Ken…to me, these are your greatest videos. Your “no contact” content is second to none. You’re able to articulate so many nuances that only a person who has gone through it would understand. More importantly, your message is about embracing What Is, accepting the reality of the situation, but reframing it in a way that is galvanizing. I appreciate you. Blessings to you and your family.
Agree! I’ve watched tons of different coaches talk about “no contact”, and the depth of Ken’s content is next level in comparison. He keeps explaining in extreme specifics exactly what my mind is doing.
@@CoachKendude what would you think of this My is liking all my stories (3 months NC) so i waited 2 weeks and then liked a photo of her sandwhich (she had multiple photos of herself that i ignored) is this me breaking NC? Has this made me look weak? We both live in same village and ive avoided her like the plague (germany) dankë 🇩🇪
7 months no contact and she’s dating someone else so she ain’t coming back and I’m not trying to get her back. Sometimes they don’t come back and we need to accept that and move on
@@Mihaicradu15 females are opportunistic and they are always seeking to find a better mate. and most of the time they do because men are desperate to fu*ck girls. so don't waste your time and move on. even if she comes back the relationship won't work
not saying you should date if she's dating, but a part of no contact, and this is repeated by ken over and over again, is to also focus on yourself and not too much on that dark limerance. when the time feels right, you should start dating as well. as he says too, we think in the moment that there is no one more perfect out there than her, but that's just not true. as he says, write down all the imperfections she's shown and you will see just how imperfect she was for you. stay strong
These dark limerance videos are the best. This is exactly where I am now. He discarded me, yet I am obsessively fiending for him... Even though he literally gives zero fxcks about me. I miss him so bad. It hurts so much. I was bawling through most of this video. My heart feels like it is ripped out of my chest, even though its been a couple months in the making now. How do you find purpose? I dont feel passionate about anything, especially now. I feel so lost, useless, and repugnant. (If someone says "go to the gym" I will scream.)
@@gg_ingy Thanks for your encouraging words. It's nice to hear from someone who relates. I've been trying to stay busy, walk the dogs, exercise, take care of the usual business, talk to a psych. Did you find a new apartment to move in??? I had to move back in with my parents and I know I should be grateful but it's also a huge blow to the ego.
I can totally relate to this and am only just starting to get past the 'no purpose' stage (took 3 months). Everyone telling you how much you have going for you.. blah blah blah it's all just noise when you are emotionally exhausted. Not sure if it helps but I found that just giving myself permission to be sad and trusting that sooner or later I'd come out of it helped. If you were a strong capable person before the breakup, it's only a matter of time until you get back there. When you do (which you will), you'll have all this new knowledge on yourself and will believe it or not, actually be stronger and more capable than you were before. It takes as long as it takes, emotions won't be rushed but maybe remember that the outcome is 100% assured and it's just the time that is a variable. Be sad be, be unmotivated, be angry, be whatever TF you want to be and f@$k any idiot that thinks the gym will fix it. Most importantly be kind to yourself and the hardest part..... trust and be patient. Hope you're doing OK.
@@MatthewBurns-u3u Thank you. Yeah, all of that is how it feels. The time change isn't helping because after work it gets dark so I just come home. At least this depressing heartbreak is happening during the already-depressing time of year... Thanks again for your kind words and I hope you're doing better, too. (...the bxstxrds. SMH)
It is FRIGGIN INSANE how on point Ken is about no-contact with a BPD ex. He knows the mistakes we’re gonna make. He knows what we need to do. He’s gotta be the most knowledgeable person on this subject maybe in the world. I wish I had the funds to get sessions with him, because I am stuck right in the middle of all of the pain and nonsense that he described I was gonna do way before I did it.
I agree. What he said in this video was exactly i did, reaching out after a few weeks to listening to friends saying the “if i was you ill give it one more shot” and all backfired negatively towards me. Im moving forward because i know she wont want me back because i hurt her and apologized to her for not being fully committed to her and when i was so ready to fully commit she no longer wanted it. Its okay i deserve the feelings i am feeling now. I just hope she will find happiness and not fall in the wrong hands. Its a dangerous dating world out there.
This is such a helpful channel. So much truth in all this. Thanks so much ! Hey my wife passed a few years ago. I'm a retired war vet and a quality man. Why it is so insane im the dating world is unbelievable.
You are no good to them, when they reach out but your still in that obsessive mindset. No contact works, what matters more is how you use that time. NC works so well that she is still reaching out after messing up twice. I learn the hard way lol. Please do yourself a favor and focus on yourself.
You are the only thing thats given me hope or made me see my panic and utter despair more rationally, youve made me look at this mess and make me feel less crazy. Ive been suicidally depressed for almost 2 years since the break up and sadly discovered your videos a year and a half after the break up, so i did EVERYTHING wrong after the break up, I begged, chased pleaded, made a fool of myself, got into fights with people... ugh. I started no contact 5 months ago. Maybe it will work 😥
Exceptional video, Coach Ken. Words to live by. I’m traveling solo through Asia right now. Decided it was time to discover myself, after my ex left 2 months ago. It can be lonely at times, but I’m feeling the benefits now. The fog is lifting, and I’m starting to view life, and relationships, with a lot more clarity.
Hands down one of you're best , most helpful vids , been in NC almost 11 months , wanted to break NC several times. I havmt ! This video helped me stay the course and leveled up . Cheers - TIW
To me it was all about getting to the point that things i once believed in was no longer trustworthy. Massive shift. My ex was someone i loved. But i dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. Idk what tomorrow will bring but i know i dragged myself through a lot. I can drag myself through more.
