I'm so happy to see people starting to talk about attachment disorders/styles. After many years in traditional therapy I finally read about attachment disorder and was blown away as I read all about my life!! I was both anxious and avoidant at times. I'm happy to report that I am now a secure person capable of relating with anyone in a positive manner...it is possible to change and overcome...this isn't a life sentence!!!
@Michelle Royal Hi Michelle, I found some relief from reading books on the topic and understanding that it was caused by childhood conditioning, I then embarked on a journey of discovering the limiting beliefs I held about myself and others....I followed a metaphysical path learning from the Teachings of Joshua ,Bashar. Abraham Hicks and others about my true nature....I hope this helps
I'm in love with an avoidant partner. I'm an anxious type. I've had a horrible childhood. Didn't have my father. Left when I was three. My mom was a single mom raising three kids. We had to raise ourselves. I'm always looking for ways to breakup with my bf. I don't think he hears me. He is avoidant. But I love him. I don't know how to fix this
@@Phoenix-qj9vu You love your BF, but more than likely you are attached rather than in love....if you feel like you need him, that is attachment. See my comment above regarding my personal journey, good luck!
i have felt my relationship anxiety getting so intense and today was the breaking point. my partner isnt doing anything wrong! but im so fuckin anxious! this couldnt have came at a better time. thank you for empowering me Krystal!
I feel that way too sometimes :( I'm sorry. It's hard to know when they are doing something wrong or we are doing something wrong. I have issues figuring it out between the two. Spend lots of time alone and focus on yourself and your life
Totally the best visual attachment points clarified everything...felt like a weight of my shoulders.. this fear is mistaken by the jealousy trait...I can walk away from infidelity but difficult and fear them walking away from who I am is more painful
Thank you ❤ I have been doing the "I'm going to text back later instead of right now" Definitley want to not do this anymore, I get afraid that my friends or love interests will think I'm way too available, when really I just get so excited and want to talk to the people I care about Best wishes towards everything mentioned in this video, hope you have a great weekend!
Perfect timing, thank you sooo much! I’m definitely anxious in relationships and it’s so hard. I constantly overthink and overanalyze, I imagine break up scenarios and I always feel in pain. I’m in a beautiful relationship at the moment with a partner who has a secure attachment style with anxious tendencies but I’m still so afraid to be abandoned again, because I’m not used to people treating me well and really wanting to be with me. It’s so tiring to be in this anxious place all the time but I’m working so hard on it and you really gave me hope that I’m able to manage it some day. Knowing that I’m not alone with this and that you and a lot of other people feel or felt the same way makes me feel less like a traumatized alien 👽 much love to you and thanks for sharing 🙏🏽💖
Hi, how is it going for you now. My gf is incredibly anxious. She had a father that was not involed in her life, so she has immense struggle in relationship like shes not enough
Me 5.. I'm in an amazing relationship and loved .. I'm tired of fighting my defense mechanism and self sabotaging what I know I deserve and is God sent. We are all blessed fight on!!! Love like we know how to love
This helped me so much today...I just got out of a bad living situation and started connecting with a woman on such a deep spiritual level but I was getting bad anxiety about text time inbetween conversation. I feel so strong and safe in my body right now but noticing my separation and anxiety towards waiting for her response. I been writing in my journal about anxious attachment and this has truly helped me identify my needs right now...I crave intimacy and a safe person but not ready to commit to anyone. The story I tell myself is "I came on too strong" or "must have said something wrong" This is just the anxious fear inside me, stemming from when I was abandoned at the age of 6. I spoke from my heart because I am a leo and have such an abundance of love and light...I want everyone to feel loved! But need to allow space and return to myself. I meditate and go to the gym every day. I feel whole as a person. Maybe this is why I am starting to notice these little things. I will continue to do the work 💪
Mrs. Aranyani, you are one of the most wise and insightful people I have ever listened to! You seem to have a better understanding of human psychology than most registered psychologists. I have a lifetime of abandonment issues because I felt abandoned when my parents put me in mental hospitals and group homes growing up and I lost many friends in life due to social difficulties from the Asperger's syndrome that I suffer from When you mentioned being honest with a partner as you were when you told them your "attachment style" should I tell potential partners early on about my autistic spectrum condition? I really agreed with not "playing games" and just being your AUTHENTIC SELF. People with Asperger's syndrome try to hide the social difficulty by doing something called "masking" and it is exhausting. When I am "myself" I get very NERDY.
I definitely have had a very anxious attachment style for years, following various traumas. I had no working relationships before I took my own power back, learned how to love myself and break the codependency hell I was living in. Dark night of the soul was so real, with only myself to bear witness. Once I was truly loving myself and feeling secure with myself I found my partner, who is a deeply secure person. I know I'm not perfect, I have difficulties with attachment still- but my relationship has helped to heal me further, I am slowly learning trust and security. And I am so grateful for the unconditional love and healing my partner gives me every day. To know peace in a divine union is the most blissful gift of this precious life.
Had me in tears most the video. In a relationship with the only girl who’s made me feel like I’m important and my feelings matter. I love her so deep and she loves me back but I have these terrible abandonment issues in her absence and it’s been awful as far as the anxiety goes. She’s so helpful but I still get the feelings and have been so lost as to how to help it. Thank you for this video
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this! It has resonated with me deeply. I have always been aware intellectually of my behaviour but never truly understood my emotional why. Thank you, Love and light.
I have always been single, and I've created this wonderful relationship with myself being alone (I'm 29). But what's a challenge now is being with someone and forming a relationship with them. I had my first relationship a few months ago and it was a short one but since I know me so well and I know what I want, I had to tell him bye. I did learn more about myself from that experience. I guess the question for myself would be: why am I scared to open/love someone else deeply? Maybe because they will end up disappointing me... I don't know lol I'm still exploring myself but Thank you for this video!
