Me, single and never been married: this is vital information for me (seriously though I do hope to marry one day and this feels like getting a head start on understanding how healthy marriages work - I don’t have many examples of that in my life)
I rushed into marriage because of societal pressures and I’ve been rebuilding my life over these last 3 years. These videos have been so helpful for me.
I saw someone post something along the lines of "If you can imagine yourself in one year and your partner is no longer there (so you've gone through the pain/ logistics of the breakup) , would you be happier?" and that stuck with me. If the answer is yes, then it might be time to consider breaking off the relationship.
After years with my therapist she said one day "These have all been band-aid solutions, we need to think of something more long term" She wasn't telling me what to do but it felt like she was suggesting i learn acceptance or leave.
The therapist was rightly saying “you’re wasting money on therapy”. I know most therapists like that sweet filthy lucre and don’t mind if clients stay on the therapy carousel for years but some do have a conscience.
As someone with childhood trauma and a lack of good parental figures, your videos are such a eye-opening and knowledgeable. Thank you so much for what you do
My husband believed the “I’m not loveable” lie because of CSA. It took him decades to realize he had internalized it and therefore could not receive love from anyone, despite wanting it desperately. Thank God for good therapy!
I’m not married but I am currently in a relatively new relationship with a person I deeply care about and with whom I want to build my life with; I’ve been reading many books ( including several y’all recommended) because I don’t want to wait till it gets bad to start doing the work and your videos have also been incredibly enlightening and amazing. Thank you for this content.
Ask yourself if leaving is worth hurting the person you care about and what might happen if instead you choose to stay. Make it about them, truly about them & recognize that it's not for you to decide FOR them whether they choose to love you. That decision is up to them. You only get to decide whether they're werth wanting to stay for. If you make that choice enough times, you might get used to doing it. Therapy also helps. It's not an easy or quick solution, but it might help a bit. I hope it does. As someone who's never felt good enough for my S.O., it's a reality I've had to face. But he chooses me every day because he thinks I'm worth making that choice, & I choose him back, & that's how it is. And sometimes we tell each other that, cause we all need a reminder now-&-again. I've heard it said in a few places now, but it's one of the best things I've ever heard; "Love is not a *feeling* you have. Love is an ability." And like any ability, it takes practice to keep it viable & strong.
Y’all are my favorite power couple to watch and take advice from. I always show this channel, as well as cinema therapy to my family! Thanks for all the great info and entertainment you guys share!
Could you explain what counts as a relationship fight, as discussed starting at 4:12? Could you make a video all about relationship fights and break that down?
I'm autistic and prone to anxiety attacks when I'm not feeling well. My mask also tends to slip when I'm in pain, & I don't emote, so it's hard to *see* that I'm not feeling well. The other day, I was hormonal and had a headache. While helping my partner in the kitchen, he decided to pull a (very small) prank on me. I had already informed him that I wasn't feeling well, & the joke was enough to trigger an anxiety attack. I went into another room & cried, & tried to meditate. It wasn't too long before he found me & tried to tell me something, & I snapped at him. He asked me if I was mad; he was genuinely surprised because I hadn't said anything, just left. But knew instantly what I was upset about. He asked if he could make it up to me & I told him to leave me alone, which he did. I knew I had upset him, & that didn't make me feel good, but it was what I needed in that moment. Later, once I was feeling better, I went to him. I told him I wasn't mad, but that I needed him to recognize that if I say I'm not feeling well, I needed him to believe that, even if I look fine. He told me that he's aware his lack of filter can cause trouble, that he was just trying to be funny and that just because he thinks something is funny doesn't mean he can expect me to. I told him it would have been very funny if I hadn't been in pain & feeling vulnerable, and that I just needed him to pick his opportunities a bit more tactfully. He understood & apologized. My partner & I have been together for over a decade, & while we have had a lot of practice at this, we still find we can't always know everything about each other, & I've seen seemingly little things like this build up in relationships over time, simply because the expectation is that "you should know by now." He doesn't always know, nor do I, & we don't expect each other to. And people forget things too. We always choose to turn towards each other in the end
that thing towards the end about just deciding who you want to be and showing up as that, not based on your partner's abusive behavior, and starting with compassion...do you have any videos about learning to do that? I'm single and in college right now, but my family can be really toxic sometimes, so I just mean how to do that with mean loved ones in general. Do you guys have any videos on that? Thanks.
