THE NARCISSIST'S PRESSURE
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- Опубліковано 3 лют 2024
- #narcisssistabuse #narcissismawareness Narcissists put enormous pressure on the people in their lives to serve their interests, no matter the price those people will pay. The reasons behind a narcissist's refusal to accept "no" for an answer is important for anyone to understand when learning how to set clear boundaries and stand by them.
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They chip away at love so carefully that it takes years of hindsight to see their plan.
I was bullied like this almost every day for 5 years... 1 year, 9 months free!!!
They will even pressure you into doing things that put them in jeopardy. They cannot be reasoned with. They won’t allow you to try to save them from themselves. The law? What’s that and who cares?
My stepfather. Hes 88, im 56. My mother died last year from covid-he is the absolute victim. He was physically and emotionally abusive to all of us, typical narcissist. Ive NEVER had a relationship with him, only saw him to see my mom. When i do see him, he says horrible things to me, about me. I was the truth teller in my family, he actually hates me. He now pressures me constantly to go see him. 1 hour away. Take him out to lunch. We NEVER had that kind of relationship. Yesterday he called me and said he is re doing the will, since my mother died. He wanted me to give him a definition of "family" and threatened to take me out of the will if i dont do what he wants. My entire life has been specifically financial abuse by one narcissist after another. Pressure is the correct word. How do i have any self respect id i give in to him?? I just cant. Thanks for all of your videos, so helpful.
It’s absolutely horrible when they pressure, pressure, pressure you to do something sexual that you ARE NOT comfortable with and you have to disembody while it’s going on. Then you have to go about your day seeing them, taking care of your children, interacting with mutual friends….all the while keeping this horrible, disgusting memory at bay. It’s torture to the soul. I’m out of that 33 yr marriage now for 1 yr 5 months and I’m so damaged in that area that I can’t even look at a man that way without being disgusted. Yes, I’m in therapy, but it will be a long road to healing.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. You're not alone in those experiences. I wish a deep and healing road for you.
@@kaylaschroeder1 thank you 🥹
I really feel for you and can relate to what you wrote, which you've explained very well.
I'm so glad you're free of that cruel individual now; although, I'm aware that healing isn't easy and can take a long time. ❤
I think a mother does things to shield her children from emotional injury. A healthy mother would do what you did.💕
It is literally disgusting and I have been there too
After being brutally discarded, I'm *finally* reaching the point of seeing him as an -sshole outweighing missing him... which is immense. Were we going to have a good day or BAAAAAD day? Everything felt contingent on his volatile mood, which could explode at the drop of a hat. I was always holding my breath, hoping he would not rage out. Could we please just have a good day? A good evening? He was absolutely unhinged. Terrible. I feel traumatized.
Did he tell lies about you to people that knew you to get them on his side?
@@lindajohnsonkaplan647don’t all narcs do that . That’s how I knew my husband was c narc tried turning my kids against me .. didn’t work , my daughter seen a court document where he was paying supplies 3k rent .. projection at its finest
@@lindajohnsonkaplan647 I'm sure he lied to all of his friends and family. He isn't the kind to have deep and meaningful discussions about relationships. He probably gave them a quick lie that I was the problem or the crazy one and then the discussion was over. I had a deep conversation with his family while going through the discard, so they know my side and they were open with me about his abusive behavior toward his mom and one of his ex girlfriends before. So, they are aware of how he acts and apologized to me and my family... They have to walk on eggshells around him, too. One time he raged-out on his mom and cut off all contact from her for several years. He will tell you everyone else "is drama" (his words) but he will not take ownership of his extreme-volatile, explosive disposition.
Sounds like my ex gf.
@@lindajohnsonkaplan647My ex gf did.
Narcissists feel the most power, when they make you do something you don’t want to do. They’re all about power.
One thing that people don't talk about too much is that you can choose not to engage with the narcissist, you can keep away from them as much as possible, but what do you do when they choose to engage you? For example: You cook 2 to 3 days per week, the narcissist only cooks one day a week, on the day they're suppose to cook something happens that has absolutely nothing to do with you and they get fed up and say "You know what, I'm not cooking YOU cook!!" and now you're stuck with the cooking duty, you can choose not to cook, but then maybe you won't have anything to eat because you were expected them to cook, or they'll get upset and say you don't care about them even though you cook 2 to 3 times per week already. I guess I now need to have a backup plan for when they do this.
You can only disengage so much from someone you live or work with. Sometimes it’s a long, challenging process to truly separate yourself from their influence. But recognizing that you’re not the terrible person they want you to believe you are can be very helpful either way.
