If I got abducted by aliens that tried to hurt me but turn out to be half my size with ships made of aluminum and weapons slightly more effective than a burning laser pointer and a normal sized crossbow, I'd probably roll through them like lightning through a 3rd grader's cardboard castle too.
Ever seen what a normal sized crossbow can do? You can drop a bear with one. Something you may want to consider. Only an idiot disregards a weapon like a crossbow just because its old tech. A rock on a stick can kill you just as dead as a burst of 5.56.
"and then the bolt hit the creature just to the right of what I think was center mass" The human's right= misses heart, though strangely has a high long term healing mortality rate for other reasons; The xeno's right = heart shot.
I enjoy stories like this where our species are seen as the ungodly strong super-beasts; a nice change to the alien being the super-predator. Nice narration too, I enjoy the sound of your voice.
@@hariman7727 best demo man impression "ay lads what is with the bloody crabs. And where is me pants, I know I drank alot last night, but what the bloody hell"
Heh. I used to do tech support for Gateway 2000. I remember the magic smoke well, an the ID10T errors, and PEBCAK errors... Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard. Literally had some one calling in because when they changed screens, the correction was still showing... They had used white out.... Had a caller upset tht their computer kept telling them they had mail, but when they checked their mailbox, in front of the house, there was never any mail... Even had one guy yelling at my tech about the horrid handles on our laptops. Gateway laptops didn't have handles. He'd been thinking the DVD drive was a handle....
@LTNetjak Enough so that I had a hat made with fiber optics that flashed B O F H ;) And I maaayyy have mentioned to a person or two how /dev/nul didn't count against their personal space...
@@clarbr1996a I just thought that he was a fit older guy, or someone who's hair had whitened prematurely, both of those happen. IS there a notable instance of class D personnel escaping only to disappear outright?
Gateway 2000, holy shit that brings back memories. But I don't believe the bit about somebody actually going to their irl mailbox, come on, that was a blonde joke back in like 99.
The first story was awesome, the flip of us actually being the monster makes for a refreshing change since once you know what's up you have a deeper understanding of the "monster" than you ever could if the roles were reversed with the aliens. Besides this is just as likely to be as aliens being so far advanced they could be gods which both possibilities are disconcerting.
Bahaha I was the printer guy a large manufacturers tech support. This is spot on. Lots of bright people in tech support. Many with degrees and years of experience. When asked if they want to handle printer tickets their answer was always "Hell no" There's a little black magic or alchemy involved with getting printers to work on a large scale. Sure you can get yours at home to work just fine. And the same goes with many of our installs. But when dealing with many different models of printers, models of pc, ages of pcs, software used on pcs, and in the case of remote installs the tech level of the users, it's a freaking nightmare. So many different variables that it's impossible to create a simple guide. You can spend days trying to get a printer to print or install only to find out that the CAD software (we had no idea he had) this single user uses prevents it somehow. Heck, even Chrome refused to print for some stupid reason for a single user. Then there's print servers. They're cool until they mess up. Then suddenly thousands of people can't print. Upload a wonky driver to the ink jet a single user uses in the basement in the Midwest and suddenly the entire company can't print. Though we eventually got Printlogic and omg my life improved by orders of magnitude. Most memorable experience was when a guy couldn't get the printer to print the same blue he saw on the screen. Super smart guy with a Masters degree. Got frustrated and started to insult me. I tried to explain that the blue on his screen was out of the color gamut the printer was capable of producing. (there's printers that have white toners that can widen the range of colors it can produce but who on earth even has one of those?). Tried explaining the difference between additive colors and subtractive colors...how his monitor uses rgb to make colors while printers use magenta, cyan, yellow, and black and how complicated it gets when trying to get super precise like he was. He was having none of it and said I was lazy and avoiding doing my job. He then tried to go to 3 different professional print shops, all had the exact same issues lol. Eventually he found a super expensive place with one of those white toner machines. They slowly explained the same thing I was telling him and I guess he finally got it. Cost him WAY too much money when all he had to do was change the original color slightly but he wouldn't because of his ego.
