to come up with it too. lol
You've got it all now mate.
No further need to convince us how impressive you think you are.
Carry on.
>Im the type of guy that doesn’t talk much, I’ll show interest in the convo, but not much banter. Then when i speak up, even to interrupt, my words hold more value
Not really. I've know a lot of men like you and when they finally speak people just say "who tf rattled his cage" then everyone laughs and the group moves one while mister shy and enlightened goes back to being ignored.
@@MontyBarrington You misunderstood my comment. I speak up a lot actually. I say what others wont. I just don’t need to use a lot of extra time repeating myself. Being the loudest person in the room doesn’t make you right. I’m the guy who asks why you wont stand up for yourself, not someone who just speaks up to whine.
Sounds like you need better friends.
As someone who has spent thirty years in public service jobs, I've had numerous opportunities to use such tactics. They definitely work. When dealing with rude, angry people it pays to be cautious with them. Remain calm and collected always.
A favorite of mine when dealing with angry customers is to talk calmly, slowly and the more they scream the lower i get my voice. If they interrupt I let them talk then go back to repeat the same sentence I was trying to say before from the beggining.
And if they talk too loud I make a face like I have a headache and tilt my head, close my eyes for 2 seconds then go back to my original point.
@@ChaosAngel667 😂
Well, if you were in government work, you probably deserved everything you got
Both Tommy and Alfie always command attention and respect when in any place but in completely different ways. Tommy is calm, calculating, and unreactive while Alfie is loud, unpredictable, and intimidating.
The one thing both share in common is intelligence.
ARFUR SHALOM
thats because tommy is a sigma alfie is an alpha
@@vincentloh3709 lol gtoh
@@nulle.k thats the simplest difference between them u fool
'The one thing both share in common is intelligence.' - And the fact that they are actors who have learned lines written by someone else.
Not dropping your eye contact when someone interrupts sounds like the most respectful and sweet thing ever.
People break eye contact and get distracted all the time in the middle of a conversation with me. Not much are more disrespectful than that. While it's on me to earn more respect too, it'd do them good to know these things.
Having to do with eye contact and eye direction: While walking towards any location, stare directly at the path you are going to take. People will move out of your way because they see that you have a purpose and a clear mode of direction. It's like parting the Red Sea.
I use this daily for work and it helps wonders especially in crowded areas as most people are looking around, down on their phones, or otherwise not sure where to go.
I worked in a tough area, until after 12 midnight, always walked with strong purpose, steely eyes. No one came near me!
Watch Clint Eastwood!
i do this too!! like a lot, even when i’m just walking on the streets and yk streets here in the philippines are very crowded most of the times and people would avoid my direction when they see me walking straight ahead with my head up high and my eyes to the front, mind you, i’m a woman and only 4’11 (yes i’m small af) but it does work!! even middle aged guys here that usually catcalls women gets silent when i walk past them and let me tell you, it brings me so much confidence 😩✨
(sorry if i have grammar mistakes, english is not my first language)
I am still in school and I don't use this in order to look more outgoing and practice holding eye contact. But when I need to get somewhere now, I surely will employ this method
Don't get mad when it doesn't always work.
@@billh.1940
"tell the truth and then you don't have to remember anything" is what I say to my friends about honesty
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” ― Mark Twain: Motivational Notebook, Journal, Diary
Yes in most situations you only have to tell the truth once but a lie will have to be repeated.
Need a good memory to be a good liar
When someone gets really mad or angry at me, I calmly say: "I love people who show passion", it usually disarms them and gives me time to think about my next move.
Then how many smack you? Just curious cause that can come off as smug not confident. Be careful how you respond to someone angry. Sometimes your attempt to disarm can just piss them off more.
@@yoshijb9428 or a broken jaw
@@macb124 exactly my point.
@@yoshijb9428 well yeah but him/her hitting is just wrong and shows even more weakness, and he would probably regret it later. So take the hit!
There’s this old saying where I’m from “I’d rather take a sore face than a red face” meaning you’d rather face the challenge of a fight that be embarrassed (red face) for walking away from the fight. When you grow up with that psychology, these tips seem ridiculous. There was also the fact that if you went home beat up your dad would tell you go back & finish it or slap you for getting a kicking. Characters like Tommy Shelby, Alfie Solomons are products of their environments, not to mention they’re fuckin actors. In an actual argument, no one ever lets anyone get their point across. There’s no cue just ppl getting louder & cheekier till someone throws a punch. It’s not something you can adapt to ppl, you learn it cos it’s your real life.
