It's important to note that systems don't typically have originals (if you drop a glass, which shard is the original?) and the host is not always the core. Hosts can and often do change, and many systems even have multiple hosts or no hosts.
I agree, we are all alters I feel like the one that fronts the most is normally talked as if it was the original ,also the whole "broken" thing isn't real, we never broke I just dissociated to survive;)
Agreed I'm the new host of this body the original host tried to hurt the body on purpose aka our persecutor whom weve now locked behind a door with chains
Correct, in the DID the term "original" doesn't make sense because the host and the alter "who is born" are not always the same. And they don't always have the name given by the parents
I have DID from vicarious trauma. My mother is a CSA survivor, and disclosed to me at age 4 in vivid detial over many years. My presentation feels very unique to me; all the DID (AKA: Multi-Faceted) folks in my sphere have a harder time switching and communicating between alters than I seem to. Just wanted to share.
What you said about having trouble "connecting" with other people has me wondering if Schizoid Personality Disorder--something I suspect I have--is some kind of long term dissociation issue? I've *always* kind of felt like I'm just here, along for the ride. I have always struggled with the concept of my future, goals, aspirations, etc (ie: I would tune out in school at talks about graduation and college because I could not wrap my head around the idea that it would be something I would ever have to deal with, the common interview question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" is the absolute bane of my existence, etc). I also don't really connect with people or experience much in terms of emotion. Never had an interest in dating or romance. I remember wanting more friends as a kid but at some point I stopped caring about that, too. I have maybe 3 people in my life that I'd consider a friend. Not really close to family, either. The only time I really feel much of anything is through fictional media--whether it's something I am creating or consuming (or creating so I can later consume). I create these characters and feel emotion vicariously through them in imaginary scenes, sometimes in text based roleplay with someone else, etc. The few times I have tried therapy I swung from feeling patronized to feeling unsafe/like I was being manipulated, and so it has never lasted more than 1-2 sessions. I'm not exactly unhappy, so I haven't tried that hard to "fix" it. But I also wonder if I'm losing out on a lot of what makes life worth living as a result.
So I don't have DID. But My therapist does tell me that I have something called Ego states. Its similar, but they don't take over the body. And they all have conversations with each other and with me. I do dissociate really bad for hours at a time, but I just stay still. No one takes over. But I can't hear like my name being called or people talking to me or anything. I'm just gone, and I guess the body is empty. Could you talk about the difference? I also do have major childhood trauma. C-PTSD. Also I just want to say I love your videos. And also cinema therapy. They are both really awesome!
Sounds like OSDD, of which there are different types. I would research into the theory of structural dissociation and look at the DSM-5 for the diagnostic differences. Learning about how the disorder develops is probably the best way to understand where you are now :)
thanks for this it makes us feel less "fake" My question is, I always though Disassociation and dissociation were two different words? You use them interchangeably so now I'm a bit confused.
Very short answer: I believe scientists speculate that as a child "you get suck solving a life-puzzle" so you do not integrate this lesson learned in your brain. Your MInd then - unsure what to do with this - dissociates it (Like "F this, I wont deal with it") But again veeeeery broad answer
Can a sexual abuse, extrem bullying, cancer where we almost died multiple times and had extreme pain be enough trauma for D.I.D, (At childhood) I mean I kinda always had a protector state and myself but I never saw it as D.I.D, I have amnesia, “out of body” experiences, extrem derealisasion, the feeling of not knowing who i am, do you think I have D.I.D?
I mean, everyone has certain "alters" e.g. you treat you boss differently than your romantical partner (usually most ppl do) I believe the question here is, are there parts integrated and in control of your normal you, or not. As for me, I can often not really decide whether I want an ego to take over or not, they just do it. I mean, there has to be something that's "dissociated"... (my guess at least, I am no expert)
I have DID, and I think doctors might have a fundamental misunderstanding of DID. It’s real to the person because it’s really happening. I have alters that are nothing like me. I have alters that will physically push me from the front, though I’m resisting dissociation. I just wish there was better & more thorough understanding of DID. It’s the Middle Ages for our disorder, & it shouldn’t be. Thanks for the video.
pretty sure I have OSDD but when I was younger I think I qualified for DID with the amnesia of certain memories. I can't find anyone who can even diagnose it where I live.
I have the same problem. I try really hard to hold them back because I usually have to clean up a mess when they are out. I have lost a few really good friends in a matter of minutes due to the alters. Holding them back gives me headaches and doesn't always work
I went to therapy for dissociative disorders, brought on by sexual abuse as a child. I often lost spaces of time, and had a kind of secondary ... not quite person who'd take over, but this other self that would scream at me when I was under intense pressure, or would murmur nasty things at me when I felt shame and fear. I just called her The Dark. I just wasn't present in my life. I thought I had a bad memory but really I just wasn't like, here, to remember things. Eventually with counseling these episodes stopped happening, and The Dark was integrated into my life as part of my personality. It's still there in a way - this kind of terrified protector who wants to keep me from falling in love or trusting men or anything that might hurt me again in the future. Counseling was difficult with it ... Like I had been trained to be silent so thoroughly that when I tried to talk about my experiences (or tried to remember) I'd just stop talking and slip into this silent dissociative state - get kinda light-headed and feel like I was asleep. Eventually I learned that I could write things down, and bring those into my therapist. It was an odd little loophole to break that secrecy and be seen. It took me a long time to get there, and a lot of work. But I can remember things fine now, timelines are more clear. I dissociate so rarely that I notice it and take note rather than it being a normal part of my life I didn't used to notice. I was really poor and I'm so thankful that I had a counselor who'd see me for such little money. He saved my life, helped me to save myself.
Wow, I'm sorry you've suffered all that. The Dark screaming at you sounds really terrifying. You've clearly worked very hard for a long time and come a long way. I really admire that.
I'm so proud of you. I know about those sleeping states that are programmed by abusers to sabotage therapy. I see you. You've defeated some crazy odds to be who you are today. Bless you and your counselor. For others reading this, know that DID is often linked to ritual abuse and child sex trafficking. The abusers intentionally create DID in children to get them to do their bidding. If you want to know more, search "Alison Miller Healing the Unimaginable quotes" and read excerpts of her book on Goodreads. Child sex trafficking is a very sinister industry.
I used to have DID. Some of my alters were much older than I am. One was motherly 70 year old woman, named Martha, who was nurturing. She enjoyed comforting and interacting with small children and people who were injured or sick. I had an alter who was a 65 year old man, named Tough as Nails Willie. He was tough as nails and he was willing to be completely ruthless when it came to my father. He wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to destroy my father. Martha had been with me, at least since I was 14 years old. I had a 15 year old alter named, Lainy. She is the one who held on to the memory of when my father strangled me. I was very small when he did that. I couldn't have been older than 7 years old. She was dark, sad, suicidal and self harmed a lot. She wanted nothing more than to be dead. She was afraid to do anything that could antagonize a man, including saying no to sex when she didn't want it. When I learned to coordinate with my alters, we were able to encourage her to go to sleep so that she wouldn't be in pain. I didn't want to integrate, but it was the price of healing. I had 13 alters. I love them and I miss thier presence
fusion is not the only way to heal, me and my system are working towards functional multiplicity! we have semi-good communication with common fronters and our psychologist is helping us explore ways to break down amnesia barriers without fully fusing! this is mainly because we feel our individual personhood and camaraderie as a system is too important to our healing to lose!
I have DID and I can't tell you how good it is to see someone talking about it in a non-judgemental way. The media has really screwed up the public view on it. Thanks for your support!
To me, DID seems like the biological equivalent of 'creating Operation System (OS) partitions on a hard drive' within the brain for a person. Each partition has its own background code and rules by which its able to run (or in some cases not compatible to run) various programs installed within it. For a person, these "programs" would be social skills, interpersonal rationalization, understanding emotional needs and possibly logical reasoning. I didn't have a good emotional response to my parents divorce. I physically reacted in an unhealthy and unsanitary way. This was a great source of embarrassment for myself and my family. My father's solution was to yell at me each time these incidents occurred, and berate my inability to keep myself clean & proper. The volume by which he roared was enough to often shake walls and terrify the pets in the house (I was between the ages of 6 - 12 during these incidents). My social circumstances were often impaired as well, and my mother wasn't much help as she was equally neglectful of the family's emotional needs. I finally did 'grow out of' said physical reactions; but it came at the cost of a fragmentation of the self into several illusionary and fantasy personas I craved to be, instead of the weak and shameful person I felt I was. This became a reoccurring, emotional conditioning I experienced, that my 'default' self and in-born persona was too flawed and worthless to be of value or significance to anything or anyone in the world. And if I didn't adopt a stronger personality of an identity that could achieve things in the world, that my existence would amount to nothing for the non-person that I am. Anyway, just a theory and personal experience as to why I believe DID may function the way it does. Apologizes for oversharing if this violates ToS.
im sorry. I was just wondering your just speaking from experience and is just a theory but I was wondering if you had DID because I feel I sort of relate to your story. Sometimes I feel like I might have DID but sometimes I feel like I didnt "go through much" to be thinking of such a thing. But the way you described it. Eventhough if you didn't have DID like I feel you. I feel like I definetly had to change my personality and sacrifice certain things about myself to handle hard things in my life. (Trying not to overshare). And it makes me feel so lost in who I am. Now that I'm no longer in those positions like i chose not to sacrifice my own needs but now its like its almost hard to let go of who I was before that especially since those personalities became me for long periods of time during those events. but it all just feels weird. And leaves me confused on how to go about life. But yeah thanks tho it is interesting the way you put it and thanks for sharing your story
Thank you for this video Jonathan. As someone diagnosed with DID I can say, so many people only focus on the spitting personality aspect of the disorder and not the incredible painful trauma that comes with it.
I see you and I believe you. The world is becoming more and more aware of child sex trafficking and ritual abuse, and we're going to fight for a safer world for children.
I have DID and everyone ive ever tried to explain it too only cares about is the splitting part.. like dude.. i dont want this. I didnt want the trauma that made it. It’s fucking horrible
Just in case anyone hasn’t found this channel - Dr Mike Lloyd runs The CTAD Clinic and their UA-cam channel deals primarily with DID, OSDD, and dissociation in general too. It’s another amazing resource that’s worth checking out! 😇🤗💕
Would you consider making a video on how to find a good therapist or generally actual help for people with DID, please? Thank you for the video and I hope you have a wonderful day :)
Thank you for this explanation. It was well put and, I feel, very respectful. It seems there's a growing interest in DID these days and it kind of upsets me. In fact, I have read whole threads about people who intentionally "create systems" for some reason. I understand these people are searching for something, for any number of reasons, but this... this is like saying you're intentionally trying to give yourself heart disease. I really don't understand people. I was diagnosed with what was at that time called MPD when I was 15 and I had never even heard of it before that. It wasn't something people really talked about. I had just started going to group therapy, in secret, with a friend of mine who knew about certain types of abuse that had been happening in my home for a very long time. The woman who ran the group noticed me dissociating but didn't say anything until the day one of my alters caused a scene. I had no idea afterward that anything at all had happened. It's so weird to know you're doing things and don't know it. There were so many instances, but the brain is very very good at hiding it, at protecting itself. Especially when it still needs to be protected. It took me a long time to heal. I still have a really bad memory and I've just had to come to terms with that. I'm not integrated, but I'm... glued together. I like it that way. I think however our brains are is how we learn to function. I feel like DID is my super power. Everyone else's brain is (in my mind) just a big mass off tangled yarn they're always picking through to find thoughts and emotions; does that make sense? Mine are in certain spaces and I had to learn all my emotions later in life, so everything is a lot more compartmentalized. I mean, my emotions are still messy, because I don't quite understand how to use them properly unless I call on a certain alter more, but at least I know where to go for that emotion. Or certain talents or needs or stuff. I had to work really hard to get through the trauma and heartache that came with all of this. DID develops because of a perfect storm that happens to someone and it's just not something you'd ask for. You use what you get and turn it into a strength, of course, but I really wish... I don't know what I'm trying to say. Anyway, I hope this helps some people understand DID a little better. :)
Yeah, I know the kinds of threads you mean. I saw one that made me feel physically sick, on an Instagram. This girl who claimed to have DID had basically 'created an alter' that was such a hottie she had a massive crush on him. Apparently 'he' felt the same way, (because OF COURSE he did,) and this girl was saying she wished all the other alters would go away for a while so she and her hottie alter could have some sexytime 'alone' together... it honestly read like really bad fanfiction, and I was just going "NO NO NO, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PLEASE STOP."