This is such an important topic and such an incredible healing tool in our relationships 💚 one little thing I'd like to add for anyone reading this is there are four attachment styles - you can be a combination of anxious and avoidant which is called fearful avoidant. It has its own set of difficulties seperate from the other two insecure types so it's worth knowing about 🌻
Thank you so much for sharing Krystal, I think this can help so many people. Knowing this changed my life when I found out, and I love how you’re giving people tips on how to work with it to make it better. I just wanted to add though, there is also a 4th attachment style which is called fearful avoidant, which is basically a mix of the two. It might be helpful for people to also know that; it was my attachment style and I worked through it in therapy. For me I needed to learn to not walk away when relationships got too intimate, and also not cling to people the moment I felt they were leaving. My tip is to spend time alone loving yourself, but also finding out what your needs are and communicating them with the people around you and not expecting one person to meet them but spread them over a few people and yourself of course 😊 this helped me a lot. I’m glad you also advise people to seek counselling because the secure relationship with a therapist can really help. No playing games, you will find the perfect secure partner who will be able to receive and return all the love you have to give with your beautiful big heart 🧡🌺
Glad you feeling better. I have such bad abandonment issues that I was diagnosed with BPD. And what used to happen is I'd push people away because I always thought they would leave anyway. I remain single now because it's not fair on the other person. I love your videos but I'm not a huge comment leaver, but thank you for this 💓💓💓
It can be common to push others away out of fear of them leaving anyway, I hope you find ways to manage it for future relationships though love, you don't have to remain single but spending time alone first is so important
Sending you love ❤️❤️❤️ I have friends that had the BPD diagnosis and no longer identify with having it so there's definitely hope to feel safer as time goes on 🦋
Krystal Aranyani thank you for replying Krystal, I have been on my own for 2 years now and although it does get lonely I am definitely working on loving myself first and foremost 🥰🥰🥰
B awww thank you so much for your lovely reply. I am 44 next month so I don’t feel there is much hope for me, I also have rapid cycling bipolar but I stopped for meds for that nearly a year ago because they where making everything foggy. I still have depressing episodes but now I have a little grandson he makes me very happy so I focus on him and my own children and things have gotten better. So maybe you’re right one day I might be able to love again ( in a relationship way ) thanks sweetie 🥰🥰🥰
This was awesome Krystal. I have exactly the same attachment style which is hard because I am also deeply loving and when I trust someone I am super affectionate. Also the part about people saying abandonment issues only happen is childhood really resonated with me too because I have always thought the same - I had a great child hood so go figure.. And that's exactly right, I think a lot of mine has happened later in life. Just because you are no longer a child does not mean you are no longer a human. I feel a lot better now knowing I am not alone in feeling this way and that there really is nothing wrong with me everyone is who they are and that's all there is to it. Also I love how you hardly edit your videos, it makes for a very authentic experience ❤
This was one of the best videos I have seen about abandonment issues. I have found myself trying to pace myself about texting someone back because I didn't want to appear too"attached" Thank you for all your GREAT advice! xoxo
I have been in this situation a couple of times, I’m anxious but I have also been avoidant and between secure, I think it can vary and I have spent so much time understanding this, it is a very painful process especially when on the search for love, I love your openness, you are an honest beautiful soul ❤️
I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me until I did my own research and came across abandonment issues. I found an article that brought chills down my spine it was so accurate to my life word for word. I’ve always pushed away loved ones because I’m in constant fear that they will eventually leave me cheat on me etc but in reality it’s just my past trauma that I start to think about that causes me to make up these scenarios that the person I’m with now is going to do the very same thing. It’s a constant battle, but I am starting a self healing journey. I need to learn to control my thoughts because not everyone is a bad person.
Thank you for being open and honest about the struggle you went through when first adjusting to being alone. It’s especially helpful that you explained that you felt incomplete, cried daily, but eventually got used to it and learned how to care for yourself and be your own person. I think it just helped me understand the concept, even if it’s only a fraction more decipherable. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and your lessons with others. Thanks.
Krystal, this spoke to me so deeply. You have helped me feel not so alone and alien. I understand why I am the way that I am now and why my last relationship was so toxic due to my attachment style. Thank you for bringing clarity and light to this subject, what a blessing! Namaste.
Prob one of the most profound and realest videos I’ve seen thank you for coming into my life today I can see and feel your pain! It’s like looking in a mirror Thank you blessed soul for explaining this and helping me to understand my issues god bless to you
Those are great pointers. My partner is very caring, and he does all that he can to understand how I feel. Pain can be very struggling, and I am glad that I got out of my toxic relationship and I am never going to back to that. Thank you Krystal
thank you for posting! I have been going through the process of healing from an abusive relationship. It goes in waves. Right now I feel like I can’t trust anyone in an intimate setting. Your thoughts have motivated me to be graceful with myself and lean into the healing process! much love 💗
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I find GI issues to be the most challenging to deal with. It's hard to do anything if you can't even eat normally! The concept of attachment style is new to me. I'd say I've exhibited behavior from all three, but I'm primarily "secure". I was in a near 10 year relationship with someone who was extremely on the "anxious" side. Over the life of the relationship she increasing required more and more of my attention and reassurance, which I gave freely. In the end, I was made to feel guilty even mowing the lawn because I wasn't spending that time with her. I completely lost who I was and had to call it quits to save myself. I've mostly avoided romantic relationships since. I know I should get out there again, but being alone is less complicated.
Such a beautiful soul and great advice!! My fear of abandonment makes me feel that I can never be okay alone also my dad used to tell me I’m afraid to be alone and I realize I’m more afraid of the idea.
Thank you for sharing your story. I just started trying to understand my abandonment issues. You described my feelings & experiences. I didn’t know it was a form of anxiety. Thank you. Now I’m understanding this a little bit more. I was abandoned my mother & biologic father. Honestly, now i know i will be alone. I just left a man who was avoided style. And he just moved on without a care to another relationship. I do overthink. Now I’m trying to heal. Self care. Self love. Everyday i get better. But now that I’m healing i want to be single. Because i no longer want that powerless feeling. Getting stronger.
I have an anxious attachment style and I've been drawn to avoidants (friends and romantic partners) ever since I can remember. This year I have finally started accepting this/ working on this. Thank you for your video. I find your words so helpful right now
Hi Krystal. Just watching your video I could feel the pain. I just didn't understand why you might think you will carry the pain of 7 years old forever. many of us who have such pain hide it behind the distractions like happiness and the unattended issue, later on, becomes so big that we have no choice other than listening to it. I'm so glad that you listen to your feelings and validate them. I've learned to take my painful emotions further steps and it has helped me a lot. if someone abandons you today it triggers the pain of 7-year-old Krystal because the child you still has unmet needs and triggering the same pain in yours today's life is her way of communicating this with you by feeling the pain and once being that girl you can understand and see the pain of your child self better than anyone and so you know better than anyone what she needs and what should have been done. simply in your mind connect with her through the pain and be there and meet the child's need and set her free to go. maybe she needs her parents hugging her and being with her, maybe an explanation from her siblings or whatever she needs you can understand it better than anyone today. you can then put the child in a safe place. I've done these steps and feel a lot better with my abandonment issue. this process is called "The completion process" by Teal Swan and is published as a book by hayhouse. here is a video of the process ua-cam.com/video/1C3IcFX5yu4/v-deo.html Byron Katie's work has another approach. I find her way of thinking about painful situations very helpful. here is a video: ua-cam.com/video/O4S77nRvNmA/v-deo.html wish you the best ✨
Wow!!! I RESONATE WITH ALL OF THIS, I wear my heart on my sleeve and fear being hurt so I tend to overthink and it's a viscous cycle. Definitely putting in the work ❤
I'm grateful for finding this video when I did! Yes this is part of me i can identify with. I'm about to enter my first relationship my So has been in a couple relationships before. With everything I healed and grown from, anxiety is still there. Getting close to someone like this brings up a lot in me to heal I don't want it to affect me.
