I worked at a dress shop and I can honestly tell you wedding dresses are more sturdy than they look and in order to make that much damage, it really REALLY needs to be deliberate.
My dress was left in the house when my now ex and I were out of the state. Crackheads and junkies couldn't take my dress out. That is how sturdy they are. The people who broke into the house told me how they liked my dress, yes they wore it.
Decideded on the spot. So sad. See ya bride, and family. A reaNot a chance. I couldn't even make a word come out. Wow. The NEXT DAY????? GOOD GOD. NO Way.........
It stops being “just a dress” when it’s £11k ffs, it’s like you’ve taken her car and crashed it. No different. MIL took property that wasn’t hers and broke it. That’s a law suit right there. Doesn’t matter if on purpose or by accident.
My husbands family has a tradition of pranking the new couples house while they are on the honeymoon. When we came back from our honeymoon, all the lables had been pulled off the cans, there was honey on light switches and cabinet doors, salt in the bed, as well as other things. I realize it was a joke, but i had spent the last 8 years as a apartment housekeeper... my life was cleaning other peoples messes. I try to be a very organized, clean person. I was still getting settled into his house and was dreading the work ahead of me as far as melding two households into one as it was, but to come home and find this, I lost it. It has been 15 years, and i love his family, but i will never forget how this felt.
Idk why people always do shit like that and say it's a "prank." If I wanted to prank a newlywed couple, I wouldn't make a mess in their house while they're gone. I'd probably just hide a bunch of post-it notes with stupid puns/jokes around their house all over so they keep finding them everywhere. I'd probably leave them some nice messages, too, like "y'all are so cute together" or something so they know it's not malicious. A prank should always be truly harmless, and my favorites are the really wholesome ones personally.
Pranks can be fun, but not ones that involve serious labor for the one being pranked afterwards. A better and more efficiently “clean” “prank” would have been hiding small ducks or other similar trinkets around the house labelling them 1-10 but purposefully leaving one number out. Over all a harmless prank, and not something the victim of said prank has to endure hours of labour to remove. It’s not hard to be considerate to the person you’re trying to get a laugh out of and still make it fun.
DON'T MARRY INTO THIS FAMILY!!! I was in a toxic relationship just like this. My ex-boyfriend was emotionally married to his mother. She didn't like me, so she did everything she could to break us up. I was treated like his mistress while his mother was treated like his wife. This is a disgusting example of narcissistic abuse.
@@jacklow9611 It's called a Jocasta complex. Freud did talk about this too lol. Basically it's emotional incest where the mother doesn't let her son grown up or individuate in a normal or healthy way. She wants him to take care of her like a husband would but at the same time have him depend on her for his care. So mommy will do things like his laundry/packing lunches- yet expect her son to pay her way. You wouldn't believe how common this is. It's actually WAAAAY more common then Odeipus Complexes. I know so many guys who made it to their 30's without ever doing their own laundry. Even guys who are more self sufficent will have extremely jealous and pocessive mom's.
I didn’t even think about her becoming a grandmother. She would totally attempt to take charge of the baby. Everything the mother did would be nitpicked. She would offer unsolicited advice. And when the child go older, the grandchild could do no wrong.
She would be the kind of grandmother who passive-aggressively teaches the grandchildren to disrespect their mother, get's the child's hair cut and/or ears pierced without asking parents first, commandeers every birthday party and makes herself the center. I've only had one MIL, and she's wonderful. I divorced her son 30 years ago because of DV. She testified against him in court so that my son and I were granted a protective order. That's the last time she ever saw that son, my ex. She's in her 80s now, and lives with her other son who is a good person. He even bought her a house that's near his so that she can have privacy but feel safe. He's a contractor, so he completely updated her darling 1920s bungalow with all new appliances and installed safety features like handrails, panic buttons, and security alarms.
It is sad, but if someone has a family member like that MIL you should seriously reconsider to marry that person or not, specially if they never acknowledge their inappropriate behavior like that and tells different stories to her and MIL, it's just massive red flags to me 🚩
My MIL was actually the match maker in our case. She was a dental patient of mine and talked about her son often during her appointments. One day she suggested we meet, which was awkward for me to hear from a patient. He ended up coming in to see me at the office, we went on a date shortly after. Our 3 year anniversary is this September, expecting our first child this August.
I'm a guy (an old guy, actually), and I say: that first bride-to-be needs to a) sue her not-to-be MIL into oblivion, and b) never, ever take that ID10T back.
Like she "tried on" her son's future's wife wedding dress. Like she gonna be there on their wedding night too. That mom needs so serious therapy. Her behavior is so gross, and the fact that her son believes that crap.
Charlotte made a good point. Wedding dress or not, when trying on an article of clothing, if it doesn't fit, you just take it off. You don't force it onto your body.
As someone who's handled and worked with wedding dresses for years, the damage had to be deliberate and she's manipulating her baby boy to believe her during sabotage so he leaves her. Its awful girl. Get outta there ♡
I DO NOT play when it comes to my wife. I love my mother but my wife is the most important woman in my life. Once, my mother made wife cry with a passive aggressive bs text and I threatened to cut her out of our life if she did that again. I can't imagine what I would do if she ruined an $11k dress.
Well, I can guess one thing you’d do… hold her accountable. You have your priorities in order. Once people get married, parents remain important but not most important. And the poor schmuck in the story has been gaslighted past understanding this.
The marriage vows. To be together [husband and wife] through good and bad... richer and poorer...through everything TOGETHER. When you chose to be with someone for life, you work together to get through any problems. Family and friends had better respect the bride and groom's boundaries.
Yesterday my SO and his dad were doing dry walling, and I was upstairs hanging out with his mom, eating cookies, and gossiping about insignificant things, trying to get her mind off of her recent chemo. Stuff like this makes me extra grateful for this angel of a woman.
I wish your MIL the best during her chemo and these hard times. Watching my mom go through everything with her cancer was so hard. It is absolutely exhausting and miserable for them. They're always so tired and yucky and everything as I'm sure you have witnessed yourself sadly. Breaks my heart so much. I truly wish you all the absolute best. Much love and positive thoughts and prayers your way!! So glad you all have each other and have such a wonderful relationship with one another. That is how it should be! You'd think they'd just be happy to see their children happy.....but no....some people just don't know how to be happy and then in turn are unable to be happy for others happiness. Truly blows my mind as I'm not the type of person to ever think or act in this manner. These stories always make me soo grateful for what I have. Wishing everyone the best!! Much love to all! 💖
Exactly! That was my thought cuz I have seen how narc moms with only sons behave. And if the OP thinks that a bit of No Contact and "Couples Therapy" is going to fix it, and that even a Restraining Order is going to stop it, God Bless her. It may work temporarily or even short term, but not long term. And by some miracle it does, he will end up resenting her for causing a break with his mother. It is a lose-lose situation she has herself in.
I had a postponed honeymoon and had to live at my MIL's house for the first month I was married because she had a "mild heart attack" the day after our wedding. We literally had a townhouse 5 minutes down the road that I had not yet lived in, but she didn't want to be left alone. As a nurse, my new husband thought it would be important for me to be there in case something happened. The kicker was that when his sister came back into town to stay with his mother, I thought we could return to our new home. OH NO! This was family time. Mom wanted her entire family to be with her while she recovered. I had had enough and left to go live in my house, without my new husband. I was accused of being immature, self centered and selfish and not a family oriented person. Fast forward to 5 years later, I left him because he was having an affair with a woman in his office. His mother called me and told me that I was a heartless bitch and did I realize how deeply MY Actions had hurt her son. Tell this poor bride to run!! Run Far.
I had a widowmaker heart attack (followed by emergency bypass) with a 4 year old special needs son. I was taking care of him within a week. My mom did help a lot during that first week, but even the Dr said moving around would help me heal faster. I don't do well with being catered to.
Good for that family to get rid of you, you seems not family oriented, selfish and self centered. The guy can't choose other mom, but he can choose the partner to suit him and his family. You marry a guy raised by family, you marry to the family, you marry the guy raised by the streets, you marry to the streets. You are not a victim, you just didn't match 😏
Why does she wanna marry a man like that? For her entire life, she's going to go through this, her kids, her choices, her everything. No amount of money, how handsome, or how big he is... Is worth living this shit.
Right? And checking his emails and everything all the time??? That’s not rebuilding trust. That’s chasing something and someone that doesn’t honor or respect you.
She got to the point of a marriage proposal, which we're all unfortunately taught to believe is a sign of a successful life, not just a successful relationship. Dumping her shitty fiance would mean starting all over again on her quest to not die alone.
I had something similar to the second story happen to me - when I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, my husband's aunt and cousin (who are narcissistic awful people btw) somehow got the key to our apartment (I'm still not sure how) and cleaned and reorganized everything we owned. On the one hand, I understand they were trying to do something nice, but there is something so violating about coming home from giving birth to discover people have been in your house going through your things, throwing things out and moving everything about. I couldn't find anything for weeks and I was so, so angry. My husband also didn't know they were doing this - it's just something they decided to do on their own. as a side story, years later when my husband's grandfather passed away, these same two people were found in his house, stealing everything he owned, including money he'd left for each of the grandkids. Things came to physical blows, and we don't talk to them anymore.
Theft, by family members and acquaintances, after a death happens far.more.often then you think. My brother does estate sale clean outs and he encountered the housekeeper of a deceased person attempting to take the furniture out of the house. She still had a key. When he confronted her she blushed, set down the chair she had and left. He reported it to the estate lawyer and he notified the family. Very sad what people will do for "stuff."
The cleaning the house after a birth thing is also something that my grandmother and aunt suggested to my mother just before I was born, apparently it's some sort of tradition where I come from and my grandma had cleaned my aunt and uncle's house just after my eldest cousin was born, but my mom refused because she thought it was creepy to have someone go through every closet in her house. Like, why do you need to know where I store my underwear? I'm sorry that happened to you and I really hope those people got what they deserved. I can't imagine what must go through a persons head to think that they're entitled to steal from a dead person. When we went to clean up my great aunt's house it felt like I was robbing someone, even though I knew she would never be using her dinnerware again
@@lilliansahara8625 thank you! some people just seem to have no soul. they were stealing dumb stuff, like sheets, pots, even toilet paper. It was insane! No one in the family associates with them anymore. Last I heard, debt collectors were after them, which I only know because they put my husbands phone number as their contact, so the collectors keep calling US.
I like how nobody seemed to address the "Higher standard to aspire to" cause that's essentially the MIL saying "you'll never compare to me" ABOUT HER SON. How do these men not get creeped out by this behaviour.
They're conditioned not to. They're raised with a matriarch that has created so much drama with other adults that by the time he was old enough to see it, all other adults just facilitated her behaviour cos it was easier. He then grew up learning the same rule and now has to constantly placate his own mother to feed her precious ego, this makes him blind to how selfish and destructive her behaviour is. It's like a child whose parents never say no, so they are the entitled brats that feature in other Charlotte videos, just that this one is now a mother!
Some more details from the wedding dress story: - OP's mother died and had left her money to spend on her wedding dress. She sees FMIL's actions as taking that away from her. - FHs father is either out of the picture or has also passed. His mother is his only immediate family. - FMIL only recently moved to be near 'her baby', coincidentally after her attempts to interfere with wedding plans were shut down by both OP and FH. - She got to the dress by sneaking into their bedroom while they were distracted assembling furniture. She took a bouquet of dried flowers from the living room with her. - Apparently FMIL would feed her grown son in public?? Like, I assume spoonfeed him???? This was normalised for him and he got defensive when OP pointed out that it was weird. - OP's last comments were about concerns for her safety and someone IRL finding the post since it went viral. She was planning on asking their neighbours to keep a lookout for FMIL on the property. The story is from 5 years ago. There were three posts about it but nothing since so I don't know how it worked out.
Reorganize kitchen: my hubby, who cooks ~15% of the time, felt the kitchen was laid out poorly. I woke up one morning to find he'd reorganized my kitchen, and I could find nothing. I refused to cook for 3 months. About 5 yes ago, I reorganized his tools & garage because I couldn't find a crosstip. He was PISSED! Well darn, that ain't the same?
You know that relationship is doomed when she admits "im checking his messages religiously" . Girl you dont trust him , thats a one way ticket. You will never trust him ever again.
You're right that the trust for sure is broken and I don't think she can ever get that back but I've always said that there shouldn't be a need to check each other's phones and whatnot because of privacy and I never thought I'd come across a story where I'd say it's okay to do so but yea... in this case I guess she's 100% justified in checking his messages.
@@GubbiGap she’s justified, sure. But you shouldn’t NEED to check your partner’s messages because he shouldn’t stab you in the back by trash talking you in the first place. Why did he trash her in messages in the first place? 😞
I said the same thing.... it's not her fault, but doesn't mean it's a good thing to be doing to the man you're about to marry. And the saddest part is, it's not because he's unfaithful, it's because he's a MOMMAS BOY and his mother is a literal psycho!! I would nope TF outta there so fast!
The wedding dress was damaged on purpose. I was on the fence until the future husband mentioned the FMIL was “reliving her modeling days…”. I have a friend with a mother that modeled in the 60’s and 70’s and that woman knew how to put on every item of clothing without damaging anything. When we were going shopping for bridesmaid dresses for a friends wedding, she handed us all baggies with scarves to cover our faces so we wouldn’t get makeup on the dresses and gloves to put on before pulling up anything that might be a tight fit. There were a few other items in the bag that I don’t remember but we used everything in the bag at least once. She had a “trick” for getting in or out of any type of clothing and knew how to style everything. If OP and future husband do work it out, I suggest they move far, far away.
Divorce, divorce, divorce. If he won't defend you for something as important as a wedding and is going to minimize the damage, he's going to let her ruin your life in everyday life.
I wanted to write the LOL but too late and too far away. Girls and Guys, come on, we don't know her but you do. Any reason that the op isn't 100% right? Please 🙏🏻 tell us
Man, I would have called off the wedding and the relationship at once. This guy is attached to someone who just screams entitlement and bad news from here to France. I feel sorry for the guy too, but imagine a life attached to that MIL. 😰
i was gonna play devil's advocate and say that by the wording on the first post it sounded like he just wasn't sure if it was something the court would take seriously but nevermind she really needs to leave him lmao
Story 1: I'm glad the wedding is off but she needs to dump the whole fiancé, he's a doormat and will never cut his mother off entirely, this drama isn't worth the effort regardless of how much you love him. Once you marry him you marry into that entire family and frankly that sounds like nightmare fuel.