I'm not sure if he mentioned this but, it is currently understood that DID can only be acquired during childhood. As the mind develops it fuses together all the "modes" you have as a child. By the time you're 8-9 your personality has fused into one and there's no ctrl+z for that. It's permanent. But with DID, some of the "modes" can't integrate and start developing alongside the host and once the brain starts relying on "splitting" to cope, there's no ctrl+z for that either. So... DID is caused by curb-stomping a child's mind so hard it shatters.
Great video. We have DID as well, and thanks for the heads-up on the trigger. That was nice of you. We have 14 alters within our system, and we have a therapist. We see each other every week about this disorder, and it has helped us. This is a great video. Thanks for posting this.
Thats actually not right. U can only get did in the early childhood and mostly with sexual or physical abuse. You can get a ptsd and other personality disorders but not DID with other things
How do therapists manage to tell the "it's not an act" part apart? I'm genuinely interested. Because when I did get chances to act, I'd be fully immersed. So with that experience, I wonder how I'd even know within myself what is an act. Does that make sense? Is it about consistency? Do you have to rely on the person saying "this is happening and I have no control" or their relatives saying what they see? I imagine it must be difficult to figure things out with conditions like these. Are there guidelines or something that help you?
They have ways to tell and it’s not something that you can figure out in one session. It’s something that should not be shared in detail, however, because that can teach people how to fake. If they’re faking, they eventually slip up. I have a friend who was working with a faker and they eventually slipped up. She’s now very embarrassed that she faked, she wanted attention. With yourself, there’s an easy way to tell. Are you intentionally faking? Then you’re faking. If you’re intentionally faking, then you are just mistaken or you want DID. There’s a difference.
As a patient rather than a medical expert, I can only speak from my own experiences, of course, but if anything like the following happen/have happened to you enough times in your life to leave you with questions, there's a good chance you may have some form of identity disorder... 1 - Have you ever had people come up to you telling you that you did/said something that not only you don't remember doing/saying, but is so completely at odds with who you are as a person that you couldn't imagine doing/saying it? (Bonus points if it's someone close to you, who you know and trust enough to be sure they would never lie to you about something like that.) 2 - Have you ever had a complete stranger greet you and talk to you as if they know you - but you have no idea who they are, and can't recall ever meeting them before? (Bonus points if they call you by a name that isn't yours. Bonus bonus points if more than one of these strangers calls you by the SAME name that isn't yours.) 3 - Have you ever found items in your house - new clothes still in bags, for instance, complete with receipts with your credit card as payment - that you have no memory of buying? (Bonus points if they're the sort of thing you would NEVER EVER wear - either because they're way too big for you, way too small for you or they're just frickin' HIDEOUS.) 4 - Have you ever suddenly found items that you thought you 'lost' ages ago in weird places that make no sense? A block of cheese in your sock drawer, for example, or a set of keys in the fridge? And it could only have been you that put them there - but you have no idea how, when or why that could've happened? 5 - Have you ever felt like a 'passenger' in your own body, where you're kind of 'watching' and 'hearing' yourself doing and saying stuff you DO NOT WANT to be doing and saying, and it feels like you're inside yourself screaming at yourself "NO! SHUT UP! STOP IT! YOU'RE GONNA GET US IN TROUBLE!" And somehow the 'self' that's doing and saying this stuff you don't want to be doing and saying is hearing you but IGNORING you and carrying on anyway - and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO to make them stop? 6 - Do you ever find yourself feeling two or more completely conflicting emotions simultaneously, with equal intensity? For example, you're so furious and disgusted with yourself that you're metally ripping yourself a new one for being such an asshole - but at exactly the same time you're terrified and distraught at being on the 'receiving end' of that rage? (Bonus points if it feels like there are other 'selfs' taking one or the others' 'side' in the conflict.) Yep... welcome to the 'wonderful' world of an identity disorder... 🙂
As an adult, I've experienced a dissociative state where I felt like I had two distinct personalities, one of which was supplanting the other (my actual personality.) It was in response to emotional abuse. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is a horrible feeling: a kind of death. You feel like the other personality is killing you from within. You're being taken over by an impostor. Full-on DID must be terrifying for the person living it. :(
When I was 4, I experienced almost total memory loss, I can remember the day I woke up and it being, for all practical purposes, the first day of my life. I've been told that I had a high fever and they gave me a spinal tap to ensure I didn't have spinal meningitis. It may have been caused by the fever or trauma from the spinal tap, but it was never determined. I know I either remembered my family, or I was comfortable enough not to question it at my age, but anything else I was a blank. For most of my life I never really questioned it, but I remember in my childhood feeling very disconnected a lot of the time, like I was watching a movie about someone else through my own eyes. As an adult, it was one of those things you tell people as in interesting fact about you, but nothing more, but it was only more recently I wondered if they'd ever done studies on the effects of memory loss on children, and what kind of trauma that might cause, or personality disorders. I know my parents did take me in to get an EKG on my brain, which I believe is the least they could do, but little else, certainly not therapy. If you have any kind of information on the effects of memory loss on children, I'd really like to look into this more.
Came here from your Gollum video. 😁 As I said there, I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD and OSDD in my early twenties following a mental breakdown which put me in a psychiatric unit for eleven months. My OSDD diagnosis includes OSDD-1 (which is a kind of less-delineated version of DID.) I'm now fifty, and I've had to undergo quite a bit of therapy over the years to get to the place I'm at now with my 'team.' Most of it was building enough trust between us to share more information with each other (so we're not doing and saying stuff 'behind each others' backs' that could come back to bite one of us in the ass later because we don't know what the heck's gone on.) We communiate with each other much better these days - although I don't think we'll ever fully resolve the herbal tea issue. 😋 I wish Hollywood could be more sensitive about its portrayal of identity disorders though. Gollum is the most compassionate and accurate one I've seen - the rest are mostly garbage, because they can't seem to get past using it for their 'Serial Killer With a Twist!' trope. I have a special hatred for M. Night Shamalayan in that sense - his portrayals of mental illness in general are disgustingly harmful, but I will NEVER forgive him for the atrocity that was 'Split.'
I really like your videos and perspectives, to be honest all of the ones I´ve watched so far. Except of this one. Why? Because you get a lot of things wrong, starting with the spelling (it´s dissociation not disasociation, these are two different things in science), the terminology (the dissociated parts of the personality are called alters and they aren´t different personalities taking over the body, that´s why the diagnosis was changed from MPD to DID in 1994) and just a lot of other things you mention that don´t match up with what leading experts in the field of complex trauma and dissociative disorders say. Your patient is not a textbook example too because her abuse started at quite a late age for developing DID because it´s so close to the end of the formative years that it makes total sense she has a core and only two more alters. The majority of people with DID don´t have a core because traumas started so early that they haven´t become someone with a sense of self before the traumatic events started. The average number of alters I came across in scientific literature is 9-12. It makes sense to be lower with late trauma onset like your patient experienced and higher with early onset and/or a very horrific trauma history like cp, being trafficked etc. Also something you´ve missed to state clearly is that DID only develops when a child is experiencing prolonged traumas starting in early childhood (the age 0-6 is often mentioned, in rare cases it´s higher) without any safe attachment figure to turn to. The horror of traumatic events perceived as life threatening by the young child needs to add up and the child needs to be alone with it without any sense of safety or security to develop DID. Otherwise you´re likely to develop CPTSD, OSDD and/or personality disorders (2nd level in the theory of structural dissociation, PTSD is 1st, DID is 3rd). Another common cause you didn´t mention is medical trauma due to severe illness causing a lot of surgeries, hospital stays etc. happen to a young child. Again there´s physical and psychological traumas regularly happening for extended periods of time and also abandonment trauma / attachment disruption because the parents can´t be in hospital with the child all the time and may also be traumatized or at least greatly affected themselves due to what´s happening and therefore incapable of taking care of the child´s emotional needs properly. I really like how non-judgemental and empathetic you´re talking about this topic and your patient like you do about everything. I just wish you´ve had the facts right because DID is already such a highly stigmatized and misunderstood disorder.
I completely agree. A lot of what is said doesn't fit with the theory of structural dissociation or general theories about trauma and the terminology used is often out of place or simply incorrect. However, I do think that the tone of the whole video being non-judgemental and compassionate is really positive so its just such a shame the facts seem to be twisted. Unfortunately there is so much misinformation on the internet and things have been sensationalised by the media. We need more research and solid evidence for disorder which I hope will come soon.
I feel like DID gets misrepresented/sensationalized so much in media (looking at you Split). From an outside perspective it seemed that Brandon Sanderson's character Shallan in the stormlight archive series was portrayed much more charitably and realistically. Can anyone with DID confirm that? If you've read that series, how do you feel Sanderson did? I hope to see more responsible portrayal of DID.
That photo of your video is very disrespectful and so senseless about those who suffer from DID, they are not animal or objects, this is not circus, and most do not go through all that or whatever what you were thinking.. massive dislike
Honestly, I *hate* the idea of there being one person with different functional personalities because it doesn't feel like that at all. It feels like a bunch of people with their own souls smooshed into the same flesh-host. And so all the ways that you, as a person, are because of your body (being the way that people see you, the way you are able to move if you are able-bodied or not, the chemistry of your brain) are shared. Like, we all have the same body and so we have these similar traits because of the same body... but it's like twins and the like. You have the same body and the same DNA, but you have a different soul and so the way you see and process the world is different, even when people perceive you as the same. I hate the term "personalities" when talking about DID. One of my friends once said, "well, they're all you, aren't they?" Nah. Our shared core is the physical body and everything else is different. And it can be really difficult to listen to health care professionals talk about this because 1) they can only have an outside perspective and 2) they just don't understand it. I don't understand it. No one understands. Like the Bermuda Triangle or Ghost hauntings.
Even then the body thing is only so far, because they can have different tastes too, or different sensitivities. I also hate seeing it as referred to as 'personalities' and kinda dont like how he refers to it here, and I dont think one patient is enough to really, be able to hammer down on what it is. I dont know. I just feel like how the video explains it is *close*, but just, not quite there.
Maybe the original soul went to live in the inner world 🌍, so needed to be replaced. Either by the Unconscious or the original soul breathing life ⚕ into alters to take their place.
Maybe the original Conscious went to live in the inner world 🌍. So replacement(s) were needed and the Unconscious or the original Conscious found them.
I have some personalities that are very different…first one, her name is Tundra, she’s the one who is the second oldest of my other alters, she is most mature, calm and peaceful, she is also 22 years old, while me..the main, Nyla is 18, physically and mentally..…my second is named Hope, she is an innocent but scared at times child who is 7 years old, she tends to be quiet a lot of the time, but can be very playful when interested in other people her age in the real world….and my third to last alter is called “The dragon”, whom is a big problem in my daily life….she is a Night Fury, who is always hating humanity and wanting to take over and kill me, Nyla (main) and take my body, mind and emotions…even though she’s a beast and is also 18, I still love her..I only let her come out for 2 hours a day, though Tundra and Hope can come out whenever they need to…or when asked to, and….for my final alter..is Saf, she is the oldest of all the alters, her age is 32, she’s the smartest one, she also used to be a Night Fury, but accepted her humanity and is now human, she also loves games, music, art, and night time, she is very nice, calm and always knows what to do……that is all! Bye!
I was once friends with a person (online only) who claimed they have DID (I'm not a therapist, I don't know if they did or not). And it was never a problem. Their claimed that the other personalities were her RP characters, like she just willed them into existence upon creating the fictional character for an RP (no idea if that's possible) At the time they claimed they had about 8. And it wasn't a problem, it was never something that got in the way of the online activities of our friend group, but at the time right before I left, they had developed an issue with me and I don't know why or where it was coming from and at one point it became an argument, one where they do the annoying thing where they write what they want to be the last word and then log off so you can't say anything to them. The next day they greet me like nothing happened and I wanted to talk about and address our argument, but they insisted an argument never took place, even though it was right there in the chat history. And they continued to never acknowledge that we had even when I left. I dunno, I would think that someone who knows they have DID and says their not aware when another personality takes over (sometimes, because they obviously remember all the RP they did with those characters that supposedly the personalities are) would listen to the person trying to talk to them and want to have that conversation or at least explain that it wasn't them. I dunno, to this day I have no idea what happened, but they were being such a toxic person that I'm glad I left.