"Don't apologize just to avoid conflict." If you feel that you're often in this situation, it's time to drop those people anyway.
I believe you have missed the point. Solid advice, though.
@@PWigglman1492i think he got the point very well.
@bodosam7798 It's scary how much people take things out of context to prove a point. makes things so conveluted, to an extent that the original point is lost.
Good examples of this are the LGBTQ community, religious finatics, the telephone game, and the comment above.
After watching Charlie's video with Graham I begin to respect this channel more for not only focusing on monetary reasons
One important thing to know here. In other videos handling more physical confrontations.
If the person you are talking to is breaking conversation and eye contact and moves their eyes down to one side (noticed right side is more common) it is a good chance they will chose to attack you. By disengaging and distancing themselves for the conversation they give away that they plan another approach to the ongoing conflict. This has saved me from getting punched in the mouth several times.
Many spend time talking as they want to be heard but in a conflict I rather let my opponent talk and even ask questions as they won't think of attacking you when they're thinking of the next thing to say. There are of course exceptions but then it's most likely a planned attack to begin with so always be aware of your surroundings and keep distance.
Yeah...I hate holiday family gatherings too. They always go this way for some reason towards the end of my bottle of tequila.
A punch is often immediately proceeded by a quick glance in the direction the punch will come from.
Many years ago I took a job as an engineering area manager in the UK. My boss had this trait where he would do just this...go silent for several seconds rather than immediately respond. It earned him the nickname of "Antichrist" with the other area managers. It was extremely off putting in meetings & definitely works to get someone rattled!
I love Tom Hardy's acting. That "f**kin' ell look at that" when Arthur threatened him was hilarious and felt like such a real, raw, reaction.
If you have ever met SAS soldiers you will understand how this works. They are calm, never shout, are fully ready to deliver overwhelming force but do it very controlled.
This channel is my absolute go to for honing my charisma. The material is so extremely valuable and well put together. I was able to take something that was stressful before, like job interviews, and make it something I can genuinely feel comfortable about. This content was able to help me tease out a quality in myself that I now consider to be one of my greatest strengths. So, thank you! Keep up the good work!
'This channel is my absolute go to for honing my charisma.' - But the fact that you have to use a UA-cam video to develop 'charisma' shows you have none and never will. Anyone with genuine personality can always see through an adolescent who has tried to learn the tricks.
You cant 'learn' charisma hahahah
A few years ago back in NYC, I was droping off my ex at her place after a movie. As I headed home a guy pulled a gun on me and tried to rob me. I had only a 20$ on me and thought if he got pissed off I was dead. I reminded calm and collected, and started a dialog. Guy responded and we spent the next 20 or so minutes talking about how F---Ed up life had gotten.
I remember these words clearly "I was going to rob you, but there's something different about you and it doesn't feel right". He started to walk away and I told him to hold up and gave him the $20.
I of course called the cops right after. I got lucky but he still had weapon and was ready to commit a crime. I hope he decided to not do it anymore. Times are tough but we shouldn't be in a position to harm others just to live.
Anywho, 580 comments I doubt this will even get looked at, but I was reminded of that day when he was calm and honest with a gun in his face. Feel like it might be harder to lie and convince someone with a gun on you when the person you are lying to can just end your life if they feel wronged.
That's a great story brother
Well done
You fricking chad lol
Excellently played if true.
If not Excellent story.
Why would you give him the $20 THEN call the cops on him? Until he had the $20 your version of events was hearsay at best but with him in possession of your $20 your story has a little more credibility meaning you essentially set him up.
@@Random-sk6hmI was kinda thinking that! Why give him a score then grass him in anyway. Your twenty quid would’ve ended up in evidence. I wouldn’t even pick him up in a line up then get the bastard when he left the cop shop..…without his gun lol
Can you please do a video on the late great Norm Macdonald!!
Yes
Yes!!!
Norm had transcending confidence.
That's a great idea and a video I'd definitely watch
Normy normy normy!
hockey, Normie!
Every time I watch one of these, I find that I already do these things. Just live and adapt people, these results are just a natural result of learning through conflicts.
