I am almost 80 I do all the housework, washing and cook for myself. I can no longer drive but that doesn't bother me. I order all my groceries online to be delivered same with clothes. I like my own company. I play games on the computer for hours with others like myself. Just because we are old doesn't mean we are entering childhood and need this kind of busy body type of action. I am honest with my family, I do not hide any problem and if I became aware I needed some help I would seek it and there are many others the same. The reason some become secretive is that they fear having an assessment and being made to leave the place and the way of life they are comfortable with. The only time this is needed is if the persons doctor has found the signs of dementia or some other illness that needs nursing care. If you are worried about your elderly parent talk to them let them know you are concerned and listen to what they have to say. The most important thing is Are they Happy.
Hi Barbara, Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and I agree with you. But I will say, I think the most important thing is Are They Safe? Now, having said that, I think it's extremely important to be happy but if you're not safe and something happens, then the final years, months, etc. of your life will certainly be unhappy. And yes, I agree that it's important to speak to your parents as long as they are cognitively capable of understanding and if they are not combative. My own mother was extremely combative and fought us on every possible solution that was plausible for her. In her mind, she was right, always. And we were wrong, always. Anyway, sounds like you are doing all the right things and living a wonderful life!! Thanks so much again, for your wonderful comment.
Well let's face it, we all go back to being children and if we are blessed we will be taken care of by our children. I don't plan on making life hard on my children. If they want to move me into their house or into a nursing home I hope I comply. I want to be a joy in my old age and not a burden. Old people who resist or resent help are really just selfish. If you raised your children to be compassionate they will do what's best for you.
As we get older, I think it's natural to start to enjoy our own company more. Most things around us are geared toward a younger generation and we simply are not into. Much of it I, myself, find silly and trivial. As we lose our peers, little by little, we tend to look to ourselves for contentment and interests. Jmo!
I'm in my 70s. I have loads of bruises, cuts & scratches. This is because I live alone, off-grid and I'm building, gardening, fencing etc. Just part of the lifestyle 😂
I am almost 70 , live alone and doing well. Since it’s just me and the dog there’s not much cleaning. I don’t cook much since it’s just me… we are vintage and still people, not projects. If you had given us enough attention all along a special assessment by a stranger would not have as much surprise info as weekly conversation and observations. Thank you 🙏
You are 100% right. I am also 70 years old and in a similar situation but sometimes I think I’d be better off in an assisted care facility. I don’t have a pet, but had them most of my life as my kids grew up . My cat died a few months ago and I don’t feel I can go through any more grieving over another pet, so I won’t get another one.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I absolutely agree that not everyone is so fortunate that they can live independently. Providing support and services is great, and I thank everyone and every organisation who genuinely provides support from a genuine care perspective - we need that ourselves. It's the over zealous assumptions about how people should live, and what socialisation actually means to an individual, that leads to over intervention and intrusion on the lives and choices of older people.
Many people would benefit from what you’re recommending. Not all seniors are frail and incompetent, though, and after devoting their younger years to taking care of everyone else, they are perfectly happy and content to be alone and to enjoy their well-earned freedom. Additionally, the majority of us will recognize for ourselves when we do need help and are capable of making those decisions. God bless you for what you do and for your concern.
Oh thank you so much for your wonderful comment. Yes, I agree, there are MANY older adults who can take the reigns of their own life and do what is needed. But, there are also MANY who do not. I just spoke with an older neighbor in my old neighborhood yesterday who told me she has fallen many times in the last year and her husband is no longer able to lift her up from the floor. In addition to that, her speech was not clear, she kept forgetting what she just told me 3 minutes earlier and she was refusing to use a mobility device (i.e. a cane) because she didn't like the way it looks. I called a friend of ours in that neighborhood and asked her to check in on this person. When she got there, she found that there was no food in the house for them to eat and both her and her husband were not aware of that. So many issues in this situation that are screaming out for help. As a retired Occupational Therapist I can tell you that I ran across patients like her thousands of times and it's frustrating because I know, and their families know that they need help. They need to either hire help in the home, move to a smaller home or move to a facility where they can be taken care of. I applaud all older adults who do take control of their lives and do what they can to live the longest, healthiest and happiest lives that they can. But alas, not everyone has the cognitive capacity to do that. So, for those folks, others need to step in and help. At least, that's what I think.
Well, that's all fine and good. There's no problem with that. The problem is if cognitive skills decline. And after many years of working in geriatrics and watching my parents and the parents of my friends grow older, I have noticed that reasoning and judgment are the very first things to go. I myself have begun asking friends and relatives for their advice on many matters. I see it as gathering data and getting a glimpse of the situation from other perspectives. It's difficult to make a good decision if you don't have all the facts. But I totally agree that it's important for each one of us to take control of our own lives and sometimes, that means, making very difficult decisions instead of forcing others to do it for us.
Senior Safety Advice, old age comes to everyone. No, disrespect to you but you appear to be on that road too. I've listened to what you have to say and discovered most of it was directed to the care givers who are burdened with us old folks. I am seventy and I fall from time to time but manage to get up but even if I didn't I would rather die on my own living room floor than in a bed or on the floor in a nursing home. I am as social as I want to be since we live in the age of communication with a vast array of modes of communication to choose from. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Women spend most of our adult lives caring for others, but if we are lucky sometimes God grants us the fleeting gift of old age. I intend to enjoy it rediscovering all the things I used to love doing.
Thanks for your comment and yes, I am 65 years old so I am in the group officially known as seniors. My point in making this video IS directed to family caregivers because so many of them, in my experience in working in the geriatric field for 12 years is that many family members do not see these signs in their loved ones. It makes sense, it's a very emotional and difficult decision, for everyone, to acknowledge these issues. I'm certainly not forcing anyone to do something that is against their will, as long as they are of sound mind of course. I'm not sure why so many assume that the ONLY other housing option is a nursing home. There are many other options available that are wonderful. Here's 15 that I am aware of - seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/ I've just seen so many families torn apart over the consequences of not addressing these issues earlier and then being forced into a decision that is not good for anyone. I personally plan, like you, to be as much in control of my life as possible. That's why I want to be the one to make the decision, as long as I'm capable of doing it. I am keenly aware of the issue that judgement and reasoning are normally the first things "to go" as we all get older. I've seen that scenario play out thousands of times with my patients and their families. I do not want that to happen to me. So, I talk to everyone about what's going on with me and I listen to their opinions. I wonder what others would say if you told them that you have fallen multiple times. My point, as always, is to be as safe as possible. It's not about lengthening your life, it's about living the best possible life until it's over. Take care.
My family and healthcare providers know that I have fallen , and it does not seem to be a problem. My issue is that most of the channels I see are directed at advising the caregivers. I just wish there were more channels advocating for the rights of seniors.
Well, I'm sorry that your healthcare providers are not worried about your falls, that is worrisome to me. And yes, you do have a point, there are not many channels targeting older adults. We'll try to make more videos on that. Our aim, in our channel is "safety". Both Robin and I have witnessed first hand how devastating an injury can be not only to the senior person but to the family and friends as well. We created this UA-cam channel and our website, seniorsafetyadvice.com to share the information and lessons that we have learned not only from our patients but from our families as well. No one should have to live the last few years, months or days of their life in pain or confinement. It's the ultimate loss of control of your life. Oftentimes, it's due to something that could have easily been prevented. So, that's where we are coming from. Please consult with your doctor about your issues of falling. It's just the smart thing to do.
How about asking them how they feel and IF there is anything YOU can do to help. I live alone. I could, in theory, fit into many of these categories, but I am choosing to live the way I do. If I dont feel like getting dressed, I don't, and i would resent being told I have to. However, I am (mostly) up for a day out or even a little trip to a café, but I'm not hot on imposed socialisation. And I detest intrusive appliances and aids. I'll find my own way of getting around. Thats really what independent living should be. However, if I ever become clearly incapable of doing things, in my own way, and my own time, either physically or cognitively, I'm pretty sure my family will have talked it through with me, long before it reaches danger point. Communication here is the key, not intervention. I've seen old people with gizmos and gadgets that they never use lying all over the house, and refusing to open the door to 'professional help', because they still want to do things their way. Communication is so necessary with disabled or potentially disabled people. They know best what they need and want.
Thank you so much for your comment. I agree, that communication is absolutely the key. But that only works if the family does communicate (not all do, believe me). And it only works if the older parent (or other relative) is willing to acknowledge their limitations. As an Occupational Therapist working in geriatrics for many years I can tell you that the great majority of problems that my patients came to me with were due to them ignoring their own safety and being stubborn enough to ignore what others were telling them. Hence, a silly, stupid very avoidable accident ensued and that was that. They ended up physically and/or mentally incapacitated for the remainder of their lives. Which of course puts an emotional and financial burden on them and their families. As for all the gadgetry, I do agree that even though they are provided for people, they are not always used. But that certainly does not mean that they should not be. A friend of mine's mother, who has a walker but refuses to use it because as she says "I'll walk around my house as I please." So, she grabs on to furniture and anything else she can to get from one spot to the other. Inevitably, she falls. She's fallen 3 times in the last few months and that has resulted in broken hip, leg and shoulder. Was it all avoidable? Of course. Was she communicated to about what she needed to do? Of course. But, she insisted on her "independence" and the end result is what it is today. My personal experience is that judgement and reasoning are usually the first things to go as we all get older. So, I urge everyone (including myself as I am now in my mid 60's) to ask others for their honest opinions and to listen with an open mind. It's just the safer thing to do. I think your family is fortunate to have someone who is willing to do that. :)
Oh, I talk to myself all the time! But, I do talk to my friends too. I find sometimes that I talk myself out of whatever I was thinking of doing simply by talking it over with others. Have an awesome day and thanks for your comment!!
