No Contact: Extreme Pain of Dark Limerence, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Heartbreak Syndrome

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  • Опубліковано 5 вер 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 257

  • @nofrillstarot9372
    @nofrillstarot9372 8 місяців тому +34

    "If the things you know you would forgive them for are the same things they won't forgive you for, then stop convincing yourself that you ruined the greatest love story of all time. The greatest love story of all time will be able to endure, forgive and move on from normal imperfections and mistakes." 17:52

    • @free2bme604
      @free2bme604 5 місяців тому +2

      Yes !! He want forgive me for anything but I have forgiven him for everything . 😢

    • @adrianhrehoret8823
      @adrianhrehoret8823 4 місяці тому +1

      I need this written on a wall. In bold letters ❤❤❤

    • @CR10.07
      @CR10.07 27 днів тому

      Thank uou

  • @Ingramarts
    @Ingramarts 2 місяці тому +5

    "She took a dump inside the refrigerator" 😅
    It's been 2 and a half years and I still hurt. Hence why I'm here, trying to educate myself

    • @freedmm3122
      @freedmm3122 Місяць тому +2

      Two years for me! I am old enough to have known better! Age has no barrier to falling in love . I tell my self no fool like an old fool!

  • @gloriatucker9796
    @gloriatucker9796 6 місяців тому +18

    No dark limerence here. Only darkness! I am frightened by this breakup. The fact he could act so loving while planning on divorcing me.. that took some skill.😮

    • @ambo9569
      @ambo9569 6 місяців тому +4

      Im sorry. Sending you a hug.

  • @kkbforizzle
    @kkbforizzle Рік тому +61

    I think it’s a shame that there isn’t more traction for this channel. This is one of the best messages for recovering from this that I have heard. Especially the parts about hurting because you actually meant it.
    Don’t just heal, rise through it.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +8

      Thanks for sharing that - I hope more traction is coming too but comments like yours mean a lot!

    • @boooootch
      @boooootch Рік тому +4

      Totally agree! I just recently discovered Coach Ken and his stuff is spot on and very helpful to me at the moment. I will spread the word!

  • @nicholascuevas5769
    @nicholascuevas5769 Рік тому +57

    7 months no contact, and everyday has been painful , but I’m still going on with my life but I do feel numb all the time

    • @Separo1
      @Separo1 Рік тому +5

      I know how you feel. It seems to be never ending

    • @joev7014
      @joev7014 Рік тому +12

      Don’t worry guys. You’ll get through it. Pick up a new hobby and keep working hard. Remember she wasn’t one in a million. She was just one of a million. Better woman are there. Truuussst me. And the best thing, as men our value increases not decreases. Just stay healthy cuz that really matters

    • @kimlarso
      @kimlarso 10 місяців тому

      @@joev7014lol, that value increase u speak of depends on much, it’s not automatic!…

    • @MustardNketchup
      @MustardNketchup 8 місяців тому +2

      I hate reading this....im adhd...ugh

    • @mariefricchione437
      @mariefricchione437 5 місяців тому +2

      There are more hot girls today than at any other time. Work on becoming a hot guy and you won’t even have to try. They will come to you. Make sure you stay a nice guy.! Good luck😊

  • @christinedriscoll6425
    @christinedriscoll6425 4 місяці тому +10

    As many videos as I've seen, this man understands intensity in a way no other does.

    • @rohanwatave7457
      @rohanwatave7457 3 місяці тому

      Ya, its like every video resonates with my life.

  • @0727JustMe
    @0727JustMe Рік тому +26

    Really helps to ruminate over their imperfections. If you're going to ruminate... may as well be that. Very effective.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +6

      Thank you for the comment! It feels a little petty to do some times - but it's needed and it helps reset your view of reality in who they are and who you are as well

  • @dominikwolski9577
    @dominikwolski9577 11 місяців тому +26

    Another bad morning in No Contact- one of many. Feel like screaming my lungs out. And then I hear you say:”your masterplan session is where you’re at.” Right here and right now. Thank you Coach Ken💪🏻

    • @Dannyj0534
      @Dannyj0534 3 місяці тому +1

      Just got out a 5yr relationship with someone who pursued me first and got blindsided and dumped out of nowhere when everything seemed perfect. Just starting no contact and dying on the inside and out. I would love an update if you have the time brother

    • @dominikwolski9577
      @dominikwolski9577 3 місяці тому

      @@Dannyj0534 I can relate, brother, but it does get better over time. Trust me. It’s not necessarily „out of sight, out of mind,” but lack of physical contact makes it impossible to collect any more memories and the love fades away. You’ve got this, you’ll leave this pain behind one day. Stay strong💪🏻

  • @julzluvzdollz
    @julzluvzdollz Рік тому +38

    This video is absolute gold. I’ve always taken heartbreaks extremely hard harder than anyone I know. Everything you talked about I’ve experienced. I hope those that need to hear this message find it. This video need to go viral.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +4

      Thanks Julz! Much appreciated!

    • @johnnydi2231
      @johnnydi2231 4 місяці тому +2

      So have I! And I'm a man... So it's worse in a way. Just because everybody thinks you're weak or your being childish or you should just suck it up, whatever...
      And I feel it exactly like he described here. I feel it physically and intensely and for long, extended periods of time!
      I'm in the beginning of the worst one ever right now. Fresh. Only happened like 3 weeks ago... After 17 years!
      It's so painful and difficult. 💔
      And yes, I agree, this channel is amazing. The absolute best.

