Tbh I don’t tolerate anyone’s excuses why they are toxic. I was abused mentally and physically by both my parents and never in my life have I tried to put that bad energy onto someone else. In contrary I have deep empathy and try to make everyone feel safe to be themselves. I have had so many friends who were not happy for my achievements and bullied me subtly back to the little anxious girl I was. Fuck that, cut em out and I’ll never tolerate it again.
agree with tina's comments above. though fortunate to have a solid relationship with my parents as a foundation, i fell prey to toxic relationships later in life (first marriage, narcissists in the workplace ..) and cutting them out if it's truly toxic is the way to go, creating space for one's health and avoid further damaging patterns. working to identify toxic patterns before further investment in a given relationship is where i hope to grow from here. mara, thanks as always for your honest, personal and quality content. it shines amongst your contemporaries, even when your appreciation of budweiser and def leppard does not ♂️
My old “friends” would gaslight me. Once they said I could come to their city and stay over. I checked multiple times to ask if it was still okay or if I needed an Airbnb and they said no. Then on the day, they ghosted me. I arrived with my bags and had nowhere to stay. I arrived at lunchtime and I didn’t get a response til hours and hours later. I was told I was being a diva and that they were sorry that it was an inconvenience to me in a sassy way, as their day had been hectic. So because their day was busy, they left me with nowhere to go. I was heartbroken and just cut them out. I had no choice at that point. They made me feel like I did something wrong.
Thank you for sharing. I can never make friends of my own age and it's disheartening when they keep backing away and all I'm doing is asking them questions and being kind and polite. So it makes me think what if it's me. I don't know if this happens to anyone else or something similar.
I had the problem with finding good friendships too. For the most part, I always kept having such horrible friendships with different people. I sat down to do some self reflection and the 3 key reasons were: 1) I allowed people to be negative towards me. I didn’t stick up for myself. 2) The relationship I have with my mother mirrors the relationships I tend to have with others. I was attracting similar people like my mom. 3) I tend to be very desperate in the sense that I felt like I wouldn’t have any other friend than them and felt grateful for having a friend than no friends despite them being negative and making me feel bad about myself.
Hi Mara, I just got out of six year toxic friendship and still trying to navigate my way through these treacherous poisonous waters. Finally last year the penny dropped and I realised this person was a narcissist. And what was worse, she was a malignant narcissist, the dangerous kind. Thankfully there was so much support and information online from trained therapists and psychologists. I instantly put up my barriers, ‘grey walled’ her with little or no personal information about myself (so she couldn’t use it to hurt or belittle me) and followed the experts and your advice and I’m trying to maintain low and preferably no contact. But this friendship and abuse has been emotional minefield and exhausting but thankfully I have learnt the tools to reclaim my self respect and self esteem. Like you mentioned in the video, these people are parasitic and without wanting to sound too dramatic, only one of us was going to survive and thrive after this relationship, so I chose me. When you go through something like this you think you’re the only one, but listening to your story and how much it coincided with my experiences, it really felt like you were narrating my life! You really gave some exceptional advice, and I hope more people find this video to help them too. So a big thank you! Honor x
Wow. Thank you so much for this. I've been really struggling with a toxic group of friends. Sometimes they punish me. They make fun of me and my body. They tell me that I'm "antisocial" and that's why I don't have other friends. They tell me that I'm incapable of getting a boyfriend. They make fun of my personality. They mock the way I talk. If I try to open up they judge me and shut me down. They either ignore me completely of interrupt. They never support me and my accomplishments the way I support them. They tell me I'm dumb and pretend it's a joke. They tell other people that I get bad grades even though I don't. They shut down every dream I open up to them about, saying that I can't do it. They make me feel small and worthless. But that isn't all the time. Sometimes they're so sweet. We can have so many fun adventures together. They'll sometimes shower me in hugs and compliments. It's those times that make it easy for me to pretend everything is fine. It's those times that make it feel impossible to leave. Even my therapist has been telling me for the past year that I need friends who care about me and my feelings. So I'm making it my new years resolution to branch out and make new friends so that I can find a group of people who will lift me up instead of tearing me down. Thank you for this inspiration
Same boat. The other day I had a mental breakdown thinking about all the mean stuff they did to me. My advice is say something back to those people. If they are not afraid to hurt your feelings, don't be afraid to hurt their feelings.
I understand you completely. My friends usually were toxic people, and I know that getting out of the cycle is difficult. It takes a lot of courage to identify a toxic relationship. Thanks Mara for sharing your story.
Mara, thank you! ♡ unfortunately, I've had a toxic friendship experience in school. it was sooo difficult and sad. but this is my experience and now I know what kind of friendship should not be. thank you from Russia ♡
At 23 I realized that one of my “friends” was so mean with me. He was my “friend” for almost 6 years. 3 years ago he made me feel insecure about my body. He used to said that I was fat (in that time my weight was 57kg with 5ft 4″) my hair was ugly, my clothes were horrible and that I was an idiot. When I cried for those things, he said “no, it was a joke. You’re not fat or ugly, you’re beatiful and you deserve the best in the world”. He was a manipulator all the time, until one day I got sick of him and never talk to him again. I am not going to lie it was hard at first because I was in love of him and I also thought he was my best friend but I was wrong, he is a sh*t person. Right now I feel more happy and with more confident.
