And no, he doesn't have a right to move on until he's exhausted every effort with the marriage. Unless there's some form of abuse or cheating, you don't walk away from a marriage just because you are bored. A spouse isn't a roommate. You take vows. Does valves don't break because you're bored. They only break from things like abuse.
@@melodyharpole8272 what about amicable divorces where the feelings of romantic love just aren't there anymore? Like, there's no cheating or abuse, and it's not just them being bored of each other, but they don't feel that romantic love for each other anymore and would like to legally be able to be with someone else.
Those can happen, but my grandmother says you should wait and try to see why you fell in love in the first place. Sometimes it's just hiding. Also you shouldn't marry based on JUST feelings.
The mother had better fight for her daughter and take her ex husband and wife to court. Husband is allowing the bullying and should lose all custody since he isn't protecting the daughter.
💯I also think the daughter could benefit from some simple roleplaying when it comes to standing up for herself. I was a shy kid and could have used it earlier than in my teens.
The whole “my daughter has always been shy and won’t speak” made me pause. If this woman has been in her life since she was a toddler, daughter has probably been conditioned to not make waves. She may actually want to be a loud outgoing firecracker but is too afraid of ruining daddy’s happiness or making mom stress. OP absolutely needs to fight this.
Story 1: Melinda's probably why daughter is a "quiet child". I speak from experience, bullying makes quiet kids even more withdrawn, and a good parent will notice. OP needs to fight for more custody if her ex won't protect his _own daughter._
This story PO’ed me off so bad. These toxic “boy moms” are just getting out of hand. Not all moms, of course but those selective few. OP should get full custody or at least supervised visitation. The bullying will worsen once the daughter becomes a teenager. It sounds like the Father is slowly coming out of the fog, but until he’s completely out of it, OP has to put her child first.
Yeah, supervised or no Step Mom visitation sounds fairest way to go. Unless the kid hates spending time with her Dad, then she deserves to see him. But what an idiot Dad is fir choosing that b*tch to cheat with.
It's easy to see who Melinda considers "The Golden Child". Dear Old Dad is on the fast track to lose his daughter when she turns 18 and goes NC with him and Melinda. 🤨
I don't even understand why Melinda wanted to be in the dsughters life, when she clearly doesn't like her lol. She bullied her infront of op for God sake
JEEZ. Daughter said she didn't want Stepmom at her party, and the stepmom was so enraged that the daughter tried to set a boundary she concocted this entire scheme with the birthday cake for revenge. What a pathetic and disgusting person. There's no way this was an accident. I hope the sperm donor's eyes are at least a crack open at this point. Melinda is lucky OP didn't destroy her.
Story 1: I'd go for full custody. If dad wants to see his daughter, I'd welcome him to come over at will, but I would have a firm wall that Melinda goes NOWHERE near my daughter. Her half brother can come with dad and follow respectful rules or he gets cut out, too. period. But Melinda? HARD NO, nowhere near my daugter.
Melinda set up OP's daughter and told the boy to do it. Husband is now complicit. At this point, you not only go for full custody, you go after Melinda and your ex in a civil suit. She would likely lose, but she needs to put the fear of God in them. The daughter feels abandoned by OP and her husband by this point. Her daughter will not trust her unless she goes with the nuclear option.
Sounds like even with 50/50 custody, dad hasn't exactly spent time with his daughter but been in office and left kid with stepmom. If he doesn't bother to spend time with kid on his custody time, why have 50/50 custody.
I suspect that given how cowardly the ex is, OP should ask for him to have supervised visitation only until it is established that he will not allow Melinda near the child.
Story 1: I knew a kid who dealt with this crap. Was being bullied horribly and punished constantly for HER things being broken. Clear favoritism. She told the father she was upset and he dismissed her. She asked to live with her mom and the dad refused. She started lying to the teacher and saying her dad was abusing her sexually. CPS got involved. She later admitted she lied, but damage was done. Dad gave up custody. It was a huge mess…. I think she felt bad for nearly ruining her dad’s life but she felt trapped and desperate. This father needs to take action before things escalate.
That kid got the attention she needed to put another form of abuse that would have escalated into light. It sounds like most adults in her life dismissed the severity of the situation, thinking that a child was being over dramatic. They did what they needed to do to improve their situation
@@isisruiz598 I disagree because the way the girl lied will have implications on other people down the line. It's more about getting the right people to hear, which unfortunately is hard for kids, women and men all. Many believe only the more charismatic or 'mature' abuser.
How do some people think that OP started a war with her ex’s wife ? Inviting her to the little girl’s birthday party is not normal. She is the kid’s stepmother and OP is well within her rights to ignore the woman . A homewrecker doesn’t become a friend .yikes ...
The new wife probably knows that her husband will fight for his daughter so she's been gaslighting him to keep him calm and under her thumb. She'll panic now and double down.
The military takes adultery seriously. One of my Soldiers got chaptered out(kicked out) for that in 2013. He got caught cheating on his wife multiple times and he had made the rank of sergeant. It was counseling the first few times. Then got the boot on number 4
@@yesthatmousyiris4887 idk its hard to go with that theory bc they said they would "immediately divorce someone that treated me child like that" it looks like they meant "my child"
Story 2. This guy is gaslighting you. He had a person in the wings the whole time, and he expects you to assist him? Tell him to wake up from his long nap. Report him to his superior and get all you deserve
Based on the overview of how supportive the OP was during their whole relationship, he sounds like an entitled a**hole. "It took me a month to pluck up the courage to tell you" means "It took me a month to realise I might get caught but you always say yes when I ask you for help."
Story 1: the EX husband needs to have his daughters back against his former affair partner/wife she can’t go abusing his kid that will eventually make her not want to be around him.
Story 1... I very much wish OP would consult with both a child therapist AND a custody lawyer. The daughter is being bullied and abused (at the least emotionally). She should NOT be in the toxic environment the step mother has created.
Story 2: if opie's husband is already dating someone and not legally divorced or he should talk to his chain of command. Him and his little coworker will get separated immediately and probably lose rank. That's a big no-no in the military.
Story 2, husband just wanted his new girlfriend. Eventually, he'll move her in and push OP out. Sell the house. He wants her to pay half the bills for him and his mistress. NTA. SELL THAT HOUSE!
Story 2: bold choice to commit adultery when it’s against the UCMJ and he is in the military if OP really want to she could get him (and the other woman) in trouble they are still legally married
I know I'm projecting here. Completely acknowledge that... BUT! That stepmother is absolutely evil. And, she needs to be kept away from from the girl. I had a stepmother who was like that except she physically abused me as well when my dad wasn't around. To this day, I still flinch if anyone raises a hand near me. My poor husband has to remind me I'm okay all the time. He's amazing and still goes into protective mode around my dad. Thankfully, my dad is no longer with the woman, but he never acknowledged what she did even after he found out.