That long bit about confidence... one thing that was pointed to, but never once mentioned is called integrity. Standing behind the right thing whether you've enabled it or not, yeah, integrity. It's an extremely important factor in life that has been gasping for breath and nearing death quicker and quicker by the day. I'm not surprised, considering the state of humanity, that it wasn't named.
Repetition is the finest teacher. By 'acting as if' you have confidence, you gradually become more confident. Find role models you respect and study them. Then adopt some traits you see working, but always remain yourself.Truth is, most confident people I ever met were faking it until they made it, because confidence comes and goes.It's not a sin to improve yourself, but it could be to settle for less than you deserve? Best advice is to cheerfully make mistakes until you make yourself a success. At one time, as a known top Salesman, I actually gave Seminars on my mistakes in Sales, which i couldn't have if i was perfect. That way, other people learned from my mistakes and paid me for making them. Nobody is what's on the tin, inside they are all just like you, human, and they all have confidence crises. And i do mean all, and don't you forget it...
Tom Hardy is so entertaining to watch on screen. Enjoy all the characters he portrays from Mad Max to Bane, Black Hawk Down, and my favorite of his; Taboo
My dad used to scream at me sometimes and expected an instant response because he knew I was just a scared little boy. Today when someone asks me a question, I pause and respond in my own time. Nobody tells me at what moment I should speak now.
#3 is the one that gets people tripping. When someone tries to take away from what you want to discuss and you take that bait or even consider it, they will subconsciously not respect what you say.
Any peaky blinders videos will always teach us much more in life than any other Movies 🍿🧠👁
That was fun. Take it from me, these things do work in life or death situations. Those themselves build confidence to know you're ok however it plays out. Principles are dying out, as quickly as mutual respect; living by them gives everyone around confidence in you.
My older brother enjoyed accepting a bully's challenge with a few, well chosen words. My favorite was when he would get face to face, speak in a low voice, and reply "I can't stop you from trying but I'll break you of the habit."
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
Thanks friend.
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
“The only thing we can take for granted is the present”
Marcus Aurelius
Meditations
I didn't realize that I already use the 3-4 second rule. And that I speak slowly at my own pace. I don't do this in intense conversation, I do this all the time. No wonder people take me way to seriously
Not saying I did everything right but I recently got in an argument with somebody over something that I perceived to be trivial applying this video to my actions in the situation I’m glad to know that I at least appeared confident well trying to communicate that I no longer wanted to waste my time on a friendship with them
Forget that person 1v1 them
Always speak your truth. The other person's response to your truth will not change your truth
Being unwaveringly honest has more upside than just letting you have some upper hand in a conflict or some charisma in social situations.
When I’m in a conversation with people and someone butts in and the person I’m engaged with has turned to engage with the other person
I walk away and I don’t engage with either of these people again until they engage and apologize. It drives them crazy, I simply wont be dismissed by either of them.
Just always show respect but when someone is arrogant to you, show him your calmness.
This guy makes u acknowledge any form of Insecurities that exists, makes it relate to u, with the fact that how u can tackle it. but before u know it completely, or are willing to know more of it now, he Sells his Program at that exact same point.
~Just appreciating the marketing efforts. ~
the value and direct your attention one is a very good one. ive seen it and used it first hand and its amazing
Remember: women want
The authority of men
The benefits of being a woman
AND
the accountability of children
The mental dual between Alfie and Tommy at the desk was the greatest TV ive seen since Walt on Breaking Bad avoided getting killed by Mike in Breaking Bad the scene where Gail got murdered instead it was literally that tense.
Just here to share some things; knowledge cant be lost, time is gold, and let me share a quick motivational quote :) "I've never seen a strong man with an easy past"
Thanks for your time and have a good one :)
Knowledge is lost all the time at school. But good quote
@@zakosist yeah the quote is really good
Cool one! Thanks
One to remember when the world spins out of control and you're scared and you don't know which way to go - 'Take the centre.'
Hard times make hard men. Hard men maje good times. Good times make soft men. Soft men make hard times.
When managing emotional response during conflict, there's a fine line between poise and restraint...and Psychopathy. I agree with the rest.
I've been doing most of this gestures since I was young, like it was naturally in my personality, maybe this is the reason why I always been chosen to be a leader in a group, tbh I don't want to lead people or tell someone what to do and lastly I hate responsibility.
but yes I can handle stressful situations where others go blank.
I've been Team leader,Venue Head, supervisor, manager before I turned 27, but I still prefer more like a non-leading solitary role.
im the opposite, i dont follow anyone nor want anyone to follow me, i do my own thing.
stop dreaming and wake up.