I think it really shows a person's true colors and character is they manipulate you or they tear you down to make themselves feel better. I am glad I cut off ties of the toxic friend but now she's the one who is even more upset than I am and see's nothing wrong with what she did. I also live in her building at college and we have two class together, super freaking awkward.
I found this video like a mirror from my own life. I'm really sorry that all what you said comes from a personal experience. But i'm glad that you are in a position where you can talk about it and help others. I send you a big hug. I think we both need one today. :)
Loved it♥️ actually back in school I had a similar situation (the group silent treatment ordered by the leader “my best friend “) I just decided (at 11 years old) to change classes in the middle of the school year from afternoon to morning and I met so many cool people there that welcomed me (I play the guitar and I remember that’s exactly what they needed at the time) we played in a school festival including infront of the former bunch... de decades have past and today with social media (I live in a different country) we are connected; when I met this person again after decades she gave me such a strong hug almost breaking my bones and I read “I’m sorry “... the essence of people don’t change but some with time do their best to be their best version. What is important I guess is that WE DO NOT NEED TO PUT OTHERS DOWN to show we are good... love to you ♥️
I bet you had major jealousy in friendships, I experienced that too. If you're smart and blessed and beautiful even going through hardships you have to be careful when you are a good friend but sadly they are jealous and it becomes very cruel and it's heartbreaking. Don't change your kind smart beautiful being. There are some nice friends to find, rare as they are. 🖖
Thank you so much for this, and I’m so sorry you went through such terrible friendships 🤍 I went through so many awful friendships growing up where they would call me pathetic, worthless, and “joke” about being in a “I Hate Zoë Club.” Those are just a few of many occurrences where I felt like the loser friend, and like I could never truly open up to anyone because I was constantly teased an ridiculed. As I’m growing older, I’m slowly finding healthy friendships that bring out so much happiness and joy that make up for the terrible friends I had as a child/teen. I really appreciate you opening up here, having good friendships is so important!
Thank you, Mara, I am a person who attracts toxic friends.. I have a friend that's still in my life. I'm not sure if we're friends or not, and we would both stop talking to each other for a few months and then come back. I remember feeling drained sometimes, and feeling like I am being used as well as just someone to just listen and accompany her. Sometimes she would also make me feel bad about my physical appearance and always telling me her happy things. Maybe she doesn't realise, but I held on and still am holding on because I don't have many friends. I've tried to confront her but it always ends up with us not talking to each other for a bit after that. It is hard because of quarantine but this video is helping me see more clearly so I want to say thank you.
Oh do you know about the Saturn Return around 28? Oh my, it can start around that time, I was a little younger when it began, it's for romantic relationships. I had a book on it. It's a 7 year cycle too. It's so hard, we can attract our father toxic (if we have issues, i do) it's hard, I wanted it to work, but it was a gift from God that it didn't. 💌
The way you spoke to this topic was so informed due to your own personal experiences. Thank you for shining a light for those of us who sometimes feel like we’re often stumbling through the dark.🌟
Question- how did you get yourself to eventually open up to friendships again? Also, thank you for talking about this topic! So many people talk about ‘toxic romantic relationships’ but never about friendships, which are so, so common. Love your rings!!
Totally agree with you about toxic relationships I was at least twice in such friendships But that experience let me learn something about people and myself That's very important to realise that it's your fault and anyone's fault. You just let it go and keep living and the most important part is never give up on loving yourself. Because most of people forget about self love and that's making them unhappy. Thank you for your video!
Here in 2024 again, and i realised that i was in a toxic relationship with a friend in my internship, and the person did the exactly actions that you've described. This person made my life a hell for almost a year and made me felted guilty for everything that happened and took money of me everytime that we fighted after the love booming.
I had this exact friendship I am like you a people pleaser and I had a friend who had to be better than me all the time and in general. We are not friends now and we were friends from the age of 7. It has been hard to stop talking to her but I feel a lot better now and I am 30.
Want to ask Mara specifically or anyone who has dealt with receiving toxicity from problematic friends: Reflect on your former friendships you’ve had, and ask yourself if there were any friendships you’ve been in that you (a person who typically receive toxicity from the friend) actually BECAME the toxic friend to the other person. I realized that a friendship I was once in didn’t last as I thought it would have and was so confused as to why. I even tried asking the person if I didn’t anything wrong but never gave me full response. It occurred to me that when I was friends with that person, I had previously gotten out of a friendship with a very toxic friend and being in a relationship like that where I felt so powerless and awful about myself, I wanted to be “in charge” of the situation and ended up being toxic to a person that could’ve been a best friend.
It absolutely happened to me too ! But even more so in romantic relationships, and exactly as you stated; I unconsciously tried to regain to control that I had once lost. It took years of self work to realise this !
