this scene always makes me want to cry like a baby. two broken strangers, finding a rare honesty and understanding in each other. he is the only character in the first series that she never breaks the fourth wall around.
@@bellablow4287 I'm sorry babes haha. I love this show and have had many changing opinons about her all this while. My current one is that she needed to come back to a balanced relationship with herself and to look herself in the eye instead of us as an audience, so nothing was working out until she told us to leave her alone.
"I want to take clean cups out of the dishwasher and put them in the cupboard. And the next day, I want to watch my wife drink from them." I don't know why I love this line so much
I think the reason so many people love this scene is because of how relatable it is: all of us, at the end of the day, just want some security, dignity, comfort, and to get love as well as give it. Simply and honestly. Such lovely writing.
Its that and so much more. The Bank Manager has made some terrible mistakes and hurt people (which fleabag herself has done too). However he is genuinely trying to make amends for his mistakes as best as he can. He does here try to explain himself a little but also as we see in future episodes he also trys to put action to his intention and helps her even tho in a sense she has wronged him too which Fleabag shows forgiveness here. Its easy to take a lot of things out of stuff as a viewer and to see what we want. However the vast amount of things that one can extract from this is quite a lot and it can be messy, but so it is to be human.
What a load of waffle. The British Empire was built on a stiff upper lip. All the namby pamby feelings stuff, look at what has happened to the empire. But, it was sweet. Now, I’m going to empty the dishwasher and tomorrow bring her coffee in a clean fresh cup.
@@shy6083 I think it's profound because we don't get to feel like he knows her, his own daughter. Then out come some of the most true to heart statements. He's left Fleabag's mother behind him, but sees that she can't, and needs her to know it's worth holding on to
For all of his emotional constipation, that was Dad’s most sentimental insightful quote. When he admits he was jealous of her mother despite also loving her, then proceeds to bury his grief and move on - just makes me love how flawed and human the characters all are.
The lip-zip at the end is meaningful too. We're generally not permitted to be honest about these personal traumas - insecurity, regret, sadness. We're expected to keep them to ourselves. It underscores what a precious moment it is for these characters. It's a very good scene.
@rrrock She's on a silent retreat when the scene takes place and he's in some mens therapy group. There's a few additional lines spoken between them in this scene before this recording takes place, in which she does the same zip gesture across her mouth. She's telling him she can't speak because of the vow she took on her silent retreat, that's why she also does it back at the end. I hadn't thought of it how you did but it makes it even more meaningful when you look at it like that.
John Cleese has a speech in A Fish Called Wanda, which is just Cleese expressing his frustration that in Britain you're expected to maintain the 'stiff upper lip'. You're not supposed to get emotional... About anything. Positive or negative, you're supposed to soldier on with the same neutral grace. Talking about your feelings or expressing them in public, it's still frowned upon. We're not allowed to show vulnerability. And if we do, people get embarrassed and say they're going to put the kettle on.
@@DomWeasel late reply but your comment made me think of the Pink Floyd song "Time" in which Richard Wright sings "Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way" which I always found funny and a bit ironic that the thing he attributes to an English way of living is also one of the most universal experiences in society.
Fucking concrete evidence of the magic of character writing; it's already heartbreaking to know the core of what the banker wants but the nuances of wanting a return to daily simplicities sells the pain of what it means to be human on the cusp of being totally defined by your indiscretions. This will never not be my favourite television moment of all time.
For some reason, this comment made me really understand why most of the characters don't have real names-- because in real life, you meet so many people, only temporarily, and they might have a big impact on you, or you on them, and you'll never know or remember their name, but you'll remember them
His character maybe very small in the show, but his impact in Fleabag’s life, in my opinion, was life changing for her. He showed her that people can overcome their own past mistakes and change for the better. It’s not too late for redemption, you just have to give yourself another chance to do better! That’s something Fleabag really needed to learn, at that point in her life!
That's what sets Phoebe Waller-Bridge apart from many writers. I think she wasn't writing this as an opportunity to lecture the audience. She was actually exploring the human condition. Few characters were decidedly hero or villain, they're realistically complicated.
His character maybe very small in the show, but his impact in Fleabag’s life, in my opinion, was life changing for her. He showed her that people can overcome their own past mistakes and change for the better. It’s not too late for redemption, you just have to give yourself another chance to do better! That’s something Fleabag really needed to learn, at that point in her life!
This guy is really good at naturalism because of his work on Outnumbered. Her writing is great but how wonderful it must be to see your words transformed into this by an actor of his calibre
It takes a lot of guts to admit that. If you feel like that then I'd really recommend speaking to a professional counselor or therapist if you're able to, it will help a lot! Take care of yourself brother
I've also felt this, often I would bottle up my emotions, because I didn't understand why I felt like crying. "I'm happy" I'd tell myself, where do these tears spring from? Why not cry later, wait for something sad to happen, a great tragedy, where tears can flow in some poetic way. Feelings aren't like that, they're ugly and illogical by nature. I didn't want my friends to feel down, because I was down, I wanted to be happy so they'd enjoy being around me. The revelation I found was to take a moment and let it all out, observe those feelings overwhelming me like waves upon the shore, let them pass over me till I can stand with my head above the water again. Let it all out. Then move on to the next moment, one in which I did not feel like crying. "It will get better. Then it will get worse again. Then better. This is life, and I will not lie by saying every day will be sunshine. But there will be sunshine again, and that is a very different thing to say." -Wit
I used to feel like this. But, then I brought it down to practicality. The feelings we feel are borne out of response of our primordial brain to the modern world. Evolution of human brain, just like any evolution, is a much slower process as compared to the way humans are changing the world in terms of technology and business. Survival is always every organism's primal instinct. Before the modern world, for millennia, we have had dependence on community for survival. But with the advent of technology, the concept of community is has changed drastically. We are dependent on our resources for survival (which is not represented by money) much more on people half way across the world than our next door neighbor. Our unevolved brain still yearns for the community with people physically close to us (i.e., friends and family) which is not necessarily relevant. So, to summarize, focus on survival in the way it is achieved in current world (i.e., money) and ignore the urges to our brain raises unless they are relevant to the current world. We live in a global community and it has a lot to offer like foods from across the world, all kinds of technology to make life easy.
