Can confirm. My mom was awful to my father. He divorced thinking my mom would never turn on us. He wound up with full custody within a year if that tells you how bad it was. In the early 2000.
Kevin is ALREADY the target of his mother's anger! Whisper yelling at him when he is performing in a play, ONSTAGE! I find it hard to believe this woman wasn't like this before they married, or on looking back he saw the signs but ignored them. It took me a few years, okay, even longer, to see all the red flags in my marriage, and it is so easy now to pick up on abusers when I am in social settings. You think it is you, that you can somehow control your partner's bad behavior, but I remember picking up my kids from his house one weekend. His wife, who is the nicest woman you will ever meet, was siting with me at the table, and he came in and said something to her so harshly it was as if he had slapped her. She even flinched. So it was never me, as an abuser will tell you, it was all him.
So, this woman married a man knowing he was deaf, hating the fact that he was deaf, choosing to have more children with this man just to end up resenting him like some martyr. She was lying like a dog when she said she had menopause. What a horrible human being.
Yea, that was my question to all of her ranting…if you never wanted to date, marry or have children with a deaf man, why did you date him to begin with?
Did no one give the mother's "secret boyfriend" an azz-whooping??? That should have been 2nd on the list after telling all their friends and family about mom's cheating and telling them how cheating mom is now dead to her and her immediate family. What others do is up to them, but she won't entertain a cheater.
@@thomasjoseph5876 That's a really poor decision morally and legally. The secret bf may be an asshole but he never made any sort of promise to be faithful. That's entirely on the Mom. If you're saying that the bf deserves to get beat then you're saying the mother deserves worse. It's not worth going to jail over someone that cheated on you and it's especially not worth going to jail over their lover. You're not going to feel better from it and going to prison isn't going to help you either. If you want revenge then do it in a way that doesn't result in you getting hurt even more.
Op's brother is almost 40, back then she might not have had a choice... Or maybe she had a restrictive family/religion. The moral of the story is that women shouldn't be forced/shamed to have children and marry...
She married him because she got pregnant, but if she hated deaf people, why sleep with one? Maybe she really does have menopause, it often causes seemingly nice women who've been neglecting their own interests and needs to go nuclear, not an excuse for cheating and the toxic comments though.
Why is OP staying with her? For the sake of their son? Staying with that mom is going to mess both of them up in the longer run. Update: Wonderful. The trash took itself out.
no no the question is... why did the fool married her in first place? its not like he said she changed after birth / dating / marriage.... she was always a mess.
@@wolve2kactually some people do wait until they "lock up" to let the mask slip, so yes, it can happen after marriage, specially if children are involved because it can make their victim less likely to leave
Im not going to jump on the victim blame bandwagon, but this post definitely reads like Op was at his limit with this harpy, and once he found a working tactic he rolled with it. That being said, the amount of times Ive seen A victims gaslit to staying with their aggressor likely outnumbers the amount of "why dont you run?" comments.
Story 2: “This wasn’t the update you all were expecting…” Me: ohhh it was exactly what I was expecting. It definitely seemed to me like mom was hella resentful about Dad being deaf and people working around his needs in order to communicate. The way she didn’t explain to her own kids that ASL is typically only learned by/for hearing impaired people, the explosive outburst, the extreme threat of CPS when she got push back from the family for wanting to communicate with Dad… It seemed like too specific of a rant to be just menopause. This had underlying anger and resentment. I admittedly didn’t expect her to have resented her own children and was horrified for her daughter having to hear that. Mom sounds just awful. How you can pretend to love a family for so long is just wild to me; that’s flat out psychotic behavior. I hope the family is healing.
@@vanzy01 I think she holds a lot of resentment for her 5 kids as well. They were in fact, what "held her" to her husband all those years. She used the kids as a chain to not pull the trigger and leave with the secret boyfriend or some other dude, previously. So rather than having just one kid and bailing later, she had 5 of them, probably spaced out every few years when she started feeling the "trapped itch" and that kept her grounded and staying in the marriage but that resentment was slowly building. The mother needs more help than just a regular therapist and medication can handle. She is simply a horrible human being and I sure wouldn't want myself, or my family anywhere near her. I would just consider her deceased and move on from there.
@@GLoLChibs I think she kept having kids to curb some sort of perverted "itch" she kept getting to just up and leave despite knowing she couldn't take care of herself. I bet every time she felt the need to find someone to take the place of her husband, she instead had a kid and that kept her tied to him. But that's a horrible way to stay married and resentment grows but not only for her husband but now the kids as well since she figures they are what is keeping her from getting and living the life she wanted and not be stuck married to a deaf dude and HIS "flawed" children.
that second story ended exactly as I expected. There's no reason to regret your children being able to communicate with their other parent unless your intention was to alienate them
It's sad that OP is ignoring her own common sense and her husband's opinion because of her mother's tantrums. If she really wasn't sure wouldn't it make sense to ask a professional?
I was like why marry a deaf man if ASL is a deal breaker? Then I thought maybe he had an accident part way through their marriage that made him deaf? If her children hadn’t learnt ASL then it would have affected all the their child’s not being able to bond and be able to support each other! That mom was so passive aggressive. If she didn’t want those things why did she let it happen why 5 kids? It sounds like she settled for a deaf man because she didn’t find anyone “better” but then should have left after meeting her secret boyfriend she’s so resentful and angry but she’s the one causing all this. She doesn’t love her husband if all she sees is he’s deaf. You love a partner for who they are and how they treat people. Being deaf is only part of them. I was born deaf but I only leant basic sign language as I use hearing aids.
0:45 Dude, you're being abused. I don't even need a whole minute to call it. "I'm anxious because I know my spouse will do this bad thing to me in this circumstance" is a mark of an abused partner.
_”…but she has admitted that being with me stresses her out so much that she acts like she wouldn’t normally.”_ This actually reminds me of a DV arrest I saw on COPS once, where a guy was arrested for beating his wife and assaulting police officers, and he’s screaming at his wife while being cuffed that the whole situation was _her_ fault and that she “knows how to act a certain way” to set him off and make him angry. With abusers, it’s _always_ someone else’s fault but theirs.
Not saying it's the case in the scenario you listed but Erin Pizzey found that to be true upon learning half the women she took into her shelter were also abusers. Those were the exact tactics they would use- be abusive themselves and imstigate until they got an equally abusive response. The men would go to jail, the women to her shelter with the kids.
@@GLoLChibs the guy in the DV episode assaulted the cops without the wife even being present in the room. And while he was screaming at her that it was all her fault she was _apologizing_ to him.
@Mia-dt3gl I don't agree with you. You're choosing to completely ignore the whole point of the original comment- there is truth in 'victims' intentionally provoking a response and that your statement of abusers always blame someone else has been found false multiple times.
Claire is exhausting. "Oh I'm such an embarrassment to my family!" Well I agree. This is why I left you to get all the side eye from the other parents. It's a great idea for OP to get out of this marriage. She's toxic and abusive.
People like this always belittle themselves to make everyone else feel guilty. Whenever someone does this, I just agree with them. "Yeah, you ARE an embarrassment"
I can't stand people like OP. I rather deal with a Claire than an OP, at least they're funny to toy with instead of the whining drag who keeps complaining how badly they are treated but never do a thing to fix it
"Oh I'm such an embarrassment to my family!" is a classic covert narc line to try to get validation that she isn't. It makes me sad that OP didn't try for full custody because I see parental alienation on the horizon.
Each language opens up a different world to the speaker/signer. How cool is that? Send the mother a few peer-reviewed articles about the benefits of learning languages and stop indulging her craziness.
I still resent my parents not allowing me to learn a second language as a child. My grandparents were Italian born, and much more comfortable in that language, but it was never allowed to be spoken in my presence. What a gift it would have been to be naturally bilingual. As far as ASL, heck yes, it's good to know, and can help you in your professional life. I worked with some deaf people for a while, and just learning a few signs made our connection better, easier, and more productive.
And kids get confused sometimes, it's completely normal, so you just explain other people don't know this language, and that's that. No big deal. We come to find out mom was actually an asshole who strung a guy she didn't even love along because of something he couldn't help and was born with (so she knew from day 1).
2nd OP's mother sounds like my mother. The real issue is that she is trying to isolate her husband and cut off his support system. She is probably jealous of the bond between him and their grandchildren, a bond she can't control. OP probably doesn't have that good of a bond with her mother and mother blames learning sign language for that. I'm not buying the menopause excuse. Most women going through menopause don't become controlling, irrational cheating monsters.
I learned ASL as a kid because of our neighbor, I taught a bunch of my friends in high school it really came in handy for backstage at school plays and when we wanted to talk during loud parties. My sons speak Spanish and English because my husband speaks it and his parents are more comfortable speaking in Spanish. Being able to speak multiple languages is good.
I internally cheered. It's great whenever someone keeps their self-respect and doesn't beg a shitty partner not to leave. Even if she didn't show it, I have no doubts that she's butthurt that he didn't cry and plead with her not to go. Well, don't let the door hit your cellulite-covered butt on the way out, Karen.
She's vile and abusive and the son is learning that this is a normal way to treat people. Hope the son is kept away from her as much as possible, because guaranteed, she will be badmouthing dad when she has the son to stay.
It's likely for the same reason men are vile and abusive. The story reeks of her having a high testosterone level that's gone unchecked. T levels can go off when women are pregnant with a boy and sometimes it never goes back to normal because women naturally produce T in a cycle and if they can't clear out the excess it can lead to higher and higher levels with new cycles.