    • @DMuvvy
      @DMuvvy Місяць тому

      I feel the same way. I’ve often wondered why people can move on so quickly. Like, oh well, it didn’t work out. Wish so much I could do that! I hope you’re doing alright now and then some❣️❣️

  • @satyajeetpatnaik3780
    @satyajeetpatnaik3780 3 місяці тому +3

    More than 2 months of my breakup, 31 days of NC, its not easy. I had to go through tears, agony and fear of losing her. The day I saw this vdo, I can say I am proud of my self that I felt all that pain so deep bcoz I love her so much! I am flawed too, did mistakes but looking back they are minor mistakes. She has said things which she wont forgive. Yet, I tried so hard. I am not ashamed to say I miss her but not that much. I got to know, she is not irreplaceable. But, she wont get that kind of unconditional love I offered her. She took me for granted, I never did. I am trying my best to stay away from her, also trying to avoid the idea of her being sorry and coming back. I am okay with losing her. She lost someone who just wanted her to be there, nothing else. She has no idea what she lost.

    • @igchannel2174
      @igchannel2174 24 дні тому +1

      Any updates?
      I feel exactly like u right now. I feel like he is so dumb that he was willing to lose something so good! XD ive been crying like crazy but also know that there are people who are willing to build something with me

    • @satyajeetpatnaik3780
      @satyajeetpatnaik3780 24 дні тому

      @@igchannel2174 texted me few tyms for some help. I did what I could. Stayed calm and did not lose myself asking anything else. I have started feeling, she has lost me. I love her, but wont go back/ take her back. I am trying my best not to focus on her regrets etc. It hinders your healing. And yes, you are right, they dont have any idea what they lost bcoz of their immatured, egoistic behavior. It will take time for us to heal, to be better than what we were. You are more than what they thought! Love you pal. Stay strong. Can feel u hurting.🙂

    • @satyajeetpatnaik3780
      @satyajeetpatnaik3780 24 дні тому

      @@igchannel2174 texted me for some help, i did what I could. I can sense it she is checking if I will respond her or not bcoz she avoided all my calls/texts months back. I am not like her and I have that basic humanity to respond no matter what. And yes, I agree with you, they lost something they wont get anywhere else. Feel proud to be one loving, kind, compassionate and weak! Weak? Yes, it makes you human when u feel so. No need to hide it. Embrass it. I did. Cried. Self consoled myself and trying all the things I need to. I have realised, its not worth to hold on. They lost us bcoz of their own immatured behaviour. They know it well and thats why they are avoiding. Let it be. I wont take her back. Cant tolerate all this again.

  • @missmo463
    @missmo463 14 днів тому +2

    No one understands pain better. Thanks for your words and empathy. You make a huge difference to so many people on a daily basis. ❤️

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  13 днів тому +1

      I think you already communicated the right message - give it time so he can start to get the sense that you meant it

  • @mimi-iy7jv
    @mimi-iy7jv 6 місяців тому +9

    your channel is saving my life, i cried out to God because of the amount of angst I was in over this heartbreak, and i could not understand why it was so intense for me like this and then I find this channel.. Ive feel so seen and heard and given a direct guideline on what to do. all praises to God, so fucking incredible the way He saves me every time through other people.

    • @Lesley-xw9sy
      @Lesley-xw9sy 5 місяців тому

      I cried to god too ❤️

  • @benf1111
    @benf1111 11 місяців тому +6

    2 months of no contact and she messages me saying i miss you and i love you while she has a profile picture of her with a new boyfriend. So when I pointed out all the b.s. she did when we were together and the breadcrumbing for attention after, she goes back into hiding. So I get punished for simply pointing out the impact of her bad behavior.

  • @AngiePyott
    @AngiePyott Рік тому +21

    I’m 54 and have a degree in psychology and I’m a mess. I do all the self help steps and I can tell you now (I hyper EVERYTHING btw) the only thing that soothes in this no contact confusion is to listen to these so thank you.

    • @AngiePyott
      @AngiePyott Рік тому

      @@mystifyme7328 thank you 🙏🏻

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +6

      Thank you for sharing that Angie! Stay strong - I hyper everything as well (can be a huge gift or a heavy curse)

    • @Separo1
      @Separo1 Рік тому +2

      This hyper thing is new to me but so real. I have always been passionate about the things I do (work, ppl, love). I learnt early in my youth that if you do something to it 100% or dont do it at all. I now discover that giving love for 100% !can also have a “negative” part to it when the heart is concerned.

    • @davemaurer7341
      @davemaurer7341 8 місяців тому +1

      Useless degree

  • @greglavers
    @greglavers 5 місяців тому +5

    Mine is dating someone else in the office. And they appear extremely happy. And they don't seem shy about EVERYONE in the building knowing they are an item.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  5 місяців тому +3

      So sorry - that one hurts, but if it helps to know, many times situations like that can flood both parties with a sense of importance and spotlight and boost the egos and turn the limerence up to full blast BUT when it starts to wear off, and people stop caring because it isn't new and isn't as exciting that relationship has further to fall and can fall apart faster than they would have guessed

    • @greglavers
      @greglavers 5 місяців тому +1

      @@CoachKenthanks. Hoping so. I miss her. I kinda hoped she was dating him to get at me with some sort of revenge tactic. But they look so happy. I feel like crying.