Yeah, not sure how marriage counseling is gonna bring back trust between the couple. On top of him not understanding her viewpoint, he was conspiring with his mom to emotionally manipulate her! Just like a cheater, he's not putting her 1st & not even treating her as equal in the marriage because he feels everything is fine if he can get what he wants in the end. In this case it's not a sidepiece, but a happy mom in control. He only sees what he's gonna get from a marriage, not a true life partner that shares in goals & decisions.
I married a man whose mother was a narcissist... he actually was (is) a good guy, and even though our marriage did not last (although we were married for 19 years), getting him away from his mom was indeed a good thing. I am now married to someone else, because he did have issues due to growing up with a narcissistic mother (she was finally diagnosed in her 70s with narcissistic personality disorder with delusions and paranoia when she went into the hospital for a broken hip, threatened to kill herself since we were not doing her bidding, and a psychiatrist got involved). I am now married to someone else, but he is one of my best friends and has come a long way through therapy. My current husband is incredibly understanding of my ex and I still being friends (his own daughter has borderline personality disorder, and we have lovingly distanced ourselves from her and put up strong boundaries so that he can finally live his own life instead of constantly coming to her rescue)... I must have some karma of "rescuing" men who are trapped by family members with personality disorders, but both men are now thriving. I am hoping the man from the first story is able to really work through things in therapy and come out better on the other side whether his fiancée ends up as his wife or just as someone who helped him get away from his situation and have his own life.
I have BPD, we can be some serious emotional blackmailers, getting into therapy made all the difference..hopefully your husbands daughter will get some help, I can't imagine going through life without a father figure, I miss mine every day.
Рік тому+523
so her reasoning was that she wanted to try it on so she can fantasize about being young and a model where her son, her baby would basically marry her?! that’s so creepy. the guy is a creeper too, I would run.
I don't think he's a creeper but more of a spineless mommy's boy who DESPERATELY needs to break free from her clutches. Luckily it sounds like he is making steps towards that goal by going no-contact and in the end even going to the police to get a TRO on her.
My former MIL changed my seating chart on the MORNING OF MY WEDDING because she didn't like where her friends were sitting.. I purposefully sat them where I chose because they were her friends, not ours, and I wanted our friends to have the closer seats. She practically threw a fit, so my wedding planner accomodated her. She did tell me that we had to change the entrance that we had planned to the reception but didn't tell me why until after the wedding (because all the tables had to be moved around to fit the new seating.) I was SO MAD that she had the audacity to demand that the change be made. Glad to be away from her (and her son) now!!
My husband had a "complicated " relationship with his mother. She was a widow and disabled and for twenty-five years never stopped trying to get him back. My husband tried to walk that impossible line of keeping us both happy, which is not the right thing to do, but that is how strong the hold was that she had on him. After she passed, we had ten years of peace before he passed. He had other qualities that made him a keeper, but, yeah, this is a really, really unhealthy dynamic. I hope they got help.
Nah. The first one is ridiculous. There comes a point where you loving someone isn't enough. And this is it. He very clearly doesn't care about you or your feelings. He's admitted it several times. Leave him. Period. He is NOT gonna change. It's only gonna get worse. Run before it's too late.
Exactly! I can see him having some conflicting feelings about going no/low contact with his mom, but he went behind OP’s back multiple times, including re-inviting his mom to the wedding and saying he’d “work” on OP. That’s disgusting. Unless therapy does WONDERS for him, I doubt he’d ever really choose OP’s happiness over his mom’s narcissism.
I’m sure he cares about her feelings, but he’s in a full blown trauma bond with his obviously toxic/narcissistic mother and that’s been the standard for his whole life….. you can’t undo that with a little couples counseling. He has a long road ahead if he truly wants to heal & be ready for a relationship… but marriage should be out of the question until he sorts his own stuff, if that’s even a possibility for him…
I disagree. He clearly cares about her and her feelings as shown by his recent no contact with his mother and willingness for counseling. But he will always be caught in between as long as his mother is alive. In many cultures mothers expect, demand and get perpetual devotion from their sons. Potential wives choose to deal with that….or not.
She wanted to feel young and beautiful by trying on the dress of the woman marrying her son? Ewwwww! Life 15K in purchase and adjustments. Isn’t that grand theft? She needs to dump him and sue them both for the cost of the dress and cost of the canceled wedding non refundables.
That FMIL was obviously WAY TOO big to fit into that dress and ripped it apart by forcing it on. She knew what she was doing, it was malicious and I would sue her. I would probably tell the guy to go kick rocks because he should have been on my side.
Wedding dresses are built to be VERY very sturdy. I was in the wedding industry for 17 years. Trying it on would've caused some damage, maybe some seams and/or zipper. No way she could accidentally put all their long fake nails through the sheer back. That fabric is incredibly strong. She ripped it up on purpose, of course, like all of us believe.
There are days when you think Freud was a creep, and you hear this story, and he was spot on. That mother is gross and wants to marry her son. And the son is so weak and doesn't even see how creepy their relationship is.
Freud was a creep. If you research his childhood, it’s clear that the basis of his theories stem from his own childhood experiences with his mother and father. His psychosexual theories include a developmental timeline that has 5 stages: all describing the sexual development in regards to that age. At each stage he includes a description of how the individual at that age might explore their sexuality and with what body parts. For example, Infant is the first stage, obviously, and exploration is by the mouth: sucking, babbling, etc. He does this with each stage- the funny part is the 4th stage, he couldn’t observe anything obvious to do with his theory so he called it the latency stage , where there’s no sexual motivation present. But then by the time we get to the fifth stage, the genital stage, all of a sudden there is sexual motivation present again! He just took his own experiences and generalized them over everyone. It fits sometimes but not all the time. Modern psychology doesn’t accept his descriptions of psychosexual development because it’s such BS
Second story, my mom & my mother in law came to our place while we were on our honeymoon however they didn't touch anything except the vacuum & duster (we were on our honeymoon for 2 wks). They came over the night before we were do home & since this was our first place & we barely moved stuff in 2 days before we left they stocked the kitchen with cleaning supplies & things they new we liked plus packing the freezer with prepared dinners , along with a beautiful card saying how much they loved us & wanted us to be able to relax & enjoy the first couple of weeks without worrying about anything. It was so sweet even my brand new hubby had tears
I would personally still feel discomforted by the invasion, but that is such an incredibly sweet gesture. You guys had some really lovely moms. I hope the marriage has been as wonderful as the people who raised the participants.
She should give up on the fiance, he’s never going to take your side over the mother in law. I know, I was in that situation since before the wedding and stupidly thought I could change him which led to 25 years of aggravation, spousal neglect and him sneaking around behind my back with her to undermine me with our children. She talked down about me to my children making them upset etc. I finally banned her from my home and work. When she became critically ill he wanted me to take care of her ( I’m an RN) and I refused, he got visiting nurses to do the job.
I'm so thankful for having the most wonderful MIL in the whole wide world. I've been married 42 years, and i just spent the last two weeks with her at the family cabin in WI. She's 93. I took her on very slow walks every day. Sat on the deck and watched the hummingbirds fight over the feeder, and helped her with her wet suit to go swimming. I love her dearly. And her son... hahaha... When we set the date of our wedding we called them and she gushed... she was so happy. It would be their 30th wedding anniversary! I offered to change the date, and she wouldn't hear of it. We gave them a special toast at the reception. It was bittersweet when my FIL passed away in 2001. I call her on our shared anniversary every year. I feel so lucky.
As someone who's grown up with a narcissistic mother, I recognise the pattern of the husband to be in the first story (not that I've ever done something similar, but still), and honestly I can't help but feel sorry for him. I bet you, he didn't even think much of it, because appeasing such a person probably comes so natural to him and is so important - usually because the consequences, of not appeasing, are horrible, that everything else becomes blurry. I am not saying, he's is remotely right, and I'm happy the wife to be didn't put up with any of it, I'm just saying, he probably couldn't fathom how much this would hurt his wife to be - simply because he's conditioned to do whatever it takes to accommodate his mother. There's also the possibility that, I'm reading too much into it, but regardless, I hope they both end up happy - wherever that may be.
Honestly I feel bad for him too. I feel like he is just trying to keep the peace but it's an impossibility with such a psycho mom! If he's been conditioned to behave this way, well now is his chance to re-program himself and learn to set and keep boundaries. If he doesn't, this is gonna be a looong ride for the wife .. and just wait till they have kids!!! sheesh
I agree... He needs so much help, so much therapy to see things the way they are and break this weird relationship with his mother... Only after he does that can he have any kind of successful romantic relationship and live his life... The poor women that are caught up in his shit...
I feel for the last bride! We moved house when I was one month postpartum. Because I had not fully recovered from giving birth I was not allowed to carry anything but my child. My husband's grandparents (who were given very. specific. instructions. NOT to come the week we were moving) flew in from out of state and visited us. Grandma and grandpa took turns holding the baby and directing people with boxes to the wrong floors. While I was feeding the baby after all the boxes made it inside, grandma ended up putting the kitchen together without asking. At the end of the day I stood in the corner feeling frustrated and overwhelmed because they were trying to help but they weren't helping at all.
If im not mistaken, i think there's an update to this. I think OP went to the MIL house and rearranged her kitchen and when the MIL came home, she didn't like it and got OP's point.
These stories always amaze me. My mother and father-in-law are great! When I was very pregnant with my first they came over one day when we were out and surprised us by cleaning our house. We had just done some drywall work so it was bad. They only cleaned, didn't re-arrange ANYTHING and stayed out of our bedroom (minus sweeping). I realize how lucky I am!
So here's how the thank you notes should go: "Dear Guest, thank you for attending our wedding and giving us a lovely gift. Unfortunately, my MIL opened them all while we were on our honeymoon so I do not know which gift was yours." Drop her in it, let everyone know how much she violated your boundaries when you asked her to do two singular things.
And incase physical letters aren't enough, go on the respective socials,tag everyone you can and put this b*tch on blast, if you cant beat 'em, publicly shame em. With narcissists, the most important thing to them is image so it'll hit em where it hurts the most, their ego.
Exactly this. But don't stop there. Explain the nightmare you are dealing with in full and no one will be offended that you can't send a proper thank you note. It isn't your fault so place the blame where it belongs.
I will say, the second MIL is innocent albeit a bit nosy and maybe old. I say this because, OP asked for MIL help in kitchen with organising stuff. The MIL probably didn't know kitchen was ops safe space. My grandma is similar. Ask her to help getting something from a drawer, she'll start organising the whole room and genuinely she thought she's helping us. So, we don't ask help with stuff at all, even by mistake. Hence I genuinely think the second story is full of misunderstanding and really feel gross out when people, w/o the full story start bashing her. What? Never met an old person before?? FFS.
I don't think the MIL in story 1 ever actually tried the dress on. I think she just grabbed it off the hangar and shredded it. Even the train was ripped- you can't do that just by trying a dress on! 😨 I feel sorry for the lady in story 2, because that would be awful. And I agree, there is a hint of malice in there. 🤔
We used to have a roommate who would pull that shit, every time we went away on day trips, she would rearrange furniture, and the cats would be traumatizing and start peeing on everything. I would also find clothing that i had boxed and put away for safe keeping, chopped and altered into rediculous garments, and several pairs of my favorite shoes missing the left ones. We didn't even have the same foot size. I'm a 7, she was a 5.5. No way either of us could have worn the other's shoe...so why? Right? Oh and she so broke every single appliance in the house by using them wrong. From the toaster to the carpet steamer. AND broke EVERY wine glass in the house. We started off with 24. AND would throw away really important stuff everytime she "cleaned". AND only paid rent once, but bought her bf a car and motorcycle. I finally was able to kick her out when i found out she was fucking my bf. I had my suspicions, so unbeknownst to either of them, I tricked them into doing location share with me on google maps. Night after night, i would watch them go out to run separate errands, and then converge on the map at the same spots. Over and over again. Once i had gathered enough evidence. I confronted them both separately, and told each that the other confessed. 🤣😭🤣🤣😭. It gets saucier, but i am sick of typing.
Seriously hearing these stories about HORRIBLE MIL's makes me so grateful for mine! She has loved me since me and my hubby started dating at 15 and 16. She even kept in contact when we broke up for a little while. We talk about everything together, she truly is the mom I always wanted. Mine wasn't the best she was there while my grandma raised me.
The only mother I witnessed misbehaving at a wedding was actually the mother of the bride. She threw a tantrum right before mealtime because she invited a friend without asking anyone, so obviously there was no room for her. My friend is unfortunately used to her mom being a crap person but I was like HELL NO! I told her 'I'll deal with them, you enjoy YOUR special day'. I told the mom that or she sits as planned next to her DAUGHTER on her WEDDING DAY at the FAMILY table, or I'll place them on the very end of the table next to her friend. She picked her friend. The look of disgust I gave her. At least her in-laws are loving and caring people.
Mel, I adore people like you, so glad you were there for your friend. Honestly, on my wedding day I wouldn't have got through it if it wasn't for my friend Becky. My mom was a nightmare but Becky helped me through it all!
@@AB-mx1de my mom is a fine witch with a B too, and I think that when one can't count on their family, they create they make their own clan and support system. Hail to Becky!
I’ve suffered enough in my life to sign up for more suffering from a mother-in-law like that. Personal peace is so much more important. Love fades.. crazy does not.
@StyleChat - Girl, I’ve never heard the phrase, Love fades…Crazy does not, before! I will be passing out your words of wisdom to my children and their friends. It’s absolute perfection!
Oh my lord. For the last story, what I would do is to compose a general note to be mailed to all guests. Just explain what the mother in law did, and that while you wish you could send a more personalized note, you have no idea who gave what. Thank you for your kind and generous gift and how glad you were that they could be there on your special day.
5:00 Clearly a Rom-Com Disaster happened here. She was innocently trying to help alter the dress when she tripped over a turtle that was supposed to be the ring bearer, fell onto a canoe down the stairs and off the piano like a ramp and into the thicket of thorns and barbed wire next door. It's a miracle she made it out alive!!!
So basically, you are going to have to go through your entire marriage (I would hope you wouldn't marry him but . . .) Constantly monitoring all of his messages, etc. To make sure he's "keeping his end of the bargain." He's doing this now to get you to quiet down. He's gaslighting you. If you think now is bad, wait until you're actually married. Or have kids. You're in for a lifetime is stress and unhappiness. He will never choose you over his mother. Good luck girl! You're going to need every last bit of it!