Ops wife sounds nuts like she has borderline personality disorder or something she knows she has a problem if her own family feels the same …. Op needs to leave her for their sons sake this sets a terrible precedent example for a child !
What Reddit stories have taught me is that when someone has a weird outburst or suddenly picks a fight with you out of nowhere, they are probably cheating.
Totally. I've seen it through my life too. When people have accused me of things, so often they were doing it, or something else. Or it's a self preservation antic to manufacture an issue and then resolve it and put the real issue out of sight. It's either projection (they do what they claim you are), or deflection (making a different issue to be the victim of it and minimising the real issue).
Or want out of relationship but don't want to be the bad guy (one breaking up) Or actually having mental breakdown or some deficiency that can have huge impact (one woman i know, went thru nasty divorce and ended up state where she could barely function, refused to leave home and life was foggy. Was directed to shrink, who told nope not psycholocal and order ro regular doc and bloodworl and.. her ferritin was close to 0. Started extra iron, dropped every other medication and returned normal functioning human being)
The ASL story is very interesting. Not only is learning multiple languages when a child always a benefit, both for ease of communication and because it’s great for brain development. Learning ASL is especially helpful, it has been shown to be extra effective for cognitive development because it stimulates both the language and motor areas of the brain. Plus it opens up a huge opportunity for future job prospects. Being a Sign language interpreter can be a career all on its own!
Story 2: This woman is nuts! The solution is easy!! Once the girl starts school, simply let her know that most people don't talk with their hands, and she's going to have to talk out loud! This is the best age for the kid to learn! And it's nuts that mom would even want the child in a position to communicate with granddad!
@@robinkholmes7127 I wouldn't be surprised tbh given her actions and such. I just hope he cleaned her out and the kids don't speak to her anymore. She is a horrible mother, wife, and woman overall IMO.
"I'm such an embarrassment to my family" even though she was whining and trying to guilt trip, it's the actual truth. She is an embarrassment for acting like she does and treating her own husband so vile in public. It makes everyone uncomfortable and one day she's going to get confronted by someone in public for how she's treating her husband. Update, op was boss for how he treated her back when she tried to tear op down. Not surprised that she doubled down and had tantrums like a child because op wasn't backing down like usual. Typical that she accused op of "abandoning" her and announced that she was going to leave op then packed up to leave. Even if she was just "stressed out" from being around op, that doesn't excuse how vile she's acted to her own husband. I wouldn't be surprised if the next guy runs away from her.
When I was young it was "accepted science" that teaching a child several languages was bad for them, too confusing. So my parents, with the best of intentions, never taught me their languages until I was old enough to resent extra schoolwork. It's one of my higgest regrets because I now only speak one language fluently, when it could have been three with no extra effort on my part. Try as I might now, I still struggle to get the grammar right in my mother's language, and I haven't even mastered the alphabet of my father's. Keep teaching those children ASL, and any other language you can!
@nurianadal4980 I tried not to rub it in! They should have known better as my father was multilingual from a child and my mother was bilingual learning as an adult... Perhaps that showed them it didn't matter either way... :-) But thanks for the sympathy!
Yeah. The schools back then punished you. I was immediately pulled out of mainstream classes and put in the slower esl classes because I used words from my parents language occasionally. Some of my friends would be constantly pulled out of classes for testing and also have to fight out from the esl track for the same reasons. All of us are native born American students. They really hated bilingual learning through until the late 90s
@@ep6287 that sounds a bit grim, hard luck for you. And right up till the '90s? That does surprise me. I went to (English medium) school in a multilingual country so those prejudices weren't an issue, especially since some things only had local names. But it was also quite a bit before the '90s so educational theories have probably been through a few cycles between then and now... Interesting topic!
@@ep6287doesn't surprise me. I got put in Spec Ed because I had ADHD and had trouble with sequencing. Took years to learn the alphabet's order, but I was reading at a 4th grade level at the start of 2nd grade, even though in class they were giving us kindergarten books. I kept getting in trouble for reading in the reading class.
Yep. Not only that, but commenters would be quick to call him "abusive" and "toxic" and tell the wife that she needs to call the cops. I'm glad that they are finally divorcing, at least - but frankly if it were left up to him he'd still be tip-toeing around her, and in his placation of her not even considering what sort of effects this environment might be having on their son.
The issue i have with "it'll confuse the kids" excuse is that literally ANYTHING NEW CAN CONFUSE A CHILD and CONFUSION ISN'T A PERMANENT STATE OF BEING. if you just explain stuff to kids in a way they'll understand or let them figure it out on their own, THEY WILL. Thats like saying playing peekaboo with a baby who clearly finds the game amusing is bad cause it "confuses the child" like yea it does for like 5 seconds cause they dont have object permanence yet. They figure it out. They're not stupid, theyre just running on 0 experience
It's especially stupid cuz at that developmental stage it's been conclusively proven it's far easier to teach children anything, language, math, science, everything. Start them early & you'll have highly intelligent, well rounded, well educated kids that can take on the world.
Well, even though shame didn’t work at least Claire initiated the better solution of divorce. Good riddance, I say, that woman is gonna get a rude wake up call once she realizes no one else will put up with her crap. The irony saying HE stresses HER out but it’s whatever.
This right here. I remember reading this before and I honestly cackled at the update. As my Grandmother would say - "dont let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya"
Second story : that ASL meltdown was typical of someone who didn’t want their grandchildren learning ASL so as to restrict their chances of also getting to know deaf people in their life
ASL Story is kind of weird. At its core the mom is saying that, due to a couple of very minor isolated instances, she wishes she'd never allowed her children to learn to speak to their father. That's pretty f'd up. And ignorant.
I heard this story on r/slash and honestly, if I was in OP’s positions, I wouldn’t stand for that. Like, Honeyyyyyyyyyy, you can find someone so much better. Idk why op even married this woman or what he saw in her that made him even date her.
Story 1: NTA...Clare needs to learn that her behavior is unacceptable. It seems like the people around her put up with it for too long. I feel bad for that poor kid having her as a mother.
For a similar reason to why vitamin B12 deficiency is also an acceptable answer: human brains are weird. Any chemical or hormonal imbalance can cause changes to decision making pathways in the brain. To your own mind everything is fine... But it's not. If the answer was menopause, there are treatments to help with hormonal imbalance. But what do I know... I'm a nurse's kid!
@afroteddybear Sure it's an explanation but it doesn't excuse it. Testosterone levels fluctuate throughout the day and high T causes an increase in aggression. Transmen have their behavior monitored to ensure the dosage of T they're given doesn't make them too aggressive and confrontational. It does weird things to the brain..but we expect men to put in work and get ahold of themselves. Absolutely no reason we shouldn't have the same expectation of women going through menopause.
OKI just got through the story. Haven't gotten to the update though, but like have you ever met someone going through menopause? It can drastically change your logic from day today. Same thing with pregnancy. Sure, some people go through it with almost no change at all. But most people become f****** insane at least 1 or 2 times while being pregnant or going through menopause. Sure, no one likes the hole you're on your period that's why you're upset response because. While it may be true for some people, it isn't true for all.And that's just a term.Most people use to dismiss what's going on and your complaints rather than actually hear you out or call you out on a bad behavior. But we do have hormone fluctuations that do affect us and baby brain is proven to be a real thing.Why would you think menopause wouldn't affect people?? Like sure. Don't use it as an excuse but use it as a reason to understand one another. And if that reason makes you able to manage them and they're otherwise a good person. I see it as a very valid point to bring it up.
@@GLoLChibsMen learn how to control their hormones that are slowly changing to a steady pace. While they're learning to control their emotions during hormones, women are also learning to control their hormones as well. Those are the teenage years kind of thing. Menopause is a short period transition that is not a permanent change. It's more of a drop or loss of things and it can make people delirious. It's more about how someone deals with the situation. It's exactly why adults who are on hormone replacement therapy going trans need to be monitored because they aren't going through the natural team time where you're smaller.You're younger.You're seen by most people as being a little more irresponsible and people generally understand that you're going through those changes and that can be why. I mean, we let kids get awith so many crimes. Because we understand that they are going through a developmental phase, which is partially why the law has that thing as your criminal record from childhood doesn't fall you into adulthood, so can we at least give her 5 f****** years of acting like a criminal? I guess to level out that playing field. Since you want to talk about men are learned. To control themselves which they honestly for the most part.Don't I mean look at the world
@kateajurors8640 The menopause process takes 7-14 years, that is plenty of time to learn to control yourself and enough time to not be given a free pass for being an absolute cretin. Either hormones are a valid excuse, or they aren't. There is no having cake and eating it too, or only applying to one gender. Men also go through hormonal changes when they are going to be a father, they get PPD, and again, they aren't given a free pass for acting like cretins because of it. They're expected to handle themselves with no excuse making.
S1: NTA, but weird that no teachers or anyone else talked to the wife and even kicked her out. Ngl tho I wish OP got full custody of Kevin. Until his ex stops this abusive behavior, he needs to stay away from Kevin. S2: NTA. The mom not only wasted her own time but her husband. If she was that ableist, why even date someone with a disability???