    • @_--Reaper--_
      @_--Reaper--_ 5 місяців тому +1

      @@greglavers She would actually stop being happy if she saw you with someone else, also the more she see's that you're depressed over her the happier she'll be

  • @gabordudas5404
    @gabordudas5404 Рік тому +16

    "You ruined the greatest love story of all time" - Yep, that was exactly what I felt:)))) Now it's much more better. And your videos are very helpful. Thank you, Coach!

  • @lindsay3793
    @lindsay3793 10 місяців тому +10

    I feel fxcking nuts. The breakup happened about a month and a half ago and I am still climbing up the walls every waking monent.

    • @lindsay3793
      @lindsay3793 10 місяців тому +2

      I miss him so much. 💔💀

    • @beyourself33294
      @beyourself33294 Місяць тому +1

      You’re stronger than you think, hope you feel better sooner

  • @ninakaba1505
    @ninakaba1505 Рік тому +29

    There are SO MANYYY hidden gems in this video. You’ve unlocked so many factors, I’m mind blown: I’ve never watched a video & felt like someone just interpreted my whole brain. Thank you for making me feel included, not crazy or alone, & understood. +1 subscriber.♥️

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +3

      Thank you for sharing such kind and encouraging words Nina - means a lot to read a comment like yours.

    • @wtcmedic911
      @wtcmedic911 Рік тому +3

      I’ve watcheda LOT of different experts. This man speaks like he knows her…. I’ve stopped listening to most. You’ll learn a lot here

    • @mylesjohnson8503
      @mylesjohnson8503 Рік тому

      Same lol. This guy is so underrated

  • @carlorizzo827
    @carlorizzo827 3 місяці тому +3

    Ken!! Guy!! This is blockbuster, ThankU. So many useful ideas!:
    --dark limerance
    --how problem solvers suffer
    --rejection sensitive dysphoria
    --heartbreak syndrome (what was
    that, tactic tsubo... couldn't quite
    hear. Reminds me how Debbie Reynolds died promptly after hearing her daughter Carrie Fisher died)
    --highlight creativity
    I'm glad I'm old. I fired hope. Hope misleads me. I have faith, that even without hope life can be meaningful & enjoyable.
    Ruminating, remaining angry keeps me obsessed. Blindly forgiving I move on faster. Interestingly, they become a stranger again. Maybe I really did not know them. And anyway, I always fall in love again

  • @dawnclark1103
    @dawnclark1103 7 місяців тому +6

    Make yourself better for YOU and then find someone Better ❤

  • @moirahfrench2007
    @moirahfrench2007 Рік тому +16

    Its been a year and a half of agony and desperation and terrifying guilt and heartbreak, and you are the only one that has genuinely helped me! thank you!

    • @moirahfrench2007
      @moirahfrench2007 Рік тому +7

      I have ADD and fixate terribly and lost so many friends who don't understand the grief, but your advice has been so helpful

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +3

      Thank you so much - with you on the ADHD - that intensity can be overwhelming at times and can make it easy for others to misread and misunderstand in multiple ways with multiple relationships

    • @HS-df7ld
      @HS-df7ld 6 місяців тому

      Update??​@@moirahfrench2007

  • @ADH9093
    @ADH9093 6 місяців тому +3

    I felt guilty and beaten up myself for everything that went wrong including her own fault. After watching this, I feel liberated and regained my lost previous self.

  • @headzox
    @headzox 5 місяців тому +4

    My limerence is for someone who I never even had a relationship with. He was my therapist. We connected instantly or, I connected instantly. Alot of it was delusion but he did flirt with me a bit. I didn't make that up. But after I decided to end the sessions, he never reached out. That fucking stung. It's been months and I still think about his everyday. I feel pathetic. I can't talk to anyone about it because it's so embarrassing. Deep down I just want someone to save me from my life. I want someone to make me feel special and to make that courageous leap to be with me. I've never felt that. I have ADHD and I've always been like this but lately, it's crushing me because it's been months and it's obvious he will never try to reach out. Thank you for this video. I really feel heard right now. ❤

    • @cecilang9721
      @cecilang9721 Місяць тому +1

      Limerance is rarely returned. It’s like crushes on celebs or workplace flirtations where one side is harmlessly playing and the other side feels a real potential is being hinted at. It hurts but it was nothing more than your imagination. Therapist only saw you because he was boing paid. Not because he was reaching out to see you. Remember that. It’s like falling in love with a prostitute. Sharing feelings is like sharing your body. It’s a fakery of real connection. Good luck.

    • @tnt01
      @tnt01 Місяць тому +2

      There is nothing wrong with you. He is doing the professional and best thing for both of you by staying away, it is his career. It will get better. Hugs :)

  • @jaymcgee426
    @jaymcgee426 Рік тому +7

    Ken…my ex also drives a white car, so I wrote this to describe the experience:
    Baader-Meinhof
    Frequency Illusion.
    I see you everywhere.
    I try to look away,
    but my eyes are drawn.
    Every white car is yours.