Or...OP could dump his mother loving backside, and all the stress will be gone from her life, except for the legal wrangle over money for her ruined dress. Love is never enough. Respect has to be there and trust as well. Love fades; respect and trust will grow if nurtured properly. There's OP, there's the fiancé, and there is their RELATIONSHIP. If one or the other mistreats their relationship, it will fail. It's the only thing that can be guaranteed in life, apart from the guarantee you get with a toaster.
That last story hits hard. A few years back I had the unfortunate pleasure of my mother moving back in with No notice. I told her to hold off 2 weeks I'll pack my stuff and be gone. Didn't get the 2 weeks so I was trying to pack and move while she moved in. Working full time and then sick with Covid put me behind a little. So while I was back at work her and her Sister. "helped" by packing my kitchen. And digging up my Garden. It's been 3 yrs. I Still haven't managed to unpack everything that got dumped in totes with no packing material. It's all broken and I don't have the heart to find out exactly how much of it was destroyed.
The thing about the son telling the fiance one thing and his mother another is because that's how he has survived his entire life. He learned to tell his mother exactly what she wanted to hear or suffer the consequences. He tried that with the fiance and it backfired. He has a long hard road to recovery IF HE STAYS NO CONTACT WITH THE NARCISSISTIC MOTHER. She knows how to pull his strings, though, and bet the husband to be is planning on getting through the wedding and then letting his mother back in when it's too late for the bride to back out. The whole thing should be an expensive lesson. Move on. Find someone who is actually on your side instead of settling for someone who pretends to be on your side to get his way. I know you love him. YOU'LL GET OVER THAT SOONER THAN YOU WOULD GET OVER THE TRAINWRECK OF A MARRIAGE YOU'LL WIND UP WITH IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH IT. (speaking from experience) (trust me, you'll get over him while you're married or without being married at all.... Same Result!!)
The issue with mom’s like that is it never stops if you keep telling the mom what she wants to hear and she will keep over stepping until you draw a line in the sand because you are afraid of her bad side. I know because that’s how my mom is.
Exactly this. I went through it. I tried so hard to stay , couldn't leave I couldn't let the mother in law win, destroy our love, but she destroyed us bit by bit. after he finally got sober , life on track, she encouraged him to drink again , easier to manipulate when an alcholic, manipulated him so he fell exactly for her plans.
I celebrate every divorce and cancelled wedding. People not putting up with bullshit from a partner who doesn’t respect them is always worth celebration.
Between looking for someone who will respect you vs living a married life attached to a monster in law shouldn't be such a complicated decission, honestly. I know life can have it's ups and downs but it doesn't have to be that bad! Much less if we can still call off the wedding!
Yeah, I think the stress of a wedding is a really good test of what the marriage will look like. My husband was "whatever you want" "let me know what you need me to do" and it went off great, married 32 years (not w/o plenty of bumps of course) I wish more of these young couples had the courage to just end it now while it's easy - it will only be embarrassing for literally a minute - and nothing like a messy divorce will be like. I had that too when I was younger, and that pain lasts a lot longer & is much more expensive.
@@oreolover9321 Well, for one reason they say that love can make you blind. So it would be wise to keep that in mind before marrying someone with a monster in law.
I REMEMBER READING THIS POST ON REDDIT WHEN IT WAS FIRST POSTED. i remember thinking "why would you try to put on someone else’s wedding dress??!" people really do believe that they are the main character sometimes. i hope that woman is okay 😢
Divorce is not good enough, breaking off the engagement is not good enough, break off every contact you might have with him or better, let him know that you have an awesome life on your own and your (possibly) new partner
I absolutely adore my mother in law. She’s the most precious woman on this earth (aside from my actual mother lol). I’m 26 and I’ve been with my (now) husband since I was 16. She’s been a second mother to be at times. My mind cannot fathom some of the mothers in these horror stories. Insanity.
I loved my MIL. Second marriage for both of us and the day of the wedding my MIL said to me well if for some reason this marriage does not work out I am keeping you and letting him go figure out what he did wrong. (Please know she did not mean that - first of 5 sons and she adores them all!)
My mother never liked my late wife. It culminated when my mother said that I was always welcome in her home, but my wife was not. I took hold of my wife’s hand, turned around, and walked out the door, and have never gone back. That was 19 years ago. My mother is narcissistic like the mother in the first story. I spent years trying to keep everyone happy for the sake of peace. But in the end, it was just too much. I went no contact, and I will never see my mother again. The guy in the story has gone no contact, which could well be a sign that he has had enough of his mother, then it is possible for the couple to have a good life together, but only if he has nothing to do with his mother ever again.
Story 2: Don't ask for the key back. Just change the locks and don't tell her. Take a weekend and redo YOUR KITCHEN. Reclaim it, and if she asked, tell her it was ALL WRONG, and you made it perfect! Good luck, sweetie.
Girl, no! The relationship would have been over the minute he defended her. And I'd have sued her for the cost of the dress. Let him leave and go back to stay with his psycho mommy! And that second story? What is wrong with these ....people? Cut the umbilical cord!
That reminds me of this Indian comedian, where she says how she’s so jealous of her sister-in-law, because she has so much wealth and even better “she has a dead mother-in-law”. Lol.
As the child of a narcissistic mother, I get that it's hard to stand up for yourself and call her out. Hopefully this son got some time away from her crazy and was able to see her for what she is and set boundaries
Me to I totally feel this and both of mine are narcissist, it's ruined me in some ways so I get he probably gets triggered the minute she responds with bs
15:39 There is a huge, HUGE difference between cleaning and completely reorganizing!!! I can’t even imagine, coming home from a honeymoon and to find my kitchen COMPLETELY REARRANGED. I would absolutely lose my mind. Our kitchen is one of the most important rooms in our house. Let’s put it this way, when my hubby looked at apartments by himself, due to the distance we had to move, the first room he went to was the kitchen. If it was too small, he said “I don’t need to see any other room. This kitchen won’t work for my wife, so I don’t have to see the rest of the place.” Something like this would absolutely make me lose my sh*t. I don’t care how petty this might sound to some people.
This so true. I’m in IT often providing support to customers and helping friends with a computer problem so I see how they organize their workspace/desktop. I try not to change anything unless needed to fix the issue. They will tell me they don’t like to ask so-and-so for help because that person always rearranges their desktop and files and they can’t find anything. This is why I am reluctant to ask for help, people go beyond what you ask. So many people think forcing the way they do something onto you is helping, totally disregarding that you already have a system in place.
Same. My mental health is already awful. If I somehow managed to find myself a fiancé and this happened I would have an actual psychotic break. Good thing I don’t plan to find a partner anytime soon!
I sent this to my mum - and she said my NAN WAS LIKE THIS TO HER REGARDING GETTING MARRIED TO MY DAD!! She phoned the dress shop, pretending to be my mum, to try and cancel the dress. When that didn’t work, she turned up to the wedding dress shop and asked to see it. It was in the days before mobile phones and an employee was my mums friend and was seeing her that night in town. Obviously, mum didn’t give her permission. She didn’t want the wedding to be filmed, but my Nan filmed it anyway. She strode around the wedding telling everyone she’d payed for different things, when she’d payed for nothing. She invited 20 guests of her own, which she swiftly fell out with, and my mums parents paid for the whole wedding themselves. This all culminated in my mum THROWING HER RINGS AT MY DAD IN THE STREET when my mum found out they were expecting me, and Nan told everyone (despite them having numerous pregnancy losses in the past). And my dad left the rings and chased after my mum - leaving his mum hysterically crying for him. They went back to the driveway the next day and thankfully the rings were still there, hidden in bushes. Slowly, my mum weaned my Nan away from him. When I was born Nan snuck in to the ward (despite her nurse being warned how horrendous she was) and my mother was fuming. Once home, She used to have to lie down underneath the window and pretend to be out because my Nan would come over multiple times a day to see me. Every time we moved further and further away. But skillfully, she never alienated our Nan to us - we only learned about her being horrible through our own experiences. Mum didn’t say a bad word against her unless we did first. With every house move, we moved further and further away. We now see her twice a year for definite, with the odd added extra there and then. I didn’t know my mum was such a superhero until recently. I don’t know how she did it. They’ve been married nearly 30 years now and are perfect for each other. They genuinely love each other more than life itself. And although that was MESSY as hell, she fought and won. Because she realised she either had to be a pushover for the rest of her life, with MIL dominating her every movement, or she could play the long game with the man she loves. My dad was under the narcissist spell with his mum, and didn’t realise it until a few years later. TLDR: when push comes to shove, you must be prepared to do one of three things 1. Let your life be controlled by the woman 2. End the relationship or 3. Your partner needs to snap out of it and realise you come first or they lose you.
11k is NOT just a dress. And it absolutely does. Sue her. And make her pay ANY court fees. My parents and some Aunties and an Uncle helped me move recently, no one would EVER unpack my stuff without me telling them where it goes. I also struggle with an ED and messing with my kitchen would 100% set it off. I feel so bad for her.
I just lost my mother in law last week, I was truly blessed with the most kind, loving woman. I can't even imagine dealing with one like those in these stories.
I lost mine in April. Like you, I was blessed to have her. Now, I'm helping my kind, loving, and grief-stricken father in law navigate cooking, bills, cleaning, setting appointments (all the stuff she used to do). We were lucky to have our bonus parents, and it makes me sick to think of how these MILs were just...not it.
I lost my own mother a couple years ago. She was so loving, understanding, and generous. Recently in therapy I’m trying to learn not to get jealous that other terrible, manipulative mothers get to be alive while mine does not.
My mother once grabbed my entire closet and “helped” reorganize it. I was so overwhelmed that I shut down for more than a month. I didn’t know where to put my clean clothes, where my old ones where, and my sister grabbed the opportunity to try to get ahold of my closet space. NEVER TOUCH SOMEONE’S PERSONAL SPACE!!!
I feel the same way! My sister recently cleaned my room(without my permission). She was taking the towels I had in my room downstairs to be cleaned, but she decided to continue cleaning even though I only gave her permission for the towels.(My room was a bit of a mess, but I knew where everything was) I was at work while this happened. She came to pick me up because it was late, and said she had a surprise for me. I walked into my room, saw everything and was immediately teary-eyed. She cleared everything from the floor and threw all of my papers/miscellaneous items away. She even put my shoes in my closet...ON THE TOP SHELF!( I'm relatively short, and I could barely reach the shelf itself.)I can't find anything anymore. It's been a couple of weeks, and I am still upset every time I think about it. (Sorry for the long comment. I hadn't vented to anyone, so when typing how I agreed with you, it all rushed out.) I hope whoever reads this has a great day!
I feel so bad for the girl in the last story, the same thing happened to me. I was in the hospital giving birth after my water broke weeks before my due date (which XMIL also made stressful & upsetting multiple ways). My ex fiance mentioned his family wanting to help with the housework and I said please no. I liked everything a certain way and didn't like people touching my things and I wasn't worried about dishes, laundry, and finishing decorating the baby's room. I get home and everything is moved around in every room. The baby's room is decorated but not how I wanted it. Furniture is rearranged. They washed the dishes so poorly that they were still filthy, but all put away (person who washed them was visually impaired). It made me so upset as a germaphobe because then I had to wash everything they touched plus the dishes. I found out that my ex MIL, FIL, fiance's grandmother, and my mother had all rearranged the home to "help". My mother lost multiple things including jewelry while she "organized" (so many of my things went missing or were ruined by her in the past). I had even asked her not to go in my home while I wasn't there and she knew I hated her touching my things because of past upsets. They did the laundry and ruined multiple items of mine, some went missing, and I didn't need anyone touching my underwear wtf. I felt violated and was upset, but my fiance told me I was an ungrateful b*tch. None of them respected my wishes, boundaries, or privacy and they made so much work and stress for me after I was trying to heal from birth. He went behind my back, lied, and sided with his mother so many times the trust eroded. His mother and I got along in the beginning, (she'd gush about how much she loved me) but she did so many hurtful things over the years that I realized it was fake. The lies snowballed, he showed no care about me, then I found out he was cheating so it was over after almost 8 yrs. Now I'll never date a "mama's boy" again because they never grow out of it. Let mommy and her man-child have each other!
I'm so sorry to hear that. Boundaries have such importance, but if others can't respect those boundaries, that says more about the other person than you. I'm glad you got away from that BS.
My cousin once dated a momma's boy. When the dude's mom saw my cousin for the first time, she told her son "oh, the last one was prettier". She didnt even look to my cousin's face when she said that, and what did her bf do? Laugh. No it was not a joke, the woman did not apologize, and she kept treating her badly. Thankfully she got out of that relationship soon after
It was my, now ex, SIL for me. Among other stuff on my wedding day, during the reception, because she was bored, IDK, she opened ALL the wedding gifts, not taking care to keep cards with gifts, just putting the cards in a pile. We had no idea what gift was from whom and believe that there is still money and gift cards missing. Not even an apology.
Reminds me of the dad who didn’t think his son should pay for destroying his sister’s bras because he didn’t think the bras where worth the price. A crime was committed, knowing they had no right to the garment, and destroying something means taking responsibility for it. It doesn’t matter what other people think your stuff /should/ cost, but what it /does/ cost… and what a judge says.
Seriously… how would he feel if someone torched all his underwear? Bras are too expensive but even just having your undies ruined is a huge hassle and ought to be a big deal.
This is some NASTY emotional abuse, and I applaud OP for helping him come to terms with it. My husband was in total denial for YEARS, and all I could do was stand by him to make sure she didn't hurt him too much and then pick up the pieces from the inevitable implosion. It is ROUGH, but he will recover eventually with council and support.
I hate when people expect the victim to be the bigger person. Cutting off people who traumatized is the healthy way to deal with it. Even mentioning the abuser is abusive itself.
My MIL was always claiming to "help" anytime I said anything about what she had done. It was extremely frustrating and there were times when I looked in my daughters closets and had no clue where everything came from. It usually ended with everything being donated because she didn't take into consideration my daughters tastes. She would steal things from my house and I would later see them at other relatives houses. I am so glad we went no contact and I no longer have to worry about her "helping"
I actually do feel a little for the guy in the first story, because he's got an abusive mother and is probably only just now realizing how toxic she is. The fact that he's so used to "keeping the peace" makes me sad, because I know how that feels. I also know why he would rather try to change his fiancee's mind than his mother's: he knows just how impossible the latter is. I'm sure he knows that trying to get her to pay up will be like trying to wring water from a stone. He just doesn't realize - or DIDN'T, hopefully - how wrong and awful of his mother that is. This is something he grew up with, so he's developed survival skills in accordance with that, and he's chosen the appeasement strategy over fighting her every. Single. Time. Which is understandable; it takes SO much mental effort to fight back. Anyway, I hope he manages to break free of her grasp, because I think he'll ultimately be a lot happier and healthier for it. I wish him and his fiancee, who has the patience of a saint from the sounds of things, the best. Hopefully they will both do what is best for their future happiness.
