As a healing DA, I used my inner "strength" to challenge myself to open to vulnerability and intimacy. I would tell myself, "If you're so strong and brave, why can't you just tell the other person how you feel or what you're scared of, angry about, anxious around?" ... and then I started slowly opening up to loved ones. OMG! What a life-changing thing. It's so nice to be able to be truly seen and known by others and to truly see and know others too. 😊❤🤗
@@lifecoachingtoronto Based on childhood experience, I thought my openness and vulnerability would bring anger, confrontation, hostility, misunderstanding, sadness, or just dismissing. I quickly learned that people who care about you DO want to know what you think and feel. It was revolutionary for me. Honestly, a few years into this "vulnerability thing" I am truly amazed at the overwhelmingly positive response I've had from friends and family. And, I'm so much more able to hold space for them now. There vulnerability isn't scary for me, either. I literally would repeat the phrase to myself (from Angela Duckworth's book "Grit"), "I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I CAN do hard things...." 😊
A child raised with this type of neglect also thinks that asking for help or relying on others feels uncomfortable, like you're obligating the person or being a nuisance, and that you should take care of your own problems instead of giving them to others.
Wow..."low-level Hostile behaviors towards somebody I'm INTERESTED IN." Explains a lot! And Shutting Down and Denying they need anything cuz they feel weak needing something and are afraid of rejection, so they Push You Away and say they don't need you!
I relate to all of these points to varying degrees but when you mentioned point 4 I teared up. Like you said, I might exhibit low-level hostility towards someone I’m interested in. It’s not OUTRIGHT being mean or cruel but it’s just enough for the other person to notice it and back off, which is exactly what I’m trying to achieve when I feel threatened. Makes me feel bad for the other person too because they didn’t actually do something to deserve being treated like that. Then, when I have the desired distance between me and them, I go "This person is pretty cool! I feel like talking to them more!"
This is so much me! I experienced CEN. I've always been drawn to DA types which just repeated the cycle. Since meeting 2 securely attached ppl in the last few years, it's been an absolute revelation to me that ppl have relationships where someone actually is there for them and wants to share myself with them. New territory and took ages to get used to. I would never go back now. Now I know what they look like, it's SA all the way for me! I've never felt more at peace. Thank you for your valuable content!
Not only is this so relevant in my personal life as a FA, this video is very pertinent for my professional work too as i work for cps and its a good reminder of the impact child emotional neglect can lead to. Thankyou❤
I have many of these, not because of childhood but after being in a domestic relationship from 20-30 with a hot and cold man who made me feel worthless and anxious
Hi do you offering any classes on how to help your child have a emotionally secure atmosphere so they can develop secure attachments style. Is there a blueprint of what that looks like. When you're a parent who didn't have certain things modeled. I would assume first become securely attached yourself.
I'm confused. Because all of the signs were describing avoidants behaviors, both dismissive and fearful..... What about anxiously attached people? I thought they grew up in emotionally neglectful homes too, not the same degree as the others but more of an off and on, hot and cold emotional neglect where often it's emotionally neglectful but there's moments where the child feels connected to the parent but the moments are far in between which I thought was why it creates the anxiousness in us and the people pleaser where we know the emotional availability is attainable but rarely so that rarity causes our anxity and causes us to want to people please thinking if we do "everything just right and everything the other person wants THEN they'll be emotionally available to me".... This is how I thought it worked for anxiously attached? Am I completely off on this concept or what? Am I missing something? Because I feel completely confused now, because I'm clear as day anxiously attached and my parents seemed very emotionally unavailable. They really don't know how to show or Express there emotions at all! I'd just like clarity because I feel completely confused now!
I am not an expert. What you described sounds really like a FA-childhood: on-off, hot-cold, emotional unavailability, not expressing your emotions, unpredictability. I wonder if you might be FA leaning anxious? I understood that anxious attachment is formed when emotional available parents are too often absent because they work a lot for example. When your parents are there, it's great, you feel connected, protected, supported. But often they are absent for different reasons. This creates the fear of abandonnement and anxious attachment, i think.
Ambivalent reaction and fear of abandonment. Inconsistencies from caretaker . Common emotions/feelings that arise within this attachment style as adults include low self esteem, low self worth , people pleasing behavior , insecurity of being unappreciated , concerns that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy. Mistrust can also pop up , and specially when their partners style is avoidant
Do you experience these 10 signs of emotional neglect? Which ones do you struggle with most and how are you working to overcome them?
As a healing DA, I used my inner "strength" to challenge myself to open to vulnerability and intimacy. I would tell myself, "If you're so strong and brave, why can't you just tell the other person how you feel or what you're scared of, angry about, anxious around?" ... and then I started slowly opening up to loved ones. OMG! What a life-changing thing. It's so nice to be able to be truly seen and known by others and to truly see and know others too. 😊❤🤗
Good stuff Sabrina! Were you shocked that the people who care about you actually WANT to hear what you think & feel? :)
so true! I can totally relate to this as well I used to be DA now secure!