Hello Ken. You are a welcome voice of knowledge and experience. I came across you a few weeks ago after two months of recovery from an inexplicable breakup. You have reinforced my recovery but also highlighted areas I hadn’t considered. Thank you. My whole demeanour and outlook is now forward thinking & looking & planning. Recently in social situations people are approaching me and I’m sociable again. I’m being noticed for the right reasons. I realised I was ‘shut away’ and shutting people out consciously and subconsciously. As an update a wonderful woman popped into my life! I have no strategy and no expectations but it feels great. Part of my ‘new attraction’ is definitely a result of having many creative and healthy options in my life. People are interested in me and it’s spooky 😊 the focus of my happiness isn’t focused on one person now… thank goodness 👍🏽
If you're a problem solver, the way to solve this problem is to stop talking to them, and stop stalking them. If you were wrong, apologize then move on.
She said she has no feelings for me and to move on... lived togeather along time I'm stuck mentally in my head over and over thinking constantly every second of everyday about her.. I was left on read the last time I texted her and I haven't texted again... the love I had was insane the feelings I have kids with someone else and never felt this kinda love iv even lost my mother and I felt better and got over it as hard as that is to beleive but I don't no what to do I can't keep busy because I still pray to God or think of this person while I'm busy... my mental health has gone down the drain the past 3 months and I'm afraid it won't get better... I don't think she will ever text me back.. I'm sure you hear this alot but.. this is real... this pain is insane...
You’re not alone in your feelings, stick to your plan. I know it’s a challenge, I’m going through it myself. But focus on you best you can, talk positive to yourself, while grieving what you thought was your future.. take it as an opportunity to help yourself formulate your new future. Heal and get better. Allow yourself to FEEL the pain you’re feelings.
When I realized my friendship of 16 years with a narc for what it was and saw no point keep trying to maintain it because this person was obsessed with devaluing me, I told myself that I wont be enabling this behavior. All the anxiety and desire to have the old version of her back, I labeled it as just a bad addiction to something that didn't even exist. All that is standing in front of me is a lazy, selfish, spiteful, manipulative and mean spirited individual and just about anyone can do a better job at being a friend than her that I could spend my time and energy on... I took a step back and looked at myself what this was actually doing to me and started to quickly fix myself instead of this artificial friendship. I stopped being afraid of seeing the red flags and it was really disturbing to see how bad it really was, what this person was really doing to me and told to people behind my back. Going no contact and cut her out of my life was the best decision I have made to end this madness
You have no idea how thankful I am right now listening to your talks. I was in a very toxic relationship and we’ve broken up yesterday… I know deep in my heart that it isn’t my fault. But the pain and the loneliness keeps me wanting him back to my life.
Your videos are helping me get through my depression from a breakup. I was in a 8 month long distance relationship. My ex gf lives in Poland and me in USA. We met online and then once in person during the summer. I wasn’t working for some time because i was prepping for law school. When i returned I got busy with law school felt overwhelmed and ended up breaking up with her. Something I never thought I’d do because I loved her but it did feel like she was too needy. Anyway, we got back together within a few days but me doing that changed our dynamic. We argued a lot. She felt i wasn’t listening to her and it was true. So she would yell and lash out to me (she was also bi polar and maybe borderline too) then one day she broke up with me. I accepted it at the time as I thought it was best. She kept speaking to me after and we spoke almost as if we were together saying I miss you and so on. I even re booked a ticket to see her for winter break. I didn’t want to get back together during this time. Wanted to see her in person. She kept saying she missed me then changed about a month before my trip to see her. I got jealous and she hated it and said we were just friends (i feel she met someone) i flew all the way to Poland for her to meet me and say we will never be together and that my feelings made her uncomfortable. I begged once while i was there but she left me alone in this country after i landed. It was cruel. She was different. Looked at me as if she never had any feelings. The last time i went it was bliss. I really felt we loved each other but I guess it was stronger for me because I have been so broken up crying every night. I can’t believe i flew to another country for her and she didn’t feel anything for me. Unfollowed all my social media. I did text her once during the time i was there and she said she regretted she gave met her new number. (Thats what i meant i begged) stopped messaging her. It’s been 2.5 weeks. I can’t believe she did that to me. I’d never do this to someone unless they cheated or were abusive to me in the past. She had her Ig private and then un did it a few days ago and I believe i saw her with another girl. Not sure but i think so. I’m so depressed because even though i did what i did and broke up that time. I still loved and still love her. This was the most intense I felt for someone . I’m sure she doesn’t care for me at all after how she acted. That’s another level of no caring. Knowing someone you claimed you used to love traveled to see you and you meet them there first day in the country and abandon them. During Christmas and new year by the way. I felt so alone but it’s my fault ? Because she wanted me to not accept the breakup it seemed. I let her go. I hate myself currently.
I totally screwed up. Major major screw up. He came back around and I was too excited. Total total screw up. At this point I’m sick of the roller coaster ride. If I can’t be happy with or without, it makes no sense
Broke no contact after 2 months (7.5 year relationship) definitely regret it. I let my emotions get the best of me. I lost all the strength I projected and now it might have reinforced the break-up. The sense of loss is going to take even longer now prob. She replied and said she missed me and she gets emotional when she thinks about me but she is enjoying her life being “alone and on her own”. Going back into no contact but May have ruined my chances so I just need to focus on moving on.