  • @sreach93
    @sreach93 Рік тому +7

    When someone knows what they're talking about and is across the subject, it flows without interruption. This is a perfect example 👍

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thank you - very kind to say

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +7

    Pain equals transformation

  • @heather-jk1sj
    @heather-jk1sj Рік тому +10

    This guy is CRUCIAL to anyone trying to get over heartbreak! Take notes!

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +6

    It’s ok to Lament and grieve the loss you thought you had

  • @alexanderthegreat3106
    @alexanderthegreat3106 11 місяців тому +2

    You should!not cheat no matter what if one of you has a problem then you,talk,and work it out you don’t cheat it’s quite simple ..

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +5

    Trust and Transparency is the only way I’d take him back

  • @lynnesunshine
    @lynnesunshine Рік тому +4

    2 months ALMOST No contact . I emailed that “I accept their breakup and I’m moving on “ after 2 weeks as I didn’t want them to think I was messed up (even though I was) . Complete silence.! Then I heard of No Contact. I was his destiny then “he lost the spark “. I miss him every day. Thank you for this! I so appreciate this.

  • @stylist62
    @stylist62 Рік тому +5

    Painful to extreme 🥵😢🙏unbearable

  • @mahiaggarwal6286
    @mahiaggarwal6286 7 місяців тому +3

    It gives me anxiety when i think about him coming back into my life. I want certainty. If something chosen to leave me, i won't want that thing back.

    • @ticoman12
      @ticoman12 6 місяців тому

      How’s it going now

  • @magnoliablanche
    @magnoliablanche Рік тому +11

    Coach Ken, you are by far the most authentic and compassionate voice speaking from someone who had been through heartbreak I found on UA-cam. This video has been an immense help to lifting me up today.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Thank you so much - means a lot to get encouragement like that from someone

  • @joshuasmith9262
    @joshuasmith9262 4 місяці тому +2

    I’m feeling like I’m moving past it but I’m deeply sad to lose the bond we shared. Right now it’s not so much her but that find took years to develop and I put a lot of value on it. It makes me sad to think that is gone, I don’t want to lose the love I had for her

  • @ginevratortora2851
    @ginevratortora2851 Рік тому +9

    I’m in a severe dark limerence stage after 5 months of NC.
    I was doing fine before, until it hit me. - we were a LDR.
    I also found out he may be with his ex and may have cheated (at least emotionally) on me with her the whole time.
    This feels completely hopeless

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +6

      Don't fight that feeling or try to shake it off but don't trust what it tells you about being hopeless. Feelings can be real without being true

    • @ginevratortora2851
      @ginevratortora2851 Місяць тому

      @@lalagardenia6500 Long Distance Relationship - I still miss him

  • @daveneal6372
    @daveneal6372 Рік тому +5

    Thank you. I thought I was the only one who went through this. You are really helpful
    It’s so painful to say goodbye to her

  • @thecunningslug
    @thecunningslug 8 місяців тому +2

    The "dump in the refrigerator" comment is the first thing that's made me laugh all day 😂

  • @TomDenneyArt
    @TomDenneyArt 5 місяців тому +2

    Why is it worse in the morning? Why do I wake up every morning and it feels like the wounds, months and years old, are fresh and new all over again? Why????

  • @nickhennick
    @nickhennick Рік тому +16

    In here from OR. 29 days out of a blindsided breakup. 3yrs of a beautiful healthy loving communicative relationship. She left me for another guy. I was broken. We had future plans. I grieved for 14 days. 4 of them non functional. Then got myself on a rigid work schedule. I initiated no contact 17 days ago but it is hard. Some days better than others. Today was rough. We never had a fight in our love. Never yelled or called any names. She told me thru the years she has never been treated so well. Idk...I am healing & moving on. We arent on bad terms. Our picture are still up on our social media. However I unfriended & unfollowed her. I stopped looking at our stuff a couple of weeks ago to move on. I'm still broken & she monkey branched. I see the ugliness in what she did and know I didnt deserve that. I dont necessarily want to be back w her but I do want us to have a conversation at some point. She has a 4yr old daughter that loves me and has msgd me...I LOVE U, Where are U? That kills me

    • @nickhennick
      @nickhennick Рік тому

      I do leave us knowing I treated her w love & respect always. 😊

    • @danaschield5090
      @danaschield5090 Рік тому +2

      Just keep rolling, brother. And listen to this advice. Coach Lee and his no contact rule is awesome too

    • @prestonrein5500
      @prestonrein5500 Рік тому +2

      Here for ya!

    • @nickhennick
      @nickhennick Рік тому +1

      @@danaschield5090 TY

    • @nickhennick
      @nickhennick Рік тому

      @@prestonrein5500 Appreciate it!!

  • @juliogonzalez973
    @juliogonzalez973 Рік тому +11

    Coach I can’t thank you enough for your advice and videos. After 3 months she reached out to me and has been looking at my social media even tho she doesn’t follow me. She did start a new relationship not even 3 weeks after our breakup. Your knowledge has open my eyes to reality and has made me stronger and see the stages the ex is going thru as the stages I’m going thru.