Second story. OP, you are 100% right in teaching your daughter ASL, and your son needs to learn too. First of all, it is going to allow your children to have a warm and loving relationship with your father. Second of all, your kids being fluent in ASL is a skill that will serve them well in the future, especially if they are going to take a job where they will be interacting with a lot of people. Just like knowing a foreign language is a valuable skill that make an employee a real assist to a business, you children will benefit later in the job market. And once a person becomes fluent in a second language, and third or fourth language will come much easier too. I have no real idea what is actually going on with your mom, but it seems very strange. Her actions and words almost feel like she is trying to isolate your dad for some reason, or maybe she is developing some mental health issues, or even dementia. I do think your mom needs to be checked out medically to see what is going on because for her to decide, after all of these years that relatives of people with a disability like being deaf should not learn how to communicate with the person is just twisted and scary.
That woman sounds like a full on psych case and is quite possibly having affairs on OP - She's a volcano waiting to go off on people. No one deserves to be around her and she needs to go live her best life and stop making other people miserable.
Babies can even learn sign language and communicate before they learn how to talk, simple things like “more, all done, please, thank you, milk, food, water, dog” etc, so mom is just so wrong LOL
If she is like that once she is on thin ice twice would be break up because im positive this behavior existed from the beginning before your kid was born or you married
Given she apparently never wanted kids with deaf man she probably be ok with that. Now she can go have her family free life with the ahole she's been catting around with for nearly 15yrs. Hope she's very happy. (she won't be)
When I was a pri army school principal, Queensland Australia, we had a little boy enroll who was deaf. We got the WHOLE school, teachers, teacher aides, students, all how to speak in Aus LAN. Australian sign language. It was fun and so beneficial for him. We even had a signing choir that performed at other schools and events in the community. All loved it. I still know sign language.
Story 1: What a horrible B. Get out of this marriage OP. She will make the divorce an absolute hell ride but you you have to get out. Even if you have to chew off a limb to do it. Story 2: Cheating grandmother settled for the deaf guy. She always felt that hubby was beneath her. Didn't want his children ( it must be great hearing from your own mother that she never wanted any of her kids) and has been selfishly carrying on an affair behind everybody's back. I see no recourse other than to simply cut her out. She hates her husband. Never wanted her children. I say let her have the AP and nobody else because she values nobody else.
Yeah, this dude needs to divorce this Harpy of a woman and take their son with him. He does not need to be raised thinking that women should be able to treat him like that. She is an embarrassment to all of us women everywhere who don't treat our men that way. Like other And I think it's wonderful that she's teaching her daughter ASL. Does her mother not realize that you can sometimes be paid extra if you can speak another language or use ASL in communicating with other people? That's a huge benefit.
S1: you're setting an example on how relationships should work. Also if she'll do it to you in public, she'll do it to your son as well. S2: wow, she's garbage in more ways than one.
Story 2: There is nothing wrong with her realizing that it wasn't the life she wanted and wasn't happy with her husband, but if she had come to that conclusion, then she should have talked with him and then separate preferable amicably with him. Instead she made the decision to pretty much be as hurtful as possible to the man who had been with her for a long time, a man who definitely deserved at least the courtesy to know that she no longer wanted to be with him.
S1- when the wife said "i such an embarrassment to the family" my snarky butt would have said "yes you are". Yes i know it would have caused a fight. But to have this BS happen almost every other day would have made me go over the top.
(NTA) Why was your wife blowing up at a school play? Kindergarten? Whatever! Er, yeah. If she specifically acts up when in public but not at home, there's some a deeper strategy or motive. My theory is she wants you to act up in response and make her look like the sane one. Why not talk to or about Son's cord-chewing habit in private? I'd be looking for a divorce lawyer and trying for full custody. Your son can see and hear her outbursts and will deem either imitating them or taking them as normal and healthy. "Abandon us..." No, OP didn't get in the car and drive off. He left the room to cool off. "Such an embarrassment to her family..." Yeah, so why do it? Another theory is undiagnosed OCD tendencies. Your wife might benefit from seeing a psychologist. And yeah, great comment about what on should have been hearing on the way home and what he ended up hearing. Can Mummy control herself or has she never tried? Take a look at your in-laws, is there a history of this? Wait... Wifey wouldn't stop ranting until OP LEFT or the play ended... So, can OP still hear her ranting when he leaves? And if this is true, it sounds like Wifey is trying to get rid of OP in a passive-aggressive way. Um yeah, these people (no gender bias to the abusive wives story) are narcissists and can't take responsibility for anything bad that they do or say. They either forget that they did it; blackout rage, classic gaslighting, or they just don't want to talk about it afterwards because they to some extent know that any problem-solving will make them look like the problem that they are. Yep, shame is really all narcs have, especially covert narcs. For whatever reason, they've been taught or figured out pity works and don't feel good enough, usually a failure to launch situation. Update: Order of the dinner order set her off. Treating her like a child, an interesting strategy. Again with the abandonment, this is probably a deep-seated fear of hers and when she said she wanted to leave, I'm sure that was a kind of test, to gauge if OP was really done with her. So OP's going to divorce Claire, I'm not so sure if co-parenting with Claire is the best idea. Look out for signs of parental alienation. Story 2: (NTA) Um, your 35 and now it's a problem? What changed? And yeah, either Mum and Dad had a falling out or I really don't know why Mum would be mad that her grandchild is learning to communicate with her Grandpa? "Trying to confuse Ava"? What? Okay, I have experience with learning a second language young, My dad Is a New Zealander, my mum is German, I got confused when my mum said "We're going home now" I thought she meant NZ but she meant where we were staying in German with family and I developed a stutter. I mostly don't stutter anymore, unless I'm very stressed and It was decided by a speech therapist that I should stick to one language so that's what we did. But this story is about teaching your kids that Grandpa is different. The language isn't tied to one location. Yeah, kids can be stubborn but they'll learn like the OP did. I think Grandma has some jealousy or bitterness about having kids with a deaf person. I'd call CPS on Grandma and file a report of her biases. Update: Nine months later... Okay, no contact with Grandma for a while. Menopause, oh that's it. Or not... An affair, well that's something. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way..." Okay... I don't care about getting pregnant before marriage. So she is an ableist. Since she was 45! How old is she now? Also, it's common for menopause to cause selfless women to become very selfish, not an excuse. OP is very kind to let her Dad stay with them with a new baby in the house.
I teach my work kids ASL. They absolutely love it. They’re so excited to learn new signs. They get even more excited to show me they can use them the right way. I tell them all the time that it’s important so you can communicate with all kinds of people.
OP’s wife is the worst kind of karen. And she is being emotionally and verbally abusive. And letting Kevin be exposed continually exposed to her is horrible. I don’t care if she is peaches and cream in private (which I seriously doubt), it means nothing if she becomes an abusive monster the minute she exists the house. I hope OP keeps an eye on how she treats Kevin when he is alone with her. As most people who are emotionally and verbally abusive will find a new target the second they can’t abuse their former target. That means she is apt to take her anger issues out on poor Kevin. Or even try to alienate him from OP.
Oh, my friend. I love that you are teaching your children so many languages. It's gonna help them get far in life. Especially if any of them choose to come to america, because spanish is one of the top three languages in america. And translators are definitely in need. 🖤☕️
Leave WITH the kid. Never leave a child with an abusive parent. Sadly too many men do so and the kids end up being mentally f*cked up because they were left with an abusive mother.
Goodness, story two is wild! I remembered i got into an argument with someone on the internet (Yeah, i remember you, Catherine🙄) about learning/teaching ASL. This was over a year ago where OP's dad is deaf so OP grew up learning both english and ASL. OP's wife refused to learn despite already being married to him 5 years (iirc)but then complain about being left out when OP use ASL with his family. The peak was when OP found a new friend that is deaf and they converse in ASL. Then somehow everyone dogpiled on OP for not translating every bit of his conversation to his wife. While also accusing OP of cheating on his wife with this new friend (they also referenced that OP will be building an art room for the friend soon enough). What is the downside of picking up a new language? If you married into a family that uses other language, wouldn't you want to at least learn so you can have a conversation on your own with the in-laws? I grow up learning 2 languages and English is my second language. It has opened up a whole world of possibilities and opportunities for me. I did try to learn Mandarin a few years back but since I don't have anyone in my circle that can help me practice, it fell through😂 You will always get more benefits when you learn a new skill, regardless of what it is. Back to Story 2. Apparently OP's mom lacks morals and values. She decided herself to have kids and marry a deaf man. Then when she realized that it's not what she wanted, she cheated on her husband. Somehow she managed to rationalize that since she's married to someone that she doesn't actually love, she's more than entitled to cheat on him for years. Cheaters are trash, man🗿
Story 1: I want to know WHY ON EARTH the OP married this harpy of a woman? He needs to leave! YESTERDAY! It's not just bad for him, but horrible for his child. He's going to think it's acceptable to be treated this way.
Totally serious here the update is exactly what I was expecting lol. Dementia and menopause is not selective in a way that would make it not obvious in other interactions with people.
S1: NTA for the title alone. Op has 2 children. The only good thing about stubborn people, is that reverse psychology actually works on those pathetic types.