I have a narcissist mother and I'd advise no woman to get involved with a man who has one who hasn't already realized it and gone to therapy about it. Right now I'm in contact with mine but I'm perpetually prepared to go low contact or no contact indefinitely. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Narcissists are exhausting its really unfair to offload the job of boundary setting to a partner!
*WEDDING DRESS FIASCO* Her fiance has shown who he is and this bride-to-be refuses to _believe_ him. Bottom line. This guy was under his mother's thumb before they met. He's under her thumb now. He will be under his mother's thumb in the future. Cut your losses. Couples counseling is NOT going to help. Unless and until he grows the balls to disconnect and/or stand up to his mother, the bride-to-be can count on losing that tug-o-war. PERIOD. *FACT* How much you love him is not the issue. How much he is capable or willing to love YOU should be your focus. Hard truth - she cannot MAKE this grown *ss man do anything. He has to be willing and/or capable and, given the narrative, even if he were willing, he is _incapable_ of that. Cut your losses because it's all downhill from here.
Exactly. She has to BECOME his mother to teach and police him to be decent?!? NO THANKS! Women want a PARTNER... not a MAN-BABY! Imagine how extremely stressful the rest of her life will be! You KNOW he will guilt her into letting mom come see the grandbabies!
Yes, Now she polices his accounts, his actions, his thoughts. She is now his jailer, just like his mother before. Do you want to be like that, girl? Get out, before you ruined yourself.
Whenever I wear something new & nice, my MIL says “I will wear that tomorrow” and takes it. Sometimes she takes stuff I just bought & haven’t even worn yet. It really bothers me & only once she has returned a handbag ruined after she returned from a trip & commented on its ‘bad quality’ (it never got wear & tear for the 9 years when I had it). She also rearranges the entire kitchen & living area every time & goes through my stuff when I’m not around 🤷🏻♀️
As a nail artist and someone who went to fashion design school, I can tell you that there is no way that dress could be done with fake nails. You just can't ruin a wedding dress beyond repair with fake nails. You are more likely to ruin and lose the fake nails.
Acrylics could very easily punch through the mesh of an illusion back. She said it was shredded, so MIL probably poked her nails through the fabric and dragged her fingers down.
@@Katie80-501even a regular t shirt can’t be torn by fake nails without extreme effort. It’s highly doubtful that they could do it to a dress and shred it no less
@kissit012 An illusion back on a wedding dress is made of soft mesh, even with natural nails you can accidentally stick a nail through and create a hole, I've done it before with a pair of tights. Acrylics could easily destroy tulle and delicate fabrics on a wedding dress.
Hey, I've cleaned house for a friend while she was away, and the surprise made her happy when she returned. HOWEVER! She and I have been friends for about 20 years now. I know how she likes things, and I know what is and is not acceptable. The trip was for a funeral, so it definitely wasn't planned, and she was really emotionally and mentally tore up when she left. I just wanted to do what I could to give her one less thing to worry about when she got back. She had only asked me to check on her pets while she was away. But, I also washed her dishes, cleaned her floors, and took care of her trash and recycling. But, that messy stack of papers she had on the dining table? DO NOT TOUCH! And, as for her craft room, I don't even go in there if I don't have to! And, I would NEVER dare to re-arrange ANYTHING in her house without her there, probably even if she DID ask me to. But, she and I both grew up with moms like the MIL in the second story, and we're both "unconventionally organized" people, so we both completely understand and respect other people's boundaries when it comes to stuff like that.
And people make this sound so hard to do. It really isn’t. It’s basic respect. If you don’t know where it goes, don’t touch it. How hard is that for these people?
A friend of mine did this for me ad well once. There was no funeral or anything sad going on for me luckily. Just asked her to visit to feed and cuddle my cat for a weekend. But she also ended up doing the dishes and that was so sweet ❤!
The most telling line in the whole thing is that MIL "wanted to relive her model days". She is a vain, selfish person who can't stand that she is not as young as she was and that her body has changed with age. This was deliberate and came out of jealousy.
When I watch these videos I feel so lucky. I've been married twice and both MILs were wonderful. I was closer to my first MIL because I was married to my first husband for many years. My second MIL passed away three years after I married her son.
Story 1: the future MIL clearly was deliberately reckless with the dress. Probably some deep rooted jealousy...she sounds batshit. I'd say run, girl, don't marry into that family!!!!!
The last story; I would get my hubby to take the parents out for a few days and then with help do the exact same thing to mil. And when they get back.."I felt so moved by what you did to our kitchen, that I decided to return the favor." Then smile all innocently.
$11k… it’s not a wedding dress, it’s a freaking investment! So how can the MIL thought for one second that she could try the dress ?! She knew what she was doing.
As a mother of 3 sons I would never ever expect I had any right to try on anything that isn’t mine. Or, something I plan on purchasing. She had every right to want to take it to small claims. I’m with you 100% cancel that wedding…. That’s the world telling you you shouldn’t get married to this man.
Right? My first thought is that I never touch or use anything of someone else's without permission unless I can afford to fix/replace it if broken, and never if I know it has sentimental value. Even using something expensive with *permission* gives me anxiety! How to people find the audacity to do things like touching someone else's wedding dress, never mind trying it on. I wouldn't even open the protective cover without the bride there asking me to! 😅
I'm pretty sure the husband who's mom ruined his fiancé's dress is still in communication with his mother. There is NO WAY mommy isn't in contact with her "baby". I bet they opened an entirely different email address for him to communicate with her.
#1. No girl no. You are in a lose-lose situation. Your future MIL wanted to have wedding cancelled. Now that her ‘baby’ has stood up to her he will resent you AND you will forever be stuck with a crazy lady stalking you. I advise you call off the relationship completely. Take the woman to court. I mean if she wrecked your car she’d have to be held responsible and pay for damage. He is a little boy, she’s a nutter you will never have peace. #2 Change the locks. Get family therapy with your husband and in-laws. What they did is 100% unacceptable. Can you imagine if you have kids? They will show up with pierced ears, haircuts, etc… as the in-laws do not understand boundaries. Really get a counselor to help sort all those feelings out. If they won’t go, you and husband go. You need to set clear boundaries there. Good luck girl….
My fiance and I literally don't even have $5000 and struggle just to make our monthly bills plus groceries and clothes for our kiddos. I couldn't even begin to describe the feeling of hate and betrayal if a future family member cheated me out just the $11,000, let alone the extra cost of alterations, and then to have my fiance not back me up 😭
When my MIL gave us her house (old ass falling down but I definitely appreciate it), she stayed for 6 weeks before she moved out. That's cool, np. I had the respect to wait a week after she moved out to rearrange the cabinets, pantry, counter tops, small appliances, etc. She has the respect to not try to change it back, or tell me how SHE did it. Why can't most MILs just fckn chill?! I love mine!
I can totally relate with the gal who’s MIL rearranged her kitchen. After the birth of my daughter I had some complications and was put on bed rest for 2 weeks and was only allowed to go downstairs once a day. My MIL came over during the day to help with the other kids and make meals. One day I wasn’t feeling very well in the morning and chose to stay upstairs all day. That evening when my husband got home I went down to eat some dinner and noticed that the microwave was in a new spot. But wait, my kitchen knives were as well! I started opening cupboards and sure enough, she had rearranged my entire kitchen as well as inside the refrigerator and my pantry! I was stressed enough as it was being on bed rest but now I know what I had to look forward to once I was off bed rest. My husband called her to ask why she did it and her response was that because she was making meals my kitchen was too confusing for her because it wasn’t set up like HER kitchen. It took me over a week but I finally got it back to the way I like it and although she offered to help me, I declined. She did apologize and I forgave her and she never attempted anything like that at all.
First story- NO ONE has apologized. NO ONE has repaid for the dress. Op is settling for this, and the groom to be is fine with it all even if he says he's not or he'd have settled this from the jump. LEAVE, child
When I was active as a designer/seamstress I had a similar experience, where the future mother in law ruined a wedding gown for a bride to be. Ripping some seams and "tried" to fell the hem a bit shorter, because SHE thought it was to long....mideaval style gown that was supposed to be long. And "accidentaly" spilled coffee on the white silk brocade. And tried to blame ME! The bride to be was devistated....I made a new dress for her and send the bill to the fmil. (A little salted, because I could) and the husband to be told his mother that she had to pay or getting out of their life for ever! She paid! And I could save the fabric from the original dress for another project. I'm still freind with the couple and the narccesistic mother in law isn't in there lives anymore.
You are a god among insects, truly. You put that witch right in her place! And the husband is epic as well. Zero tolerance policy. Well done, all of you.
Holy crap I am so thankful for my mother in law, she literally just left my house before I watched this. We had a wonderful day hiking, shopping, and sitting on patios!
I think the added frustration with the 2nd Story would be that the boxes prob hard the cards from who gave it as well, so you know, identifying who gifted it to them? It means they have no way of personalising the thank-you's if they wished to...on top of not being able to return things they may not have needed etc
Honestly I felt that too, when you were reading the last story about the MIL who rearranged the kitchen I really felt a pain in my chest and stressed out 😢
I worked at a dress shop and I can honestly tell you wedding dresses are more sturdy than they look and in order to make that much damage, it really REALLY needs to be deliberate.
Right?! It looks like she used fucking scissors
Right. Even after my dress was damaged by other people, I was still able to make it into a costume. Wedding dresses are pretty much indestructible.
This is true!!! Wedding photog here. Those things are SO sturdy.
My dress was left in the house when my now ex and I were out of the state. Crackheads and junkies couldn't take my dress out. That is how sturdy they are. The people who broke into the house told me how they liked my dress, yes they wore it.
Decideded on the spot.
So sad.
See ya bride, and family.
A reaNot a chance.
I couldn't even make a word come out.
Wow.
The NEXT DAY?????
GOOD GOD.
NO Way.........
It stops being “just a dress” when it’s £11k ffs, it’s like you’ve taken her car and crashed it. No different. MIL took property that wasn’t hers and broke it. That’s a law suit right there. Doesn’t matter if on purpose or by accident.
Nicely said.
@@lotstodo the credit goes to the infinite watch hours of Judge Judy
You should sue her for the dress money and harassment
💯💯💯
Exactly, property damage too
My husbands family has a tradition of pranking the new couples house while they are on the honeymoon.
When we came back from our honeymoon, all the lables had been pulled off the cans, there was honey on light switches and cabinet doors, salt in the bed, as well as other things. I realize it was a joke, but i had spent the last 8 years as a apartment housekeeper... my life was cleaning other peoples messes. I try to be a very organized, clean person.
I was still getting settled into his house and was dreading the work ahead of me as far as melding two households into one as it was, but to come home and find this, I lost it.
It has been 15 years, and i love his family, but i will never forget how this felt.
Wow, that is not a prank it is wasteful
That's not a "prank".
That's spite, meanness, & destruction of property.
Idk why people always do shit like that and say it's a "prank." If I wanted to prank a newlywed couple, I wouldn't make a mess in their house while they're gone. I'd probably just hide a bunch of post-it notes with stupid puns/jokes around their house all over so they keep finding them everywhere. I'd probably leave them some nice messages, too, like "y'all are so cute together" or something so they know it's not malicious. A prank should always be truly harmless, and my favorites are the really wholesome ones personally.
@@ominouslightning
Agreed.
Sounds like you are a decent, mature, sane, grounded person of integrity, conscience, & good-will.
Well done, friend. 💗
Pranks can be fun, but not ones that involve serious labor for the one being pranked afterwards. A better and more efficiently “clean” “prank” would have been hiding small ducks or other similar trinkets around the house labelling them 1-10 but purposefully leaving one number out. Over all a harmless prank, and not something the victim of said prank has to endure hours of labour to remove. It’s not hard to be considerate to the person you’re trying to get a laugh out of and still make it fun.
DON'T MARRY INTO THIS FAMILY!!! I was in a toxic relationship just like this. My ex-boyfriend was emotionally married to his mother. She didn't like me, so she did everything she could to break us up. I was treated like his mistress while his mother was treated like his wife. This is a disgusting example of narcissistic abuse.
Nobody is good enough for their son
It's kind of a reverse Oedipus Complex Syndrome
Gross
@@jacklow9611 It's called a Jocasta complex. Freud did talk about this too lol. Basically it's emotional incest where the mother doesn't let her son grown up or individuate in a normal or healthy way. She wants him to take care of her like a husband would but at the same time have him depend on her for his care. So mommy will do things like his laundry/packing lunches- yet expect her son to pay her way.
You wouldn't believe how common this is. It's actually WAAAAY more common then Odeipus Complexes. I know so many guys who made it to their 30's without ever doing their own laundry. Even guys who are more self sufficent will have extremely jealous and pocessive mom's.
@@lorianabanana6066 this describes my ex-boyfriend's mother perfectly. Thanks.
The MIL got what she wanted...a canceled wedding. Fast forward. What kind of grandmother would she be? Get out.
Agree 100%. MIL is sickly obsessed with her son. She would make OP's life HELL.
I didn’t even think about her becoming a grandmother. She would totally attempt to take charge of the baby. Everything the mother did would be nitpicked. She would offer unsolicited advice. And when the child go older, the grandchild could do no wrong.
She would be the kind of grandmother who passive-aggressively teaches the grandchildren to disrespect their mother, get's the child's hair cut and/or ears pierced without asking parents first, commandeers every birthday party and makes herself the center.
I've only had one MIL, and she's wonderful.
I divorced her son 30 years ago because of DV. She testified against him in court so that my son and I were granted a protective order. That's the last time she ever saw that son, my ex. She's in her 80s now, and lives with her other son who is a good person. He even bought her a house that's near his so that she can have privacy but feel safe. He's a contractor, so he completely updated her darling 1920s bungalow with all new appliances and installed safety features like handrails, panic buttons, and security alarms.
It is sad, but if someone has a family member like that MIL you should seriously reconsider to marry that person or not, specially if they never acknowledge their inappropriate behavior like that and tells different stories to her and MIL, it's just massive red flags to me 🚩
Add Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress to your lawsuit.