The trouble with parents living with their kids or the kids living with the parents is the parents have no control over their lives anymore. I really like the idea if it's possible to put one of these 30,000 houses behind your kid's house if that's how you want to do it. You have your freedom and your house like you want it but you also have your kids there in case you need them.
Yes, I always loved the idea of a backyard Granny Pod idea, I think it's so practical in so many ways and these days there are so many great plans for beautiful one level tiny houses. But, there are zoning laws and HOA laws and yes, the cost. Even if you were to build an addition to the existing house so that the parents had their own "apartment" - it would probably still cost the same and again, not every home is situated in a way that it's doable. Like I always say, it takes money to grow old!
You're so welcome! And yes, there's alot to consider if you find yourself in this situation with older parents. It's easy to overlook some things - after all - it can be a very emotional issue for everyone involved. Thank you so much for your comment!
While I think a lot of this is well meaning, in a non-dementia setting it's a little disrespectful to the older parent. For example, if there were a series of videos describing when and how an older parent should evaluate and intervene is their mid-40's to mid-50's child's life - examining their alcohol use, how clean their house is, whether they're eating well, whether their activities are healthful, whether they have sufficient social interaction and so on, I think most people in their 40's and 50's would be mightily offended, thinking "how dare they?" So why is it perfectly acceptable (if not expected) when the situations are reversed? If a parent has physical issues, perhaps ask if there's anything the child could do to help out? For many of us older folks, doing for ourselves is fighting against the inevitable decline. I make it a point to get out of my car to check my rural, roadside mail box. I could pull up next to it and check, but i like the exercise of getting out of my car, walking to the box and then getting back in my car. For many of us, "easier" is one step closer to "can no longer" because we haven't had to. Old age is hard enough without thinking that we could be one fall away from having our homes and the lives we've known taken from us by a well meaning child.
Thank you so much for your comment. And you're right, it's very important to acknowledge the senior person's autonomy and to respect that. I am sorry if I did not mention that in the video. It's certainly intended. And after many years of working with older adults and their families, I know that this topic is one that is extremely difficult for everyone involved. No one wants to leave their home of many years, no one. But far too often, I saw the end result of what happens if a fall occurs or the house is not maintained properly and an accident occurs such as a fire. Believe me, I've witnessed just about every scenario. And I do have to say, all those patients and their stories are still in my memory and I think of them all the time and that surely does make me more cautious than probably most people. But I do hope that what you take away from this video is to sit down and have a serious discussion with your children or child about this issue. And yes, I agree, getting older is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage, resilience and open communication with loved ones. My aim is to help families navigate these challenging conversations with empathy and respect on all sides. Please let me know if you have any other feedback on how I can improve in discussing this delicate topic.
No one needs to decline to the point that they need to be monitored. It's possible to remain fit and capable until shortly before death. Genetics and lifestyle count for a lot.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I am faint of heart, and I don't have the courage to face becoming dependant on others. I'll take the quick way out before I tolerate that.
Exactly my planned approach. What some don't seem to recognize is that death by misadventure - whatever the cause - is preferable for many of us to dependency - so long as we don't risk harming others.
My great grandmother lived alone until she died at 100. My grandma lived alone until she died from a heart attack at 92. You're not giving elderly much credit. I'm 78 alone and planning to be like my fabulous grandmas!
What a wonderful set of genes you have!! Well, I'm sorry you feel that I'm not giving older adults much credit. The point here really is if someone is not cognitively able or physically able - certainly does not apply to older adults who don't have these problems. My mom-in-law lived alone until she was 100 and then she moved into an assisted living facility and died just one month shy of 102. So, there certainly are older folks who can manage but not everyone can. But hey, if you have inherited those amazing genes then I wish you many, many more years of just being fabulous!!
The simplest help is to give your time. Yes monitor issues but don't be guided by the impact on you. Unfortunately many professionals doing assessments are too willing to institutionalize.
I agree, time is great gift to give and not everyone can do it so we do have to acknowledge that. Some families work 2 and 3 jobs just to put food on the table and who has time to care for mom or dad in that situation? I have worked with families where the elder parents are physically and/or verbally abusive, where their incontinence is unmanageable due to medications and their disease, where the home situation simply isn't suitable for an older person, etc. There are so many reasons for moving an older adult into a facility where they can be taken care of properly and safely. So, my point is although some healthcare professionals may recommend this without truly investigating, there are many times that it's simply the best thing to do for the older adult and their families. Thank you so much for your comment! Time is a gift we would all love to give to others, isn't it?
Better ask your parents before you get them a device that detects falls. my mother had always talked about getting one but after she had a stroke she got kind of mean and even sent a thing back that I had requested.. I wish I had known that the Apple had a fall detection period I could have told her that was a Fitbit and then I would have felt better about leaving her alone. Instead I stayed there all the time and drove myself crazy. my mother said she didn't need anyone to clean house because I had been doing it for 25 years. I really could have used the help and told her so. But by that time she had lost empathy for others.
So sorry you are having to deal with the aftermath of your Mother's stroke. I worked with many patients who had either a personality change or a personality exaggeration after a stroke. It's hardest on the family of course. I would encourage you to find a caregiver support group to help you through this time. You can't change your Mother but you can change how you deal with her. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for your comment and yes, I agree. It's a difficult topic to deal with and so many adult children of aging parents wait until it's too late to address it.
I am 77, and I like being alone.. housekeeping is a little harder, because I have to help my brother, and sister in law. I clean at their house, and take my brother grocery shopping, and to his appointments. he has Macular of the eyes, and sister in law has had 3 strokes.
Thanks for your comment. I like living alone too. My mom-in-law lived alone until she was 100. She took care of her neighbors like you are doing for your family. As long as you can do it safely, go for it!
I'm 76 and terribly lonely most of the time. I have been ill and living alone is scary. I would like to live in a fairly-priced, self-contained unit in a retirement village where there is a gym, a swimming pool, level paths for walking and cycling, a garden where I can grow stuff, shops nearby, a communal lounge area/restaurant, maybe a few clubs for the evenings and occasional outings. I would never move anywhere that didn't also welcome my little, indoor cat. Most places I've looked at seem to want you to sit still, shut up and die so that they can buy your property back from your relatives at a rock-bottom price and then sell it on for an absolute bundle to the next desperate person. Let's face it, they are run for the benefit of the companies not the inhabitants. Oh dear, am I sounding paranoid?
Oh no, not paranoid, maybe just tired. A great friend of mine just moved to a retirement community near Ocala, Florida called Top of the World. It's not very expensive I think and it has everything that you mentioned and more. Perhaps something like that would suit you?
Dang, this was written for me. Began hoarding, don't want anyone coming over anymore; fall a lot! Need hip and knee replacements; harder to manage, cook, dress, clean:( Don't want to ask kids to help, as they all have busy lives and jobs:(
Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time, and it's brave of you to open up about your struggles. I want to let you know that it's so important to ask for help. It's really a sign of strength, not a burden. Your well-being is important, and your family would likely want to support you in any way they can, even if they lead busy lives. Not sure if your area offers community resources and services designed to assist seniors in maintaining their independence but I would encourage you to look into it. Maybe consult with a geriatric care manager. Some of the services that I'm thinking of might include home modification programs, meal delivery services, in-home care assistance, and transportation services. Also, I would encourage you to look for support groups for those dealing with similar issues. They can offer a sense of community and understanding. The most concerning though are the falls. If you do fall a lot, as you say, then I would certainly recommend using something like a rolling walker or cane, etc. I really do hope that your doctor has recommended physical therapy. Remember, you're not alone, and hopefully in your area there are people and resources out there ready to support you. Taking the first step to ask for help is a courageous and positive action towards improving your situation. And most important, talk with your family about what's going on.
I am really about to give up. To make things worst, my siblings who are absent keeps pushing me to live with here even though my Mom has full staff caregivers caring for her. My mom, has dementia at the same time has a very abrasive personality.
Ah yes, family drama is usually the most difficult part of caring for an aging parent. I'm sorry. You may want to consider counseling services for yourself to help you learn how to deal with that issue. You want to maneuver as well as possible when it comes to dealing with your siblings because at some point, your mother will have passed away and you will still, hopefully, have a relationship with your siblings. And you want to have as good a relationship as possible.
My mother in law is showing signs of dementia. She gets lost driving., falls some spends her whole social security check on scams. We don't want to send her to assisted living or a nursing home but we want to protect her . We are moving in with her soon because she lives in a house we own and we live with my son. I grieve over the thought of give up my whole life to babysit her and protect her from scammers. I will not be able to spend time with my grandkids because she can't tolerate them. I can't leave,the house without her. I did this with my mom to keep her out of a nursing home. I love her and was glad to do it but it was also depressing missing out on the things you love in life.
Oh I am so sorry that you are caught in this situation. If there is any possible way that you can get some respite help from your community. Volunteers, friends, maybe even hospice. It would at least give you some time each week to go out and spend time with your grandkids, friends, etc. Being a caregiver for a loved one does not mean giving up your life or being a martyr. That only ends up taking a toll on your own life. And that just doesn't make sense. So look to see what you can find in your community that can help you. A geriatric care manager may be able to help. Also, you can contact some home health agencies and see what they can offer or recommend. I would also contact any local senior centers to see if they have any programs are have any recommendations of how you can find help.