Every single thing you said about toxicity, and the different types of it, resonates with the relationships I share with the different members of my family. I feel like I'm stuck in an eternal Catch 22.
my 13-years-best friends and I are fighting every year, and she feels like this such a toxic traits cause we need to fight every. year. and now she just want to stop befriend us cause of that. but I can assure you, we fight about normal stuff and she just labelled this as toxic when it’s really not...? now she made us think that we are being toxic to each other and now I’m hating the word “toxic” like how toxic is the word toxic is??!! thanks for reading my rant 😂😂
This hit home. I ruined a friendship because I was insecure and I tried to repair it by admitting my faults and sincerely apologizing. Now I get the silent treatment. It really sucks when people have been traumatized by their pasts and they are unconsciously projecting because of deep seeded fear. 💔
First of all, you are soo sweet and beautiful.. Unfortunately, since school although I had good friends my 'besties' were the worst, jealous of everything.. Sometimes they would even hit me.. Growing up, I am 32 now, I have as complain that for example I am good friends with a girl and then another one comes we hang out together but after a while they make fun of me, they speak to me very rude so as a result I cut ties and then I learn that these two don't hang out anymore.. Really I can't get it.. It happens very often.. ♥️♥️💕Kisses, thank you for the video!
really good and common sense approach. I'm actually kind of shocked that you are so open and honest about some situations in your life, the shock is mostly that you were in these situations.
I relate to all of this sadly. Cut toxic people off and find people who appreciate your true self! I hope it gets better for you guys! Also Mara you have the most beautiful accent :)
This was so helpful, you put your thoughts into words so well! I related alot when you said there was a group of girls with one leader that you felt you had to cling on to, but when moving away from that you find another toxic friend😅 Like u say setting boundarys is absolute key🥰
Omg Mara, thank you so much for sharing this video with us. I love you so much❤️❤️ and this is very well said and I relate so much to it😭😭 I've been dealing with toxic relationships with 2 of my "friends" recently. It didn't happen in a day or two. During these few months they started to text me back coldly. I felt so strange cause we used to call each other best friends. And I felt distant from them day after day. They replied to me coldly, and slowly they did not reply at all. So to make sure of that, I asked a couple of our mutual friends do they text like that or im just thinking too much? But turns out, they text my friends affectionately. And I couldn't understand what did I do to deserve this. I kept thinking did I do anything wrong, and nothing seems to make sense to me, even my friends thought so. My friends advised me to talk to them too. Moreover, they act like angels to everyone else, why do I have to suffer from their ignorance? And so I finally have to courage to talk to them, one of them responded, one of them did not. I told to the one who responded about how I feel honestly and they just started to defend themselves, giving excuses, still blaming me, as if I'm not understanding and insensitive. Welp, until today, I still did not know the reason why did they do this to me. And finally, I choose to cut ties with them. I think they're slowly killing my self esteem and I used to be afraid of them too. I have amazing friends and family, and I realised I'm not alone, they will always love me, support me and will be proud of who I am. So to anyone reading this, you are strong enough and their opinions which aren't true should not affect your glow, you deserve to be happy and have a happy life with awesome people 😆🙆🏻♀️💖💖💖 sending love to Mara and everyone 🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️❣️❣️❣️
I am a toxic friend, the thing is I have so many Problems with my health, my schoolgrades, parents that I get constantly jealous of People. They just get what I want to have. Especially one girl, she is not naturally as good in Sports or as smart or Talented in arts as I am, but while I am depressed and Not able to Do anything she is getting better Grades, Abs etc. Due to Hard work. While I of course, am Not that Bad compared to others, I would be way better than her if I would Do anything and IT makes me so upset.
Thank you for your honesty ... no one is ever pure evil , the ones who suffer sometimes don’t know how to not let it out on others... you are already aware of all this and I think it is very positive for the future. Seek help if you can. Your self worth does not decline with somebody else’s success I promise, you’ve got plenty for yourself too , including that self awareness, I think it’s wonderful !! Xx
I just got out of a toxic friendship, it got so hard i had to block his cell phone number because he just kept texting me 4 in the morning twice and show no apologies.
Hey Mara, love your videos but all your advice makes me wanna get to know you a little better. Could you maybe film a Q&A and answer some questions about yourself; Questions like "where and how did you grow up", "how did you start modelling" ect... XXX Love from Germany
You really have a knack for telling your experiences, especially considering how traumatic some of it was. Your speaking voice is very unique, even soothing.
I though it was only me, who had toxic friendships, and who calls toxic people to her childhood friends. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and thought 💭 that I was so unlucky because I have one ☝🏼 CHILDHOOD friend left. But the fact is that quality over quantity 💚💙 Love my true friends
Such an amazing video. A lot mentioned here resonates with cognitive analytical therapy (CAT), pretty incredible that you intuitively and through experience have learnt what as a psychologist I try and share with clients. Brilliant :)
I didn't understand that why my parents were treating me different than healthy parent-child relationship. I used to observe my friends in school & ask questions about their parents' behaviour against them etc. Cuz I was feeling unsafe, anxious, nervous when I was with my parents. When I needed to talk to them about sth... Then I started to search it in scientific way and discovered they were "toxic". Don't remember how many articles I read about psychology but I when I started to set boundaries I felt like I've found the peace which was missing in my life. After my lateral transfer to medicine from dentistry, my "father" said thay he finally accepted my "success". He showed me the love that he has never shown for long years. Then I realized he didn't actually love me as his daughter; he loved "what I could be/ the idea of me being an MD". Nahh fuck it. I still keep the boundaries I've set and I will not even see his face after I get my financial independence/ graduation. 3 years left... PS: He's in military and bc we were moving frequently, I studied in different school during my childhood & this was another point where other toxic people came into my life. In some places, I had some normal friends around me whom supported me against toxic ones but in others, I was alone to deal with them... As long as I was with me nothing mattered. So to those reading this long story, be the first one with yourself bc if you don't support yourself, who else will be intended to do that?