Coach Ken, thank you. God is using you in a specialized way to fight against division and all that is attached to it. I will keep you and your loved ones on my prayers. God bless you immensely.
The reason no contact is extremely difficult....... It's because it's not a unnatural behavior.... Its why It works ... In a way you are rejecting them back witch is a complete mind _ _ ... Rejection breeds obsession... Walk away......
@@PersianHottiesmaybe so, but we've both had a lot of personal growth and I've been researching NPD. He's got some really good qualities and I know he means well.
I didn't follow through because the girl kept tabs on me from secondary profile. I kinda lost it. As far as I know it's over. She's not an ex, but we've known each other for 15 years. Well, I bottled up a lot of disappointments and resentments and dumped it all on her. Then she blocked messages and eventually unblocked again, but no response. From all the videos and research I have gathered, she checks all the boxes to be somewhere on the BPD spectrum. Now, I am truly in no contact. I closed off all the windows. Time to get back to work.
I really find your videos to help during the process, appreciate that 🤝🏼 one question though, if I have my stuff at her place, should I pick it as soon as possible or give it a month or something of NC ?
Oh my gosh, I think I just blew it so badly!! 😢 My husband reached out after 46 days NC and wanted to do a spontaneous dog walk together. I agreed and 5 minutes later we went for the walk. It was small talk but not flirty at all. After the walk he asked whether we will be doing it again. And I …. absolutely terrified of the friend zone or being his „training wheels“ …. said something like „I don’t know, I am not ready for friendship“. Bummer! He immediately said „ Ok, so I shouldn’t be reaching out again then.“ It’s really killing me! Did I just blew what could have been my only chance? If there was any anyways. 😢😢😢
Sounds to me like the guy wanted his ego stroked, friendship, or he's a manipulator. He dumped you once, you set up your boundary that you don't want friendship after being with him, he throws it back in your face with a snide comment. You don't get to dump someone and then be a dick when you crawl back because the dumpee doesn't just go along with it, that just makes you a dick.
BPD is pretty hopeless. Not that they won't reach out eventually, but that it will be worth it. Dated 3 of them before I finally learned what to watch out for.
I am in so much pain. Cant sleep eat. I did begged and chase after he told me he needs space. He told me he will reach out when his ready. Its been 10 days and how coild he dont even check on me. The man supposed to love me but just dumped me because i said something that he dont likt it. I treat this as he dump me. I just want to let him go and no pain. Like weve been only 9 months of the relationship😢..its so hard to do the NC.😢
I don't know exactly what happened if i was the one who caused the break up. I was rude to him and i apologised. I chased him after that. But we never had an official relationship because he said he couldn't be in a long distance relationship (i had to move),we were only involved for 10 days before i had to leave..anyway we kept talking everyday ,one day i wanted to know where we were going...but instead,.i made him jealous, he got angry we had a fight ,i insulted him..i apologised, i went no contact, he reached out but nothing changed. He was only testing me i guess... I was so desperate for his forgiveness i wasn't even playing hard to get..i messed up because i went back to the city , to see him in person..he was still testing me.. he got his reassurance and repeated he can't have a long distance relationship.He rejected me.I asked him to still be friends but i felt like begging ...so i unfollowed him on social media. Maybe i ruined it completely????😢😢😢I should have stuck in no contact????????
@coachken ... do we respond to breadcrumbs? She keeps checking up on my son (not her child). We were together 5 years. She's in a new relationship that's failing. She was reaching out to me every couple weeks... haven't heard from her since 3 weeks ago she asked my advice on how to get rid of the current guy without calling police on him. She'd feel guilty if she did because he's on parole. It's been 5 months since our breakup. Do i just completely radio silence until he's out of the picture? Wished your coaching was so far out!
She self-sabotaged several times after we mutually agreed to have dinner. Then on the afternoon of the date I cancelled reservations for the day before , tells me that "we still could have still met up". I guess it wasn't meant to be". Then went i to the silent treatment. I don't appreciate the yo-yo games. What's the answer for that ?
Well damn I wish this video would have been posted two days ago when I contacted him just to let him know I would always be here for him 🙄 yep, he’s still a dick 😂 ugh and to make matters worse I have to work with him. I hear all the rumors about how he’s sleeping around with other co workers and yet here I am telling him I’ll always be here for him. So.damn.silly. I shouldn’t of even bothered. But you live and learn and I have learned to focus on myself and not him. Self love is what I’m having to learn now.
@lindsay3793 Together, 13 years. Engaged for like 2 of those years. No contact for 2 months. I reached out, asking how he was. I wasn't expecting much of a reply, but he spilled his heart out. He misses me, but I'm not going to push the situation. I'm just letting him have space. But I try to match his energy. When he said he missed me, I told him I miss him too. I have hope.
I was in no contact for about 45 days. I thought I was feeling strong made a decision to reach out and now I feel horrible that I blew it….i am back in no contact for a week now and these videos provide perspective but it’s so hard when the mistake has been made…Does reaching out like I did ruin potential chances down the road? Of course I’m back into no contact and working on self growth etc…
What if you find out they are a narcissist and hate women and might also be gay but hiding it.?........and they rage and act like it is nothing....I say no more.....I am gone. And he was also an arrogant bully saying he had me wrapped around his little finger......not any more.
Dude. What if they have been keeping tabs on me through my mom? Now, they know how I am feeling, what I've been doing, and where I have been. There's like no mystery. Does this negate my no contact or is my no contact still intact, since it's not actually me, the source, telling her?