OP, needs to get therapy for her daughter; to learn ways to combat the toxic stepmom & stepbrother. Should include keeping a journal/events log. And audio recordings when possible. Protect your daughter; and document the toxic comments and step family actions
I can never understand people who get into relationships with people who already have kids when they resent those kids. If you don’t want the kid, DONT GET WITH THE PARENT!
Story 2: What level of delusional do you have to be in order to think you can cheat on your wife, ask for the divorce and somehow keep the facade of a happy marriage in place? Man definitely is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. More like a spork.
First OP would be YTA if she let the evil stepmom invade her daughter's party. But holy crap Melinda is quite the piece of work! She absolutely planned that cake-smashing stunt, and put her punk son up to it. So husband sided against her, too little too late. Hope she goes for more custody.
Well there sure is based on the arguments and saying: more custody, you didn’t keep your promise. I’m sure there was a lot of screaming. But. She probably didn’t feel it’s for the post.
If she wants to prove she's the better parent she can't be mama bear. She needs to let Melinda's absolute insanity be what proves she should have primary custody. If OP goes the mama bear route, it might not work out for her.
There are more effective ways to go full on Momma Bear. Getting sole custody and cutting off the ex financially is going to hurt him and probably put a strain on the marriage. I would go for only supervised visits, since the ex can't be trusted to protect his daughter.
Listening to this story made me angry.. The mother is too passive and seems like the father hasn't done anything about what his wife is doing to his daughter!!
If that was my daughter in the first story, OH HELL NO. I'd be fighting for full custody over that BS. She's nine. She has the ability to articulate to a judge what happened in her father's house. It's possible that the bullying is what caused the poor kid to be so introverted. She needs to be encouraged to stand up for herself and tell a judge exactly what's happening. If dad wants to see his little girl, he can MAKE TIME FOR HER. Trusting the AP was just ridiculous on his part. Marrying a toxic woman who had no qualms about engaging with a married man in ANY form of relationship was just stupid. Ex-hub should have stood up for his daughter rather than placate his POS wife. How he couldn't go Papa Bear all over this is just unbelievable. So long as that bullying rhymes-with-witch stayed in the house, my kid wouldn't be allowed to go there. I'd have been on the phone with a lawyer the moment I found out about the bullying. I'd have been on the phone with him again while making sure my daughter was okay after the cake smash. If he really cares about his daughter, then he'd make the necessary sacrifices to ensure she's in good health, mentally and physically. Him not wanting another custody battle is him putting his wants over his daughter's well-being.
Story 1: the red flag was as soon as the dad's wife dramatically and instantly yelled that her family was being ruined. If a tantrum like that is your first response, and not even taking into consideration listening and responding like an adult... sheesh, no wonder the father is blind to all that mess. That's the person he left O.P. for in the first place because he actively and purposely pursued this woman. Says a lot about him. Sigh. You can already guess the spiral that's taking place after this fiasco.
Story two. Men are creatures of comfort and habit. He already has already has a girlfriend which indicates to me he was cheating on her. If he is in the US military adultery is still a crime under the uniform code of military justice. OP may, just May want to consider having a talk with his commanding officer about his actions. If she doesn’t want to go down that route, she is definitely NTA demanding a sale of the house and an equitable division of marital assets. Also, I don’t remember if OP said how long they are married, but after a certain point, depending on the state, she may be entitled to a portion of his military pension. She needs to see a lawyer right now! This cheating POS is trying to gaslight her into giving up what she is entitled to.
That poor kid! I don't know which is worse for her, being bullied by a mean woman whose job is to CARE for her, or feeling responsible for her father's happiness. I knew a girl many years ago, who wanted to break up with her fiance, but her parents were pressuring her to marry him, because he had told them he'd loan them some money. ??? Nice people. I agree that Melinda nudged Melindo into the cake smash thing. The little girl was lucky she didn't get a candle shoved into her eyes. Yes, OP needs to take her spineless husband to court for more custody, and he needs to grow a backbone before he loses his child's heart, not just custody. Second story: A woman I know was divorced by her husband who was ex-military, and was currently working for the federal government. Their divorce was final 2 months shy of their 10th anniversary. She later found out that she'd have been eligible for part of his federal pension if the marriage had lasted a full 10 years. Of course, he was aware of that. BTW, ladies, a lot of these guys assume that because their wife has loved and cared for them during the marriage, that of course she's going to want them to be happy in the divorce settlement too. Talk about self-centered and delusional.
Story 2: OP really could have fried both husband and AP by going to both her husband's commander and the Judge Advocate(Army Judicial Branch). Fraternization is HIGHLY frowned upon, especially when one is of higher rank than the other and one is a supervisor. Being married is just icing on the cake. There are several ways JAG or his commander could handle it, most of them that could derail both of their careers: denial of promotions, temporary loss of rank AND pay, demotion, being barred from re-enlistment or a Other Than Honorable discharge. Just for those who don't know, UCMJ stands for Uniform Code of Military Justice.
After the cake, i would of told the ex, i dont trust your wife and son around our daughter anymore. Today was a test to she if your wife was willing to treat our daughter well, and she failed miserably. If you want to spend time with your daughter, you can whenever you want, but if those two around, she wont be.
That dad def wants to keep 50/50 custody so that he keeps getting money from op. She's paying child support because she makes more. If she takes more custody that will change. He's a pushover and prioritizing his own convenience over the mental health and development of his child
If I understand what OP said in the first story Melinda is basically a SAHM because OP has to pay child support with 50/50 custody. He is afraid to lose that income probably because his wife doesn't want to work anymore. (he might actually have to pay OP, losing even more income.) He knows she wont like that option or why else would he be so fearful of losing the child support? Plus, he is always working? Sounds like he is in over his head with the upkeep of the "girl of his dreams"... I bet he did tell her to stop and that is why she is now training her son to do it for her! What a nasty women!
Story 1: OP is underreacting IMO. She doesn't need her spineless cheating ex's permission to get more custody. She should get the best lawyer her money can buy and get full custody. Melinda is a homewrecker and an evil step-mother, OP's daughter doesn't deserve such a creature darkening her life.
The mom should sit down and write down everything step mom is doing. And write comments under it about how unfortunately their child is so worried about what that step mom is going to do next. She feels unsafe. She feels unimportant.
Story 2 op didn't say what military her husband was in, but if he's US military adultery is punishable under the UCMJ and would likely end his service. If he is a higher rank than the co-worker, there might be issues with fraternization that could end both of their careers.
Story 2: If he's a military member and not divorced yet and already dating someone that will screw him over in the proceedings. Also if it's someone from work means that it's probably not allowed in most cases.