Ce sujet est tellement important, surtout pour les adolescent(e)s, je suis sûre que beaucoup se reconnaîtront et que cette vidéo aidera ! Merci Mara, en espérant que tu fasses d'autres vidéos de ce type, la confiance en soi peut être ? Très bonnes fêtes à toi :)
I needed this. I have a friend that I bring around my other friends and all she does is make fun of me to make my other friends laugh 😭😢. This is not the first time. I am tired of it. Just don’t really know how to cut them out.... I have stopped hanging out with for couples of months and when we end up hanging she does the same shit again...
So i have a friend we’ve been friends since elementary were both guys and we’ve recently became bestfriends like 3years ago it we started off as a trio and I started feeling like i was basically bestfriend dumped but until my bestfriend stop feeling that person my bestfriend came back to me we got like super close and it was good I actually thought ive found a friend for life but all we ever talk-about was their problems and their feelings but when it came to mine i literally got a “thats tuff”until my bestfriend and I started doing long distance and was sent to a private school my bestfriend basically asked me after 2 weeks if they could have two bestfriends and i said no it upset me ill say that because it took years for me to get to where we are in this friendship but it only took yall 2 weeks so we started to talk on and off it got to the pount to where it was only me texting first and it took him 8 days to text me back not because they’re offline but because they’re to busy posting on the story that i can see 😂and then we i got that old “nobody understand me like you do “ conversation I literally laughed whilst on mute i was so turned off by that whole conversation but was willing to reconsider still being bestfriends it started feeling like i was just being replied to instead of texting and having fun i feel like im giving more into this friendship than him i tried explaining to him “get yourself together or your not going to be in my life “a whole paragraph i got a bitmoji in response i told him im done with snapchat because thats what we communicate off of i get a “ok we have messenger,iMessages,instagram” it was funny but it was very toxic at the same time its hard to let a friend go ill say that ,i know its pretty intimate for two guy best friends but we never felt like we need to be all hard and stuff just love ,what should i do?
Heyyy, loved your video, I feel that I have experienced that in my life, do you think that in a toxic relationship everybody is toxic because we all need to protect ourselves?💕💕
OMG il fallait que je commente cette vidéo (ce doit bien être la seconde fois de ma vie que j'en commente une). Si je te dis Nicolas à La Rochelle ça te parle ? (j'espère que oui parce que je ne pense pas me tromper sur la personne sinon j'ai l'air con mais qu'importe eheh). Ton sujet est très intéressant, touche beaucoup de monde à mon avis. Tu exposes très bien les différentes facettes qui font que ce genre de relations sont si difficiles à cerner lorsque tu les vis. J'apprends avec peine que tu en as fait les frais. Le bon côté de l'histoire c'est que tu as su t'en protéger. Je te souhaite de la réussite pour la suite et suis très heureux de te revoir au travers de cette vidéo après tant d'années. En espérant que tu me lises, La bise :)
@@mara.lafontan C'est bien ça :D Les inséparables à l'époque et voilà qu'en 2021 tu apparais dans mes recommandations (trop fort UA-cam) ! Je me devais de te faire un petit coucou ahah
Tbh I don’t tolerate anyone’s excuses why they are toxic. I was abused mentally and physically by both my parents and never in my life have I tried to put that bad energy onto someone else. In contrary I have deep empathy and try to make everyone feel safe to be themselves. I have had so many friends who were not happy for my achievements and bullied me subtly back to the little anxious girl I was. Fuck that, cut em out and I’ll never tolerate it again.
agree with tina's comments above. though fortunate to have a solid relationship with my parents as a foundation, i fell prey to toxic relationships later in life (first marriage, narcissists in the workplace ..) and cutting them out if it's truly toxic is the way to go, creating space for one's health and avoid further damaging patterns. working to identify toxic patterns before further investment in a given relationship is where i hope to grow from here.
mara, thanks as always for your honest, personal and quality content. it shines amongst your contemporaries, even when your appreciation of budweiser and def leppard does not ♂️
💯💯💯💯💯
Beautiful. Same!🔥🌷
My old “friends” would gaslight me. Once they said I could come to their city and stay over. I checked multiple times to ask if it was still okay or if I needed an Airbnb and they said no. Then on the day, they ghosted me. I arrived with my bags and had nowhere to stay. I arrived at lunchtime and I didn’t get a response til hours and hours later. I was told I was being a diva and that they were sorry that it was an inconvenience to me in a sassy way, as their day had been hectic. So because their day was busy, they left me with nowhere to go. I was heartbroken and just cut them out. I had no choice at that point. They made me feel like I did something wrong.
I only got rid of my toxic childhood friends at the age of 29!!
It's never late 🙂
Same I was 29 when I left my 21 year friendship
Looool better than never❤️
We need your Daily MakeUp Routine !
Thank you for sharing. I can never make friends of my own age and it's disheartening when they keep backing away and all I'm doing is asking them questions and being kind and polite. So it makes me think what if it's me. I don't know if this happens to anyone else or something similar.
I had the problem with finding good friendships too. For the most part, I always kept having such horrible friendships with different people. I sat down to do some self reflection and the 3 key reasons were:
1) I allowed people to be negative towards me. I didn’t stick up for myself.