Ride it out, maintain no contact, they aren’t ready and they have to earn you back. If they were ready to have you back. They’d reach out to you themselves and be direct about their intentions for reconciliation. Focus on you.
Question for you Ken. She has bpd, she always comes back with no contact but when she brings up things for us to do in the future like holidays alone she tells me she won’t be in a position to offer me a relationship. Any advice?
My father and her's work together, and my father told her's, that im not taking the breakup really well, I am still waiting for her to come back. Did he ruin my chances...? I am so angry that he told him this...It has been 3 months since the breakup. The beginning she broke no contact a couple times, so I went full no contact around 40 days ago...
Man ! I broke the no contact almost 11 months and he send me an email because he’s blocked in everywhere , asking me if someone else makes me feel like him in sex , and I responded saying that I do think about it sometimes, and he didn’t replay anymore ! So now y feel like shit 😢
Going through hell here, literally hands on knees heartbreak. Can't breath. Your videos help man. But I have to ask, did you blast yourself with botox? It's the only thing that snapped me out of depression for a moment 😅
What if you need to reach out for business purposes? How do you get over the no contact hump? Ken is right. I kept on reaching out to my ex ; My ex Would/ Will sit on the phone but not talk as much. ( My is the Dumper ( Male). I am the Dumpee ( Female).
It’s been three days since I went into No Contact. She sent me a screen long text updating me on her uncles deteriorating health. I’m torn between acknowledging the health condition or keeping no contact.
What if i reached out and said. You know it might have been for the best to break up. It took some time for me to realize it. But could you send my things over and I’ll send yours?
After break up, I've been sending messages once a week for almost two months. I m no Contact for a week and now Im fefinnitely stay no contact for at least 2 months. Do I have a chance to get my ex back, if I keeping no contact?
Blocked everywhere as well. Been 2 weeks NC. I think I was the majority of the issues l, my behavior and actions sucked. I own it. Does sending a letter have any value, just to verbalize that I own it, that i see my faults and that I’m putting in the work. And maybe we can meet for coffee. Thoughts?
it’s been 3 months in no contact, she keeps breaking it. We last talked in August and she was mad I didn’t tell her happy birthday. She facetimed me at 3am 2 weeks ago but I was sleep. Haven’t heard from her since. Just wanted to know if this is a good sign. We have been broken up since February.
My situation is a bit different, it seems like I am the dumper, even though I just didn't chase after she tested me with small breakups and I didn't chase her and didn't accept her coming back without a proper apology.
@@vorbis4860 More like BPD/NPD because, there was lovebombing, lying, gaslighting etc. Otherwise, I would be more patient and understanding. But, deceit is intolerable.
Ken…to me, these are your greatest videos. Your “no contact” content is second to none. You’re able to articulate so many nuances that only a person who has gone through it would understand. More importantly, your message is about embracing What Is, accepting the reality of the situation, but reframing it in a way that is galvanizing. I appreciate you. Blessings to you and your family.
That means a great deal to me to read. Thank you so much for sharing that and God bless you and your family as well! Great to meet you!
@@CoachKenyou do amazing vidéos, im going thru this right now. I left a comment, thank you Ken. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Agree! I’ve watched tons of different coaches talk about “no contact”, and the depth of Ken’s content is next level in comparison. He keeps explaining in extreme specifics exactly what my mind is doing.
@@CoachKendude what would you think of this My is liking all my stories (3 months NC) so i waited 2 weeks and then liked a photo of her sandwhich (she had multiple photos of herself that i ignored) is this me breaking NC? Has this made me look weak? We both live in same village and ive avoided her like the plague (germany) dankë 🇩🇪
“Future seems uncertain, present is in turmoil and past doesnt make any sense” so true, brilliant.
Was at 4:50 when I saw this lol
7 months no contact and she’s dating someone else so she ain’t coming back and I’m not trying to get her back. Sometimes they don’t come back and we need to accept that and move on
10 months of no contact here...same thing, I don't believe she's ever coming back.
@@Mihaicradu15
females are opportunistic and they are always seeking to find a better mate. and most of the time they do because men are desperate to fu*ck girls. so don't waste your time and move on. even if she comes back the relationship won't work
Focus on how dope you are, you are worthy, you are enough, with time and effort you’re going to receive the love you deserve from yourself first..
Sorry to hear that man
not saying you should date if she's dating, but a part of no contact, and this is repeated by ken over and over again, is to also focus on yourself and not too much on that dark limerance. when the time feels right, you should start dating as well. as he says too, we think in the moment that there is no one more perfect out there than her, but that's just not true. as he says, write down all the imperfections she's shown and you will see just how imperfect she was for you. stay strong
These dark limerance videos are the best. This is exactly where I am now. He discarded me, yet I am obsessively fiending for him... Even though he literally gives zero fxcks about me. I miss him so bad. It hurts so much. I was bawling through most of this video. My heart feels like it is ripped out of my chest, even though its been a couple months in the making now.
How do you find purpose? I dont feel passionate about anything, especially now. I feel so lost, useless, and repugnant.
(If someone says "go to the gym" I will scream.)
What did you enjoy doing before the relationship and breakup? Reading, video games, any kinda exercise, social activities?
@@gg_ingy Thanks for your encouraging words. It's nice to hear from someone who relates. I've been trying to stay busy, walk the dogs, exercise, take care of the usual business, talk to a psych. Did you find a new apartment to move in??? I had to move back in with my parents and I know I should be grateful but it's also a huge blow to the ego.
