The very first session with my therapist he told me I have to start swearing because "this good girl thing you have going on is literally killing you". I didn't know how literal that was at the time, but I can't say I'm surprised.
Women: I can't express my anger. Men: I can't express anything but anger. This is not to invalidate your argument (you are right, btw) but rather to say how fucked up all this social conditioning is.
Bro every women ive dealt with in the past 7-8 years have had no problem expressing anger and the anger was undeserved. I literally got them angry from just being a good unconditionally loving good guy. Their brains couldn't handle it cause of how bad society is, they were madly in love with me and at the same time extremely scared/fearful (for no reason because they have past trauma but im such an obvious safe bet in terms of loyalty/commitment) but thats exactly what makes them so scared. Because they are falling in love again, and because they are either: A.) Don't know unconditional love from God and how to reciprocate/accept it B.) Damaged/holds on to baggage (Again Jesus would help them here too) C.) Feel angry at themselves but will project it on you cause they treated you so badly but your so nice they gaslight you into thinking your an abuser because it makes them feel better about the abuse they do to you. Note: This only happens to men of God or men with good loyal, loving, kind, patient, understanding souls. However, Back before I spiritually changed, I was a manwhore who didn't care as much about the women cause I had so much going on in my life between playing in a Punk band at the time, my friends, gaming etc. Women would flock to me like crazy, be scared of me leaving them all the time. They want to make an uncertain man, certain about him and they want to do it too fast, in fact you have to wait for them to fall in love with you. But I didnt allow myself to fall in love like that in the beginning back in those days. Or i atleast didnt express it as honestly. TL;DR I became a Christian because of modern women/dating culture and want to find a partner in God cause the rest will just use me for sex or manipulate me to fulfill some desire. Give your life to Jesus Christ trust me its worth it.
Carl's dramatic cry "Sheryl! Sheryl what do we do??? Women are dying, Sheryl... Sheryyyl." really sells it to me. Remember fellas! Don't bottle your emotions! It KILLS you on the inside! This is why vent channels exist but maybe the internet isn't very good for emotional vulnerability so um support group! Community! Find yourself, find your people. And know that normalcy can go fvck itself, hurting shouldn't be normal!!! You are not a stereotype, you are a person and you should be able to exist without shoving your whole self down to be digestible. If people can't handle you, they can choke (because they can walk away, I don't know why they would insist on changing you to be their version of normal.)
i literally healed various harmless bodily pattern just from self-work and emotional regulation, lol. maybe i'm more unpleasant to some people because i'm no longer my fully people-pleasing self, but this is my life, too.
Well I feel better for letting loose to my husband who gaslit me about being upset about something that was upsetting.....Men cause a TON of stress so they deserve to hear about it when they stress us out!
Please stop partnering with BetterHelp. Between their horrible track record with patient care & information, and their active partnership with the Israeli government during a GENOCIDE THEY ARE COMMITTING, it's honestly upsetting to still see BetterHelp sponsorships from people I respect as creators
I have used better help with great success. Please list sources. And even if they did partner with the isreal government, you don’t think people in Israel would benefit from therapy? Especially if you are of the opinion that they are the only aggressors in that war?
“We need to reshape the virtues of womanhood. We've been unconsciously taught that our likability is our greatest asset. Instead of muting our feelings we need to ask ourselves, 'what do I need?'." My fave quote!
I have kind of a personal problem with the heart attack scenario, as it always ignores the fact, that women are way older (about 10 years, which on its own increases the mortality and lethality) when they get their first heart attack and they get them less often in total (between half and 1/3 less). Women respond way earlier to stress than men do, which in itself is part of the explanation, why they tend to get more mental and emotional symptoms, while men tend to get more somatic symptoms. It is a big factor, why women overall are getting older than men.
Part of why I got better over the last 3 years is because I stopped caring about following certain societal norms and I feel comparatively more secure and healthier now than then. I'm even over 60 pounds lighter now than then. Communication and self-advocacy go a long way, and the latter is something I still wrestle to do that my autism makes even harder.
Indeed since i was a kid i was taught i'm not allowed to be angry otherwise there will be consequences and now i became a "parental pleaser" because my dad is potentially aggressive. Nowadays i don't even know how to express my anger and resentment, i demonize my own rage like my parents did back then and i need lifetime therapy (besides moving out my parents house ofc) thank you Anna for bringing more awareness on this topic, love you so much ❤✨
As a physician specializing in autoimmune thyroid issues, I see a strong correlation between "that which is NOT being said" and thyroid disease. No surprises at all. It's so great that you quoted that study.