2) The relationship I have with my mother mirrors the relationships I tend to have with others. I was attracting similar people like my mom.
3) I tend to be very desperate in the sense that I felt like I wouldn’t have any other friend than them and felt grateful for having a friend than no friends despite them being negative and making me feel bad about myself.
Same! Now I blocked my ex-best friend.
Hi Mara, I just got out of six year toxic friendship and still trying to navigate my way through these treacherous poisonous waters. Finally last year the penny dropped and I realised this person was a narcissist. And what was worse, she was a malignant narcissist, the dangerous kind. Thankfully there was so much support and information online from trained therapists and psychologists. I instantly put up my barriers, ‘grey walled’ her with little or no personal information about myself (so she couldn’t use it to hurt or belittle me) and followed the experts and your advice and I’m trying to maintain low and preferably no contact. But this friendship and abuse has been emotional minefield and exhausting but thankfully I have learnt the tools to reclaim my self respect and self esteem. Like you mentioned in the video, these people are parasitic and without wanting to sound too dramatic, only one of us was going to survive and thrive after this relationship, so I chose me. When you go through something like this you think you’re the only one, but listening to your story and how much it coincided with my experiences, it really felt like you were narrating my life! You really gave some exceptional advice, and I hope more people find this video to help them too. So a big thank you! Honor x
Wow. Thank you so much for this. I've been really struggling with a toxic group of friends. Sometimes they punish me. They make fun of me and my body. They tell me that I'm "antisocial" and that's why I don't have other friends. They tell me that I'm incapable of getting a boyfriend. They make fun of my personality. They mock the way I talk. If I try to open up they judge me and shut me down. They either ignore me completely of interrupt. They never support me and my accomplishments the way I support them. They tell me I'm dumb and pretend it's a joke. They tell other people that I get bad grades even though I don't. They shut down every dream I open up to them about, saying that I can't do it. They make me feel small and worthless. But that isn't all the time. Sometimes they're so sweet. We can have so many fun adventures together. They'll sometimes shower me in hugs and compliments. It's those times that make it easy for me to pretend everything is fine. It's those times that make it feel impossible to leave. Even my therapist has been telling me for the past year that I need friends who care about me and my feelings. So I'm making it my new years resolution to branch out and make new friends so that I can find a group of people who will lift me up instead of tearing me down. Thank you for this inspiration
Good luck with your new venture
@@voyageuse2011 thanks love, you too.
Same boat. The other day I had a mental breakdown thinking about all the mean stuff they did to me. My advice is say something back to those people. If they are not afraid to hurt your feelings, don't be afraid to hurt their feelings.
@@arielaava2102 Aww girl I'm so sorry that you're going through this too. Praying for ya! And thank you for the advice too
I understand you completely. My friends usually were toxic people, and I know that getting out of the cycle is difficult. It takes a lot of courage to identify a toxic relationship. Thanks Mara for sharing your story.
Mara, thank you!
♡ unfortunately, I've had a toxic friendship experience in school. it was sooo difficult and sad. but this is my experience and now I know what kind of friendship should not be. thank you from Russia ♡
At 23 I realized that one of my “friends” was so mean with me. He was my “friend” for almost 6 years. 3 years ago he made me feel insecure about my body. He used to said that I was fat (in that time my weight was 57kg with 5ft 4″) my hair was ugly, my clothes were horrible and that I was an idiot. When I cried for those things, he said “no, it was a joke. You’re not fat or ugly, you’re beatiful and you deserve the best in the world”. He was a manipulator all the time, until one day I got sick of him and never talk to him again. I am not going to lie it was hard at first because I was in love of him and I also thought he was my best friend but I was wrong, he is a sh*t person. Right now I feel more happy and with more confident.
I think it really shows a person's true colors and character is they manipulate you or they tear you down to make themselves feel better. I am glad I cut off ties of the toxic friend but now she's the one who is even more upset than I am and see's nothing wrong with what she did. I also live in her building at college and we have two class together, super freaking awkward.
I found this video like a mirror from my own life. I'm really sorry that all what you said comes from a personal experience. But i'm glad that you are in a position where you can talk about it and help others. I send you a big hug. I think we both need one today. :)
Loved it♥️ actually back in school I had a similar situation (the group silent treatment ordered by the leader “my best friend “) I just decided (at 11 years old) to change classes in the middle of the school year from afternoon to morning and I met so many cool people there that welcomed me (I play the guitar and I remember that’s exactly what they needed at the time) we played in a school festival including infront of the former bunch... de decades have past and today with social media (I live in a different country) we are connected; when I met this person again after decades she gave me such a strong hug almost breaking my bones and I read “I’m sorry “... the essence of people don’t change but some with time do their best to be their best version. What is important I guess is that WE DO NOT NEED TO PUT OTHERS DOWN to show we are good... love to you ♥️
I bet you had major jealousy in friendships, I experienced that too. If you're smart and blessed and beautiful even going through hardships you have to be careful when you are a good friend but sadly they are jealous and it becomes very cruel and it's heartbreaking. Don't change your kind smart beautiful being. There are some nice friends to find, rare as they are. 🖖
Thank you so much for this, and I’m so sorry you went through such terrible friendships 🤍 I went through so many awful friendships growing up where they would call me pathetic, worthless, and “joke” about being in a “I Hate Zoë Club.” Those are just a few of many occurrences where I felt like the loser friend, and like I could never truly open up to anyone because I was constantly teased an ridiculed. As I’m growing older, I’m slowly finding healthy friendships that bring out so much happiness and joy that make up for the terrible friends I had as a child/teen. I really appreciate you opening up here, having good friendships is so important!