If they're around the same rank and they aren't a supervisor nobody's gonna care. The wife could raise a ruckus about adultery but she'd have to push for that.
In story 2, OP can get part of his retirement, as well as part of his social security benefits. If the military still has pension plans, she can get part of that as well. She’s been with him for 10 years and is legally entitled to them. Most military members retire at 20 years. Spouses of military service members are discriminated against in the civilian sector when it comes to employment, because they are not going to be in the community for very long because of their change of duty stations. I thought that was a thing of the past until I had to argue on behalf of an employment candidate who was being disqualified from consideration because they are a military spouse. The spouse makes sacrifices for the military member’s career and is entitled to the retirement benefits of the military member. I hope OP doesn’t sign away her rights and benefits.
Story 1: it’s OBVIOUS that they’re fine with humiliating the daughter and is brazen enough to GET AWAY WITH IT IN FRONT OF THE DADS EYES! And he still, STILL doesn’t see the MAJOR PROBLEM. He’s a huge pushover and is lucky that the daughter wasn’t INJURED from that.
Oh, he doesn't want less custody, huh? If the custody is split 50/50, the higher earning parent pays child support, which is OP. There. Now you know why he doesn't want less custody.
1) NTA, why would a wife of an X husband be invited to OP's little girl's 9th birthday. There is a bigger issue with the X and his now wife. OP needs to report these incidents to the X and if he is willing to allow this emotional abuse OP needs to go to court for full custody. OP's daughter needs to be protected. After edit: OP needs to meet with her X and reveal what the daughter says and how she feels. After update: OMG, that stepmom is a viper. At least the dad is now seeing how his wife is bullying his daughter, I think OP should definitely go for more custody. Husband is a defective failure as a parent. 2) It's a pity OP's husband is so unreasonable. He cheats and lies and expects OP to be ok with that and to subsidize him. OP needs to get an attorney who is also familiar with military laws and go for all she can get, then move on with no regard for him since he has none for her. After comments: He clearly was cheating. Do no leave the house, make him leave. Get a good attorney and follow their advice. I hope OP stops being so forgiving of this cheater and excusing his bad behavior and manipulation. After update: I'm happy to hear OP has an attorney and is divorcing he husband, and that the AP found out this schmuck was lying to her as well, if that is in fact true and it's not that she is just trying to cover her ass in hopes OP won't end their military careers.
Only a fool thinks that staying on the fence should lead to minimal repercussions even if he has a foot on one side. If ex-husband keeps taking it too slow, then the damage will already have been done by the time he does right by his daughter. (Heck, he’s probably too late anyway considering the daughter’s feelings on the matter.)
Story 1, massive NTA. I have no respect for people like Melinda. She's bullying the ex wife's child out jealousy and hatred for being the past of her husband. Like why get married to someone who has an ex wife and a child that they coparent only to bully the child who's innocent and not accept the kid. People like that have no business being in a relationship let alone a parent. Specially if their all like "that's why I prefer boys" then insult their own gender. I'm not surprised that Melinda then screamed at op that op is "ruining her family" because she's getting to pour her jealousy and hatred on an innocent child. Update, Melinda got upset that her husband was spending more time with his daughter so she planned on humiliating the daughter by having her son put her face in the cake. This is proof that she can't and refuses to get over her insane jealousy and hatred over an innocent child and op. I wouldn't be surprised if Melinda expected her husband to somehow side with her then was furious that he sided with op and stood up for his daughter. I don't blame op for wanting more custody after that fiasco. Ex husband can try to fix their psycho behavior but I guarantee that his wife will blow up at him for siding with op and standing up for his daughter. She's not going to let go of her jealousy and hatred instead she's going to get worse as she'll blame op and the kid when in reality she's ruining her own marriage by being so unreasonable and vile.
S1 , Op go back to court for full custody of your daughter with your ex-husband getting supervised visits as her stepmother is going to get worse if this continues. NTA Op your ex-husband should have been more protective of his daughter .
What is with the stupid cake smashing thing? As someone who was on the receiving end of it, it is not funny. Embarrassing, annoying, disgusting, yes but not funny. That dad is a shifty father for letting it get to that point. And stepmother is jealous of the original family and it shows. Crappy people.
OP gave her ex-husband a chance to fix things. Even after the face bashing into the cake, he's still in denial how bad it is. IMO, he's determined to maintain the 50/50 custody because OP is paying him child support. If she gains more custody, she will no longer have w pay him. This was his wake up call but is it too late (for him)?
Exactly. She should seek full custody and let him pay child support so that that witch Melinda and her brat know that there are financial consequences to their actions.
Honestly, screw the amicable route. Every single hour spent with Melinda is another chance she breaks my daughter down more. I’d be ringing the lawyers after the first damn offense and tell my ex, “here’s the new custody agreement, get Melinda in line or we fight in court.” And of COURSE counseling for my poor kid so she hears from another adult that this isn’t okay treatment (as well as documentation of the abuse).
If this is the military in the USA, a report to his Commanding Officer is in order. Get all your ducks in a row before making the report. (I have found that the cheater's friends will often spill the tea when they have had a few drinks. Always have the recorder on.)
Love the structured format of your videos. Initial post, top comments, edits/OP responses, then updates. Really feels like you do a deep dive into the situation to get as much information out of it as possible. Really nice.
Story 2- If he's in the military for a career and dating while married, can't she report him for that? And her? I would do that and get a lawyer to force the sale of the house.
Melinda's son committed assault. then Melinda mocked the daughter in front of her mother for this assault. If Melinda is willing to do this in front of op, then I don't think she would actually blink at causing significant physical harm if she thought that op's daughter might cause her the slightest difficulty
story 1 - op needs to go to court and get more custody of their child...it has to be one strike and your out...do not be gas lit into thinking another chance is needed he already failed as a father and needs to face the consequences of being absent story 2 - sell the house and be glad to be rid of this cake eating cheater
WTH!! What is wrong with that woman? She said she wanted to be able to watch the Op's daughter blow out her candles. Then humilates her. Get back to court Op. Melinda is a horrible person and will only continue to hurt your daughter. And get your daughter into therapy. So you have proof of the abuse your daughter is receiving from her step. That woman is disgusting 🤢
Melinda is bullying her husbands daughter because she is the "outsider." She is also using her son to do the same. What a sad, pathetic woman to bully a child just because you can. Mom, protect your daughter and your ex, and Melinda can suck lemons. Story 2: Your husband is a cheater that needs to be brought down a few pegs. Get everything owed to you and get rid of him. He isn't worth it.
It says a lot that op’s daughter did not feel comfortable talking to dad. Wonder if hubby cheated on op since little brother was born with ina year of the divorce.