I'm curious what the impact is on men. As we're not allowed to express our emotions either. Regardless, it's insane the detriment social stands have on our mental and physical health. Thanks for these insightful videos. 😁
Check out "when the body says no" by gabor mate he goes over very similar topics but for both men and women, he discusses how repressing emotions, especially anger, is stressful on the body and causes all kinds of issues with the immune system
You're absolutely right, this is a universal problem rooted in societal norms : women have to be tamed, quiet, caring ; men have to be tough all the time, leaders, not show emotion other than anger otherwise they are labeled as weak, and that includes love imo. Hopefully, everything is changing little by little for both.
My problem is different. I have never had it easy to speak about my issues with a male therapists. I always had the assumption in me that women are more empathic ones and open minded. so it will be easier for me to open in front of women. Also, the fact that psychology and psychiatric fields are dominated by women tells much. but what I found discouraging is that those female therapists, they were usually trying to fix my problems, like they would with a woman. The greatest chilling effect on me was when one of female psychologists said that she sides with women even subconsciously. not sure if she tried to be funny or what. So for years now I have all of those things in me that I feel physically like they consume me slowly. to the point i had a stroke a few years back bc im kinda introvertic type.
This is fascinating. I'm willing to bet the answer would be "yes", but I am curious: if biological men did these same habits that caused health problems that you described here, would those men suffer the same consequences? Or does it impact them differently due to some biological factors (not societal factors)? Did the studies only focus on women, or does this apply equally across the human experience?
A woman communicating .... Is often a silent gesture under a Cresent new moon . . If more men noticed those moments where you just cannot fix something there might be less of a problem . School is often called an education but I learned all the important stuff from watching my sister at 15 and my mother at 40 . A woman is the most complex entity in the universe .
I clicked on this because I am self-silencing. A lot.. and I wanted to see if there were any parallels I could draw between women and myself. I feel even more like the correct answer is to self-silence, because people do NOT wanna hear this sh*t from a male.
I don't think thats the point, the point is that women self-silence as a group, hence the studies carried out with that group. Any and all persons should still feel safe enough to express themselves, and as Anna said ask "what to I need". You're still a person and you should still treat your brain like a human brain; one that needs to be heard.
Im sorry... Where are these "people pleasers"? Where I am I only see "angry, loud, very talkitive" women. Its all about "me, me, me". Must be super healthy here.
I was waiting for the twist when you sgared some honrst frustration & anger and Carl totally dismissed it or got in a strop 😅😂 Because being on women's side is easy until you dont habe a good girl to deal with 👀
1. I got told that women have more autoimmune disease because men have less powerful immune because testosteroni (so man flu real for real) 2. I am quite confused about how i feel about mustaches
Only a person who has never been thought how to express emotions and advocate themselves (through modeling that behaviour) will explode in my opinion. The less tools you have to get what you need, the more emotional you're gonna be about it.
PLEASE do not spread this psycho social narrative about illness. The research is made to make it make sense that our "self silencing" is the reason we get sick, but it's just another way of blaming women - instead of doing actual biomedical research AND create outer political change that allows us to care for our bodies. Of course let's create a world where women are (actually) safe to not "self silence", but the reason we get sick more is because our bodies are different to men's, and most of the research is done on men. For example: The reason more women get long covid is likely because our immune systems function differently because if it didn't we wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Please don't spread this psycho social narrative, it's so damaging to those of us who are sick and are waiting for funding for biomedical research, that could actually be helpful 🫣 Love from a very not "self silenced" woman with a severe chronic illness 🥴
Thanks for explaining why I wake up 5-8x per night for the last 10y, have IBS and depression. Life of a typical woman... while men climb the corpo ladder and shaggs everything that moves, I'm glad my sacrifice has been helpful... now I only have to die from a heart attack or cancer to go full circle. Is there hope people?
Men aren't aloud to express there feelings when we do we are mad into monsters. if we are upset and and express sadness or depression we are put down or evn ghosted. How about you tell me what feelings im aloud to have and how to express them. What your talking about is when men have to deal with. Speak up about what men go through please. I do love your content andhae watched fow a while now.
The very first session with my therapist he told me I have to start swearing because "this good girl thing you have going on is literally killing you".
I didn't know how literal that was at the time, but I can't say I'm surprised.
Awesome!!
WOW!!, 😮😮😲
I genuinely thought huh that's a weird looking cat 😂
okay this CRACKED me UP
😂😂
Well researched. Well presented. Highly appropriate.
You do good work.
"Cancer's not caused by what you eat. Cancer's caused by what's eating you."
Women: I can't express my anger.
Men: I can't express anything but anger.