I come back to this scene CONSTANTLY. I remember showing my sister just this scene and she didn’t get it one bit until we got to the “I wanna put clean cups in the cupboard” part. Tears for us both
I had a buddy at work… we used to take short coffee breaks from the lab and smoke Marlboros outside the building and watch happy people laugh. We used to talk about literature and physics and sometimes just share silence then go back to work. On a Saturday night we were still working in the lab and we went for a smoke and I told him as a joke: did u know smoking kills bro? He laughed n said: nah I won’t die to smoking. Somehow I felt shivering in my spine and got really scared by his response. Yet I was too scared to ask him why. The next morning he jumped in front of a train. Three years has passed and I’m still lost. My therapist says it’s not my fault but I know it is. That Saturday night I felt he was going to commit himself and did nothing… worst part is my mind is forgetting so many things after that. I can’t remember his name I can’t remember, I can’t stand going near subway, can’t even remember what I was supposed to do with my life… the company we were working for didn’t even bother to acknowledge his death. They just swept it under the rug as if he was never part of the group. And few months later when I told HR about my mental health issues they made me sign a resignation letter. I didn’t want to see them anymore so I signed it. Now very few people even know what happened. Why am I even writing this? Fuckit man
This hit really hard reading this, and it's difficult to even know what to say. My heart aches for you man, it really does. I respect you a ton for being able to share this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Whilst I don't know you at all, it's obvious that you care a lot, and not just because of how things played out, but because you're just a good person. Plain and simple. You can't beat yourself up for not knowing how to talk about something that at times feels impossible to talk about. If you could've done anything differently, you would've. And let me tell you, you're NOT a bad person. You deserve forgiveness, and not because you did anything wrong, but because that day has claimed two lives and one of them we can still get back. I doubt your work friend would want you to feel like this and even though how awful and shitty what he was going through must of been, I bet it would break his heart all the more to know how much this has affected his friend. It sounds like you and he had some great memories together and it sounds like they meant a lot to him. Your smoke breaks may have been the thing that kept him going through some of his darkest moments and kept him around longer, did you ever consider that? I hope I haven't overstepped the mark with anything I've said, but I couldn't ignore this. You've been so hard on yourself for so long, I really hope you are able to forgive yourself. I know I don't know you, but I love you and I wish you nothing but the best, I really mean that
Thanks for sharing. HR is nonsense. Workplaces are nonsense. People are real. You are real. I feel bad you are suffering. Wish I could be there and comfort you.
I, like many others who have been the last person to talk to someone who took their lives, carry a guilt that never leaves. It is not your fault; for some, there is a light that goes out. Do good things in his memory and try to help those who are worse off than you. You might just save a life.
I would share the opinion of your therapist that it is not your fault. Ultimately, the decision lied with him, as tragic as it was, there might not have been anything that could have been done. It reminds me of a story I remember shared by Russell brand about the artist Amy Winehouse. They knew of each other but not particularly close, yet from where he was he could notice the hints of her destructive behaviours. He tried to reach out feebly, but he also could have done more if he didn't think there was a boundary that he shouldn't cross. Now that the worst happened, he vowed to do better. And I think that's all we can try and do, forgive ourselves that we might let ourselves down sometimes but then try and learn and do better. Remember that it is NOT your fault this person died, his reasons are his, now all you can do is try and move on but remember the lessons learned from this whole ordeal. I hope you get better friend, you've clearly got a good soul and you shouldn't let what happened drag you down.
Your emotions are almost palpable. I won't say anything other than that you cannot live your life for other people, in so far as that you cannot, and nor should you or anyone want to, control what other people do. You should not feel one iota of guilt over what someone else chose to do. How much more complicated would you feel now if you'd taken the time to give this person your time, support and advice (though you could not have known of what nature unless you asked him) and he had *still* taken his own life? You'd be in a position now where you would be wondering whether you said the wrong words, and which is worse, saying nothing or saying the wrong thing? I guess it depends, but my point is that there are far too many variables here, way outside your control. You sound like a decent person, with lots of empathy. Let me give you this thought - you remember this incident because of the awful thing that happened... But how many other people have you ever spoken to, who as a result of your taking the time to speak to them, have carried something away with them that they might never have done, if not for speaking with you? And you would never know. I can remember other people's kindnesses over the years, little ones and big ones, often from strangers. And the world keeps turning my friend. Just remember, you shouldn't feel guilty over what other people do or don't do. All the best to you.
@@owend4894 True, but if it's a comedy, being funny should be its main thing. If this is the best scene, it doesn't say much for the rest of it. There are far better scenes in each ep of Fawlty Towers.
It’s funny how he was one of the few people Fleabag opened up to the most and bare her soul to. This moment and the one in the cafe at the end of series 1 are truly heartbreaking.
I really like the line of ' I'm not telling *them* what I want'. It's right; wants and wishes and dreams are private. It should be a secret and something to protect. It shouldn't be something to exploit in business and share in the corporate world just for money. Really like that line.
I think the reason this scene hit me so hard is because they are both saying the same thing but expressed in 2 totally different ways, and yet they both understand that they've said all they have needed to say to feel better. "Here is my soul laid bare" , and "here is my soul laid bare" . No judgement. No questions. Just a quiet mutual understanding. I think all we ever want in life is to be understood. People dont have to agree with what we think or do, but to have someone understand your pain and just be there with you. What a beautiful moment of TV. So genuine and relatable. So pure.