S1 dad will be on reddit in a few years asking “aita for taking my son to disney/a trip instead of my daughter’s wedding/graduation?” Or on R/relationship advice and ask why his daughter cut him off.
S1: Melinda set up OP's daughter and told the boy to do it. At this point, you not only go for full custody, you go after Melinda and your ex in a civil suit. You will likely lose, but you need to put the fear of God in them. Your daughter feels abandoned by you and your husband. Your daughter will not trust you unless you go for the nuclear option.
Jeez, really? Can't an Affair Patner EVER have been lied to as well? I mean, if the guy was will to step out on his wife, why is him lying to the other woman impossible?
Melinda story: NTA! Quite frankly I'd consider going back to family court and getting the custody arrangement changed if Melinda is actively bullying your daughter and your ex-husband isn't doing anything about it. UPDATE: Given the cake episode and the very high likelihood of Melinda telling her son to do the cake smash, I'd go ahead and try to limit your ex's custody. I'd even argue that any time he spends with his daughter be with Melinda NOT PRESENT. Divorce story: NTA! It's not his choice. You sue for your half of the value of the house in the divorce and if granted, the court forces a sale to go thru. Your lawyer will have to stay on top of this so your husband doesn't low-ball the sale to avoid giving you your full share value. I suspect his idea was to force you to leave while he moved his gf in and when a sale is finally forced, he argues your share should be reduced as you haven't lived in the house for X period of time. COMMENTS: Something is off here. The GI Bill education benefits are not transferable in whole or part to a spouse or child to the best of my knowledge. It's been many years since I used mine, so maybe things have changed. Someone who knows, let me know please. UPDATE: The UCMJ takes a very dim view on affairs by married service members. It also takes a dim view of a military member having an affair with someone who's married, whether the married person is military or not. And OP, it would not have to be you who informs the military of what's going on to cause either or both of them problems. I'm wondering if this story is real.
1. Nta. THANK YOU LORD... that I don't have kids because that cake will land in Melinda's face with a force that her teeth will rattle her teeth and that kid will get a cuss that will traumatized him for the rest of his life. #2. Nta. He wants his cake and eat it too.
If the ap in story 2 was lying don't you think the husband would have accused her when confronted instead of crumbling and apologizing? He has no reason to cover for her. Wouldn't something have seemed amiss when she and op were comparing evidence? Sometimes people just get tricked into participating in bad things. Occam's razor man, it makes more sense that she was lied to than her being an evil conniving manipulator
Story two: tell his superiors that your husband has been having an affair with someone else. If you know her name, tell his superior. Cheating is looked down upon in the military. He will get disciplined in that regard, and you can get the house sold and divorce him. This is not OK, it's not correct at all especially for your husband's job. He should know better.
Story 2 hopefully the op read this if he's in the military and you're in the USA. Don't take It outside military go get a Jag lawyer. Being in the military that's one of the biggest no no you can do. He won't get discharged but he will pay you for it. Don't take this lying down.
Op ex I wonder if my new wife is bulling my daughter that same ex sees his daughter slammed into her birthday cake then says I still wonder if my daughter is being bullied
He's military, married, and dating someone from work?
She needs to talk to HIS military supervisor. The army really frowns on this behavior.
And no, he doesn't have a right to move on until he's exhausted every effort with the marriage. Unless there's some form of abuse or cheating, you don't walk away from a marriage just because you are bored.
A spouse isn't a roommate. You take vows. Does valves don't break because you're bored. They only break from things like abuse.
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@@melodyharpole8272 what about amicable divorces where the feelings of romantic love just aren't there anymore? Like, there's no cheating or abuse, and it's not just them being bored of each other, but they don't feel that romantic love for each other anymore and would like to legally be able to be with someone else.
Those can happen, but my grandmother says you should wait and try to see why you fell in love in the first place. Sometimes it's just hiding. Also you shouldn't marry based on JUST feelings.
@@melodyharpole8272 Cheating is a valid reason to divorce
The fact that the step mom baked the cake and begged OP’s daughter to share that moment with her makes it so much worse, that’s permanent damage.
The mother had better fight for her daughter and take her ex husband and wife to court. Husband is allowing the bullying and should lose all custody since he isn't protecting the daughter.
At the end it kinda sounded like she's gonna leave it alone for now. I hope not though!!
He is willing to sacrifice his own daughters mental well being to placate his new wife for the child support payments, what an absolute tool.
💯I also think the daughter could benefit from some simple roleplaying when it comes to standing up for herself. I was a shy kid and could have used it earlier than in my teens.
#1: Story
OP, your ex-wants YOUR child support payment, go for full custody, screw him, wife and their wicked child (which is his momma's fault!)..
The whole “my daughter has always been shy and won’t speak” made me pause. If this woman has been in her life since she was a toddler, daughter has probably been conditioned to not make waves. She may actually want to be a loud outgoing firecracker but is too afraid of ruining daddy’s happiness or making mom stress. OP absolutely needs to fight this.
Story 1: Melinda's probably why daughter is a "quiet child". I speak from experience, bullying makes quiet kids even more withdrawn, and a good parent will notice. OP needs to fight for more custody if her ex won't protect his _own daughter._
EXCELLENT POINT!!!
Everything his wife has done is emotional abuse
This story PO’ed me off so bad. These toxic “boy moms” are just getting out of hand. Not all moms, of course but those selective few. OP should get full custody or at least supervised visitation. The bullying will worsen once the daughter becomes a teenager. It sounds like the Father is slowly coming out of the fog, but until he’s completely out of it, OP has to put her child first.
Yeah, supervised or no Step Mom visitation sounds fairest way to go. Unless the kid hates spending time with her Dad, then she deserves to see him.
But what an idiot Dad is fir choosing that b*tch to cheat with.
This, exactly. Until dad gets his head outta his butt, limit access. If dad I'd not around during custody visits, then she can't go. Melinda is evil.
The daughter doesn’t protest, she just cries silently and leaves. She doesn’t trust that her guardians will protect her.
@@goatkiller666because it's been proven he won't unfortunately. She knows her dad is a simp who's letting his wife do all of this
It's easy to see who Melinda considers "The Golden Child". Dear Old Dad is on the fast track to lose his daughter when she turns 18 and goes NC with him and Melinda. 🤨
Story 2: *"he is now remorseful and apologetic for hurting me."*
I think what OP mean that now he is sorry he got caught.
That went south quickly. I would be straight to the judge for custody.
Full custody with only visitation. No staying at the father's house. Daughter could be in physical danger.
@@davidransom4476 Yep, supervised contact.
@@davidransom4476that’s exactly what stepmom wants … first get rid of hubbies daughter, then alienate them
Soul custody would be better because of constant child abuse and emotional trauma.