I love this. I am definitely going to try all of these techniques. You have such amazing, sweet, loving energy. This video made me feel a lot better just by watching it; can't wait to implement these exercises. My bf and I have been together 1.5 years and even within one time of me feeling ignored or abandoned (he needs space and time to think and needs to be left alone to figure things out or else he gets extremely stressed when cornered or attacked) I want to break everything off because I feel so ignored, neglected, and unloved. I have a hard time discerning when he does something wrong or when I do. He is definitely a secure attachment type but he's not a big talker and is introverted unlike me, so we struggle with this so much. He gets triggered when cornered and I get triggered when I feel ignored, even if he is just taking space to think and work things over on his own.
i honestly didn’t know there was different styles of abandonment until watching this video.Thank you for making this video for people to better understand
I like your videos and respect you as a person. If I may share my experience in that issue, there are two different voices inside of our hearts; they are the voice of Fear and the voice of Love. Simply the voice of fear tells us always that we are incomplete and not enough - not good enough, not smart enough, not feminine enough, not masculine enough, etc. - and also in each situations try to tell us that we might be wrong, we might make a mistake. The voice of fear will not allow us to forgive ourselves for mistakes we done in the past. On the other have there is also the voice of Love, it always tells us that we are complete, that we are right, it makes us comfortable and feel safe. It always tells us that we are Love. That was the theory, now the practical part: on a piece of paper, write down the worst situation in your life in details, and then write down "What Fear says about this situation" and here the voice of fear will tell everything that actually makes the pain within us in a certain situation. For example in the abandonment issue that was a certain incident happened that fear will tell us: you don't deserve to be loved, you are nothing, you are unimportant, you came to this life to suffer, you came to this life to make people miserable, there's something wrong with you, nobody wants to be around you, you don't deserve to live. Now write down "What Love says about this situation" and here write down everything that the voice of love within says. For example the voice of love may say: you are complete and nothing is wrong with you, trust in the love in your heart, you are love, you are wonderful, you are loved, you don't need anything because you are already complete, you are Love itself. But please note, it may happen when you try to write down what the voice of Love says, here it may say bad things like the voice of Fear, it's normal especially if the issue is severe because in that case the voice of fear is so loud and takes control. What to do is to continue writing down what it says until there's nothing else to be said. Do this exercise daily especially before going to sleep. And notice day by day the voice of love will begin to rise and be strong. The purpose of this exercise is to know what the concept of the two voices Love & Fear, and in the same issue there are two different voices that everyone say exactly the opposite, one tears down and one loves and builds. Before knowing that concept we think that the voice of fear is the only judges in such issue and what is says is a FACT that can't be argued and we are doomed to live with that destiny/fate forever. This way the old trauma will begin to fade and doesn't hurt anymore, actually it will be replaced with love instead, and also the issue that is built on that trauma will began to disappear and finally we are Love. This method best used on a certain trauma/issue day by day until you have finished it completely, and if there's something else repeat the same process. I hope it helps. And with you Luck.
Wow thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! There was something you said about the texting back issue and EVERYTHING clicked for me, I realized in that moment that’s something I need to stop. And right away I released what I needed to release. Amazing. Thank you for this video. 🤍🤍
I relate to this so much. I’m here studying why I attach like this and need to learn how to detach and stop finding You seem like a beautiful empathic soul! Thank you for sharing! 💚
I realize I’ve dated emotionally unavailable people due to this subconscious fear of abandonment. It makes it worse as these types make you feel unworthy of proper treatment and loving you the way you deserve. One way I did this was dating women I believed were “out of my league”. This set me up from the get go with insecurities and validating my hurtful inner dialogue. Your advice is genial. Thanks again!
this video helped me discover a side of myself i havent understood for so long. Im 19 and single for the first time since 16... safe to say its going to be a rough couple years haha
This video helped me so much. I have anxious abandonment issues that I've had since I was a child. Now these issues are running my life and causing me to feel like there is something wrong with me. My husband is getting sick of dealing with me and my anxiety/abandonment issues. I am definitely going to follow your advice. Thank you.
Avoidantly attached people have gone through the trauma of IDENTITY-SHATTERING. Most likely due to being controlled by parents who forced them to do stuff they never wanted to do . This never happened to me . Because I have the opposite trauma : my brother and I were left alone by my parents for three years or four at the hands of grandma and granpa who obviously did not have the capability to raise us and emotionally guide us . The parents went to a foreign country to work so that they could feed us. So we were basically neglected and both him and I are kind of clingy and jealous-ish and go for people who give us a LOT of daily time. BECAUSE WE DO NOT SHAME OURSELVES.
Thank you for taking the time to share your personal experiences, you made me feel better by giving me a better understanding of myself & the way that I've acted similarly 💙
come here come here - go away go away behavior really sucks - also known as the dance of fear - fear of engulfment and or fear of abandonment take your dream back from a past lover that is gone from your life it is your dream !!! great video !!! shamanic astrology venus mars material is very eye opening for relationship awareness
You're extreamly intelligent and wise. Deepest condolences for all that you've lost. Extreamly excellent video that everyone should listen to all the way to the end! 😪🙏
Thank you, that was very well said and clearly explained. Thank you for helping us feel less alone in our struggles and that there is light in the end of the harsh growth. 💓🦋
Ah this is by far the very great video that I have watch about self love , anbandom wound video .. this is so inspiring as you walk the talk .. thanks a lot for the encouragement and vulnerability .. Truth appreciated this ❤️😊... the guidance that you gave about attachment style sounds really useful and practical
Thank you Krystal. I was horribly mistreated when I was younger and have steered clear of relationships, But I am now in my late 30s and have healed a lot and think it would be okay to get close to someone after time now.
I love your explanation. Thank you so much. I’m trying to understand why my girlfriend always turns our relationship around and pushes me away even though I love her so much and I would do anything for her.
Hey, I do the same to my boyfriend and I feel very bad about it, do you think it would help if I sent this to him? To maybe make him understand me more?
I enjoyed your talks .u are a beautiful person.lf we live in the now and avoid rehashing the painful past our pain may be lessened. See Eckhart Tolle. God bless. Richard.
Hi Krystal, this is right on point. I've literally been learning about attachment styles this week. I'm avoidant but trying to grow securely. Thanks for this post!
Honestly this helped not to have a pity party I couldn’t handle my job it’s been three months since I started this job and that’s the longest I had one and I’m adopted so thank you for this video honestly ❤️
Thank you so much for this. I relate to this so much in my personal life. I’ve had abandonment issues with my father leaving and always threatening to leave me again and past relationships. I relate to you and how you feel with the anxiety and this has helped so much.
Thanks you for this , honestly I don’t really comment on videos but this has truly helpful , as man I suffer from anxiety attached style ,this is really eye opening 🙏
I never act fake, but I definitely hide my real self. I behave as neutrally as possible, more or less always feels like they're not going to appreciate or like that part of me and just leave/stop the relationship....
Love this so much! Definitely the journey I am on at this moment. Been learning how to be on my own, how to truly love and accept myself fully. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Truly grateful! Sat Nam ❤️🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this. So true. I see myself in you and your experiences. Such a brave heart!;-) You are beautiful! Your honesty is healing. Much love from Germany. Wish you the very best.