I've been rewatching this scene basically every 2 months for over 2 years now. It touches me in so many ways. Thinking in time I'll start smiling at it blissfully with everything feeling better. Sadly, that has not happened. By my own actions and deplorable decisions... I've hit rock bottom and it feels like an endless pit. But I'll still keep coming back to this scene. And I can't wait for the day the smile i have loses all of its bitterness. I wish everyone here nothing but bliss & joy for you and your loved ones.
Things are rarely as good or as bad as they seem and, anyway, nothing lasts forever, everything changes. I've never met you and we'll never meet, but you can trust me that all that is true. Keep your head up and just do the best you can at any given time, nobody can do more. 👍
Really good comedy always shows a deep understanding of human nature. Comedians have to know what makes us tick so they can subvert our expectations with a punchline or a gag.
@@bugbottle144 Do you mean as originally written, but not filmed? Because the filmed version definitely has the Angus MacRae piece. I had to search high and low to figure out what it was before people started posting about it on YT!
Life sucks sometimes and it's nice to vent about it to a stranger who can relate even just a little because you don't have to worry about explaining yourself.
This scene and the scene where he interviews her at her café for the second time saying “see I told you was funny”, are magical, like every scene Boo is in
It's a favorite scene as well. This monologue would make a wonderful audition piece for actors. Ditto the "Women have pain built in" monologue from Season 2.
THIS EPISODE WAS SUCH A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! I remember laughing my ass off from everything before this scene. I was ugly-crying for about 30 minutes. What an amazing dialogue
Masculine ideals have always been the man of the house. Protecting and providing. Until the 21st century soyboys and SJWs came around and made even the word masculinity like some crime against humanity.
I never broke faith with my wife. I loved her and lived happily with her, but I felt like this many times - like I failed or just didn’t do enough. It was such a pleasure to make her coffee and just watch her drink it with the sun streaming in. And I can’t do a thing about any of it because that damned cancer took her.
I can feel how much you loved her just through this comment alone, so I can't even imagine how much she must have felt that from you in person. You could never do enough because you loved her that much. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure you will see her again. What a beautiful love to have known.
First this has the quality of the finest poetry in its writing. The metaphorical minutiae of daily life... Second. I have always claimed that comedians make the best, most intelligent actors. They work with the metaphorical minutiae in their daily lives.
The background music for this scene when it was originally broadcast was a beautiful slow jig - see Sleepy's comment below. Regardless, it is still a great scene.
This scene is so ahead of its time. I'm a huge feminist but this scene made me realise how much we all need it, not just women. This show has so much empathy for everyone, it's so beautiful.
We live in times where you should always aim to improve, to progress to aim higher. All i want is to be able to eat everyday, have a roof over my head, not get robbed everyday and be as happy as i can in that little bubble of "normal". That's it.
I feel like fundamentally Hugh Dennis’ character seems like a kind, loving man who sadly through his actions (probably brought on by midlife crisis and some perceived sense of unfulfilled need) has deeply hurt and objectified a female colleague and betrayed those he loves. His workplace, a place of dispassionate HR systems and protocols designed to protect it from lawsuits, has put him on the same training course as genuine misogynist whackos, totally inappropriate for his situation, and he’s there thinking “can’t I just sincerely apologise to everyone I hurt and try to make amends in a gentle, human and unconditional way, away from these unhinged idiots?“ But then on reflection, he realises this would do no good… it would simply make it worse for all involved. Fleabag appreciates all of this and spots a kindred spirit. I do feel like in the last few years we’ve tried to set up objective moral standards, bluntly applied to all cases, possibly because people miss having a rule book in a secularised world (too much effort to think for yourself, far easier if someone else tells you how to be a good person). If you argue that circumstances can be grey and unclear, you are branded an apologist. I think this approach is immature and unreasonable. I think irredeemable monsters exist, I think sad apologists do exist, I think that sexism and sexual assault is tragically endemic in the workplace and indeed all walks of life… but I also think there are kind, compassionate people who’ve lost their way, and that the blunt rules of the modern age do not allow for forgiveness, healing and redemption in cases where it would be warranted. Instead they’re labelled and discarded in the same way as other, genuinely reprehensible characters. Oh and I also think that mild or even harmless acts can be severely punished when the person is not in a position of authority, but that monsters in power frequently get away with causing serious harm to others.
Just in case you're wondering, this is the 21st century men goal regarding their love life, every word he just said is every man's goal in life. Me personally, i want my kids to tell their friends how cool their pops is because he works here or he does that, nothing would be make more happier than that i believe.
Those who've gone through hardships realize how useless glamor is. It doesn't provide your family with a good home, good relationships, good health, good upbringing, resources or security. Fashionable employment is as useful as a popularity contest.
You that scene in Avengers when Captain America said to Bruce Banner: “Isn’t it time for you to get angry?” And Bruce said: “That’s the trick, I’m always angry.” I’m always sad….even when I look happy. I’m not. I just want to cry, all the time. But I’m afraid if I start I’ll never stop. It’s such a very thin veneer. You know how if you get a piece of paper wet it ripples and easily can tear. It’s like my smiling face, if I cry it’ll just…dissolve.
I want to go home, sleep on my bed, wake up to the smell of my mom making breakfast, see my dad reading newspaper, have a beautiful meal Altogether with my parents and sisters. Those Childhood Memories instigating nostalgia 😢
This scene always makes me tear up. I think about this scene on a daily basis. Probably because what they are longing for is what Ive been longing for too. It's so painful. Also that man, I think, symbolises hope for Fleabag. He trusted her with money to run her café when her own relatives didn't even care.