  • @membering
    @membering Рік тому +7

    All of this is exactly what I'm going through.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Deep breath - you got this!

  • @ashnone1985
    @ashnone1985 Рік тому +8

    He said .. "she took a dump in the refrigerator." 😂

    • @JakeElement86
      @JakeElement86 10 місяців тому

      Lol that’s what I said. Lol. It’s funny. Because it does really happen

  • @FrontiersOfTheFuture
    @FrontiersOfTheFuture Рік тому +2

    LMFAO! I love when you take the headspace stories to 1000000%. Those are hilarious. That was the best one yet when thinking of them with the new guy. Im in tears lol.

  • @morenitodelasei1241
    @morenitodelasei1241 Рік тому +4

    You are speaking truth you definitely have to know who you were with and who you are with we all mistakes. Everyone needs to have boundaries if you don’t things will not work out because the issue will cycle back again. I’m going through the situation right now and I learned a lot by watching her instead of calling her out I’ve allowed for her to form a defense mechanism when she is wrong she know what it is and she tend to get back in her she’ll because she don’t believe in accountability but at the same time she feels bad that’s on her that’s the main reason I don’t contact her because even though I have issues that need to be worked on I still believe she was petty by ending it. I then have told her why all her expectations wasn’t met she had high expectations of me and saw me as a high valued man which we all are if we remember who we are. That’s the reason why I haven’t given up on her because she don’t know I am working on my financial crisis something I don’t want to burden her with.
    Our last conversation helped us realize we have to work on ourselves she want me to get right and I want her to see that I’ve been protecting her from her clients and family because she do run a business helping out the elderly and them retired old men with money and status love her. I had to deal with one that was consistently inviting my girl to watch a concert in a yacht I’m thinking to myself I’m a rehabilitated thug which never made it prison I only made it to booking. What can I offer my wife even though I’m not married to her I considered her my wife the moment I met her. Now with her obsessed strange cousin being miserable and wanting all the attention from the women in the family in other words the one that encourages the women in the family to leave their husbands so they could have their hot girl summer I’m not dumb.
    We all have examples in our lives from the moment we are born i so happen to grow up with aunts cousins and sisters that played the same position being knowledgeable will not allow me to go through what I seen and even though the outcome might be different what are the chances of me not being a victim as far as being cheated on. Now I’m going through our first month of being broken up after three weeks of being ghosted what messes me up she said I’m a good man but not for her but that text wasn’t written by her and I know this because I know how she text her grammar isn’t correct even with auto correct she don’t use commas nor periods as me right now because I’m typing. I normally proof read everything I send out and she always using harsh words like mother you na mean. This text had mixed emotions written all over it.
    Lewis I thought I was being negative by thinking of all her cons and even though her pros are greater the cons are heavy but we are not perfect. Thanks for confirming I’m on the right path. Now I have more time to work on myself nor have to feel like I’m second or last and once her and I link up the boundaries we had when we first met will have some realistic once. At first I didn’t care about her and her circle until I noticed her circle was benefiting from her I’m putting that to a stop she is not a bank her cousin definitely going to hold a lost as well I’m waiting for her to screw up which she already is. Her passive aggressive narcissistic ways has been spotted and it’s only a matter of time before she reveals her true intentions

  • @williamdietz6944
    @williamdietz6944 Рік тому +7

    THANK YOU COACH KEN!!!!! I think you wrote this for me!! GOD BLESS YOU ! It's been over a year it's so painful, im trying to move forward, unfortunately we are in the divorce process after 17yrs. Thank you for such incredible Insight..

  • @mimi-iy7jv
    @mimi-iy7jv 6 місяців тому +1

    so basically, i am so intelligent and that is why i go through such dark limerence

  • @wandayarbrough
    @wandayarbrough Рік тому +7

    18 months no contact. I still feel bad because I never got the chance to explain myself for something I was accused of but didn't do. I feel like I will I never move on because of this. He accused me of following him and I wasn't. I lived in that direction and so did he. Just because I am behind him. He couldn't think of any other reason for him to end it than that. I think it's unfair to me. I wish he could have just been honest and said I need space other than breaking my heart.

    • @muratazaarzai
      @muratazaarzai Рік тому +1

      I can totally understand ur situation... Stop feeling guilty.. Let them think what they want to think... You owe them no explanation.. You are worth more than what they think about you...
      .

    • @muratazaarzai
      @muratazaarzai Рік тому +2

      People who love you.. Will never make you feel guilty or accuse you in such a manner.... All they wanted is to prove that they are right and superior than you.. and you don't deserve them

    • @johnton6488
      @johnton6488 11 місяців тому

      I feel you so much. But "unfair" thing is something that never brings relief. Life is unfair, but life offers us new possibilities also. Being stuck on getting closure or justice is really a waste of time. Even when person leaving a relationship tell us a "full truth", it is many times heart breaking. "I need a space" - is so much of a typical white lie that explains nothing...