Sounds to me like a person who wants attention and likes to manipulate. It is very easy to fake things over the internet in fact that is what the internet has become an alternate false world where anyone can be anything. I would just write that person off as just an attention seeker and never pay mind to it again. They probably reveled in confusing you and getting a reaction out of you.
that's bogus bs. if you're thick into the hobby of rp there is a chance some of your characters can become an alter of some form, although intentionally making each character they rp as an alter because they want it does not happen.
I don’t have DID. But I do dissociate. I don’t it purposefully or accidentally. Sometimes it happens when I’m so anxious or overwhelmed I don’t know what to do and other times not sure why. If anyone has questions on my experience with it reply to my comment and I’ll try to answer.
I believe in the surface that I may have D.I.D. I don't want to be one to bring up my dissociating and derealization experiences to a therapist but I have switched among my family members from trauma, loss, and fear. I can't repeat the past and don't seem to feel it real because it's like speaking words from a piece of paper about my perspective rather than having an experience. I have one other alter that has put me in the back seat and is able to control my body (walking, moving, etc). She arrives when around family disagreements and growls. It could have made this identity from childhood abuse and spending more time with my dog then. How do you start a conversation towards a healthy diagnosis/lifestyle without expecting a play?
So basically, it's like a bridge personality, aiming to fulfill a certain requirement. Eg . If i wanna be sexy , a sexy and confident persona would take the wheel in encounters. If i wanna study and have validation, then a nerd would take over. When the tasks are fulfilled, the requirements are met. The host personality , comes back. Host is unable to fulfill all of these needs themselves, cuz they got trauma,. Something they wanna run away from. They don't wanna be themselves cuz they make them feel bad, miserable and weak. So these bridge personalities keeep the daily life going. Its an interesting coping mechanism. The human brain is fascinating. .
I have D.I.D. We are a five strong collective (I prefer that over ‘system’ because Star Trek). I can’t say I’m the ‘original’ but I do have the name on our birth certificate. One of us is comparable to that woman’s “bitch” alter in terms of her being the confident one who takes no nonsense. We have a child alter too and two others who I won’t describe in order that I keep hosting and finish this comment.
At my worst I couldn't afford therapy and simultaneously I could not afford to continue riding passenger.. My other was protective by burning bridges and isolating me. Nobody can hurt me if nobody is around me. Coming back to the surface only to be caught up in the aftermath of the devastation /my/ behavior caused was it's own set of challenges. Regardless of who I was at the time I still fully accept my behavior hurt people I care about so I spent years doing damage control by working backwards, figuring out what I did or said to whom and mending relationships that were caught in the crossfires and inadvertently became collateral damage.. This was not an acceptable way for me to continue living and knowing I can't afford to hide anymore meant my only option left was to buckle down and put in the work. To stop the likelihood of her resurfacing I focused on building better tools so I was more able to emotionally cope when it came to dealing with triggering behaviors and stressors.. In spite of all my hard work and efforts sometimes in the back of my mind I doubt myself and am concerned because I am not a professional.. What if the foundation of my personal efforts has big enough flaws to potentially collapse the structure that is the life I have now built upon it? I have a reoccurring irrational fear of not being good enough/strong enough and it resurfacing later in life. So I guess my main question is.. is that a common or reasonable feeling to be experiencing?
Yeah I think that's okay thing to feel. To work on something so hard and well and to fear of it all falling apart. Just know even that I'm a stranger, I believe in you and if you were to ever fall I believe you are strong enough to learn why exactly you fell and to learn and make sure that that wouldn't happen again. And it will only make you stronger. You've come this far. I think i would be lying to think your not a strong person to keep going and not giving up even when you weren't in the best position(like therapists). But yeah but I belive you got this ❤❤ and don't hold back on giving yourself some appreciation and be proud for all the work you put in yourself. Really shows you do care and love yourself even if there's another voice telling you otherwise. And there's nothing better than tangible evidence for the work you've put in. Because I find is the best way to remind yourself how great you are and what you've accomplished for yourself in the lowest moments. Hope you the best, believe in yourself and the process!❤ peace and love
I think it is safe to say most all of us have had many times in our lives the fear of not being good enough/strong enough. You are good enough and strong enough. You are enough. Life can be hard, but it is worth the effort. I recommend writing down your successes, big and small, so when you are feeling doubt, you can look at what you have done in the past and say, "Wow, I did that. I am AWESOME."💖
I think my wife has did and it has affected our relationship, I just now started catching on that when we would fight she wasn’t her self. When she comes home she is happy and lovey and then when we put the girls down she shuts down and keeps to her self. What is one way I can spot her change?
That's very common as the nature of the disorder is for the brain to hide from the trauma in different ways including various alters not being aware of not only the trauma but also the other alters entirely. I recommend going to a therapist with this concern first before anything else.
I've never been diagnosed with it but I think I might have DID. There were periods around the age of 5 or 6 where riding the bus I'd just be isolated in my own mind, kid I rode with was a drug addict, a bully and honestly someone I was terrified of. They're not letting me remember a lot of stuff that happened around that time. The single alter back then split into 3-- Sterling (the Protector/Gatekeeper), Arthur (the Persecutor/Protector) and Emmanuel (the Trauma Holder/Memory Holder). 7 others sprang up as well since then and things became especially active after the death of my mother. They blanketed me from that until I could start dealing with it. Sterling's next to me helping me type this and encouraging me. It's great to see people talk about DID and that there are alternate causes than just what is traditionally taught through psychology books. We've got it on our bucket list at some point to get a diagnosis when we can.
I’m really scared I think I caused my sibling to develop osdd, I was really mean to him when we were more kids and now we are teens and I’m so sad and I feel so bad and like I was a terrible sibling I don’t know if I caused it but I think I was a part of air and feel horrible
I dated a person in college who claimed DID (under the older "multiple" designation), but who I eventually decided was more likely to be a pathological liar. Does this happen often? Unrelated to that question, I know a person currently who has DID and is in therapy, and I want to make clear that I don't have any doubt in this diagnosis. It's just that various books and stories keep getting debunked and it's hard to know if there are any modern narrative-style stories (vs textbooks) that can help me understand the situation.
@Louis Kingsta Yes, the college person was likely not suffering from DID? Overall that would make sense. They really did commit to their performance, but things did not add up in a statistical sense.
(partner) We have been together 5 years. Initially, it was extremely confusing. He said he "lost time", he wouldn't remember conversations from the day or hour before. He would be wildly moody. I didn't connect any of this until the 5 year old emerged. It's not acting. He goes by a different name, acts in every way like a little boy. After about 2 months of assessing whether this was a prank- and realized by his reaction, it's not. It's really scary for the experiencer- and confusing. Just for information, I asked if he would do a screening for disassociation. He scored high. By education I have a MS Psychology-non-clinical but have used screening tools before and then refer people to counseling. It's been 5 years since the boy came out, I have met four others. We're a family of sorts, each of them relate differently to me and I to them. Knowing they were loved unconditionally has helped them emerge, and knowing they were safe has allowed one to reintegrate. For me, there's not a lot of support. He has functioned for so long, he doesn't feel he needs it.
I very much appreciate you making this video. Particularly because I know that you are respectful and listen to those of us dealing with this. Would love to see longer videos.
Wow, the example was mindblowing. Interesting how this Woman called her alter-ego "The Bitch", I used to call mine the "Evil-Me" but tried to empathize with this side and went over to "defender-Me". Also, for those who didn't know, there are age-regression-Videos on UA-cam, where UA-camrs act out as if they were little children. You may or may not find this soothing/cringe. For my inner child it is a safe space.
Hey I know you! Movie man! Didn’t know you had your own channel, I’ve got Aspergers, and DiD and it’s wonderful to see you talk about it, especially since there’s now a lot of tic toks and fakers around it all.
I'm just now doing research. My doctor read me a report from my therapist in which she states that she suspects I have dissociative personality disorder. I earlier thought that might be the case because of a film called 'Fight Club'. I do switch languages, appearance, behavior... I am a little girl. A cat. A warrior. A sad grown woman. And a dark passenger. But they are all me, Erika. And I am aware of who I am when. I think... I hope I can figure this out.
could you possibly have awareness with alters, talk to them, notepad, paper, internal dialog etc but not be aware of switching? say, i'll call them memory dumps lol having a conversation with 3 or 4 over the course of an hour or so, a genuine conversation, while keeping a log, one night i was trying to keep a log of what i was talking about/saying/conversating about, every time I try to remember a specific thing or detail of "US" i got foggy, almost as if i doze off for a second, & i no longer can recall what i was saying, "mem dump" think i tried this one night for 2 hours recording the time but never getting past a specific memory. as if they were trying to keep me from recording whatever it was i was trying to say. still don't remember. a "blink of an eye" thing, days before that. I feel like "T & J" do NOT like smoking esp in the main house, arent around when I do. (guilty i am) I try to avoid the main house, one morning i walked into kitchen, turned on faucet.. with a cig in hand just doing my usual am routine, & literally within seconds, "swoop!!!" my left arm just gets swiped under the water, putting the cig out, & seconds later im just staring at my hand like... what the hell? completely shocked what just happened, as if someone stood next to me grabbed my arm (felt nothing) and pushed it in the water.. i was confused as all heck but also i knew exactly what happened, & why it happened, it wasnt me.. & I think i laughed and directly said wtf? lol does that even make sense? im sure i have never done that before. there was NO thought,. not the 1rst "blink" instant thing that happened, idk if i was being tested. or was a test ride I only bring it up as I have been under extreme stress recently over the course of the entire year of 2022. it got to the point i really didn't feel like i could cope anymore, nobody to talk to to express myself, hence my journal (at one point i was hiding under my desk crying and not having a clue why, i thought maybe just in case my son came in i didnt want him to see me, but i have never done that before not like that, it was overwhelmingly odd for me to do) over a short time frame i started getting acquainted with at least 8 different people, feeling as if my leaving the room i was leaving them behind. i can't even begin to explain.. usually its 4 at a time tho, as if there are 2 groups at different times of the day that may or may not be around that day, but specifically 2 at least 3 that are around far more than the rest I've read "it can feel like being in the same car " i didn't understand that until recently. I've been trying to keep record of everything I can, as well as journals and ways to communicate, but at the same time, it's constant awareness, with times. they'll sleep, have bed times (10pm for example, when i'll go to sleep after 3 am) or they'll "hang out" after a specific time frame, as if "hey! it's about time you woke up" lol one night i swore i felt a flick to the side of my head as i dozed off... so strange. i don't have a doc or ins, etc so I've been trying to sort things on my own, reading about everything I can up and down the list of possibilities. I made sure to as my mom for a recap of our family history mental health etc.. combining my own issues. I'm beginning to wonder.. and trying to look back on times I've not been myself, its difficult, i don't have much memory of my entire life, (40s) bits and pieces i recall happy times and i remember bad times, I've had lifelong traumatic experiences on many levels since i was a child. however i did have a happy childhood, my relationships not so much, my 2nd child long story short, i don't remember his life at all from birth till 5 yrs old. not a good marriage. its completely blank. :( gives me anxiety even writing it "out loud" so to speak over the course of a month-2 months time.. (april 2022 - june 13-22) what happened that started it all? i was a mess! one night and all i remember, I had a strange moment & i don't recall anything before the moment to sitting on the edge of my couch in tears, talking to someone... outloud, basically the other person was acting as someone i was familiar with to... "it's been you all along, here's the deal.." & the next thing, a few more kinda popped out as if i was the only one to not know what was going on, "the core/host" maybe? i don't even know anymore 😳 feels like a main memory.. i just don't know how or why i ended up on the edge of the couch & what triggered it nor can I explain everything that followed since. VERY long story on the "its been you all along" that i understood. now things are pretty calm, not so noisy, i can tune out or they can? perhaps it was too much & they decided to back off or maybe i'm just not listening, i had severe migraine the past several days, then my mood shifted a bit, spent a lot of time with various music, Kpop, metal, dubstep, i love it all just depends how i feel. 80% of the time, binaural /frequency for my migraines & just stress/anxiety reductions, found out this works on my own. i feel like i scared them off, all i was doing was rocking out as loud as possible lol i could tell who was where as if say J was to my right, and J to my left (2 names) and D just next to J on the left, T all around me, and S all around me , those 2 not fixated just anywhere they felt like being, the other 3 were fixed but time specific, S would pop up twice a day to check on me (internal dialogs) T would come and go whenever sporadically but mostly to be around J. I gave S a name since they came at me like a literal psychiatrist lol i call her Sike. rude right away up my ass kinda woman, but looked out for me until she got a full understanding of certain things, always "testing me" making sure my heads on straight since im now going through a wtf is going on moment in time. she has yet to change her name, i think she was ok by it, i might have angered her tho. as if "fine you think you know so much..." D came in next, & a weekend we spent on my bday in may, while I was feeling like i was losing my mind but having the time of my life at the same time, J was next, then J literally right after, T was there the whole time but.. now i don't recall their order. lots happened in this 3 day span. but for sure it was the 4 or 5. every day was a "same time same place" thing, of mindfookery. few more after that and it got real loud i wanted to sleep so bad D assured i would be ok and let me sleep. which i did for many hours. i was afraid to sleep for a few days. - hope that makes any sense at all- i've been keeping journal since the start of the year for other reasons & as i read back, i've noticed some peculiar inputs, speaking in 3rd person "shes ____" as if 2 are speaking to each other commenting on my wellbeing/behavior/sanity/stress levels but typing it out taking turns. early on it was narrative internal dialogs "shes picking this up.." & I was getting pretty paranoid for a little while, no external voices, maybe a few times, a lot of auditory hallucinations but.. they stopped completely the less stressed out i was, a brief "stop that" one day & all 3 of us were very much startled "did you hear that???" each confirming with another.. could have been my parrot. but idk. it was late. other frightening things i've heard, seriously frightening, but i would just tell "it" to "f-off" & would go away, i wouldnt submit to that, but short external blurts & nothing like a normal everyday conversation, laughing even at jokes i know i didnt start.. as i did with the others, it progressed very fast but i was also interested in what was happening, i wanted to pay attention to every bit of it and keep a level head. i've always been fascinated by the human mind in general and mental illness etc since it runs in family, I'm pretty passionate about it & want to learn everything. so not much was freaking me out, i hate to say i was fascinated by my new experience, it's more or less, discovering something & wanting to know more & understand whatever i could idk i feel weird/embarrassed even bringing any of this up but I need to "call out" ? I think about talking about it or whathaveyou i get stressed out, my head begins to throb. as if theres fear i should probably keep my mouth shut. but i can't anymore. ahhhh dilemmas and now i have a headache.. it's the weirdest strangest thing. there is so much more but yeah.... the gist. -hit send b4 you erase it all go go go lol
How can DID be passed on through genetics? DID is not a hereditary disorder like bipolar, depression, or other passed on disorders. It's a defense mechanism of the brain to protect a brutalized child from the trauma around them. I was diagnosed with DID last years and I didn't get it from genetics, I got it from being brutalized severely in an orphanage before the age of two and continued childhood abuse after adoption.