@@gg_ingy Yes!! Keep me updated! I am wishing you all the best and hope you get that spark back. 🙏
I can totally relate to this and am only just starting to get past the 'no purpose' stage (took 3 months). Everyone telling you how much you have going for you.. blah blah blah it's all just noise when you are emotionally exhausted. Not sure if it helps but I found that just giving myself permission to be sad and trusting that sooner or later I'd come out of it helped.
If you were a strong capable person before the breakup, it's only a matter of time until you get back there. When you do (which you will), you'll have all this new knowledge on yourself and will believe it or not, actually be stronger and more capable than you were before.
It takes as long as it takes, emotions won't be rushed but maybe remember that the outcome is 100% assured and it's just the time that is a variable. Be sad be, be unmotivated, be angry, be whatever TF you want to be and f@$k any idiot that thinks the gym will fix it. Most importantly be kind to yourself and the hardest part..... trust and be patient. Hope you're doing OK.
@@MatthewBurns-u3u Thank you. Yeah, all of that is how it feels. The time change isn't helping because after work it gets dark so I just come home. At least this depressing heartbreak is happening during the already-depressing time of year... Thanks again for your kind words and I hope you're doing better, too.
(...the bxstxrds. SMH)
I’m so glad you put this out because I was almost about to break after 5 months no contact. Thank you!
It is FRIGGIN INSANE how on point Ken is about no-contact with a BPD ex. He knows the mistakes we’re gonna make. He knows what we need to do. He’s gotta be the most knowledgeable person on this subject maybe in the world. I wish I had the funds to get sessions with him, because I am stuck right in the middle of all of the pain and nonsense that he described I was gonna do way before I did it.
I agree.. every tiny detail he talks about is exactly what I have felt and feel
I agree. What he said in this video was exactly i did, reaching out after a few weeks to listening to friends saying the “if i was you ill give it one more shot” and all backfired negatively towards me. Im moving forward because i know she wont want me back because i hurt her and apologized to her for not being fully committed to her and when i was so ready to fully commit she no longer wanted it. Its okay i deserve the feelings i am feeling now. I just hope she will find happiness and not fall in the wrong hands. Its a dangerous dating world out there.
The best part of the video is . Your hobby is no contact 😅
"When you have a sense of purpose, you can easily attract your passion. But when that sense of passion is your purpose, then it becomes unattractive."
This is such a helpful channel.
So much truth in all this.
Thanks so much !
Hey my wife passed a few years ago. I'm a retired war vet and a quality man. Why it is so insane im the dating world is unbelievable.
I think this video was God’s sign for me…
Coach Ken, thank you so much for your videos. My ex is back but we're taking things one day at a time. No contact does work..❤
Very happy to hear it
You're the best Coach Ken..
@@nandim9343 how long did that take?
You are no good to them, when they reach out but your still in that obsessive mindset. No contact works, what matters more is how you use that time. NC works so well that she is still reaching out after messing up twice. I learn the hard way lol. Please do yourself a favor and focus on yourself.
You are the only thing thats given me hope or made me see my panic and utter despair more rationally, youve made me look at this mess and make me feel less crazy. Ive been suicidally depressed for almost 2 years since the break up and sadly discovered your videos a year and a half after the break up, so i did EVERYTHING wrong after the break up, I begged, chased pleaded, made a fool of myself, got into fights with people... ugh. I started no contact 5 months ago. Maybe it will work 😥
Give yourself permission to hope - it CAN happen. Not a guarantee, but it happens more than people believe when they're in the middle of that pain
Hello! How is your recovering going?
Best breakup coach out there. Great stuff.
Exceptional video, Coach Ken. Words to live by.
I’m traveling solo through Asia right now. Decided it was time to discover myself, after my ex left 2 months ago. It can be lonely at times, but I’m feeling the benefits now. The fog is lifting, and I’m starting to view life, and relationships, with a lot more clarity.
Hands down one of you're best , most helpful vids , been in NC almost 11 months , wanted to break NC several times. I havmt ! This video helped me stay the course and leveled up . Cheers - TIW
I'm curious, leveled up in what ways?
To me it was all about getting to the point that things i once believed in was no longer trustworthy. Massive shift. My ex was someone i loved. But i dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. Idk what tomorrow will bring but i know i dragged myself through a lot. I can drag myself through more.
Hello Ken. You are a welcome voice of knowledge and experience. I came across you a few weeks ago after two months of recovery from an inexplicable breakup. You have reinforced my recovery but also highlighted areas I hadn’t considered. Thank you. My whole demeanour and outlook is now forward thinking & looking & planning. Recently in social situations people are approaching me and I’m sociable again. I’m being noticed for the right reasons. I realised I was ‘shut away’ and shutting people out consciously and subconsciously. As an update a wonderful woman popped into my life! I have no strategy and no expectations but it feels great. Part of my ‘new attraction’ is definitely a result of having many creative and healthy options in my life. People are interested in me and it’s spooky 😊 the focus of my happiness isn’t focused on one person now… thank goodness 👍🏽
If you're a problem solver, the way to solve this problem is to stop talking to them, and stop stalking them. If you were wrong, apologize then move on.
@stevo6891 never a good idea, always be in abundance.
