I’m 58 years old, and last Monday, I found out about this condition. Until Monday at 1 p.m., I thought I was a visual person who could see in my mind. As the cords began to unravel, I realized that I was blind and only using cognitive skills to recall the past. All at once, my life began to make sense: why school was so hard, why I can’t remember details, why creativity is so difficult for me, why certain things people said seemed like metaphors and not reality, and why I could not close my eyes and relax. My first reaction was that I’d been cheated. Then I felt relief that it was a somewhat normal thing for some. It’s not going to change my life, but only how I look at it. I’m going to have an easier time explaining to people why I do the things I do. I have been successful by society’s standards. I have a college degree, am the CIO of a large school district, have a wife and two kids, and three grandchildren, but it did not come without very hard work. My thoughts after a week are that this has made me who I am today, and I’m not sure I would change if I could go back.
yes, this needs to be talked more about, A LOT more. the neurodiversity topic is everywhere these these days, which is great, but aphantasia is NEVER mentioned.i discovered i have this after 43 (!) years of existence, by myself, not any shrink etc, and it explained so much why i have felt broken, misplaced, shapeless all my damned "life". there was more things for me i think, i felt broken on emotional level since little kid too, but everyone around me always, giving lots of "good advices" rooted in the assumption that EVERYONE can visualize etc (i have multisensory aphantasia btw) only escalated that damned shapeless alienation. being called lazy, selfish, indifferent, sloppy, not wanting to change your life, all those things, been through that too ofc. the thing that is hillarious that i was actually diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder around 20 years ago which is probably true, at least i have all the symptoms on a level that actually impairs my life significantly, but noone, just NOONE ever mentioned i might have freaking aphantasia, which was probably the root of everything thinking of it now. apparently the name of the condition hasnt even existed for more than 10 years.
I have always told people I have a "bad memory." Before they could respond I would say no really much much worse than yours. Before I discovered Aphantasia and SDAM I could not articulate what I meant. Now I can. Terrifying indeed. Before I had heard about Aphantasia and SDAM I told my wife many times that I would never know if I was going senile. Now I know I am not alone. Is it still scary? Yes, but knowing I am not a lone and having terms for these things makes it a little easier to deal with.
This video having so few views highlights how bad the generational divide on certain topics like psychology and neurodiversity really is... which is a shame tbh
I’m 58 years old, and last Monday, I found out about this condition. Until Monday at 1 p.m., I thought I was a visual person who could see in my mind. As the cords began to unravel, I realized that I was blind and only using cognitive skills to recall the past. All at once, my life began to make sense: why school was so hard, why I can’t remember details, why creativity is so difficult for me, why certain things people said seemed like metaphors and not reality, and why I could not close my eyes and relax. My first reaction was that I’d been cheated. Then I felt relief that it was a somewhat normal thing for some. It’s not going to change my life, but only how I look at it. I’m going to have an easier time explaining to people why I do the things I do. I have been successful by society’s standards. I have a college degree, am the CIO of a large school district, have a wife and two kids, and three grandchildren, but it did not come without very hard work. My thoughts after a week are that this has made me who I am today, and I’m not sure I would change if I could go back.
yes, this needs to be talked more about, A LOT more. the neurodiversity topic is everywhere these these days, which is great, but aphantasia is NEVER mentioned.i discovered i have this after 43 (!) years of existence, by myself, not any shrink etc, and it explained so much why i have felt broken, misplaced, shapeless all my damned "life". there was more things for me i think, i felt broken on emotional level since little kid too, but everyone around me always, giving lots of "good advices" rooted in the assumption that EVERYONE can visualize etc (i have multisensory aphantasia btw) only escalated that damned shapeless alienation. being called lazy, selfish, indifferent, sloppy, not wanting to change your life, all those things, been through that too ofc. the thing that is hillarious that i was actually diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder around 20 years ago which is probably true, at least i have all the symptoms on a level that actually impairs my life significantly, but noone, just NOONE ever mentioned i might have freaking aphantasia, which was probably the root of everything thinking of it now. apparently the name of the condition hasnt even existed for more than 10 years.
I have always told people I have a "bad memory." Before they could respond I would say no really much much worse than yours. Before I discovered Aphantasia and SDAM I could not articulate what I meant. Now I can. Terrifying indeed. Before I had heard about Aphantasia and SDAM I told my wife many times that I would never know if I was going senile. Now I know I am not alone. Is it still scary? Yes, but knowing I am not a lone and having terms for these things makes it a little easier to deal with.
This video having so few views highlights how bad the generational divide on certain topics like psychology and neurodiversity really is... which is a shame tbh