Try it, crying all the time. Ignore the content of any thoughts that proceed that feeling; it’s just a story made up so that you can experience the emotion completely completely and deeply as many times as is needed.
Even though “Fleabag” is considered a feminist show, it cannot be accused for being make bashing! Feminism doesn’t always mean that it’s anti-men! Most of the male characters on the show (except Fleabag’s brother in law), are portrayed more positively than the 3 main female characters. The show does not vilify all the men nor put all the women on pedestals, despite being called a “feminist show”. For all of the anti-feminism crowd, I recommend giving this show a chance before judging it!
It is. I remember thinking just this as I saw it for the first time. It's gratifying to know that many others had the same recognition. Thanks for posting.
I think a lot of the time in movies/tv shows the emotion feels forced and fake. And whilst it still affects us there is something so indescribably human and relatable about this scene that always gets to me. I cry every time. It's a beautiful moment of TV. Perfectly written and perfectly acted.
You NEED to watch Fleabag - one of the top 10 social drama comedies of all time. To make it worth your while, the first few minutes of the very first episode is the best example of why this series is iconic & unparalleled. Netflix/disney/hulu/foxtell has nothing to compare. Give it a go, you wont regret it.
@@bundiboo I tried the first episode a year or two ago, didn't get passed 10 minutes. I'm a little bit outside the target demographic, it's just not for me. But thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply, have a good one.
I would expect the show to tear the bank guy down to shreds because 'modern day feminism'. But Phoebe didn't follow down that path. She instead turned him into a very real human being with flaws that wants to get better. He handled him without being judgemental. He used his narrative to describe human nature and what we all seek for. It is pure genius. It is so sad to watch what her deep, genius, witty writing ability turned out to be at the hands of Hollywood elites. Still, Fleabag is going to be one of my favourite shows of all time.
Interestingly this definitely isn't the music it originally aired with, that was Allistrum's March by The Gloaming. I prefer that one, must be a rights thing.
this scene always makes me want to cry like a baby. two broken strangers, finding a rare honesty and understanding in each other. he is the only character in the first series that she never breaks the fourth wall around.
woah, is that right? that would point to Fleabag developing a truehearted frendship again, I guess...?
She looks at the camera at the end of this scene unfortunately
@@remisica dam That killed the vibe real quick lol
@@remisica when she looks at the camera, I feel like she's telling us to please keep the secret too.
@@bellablow4287 I'm sorry babes haha. I love this show and have had many changing opinons about her all this while. My current one is that she needed to come back to a balanced relationship with herself and to look herself in the eye instead of us as an audience, so nothing was working out until she told us to leave her alone.
"I want to take clean cups out of the dishwasher and put them in the cupboard. And the next day, I want to watch my wife drink from them."
I don't know why I love this line so much
i love this line so so so much it makes me cry
Because it was written by a woman who understands.
@@TaylorBlack0 understands what?
I totally agree. I think there's something quite beautiful about finding joy in the simplest, seemingly insignificant things
@@EddBSmith They say the entire purpose of art is to find beauty in the ordinary.
I think the reason so many people love this scene is because of how relatable it is: all of us, at the end of the day, just want some security, dignity, comfort, and to get love as well as give it. Simply and honestly.
Such lovely writing.
Its that and so much more. The Bank Manager has made some terrible mistakes and hurt people (which fleabag herself has done too). However he is genuinely trying to make amends for his mistakes as best as he can. He does here try to explain himself a little but also as we see in future episodes he also trys to put action to his intention and helps her even tho in a sense she has wronged him too which Fleabag shows forgiveness here.
Its easy to take a lot of things out of stuff as a viewer and to see what we want. However the vast amount of things that one can extract from this is quite a lot and it can be messy, but so it is to be human.
Well said
What a load of waffle. The British Empire was built on a stiff upper lip. All the namby pamby feelings stuff, look at what has happened to the empire. But, it was sweet. Now, I’m going to empty the dishwasher and tomorrow bring her coffee in a clean fresh cup.
Beautifully put ~
It is isn't it?
"I think you know how to love better than any of us, that's why you find it so painful." -Dad (Fleabag)
Instant tears, i don't know why that line moved me so much
@@shy6083 I think it's profound because we don't get to feel like he knows her, his own daughter. Then out come some of the most true to heart statements. He's left Fleabag's mother behind him, but sees that she can't, and needs her to know it's worth holding on to
@@Kimbie that's beautiful thank you for putting it into perspective for me ❤️
For all of his emotional constipation, that was Dad’s most sentimental insightful quote. When he admits he was jealous of her mother despite also loving her, then proceeds to bury his grief and move on - just makes me love how flawed and human the characters all are.
I thought of this line too.
The lip-zip at the end is meaningful too. We're generally not permitted to be honest about these personal traumas - insecurity, regret, sadness. We're expected to keep them to ourselves. It underscores what a precious moment it is for these characters.
It's a very good scene.
@rrrock She's on a silent retreat when the scene takes place and he's in some mens therapy group. There's a few additional lines spoken between them in this scene before this recording takes place, in which she does the same zip gesture across her mouth. She's telling him she can't speak because of the vow she took on her silent retreat, that's why she also does it back at the end. I hadn't thought of it how you did but it makes it even more meaningful when you look at it like that.
John Cleese has a speech in A Fish Called Wanda, which is just Cleese expressing his frustration that in Britain you're expected to maintain the 'stiff upper lip'. You're not supposed to get emotional... About anything. Positive or negative, you're supposed to soldier on with the same neutral grace. Talking about your feelings or expressing them in public, it's still frowned upon. We're not allowed to show vulnerability. And if we do, people get embarrassed and say they're going to put the kettle on.