Ken you’re a blessing, sadly the pain has been my best friend, it never leaves my side. 💔
She said she has no feelings for me and to move on... lived togeather along time I'm stuck mentally in my head over and over thinking constantly every second of everyday about her.. I was left on read the last time I texted her and I haven't texted again... the love I had was insane the feelings I have kids with someone else and never felt this kinda love iv even lost my mother and I felt better and got over it as hard as that is to beleive but I don't no what to do I can't keep busy because I still pray to God or think of this person while I'm busy... my mental health has gone down the drain the past 3 months and I'm afraid it won't get better... I don't think she will ever text me back.. I'm sure you hear this alot but.. this is real... this pain is insane...
You’re not alone in your feelings, stick to your plan. I know it’s a challenge, I’m going through it myself. But focus on you best you can, talk positive to yourself, while grieving what you thought was your future.. take it as an opportunity to help yourself formulate your new future. Heal and get better. Allow yourself to FEEL the pain you’re feelings.
Gym tan laundry bro. Get busy
This is the best no contact video I’ve seen and I’ve seen a lot
When I realized my friendship of 16 years with a narc for what it was and saw no point keep trying to maintain it because this person was obsessed with devaluing me, I told myself that I wont be enabling this behavior.
All the anxiety and desire to have the old version of her back, I labeled it as just a bad addiction to something that didn't even exist.
All that is standing in front of me is a lazy, selfish, spiteful, manipulative and mean spirited individual and just about anyone can do a better job at being a friend than her that I could spend my time and energy on...
I took a step back and looked at myself what this was actually doing to me and started to quickly fix myself instead of this artificial friendship.
I stopped being afraid of seeing the red flags and it was really disturbing to see how bad it really was, what this person was really doing to me and told to people behind my back.
Going no contact and cut her out of my life was the best decision I have made to end this madness
Can we make Ken the next President? Please America, get together and make it happen! He is the hero we never knew we needed!
You have no idea how thankful I am right now listening to your talks. I was in a very toxic relationship and we’ve broken up yesterday… I know deep in my heart that it isn’t my fault. But the pain and the loneliness keeps me wanting him back to my life.
Your videos are helping me get through my depression from a breakup. I was in a 8 month long distance relationship. My ex gf lives in Poland and me in USA. We met online and then once in person during the summer. I wasn’t working for some time because i was prepping for law school. When i returned I got busy with law school felt overwhelmed and ended up breaking up with her. Something I never thought I’d do because I loved her but it did feel like she was too needy. Anyway, we got back together within a few days but me doing that changed our dynamic. We argued a lot. She felt i wasn’t listening to her and it was true. So she would yell and lash out to me (she was also bi polar and maybe borderline too) then one day she broke up with me. I accepted it at the time as I thought it was best. She kept speaking to me after and we spoke almost as if we were together saying I miss you and so on. I even re booked a ticket to see her for winter break. I didn’t want to get back together during this time. Wanted to see her in person. She kept saying she missed me then changed about a month before my trip to see her. I got jealous and she hated it and said we were just friends (i feel she met someone) i flew all the way to Poland for her to meet me and say we will never be together and that my feelings made her uncomfortable. I begged once while i was there but she left me alone in this country after i landed. It was cruel. She was different. Looked at me as if she never had any feelings. The last time i went it was bliss. I really felt we loved each other but I guess it was stronger for me because I have been so broken up crying every night. I can’t believe i flew to another country for her and she didn’t feel anything for me. Unfollowed all my social media. I did text her once during the time i was there and she said she regretted she gave met her new number. (Thats what i meant i begged) stopped messaging her. It’s been 2.5 weeks. I can’t believe she did that to me. I’d never do this to someone unless they cheated or were abusive to me in the past. She had her Ig private and then un did it a few days ago and I believe i saw her with another girl. Not sure but i think so. I’m so depressed because even though i did what i did and broke up that time. I still loved and still love her. This was the most intense I felt for someone . I’m sure she doesn’t care for me at all after how she acted. That’s another level of no caring. Knowing someone you claimed you used to love traveled to see you and you meet them there first day in the country and abandon them. During Christmas and new year by the way. I felt so alone but it’s my fault ? Because she wanted me to not accept the breakup it seemed. I let her go. I hate myself currently.
I usually tell myself to move with what weighs you down. Thank you Coach! either way whatever may happen in the end im in this journey for myself.
I would like videos on no contact when it's been awhile... Breadcrumbs... etc
I totally screwed up. Major major screw up. He came back around and I was too excited. Total total screw up. At this point I’m sick of the roller coaster ride. If I can’t be happy with or without, it makes no sense
I'm the king of mental gymnastics
We all are when we're in enough pain
Broke no contact after 2 months (7.5 year relationship) definitely regret it. I let my emotions get the best of me. I lost all the strength I projected and now it might have reinforced the break-up. The sense of loss is going to take even longer now prob. She replied and said she missed me and she gets emotional when she thinks about me but she is enjoying her life being “alone and on her own”. Going back into no contact but May have ruined my chances so I just need to focus on moving on.
Stay strong, man. Put your energy back into YOU!
IMHO It sounds hopeful if she is missing you, gets emotional when she thinks of you and isn’t as yet dating.
I'd say you approached her to quickly for a relationship. You need to restart all over again.and in a wrong manor
If she has bpd most likely not alone, they lie ALOT
The only thing I did was wish her a happy birthday. She wants to come back to work where I work. It’s gonna be awkward as hell.
Coach Ken, thank you. God is using you in a specialized way to fight against division and all that is attached to it. I will keep you and your loved ones on my prayers. God bless you immensely.