@@aneeshdev1300 yeah thank you i woke up and i quit my job it's too stressful handling people for me not worth It.
Sound little like people on reality show. S “ when I walk I the room I’m the alpha. Don’t want To be but my mom noticed that also.
Lessons learned through blood are not soon forgotten
5:36 I remember when our boss had to mediate me and my collegue about having my collegue aren't recieved a set of copies of booklet for distribution to a certain number of stores. I am shocked that she had to spend a narrow time alloted to us instead of finding ways to cope up with the demand. She kept insisting that I should alloted her a sets of copies of that reason. At that time I am busy counting and binding booklets to be delivered to my own intended group of stores. I said in the mediation, I would alloted a sets of booklets to you first even if am left behind because you are assigned to those big stores BUT you aren't there at that time...so what should I do? I'll wait for her presence to come to our facility just give to what she want? And I said, No! I would rather give it to my assigned stores in order to get their copies. And my boss looked at me, and said you should appologize, in my mind "what the heck I am appologizing for?" In that moment I looked my boss her eyes evading her command. Then my boss concluded that I am a hard headed employee, then I felt puzzled by her utterance and left me speechless. To break the hiatus, I looked my phone then I said, excuse me I have a deliver to be taken with. Up until now my relationship to them revolves on work related and now I felt invinsible to them but that's ok for me at least.🙂
I've learned all of these through Psychology years ago! I can tell you this is absolutely true!!!
I came to tell you there is no "tricks" you have to work on your self by putting yourself in challenging situations and build experience.
@King Apri - this!
But also some people may have more sociopathic tendencies than others, and they will cope with all of it quite easy. In fact they will feel like fish in a water in some scenarios.
Applicable to the office/corporate life too of course, and also on the other extreme, to some dangerous places in some cities around the world.
Edit: grammar/spelling
Direct eye contact states you are willing to listen. People that eye pierce while you eye engage have something to hide or a different motive. Easy side thrust of the eyes is an easy way to disengage their thoughts and allow you to get a thought in. Thank you for your vids and keep them up, please.
How do you stay non attached, and centered when holding eye contact? I struggle with boundaries between self and others, and often in life feeling scattered and overstimulated.
Thanks for sharing and adding value to my day.
wtf u mean "value"? xDD wats dat mean?!!
nro 2 in building good internal self confidence: Keep in fit, feel you are in fit and learn self defence. Nro 1: Do something with your time which makes you appreciate your self.
Respect is created through long term credibility.
You hit the nail on the head, no need for psychological tricks that are themselves masking deficiencies and are almost impossible to pull off
Two beta males coping. It's a hard life.
@@TheSultan1470 You are not a beta?
@@TheSultan1470
And I guess you're just perusing self-help videos for research purposes..?
@PeteFromSalesDepartment Sure, why not. I like perusing.
wow, sounds about right. I never knew why I did these things. thank you.
Alfie Solomons is the only character in the Peaky Blinders that doesn't give af about Tommy
I would disagree. The two has a very big respect between them. Tommy, at least in my eyes, respects Alfie more than any other character in the show.
@@nulle.k yup just like a sigma respects other sigma
You saw luca changaretta???
I think Alfie likes & respects tommy just not as much as he likes & respects himself. but he always betrays him & Tommy knows there’s always a risk of that. Loved it when Alfie set Tommy straight “live by the sword…” he just understands their lifestyle & all the underhand shite that comes with it.
@@nulle.k Yeah, but I'm sure Young Vinny's comment that "Alfie...doesn't give af about Tommy" means that he doesn't care about Tommy's potential to harm him.
So yes, there's respect, like you say, but that's not the point you are disagreeing to.
And this ConC video shows that Alfie is one of the great gangster movie characters of all time, played by one of the great actors of the last 20 years. (Mad Max, Locke were his masterpieces.)
Thumbnail Shouts: ''THE THREE SECOND RULE'' - I was disappointed that it doesn't involve food.
Seriously though, the point about breaking eye contact to the side versus down is excellent.
Obsessed about your channel guys thanks! Can you make a video about fluently speaking and staying on point when you are telling something. You never ramble and always on the right track when you are speaking it makes me think that you might be using a prompter actually 🙈 i know youtube videos are mostly scripted but i would appreciate any advise on this topic! In my videos i always use cuts in order to make the whole thing more fluent 😂 and also how to be “quick witted” could be a topic thanks in advance 🙏🏼Greetings from Turkiye 🙋🏻♀️
Just stay calm when fear runs rampantly through your whole body. Yep, great tip.
