My partner’s lies of omission destroyed me and killed our relationship. It took me 17 years to realize he wasn’t capable of embracing truth. I kept hoping he would come clean. I kept hoping if I set boundaries, if I called him on the lies and “set an example” of what I needed from him he’d suddenly see the light and find the courage to face his fears and his shame. I needed him to face the fact he’d hurt me by lying and sleeping with his ex and his best friend’s girlfriend. Who knows who else. We couldn’t fix what he wouldn’t admit to. 😞
"I'm an honest guy" "I don't feel guilty cause I don't have bad intentions" One of the most narcissistic dudes I ever got tangled up with, who turned out to be a huge liar with bad intentions.
I like to balance my intake. I find Ben helps me understand the relationships where the other person was toxic, and Lee helps me recognize where I'm toxic.
@Raw Motivations Cool, but I do notice a similarity in your ideas, i.e., you both have apps & journals. I really don't understand this shame avoidance thing. How is lying & cheating ever going to help you avoid shame? Could you & Lee do a joint video explaining? I'm going to drive you both mad asking this until one of you or both of you explains... I think I understand everything except that.
@@fenlandwildlifeclips yeah no we are good friends and talk every day actually. The lying is a quick fix and avoidance of the person I want to hid under the mask.
@@fenlandwildlifeclips often times a narcissist doesn’t. They just don’t want themselves to hurt so they do whatever to avoid that even if it means to hurt others.
@Raw Motivations Okay. You see, people on the autistic spectrum are the ideal target. We tend to take things literally so you can see how that makes us vulnerable. If someone says "I like you, you are my friend," we are less likely to question that. I need to understand this to be able to protect myself, but I can only think logically. A lot of people are responding to my comments, saying that narcs lack logic, but I can see that's not true. The thing is, you are coming to different logical conclusions than I would. What I need to work out is how you reach the conclusion, e.g, "I need to hurt someone to protect myself & avoid shame". Currently, I just don't get it. I don't see how hurting someone else could ever help anyone build a good reputation or save them from shame...As far as I can see narcs achieve the opposite to what they are hoping for. Thanks for all that you do. btw, you & Lee are making a difference...some things make more sense now, but not all of it..
My partner’s lies of omission destroyed me and killed our relationship. It took me 17 years to realize he wasn’t capable of embracing truth. I kept hoping he would come clean. I kept hoping if I set boundaries, if I called him on the lies and “set an example” of what I needed from him he’d suddenly see the light and find the courage to face his fears and his shame. I needed him to face the fact he’d hurt me by lying and sleeping with his ex and his best friend’s girlfriend. Who knows who else.
We couldn’t fix what he wouldn’t admit to. 😞
😫😫😫 Bro, we don't do the same things. But based on what you're saying, I must be a narcissist. I don't lie, I hide..
I am forever grateful for this channel!❤️
Your support has been invaluable, thank you for being there for me!
"I'm an honest guy"
"I don't feel guilty cause I don't have bad intentions"
One of the most narcissistic dudes I ever got tangled up with, who turned out to be a huge liar with bad intentions.
Hi, Ben! Hello, friends! ❤
Hi Paula!
You & Lee are definitely in competition aren't you?
I like to balance my intake. I find Ben helps me understand the relationships where the other person was toxic, and Lee helps me recognize where I'm toxic.
@@katface28 So you're a narc?
No we're good friends!
@Raw Motivations Cool, but I do notice a similarity in your ideas, i.e., you both have apps & journals. I really don't understand this shame avoidance thing. How is lying & cheating ever going to help you avoid shame? Could you & Lee do a joint video explaining? I'm going to drive you both mad asking this until one of you or both of you explains... I think I understand everything except that.
@@fenlandwildlifeclips yeah no we are good friends and talk every day actually. The lying is a quick fix and avoidance of the person I want to hid under the mask.
Why did you start lying in the first place?
To avoid accountability and do what I wanted
@Raw Motivations Okay I get that, but where I struggle is this idea that people want to hurt other people.
@Raw Motivations Thanks for responding, btw. I have been tying myself in knots trying to work this out.
@@fenlandwildlifeclips often times a narcissist doesn’t. They just don’t want themselves to hurt so they do whatever to avoid that even if it means to hurt others.
@Raw Motivations Okay. You see, people on the autistic spectrum are the ideal target. We tend to take things literally so you can see how that makes us vulnerable. If someone says "I like you, you are my friend," we are less likely to question that. I need to understand this to be able to protect myself, but I can only think logically. A lot of people are responding to my comments, saying that narcs lack logic, but I can see that's not true. The thing is, you are coming to different logical conclusions than I would. What I need to work out is how you reach the conclusion, e.g, "I need to hurt someone to protect myself & avoid shame". Currently, I just don't get it. I don't see how hurting someone else could ever help anyone build a good reputation or save them from shame...As far as I can see narcs achieve the opposite to what they are hoping for. Thanks for all that you do. btw, you & Lee are making a difference...some things make more sense now, but not all of it..