Yes. I love her slight change in body language after the lip zip. Lovely.
@@DomWeasel late reply but your comment made me think of the Pink Floyd song "Time" in which Richard Wright sings "Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way" which I always found funny and a bit ironic that the thing he attributes to an English way of living is also one of the most universal experiences in society.
❤️
Fucking concrete evidence of the magic of character writing; it's already heartbreaking to know the core of what the banker wants but the nuances of wanting a return to daily simplicities sells the pain of what it means to be human on the cusp of being totally defined by your indiscretions. This will never not be my favourite television moment of all time.
Well said!
For some reason, this comment made me really understand why most of the characters don't have real names-- because in real life, you meet so many people, only temporarily, and they might have a big impact on you, or you on them, and you'll never know or remember their name, but you'll remember them
His character maybe very small in the show, but his impact in Fleabag’s life, in my opinion, was life changing for her. He showed her that people can overcome their own past mistakes and change for the better. It’s not too late for redemption, you just have to give yourself another chance to do better! That’s something Fleabag really needed to learn, at that point in her life!
I love how they made this dude into such a human character. Was sure he would only have been used for a gag.
That's what sets Phoebe Waller-Bridge apart from many writers. I think she wasn't writing this as an opportunity to lecture the audience. She was actually exploring the human condition. Few characters were decidedly hero or villain, they're realistically complicated.
His character maybe very small in the show, but his impact in Fleabag’s life, in my opinion, was life changing for her. He showed her that people can overcome their own past mistakes and change for the better. It’s not too late for redemption, you just have to give yourself another chance to do better! That’s something Fleabag really needed to learn, at that point in her life!
This guy is really good at naturalism because of his work on Outnumbered. Her writing is great but how wonderful it must be to see your words transformed into this by an actor of his calibre
I can’t cry all the time but I feel like my heart is crying all the time for some reason. Don’t know what to do about it man
It takes a lot of guts to admit that. If you feel like that then I'd really recommend speaking to a professional counselor or therapist if you're able to, it will help a lot! Take care of yourself brother
I feel you man. We’re broken people, just existing. I want to cry all the time too
I've also felt this, often I would bottle up my emotions, because I didn't understand why I felt like crying. "I'm happy" I'd tell myself, where do these tears spring from? Why not cry later, wait for something sad to happen, a great tragedy, where tears can flow in some poetic way. Feelings aren't like that, they're ugly and illogical by nature. I didn't want my friends to feel down, because I was down, I wanted to be happy so they'd enjoy being around me. The revelation I found was to take a moment and let it all out, observe those feelings overwhelming me like waves upon the shore, let them pass over me till I can stand with my head above the water again. Let it all out. Then move on to the next moment, one in which I did not feel like crying.
"It will get better. Then it will get worse again. Then better. This is life, and I will not lie by saying every day will be sunshine. But there will be sunshine again, and that is a very different thing to say." -Wit
I used to feel like this. But, then I brought it down to practicality. The feelings we feel are borne out of response of our primordial brain to the modern world. Evolution of human brain, just like any evolution, is a much slower process as compared to the way humans are changing the world in terms of technology and business. Survival is always every organism's primal instinct. Before the modern world, for millennia, we have had dependence on community for survival. But with the advent of technology, the concept of community is has changed drastically. We are dependent on our resources for survival (which is not represented by money) much more on people half way across the world than our next door neighbor. Our unevolved brain still yearns for the community with people physically close to us (i.e., friends and family) which is not necessarily relevant. So, to summarize, focus on survival in the way it is achieved in current world (i.e., money) and ignore the urges to our brain raises unless they are relevant to the current world. We live in a global community and it has a lot to offer like foods from across the world, all kinds of technology to make life easy.
"It is hard work, and great art, to make life, not so serious." -John Irving. We all feel a little bit like this, you are not alone.
For me, it was such an unexpectedly moving scene. It was able to give both fleabag and the bank guy the freedom and space to express themselves..
I come back to this scene CONSTANTLY. I remember showing my sister just this scene and she didn’t get it one bit until we got to the “I wanna put clean cups in the cupboard” part. Tears for us both
I had a buddy at work… we used to take short coffee breaks from the lab and smoke Marlboros outside the building and watch happy people laugh. We used to talk about literature and physics and sometimes just share silence then go back to work. On a Saturday night we were still working in the lab and we went for a smoke and I told him as a joke: did u know smoking kills bro? He laughed n said: nah I won’t die to smoking.
Somehow I felt shivering in my spine and got really scared by his response. Yet I was too scared to ask him why. The next morning he jumped in front of a train. Three years has passed and I’m still lost. My therapist says it’s not my fault but I know it is. That Saturday night I felt he was going to commit himself and did nothing… worst part is my mind is forgetting so many things after that. I can’t remember his name I can’t remember, I can’t stand going near subway, can’t even remember what I was supposed to do with my life… the company we were working for didn’t even bother to acknowledge his death. They just swept it under the rug as if he was never part of the group. And few months later when I told HR about my mental health issues they made me sign a resignation letter. I didn’t want to see them anymore so I signed it. Now very few people even know what happened. Why am I even writing this? Fuckit man
This hit really hard reading this, and it's difficult to even know what to say. My heart aches for you man, it really does. I respect you a ton for being able to share this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Whilst I don't know you at all, it's obvious that you care a lot, and not just because of how things played out, but because you're just a good person. Plain and simple. You can't beat yourself up for not knowing how to talk about something that at times feels impossible to talk about. If you could've done anything differently, you would've. And let me tell you, you're NOT a bad person. You deserve forgiveness, and not because you did anything wrong, but because that day has claimed two lives and one of them we can still get back. I doubt your work friend would want you to feel like this and even though how awful and shitty what he was going through must of been, I bet it would break his heart all the more to know how much this has affected his friend. It sounds like you and he had some great memories together and it sounds like they meant a lot to him. Your smoke breaks may have been the thing that kept him going through some of his darkest moments and kept him around longer, did you ever consider that?