  • @starlightdreamer1999
    @starlightdreamer1999 Рік тому +4

    She took a dump in the refrigerater 😂 too funny

  • @Love_laugh_happy
    @Love_laugh_happy Рік тому +8

    Wow no other UA-cam video explains it like this and it makes a lot of sense thank you ❤

  • @chilloften
    @chilloften Рік тому +2

    I’m grateful for human beings like you on this earth with me. 🌺🦋🌲🌸

  • @fire12731
    @fire12731 Рік тому +5

    You’re the best Coach Ken. Last summer You and I talked about how I feel emotions so deeply . I did a couple of sessions with you. I’m so sensitive. You are that way too. Thank you for all you do
    Love, Shirl

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +3

      I completely remember you! Good to hear from you again! (mental hug)

    • @fire12731
      @fire12731 Рік тому +1

      @@CoachKen going through many changes. This video is important for me to watch . Hugs right back to you.

  • @paulmackenzie4752
    @paulmackenzie4752 Рік тому +4

    I'm on day 26 and it just got real hard again today and my hopes went way down. Don't know what happened. I just wish I could hug her. The thaught struck me that she seems to have always jump from relationship to relationship and the shortest one I can think of lasted a year. She cheated before but those weren't "relationships" since she was with me. She's always seemed to had somebody else lined up and when she gets out of one relationship she starts up with them, she left me for another guy and I just really feel like this doesn't look good for me. Also if anybody wants to comment on this I really appreciate it just please don't say anything about how is she cheated on better off without her, ect. I've heard it before and I still love her.

    • @SoundsSilver
      @SoundsSilver Рік тому +2

      You just need to remember that women have more attractive power than men. She can find a new partner more easily, but finding a committed partner is where she will struggle. It all comes back to the fact that men prioritize sex more than relationships, and vice versa for women. We both care about both but our emphasis is not equal. So you will take longer to move on because you won't be drowning in attention. But that will give you a chance to heal and avoid a rebound. Then when you are ready you will regain your confidence and you're more likely to reject the friend zone, reject relationships with women who should be in the sex zone, reject commitment when she's not the right one. If you think back carefully you'll see that she had more experience navigating the process of getting commitment from you than you may even have had getting sex from her. Recognize what your bargaining chips are. Don't squander your romantic currency too fast, and realize that your ex will be facing the flip side of this coin.

  • @JuliaTaylorSoprano
    @JuliaTaylorSoprano Рік тому +7

    Another great video Coach Ken!! ❤❤❤ I love this Dark Limerence term and learning about it. With CPTSD and chronic illness where I spend a lot of time in bed (and am in a lot of physical pain as a result) I definitely feel like I’ve struggled with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and Disordered Acceptance of the breakup. I’m approaching 4 months post-breakup and 2 months post “Clean Slate with a Punch” text and have been enduring the pain but it’s been so excruciating. I feel like he HAS to reach out any moment but at the same time that I’m deluded and stupid for thinking he will ever reach out. 💔💔💔
    Edit: Omg the pancakes cracked me up Coach you’re so funny 🤣

  • @Dw3nG6K
    @Dw3nG6K Рік тому +5

    You really know how to articulate how we are feeling and know how to make people(or at least me) cheer up and you are so reassuring! love the way that you make us understand that we're human and it is normal to feel and hurt deeply and there is nothing actually wrong, encouraging us to practice acceptance and embracing our emotions to be able to get over the hurt and be stronger. Thank you for sharing and doing these videos. Thank you for helping people get over their exes and process and understand their feelings

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Getting messages like this one is very meaningful - sincerely, thank you for taking the time to share this.

  • @freedmm3122
    @freedmm3122 Місяць тому +1

    Limerence has really made me sick!

  • @sjklfnegsdrno
    @sjklfnegsdrno 11 місяців тому +3

    Coach Ken, I want to thank you so much for everything you say and especially for making me laugh while watching a video about heartbreak! What you do is priceless.

  • @ParadoxxFoxx
    @ParadoxxFoxx 5 місяців тому +3

    ahhh coach I love youu!! thank you so much!!❤🎉

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  5 місяців тому

      Back atcha Jelisa!

  • @Glisten45
    @Glisten45 Рік тому +2

    Loving the humour interludes! 😂😅🤣😅

  • @free2bme604
    @free2bme604 5 місяців тому

    Stay engaged in life .... I'm capable of living my life

  • @robertstewart8425
    @robertstewart8425 5 днів тому +1

    ‘That’s why she took a dump in the refrigerator’ !!!???
    Jees, maybe me and my ex and better off then we thought

  • @marcelacasas2187
    @marcelacasas2187 Рік тому

    Hello Coach Ken. I am a nurse and he is a Vietnam Veteran with Post Traumatic Stress. He ghosted me in my younger age years ago and got married. After a 29 year marriage he looked me up years later. Unfortunately I was single and let him nack into my life. He has been unfaithful, in and out of my life 3.5 years.b I finally got fed up with his pattern of inconsistancy that I've blocked him from vontacting me. I am in the processof moving away before he knocks at my door.I now resent him and do not desire to continue this misery with him I thank you for your insights. I tealize that I did not lose him but, he lost me. He pushed me away. I plan not to go back. I will keep No Contact for my own good not to get him back. God Bless you Coach Ken.