My MIL was actually the match maker in our case. She was a dental patient of mine and talked about her son often during her appointments. One day she suggested we meet, which was awkward for me to hear from a patient. He ended up coming in to see me at the office, we went on a date shortly after. Our 3 year anniversary is this September, expecting our first child this August.
That is so sweet!
She destroyed that dress out of pure hatred and then came up with lame excuse she tried it on to make it an “accident”. This MIL truly terrifies me.
Right?! Lol she is crazy as hell!
That's true
I'm a guy (an old guy, actually), and I say: that first bride-to-be needs to a) sue her not-to-be MIL into oblivion, and b) never, ever take that ID10T back.
Like she "tried on" her son's future's wife wedding dress. Like she gonna be there on their wedding night too. That mom needs so serious therapy. Her behavior is so gross, and the fact that her son believes that crap.
Monster in law
I seriously can't believe MiL could totally destroy a $11,000 dress and not bat an eye. That relationship is doomed before it really starts
There are just some people out there that dont beleive anyone is good enough for their little darling...
Charlotte made a good point. Wedding dress or not, when trying on an article of clothing, if it doesn't fit, you just take it off. You don't force it onto your body.
@@addie-eileenpaige6460she shouldn’t have tried it on in the 1st place
I feel like she used scissors on it.
It was even much more than 11.000 because of the alterations.
As someone who's handled and worked with wedding dresses for years, the damage had to be deliberate and she's manipulating her baby boy to believe her during sabotage so he leaves her. Its awful girl. Get outta there ♡
I DO NOT play when it comes to my wife. I love my mother but my wife is the most important woman in my life. Once, my mother made wife cry with a passive aggressive bs text and I threatened to cut her out of our life if she did that again. I can't imagine what I would do if she ruined an $11k dress.
You’re a smart man. My future ex-husband is not. His momma can have him.
Well, I can guess one thing you’d do… hold her accountable. You have your priorities in order. Once people get married, parents remain important but not most important. And the poor schmuck in the story has been gaslighted past understanding this.
I know, right? ELEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?! I've never even spent that much on a car. What an evil manipulator.
you SIR are a GEM ... *** tips hat **
The marriage vows.
To be together [husband and wife] through good and bad... richer and poorer...through everything TOGETHER.
When you chose to be with someone for life, you work together to get through any problems. Family and friends had better respect the bride and groom's boundaries.
Yesterday my SO and his dad were doing dry walling, and I was upstairs hanging out with his mom, eating cookies, and gossiping about insignificant things, trying to get her mind off of her recent chemo.
Stuff like this makes me extra grateful for this angel of a woman.
As someone who's been through chemo myself, I just want to let you know that you are also her angel.
Best of wishes to your SO's mother.
I wish your MIL the best during her chemo and these hard times. Watching my mom go through everything with her cancer was so hard. It is absolutely exhausting and miserable for them. They're always so tired and yucky and everything as I'm sure you have witnessed yourself sadly. Breaks my heart so much. I truly wish you all the absolute best. Much love and positive thoughts and prayers your way!! So glad you all have each other and have such a wonderful relationship with one another. That is how it should be! You'd think they'd just be happy to see their children happy.....but no....some people just don't know how to be happy and then in turn are unable to be happy for others happiness. Truly blows my mind as I'm not the type of person to ever think or act in this manner. These stories always make me soo grateful for what I have. Wishing everyone the best!! Much love to all! 💖
Wishing your mother in law all the best🍀 and that she kicks frickin' cancers butt! She's seemingly a lovely lady!
Are we on the same thread?😢
MIL doesn't want her boy taken from her. She will be that way to ANY woman in his life. Run, girl, run!
Exactly! That was my thought cuz I have seen how narc moms with only sons behave. And if the OP thinks that a bit of No Contact and "Couples Therapy" is going to fix it, and that even a Restraining Order is going to stop it, God Bless her. It may work temporarily or even short term, but not long term. And by some miracle it does, he will end up resenting her for causing a break with his mother. It is a lose-lose situation she has herself in.
I had a postponed honeymoon and had to live at my MIL's house for the first month I was married because she had a "mild heart attack" the day after our wedding. We literally had a townhouse 5 minutes down the road that I had not yet lived in, but she didn't want to be left alone. As a nurse, my new husband thought it would be important for me to be there in case something happened. The kicker was that when his sister came back into town to stay with his mother, I thought we could return to our new home. OH NO! This was family time. Mom wanted her entire family to be with her while she recovered. I had had enough and left to go live in my house, without my new husband. I was accused of being immature, self centered and selfish and not a family oriented person. Fast forward to 5 years later, I left him because he was having an affair with a woman in his office. His mother called me and told me that I was a heartless bitch and did I realize how deeply MY Actions had hurt her son. Tell this poor bride to run!! Run Far.
😲 I literally gasped out loud reading this! Wow, the nerve of some people! Glad you got out of it but it totally sucks how badly you were treated. :(
The absolute NERVE of this woman! 😡
Sorry you had to go through this❤
I had a widowmaker heart attack (followed by emergency bypass) with a 4 year old special needs son. I was taking care of him within a week. My mom did help a lot during that first week, but even the Dr said moving around would help me heal faster. I don't do well with being catered to.
Good for that family to get rid of you, you seems not family oriented, selfish and self centered. The guy can't choose other mom, but he can choose the partner to suit him and his family. You marry a guy raised by family, you marry to the family, you marry the guy raised by the streets, you marry to the streets. You are not a victim, you just didn't match 😏
Why does she wanna marry a man like that? For her entire life, she's going to go through this, her kids, her choices, her everything. No amount of money, how handsome, or how big he is... Is worth living this shit.
Because she LURVES Him! Eventually that will wear off. I hope it wears off before they actually get married.
Right? And checking his emails and everything all the time??? That’s not rebuilding trust. That’s chasing something and someone that doesn’t honor or respect you.
She got to the point of a marriage proposal, which we're all unfortunately taught to believe is a sign of a successful life, not just a successful relationship. Dumping her shitty fiance would mean starting all over again on her quest to not die alone.
Guess moving to an entirely different country and cutting her off completely seems like the only solution...
@marlene flaton Yes you're right. Checking on him all the time is no life. It's just misery 😔
I had something similar to the second story happen to me - when I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, my husband's aunt and cousin (who are narcissistic awful people btw) somehow got the key to our apartment (I'm still not sure how) and cleaned and reorganized everything we owned. On the one hand, I understand they were trying to do something nice, but there is something so violating about coming home from giving birth to discover people have been in your house going through your things, throwing things out and moving everything about. I couldn't find anything for weeks and I was so, so angry. My husband also didn't know they were doing this - it's just something they decided to do on their own. as a side story, years later when my husband's grandfather passed away, these same two people were found in his house, stealing everything he owned, including money he'd left for each of the grandkids. Things came to physical blows, and we don't talk to them anymore.
Theft, by family members and acquaintances, after a death happens far.more.often then you think. My brother does estate sale clean outs and he encountered the housekeeper of a deceased person attempting to take the furniture out of the house. She still had a key. When he confronted her she blushed, set down the chair she had and left. He reported it to the estate lawyer and he notified the family. Very sad what people will do for "stuff."
The cleaning the house after a birth thing is also something that my grandmother and aunt suggested to my mother just before I was born, apparently it's some sort of tradition where I come from and my grandma had cleaned my aunt and uncle's house just after my eldest cousin was born, but my mom refused because she thought it was creepy to have someone go through every closet in her house. Like, why do you need to know where I store my underwear?
I'm sorry that happened to you and I really hope those people got what they deserved. I can't imagine what must go through a persons head to think that they're entitled to steal from a dead person. When we went to clean up my great aunt's house it felt like I was robbing someone, even though I knew she would never be using her dinnerware again
@@lilliansahara8625 thank you! some people just seem to have no soul. they were stealing dumb stuff, like sheets, pots, even toilet paper. It was insane! No one in the family associates with them anymore. Last I heard, debt collectors were after them, which I only know because they put my husbands phone number as their contact, so the collectors keep calling US.
I like how nobody seemed to address the "Higher standard to aspire to" cause that's essentially the MIL saying "you'll never compare to me" ABOUT HER SON. How do these men not get creeped out by this behaviour.
They're conditioned not to. They're raised with a matriarch that has created so much drama with other adults that by the time he was old enough to see it, all other adults just facilitated her behaviour cos it was easier. He then grew up learning the same rule and now has to constantly placate his own mother to feed her precious ego, this makes him blind to how selfish and destructive her behaviour is. It's like a child whose parents never say no, so they are the entitled brats that feature in other Charlotte videos, just that this one is now a mother!
@@bexhand2968 yeah I know it was less of a why and more of a rhetorical why. Thanks though!
I feel like she used a sharp tool to destroyed the dress and use the “fake nails” as a coverup.
they were raised by that person, of course they don't find it creepy...
@@Xia-hu many many people, myself included, have grown up and out of their parents projections like that. It's very possible.
Some more details from the wedding dress story:
- OP's mother died and had left her money to spend on her wedding dress. She sees FMIL's actions as taking that away from her.
- FHs father is either out of the picture or has also passed. His mother is his only immediate family.
- FMIL only recently moved to be near 'her baby', coincidentally after her attempts to interfere with wedding plans were shut down by both OP and FH.
- She got to the dress by sneaking into their bedroom while they were distracted assembling furniture. She took a bouquet of dried flowers from the living room with her.
- Apparently FMIL would feed her grown son in public?? Like, I assume spoonfeed him???? This was normalised for him and he got defensive when OP pointed out that it was weird.
- OP's last comments were about concerns for her safety and someone IRL finding the post since it went viral. She was planning on asking their neighbours to keep a lookout for FMIL on the property.
The story is from 5 years ago. There were three posts about it but nothing since so I don't know how it worked out.
😮
@@maryjane4432 I think they meant that those three posts, the original and the two updates were all from 5 years ago.
oh my lord i hope OP is okay wherever she is
Thanks
I hope that OP stayed safe.
Reorganize kitchen: my hubby, who cooks ~15% of the time, felt the kitchen was laid out poorly. I woke up one morning to find he'd reorganized my kitchen, and I could find nothing. I refused to cook for 3 months. About 5 yes ago, I reorganized his tools & garage because I couldn't find a crosstip. He was PISSED! Well darn, that ain't the same?
You know that relationship is doomed when she admits "im checking his messages religiously" . Girl you dont trust him , thats a one way ticket. You will never trust him ever again.
100%! Better to leave now before they are married and before they have children.
You're right that the trust for sure is broken and I don't think she can ever get that back but I've always said that there shouldn't be a need to check each other's phones and whatnot because of privacy and I never thought I'd come across a story where I'd say it's okay to do so but yea... in this case I guess she's 100% justified in checking his messages.
@@GubbiGap she’s justified, sure.
But you shouldn’t NEED to check your partner’s messages because he shouldn’t stab you in the back by trash talking you in the first place.
Why did he trash her in messages in the first place? 😞
I said the same thing.... it's not her fault, but doesn't mean it's a good thing to be doing to the man you're about to marry. And the saddest part is, it's not because he's unfaithful, it's because he's a MOMMAS BOY and his mother is a literal psycho!!
I would nope TF outta there so fast!
True! Not worth babysitting this abused mama's boy. Just cuz she doesn't wanna let go. She needs to just let go. But obviously,.she's not ready yet.
The wedding dress was damaged on purpose. I was on the fence until the future husband mentioned the FMIL was “reliving her modeling days…”. I have a friend with a mother that modeled in the 60’s and 70’s and that woman knew how to put on every item of clothing without damaging anything. When we were going shopping for bridesmaid dresses for a friends wedding, she handed us all baggies with scarves to cover our faces so we wouldn’t get makeup on the dresses and gloves to put on before pulling up anything that might be a tight fit. There were a few other items in the bag that I don’t remember but we used everything in the bag at least once.
She had a “trick” for getting in or out of any type of clothing and knew how to style everything.
If OP and future husband do work it out, I suggest they move far, far away.
She sounds like she might follow thrm
He is the primary source of his mother’s narcissism. You can ever win. Give him up. No co dependancy.
Divorce, divorce, divorce. If he won't defend you for something as important as a wedding and is going to minimize the damage, he's going to let her ruin your life in everyday life.
I wanted to write the LOL but too late and too far away.
Girls and Guys, come on, we don't know her but you do.
Any reason that the op isn't 100% right?
Please 🙏🏻 tell us
Don't marry to avoid the drama of a divorce.
Man, I would have called off the wedding and the relationship at once. This guy is attached to someone who just screams entitlement and bad news from here to France. I feel sorry for the guy too, but imagine a life attached to that MIL. 😰
She can't get divorced if they're not married yet. It's break up, break up, break up.
i was gonna play devil's advocate and say that by the wording on the first post it sounded like he just wasn't sure if it was something the court would take seriously but nevermind she really needs to leave him lmao
Story 1: I'm glad the wedding is off but she needs to dump the whole fiancé, he's a doormat and will never cut his mother off entirely, this drama isn't worth the effort regardless of how much you love him. Once you marry him you marry into that entire family and frankly that sounds like nightmare fuel.
You said it bestie!!! Omg that made me sweat!! And good day miss Lilly!!
@@erikarussell1142hello to you too Erika ☺ hope you are having a lovely day so far 😊
This!!!
Yeah, not sure how marriage counseling is gonna bring back trust between the couple. On top of him not understanding her viewpoint, he was conspiring with his mom to emotionally manipulate her! Just like a cheater, he's not putting her 1st & not even treating her as equal in the marriage because he feels everything is fine if he can get what he wants in the end. In this case it's not a sidepiece, but a happy mom in control. He only sees what he's gonna get from a marriage, not a true life partner that shares in goals & decisions.
@@namethestars it’s a beautiful day when you start it with Dobre!! And her beautiful tater tot community!!
I married a man whose mother was a narcissist... he actually was (is) a good guy, and even though our marriage did not last (although we were married for 19 years), getting him away from his mom was indeed a good thing. I am now married to someone else, because he did have issues due to growing up with a narcissistic mother (she was finally diagnosed in her 70s with narcissistic personality disorder with delusions and paranoia when she went into the hospital for a broken hip, threatened to kill herself since we were not doing her bidding, and a psychiatrist got involved). I am now married to someone else, but he is one of my best friends and has come a long way through therapy. My current husband is incredibly understanding of my ex and I still being friends (his own daughter has borderline personality disorder, and we have lovingly distanced ourselves from her and put up strong boundaries so that he can finally live his own life instead of constantly coming to her rescue)... I must have some karma of "rescuing" men who are trapped by family members with personality disorders, but both men are now thriving. I am hoping the man from the first story is able to really work through things in therapy and come out better on the other side whether his fiancée ends up as his wife or just as someone who helped him get away from his situation and have his own life.
