Online Dating as a Black Woman | Racial preferences and self esteem
Вставка
- Опубліковано 31 лип 2024
- Online Dating as a Black Woman | Racial preferences and self-esteem
Online dating can be difficult for a lot of different people. As a black woman, I came across racial discrimination and was bombarded with negative messages that impacted my self-esteem. In this video, I share my experience and the history of society's negative view of black women was shaped over the years.
Blinkist version of Aint I A Woman by Bell Hooks: www.blinkist.com/en/books/ain...
OKcupid study on racial preference in dating: theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-...
#onlinedating #blackwomen #selfesteem
Find more info about me here: www.heatherlouisenicholson.com/
To be honest it’s hard … because most men like lighter skin . Fair , white skin. But I love my skin , and encourage you to love yourself too , i love your honesty .
I think the media plays a huge part in it, thoughtout history it has always shown that dark skin is evil, has nothing to offer and pollute the gene pool. Almost everyone online aims for whiter people without knowing why.
Found my wife after being online and dating for about a month. She however, had been online for about a year and some of the people/men she ran into (as a black woman) were so volatile that it made her question whether to delete the apps all together. Needless to say, I’m happy she didn’t and encourage us as a people to protect and cherish our woman just as much (if not moreso) as other races.
It could just be because of where I was raised, but I’ve alway thought that black women are beautiful, and just all around more interesting. It pains me to know that there’s such a litany of ignorant stigmas attached to black women.
Black women are 100% more interesting than other other races. Can confirm.
@@drdepression4605 yeah but the only problem with that is people don't care about interesting they care about looks
Online dating hurts BW more than help them in the dating scene.
You are valid in your opinion and I can see your point. Thanks for giving me a new video idea!
I would not take the OK Cupid “study”,from 2014 “, to heart. It is literally the only study done that I could find about online dating preferences. Every article online only talks about that single “study”. I couldn’t find an actual research article on it, who conducted the study, the reliability and validity of the study, etc. I am a researcher, so that “study” that everyone keeps being up drives me crazy!
I don’t take it to heart. I also factor in my experience and it was very similar to the study.
I think although the study brings bad news, I think the other side of the coin is it shows up what we have already thought about online dating. It is just not the place for black people and it confirms why. So with such research perhaps things will change, but I am not betting any time soon.
Yeah I'm sure it's way off bc those findings aren't surprising at all....lol 🤣🤣🤣.
@@heatherlouise5270 I am Asian female and fit,5.7 tall ,with not at all gross face and I don't receive this kind of attention as those studies says.lol I've never actually been approached by White,Black men in my entire life. The only men who approach me are Asian guys :D I like White and Latino men but they never pay attention. So I doubt those studies are reliable. By the way you are gorgeous :)
it got taken down for "copyright" because it broke the internet
Dating apps are pretty terrible.People on it discriminate against so many groups. Sadly we live in a world where humanity objectivies people
Because its online so they jave to go by something
Humans have been objectivity each other since adam and eve
Where have you been? None of this is new
Thank you for making this video! I love that you are making waves in such an unfair situation. These words need to be heard worldwide.
I’ve been called racist because I don’t date outside my race
I think maybe too far to call you racist, no one can force you to like something you dont have a preference for, but on the other side of it, sometimes we have to question why we dont like something. If we do not like something because of race then perhaps we are racist.
I agree and support taking a break from the apps because it does lower self esteem. I would suggest pursuing hobbies to meet men in real life, and attract men in real life rather than online.
I have never met a man that way but it’s a good idea for others to try.
Your right, its easier to be prejudice online, because it can be done in private. Dating is a personal thing and we can't force people who to like or love. You can learn so much about someone you meet in real life, but online? Well I think it is just for white people.
The study conducted by Okcupid is pretty disheartening, but it does help to understand the negative view of black women that exists on many of these platforms. Yes, regardless of our skin colour, our background we deserve love and all of the good things this life has to offer as well. Great video!
Being black in American is exhausting
Black women most unprotected
It’s always interesting when I see these types of videos because a black women, my dating experiences have always been really positive and I haven’t ever felt ugly due to my skin colour especially with non-black men. Also I’m a monoracial dark skin woman.
That’s great to hear!