I'll give you an example. No matter what my son does he is my son and I love him. This doesn't mean he doesn't get yelled at but that no matter what I hug him and comfort him. Even when he is doing something like throwing a fit in the store or punching me in the face.
Unconditional Love ist, when you love, because you WANT to love, not because you need to love or be loved. Ist means to BE Love and not to have or need Love.
Unconditional love is a dog, honestly. Unlike dogs, tho, love doesn't mean accepting unhealthy behaviors from others. Love isn't unconditional, per se, b/c people don't understand what love actually is. Love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of whether you're in their life or not
I wonder how she values him as a man, does she see him as strong when he is weak. I wonder how many women really enjoy being married to a man or they married and want to live alone?
Unconditional love is stupid. It is an absolutist concept. If my father or son suddenly were becoming the next Hitler, I, in no way in hell, will keep my unconditional love for him. I will help people to imprison him. Love is a lot more nuanced than that, it is chaotic, you can help yourself with guiding principles, but unconditional love is not one of them for me.
Me, single and never been married: this is vital information for me (seriously though I do hope to marry one day and this feels like getting a head start on understanding how healthy marriages work - I don’t have many examples of that in my life)
Same
Not many of us do. And Hollywood doesnt much help, usually.
My crying. Johno crying. Him: OMG, I'm gonna cry. Me laughing and crying. Thank you for being so real.
I rushed into marriage because of societal pressures and I’ve been rebuilding my life over these last 3 years. These videos have been so helpful for me.
I saw someone post something along the lines of "If you can imagine yourself in one year and your partner is no longer there (so you've gone through the pain/ logistics of the breakup) , would you be happier?" and that stuck with me. If the answer is yes, then it might be time to consider breaking off the relationship.
If you have issues with me your partner, you always see yourself happier. Your heart and mind works with what is to true now
The way they switch up the "mended light!" every video is so fun
I'm not married, I'm in a two year relationship, but i learn a lot from you both always. I'm super thankful for everything you share 🙏💕
After years with my therapist she said one day "These have all been band-aid solutions, we need to think of something more long term" She wasn't telling me what to do but it felt like she was suggesting i learn acceptance or leave.
..."learn acceptance or leave" still sounds too "either-or" to me, still too much thinking inside the box....
The therapist was rightly saying “you’re wasting money on therapy”. I know most therapists like that sweet filthy lucre and don’t mind if clients stay on the therapy carousel for years but some do have a conscience.
As someone with childhood trauma and a lack of good parental figures, your videos are such a eye-opening and knowledgeable. Thank you so much for what you do
My husband believed the “I’m not loveable” lie because of CSA. It took him decades to realize he had internalized it and therefore could not receive love from anyone, despite wanting it desperately. Thank God for good therapy!
*Jono*: I’m gonna cry!
*Me*: This is unorthodox. Uhh, #CryingWithJono?
I’m not married but I am currently in a relatively new relationship with a person I deeply care about and with whom I want to build my life with; I’ve been reading many books ( including several y’all recommended) because I don’t want to wait till it gets bad to start doing the work and your videos have also been incredibly enlightening and amazing. Thank you for this content.
What if you have a fearful avoidant attachment and are always ready to leave?
Ask yourself if leaving is worth hurting the person you care about and what might happen if instead you choose to stay. Make it about them, truly about them & recognize that it's not for you to decide FOR them whether they choose to love you. That decision is up to them. You only get to decide whether they're werth wanting to stay for. If you make that choice enough times, you might get used to doing it. Therapy also helps.
