Love And Self-Love
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
- One of the oddest things we need in order to love is a vital ingredient known as self-love.
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FURTHER READING
“One of the great and slightly strange dangers of falling in love with someone is how we may respond the day they start to love us back.
Some of the reasons we fall in love with people is because we long to escape from ourselves into the embrace of a person who appears as beautiful perfect and accomplished as we feel ourselves to be flawed, dumb and mediocre. But what if such a being were one day turn around and love us back? Nothing could discredit them faster. How could they be as divine as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us? …”
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love the ending"learning how to love ourselves is one of the kindest thing we can do for our partner" very nice
+Sumner 250 i understand that feeling. And it's really frustrating when, after breaking up with you, they then choose to love people who treat them badly
¿Te pica el chichi?
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Chichi Peachie true 😁
Amen
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
― C.G. Jung
Yeah because you’re actually nothing and when you accept yourself as nothing everything else that says your not becomes pointless which is everything so you’re fucked
I love this. You realize you can be free to love yourself, and that is so liberating!
"We accept the love we think we deserve"
How true this simple quote is!
Which is none in my case. This may explain why I push my parents away and treat them horribly, they are the only people who love me to death. If it's the case, it's subconscious, but it may be because I feel like I don't deserve the love and I feel scared and threatened by the love they give me. Because I hate and loathe myself extremely much.
Perks of being a wallflower
One of the main reasons many people end up in abusive relationships.
Meliha Gunes
same here
Now I just need to figure out _how_ to love myself.
IKR, Kill Me.
a lil lube and a stroking motion will do just fine
boi, im cancer. how can i love myself?
As much as a hate to tell you this, it's not easy. It's not like you wake up one day and think, "You know what, I love myself." It's a gradually process that comes with many self realizations. It took me a long time to start loving myself, but life becomes a whole lot better once you do. That's my experience anyway. Just remember that life is to short to not love the only person in your life that really matters, which is yourself, because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
starting working out worked for me
When the child in the mirror comes out and hugs the adult, I legit got teary eyed
I have a similar problem, but I don't get angry at the people that fall in love with me. I just find it so strange that somebody would love me...
You are overly familiar with yourself so that makes it difficult to truly appreciate your qualities. If you have strawberry ice cream every day you can't appreciate it the way someone raised on vanilla can. You're strawberry, go find your vanilla. Or chocolate. Or orange sherbet. But not peanut butter. You've gotta draw the line somewhere.
This comment made me laugh xD Thanks for brightening my day!
+Bruce Dunn lol
I'm a guy and I'm straight, but I got your point
Me too!!!
I swear, never has a video hit so close to home.
This has genuinely put a lot in perspective.
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My LIKE give your comment 100th LIKE :P
I thought I was just weird for feeling this type of feelings. I even hate when people flirt with me. It just feels so wrong like they are not supposed to like me, what is going on? And I always push everyone away from me. I've never been in a relationship because of this reason and I'm in my early 20s. It's a bit more comforting to hear that there are more people out there that experience the same.
I used to be exactly the same! until in my early twenties I was lucky enough to meet the person I couldn’t resist to, even though I tried in the beginning, as usual. such a blessing.
i wonder how you doing now?
Sharing some ways how I show myself some love!:
1. Appreciating any small achievement that I do (Ex. I finally did the dishes and tell myself "good job, you did great here :)" or started exercising and tell myself it's ok if it's only 5mins. )
2. taking myself on a walk and appreciating everything I see (from nature, the color of the sky, the feel of the sun light on my face, gentle breeze of the wind, etc.)
3. I try to take care of my body by showering in the morning and evening (cold showers! it makes my subconscious mind tell me that I am comfortable with being uncomfortable)
4. I try to learn something new (anything that interests me! ex. new language, photography, ceramics)
5. getting enough sleep (resting is very important. dont push yourself too hard)
6. keeping a gratitude journal and expressing how thankful I am with everything that I have.
7. keeping myself inspired by following people that I admire (or atleast I want to become!)
8. I always look on the bright side of things when a situation gets tough (it's ok to be sad, but it's not ok to stay sad for too long! embrace and feel the sadness and learn how to be your own cheerleader)
9. I learned that learning how to comfort yourself is important because not all the time people would be available to comfort you (friends and family can only do so many things!)
10. I romantacize my life by imagining I'm a main character of my own story! (sounds self-centered but learning how to focus on yourself requires inner work and that means learning how to have a relationship with your self ex. of how I do this is by self-reflecting all the actions I do and making conversations with myself on how I could make things better)
hope someone who reads this will help them! :) xx
cold showers! brrr
very helpful, thanks😀
Spiritually, you're the main character. Make it as beautiful as you can...