I’ve been dating a young lady who cries whoever any topic about an 8 or 9 year old girl comes up, like when I gave her a little girl Buddhist praying statue. Any negative emotion that comes her way is met with a body gesture that bans it from her reality. Zero memory of it. Poor thing. I love her so much but hopefully this last breakup works. She won’t let me go. Makes me so sad for her. Her inner child healed my inner child. while I thought she was speaking to me, it took a couple of days to figure out she was his protector and was addressing him. She’s so wonderful. I can refuse her nothing. But now ai see she is stealing who I am and replacing it with her torment.
Is DID very different from Plurality? Some of the examples you cite sound beneficial. If that can be harnessed and managed, it sounds like it could do more good than harm. On another note, holy crap it sucks for a plural system member to be so cripplingly depressed, but held hostage, unable to just disappear. Thankfully, there are supportive people, both inside and outside.
Ah, no supe sobre tu segundo idioma. Bonito. (¿Lo aprendiste como un misionero, supongo?) Anyway. I don't know anyone with DID, but I do know someone I really wish would watch this video. It's too bad we just officially passed the one-year mark since the last time she was willing to talk to me. Well... I can hope she finds this; not only is she working through some psychological things, just like I am, but she's also interested in the concept of dissociation and how to overcome it. (Yeah. She'll just have to find her way here on her own, I guess.)
The extra a being thrown in there matters. DisAsociating vs Dissociating fun fact :As verbs the difference between disassociate and dissociate. is that disassociate is to separate oneself from a person or situation while dissociate is to make unrelated; to sever a connection; to separate.
I do mental health advocacy and have been living with DID since 2, diagnosed at 18. There's definitely more conversations that we need to have between plural folks and providers not just about our personal experiences but community experiences as a whole. I agree with the other commenters- We never had an original or 'true' host. As long as we've been aware of being a person we've had multiplicity. The amnesia walls have been helpful for survival but also been maladaptive at other times. I moderate in a discord server for plural artists and we welcome folks from all plural labels, including folks that don't fit a disordered plural experience. Our own goal in therapy is not to be an individual but a collective that can function as a team to keep us and our loved ones safe. While DID is a big part of the plural community I think OSDD systems and endogenic systems should be included in conversations too- their internal realities are still going to be true to them regardless if you can point out specific trauma incidents forming splits. There's also spiritual plurality that has existed and been recognized in many indigenous cultures and it is not seen as inherently a mental health issue. Lots of things to consider and nuance to this and I thank you for being open to learning more :)
There are a lot of people who don't find out they're plural till later on. So trauma, in most cases, stays a prime cause. Cause one thing I do agree with him, it's a coping way.
I want to tell my experience. I don't know if it's Multiple personality disorder or not but I will say it anyway. In seventh grade I was going trough one of the worst depression events that I had my entire life. I tried to take my life two times and luckly was to scared to do it. I tried to get a knife trought my chest and then to hang myself (for the people who are wondering). I was bullied at school because of my religion and also because of my height. I couldn't cope with the stress, I was extremely emotional and easy to stress out, therefore I was an easy target for the bullies. I grew up with gas lighter, abusive parents, for whom I couldn't be enough. Nothing was good, but the tiniest mistake I'll make will unleash the worst scenario possible. Some times, when there were not such even, they would genuinely plant evidence and then lie at me and say that I am crazy for not even remembering it. The most obvious one was when they hid some old dumbphones in my drawer and blaimed me for stealing them, even tho I was having my smartphone that I boughed. When I tried to open up about school, they started laughing at me and called me names. I am not saying this to desconsider then, I still love them even now after many years... So when the I entered the 8th grade, I remember I was just sank in horrible emotions, even more now since puberty hit me. So after a scene, I decided to climb on the window and wanted to jump off all the 4 stories. But when I wanted to jump a different voice just popped into my head and warned me that the guy at the 7th floor was laughing at me for what I was doing (I was a teenager, so image plays a huge role whether you like to admit it or not). So I went back in, closed the window and then processed that I did not look anywhere but down. So I looked up the window and saw the guy at the seventh floor in the different block. Then I just wondered: Who talked?. It wasn't my counciousness, and It wasn't my inner voice. It was calm, calculated and sort of cold. I don't know if it's this disorder since he does not comes over me and takes over. All that I know is that I can talk and do talk with him in my head, we argue and both sometimes have different opinions and can bring arguments. And even when I need analytical stuff he just makes it, and if I need to explain it, he does that too and I can send the messege further down. I know this sounds weird but maybe our dear therapist or anyone else knows more on that than I do. ** Small update*** I forgot to mention that he is there for me. He gives me valid advice, based on facts. He was at the time my exact opposite, but took care of me. Since he got in, I did have depression episodes and wondered how well it was for others if I was gone. Still, he talked me out of it.
Out of curiosity, for those who have DID, have any if you seen the second or third season of the Flash on the CW? If so, how much does the character of Kaitlyn Snow reflect the experience of people with DID? Obviously, there are clear differences, and she, to my knowledge, is not canonically diagnosed with DID, but she seems to be at least coded that way, at least at first, and has some interesting parallels, particularly with how she develops a close friendship and partnership with her alter ego, Killer Frost. Again, I mainly wanted to see if anyone has seen the show, and if so, if anyone has thoughts on how Kaitlyn either does or does not portray someone with DID in a good manner.
I've been looking for someone to mention Dr. Caitlin Snow & Killer Frost in regards to DID. I'm also curious about the portrayal and development over several seasons.
I'm not a professional nor do I have DID but I have heard systems and professionals talk about this and there are a few things that they all agree can help. 1.Find a therapist. Especially one that has experience in DID. There's two types of treatment for systems: functional multiplicity (the system learns how to live together as multiple people in one body) and final fusion (all the alters fuse to one). A good therapist would be able to help you and your system reach which ever goal you are interested in. 2. Community. Knowing other people that struggle with similar issues can be really helpful for support and advice. If finding systems near you can be difficult there are on line spaces for systems like for example r/did. 3. System communication. Reach out to the other alters in your system to see what could make them more comfortable. You can use a journal or meditation to make communication easier. 4. Education. Learn what you can about your disorder. There are plenty of books articles and video about living with did. Most of what I know about did comes from UA-cam channels of systems. My personal recommendations are: the entropy system, the infinity system and dissociadid. There is also a book called "dear little ones" that was made to help the young altars of adult systems that you can find recordings of on UA-cam. I hope this helps 🙂
I believe you can kinda measure it by how aware the other personalities are of each other because the less aware the more the brain had to "shut off" the specific personality in order to protect itself. I am no expert though.
There are different dissociative disorders apart form DID that involve dissociation which I believe is what he was referring to in the video. It goes something like this from least to most severe: Mild/Normal Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Depersonalisation/Derealisation, OSDD(of which there are different types) and DID.
OMG, that last bit at the end! “Oh looky, it’s the playlist I was talking about! You have a few hours to kill, right? You do now!” 🤣 Sir, how did you read my mind? 😆
This is wrong. 1. It's not dis-associative disorder It is dissociative disorder 2. Our brain does not fragment It doesnt fuse together in the first place 3. The original name was changed from Multiple Personality Disorder because it's not a personality disorder... It's a dissociative disorder. 4. Dis-association and dissociation are two completely different things.. 5. Anyone on earth can dis-associate on purpose 6. There is a time limit on which DID can form 7. This information is just incorrect I know that this video is 2 years old but....
It's important to note that systems don't typically have originals (if you drop a glass, which shard is the original?) and the host is not always the core. Hosts can and often do change, and many systems even have multiple hosts or no hosts.
I agree, we are all alters I feel like the one that fronts the most is normally talked as if it was the original ,also the whole "broken" thing isn't real, we never broke I just dissociated to survive;)
Agreed I'm the new host of this body the original host tried to hurt the body on purpose aka our persecutor whom weve now locked behind a door with chains
Correct, in the DID the term "original" doesn't make sense because the host and the alter "who is born" are not always the same. And they don't always have the name given by the parents
This! Always just thought that we didn't know which was the original, and were so confused for a long time.
Reading this makes me really feel like I'm the alter........
I have DID from vicarious trauma. My mother is a CSA survivor, and disclosed to me at age 4 in vivid detial over many years. My presentation feels very unique to me; all the DID (AKA: Multi-Faceted) folks in my sphere have a harder time switching and communicating between alters than I seem to. Just wanted to share.
I had a similar experience
Huh. Thanks for yalls comment
I've always been fascinated by DID, so I'm glad you posted this!
I don't have any experiences realted to DID, but it definitely feels good to get a better understanding of it! Thanks for sharing!
What you said about having trouble "connecting" with other people has me wondering if Schizoid Personality Disorder--something I suspect I have--is some kind of long term dissociation issue? I've *always* kind of felt like I'm just here, along for the ride. I have always struggled with the concept of my future, goals, aspirations, etc (ie: I would tune out in school at talks about graduation and college because I could not wrap my head around the idea that it would be something I would ever have to deal with, the common interview question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" is the absolute bane of my existence, etc).
I also don't really connect with people or experience much in terms of emotion. Never had an interest in dating or romance. I remember wanting more friends as a kid but at some point I stopped caring about that, too. I have maybe 3 people in my life that I'd consider a friend. Not really close to family, either.
The only time I really feel much of anything is through fictional media--whether it's something I am creating or consuming (or creating so I can later consume). I create these characters and feel emotion vicariously through them in imaginary scenes, sometimes in text based roleplay with someone else, etc.
The few times I have tried therapy I swung from feeling patronized to feeling unsafe/like I was being manipulated, and so it has never lasted more than 1-2 sessions.
I'm not exactly unhappy, so I haven't tried that hard to "fix" it. But I also wonder if I'm losing out on a lot of what makes life worth living as a result.
So I don't have DID. But My therapist does tell me that I have something called Ego states. Its similar, but they don't take over the body. And they all have conversations with each other and with me. I do dissociate really bad for hours at a time, but I just stay still. No one takes over. But I can't hear like my name being called or people talking to me or anything. I'm just gone, and I guess the body is empty. Could you talk about the difference? I also do have major childhood trauma. C-PTSD.