Having recently found hfy, I immediately searched for more and found your channel. I can't get enough of these stories. You do a wonderful job reading these out. I love scifi audiobooks and hearing your stories makes my day!
Occasionally someone knows better than tech support. Example, my office pays, legally, $10 a month per telephone line; because I ignored tech support. No, I won't tell you why because then the big phone companies will probably send an update to cancel that backdoor. I also have a couple of Win 95 computers around, and an XP because some things are actually far easier, and free that now they want to charge a subscription fee. Very often software companies break what was free and works better to sell you crap. Now, it is true I no longer program in FORTRAN 4... Oh, and just TRY to hack into my very custom, reverse polish method of setting up domains through my server. Worst thing ever happened was DOS as my server shut down every attempt. Non standard quirky for a small business makes it nigh impregnable and I will not back up to the cloud. Of course that doesn't scale up to.
7:36 I understand their describing a human but... What are these things, dwarves? Gnomes? From the sound of the descriptions, these things are roughly the size of small children, and based on how these things said our legs are as thick as tree trunks it sounds like their home planet is even smaller...
"I tried to print a tesseract." Sometimes I'm pretty sure that's what my coworkers were trying too. Not that these morons would know what a tesseract is, of course. :P
It's funny as I heard this story and laughed they either kidnapped a child or a elderly person. Image if they had kidnapped a human in the prime of their life.
I never, ever, have printer problems going back to my first printer in 1982 (came with my Toys R Us bought Adam that got me through med school). I still have stuff I run in Win 95, XP and 7. After win 7 it is all spyware crap. Yeah I use 10 in a few because I am forced to in a couple of computers because of certain industry programs. Mickeysoft has become like Disney: woke crap trying to force you to subscription and datasharing.
The way you are speaking is making it rather hard to make out the words. Really, the accent doesn't help, but the over acting and strange bouncing emphasis of seemingly random syllables is making things rather unintelligible at multiple points.
Hey there , thank you for trying. Maybe try one of the New format (#668) videos , i changed some of the ways i record. May make a difference. If its still not up to snuff then thank you for trying again.
"Sol" stands for "Shit outta Luck"
lol
That’s fucken fantastic lol
That's perfect
Very nice... Good on you.
That means we live on shit outta luck three
If I got abducted by aliens that tried to hurt me but turn out to be half my size with ships made of aluminum and weapons slightly more effective than a burning laser pointer and a normal sized crossbow, I'd probably roll through them like lightning through a 3rd grader's cardboard castle too.
Ever seen what a normal sized crossbow can do? You can drop a bear with one. Something you may want to consider. Only an idiot disregards a weapon like a crossbow just because its old tech. A rock on a stick can kill you just as dead as a burst of 5.56.
@@alganhar1 A Compound crossbow, a Chinese crossbow, or a 500-1000 Europe crossbow?
@@Callum_Summer0972 yes
@@alganhar1duh the guy died In the story
"and then the bolt hit the creature just to the right of what I think was center mass" The human's right= misses heart, though strangely has a high long term healing mortality rate for other reasons; The xeno's right = heart shot.
Tesla: you will live to see man made horrors beyond your comprehension.
Me looking at my printer: I sure have dude.
lol
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE! ..ELDRITCH NIGHMARES PRETENDING TO BE TECH THEY EXIST ONLY TO DRIVE YOU TO MADNESS!
I swear that if I had a slip of Gold pressed Latinum for every time a xeno tried to print in more than 3 dimensions....
The magic smoke is a concept that even exists in nuclear power.
and with bean eaters
Even better that magic smoke can potentially *glow in the dark*
I enjoy stories like this where our species are seen as the ungodly strong super-beasts; a nice change to the alien being the super-predator. Nice narration too, I enjoy the sound of your voice.
glad you enjoyed
In my head Canon it was like a 12 year old
My exact thoughts.
@@jacobwerner274 I was waiting for it to be a drunken Scotsman wondering who was playing a prank on him.