I am definitely an anxious. I have been in a relationship with a secure person for over 3 years and it is so good for me, but I didn’t take all the time I needed to heal before getting into the relationship because I’m still realizing even now where some issues are coming from and I’m having to really learn how to heal and love/treat myself correctly while being in a relationship and it’s rough on him because he doesn’t understand what my actions mean and where they come from sometimes
Thank you so much mental health is important to me and it felt like every single word hit home gave me reinsurance in my self I appreciate you seriously I didn't know anyone else felt this way almost felt crazy
Thank you. Have a question - If an individual in a relationship has an anxious attachment type, how does the other person in that relationship express empathy/compassion/understanding towards that attachment type while simultaneously not perpetuating/strengthening or reinforcing the person’s struggle with that attachment type? In other words, if I engage and play ball, I may relieve that person’s anxiety but I’m not sure if that will help them break or overcome that attachment type. But if I don’t engage and express tough love, that person may find it harsh and it could be counterproductive. So what’s the right approach? Don’t we ultimately want to realize true self/true nature and not be dominated by the limitations of human body/mind mechanism? Isn’t the better move involve helping the person recognize their divine nature and not be fully identified and dominated by the human body/mind mechanism?
Read Attached by Amir Levine ❤️ A super brief answer though is that tough love doesn't work with anxious attachment. It's all about feeling safe. We all deserve to feel safe. Think of the spiritual advancements that are made around renowned 'gurus' - people can shift at such a rapid pace because they feel accepted and loved. In the space of being loved it's much easier to be kind to ourselves and tap into our divine nature. We can lovingly set boundaries, what an anxious partner really needs is to feel that you are a safe place for them to express their feelings and that you aren't going to abandon them - if you are unable to be there emotionally or physically on a particular occasion the best chance of a win win senario is explaining clearly and gently why you are unable to be present for them at this time and that you do care and will be back soon. When an anxious partner is paired with a secure partner they will often become secure after a while ❤️
You know how shes wired give her her securities n affirmations and watch how that love foundation grows .. she will need less n feel secure. Dont hold back if you love her..a simple secure affirmation can carry her the day week month
Yeah, I know this comment is old, but I agree wholeheartedly, no tough love for anxious attached types. You may be thinking that if you give in and affirm him/her when he/she's scared you will have to do that forever, but the truth is that you will reach a point where they feel safe enough that they will need the reassurance less and less. Whereas, the 'tough love' approach will cause their anxiety to skyrocket and they may be in a constant state of anxiety around you. They may even get to a point where they don't ask for affirmation from you and you may think things are better, but that anxiety and hurt are living under the surface and it will cause huge problems/possibly end your relationship.
Thank you so very much for sharing your time and knowledge with us Kristal.Very happy to know you are feeling better.Thank you for addressing the subtle self-sabotage also entwined in these various dynamics.This was and is truly a very vital pathway to explore,so we may move through repetitive unhealthy patterns.seeing it and recognizing...excellent.Yes,I fully relate.Blessings for your house.😌🙏🏼☀️💖🍀Admiring the lovely pink on your lips,so so soft and delicate.
Amazing video I’m the same as you attachment style and I find it so hard to keep relationships but now I’m trying to find how to work though it and become a better version of me ❤️❤️🇬🇧🇺🇸🇬🇧🇺🇸❤️❤️
You know, you might benefit from anxiety meds...for me it gave me some perspective-looking at mysefl from the outside instead of being lost in the feeling as it is happening. I mean if you feel like you will never get over it... Also, it might train your brain how to think in these situations. It sounds like it got rewired in your childhood and the short-circuit kept it from growing. When you say, "Just don't do it" the first thing I thought is if it was that easy, then this wouldn't be an issue. Also, it sounds like what you are saying is that the other person needs to be kind and understanding. That is true. I am adopted. I have huge abandonment issues. I got married at 41 and we have a son. She is understanding and kind. Still married 16 years later.
I have a new partner (4-5months) , and he has been nothing but understnading and wonderful, but sometimes hes busy and i freak out. He usually mesaages in the morning, but he hasnt this morning, and he hasnt seen my messages from last night. He said that he might be able to call last night but miught not. Yesterday I had the chanse to talk woith him, and for the first time, chose to do something else instead and im terified that this has made him feel insecure and now he is ghosting me
Same sis🤧🤧💔 I'm glad that there are people like me too, I keep playing games out of fear that my partner is doing the same, when really he's prolly busy trying to be better himself.
I realized I have them . I never fully had anyone stay in my life and always used to people leaving and never had true friends stay in my life let alone relationships. I only had 1 long term relationship . For someone who is used to being alone it’s hard .
thank you so much.... like seriously. this video is super helpful. i just has a mental breakdown because i noticed the slightest shift in my boyfriends energy 😂 lmaoo this video really helped me to be more self aware
It’s such a nightmare for me with distance or like taking it slow with some one. I have a person right now, but we aren’t committed, it’s not official. Basically FWB but we have feelings for eachother and want a relationship in the future if the future allows. Which logic wise is great for me. I have school to do, I am recovering from loss, I wanna work in my career. But the god damn anxiety. When we visit with each other the anxiety melts away and I can just enjoy the company. When it’s time to go home I turn into a panicked mess and freak out when he doesn’t text me and blame myself when I actually didn’t do anything wrong.
I'm so happy to see people starting to talk about attachment disorders/styles. After many years in traditional therapy I finally read about attachment disorder and was blown away as I read all about my life!! I was both anxious and avoidant at times. I'm happy to report that I am now a secure person capable of relating with anyone in a positive manner...it is possible to change and overcome...this isn't a life sentence!!!
@Michelle Royal Hi Michelle, I found some relief from reading books on the topic and understanding that it was caused by childhood conditioning, I then embarked on a journey of discovering the limiting beliefs I held about myself and others....I followed a metaphysical path learning from the Teachings of Joshua ,Bashar. Abraham Hicks and others about my true nature....I hope this helps
How did you do it
I'm in love with an avoidant partner. I'm an anxious type. I've had a horrible childhood. Didn't have my father. Left when I was three. My mom was a single mom raising three kids. We had to raise ourselves. I'm always looking for ways to breakup with my bf. I don't think he hears me. He is avoidant. But I love him. I don't know how to fix this
@@Phoenix-qj9vu You love your BF, but more than likely you are attached rather than in love....if you feel like you need him, that is attachment. See my comment above regarding my personal journey, good luck!
i have felt my relationship anxiety getting so intense and today was the breaking point. my partner isnt doing anything wrong! but im so fuckin anxious! this couldnt have came at a better time. thank you for empowering me Krystal!
I feel that way too sometimes :( I'm sorry. It's hard to know when they are doing something wrong or we are doing something wrong. I have issues figuring it out between the two. Spend lots of time alone and focus on yourself and your life
@@sydneys2162 Thank you sweet soul
Yes I know this feeling, it's a heavy feeling and then you feel bad for feeling that way. I find having some alone time helps and some journaling.
These conversations are so important. Thank you for posting
Thanks for watching! x
The best explanation and advice I've heard on abandonment issues.