Play story: NTA! What could you have done differently? I wouldn't sit anywhere near her. Let her draw all the attention to herself and don't give her any additional ammo. Is she like this everywhere in public? If she is, I would at least consider a separation if not divorce. Will your son be caught in the middle? Yes, but that will happen regardless, especially as he gets older. COMMENTS: You know your wife has a problem, but you allow it to continue? Also, you truly didn't need to leave the auditorium, you could have just gotten up and moved to the rear, standing so your son could see you when they took their bows, but I can understand the heat of the moment actions. It's time to INSIST on therapy or get lawyers involved. UPDATE: It sounds like you found a way to disarm her that she didn't like. IMO, well done. You're very smart to not answer her calls, let everything go to voicemail or force her to text (evidence). Just make sure your replay texts stay neutral and to the point of coparenting. I doubt that it would be a good idea to change the locks at this point, but there's no reason not to install a doorbell camera and maybe a few other security cameras to monitor comings and goings when you're not home. Good luck. ASL story: OH HELL NO, NTA!!! It's much easier to teach a second language(s) to a young child. Of course, being young they are going to switch back and forth, often within the same sentence. That will pass over time as they learn to keep the languages separate. But learning ASL in particular is a great skill and it allows your daughter to speak with her grandfather. I truly don't understand what your mother's problem is unless she truly is developing mental health problems. Don't worry about CPS. Once they learn what the "problem" is, it won't be a problem. UPDATE: Good grief!!! So your mother had a fling with your father that resulted in your oldest sibling and rather than be a single mother and co-parent, she went into an unhappy marriage, had other children (including you) all while conducting an affair behind everyone else's back. I hate to ask this, but how many of you siblings may not be your father's child? But unless you feel it's important to know for medical/health reasons, I'm not sure I'd dig into that. I'm sorry this has happened to your family. Best wishes. Special duty story: Nicely played. That was truly typical military bs. But if you hadn't bought the ticket, you'd have wound up doing KP for the party and/or clean up duty afterwards. $2 for what was probably a reasonably decent buffet? Not bad, even for that time period.
s2: NTA. you are *NEVER* TA for teaching someone a language, ESPECIALLY if it's to communicate with someone they love. what exactly is mom's problem? does she not want her husband to be understood? like go ahead, call CPS and tell them it's because OP is teaching her kids ASL. i'm sure they'll take that seriously. update: oh. well there you go. she actually didn't want him to be understood. selfish prick. i'm glad dad came to live with OP. good riddance to mom. she lost her whole family over having OP and her family communicate with dad - i hope that D was worth it.
The Theme of this video is just sad. Mom/Wives making everything about themselves and blame everyone else for their problems. Glad both Families cut the Cancer.
Story 1, not a doctor/cannot diagnose so just speculating. It sounds like Claire has a personality disorder. My first thought was NPD but something else in cluster B could fit too depending on how she processes. Lack of guilt but presence of shame was like a neon flashing sign.
Story 2: I got a lot of these case studies during my multilingualism studies and there are no negative effects to teaching a child multiple languages at a young age. Taking a bit longer to speak when learning multiple languages is normal; the brain is simply processing the different languages to minimize confusion.
ASL STORY: OP, you are not wrong for teaching yo❤ur child ASL. There is a 5 year old who can speak like 12 languages. She is American and can speak French, Portuguese, and many others. You and your husband are rocking parenthood. Hugs
My youngest son was born deaf, so sign language was our only way of communicating with him. I learned the ASL alphabet when I was a child, but I never took formal classes, so once I taught my children the alphabet, we made up our own little signs. We would get funny looks in public, especially when we were in the "deaf" community, but we managed. my next child was also born deaf, so we continued what we were doing, and now even my grandchildren can sign the alphabet, and we use signs that WE understand. Two of my grandchildren are also learning French, and the oldest is also learning both Spanish and Latin. Never too young to learn, but the older you get, the harder it is. Teach them while they are young.
Kevin might not have been chewing on it, he might be like me and not like having things around his chin/neck. Maybe OP should have stayed and then stood up and announced that he would like copies of the other videos for evidence of abuse in his divorce case. Claire is lucky she married a person that she couldn't push to the point where they lost the fear of going to jail.
This is Toney the beginning of S1…she sounds like my ex fiancé. We went to therapy, I reached the point where I refused to take any of it anymore. My only surprise is that I didn’t have to call the police when I broke up with him. And I knew anything he was saying/doing to me, he would 100% do to any children. My god!!! The concept of guilt!!! Yess!!!
Story 2: wow, what a manipulation tactic...."If you want to be a good mom you'll/ you won't....." Personally I think it's amazing that OP is teaching her daughter and will be teaching her son ASL. Not a lot of people who are not part of the deaf community know it. I worked plenty of places where someone who is hearing impaired comes in and there's that language barrier right there so they'll have to take out something to write down what they need. My uncle tried teaching me ASL when I was like five I think maybe six but then we moved and now lived states away and I didn't get to learn much more. But my uncle was fantastic at ASL. I still want to learn I just don't know where to go to learn it. Except for online and I don't learn well that way. I mean I can learn a little bit but it's just not I just don't feel it's the same.
When my father was four, he’d come home talking in Portuguese after playing with the kids next door. His only regret, he said, was that they moved and he lost the language. My belief is the more languages one has, the better. I have a smattering of a couple more and feel frustrated that I can’t do better.
In Sweden it is not unusual that the kindergartens use TAKK (= Signs as Alternative and Supplementary Communication) for hearing kids. TAKK is based on the signs that you use in sign language, but when you use signs as support, only sign the most important words in the sentence (for example, if you want to say "My cat is cute", you only sign the words cute & cat). In order to stimulate language development, various forms of visual support are important and one of them is signs.
I can remember reading about Sophia Lorens sons back in the day. Their speech was a bit delayed because Sophia spoke to them in Italian, her husband spoke in another language, and I think they got a third language from someplace/someone else. It's a known thing that learning multiple languages can delay spoken language, because the kids have to 'get all set up mentally' and it just takes a little longer. But they're fine, and better off for speaking multiple languages. Maybe OP's mom should have reminded her children that the ASL was for dad and other deaf people, but spoken language was for school, and in public. Mom is nuts and ... I hope she gets over herself.
Story 1: NTA, unless she does this to you all the time, even at home. In that case, you would be TA for putting up with it rather than kicking her to the curb, childless. No spouse, male or female, deserves this kind of mental abuse, at home or in public.
Story 2: NTA. People should teach their children other languages. My mom started learning Spanish with my brother and I. It has immensely helped us throughout our lives and taught us so much about different Spanish cultures
Op needs to get primary custody. Kevin will more than likely become the target of Claire’s anger.
Absolutely! He also needs to learn its not his fault and that this is not the kind of partner he should look for in the future.
He already is on some level if she's whisper yelling at him for chewing on a hat cord.
Can confirm. My mom was awful to my father. He divorced thinking my mom would never turn on us. He wound up with full custody within a year if that tells you how bad it was. In the early 2000.
That will be an uphill battle. He should keep his phone ready to record her whenever she flips out.
Kevin is ALREADY the target of his mother's anger! Whisper yelling at him when he is performing in a play, ONSTAGE! I find it hard to believe this woman wasn't like this before they married, or on looking back he saw the signs but ignored them. It took me a few years, okay, even longer, to see all the red flags in my marriage, and it is so easy now to pick up on abusers when I am in social settings.
You think it is you, that you can somehow control your partner's bad behavior, but I remember picking up my kids from his house one weekend. His wife, who is the nicest woman you will ever meet, was siting with me at the table, and he came in and said something to her so harshly it was as if he had slapped her. She even flinched. So it was never me, as an abuser will tell you, it was all him.
What kind of person thinks "it looks cool" to be rude and insulting to your own family?
my mom
@@davidharshman7645 Someone so insecure and pathetic she can only feel “big” by hurting those close to her.
Self-centered people showing narcissistic tendencies
A child.
The same people that thought dragon age Veilguard had a good writing
So, this woman married a man knowing he was deaf, hating the fact that he was deaf, choosing to have more children with this man just to end up resenting him like some martyr. She was lying like a dog when she said she had menopause. What a horrible human being.
Yea, that was my question to all of her ranting…if you never wanted to date, marry or have children with a deaf man, why did you date him to begin with?
Did no one give the mother's "secret boyfriend" an azz-whooping??? That should have been 2nd on the list after telling all their friends and family about mom's cheating and telling them how cheating mom is now dead to her and her immediate family. What others do is up to them, but she won't entertain a cheater.
@@thomasjoseph5876 That's a really poor decision morally and legally. The secret bf may be an asshole but he never made any sort of promise to be faithful. That's entirely on the Mom. If you're saying that the bf deserves to get beat then you're saying the mother deserves worse.
It's not worth going to jail over someone that cheated on you and it's especially not worth going to jail over their lover. You're not going to feel better from it and going to prison isn't going to help you either.
If you want revenge then do it in a way that doesn't result in you getting hurt even more.
Op's brother is almost 40, back then she might not have had a choice... Or maybe she had a restrictive family/religion. The moral of the story is that women shouldn't be forced/shamed to have children and marry...
She married him because she got pregnant, but if she hated deaf people, why sleep with one? Maybe she really does have menopause, it often causes seemingly nice women who've been neglecting their own interests and needs to go nuclear, not an excuse for cheating and the toxic comments though.
Why is OP staying with her? For the sake of their son? Staying with that mom is going to mess both of them up in the longer run.
Update: Wonderful. The trash took itself out.
no no the question is... why did the fool married her in first place? its not like he said she changed after birth / dating / marriage.... she was always a mess.
Right, like did she bully you into marrying and having kids with her too cause wtf?
@@wolve2kactually some people do wait until they "lock up" to let the mask slip, so yes, it can happen after marriage, specially if children are involved because it can make their victim less likely to leave
"Don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out!"
Im not going to jump on the victim blame bandwagon, but this post definitely reads like Op was at his limit with this harpy, and once he found a working tactic he rolled with it.
That being said, the amount of times Ive seen A victims gaslit to staying with their aggressor likely outnumbers the amount of "why dont you run?" comments.