@@hariman7727 best demo man impression "ay lads what is with the bloody crabs. And where is me pants, I know I drank alot last night, but what the bloody hell"
Heh. I used to do tech support for Gateway 2000. I remember the magic smoke well, an the ID10T errors, and PEBCAK errors... Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard. Literally had some one calling in because when they changed screens, the correction was still showing... They had used white out.... Had a caller upset tht their computer kept telling them they had mail, but when they checked their mailbox, in front of the house, there was never any mail... Even had one guy yelling at my tech about the horrid handles on our laptops. Gateway laptops didn't have handles. He'd been thinking the DVD drive was a handle....
@LTNetjak Enough so that I had a hat made with fiber optics that flashed B O F H ;) And I maaayyy have mentioned to a person or two how /dev/nul didn't count against their personal space...
He must have escaped from an SCP facility and got kidnapped by aliens I feel sorry for those aliens
@@clarbr1996a I just thought that he was a fit older guy, or someone who's hair had whitened prematurely, both of those happen. IS there a notable instance of class D personnel escaping only to disappear outright?
Had the cupholder support call (CD tray) and many more.
Gateway 2000, holy shit that brings back memories. But I don't believe the bit about somebody actually going to their irl mailbox, come on, that was a blonde joke back in like 99.
The first story was awesome, the flip of us actually being the monster makes for a refreshing change since once you know what's up you have a deeper understanding of the "monster" than you ever could if the roles were reversed with the aliens. Besides this is just as likely to be as aliens being so far advanced they could be gods which both possibilities are disconcerting.
Bahaha I was the printer guy a large manufacturers tech support. This is spot on.
Lots of bright people in tech support. Many with degrees and years of experience. When asked if they want to handle printer tickets their answer was always "Hell no"
There's a little black magic or alchemy involved with getting printers to work on a large scale. Sure you can get yours at home to work just fine. And the same goes with many of our installs. But when dealing with many different models of printers, models of pc, ages of pcs, software used on pcs, and in the case of remote installs the tech level of the users, it's a freaking nightmare. So many different variables that it's impossible to create a simple guide. You can spend days trying to get a printer to print or install only to find out that the CAD software (we had no idea he had) this single user uses prevents it somehow. Heck, even Chrome refused to print for some stupid reason for a single user.
Then there's print servers. They're cool until they mess up. Then suddenly thousands of people can't print. Upload a wonky driver to the ink jet a single user uses in the basement in the Midwest and suddenly the entire company can't print. Though we eventually got Printlogic and omg my life improved by orders of magnitude.
Most memorable experience was when a guy couldn't get the printer to print the same blue he saw on the screen. Super smart guy with a Masters degree. Got frustrated and started to insult me. I tried to explain that the blue on his screen was out of the color gamut the printer was capable of producing. (there's printers that have white toners that can widen the range of colors it can produce but who on earth even has one of those?). Tried explaining the difference between additive colors and subtractive colors...how his monitor uses rgb to make colors while printers use magenta, cyan, yellow, and black and how complicated it gets when trying to get super precise like he was. He was having none of it and said I was lazy and avoiding doing my job. He then tried to go to 3 different professional print shops, all had the exact same issues lol.
Eventually he found a super expensive place with one of those white toner machines. They slowly explained the same thing I was telling him and I guess he finally got it. Cost him WAY too much money when all he had to do was change the original color slightly but he wouldn't because of his ego.
Having recently found hfy, I immediately searched for more and found your channel. I can't get enough of these stories. You do a wonderful job reading these out. I love scifi audiobooks and hearing your stories makes my day!
First story with Doom Soundtrack "the only thing they fear is you"
Rip and tear until its done
For the machine gods
For the Algorithm
For the algorithm
I liked to reference HMC and EOI errors.
HMC- Halt, Melt, Catch fire.
EOI- Execute Operator Immediately.
If tech support says do something, do it.
If tech support says don't do something, stop anyone who even looks like they're going to try it.