The reason no contact is extremely difficult....... It's because it's not a unnatural behavior.... Its why It works ... In a way you are rejecting them back witch is a complete mind _ _ ... Rejection breeds obsession... Walk away......
Our relationship was broken on and off for 10 yrs. Now I feel more in love with him than I ever have been.
sounds like you are addicted to a BPD/NPD
that long builds connection/addition/affection - even if its unhealthy, which can be confusing
@@CoachKen not sure if he's gonna come back but I keep hoping
@@PersianHottiesmaybe so, but we've both had a lot of personal growth and I've been researching NPD. He's got some really good qualities and I know he means well.
Another helpful content - thank you Ken. The thing is to keep telling yourself ypu can do it, even though you know you can’t.
Being able to love and commit to the other person so much... strength? or weakness?
I didn't follow through because the girl kept tabs on me from secondary profile. I kinda lost it. As far as I know it's over.
She's not an ex, but we've known each other for 15 years. Well, I bottled up a lot of disappointments and resentments and dumped it all on her.
Then she blocked messages and eventually unblocked again, but no response.
From all the videos and research I have gathered, she checks all the boxes to be somewhere on the BPD spectrum.
Now, I am truly in no contact. I closed off all the windows. Time to get back to work.
I really find your videos to help during the process, appreciate that 🤝🏼 one question though, if I have my stuff at her place, should I pick it as soon as possible or give it a month or something of NC ?
Oh my gosh, I think I just blew it so badly!! 😢 My husband reached out after 46 days NC and wanted to do a spontaneous dog walk together. I agreed and 5 minutes later we went for the walk. It was small talk but not flirty at all. After the walk he asked whether we will be doing it again. And I …. absolutely terrified of the friend zone or being his „training wheels“ …. said something like „I don’t know, I am not ready for friendship“. Bummer! He immediately said „ Ok, so I shouldn’t be reaching out again then.“ It’s really killing me! Did I just blew what could have been my only chance? If there was any anyways. 😢😢😢
Sounds to me like the guy wanted his ego stroked, friendship, or he's a manipulator. He dumped you once, you set up your boundary that you don't want friendship after being with him, he throws it back in your face with a snide comment. You don't get to dump someone and then be a dick when you crawl back because the dumpee doesn't just go along with it, that just makes you a dick.
thank god you are here 🤲🙏
185 days of No contact 😢
290 days...nothing
Keep it up you got this!!
she blocked me on everything going on a month now and likely has borderline, i think it’s hopeless
In the same position man. And mine is in a rebound already
@@lambeauzone yeah man shit is hard feel like i been painted black and she just wants to forget ab me
As a woman it’s not hopeless. Focus on everything else but her, good luck!
BPD is pretty hopeless. Not that they won't reach out eventually, but that it will be worth it. Dated 3 of them before I finally learned what to watch out for.
Let it be brother. You got this.
You are amazing ken
I just broke after 1 week no contact...i wish I found out about this earlier
I'm currently getting trapped in over analysis 😩
Thank you Coach Ken, your videos are helping me
I am in so much pain. Cant sleep eat. I did begged and chase after he told me he needs space. He told me he will reach out when his ready. Its been 10 days and how coild he dont even check on me. The man supposed to love me but just dumped me because i said something that he dont likt it. I treat this as he dump me. I just want to let him go and no pain. Like weve been only 9 months of the relationship😢..its so hard to do the NC.😢
I don't know exactly what happened if i was the one who caused the break up. I was rude to him and i apologised. I chased him after that. But we never had an official relationship because he said he couldn't be in a long distance relationship (i had to move),we were only involved for 10 days before i had to leave..anyway we kept talking everyday ,one day i wanted to know where we were going...but instead,.i made him jealous, he got angry we had a fight ,i insulted him..i apologised, i went no contact, he reached out but nothing changed. He was only testing me i guess... I was so desperate for his forgiveness i wasn't even playing hard to get..i messed up because i went back to the city , to see him in person..he was still testing me.. he got his reassurance and repeated he can't have a long distance relationship.He rejected me.I asked him to still be friends but i felt like begging ...so i unfollowed him on social media. Maybe i ruined it completely????😢😢😢I should have stuck in no contact????????
@coachken ... do we respond to breadcrumbs? She keeps checking up on my son (not her child). We were together 5 years. She's in a new relationship that's failing. She was reaching out to me every couple weeks... haven't heard from her since 3 weeks ago she asked my advice on how to get rid of the current guy without calling police on him. She'd feel guilty if she did because he's on parole. It's been 5 months since our breakup. Do i just completely radio silence until he's out of the picture? Wished your coaching was so far out!
She self-sabotaged several times after we mutually agreed to have dinner.
Then on the afternoon of the date I cancelled reservations for the day before , tells me that "we still could have still met up". I guess it wasn't meant to be".
Then went i to the silent treatment.
I don't appreciate the yo-yo games.
What's the answer for that ?
21 weeks of no contact. They reached out by calling 11 weeks ago but no voicemail or text message so I didn’t know how to respond to them.
Shouldve called them back
Well damn I wish this video would have been posted two days ago when I contacted him just to let him know I would always be here for him 🙄 yep, he’s still a dick 😂 ugh and to make matters worse I have to work with him. I hear all the rumors about how he’s sleeping around with other co workers and yet here I am telling him I’ll always be here for him. So.damn.silly. I shouldn’t of even bothered. But you live and learn and I have learned to focus on myself and not him. Self love is what I’m having to learn now.