Totally the best visual attachment points clarified everything...felt like a weight of my shoulders.. this fear is mistaken by the jealousy trait...I can walk away from infidelity but difficult and fear them walking away from who I am is more painful
Thank you ❤ I have been doing the "I'm going to text back later instead of right now"
Definitley want to not do this anymore, I get afraid that my friends or love interests will think I'm way too available, when really I just get so excited and want to talk to the people I care about
Best wishes towards everything mentioned in this video, hope you have a great weekend!
Perfect timing, thank you sooo much! I’m definitely anxious in relationships and it’s so hard. I constantly overthink and overanalyze, I imagine break up scenarios and I always feel in pain. I’m in a beautiful relationship at the moment with a partner who has a secure attachment style with anxious tendencies but I’m still so afraid to be abandoned again, because I’m not used to people treating me well and really wanting to be with me. It’s so tiring to be in this anxious place all the time but I’m working so hard on it and you really gave me hope that I’m able to manage it some day. Knowing that I’m not alone with this and that you and a lot of other people feel or felt the same way makes me feel less like a traumatized alien 👽
much love to you and thanks for sharing 🙏🏽💖
Livi B i am right there with you. Having the same struggle in my relationship
Exactly the same dear... Wish us the best... How are you doing now? Any improvement? Maybe some advice? 💕💕
Hi, how is it going for you now. My gf is incredibly anxious. She had a father that was not involed in her life, so she has immense struggle in relationship like shes not enough
@@husseinfaiz3397 She's lucky she has you 💕 most people run away when they find out about the other person's relationship struggles
Me 5.. I'm in an amazing relationship and loved .. I'm tired of fighting my defense mechanism and self sabotaging what I know I deserve and is God sent.
We are all blessed fight on!!! Love like we know how to love
This helped me so much today...I just got out of a bad living situation and started connecting with a woman on such a deep spiritual level but I was getting bad anxiety about text time inbetween conversation. I feel so strong and safe in my body right now but noticing my separation and anxiety towards waiting for her response. I been writing in my journal about anxious attachment and this has truly helped me identify my needs right now...I crave intimacy and a safe person but not ready to commit to anyone. The story I tell myself is "I came on too strong" or "must have said something wrong" This is just the anxious fear inside me, stemming from when I was abandoned at the age of 6.
I spoke from my heart because I am a leo and have such an abundance of love and light...I want everyone to feel loved! But need to allow space and return to myself. I meditate and go to the gym every day. I feel whole as a person. Maybe this is why I am starting to notice these little things. I will continue to do the work 💪
Mrs. Aranyani, you are one of the most wise and insightful people I have ever listened to! You seem to have a better understanding of human psychology than most registered psychologists.
I have a lifetime of abandonment issues because I felt abandoned when my parents put me in mental hospitals and group homes growing up and I lost many friends in life due to social difficulties from the Asperger's syndrome that I suffer from
When you mentioned being honest with a partner as you were when you told them your "attachment style" should I tell potential partners early on about my autistic spectrum condition?
I really agreed with not "playing games" and just being your AUTHENTIC SELF. People with Asperger's syndrome try to hide the social difficulty by doing something called "masking" and it is exhausting. When I am "myself" I get very NERDY.
I definitely have had a very anxious attachment style for years, following various traumas. I had no working relationships before I took my own power back, learned how to love myself and break the codependency hell I was living in. Dark night of the soul was so real, with only myself to bear witness. Once I was truly loving myself and feeling secure with myself I found my partner, who is a deeply secure person. I know I'm not perfect, I have difficulties with attachment still- but my relationship has helped to heal me further, I am slowly learning trust and security. And I am so grateful for the unconditional love and healing my partner gives me every day. To know peace in a divine union is the most blissful gift of this precious life.
Had me in tears most the video. In a relationship with the only girl who’s made me feel like I’m important and my feelings matter. I love her so deep and she loves me back but I have these terrible abandonment issues in her absence and it’s been awful as far as the anxiety goes. She’s so helpful but I still get the feelings and have been so lost as to how to help it. Thank you for this video
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this! It has resonated with me deeply. I have always been aware intellectually of my behaviour but never truly understood my emotional why. Thank you, Love and light.
I have always been single, and I've created this wonderful relationship with myself being alone (I'm 29). But what's a challenge now is being with someone and forming a relationship with them. I had my first relationship a few months ago and it was a short one but since I know me so well and I know what I want, I had to tell him bye. I did learn more about myself from that experience. I guess the question for myself would be: why am I scared to open/love someone else deeply? Maybe because they will end up disappointing me... I don't know lol I'm still exploring myself but Thank you for this video!
I needed to hear this today, thank you!
This is such an important topic and such an incredible healing tool in our relationships 💚 one little thing I'd like to add for anyone reading this is there are four attachment styles - you can be a combination of anxious and avoidant which is called fearful avoidant. It has its own set of difficulties seperate from the other two insecure types so it's worth knowing about 🌻
Thank you so much for sharing Krystal, I think this can help so many people. Knowing this changed my life when I found out, and I love how you’re giving people tips on how to work with it to make it better. I just wanted to add though, there is also a 4th attachment style which is called fearful avoidant, which is basically a mix of the two. It might be helpful for people to also know that; it was my attachment style and I worked through it in therapy. For me I needed to learn to not walk away when relationships got too intimate, and also not cling to people the moment I felt they were leaving. My tip is to spend time alone loving yourself, but also finding out what your needs are and communicating them with the people around you and not expecting one person to meet them but spread them over a few people and yourself of course 😊 this helped me a lot. I’m glad you also advise people to seek counselling because the secure relationship with a therapist can really help. No playing games, you will find the perfect secure partner who will be able to receive and return all the love you have to give with your beautiful big heart 🧡🌺
Glad you feeling better. I have such bad abandonment issues that I was diagnosed with BPD. And what used to happen is I'd push people away because I always thought they would leave anyway. I remain single now because it's not fair on the other person. I love your videos but I'm not a huge comment leaver, but thank you for this 💓💓💓
It can be common to push others away out of fear of them leaving anyway, I hope you find ways to manage it for future relationships though love, you don't have to remain single but spending time alone first is so important
@@KrystalAranyani and I am a comment reader.love for all.krysral🙏🏼💖🍀
Sending you love ❤️❤️❤️ I have friends that had the BPD diagnosis and no longer identify with having it so there's definitely hope to feel safer as time goes on 🦋
Krystal Aranyani thank you for replying Krystal, I have been on my own for 2 years now and although it does get lonely I am definitely working on loving myself first and foremost 🥰🥰🥰
B awww thank you so much for your lovely reply. I am 44 next month so I don’t feel there is much hope for me, I also have rapid cycling bipolar but I stopped for meds for that nearly a year ago because they where making everything foggy. I still have depressing episodes but now I have a little grandson he makes me very happy so I focus on him and my own children and things have gotten better. So maybe you’re right one day I might be able to love again ( in a relationship way ) thanks sweetie 🥰🥰🥰
Thank you for putting this video out. I always come back to this video whenever I need words of encouragement and guidance❤️
This was awesome Krystal. I have exactly the same attachment style which is hard because I am also deeply loving and when I trust someone I am super affectionate. Also the part about people saying abandonment issues only happen is childhood really resonated with me too because I have always thought the same - I had a great child hood so go figure.. And that's exactly right, I think a lot of mine has happened later in life. Just because you are no longer a child does not mean you are no longer a human. I feel a lot better now knowing I am not alone in feeling this way and that there really is nothing wrong with me everyone is who they are and that's all there is to it. Also I love how you hardly edit your videos, it makes for a very authentic experience ❤
This was one of the best videos I have seen about abandonment issues. I have found myself trying to pace myself about texting someone back because I didn't want to appear too"attached" Thank you for all your GREAT advice! xoxo
I have been in this situation a couple of times, I’m anxious but I have also been avoidant and between secure, I think it can vary and I have spent so much time understanding this, it is a very painful process especially when on the search for love, I love your openness, you are an honest beautiful soul ❤️
i love you, Krystal. i'm happy you're feeling better. your blue dress is endearing. *hug*
I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me until I did my own research and came across abandonment issues. I found an article that brought chills down my spine it was so accurate to my life word for word. I’ve always pushed away loved ones because I’m in constant fear that they will eventually leave me cheat on me etc but in reality it’s just my past trauma that I start to think about that causes me to make up these scenarios that the person I’m with now is going to do the very same thing. It’s a constant battle, but I am starting a self healing journey. I need to learn to control my thoughts because not everyone is a bad person.