Don’t cook. Hide snacks or go grab McDonalds and eat in secret. You’ll feel the wrath anyway. No point in being hungry while doing it.
~ Signed been there, done that.
You can look at yourself as the adult in this. Cook for the dignity you have and if they eat, so what, if not have lunch the next day.The next day when you look in the mirror with self respect, say to yourself I have high standards.💕
My ex Narc held an “emotional gun” to my head for about five months while constantly pushing me to tell my family about her and our relationship. She was pushing a “forever future” on me, verbatim her words, for quite awhile before I caved to her “demands” and told my brother and his wife. It was way too much and she was hellbent on me telling my parents, which I eventually never did, thank God. Also, she had literally just divorced her ex husband just a few months prior to us linking up, so she was determined to re-marry as quickly as possible, especially since she is a single mom to a two year old boy. She saw me as the best “father figure” for him, given I’ve known her for 20 years. It was absolutely crazy. I’m still healing from the emotional neglect/abuse six months later now and don’t see the healing process letting up any time soon. Hopefully God can help me out. 🙏 Just thought I’d share my story. Thank you for your insights. Very much appreciated!
My narcissist was in a mood and I knew it would land someplace. So he was roused to anger when a bike gang member took a parking spot he wanted. The biker was clearly there first and did nothing provocative. Legit gang member and I think they amalgamated with Hells Angels. My narcissist was verbally abusive and challenged the biker to a physical fight. I had a toddler in my arms and I walked to a beach snack bar to get her away from trouble. Some minutes later my narcissist came in looking very pale and absolutely chewed me out for abandoning him. He told me I was supposed to help him fight the biker.
I think most of us have a turning point when we can’t excuse atrocious behaviour as a mistake of some kind. That was one of mine.
And what did he expect you to do against a Hell’s Angels affiliate?!
WHAAAAAAAT?!!!! Absolutely insanity!.... Glad you're free.❤
When our son was just a few days old we went to the pharmacy to get his prescription. I was in there a long time. No cell phone , it was 1998. When I came out he was blood raging mad that it had taken so long and he was left with a helpless infant. Turns out he had had an altercation with some punk kids who had spit tobacco juice or something on our car and he got out and confronted them and pulled a knife out and menaced them. He was mad bc he’d dropped the knife as he was opening it and he looked like a fool and I’m sure those kids just laughed at him. So…. He took out his anger on me… the new mom whose child had a sinus infection at 5 days old. 🙄
@@maggietrek69 Jeez. How pathetic.
@@maggietrek69 You did not deserve that at all. Hope you're finding peace.❤️
Ikr, they want back flips from you when they won't even give you a somersault.
My ex husband tried to pressure me not to go to my Dad and family after my Mom died. According to him, they didn't need me, but 'he' did. I found him disgusting and left anyway. He later apologized but I didn't believe a word of it. He just wanted to cover up 'the mask slip' he'd had. Wasn't my Mom's death enough, to not have my presence with my family made into an issue. Horrible man.
Horrible monster
They don't care about personal boundaries.🙄
Every time I listen to the way you speak and explain the deeper understanding of these toxic dynamics with N's, I appreciate you even more. Your insight is keen and incredibly accurate, like you've been watching from a hidden camera lol. Thank you so much for what you do. I hope your channel grows far and wide. Don't stop sharing your wisdom.
This is a great topic. I recently met someone who I wasnt attracted to, yet he continued to pressure me to date him. He seemed to really enjoy making me uncomfortable by pushing his agenda and talking about sex and his attraction to me despite my disinterest. I ended up blocking him of course, but his behavior was predatory and totally unacceptable. Im still angry about it. He was fixated on turning my hell no into a yes at any cost, and felt entitled to do so.
It's because they are toddlers in adult bodies on an emotional level
Thanks for this video. Your understanding of these relationships is unmatched. There are so many things I said yes to that made me feel uncomfortable. Also, the narc would punish me sometimes months later for saying no to him about something I just didn't want to do. I am grateful because these are things that really had to push me to closing this door and not keep looking back. He and I had been off and on for 4 years. Recently, he did something really mean, which I was use to sadly enough but it turns out it was in response to something I said and did 4 years ago. Also, it was in direct response to him being awful to me at that time. Finally, I realized, I cannot grow and be a better version of myself and even a healthier version with this person remaining in my life. Also, it was scary to think that person is thinking of ways to constantly hurt and get back at me. He and I treated each other horribly it times most of the time, it took a toll on me that I want better and to be better than to deal with daily awfulness when I might to be of an encouragement to myself and others rather remaining in an abyss of hatefulness, misery and abuse.
giving yourself permission when you have never had permission to be yourself..... is like driving with the hand brake on, you want to go forward but there are real brakes on telling you you must not !