Have you thought you may be in a Bubble cause you ignore the Micro aggressions and Inappropriate comments. Maybe you might be the very few that or the exception to the rule but that does not mean that many and most black women have faced opposite their experiences from you you are just a small percentage that don’t face it.
@@heavenleigh8273 maybe you’re right but I live in a very multi-cultural city and I have black female friends. Most of them date black men but get interest from all races. I will say that on average, I get the most disrespectful comments from black men…
This is true about the history.....this why we must be strong
There's so much stigma around mental health, I wish this was a topic that was talked about on a daily basis, to educate people on the matter.
As for online dating! You are absolutely right everyone deserves love and respect.
I've always believed and still do these "men" who verbalise such garbage got it from home, then their peers at school etc, and failed to educate themselves and be different but instead follow the "trend"
Racism is going nowhere!
Great video 👌🏿
Online dating is a messed up place to be looking for love.
Thanks for your opinion. I disagree. Found my fiancé through online dating. Depends on how you choose to approach it.
You look like the type that only dates White men and not attracted to Black men. Good luck with your White hero.
Before we even get a chance to express our personality...our intelligence, our thoughts, feelings, humor... we're automatically written off. It's depressing.😥
Yes, it’s very hard but not impossible! I hope you find someone that loves you for you!
Howdy, I'm a hetero black guy and I just like getting input from the sistas. I'm glad you're in what looks to be a happy and loving relationship. I subscribed
Thank you for subscribing! Please let me know if you have any topics in mind for future videos.
Heather Louise I have something! My name is Jimmie Lee also. I want to get your spin about the sexualization and fetishization of the black man. I think their is this silent bias about a black man needing to have a facial hair, rugged or hyper muscular appearance to be attractive. I think about this because I’m fit but not yoked and I don’t have facial hair despite being in my mid 20s and it hurts my odds in online dating. I’ve been rejected by girls before online for being “too pretty”. I figured if it happened more than once then it’s probably not a fluke. I googled “handsome black men” , then “handsome white men” and then “handsome Asian men” and I noticed that most of the black men on the first page were rugged looking or had a lot of facial hair. Now when looking at the white men some of that ruggedness is still there but there are more men that were clean shaven and few had a softer appearance. Lastly, with Asian men there was a fair distribution of rugged, masculine and softer looking men. Even looking at black media, being rugged or swole is the way to be attractive and also other races see black men as macho this or macho that. Glasses are also not seen as macho to some so I take mine off or put in contacts before I think to approach a woman. This may be an interesting topic looking at what your race and other races find attractive about you. And if you don’t match that general attractiveness then do you rejected. I’m sure as a black woman, there are some beauty standards that boggle your mind. Let’s start this conversation and if you do commit to making a video then use screenshots from sites to show to the viewers. Thanks
Thank you for sharing your experience. Including black men’s struggles is something I’m interested in talking about in my future videos. This is a great topic to explore!
I am sorry that you’re going through all that sista. I wouldn’t hesitate to date you! After all, you are the reasons that I exist... keep up the great work that you are doing: raising and awaking people’s consciousness about chocolate, brown, caramel and black goddess whom the world has first known
Stop being so creepy and fetishizing. You are the exact type of guy black women want to avoid.
@@salinachaaten he is black himself...
Im an under 6ft male trying to date. Why isn't there height discrimination talked about too? Women always say i want "Tall dark and handsome". So its ok for women to have preferences but not men? Lol.
In Christian Rudder"s book Dataclysm, mixed race black women got higher scores on attractiveness in general not always but in general from non black men than one race black women.
Interesting haven’t heard of that one.! Need to check it out. Seems problematic still
i read online articles where black women complained of being "fetished" in on line dating, with texts from other race guys (who are interested in them) like this "i have never been with black woman before". and the black women felt degraded.
i don't understand the reaction. as a guy and non black, of course i will first prefer to date my race based on similar culture and appearance. we guys only date another race if we find them beautiful - physically-, hot, sexy, because we don't know their values, their cultures, so physical impression should come first.
i myself find that many black women blessed with curves, pointed nose, wide round eye, which i think they are very sexy as long as they are not very big or fat.
and that's the online dating game rule : males choose females first because of appearance. if non black guys text you "i have never been with black woman before" it means that he is interested in you because he thinks you are so sexy that he is ready to date outside of his race.
then why do you complain?
i think the best way for black women is to accept those guys and meet them physically to have conversations so they can know if there are other attraction values other than physical that guys can get from the black women and vice versa.
remember, males first choose females based on appearance. females can show their other values later.
and DONT GIVE GUYS SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. that's what make moslems eager to marry because they are prohibited from sex before marriage. their sex lives begin with marriage not like western people.