That's amazing, thanks for sharing Sabrina :)
@@lifecoachingtoronto Based on childhood experience, I thought my openness and vulnerability would bring anger, confrontation, hostility, misunderstanding, sadness, or just dismissing. I quickly learned that people who care about you DO want to know what you think and feel. It was revolutionary for me. Honestly, a few years into this "vulnerability thing" I am truly amazed at the overwhelmingly positive response I've had from friends and family. And, I'm so much more able to hold space for them now. There vulnerability isn't scary for me, either. I literally would repeat the phrase to myself (from Angela Duckworth's book "Grit"), "I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I CAN do hard things...." 😊
@@lifecoachingtoronto Thank you for asking. 😊
Ah, the story of my childhood, reaching out for love and getting only crickets. 😭
A child raised with this type of neglect also thinks that asking for help or relying on others feels uncomfortable, like you're obligating the person or being a nuisance, and that you should take care of your own problems instead of giving them to others.
Wow..."low-level Hostile behaviors towards somebody I'm INTERESTED IN." Explains a lot!
And Shutting Down and Denying they need anything cuz they feel weak needing something and are afraid of rejection, so they Push You Away and say they don't need you!
I relate to all of these points to varying degrees but when you mentioned point 4 I teared up. Like you said, I might exhibit low-level hostility towards someone I’m interested in. It’s not OUTRIGHT being mean or cruel but it’s just enough for the other person to notice it and back off, which is exactly what I’m trying to achieve when I feel threatened.
Makes me feel bad for the other person too because they didn’t actually do something to deserve being treated like that. Then, when I have the desired distance between me and them, I go "This person is pretty cool! I feel like talking to them more!"
JESUS, This is terrifying accurate. Like what dont i check off this point. 😮😮
This is so much me! I experienced CEN. I've always been drawn to DA types which just repeated the cycle. Since meeting 2 securely attached ppl in the last few years, it's been an absolute revelation to me that ppl have relationships where someone actually is there for them and wants to share myself with them. New territory and took ages to get used to. I would never go back now. Now I know what they look like, it's SA all the way for me! I've never felt more at peace. Thank you for your valuable content!
Not only is this so relevant in my personal life as a FA, this video is very pertinent for my professional work too as i work for cps and its a good reminder of the impact child emotional neglect can lead to. Thankyou❤
ALL OF THEM. I HAVE ALL OF THEM. I LOVE YOU. YOU COME RIGHT AFTER MY MOM. GOD I LOVE YOU. BLESS YOU THAIS. GOD BLESS YOU.
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This has been one of her best videos. She did a excellent job explaining childhood emotional neglect. I salute her. Great job!
I have many of these, not because of childhood but after being in a domestic relationship from 20-30 with a hot and cold man who made me feel worthless and anxious
This video is good af
It would be great to see a video describing hiw to recognize emotional neglect since it is so hard to see.
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Can you expand on how to be more emotionally supportive parent? Xx
This is spot on
Yeah I have all of them… 😅 🤦🏻♀️😣
How do we manage continued emotional neglect in our relationships with our parents as adults?
your videos are wonderful but please do something with the sound quality
This is me & my most of my siblings 😢
Very accurate as always!! ❤ and love the tips given here!!
Thanks San! Mike misses you!
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thanks for sharing! Once I leave my grandparents place and go back home. I will start attending his socials. :)
Btw, Thais, you look absolutely Beautiful! 😍🤩😍
Thank you so much.
I relate to 9 out of 10 of these. What’s the first step to healing?
Hi do you offering any classes on how to help your child have a emotionally secure atmosphere so they can develop secure attachments style. Is there a blueprint of what that looks like. When you're a parent who didn't have certain things modeled. I would assume first become securely attached yourself.
Low level hostility - would that include being overly blunt with their words ?
Ding ding ding!!! God help me…
I'm confused. Because all of the signs were describing avoidants behaviors, both dismissive and fearful..... What about anxiously attached people? I thought they grew up in emotionally neglectful homes too, not the same degree as the others but more of an off and on, hot and cold emotional neglect where often it's emotionally neglectful but there's moments where the child feels connected to the parent but the moments are far in between which I thought was why it creates the anxiousness in us and the people pleaser where we know the emotional availability is attainable but rarely so that rarity causes our anxity and causes us to want to people please thinking if we do "everything just right and everything the other person wants THEN they'll be emotionally available to me".... This is how I thought it worked for anxiously attached? Am I completely off on this concept or what? Am I missing something? Because I feel completely confused now, because I'm clear as day anxiously attached and my parents seemed very emotionally unavailable. They really don't know how to show or Express there emotions at all! I'd just like clarity because I feel completely confused now!
I’m an AP, now leaning secure. In my life 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, and 10 have applied, or still apply to me!
I am not an expert. What you described sounds really like a FA-childhood: on-off, hot-cold, emotional unavailability, not expressing your emotions, unpredictability.
I wonder if you might be FA leaning anxious?
I understood that anxious attachment is formed when emotional available parents are too often absent because they work a lot for example.
When your parents are there, it's great, you feel connected, protected, supported.
But often they are absent for different reasons. This creates the fear of abandonnement and anxious attachment, i think.
Ambivalent reaction and fear of abandonment. Inconsistencies from caretaker . Common emotions/feelings that arise within this attachment style as adults include low self esteem, low self worth , people pleasing behavior , insecurity of being unappreciated , concerns that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy. Mistrust can also pop up , and specially when their partners style is avoidant
Is it possible that dismissive avoidant attachent has been developed not in early childhood but after a trauma being in female prison for 6 years?
I would imagine so, you would be in a situation where you may not trust people, so you rely only on yourself and distance yourself for safety.
@@lyndylou3642 yeah that makes sense
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S t o p _ r e a d i n g _ m y _ m i n d ! :D