I have BPD, we can be some serious emotional blackmailers, getting into therapy made all the difference..hopefully your husbands daughter will get some help, I can't imagine going through life without a father figure, I miss mine every day.
so her reasoning was that she wanted to try it on so she can fantasize about being young and a model where her son, her baby would basically marry her?! that’s so creepy. the guy is a creeper too, I would run.
Right this is Freudian type shit
Freud is laughing in hiis grave right now
Erről van szó 🤝
Seriously, eff counselling....run, woman! Save yourself from a married life full of crap like this.
I don't think he's a creeper but more of a spineless mommy's boy who DESPERATELY needs to break free from her clutches. Luckily it sounds like he is making steps towards that goal by going no-contact and in the end even going to the police to get a TRO on her.
My former MIL changed my seating chart on the MORNING OF MY WEDDING because she didn't like where her friends were sitting.. I purposefully sat them where I chose because they were her friends, not ours, and I wanted our friends to have the closer seats. She practically threw a fit, so my wedding planner accomodated her. She did tell me that we had to change the entrance that we had planned to the reception but didn't tell me why until after the wedding (because all the tables had to be moved around to fit the new seating.) I was SO MAD that she had the audacity to demand that the change be made. Glad to be away from her (and her son) now!!
But why did your wedding planner listened to her tho and why she didn't tell you the reason for the change ?
I think venues should have policies where they only change something if it comes from t bridal couple face to face
OMG I would freak out
The planner should have never listened to her anyways, it’s not her day and not her wedding. Glad you’re away from that!
This is why wedding venues are password protected
My husband had a "complicated " relationship with his mother. She was a widow and disabled and for twenty-five years never stopped trying to get him back. My husband tried to walk that impossible line of keeping us both happy, which is not the right thing to do, but that is how strong the hold was that she had on him. After she passed, we had ten years of peace before he passed. He had other qualities that made him a keeper, but, yeah, this is a really, really unhealthy dynamic. I hope they got help.
Nah. The first one is ridiculous. There comes a point where you loving someone isn't enough. And this is it. He very clearly doesn't care about you or your feelings. He's admitted it several times. Leave him. Period. He is NOT gonna change. It's only gonna get worse. Run before it's too late.
Exactly! I can see him having some conflicting feelings about going no/low contact with his mom, but he went behind OP’s back multiple times, including re-inviting his mom to the wedding and saying he’d “work” on OP. That’s disgusting. Unless therapy does WONDERS for him, I doubt he’d ever really choose OP’s happiness over his mom’s narcissism.
Facts my person.
Yes indeed.
I’m sure he cares about her feelings, but he’s in a full blown trauma bond with his obviously toxic/narcissistic mother and that’s been the standard for his whole life….. you can’t undo that with a little couples counseling. He has a long road ahead if he truly wants to heal & be ready for a relationship… but marriage should be out of the question until he sorts his own stuff, if that’s even a possibility for him…
I disagree. He clearly cares about her and her feelings as shown by his recent no contact with his mother and willingness for counseling. But he will always be caught in between as long as his mother is alive. In many cultures mothers expect, demand and get perpetual devotion from their sons. Potential wives choose to deal with that….or not.
You can love someone who is the worst thing for you.
She wanted to feel young and beautiful by trying on the dress of the woman marrying her son? Ewwwww! Life 15K in purchase and adjustments. Isn’t that grand theft? She needs to dump him and sue them both for the cost of the dress and cost of the canceled wedding non refundables.
It's not just a dress, it's $11k+ off the window. Some parents are horrible really. God protects us all.
That FMIL was obviously WAY TOO big to fit into that dress and ripped it apart by forcing it on. She knew what she was doing, it was malicious and I would sue her. I would probably tell the guy to go kick rocks because he should have been on my side.
Exactly! that MIL knew precisely what she was doing.
Wedding dresses are built to be VERY very sturdy. I was in the wedding industry for 17 years. Trying it on would've caused some damage, maybe some seams and/or zipper. No way she could accidentally put all their long fake nails through the sheer back. That fabric is incredibly strong. She ripped it up on purpose, of course, like all of us believe.
Because these guys have been essentially brainwashed and can’t see beyond their mothers! Aaarrrggghhh! Run ladies run far and fast
There are days when you think Freud was a creep, and you hear this story, and he was spot on. That mother is gross and wants to marry her son. And the son is so weak and doesn't even see how creepy their relationship is.
Or both; it was both. Freud _was_ a creep, but it's also sadly common.
This lady thinks Oedipus Rex is couple goals.
@@fairynerdy 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Ummmmmmm , he was and his younger relatives.
Freud was a creep. If you research his childhood, it’s clear that the basis of his theories stem from his own childhood experiences with his mother and father. His psychosexual theories include a developmental timeline that has 5 stages: all describing the sexual development in regards to that age. At each stage he includes a description of how the individual at that age might explore their sexuality and with what body parts. For example, Infant is the first stage, obviously, and exploration is by the mouth: sucking, babbling, etc.
He does this with each stage- the funny part is the 4th stage, he couldn’t observe anything obvious to do with his theory so he called it the latency stage , where there’s no sexual motivation present. But then by the time we get to the fifth stage, the genital stage, all of a sudden there is sexual motivation present again!
He just took his own experiences and generalized them over everyone. It fits sometimes but not all the time. Modern psychology doesn’t accept his descriptions of psychosexual development because it’s such BS
Second story, my mom & my mother in law came to our place while we were on our honeymoon however they didn't touch anything except the vacuum & duster (we were on our honeymoon for 2 wks). They came over the night before we were do home & since this was our first place & we barely moved stuff in 2 days before we left they stocked the kitchen with cleaning supplies & things they new we liked plus packing the freezer with prepared dinners , along with a beautiful card saying how much they loved us & wanted us to be able to relax & enjoy the first couple of weeks without worrying about anything. It was so sweet even my brand new hubby had tears
What wonderful parents.
@@Tak-lw6hv Yes they were. I miss them everyday
I would personally still feel discomforted by the invasion, but that is such an incredibly sweet gesture. You guys had some really lovely moms. I hope the marriage has been as wonderful as the people who raised the participants.
She should give up on the fiance, he’s never going to take your side over the mother in law. I know, I was in that situation since before the wedding and stupidly thought I could change him which led to 25 years of aggravation, spousal neglect and him sneaking around behind my back with her to undermine me with our children. She talked down about me to my children making them upset etc. I finally banned her from my home and work. When she became critically ill he wanted me to take care of her ( I’m an RN) and I refused, he got visiting nurses to do the job.
Half of these people should just get restraining orders against their MIL before the weddings
It could be a wedding gift to themselves! 😂
This one definitely needs a restraining order. MIL is trespassing in private property, leaving harassing notes and voicemails and stalking them
Good one 😅
I'm so thankful for having the most wonderful MIL in the whole wide world. I've been married 42 years, and i just spent the last two weeks with her at the family cabin in WI. She's 93. I took her on very slow walks every day. Sat on the deck and watched the hummingbirds fight over the feeder, and helped her with her wet suit to go swimming.
I love her dearly. And her son... hahaha...
When we set the date of our wedding we called them and she gushed... she was so happy. It would be their 30th wedding anniversary! I offered to change the date, and she wouldn't hear of it. We gave them a special toast at the reception. It was bittersweet when my FIL passed away in 2001. I call her on our shared anniversary every year. I feel so lucky.
As someone who's grown up with a narcissistic mother, I recognise the pattern of the husband to be in the first story (not that I've ever done something similar, but still), and honestly I can't help but feel sorry for him. I bet you, he didn't even think much of it, because appeasing such a person probably comes so natural to him and is so important - usually because the consequences, of not appeasing, are horrible, that everything else becomes blurry. I am not saying, he's is remotely right, and I'm happy the wife to be didn't put up with any of it, I'm just saying, he probably couldn't fathom how much this would hurt his wife to be - simply because he's conditioned to do whatever it takes to accommodate his mother. There's also the possibility that, I'm reading too much into it, but regardless, I hope they both end up happy - wherever that may be.
Honestly I feel bad for him too. I feel like he is just trying to keep the peace but it's an impossibility with such a psycho mom! If he's been conditioned to behave this way, well now is his chance to re-program himself and learn to set and keep boundaries. If he doesn't, this is gonna be a looong ride for the wife .. and just wait till they have kids!!! sheesh
I was thinkin' it. I kinda felt bad for him having been raised by such a hardcore manipulator.
I agree... He needs so much help, so much therapy to see things the way they are and break this weird relationship with his mother... Only after he does that can he have any kind of successful romantic relationship and live his life... The poor women that are caught up in his shit...
Whatever the outcome of the relationship, I hope he got the help he needed and that he started going to therapy on his own.
Agreed. I really hope he goes to that couples therapy. It sounds like he could use some one-on-one too.
I feel for the last bride! We moved house when I was one month postpartum. Because I had not fully recovered from giving birth I was not allowed to carry anything but my child. My husband's grandparents (who were given very. specific. instructions. NOT to come the week we were moving) flew in from out of state and visited us. Grandma and grandpa took turns holding the baby and directing people with boxes to the wrong floors. While I was feeding the baby after all the boxes made it inside, grandma ended up putting the kitchen together without asking. At the end of the day I stood in the corner feeling frustrated and overwhelmed because they were trying to help but they weren't helping at all.
If im not mistaken, i think there's an update to this. I think OP went to the MIL house and rearranged her kitchen and when the MIL came home, she didn't like it and got OP's point.
These stories always amaze me. My mother and father-in-law are great! When I was very pregnant with my first they came over one day when we were out and surprised us by cleaning our house. We had just done some drywall work so it was bad. They only cleaned, didn't re-arrange ANYTHING and stayed out of our bedroom (minus sweeping). I realize how lucky I am!
So here's how the thank you notes should go: "Dear Guest, thank you for attending our wedding and giving us a lovely gift. Unfortunately, my MIL opened them all while we were on our honeymoon so I do not know which gift was yours." Drop her in it, let everyone know how much she violated your boundaries when you asked her to do two singular things.
That’s the first thing I thought - that they don’t even know who gave them what now, because everything got rewrapped! 🙄
And incase physical letters aren't enough, go on the respective socials,tag everyone you can and put this b*tch on blast, if you cant beat 'em, publicly shame em. With narcissists, the most important thing to them is image so it'll hit em where it hurts the most, their ego.
THAT is the perfect level of petty. Teach a person a lesson. Holy Toledo.
Exactly this. But don't stop there. Explain the nightmare you are dealing with in full and no one will be offended that you can't send a proper thank you note. It isn't your fault so place the blame where it belongs.
I will say, the second MIL is innocent albeit a bit nosy and maybe old. I say this because, OP asked for MIL help in kitchen with organising stuff. The MIL probably didn't know kitchen was ops safe space. My grandma is similar. Ask her to help getting something from a drawer, she'll start organising the whole room and genuinely she thought she's helping us. So, we don't ask help with stuff at all, even by mistake. Hence I genuinely think the second story is full of misunderstanding and really feel gross out when people, w/o the full story start bashing her. What? Never met an old person before?? FFS.
I don't think the MIL in story 1 ever actually tried the dress on. I think she just grabbed it off the hangar and shredded it. Even the train was ripped- you can't do that just by trying a dress on! 😨
I feel sorry for the lady in story 2, because that would be awful. And I agree, there is a hint of malice in there. 🤔
We used to have a roommate who would pull that shit, every time we went away on day trips, she would rearrange furniture, and the cats would be traumatizing and start peeing on everything. I would also find clothing that i had boxed and put away for safe keeping, chopped and altered into rediculous garments, and several pairs of my favorite shoes missing the left ones. We didn't even have the same foot size. I'm a 7, she was a 5.5. No way either of us could have worn the other's shoe...so why? Right? Oh and she so broke every single appliance in the house by using them wrong. From the toaster to the carpet steamer. AND broke EVERY wine glass in the house. We started off with 24. AND would throw away really important stuff everytime she "cleaned". AND only paid rent once, but bought her bf a car and motorcycle. I finally was able to kick her out when i found out she was fucking my bf. I had my suspicions, so unbeknownst to either of them, I tricked them into doing location share with me on google maps. Night after night, i would watch them go out to run separate errands, and then converge on the map at the same spots. Over and over again. Once i had gathered enough evidence. I confronted them both separately, and told each that the other confessed. 🤣😭🤣🤣😭. It gets saucier, but i am sick of typing.
yes, I think so too. She left her soul on that dress.
I think so too. She will never change and it's going to get worse if/when they get married. Imagine if they decide to have children.
@@girl6girl6 No tell me more
@@justsummers1559 I will... if Charlotte hits me up, cuz it's sausy!!
Seriously hearing these stories about HORRIBLE MIL's makes me so grateful for mine! She has loved me since me and my hubby started dating at 15 and 16. She even kept in contact when we broke up for a little while. We talk about everything together, she truly is the mom I always wanted. Mine wasn't the best she was there while my grandma raised me.
The only mother I witnessed misbehaving at a wedding was actually the mother of the bride. She threw a tantrum right before mealtime because she invited a friend without asking anyone, so obviously there was no room for her. My friend is unfortunately used to her mom being a crap person but I was like HELL NO! I told her 'I'll deal with them, you enjoy YOUR special day'. I told the mom that or she sits as planned next to her DAUGHTER on her WEDDING DAY at the FAMILY table, or I'll place them on the very end of the table next to her friend. She picked her friend. The look of disgust I gave her. At least her in-laws are loving and caring people.
GREAT reply
Thank you .
Good for you, for telling the mother of the bride that. I'm glad your friend got married into a wonderful family.
if the mother is always like that the daughter should go low contact
Mel, I adore people like you, so glad you were there for your friend. Honestly, on my wedding day I wouldn't have got through it if it wasn't for my friend Becky. My mom was a nightmare but Becky helped me through it all!
@@AB-mx1de my mom is a fine witch with a B too, and I think that when one can't count on their family, they create they make their own clan and support system. Hail to Becky!
I’ve suffered enough in my life to sign up for more suffering from a mother-in-law like that. Personal peace is so much more important. Love fades.. crazy does not.
@StyleChat - Girl, I’ve never heard the phrase, Love fades…Crazy does not, before! I will be passing out your words of wisdom to my children and their friends. It’s absolute perfection!