This is not to invalidate your argument (you are right, btw) but rather to say how fucked up all this social conditioning is.
Right !!, true !!
Bro every women ive dealt with in the past 7-8 years have had no problem expressing anger and the anger was undeserved. I literally got them angry from just being a good unconditionally loving good guy. Their brains couldn't handle it cause of how bad society is, they were madly in love with me and at the same time extremely scared/fearful (for no reason because they have past trauma but im such an obvious safe bet in terms of loyalty/commitment) but thats exactly what makes them so scared.
Because they are falling in love again, and because they are either:
A.) Don't know unconditional love from God and how to reciprocate/accept it
B.) Damaged/holds on to baggage (Again Jesus would help them here too)
C.) Feel angry at themselves but will project it on you cause they treated you so badly but your so nice they gaslight you into thinking your an abuser because it makes them feel better about the abuse they do to you.
Note: This only happens to men of God or men with good loyal, loving, kind, patient, understanding souls.
However, Back before I spiritually changed, I was a manwhore who didn't care as much about the women cause I had so much going on in my life between playing in a Punk band at the time, my friends, gaming etc. Women would flock to me like crazy, be scared of me leaving them all the time. They want to make an uncertain man, certain about him and they want to do it too fast, in fact you have to wait for them to fall in love with you. But I didnt allow myself to fall in love like that in the beginning back in those days. Or i atleast didnt express it as honestly.
TL;DR I became a Christian because of modern women/dating culture and want to find a partner in God cause the rest will just use me for sex or manipulate me to fulfill some desire.
Give your life to Jesus Christ trust me its worth it.
Carl's dramatic cry "Sheryl! Sheryl what do we do??? Women are dying, Sheryl... Sheryyyl." really sells it to me.
Remember fellas! Don't bottle your emotions! It KILLS you on the inside! This is why vent channels exist but maybe the internet isn't very good for emotional vulnerability so um support group! Community! Find yourself, find your people. And know that normalcy can go fvck itself, hurting shouldn't be normal!!! You are not a stereotype, you are a person and you should be able to exist without shoving your whole self down to be digestible. If people can't handle you, they can choke (because they can walk away, I don't know why they would insist on changing you to be their version of normal.)
Such a beautiful comment to read. Bless ur soul dude I hope the best in life comes to you ❤ you get it
Emotional labour is LABOUR
Men do most of the emotional labor because they have to listen to women gripe all the time.
2:35 😂 "what can we do Cheryl the women are dying"
that was so unfairly funny lmao
Anna honestly the only thing that has made me survive without therapy are ur videos fr. i lit love ur videos sm
i literally healed various harmless bodily pattern just from self-work and emotional regulation, lol. maybe i'm more unpleasant to some people because i'm no longer my fully people-pleasing self, but this is my life, too.
1:06 "oh my goddess"
“… our likeability is our greatest asset”
2:47 :”eurrghh!!”
Well I feel better for letting loose to my husband who gaslit me about being upset about something that was upsetting.....Men cause a TON of stress so they deserve to hear about it when they stress us out!
Right !!!😮😮
You tell them. They really call us crazy when they’re the ones pretending and conveniently forgetting. Never stop believing yourself ❤
2:45
Correction: likeability is a distant second graders asset. The "greatest" asset is our attractiveness to men.
all of those key points are painfully accurate.
yes as a bengali women and a doctor I agree the repulsion of self sacrifice
Learning About myself everyday. Thanks Anna Akana👍🏾😊
This needs to be shared more!!!
Please stop partnering with BetterHelp. Between their horrible track record with patient care & information, and their active partnership with the Israeli government during a GENOCIDE THEY ARE COMMITTING, it's honestly upsetting to still see BetterHelp sponsorships from people I respect as creators
Its concerning I agree
That is concerning - I’m curious about sources; is this on their site?
YES!!! other brands will work with her
I have used better help with great success. Please list sources.
And even if they did partner with the isreal government, you don’t think people in Israel would benefit from therapy? Especially if you are of the opinion that they are the only aggressors in that war?
We wanna know what you're gonna do Anna, we wanna knowwwww, this is a tesssssst
“We need to reshape the virtues of womanhood. We've been unconsciously taught that our likability is our greatest asset. Instead of muting our feelings we need to ask ourselves, 'what do I need?'." My fave quote!
0:36 Happy Belated International Men’s Day to the MVP, Carl
I have kind of a personal problem with the heart attack scenario, as it always ignores the fact, that women are way older (about 10 years, which on its own increases the mortality and lethality) when they get their first heart attack and they get them less often in total (between half and 1/3 less).