Thanks so much for this video. By the way, in some countries the pharmacist can organise and pre-seal the medication into "blister packs". In this way it's a bit easier to keep track of the meds - both for the person and for a carer
Im 76 ,and living on a fixed income, in Danbury, CT. I've had a few deaths in the family, in the past 15 yrs. My daughter lives in LA, my sister , in Austin, TX, and my brother in Brinnon,Wash. My ex husband died, ,my elderly mother, and my younger sister, with Lewy Body Dementia.Most women outlive men, and u have to deal with it .Its part of life . Hopefully, we can be healthy enough, to take care of ourselves. There r no guarantees.
Well, that is very true. But at some point, we all need help. With family scattered so far away from you, I do hope that you are considering either moving closer to one of them or at least thinking about how you will manage when you will need help. In my experience, the majority of older adults need help in the last 2 years or so of their lives. My mom-in-law was independent at 100 year old but soon after she required some care, then 24 hour care until she died at 102. That's very common (not living that long, just needing help for the last 2 years). I know everyone wishes and wants and hopes and thinks that they will just die in their sleep, but that rarely happens. So, plan, plan, plan! Otherwise, your independence will surely be taken away from you. Take care of yourself.
I am 90 so until last Nov. I lived along now I live with my daughter, all I do is read, puzzle books, soltiar ,walk everyday weather permitting. Short walks. My daughter is very busy,active. I don't reli on her to do my cleaning ,my laundry. I try very hard to stay in my area . Should I be.luving alone?
It's been my personal and professional experience that as long as someone can care for themselves and is safe, there's no reason not to live alone. Of course, it's also very important to keep socially active - that's the part that becomes difficult for so many. My mom-in-law lived until she was 102. She lived alone until she was 100 but it was a struggle for her during the last 2 years or so that she was alone. She lived in a very active community but so many of her friends had passed away or had to move into a nursing home. So, loneliness was an issue. When she finally did move to an assisted living, she was too frail to enjoy the activities and events there. So, she spent the majority of her days in her room. She told me once that she waited too long to make the move. Living alone is not the problem. But living alone if the situation is not safe, if the person's cognition is impeding with their ability to make sound decisions (this is where scam artists take advantage of people). Those are the major issues. I hope you are happy with your current situation. You are very lucky to have someone to be with.
Yep, I know that story!! I lived it. Well, you can't reason with crazy so the best you can do, in my experience, is to make your recommendations and let them know that they will live the consequences of their decisions. We all do. It may be helpful for you to find a support group of other family caregivers. Believe me, you are not alone in this problem. This article may help you: seniorsafetyadvice.com/what-to-do-when-your-elderly-parent-refuses-to-move/
Hi I felt some information missing 22:48 or counseling for the senior’s family to be able to deal with the issues you’ve mentioned. Maybe in the next video?
I am 87 and live alone in a quiet Close with neighbours who mind their own business. I do everything for myself as my 2 children live about an hour's journey away by train (no cars!) I know I am now at the x-roads of my old age, not knowing whether to move to a flat or a carehome
Thank you for sharing and I understand your concern. Every individual's circumstances are unique in terms of their health, mobility, family support system, financial resources, and personal preferences. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. I would encourage you to have open and honest discussions with your children, as well as your medical providers, about your current level of independence and what supportive services may be needed if you wish to continue living alone for as long as possible. The decision should not be yours alone to make. You want to speak with others who have the experience and knowledge that can help you. I also want to say that I think you are very brave to be thinking about this before an accident occurs or your health declines. So many older adults wait too long and the end result is that they lose everything, including their independence. So bravo!
Oh, it's not about that. It's about being safe. So, I have a friend who's mother is 92. She lives alone in a one level house. My friend, her daughter, lives about 15 minutes away and visits several times a week. The mother has fallen 3 times in the last 12 months. Each time breaking something, A leg, a hip and a shoulder. She falls because she is weak and refuses to use her walker. Her mother also has mild dementia and my friend was lucky enough to intervene in time when her mother was sending out a check for 10,000 to what she thought was her grandson, who is in college, in trouble. (This is a very common scam) Her mother is very stubborn and refuses to leave her home - but the situation is only getting worse for her and her family. So, is someone like this okay to live alone? Is it safe? It's unfortunate that things like this happen but that's what I want to raise the awareness of. I would love for older adults to be responsible enough to recognize that they themselves are no longer safer living alone and to take the reigns and do something about it. Otherwise, the decision then falls on others and it's not always the best one. So, I'm sorry this video offended you in some way but please try to understand that there are millions of older adults who can use help but are simply unable or unwilling to do it.
Consider this scenario: Your mother is 85. She's lived alone just fine for years. However, now she winds up in the hospital twice in 6 months from serious falls and doesn't know how or when it happened. Doctor takes pictures of bruises all over from falls we weren't aware of. Adult protective services contacted. Mom insists to be left alone in her home. As her daughter, I just do as she wishes??? She moved 5 hours away. It's not possible for me to move in with her. She is now living with me. No falls since. Elders, please consider caregivers and family members in your comments, which I believe this video is meant for.
I have friends in this situation. Both older friends who are the parents and younger ones who are the adult children. And as an Occupational Therapist working with families of older adults I saw this situation thousands of times. It may not be an ideal situation but more often than not, it's important for both, parents and children, to talk about the issues and to be flexible. Because of work situations, this usually means that it's the parents who have to be the ones to move closer to their children. My mother did this, she didn't like it, she complained about it for years afterwards, but it ended up being the smart thing to do and it benefited her tremendously. Even though she would never let her children know that. She went from a 2 story townhouse to a one story house with a beautiful backyard. This was much more manageable for her as she grew even older. She was a 5 minute walk away from her oldest daughter and a 10 minute drive from her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She was able to participate in family events which she would have missed living 4 hours away. And, as she grew older and needed more help, it was much easier to take her to her doctors and visit her in the hospital when that would happen. And of course, when she was in her final months, we were all able to care for her because she was nearby. She complained about it until the day she died but the truth is, her life was so much better because of it. She was just too stubborn to admit it. I so wish that she would have focused on the joy of being with family instead of lamenting on the fact that she had to move. Growing older is not easy, for anyone. The ones growing older and the loved ones around them. So, why make it harder by causing issues like this to come between everyone?
Hello Isabel, I'm a homebody too so I know that it's more comfortable to be home. And I've moved around many times so I know what it also is to live some place where you don't know anyone. But it's very important to get out and meet others. Neighbors are good. Going to church, volunteer groups, etc. It's hard but it's worth it. Even if you just get out a few times a week, it will be very good for you. Thank you for your comment and I wish you much luck.
Yes, if they can is the issue. Of course, if they are suffering from dementia or some other cognitive issue then they can't make a proper and safe decision for themselves. It's a very tough situation when that happens.
If you live in a rural area, I can understand that. It's extremely difficult to get help in those areas. Maybe this information can be useful for you - www.ruralhealthinfo.org/toolkits/aging
I have been every where we wanted visit when my wife of 44 yrs was alive. I love being in my home we made together. It is large and old. I have no need to go out much as every thing I want or need is here. I have explained to my daughter that as long as I have money , my dogs and guns , nobody will make me leave . No power of attorney for my children. No one will dictate how I will live , or what they think I should do.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your story. It sounds like your home is not just a place to live, but a treasure trove of memories and experiences that you shared with your wife over 44 wonderful years. It's truly heartwarming to hear how much it means to you, and I can understand why you'd want to stay there surrounded by everything that makes you feel comfortable and happy, including your dogs and the sense of independence you cherish. The point of this video is really about being safe. Sometimes though, even when we feel we have everything under control, life can throw unexpected challenges our way, and the result is that the things in your house may have to change like adding a ramp or more lighting, etc. As long as you're safe - that's the important thing. Thanks for watching our channel.
How dare you!? Listen to yourself. So many shoulds...they should do this, should do that. You will be there yourself one day. All to make YOU feel better, what about the individuals you are referring to. It's their choice. Unbelievable attitude.
Oh, I am sorry that it was offense, that certainly is not the intention. This video has certainly sparked some emotion in many seniors (I am a senior as well) and I can understand that. But, the point of the video is really meant to help families keep their senior loved ones safe, as safe as they possibly can. So, as I state in the video, if an older person is not bathing properly or unable to manage their finances or neglecting their home or their health, etc. These are just some signs that say that more help may be needed. Certainly does not mean that the older person has to move out - it just means that it seems they may need more help. After working with seniors for over a decade as an Occupational Therapist, I can tell you that I saw many patients who were not lucky enough to have help or supervision and they ended up in my rehabilitation unit. Many of them were never able to return home. So, my experience has taught me that it's better to take control of your situation and get help when and if you need it or move if that's a better solution - than to ignore these signs and end up injuring yourself, burning your house down or any other number of situations that could occur. After all, isn't that scenario losing complete control? Isn't it better to handle these issues before they become big problems? I have held the hands of many of my patients who cried and cried because they could not go back home. They were either now wheelchair bound or their home was found to be unsafe for them, etc. Believe me, it's a very sad situation and I would like to see that happen less. I hope this explanation helps you.
Did you have to care for your parents in their later years? If so, were you ever worried about their safety? Good for you if you live alone until you die. However, I don't believe most seniors do. Please consider the family members and caregivers who have to make tough SAFETY decisions which this video was meant for. This video was very helpful to me.