@@KelliDee23 lolll I made it up on the spot... You're welcome! 😂
In my experience, crazy grows 😬
Oh my lord. For the last story, what I would do is to compose a general note to be mailed to all guests. Just explain what the mother in law did, and that while you wish you could send a more personalized note, you have no idea who gave what. Thank you for your kind and generous gift and how glad you were that they could be there on your special day.
Perfect. Idk why but the last story gives me the most creeps of the three
5:00 Clearly a Rom-Com Disaster happened here.
She was innocently trying to help alter the dress when she tripped over a turtle that was supposed to be the ring bearer, fell onto a canoe down the stairs and off the piano like a ramp and into the thicket of thorns and barbed wire next door. It's a miracle she made it out alive!!!
😂😂😂
Hahahaha! Nice! 😂
😅 that’s good
Love it ❤
So basically, you are going to have to go through your entire marriage (I would hope you wouldn't marry him but . . .) Constantly monitoring all of his messages, etc. To make sure he's "keeping his end of the bargain." He's doing this now to get you to quiet down. He's gaslighting you. If you think now is bad, wait until you're actually married. Or have kids. You're in for a lifetime is stress and unhappiness. He will never choose you over his mother. Good luck girl! You're going to need every last bit of it!
He probably got another email address!
This
He and the mom can even get new phones or email accounts to avoid being monitored, that's not a good life. She needs to run away from them.
Or...OP could dump his mother loving backside, and all the stress will be gone from her life, except for the legal wrangle over money for her ruined dress. Love is never enough. Respect has to be there and trust as well. Love fades; respect and trust will grow if nurtured properly. There's OP, there's the fiancé, and there is their RELATIONSHIP. If one or the other mistreats their relationship, it will fail. It's the only thing that can be guaranteed in life, apart from the guarantee you get with a toaster.
That last story hits hard. A few years back I had the unfortunate pleasure of my mother moving back in with No notice. I told her to hold off 2 weeks I'll pack my stuff and be gone. Didn't get the 2 weeks so I was trying to pack and move while she moved in. Working full time and then sick with Covid put me behind a little. So while I was back at work her and her Sister. "helped" by packing my kitchen. And digging up my Garden. It's been 3 yrs. I Still haven't managed to unpack everything that got dumped in totes with no packing material. It's all broken and I don't have the heart to find out exactly how much of it was destroyed.
The thing about the son telling the fiance one thing and his mother another is because that's how he has survived his entire life. He learned to tell his mother exactly what she wanted to hear or suffer the consequences. He tried that with the fiance and it backfired. He has a long hard road to recovery IF HE STAYS NO CONTACT WITH THE NARCISSISTIC MOTHER. She knows how to pull his strings, though, and bet the husband to be is planning on getting through the wedding and then letting his mother back in when it's too late for the bride to back out. The whole thing should be an expensive lesson. Move on. Find someone who is actually on your side instead of settling for someone who pretends to be on your side to get his way. I know you love him. YOU'LL GET OVER THAT SOONER THAN YOU WOULD GET OVER THE TRAINWRECK OF A MARRIAGE YOU'LL WIND UP WITH IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH IT. (speaking from experience) (trust me, you'll get over him while you're married or without being married at all.... Same Result!!)
I agree. Living with a narcissistic really messes up your brain big time, and he might be too far gone.
Your comment needs way more likes.
The issue with mom’s like that is it never stops if you keep telling the mom what she wants to hear and she will keep over stepping until you draw a line in the sand because you are afraid of her bad side. I know because that’s how my mom is.
Exactly this. I went through it. I tried so hard to stay , couldn't leave I couldn't let the mother in law win, destroy our love, but she destroyed us bit by bit. after he finally got sober , life on track, she encouraged him to drink again , easier to manipulate when an alcholic, manipulated him so he fell exactly for her plans.
Lady, you're spot on.
I celebrate every divorce and cancelled wedding. People not putting up with bullshit from a partner who doesn’t respect them is always worth celebration.
Between looking for someone who will respect you vs living a married life attached to a monster in law shouldn't be such a complicated decission, honestly. I know life can have it's ups and downs but it doesn't have to be that bad! Much less if we can still call off the wedding!
Yeah, I think the stress of a wedding is a really good test of what the marriage will look like. My husband was "whatever you want" "let me know what you need me to do" and it went off great, married 32 years (not w/o plenty of bumps of course) I wish more of these young couples had the courage to just end it now while it's easy - it will only be embarrassing for literally a minute - and nothing like a messy divorce will be like. I had that too when I was younger, and that pain lasts a lot longer & is much more expensive.
@F MoR I agree but I don't think it's that easy to just walk away especially if your in love with them
@@oreolover9321 Well, for one reason they say that love can make you blind. So it would be wise to keep that in mind before marrying someone with a monster in law.
@@fmor2779 lol again i agree 😆
I REMEMBER READING THIS POST ON REDDIT WHEN IT WAS FIRST POSTED. i remember thinking "why would you try to put on someone else’s wedding dress??!" people really do believe that they are the main character sometimes. i hope that woman is okay 😢
Divorce is not good enough, breaking off the engagement is not good enough, break off every contact you might have with him or better, let him know that you have an awesome life on your own and your (possibly) new partner
I absolutely adore my mother in law. She’s the most precious woman on this earth (aside from my actual mother lol). I’m 26 and I’ve been with my (now) husband since I was 16. She’s been a second mother to be at times. My mind cannot fathom some of the mothers in these horror stories. Insanity.
You my friend, have hit the jackpot! 😂😊
Same with my mil. ❤
I loved my MIL. Second marriage for both of us and the day of the wedding my MIL said to me well if for some reason this marriage does not work out I am keeping you and letting him go figure out what he did wrong. (Please know she did not mean that - first of 5 sons and she adores them all!)
Same!
My MIL was one of my very best friends and I miss her every single day. 💔
I had a MIL like that as well. She passed last year Age 96. I will miss her forever.
I love it when she says, "AbsOLutelY NOt!!" Makes me smile every time. Though her neighbors probably hate her😂 ❤❤
My mother never liked my late wife.
It culminated when my mother said that I was always welcome in her home, but my wife was not.
I took hold of my wife’s hand, turned around, and walked out the door, and have never gone back. That was 19 years ago.
My mother is narcissistic like the mother in the first story. I spent years trying to keep everyone happy for the sake of peace. But in the end, it was just too much.
I went no contact, and I will never see my mother again.
The guy in the story has gone no contact, which could well be a sign that he has had enough of his mother, then it is possible for the couple to have a good life together, but only if he has nothing to do with his mother ever again.
Agree. There is no dealing with a narc like that. Nothing you can do. They cannot compromise. I was brought up by one.
Story 2: Don't ask for the key back. Just change the locks and don't tell her. Take a weekend and redo YOUR KITCHEN. Reclaim it, and if she asked, tell her it was ALL WRONG, and you made it perfect! Good luck, sweetie.
Girl, no! The relationship would have been over the minute he defended her. And I'd have sued her for the cost of the dress. Let him leave and go back to stay with his psycho mommy!
And that second story? What is wrong with these ....people? Cut the umbilical cord!
Exactly! Women need to stand up and stop settling for these mommas boys. Like have some damn pride
Sometimes, I'm really glad my Fiancé's mom gives us the silent treatment. It's the most precious gift a toxic person can give you.
That reminds me of this Indian comedian, where she says how she’s so jealous of her sister-in-law, because she has so much wealth and even better “she has a dead mother-in-law”. Lol.
As the child of a narcissistic mother, I get that it's hard to stand up for yourself and call her out. Hopefully this son got some time away from her crazy and was able to see her for what she is and set boundaries
Same here, im in the same boat, me and my siblings dont get along with our mom and wonders why we dont want to talk to her.
Me to I totally feel this and both of mine are narcissist, it's ruined me in some ways so I get he probably gets triggered the minute she responds with bs
15:39 There is a huge, HUGE difference between cleaning and completely reorganizing!!!
I can’t even imagine, coming home from a honeymoon and to find my kitchen COMPLETELY REARRANGED. I would absolutely lose my mind. Our kitchen is one of the most important rooms in our house.
Let’s put it this way, when my hubby looked at apartments by himself, due to the distance we had to move, the first room he went to was the kitchen. If it was too small, he said “I don’t need to see any other room. This kitchen won’t work for my wife, so I don’t have to see the rest of the place.”
Something like this would absolutely make me lose my sh*t. I don’t care how petty this might sound to some people.
This so true. I’m in IT often providing support to customers and helping friends with a computer problem so I see how they organize their workspace/desktop. I try not to change anything unless needed to fix the issue. They will tell me they don’t like to ask so-and-so for help because that person always rearranges their desktop and files and they can’t find anything. This is why I am reluctant to ask for help, people go beyond what you ask. So many people think forcing the way they do something onto you is helping, totally disregarding that you already have a system in place.
If my mother in law tried on my wedding dress and PERMANENTLY ruined it, I would go insane.
@@missmissy_90 Yes! There must have been something going on before. Darn NASTY way to try and stop your baby boys wedding though.
Same. My mental health is already awful. If I somehow managed to find myself a fiancé and this happened I would have an actual psychotic break.
Good thing I don’t plan to find a partner anytime soon!
I work very hard to keep my crazy in but that would unleash the crazy.
@@maryleethefox8642
I'm sorry, I did crack up for less than a few seconds.
Only cuz I understand you so very well.
You are my people.
@@Tokyo_Rose.
Oh for sure.
His entire life probably.
I sent this to my mum - and she said my NAN WAS LIKE THIS TO HER REGARDING GETTING MARRIED TO MY DAD!! She phoned the dress shop, pretending to be my mum, to try and cancel the dress. When that didn’t work, she turned up to the wedding dress shop and asked to see it. It was in the days before mobile phones and an employee was my mums friend and was seeing her that night in town. Obviously, mum didn’t give her permission. She didn’t want the wedding to be filmed, but my Nan filmed it anyway. She strode around the wedding telling everyone she’d payed for different things, when she’d payed for nothing. She invited 20 guests of her own, which she swiftly fell out with, and my mums parents paid for the whole wedding themselves.
This all culminated in my mum THROWING HER RINGS AT MY DAD IN THE STREET when my mum found out they were expecting me, and Nan told everyone (despite them having numerous pregnancy losses in the past). And my dad left the rings and chased after my mum - leaving his mum hysterically crying for him. They went back to the driveway the next day and thankfully the rings were still there, hidden in bushes. Slowly, my mum weaned my Nan away from him. When I was born Nan snuck in to the ward (despite her nurse being warned how horrendous she was) and my mother was fuming. Once home, She used to have to lie down underneath the window and pretend to be out because my Nan would come over multiple times a day to see me. Every time we moved further and further away. But skillfully, she never alienated our Nan to us - we only learned about her being horrible through our own experiences. Mum didn’t say a bad word against her unless we did first. With every house move, we moved further and further away. We now see her twice a year for definite, with the odd added extra there and then.
I didn’t know my mum was such a superhero until recently. I don’t know how she did it. They’ve been married nearly 30 years now and are perfect for each other. They genuinely love each other more than life itself. And although that was MESSY as hell, she fought and won. Because she realised she either had to be a pushover for the rest of her life, with MIL dominating her every movement, or she could play the long game with the man she loves. My dad was under the narcissist spell with his mum, and didn’t realise it until a few years later.
TLDR: when push comes to shove, you must be prepared to do one of three things 1. Let your life be controlled by the woman 2. End the relationship or 3. Your partner needs to snap out of it and realise you come first or they lose you.
11k is NOT just a dress. And it absolutely does. Sue her. And make her pay ANY court fees.
My parents and some Aunties and an Uncle helped me move recently, no one would EVER unpack my stuff without me telling them where it goes. I also struggle with an ED and messing with my kitchen would 100% set it off. I feel so bad for her.
I just lost my mother in law last week, I was truly blessed with the most kind, loving woman. I can't even imagine dealing with one like those in these stories.
I lost mine in April. Like you, I was blessed to have her. Now, I'm helping my kind, loving, and grief-stricken father in law navigate cooking, bills, cleaning, setting appointments (all the stuff she used to do). We were lucky to have our bonus parents, and it makes me sick to think of how these MILs were just...not it.
My condolences. 💐
I lost my own mother a couple years ago. She was so loving, understanding, and generous. Recently in therapy I’m trying to learn not to get jealous that other terrible, manipulative mothers get to be alive while mine does not.
In the first story the Fiance is already gaslighting her. Good for her in realizing what was happening.
My mother once grabbed my entire closet and “helped” reorganize it.
I was so overwhelmed that I shut down for more than a month. I didn’t know where to put my clean clothes, where my old ones where, and my sister grabbed the opportunity to try to get ahold of my closet space.
NEVER TOUCH SOMEONE’S PERSONAL SPACE!!!
I feel the same way! My sister recently cleaned my room(without my permission). She was taking the towels I had in my room downstairs to be cleaned, but she decided to continue cleaning even though I only gave her permission for the towels.(My room was a bit of a mess, but I knew where everything was) I was at work while this happened. She came to pick me up because it was late, and said she had a surprise for me. I walked into my room, saw everything and was immediately teary-eyed. She cleared everything from the floor and threw all of my papers/miscellaneous items away. She even put my shoes in my closet...ON THE TOP SHELF!( I'm relatively short, and I could barely reach the shelf itself.)I can't find anything anymore. It's been a couple of weeks, and I am still upset every time I think about it. (Sorry for the long comment. I hadn't vented to anyone, so when typing how I agreed with you, it all rushed out.) I hope whoever reads this has a great day!
I feel so bad for the girl in the last story, the same thing happened to me. I was in the hospital giving birth after my water broke weeks before my due date (which XMIL also made stressful & upsetting multiple ways). My ex fiance mentioned his family wanting to help with the housework and I said please no. I liked everything a certain way and didn't like people touching my things and I wasn't worried about dishes, laundry, and finishing decorating the baby's room. I get home and everything is moved around in every room. The baby's room is decorated but not how I wanted it. Furniture is rearranged. They washed the dishes so poorly that they were still filthy, but all put away (person who washed them was visually impaired). It made me so upset as a germaphobe because then I had to wash everything they touched plus the dishes. I found out that my ex MIL, FIL, fiance's grandmother, and my mother had all rearranged the home to "help". My mother lost multiple things including jewelry while she "organized" (so many of my things went missing or were ruined by her in the past). I had even asked her not to go in my home while I wasn't there and she knew I hated her touching my things because of past upsets. They did the laundry and ruined multiple items of mine, some went missing, and I didn't need anyone touching my underwear wtf. I felt violated and was upset, but my fiance told me I was an ungrateful b*tch. None of them respected my wishes, boundaries, or privacy and they made so much work and stress for me after I was trying to heal from birth. He went behind my back, lied, and sided with his mother so many times the trust eroded. His mother and I got along in the beginning, (she'd gush about how much she loved me) but she did so many hurtful things over the years that I realized it was fake. The lies snowballed, he showed no care about me, then I found out he was cheating so it was over after almost 8 yrs. Now I'll never date a "mama's boy" again because they never grow out of it. Let mommy and her man-child have each other!