Thank you, Mara, I am a person who attracts toxic friends.. I have a friend that's still in my life. I'm not sure if we're friends or not, and we would both stop talking to each other for a few months and then come back. I remember feeling drained sometimes, and feeling like I am being used as well as just someone to just listen and accompany her. Sometimes she would also make me feel bad about my physical appearance and always telling me her happy things. Maybe she doesn't realise, but I held on and still am holding on because I don't have many friends. I've tried to confront her but it always ends up with us not talking to each other for a bit after that. It is hard because of quarantine but this video is helping me see more clearly so I want to say thank you.
Oh do you know about the Saturn Return around 28? Oh my, it can start around that time, I was a little younger when it began, it's for romantic relationships. I had a book on it. It's a 7 year cycle too. It's so hard, we can attract our father toxic (if we have issues, i do) it's hard, I wanted it to work, but it was a gift from God that it didn't. 💌
The way you spoke to this topic was so informed due to your own personal experiences. Thank you for shining a light for those of us who sometimes feel like we’re often stumbling through the dark.🌟
You are very well-spoken!
Question- how did you get yourself to eventually open up to friendships again? Also, thank you for talking about this topic! So many people talk about ‘toxic romantic relationships’ but never about friendships, which are so, so common. Love your rings!!
Totally agree with you about toxic relationships
I was at least twice in such friendships
But that experience let me learn something about people and myself
That's very important to realise that it's your fault and anyone's fault. You just let it go and keep living and the most important part is never give up on loving yourself. Because most of people forget about self love and that's making them unhappy.
Thank you for your video!
Here in 2024 again, and i realised that i was in a toxic relationship with a friend in my internship, and the person did the exactly actions that you've described.
This person made my life a hell for almost a year and made me felted guilty for everything that happened and took money of me everytime that we fighted after the love booming.
I’m so sorry for you ! I am shocked by the behavior of these people. I hope you better relationships in the future✨✨
I had this exact friendship I am like you a people pleaser and I had a friend who had to be better than me all the time and in general. We are not friends now and we were friends from the age of 7. It has been hard to stop talking to her but I feel a lot better now and I am 30.
Want to ask Mara specifically or anyone who has dealt with receiving toxicity from problematic friends: Reflect on your former friendships you’ve had, and ask yourself if there were any friendships you’ve been in that you (a person who typically receive toxicity from the friend) actually BECAME the toxic friend to the other person.
I realized that a friendship I was once in didn’t last as I thought it would have and was so confused as to why. I even tried asking the person if I didn’t anything wrong but never gave me full response. It occurred to me that when I was friends with that person, I had previously gotten out of a friendship with a very toxic friend and being in a relationship like that where I felt so powerless and awful about myself, I wanted to be “in charge” of the situation and ended up being toxic to a person that could’ve been a best friend.
It absolutely happened to me too ! But even more so in romantic relationships, and exactly as you stated; I unconsciously tried to regain to control that I had once lost. It took years of self work to realise this !
Every single thing you said about toxicity, and the different types of it, resonates with the relationships I share with the different members of my family. I feel like I'm stuck in an eternal Catch 22.
my 13-years-best friends and I are fighting every year, and she feels like this such a toxic traits cause we need to fight every. year. and now she just want to stop befriend us cause of that. but I can assure you, we fight about normal stuff and she just labelled this as toxic when it’s really not...? now she made us think that we are being toxic to each other and now I’m hating the word “toxic” like how toxic is the word toxic is??!!
thanks for reading my rant 😂😂
This hit home. I ruined a friendship because I was insecure and I tried to repair it by admitting my faults and sincerely apologizing. Now I get the silent treatment. It really sucks when people have been traumatized by their pasts and they are unconsciously projecting because of deep seeded fear. 💔
Thank you for this video. Now i don't feel guilty about cutting off some of my “best friends”.
First of all, you are soo sweet and beautiful.. Unfortunately, since school although I had good friends my 'besties' were the worst, jealous of everything.. Sometimes they would even hit me.. Growing up, I am 32 now, I have as complain that for example I am good friends with a girl and then another one comes we hang out together but after a while they make fun of me, they speak to me very rude so as a result I cut ties and then I learn that these two don't hang out anymore.. Really I can't get it.. It happens very often.. ♥️♥️💕Kisses, thank you for the video!
really good and common sense approach. I'm actually kind of shocked that you are so open and honest about some situations in your life, the shock is mostly that you were in these situations.