I am sorry you feel that way. We all need help every now and then. After my husband died, I was in a terrible state and I certainly would not have survived that time as well as I did without the help of friends and family. Only 5 weeks after he died I fell off a ladder (stupid, I know) and fractured my wrist, severely injured my hip and ended up having to use a cane for many weeks. It took me a year to fully recover from the fractured wrist. I asked for help from everyone I knew and I am grateful for it. I don't have many memories at all about that entire year so to this day I still thank my friends and family for whatever it is that they did. I don't know what they did, but I know they helped. So, don't be shy about asking for assistance - we all need it every now and then.
m mother-inlaw lived alone in her house and assured my wife tht ahe was eating regularlopom questioning her food choices my wifr learned th her diet condidyed lsrgely of ketscup sandwivhes and chocolate. spending more time eith her mother it also became evident that she reconized people but had no ability to didtinguish friend from foe leading to her being scammed by an unfdscypiulous grifyterclaiming yto conduct roof repairs snd repredsenting the gardener contracted to mow her lawn to collectpayment for overfue bilsl
Oh yes, this is a very crazy scenario, but not unusual. I remember walking into a patient's home to assess if she could return home after her hospital stay. When I walked in, there was stuff everywhere in the house and roaches just roaming about. I opened the refrigerator and it was filled with roaches. It was horrible. We had to call the family to let them know that their mom simply was not capable of living alone any more. It's never easy to make the decision and never easy to make the change. That's why I tell everyone that it's so important to do it sooner rather than later. But, I get it. Not many people want to leave their home. But when it's unsafe or unhealthy, it's a decision that has to be made. Best of luck for you, your wife and your mother in law.
How depressing 😡. ‘old age’ is an attitude. I am 80, an Airbnb host, of 12 years, and I never feel old. Even when unwell, my sense of humour keeps me buoyant and alive. but most of all knowing Jesus, the son of God, means I never feel alone and there’s so much to look forward on ‘the other side’ 😁. Find Jesus! It’s the relationship we were all born to have. So sad for all who haven’t got this peace and joy , but it’s there, for the having. Also believe it was God’s amazing grace that made the cancer fade away.
No talk of getting help in . Just. send the person to assisted living. Ha! Because as an OT she knows everything.. Hope she has been dealt with similarly by now.
I actually did mention about getting help in at 7:57. And again at 13:43 so perhaps you were busy with another task or just didn't hear it. And no, I don't know everything, for sure. I can only speak from my years of experience in working with thousands of older adults. At the end of the day, that's all any of us can do.
Thanks for your comment. Hmm, no, maybe I did not mention about getting help in but the topic of the video is about assessing if an older person is safe enough and cognitively aware enough to be living alone. I worked in geriatrics for 12 years and I saw many families who were unaware or were unwilling to admit that their senior loved one was not capable any longer of being safe alone. Also, the seniors themselves were not willing to admit it either. Of course, if any of these signs are evident and continuing to be home is viable, then yes, getting help in would be most useful. But more often, assisted living is a better option. But not always. I am a senior myself and am very much looking at all of my options to see what will be best for me and my family. After all, they are impacted as well.
Well, there’s nothing you can do if your kids don’t come around you gotta rely on your own damn self to know that you can’t do anything and put yourself somewhere
Yeah, at the end of the day, I do believe we can only rely on ourselves. It's not a punishment, it's resilience and it's honoring your own strength. The happiest people I know are the ones who expect nothing from anyone and everything from themselves.
Plus the children live long distances from one another and you. So you get on with the routine you have made and hope you keep strong enough to remain independent. Best wishes to all of us😊
That's all true, but also, be proactive and make plans on what to do IF you are no longer able to do everything you need to do. Most people think that their only option is to move into a nursing home but that is SO far from the truth. There are many different types of communities and living arrangements that can be made to make life easier and more important, safer. I wrote an article on that topic - maybe you will find it helpful. seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/
So many of these things extended families do. Americans should ask themselves why they’re ok w/institutions & ‘experts’ replacing everything a family & small community used to do for one another Eg: Amish! Lonely & depressed get psych evaluation? Messy? Assisted living? Why not live w/Grandma?
Thank you so much for commenting. Well, I understand your point but unfortunately it can't always happen. There are seniors who have no children and no family, there are also families with severe mental illness like Schizophrenia and severe bipolar disorders that are very unsafe to live with, etc. And there are senior parents who refuse to live with their children but prefer to live independently. My mother who was born and raised in Sicily was like that. Very, very independent. But my point in this video was to look for the signs that indicate that an elderly person is no longer safe to live alone. It's not always easy to tell. Especially when it's family. Anway, although living with grandma could be fine for you, as long as it's fine with grandma then great. But, it's not the case for everyone.
And if we dont like people in our 20's it stands to reason we dont like people in our older age. You look like you may be getting up there yourself, just saying.
Oh yes, I'm 65 now and absolutely getting up there. I'm on the downhill slide of my life as I say. And yes, it's the moreso disease. However you are when you're younger, you're only moreso when you're older.
The problem is here. Kids have to leave home at 18. Utterly nonsense. Some are not ready yet. You don't want me, i don't want you, so don't come to me for anything! In other countries its the opposite. That's why adult children are there for their elderly patients. Think about it. .
Thanks for your comment. My relatives are all in Italy and Sicily and I do agree that the culture there is different but not as much as it used to be. I know from speaking to my relatives that there certainly are nursing homes and assisted living facilities to help care for older adults there. The difference these days is that more younger people are working full time than they used to years ago. Also, since people are generally living longer - the chances of them having to deal with issues such as dementia and Alzheimer's is higher and that can make it very difficult for families to properly care for someone with those types of conditions. I personally love the work that Norway has done to care for their seniors. www.thestar.com/news/world/why-norway-is-no-1-for-seniors/article_bd3f01a2-2060-5178-bd7b-0674e288a2f5.html Here's a video of one of the nursing homes in Norway - they really are doing a great job there of caring for seniors. ua-cam.com/video/6Aa5cSHeiDE/v-deo.html
Well, you certainly never know, depends on the conspiracy theory. I think it's just important for us to understand that the brain is not functioning as it once was and as a result, it can create some unreal "realities" for that person. I truly do believe that they believe what they are seeing or imagining but that doesn't make it true. I once had a patient tell me that I couldn't come into her house until I put on a pair of pink slippers, which she handed to me. The reason was that the pink slippers kept the demon out of the house because the demon did not like pink slippers. She read that in a publication that she got that was full of conspiracy theories and she even showed it to me. So, yeah, there's all kinds.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice yes it does depend on what you class as a “conspiracy” theory. Today it seems anyone who doesn’t agree with the government is labelled a conspiracy theorist. But yes I get your point you need to look out for changes in thinking. My mum lives with me now. I love it actually mostly. She’s still active at 89 but she just needed more of an eye kept on her after a few falls. It was difficult for her at first as she’s always been so independent but we’ve made it work and divided up chores in the house so she feels more of an equal partner in the household. It’s a precious time.
Well, not all for sure. The other candidate also has some of these issues and much more. I always look to see what the person has done in the past. How have they voted on issues? Responded to situations that affect the country? Acted when difficult decisions had to be made? Anyone can say anything, but their past actions are, in my opinion, the only way that any of us can assess any future behavior. Not great options for us this time around, not sure that there ever are.
I'm certainly not. This video has elicited quite a good amount of emotional angst, anger, etc. Honestly, all I am trying to do is to provide information - a sort of checklist - to help families (and older adults) identify problems that may be a sign that something may not be quite right. I have treated patients that have been burned because they left the pot on the stove and it started a fire. I have treated patients that have fallen, and it was not their first fall and as a result they either fractured a leg, shoulder, hip or worse, they incurred a head injury and I was then teaching them how to use a fork again. I have seen quite a few horrible situations that have occurred simply because the older adult ignored these signs. I'm not telling you what to do, I am just trying to keep you safe. My experience has taught me that all it takes is 1 second for your life to change. Why give up your independence because of that 1 second?
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I am not talking to you personally but the system that you represent. For me i have to take the risk rather than the mental anguish of personal intereaction and the resentment from the caregiver when i say no.
Oh I have a friend whose 92 year old mother just keeps repeating herself over and over again. It drives my friend crazy but I just tell her to change the subject. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Best of luck!
I am almost 80 I do all the housework, washing and cook for myself. I can no longer drive but that doesn't bother me. I order all my groceries online to be delivered same with clothes. I like my own company. I play games on the computer for hours with others like myself. Just because we are old doesn't mean we are entering childhood and need this kind of busy body type of action. I am honest with my family, I do not hide any problem and if I became aware I needed some help I would seek it and there are many others the same. The reason some become secretive is that they fear having an assessment and being made to leave the place and the way of life they are comfortable with. The only time this is needed is if the persons doctor has found the signs of dementia or some other illness that needs nursing care. If you are worried about your elderly parent talk to them let them know you are concerned and listen to what they have to say. The most important thing is Are they Happy.
Hi Barbara,
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and I agree with you. But I will say, I think the most important thing is Are They Safe? Now, having said that, I think it's extremely important to be happy but if you're not safe and something happens, then the final years, months, etc. of your life will certainly be unhappy.
And yes, I agree that it's important to speak to your parents as long as they are cognitively capable of understanding and if they are not combative.
My own mother was extremely combative and fought us on every possible solution that was plausible for her. In her mind, she was right, always. And we were wrong, always.
Anyway, sounds like you are doing all the right things and living a wonderful life!!
Thanks so much again, for your wonderful comment.