I'm so sorry to hear that. Boundaries have such importance, but if others can't respect those boundaries, that says more about the other person than you.
I'm glad you got away from that BS.
God. That had to be horrible to endure!
😢😢😢😢
I can't believe they thought that was helping at all!!! So stressful!!!!
Biggest mistake of my life was marrying a momma’s boy. She lived in another country, so I missed the red flags.
I’m just glad, after all that, to find out you’re not with him anymore!
My cousin once dated a momma's boy. When the dude's mom saw my cousin for the first time, she told her son "oh, the last one was prettier". She didnt even look to my cousin's face when she said that, and what did her bf do? Laugh. No it was not a joke, the woman did not apologize, and she kept treating her badly. Thankfully she got out of that relationship soon after
It was my, now ex, SIL for me. Among other stuff on my wedding day, during the reception, because she was bored, IDK, she opened ALL the wedding gifts, not taking care to keep cards with gifts, just putting the cards in a pile. We had no idea what gift was from whom and believe that there is still money and gift cards missing. Not even an apology.
Reminds me of the dad who didn’t think his son should pay for destroying his sister’s bras because he didn’t think the bras where worth the price.
A crime was committed, knowing they had no right to the garment, and destroying something means taking responsibility for it. It doesn’t matter what other people think your stuff /should/ cost, but what it /does/ cost… and what a judge says.
Seriously… how would he feel if someone torched all his underwear? Bras are too expensive but even just having your undies ruined is a huge hassle and ought to be a big deal.
The fact bras are expensive to replace is why that's such a terrible thing to do 🤦🏼♀️
This is some NASTY emotional abuse, and I applaud OP for helping him come to terms with it. My husband was in total denial for YEARS, and all I could do was stand by him to make sure she didn't hurt him too much and then pick up the pieces from the inevitable implosion. It is ROUGH, but he will recover eventually with council and support.
I feel like this is a better way to look at it, instead of everybody vilifying the guy.
Agreed. I can't imagine growing up with a mom like that and what that would do to a person. I hope he continues to get better.
Exactly! He doesn't understand he's been the victim of manipulation and emotional abuse. Kudos to you for helping your hubby
I hate when people expect the victim to be the bigger person. Cutting off people who traumatized is the healthy way to deal with it. Even mentioning the abuser is abusive itself.
My MIL was always claiming to "help" anytime I said anything about what she had done. It was extremely frustrating and there were times when I looked in my daughters closets and had no clue where everything came from. It usually ended with everything being donated because she didn't take into consideration my daughters tastes. She would steal things from my house and I would later see them at other relatives houses. I am so glad we went no contact and I no longer have to worry about her "helping"
I actually do feel a little for the guy in the first story, because he's got an abusive mother and is probably only just now realizing how toxic she is. The fact that he's so used to "keeping the peace" makes me sad, because I know how that feels. I also know why he would rather try to change his fiancee's mind than his mother's: he knows just how impossible the latter is. I'm sure he knows that trying to get her to pay up will be like trying to wring water from a stone. He just doesn't realize - or DIDN'T, hopefully - how wrong and awful of his mother that is. This is something he grew up with, so he's developed survival skills in accordance with that, and he's chosen the appeasement strategy over fighting her every. Single. Time. Which is understandable; it takes SO much mental effort to fight back. Anyway, I hope he manages to break free of her grasp, because I think he'll ultimately be a lot happier and healthier for it. I wish him and his fiancee, who has the patience of a saint from the sounds of things, the best. Hopefully they will both do what is best for their future happiness.
I have a narcissist mother and I'd advise no woman to get involved with a man who has one who hasn't already realized it and gone to therapy about it. Right now I'm in contact with mine but I'm perpetually prepared to go low contact or no contact indefinitely. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Narcissists are exhausting its really unfair to offload the job of boundary setting to a partner!
Oh no! I still have a beautiful memory 34 years later of opening our wedding gifts. I would be in tears!
*WEDDING DRESS FIASCO*
Her fiance has shown who he is and this bride-to-be refuses to _believe_ him. Bottom line. This guy was under his mother's thumb before they met. He's under her thumb now. He will be under his mother's thumb in the future. Cut your losses. Couples counseling is NOT going to help. Unless and until he grows the balls to disconnect and/or stand up to his mother, the bride-to-be can count on losing that tug-o-war. PERIOD.
*FACT*
How much you love him is not the issue. How much he is capable or willing to love YOU should be your focus. Hard truth - she cannot MAKE this grown *ss man do anything. He has to be willing and/or capable and, given the narrative, even if he were willing, he is _incapable_ of that.
Cut your losses because it's all downhill from here.
Exactly. She has to BECOME his mother to teach and police him to be decent?!? NO THANKS! Women want a PARTNER... not a MAN-BABY! Imagine how extremely stressful the rest of her life will be! You KNOW he will guilt her into letting mom come see the grandbabies!
@@AliciaGuitar Precisely!
Yes, Now she polices his accounts, his actions, his thoughts. She is now his jailer, just like his mother before. Do you want to be like that, girl?
Get out, before you ruined yourself.
A sad truth that's been witnessed time and time again. But to not try, is a lot worse
Smart, articulate response
Whenever I wear something new & nice, my MIL says “I will wear that tomorrow” and takes it. Sometimes she takes stuff I just bought & haven’t even worn yet. It really bothers me & only once she has returned a handbag ruined after she returned from a trip & commented on its ‘bad quality’ (it never got wear & tear for the 9 years when I had it). She also rearranges the entire kitchen & living area every time & goes through my stuff when I’m not around 🤷🏻♀️
As a nail artist and someone who went to fashion design school, I can tell you that there is no way that dress could be done with fake nails. You just can't ruin a wedding dress beyond repair with fake nails. You are more likely to ruin and lose the fake nails.
If it wasn't intentional, she would have taken it off as soon as she made one tear.
Acrylics could very easily punch through the mesh of an illusion back. She said it was shredded, so MIL probably poked her nails through the fabric and dragged her fingers down.
@@Katie80-501 It also has cuts were it didn't make sense.
@@Katie80-501even a regular t shirt can’t be torn by fake nails without extreme effort. It’s highly doubtful that they could do it to a dress and shred it no less
@kissit012 An illusion back on a wedding dress is made of soft mesh, even with natural nails you can accidentally stick a nail through and create a hole, I've done it before with a pair of tights. Acrylics could easily destroy tulle and delicate fabrics on a wedding dress.
Hey, I've cleaned house for a friend while she was away, and the surprise made her happy when she returned. HOWEVER! She and I have been friends for about 20 years now. I know how she likes things, and I know what is and is not acceptable. The trip was for a funeral, so it definitely wasn't planned, and she was really emotionally and mentally tore up when she left. I just wanted to do what I could to give her one less thing to worry about when she got back. She had only asked me to check on her pets while she was away. But, I also washed her dishes, cleaned her floors, and took care of her trash and recycling. But, that messy stack of papers she had on the dining table? DO NOT TOUCH! And, as for her craft room, I don't even go in there if I don't have to! And, I would NEVER dare to re-arrange ANYTHING in her house without her there, probably even if she DID ask me to. But, she and I both grew up with moms like the MIL in the second story, and we're both "unconventionally organized" people, so we both completely understand and respect other people's boundaries when it comes to stuff like that.
And people make this sound so hard to do. It really isn’t. It’s basic respect. If you don’t know where it goes, don’t touch it. How hard is that for these people?
A friend of mine did this for me ad well once. There was no funeral or anything sad going on for me luckily. Just asked her to visit to feed and cuddle my cat for a weekend. But she also ended up doing the dishes and that was so sweet ❤!
Thank you! You know one NEVER touches a woman's craft room. :)
“I’m rooting for you guys I really am”
“DIVORCE!!!!!”
😂😂😂😂
The most telling line in the whole thing is that MIL "wanted to relive her model days". She is a vain, selfish person who can't stand that she is not as young as she was and that her body has changed with age. This was deliberate and came out of jealousy.
She must've really tried to destroy the dress on purpose to get it to the point beyond repair.
If you have to obsessively check ANYTHING about your significant other YOU DON’T HAVE THE TRUST NECESSARY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. 💥💥💥
When I watch these videos I feel so lucky. I've been married twice and both MILs were wonderful. I was closer to my first MIL because I was married to my first husband for many years. My second MIL passed away three years after I married her son.
Story 1: the future MIL clearly was deliberately reckless with the dress. Probably some deep rooted jealousy...she sounds batshit. I'd say run, girl, don't marry into that family!!!!!
The last story; I would get my hubby to take the parents out for a few days and then with help do the exact same thing to mil. And when they get back.."I felt so moved by what you did to our kitchen, that I decided to return the favor." Then smile all innocently.
The first one: SHE WAS HELPING HERSELF! To the dress. Now I’ve been interrupted, will be back to watch the rest sooooon!!
$11k… it’s not a wedding dress, it’s a freaking investment! So how can the MIL thought for one second that she could try the dress ?! She knew what she was doing.
As a mother of 3 sons I would never ever expect I had any right to try on anything that isn’t mine. Or, something I plan on purchasing. She had every right to want to take it to small claims. I’m with you 100% cancel that wedding…. That’s the world telling you you shouldn’t get married to this man.
Right? My first thought is that I never touch or use anything of someone else's without permission unless I can afford to fix/replace it if broken, and never if I know it has sentimental value. Even using something expensive with *permission* gives me anxiety! How to people find the audacity to do things like touching someone else's wedding dress, never mind trying it on. I wouldn't even open the protective cover without the bride there asking me to! 😅
OP needs to sue the MIL who ruined her dress. That is not small claims, $11K is full on lawsuit. And I hope they got that restraining order.
I'm pretty sure the husband who's mom ruined his fiancé's dress is still in communication with his mother. There is NO WAY mommy isn't in contact with her "baby". I bet they opened an entirely different email address for him to communicate with her.
That's what I was thinking. Or calls, maybe? In person visits to her house?
100%
The only reason I disagree about this is because she would be stalking if she had contact
@dnrmoore4124 yeah I agree with you. That's why the intense stalking.
@@dnrmoore4124 ahh maybe so but honestly wouldn’t put it past them to do it for her benefit. I don’t trust the husband. Lol
#1. No girl no. You are in a lose-lose situation. Your future MIL wanted to have wedding cancelled. Now that her ‘baby’ has stood up to her he will resent you AND you will forever be stuck with a crazy lady stalking you. I advise you call off the relationship completely. Take the woman to court. I mean if she wrecked your car she’d have to be held responsible and pay for damage. He is a little boy, she’s a nutter you will never have peace.
#2 Change the locks. Get family therapy with your husband and in-laws. What they did is 100% unacceptable. Can you imagine if you have kids? They will show up with pierced ears, haircuts, etc… as the in-laws do not understand boundaries. Really get a counselor to help sort all those feelings out. If they won’t go, you and husband go. You need to set clear boundaries there. Good luck girl….
My fiance and I literally don't even have $5000 and struggle just to make our monthly bills plus groceries and clothes for our kiddos. I couldn't even begin to describe the feeling of hate and betrayal if a future family member cheated me out just the $11,000, let alone the extra cost of alterations, and then to have my fiance not back me up 😭
When my MIL gave us her house (old ass falling down but I definitely appreciate it), she stayed for 6 weeks before she moved out. That's cool, np. I had the respect to wait a week after she moved out to rearrange the cabinets, pantry, counter tops, small appliances, etc. She has the respect to not try to change it back, or tell me how SHE did it. Why can't most MILs just fckn chill?! I love mine!
I can totally relate with the gal who’s MIL rearranged her kitchen. After the birth of my daughter I had some complications and was put on bed rest for 2 weeks and was only allowed to go downstairs once a day. My MIL came over during the day to help with the other kids and make meals. One day I wasn’t feeling very well in the morning and chose to stay upstairs all day. That evening when my husband got home I went down to eat some dinner and noticed that the microwave was in a new spot. But wait, my kitchen knives were as well! I started opening cupboards and sure enough, she had rearranged my entire kitchen as well as inside the refrigerator and my pantry! I was stressed enough as it was being on bed rest but now I know what I had to look forward to once I was off bed rest. My husband called her to ask why she did it and her response was that because she was making meals my kitchen was too confusing for her because it wasn’t set up like HER kitchen. It took me over a week but I finally got it back to the way I like it and although she offered to help me, I declined. She did apologize and I forgave her and she never attempted anything like that at all.
First story- NO ONE has apologized. NO ONE has repaid for the dress. Op is settling for this, and the groom to be is fine with it all even if he says he's not or he'd have settled this from the jump. LEAVE, child
When I was active as a designer/seamstress I had a similar experience, where the future mother in law ruined a wedding gown for a bride to be.
Ripping some seams and "tried" to fell the hem a bit shorter, because SHE thought it was to long....mideaval style gown that was supposed to be long. And "accidentaly" spilled coffee on the white silk brocade.
And tried to blame ME!
The bride to be was devistated....I made a new dress for her and send the bill to the fmil. (A little salted, because I could) and the husband to be told his mother that she had to pay or getting out of their life for ever!
She paid!
And I could save the fabric from the original dress for another project.
I'm still freind with the couple and the narccesistic mother in law isn't in there lives anymore.
I just realized that fmil didn't stand for fucking mother in law 😅
You are a god among insects, truly. You put that witch right in her place! And the husband is epic as well. Zero tolerance policy. Well done, all of you.
Holy crap I am so thankful for my mother in law, she literally just left my house before I watched this. We had a wonderful day hiking, shopping, and sitting on patios!
My brain read it as potatoes at first instead of patio's 😂!
I think the added frustration with the 2nd Story would be that the boxes prob hard the cards from who gave it as well, so you know, identifying who gifted it to them? It means they have no way of personalising the thank-you's if they wished to...on top of not being able to return things they may not have needed etc
Honestly I felt that too, when you were reading the last story about the MIL who rearranged the kitchen I really felt a pain in my chest and stressed out 😢