It's not an easy or quick solution, but it might help a bit. I hope it does. As someone who's never felt good enough for my S.O., it's a reality I've had to face. But he chooses me every day because he thinks I'm worth making that choice, & I choose him back, & that's how it is. And sometimes we tell each other that, cause we all need a reminder now-&-again.
I've heard it said in a few places now, but it's one of the best things I've ever heard;
"Love is not a *feeling* you have. Love is an ability." And like any ability, it takes practice to keep it viable & strong.
Y’all are my favorite power couple to watch and take advice from. I always show this channel, as well as cinema therapy to my family! Thanks for all the great info and entertainment you guys share!
Could you explain what counts as a relationship fight, as discussed starting at 4:12? Could you make a video all about relationship fights and break that down?
I'm autistic and prone to anxiety attacks when I'm not feeling well. My mask also tends to slip when I'm in pain, & I don't emote, so it's hard to *see* that I'm not feeling well.
The other day, I was hormonal and had a headache. While helping my partner in the kitchen, he decided to pull a (very small) prank on me. I had already informed him that I wasn't feeling well, & the joke was enough to trigger an anxiety attack.
I went into another room & cried, & tried to meditate. It wasn't too long before he found me & tried to tell me something, & I snapped at him. He asked me if I was mad; he was genuinely surprised because I hadn't said anything, just left. But knew instantly what I was upset about. He asked if he could make it up to me & I told him to leave me alone, which he did. I knew I had upset him, & that didn't make me feel good, but it was what I needed in that moment.
Later, once I was feeling better, I went to him. I told him I wasn't mad, but that I needed him to recognize that if I say I'm not feeling well, I needed him to believe that, even if I look fine.
He told me that he's aware his lack of filter can cause trouble, that he was just trying to be funny and that just because he thinks something is funny doesn't mean he can expect me to.
I told him it would have been very funny if I hadn't been in pain & feeling vulnerable, and that I just needed him to pick his opportunities a bit more tactfully. He understood & apologized.
My partner & I have been together for over a decade, & while we have had a lot of practice at this, we still find we can't always know everything about each other, & I've seen seemingly little things like this build up in relationships over time, simply because the expectation is that "you should know by now." He doesn't always know, nor do I, & we don't expect each other to. And people forget things too. We always choose to turn towards each other in the end
that thing towards the end about just deciding who you want to be and showing up as that, not based on your partner's abusive behavior, and starting with compassion...do you have any videos about learning to do that? I'm single and in college right now, but my family can be really toxic sometimes, so I just mean how to do that with mean loved ones in general. Do you guys have any videos on that? Thanks.
I love this channel, I love you guys. Could you do a video on what to do when there isn't trust with a loved one like maybe with a parent?
I feel like this video describes me in a relationship perfectly. But I don’t know how to change…
Thank you, these videos are very informative and helpful.
I've thought a lot about unconditional love and I've heard from some that unconditional love isn't possible, I don't know. What is unconditional love?
I'll give you an example. No matter what my son does he is my son and I love him. This doesn't mean he doesn't get yelled at but that no matter what I hug him and comfort him. Even when he is doing something like throwing a fit in the store or punching me in the face.
Unconditional Love ist, when you love, because you WANT to love, not because you need to love or be loved. Ist means to BE Love and not to have or need Love.
@@jovabell22 Ok thanks
Unconditional love is a dog, honestly. Unlike dogs, tho, love doesn't mean accepting unhealthy behaviors from others. Love isn't unconditional, per se, b/c people don't understand what love actually is. Love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of whether you're in their life or not
@@rayray80234 your last sentence, exactly that is unconditional love.
I wonder how she values him as a man, does she see him as strong when he is weak. I wonder how many women really enjoy being married to a man or they married and want to live alone?
Unconditional love is stupid. It is an absolutist concept. If my father or son suddenly were becoming the next Hitler, I, in no way in hell, will keep my unconditional love for him. I will help people to imprison him. Love is a lot more nuanced than that, it is chaotic, you can help yourself with guiding principles, but unconditional love is not one of them for me.