I don't even understand why Melinda wanted to be in the dsughters life, when she clearly doesn't like her lol. She bullied her infront of op for God sake
JEEZ. Daughter said she didn't want Stepmom at her party, and the stepmom was so enraged that the daughter tried to set a boundary she concocted this entire scheme with the birthday cake for revenge. What a pathetic and disgusting person. There's no way this was an accident. I hope the sperm donor's eyes are at least a crack open at this point. Melinda is lucky OP didn't destroy her.
"You just ruined my family..." that was such a weird comment.
Glad you see that it was a set-up. Most people, including OP, didn't realize it was all orchestrated to humiliate and hurt the daughter.
@@robinkholmes7127 Well yeah, if OP takes away Melinda's "red-headed stepchild" who can she use as a punching bag? That broad is sick in the head.
@@robinkholmes7127bullies always blame others when they finally are called out
@@robinkholmes7127 yeah, that was a huge red psycho flag waving right in front of everyone. 😮 How did neither op or the ex not immediately go WTF?!
Story 1: I'd go for full custody. If dad wants to see his daughter, I'd welcome him to come over at will, but I would have a firm wall that Melinda goes NOWHERE near my daughter. Her half brother can come with dad and follow respectful rules or he gets cut out, too. period. But Melinda? HARD NO, nowhere near my daugter.
Exactly
💯
Melinda set up OP's daughter and told the boy to do it. Husband is now complicit. At this point, you not only go for full custody, you go after Melinda and your ex in a civil suit. She would likely lose, but she needs to put the fear of God in them. The daughter feels abandoned by OP and her husband by this point. Her daughter will not trust her unless she goes with the nuclear option.
Sounds like even with 50/50 custody, dad hasn't exactly spent time with his daughter but been in office and left kid with stepmom.
If he doesn't bother to spend time with kid on his custody time, why have 50/50 custody.
I suspect that given how cowardly the ex is, OP should ask for him to have supervised visitation only until it is established that he will not allow Melinda near the child.
Story 1: I knew a kid who dealt with this crap. Was being bullied horribly and punished constantly for HER things being broken. Clear favoritism. She told the father she was upset and he dismissed her. She asked to live with her mom and the dad refused. She started lying to the teacher and saying her dad was abusing her sexually. CPS got involved. She later admitted she lied, but damage was done. Dad gave up custody. It was a huge mess….
I think she felt bad for nearly ruining her dad’s life but she felt trapped and desperate. This father needs to take action before things escalate.
That kid got the attention she needed to put another form of abuse that would have escalated into light. It sounds like most adults in her life dismissed the severity of the situation, thinking that a child was being over dramatic. They did what they needed to do to improve their situation
@@isisruiz598 It's still lying and should not be condoned, but otherwise I agree.
@@BrokensoulRider I'd rather a lie be heard than a truth be ignored
@@isisruiz598 I disagree because the way the girl lied will have implications on other people down the line. It's more about getting the right people to hear, which unfortunately is hard for kids, women and men all. Many believe only the more charismatic or 'mature' abuser.
How do some people think that OP started a war with her ex’s wife ? Inviting her to the little girl’s birthday party is not normal. She is the kid’s stepmother and OP is well within her rights to ignore the woman . A homewrecker doesn’t become a friend .yikes ...
Men's Rights Activists, most likely
@@GiordanDiodato What does inviting a homewrecker to a birthday party have to do with men's rights?
The new wife probably knows that her husband will fight for his daughter so she's been gaslighting him to keep him calm and under her thumb. She'll panic now and double down.
The military takes adultery seriously. One of my Soldiers got chaptered out(kicked out) for that in 2013. He got caught cheating on his wife multiple times and he had made the rank of sergeant. It was counseling the first few times. Then got the boot on number 4
That one was a bit of a slow learner...
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s He doesn't want to learn
S1: Dad is a coward. I would IMMEDIATELY divorce someone that treated me child like that.
They are divorced lol
@@jelly_4_brainz I think Brandi is refering to the dad's current wife Melinda
@@yesthatmousyiris4887 idk its hard to go with that theory bc they said they would "immediately divorce someone that treated me child like that" it looks like they meant "my child"
Story 2. This guy is gaslighting you. He had a person in the wings the whole time, and he expects you to assist him? Tell him to wake up from his long nap. Report him to his superior and get all you deserve
Absolutely knew he was cheating. Who did he think he was fooling? 😂
I'm just sad OP didn't get to keep the house to herself.
I'm with you. Isn't there a rule in the military about cheating spouses? Get a lawyer and go scorched earth! Good luck!
Based on the overview of how supportive the OP was during their whole relationship, he sounds like an entitled a**hole. "It took me a month to pluck up the courage to tell you" means "It took me a month to realise I might get caught but you always say yes when I ask you for help."
@@marysmith-ps7uj Fraternization and adultery. OP should totally report this. What an entitled scumbag the ex is.
Story 1: the EX husband needs to have his daughters back against his former affair partner/wife she can’t go abusing his kid that will eventually make her not want to be around him.
💯 think long term
both the ex and the melinda sound like Clusters of Bees (ONLY refers to abusive/neglectful/etc. instances of Cluster B) or something worse.
Story 1... I very much wish OP would consult with both a child therapist AND a custody lawyer. The daughter is being bullied and abused (at the least emotionally). She should NOT be in the toxic environment the step mother has created.
Parents bullying kids is NOT ok !
That cake smash was planned and I cannot be convinced otherwise.
I would get full custody! These boy moms are ridiculous.
Story 2: if opie's husband is already dating someone and not legally divorced or he should talk to his chain of command. Him and his little coworker will get separated immediately and probably lose rank. That's a big no-no in the military.
Story 2, husband just wanted his new girlfriend. Eventually, he'll move her in and push OP out. Sell the house. He wants her to pay half the bills for him and his mistress. NTA. SELL THAT HOUSE!
😂😂😂😂Totally agree
What adult bullies a child?
A pathetic one
A woman child.
A loser
A lot of them, unfortunately.
The same kind of insecure hoebeast who screws married men.
Story 2: bold choice to commit adultery when it’s against the UCMJ and he is in the military if OP really want to she could get him (and the other woman) in trouble they are still legally married
You say, 'bold.'
I say 'stupid.'
But either one, he is one of a lucky SOBs that his soon-to-be ex is so passive.
I know I'm projecting here. Completely acknowledge that... BUT! That stepmother is absolutely evil. And, she needs to be kept away from from the girl. I had a stepmother who was like that except she physically abused me as well when my dad wasn't around. To this day, I still flinch if anyone raises a hand near me. My poor husband has to remind me I'm okay all the time. He's amazing and still goes into protective mode around my dad. Thankfully, my dad is no longer with the woman, but he never acknowledged what she did even after he found out.