I hope I haven't overstepped the mark with anything I've said, but I couldn't ignore this. You've been so hard on yourself for so long, I really hope you are able to forgive yourself. I know I don't know you, but I love you and I wish you nothing but the best, I really mean that
Thanks for sharing. HR is nonsense. Workplaces are nonsense. People are real. You are real. I feel bad you are suffering. Wish I could be there and comfort you.
I, like many others who have been the last person to talk to someone who took their lives, carry a guilt that never leaves. It is not your fault; for some, there is a light that goes out. Do good things in his memory and try to help those who are worse off than you. You might just save a life.
I would share the opinion of your therapist that it is not your fault.
Ultimately, the decision lied with him, as tragic as it was, there might not have been anything that could have been done.
It reminds me of a story I remember shared by Russell brand about the artist Amy Winehouse.
They knew of each other but not particularly close, yet from where he was he could notice the hints of her destructive behaviours.
He tried to reach out feebly, but he also could have done more if he didn't think there was a boundary that he shouldn't cross.
Now that the worst happened, he vowed to do better.
And I think that's all we can try and do, forgive ourselves that we might let ourselves down sometimes but then try and learn and do better.
Remember that it is NOT your fault this person died, his reasons are his, now all you can do is try and move on but remember the lessons learned from this whole ordeal.
I hope you get better friend, you've clearly got a good soul and you shouldn't let what happened drag you down.
Your emotions are almost palpable. I won't say anything other than that you cannot live your life for other people, in so far as that you cannot, and nor should you or anyone want to, control what other people do. You should not feel one iota of guilt over what someone else chose to do.
How much more complicated would you feel now if you'd taken the time to give this person your time, support and advice (though you could not have known of what nature unless you asked him) and he had *still* taken his own life? You'd be in a position now where you would be wondering whether you said the wrong words, and which is worse, saying nothing or saying the wrong thing? I guess it depends, but my point is that there are far too many variables here, way outside your control.
You sound like a decent person, with lots of empathy. Let me give you this thought - you remember this incident because of the awful thing that happened... But how many other people have you ever spoken to, who as a result of your taking the time to speak to them, have carried something away with them that they might never have done, if not for speaking with you? And you would never know.
I can remember other people's kindnesses over the years, little ones and big ones, often from strangers. And the world keeps turning my friend.
Just remember, you shouldn't feel guilty over what other people do or don't do. All the best to you.
First time I started crying in this series. And cried all the way down. It's genious. And it is life.
It's supposed to be a comedy.
@@andrewjones575 that doesn't mean the only thing it should be is funny
@@owend4894 True, but if it's a comedy, being funny should be its main thing. If this is the best scene, it doesn't say much for the rest of it. There are far better scenes in each ep of Fawlty Towers.
@@andrewjones575 It IS a comedy. But it's MORE than a comedy, and also why it is one of the best things put to film in the last 10 years.
@@DPMusicStudio You mean it's a comedy-drama. What's special about it? There are hundreds of comedy dramas.
It’s funny how he was one of the few people Fleabag opened up to the most and bare her soul to. This moment and the one in the cafe at the end of series 1 are truly heartbreaking.
I really like the line of ' I'm not telling *them* what I want'. It's right; wants and wishes and dreams are private. It should be a secret and something to protect. It shouldn't be something to exploit in business and share in the corporate world just for money. Really like that line.
As an American who fell in love with his work on Mock the Week, Hugh made me cry uncontrollably in this scene.
What he’s asking for is so mundane but also achingly beautiful.
I think the reason this scene hit me so hard is because they are both saying the same thing but expressed in 2 totally different ways, and yet they both understand that they've said all they have needed to say to feel better. "Here is my soul laid bare" , and "here is my soul laid bare" . No judgement. No questions. Just a quiet mutual understanding. I think all we ever want in life is to be understood. People dont have to agree with what we think or do, but to have someone understand your pain and just be there with you. What a beautiful moment of TV. So genuine and relatable. So pure.
I've been rewatching this scene basically every 2 months for over 2 years now. It touches me in so many ways. Thinking in time I'll start smiling at it blissfully with everything feeling better.
Sadly, that has not happened. By my own actions and deplorable decisions... I've hit rock bottom and it feels like an endless pit.
But I'll still keep coming back to this scene. And I can't wait for the day the smile i have loses all of its bitterness.
I wish everyone here nothing but bliss & joy for you and your loved ones.
hi stranger, i hope you’re doing okay! :)
me too.
Things are rarely as good or as bad as they seem and, anyway, nothing lasts forever, everything changes. I've never met you and we'll never meet, but you can trust me that all that is true. Keep your head up and just do the best you can at any given time, nobody can do more. 👍
So many comedians turn out to be great dramatic actors.
Another perfect example.
Really good comedy always shows a deep understanding of human nature. Comedians have to know what makes us tick so they can subvert our expectations with a punchline or a gag.
For anyone who was wondering the song that plays in this phenomenal scene is “Mirror Lake” by Angus MacRae
The original scene had Alistrum's March by The Gloaming playing. Absolutely beautiful song
Thank you, I wanted to know but the credits did not indicate. How did you learn?
@@bugbottle144 Do you mean as originally written, but not filmed? Because the filmed version definitely has the Angus MacRae piece. I had to search high and low to figure out what it was before people started posting about it on YT!
Life sucks sometimes and it's nice to vent about it to a stranger who can relate even just a little because you don't have to worry about explaining yourself.