  • @mariad1151
    @mariad1151 11 місяців тому +3

    This was filled with excellent ideas & was truly heartfelt. I am sorry you have gone through the experience. You're helping others going through it as someone who hasnt experienced it never could. Going to give another listen & jot down these ideas. You were so true in explaining the futility of avoiding thinking of the other. Impossible & a waste of energy & it drains our confidence. Beautiful!! All the best to you! TY

  • @hugoaraujo4914
    @hugoaraujo4914 3 місяці тому +2

    Thank you for making this video. It encompasses my situation so well. So reassuring.

  • @sues4432
    @sues4432 5 місяців тому +2

    Lol. Took a dump in the refrigerator

  • @user-cr8us3xd8r
    @user-cr8us3xd8r Місяць тому

    I appreciate your advice it's helpful I'm hurting but I'll be okay appreciate you

  • @thoughtsonpaper2
    @thoughtsonpaper2 Рік тому +1

    I think of of this way... and I'm dealing with a bit of heartbreak at the moment too. You could be in Ukraine right now or in a third world country fighting for survival. It's llike heartbreak is a luxury to be worried about if everything else is pretty good or at least stable.

  • @nadineo1983
    @nadineo1983 Рік тому +6

    Rejection sensitive dysphoria.. holy shit. I didn't know this was a thing. I have cPTSD. It was like you were speaking directly to me. I really needed to hear all that. You made me feel alot better because you addressed exact thoughts I had. Thank you

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +2

      Thank you so much for sharing that! Means a lot to me

    • @nadineo1983
      @nadineo1983 Рік тому +2

      @Coach Ken yw. I also have watched other videos of yours, and I like how you don't automatically come from the position of "you should never take them back!" Your way of addressing whether one wants reunification or not helps people like myself not feel backed into a corner to make a decision I am not emotionally capable of making at this time. You frame things in a very digestible way.

    • @MustardNketchup
      @MustardNketchup 8 місяців тому

      Yea wow.....i didnt know this...i did this..i do this

  • @jimbowen423
    @jimbowen423 Місяць тому +1

    Very helpful. Thank you 🙏

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +2

    I would not prevent my spouse from going to visit their dad in Hospice. He knew I was hurting and refused to take off work for a family emergency

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +2

    OCD, ADHD, PTST and c-PTSD

  • @brobles3487
    @brobles3487 10 місяців тому +1

    Wow u are truly opening my eyes. I feel you are truly describing me to the t

  • @rborecki222
    @rborecki222 23 дні тому +1

    Who would ever take a dump in the fridge?!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  22 дні тому

      Amber Heard for one

  • @rayforray24
    @rayforray24 Рік тому +3

    Great content coach.
    You just gained a sub!!!

  • @the.IastIaugh
    @the.IastIaugh Рік тому +17

    I've been No contact with my BPD ex 3 weeks now till today. I drove by a street I don't usually take and she drove by the other way. As we passed each other? I threw her the finger and said, fu. Her eyes were peering at me as we drove by. Do I regret doing that? Nah not a chance. Watching other BPD vids, it's best never to keep them around in your life. Move on. Move forward with your lives. She is replaceable and I made it clear to her after I caught her cheating on me. I said you aren't worth it. After all the arguments, fake love, fake apologies, fake empty promises of changing? I am done. She is one ex I don't ever want back.

  • @alexardon91
    @alexardon91 Рік тому +3

    I apreciate what you are doing, I can relate to what youre saying , thanks a lot

  • @hotrodZack1948
    @hotrodZack1948 8 місяців тому +1

    Currently in it. And its terrible

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  8 місяців тому

      Miserable - but it does get better - it just feels like it won't

  • @tredd9019
    @tredd9019 4 місяці тому

    Your humor cheers me up, Coach Ken.

  • @ncfire51
    @ncfire51 Рік тому +2

    Coach Ken this is long but please read, this video just described me to a point, I have been in pain and to be honest unable to function properly for going on 6 months now, I don't understand, before I was forced to retire I was a Captain career firefighter on the busiest Truck Company in the county, in every situation I always tried to have a plan of attack and a back up plan just in case plan A didn't work or Murphys law showed up to throw a monkey wrench in somewhere!! I was confident in myself and my decisions my ex is very unique and I am ashamed and embarrassed by how this has completely shut me down when I was once the one who had to make life or death decisions sometimes in a stressful situation, I always said making bad decisions doesn't make you a bad leader as long as you learn from your mistakes and let them make you a better leader but it was the leader who made no decisions that was a bad leader, did I make some bad decisions sure but I learned and they made me better, I never thought that a relationship ending could cause so much pain and affect confidence and the way a person thinks, I have been in no contact and at times it almost feels like I am making no decisions and I am letting one burning house burn down the whole neighborhood, its really hard and I hate fear but yes I am afraid, I am afraid no contact won't work on my ex, I am afraid I have lost the one person that I have ever been with that it was so easy to be with its like she's the one, being afraid actually pisses me off, she always bragged if anything ever happened I would never hear from her again, if she ever left she would never be back and her image was very important to her, its like no contact hasn't impacted her at all, I have seen a few very small things that make me think well maybe it is working but then I start doubting that as more and more time passes and I don't hear anything, is there a point where no contact stops working? I don't like giving up but it's like she's made of Teflon or something I don't get it, I know she hasn't seen anybody since the break up and her looks have changed since the break up and not for the better, I just want to fix this but time really bothers me, it's like everyday I feel my chances dropping or its never going to work, it didn't work yesterday , didn't work today, probably won't work tomorrow, so does no contact stop working or in cases does it ever even start working?