Women respond way earlier to stress than men do, which in itself is part of the explanation, why they tend to get more mental and emotional symptoms, while men tend to get more somatic symptoms.
It is a big factor, why women overall are getting older than men.
The 1812 Overture adds to the tension. Nicely done.
Carl's a good guy.
Part of why I got better over the last 3 years is because I stopped caring about following certain societal norms and I feel comparatively more secure and healthier now than then. I'm even over 60 pounds lighter now than then.
Communication and self-advocacy go a long way, and the latter is something I still wrestle to do that my autism makes even harder.
Indeed since i was a kid i was taught i'm not allowed to be angry otherwise there will be consequences and now i became a "parental pleaser" because my dad is potentially aggressive. Nowadays i don't even know how to express my anger and resentment, i demonize my own rage like my parents did back then and i need lifetime therapy (besides moving out my parents house ofc) thank you Anna for bringing more awareness on this topic, love you so much ❤✨
Thank you Anna.
Im fuckin fired up
Oh my godDESS!
As a physician specializing in autoimmune thyroid issues, I see a strong correlation between "that which is NOT being said" and thyroid disease. No surprises at all. It's so great that you quoted that study.
Could you share what study is being referred in your comment?
Good advice Anna, for both women and men.
reakkly needed to hesr this love anna y
Karl melting against the wall crying "the woman are dying what can we do" over and over is such a mood XD
Another fun fact I remember was even criticism and conflict in partnership produces chronic issues in the long run.
1:11 I died at "Oh my god-dess". XD
I love this series!!
So important!
You know Carl isn't actually male because he CARES about this issue and wants to help....
GREAT POINT out !& sadly not surprised !!, we are taught lies to put ourselves last in society..😑
We need ro do our self care too .! 😼😌👍
I'm curious what the impact is on men. As we're not allowed to express our emotions either. Regardless, it's insane the detriment social stands have on our mental and physical health. Thanks for these insightful videos. 😁
Like men cannot be sad then women cannot be angry 😭
Check out "when the body says no" by gabor mate he goes over very similar topics but for both men and women, he discusses how repressing emotions, especially anger, is stressful on the body and causes all kinds of issues with the immune system
@@stularkin5 Gabor Maté is the 🐐
men don't have feelings, women have only irrational feelings! yay society!
You're absolutely right, this is a universal problem rooted in societal norms : women have to be tamed, quiet, caring ; men have to be tough all the time, leaders, not show emotion other than anger otherwise they are labeled as weak, and that includes love imo.
Hopefully, everything is changing little by little for both.
Could you please link to the science and drop betterhelp ❤
My problem is different. I have never had it easy to speak about my issues with a male therapists. I always had the assumption in me that women are more empathic ones and open minded. so it will be easier for me to open in front of women. Also, the fact that psychology and psychiatric fields are dominated by women tells much.
but what I found discouraging is that those female therapists, they were usually trying to fix my problems, like they would with a woman. The greatest chilling effect on me was when one of female psychologists said that she sides with women even subconsciously. not sure if she tried to be funny or what.
So for years now I have all of those things in me that I feel physically like they consume me slowly. to the point i had a stroke a few years back bc im kinda introvertic type.
Men self silence a lot.
Yeah, Carl!
Loved your stand up last night, thanks for coming to Indianapolis!
This is fascinating. I'm willing to bet the answer would be "yes", but I am curious: if biological men did these same habits that caused health problems that you described here, would those men suffer the same consequences? Or does it impact them differently due to some biological factors (not societal factors)? Did the studies only focus on women, or does this apply equally across the human experience?
Completely distracted by the cute pup 🐶
this explains why i have pcos
Betterhelp really?! We all just pretending like this is a legit Therapy service again?!
Experienced this myself
Wow, I'd like to meet the women you hang out with because none of the ones I know could ever be caused of self-silencing. lol
Idk what you said after I can hold you up but that was so funny thank you
2:47 is gold
AMEN!
RIP women, you had a good run 🙏
I wanna know if the loneliness can make woman stay lonely for too long and can u make a vlog out of it too
A woman communicating .... Is often a silent gesture under a Cresent new moon . .
If more men noticed those moments where you just cannot fix something there might be less of a problem .
School is often called an education but I learned all the important stuff from watching my sister at 15 and my mother at 40 .
A woman is the most complex entity in the universe .
"Why you waving your hand in my face?!" 😂😂😂
all is down to stress and its influence on our lives.. i'm currently paying the price..
"Oh my goddess" 🥰🥰🥰
Oh hey, this helps explain how I suddenly got sick after finally processing the reality of the latest US election.
Great timing, Anna!