Also I just want to say I love your videos. And also cinema therapy. They are both really awesome!
Sounds like OSDD, of which there are different types. I would research into the theory of structural dissociation and look at the DSM-5 for the diagnostic differences. Learning about how the disorder develops is probably the best way to understand where you are now :)
thanks for this it makes us feel less "fake"
My question is, I always though Disassociation and dissociation were two different words? You use them interchangeably so now I'm a bit confused.
So it may happen when a child doesn’t feel safe in their younger years. I’ve never witnessed this but it’s interesting as to what causes it.
Very short answer: I believe scientists speculate that as a child "you get suck solving a life-puzzle" so you do not integrate this lesson learned in your brain. Your MInd then - unsure what to do with this - dissociates it (Like "F this, I wont deal with it") But again veeeeery broad answer
Can a sexual abuse, extrem bullying, cancer where we almost died multiple times and had extreme pain be enough trauma for D.I.D, (At childhood) I mean I kinda always had a protector state and myself but I never saw it as D.I.D, I have amnesia, “out of body” experiences, extrem derealisasion, the feeling of not knowing who i am, do you think I have D.I.D?
I'm confused now, is it possible to have DID without having any alters?
I didn't think so, but now I'm not sure
No. You can dissociate. But with no alters it isnt DID
I mean, everyone has certain "alters" e.g. you treat you boss differently than your romantical partner (usually most ppl do) I believe the question here is, are there parts integrated and in control of your normal you, or not. As for me, I can often not really decide whether I want an ego to take over or not, they just do it. I mean, there has to be something that's "dissociated"... (my guess at least, I am no expert)
You can have DID without being aware of the alters
I have OSDD, and your thumbnail is so insanely offensive. Jesus Christ.
Strong agree!
I have DID, and I think doctors might have a fundamental misunderstanding of DID. It’s real to the person because it’s really happening. I have alters that are nothing like me. I have alters that will physically push me from the front, though I’m resisting dissociation. I just wish there was better & more thorough understanding of DID. It’s the Middle Ages for our disorder, & it shouldn’t be. Thanks for the video.
pretty sure I have OSDD but when I was younger I think I qualified for DID with the amnesia of certain memories. I can't find anyone who can even diagnose it where I live.
I’m pretty sure I have didutufpp it’s a made up disorder
You should seek out entity release therapy
I have the same problem. I try really hard to hold them back because I usually have to clean up a mess when they are out. I have lost a few really good friends in a matter of minutes due to the alters. Holding them back gives me headaches and doesn't always work
I like to view it as evidence of humanity's continued evolution, and that perhaps the next step for humanity is conscious plurality
I went to therapy for dissociative disorders, brought on by sexual abuse as a child. I often lost spaces of time, and had a kind of secondary ... not quite person who'd take over, but this other self that would scream at me when I was under intense pressure, or would murmur nasty things at me when I felt shame and fear. I just called her The Dark. I just wasn't present in my life. I thought I had a bad memory but really I just wasn't like, here, to remember things.
Eventually with counseling these episodes stopped happening, and The Dark was integrated into my life as part of my personality. It's still there in a way - this kind of terrified protector who wants to keep me from falling in love or trusting men or anything that might hurt me again in the future. Counseling was difficult with it ... Like I had been trained to be silent so thoroughly that when I tried to talk about my experiences (or tried to remember) I'd just stop talking and slip into this silent dissociative state - get kinda light-headed and feel like I was asleep.
Eventually I learned that I could write things down, and bring those into my therapist. It was an odd little loophole to break that secrecy and be seen.
It took me a long time to get there, and a lot of work. But I can remember things fine now, timelines are more clear. I dissociate so rarely that I notice it and take note rather than it being a normal part of my life I didn't used to notice. I was really poor and I'm so thankful that I had a counselor who'd see me for such little money. He saved my life, helped me to save myself.
Wow, I'm sorry you've suffered all that. The Dark screaming at you sounds really terrifying. You've clearly worked very hard for a long time and come a long way. I really admire that.
I'm so proud of you. I know about those sleeping states that are programmed by abusers to sabotage therapy. I see you. You've defeated some crazy odds to be who you are today. Bless you and your counselor. For others reading this, know that DID is often linked to ritual abuse and child sex trafficking. The abusers intentionally create DID in children to get them to do their bidding. If you want to know more, search "Alison Miller Healing the Unimaginable quotes" and read excerpts of her book on Goodreads. Child sex trafficking is a very sinister industry.
Thank you for sharing. I seem similar to you. In this way. You are not alone, and I hope you are doing well.
I used to have DID. Some of my alters were much older than I am. One was motherly 70 year old woman, named Martha, who was nurturing. She enjoyed comforting and interacting with small children and people who were injured or sick. I had an alter who was a 65 year old man, named Tough as Nails Willie. He was tough as nails and he was willing to be completely ruthless when it came to my father. He wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to destroy my father. Martha had been with me, at least since I was 14 years old. I had a 15 year old alter named, Lainy. She is the one who held on to the memory of when my father strangled me. I was very small when he did that. I couldn't have been older than 7 years old. She was dark, sad, suicidal and self harmed a lot. She wanted nothing more than to be dead. She was afraid to do anything that could antagonize a man, including saying no to sex when she didn't want it. When I learned to coordinate with my alters, we were able to encourage her to go to sleep so that she wouldn't be in pain. I didn't want to integrate, but it was the price of healing. I had 13 alters. I love them and I miss thier presence
So you still split with them? Or never did you leared that you all in one?
Fascinating. How did you heal?
fusion is not the only way to heal, me and my system are working towards functional multiplicity! we have semi-good communication with common fronters and our psychologist is helping us explore ways to break down amnesia barriers without fully fusing! this is mainly because we feel our individual personhood and camaraderie as a system is too important to our healing to lose!
I have DID and I can't tell you how good it is to see someone talking about it in a non-judgemental way. The media has really screwed up the public view on it. Thanks for your support!
There should be more films that tackle DID in a very understanding way. Not the horror scary way like they did in the movie Split.
There is no "Ass" in Dissociative Identity Disorder oder Dissociation 😉
(You kept saying "Dis-as-sociation"🤓✌🏼)
To me, DID seems like the biological equivalent of 'creating Operation System (OS) partitions on a hard drive' within the brain for a person. Each partition has its own background code and rules by which its able to run (or in some cases not compatible to run) various programs installed within it. For a person, these "programs" would be social skills, interpersonal rationalization, understanding emotional needs and possibly logical reasoning.
I didn't have a good emotional response to my parents divorce. I physically reacted in an unhealthy and unsanitary way. This was a great source of embarrassment for myself and my family. My father's solution was to yell at me each time these incidents occurred, and berate my inability to keep myself clean & proper. The volume by which he roared was enough to often shake walls and terrify the pets in the house (I was between the ages of 6 - 12 during these incidents). My social circumstances were often impaired as well, and my mother wasn't much help as she was equally neglectful of the family's emotional needs. I finally did 'grow out of' said physical reactions; but it came at the cost of a fragmentation of the self into several illusionary and fantasy personas I craved to be, instead of the weak and shameful person I felt I was. This became a reoccurring, emotional conditioning I experienced, that my 'default' self and in-born persona was too flawed and worthless to be of value or significance to anything or anyone in the world. And if I didn't adopt a stronger personality of an identity that could achieve things in the world, that my existence would amount to nothing for the non-person that I am.
Anyway, just a theory and personal experience as to why I believe DID may function the way it does. Apologizes for oversharing if this violates ToS.
lots of accounts on the same laptop
im sorry. I was just wondering your just speaking from experience and is just a theory but I was wondering if you had DID because I feel I sort of relate to your story. Sometimes I feel like I might have DID but sometimes I feel like I didnt "go through much" to be thinking of such a thing. But the way you described it. Eventhough if you didn't have DID like I feel you. I feel like I definetly had to change my personality and sacrifice certain things about myself to handle hard things in my life. (Trying not to overshare). And it makes me feel so lost in who I am. Now that I'm no longer in those positions like i chose not to sacrifice my own needs but now its like its almost hard to let go of who I was before that especially since those personalities became me for long periods of time during those events. but it all just feels weird. And leaves me confused on how to go about life. But yeah thanks tho it is interesting the way you put it and thanks for sharing your story
To Magus_Union: Just the right amount of sharing. 😊
@@jeans.doesstuff Just the right amount of sharing. 😊
And I guess intergration would equate to a defrag
Thank you for this video Jonathan. As someone diagnosed with DID I can say, so many people only focus on the spitting personality aspect of the disorder and not the incredible painful trauma that comes with it.
I see you and I believe you. The world is becoming more and more aware of child sex trafficking and ritual abuse, and we're going to fight for a safer world for children.
I have DID and everyone ive ever tried to explain it too only cares about is the splitting part.. like dude.. i dont want this. I didnt want the trauma that made it. It’s fucking horrible
I am a multiple and grateful for this straight forward, kind talk. It is an antidote to the sensationalism of Hollywood. Thank you
Just in case anyone hasn’t found this channel - Dr Mike Lloyd runs The CTAD Clinic and their UA-cam channel deals primarily with DID, OSDD, and dissociation in general too. It’s another amazing resource that’s worth checking out! 😇🤗💕
Would you consider making a video on how to find a good therapist or generally actual help for people with DID, please?
Thank you for the video and I hope you have a wonderful day :)
Thank you for this explanation. It was well put and, I feel, very respectful. It seems there's a growing interest in DID these days and it kind of upsets me. In fact, I have read whole threads about people who intentionally "create systems" for some reason. I understand these people are searching for something, for any number of reasons, but this... this is like saying you're intentionally trying to give yourself heart disease. I really don't understand people.
I was diagnosed with what was at that time called MPD when I was 15 and I had never even heard of it before that. It wasn't something people really talked about. I had just started going to group therapy, in secret, with a friend of mine who knew about certain types of abuse that had been happening in my home for a very long time. The woman who ran the group noticed me dissociating but didn't say anything until the day one of my alters caused a scene. I had no idea afterward that anything at all had happened. It's so weird to know you're doing things and don't know it. There were so many instances, but the brain is very very good at hiding it, at protecting itself. Especially when it still needs to be protected.
It took me a long time to heal. I still have a really bad memory and I've just had to come to terms with that. I'm not integrated, but I'm... glued together. I like it that way. I think however our brains are is how we learn to function. I feel like DID is my super power. Everyone else's brain is (in my mind) just a big mass off tangled yarn they're always picking through to find thoughts and emotions; does that make sense? Mine are in certain spaces and I had to learn all my emotions later in life, so everything is a lot more compartmentalized. I mean, my emotions are still messy, because I don't quite understand how to use them properly unless I call on a certain alter more, but at least I know where to go for that emotion. Or certain talents or needs or stuff.
I had to work really hard to get through the trauma and heartache that came with all of this. DID develops because of a perfect storm that happens to someone and it's just not something you'd ask for. You use what you get and turn it into a strength, of course, but I really wish... I don't know what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I hope this helps some people understand DID a little better. :)
Yeah, I know the kinds of threads you mean. I saw one that made me feel physically sick, on an Instagram. This girl who claimed to have DID had basically 'created an alter' that was such a hottie she had a massive crush on him. Apparently 'he' felt the same way, (because OF COURSE he did,) and this girl was saying she wished all the other alters would go away for a while so she and her hottie alter could have some sexytime 'alone' together... it honestly read like really bad fanfiction, and I was just going "NO NO NO, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PLEASE STOP."
I'm not sure if he mentioned this but, it is currently understood that DID can only be acquired during childhood. As the mind develops it fuses together all the "modes" you have as a child. By the time you're 8-9 your personality has fused into one and there's no ctrl+z for that. It's permanent. But with DID, some of the "modes" can't integrate and start developing alongside the host and once the brain starts relying on "splitting" to cope, there's no ctrl+z for that either. So... DID is caused by curb-stomping a child's mind so hard it shatters.
Great video. We have DID as well, and thanks for the heads-up on the trigger. That was nice of you. We have 14 alters within our system, and we have a therapist. We see each other every week about this disorder, and it has helped us. This is a great video. Thanks for posting this.
You're very welcome!
@@MendedLight thanks 🙏
Thats actually not right. U can only get did in the early childhood and mostly with sexual or physical abuse. You can get a ptsd and other personality disorders but not DID with other things
How do therapists manage to tell the "it's not an act" part apart? I'm genuinely interested. Because when I did get chances to act, I'd be fully immersed. So with that experience, I wonder how I'd even know within myself what is an act. Does that make sense?