I relate to all of this sadly. Cut toxic people off and find people who appreciate your true self! I hope it gets better for you guys! Also Mara you have the most beautiful accent :)
This was so helpful, you put your thoughts into words so well! I related alot when you said there was a group of girls with one leader that you felt you had to cling on to, but when moving away from that you find another toxic friend😅 Like u say setting boundarys is absolute key🥰
Omg Mara, thank you so much for sharing this video with us. I love you so much❤️❤️ and this is very well said and I relate so much to it😭😭
I've been dealing with toxic relationships with 2 of my "friends" recently. It didn't happen in a day or two. During these few months they started to text me back coldly. I felt so strange cause we used to call each other best friends. And I felt distant from them day after day. They replied to me coldly, and slowly they did not reply at all. So to make sure of that, I asked a couple of our mutual friends do they text like that or im just thinking too much? But turns out, they text my friends affectionately. And I couldn't understand what did I do to deserve this. I kept thinking did I do anything wrong, and nothing seems to make sense to me, even my friends thought so. My friends advised me to talk to them too.
Moreover, they act like angels to everyone else, why do I have to suffer from their ignorance? And so I finally have to courage to talk to them, one of them responded, one of them did not. I told to the one who responded about how I feel honestly and they just started to defend themselves, giving excuses, still blaming me, as if I'm not understanding and insensitive. Welp, until today, I still did not know the reason why did they do this to me. And finally, I choose to cut ties with them. I think they're slowly killing my self esteem and I used to be afraid of them too.
I have amazing friends and family, and I realised I'm not alone, they will always love me, support me and will be proud of who I am. So to anyone reading this, you are strong enough and their opinions which aren't true should not affect your glow, you deserve to be happy and have a happy life with awesome people 😆🙆🏻♀️💖💖💖 sending love to Mara and everyone 🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️❣️❣️❣️
I am a toxic friend, the thing is I have so many Problems with my health, my schoolgrades, parents that I get constantly jealous of People. They just get what I want to have. Especially one girl, she is not naturally as good in Sports or as smart or Talented in arts as I am, but while I am depressed and Not able to Do anything she is getting better Grades, Abs etc. Due to Hard work. While I of course, am Not that Bad compared to others, I would be way better than her if I would Do anything and IT makes me so upset.
Thank you for your honesty ... no one is ever pure evil , the ones who suffer sometimes don’t know how to not let it out on others... you are already aware of all this and I think it is very positive for the future. Seek help if you can. Your self worth does not decline with somebody else’s success I promise, you’ve got plenty for yourself too , including that self awareness, I think it’s wonderful !! Xx
I related to this video so so much. Thank you for being so open and honest!
Your videos are so calming and at the same time so so motivating to stand up for yourself! Thank you Mara ❤️ I feel like I talked to a friend :)
Unavoidable experiences but we learn to get rid of them,do better choices.
I just got out of a toxic friendship, it got so hard i had to block his cell phone number because he just kept texting me 4 in the morning twice and show no apologies.
You come first! I appreciate your thoughts🤍
Hey Mara,
love your videos but all your advice makes me wanna get to know you a little better. Could you maybe film a Q&A and answer some questions about yourself; Questions like "where and how did you grow up", "how did you start modelling" ect...
XXX Love from Germany
You really have a knack for telling your experiences, especially considering how traumatic some of it was. Your speaking voice is very unique, even soothing.
Thank you for making my day better! Much love from Mexico City.💞
I though it was only me, who had toxic friendships, and who calls toxic people to her childhood friends.
I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and thought 💭 that I was so unlucky because I have one ☝🏼 CHILDHOOD friend left.
But the fact is that quality over quantity 💚💙 Love my true friends
Such an amazing video. A lot mentioned here resonates with cognitive analytical therapy (CAT), pretty incredible that you intuitively and through experience have learnt what as a psychologist I try and share with clients. Brilliant :)
U r better than an actual Psychiatrist 👩🏻⚕️ Mara
So true especially the Hot 🥵 n Cold 🥶 n the Silent Treatment n Cycles…WOW u know a lot‼️
I want to be your non-toxic friend from Mexico 💖 you are amazing 💕
I want to be her non-toxic friend from Argentina 💙
I want to be her non-toxic friend from Honduras. ❤️
I didn't understand that why my parents were treating me different than healthy parent-child relationship. I used to observe my friends in school & ask questions about their parents' behaviour against them etc. Cuz I was feeling unsafe, anxious, nervous when I was with my parents. When I needed to talk to them about sth... Then I started to search it in scientific way and discovered they were "toxic". Don't remember how many articles I read about psychology but I when I started to set boundaries I felt like I've found the peace which was missing in my life. After my lateral transfer to medicine from dentistry, my "father" said thay he finally accepted my "success". He showed me the love that he has never shown for long years. Then I realized he didn't actually love me as his daughter; he loved "what I could be/ the idea of me being an MD". Nahh fuck it. I still keep the boundaries I've set and I will not even see his face after I get my financial independence/ graduation. 3 years left...
PS: He's in military and bc we were moving frequently, I studied in different school during my childhood & this was another point where other toxic people came into my life. In some places, I had some normal friends around me whom supported me against toxic ones but in others, I was alone to deal with them... As long as I was with me nothing mattered. So to those reading this long story, be the first one with yourself bc if you don't support yourself, who else will be intended to do that?
love bombing is a real thing... never thought of it that way
thank you! Wise words! Thank you for sharing this! I learn't a lot! Inspiring ❤️❤️❤️
That was deep... Thank you
J'adore ta déco derrière c'est super original, j'aimerais beaucoup voir un room tour ! 👀
thank you for bringing up this topic and talking about it. love your videos!