Well let's face it, we all go back to being children and if we are blessed we will be taken care of by our children. I don't plan on making life hard on my children. If they want to move me into their house or into a nursing home I hope I comply. I want to be a joy in my old age and not a burden. Old people who resist or resent help are really just selfish. If you raised your children to be compassionate they will do what's best for you.
The older I get,the more I like my
own company
Me too!! Funny how it gets that way, isn't it?
As we get older, I think it's natural to start to enjoy our own company more. Most things around us are geared toward a younger generation and we simply are not into. Much of it I, myself, find silly and trivial. As we lose our peers, little by little, we tend to look to ourselves for contentment and interests. Jmo!
I'm in my 70s. I have loads of bruises, cuts & scratches. This is because I live alone, off-grid and I'm building, gardening, fencing etc. Just part of the lifestyle 😂
Certainly nothing wrong with that!! Sounds like you're doing great!
I am almost 70 , live alone and doing well. Since it’s just me and the dog there’s not much cleaning. I don’t cook much since it’s just me… we are vintage and still people, not projects. If you had given us enough attention all along a special assessment by a stranger would not have as much surprise info as weekly conversation and observations. Thank you 🙏
Congrats on being healthy and able to be on your own. Not everyone is as fortunate.
You are 100% right. I am also 70 years old and in a similar situation but sometimes I think I’d be better off in an assisted care facility. I don’t have a pet, but had them most of my life as my kids grew up . My cat died a few months ago and I don’t feel I can go through any more grieving over another pet, so I won’t get another one.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I absolutely agree that not everyone is so fortunate that they can live independently. Providing support and services is great, and I thank everyone and every organisation who genuinely provides support from a genuine care perspective - we need that ourselves. It's the over zealous assumptions about how people should live, and what socialisation actually means to an individual, that leads to over intervention and intrusion on the lives and choices of older people.
Many people would benefit from what you’re recommending. Not all seniors are frail and incompetent, though, and after devoting their younger years to taking care of everyone else, they are perfectly happy and content to be alone and to enjoy their well-earned freedom. Additionally, the majority of us will recognize for ourselves when we do need help and are capable of making those decisions. God bless you for what you do and for your concern.
Oh thank you so much for your wonderful comment.
Yes, I agree, there are MANY older adults who can take the reigns of their own life and do what is needed. But, there are also MANY who do not.
I just spoke with an older neighbor in my old neighborhood yesterday who told me she has fallen many times in the last year and her husband is no longer able to lift her up from the floor.
In addition to that, her speech was not clear, she kept forgetting what she just told me 3 minutes earlier and she was refusing to use a mobility device (i.e. a cane) because she didn't like the way it looks.
I called a friend of ours in that neighborhood and asked her to check in on this person. When she got there, she found that there was no food in the house for them to eat and both her and her husband were not aware of that.
So many issues in this situation that are screaming out for help.
As a retired Occupational Therapist I can tell you that I ran across patients like her thousands of times and it's frustrating because I know, and their families know that they need help. They need to either hire help in the home, move to a smaller home or move to a facility where they can be taken care of.
I applaud all older adults who do take control of their lives and do what they can to live the longest, healthiest and happiest lives that they can. But alas, not everyone has the cognitive capacity to do that. So, for those folks, others need to step in and help.
At least, that's what I think.
PS. If and when I need help, I'll ask. The real fear is losing one's autonomy to those who want to control you 'for your own good'.
Well, that's all fine and good. There's no problem with that. The problem is if cognitive skills decline. And after many years of working in geriatrics and watching my parents and the parents of my friends grow older, I have noticed that reasoning and judgment are the very first things to go.
I myself have begun asking friends and relatives for their advice on many matters. I see it as gathering data and getting a glimpse of the situation from other perspectives. It's difficult to make a good decision if you don't have all the facts.
But I totally agree that it's important for each one of us to take control of our own lives and sometimes, that means, making very difficult decisions instead of forcing others to do it for us.
Senior Safety Advice, old age comes to everyone. No, disrespect to you but you appear to be on that road too. I've listened to what you have to say and discovered most of it was directed to the care givers who are burdened with us old folks. I am seventy and I fall from time to time but manage to get up but even if I didn't I would rather die on my own living room floor than in a bed or on the floor in a nursing home. I am as social as I want to be since we live in the age of communication with a vast array of modes of communication to choose from. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Women spend most of our adult lives caring for others, but if we are lucky sometimes God grants us the fleeting gift of old age. I intend to enjoy it rediscovering all the things I used to love doing.
Thanks for your comment and yes, I am 65 years old so I am in the group officially known as seniors.
My point in making this video IS directed to family caregivers because so many of them, in my experience in working in the geriatric field for 12 years is that many family members do not see these signs in their loved ones.
It makes sense, it's a very emotional and difficult decision, for everyone, to acknowledge these issues.
I'm certainly not forcing anyone to do something that is against their will, as long as they are of sound mind of course.
I'm not sure why so many assume that the ONLY other housing option is a nursing home. There are many other options available that are wonderful.
Here's 15 that I am aware of - seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/
I've just seen so many families torn apart over the consequences of not addressing these issues earlier and then being forced into a decision that is not good for anyone.
I personally plan, like you, to be as much in control of my life as possible. That's why I want to be the one to make the decision, as long as I'm capable of doing it.
I am keenly aware of the issue that judgement and reasoning are normally the first things "to go" as we all get older. I've seen that scenario play out thousands of times with my patients and their families. I do not want that to happen to me.
So, I talk to everyone about what's going on with me and I listen to their opinions. I wonder what others would say if you told them that you have fallen multiple times.
My point, as always, is to be as safe as possible. It's not about lengthening your life, it's about living the best possible life until it's over. Take care.
My family and healthcare providers know that I have fallen , and it does not seem to be a problem. My issue is that most of the channels I see are directed at advising the caregivers. I just wish there were more channels advocating for the rights of seniors.
Well, I'm sorry that your healthcare providers are not worried about your falls, that is worrisome to me.
And yes, you do have a point, there are not many channels targeting older adults.
We'll try to make more videos on that.
Our aim, in our channel is "safety".
Both Robin and I have witnessed first hand how devastating an injury can be not only to the senior person but to the family and friends as well.
We created this UA-cam channel and our website, seniorsafetyadvice.com to share the information and lessons that we have learned not only from our patients but from our families as well.
No one should have to live the last few years, months or days of their life in pain or confinement.
It's the ultimate loss of control of your life.
Oftentimes, it's due to something that could have easily been prevented.
So, that's where we are coming from.
Please consult with your doctor about your issues of falling. It's just the smart thing to do.
How about asking them how they feel and IF there is anything YOU can do to help. I live alone. I could, in theory, fit into many of these categories, but I am choosing to live the way I do. If I dont feel like getting dressed, I don't, and i would resent being told I have to. However, I am (mostly) up for a day out or even a little trip to a café, but I'm not hot on imposed socialisation. And I detest intrusive appliances and aids. I'll find my own way of getting around. Thats really what independent living should be.
However, if I ever become clearly incapable of doing things, in my own way, and my own time, either physically or cognitively, I'm pretty sure my family will have talked it through with me, long before it reaches danger point.
Communication here is the key, not intervention. I've seen old people with gizmos and gadgets that they never use lying all over the house, and refusing to open the door to 'professional help', because they still want to do things their way. Communication is so necessary with disabled or potentially disabled people. They know best what they need and want.
Thank you so much for your comment.
I agree, that communication is absolutely the key. But that only works if the family does communicate (not all do, believe me). And it only works if the older parent (or other relative) is willing to acknowledge their limitations.
As an Occupational Therapist working in geriatrics for many years I can tell you that the great majority of problems that my patients came to me with were due to them ignoring their own safety and being stubborn enough to ignore what others were telling them.
Hence, a silly, stupid very avoidable accident ensued and that was that. They ended up physically and/or mentally incapacitated for the remainder of their lives. Which of course puts an emotional and financial burden on them and their families.
As for all the gadgetry, I do agree that even though they are provided for people, they are not always used. But that certainly does not mean that they should not be.
A friend of mine's mother, who has a walker but refuses to use it because as she says "I'll walk around my house as I please." So, she grabs on to furniture and anything else she can to get from one spot to the other.
Inevitably, she falls. She's fallen 3 times in the last few months and that has resulted in broken hip, leg and shoulder.
Was it all avoidable? Of course. Was she communicated to about what she needed to do? Of course. But, she insisted on her "independence" and the end result is what it is today.
My personal experience is that judgement and reasoning are usually the first things to go as we all get older. So, I urge everyone (including myself as I am now in my mid 60's) to ask others for their honest opinions and to listen with an open mind. It's just the safer thing to do.
I think your family is fortunate to have someone who is willing to do that. :)
halleluja
Yes I got to talk to myself.. have a great one
Oh, I talk to myself all the time! But, I do talk to my friends too. I find sometimes that I talk myself out of whatever I was thinking of doing simply by talking it over with others.
Have an awesome day and thanks for your comment!!
The trouble with parents living with their kids or the kids living with the parents is the parents have no control over their lives anymore. I really like the idea if it's possible to put one of these 30,000 houses behind your kid's house if that's how you want to do it. You have your freedom and your house like you want it but you also have your kids there in case you need them.
Yes, I always loved the idea of a backyard Granny Pod idea, I think it's so practical in so many ways and these days there are so many great plans for beautiful one level tiny houses. But, there are zoning laws and HOA laws and yes, the cost.
Even if you were to build an addition to the existing house so that the parents had their own "apartment" - it would probably still cost the same and again, not every home is situated in a way that it's doable.
Like I always say, it takes money to grow old!