Is it about consistency? Do you have to rely on the person saying "this is happening and I have no control" or their relatives saying what they see? I imagine it must be difficult to figure things out with conditions like these. Are there guidelines or something that help you?
They have ways to tell and it’s not something that you can figure out in one session. It’s something that should not be shared in detail, however, because that can teach people how to fake. If they’re faking, they eventually slip up. I have a friend who was working with a faker and they eventually slipped up. She’s now very embarrassed that she faked, she wanted attention.
With yourself, there’s an easy way to tell. Are you intentionally faking? Then you’re faking. If you’re intentionally faking, then you are just mistaken or you want DID. There’s a difference.
As a patient rather than a medical expert, I can only speak from my own experiences, of course, but if anything like the following happen/have happened to you enough times in your life to leave you with questions, there's a good chance you may have some form of identity disorder...
1 - Have you ever had people come up to you telling you that you did/said something that not only you don't remember doing/saying, but is so completely at odds with who you are as a person that you couldn't imagine doing/saying it? (Bonus points if it's someone close to you, who you know and trust enough to be sure they would never lie to you about something like that.)
2 - Have you ever had a complete stranger greet you and talk to you as if they know you - but you have no idea who they are, and can't recall ever meeting them before? (Bonus points if they call you by a name that isn't yours. Bonus bonus points if more than one of these strangers calls you by the SAME name that isn't yours.)
3 - Have you ever found items in your house - new clothes still in bags, for instance, complete with receipts with your credit card as payment - that you have no memory of buying? (Bonus points if they're the sort of thing you would NEVER EVER wear - either because they're way too big for you, way too small for you or they're just frickin' HIDEOUS.)
4 - Have you ever suddenly found items that you thought you 'lost' ages ago in weird places that make no sense? A block of cheese in your sock drawer, for example, or a set of keys in the fridge? And it could only have been you that put them there - but you have no idea how, when or why that could've happened?
5 - Have you ever felt like a 'passenger' in your own body, where you're kind of 'watching' and 'hearing' yourself doing and saying stuff you DO NOT WANT to be doing and saying, and it feels like you're inside yourself screaming at yourself "NO! SHUT UP! STOP IT! YOU'RE GONNA GET US IN TROUBLE!" And somehow the 'self' that's doing and saying this stuff you don't want to be doing and saying is hearing you but IGNORING you and carrying on anyway - and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO to make them stop?
6 - Do you ever find yourself feeling two or more completely conflicting emotions simultaneously, with equal intensity? For example, you're so furious and disgusted with yourself that you're metally ripping yourself a new one for being such an asshole - but at exactly the same time you're terrified and distraught at being on the 'receiving end' of that rage? (Bonus points if it feels like there are other 'selfs' taking one or the others' 'side' in the conflict.)
Yep... welcome to the 'wonderful' world of an identity disorder... 🙂
that's actually been studied! the mannerisms and consistencies are different, yes, and so are the biomarkers in the brain
As an adult, I've experienced a dissociative state where I felt like I had two distinct personalities, one of which was supplanting the other (my actual personality.) It was in response to emotional abuse. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is a horrible feeling: a kind of death. You feel like the other personality is killing you from within. You're being taken over by an impostor. Full-on DID must be terrifying for the person living it. :(
Well, I've had it where one of more got stuck in front, or half front.
The physical headache that companies it, I don't wish that on people.
When I was 4, I experienced almost total memory loss, I can remember the day I woke up and it being, for all practical purposes, the first day of my life. I've been told that I had a high fever and they gave me a spinal tap to ensure I didn't have spinal meningitis. It may have been caused by the fever or trauma from the spinal tap, but it was never determined. I know I either remembered my family, or I was comfortable enough not to question it at my age, but anything else I was a blank. For most of my life I never really questioned it, but I remember in my childhood feeling very disconnected a lot of the time, like I was watching a movie about someone else through my own eyes. As an adult, it was one of those things you tell people as in interesting fact about you, but nothing more, but it was only more recently I wondered if they'd ever done studies on the effects of memory loss on children, and what kind of trauma that might cause, or personality disorders. I know my parents did take me in to get an EKG on my brain, which I believe is the least they could do, but little else, certainly not therapy. If you have any kind of information on the effects of memory loss on children, I'd really like to look into this more.
Came here from your Gollum video. 😁
As I said there, I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD and OSDD in my early twenties following a mental breakdown which put me in a psychiatric unit for eleven months. My OSDD diagnosis includes OSDD-1 (which is a kind of less-delineated version of DID.) I'm now fifty, and I've had to undergo quite a bit of therapy over the years to get to the place I'm at now with my 'team.' Most of it was building enough trust between us to share more information with each other (so we're not doing and saying stuff 'behind each others' backs' that could come back to bite one of us in the ass later because we don't know what the heck's gone on.) We communiate with each other much better these days - although I don't think we'll ever fully resolve the herbal tea issue. 😋
I wish Hollywood could be more sensitive about its portrayal of identity disorders though. Gollum is the most compassionate and accurate one I've seen - the rest are mostly garbage, because they can't seem to get past using it for their 'Serial Killer With a Twist!' trope. I have a special hatred for M. Night Shamalayan in that sense - his portrayals of mental illness in general are disgustingly harmful, but I will NEVER forgive him for the atrocity that was 'Split.'
I really like your videos and perspectives, to be honest all of the ones I´ve watched so far. Except of this one. Why? Because you get a lot of things wrong, starting with the spelling (it´s dissociation not disasociation, these are two different things in science), the terminology (the dissociated parts of the personality are called alters and they aren´t different personalities taking over the body, that´s why the diagnosis was changed from MPD to DID in 1994) and just a lot of other things you mention that don´t match up with what leading experts in the field of complex trauma and dissociative disorders say. Your patient is not a textbook example too because her abuse started at quite a late age for developing DID because it´s so close to the end of the formative years that it makes total sense she has a core and only two more alters. The majority of people with DID don´t have a core because traumas started so early that they haven´t become someone with a sense of self before the traumatic events started. The average number of alters I came across in scientific literature is 9-12. It makes sense to be lower with late trauma onset like your patient experienced and higher with early onset and/or a very horrific trauma history like cp, being trafficked etc. Also something you´ve missed to state clearly is that DID only develops when a child is experiencing prolonged traumas starting in early childhood (the age 0-6 is often mentioned, in rare cases it´s higher) without any safe attachment figure to turn to. The horror of traumatic events perceived as life threatening by the young child needs to add up and the child needs to be alone with it without any sense of safety or security to develop DID. Otherwise you´re likely to develop CPTSD, OSDD and/or personality disorders (2nd level in the theory of structural dissociation, PTSD is 1st, DID is 3rd). Another common cause you didn´t mention is medical trauma due to severe illness causing a lot of surgeries, hospital stays etc. happen to a young child. Again there´s physical and psychological traumas regularly happening for extended periods of time and also abandonment trauma / attachment disruption because the parents can´t be in hospital with the child all the time and may also be traumatized or at least greatly affected themselves due to what´s happening and therefore incapable of taking care of the child´s emotional needs properly.
I really like how non-judgemental and empathetic you´re talking about this topic and your patient like you do about everything. I just wish you´ve had the facts right because DID is already such a highly stigmatized and misunderstood disorder.
I completely agree. A lot of what is said doesn't fit with the theory of structural dissociation or general theories about trauma and the terminology used is often out of place or simply incorrect. However, I do think that the tone of the whole video being non-judgemental and compassionate is really positive so its just such a shame the facts seem to be twisted. Unfortunately there is so much misinformation on the internet and things have been sensationalised by the media. We need more research and solid evidence for disorder which I hope will come soon.
I feel like DID gets misrepresented/sensationalized so much in media (looking at you Split). From an outside perspective it seemed that Brandon Sanderson's character Shallan in the stormlight archive series was portrayed much more charitably and realistically. Can anyone with DID confirm that? If you've read that series, how do you feel Sanderson did?
I hope to see more responsible portrayal of DID.
So you’ve only seen one multiple in your past experience?
That photo of your video is very disrespectful and so senseless about those who suffer from DID, they are not animal or objects, this is not circus, and most do not go through all that or whatever what you were thinking.. massive dislike
Honestly, I *hate* the idea of there being one person with different functional personalities because it doesn't feel like that at all. It feels like a bunch of people with their own souls smooshed into the same flesh-host. And so all the ways that you, as a person, are because of your body (being the way that people see you, the way you are able to move if you are able-bodied or not, the chemistry of your brain) are shared. Like, we all have the same body and so we have these similar traits because of the same body... but it's like twins and the like. You have the same body and the same DNA, but you have a different soul and so the way you see and process the world is different, even when people perceive you as the same.
I hate the term "personalities" when talking about DID. One of my friends once said, "well, they're all you, aren't they?" Nah. Our shared core is the physical body and everything else is different.
And it can be really difficult to listen to health care professionals talk about this because 1) they can only have an outside perspective and 2) they just don't understand it. I don't understand it. No one understands. Like the Bermuda Triangle or Ghost hauntings.
Even then the body thing is only so far, because they can have different tastes too, or different sensitivities. I also hate seeing it as referred to as 'personalities' and kinda dont like how he refers to it here, and I dont think one patient is enough to really, be able to hammer down on what it is. I dont know. I just feel like how the video explains it is *close*, but just, not quite there.
Maybe the original soul went to live in the inner world 🌍, so needed to be replaced.
Either by the Unconscious or the original soul breathing life ⚕ into alters to take their place.
Maybe the original soul went to live in the inner world 🌍, so needed a replacement(s).
So either the Unconscious or the original Conscious made them.
Maybe the original Conscious went to live in the inner world 🌍.
So replacement(s) were needed and the Unconscious or the original Conscious found them.
Maybe the first soul went to live in the inner world 🌍.
I have some personalities that are very different…first one, her name is Tundra, she’s the one who is the second oldest of my other alters, she is most mature, calm and peaceful, she is also 22 years old, while me..the main, Nyla is 18, physically and mentally..…my second is named Hope, she is an innocent but scared at times child who is 7 years old, she tends to be quiet a lot of the time, but can be very playful when interested in other people her age in the real world….and my third to last alter is called “The dragon”, whom is a big problem in my daily life….she is a Night Fury, who is always hating humanity and wanting to take over and kill me, Nyla (main) and take my body, mind and emotions…even though she’s a beast and is also 18, I still love her..I only let her come out for 2 hours a day, though Tundra and Hope can come out whenever they need to…or when asked to, and….for my final alter..is Saf, she is the oldest of all the alters, her age is 32, she’s the smartest one, she also used to be a Night Fury, but accepted her humanity and is now human, she also loves games, music, art, and night time, she is very nice, calm and always knows what to do……that is all! Bye!
I was once friends with a person (online only) who claimed they have DID (I'm not a therapist, I don't know if they did or not). And it was never a problem. Their claimed that the other personalities were her RP characters, like she just willed them into existence upon creating the fictional character for an RP (no idea if that's possible) At the time they claimed they had about 8. And it wasn't a problem, it was never something that got in the way of the online activities of our friend group, but at the time right before I left, they had developed an issue with me and I don't know why or where it was coming from and at one point it became an argument, one where they do the annoying thing where they write what they want to be the last word and then log off so you can't say anything to them. The next day they greet me like nothing happened and I wanted to talk about and address our argument, but they insisted an argument never took place, even though it was right there in the chat history. And they continued to never acknowledge that we had even when I left. I dunno, I would think that someone who knows they have DID and says their not aware when another personality takes over (sometimes, because they obviously remember all the RP they did with those characters that supposedly the personalities are) would listen to the person trying to talk to them and want to have that conversation or at least explain that it wasn't them. I dunno, to this day I have no idea what happened, but they were being such a toxic person that I'm glad I left.
Sounds to me like a person who wants attention and likes to manipulate. It is very easy to fake things over the internet in fact that is what the internet has become an alternate false world where anyone can be anything. I would just write that person off as just an attention seeker and never pay mind to it again. They probably reveled in confusing you and getting a reaction out of you.
I am glad you are no longer friends with that person; they sound awful.
that's bogus bs. if you're thick into the hobby of rp there is a chance some of your characters can become an alter of some form, although intentionally making each character they rp as an alter because they want it does not happen.
Having DID is not a bad thing at all. It can be. But with the right help you can have a good life
I don’t have DID. But I do dissociate. I don’t it purposefully or accidentally. Sometimes it happens when I’m so anxious or overwhelmed I don’t know what to do and other times not sure why. If anyone has questions on my experience with it reply to my comment and I’ll try to answer.