Thank you for being open and honest about the struggle you went through when first adjusting to being alone. It’s especially helpful that you explained that you felt incomplete, cried daily, but eventually got used to it and learned how to care for yourself and be your own person. I think it just helped me understand the concept, even if it’s only a fraction more decipherable. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and your lessons with others. Thanks.
Krystal, this spoke to me so deeply. You have helped me feel not so alone and alien. I understand why I am the way that I am now and why my last relationship was so toxic due to my attachment style. Thank you for bringing clarity and light to this subject, what a blessing! Namaste.
Prob one of the most profound and realest videos I’ve seen thank you for coming into my life today
I can see and feel your pain! It’s like looking in a mirror
Thank you blessed soul for explaining this and helping me to understand my issues god bless to you
Those are great pointers. My partner is very caring, and he does all that he can to understand how I feel. Pain can be very struggling, and I am glad that I got out of my toxic relationship and I am never going to back to that. Thank you Krystal
thank you for posting! I have been going through the process of healing from an abusive relationship. It goes in waves. Right now I feel like I can’t trust anyone in an intimate setting. Your thoughts have motivated me to be graceful with myself and lean into the healing process! much love 💗
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I find GI issues to be the most challenging to deal with. It's hard to do anything if you can't even eat normally!
The concept of attachment style is new to me. I'd say I've exhibited behavior from all three, but I'm primarily "secure". I was in a near 10 year relationship with someone who was extremely on the "anxious" side. Over the life of the relationship she increasing required more and more of my attention and reassurance, which I gave freely. In the end, I was made to feel guilty even mowing the lawn because I wasn't spending that time with her. I completely lost who I was and had to call it quits to save myself. I've mostly avoided romantic relationships since. I know I should get out there again, but being alone is less complicated.
I get anxious and avoidant sometimes
Sometimes I'm like LEAVE !
but it's just because I want to abandon someone before they abandon me
Such a beautiful soul and great advice!! My fear of abandonment makes me feel that I can never be okay alone also my dad used to tell me I’m afraid to be alone and I realize I’m more afraid of the idea.
Thank you for sharing your story. I just started trying to understand my abandonment issues. You described my feelings & experiences. I didn’t know it was a form of anxiety. Thank you. Now I’m understanding this a little bit more. I was abandoned my mother & biologic father. Honestly, now i know i will be alone. I just left a man who was avoided style. And he just moved on without a care to another relationship. I do overthink. Now I’m trying to heal. Self care. Self love. Everyday i get better. But now that I’m healing i want to be single. Because i no longer want that powerless feeling. Getting stronger.
Thank you for explaining this. Knowing who to be vulnerable with and not have him take advantage or your vulnerability or manipulate you is difficult.
I have an anxious attachment style and I've been drawn to avoidants (friends and romantic partners) ever since I can remember. This year I have finally started accepting this/ working on this. Thank you for your video. I find your words so helpful right now
Hi Krystal. Just watching your video I could feel the pain.
I just didn't understand why you might think you will carry the pain of 7 years old forever.
many of us who have such pain hide it behind the distractions like happiness and the unattended issue, later on, becomes so big that we have no choice other than listening to it. I'm so glad that you listen to your feelings and validate them. I've learned to take my painful emotions further steps and it has helped me a lot.
if someone abandons you today it triggers the pain of 7-year-old Krystal because the child you still has unmet needs and triggering the same pain in yours today's life is her way of communicating this with you by feeling the pain and once being that girl you can understand and see the pain of your child self better than anyone and so you know better than anyone what she needs and what should have been done. simply in your mind connect with her through the pain and be there and meet the child's need and set her free to go. maybe she needs her parents hugging her and being with her, maybe an explanation from her siblings or whatever she needs you can understand it better than anyone today. you can then put the child in a safe place.
I've done these steps and feel a lot better with my abandonment issue. this process is called "The completion process" by Teal Swan and is published as a book by hayhouse. here is a video of the process ua-cam.com/video/1C3IcFX5yu4/v-deo.html
Byron Katie's work has another approach. I find her way of thinking about painful situations very helpful. here is a video: ua-cam.com/video/O4S77nRvNmA/v-deo.html
wish you the best ✨
Wow!!! I RESONATE WITH ALL OF THIS, I wear my heart on my sleeve and fear being hurt so I tend to overthink and it's a viscous cycle. Definitely putting in the work ❤
the universe brought this video to me at a great time. thank you so much. i’ve really been struggling with this recently and this helped a lot.
I'm so happy it could help sister! xo
I'm grateful for finding this video when I did! Yes this is part of me i can identify with. I'm about to enter my first relationship my So has been in a couple relationships before. With everything I healed and grown from, anxiety is still there. Getting close to someone like this brings up a lot in me to heal I don't want it to affect me.
Thank you so much for sharing. I've been depressed because of my abandonment issues but I'm glad I understand now and advice is taken.
I love this. I am definitely going to try all of these techniques. You have such amazing, sweet, loving energy. This video made me feel a lot better just by watching it; can't wait to implement these exercises. My bf and I have been together 1.5 years and even within one time of me feeling ignored or abandoned (he needs space and time to think and needs to be left alone to figure things out or else he gets extremely stressed when cornered or attacked) I want to break everything off because I feel so ignored, neglected, and unloved. I have a hard time discerning when he does something wrong or when I do. He is definitely a secure attachment type but he's not a big talker and is introverted unlike me, so we struggle with this so much. He gets triggered when cornered and I get triggered when I feel ignored, even if he is just taking space to think and work things over on his own.