Well, I guess I'm on the right track. I was trying to stop verbally slapping idiots, but maybe I'll just aim for switching to I feel statements
That’s wild, but also not surprising at all
Wow.
Also…your hair has gotten so long over these years! I’ve been watching for a while now ❤️
Intuitively i new repression was killing other people... But not I 👊🏻💥🤬
Carl for prez
STOP PROMOTING BETTERHELP
i feel u, i personally HATE it but i also know a lot of ppl who really liked it it too🧍🏾♀️
Why is that dog there?
So women, especially WOC, should express their negative emotions and communicate their needs and boundaries
I thought the twice as likely to die after a heart attack was due to doctors no diagnosing women's heart attacks?
When did she get a dog?
I clicked on this because I am self-silencing. A lot.. and I wanted to see if there were any parallels I could draw between women and myself. I feel even more like the correct answer is to self-silence, because people do NOT wanna hear this sh*t from a male.
I don't think thats the point, the point is that women self-silence as a group, hence the studies carried out with that group. Any and all persons should still feel safe enough to express themselves, and as Anna said ask "what to I need". You're still a person and you should still treat your brain like a human brain; one that needs to be heard.
Im sorry... Where are these "people pleasers"?
Where I am I only see "angry, loud, very talkitive" women. Its all about "me, me, me".
Must be super healthy here.
Sounds like weathering but generalized to all female POC
I know a lot of black people and they are not afraid to say what's on their mind - they don't act like victims at all and they are not
I was waiting for the twist when you sgared some honrst frustration & anger and Carl totally dismissed it or got in a strop 😅😂 Because being on women's side is easy until you dont habe a good girl to deal with 👀
However on average woman live longer than men. I'm not sure I would want to live longer again.
WAS THE "BINGO-BANGO" A REFERENCE TO FUNBUCKET? 😭😭😭
Cuando vuelves a salir en alguna pelicula de Marvel??? Me gusto mucho verte ahi
‘Oh my goddess’ 😂
science communication and feminisim in science queen !!!
❤❤❤awwww!! PUPPY!!❤❤❤
Dog?! But cats!
When is Karl one Man show?
💯
………. Self……. Silencing
ua-cam.com/video/BnaAM4mHzEY/v-deo.htmlsi=5d4jIw4yEIDh6bwE
0:42 no they dont
I think youre confusing me with john
Dont take my silent hill reference. You sound dumb
2:52 anna………….. what does that even mean? Communicate what to whom?
1. I got told that women have more autoimmune disease because men have less powerful immune because testosteroni (so man flu real for real)
2. I am quite confused about how i feel about mustaches
Nobody should be self silencing. But exploding anywhere willy nilly is a problem too
Only a person who has never been thought how to express emotions and advocate themselves (through modeling that behaviour) will explode in my opinion. The less tools you have to get what you need, the more emotional you're gonna be about it.
Please don’t explode my Willy
Why does her cat look like a dog? I’m confused.
okay Carl lets go back to work haha
*comment* ❤❤ (I don't have anything smart to say) ❤❤
haha no wonder my stomach hurts all the time
Is this the reason why I developed MS?, I'm a dude
Why do women live longer 🧐
what like men keeping emotions in because our girlfriends will lose respect for us?
PLEASE do not spread this psycho social narrative about illness. The research is made to make it make sense that our "self silencing" is the reason we get sick, but it's just another way of blaming women - instead of doing actual biomedical research AND create outer political change that allows us to care for our bodies.
Of course let's create a world where women are (actually) safe to not "self silence", but the reason we get sick more is because our bodies are different to men's, and most of the research is done on men.
For example: The reason more women get long covid is likely because our immune systems function differently because if it didn't we wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Please don't spread this psycho social narrative, it's so damaging to those of us who are sick and are waiting for funding for biomedical research, that could actually be helpful 🫣
Love from a very not "self silenced" woman with a severe chronic illness 🥴
🤍🤍🤍
Women live longer than men on average 😂
Thanks for explaining why I wake up 5-8x per night for the last 10y, have IBS and depression. Life of a typical woman... while men climb the corpo ladder and shaggs everything that moves, I'm glad my sacrifice has been helpful... now I only have to die from a heart attack or cancer to go full circle.
Is there hope people?
Not being a pushover is a healthy advise for both women and ”modern men”.
Men aren't aloud to express there feelings when we do we are mad into monsters. if we are upset and and express sadness or depression we are put down or evn ghosted. How about you tell me what feelings im aloud to have and how to express them. What your talking about is when men have to deal with. Speak up about what men go through please. I do love your content andhae watched fow a while now.
Does race have something to do with this?
I don’t want them to like me, I want them to fear me.