What about the monkey brancher..please give us info
Separated since July😢
Same. I'm over him now tho.
@@elenanoble1081How long were you together? Did you live together?
How are you doing with all of this? How long were you together?
@lindsay3793
Together, 13 years. Engaged for like 2 of those years. No contact for 2 months. I reached out, asking how he was. I wasn't expecting much of a reply, but he spilled his heart out. He misses me, but I'm not going to push the situation. I'm just letting him have space. But I try to match his energy. When he said he missed me, I told him I miss him too. I have hope.
@lindsay3793
Yes, we lived together
I was in no contact for about 45 days. I thought I was feeling strong made a decision to reach out and now I feel horrible that I blew it….i am back in no contact for a week now and these videos provide perspective but it’s so hard when the mistake has been made…Does reaching out like I did ruin potential chances down the road? Of course I’m back into no contact and working on self growth etc…
I wish I had the money to get coaching from you. 😢
Coach i want an answer please...im in no contact one week ... but i unfriend and unfolow her...its a good decision?how can i fix this)
If you did - hold strong. When they miss you enough, vast majority of them will find a way and a reason to reach out to some degree.
What if you find out they are a narcissist and hate women and might also be gay but hiding it.?........and they rage and act like it is nothing....I say no more.....I am gone. And he was also an arrogant bully saying he had me wrapped around his little finger......not any more.
Dude. What if they have been keeping tabs on me through my mom? Now, they know how I am feeling, what I've been doing, and where I have been. There's like no mystery. Does this negate my no contact or is my no contact still intact, since it's not actually me, the source, telling her?
Ride it out, maintain no contact, they aren’t ready and they have to earn you back. If they were ready to have you back. They’d reach out to you themselves and be direct about their intentions for reconciliation. Focus on you.
Thank you, sir! @@ByTheWilliams
Question for you Ken. She has bpd, she always comes back with no contact but when she brings up things for us to do in the future like holidays alone she tells me she won’t be in a position to offer me a relationship. Any advice?
go no contact for good. don't waste your life chasing a bpd
My father and her's work together, and my father told her's, that im not taking the breakup really well, I am still waiting for her to come back. Did he ruin my chances...? I am so angry that he told him this...It has been 3 months since the breakup. The beginning she broke no contact a couple times, so I went full no contact around 40 days ago...
Man ! I broke the no contact almost 11 months and he send me an email because he’s blocked in everywhere , asking me if someone else makes me feel like him in sex , and I responded saying that I do think about it sometimes, and he didn’t replay anymore ! So now y feel like shit 😢
Going through hell here, literally hands on knees heartbreak. Can't breath. Your videos help man. But I have to ask, did you blast yourself with botox? It's the only thing that snapped me out of depression for a moment 😅
How can I reach you privately?
coachken@dotheyloveme.com
Thanks!
What if you need to reach out for business purposes? How do you get over the no contact hump? Ken is right. I kept on reaching out to my ex ; My ex Would/ Will sit on the phone but not talk as much. ( My is the Dumper ( Male). I am the Dumpee ( Female).
It’s been three days since I went into No Contact. She sent me a screen long text updating me on her uncles deteriorating health. I’m torn between acknowledging the health condition or keeping no contact.
What’s the update?
I ask because my ex’s father was diagnosed with dementia, and I anticipate her reaching out during the decline.
What if i reached out and said. You know it might have been for the best to break up. It took some time for me to realize it. But could you send my things over and I’ll send yours?
Hey Ken, I just saw my ex today after no contact, I told her that we’re “good”, was that the right choice?
What is breaking no contact? What if your ex contacts you and all you do is give short responses? Is that okay?
No contact is to get them to reach out to you. Match their investment and talk to them
After break up, I've been sending messages once a week for almost two months.
I m no Contact for a week and now Im fefinnitely stay no contact for at least 2 months.
Do I have a chance to get my ex back, if I keeping no contact?
Yes, you clearly aent enough messages that you want them back. Going no contact is all you can do now
@@Xile179 thank you.
@@myriampatriciarobles go no contact until he reaches out, if he ever does reach out. But for now work on yourself and your confidence
I think it will send a signal that "maybe they're getting over me," and if anything has a chance...that does.
Blocked everywhere as well. Been 2 weeks NC. I think I was the majority of the issues l, my behavior and actions sucked. I own it. Does sending a letter have any value, just to verbalize that I own it, that i see my faults and that I’m putting in the work. And maybe we can meet for coffee. Thoughts?
That's a tough one brother.. Sounds like you owe her an apology?
Yeah. I feel like I do. And I suppose an apology with no expectation of a response.
I'd suggest an open ended invite to coffee. After an open ended message of "hey this reminded me of you"
it’s been 3 months in no contact, she keeps breaking it. We last talked in August and she was mad I didn’t tell her happy birthday. She facetimed me at 3am 2 weeks ago but I was sleep. Haven’t
heard from her since. Just wanted to know if this is a good sign. We have been broken up since February.
Update?
5 months and im still blocked
My situation is a bit different, it seems like I am the dumper, even though I just didn't chase after she tested me with small breakups and I didn't chase her and didn't accept her coming back without a proper apology.
She sounds fearful avoidant.
@@vorbis4860 More like BPD/NPD because, there was lovebombing, lying, gaslighting etc. Otherwise, I would be more patient and understanding. But, deceit is intolerable.
@@dildodiggins1341 Ew. Yeah, you don't need that.
Coach Ken❤