Story 2: “This wasn’t the update you all were expecting…”
Me: ohhh it was exactly what I was expecting. It definitely seemed to me like mom was hella resentful about Dad being deaf and people working around his needs in order to communicate.
The way she didn’t explain to her own kids that ASL is typically only learned by/for hearing impaired people, the explosive outburst, the extreme threat of CPS when she got push back from the family for wanting to communicate with Dad… It seemed like too specific of a rant to be just menopause. This had underlying anger and resentment. I admittedly didn’t expect her to have resented her own children and was horrified for her daughter having to hear that. Mom sounds just awful. How you can pretend to love a family for so long is just wild to me; that’s flat out psychotic behavior. I hope the family is healing.
I figured she resentful against deaf people but I never saw her cheating coming.
THIS!!! I also thought there had to be a lot of resentment towards her husband.
@@vanzy01 I think she holds a lot of resentment for her 5 kids as well. They were in fact, what "held her" to her husband all those years. She used the kids as a chain to not pull the trigger and leave with the secret boyfriend or some other dude, previously. So rather than having just one kid and bailing later, she had 5 of them, probably spaced out every few years when she started feeling the "trapped itch" and that kept her grounded and staying in the marriage but that resentment was slowly building.
The mother needs more help than just a regular therapist and medication can handle. She is simply a horrible human being and I sure wouldn't want myself, or my family anywhere near her. I would just consider her deceased and move on from there.
She's a shining example of not everyone should have kids, and that alot of people who do have them, resent them.
@@GLoLChibs I think she kept having kids to curb some sort of perverted "itch" she kept getting to just up and leave despite knowing she couldn't take care of herself.
I bet every time she felt the need to find someone to take the place of her husband, she instead had a kid and that kept her tied to him.
But that's a horrible way to stay married and resentment grows but not only for her husband but now the kids as well since she figures they are what is keeping her from getting and living the life she wanted and not be stuck married to a deaf dude and HIS "flawed" children.
that second story ended exactly as I expected. There's no reason to regret your children being able to communicate with their other parent unless your intention was to alienate them
It's sad that OP is ignoring her own common sense and her husband's opinion because of her mother's tantrums. If she really wasn't sure wouldn't it make sense to ask a professional?
I suspected it too, the ablism but not so much the affair. My biggest question, why sleep with someone you didn't like?
I was like why marry a deaf man if ASL is a deal breaker? Then I thought maybe he had an accident part way through their marriage that made him deaf?
If her children hadn’t learnt ASL then it would have affected all the their child’s not being able to bond and be able to support each other!
That mom was so passive aggressive. If she didn’t want those things why did she let it happen why 5 kids? It sounds like she settled for a deaf man because she didn’t find anyone “better” but then should have left after meeting her secret boyfriend she’s so resentful and angry but she’s the one causing all this. She doesn’t love her husband if all she sees is he’s deaf. You love a partner for who they are and how they treat people. Being deaf is only part of them. I was born deaf but I only leant basic sign language as I use hearing aids.
@@robinkholmes7127 and have 5 babies with him !
0:45 Dude, you're being abused. I don't even need a whole minute to call it. "I'm anxious because I know my spouse will do this bad thing to me in this circumstance" is a mark of an abused partner.
"Uh, I wish he'd stop chewing that cord!" "I wish you'd shut up!" why doesn't she? Oh right, she's a covert narc.
_”…but she has admitted that being with me stresses her out so much that she acts like she wouldn’t normally.”_
This actually reminds me of a DV arrest I saw on COPS once, where a guy was arrested for beating his wife and assaulting police officers, and he’s screaming at his wife while being cuffed that the whole situation was _her_ fault and that she “knows how to act a certain way” to set him off and make him angry. With abusers, it’s _always_ someone else’s fault but theirs.
Not saying it's the case in the scenario you listed but Erin Pizzey found that to be true upon learning half the women she took into her shelter were also abusers. Those were the exact tactics they would use- be abusive themselves and imstigate until they got an equally abusive response. The men would go to jail, the women to her shelter with the kids.
@@GLoLChibs the guy in the DV episode assaulted the cops without the wife even being present in the room. And while he was screaming at her that it was all her fault she was _apologizing_ to him.
@Mia-dt3gl Did you miss the part I said it may not apply to the scenario you listed?
@@GLoLChibs if you agree with me then why argue?
@Mia-dt3gl I don't agree with you. You're choosing to completely ignore the whole point of the original comment- there is truth in 'victims' intentionally provoking a response and that your statement of abusers always blame someone else has been found false multiple times.
Claire is exhausting. "Oh I'm such an embarrassment to my family!" Well I agree. This is why I left you to get all the side eye from the other parents. It's a great idea for OP to get out of this marriage. She's toxic and abusive.
People like this always belittle themselves to make everyone else feel guilty. Whenever someone does this, I just agree with them. "Yeah, you ARE an embarrassment"
I can't stand people like OP. I rather deal with a Claire than an OP, at least they're funny to toy with instead of the whining drag who keeps complaining how badly they are treated but never do a thing to fix it
"Oh I'm such an embarrassment to my family!" is a classic covert narc line to try to get validation that she isn't. It makes me sad that OP didn't try for full custody because I see parental alienation on the horizon.
@@ElleD308Oh hi Claire.
She’s mentally I’ll or has a personality disorder. Get the hell out. Don’t stay with crazy! Your life will go down the toilet.
You are NEVER an a hole teaching your children another language.
Each language opens up a different world to the speaker/signer. How cool is that? Send the mother a few peer-reviewed articles about the benefits of learning languages and stop indulging her craziness.
The more languages you know is only a benefit.
I still resent my parents not allowing me to learn a second language as a child. My grandparents were Italian born, and much more comfortable in that language, but it was never allowed to be spoken in my presence. What a gift it would have been to be naturally bilingual.
As far as ASL, heck yes, it's good to know, and can help you in your professional life. I worked with some deaf people for a while, and just learning a few signs made our connection better, easier, and more productive.
And kids get confused sometimes, it's completely normal, so you just explain other people don't know this language, and that's that. No big deal. We come to find out mom was actually an asshole who strung a guy she didn't even love along because of something he couldn't help and was born with (so she knew from day 1).
I would love to hear the call to cps. "Help, my children are teaching their child more than one language."
2nd OP's mother sounds like my mother. The real issue is that she is trying to isolate her husband and cut off his support system. She is probably jealous of the bond between him and their grandchildren, a bond she can't control. OP probably doesn't have that good of a bond with her mother and mother blames learning sign language for that. I'm not buying the menopause excuse. Most women going through menopause don't become controlling, irrational cheating monsters.
She just sounds ableist to me
I learned ASL as a kid because of our neighbor, I taught a bunch of my friends in high school it really came in handy for backstage at school plays and when we wanted to talk during loud parties.
My sons speak Spanish and English because my husband speaks it and his parents are more comfortable speaking in Spanish. Being able to speak multiple languages is good.
I think learning ASL is a pretty cool language to learn.
I wish i would have learned it when i was younger.
💯👍🏿
I audibly cheered when he helped her pack.
This is where you play the triumph music in the movie.
I internally cheered. It's great whenever someone keeps their self-respect and doesn't beg a shitty partner not to leave. Even if she didn't show it, I have no doubts that she's butthurt that he didn't cry and plead with her not to go. Well, don't let the door hit your cellulite-covered butt on the way out, Karen.
It's not over, co-parenting won't be peaceful
She's vile and abusive and the son is learning that this is a normal way to treat people. Hope the son is kept away from her as much as possible, because guaranteed, she will be badmouthing dad when she has the son to stay.
It's likely for the same reason men are vile and abusive. The story reeks of her having a high testosterone level that's gone unchecked. T levels can go off when women are pregnant with a boy and sometimes it never goes back to normal because women naturally produce T in a cycle and if they can't clear out the excess it can lead to higher and higher levels with new cycles.
My thoughts exactly, she's got the "Abandoned" ready to go for alienation.
Ops wife sounds nuts like she has borderline personality disorder or something she knows she has a problem if her own family feels the same …. Op needs to leave her for their sons sake this sets a terrible precedent example for a child !
What Reddit stories have taught me is that when someone has a weird outburst or suddenly picks a fight with you out of nowhere, they are probably cheating.
At the very least, they're hiding something big. Like bread dough on a hot day, it's going to bubble out sooner or later.
Exactly. They are projecting their guilt on to you as they are looking for an excuse to justify their actions.
Totally.
I've seen it through my life too. When people have accused me of things, so often they were doing it, or something else. Or it's a self preservation antic to manufacture an issue and then resolve it and put the real issue out of sight.
It's either projection (they do what they claim you are), or deflection (making a different issue to be the victim of it and minimising the real issue).
Or want out of relationship but don't want to be the bad guy (one breaking up)
Or actually having mental breakdown or some deficiency that can have huge impact (one woman i know, went thru nasty divorce and ended up state where she could barely function, refused to leave home and life was foggy. Was directed to shrink, who told nope not psycholocal and order ro regular doc and bloodworl and.. her ferritin was close to 0. Started extra iron, dropped every other medication and returned normal functioning human being)
The ASL story is very interesting. Not only is learning multiple languages when a child always a benefit, both for ease of communication and because it’s great for brain development. Learning ASL is especially helpful, it has been shown to be extra effective for cognitive development because it stimulates both the language and motor areas of the brain. Plus it opens up a huge opportunity for future job prospects. Being a Sign language interpreter can be a career all on its own!