Occasionally someone knows better than tech support. Example, my office pays, legally, $10 a month per telephone line; because I ignored tech support. No, I won't tell you why because then the big phone companies will probably send an update to cancel that backdoor. I also have a couple of Win 95 computers around, and an XP because some things are actually far easier, and free that now they want to charge a subscription fee. Very often software companies break what was free and works better to sell you crap. Now, it is true I no longer program in FORTRAN 4...
Oh, and just TRY to hack into my very custom, reverse polish method of setting up domains through my server. Worst thing ever happened was DOS as my server shut down every attempt. Non standard quirky for a small business makes it nigh impregnable and I will not back up to the cloud. Of course that doesn't scale up to.
All hail the algorithm!
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
I wish more people were into this fandom just so they could enjoy your videos
❤ Thanks to the author, the disembodied voice, and the hard work behind the channel. ❤🎉
And that my friends, is the beserker rage of the humans...if we ever find intelligent life we'll have a hell of a time explaining that one
This is my ship now
Tech support, yes I can see it now.
7:36 I understand their describing a human but... What are these things, dwarves? Gnomes? From the sound of the descriptions, these things are roughly the size of small children, and based on how these things said our legs are as thick as tree trunks it sounds like their home planet is even smaller...
maybe small birds or crabs? and concerning that tree trunk thing, the leg of a muscular person is definitely as thick as a young birchtree.
I like that I found your content via the algorithm its quite quality content imo
glad you enjoy. For the Algorithm!
@@AgroSquerril hot damn! That was a quick response
@@thecursedgalleon7096 locked , loaded and ready to type :)
For the nanite swarms!
indeed
Can I get my sock back now? I need both for work!
First story should have doom music playing
It's nice to see that tech support doesn't vary much.
To please the algorithm is all
for the algorithm
Thank you for the reading
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
10:00 were describing a combat situastion with people getting punched to death and such but saying fucker is just going too far man
they were being thrown against walls and the impact killed them, i agree that it is far, but someone in that situation would say "fucker"
@@henrypaleveda7760 i was being sarcastic about fucker being too far since the narator said fricker instead
keeper going
kept going
I want o know what program was used for the printer to accept a tesseract as a printable file
lol
Forget just two dimensions... Trying to print a teserect can't even be printed with a 3d printer... Barely with a 4d printer...
Anothergreat Agro read.
Horrific
Love it...
"I tried to print a tesseract." Sometimes I'm pretty sure that's what my coworkers were trying too. Not that these morons would know what a tesseract is, of course. :P
The algorithm is all
For the algorithm
Nice vid, bro.
Algorithm, pay attention here
for the algorithm
It's funny as I heard this story and laughed they either kidnapped a child or a elderly person. Image if they had kidnapped a human in the prime of their life.
Oops!
I never, ever, have printer problems going back to my first printer in 1982 (came with my Toys R Us bought Adam that got me through med school). I still have stuff I run in Win 95, XP and 7. After win 7 it is all spyware crap. Yeah I use 10 in a few because I am forced to in a couple of computers because of certain industry programs. Mickeysoft has become like Disney: woke crap trying to force you to subscription and datasharing.
It's good.
S1 👏👏👏👏👏
S2 👏👏👏👏👏
F.T.A.
Bryson Lyman • 14 hours ago
F.T.A
100K
Next time have a cup of Joe ready would have solved a lot of your miscommunication
First one is a wish fulfullment- Human's kick alien asses who dare kidnap them.
For the Algorithm
The narration on this sounds strange, and at points makes you hard to understand for me.
FTA
For the algorithm
4 D 🐿️ ❗ ❗
110th, 28 November 2023
The way you are speaking is making it rather hard to make out the words.
Really, the accent doesn't help, but the over acting and strange bouncing emphasis of seemingly random syllables is making things rather unintelligible at multiple points.
Hey there , thank you for trying. Maybe try one of the New format (#668) videos , i changed some of the ways i record. May make a difference. If its still not up to snuff then thank you for trying again.
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
Huh?
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm