I don’t know you and you don’t know me but if you walked in the women’s bathroom and we are alone my non verbal communication is to be scared and run out. Seriously. Women who have been attacked by men will react that way. So care and understanding in ALL people is needed.
I am truly sorry that you have been attacked. That's really awful and you have my complete and unreserved sympathy. I completely agree with your comment about care and understanding. It is tough to see sometimes - especially online - but I like to think that when push comes to shove people do pull together and demonstrate that care for others. All the best, Andy ✌️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education it is about knowing people. If we know each other than that is different but I am also not asking you to be different but know that some peoples reactions come from pain not the intention to hurt others. 😍. I also do not sit in chairs unless it faces the wall so that I can see potential threats. Hard to explain when I ask people to change seats.
I would like to think that people do not ask the question 'why should I change'? But I fear maybe they do all too often. Yes, I get what you're saying. And thank you for raising it here; you make a valuable contribution to this discussion. Ultimately "hurt people hurt people"; often unintentionally as a means of self-preservation. Goodness knows I've been there so I'm not one to judge someone for that. It's tough when you have people who's pain comes into conflict and contact because you have sympathy for both sides. And there are so many people in pain these days it seems. I hope you're staying safe ❤️
I completely agree. The world is a marvellous place where we can connect with a range of people with different views, but still after discussion we share so many similarities. Have a great Sunday ❤️👍✌️
@@Andy_trans_education I agree too. What a world we live in. So much beautiful souls and rolemodels out there - like you. I am sure that if there more people like you, it would be a much happier place with less negativity and close minded people. I discovered your chanel a few days ago and love to see it thrive! Than there have been about 75 subscribers, now there will be soon over 100 subscribers. 😍👍
@@crazycatlady7143 thank you got your kind response ❤️🙏 I like to think that I’m paying back the positive karma I’ve received over the past few months. The world certainly seems a sunnier place these days for me at least. And yes, I’m astonished at how this channel’s growing. It feels like only a few weeks ago I was delighted with 200 views and 20 subscribers… I still don’t I know what’s bringing people here, but I hope you have found something positive ☺️ Have a great week, Andy 😀❤️✌️
Its not how you look woman will know if you are a lady or not because woman have a common bond. I have found that out after 40 years crossdressing. If they like and trust you they might let you join their club.
Oh that’s an interesting question! I’m working on things that will get me closer to passing. I know that by starting transitioning later in life there’s less change I’ll likely see. I’m obviously a little disappointed with this, but the alternative is just sitting around wishing things were different, losing more time, aging more and more as a man, and having to deal with regular bouts of depression. Nowadays I can actively work on getting closer to where I need to be. I can’t realistically “plan” on passing. I can try my best and work hard, but this will only do so much. So I need to be realistic. If in 2 or 3 years time I’m being seen as a woman more often than not, I’ll be delighted. It’s a long-term project and I’m really very early into it. But maybe I won’t get there; there’s no certainties anywhere in life, and this is no different. Ultimately I’m so much happier now and being able to live honestly with my friends, family and colleagues has improved my quality of life 100%. Thanks for your question, have a great week. Andy 😀❤️✌️
It is so valuable leading a chanel showing experiences of early stages of transition, both a reality check and validation for other trans people in progress, so please keep it up❤ ( i am not trans, but a medical student who aspire to provide help in medical transitioning in the future)
Plus regarding your question from the video, personally i believe, you not rushing your process and not stressing about ,,passing" is what best for your Heath. There May be some problems along with it (like a comment from a women who would be scared of you in the women spaces) but there are exeptions, to be acknowledge but not a reason to feel like you are not doing enough, it is your mind and body and your experience, it does not belong to other people
Thank you so much for saying so. ❤️❤️ I know it doesn’t necessarily present us as the always super pretty superwomen as some other creators. But I think it’s useful to show not only that it takes time to achieve that kind of look, but that you can be proud of that as well. I hope find the rest of this useful, and don’t be shot on asking more questions - or challenging the things I have to say! Have a great weekend, Andy ❤️☺️✌️
I think you are very intelligent and introspective! The fact that you are open to constructive criticism and you understand that everything takes time is so valuable! It’s a process! And I agree in terms of the fixation on trying to attain what perhaps may be unattainable for some of us! We are different at the end of the day, and that is not a bad thing! (although I have struggled with lots of gender dysphoria that has led me to surgeries etc!) my issue is when non passing people demand to be in spaces as other woman knowing they don’t pass! Or like competing with woman in sports after only being on HRT for a few months! I think that is selfish and out of touch! I think that when people start to willfully call you she pronouns etc that is when you can be more free in spaces with other woman without being ridiculed! Continue to be YOU, and go through the process of what will make you happier in your body! Just understand that not everyone will follow your lead or address you as such especially in the beginning stages! And like you said people will always find something to Polk fun at! Don’t take offense to it! Although I have a feeling that you are pretty darn grounded in who you are!!! ❤
@@morgindupont my perspective as a woman is that if someone tries to pass as a woman and you can tell that they want to be seen as a woman, I'll respect them and I don't feel threatened by them, they're not in the ladies room because they have any ill intent towards me, they're probably just trying to live their life in peace
Thank you 😊❤️ It's difficult not to take to heart things like the 'debate' around trans women in women's spaces. To be honest, I try to be as careful as possible. For example, at my yoga class I use the men's facilities which is fine as: 1) there are almost never any men there anyway and 2) if anyone were to get upset I'm in the women's locker room it would ultimately be my yoga teacher who might face the consequences, not me. I really like her so I would rather not create the potiential for that. As I said, I don't get offended by people's comments. I knew I'd get some criticism and I'm a big girl. I imagine the worst of them to be bored kids trying to troll the [slur]. And if they're grown adults, well that says more about them than it does me. If there's anyone willing to have a reasonable conversation, I will engage with them. I've had some wonderful discussions here where I think both of us learned something - and that's what it's all about 😊 Have a wonderful Sunday, Andy 😊❤️✌️
I used to want to pass, but now I don't care. It's hard to say where I would draw this line, because I'm on HRT and will continue to be, but I make no efforts to pass, to be a "woman." Why should I? I make it a point to not force anything, to be self-aware of my own self, and aim to be authentic. I'm not saying you or others are inauthentic, as that isn't for me to decide, but that through this kind of self-acceptance of my body as it is on HRT, I have found a kind of joy and peace that I don't have to work for. As a trans-fem, I even grow out my beard, because why not? Even some cis women grow them, thicker than mine. I love what I do now, who I am, and how I present myself to the world, either it be ambiguous or overtly feminine, always being visibly trans. We aren't always what we think, so it is important to let go, to be self-aware, and to be open-minded to the unknown.
Thank you I loved this comment because it sums up so much of what I want for myself: to have the confidence and love and peace for myself that I can accept whatever comes my way. You sound like you're in a wonderful place and I am delighted for you. I really appreciate you sharing and I hope to see you around again :) Have a great Sunday, Andy
Yep. 5 months. That's no time at all; most folk are just getting started at this point (as am I). Maybe there's this misconception, which I discuss in this video, that trans folk maybe just appear 'fully-formed'. The truth is it can take years - and that's in conjunction with other things like laser and electrolysis for hair removal, voice training and so on. Thanks for your comment. Have a great week!
That's very interesting. I suppose I'm more familiar with a western-centric view of 'transness' which is a shame. I lived in Asia for many years (South Korea - before it was trendy - and Sri Lanka) so I'm aware of some of the cultural differences. It would be fascinating to learn more about how the trans communities overlapped and diverged.
Telling the lady in passing that she is showing too much chest, is silly. I'm guessing you're going to ask why people volunteer their opinion to you, but you made a video about it, so you're asking for judgment. @5:19 You mention that you "probably don't pass" as you sit there with a 5oclock shadow. Of course you don't pass and maybe it shouldn't matter. Fashion is so varied that it's wrong to say that people are judging you for your appearance. Rather, there's a strong association between people trying to appear a certain way, failing miserably but they don't see it, and it's coupled more importantly with the thought that they should also be seen as women and have the rights afforded to women, which is just crazy. Dress how you want, but don't pretend the world has to recognize you as a woman. Big difference and one of those wouldn't care what others said.
Thanks for your comment. You actually make a brilliant point and it's wild I don't think I made the connection especially clearly in my video: do I disagree with my friend's comment and then disagree with people commenting on me? As I said, when we put ourselves out there, we are engaging in a 'conversation' - nonverbally, of course - with the world. I knew that by being visible and on UA-cam I might attract attention and I do encourage people to 'comment down below', so it would be hypocritical of me to turn around and say "how dare you say such bad things about my appearance?" So while I don't think I'm overtly 'asking for judgement', I suppose it is impled by my presence on the screen of however you watch this. I know that my appearance might be different to how people would expect a woman to look, so therefore I knew people would pick up on it. Which is a shame really as so many people seem to see my face first, but don't engage with what I have to say. I wonder if people were to listen more, would they actually agree with most of my message? It's impossible to say at this point because of the number of people jumping to conclusions just from the thumbnail and video title (which, I accept is a bit 'click-baity'). Anyway, thanks for commenting. Have a great week, Andy ❤️😊✌️
I have a guy friend who happens to be trans and at first, my brain didn't entirely perceive him as a man (even though he has a beard) but the mannerisms and time spent with him changed the way I see him. You may not "pass" visually yet but you have the right energy and mannerisms (which in my opinion is "trying" to pass) which means that people you care about will at some point or another see you as a woman even without any physical changes. In general, it's refreshing to watch a video by a trans person that is self-aware and doesn't blame everyone else or call them names. I will never get behind people who on purpose misgender or insult people but I also don't get behind trans people humiliating people who made an honest mistake (like the viral video of the trana woman calling the manager at a resturant because of it). Wish you all the best in your journey 😊
Thank you for your kind comment. A couple of people have commented on. my 'energy', which is interesting. I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise that I have sympathy for a trans person losing their temper at someone over being misgendered or subject to transphobia (I assume; I don't know the video you describe). You might have spotted in the comments section here, people are quite willing and happy to speculate about my intentions, criticise my appearance, explain how I am not actually trans, and so on. It can wear someone down. So what we might be seeing in that video is the end result of a long chain of those kind of comments. What we don't see is everything leading up to that explosion. Maybe that trans person had just had a long and difficult day, and all they wanted was some food - a basic human need - and even then they need to run the gauntlet of disrespect (at least that's how they saw it). It's kind of the same for a lot of the 'Karen' videos. In fact, it's also kind of the same for those commenting on my videos in a nasty way. We don't know those people, but everyone is capable of having a really bad day and overreacting; lashing out at someone who's an easy target. I've certainly done it (not to the point of having a meltdown, but I've made some comments), I'm sure we all have once in our lives. And now that overreaction is now captured maybe forever on the internet. Maybe they're mortified, maybe they don't care, maybe they'll double-down on it. I'd hope that I'd do better - probably you as well. But I can't honestly say that if I'm pushed again and again and again and again, would I not snap? Even just a little? Anyway, thanks for the comment, have.a great week. Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
Thank you. You're so kind to say. It's easy to be positive when I'm just so happy these days. Hopefully I can send some of those vibes into the universe! It's great to have such positive feedback and I hope to see you around again soon. Have a great weekend, Andy ❤️✌️
I have met many transgender males both pre & post op'. All were masculine & felt they had to conform to stereotypical ideals of manliness, their only explanation was "I feel like a woman". They couldn't know what feeling like a woman means (they are not all the same) so it seemed they were saying I am unhappy being this type of man; they also said they could not express emotion or be nurturing as a man. This is a self imposed restriction like "men don't cry" which is untrue. They began talking about attraction to males (my brother attributed this to hormones) & said the idea of homosexuality repulsed him. If you can't pass as a woman then isn't the surgery pointless? 3 doctors suggested I change gender because I was feminine, androgynous & pretty but I have always been happy being male. I'm sure those who can't pass feel uncomfortable but I know many had unrealistic expectations, changing your appearance does not change who you are inside. It is a personal choice but people are not prepared for what they are likely to face. I hope one day somebody will articulate with total honesty & without being defensive about the subject. I think there is too much talk & not enough research or counselling. For some it becomes a crusade, for others it becomes a regret. I had one feminine male friend who everyone thought was female, he eventually transitioned but fell into the latter group. I did defend a guy who my colleagues mocked as he was unattractive by saying not all women look like Marilyn Monroe. I do have compassion for those who can't pass & are meekly apologetic, especially in the 2 years before treatment begins. Trans-women also need to be sensitive to the feelings of cis women. NB. Nobody made you make this video it was your choice.
Hi, Thanks for your comment. I have to be honest, it took me several reads of your comment to understand it (the English teacher in me is asking for paragraphs), and you jump from one topic to the other without any clear coherence, so if there's anything I don't get right I apologise in advance. I'm not sure what your history or experience is, but you seem to have a bit of terminology issue - 'transgender man' is a person transitioning from female to male. I suspect you mean 'transgender woman' given your examples were apparently unhappy as men. You make certain assumptions about what you *think* the people you know were thinking and feeling ("it seemed they were saying..." [...] "this is a self-imposed restriction..." [...] "I'm sure those that can't pass feel uncomfortable"), but it feels to me as if you are making a fairly superficial take of what the transgender experience is. I have to be honest, given this error and how you arrived at your conclusions, it does throw some of what you're saying into question. For example, I'm not aware of too many doctors who would prescribe gender affirming treatment based on someone being 'feminine' and 'pretty'. Certainly not in the UK or Poland (the 2 contexts I'm more aware of). You mentioned the '2-year wait' for treatment which suggests you live in the UK, so if that's the case how does that wait fit your anecdote time-wise? Maybe they *suggested* (rather than recommending / pushing) it in passing as part of a wider form of treatment or therapy in order to rule this out? That sounds like rather sound medical practice to me. If I go to the doctor's with a chronic headache, you'd hope they'd do their due dilligance to rule out anything serious - this would include exploring all possible options and avenues. Assuming that you weren't forced to transition, you said 'no' and they moved on to some other diagnosis etc. Just by being offered this as a form of treatment is not the same thing as 'forcing' people to transition. While every treatment and surgery has regret, I do wonder why gender affirming treatment is held to such an impossibly high standard? Are you suggesting that if we don't get a 100% satisfaction rating we should prevent such treatments? If that's not your point then why bring it up? I do agree that more investment needs to be made, as well as research, but current research suggests rather strongly that gender affirming treatment is largely pretty effective in terms of reducing negative outlook and satisfaction of outcome. By the way, did you watch my video? I talk a bit about how I might not pass myself. I am not only comfortable with this possibility, but can see some positives in that. I can't speak for others in the community and I know that passing can become quite an obsession with some. In my view that's an issue with that individual not with the transgender experience. As you suggest, more support for those individuals would help. But then again, so would a society which is less suspicious and hostile towards us in general. I hope that I'm not coming across defensive, but I'm not sure what you expect the trans community to say more than they have. We have responded to the 'concerns' similar to those in your comment again and again and again and again. We have often replied with respect, and patience. Sometimes we have not. At some point people are going to lose patience. I mean, you're going to be defensive when you are literally under attack, no? You're also making a very false dichotomy between trans people either "regretting" or going on a "crusade". I know I'm on UA-cam, but I'm very much in a minority here. Given this statement and the other assumptions and inaccuracies you have made, I do have to wonder if you have actually met other trans people or read a couple of articles about us and here you are. I know this might be unfair; maybe I'm wrong. But ultimately to me you could be anybody and I can only go with what you're telling me. Also it's a bit cheeky to suggest that we're not being honest about how we're communicating when we're faced with the aforementioned hostility and have to deal with bad-faith questions from people who know exactly what they're doing - how many times have people tried to help certain transphobes understand why misgendering is bad, for example? Are all the medical associations who recommend gender-affirming treatment as the best response to someone dealing with dysphoria being dishonest? Anyway, this is a much longer response than your comment deserves. As I said, I tend to distrust some of what you have said. Maybe you're not lying as such, but perhaps being 'economical with the truth'. I'm open to being wrong though, and if I am and I've upset you... well maybe think about what the content of your response led me to that conclusion. Have a great week, Andy ✌️ ❤️ 😊
Agender here, AMAB, with a natural body associated with masculine identity. I do not identify as a man but, being agender I do not identify to any gender and have no one to transition to or to try to pass to. My identity doesn’t change with the way I look. But the way people interact with me changes a lot if I adopt a masculine look, an androgynous, or a feminine one. And a lot of cis people who don’t look with the archetype of their gender can suffer a lot because of that. You can do a great good in the world by just avoiding to presume one’s gender identity or expression just by the way they look. And in those troubled times for trans people, let’s not forget the positive : more and more FtM and MtF are getting comfortable with not passing perfectly, and that’s a huge progress. And never forget. How you feel about yourself is always valid. Your inner sense of yourself always valid.
Thank you. I tend to agree that inner peace and love is more important that trying to fit into a world which will always find fault no matter how you look. This is not just true for tranks folk of course! Have a great week, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
"Your inner sense of yourself is always valid." No, the world is not all 'fluffy rainbows'. There are some very sick people out there and broad mindedness like that is not healthy
Great video. I'm at around 9 min. in and you are talking about "passing". I'm a woman (XX) and I would see a effeminate man who likes cross-dressing if you were wearring a robe. If I look at your facial bone structure, you are lucky. You don't have an extra wide jaw and it's difficult to see but your forehead does not seem to have the brow bone very prominent. But how I see you, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What matters is are you comfortable with how you present. And I'm sorry if I triggered anything in you to make you feel bad.
Hello 😀 Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and comment. Don’t worry; it takes a lot to upset me and I recognise that you are trying to be supportive. It’s interesting that as few people have commented on my bone structure, and it’s not something I’ve analysed in a lot of detail. I’m not sure if everyone would appreciate such attention to detail, but thanks 🙏 I know in some respects I’m lucky, but we’ll see how things go; it’s still super early in transition. Have a great week, Andy 😀❤️✌️
This video popped up in my recommended, and I'm really glad I watched it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'd like to respond to your initial question, and then I'll share some of my own thoughts/questions that arose during my watching. When you asked "What would you do?" I thought that I'd most likely not comment on a woman walking down the street wearing revealing clothing. Partly due to my fear of causing offence/being rejected, partly because doing something like this lies outside of convention and this would cause discomfort in me. However, I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your perspective on how people dress/present themselves is a statement to the world, like an invitation to conversation. It rings true that, in some definite way, how we present ourselves socially (make-up/dress/posture/mannerisms) is a self-expressive statement that reflects us at that time. And I believe that clothing/make-up is a more explicit, forward way of inviting conversation, depending on how 'loud'/attention-grabbing the clothing/make-up is. Now, a few (potentially controversial, albeit honest) questions I have that I believe come from a place of curiosity, not judgment: 1. Why is it of such importance that a trans person 'passes'? Isn't this placing a lot of emphasis on the affirmation of total strangers on one's gender? This to me sounds very superficial. Also, one has little-to-no control over whether one passes to strangers, and therefore I can imagine people deriving some of their self-esteem on this very fickle thing, which seems pretty dangerous and unhealthy to me. 2. To me, if I were to see you in the street, I would think you were a man. If we were to speak and you asked me to use she/her pronouns, out of politeness I'd use them, and I'd be curious to hear your story. I agree that you should wear make-up as an expression of your femininity, and not to acquiesce to those who shun you for not wearing it. But femininity expresses itself in many deeper forms, so I'm curious as to why there seems to such an intense emphasis (sometimes obsession) on appearance in the trans world. I know that, genitally speaking, it's pretty fundamental, but otherwise is it not quite superficial? And it makes me wonder how much of one's identity is mixed up with gender when you see people become so incredibly incensed when a total stranger 'misgenders' them. 3. I'm curious what you mean when you say "I perceive myself as a woman." I don't mean to be pedantic here, and my curiosity is honest. In my perspective, someone who has male genitalia and genuinely sees themself as a woman either has some acute dysphoria or is delusional, because their perspective is divorced from reality. If they identify as a woman because that aligns with their strong feelings of femininity, yet they can accept that they unfortunately inhabit the body of a man, then this is a lot more understandable. I hope you don't think I've been a prick here, as I really am just curious, and nothing I have said has been an attack on you. I'd love for any response, if you'd be interested in a dialogue. Thanks, Luke.
Hi, Thank you so much for your thoughtful and interesting response. It is for comments like these that I continue to make these videos and try to respond to as many comments as I can. I don't think any of your questions are objectionable or an attack and are clearly seeking to learn more about my - and by extension other trans folk's experience, so feel free to come back if anything I say isn't clear (it's also getting a bit late where I am, so... 😊 ). 1) Passing is important in so far that it provides a layer of safety; trans folk face real violence merely for being trans (In fact cis folk face violence for being percieved as trans www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/05/man-beats-up-86-year-old-woman-with-dementia-because-he-thought-she-was-transgender/). So on the one hand it's about just surviving. But also it can represent a clear signifier about how you want to be seen and addressed. This might and does leave us open to citicism about 'reinforcing gender stereotypes', so it's a bit of a lose-lose scenario. Moreover, we often feel an intense feeling of eurphoria when presenting female, so we sometimes just really enjoy it. It might be seen as superficial, but it goes deeper for many of us, and there is no one universal 'trans law' which we all agree on. Ultimately though many people - trans and cis alike - are deeply interested in their appearance and spend time looking good for themselves and others. Maybe we give it a particular name because it carries so much weight for some of us (but not all!). But realistically, are we really more focussed on looks than most people? I'm not so sure. Do people spend as much time maligning cis women for being superficial? I hope I was able to explain how it's not an essential thing for me in the video because I need to be realistic about the extent to which I will pass. But also I can see value and power in being a visibly trans woman. 2) Yeah, that's fair - I know I'm far off passing or presenting much beyond androgynous for now, but I'm working on it! 😊 As for the 'superficiality' of appearance, see above. For misgendering... hmm... it's a difficult question. If you go onto trans discussion spaces on Reddit for instance, people tend to claim to be rather forgiving when they are misgendered as a one-off and it's a clear accident or slip of the tongue. My dad is not great at it, but I understand it's difficult for him and I know he loves me, so I will always forgive him for it. But you have to understand that misgendering or ''deadnaming" (where our original/dispreferred name is used) is often used as a weapon by transphobes to disrespect us. It's a signifier by them that trans women are not and never will be women and trans men are not and never will be men. We are often recorded by them to showcase how 'triggered' we are and 'easily offended'. It is that form of misgendering that we object to; as most people probably would. No doubt you would not like being referred to as 'it' in the same way? Now, I'm not saying no trans person has evey overreacted (it might have been a long day and all they wanted was a goddam burger or something - we've all had bad days and done things we're embarrassed about), but by and large I reckon most folk are fairly even-minded about it. There's actually a debate as to whether it's appropriate to misgender someone who misgenders you - put the boot on the other foot, so to speak. I'm of the opinion that isn't especially helpful and only creates more friction; everyone has the right to be appropriately gendered. I know that's a bit off-topic, but - eh, it's my channel 😆 3) You hit the nail on the head with your mentioning of 'dysphoria'; that's exactly it. Imagine waking up in a body that is so alien and uncomfortable to you; you know who you 'are' despite the face in the mirror and everyone around you telling you that you are this weird alien creature. For many of us it's a living nightmare and there's only really 2 ways out of it. And one of those ways is to transition. I do really understand how difficult is must be for most folk to wrap their head around this concept and in a way I'm happy because the only way you can is to experience it for yourself - and I really wouldn't want that. When I take a step back and think about my and other trans folk's life and perception of ourselves... it really is quite strange and unusual. It's a miracle that any cis folk understand at all really! I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, I'm afraid because I can't prove it or show it. I am a woman. A transgender woman. It's different, but you know, different can be good, right? Thanks again for your questions. As I said it's getting late so I don't know how coherent these anwers were, but I felt it was important to give you some answers and to let you know that you are very welcome here and to ask whatever you like. Have a great weekend, and I hope to see you around again, Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
I have huge respect for how you're handling some of these comments. As someone who doesn't want to fit in the binary definitions of gender (or would like not to), I just wish people would stop caring so much on "what" we look like. Why can't we just be people? Why do we have to look like something? Anyway, thank you for being so kind. And to add to another comment I saw, I don't want to invalidate their experience, but since it seemed they were speaking for an entire group of people, I feel like I need to say something. I had pretty awful experiences with men (to put it lightly) since a very young age. Even so, I can confidently say that I would feel completely safe in the same space as you. If I go to a public restroom, I'm going to stay there for less than 5 minutes. I'm not going to care who's with me. I'm probably not even going to notice if the other person "doesn't look cis". And if I were to feel threatened simply by someone's presence, that is something that I personally would have to work out with my therapist. Not the other person who's just existing. Sorry if my grammar is a bit wonky. My English is not great.
Hi, Thank you for your kind and sympathetic reply. I have to be honest I need to understand nonbinary folk better (is this how you identify?), so I would be delighted if you find the time to check back in every now and again and fill the gaps in my knowledge 😊 It's true that everyone processes and deals with trauma differently; we all process threats in a different way. I suppose we all need to listen when someone is saying 'this is important to me', and we believe them and give them the understanding they deserve. Have a great week ❤️😊✌️
nah yall just need to accept who yall are and quit trynna change yourselves. be happy and proud of ur own skin. be proud of being a woman. be proud of being a man. and also, it's extremely ignorant and silly of u to think someone should go to a therapist bcuz they are uncomfortable with a biological male in their private women's spaces. women have a right to be wary and want self preservation. the majority of women will agree with this statement.
I get what you’re saying, but this is who I am. I am a transgender woman. In fact I am proud to say that I am because despite everything I have found joy and peace in this existence. If I were to say “I’m a man” it would be dishonest. Transitioning isn’t about an inability to accept myself, it’s almost the opposite: I’ve accepted I’m trans and the pain of dysphoria is alleviated by making this change. I recognise that the physical changes happening might be difficult for others to process, but I’m doing this for me. I’ve had to live 40+ years according to the sensibilities of others. All I ask is to be allowed to live in peace. I don’t think the other person was suggesting people should seek therapy for simply being in contact with trans or other folk, but that trauma can lead to people getting uncomfortable or having issues. Therapy would represent a great way to help such people work through their trauma.
Your friend's comment might have been with good intentions, albeit a funny thing to say out loud. As a woman, I wouldn't take offense to it, but I can understand why it would strike a nerve, depending on the tone and if a man or a woman said it. it's important to respect people, sometimes that requires silence.
As someone who started transitioning later in life, I know I will never fully pass. And that understanding can be very painful some days. That said, I still think things like makeup, jewelry, femine clothes are important for tranwomen even if its not enough to make you fully pass. They indicate to others how you want to be perceived. That probably won't stop those people leaving nasty comments, but I've found that the majoirty of people want to be kind and respectful, even in conservative dominated areas. Providing those visual cues will definitely lead to being genered correctly far more often. This helps with the self confidence which will undoubtedly make you pass as your preferred gender even more!
Hi, thanks for your comment. I think I tend to agree about people generally being fine. It’s hard if you aren’t able to present as you feel you should - I certainly relate. I try to remember that people, especially women, are judged very strongly on their looks, so I try to be mindful that this is perhaps part of the standard experience for women. Just a more extreme version. It didn’t really help that much, but you’ve gotta try I guess! Take care and all the best, Andy ❤️✌️😀
OK, I am commenting again because it seems, Andy, you have two videos in one. Your second set of reflections on the comments you received is important. I was very much a part of the banter that went back and forth. I think any comments about your appearance are one thing. As long as they make suggestions on what they think appropriate in a civil manner, I think those comments are fine. Andy, you put yourself out there and, as a trans person, people are going to notice your appearance, especially other trans people. Their comments may be helpful or they may hurt. But, if they are made positively to further the discussion and help you with your presentation, I think they are OK. But, there are other comments that are just nasty, mean, and without value of any kind in furthering the discussion. IMO, it is not worth calling people out on them. Unfortunately, the best option is just to delete them. Then we all can move on to productive discussion. Andy, you are structuring your channel as an educational one. I think with that perspective people should expect some controversy in presenting points of view on your channel. I like your effort because so many other channels just delete what they do not like, end of story. I hope you succeed. Whatever the case, if you continue to encourage discussion which can lead to disagreement, your followers and commenters should be prepared to see reasonable challenges to what they say. I welcome that if it is done productively to further the conversation.
Thank you. I completely agree. I'm a big girl, and I've received 'feedback' in the past on my work etc and when made in the spirit of pushing me to improve then I accept it if I feel it's reasonable (maybe after a little bit of crying), and try to integrate their comments into my practice. It's never a straight line of progress and sometimes learning is about making mistakes. It's difficult to accept that you're starting from scratch to a certain extent which is why it's sometimes hard to hear such things. *If* it's being made in good faith. For those who are just trying to be hurtful then deletion is the best course of action. But it's hard not to internalise those comments a bit. And in my case, it's less about the content of the comments, but whether there's anything *I* could do to reduce them. I guess I'm engaging in a bit of "victim-blaming" (I don't want to minimise that phrase, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). This isn't healthy and it's why I've started being stricter with moderation of comments. I did feel so bad when I saw that you had been targetted by some people. I have to honest I felt rather responsible as I should have been quicker with the 'deletion' button. I'm delighted to see you back here as I really enjoy our chats - and I hope you do too 😊 I'm pleased you see the value in what I'm doing. I think I've seen a couple of people at least engage with my responses. As I've said, I don't believe I'll 'turn' people because that's not how it works, but I can at least give people some cause for thought. In fact, I've learned a couple of things myself in turn and I think my own understandings are growing so I do appreciate the conversations that go on down here! Take care and all the best! ❤️❤️
That's really great to hear. I'm so happy that I can provide some support for you - as you do for me as well! I might have said before how I've found it difficult to meet other trans folk and so having the chance to meet others and share experiences is invaluable for me.
Wish people would just live and let live. Good luck on your journey, it's yours and no one can dictate it's course ♥️ I've no problem with respectful and constructive comments, but when other people are just being negative, it say more about how insecure they are.
Thank you for your kind comment. To be honest, so many people are largely positive and supportive in real life it's hard to see any reality in the negative comments. I've found that nearly everyone in my life has shown me so much love it's me even more grateful for being able to do this. Have a great Sunday ❤️✌️
I actually live in Poland. Certainly not a bastion of progression or acceptance (bottom-ranked country in the EU for LGBTQ+ rights!). But I am also getting plenty of help. Thank you for your concern 😊❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I'm very impressed with how calmly & politely you reply to all the comments! You seem like a nice person. As for passing, I just wish people felt comfortable to be themselves, accept that perfection doesn't exist and be confident to dress & present themselves in a way that makes them happy rather than trying to force themselves into some version of how they 'should' look.
@@user-vz5lr6ck5o Thanks 🙏 You might have missed the one commenter I called a 'dickhead' somewhere on this thread so I do have my limits! 😆 I've worked basically all my career in customer services or similar type of work, so I know how to remain clam in the face of mayhem. Yep. Everyone could do with being at peace with their looks, but we're all under so much pressure to 'perform' in public it's no wonder it's so hard to find that peace. Have a great Sunday evening ❤ ✌
Hello, just found your channel and I just wanted to say you seem like a really sweet, thoughtful, and overall lovely person, and that shade of blue looks really good on you. Hope you're having a wonderful day.
Hi, thank you for your kind and sweet comment ❤️ I wasn't sure as I don't tend to go for such bright colours, but it was too good to pass up. It's actually from a Polish brand, I like most things from them: www.riskmadeinwarsaw.com/en/ Yeah I had a pretty good day thanks; how about you? Have a great week! Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
Your friends comment is uncalled for. We should be free to appear and be as we want to be as long it is not physically threatening to anyone else. It is called freedom. We live together and there needs to be restrictions to protect us. Those restrictions whether they come from private individuals or public authorities need to be kept at a minimum. I crave to be a woman. Part of that is to have others treat me as a woman and see me as one. I think it is much more than how you carry yourself. The more you cannot pass the more you will be misgendered. Very few trans people I know enjoy being misgendered. Yes, there are some trans people who say passing is unimportant to them. They say they are just whom they are. For me, I think we are in part how other people see us. Who we are is a mixture of how we see ourselves and how other people see us. That is my personal opinion and applies to how I find myself in the world. I started transitioning at sixty-eight years old. I am on HRT going on twenty months. I have done hair removal and am about to have a hair transplant. I started electrolysis three weeks ago. I am considering FFS depending on the results I see over the next year. I am doing this because I want people to look at me and see a woman as traditionally understood. This aligns with how I feel about myself. I want my appearance and body to match my identity. It makes it easier to come to terms with whom I want to be and feel I am. With that said, I seem to pass sometime and most other other times not. I base this on my often being misgendered. I am six feet tall and have broad shoulders. I am thin for my height, but my waist is not small and my shape is pretty straight. It is likely I will never pass on a regular basis. My point is, I have to accept there are some things I can change and some things I cannot. I cannot magically start looking like a cis-woman. I cannot deny my identity as a trans woman. I must find a way to cope with both. One makes me dysphoric while the other has helped me be happier than I have ever been. In the meantime, I will keep trying to reach my goals and adjust to changes that have brought me to such a better place in my life.
Hi, Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I knew my friend's comment would be a bit controversial - for what it's worth nearly everyone seems to have the same perspective as you. To expand on what I was saying; it would be great to pass regularly and without a great deal of effort. I hope the world can one day perceive me as I perceive myself, but I know I'm far off and as people often say 'your mileage may vary' with all the treatments you can get. Laser is expensive and time-consuming. Make up is like an alien language almost; but I expect I can get to grips with the basics at least in time. As you told me in one of our very first interactions - "patience is key"! ☺️ That being said, because of the unpredictability with how everything may or may not go, I do need to ground myself and not get too carried away with what might be. I;m doing this consciously as I know that I am a dreamer and a inveterate optimist and I know that I can't allow myself to have too high expectations. What do you make of the length of this one? I almost got it to around 10 minutes, but then I added in the extra bit which made it longer, but I felt I needed to add that in after my experience of the past week. I hope you're having a great weekend, Andy ❤️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I do not like make-up either. My beard is white after laser, so I do not have to deal with foundation, TG. I must admit, make-up does help to pass. In my case right now, it is a necessity. My approach is to keep it to a minimum. Unlike most trans girls, I am not that into clothes. I wish I could wear anything and still appear feminine. Sadly, that is not the case. If I have any hope of passing when I go out, clothes are a big part of the equation. Here in Serbia, where I live half the year, my laser epilation was a third or less what it would have cost in the US. I am quite pleased with my results. Electrolysis does not cost less than in the US. It is a long costly process. Andy, looks like you will need laser and if you have some grey you are going to want to follow up with electrolysis. I would think the epilation procedures would cost less in Poland than in the UK, certainly less than in the US.
After a thorough search, I settled on a doc here in Serbia for my hair transplant. It too will cost a fraction of the cost compared to the US. I thought about this hard and feel confident I have a good doc who will do a nice job in feminizing my hair line. Looks like that is something you will be able to avoid - Yeah! After a year or so I will reevaluate and see if I need FFS. I cannot find anyone here in Serbia whom I trust for it. I hear there are clinics in Spain and Belgium that are good and less than in the US. It is a major step. I would so much like to avoid it. GRS will be covered by my insurance in the US if I decide that is right for me. That would be quite a serious step and things would need to line up well for that to happen. For most trans girls, this is a last step after years of transition. I just may not have the time, support, and conviction to do it. Andy, you are really terrific. Keep the content coming. Luv ya!
@@Andy_trans_education I do not like make-up either. My beard is white after laser, so I do not have to deal with foundation, TG. I must admit, make-up does help to pass. In my case right now, it is a necessity. My approach is to keep it to a minimum. Unlike most trans girls, I am not that into clothes. I wish I could wear anything and still appear feminine. Sadly, that is not the case. If I have any hope of passing when I go out, clothes are a big part of the equation. Here in Serbia, where I live half the year, my laser epilation was a third or less what it would have cost in the US. I am quite pleased with my results. Electrolysis does not cost less than in the US. It is a long costly process. Andy, looks like you will need laser and if you have some grey you are going to want to follow up with electrolysis. I would think the epilation procedures would cost less in Poland than in the UK, certainly less than in the US. After a thorough search, I settled on a doc here in Serbia for my hair transplant. It too will cost a fraction of the cost compared to the US. I thought about this hard and feel confident I have a good doc who will do a nice job in feminizing my hair line. Looks like that is something you will be able to avoid - Yeah! After a year or so I will reevaluate and see if I need FFS. I cannot find anyone here in Serbia whom I trust for it. I hear there are clinics in Spain and Belgium that are good and less than in the US. It is a major step. I would so much like to avoid it. GRS will be covered by my insurance in the US if I decide that is right for me. That would be quite a serious step and things would need to line up well for that to happen. For most trans girls, this is a last step after years of transition. I just may not have the time, support, and conviction to do it. Andy, you are really terrific. Keep the content coming. Luv ya! ❤
(be aware that I have comments set up such that I need to approve everything first which is why it might not appear for you straight away!). Yep I was advised laser -> elecro, and also laser should take place in the autumn so I have to wait a few months. Patience. Surgery I don't know about; I guess I'll see where I am in a few years. I never felt I *had* to transition until about 2 years ago, and then I only built up the courage 7 months ago. But it's not on my list yet. Thanks, same to you. Love and thanks, Andy ❤️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I too started my transition thinking I would never have FFS or GRS. For me, it was interesting my attitude towards these things have changed. It too took years for me for my egg to crack to the point where transition really was my only option to have any chance of living happily. Honestly, if I can get to where I want to be without FFS, that would be wonderful. GRS is another thing. I do not think I will ever stop imagining how great and affirming that would be. I do have dysphoria connected with my lower extremity. Being oriented to men also adds to my desire to be able to sexual perform in a more satisfying way. I think trans people are quite diverse when it comes to their feelings about GRS. One thing I will say, the farther I get in my transition the more plausible next steps seem. That actually makes me feel good.
the idea of passing is deeply ingrained in misogyny and objectification of women (i obviously mean all women just to be clear). women’s bodies will ALWAYS be commented on and i love that you started this video with that particular story cause it’s all connected - it’s all policing. i’m a cis woman and i don’t wear makeup or paint my nails and i get comments about it all the time, i was even called „unprofessional” for doing that and how did we let the society get so obsessed with looks? wearing clothes considered „feminine” - bad and slutty. wearing baggy clothes - bad and sloppy. same with makeup, with high-heeled shoes, dresses, etc. clothes SHOULD be for us, their main function should be to feel right - and i mean it in every sense of this word. it’s just as much about the literal feel, so how they fit, if they obstruct our movements, their fabric and texture working for us (hello, an autistic person speaking), but also how we feel IN THEM. do we feel like ourselves, do they represent US, not other people’s expectations. so i agree that clothes can often be considered a „statement” like you said and they can be a very powerful tool for us that can make us feel better in some way, be it by making us more attuned to our gender or more in charge when we need that extra boost of confidence. sometimes they can even help us trick ourselves into fighting low mood with silly patterns or colours. i don’t however agree that they are a „conversation” which is kind of how many people see it and hence their overwhelming desire to make comments about other people’s looks. i mean, sure, if i’m wearing a tshirt with a band sb else likes - go ahead and say it. but if i wear baggy or more fitting clothes - that’s not a conversation starter, it’s nobody’s business. and people writing all these nasty comments just crave the feeling of control and it’s sad. get therapy, folks, instead of unleashing your anger on strangers on the internet.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment. Sorry, perhaps I could have been clearer when I said that our appearance is a “conversation” - I didn’t mean in the sense that it should or could begin an actual conversation, more it tells the world something about you. This is, of course, wrapped up in ideas about perception, first impressions, etc. That being said, I’m happy to be disagreed with! Have a great week, Andy
I don't understand how passing is ingrained in misogyny. If I'm corrent, misogyny means "hatred of women", and I cannot understand how objectification equates with hatred. I also don't believe being sexually attracted to a woman wearing revealing clothing is misogynistic. I recently heard some put forward the question "If there were no men in the world, would women care so much about wearing make-up and 'sexy' clothing?" It's an interesting point that raises the question about how much our sexuality (biological drives to procreate) subconsciously affect desire and the choices we make each day. I'd be interested if you think my thoughts are merely 'misogynistic' or something similar, and what your reasoning for this would be.
Honesty, commenting on someone's appearance is just rude, plain and simple. People don't need to do that, I wish everyone would just stop, there are so many more important things to focus on than commenting how someone should or shouldn't be dressed, if someone is looking "enough" like a woman, etc. I think what you said around 13 minutes in was very interesting and you come across as someone who loves herself, and I love that for you; keep living your best life and have a wonderful day ❤
Thank you. It's interesting what you said about me 'loving myself', and my first instinct is to say "no way, not me!" But that's a combination of a relic of the pre-transitioning times, and a genuine desire to remain grounded and humble. So do I love myself? I don't know. I do have pride in myself, and - despite what some say - an admiration for my appearance and for making this choice. This is brand new territory for me. I wonder if part of the reason why I enjoy reading these comments is one way to keep my feet on the ground and not get carried away with delusions of grandeur or something 😆 Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment on my video; it really means a lot. Have a great Sunday, Andy❤️✌️
I doubt you'll ever "pass", but there's a good chance that you can gain acceptance as a woman from women if you live in a small community and just go about your life as a woman. People think rural people are rigid, but we aren't. we really get to know people by name and accept others as they are.
That's an interesting point. My family originally come from small-town England. My mother's side of the family are famers and live in the country. I've even ridden a horse in a field wearing wellington boots! That is, I was wearing the boots, of course, not the horse 😆 One thing I don't think I have mentioned on this channel is my cousin is also trans - FTM. He found it incredibly tough living in that villiage and had to move to a larger town where no one knew him pre-transition. His parents found it very tough and faced some Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with most of what you said: there is a misconception about rural folk and have a reputation that might be ill-deserved. But people have the potential to be good or bad; it can be hard to predict.
@@Andy_trans_education your cousin could have moved to another small town and would probably do alright. It's tough to for most trans people to be in the same space in which people knew them as before transitioning. City or not
The definition of 'woman" is an adult female of the Homo sapiens species since humans are the only species that call their female, woman. The main word is female and a female consist of many specific characteristics that include the biological markers at the genetic level, physical markers at macro level, etc. The term woman is also applied to a role that the female play in the human society, either if you believe on creation or evolution. A "transgender" woman will never be a female but if a male want to be call a woman go ahead but remember a male will never be a female. Transgender woman or man is a coping mechanism used to deal with some serious disconect in their brains with reality, self perceptio, and acceptance. The term "cis" signify normal, a cis man or woman is a normal man or woman that have a healthy and correct aligment in their brains in regards to their emotional and physical sex.
Hello, thanks for taking the time to watch and comment on my video. Now - hoo boy! - you've opened up a whole case of cans of worms, but no doubt you knew this when you posted this. I wonder how you expect me to respond? With a counter definition or to get bogged down with picking at the language you used? In actual fact, much of how you define woman actually includes me in there, but I assume that was unintentional. I mean, I would take issue with the very first word you used: 'the': The truth is, there is no 'the' definition for woman. I would actually generally agree with Lily Alexandre (ua-cam.com/video/i6m3CzzYSOs/v-deo.html); I'm not sure that you can define 'woman'. And besides, don't you think that any attempt at defining you or your gender (you can be male, female or non-binary in this case) necessarily limiting and restrictive?
In my opinion, unless it is strictly necessary to save your life, nobody should transition if they won't "pass". Of course I also don't consider minors transitioning and puberty blockers acceptable, and I know those have a more "passing" result. Nobody is born in the wrong body and the further you are from your goals, the more of a mental problem you have. We all have some, but think before you decide to play life on hard mode. We tell disabled people to accept themselves. We tell racists that they shouldn't judge other people because of their biological appearance. Why don't we all do the same with ourselves?
Hello, thanks for your comment 😊 It seems that we might be looking at things from different perspectives. I would like to try to explain things better from mine. I hope you take the time to read my reply. I'm afraid I'm not sure if I understand your point of view about 'only those that pass should transition'. Given that all of various factors it takes to transition (hormones are just one of the things we need), plus the time it's very difficult to determine that someone will pass prior to transitioning. And can I ask why that is a determining factor anyway? Like many others in this thread you seem to be under the impression that by doing this I'm failing to accept myself. Far from it; I've come to accept who I am. But actually transitioning isn't about acceptance or lack thereof. I made this choice because I need to do this for my quality of life and mental health. You can see the results and how this has improved how I see myself in the video where I talk about being on hormones for 5 months. Funnily enough, if you were to see me 5 months ago, you might have concluded that I am happy and satisified, but in actuality then I was 'further from my goals' than where I am now. In my video I talk about why passing isn't actually my goal anyway. I do accept that this will mean that for some people, this will colour how they see me, and that's a shame. It really is unfortunate that ultimately people can't see past one element of my life, when there's so much more I have to offer. I expect that if we were to sit down and have a beverage - a beer or whatever - we would find that we have plenty in common. And even if we don't, that shouldn't prevent us from having a fun and interesting conversation. I've travelled quite a lot and I've always enjoyed learning about different people and their points of view. Anyway, please let me know if any of this doesn't make sense. Have a great weekend, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education Thanks for your response. It all makes perfect sense but my point of view is that those who don't "pass" are going to have a much harder time in life. Dating alone is going to be a devastating experience for most. Hormones, surgeries, sterilisation... We should be avoiding making our own lives more difficult as a norm, and also accept society is a part of who we are. People don't exist in a vacuum. Being at war with the most basic social rules is a grind that takes its toll. I am not against your right to your own self determination, far from it, but "passing" or not doesn't depend on yourself but other people and if other people don't buy it then you just haven't fully transitioned in a social sense, because there is a social dimension to this.
Right, I acknowledge that it has probably made my life harder, but I willingly accept this. And I'll touch a bit on your comment about being 'at war' with social norms. First of all, what society determines are 'norms' is a fluid and mobile notion. Look at how perspectives have shifted when it comes to homophobia, islamophobia, women's rights, racial equality, antisemitism; the list is almost endless. And it's not even as if this is a case of 'progression' (whatever that means): these things recede and return like the tides of the ocean. You might argue that gender roles are fixed and determined, perhaps by nature, but if you study history you will find that this idea is built on very flimsy foundations. A couple of decades ago people would never have believed that same-sex marriages would be possible; but now it's seen as not that out of the ordinary in western cultures. Arguments against it are increasingly seen as out of step with modern life. Why is it inconceivable that trans folk can be fully-integrated into society? Why does the idea of us living openly and comfortably seem so alien? Ultimately, we're just people. Anyway, so I was told by my parents when I was being bullied as a child that I should try to make myself less of a target. I should try to fit in, not stand out; be mediocre. It took away the agency of the bully and placed the blame on me. But that's the thing - I didn't know how to fit in. It wasn't in my nature. I was unhappy not only because I was being bullied, but because I also wasn't able to be myself. Even when the bullying stopped, I was still unhappy. I was unhappy for a lot of my life. This is what you're suggesting; that trans folk are kind of to blame for their victimisation; we've made a choice and it's almost as if the choice has equal value for us. But for many trans folk, we need to transition even if we won't pass. We need to be ourselves, even in the face of hostility. For many it is a choice of life and ... not life. I do get what you're saying, and I hope that my comments continue to make sense and resonate somewhat with you. We're not 'at war' with culture or society, but we do need to assert ourselves and advocate (sometimes strongly) for our rights. Some people get carried away. Look at me; I end up writing essays in UA-cam comments sections... Anyway, take care. Have a good week, Andy
@@Andy_trans_education Yeah, I appreciate you took your time to read and reply to several interesting comments, they're a good read even when I disagree. We have a different point of view completely, because for me "being who I am" is not just who I think I am inside, society is another layer of "me" and I do my best to live at peace in every single layer. That can create a contradiction for people who give a lot of importance to "being true to themselves" and I get that. You seem to be aware of the consequences, and probably suffered them already so there's no more I can add on that. But one last thing I would say is that you are not and don't have to be blamed for being bullied or attacked. People doing that to you are bullies (maybe even criminals) but society at large not seeing you as a woman and not treating you as such is not and will never be a crime. Bigotry is judging groups of people as bad or inferior; saying that a biological man can't be woman is far from being an irrational bigoted behaviour, is rooted in useful, scientific definitions and is not going away anytime soon. Anyway, take care and do your thing, what do I know.
Thanks I really appreciate your honesty. I have to be honest, you are exactly the type of person I want to see here on my channel - even though we have a different point of view I feel our conversation has perhaps been of interest and value to anyone reading this (if they have the time to do so!). You have provoked some thinking for me for sure, and I hope you might say the same. I do have a kind of theory about 2 different and potentially conflicting ways of seeing one’s place in society, and you allude to it in your comment. I would really appreciate it if you were to keep coming back and keep asking questions, disagreeing everywhere you can to keep me honest. No pressure, of course, but I have really enjoyed this conversation. All the best, Andy ❤️✌️😀
Are you thinking your passing? Because if you think you are and you think your frend had any right to stop an actual female and pull her up,on essentially being a woman,you really need to stop bringing woman down.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me but if you walked in the women’s bathroom and we are alone my non verbal communication is to be scared and run out. Seriously. Women who have been attacked by men will react that way. So care and understanding in ALL people is needed.
I am truly sorry that you have been attacked. That's really awful and you have my complete and unreserved sympathy.
I completely agree with your comment about care and understanding. It is tough to see sometimes - especially online - but I like to think that when push comes to shove people do pull together and demonstrate that care for others.
All the best, Andy ✌️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education it is about knowing people. If we know each other than that is different but I am also not asking you to be different but know that some peoples reactions come from pain not the intention to hurt others. 😍. I also do not sit in chairs unless it faces the wall so that I can see potential threats. Hard to explain when I ask people to change seats.
I would like to think that people do not ask the question 'why should I change'? But I fear maybe they do all too often.
Yes, I get what you're saying. And thank you for raising it here; you make a valuable contribution to this discussion. Ultimately "hurt people hurt people"; often unintentionally as a means of self-preservation. Goodness knows I've been there so I'm not one to judge someone for that.
It's tough when you have people who's pain comes into conflict and contact because you have sympathy for both sides. And there are so many people in pain these days it seems.
I hope you're staying safe ❤️
Sometimes is just Ok to say, that the emperor is naked.
Hi, can I ask what you mean by that exactly?
Have a great Sunday!
What a world we live in
I completely agree. The world is a marvellous place where we can connect with a range of people with different views, but still after discussion we share so many similarities.
Have a great Sunday ❤️👍✌️
@@Andy_trans_education I agree too. What a world we live in. So much beautiful souls and rolemodels out there - like you. I am sure that if there more people like you, it would be a much happier place with less negativity and close minded people. I discovered your chanel a few days ago and love to see it thrive! Than there have been about 75 subscribers, now there will be soon over 100 subscribers. 😍👍
@@crazycatlady7143 thank you got your kind response ❤️🙏
I like to think that I’m paying back the positive karma I’ve received over the past few months. The world certainly seems a sunnier place these days for me at least.
And yes, I’m astonished at how this channel’s growing. It feels like only a few weeks ago I was delighted with 200 views and 20 subscribers… I still don’t I know what’s bringing people here, but I hope you have found something positive ☺️
Have a great week, Andy 😀❤️✌️
Its not how you look woman will know if you are a lady or not because woman have a common bond. I have found that out after 40 years crossdressing. If they like and trust you they might let you join their club.
Do you not ever plan on passing?
Oh that’s an interesting question!
I’m working on things that will get me closer to passing. I know that by starting transitioning later in life there’s less change I’ll likely see.
I’m obviously a little disappointed with this, but the alternative is just sitting around wishing things were different, losing more time, aging more and more as a man, and having to deal with regular bouts of depression. Nowadays I can actively work on getting closer to where I need to be.
I can’t realistically “plan” on passing. I can try my best and work hard, but this will only do so much. So I need to be realistic. If in 2 or 3 years time I’m being seen as a woman more often than not, I’ll be delighted. It’s a long-term project and I’m really very early into it.
But maybe I won’t get there; there’s no certainties anywhere in life, and this is no different.
Ultimately I’m so much happier now and being able to live honestly with my friends, family and colleagues has improved my quality of life 100%.
Thanks for your question, have a great week. Andy 😀❤️✌️
It is so valuable leading a chanel showing experiences of early stages of transition, both a reality check and validation for other trans people in progress, so please keep it up❤ ( i am not trans, but a medical student who aspire to provide help in medical transitioning in the future)
Plus regarding your question from the video, personally i believe, you not rushing your process and not stressing about ,,passing" is what best for your Heath. There May be some problems along with it (like a comment from a women who would be scared of you in the women spaces) but there are exeptions, to be acknowledge but not a reason to feel like you are not doing enough, it is your mind and body and your experience, it does not belong to other people
Thank you so much for saying so. ❤️❤️
I know it doesn’t necessarily present us as the always super pretty superwomen as some other creators. But I think it’s useful to show not only that it takes time to achieve that kind of look, but that you can be proud of that as well.
I hope find the rest of this useful, and don’t be shot on asking more questions - or challenging the things I have to say!
Have a great weekend, Andy ❤️☺️✌️
@@Andy_trans_education completely agree and thank you for being open to questions ❤ have a good weekend too ~Emilia
I think you are very intelligent and introspective! The fact that you are open to constructive criticism and you understand that everything takes time is so valuable! It’s a process! And I agree in terms of the fixation on trying to attain what perhaps may be unattainable for some of us! We are different at the end of the day, and that is not a bad thing! (although I have struggled with lots of gender dysphoria that has led me to surgeries etc!) my issue is when non passing people demand to be in spaces as other woman knowing they don’t pass! Or like competing with woman in sports after only being on HRT for a few months! I think that is selfish and out of touch! I think that when people start to willfully call you she pronouns etc that is when you can be more free in spaces with other woman without being ridiculed! Continue to be YOU, and go through the process of what will make you happier in your body! Just understand that not everyone will follow your lead or address you as such especially in the beginning stages! And like you said people will always find something to Polk fun at! Don’t take offense to it! Although I have a feeling that you are pretty darn grounded in who you are!!! ❤
@@morgindupont my perspective as a woman is that if someone tries to pass as a woman and you can tell that they want to be seen as a woman, I'll respect them and I don't feel threatened by them, they're not in the ladies room because they have any ill intent towards me, they're probably just trying to live their life in peace
Thank you 😊❤️
It's difficult not to take to heart things like the 'debate' around trans women in women's spaces. To be honest, I try to be as careful as possible. For example, at my yoga class I use the men's facilities which is fine as: 1) there are almost never any men there anyway and 2) if anyone were to get upset I'm in the women's locker room it would ultimately be my yoga teacher who might face the consequences, not me. I really like her so I would rather not create the potiential for that.
As I said, I don't get offended by people's comments. I knew I'd get some criticism and I'm a big girl. I imagine the worst of them to be bored kids trying to troll the [slur]. And if they're grown adults, well that says more about them than it does me.
If there's anyone willing to have a reasonable conversation, I will engage with them. I've had some wonderful discussions here where I think both of us learned something - and that's what it's all about 😊
Have a wonderful Sunday, Andy 😊❤️✌️
I used to want to pass, but now I don't care. It's hard to say where I would draw this line, because I'm on HRT and will continue to be, but I make no efforts to pass, to be a "woman." Why should I? I make it a point to not force anything, to be self-aware of my own self, and aim to be authentic. I'm not saying you or others are inauthentic, as that isn't for me to decide, but that through this kind of self-acceptance of my body as it is on HRT, I have found a kind of joy and peace that I don't have to work for. As a trans-fem, I even grow out my beard, because why not? Even some cis women grow them, thicker than mine. I love what I do now, who I am, and how I present myself to the world, either it be ambiguous or overtly feminine, always being visibly trans. We aren't always what we think, so it is important to let go, to be self-aware, and to be open-minded to the unknown.
Thank you
I loved this comment because it sums up so much of what I want for myself: to have the confidence and love and peace for myself that I can accept whatever comes my way. You sound like you're in a wonderful place and I am delighted for you.
I really appreciate you sharing and I hope to see you around again :)
Have a great Sunday, Andy
Are you even on hormones?
Yep. 5 months. That's no time at all; most folk are just getting started at this point (as am I).
Maybe there's this misconception, which I discuss in this video, that trans folk maybe just appear 'fully-formed'. The truth is it can take years - and that's in conjunction with other things like laser and electrolysis for hair removal, voice training and so on.
Thanks for your comment. Have a great week!
Hard part is you are neither androgynous or neotenous, both of which traits make certain Asians look neither of the sexes.
That's very interesting. I suppose I'm more familiar with a western-centric view of 'transness' which is a shame. I lived in Asia for many years (South Korea - before it was trendy - and Sri Lanka) so I'm aware of some of the cultural differences. It would be fascinating to learn more about how the trans communities overlapped and diverged.
@@Andy_trans_education Thailand would be a very interesting place to take notes from.
Telling the lady in passing that she is showing too much chest, is silly. I'm guessing you're going to ask why people volunteer their opinion to you, but you made a video about it, so you're asking for judgment.
@5:19 You mention that you "probably don't pass" as you sit there with a 5oclock shadow. Of course you don't pass and maybe it shouldn't matter.
Fashion is so varied that it's wrong to say that people are judging you for your appearance. Rather, there's a strong association between people trying to appear a certain way, failing miserably but they don't see it, and it's coupled more importantly with the thought that they should also be seen as women and have the rights afforded to women, which is just crazy.
Dress how you want, but don't pretend the world has to recognize you as a woman. Big difference and one of those wouldn't care what others said.
Thanks for your comment.
You actually make a brilliant point and it's wild I don't think I made the connection especially clearly in my video: do I disagree with my friend's comment and then disagree with people commenting on me?
As I said, when we put ourselves out there, we are engaging in a 'conversation' - nonverbally, of course - with the world.
I knew that by being visible and on UA-cam I might attract attention and I do encourage people to 'comment down below', so it would be hypocritical of me to turn around and say "how dare you say such bad things about my appearance?"
So while I don't think I'm overtly 'asking for judgement', I suppose it is impled by my presence on the screen of however you watch this. I know that my appearance might be different to how people would expect a woman to look, so therefore I knew people would pick up on it.
Which is a shame really as so many people seem to see my face first, but don't engage with what I have to say. I wonder if people were to listen more, would they actually agree with most of my message? It's impossible to say at this point because of the number of people jumping to conclusions just from the thumbnail and video title (which, I accept is a bit 'click-baity').
Anyway, thanks for commenting. Have a great week, Andy ❤️😊✌️
Thank you ❤️
I have a guy friend who happens to be trans and at first, my brain didn't entirely perceive him as a man (even though he has a beard) but the mannerisms and time spent with him changed the way I see him. You may not "pass" visually yet but you have the right energy and mannerisms (which in my opinion is "trying" to pass) which means that people you care about will at some point or another see you as a woman even without any physical changes. In general, it's refreshing to watch a video by a trans person that is self-aware and doesn't blame everyone else or call them names. I will never get behind people who on purpose misgender or insult people but I also don't get behind trans people humiliating people who made an honest mistake (like the viral video of the trana woman calling the manager at a resturant because of it). Wish you all the best in your journey 😊
Thank you for your kind comment. A couple of people have commented on. my 'energy', which is interesting.
I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise that I have sympathy for a trans person losing their temper at someone over being misgendered or subject to transphobia (I assume; I don't know the video you describe). You might have spotted in the comments section here, people are quite willing and happy to speculate about my intentions, criticise my appearance, explain how I am not actually trans, and so on.
It can wear someone down.
So what we might be seeing in that video is the end result of a long chain of those kind of comments. What we don't see is everything leading up to that explosion. Maybe that trans person had just had a long and difficult day, and all they wanted was some food - a basic human need - and even then they need to run the gauntlet of disrespect (at least that's how they saw it).
It's kind of the same for a lot of the 'Karen' videos. In fact, it's also kind of the same for those commenting on my videos in a nasty way. We don't know those people, but everyone is capable of having a really bad day and overreacting; lashing out at someone who's an easy target. I've certainly done it (not to the point of having a meltdown, but I've made some comments), I'm sure we all have once in our lives. And now that overreaction is now captured maybe forever on the internet. Maybe they're mortified, maybe they don't care, maybe they'll double-down on it.
I'd hope that I'd do better - probably you as well. But I can't honestly say that if I'm pushed again and again and again and again, would I not snap? Even just a little?
Anyway, thanks for the comment, have.a great week. Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
Thank you so much for your videos. You are so full of pure positive vibes! Love it! ❤
Thank you. You're so kind to say. It's easy to be positive when I'm just so happy these days. Hopefully I can send some of those vibes into the universe!
It's great to have such positive feedback and I hope to see you around again soon.
Have a great weekend,
Andy ❤️✌️
I have met many transgender males both pre & post op'. All were masculine & felt they had to conform to stereotypical ideals of manliness, their only explanation was "I feel like a woman". They couldn't know what feeling like a woman means (they are not all the same) so it seemed they were saying I am unhappy being this type of man; they also said they could not express emotion or be nurturing as a man. This is a self imposed restriction like "men don't cry" which is untrue. They began talking about attraction to males (my brother attributed this to hormones) & said the idea of homosexuality repulsed him. If you can't pass as a woman then isn't the surgery pointless? 3 doctors suggested I change gender because I was feminine, androgynous & pretty but I have always been happy being male. I'm sure those who can't pass feel uncomfortable but I know many had unrealistic expectations, changing your appearance does not change who you are inside. It is a personal choice but people are not prepared for what they are likely to face. I hope one day somebody will articulate with total honesty & without being defensive about the subject. I think there is too much talk & not enough research or counselling. For some it becomes a crusade, for others it becomes a regret. I had one feminine male friend who everyone thought was female, he eventually transitioned but fell into the latter group. I did defend a guy who my colleagues mocked as he was unattractive by saying not all women look like Marilyn Monroe. I do have compassion for those who can't pass & are meekly apologetic, especially in the 2 years before treatment begins. Trans-women also need to be sensitive to the feelings of cis women. NB. Nobody made you make this video it was your choice.
Hi,
Thanks for your comment. I have to be honest, it took me several reads of your comment to understand it (the English teacher in me is asking for paragraphs), and you jump from one topic to the other without any clear coherence, so if there's anything I don't get right I apologise in advance.
I'm not sure what your history or experience is, but you seem to have a bit of terminology issue - 'transgender man' is a person transitioning from female to male. I suspect you mean 'transgender woman' given your examples were apparently unhappy as men. You make certain assumptions about what you *think* the people you know were thinking and feeling ("it seemed they were saying..." [...] "this is a self-imposed restriction..." [...] "I'm sure those that can't pass feel uncomfortable"), but it feels to me as if you are making a fairly superficial take of what the transgender experience is.
I have to be honest, given this error and how you arrived at your conclusions, it does throw some of what you're saying into question. For example, I'm not aware of too many doctors who would prescribe gender affirming treatment based on someone being 'feminine' and 'pretty'. Certainly not in the UK or Poland (the 2 contexts I'm more aware of). You mentioned the '2-year wait' for treatment which suggests you live in the UK, so if that's the case how does that wait fit your anecdote time-wise?
Maybe they *suggested* (rather than recommending / pushing) it in passing as part of a wider form of treatment or therapy in order to rule this out? That sounds like rather sound medical practice to me. If I go to the doctor's with a chronic headache, you'd hope they'd do their due dilligance to rule out anything serious - this would include exploring all possible options and avenues. Assuming that you weren't forced to transition, you said 'no' and they moved on to some other diagnosis etc. Just by being offered this as a form of treatment is not the same thing as 'forcing' people to transition.
While every treatment and surgery has regret, I do wonder why gender affirming treatment is held to such an impossibly high standard? Are you suggesting that if we don't get a 100% satisfaction rating we should prevent such treatments? If that's not your point then why bring it up? I do agree that more investment needs to be made, as well as research, but current research suggests rather strongly that gender affirming treatment is largely pretty effective in terms of reducing negative outlook and satisfaction of outcome.
By the way, did you watch my video? I talk a bit about how I might not pass myself. I am not only comfortable with this possibility, but can see some positives in that. I can't speak for others in the community and I know that passing can become quite an obsession with some. In my view that's an issue with that individual not with the transgender experience. As you suggest, more support for those individuals would help. But then again, so would a society which is less suspicious and hostile towards us in general.
I hope that I'm not coming across defensive, but I'm not sure what you expect the trans community to say more than they have. We have responded to the 'concerns' similar to those in your comment again and again and again and again. We have often replied with respect, and patience. Sometimes we have not. At some point people are going to lose patience. I mean, you're going to be defensive when you are literally under attack, no? You're also making a very false dichotomy between trans people either "regretting" or going on a "crusade". I know I'm on UA-cam, but I'm very much in a minority here.
Given this statement and the other assumptions and inaccuracies you have made, I do have to wonder if you have actually met other trans people or read a couple of articles about us and here you are. I know this might be unfair; maybe I'm wrong. But ultimately to me you could be anybody and I can only go with what you're telling me.
Also it's a bit cheeky to suggest that we're not being honest about how we're communicating when we're faced with the aforementioned hostility and have to deal with bad-faith questions from people who know exactly what they're doing - how many times have people tried to help certain transphobes understand why misgendering is bad, for example? Are all the medical associations who recommend gender-affirming treatment as the best response to someone dealing with dysphoria being dishonest?
Anyway, this is a much longer response than your comment deserves. As I said, I tend to distrust some of what you have said. Maybe you're not lying as such, but perhaps being 'economical with the truth'. I'm open to being wrong though, and if I am and I've upset you... well maybe think about what the content of your response led me to that conclusion.
Have a great week, Andy ✌️ ❤️ 😊
❤
Agender here, AMAB, with a natural body associated with masculine identity.
I do not identify as a man but, being agender I do not identify to any gender and have no one to transition to or to try to pass to.
My identity doesn’t change with the way I look.
But the way people interact with me changes a lot if I adopt a masculine look, an androgynous, or a feminine one.
And a lot of cis people who don’t look with the archetype of their gender can suffer a lot because of that.
You can do a great good in the world by just avoiding to presume one’s gender identity or expression just by the way they look.
And in those troubled times for trans people, let’s not forget the positive : more and more FtM and MtF are getting comfortable with not passing perfectly, and that’s a huge progress.
And never forget.
How you feel about yourself is always valid. Your inner sense of yourself always valid.
Thank you. I tend to agree that inner peace and love is more important that trying to fit into a world which will always find fault no matter how you look.
This is not just true for tranks folk of course!
Have a great week, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
"Your inner sense of yourself is always valid." No, the world is not all 'fluffy rainbows'. There are some very sick people out there and broad mindedness like that is not healthy
Great video. I'm at around 9 min. in and you are talking about "passing". I'm a woman (XX) and I would see a effeminate man who likes cross-dressing if you were wearring a robe. If I look at your facial bone structure, you are lucky. You don't have an extra wide jaw and it's difficult to see but your forehead does not seem to have the brow bone very prominent. But how I see you, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What matters is are you comfortable with how you present. And I'm sorry if I triggered anything in you to make you feel bad.
Hello 😀
Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and comment.
Don’t worry; it takes a lot to upset me and I recognise that you are trying to be supportive.
It’s interesting that as few people have commented on my bone structure, and it’s not something I’ve analysed in a lot of detail. I’m not sure if everyone would appreciate such attention to detail, but thanks 🙏
I know in some respects I’m lucky, but we’ll see how things go; it’s still super early in transition.
Have a great week, Andy 😀❤️✌️
This video popped up in my recommended, and I'm really glad I watched it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'd like to respond to your initial question, and then I'll share some of my own thoughts/questions that arose during my watching.
When you asked "What would you do?" I thought that I'd most likely not comment on a woman walking down the street wearing revealing clothing. Partly due to my fear of causing offence/being rejected, partly because doing something like this lies outside of convention and this would cause discomfort in me. However, I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your perspective on how people dress/present themselves is a statement to the world, like an invitation to conversation. It rings true that, in some definite way, how we present ourselves socially (make-up/dress/posture/mannerisms) is a self-expressive statement that reflects us at that time. And I believe that clothing/make-up is a more explicit, forward way of inviting conversation, depending on how 'loud'/attention-grabbing the clothing/make-up is.
Now, a few (potentially controversial, albeit honest) questions I have that I believe come from a place of curiosity, not judgment:
1. Why is it of such importance that a trans person 'passes'? Isn't this placing a lot of emphasis on the affirmation of total strangers on one's gender? This to me sounds very superficial. Also, one has little-to-no control over whether one passes to strangers, and therefore I can imagine people deriving some of their self-esteem on this very fickle thing, which seems pretty dangerous and unhealthy to me.
2. To me, if I were to see you in the street, I would think you were a man. If we were to speak and you asked me to use she/her pronouns, out of politeness I'd use them, and I'd be curious to hear your story. I agree that you should wear make-up as an expression of your femininity, and not to acquiesce to those who shun you for not wearing it. But femininity expresses itself in many deeper forms, so I'm curious as to why there seems to such an intense emphasis (sometimes obsession) on appearance in the trans world. I know that, genitally speaking, it's pretty fundamental, but otherwise is it not quite superficial? And it makes me wonder how much of one's identity is mixed up with gender when you see people become so incredibly incensed when a total stranger 'misgenders' them.
3. I'm curious what you mean when you say "I perceive myself as a woman." I don't mean to be pedantic here, and my curiosity is honest. In my perspective, someone who has male genitalia and genuinely sees themself as a woman either has some acute dysphoria or is delusional, because their perspective is divorced from reality. If they identify as a woman because that aligns with their strong feelings of femininity, yet they can accept that they unfortunately inhabit the body of a man, then this is a lot more understandable.
I hope you don't think I've been a prick here, as I really am just curious, and nothing I have said has been an attack on you. I'd love for any response, if you'd be interested in a dialogue.
Thanks, Luke.
Hi,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and interesting response. It is for comments like these that I continue to make these videos and try to respond to as many comments as I can. I don't think any of your questions are objectionable or an attack and are clearly seeking to learn more about my - and by extension other trans folk's experience, so feel free to come back if anything I say isn't clear (it's also getting a bit late where I am, so... 😊 ).
1) Passing is important in so far that it provides a layer of safety; trans folk face real violence merely for being trans (In fact cis folk face violence for being percieved as trans www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/05/man-beats-up-86-year-old-woman-with-dementia-because-he-thought-she-was-transgender/). So on the one hand it's about just surviving. But also it can represent a clear signifier about how you want to be seen and addressed. This might and does leave us open to citicism about 'reinforcing gender stereotypes', so it's a bit of a lose-lose scenario. Moreover, we often feel an intense feeling of eurphoria when presenting female, so we sometimes just really enjoy it. It might be seen as superficial, but it goes deeper for many of us, and there is no one universal 'trans law' which we all agree on.
Ultimately though many people - trans and cis alike - are deeply interested in their appearance and spend time looking good for themselves and others. Maybe we give it a particular name because it carries so much weight for some of us (but not all!). But realistically, are we really more focussed on looks than most people? I'm not so sure. Do people spend as much time maligning cis women for being superficial?
I hope I was able to explain how it's not an essential thing for me in the video because I need to be realistic about the extent to which I will pass. But also I can see value and power in being a visibly trans woman.
2) Yeah, that's fair - I know I'm far off passing or presenting much beyond androgynous for now, but I'm working on it! 😊 As for the 'superficiality' of appearance, see above.
For misgendering... hmm... it's a difficult question. If you go onto trans discussion spaces on Reddit for instance, people tend to claim to be rather forgiving when they are misgendered as a one-off and it's a clear accident or slip of the tongue. My dad is not great at it, but I understand it's difficult for him and I know he loves me, so I will always forgive him for it.
But you have to understand that misgendering or ''deadnaming" (where our original/dispreferred name is used) is often used as a weapon by transphobes to disrespect us. It's a signifier by them that trans women are not and never will be women and trans men are not and never will be men. We are often recorded by them to showcase how 'triggered' we are and 'easily offended'.
It is that form of misgendering that we object to; as most people probably would. No doubt you would not like being referred to as 'it' in the same way?
Now, I'm not saying no trans person has evey overreacted (it might have been a long day and all they wanted was a goddam burger or something - we've all had bad days and done things we're embarrassed about), but by and large I reckon most folk are fairly even-minded about it.
There's actually a debate as to whether it's appropriate to misgender someone who misgenders you - put the boot on the other foot, so to speak. I'm of the opinion that isn't especially helpful and only creates more friction; everyone has the right to be appropriately gendered. I know that's a bit off-topic, but - eh, it's my channel 😆
3) You hit the nail on the head with your mentioning of 'dysphoria'; that's exactly it. Imagine waking up in a body that is so alien and uncomfortable to you; you know who you 'are' despite the face in the mirror and everyone around you telling you that you are this weird alien creature. For many of us it's a living nightmare and there's only really 2 ways out of it. And one of those ways is to transition.
I do really understand how difficult is must be for most folk to wrap their head around this concept and in a way I'm happy because the only way you can is to experience it for yourself - and I really wouldn't want that. When I take a step back and think about my and other trans folk's life and perception of ourselves... it really is quite strange and unusual. It's a miracle that any cis folk understand at all really!
I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, I'm afraid because I can't prove it or show it. I am a woman. A transgender woman. It's different, but you know, different can be good, right?
Thanks again for your questions. As I said it's getting late so I don't know how coherent these anwers were, but I felt it was important to give you some answers and to let you know that you are very welcome here and to ask whatever you like.
Have a great weekend, and I hope to see you around again,
Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
I have huge respect for how you're handling some of these comments. As someone who doesn't want to fit in the binary definitions of gender (or would like not to), I just wish people would stop caring so much on "what" we look like. Why can't we just be people? Why do we have to look like something? Anyway, thank you for being so kind. And to add to another comment I saw, I don't want to invalidate their experience, but since it seemed they were speaking for an entire group of people, I feel like I need to say something. I had pretty awful experiences with men (to put it lightly) since a very young age. Even so, I can confidently say that I would feel completely safe in the same space as you. If I go to a public restroom, I'm going to stay there for less than 5 minutes. I'm not going to care who's with me. I'm probably not even going to notice if the other person "doesn't look cis". And if I were to feel threatened simply by someone's presence, that is something that I personally would have to work out with my therapist. Not the other person who's just existing. Sorry if my grammar is a bit wonky. My English is not great.
Hi,
Thank you for your kind and sympathetic reply.
I have to be honest I need to understand nonbinary folk better (is this how you identify?), so I would be delighted if you find the time to check back in every now and again and fill the gaps in my knowledge 😊
It's true that everyone processes and deals with trauma differently; we all process threats in a different way. I suppose we all need to listen when someone is saying 'this is important to me', and we believe them and give them the understanding they deserve.
Have a great week ❤️😊✌️
nah yall just need to accept who yall are and quit trynna change yourselves. be happy and proud of ur own skin. be proud of being a woman. be proud of being a man. and also, it's extremely ignorant and silly of u to think someone should go to a therapist bcuz they are uncomfortable with a biological male in their private women's spaces. women have a right to be wary and want self preservation. the majority of women will agree with this statement.
I get what you’re saying, but this is who I am. I am a transgender woman. In fact I am proud to say that I am because despite everything I have found joy and peace in this existence. If I were to say “I’m a man” it would be dishonest.
Transitioning isn’t about an inability to accept myself, it’s almost the opposite: I’ve accepted I’m trans and the pain of dysphoria is alleviated by making this change. I recognise that the physical changes happening might be difficult for others to process, but I’m doing this for me. I’ve had to live 40+ years according to the sensibilities of others. All I ask is to be allowed to live in peace.
I don’t think the other person was suggesting people should seek therapy for simply being in contact with trans or other folk, but that trauma can lead to people getting uncomfortable or having issues. Therapy would represent a great way to help such people work through their trauma.
Your friend's comment might have been with good intentions, albeit a funny thing to say out loud. As a woman, I wouldn't take offense to it, but I can understand why it would strike a nerve, depending on the tone and if a man or a woman said it. it's important to respect people, sometimes that requires silence.
Thank you for your comment.
Yes; silence can indeed be golden 😃
As someone who started transitioning later in life, I know I will never fully pass. And that understanding can be very painful some days. That said, I still think things like makeup, jewelry, femine clothes are important for tranwomen even if its not enough to make you fully pass. They indicate to others how you want to be perceived. That probably won't stop those people leaving nasty comments, but I've found that the majoirty of people want to be kind and respectful, even in conservative dominated areas. Providing those visual cues will definitely lead to being genered correctly far more often. This helps with the self confidence which will undoubtedly make you pass as your preferred gender even more!
Hi, thanks for your comment.
I think I tend to agree about people generally being fine.
It’s hard if you aren’t able to present as you feel you should - I certainly relate. I try to remember that people, especially women, are judged very strongly on their looks, so I try to be mindful that this is perhaps part of the standard experience for women. Just a more extreme version.
It didn’t really help that much, but you’ve gotta try I guess!
Take care and all the best, Andy ❤️✌️😀
OK, I am commenting again because it seems, Andy, you have two videos in one. Your second set of reflections on the comments you received is important. I was very much a part of the banter that went back and forth.
I think any comments about your appearance are one thing. As long as they make suggestions on what they think appropriate in a civil manner, I think those comments are fine. Andy, you put yourself out there and, as a trans person, people are going to notice your appearance, especially other trans people. Their comments may be helpful or they may hurt. But, if they are made positively to further the discussion and help you with your presentation, I think they are OK.
But, there are other comments that are just nasty, mean, and without value of any kind in furthering the discussion. IMO, it is not worth calling people out on them. Unfortunately, the best option is just to delete them. Then we all can move on to productive discussion.
Andy, you are structuring your channel as an educational one. I think with that perspective people should expect some controversy in presenting points of view on your channel. I like your effort because so many other channels just delete what they do not like, end of story. I hope you succeed.
Whatever the case, if you continue to encourage discussion which can lead to disagreement, your followers and commenters should be prepared to see reasonable challenges to what they say. I welcome that if it is done productively to further the conversation.
Thank you.
I completely agree. I'm a big girl, and I've received 'feedback' in the past on my work etc and when made in the spirit of pushing me to improve then I accept it if I feel it's reasonable (maybe after a little bit of crying), and try to integrate their comments into my practice. It's never a straight line of progress and sometimes learning is about making mistakes. It's difficult to accept that you're starting from scratch to a certain extent which is why it's sometimes hard to hear such things.
*If* it's being made in good faith.
For those who are just trying to be hurtful then deletion is the best course of action. But it's hard not to internalise those comments a bit. And in my case, it's less about the content of the comments, but whether there's anything *I* could do to reduce them. I guess I'm engaging in a bit of "victim-blaming" (I don't want to minimise that phrase, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). This isn't healthy and it's why I've started being stricter with moderation of comments.
I did feel so bad when I saw that you had been targetted by some people. I have to honest I felt rather responsible as I should have been quicker with the 'deletion' button. I'm delighted to see you back here as I really enjoy our chats - and I hope you do too 😊
I'm pleased you see the value in what I'm doing. I think I've seen a couple of people at least engage with my responses. As I've said, I don't believe I'll 'turn' people because that's not how it works, but I can at least give people some cause for thought.
In fact, I've learned a couple of things myself in turn and I think my own understandings are growing so I do appreciate the conversations that go on down here!
Take care and all the best! ❤️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I too love our chats. They are not only fun. They help me grapple with issues around my transition. Sharing is so important. 😀
That's really great to hear. I'm so happy that I can provide some support for you - as you do for me as well! I might have said before how I've found it difficult to meet other trans folk and so having the chance to meet others and share experiences is invaluable for me.
Wish people would just live and let live. Good luck on your journey, it's yours and no one can dictate it's course ♥️ I've no problem with respectful and constructive comments, but when other people are just being negative, it say more about how insecure they are.
Thank you for your kind comment.
To be honest, so many people are largely positive and supportive in real life it's hard to see any reality in the negative comments. I've found that nearly everyone in my life has shown me so much love it's me even more grateful for being able to do this.
Have a great Sunday ❤️✌️
❤
Thank You ❤️✌️
Dude, seek psychological help outside US and any "progressive" countries. You need it
I actually live in Poland. Certainly not a bastion of progression or acceptance (bottom-ranked country in the EU for LGBTQ+ rights!).
But I am also getting plenty of help. Thank you for your concern 😊❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I'm very impressed with how calmly & politely you reply to all the comments! You seem like a nice person. As for passing, I just wish people felt comfortable to be themselves, accept that perfection doesn't exist and be confident to dress & present themselves in a way that makes them happy rather than trying to force themselves into some version of how they 'should' look.
@@user-vz5lr6ck5o Thanks 🙏
You might have missed the one commenter I called a 'dickhead' somewhere on this thread so I do have my limits! 😆 I've worked basically all my career in customer services or similar type of work, so I know how to remain clam in the face of mayhem.
Yep. Everyone could do with being at peace with their looks, but we're all under so much pressure to 'perform' in public it's no wonder it's so hard to find that peace.
Have a great Sunday evening ❤ ✌
Hello, just found your channel and I just wanted to say you seem like a really sweet, thoughtful, and overall lovely person, and that shade of blue looks really good on you. Hope you're having a wonderful day.
Hi, thank you for your kind and sweet comment ❤️
I wasn't sure as I don't tend to go for such bright colours, but it was too good to pass up. It's actually from a Polish brand, I like most things from them: www.riskmadeinwarsaw.com/en/
Yeah I had a pretty good day thanks; how about you?
Have a great week! Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education My week has kind of been busy so far. But hope you're having a great week as well!
Your friends comment is uncalled for. We should be free to appear and be as we want to be as long it is not physically threatening to anyone else. It is called freedom. We live together and there needs to be restrictions to protect us. Those restrictions whether they come from private individuals or public authorities need to be kept at a minimum.
I crave to be a woman. Part of that is to have others treat me as a woman and see me as one. I think it is much more than how you carry yourself. The more you cannot pass the more you will be misgendered. Very few trans people I know enjoy being misgendered.
Yes, there are some trans people who say passing is unimportant to them. They say they are just whom they are. For me, I think we are in part how other people see us. Who we are is a mixture of how we see ourselves and how other people see us. That is my personal opinion and applies to how I find myself in the world.
I started transitioning at sixty-eight years old. I am on HRT going on twenty months. I have done hair removal and am about to have a hair transplant. I started electrolysis three weeks ago. I am considering FFS depending on the results I see over the next year. I am doing this because I want people to look at me and see a woman as traditionally understood. This aligns with how I feel about myself. I want my appearance and body to match my identity. It makes it easier to come to terms with whom I want to be and feel I am.
With that said, I seem to pass sometime and most other other times not. I base this on my often being misgendered. I am six feet tall and have broad shoulders. I am thin for my height, but my waist is not small and my shape is pretty straight. It is likely I will never pass on a regular basis. My point is, I have to accept there are some things I can change and some things I cannot. I cannot magically start looking like a cis-woman. I cannot deny my identity as a trans woman. I must find a way to cope with both. One makes me dysphoric while the other has helped me be happier than I have ever been.
In the meantime, I will keep trying to reach my goals and adjust to changes that have brought me to such a better place in my life.
Hi,
Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I knew my friend's comment would be a bit controversial - for what it's worth nearly everyone seems to have the same perspective as you.
To expand on what I was saying; it would be great to pass regularly and without a great deal of effort. I hope the world can one day perceive me as I perceive myself, but I know I'm far off and as people often say 'your mileage may vary' with all the treatments you can get. Laser is expensive and time-consuming. Make up is like an alien language almost; but I expect I can get to grips with the basics at least in time.
As you told me in one of our very first interactions - "patience is key"! ☺️
That being said, because of the unpredictability with how everything may or may not go, I do need to ground myself and not get too carried away with what might be. I;m doing this consciously as I know that I am a dreamer and a inveterate optimist and I know that I can't allow myself to have too high expectations.
What do you make of the length of this one? I almost got it to around 10 minutes, but then I added in the extra bit which made it longer, but I felt I needed to add that in after my experience of the past week.
I hope you're having a great weekend,
Andy ❤️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I do not like make-up either. My beard is white after laser, so I do not have to deal with foundation, TG. I must admit, make-up does help to pass. In my case right now, it is a necessity. My approach is to keep it to a minimum.
Unlike most trans girls, I am not that into clothes. I wish I could wear anything and still appear feminine. Sadly, that is not the case. If I have any hope of passing when I go out, clothes are a big part of the equation.
Here in Serbia, where I live half the year, my laser epilation was a third or less what it would have cost in the US. I am quite pleased with my results. Electrolysis does not cost less than in the US. It is a long costly process. Andy, looks like you will need laser and if you have some grey you are going to want to follow up with electrolysis. I would think the epilation procedures would cost less in Poland than in the UK, certainly less than in the US.
After a thorough search, I settled on a doc here in Serbia for my hair transplant. It too will cost a fraction of the cost compared to the US. I thought about this hard and feel confident I have a good doc who will do a nice job in feminizing my hair line. Looks like that is something you will be able to avoid - Yeah!
After a year or so I will reevaluate and see if I need FFS. I cannot find anyone here in Serbia whom I trust for it. I hear there are clinics in Spain and Belgium that are good and less than in the US. It is a major step. I would so much like to avoid it.
GRS will be covered by my insurance in the US if I decide that is right for me. That would be quite a serious step and things would need to line up well for that to happen. For most trans girls, this is a last step after years of transition. I just may not have the time, support, and conviction to do it.
Andy, you are really terrific. Keep the content coming. Luv ya!
@@Andy_trans_education I do not like make-up either. My beard is white after laser, so I do not have to deal with foundation, TG. I must admit, make-up does help to pass. In my case right now, it is a necessity. My approach is to keep it to a minimum.
Unlike most trans girls, I am not that into clothes. I wish I could wear anything and still appear feminine. Sadly, that is not the case. If I have any hope of passing when I go out, clothes are a big part of the equation.
Here in Serbia, where I live half the year, my laser epilation was a third or less what it would have cost in the US. I am quite pleased with my results. Electrolysis does not cost less than in the US. It is a long costly process. Andy, looks like you will need laser and if you have some grey you are going to want to follow up with electrolysis. I would think the epilation procedures would cost less in Poland than in the UK, certainly less than in the US.
After a thorough search, I settled on a doc here in Serbia for my hair transplant. It too will cost a fraction of the cost compared to the US. I thought about this hard and feel confident I have a good doc who will do a nice job in feminizing my hair line. Looks like that is something you will be able to avoid - Yeah!
After a year or so I will reevaluate and see if I need FFS. I cannot find anyone here in Serbia whom I trust for it. I hear there are clinics in Spain and Belgium that are good and less than in the US. It is a major step. I would so much like to avoid it.
GRS will be covered by my insurance in the US if I decide that is right for me. That would be quite a serious step and things would need to line up well for that to happen. For most trans girls, this is a last step after years of transition. I just may not have the time, support, and conviction to do it.
Andy, you are really terrific. Keep the content coming. Luv ya! ❤
(be aware that I have comments set up such that I need to approve everything first which is why it might not appear for you straight away!).
Yep I was advised laser -> elecro, and also laser should take place in the autumn so I have to wait a few months.
Patience.
Surgery I don't know about; I guess I'll see where I am in a few years. I never felt I *had* to transition until about 2 years ago, and then I only built up the courage 7 months ago. But it's not on my list yet.
Thanks, same to you.
Love and thanks, Andy ❤️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education I too started my transition thinking I would never have FFS or GRS. For me, it was interesting my attitude towards these things have changed. It too took years for me for my egg to crack to the point where transition really was my only option to have any chance of living happily.
Honestly, if I can get to where I want to be without FFS, that would be wonderful. GRS is another thing. I do not think I will ever stop imagining how great and affirming that would be. I do have dysphoria connected with my lower extremity. Being oriented to men also adds to my desire to be able to sexual perform in a more satisfying way. I think trans people are quite diverse when it comes to their feelings about GRS.
One thing I will say, the farther I get in my transition the more plausible next steps seem. That actually makes me feel good.
I became your fan! You have a way with words. ❤
Thanks you are so kind to say so. I hope to see you around again ❤️😊
@@Andy_trans_education ofcourse I am not going away anywhere. Thank you too ☺️ 💓
She was wearing that top because she wanted people to look at her shoes!
the idea of passing is deeply ingrained in misogyny and objectification of women (i obviously mean all women just to be clear). women’s bodies will ALWAYS be commented on and i love that you started this video with that particular story cause it’s all connected - it’s all policing. i’m a cis woman and i don’t wear makeup or paint my nails and i get comments about it all the time, i was even called „unprofessional” for doing that and how did we let the society get so obsessed with looks? wearing clothes considered „feminine” - bad and slutty. wearing baggy clothes - bad and sloppy. same with makeup, with high-heeled shoes, dresses, etc. clothes SHOULD be for us, their main function should be to feel right - and i mean it in every sense of this word. it’s just as much about the literal feel, so how they fit, if they obstruct our movements, their fabric and texture working for us (hello, an autistic person speaking), but also how we feel IN THEM. do we feel like ourselves, do they represent US, not other people’s expectations.
so i agree that clothes can often be considered a „statement” like you said and they can be a very powerful tool for us that can make us feel better in some way, be it by making us more attuned to our gender or more in charge when we need that extra boost of confidence. sometimes they can even help us trick ourselves into fighting low mood with silly patterns or colours. i don’t however agree that they are a „conversation” which is kind of how many people see it and hence their overwhelming desire to make comments about other people’s looks. i mean, sure, if i’m wearing a tshirt with a band sb else likes - go ahead and say it. but if i wear baggy or more fitting clothes - that’s not a conversation starter, it’s nobody’s business.
and people writing all these nasty comments just crave the feeling of control and it’s sad. get therapy, folks, instead of unleashing your anger on strangers on the internet.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment.
Sorry, perhaps I could have been clearer when I said that our appearance is a “conversation” - I didn’t mean in the sense that it should or could begin an actual conversation, more it tells the world something about you. This is, of course, wrapped up in ideas about perception, first impressions, etc.
That being said, I’m happy to be disagreed with!
Have a great week, Andy
I don't understand how passing is ingrained in misogyny. If I'm corrent, misogyny means "hatred of women", and I cannot understand how objectification equates with hatred. I also don't believe being sexually attracted to a woman wearing revealing clothing is misogynistic. I recently heard some put forward the question "If there were no men in the world, would women care so much about wearing make-up and 'sexy' clothing?" It's an interesting point that raises the question about how much our sexuality (biological drives to procreate) subconsciously affect desire and the choices we make each day. I'd be interested if you think my thoughts are merely 'misogynistic' or something similar, and what your reasoning for this would be.
Honesty, commenting on someone's appearance is just rude, plain and simple. People don't need to do that, I wish everyone would just stop, there are so many more important things to focus on than commenting how someone should or shouldn't be dressed, if someone is looking "enough" like a woman, etc.
I think what you said around 13 minutes in was very interesting and you come across as someone who loves herself, and I love that for you; keep living your best life and have a wonderful day ❤
Thank you.
It's interesting what you said about me 'loving myself', and my first instinct is to say "no way, not me!" But that's a combination of a relic of the pre-transitioning times, and a genuine desire to remain grounded and humble.
So do I love myself? I don't know. I do have pride in myself, and - despite what some say - an admiration for my appearance and for making this choice. This is brand new territory for me.
I wonder if part of the reason why I enjoy reading these comments is one way to keep my feet on the ground and not get carried away with delusions of grandeur or something 😆
Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment on my video; it really means a lot.
Have a great Sunday, Andy❤️✌️
@@Andy_trans_education no matter what, you seem like an incredible sweet and kind person and the world needs more of those ❤️
Thank you for saying so. I'll certainly say the same about you. Thanks again for your wonderfully kind comment :)
I doubt you'll ever "pass", but there's a good chance that you can gain acceptance as a woman from women if you live in a small community and just go about your life as a woman. People think rural people are rigid, but we aren't. we really get to know people by name and accept others as they are.
That's an interesting point. My family originally come from small-town England. My mother's side of the family are famers and live in the country. I've even ridden a horse in a field wearing wellington boots! That is, I was wearing the boots, of course, not the horse 😆
One thing I don't think I have mentioned on this channel is my cousin is also trans - FTM. He found it incredibly tough living in that villiage and had to move to a larger town where no one knew him pre-transition. His parents found it very tough and faced some
Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with most of what you said: there is a misconception about rural folk and have a reputation that might be ill-deserved.
But people have the potential to be good or bad; it can be hard to predict.
@@Andy_trans_education your cousin could have moved to another small town and would probably do alright. It's tough to for most trans people to be in the same space in which people knew them as before transitioning. City or not
The definition of 'woman" is an adult female of the Homo sapiens species since humans are the only species that call their female, woman. The main word is female and a female consist of many specific characteristics that include the biological markers at the genetic level, physical markers at macro level, etc. The term woman is also applied to a role that the female play in the human society, either if you believe on creation or evolution. A "transgender" woman will never be a female but if a male want to be call a woman go ahead but remember a male will never be a female. Transgender woman or man is a coping mechanism used to deal with some serious disconect in their brains with reality, self perceptio, and acceptance.
The term "cis" signify normal, a cis man or woman is a normal man or woman that have a healthy and correct aligment in their brains in regards to their emotional and physical sex.
Hello, thanks for taking the time to watch and comment on my video.
Now - hoo boy! - you've opened up a whole case of cans of worms, but no doubt you knew this when you posted this. I wonder how you expect me to respond? With a counter definition or to get bogged down with picking at the language you used? In actual fact, much of how you define woman actually includes me in there, but I assume that was unintentional.
I mean, I would take issue with the very first word you used: 'the': The truth is, there is no 'the' definition for woman.
I would actually generally agree with Lily Alexandre (ua-cam.com/video/i6m3CzzYSOs/v-deo.html); I'm not sure that you can define 'woman'.
And besides, don't you think that any attempt at defining you or your gender (you can be male, female or non-binary in this case) necessarily limiting and restrictive?
In my opinion, unless it is strictly necessary to save your life, nobody should transition if they won't "pass". Of course I also don't consider minors transitioning and puberty blockers acceptable, and I know those have a more "passing" result. Nobody is born in the wrong body and the further you are from your goals, the more of a mental problem you have. We all have some, but think before you decide to play life on hard mode. We tell disabled people to accept themselves. We tell racists that they shouldn't judge other people because of their biological appearance. Why don't we all do the same with ourselves?
Hello, thanks for your comment 😊
It seems that we might be looking at things from different perspectives. I would like to try to explain things better from mine. I hope you take the time to read my reply.
I'm afraid I'm not sure if I understand your point of view about 'only those that pass should transition'. Given that all of various factors it takes to transition (hormones are just one of the things we need), plus the time it's very difficult to determine that someone will pass prior to transitioning.
And can I ask why that is a determining factor anyway?
Like many others in this thread you seem to be under the impression that by doing this I'm failing to accept myself. Far from it; I've come to accept who I am. But actually transitioning isn't about acceptance or lack thereof. I made this choice because I need to do this for my quality of life and mental health. You can see the results and how this has improved how I see myself in the video where I talk about being on hormones for 5 months. Funnily enough, if you were to see me 5 months ago, you might have concluded that I am happy and satisified, but in actuality then I was 'further from my goals' than where I am now. In my video I talk about why passing isn't actually my goal anyway.
I do accept that this will mean that for some people, this will colour how they see me, and that's a shame. It really is unfortunate that ultimately people can't see past one element of my life, when there's so much more I have to offer. I expect that if we were to sit down and have a beverage - a beer or whatever - we would find that we have plenty in common. And even if we don't, that shouldn't prevent us from having a fun and interesting conversation. I've travelled quite a lot and I've always enjoyed learning about different people and their points of view.
Anyway, please let me know if any of this doesn't make sense.
Have a great weekend, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education Thanks for your response. It all makes perfect sense but my point of view is that those who don't "pass" are going to have a much harder time in life. Dating alone is going to be a devastating experience for most. Hormones, surgeries, sterilisation... We should be avoiding making our own lives more difficult as a norm, and also accept society is a part of who we are. People don't exist in a vacuum. Being at war with the most basic social rules is a grind that takes its toll.
I am not against your right to your own self determination, far from it, but "passing" or not doesn't depend on yourself but other people and if other people don't buy it then you just haven't fully transitioned in a social sense, because there is a social dimension to this.
Right, I acknowledge that it has probably made my life harder, but I willingly accept this.
And I'll touch a bit on your comment about being 'at war' with social norms.
First of all, what society determines are 'norms' is a fluid and mobile notion. Look at how perspectives have shifted when it comes to homophobia, islamophobia, women's rights, racial equality, antisemitism; the list is almost endless. And it's not even as if this is a case of 'progression' (whatever that means): these things recede and return like the tides of the ocean.
You might argue that gender roles are fixed and determined, perhaps by nature, but if you study history you will find that this idea is built on very flimsy foundations.
A couple of decades ago people would never have believed that same-sex marriages would be possible; but now it's seen as not that out of the ordinary in western cultures. Arguments against it are increasingly seen as out of step with modern life. Why is it inconceivable that trans folk can be fully-integrated into society? Why does the idea of us living openly and comfortably seem so alien? Ultimately, we're just people.
Anyway, so I was told by my parents when I was being bullied as a child that I should try to make myself less of a target. I should try to fit in, not stand out; be mediocre. It took away the agency of the bully and placed the blame on me. But that's the thing - I didn't know how to fit in. It wasn't in my nature. I was unhappy not only because I was being bullied, but because I also wasn't able to be myself. Even when the bullying stopped, I was still unhappy. I was unhappy for a lot of my life.
This is what you're suggesting; that trans folk are kind of to blame for their victimisation; we've made a choice and it's almost as if the choice has equal value for us. But for many trans folk, we need to transition even if we won't pass. We need to be ourselves, even in the face of hostility. For many it is a choice of life and ... not life.
I do get what you're saying, and I hope that my comments continue to make sense and resonate somewhat with you. We're not 'at war' with culture or society, but we do need to assert ourselves and advocate (sometimes strongly) for our rights. Some people get carried away. Look at me; I end up writing essays in UA-cam comments sections...
Anyway, take care. Have a good week, Andy
@@Andy_trans_education Yeah, I appreciate you took your time to read and reply to several interesting comments, they're a good read even when I disagree.
We have a different point of view completely, because for me "being who I am" is not just who I think I am inside, society is another layer of "me" and I do my best to live at peace in every single layer. That can create a contradiction for people who give a lot of importance to "being true to themselves" and I get that. You seem to be aware of the consequences, and probably suffered them already so there's no more I can add on that.
But one last thing I would say is that you are not and don't have to be blamed for being bullied or attacked. People doing that to you are bullies (maybe even criminals) but society at large not seeing you as a woman and not treating you as such is not and will never be a crime. Bigotry is judging groups of people as bad or inferior; saying that a biological man can't be woman is far from being an irrational bigoted behaviour, is rooted in useful, scientific definitions and is not going away anytime soon.
Anyway, take care and do your thing, what do I know.
Thanks I really appreciate your honesty.
I have to be honest, you are exactly the type of person I want to see here on my channel - even though we have a different point of view I feel our conversation has perhaps been of interest and value to anyone reading this (if they have the time to do so!).
You have provoked some thinking for me for sure, and I hope you might say the same. I do have a kind of theory about 2 different and potentially conflicting ways of seeing one’s place in society, and you allude to it in your comment.
I would really appreciate it if you were to keep coming back and keep asking questions, disagreeing everywhere you can to keep me honest.
No pressure, of course, but I have really enjoyed this conversation.
All the best, Andy ❤️✌️😀
Are you thinking your passing? Because if you think you are and you think your frend had any right to stop an actual female and pull her up,on essentially being a woman,you really need to stop bringing woman down.
well... no not really - did you watch my video?
I'm not clear on how I'm bringing 'women down'. Could you explain that?