This scene and the scene where he interviews her at her café for the second time saying “see I told you was funny”, are magical, like every scene Boo is in
It's a favorite scene as well. This monologue would make a wonderful audition piece for actors. Ditto the "Women have pain built in" monologue from Season 2.
THIS EPISODE WAS SUCH A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! I remember laughing my ass off from everything before this scene. I was ugly-crying for about 30 minutes. What an amazing dialogue
every scene they have together is amazing...they had great chemistry
Watch Fleabag, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.
It was! .. for the most part anyways!
I truly hope this is the masculine ideal of the 21st century
Masculine ideals have always been the man of the house. Protecting and providing. Until the 21st century soyboys and SJWs came around and made even the word masculinity like some crime against humanity.
@@theascendunt9960 go home virgin
@@theascendunt9960 you're actually cringe lmao
@@AdrianSheard Not as much as you are, though.
@@theascendunt9960 hi gay
thanks for putting the music credit in the description. It helps a lot
music : mirror lake - anguc macrae
Damn, but Hugh Dennis can act.
I never broke faith with my wife. I loved her and lived happily with her, but I felt like this many times - like I failed or just didn’t do enough. It was such a pleasure to make her coffee and just watch her drink it with the sun streaming in. And I can’t do a thing about any of it because that damned cancer took her.
I can feel how much you loved her just through this comment alone, so I can't even imagine how much she must have felt that from you in person. You could never do enough because you loved her that much. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure you will see her again. What a beautiful love to have known.
More power to you💙
More power to you💙
"I want to go to a reunion concert for the band Showaddywaddy"
Sho waddi waddi
Everyone has moments like this at some point in life.
Hugh Dennis is a really under appreciated actor
SUCH a good show. Will keep coming back to it ❤️
This scene is glorious. The writing omg. What he says is what we all want.
It is THE best Scene. So thankful you posted it.
this one and the scene in the cafe where they redo the loan interview get me everytime
This brought a lot of things into perspective
I love this scene. This music is a different version of Mirror Lake and I can't find it anywhere! Ugh.
I believe both versions of the composition can be found on Spotify. One as a single and one under the Cry Wolf album.
@@tareqalsalem4768 which one is the one of this scene please??
@@neolithicobject Mirror Lake by ANGUS MACRAE
just bingewatched outnumbered and this hits pretty hard
First this has the quality of the finest poetry in its writing. The metaphorical minutiae of daily life...
Second. I have always claimed that comedians make the best, most intelligent actors. They work with the metaphorical minutiae in their daily lives.
Fleabag is such a good show. People don't give the credit it deserves.
I agree that it's a great show -- but what other honors could it possibly have gained??
Everyone that has seen it hails it the greatest show of all time, it's just not a lot of people have seen it
i think all those awards say otherwise
What more credit are you saying it should have received?
Are you on an E?
This is the best advert I've seen for smoking in a long time.
The background music for this scene when it was originally broadcast was a beautiful slow jig - see Sleepy's comment below. Regardless, it is still a great scene.
It was actually an Irish band called The Gloaming, and that particular song was called Alistrum’s March
@@sleepy1181 Sleepy, you absolute star! Thank you! ua-cam.com/video/yOQgv0-ER3I/v-deo.html
@@sleepy1181 ps this is now my next fiddle learner.
I don't know where da fck I am right now but... I'm in this melody.
everybody always talks about the “it’ll pass” scene but never this scene and both equally have made me sob
This scene is so ahead of its time. I'm a huge feminist but this scene made me realise how much we all need it, not just women. This show has so much empathy for everyone, it's so beautiful.
"I just wanna cry. All the time..."
Same😢
"I just want to cry all the time" - Yeah, I get that..
We live in times where you should always aim to improve, to progress to aim higher. All i want is to be able to eat everyday, have a roof over my head, not get robbed everyday and be as happy as i can in that little bubble of "normal". That's it.
Phoebe is incredible for writing this.
This was the best scene from both series.
I was completely unprepared for the emotions this would bring up.
Sad how it easier to open up to a stranger than those you love
Ultimately we are animals of repetition. We find joy in doing the same things over and over again
I remember the first time I saw this scene I just had to pause and stare at the wall for a few minutes.
The actress who played Fleabag wrote this series, and also Killing Eve! She is SUCH a great writer. I LOVE PHEOBE WALLER-BRIDGEbb
Yes, actually its based on a monologue for stage that she wrote and performed in London. I saw it, it was amazing!
I feel like fundamentally Hugh Dennis’ character seems like a kind, loving man who sadly through his actions (probably brought on by midlife crisis and some perceived sense of unfulfilled need) has deeply hurt and objectified a female colleague and betrayed those he loves. His workplace, a place of dispassionate HR systems and protocols designed to protect it from lawsuits, has put him on the same training course as genuine misogynist whackos, totally inappropriate for his situation, and he’s there thinking “can’t I just sincerely apologise to everyone I hurt and try to make amends in a gentle, human and unconditional way, away from these unhinged idiots?“ But then on reflection, he realises this would do no good… it would simply make it worse for all involved. Fleabag appreciates all of this and spots a kindred spirit.
I do feel like in the last few years we’ve tried to set up objective moral standards, bluntly applied to all cases, possibly because people miss having a rule book in a secularised world (too much effort to think for yourself, far easier if someone else tells you how to be a good person).
If you argue that circumstances can be grey and unclear, you are branded an apologist. I think this approach is immature and unreasonable.
I think irredeemable monsters exist, I think sad apologists do exist, I think that sexism and sexual assault is tragically endemic in the workplace and indeed all walks of life… but I also think there are kind, compassionate people who’ve lost their way, and that the blunt rules of the modern age do not allow for forgiveness, healing and redemption in cases where it would be warranted. Instead they’re labelled and discarded in the same way as other, genuinely reprehensible characters.