Ce sujet est tellement important, surtout pour les adolescent(e)s, je suis sûre que beaucoup se reconnaîtront et que cette vidéo aidera ! Merci Mara, en espérant que tu fasses d'autres vidéos de ce type, la confiance en soi peut être ?
Très bonnes fêtes à toi :)
I love this video. I wish that I watched this video before. Thank you so much.
Wow i love this video youre such an amazing person from the inside and out ♥️
Thank you for sharing this , it is so important. I really love you 🌹❤️
I needed this. I have a friend that I bring around my other friends and all she does is make fun of me to make my other friends laugh 😭😢. This is not the first time. I am tired of it. Just don’t really know how to cut them out.... I have stopped hanging out with for couples of months and when we end up hanging she does the same shit again...
You are valuable!!💖
I love your videos sooo much!! need more of them. they are so helpful. xxx
Best video i’ve ever seen of this topic!!!
I just love your videos! 🥰
It's a tremendous joy every time you post!
Can i have her as my best friend please
wow thats horrible... youre so strong
My parents are just like that. Im so glad ive changed country
Love the video Mara!💕
Your energy is love
Bravo for doing this. 👏👏👏
So i have a friend we’ve been friends since elementary were both guys and we’ve recently became bestfriends like 3years ago it we started off as a trio and I started feeling like i was basically bestfriend dumped but until my bestfriend stop feeling that person my bestfriend came back to me we got like super close and it was good I actually thought ive found a friend for life but all we ever talk-about was their problems and their feelings but when it came to mine i literally got a “thats tuff”until my bestfriend and I started doing long distance and was sent to a private school my bestfriend basically asked me after 2 weeks if they could have two bestfriends and i said no it upset me ill say that because it took years for me to get to where we are in this friendship but it only took yall 2 weeks so we started to talk on and off it got to the pount to where it was only me texting first and it took him 8 days to text me back not because they’re offline but because they’re to busy posting on the story that i can see 😂and then we i got that old “nobody understand me like you do “ conversation I literally laughed whilst on mute i was so turned off by that whole conversation but was willing to reconsider still being bestfriends it started feeling like i was just being replied to instead of texting and having fun i feel like im giving more into this friendship than him i tried explaining to him “get yourself together or your not going to be in my life “a whole paragraph i got a bitmoji in response i told him im done with snapchat because thats what we communicate off of i get a “ok we have messenger,iMessages,instagram” it was funny but it was very toxic at the same time its hard to let a friend go ill say that ,i know its pretty intimate for two guy best friends but we never felt like we need to be all hard and stuff just love ,what should i do?
Perfect example of beauty with brain
I can't stop agreeing with everything you're saying here honestly
Amazing video this will help many thank you❤️
Thank you thank you thank you for discussing about this topic!!!!
Love you Mara!
how long did it take to attract good and meaningful friendships afterwards? also i loved this vid sm!!
You are such an inspiration ❤️
you are such inspiration for me
really needed this
Heyyy, loved your video, I feel that I have experienced that in my life, do you think that in a toxic relationship everybody is toxic because we all need to protect ourselves?💕💕
Which lipstick is on your lips? 😀
why do your friends in highschool remind me of Adele's friends in la vie d'adele
Toxic friends yes
Love your channel
Oh god, i love you❤️
Can you make a video about feeling lonely?
You are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen, and you are so deeply interesting and clever.
9:12 😭😭 this is me when I first learned the word toxic
Dommage que tu fasses pas de vidéos en français mais c’était super !
You and your black beautiful future ✨
How come the one talking about toxic friendship not be the toxic one? Maybe they were projecting?
Vous etes tres belle
Thank you for this
Oh my god Mara d'où vient ce magnifique pull ?
@/wearefromfuture sur Instagram
Negatieve vibe people are not friends.
good video
Sounds like you’re referring to Toxic Femininity - why is this hardly ever covered by media? Only the male version, which we are all aware of.
😍 ❤️
wow this sounds like a sociopath and how they treat and manipulate others.
No entendí nada 🤣🤣
😪
OMG il fallait que je commente cette vidéo (ce doit bien être la seconde fois de ma vie que j'en commente une). Si je te dis Nicolas à La Rochelle ça te parle ? (j'espère que oui parce que je ne pense pas me tromper sur la personne sinon j'ai l'air con mais qu'importe eheh).
Ton sujet est très intéressant, touche beaucoup de monde à mon avis. Tu exposes très bien les différentes facettes qui font que ce genre de relations sont si difficiles à cerner lorsque tu les vis. J'apprends avec peine que tu en as fait les frais. Le bon côté de l'histoire c'est que tu as su t'en protéger.
Je te souhaite de la réussite pour la suite et suis très heureux de te revoir au travers de cette vidéo après tant d'années.
En espérant que tu me lises,
La bise :)
Nicolas de La Rochelle ... qui a déménagé à saint Germain en laye en primaire ? Ou c’est moi qui suis à côté de la plaque ? 😂
@@mara.lafontan C'est bien ça :D Les inséparables à l'époque et voilà qu'en 2021 tu apparais dans mes recommandations (trop fort UA-cam) ! Je me devais de te faire un petit coucou ahah
@@nicolasg8624 mais trop drôle !! Inséparables , tellement , au point que ça a été galère quand t’es parti comme tu peux le constater hahaha bisous
U so so so so so so so so so coolllllllllllllll🥺💓💓💓💓💓💓