Um f the party. Get full custody!!
Story 1,
Question, why didn't you call the cops? I would have! What they did IS assault. Assault of a minor.
Melinda is the posterchild example of a "Stepmonster"! She is despicable". 😡
If her life is ruined because she can't bully a child, then let her life be ruined.
OP, needs to get therapy for her daughter; to learn ways to combat the toxic stepmom & stepbrother. Should include keeping a journal/events log. And audio recordings when possible. Protect your daughter; and document the toxic comments and step family actions
Journal is a bad idea. I guarantee Melinda will use it against the kid
@@catandrobbyfloresnot if she keeps the journal at her mother's house.
I can never understand people who get into relationships with people who already have kids when they resent those kids. If you don’t want the kid, DONT GET WITH THE PARENT!
Period.
Story 2: What level of delusional do you have to be in order to think you can cheat on your wife, ask for the divorce and somehow keep the facade of a happy marriage in place? Man definitely is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. More like a spork.
Not even a spork, a spoon
@@Feynix4 but he is a spoon with dreams. 🤣
More like a random straw in the silverware drawer
Cause he sucks@@chronobretz9511
Get full custody now.
The fact the husband didn’t break up with that woman IMMEDIATELY! Makes me angry
First OP, please please PLEASE get more custody. Your ex is a bully enabler, if you dont get more custody you are FAILING HER.
First OP would be YTA if she let the evil stepmom invade her daughter's party. But holy crap Melinda is quite the piece of work! She absolutely planned that cake-smashing stunt, and put her punk son up to it. So husband sided against her, too little too late. Hope she goes for more custody.
Story 1 was infuriating (Melinda sucks!) and I hope OP gets full custody. Story 2: Glad OP is moving on without going scorched earth.
Thank god she wasn’t invited to the party 🎈 that clearly was what she wanted to do all along
Two classics back-to-back, evil stepmother and cheating partner in the military.
If I was op I would have told her ex husband either he step up and defend his daughter against his wife or we can go to court story1
S2, he was already cheating and wanted to keep the house for the new "B".
Melinda would not be able to ever blow a birthday cake in front of me unanswered. EVER!
For some reason I feel like Op is being too passive. Where's her mama bear attitude????
Well there sure is based on the arguments and saying: more custody, you didn’t keep your promise.
I’m sure there was a lot of screaming. But. She probably didn’t feel it’s for the post.
Legal court things have to happen and op has to be able to prove she is the sane party in the situation while melinda moo is unhinged
If she wants to prove she's the better parent she can't be mama bear. She needs to let Melinda's absolute insanity be what proves she should have primary custody. If OP goes the mama bear route, it might not work out for her.
Not every child wants a mama bear. Plenty want/require a mom who can remain level-headed during times like this, like the OP did.
There are more effective ways to go full on Momma Bear. Getting sole custody and cutting off the ex financially is going to hurt him and probably put a strain on the marriage. I would go for only supervised visits, since the ex can't be trusted to protect his daughter.
Listening to this story made me angry.. The mother is too passive and seems like the father hasn't done anything about what his wife is doing to his daughter!!
If that was my daughter in the first story, OH HELL NO. I'd be fighting for full custody over that BS. She's nine. She has the ability to articulate to a judge what happened in her father's house. It's possible that the bullying is what caused the poor kid to be so introverted. She needs to be encouraged to stand up for herself and tell a judge exactly what's happening. If dad wants to see his little girl, he can MAKE TIME FOR HER. Trusting the AP was just ridiculous on his part. Marrying a toxic woman who had no qualms about engaging with a married man in ANY form of relationship was just stupid. Ex-hub should have stood up for his daughter rather than placate his POS wife. How he couldn't go Papa Bear all over this is just unbelievable.
So long as that bullying rhymes-with-witch stayed in the house, my kid wouldn't be allowed to go there. I'd have been on the phone with a lawyer the moment I found out about the bullying. I'd have been on the phone with him again while making sure my daughter was okay after the cake smash. If he really cares about his daughter, then he'd make the necessary sacrifices to ensure she's in good health, mentally and physically. Him not wanting another custody battle is him putting his wants over his daughter's well-being.
Story 1: the red flag was as soon as the dad's wife dramatically and instantly yelled that her family was being ruined. If a tantrum like that is your first response, and not even taking into consideration listening and responding like an adult... sheesh, no wonder the father is blind to all that mess. That's the person he left O.P. for in the first place because he actively and purposely pursued this woman. Says a lot about him. Sigh. You can already guess the spiral that's taking place after this fiasco.
"This divorce is going to happen, and good luck to the next girl that deals with him" AWESOME 2ND OP!
Story two. Men are creatures of comfort and habit. He already has already has a girlfriend which indicates to me he was cheating on her. If he is in the US military adultery is still a crime under the uniform code of military justice. OP may, just May want to consider having a talk with his commanding officer about his actions. If she doesn’t want to go down that route, she is definitely NTA demanding a sale of the house and an equitable division of marital assets. Also, I don’t remember if OP said how long they are married, but after a certain point, depending on the state, she may be entitled to a portion of his military pension. She needs to see a lawyer right now! This cheating POS is trying to gaslight her into giving up what she is entitled to.
That poor kid! I don't know which is worse for her, being bullied by a mean woman whose job is to CARE for her, or feeling responsible for her father's happiness. I knew a girl many years ago, who wanted to break up with her fiance, but her parents were pressuring her to marry him, because he had told them he'd loan them some money. ??? Nice people. I agree that Melinda nudged Melindo into the cake smash thing. The little girl was lucky she didn't get a candle shoved into her eyes. Yes, OP needs to take her spineless husband to court for more custody, and he needs to grow a backbone before he loses his child's heart, not just custody.
Second story: A woman I know was divorced by her husband who was ex-military, and was currently working for the federal government. Their divorce was final 2 months shy of their 10th anniversary. She later found out that she'd have been eligible for part of his federal pension if the marriage had lasted a full 10 years. Of course, he was aware of that. BTW, ladies, a lot of these guys assume that because their wife has loved and cared for them during the marriage, that of course she's going to want them to be happy in the divorce settlement too. Talk about self-centered and delusional.
Story 2: OP really could have fried both husband and AP by going to both her husband's commander and the Judge Advocate(Army Judicial Branch). Fraternization is HIGHLY frowned upon, especially when one is of higher rank than the other and one is a supervisor. Being married is just icing on the cake. There are several ways JAG or his commander could handle it, most of them that could derail both of their careers: denial of promotions, temporary loss of rank AND pay, demotion, being barred from re-enlistment or a Other Than Honorable discharge.