This resonated so with me so deeply. Thank you for being so brave to share such vulnerable parts of your life with us. You are gorgeous.🌼
i honestly didn’t know there was different styles of abandonment until watching this video.Thank you for making this video for people to better understand
I like your videos and respect you as a person. If I may share my experience in that issue, there are two different voices inside of our hearts; they are the voice of Fear and the voice of Love. Simply the voice of fear tells us always that we are incomplete and not enough - not good enough, not smart enough, not feminine enough, not masculine enough, etc. - and also in each situations try to tell us that we might be wrong, we might make a mistake. The voice of fear will not allow us to forgive ourselves for mistakes we done in the past. On the other have there is also the voice of Love, it always tells us that we are complete, that we are right, it makes us comfortable and feel safe. It always tells us that we are Love. That was the theory, now the practical part: on a piece of paper, write down the worst situation in your life in details, and then write down "What Fear says about this situation" and here the voice of fear will tell everything that actually makes the pain within us in a certain situation. For example in the abandonment issue that was a certain incident happened that fear will tell us: you don't deserve to be loved, you are nothing, you are unimportant, you came to this life to suffer, you came to this life to make people miserable, there's something wrong with you, nobody wants to be around you, you don't deserve to live. Now write down "What Love says about this situation" and here write down everything that the voice of love within says. For example the voice of love may say: you are complete and nothing is wrong with you, trust in the love in your heart, you are love, you are wonderful, you are loved, you don't need anything because you are already complete, you are Love itself. But please note, it may happen when you try to write down what the voice of Love says, here it may say bad things like the voice of Fear, it's normal especially if the issue is severe because in that case the voice of fear is so loud and takes control. What to do is to continue writing down what it says until there's nothing else to be said. Do this exercise daily especially before going to sleep. And notice day by day the voice of love will begin to rise and be strong. The purpose of this exercise is to know what the concept of the two voices Love & Fear, and in the same issue there are two different voices that everyone say exactly the opposite, one tears down and one loves and builds. Before knowing that concept we think that the voice of fear is the only judges in such issue and what is says is a FACT that can't be argued and we are doomed to live with that destiny/fate forever. This way the old trauma will begin to fade and doesn't hurt anymore, actually it will be replaced with love instead, and also the issue that is built on that trauma will began to disappear and finally we are Love. This method best used on a certain trauma/issue day by day until you have finished it completely, and if there's something else repeat the same process. I hope it helps. And with you Luck.
Wow thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! There was something you said about the texting back issue and EVERYTHING clicked for me, I realized in that moment that’s something I need to stop. And right away I released what I needed to release. Amazing. Thank you for this video. 🤍🤍
I learned more from this than hours and hours of watching others! It was really clear and concise. ☺️ Thank you for sharing your experience.
I relate to this so much. I’m here studying why I attach like this and need to learn how to detach and stop finding You seem like a beautiful empathic soul! Thank you for sharing! 💚
I realize I’ve dated emotionally unavailable people due to this subconscious fear of abandonment. It makes it worse as these types make you feel unworthy of proper treatment and loving you the way you deserve. One way I did this was dating women I believed were “out of my league”. This set me up from the get go with insecurities and validating my hurtful inner dialogue. Your advice is genial. Thanks again!
this video helped me discover a side of myself i havent understood for so long. Im 19 and single for the first time since 16... safe to say its going to be a rough couple years haha
you have no idea how much this helped me
This video helped me so much. I have anxious abandonment issues that I've had since I was a child. Now these issues are running my life and causing me to feel like there is something wrong with me. My husband is getting sick of dealing with me and my anxiety/abandonment issues. I am definitely going to follow your advice. Thank you.
Avoidantly attached people have gone through the trauma of IDENTITY-SHATTERING.
Most likely due to being controlled by parents who forced them to do stuff they never wanted to do .
This never happened to me . Because I have the opposite trauma : my brother and I were left alone by my parents for three years or four at the hands of grandma and granpa who obviously did not have the capability to raise us and emotionally guide us . The parents went to a foreign country to work so that they could feed us.
So we were basically neglected and both him and I are kind of clingy and jealous-ish and go for people who give us a LOT of daily time.
BECAUSE WE DO NOT SHAME OURSELVES.
easily one of the most empowering videos ever, thank you so much Krystal
Thank you for taking the time to share your personal experiences, you made me feel better by giving me a better understanding of myself & the way that I've acted similarly 💙
This video came into my life at the most perfect timing. Thank you so much, Krystal. Much love 💕
I'm so glad love! xoxo
come here come here - go away go away behavior really sucks - also known as the dance of fear - fear of engulfment and or fear of abandonment
take your dream back from a past lover that is gone from your life
it is your dream !!!
great video !!!
shamanic astrology venus mars material is very eye opening for relationship awareness
Beautiful topic Krystal. You should make a follow up video on the breathing techniques you spoke about that help you calm anxiety!
I was thinking about it actually so I definitely will!♥️
You're extreamly intelligent and wise.
Deepest condolences for all that you've lost.
Extreamly excellent video that everyone should listen to all the way to the end!
😪🙏
Thank you, that was very well said and clearly explained. Thank you for helping us feel less alone in our struggles and that there is light in the end of the harsh growth. 💓🦋
I Love that You mentions all these dating rules. I think authenticity wins
Great wisdom. Thank you for your transparency. This information is invaluable for me.
The most important video I’ve watched in a long time...thank you!
Ah this is by far the very great video that I have watch about self love , anbandom wound video .. this is so inspiring as you walk the talk .. thanks a lot for the encouragement and vulnerability .. Truth appreciated this ❤️😊... the guidance that you gave about attachment style sounds really useful and practical
This rang true. As an anxious type i I never owned up for the responsibility of my own happiness. I have recently discovered this.
Thank you Krystal. I was horribly mistreated when I was younger and have steered clear of relationships, But I am now in my late 30s and have healed a lot and think it would be okay to get close to someone after time now.
I appreciate your vulnerability, I was about to go to the next video when I saw your intro but then this vulnerability came , so thank you
This is the most perfect video I could have watched right now, thank you so much.
I love your explanation. Thank you so much.
I’m trying to understand why my girlfriend always turns our relationship around and pushes me away even though I love her so much and I would do anything for her.
Hey, I do the same to my boyfriend and I feel very bad about it, do you think it would help if I sent this to him? To maybe make him understand me more?
Thank you for going over this topic. I send you so much love. ❤️
Wonderful! I would appreciate it if you combine this wisdoms with some yoga and meditations to see the benefits of the practice. Thanks
I enjoyed your talks .u are a beautiful person.lf we live in the now and avoid rehashing the painful past our pain may be lessened. See Eckhart Tolle. God bless. Richard.
Hi Krystal, this is right on point. I've literally been learning about attachment styles this week. I'm avoidant but trying to grow securely. Thanks for this post!
just what i needed to hear after feeling so lost, thank you so much
Honestly this helped not to have a pity party I couldn’t handle my job it’s been three months since I started this job and that’s the longest I had one and I’m adopted so thank you for this video honestly ❤️
KYLE ZIMMERMAN you git this ❤️
Thank you so much for this. It really appreciate it🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️
Thank you so much for this. I relate to this so much in my personal life. I’ve had abandonment issues with my father leaving and always threatening to leave me again and past relationships. I relate to you and how you feel with the anxiety and this has helped so much.