💯👍🏿
Story 2: This woman is nuts! The solution is easy!! Once the girl starts school, simply let her know that most people don't talk with their hands, and she's going to have to talk out loud! This is the best age for the kid to learn! And it's nuts that mom would even want the child in a position to communicate with granddad!
It was all a ploy. She was cheating on the deaf husband and I hope they excommunicate her from the family.
@@brad5167 I have to wonder if the Mum wanted to squeeze out her husband and slide the other man into the grandchildren's lives.
@@robinkholmes7127 I wouldn't be surprised tbh given her actions and such. I just hope he cleaned her out and the kids don't speak to her anymore. She is a horrible mother, wife, and woman overall IMO.
"I'm such an embarrassment to my family" even though she was whining and trying to guilt trip, it's the actual truth. She is an embarrassment for acting like she does and treating her own husband so vile in public. It makes everyone uncomfortable and one day she's going to get confronted by someone in public for how she's treating her husband.
Update, op was boss for how he treated her back when she tried to tear op down. Not surprised that she doubled down and had tantrums like a child because op wasn't backing down like usual. Typical that she accused op of "abandoning" her and announced that she was going to leave op then packed up to leave. Even if she was just "stressed out" from being around op, that doesn't excuse how vile she's acted to her own husband. I wouldn't be surprised if the next guy runs away from her.
How has he not lost his shit with her, she sounds insufferable
Oh she'd definitely play victim, and weaponise that one time for the rest of their marriage.
@eldeano9964 which is why you back that up with divorce papers
More like she is mentally unstable. Everyone can see it and she's angry that no one is on her side.
Cause she knew exactly who to pull that crap on.
She would have played the victim and he would be in jail.
When I was young it was "accepted science" that teaching a child several languages was bad for them, too confusing. So my parents, with the best of intentions, never taught me their languages until I was old enough to resent extra schoolwork.
It's one of my higgest regrets because I now only speak one language fluently, when it could have been three with no extra effort on my part.
Try as I might now, I still struggle to get the grammar right in my mother's language, and I haven't even mastered the alphabet of my father's.
Keep teaching those children ASL, and any other language you can!
ScIeNcE! Sorry that happened to your family, I'm sure your parents regret it too.
@nurianadal4980 I tried not to rub it in! They should have known better as my father was multilingual from a child and my mother was bilingual learning as an adult... Perhaps that showed them it didn't matter either way... :-)
But thanks for the sympathy!
Yeah. The schools back then punished you. I was immediately pulled out of mainstream classes and put in the slower esl classes because I used words from my parents language occasionally. Some of my friends would be constantly pulled out of classes for testing and also have to fight out from the esl track for the same reasons. All of us are native born American students. They really hated bilingual learning through until the late 90s
@@ep6287 that sounds a bit grim, hard luck for you. And right up till the '90s? That does surprise me.
I went to (English medium) school in a multilingual country so those prejudices weren't an issue, especially since some things only had local names. But it was also quite a bit before the '90s so educational theories have probably been through a few cycles between then and now...
Interesting topic!
@@ep6287doesn't surprise me. I got put in Spec Ed because I had ADHD and had trouble with sequencing. Took years to learn the alphabet's order, but I was reading at a 4th grade level at the start of 2nd grade, even though in class they were giving us kindergarten books. I kept getting in trouble for reading in the reading class.
Now if he returns that same energy and belittles her guaranteed she wouldn't like it
Yep. Not only that, but commenters would be quick to call him "abusive" and "toxic" and tell the wife that she needs to call the cops. I'm glad that they are finally divorcing, at least - but frankly if it were left up to him he'd still be tip-toeing around her, and in his placation of her not even considering what sort of effects this environment might be having on their son.
And reddit would be calling him abusive and blaming him
She would make herself the biggest victim and put everyone against OP
👍🏿💯
Imagine this phone call.
CPS: What's your complaint?
GM: My daughter is abusing her kids!
CPS: In what way?
GM: She's teaching them ASL!
I suppose the CPS folks are entitled to a good laugh every so often.
The issue i have with "it'll confuse the kids" excuse is that literally ANYTHING NEW CAN CONFUSE A CHILD and CONFUSION ISN'T A PERMANENT STATE OF BEING. if you just explain stuff to kids in a way they'll understand or let them figure it out on their own, THEY WILL.
Thats like saying playing peekaboo with a baby who clearly finds the game amusing is bad cause it "confuses the child" like yea it does for like 5 seconds cause they dont have object permanence yet. They figure it out. They're not stupid, theyre just running on 0 experience
It's especially stupid cuz at that developmental stage it's been conclusively proven it's far easier to teach children anything, language, math, science, everything. Start them early & you'll have highly intelligent, well rounded, well educated kids that can take on the world.
Well, even though shame didn’t work at least Claire initiated the better solution of divorce. Good riddance, I say, that woman is gonna get a rude wake up call once she realizes no one else will put up with her crap. The irony saying HE stresses HER out but it’s whatever.
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This right here. I remember reading this before and I honestly cackled at the update.
As my Grandmother would say -
"dont let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya"
Bet you a dollar she's been doing this to chase OP off and already has someone new, at the very least, in mind.
I almost feel sorry for whoever that is!
I like the mood boosters at the end. After being drowned in divorce, shenanigans and intrigue, it’s great to have a feel good at the end.
Narc in aisle 1
Edit: And in aisle 2.
😂😂😂😂😂
Learning Sign language is amazing, especially for babies. Being able to communicate is wonderful.
Second story : that ASL meltdown was typical of someone who didn’t want their grandchildren learning ASL so as to restrict their chances of also getting to know deaf people in their life
ASL Story is kind of weird. At its core the mom is saying that, due to a couple of very minor isolated instances, she wishes she'd never allowed her children to learn to speak to their father. That's pretty f'd up. And ignorant.
And resented the husband so much she had 5 children with him. What an idiot.
I heard this story on r/slash and honestly, if I was in OP’s positions, I wouldn’t stand for that. Like, Honeyyyyyyyyyy, you can find someone so much better. Idk why op even married this woman or what he saw in her that made him even date her.
Abusers never lead with their bad side, that's how they catch you.
In any country, kids should learn their country’s sign language alongside their primary language.
Story 1: NTA...Clare needs to learn that her behavior is unacceptable. It seems like the people around her put up with it for too long. I feel bad for that poor kid having her as a mother.
Dang,i'm amazes OP can keep calm and not lose his crap until this point. What pain in the ass.
Not just a pain; she's emotionally abusive.
Why was “are you going through menopause” an acceptable answer for her mother’s behavior??? I don’t understand and I would not have accepted that
For a similar reason to why vitamin B12 deficiency is also an acceptable answer: human brains are weird.
Any chemical or hormonal imbalance can cause changes to decision making pathways in the brain. To your own mind everything is fine... But it's not.
If the answer was menopause, there are treatments to help with hormonal imbalance.
But what do I know... I'm a nurse's kid!
@afroteddybear Sure it's an explanation but it doesn't excuse it. Testosterone levels fluctuate throughout the day and high T causes an increase in aggression. Transmen have their behavior monitored to ensure the dosage of T they're given doesn't make them too aggressive and confrontational. It does weird things to the brain..but we expect men to put in work and get ahold of themselves. Absolutely no reason we shouldn't have the same expectation of women going through menopause.
OKI just got through the story. Haven't gotten to the update though, but like have you ever met someone going through menopause? It can drastically change your logic from day today. Same thing with pregnancy. Sure, some people go through it with almost no change at all. But most people become f****** insane at least 1 or 2 times while being pregnant or going through menopause. Sure, no one likes the hole you're on your period that's why you're upset response because. While it may be true for some people, it isn't true for all.And that's just a term.Most people use to dismiss what's going on and your complaints rather than actually hear you out or call you out on a bad behavior. But we do have hormone fluctuations that do affect us and baby brain is proven to be a real thing.Why would you think menopause wouldn't affect people??
Like sure. Don't use it as an excuse but use it as a reason to understand one another. And if that reason makes you able to manage them and they're otherwise a good person. I see it as a very valid point to bring it up.
@@GLoLChibsMen learn how to control their hormones that are slowly changing to a steady pace. While they're learning to control their emotions during hormones, women are also learning to control their hormones as well. Those are the teenage years kind of thing. Menopause is a short period transition that is not a permanent change. It's more of a drop or loss of things and it can make people delirious. It's more about how someone deals with the situation. It's exactly why adults who are on hormone replacement therapy going trans need to be monitored because they aren't going through the natural team time where you're smaller.You're younger.You're seen by most people as being a little more irresponsible and people generally understand that you're going through those changes and that can be why. I mean, we let kids get awith so many crimes. Because we understand that they are going through a developmental phase, which is partially why the law has that thing as your criminal record from childhood doesn't fall you into adulthood, so can we at least give her 5 f****** years of acting like a criminal? I guess to level out that playing field. Since you want to talk about men are learned. To control themselves which they honestly for the most part.Don't I mean look at the world
@kateajurors8640 The menopause process takes 7-14 years, that is plenty of time to learn to control yourself and enough time to not be given a free pass for being an absolute cretin. Either hormones are a valid excuse, or they aren't. There is no having cake and eating it too, or only applying to one gender. Men also go through hormonal changes when they are going to be a father, they get PPD, and again, they aren't given a free pass for acting like cretins because of it. They're expected to handle themselves with no excuse making.
Story 1… who orders like that?! All the entrees, the app and then one last entree. She has so many control issues.