Thanks so much for sharing this! Everybody needs to hear this, especially the weight decrease part!
You're so welcome! And yes, there's alot to consider if you find yourself in this situation with older parents. It's easy to overlook some things - after all - it can be a very emotional issue for everyone involved. Thank you so much for your comment!
While I think a lot of this is well meaning, in a non-dementia setting it's a little disrespectful to the older parent. For example, if there were a series of videos describing when and how an older parent should evaluate and intervene is their mid-40's to mid-50's child's life - examining their alcohol use, how clean their house is, whether they're eating well, whether their activities are healthful, whether they have sufficient social interaction and so on, I think most people in their 40's and 50's would be mightily offended, thinking "how dare they?"
So why is it perfectly acceptable (if not expected) when the situations are reversed? If a parent has physical issues, perhaps ask if there's anything the child could do to help out? For many of us older folks, doing for ourselves is fighting against the inevitable decline. I make it a point to get out of my car to check my rural, roadside mail box. I could pull up next to it and check, but i like the exercise of getting out of my car, walking to the box and then getting back in my car. For many of us, "easier" is one step closer to "can no longer" because we haven't had to. Old age is hard enough without thinking that we could be one fall away from having our homes and the lives we've known taken from us by a well meaning child.
Thank you so much for your comment. And you're right, it's very important to acknowledge the senior person's autonomy and to respect that. I am sorry if I did not mention that in the video. It's certainly intended.
And after many years of working with older adults and their families, I know that this topic is one that is extremely difficult for everyone involved. No one wants to leave their home of many years, no one. But far too often, I saw the end result of what happens if a fall occurs or the house is not maintained properly and an accident occurs such as a fire. Believe me, I've witnessed just about every scenario.
And I do have to say, all those patients and their stories are still in my memory and I think of them all the time and that surely does make me more cautious than probably most people.
But I do hope that what you take away from this video is to sit down and have a serious discussion with your children or child about this issue.
And yes, I agree, getting older is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage, resilience and open communication with loved ones.
My aim is to help families navigate these challenging conversations with empathy and respect on all sides. Please let me know if you have any other feedback on how I can improve in discussing this delicate topic.
Thank you for your response.
No one needs to decline to the point that they need to be monitored. It's possible to remain fit and capable until shortly before death. Genetics and lifestyle count for a lot.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I am faint of heart, and I don't have the courage to face becoming dependant on others. I'll take the quick way out before I tolerate that.
Exactly my planned approach. What some don't seem to recognize is that death by misadventure - whatever the cause - is preferable for many of us to dependency - so long as we don't risk harming others.
My great grandmother lived alone until she died at 100. My grandma lived alone until she died from a heart attack at 92. You're not giving elderly much credit. I'm 78 alone and planning to be like my fabulous grandmas!
What a wonderful set of genes you have!!
Well, I'm sorry you feel that I'm not giving older adults much credit. The point here really is if someone is not cognitively able or physically able - certainly does not apply to older adults who don't have these problems.
My mom-in-law lived alone until she was 100 and then she moved into an assisted living facility and died just one month shy of 102. So, there certainly are older folks who can manage but not everyone can.
But hey, if you have inherited those amazing genes then I wish you many, many more years of just being fabulous!!
Sounds like you had a wonderful mother and it shows in you.
Oh thank you - what a beautiful comment!
The simplest help is to give your time. Yes monitor issues but don't be guided by the impact on you. Unfortunately many professionals doing assessments are too willing to institutionalize.
I agree, time is great gift to give and not everyone can do it so we do have to acknowledge that. Some families work 2 and 3 jobs just to put food on the table and who has time to care for mom or dad in that situation?
I have worked with families where the elder parents are physically and/or verbally abusive, where their incontinence is unmanageable due to medications and their disease, where the home situation simply isn't suitable for an older person, etc.
There are so many reasons for moving an older adult into a facility where they can be taken care of properly and safely.
So, my point is although some healthcare professionals may recommend this without truly investigating, there are many times that it's simply the best thing to do for the older adult and their families.
Thank you so much for your comment! Time is a gift we would all love to give to others, isn't it?
Better ask your parents before you get them a device that detects falls. my mother had always talked about getting one but after she had a stroke she got kind of mean and even sent a thing back that I had requested..
I wish I had known that the Apple had a fall detection period I could have told her that was a Fitbit and then I would have felt better about leaving her alone. Instead I stayed there all the time and drove myself crazy.
my mother said she didn't need anyone to clean house because I had been doing it for 25 years. I really could have used the help and told her so. But by that time she had lost empathy for others.
So sorry you are having to deal with the aftermath of your Mother's stroke. I worked with many patients who had either a personality change or a personality exaggeration after a stroke. It's hardest on the family of course. I would encourage you to find a caregiver support group to help you through this time. You can't change your Mother but you can change how you deal with her. Thanks for sharing your story.
This is something really important.. thank you so much for the video ☺️
Thanks for your comment and yes, I agree. It's a difficult topic to deal with and so many adult children of aging parents wait until it's too late to address it.
Thanks again...love from India ❤️
I am 77, and I like being alone.. housekeeping is a little harder, because I have to help my brother, and sister in law. I clean at their house, and take my brother grocery shopping, and to his appointments. he has Macular of the eyes, and sister in law has had 3 strokes.
Thanks for your comment. I like living alone too. My mom-in-law lived alone until she was 100. She took care of her neighbors like you are doing for your family.
As long as you can do it safely, go for it!
I'm 76 and terribly lonely most of the time. I have been ill and living alone is scary. I would like to live in a fairly-priced, self-contained unit in a retirement village where there is a gym, a swimming pool, level paths for walking and cycling, a garden where I can grow stuff, shops nearby, a communal lounge area/restaurant, maybe a few clubs for the evenings and occasional outings. I would never move anywhere that didn't also welcome my little, indoor cat. Most places I've looked at seem to want you to sit still, shut up and die so that they can buy your property back from your relatives at a rock-bottom price and then sell it on for an absolute bundle to the next desperate person. Let's face it, they are run for the benefit of the companies not the inhabitants. Oh dear, am I sounding paranoid?
Oh no, not paranoid, maybe just tired.
A great friend of mine just moved to a retirement community near Ocala, Florida called Top of the World. It's not very expensive I think and it has everything that you mentioned and more. Perhaps something like that would suit you?
Dang, this was written for me. Began hoarding, don't want anyone coming over anymore; fall a lot! Need hip and knee replacements; harder to manage, cook, dress, clean:( Don't want to ask kids to help, as they all have busy lives and jobs:(
Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time, and it's brave of you to open up about your struggles.
I want to let you know that it's so important to ask for help. It's really a sign of strength, not a burden. Your well-being is important, and your family would likely want to support you in any way they can, even if they lead busy lives.
Not sure if your area offers community resources and services designed to assist seniors in maintaining their independence but I would encourage you to look into it. Maybe consult with a geriatric care manager.
Some of the services that I'm thinking of might include home modification programs, meal delivery services, in-home care assistance, and transportation services.
Also, I would encourage you to look for support groups for those dealing with similar issues. They can offer a sense of community and understanding.
The most concerning though are the falls. If you do fall a lot, as you say, then I would certainly recommend using something like a rolling walker or cane, etc. I really do hope that your doctor has recommended physical therapy.
Remember, you're not alone, and hopefully in your area there are people and resources out there ready to support you. Taking the first step to ask for help is a courageous and positive action towards improving your situation.
And most important, talk with your family about what's going on.
I am really about to give up. To make things worst, my siblings who are absent keeps pushing me to live with here even though my Mom has full staff caregivers caring for her. My mom, has dementia at the same time has a very abrasive personality.
Ah yes, family drama is usually the most difficult part of caring for an aging parent. I'm sorry. You may want to consider counseling services for yourself to help you learn how to deal with that issue. You want to maneuver as well as possible when it comes to dealing with your siblings because at some point, your mother will have passed away and you will still, hopefully, have a relationship with your siblings. And you want to have as good a relationship as possible.
Couldn’t agree more with you!
Thanks!
My mother in law is showing signs of dementia. She gets lost driving., falls some spends her whole social security check on scams. We don't want to send her to assisted living or a nursing home but we want to protect her . We are moving in with her soon because she lives in a house we own and we live with my son. I grieve over the thought of give up my whole life to babysit her and protect her from scammers. I will not be able to spend time with my grandkids because she can't tolerate them. I can't leave,the house without her. I did this with my mom to keep her out of a nursing home. I love her and was glad to do it but it was also depressing missing out on the things you love in life.
Oh I am so sorry that you are caught in this situation.
If there is any possible way that you can get some respite help from your community. Volunteers, friends, maybe even hospice. It would at least give you some time each week to go out and spend time with your grandkids, friends, etc.
Being a caregiver for a loved one does not mean giving up your life or being a martyr. That only ends up taking a toll on your own life. And that just doesn't make sense.
So look to see what you can find in your community that can help you. A geriatric care manager may be able to help. Also, you can contact some home health agencies and see what they can offer or recommend.
I would also contact any local senior centers to see if they have any programs are have any recommendations of how you can find help.
Thanks so much for this video. By the way, in some countries the pharmacist can organise and pre-seal the medication into "blister packs". In this way it's a bit easier to keep track of the meds - both for the person and for a carer
Thanks for sharing! That makes so much sense!
That's why I don't keep throw rugs on floor
You're very smart!!