I do. I have been recently diagnosed with DID. I'm confused as to what one means by dissociating without alters? Is it a depersonalization experience?
I believe in the surface that I may have D.I.D. I don't want to be one to bring up my dissociating and derealization experiences to a therapist but I have switched among my family members from trauma, loss, and fear. I can't repeat the past and don't seem to feel it real because it's like speaking words from a piece of paper about my perspective rather than having an experience. I have one other alter that has put me in the back seat and is able to control my body (walking, moving, etc). She arrives when around family disagreements and growls. It could have made this identity from childhood abuse and spending more time with my dog then. How do you start a conversation towards a healthy diagnosis/lifestyle without expecting a play?
So basically, it's like a bridge personality, aiming to fulfill a certain requirement. Eg . If i wanna be sexy , a sexy and confident persona would take the wheel in encounters. If i wanna study and have validation, then a nerd would take over. When the tasks are fulfilled, the requirements are met. The host personality , comes back. Host is unable to fulfill all of these needs themselves, cuz they got trauma,. Something they wanna run away from. They don't wanna be themselves cuz they make them feel bad, miserable and weak. So these bridge personalities keeep the daily life going. Its an interesting coping mechanism. The human brain is fascinating.
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We have M.P.D. WE ALL WANT TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED...LIKE OUR BRAIN SCANS SHOW WE ARE REAL AND DIFFERENT. The term D.I.D. offends us.
I have D.I.D. We are a five strong collective (I prefer that over ‘system’ because Star Trek). I can’t say I’m the ‘original’ but I do have the name on our birth certificate. One of us is comparable to that woman’s “bitch” alter in terms of her being the confident one who takes no nonsense. We have a child alter too and two others who I won’t describe in order that I keep hosting and finish this comment.
I actually think it is the body's *healing* 🏥 response to trauma that causes DID.
Healing so much damage will lead to weird, unintended consequences.
Sorry, but the sudden insert of film clips into your videos is disturbing and I can't watch after the first scare-- "BALLOON!"
YUMMY YUMMY
At my worst I couldn't afford therapy and simultaneously I could not afford to continue riding passenger..
My other was protective by burning bridges and isolating me. Nobody can hurt me if nobody is around me. Coming back to the surface only to be caught up in the aftermath of the devastation /my/ behavior caused was it's own set of challenges.
Regardless of who I was at the time I still fully accept my behavior hurt people I care about so I spent years doing damage control by working backwards, figuring out what I did or said to whom and mending relationships that were caught in the crossfires and inadvertently became collateral damage..
This was not an acceptable way for me to continue living and knowing I can't afford to hide anymore meant my only option left was to buckle down and put in the work.
To stop the likelihood of her resurfacing I focused on building better tools so I was more able to emotionally cope when it came to dealing with triggering behaviors and stressors..
In spite of all my hard work and efforts sometimes in the back of my mind I doubt myself and am concerned because I am not a professional.. What if the foundation of my personal efforts has big enough flaws to potentially collapse the structure that is the life I have now built upon it? I have a reoccurring irrational fear of not being good enough/strong enough and it resurfacing later in life.
So I guess my main question is.. is that a common or reasonable feeling to be experiencing?
Yeah I think that's okay thing to feel. To work on something so hard and well and to fear of it all falling apart. Just know even that I'm a stranger, I believe in you and if you were to ever fall I believe you are strong enough to learn why exactly you fell and to learn and make sure that that wouldn't happen again. And it will only make you stronger. You've come this far. I think i would be lying to think your not a strong person to keep going and not giving up even when you weren't in the best position(like therapists). But yeah but I belive you got this ❤❤ and don't hold back on giving yourself some appreciation and be proud for all the work you put in yourself. Really shows you do care and love yourself even if there's another voice telling you otherwise. And there's nothing better than tangible evidence for the work you've put in. Because I find is the best way to remind yourself how great you are and what you've accomplished for yourself in the lowest moments. Hope you the best, believe in yourself and the process!❤ peace and love
I think it is safe to say most all of us have had many times in our lives the fear of not being good enough/strong enough. You are good enough and strong enough. You are enough. Life can be hard, but it is worth the effort. I recommend writing down your successes, big and small, so when you are feeling doubt, you can look at what you have done in the past and say, "Wow, I did that. I am AWESOME."💖
1920: dissociate because your dad died in front of you
2024: dissociate because your minecraft server crashed
Dissociative not disAssociative...dont listen to this guy, he doesnt know what he's talking about. Research Kathy Steele.
I think my wife has did and it has affected our relationship, I just now started catching on that when we would fight she wasn’t her self. When she comes home she is happy and lovey and then when we put the girls down she shuts down and keeps to her self. What is one way I can spot her change?
Is it possible for me to have had this almost my whole life and nobody realize it until now? (I'm almost 30)
That's very common as the nature of the disorder is for the brain to hide from the trauma in different ways including various alters not being aware of not only the trauma but also the other alters entirely. I recommend going to a therapist with this concern first before anything else.
I've never been diagnosed with it but I think I might have DID. There were periods around the age of 5 or 6 where riding the bus I'd just be isolated in my own mind, kid I rode with was a drug addict, a bully and honestly someone I was terrified of. They're not letting me remember a lot of stuff that happened around that time. The single alter back then split into 3-- Sterling (the Protector/Gatekeeper), Arthur (the Persecutor/Protector) and Emmanuel (the Trauma Holder/Memory Holder). 7 others sprang up as well since then and things became especially active after the death of my mother. They blanketed me from that until I could start dealing with it. Sterling's next to me helping me type this and encouraging me. It's great to see people talk about DID and that there are alternate causes than just what is traditionally taught through psychology books. We've got it on our bucket list at some point to get a diagnosis when we can.
Also prepare for backlash from family ect.
I need you on my trial for claims in 3bweeks to answer questions about cptsd effect and when do damages occured.
I’m really scared I think I caused my sibling to develop osdd, I was really mean to him when we were more kids and now we are teens and I’m so sad and I feel so bad and like I was a terrible sibling I don’t know if I caused it but I think I was a part of air and feel horrible
The fact that I came from CinemaTherapy to check out this channel and *this* is the first video that came up is too fuckin perfect.
I love your content
I just cannot finish this video when you keep pronouncing it dis ass associative
If your reality overwhelmed you you will drop out of your reality when you need to. Not everyone needs drugs.
I dated a person in college who claimed DID (under the older "multiple" designation), but who I eventually decided was more likely to be a pathological liar. Does this happen often? Unrelated to that question, I know a person currently who has DID and is in therapy, and I want to make clear that I don't have any doubt in this diagnosis. It's just that various books and stories keep getting debunked and it's hard to know if there are any modern narrative-style stories (vs textbooks) that can help me understand the situation.
@Louis Kingsta Yes, the college person was likely not suffering from DID? Overall that would make sense. They really did commit to their performance, but things did not add up in a statistical sense.
Faking DID and other mental illnesses is all the rage on tiktok these days.
(partner) We have been together 5 years. Initially, it was extremely confusing. He said he "lost time", he wouldn't remember conversations from the day or hour before. He would be wildly moody. I didn't connect any of this until the 5 year old emerged. It's not acting. He goes by a different name, acts in every way like a little boy. After about 2 months of assessing whether this was a prank- and realized by his reaction, it's not. It's really scary for the experiencer- and confusing. Just for information, I asked if he would do a screening for disassociation. He scored high. By education I have a MS Psychology-non-clinical but have used screening tools before and then refer people to counseling. It's been 5 years since the boy came out, I have met four others. We're a family of sorts, each of them relate differently to me and I to them.
Knowing they were loved unconditionally has helped them emerge, and knowing they were safe has allowed one to reintegrate.
For me, there's not a lot of support. He has functioned for so long, he doesn't feel he needs it.
Wholesome! I love that! I wish society wasn't that afraid and ignorant towards disorders in general. Have a great life
@@noemilibralato2052agreed
A part from medication what are best therapy modalities for a woman over 60?
Can you do a video on BPD (borderline personality disorder)
I very much appreciate you making this video. Particularly because I know that you are respectful and listen to those of us dealing with this. Would love to see longer videos.
Thank you!
The word is dissociative not dissasociative.
Wow, the example was mindblowing. Interesting how this Woman called her alter-ego "The Bitch", I used to call mine the "Evil-Me" but tried to empathize with this side and went over to "defender-Me".
Also, for those who didn't know, there are age-regression-Videos on UA-cam, where UA-camrs act out as if they were little children. You may or may not find this soothing/cringe. For my inner child it is a safe space.
I call mine the evil lil girl 🤦♀️
dis sociative not dis a sociative :D
I thought it is caused by moral injury during formation of identity of self.
That too :)
Hey I know you! Movie man! Didn’t know you had your own channel, I’ve got Aspergers, and DiD and it’s wonderful to see you talk about it, especially since there’s now a lot of tic toks and fakers around it all.
Thank you, and welcome to this channel! We've got an ep on Smeagol/Gollum and DID coming soon!
I'm just now doing research.
My doctor read me a report from my therapist in which she states that she suspects I have dissociative personality disorder.
I earlier thought that might be the case because of a film called 'Fight Club'.
I do switch languages, appearance, behavior...
I am a little girl. A cat. A warrior. A sad grown woman. And a dark passenger. But they are all me, Erika. And I am aware of who I am when. I think...
I hope I can figure this out.
could you possibly have awareness with alters, talk to them, notepad, paper, internal dialog etc but not be aware of switching? say, i'll call them memory dumps lol having a conversation with 3 or 4 over the course of an hour or so, a genuine conversation, while keeping a log, one night i was trying to keep a log of what i was talking about/saying/conversating about, every time I try to remember a specific thing or detail of "US" i got foggy, almost as if i doze off for a second, & i no longer can recall what i was saying, "mem dump" think i tried this one night for 2 hours recording the time but never getting past a specific memory. as if they were trying to keep me from recording whatever it was i was trying to say. still don't remember.
a "blink of an eye" thing, days before that. I feel like "T & J" do NOT like smoking esp in the main house, arent around when I do. (guilty i am) I try to avoid the main house, one morning i walked into kitchen, turned on faucet.. with a cig in hand just doing my usual am routine, & literally within seconds, "swoop!!!" my left arm just gets swiped under the water, putting the cig out, & seconds later im just staring at my hand like... what the hell? completely shocked what just happened, as if someone stood next to me grabbed my arm (felt nothing) and pushed it in the water.. i was confused as all heck but also i knew exactly what happened, & why it happened, it wasnt me.. & I think i laughed and directly said wtf? lol does that even make sense? im sure i have never done that before. there was NO thought,. not the 1rst "blink" instant thing that happened, idk if i was being tested. or was a test ride
I only bring it up as I have been under extreme stress recently over the course of the entire year of 2022. it got to the point i really didn't feel like i could cope anymore, nobody to talk to to express myself, hence my journal (at one point i was hiding under my desk crying and not having a clue why, i thought maybe just in case my son came in i didnt want him to see me, but i have never done that before not like that, it was overwhelmingly odd for me to do)
over a short time frame i started getting acquainted with at least 8 different people, feeling as if my leaving the room i was leaving them behind. i can't even begin to explain.. usually its 4 at a time tho, as if there are 2 groups at different times of the day that may or may not be around that day, but specifically 2 at least 3 that are around far more than the rest
I've read "it can feel like being in the same car "
i didn't understand that until recently.
I've been trying to keep record of everything I can, as well as journals and ways to communicate, but at the same time, it's constant awareness, with times. they'll sleep, have bed times (10pm for example, when i'll go to sleep after 3 am) or they'll "hang out" after a specific time frame, as if "hey! it's about time you woke up" lol one night i swore i felt a flick to the side of my head as i dozed off... so strange.
i don't have a doc or ins, etc so I've been trying to sort things on my own, reading about everything I can up and down the list of possibilities.
I made sure to as my mom for a recap of our family history mental health etc.. combining my own issues.