S1: NTA, but weird that no teachers or anyone else talked to the wife and even kicked her out. Ngl tho I wish OP got full custody of Kevin. Until his ex stops this abusive behavior, he needs to stay away from Kevin.
S2: NTA. The mom not only wasted her own time but her husband. If she was that ableist, why even date someone with a disability???
Sounds like OP lied about how loud and disruptive his wife was to justify his own shitty behavior.
Sometimes you just have to say, "you're insufferable and I just remembered that I have legs."
Favorite comment!!!!
I would love for OP's mom to call CPS. They can explain to her that it isn't abuse or neglect to teach your child multiple languages.
Second story. OP, you are 100% right in teaching your daughter ASL, and your son needs to learn too. First of all, it is going to allow your children to have a warm and loving relationship with your father. Second of all, your kids being fluent in ASL is a skill that will serve them well in the future, especially if they are going to take a job where they will be interacting with a lot of people. Just like knowing a foreign language is a valuable skill that make an employee a real assist to a business, you children will benefit later in the job market. And once a person becomes fluent in a second language, and third or fourth language will come much easier too. I have no real idea what is actually going on with your mom, but it seems very strange. Her actions and words almost feel like she is trying to isolate your dad for some reason, or maybe she is developing some mental health issues, or even dementia. I do think your mom needs to be checked out medically to see what is going on because for her to decide, after all of these years that relatives of people with a disability like being deaf should not learn how to communicate with the person is just twisted and scary.
I've come to realize that a lot of men are conditioned to put up with the type of abuse that women are routinely told to get away from
That woman sounds like a full on psych case and is quite possibly having affairs on OP - She's a volcano waiting to go off on people. No one deserves to be around her and she needs to go live her best life and stop making other people miserable.
Babies can even learn sign language and communicate before they learn how to talk, simple things like “more, all done, please, thank you, milk, food, water, dog” etc, so mom is just so wrong LOL
S2 update: oof. I assumed it was either cheating or about to divorce situation sadly it was the worst outcome.
If she is like that once she is on thin ice twice would be break up because im positive this behavior existed from the beginning before your kid was born or you married
I mean…whole post could had been summarized as “wife is a Karen”
Abusive relationships can only be rectified by walking away.
First story. Many commenters, on the video and in the comments are, itonically, just as abusive and narcissistic as OP's wife.
Lunchtime LG! This is perfect timing.
Story 2: if it were me, no matter what else, as soon as mom threatened CPS, she just lost all contact with kids, and probably virtually all with me.
Given she apparently never wanted kids with deaf man she probably be ok with that. Now she can go have her family free life with the ahole she's been catting around with for nearly 15yrs. Hope she's very happy. (she won't be)
Story 2: this has got to be the weirdest thing someone has gotten angry over in one of these Reddit stories and that is says lot
When I was a pri army school principal, Queensland Australia, we had a little boy enroll who was deaf. We got the WHOLE school, teachers, teacher aides, students, all how to speak in Aus LAN. Australian sign language. It was fun and so beneficial for him. We even had a signing choir that performed at other schools and events in the community. All loved it. I still know sign language.
You are awesome OP. Now the important thing is to make sure she doesn't mistreat your son.
Story 1: What a horrible B. Get out of this marriage OP. She will make the divorce an absolute hell ride but you you have to get out. Even if you have to chew off a limb to do it.
Story 2: Cheating grandmother settled for the deaf guy. She always felt that hubby was beneath her. Didn't want his children ( it must be great hearing from your own mother that she never wanted any of her kids) and has been selfishly carrying on an affair behind everybody's back. I see no recourse other than to simply cut her out. She hates her husband. Never wanted her children. I say let her have the AP and nobody else because she values nobody else.
Yeah, this dude needs to divorce this Harpy of a woman and take their son with him. He does not need to be raised thinking that women should be able to treat him like that. She is an embarrassment to all of us women everywhere who don't treat our men that way.
Like other And I think it's wonderful that she's teaching her daughter ASL. Does her mother not realize that you can sometimes be paid extra if you can speak another language or use ASL in communicating with other people? That's a huge benefit.
S1: you're setting an example on how relationships should work. Also if she'll do it to you in public, she'll do it to your son as well.
S2: wow, she's garbage in more ways than one.
Story 2: There is nothing wrong with her realizing that it wasn't the life she wanted and wasn't happy with her husband, but if she had come to that conclusion, then she should have talked with him and then separate preferable amicably with him. Instead she made the decision to pretty much be as hurtful as possible to the man who had been with her for a long time, a man who definitely deserved at least the courtesy to know that she no longer wanted to be with him.
S1- when the wife said "i such an embarrassment to the family" my snarky butt would have said "yes you are".
Yes i know it would have caused a fight. But to have this BS happen almost every other day would have made me go over the top.
Story 2 She didn't want to marry a deaf man but was in having unprotected sex with him. Some people are idiots.
St1 is so depressing, she is the kind who will always blame everyone else. I hope he gets fill custody from this monster 😅
Good stories, LG, and thanks for the mood booster!
My pleasure Randy! :)
(NTA) Why was your wife blowing up at a school play? Kindergarten? Whatever! Er, yeah. If she specifically acts up when in public but not at home, there's some a deeper strategy or motive. My theory is she wants you to act up in response and make her look like the sane one. Why not talk to or about Son's cord-chewing habit in private? I'd be looking for a divorce lawyer and trying for full custody. Your son can see and hear her outbursts and will deem either imitating them or taking them as normal and healthy. "Abandon us..." No, OP didn't get in the car and drive off. He left the room to cool off. "Such an embarrassment to her family..." Yeah, so why do it? Another theory is undiagnosed OCD tendencies. Your wife might benefit from seeing a psychologist. And yeah, great comment about what on should have been hearing on the way home and what he ended up hearing. Can Mummy control herself or has she never tried? Take a look at your in-laws, is there a history of this? Wait... Wifey wouldn't stop ranting until OP LEFT or the play ended... So, can OP still hear her ranting when he leaves? And if this is true, it sounds like Wifey is trying to get rid of OP in a passive-aggressive way. Um yeah, these people (no gender bias to the abusive wives story) are narcissists and can't take responsibility for anything bad that they do or say. They either forget that they did it; blackout rage, classic gaslighting, or they just don't want to talk about it afterwards because they to some extent know that any problem-solving will make them look like the problem that they are. Yep, shame is really all narcs have, especially covert narcs. For whatever reason, they've been taught or figured out pity works and don't feel good enough, usually a failure to launch situation.
Update: Order of the dinner order set her off. Treating her like a child, an interesting strategy. Again with the abandonment, this is probably a deep-seated fear of hers and when she said she wanted to leave, I'm sure that was a kind of test, to gauge if OP was really done with her. So OP's going to divorce Claire, I'm not so sure if co-parenting with Claire is the best idea. Look out for signs of parental alienation.
Story 2: (NTA) Um, your 35 and now it's a problem? What changed? And yeah, either Mum and Dad had a falling out or I really don't know why Mum would be mad that her grandchild is learning to communicate with her Grandpa? "Trying to confuse Ava"? What? Okay, I have experience with learning a second language young, My dad Is a New Zealander, my mum is German, I got confused when my mum said "We're going home now" I thought she meant NZ but she meant where we were staying in German with family and I developed a stutter. I mostly don't stutter anymore, unless I'm very stressed and It was decided by a speech therapist that I should stick to one language so that's what we did. But this story is about teaching your kids that Grandpa is different. The language isn't tied to one location. Yeah, kids can be stubborn but they'll learn like the OP did. I think Grandma has some jealousy or bitterness about having kids with a deaf person. I'd call CPS on Grandma and file a report of her biases.
Update: Nine months later... Okay, no contact with Grandma for a while. Menopause, oh that's it. Or not... An affair, well that's something. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way..." Okay... I don't care about getting pregnant before marriage. So she is an ableist. Since she was 45! How old is she now? Also, it's common for menopause to cause selfless women to become very selfish, not an excuse. OP is very kind to let her Dad stay with them with a new baby in the house.
I teach my work kids ASL. They absolutely love it. They’re so excited to learn new signs. They get even more excited to show me they can use them the right way. I tell them all the time that it’s important so you can communicate with all kinds of people.
OP’s wife is the worst kind of karen. And she is being emotionally and verbally abusive.
And letting Kevin be exposed continually exposed to her is horrible.
I don’t care if she is peaches and cream in private (which I seriously doubt), it means nothing if she becomes an abusive monster the minute she exists the house.
I hope OP keeps an eye on how she treats Kevin when he is alone with her. As most people who are emotionally and verbally abusive will find a new target the second they can’t abuse their former target.
That means she is apt to take her anger issues out on poor Kevin. Or even try to alienate him from OP.
Oh, my friend. I love that you are teaching your children so many languages. It's gonna help them get far in life. Especially if any of them choose to come to america, because spanish is one of the top three languages in america. And translators are definitely in need. 🖤☕️
Claire is insufferable. I have no clue why he stayed as long as he did. Leave for the kid.
Leave WITH the kid. Never leave a child with an abusive parent. Sadly too many men do so and the kids end up being mentally f*cked up because they were left with an abusive mother.
Goodness, story two is wild!
I remembered i got into an argument with someone on the internet (Yeah, i remember you, Catherine🙄) about learning/teaching ASL. This was over a year ago where OP's dad is deaf so OP grew up learning both english and ASL. OP's wife refused to learn despite already being married to him 5 years (iirc)but then complain about being left out when OP use ASL with his family. The peak was when OP found a new friend that is deaf and they converse in ASL. Then somehow everyone dogpiled on OP for not translating every bit of his conversation to his wife. While also accusing OP of cheating on his wife with this new friend (they also referenced that OP will be building an art room for the friend soon enough).