Just for those who don't know, UCMJ stands for Uniform Code of Military Justice.
After the cake, i would of told the ex, i dont trust your wife and son around our daughter anymore. Today was a test to she if your wife was willing to treat our daughter well, and she failed miserably. If you want to spend time with your daughter, you can whenever you want, but if those two around, she wont be.
That poor girl, that incident with the cake was so cruel.
That dad def wants to keep 50/50 custody so that he keeps getting money from op. She's paying child support because she makes more. If she takes more custody that will change. He's a pushover and prioritizing his own convenience over the mental health and development of his child
So, the dad is more concerned about losing child support than his wife bullying his child? What a lovely human being.
If I understand what OP said in the first story Melinda is basically a SAHM because OP has to pay child support with 50/50 custody. He is afraid to lose that income probably because his wife doesn't want to work anymore. (he might actually have to pay OP, losing even more income.) He knows she wont like that option or why else would he be so fearful of losing the child support? Plus, he is always working? Sounds like he is in over his head with the upkeep of the "girl of his dreams"... I bet he did tell her to stop and that is why she is now training her son to do it for her! What a nasty women!
Story 1: OP is underreacting IMO. She doesn't need her spineless cheating ex's permission to get more custody. She should get the best lawyer her money can buy and get full custody. Melinda is a homewrecker and an evil step-mother, OP's daughter doesn't deserve such a creature darkening her life.
I hope she gets more custody and makes father end up with supervised visits without his wife.
The mom should sit down and write down everything step mom is doing. And write comments under it about how unfortunately their child is so worried about what that step mom is going to do next. She feels unsafe. She feels unimportant.
Story 2 op didn't say what military her husband was in, but if he's US military adultery is punishable under the UCMJ and would likely end his service. If he is a higher rank than the co-worker, there might be issues with fraternization that could end both of their careers.
Story 2: If he's a military member and not divorced yet and already dating someone that will screw him over in the proceedings. Also if it's someone from work means that it's probably not allowed in most cases.
If they're around the same rank and they aren't a supervisor nobody's gonna care. The wife could raise a ruckus about adultery but she'd have to push for that.
In story 2, OP can get part of his retirement, as well as part of his social security benefits. If the military still has pension plans, she can get part of that as well. She’s been with him for 10 years and is legally entitled to them. Most military members retire at 20 years. Spouses of military service members are discriminated against in the civilian sector when it comes to employment, because they are not going to be in the community for very long because of their change of duty stations. I thought that was a thing of the past until I had to argue on behalf of an employment candidate who was being disqualified from consideration because they are a military spouse. The spouse makes sacrifices for the military member’s career and is entitled to the retirement benefits of the military member. I hope OP doesn’t sign away her rights and benefits.
Story 1: it’s OBVIOUS that they’re fine with humiliating the daughter and is brazen enough to GET AWAY WITH IT IN FRONT OF THE DADS EYES! And he still, STILL doesn’t see the MAJOR PROBLEM. He’s a huge pushover and is lucky that the daughter wasn’t INJURED from that.
Oh, he doesn't want less custody, huh?
If the custody is split 50/50, the higher earning parent pays child support, which is OP.
There. Now you know why he doesn't want less custody.
S1: Salt the earth. I would have gone insane with rage after the cake smashing.
1) NTA, why would a wife of an X husband be invited to OP's little girl's 9th birthday. There is a bigger issue with the X and his now wife. OP needs to report these incidents to the X and if he is willing to allow this emotional abuse OP needs to go to court for full custody. OP's daughter needs to be protected.
After edit: OP needs to meet with her X and reveal what the daughter says and how she feels.
After update: OMG, that stepmom is a viper. At least the dad is now seeing how his wife is bullying his daughter, I think OP should definitely go for more custody. Husband is a defective failure as a parent.
2) It's a pity OP's husband is so unreasonable. He cheats and lies and expects OP to be ok with that and to subsidize him. OP needs to get an attorney who is also familiar with military laws and go for all she can get, then move on with no regard for him since he has none for her.
After comments: He clearly was cheating. Do no leave the house, make him leave. Get a good attorney and follow their advice. I hope OP stops being so forgiving of this cheater and excusing his bad behavior and manipulation.
After update: I'm happy to hear OP has an attorney and is divorcing he husband, and that the AP found out this schmuck was lying to her as well, if that is in fact true and it's not that she is just trying to cover her ass in hopes OP won't end their military careers.
Only a fool thinks that staying on the fence should lead to minimal repercussions even if he has a foot on one side. If ex-husband keeps taking it too slow, then the damage will already have been done by the time he does right by his daughter. (Heck, he’s probably too late anyway considering the daughter’s feelings on the matter.)
Story 1, massive NTA. I have no respect for people like Melinda. She's bullying the ex wife's child out jealousy and hatred for being the past of her husband. Like why get married to someone who has an ex wife and a child that they coparent only to bully the child who's innocent and not accept the kid. People like that have no business being in a relationship let alone a parent. Specially if their all like "that's why I prefer boys" then insult their own gender. I'm not surprised that Melinda then screamed at op that op is "ruining her family" because she's getting to pour her jealousy and hatred on an innocent child.
Update, Melinda got upset that her husband was spending more time with his daughter so she planned on humiliating the daughter by having her son put her face in the cake. This is proof that she can't and refuses to get over her insane jealousy and hatred over an innocent child and op. I wouldn't be surprised if Melinda expected her husband to somehow side with her then was furious that he sided with op and stood up for his daughter. I don't blame op for wanting more custody after that fiasco. Ex husband can try to fix their psycho behavior but I guarantee that his wife will blow up at him for siding with op and standing up for his daughter. She's not going to let go of her jealousy and hatred instead she's going to get worse as she'll blame op and the kid when in reality she's ruining her own marriage by being so unreasonable and vile.
S1 , Op go back to court for full custody of your daughter with your ex-husband getting supervised visits as her stepmother is going to get worse if this continues. NTA Op your ex-husband should have been more protective of his daughter .
What is with the stupid cake smashing thing?
As someone who was on the receiving end of it, it is not funny. Embarrassing, annoying, disgusting, yes but not funny. That dad is a shifty father for letting it get to that point. And stepmother is jealous of the original family and it shows. Crappy people.
Story 1: The Step Mom is going to raise a Sociopath...
How did the ex-husband not file for divorce from Melinda the next day?
Because he's a spineless wimp and Melinda is carrying around his cojones in her purse.
He's putting his "new family" above his daughter.
Legally required separation period
Because he's a spineless coward. Plus, Melinda is probably a freak in the sheets. He's thinking with the little head.
Ten years is all it takes to get part of his retirement. Oh he is a a definite pos.