Thanks you for this , honestly I don’t really comment on videos but this has truly helpful , as man I suffer from anxiety attached style ,this is really eye opening 🙏
So amazing! Mind blown with the advice
I never act fake, but I definitely hide my real self. I behave as neutrally as possible, more or less always feels like they're not going to appreciate or like that part of me and just leave/stop the relationship....
Love this so much! Definitely the journey I am on at this moment. Been learning how to be on my own, how to truly love and accept myself fully. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Truly grateful! Sat Nam ❤️🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this. So true. I see myself in you and your experiences. Such a brave heart!;-) You are beautiful! Your honesty is healing. Much love from Germany. Wish you the very best.
This really helped me to identify some issues I have in my own abandonment issues. Thank you.
I am definitely an anxious. I have been in a relationship with a secure person for over 3 years and it is so good for me, but I didn’t take all the time I needed to heal before getting into the relationship because I’m still realizing even now where some issues are coming from and I’m having to really learn how to heal and love/treat myself correctly while being in a relationship and it’s rough on him because he doesn’t understand what my actions mean and where they come from sometimes
Thank you so much mental health is important to me and it felt like every single word hit home gave me reinsurance in my self I appreciate you seriously I didn't know anyone else felt this way almost felt crazy
This was so lovely to listen to, definitely brought things to the surface. Thank you 🔮✨
very interesting intelligent words...only those who become self sufficient..can really give purely to another...if they can value this...
Yes 100%😊♥️
Thank you. Have a question - If an individual in a relationship has an anxious attachment type, how does the other person in that relationship express empathy/compassion/understanding towards that attachment type while simultaneously not perpetuating/strengthening or reinforcing the person’s struggle with that attachment type? In other words, if I engage and play ball, I may relieve that person’s anxiety but I’m not sure if that will help them break or overcome that attachment type. But if I don’t engage and express tough love, that person may find it harsh and it could be counterproductive. So what’s the right approach? Don’t we ultimately want to realize true self/true nature and not be dominated by the limitations of human body/mind mechanism? Isn’t the better move involve helping the person recognize their divine nature and not be fully identified and dominated by the human body/mind mechanism?
Read Attached by Amir Levine ❤️
A super brief answer though is that tough love doesn't work with anxious attachment. It's all about feeling safe. We all deserve to feel safe. Think of the spiritual advancements that are made around renowned 'gurus' - people can shift at such a rapid pace because they feel accepted and loved. In the space of being loved it's much easier to be kind to ourselves and tap into our divine nature. We can lovingly set boundaries, what an anxious partner really needs is to feel that you are a safe place for them to express their feelings and that you aren't going to abandon them - if you are unable to be there emotionally or physically on a particular occasion the best chance of a win win senario is explaining clearly and gently why you are unable to be present for them at this time and that you do care and will be back soon. When an anxious partner is paired with a secure partner they will often become secure after a while ❤️
You know how shes wired give her her securities n affirmations and watch how that love foundation grows .. she will need less n feel secure. Dont hold back if you love her..a simple secure affirmation can carry her the day week month
Yeah, I know this comment is old, but I agree wholeheartedly, no tough love for anxious attached types. You may be thinking that if you give in and affirm him/her when he/she's scared you will have to do that forever, but the truth is that you will reach a point where they feel safe enough that they will need the reassurance less and less.
Whereas, the 'tough love' approach will cause their anxiety to skyrocket and they may be in a constant state of anxiety around you. They may even get to a point where they don't ask for affirmation from you and you may think things are better, but that anxiety and hurt are living under the surface and it will cause huge problems/possibly end your relationship.
Thank you so very much for sharing your time and knowledge with us Kristal.Very happy to know you are feeling better.Thank you for addressing the subtle self-sabotage also entwined in these various dynamics.This was and is truly a very vital pathway to explore,so we may move through repetitive unhealthy patterns.seeing it and recognizing...excellent.Yes,I fully relate.Blessings for your house.😌🙏🏼☀️💖🍀Admiring the lovely pink on your lips,so so soft and delicate.
Thos was such a helpful vlog, thank you...
Sat Nam x
Thanks! Ur speech and ur advises made me calm. Really helpful!
This was so amazing and such a healing video for me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge! ♥️
Wow you really nailed this. I’ve actually gone through all of these. Thank you for this video! 💖
Thank you Krystal, I so completely relate, I'm still enjoying the tantric meditation I learned from you, it's so strengthening...
thank you so much! this made me feel much better
Thank you it was a beautiful thing to share this x
Let me tell you, you are making this world a better place with your work :)
Amazing video I’m the same as you attachment style and I find it so hard to keep relationships but now I’m trying to find how to work though it and become a better version of me ❤️❤️🇬🇧🇺🇸🇬🇧🇺🇸❤️❤️
You know, you might benefit from anxiety meds...for me it gave me some perspective-looking at mysefl from the outside instead of being lost in the feeling as it is happening. I mean if you feel like you will never get over it... Also, it might train your brain how to think in these situations. It sounds like it got rewired in your childhood and the short-circuit kept it from growing. When you say, "Just don't do it" the first thing I thought is if it was that easy, then this wouldn't be an issue. Also, it sounds like what you are saying is that the other person needs to be kind and understanding. That is true. I am adopted. I have huge abandonment issues. I got married at 41 and we have a son. She is understanding and kind. Still married 16 years later.
I have a new partner (4-5months) , and he has been nothing but understnading and wonderful, but sometimes hes busy and i freak out. He usually mesaages in the morning, but he hasnt this morning, and he hasnt seen my messages from last night. He said that he might be able to call last night but miught not. Yesterday I had the chanse to talk woith him, and for the first time, chose to do something else instead and im terified that this has made him feel insecure and now he is ghosting me
Same sis🤧🤧💔 I'm glad that there are people like me too, I keep playing games out of fear that my partner is doing the same, when really he's prolly busy trying to be better himself.
thank you for this video. affirming and empowering ❤️
I realized I have them . I never fully had anyone stay in my life and always used to people leaving and never had true friends stay in my life let alone relationships. I only had 1 long term relationship . For someone who is used to being alone it’s hard .
I know how you feel, It was the way my life was. This video was a great I am going to think about this a lot. Thank you so much.
thank you so much.... like seriously. this video is super helpful. i just has a mental breakdown because i noticed the slightest shift in my boyfriends energy 😂
lmaoo this video really helped me to be more self aware
this is such a good video for this topic thank you
Thank you very much for this video!
It’s such a nightmare for me with distance or like taking it slow with some one. I have a person right now, but we aren’t committed, it’s not official. Basically FWB but we have feelings for eachother and want a relationship in the future if the future allows. Which logic wise is great for me. I have school to do, I am recovering from loss, I wanna work in my career. But the god damn anxiety. When we visit with each other the anxiety melts away and I can just enjoy the company. When it’s time to go home I turn into a panicked mess and freak out when he doesn’t text me and blame myself when I actually didn’t do anything wrong.