Oh and I also think that mild or even harmless acts can be severely punished when the person is not in a position of authority, but that monsters in power frequently get away with causing serious harm to others.
Hugh is more versatile than I knew...Thanks for the upload!
He is my favorite character in the show
Never knew Tim Sherwood had felt like this
Season 2 is by far the best but this is the scene from the first season that really stuck with me.
Just in case you're wondering, this is the 21st century men goal regarding their love life, every word he just said is every man's goal in life. Me personally, i want my kids to tell their friends how cool their pops is because he works here or he does that, nothing would be make more happier than that i believe.
Women can have the goal too. I do
I went to my dads old college today ..tried to imagine how he felt going there.. i felt really proud knowing what he did
@@aduantas I agree haha
Those who've gone through hardships realize how useless glamor is. It doesn't provide your family with a good home, good relationships, good health, good upbringing, resources or security. Fashionable employment is as useful as a popularity contest.
You that scene in Avengers when Captain America said to Bruce Banner: “Isn’t it time for you to get angry?” And Bruce said: “That’s the trick, I’m always angry.”
I’m always sad….even when I look happy. I’m not. I just want to cry, all the time. But I’m afraid if I start I’ll never stop.
It’s such a very thin veneer.
You know how if you get a piece of paper wet it ripples and easily can tear. It’s like my smiling face, if I cry it’ll just…dissolve.
Best scene in the show. Our first real payoff, filmmakers finally cashing in the chips they EARNED. Just can’t decide whose line I love more...
I want to go home, sleep on my bed, wake up to the smell of my mom making breakfast, see my dad reading newspaper, have a beautiful meal Altogether with my parents and sisters.
Those Childhood Memories instigating nostalgia 😢
Same but only if we could turn back time
This scene always makes me tear up. I think about this scene on a daily basis. Probably because what they are longing for is what Ive been longing for too. It's so painful.
Also that man, I think, symbolises hope for Fleabag. He trusted her with money to run her café when her own relatives didn't even care.
That's a lovely interpretation, I really like that. And it suits what Phoebe has shared of the scripting nicely too.
Try it, crying all the time. Ignore the content of any thoughts that proceed that feeling; it’s just a story made up so that you can experience the emotion completely completely and deeply as many times as is needed.
Absolutely BEST SCENE EVER.
I’d like to be able to talk to people and they just listen to me.
Try saying something interesting.
I love this so much
As a random American who has only ever seen him in Taskmaster (and who"d already seen FB and never made the connection)... well wow. That's all. Wow.
You should look up "Scenes we´d like to see" here on UA-cam. A part of the panelshow of which he has been a captain for many years. They are great.
My instincts were, indeed, correct that Fleabag would not be my sort of thing.
Song: mirror lake.
He encapsulates exactly what any REAL man wants to do!
And if a man has goals that are different to that then you've deemed them to not be a REAL man?
Hugh Dennis is such a funny fellow. Who'd have thought he'd also have dramatic depths.
Even though “Fleabag” is considered a feminist show, it cannot be accused for being make bashing! Feminism doesn’t always mean that it’s anti-men! Most of the male characters on the show (except Fleabag’s brother in law), are portrayed more positively than the 3 main female characters. The show does not vilify all the men nor put all the women on pedestals, despite being called a “feminist show”. For all of the anti-feminism crowd, I recommend giving this show a chance before judging it!
It is.
I remember thinking just this as I saw it for the first time.
It's gratifying to know that many others had the same recognition. Thanks for posting.
"2019 - Present"
in Summary
Recording has started
What a lovely scene. Thanks for sharing.
I love this music. Is it her sister's composition?
Another beautiful scene - it is the small observations that make these so powerful
I love how they become friends
Does someone know the name of the piano song?
Mirror Lake by Angus McRae
This scene connects with you more than you know
I like "He went that way"
So you are telling me, you don’t need therapy if you smoke
No. Just a moment of honesty with someone that will truly listen.
This is some real writing here, something actually worth watching.
I think a lot of the time in movies/tv shows the emotion feels forced and fake. And whilst it still affects us there is something so indescribably human and relatable about this scene that always gets to me. I cry every time. It's a beautiful moment of TV. Perfectly written and perfectly acted.
I think about this scene and the scene where she tells the priest what she wants a LOT
Having not seen Fleabag, just watching this scene out of context reminds me of a 90s building society advert... I want to beeee a treeeeeeeee
You NEED to watch Fleabag - one of the top 10 social drama comedies of all time. To make it worth your while, the first few minutes of the very first episode is the best example of why this series is iconic & unparalleled. Netflix/disney/hulu/foxtell has nothing to compare. Give it a go, you wont regret it.
@@bundiboo I tried the first episode a year or two ago, didn't get passed 10 minutes. I'm a little bit outside the target demographic, it's just not for me. But thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply, have a good one.
he misses karen
Does anyone know the exact name of the music played in this scene ? I can’t find it anywhere 😢
I would expect the show to tear the bank guy down to shreds because 'modern day feminism'. But Phoebe didn't follow down that path. She instead turned him into a very real human being with flaws that wants to get better. He handled him without being judgemental. He used his narrative to describe human nature and what we all seek for. It is pure genius. It is so sad to watch what her deep, genius, witty writing ability turned out to be at the hands of Hollywood elites. Still, Fleabag is going to be one of my favourite shows of all time.
I've always known Hugh Dennis from Mock The Week. I'm shocked at how fabulous of an actor he is
I love Hugh Dennis so much.
Who wrote this?
Interestingly this definitely isn't the music it originally aired with, that was Allistrum's March by The Gloaming. I prefer that one, must be a rights thing.