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Hi NCFire- cops, military and firefighters - I try to make some time for a couple of slots every week. If you want to reach out to me at coachken@dotheyloveme.com we can set something up to do a call

    • @ncfire51
      @ncfire51 Рік тому +1

      @CoachKen Thank you Coach!! I will definitely be in touch soon!!

  • @wtcmedic911
    @wtcmedic911 Рік тому +2

    Your amazing teacher and helps. Thank you

  • @ManifestWithEFT
    @ManifestWithEFT 8 місяців тому +1

    Brilliant video in so many ways

  • @mutantoyster6425
    @mutantoyster6425 Рік тому +3

    My girl talks to me here and there but she’s hot and cold sometimes we are going to get together Thursday so I return a journal wish me luck guys I’m going to ask her if she wants to communicate with me the way we were

  • @catherineholland5844
    @catherineholland5844 2 місяці тому

    Thanks for this video, I love the fast pace (I usually have to speed up videos!), packed full of info.

  • @stellafraser8351
    @stellafraser8351 Рік тому +2

    Brilliant video!👍👏

  • @clouddancer46
    @clouddancer46 Рік тому +3

    It's awful 😢

  • @lineakristensen1821
    @lineakristensen1821 8 місяців тому

    I know the feeling! My ex has a white car and for weeks I thought I saw it EVERYWHERE!
    Now I'm on day 28! I feel strong and in many ways have settled with the fact that I really hope so, but I don't know if we will end up together and that's ok ❤

  • @Yetili
    @Yetili 8 місяців тому

    Your Videos are by far the best. This Channel on UA-cam is actually helping me feeling better. And I watched a lot of other Channels before.

  • @hsafranify
    @hsafranify Рік тому +1

    Mic drop Ken!
    I am going to take it upon myself to hire you to teach that course at the Univ of Maryland called 'Destressing 101"!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Sounds exciting! I'm in!

  • @hellstryker9638
    @hellstryker9638 7 місяців тому +1

    She never came back. She found someone else and had a child

  • @yk6187
    @yk6187 Рік тому +3

    i realised he deleted my number today just felt hopeless im in day 35, feel discarded and like hes moved on and im still hurt and cut up

    • @wtcmedic911
      @wtcmedic911 Рік тому +1

      Im so very sorry for your pain. Your not alone

    • @jasonhand2439
      @jasonhand2439 Рік тому +1

      You got this just watch!

  • @BrS-ql7on
    @BrS-ql7on Рік тому +1

    Thanks for articulating all my thoughts Coach!

  • @adoptioncorner1984
    @adoptioncorner1984 Рік тому +2

    This was such a blessing. Thank you 🙏🙌

  • @dfateekh
    @dfateekh Рік тому +1

    Thank you dear Ken! 👐

  • @Vergine747
    @Vergine747 Місяць тому

    Thanks!

  • @Jacqueline.x
    @Jacqueline.x Рік тому +1

    So much to take in. Great video!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Thank you - much appreciated!

  • @desleybarker4748
    @desleybarker4748 8 місяців тому

    & the raccoon 🦝 across the street, would be a kangaroo 🦘 here in Australia 🇦🇺 🤣you’re the best Coach Ken‼️

  • @Matthew-wy5wu
    @Matthew-wy5wu Рік тому +6

    I’m dying inside right now. I miss her so much, I am fighting the urge to reach out. My hurt was so bad my daughter was begging to reach out to her just yesterday.

    • @juliogonzalez973
      @juliogonzalez973 Рік тому +4

      Stay strong cause I know what is like my son also ask me to call my ex every day and it hurts but you have to change the topic and not contact the person. Coach is right

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +4

      You got this - and remind yourself that chasing has already proven to not work

  • @JakeElement86
    @JakeElement86 10 місяців тому +1

    Lol😂. Dump in my refrigerator. Love it. 😅👍👍👍

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  10 місяців тому +1

      "Based on a True Story"

  • @CIApronounThatbetch
    @CIApronounThatbetch 6 місяців тому +1

    Wow an actually useful video

  • @LonelyRider87
    @LonelyRider87 Рік тому +5

    I am intense, gifted & cptsd. What I can't understand is my other 2 breakups weren't like this. I was fine. There was something special about J Man that got to me. Something surreal.

    • @r.maelstrom4810
      @r.maelstrom4810 Рік тому +2

      This. Absolutely.
      I could shake it off relatively easy other relationships breakups (not that i had many either). In the last i am stuck. There was something definetively different since... Ever (this was not our first relationship).

    • @LonelyRider87
      @LonelyRider87 Рік тому +3

      @R. Maelstrom I actually think it's something spiritual/divine but it's hard to say without sounding insane.

    • @Ivy89261
      @Ivy89261 7 місяців тому

      Same here. I was always really sad and down but after ca 3 months i stoped thinking about them. This time...god help me...10 months and i have almost every night a nightmare about him ignoring me and beeing with his new gf...i wake up and the day is broken alltready...😢

    • @LonelyRider87
      @LonelyRider87 7 місяців тому

      @@Ivy89261 I'm so sorry. Try to focus on you it helps some.