I have confidence when faced with real danger, I’ve had people hold guns to my head more than I care to say. On the other hand, I get extremely anxious in normal conversations.
Cant believe I watched this for 6 minutes before realising I was watching an ad... Great job!
While I hope to apply these lessons for personal reasons, they work great when it comes to customer service. Still, I to develop those skills in my profession over time. But when I have had to "go off" on a customer, I never raise my voice, and use pick apart the irate customer's counter-argument (if any). The moment profanity is used against me, that's when I know I "won". At that point, my typical response is to point out their crude-ness before telling them that they can call back when they behave themselves. Works every time.
1.Honest
2.Respect
3.Bouderies
4. Say the what you think even if it is not comfortable.
5. Show them you have the potentail of behave the same way other treat you if it requiresed.
Being a bit mental also helps when applying these tips.
Incredible amount of value in Peaky Blinders!
Please make such a video on Raymond Reddington (The Blacklist).
Some great content and ideas. Also, how you use your voice to attract and engage is also key.
Here's the problem...you have to BE this type of individual. In confrontations or other high stress situations, it's not as simple as "act like alfie" if you're not this kind of person naturally it won't work!
Yup. Some have it, most don’t
The only way you find out is by being in high stress situations
Exactly! There’s this old saying where I’m from “I’d rather take a sore face than a red face” meaning you’d rather face the challenge of a fight that be embarrassed (red face) for walking away from the fight. When you grow up with that psychology, these tips seem ridiculous. There was also the fact that if you went home beat up, your dad would tell you go back & finish it or slap you for getting a kicking. Characters like Tommy Shelby, Alfie Solomons are products of their environments. It’s not something you can adapt to ppl, you learn it cos it’s your real life.
@@basedWisco715 agreed! If you could just fake this attitude everyone would be an intimidating gangster. Christ knows what happens when they’d actually need to beat someone up or kill them cos they’ve disrespected your pseudo hard man reputation. It’s ridiculous
Or be the absolute best salesmen in the world. Proven.
@@lyndsaycrawford i kn now its been a year, but this is absolutely the truth. If you grew up with a hard life, you have no choice but to be a stronger, harder person. You either are, or u arent.
Rule 1 I think can be truly tested against yourself when you are physically hurt. I’ve broken a bone and calmly explained what happened and what needed to be done next. It left people in disbelief.
Bit late to the party but, hey, all that matters is that I'm in the right spot! Came here for the Peaky Blinders connection but stayed for the impressively expert analysis and presentation.
Oh, and I'm joining the channel for much the same reasons. Keep up the great work!
Alfie is my favorite character of all times by far!
The thing is, anyone who is genuinely confident sees through these little learned tricks and despises the person using them even more. This is clearly something for adolescents.
The real thing is, anyone who is really confident doesn't need to denigrate the efforts of others to do and be better. Ever.
I looked at this looking to learn, which I did, but noticed that there were a few things I study and do now. Love it
Can you do a modern interpretation of Sunzi's The art of war? What lessons can we use for our everyday life/conflicts?
Who is Sunzi?
@@KoopMalverde philosopher and war strategist. His work is one of the most known in the world
@@黑猫警长-l2u *sun tsu
You can thank the editor for the timing response. Those shots were shot at different times. Therefore it is the editor creating the psychological timing of the piece that you are viewing.
Yep ... they film some of these scenes for hours with many takes...
Dunno if these would work in real life, but as tips for acting, they are spot on.
Knowing number 4 may have saved my marriage lol
I always took the blame eventually in order to end the argument, and it seems I helped create a monster
My experience is that apologizing if I am wrong does deescalate and saves my integrity. The best tactic I have found for addressing when someone wrongs me is to have them swap roles with me and tell me how they would feel as the recipient while maintaining eye contact the entire time.
Just stumbled across this page and I'm glad I did...
The only two questions you need to ask yourelf are " how far am I willing to go and how far is he willing to go." Sometimes it's best to walk away, or you might end up wearing a grass coat and a headstone for a hat.
I'm speaking from real life experiences.