Report it to his boss. Military does NOT like this shit!
OP gave her ex-husband a chance to fix things. Even after the face bashing into the cake, he's still in denial how bad it is.
IMO, he's determined to maintain the 50/50 custody because OP is paying him child support. If she gains more custody, she will no longer have w pay him. This was his wake up call but is it too late (for him)?
Story 1 Op really not seeing her Ex wants 50 50 only because of money it brings him, is she? He doesn't give much fs about daughter otherwise.
Exactly. She should seek full custody and let him pay child support so that that witch Melinda and her brat know that there are financial consequences to their actions.
Honestly, screw the amicable route. Every single hour spent with Melinda is another chance she breaks my daughter down more. I’d be ringing the lawyers after the first damn offense and tell my ex, “here’s the new custody agreement, get Melinda in line or we fight in court.” And of COURSE counseling for my poor kid so she hears from another adult that this isn’t okay treatment (as well as documentation of the abuse).
If this is the military in the USA, a report to his Commanding Officer is in order. Get all your ducks in a row before making the report. (I have found that the cheater's friends will often spill the tea when they have had a few drinks. Always have the recorder on.)
Love the structured format of your videos. Initial post, top comments, edits/OP responses, then updates. Really feels like you do a deep dive into the situation to get as much information out of it as possible. Really nice.
Should have called the cops for the cake smash, could use the assault in court
Yeah, but it was a six year old doing this to a ten year old, so most police would not be interested unless there was further history, maybe
Story 2: He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I feel bad for OP losing her marriage but this guy is a douche. 😂
Story 2- If he's in the military for a career and dating while married, can't she report him for that? And her? I would do that and get a lawyer to force the sale of the house.
Story 2: he's cheating. And still wants her to take care of the house. FDB! Sell sell sell!
The pick-me girl to boy mom to monster-in-law pipeline is so real you guys...
Melinda's son committed assault. then Melinda mocked the daughter in front of her mother for this assault. If Melinda is willing to do this in front of op, then I don't think she would actually blink at causing significant physical harm if she thought that op's daughter might cause her the slightest difficulty
story 1 - op needs to go to court and get more custody of their child...it has to be one strike and your out...do not be gas lit into thinking another chance is needed he already failed as a father and needs to face the consequences of being absent
story 2 - sell the house and be glad to be rid of this cake eating cheater
WTH!! What is wrong with that woman? She said she wanted to be able to watch the Op's daughter blow out her candles. Then humilates her. Get back to court Op. Melinda is a horrible person and will only continue to hurt your daughter. And get your daughter into therapy. So you have proof of the abuse your daughter is receiving from her step. That woman is disgusting 🤢
Melinda is bullying her husbands daughter because she is the "outsider." She is also using her son to do the same. What a sad, pathetic woman to bully a child just because you can. Mom, protect your daughter and your ex, and Melinda can suck lemons. Story 2: Your husband is a cheater that needs to be brought down a few pegs. Get everything owed to you and get rid of him. He isn't worth it.
Oh God she's one of THOSE boy mom's. Ugh. That's sad
Story one: get more custody
How dare mom protects her kid from bullies.
Edit: WTF?! Son is even worse than mom.
It says a lot that op’s daughter did not feel comfortable talking to dad. Wonder if hubby cheated on op since little brother was born with ina year of the divorce.
S1 dad will be on reddit in a few years asking “aita for taking my son to disney/a trip instead of my daughter’s wedding/graduation?” Or on R/relationship advice and ask why his daughter cut him off.
S1: Melinda set up OP's daughter and told the boy to do it. At this point, you not only go for full custody, you go after Melinda and your ex in a civil suit. You will likely lose, but you need to put the fear of God in them. Your daughter feels abandoned by you and your husband. Your daughter will not trust you unless you go for the nuclear option.
Jeez, really? Can't an Affair Patner EVER have been lied to as well? I mean, if the guy was will to step out on his wife, why is him lying to the other woman impossible?
That's happened a lot, actually.
@@TailsFan I know, thus the tiny dig at her motivation at the end seemed weird to me.
Melinda story: NTA! Quite frankly I'd consider going back to family court and getting the custody arrangement changed if Melinda is actively bullying your daughter and your ex-husband isn't doing anything about it.
UPDATE: Given the cake episode and the very high likelihood of Melinda telling her son to do the cake smash, I'd go ahead and try to limit your ex's custody. I'd even argue that any time he spends with his daughter be with Melinda NOT PRESENT.
Divorce story: NTA! It's not his choice. You sue for your half of the value of the house in the divorce and if granted, the court forces a sale to go thru. Your lawyer will have to stay on top of this so your husband doesn't low-ball the sale to avoid giving you your full share value. I suspect his idea was to force you to leave while he moved his gf in and when a sale is finally forced, he argues your share should be reduced as you haven't lived in the house for X period of time.
COMMENTS: Something is off here. The GI Bill education benefits are not transferable in whole or part to a spouse or child to the best of my knowledge. It's been many years since I used mine, so maybe things have changed. Someone who knows, let me know please.
UPDATE: The UCMJ takes a very dim view on affairs by married service members. It also takes a dim view of a military member having an affair with someone who's married, whether the married person is military or not. And OP, it would not have to be you who informs the military of what's going on to cause either or both of them problems. I'm wondering if this story is real.
1. Nta. THANK YOU LORD... that I don't have kids because that cake will land in Melinda's face with a force that her teeth will rattle her teeth and that kid will get a cuss that will traumatized him for the rest of his life.
#2. Nta. He wants his cake and eat it too.
he's dating someone else, but he wanted to divorce to focus on his Military Career???
If the ap in story 2 was lying don't you think the husband would have accused her when confronted instead of crumbling and apologizing? He has no reason to cover for her. Wouldn't something have seemed amiss when she and op were comparing evidence? Sometimes people just get tricked into participating in bad things. Occam's razor man, it makes more sense that she was lied to than her being an evil conniving manipulator
Story 2: another person that just wanted to cheat, but didn't want the consequences 🙄
S1: Yeah, I think Melinda told her boy to do that. They planned this.
Story two: tell his superiors that your husband has been having an affair with someone else. If you know her name, tell his superior. Cheating is looked down upon in the military. He will get disciplined in that regard, and you can get the house sold and divorce him. This is not OK, it's not correct at all especially for your husband's job. He should know better.
Story 2 hopefully the op read this if he's in the military and you're in the USA. Don't take It outside military go get a Jag lawyer. Being in the military that's one of the biggest no no you can do. He won't get discharged but he will pay you for it. Don't take this lying down.
Op ex I wonder if my new wife is bulling my daughter that same ex sees his daughter slammed into her birthday cake then says I still wonder if my daughter is being bullied