I'm beginning to wonder.. and trying to look back on times I've not been myself, its difficult, i don't have much memory of my entire life, (40s) bits and pieces i recall happy times and i remember bad times, I've had lifelong traumatic experiences on many levels since i was a child. however i did have a happy childhood, my relationships not so much, my 2nd child long story short, i don't remember his life at all from birth till 5 yrs old. not a good marriage. its completely blank. :(
gives me anxiety even writing it "out loud" so to speak
over the course of a month-2 months time.. (april 2022 - june 13-22)
what happened that started it all? i was a mess! one night and all i remember, I had a strange moment & i don't recall anything before the moment to sitting on the edge of my couch in tears, talking to someone... outloud, basically the other person was acting as someone i was familiar with to... "it's been you all along, here's the deal.." & the next thing, a few more kinda popped out as if i was the only one to not know what was going on, "the core/host" maybe? i don't even know anymore 😳 feels like a main memory.. i just don't know how or why i ended up on the edge of the couch & what triggered it nor can I explain everything that followed since. VERY long story on the "its been you all along" that i understood.
now things are pretty calm, not so noisy, i can tune out or they can? perhaps it was too much & they decided to back off or maybe i'm just not listening, i had severe migraine the past several days, then my mood shifted a bit, spent a lot of time with various music, Kpop, metal, dubstep, i love it all just depends how i feel. 80% of the time, binaural /frequency for my migraines & just stress/anxiety reductions, found out this works on my own. i feel like i scared them off, all i was doing was rocking out as loud as possible lol
i could tell who was where as if say J was to my right, and J to my left (2 names) and D just next to J on the left, T all around me, and S all around me , those 2 not fixated just anywhere they felt like being, the other 3 were fixed but time specific, S would pop up twice a day to check on me (internal dialogs) T would come and go whenever sporadically but mostly to be around J.
I gave S a name since they came at me like a literal psychiatrist lol i call her Sike. rude right away up my ass kinda woman, but looked out for me until she got a full understanding of certain things, always "testing me" making sure my heads on straight since im now going through a wtf is going on moment in time. she has yet to change her name, i think she was ok by it, i might have angered her tho.
as if "fine you think you know so much..."
D came in next, & a weekend we spent on my bday in may, while I was feeling like i was losing my mind but having the time of my life at the same time, J was next, then J literally right after, T was there the whole time but.. now i don't recall their order. lots happened in this 3 day span. but for sure it was the 4 or 5. every day was a "same time same place" thing, of mindfookery.
few more after that and it got real loud i wanted to sleep so bad D assured i would be ok and let me sleep. which i did for many hours. i was afraid to sleep for a few days. - hope that makes any sense at all-
i've been keeping journal since the start of the year for other reasons & as i read back, i've noticed some peculiar inputs, speaking in 3rd person
"shes ____" as if 2 are speaking to each other commenting on my wellbeing/behavior/sanity/stress levels but typing it out taking turns.
early on it was narrative internal dialogs "shes picking this up.." & I was getting pretty paranoid for a little while, no external voices, maybe a few times, a lot of auditory hallucinations but.. they stopped completely the less stressed out i was, a brief "stop that" one day & all 3 of us were very much startled "did you hear that???" each confirming with another.. could have been my parrot. but idk.
it was late.
other frightening things i've heard, seriously frightening, but i would just tell "it" to "f-off" & would go away, i wouldnt submit to that, but short external blurts & nothing like a normal everyday conversation, laughing even at jokes i know i didnt start.. as i did with the others,
it progressed very fast but i was also interested in what was happening, i wanted to pay attention to every bit of it and keep a level head. i've always been fascinated by the human mind in general and mental illness etc since it runs in family, I'm pretty passionate about it & want to learn everything. so not much was freaking me out, i hate to say i was fascinated by my new experience, it's more or less, discovering something & wanting to know more & understand whatever i could
idk i feel weird/embarrassed even bringing any of this up but I need to "call out" ?
I think about talking about it or whathaveyou i get stressed out, my head begins to throb. as if theres fear i should probably keep my mouth shut. but i can't anymore. ahhhh dilemmas
and now i have a headache.. it's the weirdest strangest thing. there is so much more but yeah.... the gist.
-hit send b4 you erase it all go go go lol
How can DID be passed on through genetics?
DID is not a hereditary disorder like bipolar, depression, or other passed on disorders. It's a defense mechanism of the brain to protect a brutalized child from the trauma around them.
I was diagnosed with DID last years and I didn't get it from genetics, I got it from being brutalized severely in an orphanage before the age of two and continued childhood abuse after adoption.
I’ve been dating a young lady who cries whoever any topic about an 8 or 9 year old girl comes up, like when I gave her a little girl Buddhist praying statue. Any negative emotion that comes her way is met with a body gesture that bans it from her reality. Zero memory of it. Poor thing. I love her so much but hopefully this last breakup works. She won’t let me go. Makes me so sad for her. Her inner child healed my inner child. while I thought she was speaking to me, it took a couple of days to figure out she was his protector and was addressing him. She’s so wonderful. I can refuse her nothing. But now ai see she is stealing who I am and replacing it with her torment.
Is DID very different from Plurality? Some of the examples you cite sound beneficial. If that can be harnessed and managed, it sounds like it could do more good than harm.
On another note, holy crap it sucks for a plural system member to be so cripplingly depressed, but held hostage, unable to just disappear. Thankfully, there are supportive people, both inside and outside.
Ah, no supe sobre tu segundo idioma. Bonito. (¿Lo aprendiste como un misionero, supongo?)
Anyway. I don't know anyone with DID, but I do know someone I really wish would watch this video. It's too bad we just officially passed the one-year mark since the last time she was willing to talk to me.
Well... I can hope she finds this; not only is she working through some psychological things, just like I am, but she's also interested in the concept of dissociation and how to overcome it. (Yeah. She'll just have to find her way here on her own, I guess.)
Dear Mended Light: The term is Dissociative Identify Disorder, not Disassociative Identity Disorder.
Ugh it looks like my parents' wildly different personalities ended up splitting mine
Where can l find out more about dissociation that's separate from DID?
The extra a being thrown in there matters. DisAsociating vs Dissociating
fun fact :As verbs the difference between disassociate and dissociate. is that disassociate is to separate oneself from a person or situation while dissociate is to make unrelated; to sever a connection; to separate.
You pronounce Dissociative with an extra a in the word. Lots of ppl do, but it’s pronounced dis so ciative.
Thank you for discussing this topic. I have been trying to understand it better.
I do mental health advocacy and have been living with DID since 2, diagnosed at 18. There's definitely more conversations that we need to have between plural folks and providers not just about our personal experiences but community experiences as a whole. I agree with the other commenters- We never had an original or 'true' host. As long as we've been aware of being a person we've had multiplicity. The amnesia walls have been helpful for survival but also been maladaptive at other times. I moderate in a discord server for plural artists and we welcome folks from all plural labels, including folks that don't fit a disordered plural experience. Our own goal in therapy is not to be an individual but a collective that can function as a team to keep us and our loved ones safe. While DID is a big part of the plural community I think OSDD systems and endogenic systems should be included in conversations too- their internal realities are still going to be true to them regardless if you can point out specific trauma incidents forming splits. There's also spiritual plurality that has existed and been recognized in many indigenous cultures and it is not seen as inherently a mental health issue. Lots of things to consider and nuance to this and I thank you for being open to learning more :)
There are a lot of people who don't find out they're plural till later on.
So trauma, in most cases, stays a prime cause.
Cause one thing I do agree with him, it's a coping way.
Can constant r.pe and abuse cause it? Started at 4 diagnosed at 7 with d.i d
I have DID. Thank you for this video.
I want to tell my experience. I don't know if it's Multiple personality disorder or not but I will say it anyway. In seventh grade I was going trough one of the worst depression events that I had my entire life. I tried to take my life two times and luckly was to scared to do it. I tried to get a knife trought my chest and then to hang myself (for the people who are wondering). I was bullied at school because of my religion and also because of my height. I couldn't cope with the stress, I was extremely emotional and easy to stress out, therefore I was an easy target for the bullies. I grew up with gas lighter, abusive parents, for whom I couldn't be enough. Nothing was good, but the tiniest mistake I'll make will unleash the worst scenario possible. Some times, when there were not such even, they would genuinely plant evidence and then lie at me and say that I am crazy for not even remembering it. The most obvious one was when they hid some old dumbphones in my drawer and blaimed me for stealing them, even tho I was having my smartphone that I boughed. When I tried to open up about school, they started laughing at me and called me names. I am not saying this to desconsider then, I still love them even now after many years... So when the I entered the 8th grade, I remember I was just sank in horrible emotions, even more now since puberty hit me. So after a scene, I decided to climb on the window and wanted to jump off all the 4 stories. But when I wanted to jump a different voice just popped into my head and warned me that the guy at the 7th floor was laughing at me for what I was doing (I was a teenager, so image plays a huge role whether you like to admit it or not).
So I went back in, closed the window and then processed that I did not look anywhere but down. So I looked up the window and saw the guy at the seventh floor in the different block. Then I just wondered: Who talked?. It wasn't my counciousness, and It wasn't my inner voice. It was calm, calculated and sort of cold.
I don't know if it's this disorder since he does not comes over me and takes over. All that I know is that I can talk and do talk with him in my head, we argue and both sometimes have different opinions and can bring arguments. And even when I need analytical stuff he just makes it, and if I need to explain it, he does that too and I can send the messege further down.
I know this sounds weird but maybe our dear therapist or anyone else knows more on that than I do.
** Small update***
I forgot to mention that he is there for me. He gives me valid advice, based on facts. He was at the time my exact opposite, but took care of me. Since he got in, I did have depression episodes and wondered how well it was for others if I was gone. Still, he talked me out of it.
Out of curiosity, for those who have DID, have any if you seen the second or third season of the Flash on the CW? If so, how much does the character of Kaitlyn Snow reflect the experience of people with DID?
Obviously, there are clear differences, and she, to my knowledge, is not canonically diagnosed with DID, but she seems to be at least coded that way, at least at first, and has some interesting parallels, particularly with how she develops a close friendship and partnership with her alter ego, Killer Frost.
Again, I mainly wanted to see if anyone has seen the show, and if so, if anyone has thoughts on how Kaitlyn either does or does not portray someone with DID in a good manner.
I've been looking for someone to mention Dr. Caitlin Snow & Killer Frost in regards to DID. I'm also curious about the portrayal and development over several seasons.
Solange ich die routine halte mit hörig sein brauch keiner Panik haben 😇soll ich ausrichten
Have you reviewed Split?
This was amazing, Jonathan.
I do I’ve had MPD for 41 years , I’m now 56
🫂
May you and your parts find healing and integration
What can I do to heal from this?
I'm not a professional nor do I have DID but I have heard systems and professionals talk about this and there are a few things that they all agree can help.
1.Find a therapist.
Especially one that has experience in DID.
There's two types of treatment for systems: functional multiplicity (the system learns how to live together as multiple people in one body) and final fusion (all the alters fuse to one). A good therapist would be able to help you and your system reach which ever goal you are interested in.
2. Community.
Knowing other people that struggle with similar issues can be really helpful for support and advice.
If finding systems near you can be difficult there are on line spaces for systems like for example r/did.
3. System communication.
Reach out to the other alters in your system to see what could make them more comfortable.
You can use a journal or meditation to make communication easier.
4. Education.
Learn what you can about your disorder.
There are plenty of books articles and video about living with did.
Most of what I know about did comes from UA-cam channels of systems. My personal recommendations are: the entropy system, the infinity system and dissociadid.
There is also a book called "dear little ones" that was made to help the young altars of adult systems that you can find recordings of on UA-cam.
I hope this helps 🙂
What are the varying degrees of DID?
I believe you can kinda measure it by how aware the other personalities are of each other because the less aware the more the brain had to "shut off" the specific personality in order to protect itself. I am no expert though.
There are different dissociative disorders apart form DID that involve dissociation which I believe is what he was referring to in the video. It goes something like this from least to most severe:
Mild/Normal Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Depersonalisation/Derealisation, OSDD(of which there are different types) and DID.
OMG, that last bit at the end! “Oh looky, it’s the playlist I was talking about! You have a few hours to kill, right? You do now!” 🤣
Sir, how did you read my mind? 😆
This is wrong.
1. It's not dis-associative disorder
It is dissociative disorder
2. Our brain does not fragment
It doesnt fuse together in the first place
3. The original name was changed from Multiple Personality Disorder because it's not a personality disorder...
It's a dissociative disorder.
4. Dis-association and dissociation are two completely different things..
5. Anyone on earth can dis-associate on purpose
6. There is a time limit on which DID can form
7. This information is just incorrect
I know that this video is 2 years old but....
I am becoming traumatized by watching the Depp/Heard case, but mostly by the deluge of hateful comments.
Watching the Depp/Heard case makes me want to take a toot from a tissue.
Its Fake lol