It’s usually something far too soon for you and on her timeline where only her needs are considered valid or important! You are just an accessory to her life to be treated progressively worse and to beg for crumbs of civility while she treats total strangers like kings in front of you. Not doing what she wishes will lead to shaming, belittling you as “not a real man like….” Kind of why it can never really work with anyone really!
My brother accepted to be given the silent treatment for a whole week. To be honest i did not quite understand what he was talking about until his girlfriend convinced him to treat his familiy the same way.
This is another exceptional video and I could write a really long comment on this subject, which I did, as well as most of the others.
I mainly want to mention that I've made HUGE mistakes in my life due to listening to people and my younger sister (it's only about a year and a half) was one of the main ones! I won't go into all the traumatic details though, as it's way too much.
I still don't fully understand why she developed so much power over me and ended up being like an abusive partner in a romantic relationship. I felt like I had to do everything she said, even when my intuition knew that it wasn't right.
Luckily, she lives in another country and I've done a LOT of grieving over what happened in regard to taking notice of her, along with many other people.
I recall when my sister and another family member were pressuring (more like bullying) me into going back to New Zealand to see my now late troubled mother. I didn't have enough money at the time, yet they wouldn't take "no" for an answer!
It was bizarre and they only stopped because the pandemic hit, so travelling was out of the question. I mentioned that I could have contact with our mother via video chat, but my sister refused to do it.
Needless to say, I don't have much contact nowadays and there are valid reasons for her behaviour, yet she already nearly destroyed me, hence why it's best to be extremely careful. ❤
This person I have been in relationship for 7 years abused ny physically mentally emotionally so much that I had to pack my bags and run away. Then We got back again because of his constant love bombing. And the same things happened. I moved for him 4 times. Back and forth back and forth. Now that I know his pattern, I refuse to move and he made me believe that if I don't live with him my life is a waste I'll turn masculine. Even though I have witnessed my greatest self within and I am a feminine woman by heart. All of this drama so that I can be on his constant audience, and he can tell me to leave his place the moment I disagree with him on literally anything. In this relationship I am not allowed to have a different opinion than his. According to him, we should always be on the same page or we are just not worth it. I am so tired and traumatized that I have lost my confidence and my self worth during this bullshit. I try to get out and he makes me feel bad for giving up on us. I don't know what to do. He says he has changed, yes a lil bit. He doesn't hit me anymore, he doesn't use abusive language. But I can still feel that control that he has on my psyche. It is so disgusting. I love him and I feel guilty for fighting back because it hurts him. There is no fixing this shit.
I wasn't able to read my mother's and Exe's passive-aggressive mimics then, but since knowing who they are (so called coverts), I can recall many situations. My Ex is a member of a feminist organisation for more than half his life and to be able to keep up the facade, he watches porn daily to get rid of his anger and he also dreamt (he told me this) of how women he checked up on Facebook would love and admire him. He told me one time that he expects me to admire him
29:59 Imo when you betray yourself, you cause that pain. I hate pain, so I can say no. The part about how they don't take no for an answer is true. If you say no and don't know you're dealing with one of these, they'll let you think your no was respected, and then undermine your plans, despite the fact that your life has nothing to do with theirs. They enjoy destroying lives. And abusing people they expect to want to stay, despite the abuse. One of them, the one whom I'm pretty sure is responsible for messing up my life thru messing with my relatives, former friends, and even official records bragged about abusing her husband, yet was devastated when he used me to blame for their divorce, because I had the nerve to sit on the curb facing the street waiting for one of them to get up, and return property to me that they made it clear after promising to only borrow they'd return. So after excuses and over a month of them, I sat facing the street on the curb at the house her mother was paying for, and he blamed me, because he opened the door to get the newspaper and he was embarrassed. Apparently, according to her, he was naked. I was to blame for that, too!
They can have a look of sheer contempt that their face suddenly twists into when you say no. Their eyes narrow and they look disgusted.
I really appreciate all your videos. They are so easy to understand and relate to. I was wondering if you would consider doing a video on violent substance addicted malignant narcissists? Thank you so much 🙏
Thank you for the suggestion. I feel like those are three topics all their own. I especially feel like I’m overdue for a video about malignant narcissism as opposed to “normal” narcissism. I will put some thought into this. Thanks for watching!!
Notifications on! ❤
Thank you!!!
They need NRG , bottom line , that's it