What is the downside of picking up a new language? If you married into a family that uses other language, wouldn't you want to at least learn so you can have a conversation on your own with the in-laws? I grow up learning 2 languages and English is my second language. It has opened up a whole world of possibilities and opportunities for me. I did try to learn Mandarin a few years back but since I don't have anyone in my circle that can help me practice, it fell through😂
You will always get more benefits when you learn a new skill, regardless of what it is.
Back to Story 2. Apparently OP's mom lacks morals and values. She decided herself to have kids and marry a deaf man. Then when she realized that it's not what she wanted, she cheated on her husband. Somehow she managed to rationalize that since she's married to someone that she doesn't actually love, she's more than entitled to cheat on him for years. Cheaters are trash, man🗿
Story 1: I want to know WHY ON EARTH the OP married this harpy of a woman? He needs to leave! YESTERDAY! It's not just bad for him, but horrible for his child. He's going to think it's acceptable to be treated this way.
Totally serious here the update is exactly what I was expecting lol. Dementia and menopause is not selective in a way that would make it not obvious in other interactions with people.
S1: NTA for the title alone. Op has 2 children.
The only good thing about stubborn people, is that reverse psychology actually works on those pathetic types.
100% sure OP's son wants to stay with him after the divorce. OP's stbx is toxic AF.
3:54 That was a well reasoned and rational response on your part, narrator. I clicked like and subscribed as a result.
Story 2: As someone that is enthusiastic about languages and language acquisition, this story is BAFFLING.
Play story: NTA! What could you have done differently? I wouldn't sit anywhere near her. Let her draw all the attention to herself and don't give her any additional ammo. Is she like this everywhere in public? If she is, I would at least consider a separation if not divorce. Will your son be caught in the middle? Yes, but that will happen regardless, especially as he gets older.
COMMENTS: You know your wife has a problem, but you allow it to continue? Also, you truly didn't need to leave the auditorium, you could have just gotten up and moved to the rear, standing so your son could see you when they took their bows, but I can understand the heat of the moment actions. It's time to INSIST on therapy or get lawyers involved.
UPDATE: It sounds like you found a way to disarm her that she didn't like. IMO, well done. You're very smart to not answer her calls, let everything go to voicemail or force her to text (evidence). Just make sure your replay texts stay neutral and to the point of coparenting. I doubt that it would be a good idea to change the locks at this point, but there's no reason not to install a doorbell camera and maybe a few other security cameras to monitor comings and goings when you're not home. Good luck.
ASL story: OH HELL NO, NTA!!! It's much easier to teach a second language(s) to a young child. Of course, being young they are going to switch back and forth, often within the same sentence. That will pass over time as they learn to keep the languages separate. But learning ASL in particular is a great skill and it allows your daughter to speak with her grandfather. I truly don't understand what your mother's problem is unless she truly is developing mental health problems. Don't worry about CPS. Once they learn what the "problem" is, it won't be a problem.
UPDATE: Good grief!!! So your mother had a fling with your father that resulted in your oldest sibling and rather than be a single mother and co-parent, she went into an unhappy marriage, had other children (including you) all while conducting an affair behind everyone else's back. I hate to ask this, but how many of you siblings may not be your father's child? But unless you feel it's important to know for medical/health reasons, I'm not sure I'd dig into that. I'm sorry this has happened to your family. Best wishes.
Special duty story: Nicely played. That was truly typical military bs. But if you hadn't bought the ticket, you'd have wound up doing KP for the party and/or clean up duty afterwards. $2 for what was probably a reasonably decent buffet? Not bad, even for that time period.
S1 Oof poor op. I stumbled on the shaming thing by accident dealing with my whole violent butt older sister. Glad he got out.
Story 2: Well, that escalated so quickly that I'm still dizzy from the whiplash.
s2: NTA. you are *NEVER* TA for teaching someone a language, ESPECIALLY if it's to communicate with someone they love. what exactly is mom's problem? does she not want her husband to be understood? like go ahead, call CPS and tell them it's because OP is teaching her kids ASL. i'm sure they'll take that seriously.
update: oh. well there you go. she actually didn't want him to be understood. selfish prick. i'm glad dad came to live with OP. good riddance to mom. she lost her whole family over having OP and her family communicate with dad - i hope that D was worth it.
Good on him for leaving. He doesn't want his son to think that kind of relationship is okay.
This is a bitter, horrible, miserable woman. Let her go be someone else’s burden.
The Theme of this video is just sad. Mom/Wives making everything about themselves and blame everyone else for their problems. Glad both Families cut the Cancer.
Story 1, not a doctor/cannot diagnose so just speculating. It sounds like Claire has a personality disorder. My first thought was NPD but something else in cluster B could fit too depending on how she processes. Lack of guilt but presence of shame was like a neon flashing sign.
It is sooooo awesome that your kids know 3 languages LG !
I’ve always heard kids learn languages way faster than adults. 🤗
Do not stay for your kids. *Leave* for your kids. - someone whose parents should not have been together.
#1 just started listening and I am 'wtf is he still with her? Leave her and get full custody of the kid'
I actually was more surprised that the 2nd story SEEMED like it was going to end okay but the actual ending was what I actually expected.
Last story - Mandatory fun ain't where its at. Always volunteered to work. Usually had a lot more fun too.
Story 2: I got a lot of these case studies during my multilingualism studies and there are no negative effects to teaching a child multiple languages at a young age. Taking a bit longer to speak when learning multiple languages is normal; the brain is simply processing the different languages to minimize confusion.
ASL STORY: OP, you are not wrong for teaching yo❤ur child ASL. There is a 5 year old who can speak like 12 languages. She is American and can speak French, Portuguese, and many others. You and your husband are rocking parenthood. Hugs
My youngest son was born deaf, so sign language was our only way of communicating with him. I learned the ASL alphabet when I was a child, but I never took formal classes, so once I taught my children the alphabet, we made up our own little signs. We would get funny looks in public, especially when we were in the "deaf" community, but we managed.
my next child was also born deaf, so we continued what we were doing, and now even my grandchildren can sign the alphabet, and we use signs that WE understand. Two of my grandchildren are also learning French, and the oldest is also learning both Spanish and Latin. Never too young to learn, but the older you get, the harder it is.
Teach them while they are young.
“My biggest mistake as a mother was teaching you how to communicate with your father” Is all I hear.
Kevin might not have been chewing on it, he might be like me and not like having things around his chin/neck. Maybe OP should have stayed and then stood up and announced that he would like copies of the other videos for evidence of abuse in his divorce case. Claire is lucky she married a person that she couldn't push to the point where they lost the fear of going to jail.
Pre-verbal babies can learn ASL before they can talk. It allows them to communicate early and saves frustration.
Mom is unhinged
This is Toney the beginning of S1…she sounds like my ex fiancé. We went to therapy, I reached the point where I refused to take any of it anymore. My only surprise is that I didn’t have to call the police when I broke up with him. And I knew anything he was saying/doing to me, he would 100% do to any children. My god!!! The concept of guilt!!! Yess!!!
Story 2: wow, what a manipulation tactic...."If you want to be a good mom you'll/ you won't....." Personally I think it's amazing that OP is teaching her daughter and will be teaching her son ASL. Not a lot of people who are not part of the deaf community know it. I worked plenty of places where someone who is hearing impaired comes in and there's that language barrier right there so they'll have to take out something to write down what they need. My uncle tried teaching me ASL when I was like five I think maybe six but then we moved and now lived states away and I didn't get to learn much more. But my uncle was fantastic at ASL. I still want to learn I just don't know where to go to learn it. Except for online and I don't learn well that way. I mean I can learn a little bit but it's just not I just don't feel it's the same.
When my father was four, he’d come home talking in Portuguese after playing with the kids next door. His only regret, he said, was that they moved and he lost the language. My belief is the more languages one has, the better. I have a smattering of a couple more and feel frustrated that I can’t do better.
In Sweden it is not unusual that the kindergartens use TAKK (= Signs as Alternative and Supplementary Communication) for hearing kids. TAKK is based on the signs that you use in sign language, but when you use signs as support, only sign the most important words in the sentence (for example, if you want to say "My cat is cute", you only sign the words cute & cat). In order to stimulate language development, various forms of visual support are important and one of them is signs.
I can remember reading about Sophia Lorens sons back in the day. Their speech was a bit delayed because Sophia spoke to them in Italian, her husband spoke in another language, and I think they got a third language from someplace/someone else. It's a known thing that learning multiple languages can delay spoken language, because the kids have to 'get all set up mentally' and it just takes a little longer. But they're fine, and better off for speaking multiple languages. Maybe OP's mom should have reminded her children that the ASL was for dad and other deaf people, but spoken language was for school, and in public. Mom is nuts and ... I hope she gets over herself.
Story 1: NTA, unless she does this to you all the time, even at home. In that case, you would be TA for putting up with it rather than kicking her to the curb, childless.
No spouse, male or female, deserves this kind of mental abuse, at home or in public.
Story 2: NTA. People should teach their children other languages. My mom started learning Spanish with my brother and I. It has immensely helped us throughout our lives and taught us so much about different Spanish cultures
Story 1: Wow this lady bounced the MOMENT she got pushback. She left immediately. Like, damn lady, at least take some clap back for awhile.
I sure hope dad ends up with custody of Kevin