Assess the situation and respect when it's smart to step down. You'll live longer.
yeh what we see in movies is make believe, not really the place to take serious life lessons. A quick way to get respect is to floor the other guy, in a 1:1. - not good, it's the only way some people understand. I think there's different "respect" for different situations, not all are violent intent.
Respect is earned. Courtesy is given. One cannot “make” someone respect them. Fear is not respect.
Could you make videos on how to deal with or put limits/set boundaries on narcissistic, self-centered, egotistical, manipulative and toxic people, please?
Great channel! All the best!
I’ve had people try to intimidate me with eye contact, only to hold it for too long as you said. They just looked ridiculous, especially in the cases when it wasn’t even a serious matter.
I want to be like Alfie in every way
I love Tom Hardy as an actor! Alfie is one helluva character too.
Rolling my eyes. No wonder it's harder every day to find good people, everyone and their 3 yr old sister is running an online store, pretending to be something there are not, or blaming anyone and everyone else for their poor choices.
Instead of speaking Arthur he turns to Tommy as says" Congregationalists Tommy, you now have the genuine article right here" .... he didn't insult Arthur but he also showed he wasn't intimidated.
The writing on this show was next level.
Best thing is to get to the point where you could actually say that you’re ready to die: “Wouldn’t be my first choice, but if it’s time, I’m ok with it.”
Which takes developing trust in your Creator and your place in the universe.
i have always found you can completely dis arm an opponent in a tense situation, by pointing at some random place and excitedly exclaim. Oh look at the squirel. they will b stunned and completely immobile . and you attack.
A great way to increase your self confidence is working out. There is something magical about how great you can feel with yourself when you see your body changing because of your own effort, it gave me a great boost of confidence.
I have been waiting for these videos on tommy😍😍
Norm Macdonald !!
I had a guy run into our house with a gun pointed at me, wanting the keys to my car to run from the police. I was the third door he tried that evening. I came out to the living room from the bedroom, because I heard the running steps in the house, and the door slammed shot. My fiancé and her daughter ran into another bedroom and called the cops. I calmly talked to him and with a very calm but assertive voice, talked him into running away out of the house. Didn't take long, just looked right at him in his eyes, and slowly walked towards him sideways. He took a look around, asked for help and keys, and I just told him to run as fast as he can. He did. Never showed any fear, because I didn't have any, but that's besides the point. The idea is, never let the other person think he or she has the upper hand and the power in the dynamics.
Tom Hardy was brilliant as Alfie
got to love how it's one of those websites that doesn't tell you anything about the program or price...just a bunch of people telling you how good it was until you sign up for somethingthe video Awesome by the way!
So if I’m reading between the lines correctly, you want us to act Like Alfie in every way ...
This is the most useful life channel
Be yourself- ultimate charisma hack 🤷🏻♂️ takes balls to be yourself tho
I had to watch this. Can't wait to Monday
Hey guys can y'all please, please do a video on James Spader's character of Raymond “Red” Reddington from The Blacklist, i mean not only is he a total badass but he's also super smart and confident and doesn't care what others think of him at all, he would be great to do a video on i think.
That’s a good one
@@georgemuhoro Thanks 😉
Great idea. The thing I like about him is his ability to always have the conversation he wants to have. For example, he rarely answers a question from someone when it doesn't align with his goals for the meeting. Instead he briefly acknowledges it and then bridges to a more relevant point.
This is some of the best advice I've seen on UA-cam
_ To COMMAND respect is the sign of a very ruthless person who cares very little for the welfare of another. Their importance is paramount. This leads to conflict.
_ Tricks do not work when facing wisdom.
_ Compassion/Love is the only true answer for all situations.
_ Commanding respect is always the wrong approach. I say this from 75 years of experience.
_ To give respect is always proper because everyone you meet is a manifestation of the same life that you are. By respecting others you are also respecting yourself.
_ Analyzing scenes from a STORY to tell people how to behave is rather asinine. It is not actual life experience.
_ To try to act a certain way does not reflect the actions of wisdom.
I just find these tactics culled from a movie to be misleading. I agree, commanding respect pales before having and showing it.
In my experience silently waiting that long to respond to people* will have unwanted side effects like make them walk away because they assume the discussion is over, just start talking again because they assume you have nothing you wish to say…
*with certain settings or people you might have to do something during that wait to indicate you will be speaking momentarily. Or least the times when you’re about to reply to a statement (or in a 3+ person conversation), not a question.