Im 76 ,and living on a fixed income, in Danbury, CT. I've had a few deaths in the family, in the past 15 yrs. My daughter lives in LA, my sister , in Austin, TX, and my brother in Brinnon,Wash. My ex husband died, ,my elderly mother, and my younger sister, with Lewy Body Dementia.Most women outlive men, and u have to deal with it .Its part of life . Hopefully, we can be healthy enough, to take care of ourselves. There r no guarantees.
Well, that is very true. But at some point, we all need help.
With family scattered so far away from you, I do hope that you are considering either moving closer to one of them or at least thinking about how you will manage when you will need help.
In my experience, the majority of older adults need help in the last 2 years or so of their lives. My mom-in-law was independent at 100 year old but soon after she required some care, then 24 hour care until she died at 102. That's very common (not living that long, just needing help for the last 2 years).
I know everyone wishes and wants and hopes and thinks that they will just die in their sleep, but that rarely happens. So, plan, plan, plan!
Otherwise, your independence will surely be taken away from you.
Take care of yourself.
I am 90 so until last Nov. I lived along now I live with my daughter, all I do is read, puzzle books, soltiar ,walk everyday weather permitting. Short walks. My daughter is very busy,active. I don't reli on her to do my cleaning ,my laundry. I try very hard to stay in my area . Should I be.luving alone?
It's been my personal and professional experience that as long as someone can care for themselves and is safe, there's no reason not to live alone. Of course, it's also very important to keep socially active - that's the part that becomes difficult for so many.
My mom-in-law lived until she was 102. She lived alone until she was 100 but it was a struggle for her during the last 2 years or so that she was alone. She lived in a very active community but so many of her friends had passed away or had to move into a nursing home. So, loneliness was an issue.
When she finally did move to an assisted living, she was too frail to enjoy the activities and events there. So, she spent the majority of her days in her room. She told me once that she waited too long to make the move.
Living alone is not the problem. But living alone if the situation is not safe, if the person's cognition is impeding with their ability to make sound decisions (this is where scam artists take advantage of people). Those are the major issues.
I hope you are happy with your current situation. You are very lucky to have someone to be with.
Thank you, great information.
Thank you, we appreciate it!
What if they totally refuse and fight everything, as in my parents?
Yep, I know that story!! I lived it.
Well, you can't reason with crazy so the best you can do, in my experience, is to make your recommendations and let them know that they will live the consequences of their decisions. We all do.
It may be helpful for you to find a support group of other family caregivers. Believe me, you are not alone in this problem.
This article may help you:
seniorsafetyadvice.com/what-to-do-when-your-elderly-parent-refuses-to-move/
Hi
I felt some information missing 22:48 or counseling for the senior’s family to be able to deal with the issues you’ve mentioned. Maybe in the next video?
That's a very good point!! I'll mention that in the next video, thank you!
I am 87 and live alone in a quiet Close with neighbours who mind their own business. I do everything for myself as my 2 children live about an hour's journey away by train (no cars!) I know I am now at the x-roads of my old age, not knowing whether to move to a flat or a carehome
Thank you for sharing and I understand your concern. Every individual's circumstances are unique in terms of their health, mobility, family support system, financial resources, and personal preferences. There is no one-size-fits-all solution.
I would encourage you to have open and honest discussions with your children, as well as your medical providers, about your current level of independence and what supportive services may be needed if you wish to continue living alone for as long as possible.
The decision should not be yours alone to make. You want to speak with others who have the experience and knowledge that can help you.
I also want to say that I think you are very brave to be thinking about this before an accident occurs or your health declines. So many older adults wait too long and the end result is that they lose everything, including their independence.
So bravo!
Leave them alone , if they're happy living alone leave it at that, makes my blood boil, they have the right!!!
Oh, it's not about that. It's about being safe.
So, I have a friend who's mother is 92. She lives alone in a one level house.
My friend, her daughter, lives about 15 minutes away and visits several times a week.
The mother has fallen 3 times in the last 12 months. Each time breaking something, A leg, a hip and a shoulder. She falls because she is weak and refuses to use her walker.
Her mother also has mild dementia and my friend was lucky enough to intervene in time when her mother was sending out a check for 10,000 to what she thought was her grandson, who is in college, in trouble. (This is a very common scam)
Her mother is very stubborn and refuses to leave her home - but the situation is only getting worse for her and her family.
So, is someone like this okay to live alone? Is it safe?
It's unfortunate that things like this happen but that's what I want to raise the awareness of. I would love for older adults to be responsible enough to recognize that they themselves are no longer safer living alone and to take the reigns and do something about it.
Otherwise, the decision then falls on others and it's not always the best one.
So, I'm sorry this video offended you in some way but please try to understand that there are millions of older adults who can use help but are simply unable or unwilling to do it.
Consider this scenario: Your mother is 85. She's lived alone just fine for years. However, now she winds up in the hospital twice in 6 months from serious falls and doesn't know how or when it happened. Doctor takes pictures of bruises all over from falls we weren't aware of. Adult protective services contacted. Mom insists to be left alone in her home. As her daughter, I just do as she wishes??? She moved 5 hours away. It's not possible for me to move in with her. She is now living with me. No falls since. Elders, please consider caregivers and family members in your comments, which I believe this video is meant for.
@Patriciacopley8284 my reply was meant for you to consider.
Elderly parents with needs: the price of their kids moving far away…or…just selfish bastards
I have friends in this situation. Both older friends who are the parents and younger ones who are the adult children. And as an Occupational Therapist working with families of older adults I saw this situation thousands of times.
It may not be an ideal situation but more often than not, it's important for both, parents and children, to talk about the issues and to be flexible. Because of work situations, this usually means that it's the parents who have to be the ones to move closer to their children.
My mother did this, she didn't like it, she complained about it for years afterwards, but it ended up being the smart thing to do and it benefited her tremendously. Even though she would never let her children know that.
She went from a 2 story townhouse to a one story house with a beautiful backyard. This was much more manageable for her as she grew even older. She was a 5 minute walk away from her oldest daughter and a 10 minute drive from her grandchildren and great grandchildren.
She was able to participate in family events which she would have missed living 4 hours away.
And, as she grew older and needed more help, it was much easier to take her to her doctors and visit her in the hospital when that would happen. And of course, when she was in her final months, we were all able to care for her because she was nearby.
She complained about it until the day she died but the truth is, her life was so much better because of it. She was just too stubborn to admit it.
I so wish that she would have focused on the joy of being with family instead of lamenting on the fact that she had to move.
Growing older is not easy, for anyone. The ones growing older and the loved ones around them. So, why make it harder by causing issues like this to come between everyone?
Idont get out because iam a homebody plus i move to Maryland and i dont know were store places are
Hello Isabel, I'm a homebody too so I know that it's more comfortable to be home. And I've moved around many times so I know what it also is to live some place where you don't know anyone. But it's very important to get out and meet others. Neighbors are good. Going to church, volunteer groups, etc.
It's hard but it's worth it. Even if you just get out a few times a week, it will be very good for you.
Thank you for your comment and I wish you much luck.
Yes if they can and want to
Yes, if they can is the issue. Of course, if they are suffering from dementia or some other cognitive issue then they can't make a proper and safe decision for themselves. It's a very tough situation when that happens.
@SeniorSafetyAdvice People these days treat seniors who are perfectly fine like they have dementia. It's a damn conspiracy
In my area i cant even get the social workers to come back to help the kids to ascess them what to even prepare for....when youre just thrown in to it
If you live in a rural area, I can understand that. It's extremely difficult to get help in those areas. Maybe this information can be useful for you - www.ruralhealthinfo.org/toolkits/aging
I have been every where we wanted visit when my wife of 44 yrs was alive. I love being in my home we made together. It is large and old. I have no need to go out much as every thing I want or need is here. I have explained to my daughter that as long as I have money , my dogs and guns , nobody will make me leave . No power of attorney for my children. No one will dictate how I will live , or what they think I should do.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your story. It sounds like your home is not just a place to live, but a treasure trove of memories and experiences that you shared with your wife over 44 wonderful years. It's truly heartwarming to hear how much it means to you, and I can understand why you'd want to stay there surrounded by everything that makes you feel comfortable and happy, including your dogs and the sense of independence you cherish.
The point of this video is really about being safe. Sometimes though, even when we feel we have everything under control, life can throw unexpected challenges our way, and the result is that the things in your house may have to change like adding a ramp or more lighting, etc.
As long as you're safe - that's the important thing.
Thanks for watching our channel.
How dare you!? Listen to yourself. So many shoulds...they should do this, should do that. You will be there yourself one day. All to make YOU feel better, what about the individuals you are referring to. It's their choice. Unbelievable attitude.
Oh, I am sorry that it was offense, that certainly is not the intention. This video has certainly sparked some emotion in many seniors (I am a senior as well) and I can understand that.
But, the point of the video is really meant to help families keep their senior loved ones safe, as safe as they possibly can.
So, as I state in the video, if an older person is not bathing properly or unable to manage their finances or neglecting their home or their health, etc. These are just some signs that say that more help may be needed.
Certainly does not mean that the older person has to move out - it just means that it seems they may need more help.
After working with seniors for over a decade as an Occupational Therapist, I can tell you that I saw many patients who were not lucky enough to have help or supervision and they ended up in my rehabilitation unit. Many of them were never able to return home.
So, my experience has taught me that it's better to take control of your situation and get help when and if you need it or move if that's a better solution - than to ignore these signs and end up injuring yourself, burning your house down or any other number of situations that could occur. After all, isn't that scenario losing complete control? Isn't it better to handle these issues before they become big problems?