Smart
Blunt and accurate, thank you.
It is not only about relationships, it says about your position in the society. Your hierarchical race level. What disturbing is when black men is successful and athletic he immediately gets a white women. 🤔 like she is the trophy, it is sick !
I have noticed this
That is because the white woman is considered the best so if the black man can get her he feels accomplished; especially if he came from a lower income family.
Most professional and college educated black men are married to black women.
First of all your really gorgeous
You're beautiful. I really like you hair.
so i ask where's the mental help for us blk men and the trauma we've been through?
Great question! Black men have experienced trauma as well. My channel mainly focuses on black women but I am sure there are resources and channels that focus on the black mans pain.
@@heatherlouise5270 trust me when i say there isn't any resources(on line or in society) or channels that focuses on blk ppl as a whole and the historic trauma we've been put through,but i can pick and choose the channels that's geared towards keeping blk ppl dividing
@@fragranceplace4844
If it doesn't exist, then create it.
Yes black men need a forum to discuss trauma.
Yes black men need a forum.
she’s dating a white guy and complains about being black. lmaoo
I would say my friends found that living in the hood made an impact. Most of the women these guys encountered didn't want them. They wanted "thugs", which wasn't what these guys were. They were college guys that listened to rock.
So in adulthood, the things that made them outcast were actually useful. And going back to black women from their neighborhood was even harder.
But meeting white women or anything else also felt harder. This was because they felt that the racism affecting their race would fall on them too.
Basically, black men generally can't win at dating was the consensus.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
I'm a gay man but yep that's pretty much what I witnessed growing up. I noticed that a lot of the "hood" black guys in school tended to always have girlfriends who were usually either black or Hispanic and whom were also hood while the black nerdy guys (which weren't many) seemed to not really date much. And even though I'm gay, I remember getting quite the heckling from other black people who were "hood" because I liked rock music and dressed in an alternative style that wasn't urban. And I've heard similar stories from other black rocker/alternative type of guys and it definitely did play a part in why they ended up dating non black girls in adulthood since they were the ones who showed interest in them for similar hobbies and interests compared to black women unless they were lucky enough to find an alternative/rocker black woman.
@@KaiDecadence basically black people make up 15 percent of the US.
Finding someone who meets everything you want and they're black is rare because blacks are rare.
I've harness to look okay minority dating the way people see finding shiny pokemon.
It's random. It's nice. But it's not enough to stop everything for.
Yes its ok to have a racial preference,
Its ok to have a racial preference, but the problem is if everyone does it and does it for lame reasons like they only have a preference for one race because they dont like the colour of something else.....thats a lame reason for falling in love.
One thing i have realized about listening to black women talk about their experiences with racism is that it always concerns attractiveness which in the grand scheme of things is not important at all. I think black men experience actual real racism compared to the women counterparts
Huh ? Black women face misogyny and racism not to mention black men putting us down (killing) just us much as white cops are them and Us! Black women were slaves as well and went through Jim Crow etc. black women face as just as much racism as black men historically and then some from being a woman! Racism comes in many forms like being not looked at as beautiful for our race and skin color doesn’t mean we aren’t face with other forms of racism black men are ! BECAUSE WE ARE sir ! You even saying this is showing how society thinks so much little of black women that you have to even say we don’t face “real racism” as black men experience . Like wtf is even “Real Racism” you sound ignorant because bottom line racism is racism no matter what !
Why is this mentioni g your a black woman. Why not just say a woman 🤷♂️
because it is important to the topic at hand
@@MrPurge11 🙄🙄🙄why the need to make it a thing anyway don't know.
@@tyrantmusic4187 Well you know? Lots of reports and stats showing many men online avoid black women. So she is commenting about it.
@@MrPurge11 nope she moaning about brothers not wanting black women....😂 🤷♂️ 🤦♂️
Because these are facts and data has been collected on multiple accounts which black women show their frustration with these same shared experiences with dating !