I have held the hands of many of my patients who cried and cried because they could not go back home. They were either now wheelchair bound or their home was found to be unsafe for them, etc. Believe me, it's a very sad situation and I would like to see that happen less.
I hope this explanation helps you.
Did you have to care for your parents in their later years? If so, were you ever worried about their safety? Good for you if you live alone until you die. However, I don't believe most seniors do. Please consider the family members and caregivers who have to make tough SAFETY decisions which this video was meant for.
This video was very helpful to me.
I even resent phones calls, just want to be left alone to do for myself. I wish I never needed help. I’m 82 1/2
I am sorry you feel that way. We all need help every now and then.
After my husband died, I was in a terrible state and I certainly would not have survived that time as well as I did without the help of friends and family.
Only 5 weeks after he died I fell off a ladder (stupid, I know) and fractured my wrist, severely injured my hip and ended up having to use a cane for many weeks. It took me a year to fully recover from the fractured wrist.
I asked for help from everyone I knew and I am grateful for it.
I don't have many memories at all about that entire year so to this day I still thank my friends and family for whatever it is that they did. I don't know what they did, but I know they helped.
So, don't be shy about asking for assistance - we all need it every now and then.
❤❤❤
Thank you! Hope the information was helpful.
m mother-inlaw lived alone in her house and assured my wife tht ahe was eating regularlopom questioning her food choices my wifr learned th her diet condidyed lsrgely of ketscup sandwivhes and chocolate. spending more time eith her mother it also became evident that she reconized people but had no ability to didtinguish friend from foe leading to her being scammed by an unfdscypiulous grifyterclaiming yto conduct roof repairs snd repredsenting the gardener contracted to mow her lawn to collectpayment for overfue bilsl
Oh yes, this is a very crazy scenario, but not unusual. I remember walking into a patient's home to assess if she could return home after her hospital stay.
When I walked in, there was stuff everywhere in the house and roaches just roaming about.
I opened the refrigerator and it was filled with roaches.
It was horrible.
We had to call the family to let them know that their mom simply was not capable of living alone any more.
It's never easy to make the decision and never easy to make the change.
That's why I tell everyone that it's so important to do it sooner rather than later. But, I get it. Not many people want to leave their home.
But when it's unsafe or unhealthy, it's a decision that has to be made.
Best of luck for you, your wife and your mother in law.
How depressing 😡. ‘old age’ is an attitude. I am 80, an Airbnb host, of 12 years, and I never feel old. Even when unwell, my sense of humour keeps me buoyant and alive. but most of all knowing Jesus, the son of God, means I never feel alone and there’s so much to look forward on ‘the other side’ 😁. Find Jesus! It’s the relationship we were all born to have. So sad for all who haven’t got this peace and joy , but it’s there, for the having.
Also believe it was God’s amazing grace that made the cancer fade away.
I am so happy that you have found what works for you and may you be able to keep this until your final days. Thanks so much for sharing.
No talk of getting help in . Just. send the person to assisted living. Ha! Because as an OT she knows everything..
Hope she has been dealt with similarly by now.
I actually did mention about getting help in at 7:57. And again at 13:43 so perhaps you were busy with another task or just didn't hear it.
And no, I don't know everything, for sure. I can only speak from my years of experience in working with thousands of older adults.
At the end of the day, that's all any of us can do.
Thanks for your comment.
Hmm, no, maybe I did not mention about getting help in but the topic of the video is about assessing if an older person is safe enough and cognitively aware enough to be living alone.
I worked in geriatrics for 12 years and I saw many families who were unaware or were unwilling to admit that their senior loved one was not capable any longer of being safe alone.
Also, the seniors themselves were not willing to admit it either.
Of course, if any of these signs are evident and continuing to be home is viable, then yes, getting help in would be most useful.
But more often, assisted living is a better option. But not always.
I am a senior myself and am very much looking at all of my options to see what will be best for me and my family. After all, they are impacted as well.
Well, there’s nothing you can do if your kids don’t come around you gotta rely on your own damn self to know that you can’t do anything and put yourself somewhere
Yeah, at the end of the day, I do believe we can only rely on ourselves. It's not a punishment, it's resilience and it's honoring your own strength. The happiest people I know are the ones who expect nothing from anyone and everything from themselves.
Plus the children live long distances from one another and you. So you get on with the routine you have made and hope you keep strong enough to remain independent. Best wishes to all of us😊
That's all true, but also, be proactive and make plans on what to do IF you are no longer able to do everything you need to do.
Most people think that their only option is to move into a nursing home but that is SO far from the truth.
There are many different types of communities and living arrangements that can be made to make life easier and more important, safer.
I wrote an article on that topic - maybe you will find it helpful.
seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/
So many of these things extended families do. Americans should ask themselves why they’re ok w/institutions & ‘experts’ replacing everything a family & small community used to do for one another Eg: Amish! Lonely & depressed get psych evaluation? Messy? Assisted living? Why not live w/Grandma?
Thank you so much for commenting.
Well, I understand your point but unfortunately it can't always happen. There are seniors who have no children and no family, there are also families with severe mental illness like Schizophrenia and severe bipolar disorders that are very unsafe to live with, etc.
And there are senior parents who refuse to live with their children but prefer to live independently. My mother who was born and raised in Sicily was like that. Very, very independent.
But my point in this video was to look for the signs that indicate that an elderly person is no longer safe to live alone. It's not always easy to tell. Especially when it's family.
Anway, although living with grandma could be fine for you, as long as it's fine with grandma then great. But, it's not the case for everyone.
Nobody wants to live with grandma. She's not nice and creates problems between family members.
In Indonesia u would need a lot of money to pay private maid n nurses
Yes, you need money here in the US, too. Unfortunately, it gets costly to for care when you get old. :(
And if we dont like people in our 20's it stands to reason we dont like people in our older age. You look like you may be getting up there yourself, just saying.
Oh yes, I'm 65 now and absolutely getting up there. I'm on the downhill slide of my life as I say.
And yes, it's the moreso disease. However you are when you're younger, you're only moreso when you're older.
The problem is here. Kids have to leave home at 18. Utterly nonsense. Some are not ready yet. You don't want me, i don't want you, so don't come to me for anything! In other countries its the opposite. That's why adult children are there for their elderly patients. Think about it.
.
Thanks for your comment.
My relatives are all in Italy and Sicily and I do agree that the culture there is different but not as much as it used to be.
I know from speaking to my relatives that there certainly are nursing homes and assisted living facilities to help care for older adults there.
The difference these days is that more younger people are working full time than they used to years ago.
Also, since people are generally living longer - the chances of them having to deal with issues such as dementia and Alzheimer's is higher and that can make it very difficult for families to properly care for someone with those types of conditions.
I personally love the work that Norway has done to care for their seniors.
www.thestar.com/news/world/why-norway-is-no-1-for-seniors/article_bd3f01a2-2060-5178-bd7b-0674e288a2f5.html
Here's a video of one of the nursing homes in Norway - they really are doing a great job there of caring for seniors.
ua-cam.com/video/6Aa5cSHeiDE/v-deo.html
Maybe he was right about the “conspiracy “ theories??
Well, you certainly never know, depends on the conspiracy theory. I think it's just important for us to understand that the brain is not functioning as it once was and as a result, it can create some unreal "realities" for that person.
I truly do believe that they believe what they are seeing or imagining but that doesn't make it true.
I once had a patient tell me that I couldn't come into her house until I put on a pair of pink slippers, which she handed to me. The reason was that the pink slippers kept the demon out of the house because the demon did not like pink slippers. She read that in a publication that she got that was full of conspiracy theories and she even showed it to me.
So, yeah, there's all kinds.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice yes it does depend on what you class as a “conspiracy” theory. Today it seems anyone who doesn’t agree with the government is labelled a conspiracy theorist. But yes I get your point you need to look out for changes in thinking. My mum lives with me now. I love it actually mostly. She’s still active at 89 but she just needed more of an eye kept on her after a few falls. It was difficult for her at first as she’s always been so independent but we’ve made it work and divided up chores in the house so she feels more of an equal partner in the household. It’s a precious time.
all of the things you mentioned describes President Biden lol
Well, not all for sure. The other candidate also has some of these issues and much more.
I always look to see what the person has done in the past. How have they voted on issues? Responded to situations that affect the country? Acted when difficult decisions had to be made?
Anyone can say anything, but their past actions are, in my opinion, the only way that any of us can assess any future behavior.
Not great options for us this time around, not sure that there ever are.
stop telling me what to do
I'm certainly not. This video has elicited quite a good amount of emotional angst, anger, etc.
Honestly, all I am trying to do is to provide information - a sort of checklist - to help families (and older adults) identify problems that may be a sign that something may not be quite right.
I have treated patients that have been burned because they left the pot on the stove and it started a fire.
I have treated patients that have fallen, and it was not their first fall and as a result they either fractured a leg, shoulder, hip or worse, they incurred a head injury and I was then teaching them how to use a fork again.
I have seen quite a few horrible situations that have occurred simply because the older adult ignored these signs.
I'm not telling you what to do, I am just trying to keep you safe. My experience has taught me that all it takes is 1 second for your life to change. Why give up your independence because of that 1 second?
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I am not talking to you personally but the system that you represent.
For me i have to take the risk rather than the mental anguish of personal intereaction and the resentment from the caregiver when i say no.
Just talks too much. Give the reasons she gets very boring. Sorry
Oh I have a friend whose 92 year old mother just keeps repeating herself over and over again. It drives my friend crazy but I just tell her to change the subject. Sometimes, that's all you can do.
Best of luck!