Thanks for this❤
Really helpfull thanks.
"learning how to love ourselves is one of the kindest things we can do to our partner"
YUP, when someone shows interest in me my first reaction is - something is wrong with this guy! trying to change this...
same with me
+Pedro Afonso I will look 16 forever :D
+Pedro Afonso kkkkkkkkkkkkkk
+Izabella Wilas that's too young...
+Izabella Wilas /vampire spotted/
I'm going to go love myself right now~
your hand will always love you
I will stroke my ridiculously huge...
Ego.
Which hand love you the most? ;$
lol good for u... but imo it's easier said than done in my case
+:P Young life
Right likes to play hard to get sometimes but lefty is always dtf. I guess deep down left needs the most love.
Hit home pretty hard.
:(
positively though
I honestly did lol at the "piece of shit" moment.
this hit me so hard. i used to chase girls, but once they liked me back, they didnt interest me no more. so i moved on to the next one.. guess all i needed was self love.
been there dude. it sucks. I would talk to a girl for months, and as soon as they showed the slightest interest, i bailed.
yeah the chase is always the best part
same thing here, but how do i "fix my brain" it kind of does it automaticly
i get girls to like me so easily but when they do i dont feel attracted to them anymore
@@Kapi.23 Fuck man, same here. How did u get over this?
Those little boys in my middle school who would play jokes on me and say they liked me, then turn around and make gestures to their friends as they laughed wildly while I just sat there utterly embarrassed and ashamed for some reason. I think this worsened the already low self esteem my emotionally manipulative and destructive mother had already fostered in me. Can anyone relate?
i can kinda relate since I spend a year thinking I was friends with people who were just toying around with me, then again I only found out like 2 years later based on other telling me I was being fucked with, it didn't affect me as much since they appearantly beat up others so I was actually the luckiest, and it also made them seem not to be taken seriously. I still feel a bit weird compared to most of my class but I have enough friends similar to me so it doesn't affect me that much. I mostly feel bad in instances where I don't have my group of oddball friends to support me, my confidence completely shrinks to the point where I don't want to bother anyone I don't recognize due to it making me feel like I am just bothering them by talking to them
the answer: children have strange hormones and laugh wildly at any dumb thing they say, especially in groups and probably saw it in a completely different light than you. I doubt very many people would purposely hurt you like that but kids would because they don't really know what they're doing. it's like a dream
+kisame hoshikage thank you! also this event doesn't define you op, it defines them
+Myquil W
Myquil thanks, its hard to think that something as mindless as some annoying boys could have negatively affected me.. I guess I already had a fragile low self esteem. A lot more things have affected me, mostly having emotionally abusive parents.. But like this video shows us, we have to learn to love ourselves. And I'm still working on that. :/
if you don't love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else - Rupaul
Lmao
😂😂
Bullshit! I never love myself, but when I'm with him, I forget how to hate myself. Lol
Thank you. School of life has taught me tone of life..where I am able to understand myself more and relate to myself more. Its always taught me....not to be successful or great, but to empathize myself and see the greatness in the only person I know well ...which is me. None of the things expressed here sounds alien to me rather my own words which I never formulated as simple and beautiful as this.
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+The School of Life but how does one go about the business of self love?
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This was my question too.
I am sooo with you. I felt like I would never be understood. like I was a one-off basket case. I didn't know there were others that understood, let alone a guidebook on coping with the type that I belong to. its nice to feel kinda weirdly validated. I'm not alone, I'm just a slightly more rare form of crazy but not alone.
Explains why many women tend to fancy guys that don't give them any attention
haha not only women, I know a lot of men whom once they are loved suddenly hate the woman they were chasing for ages!
I think human beings have a natural tendency to want what we don't or can't have. The chase is always exhilarating!
True..
but those guys are NOT VERY GOOD at seeking girls and the girls become taken by the guy who REACHES OUT
Yarah el gerzawY spacebound by Eminem in a nutshell
To the beautiful soul reading this: You are valued. You are loved. You are so, so worthy 💗
this feels too close.
On the first months of my currently (and first) relationship I just threw shit to my partner because I didn't feel loved in the way I expected to. I had to deal with self-hatred almost all my life, I had so low self-esteem and I was really depressed when I was a teen. By then, I wanted someone by my side who could read my mind and feelings. Obviously, my partner couldn't, so I felt so bad and wanted him to change. But times passed and we could adapt to each other till certain point, and we learned to accept the love we could give. And I do feel way better with myself. I actually love myself now, i like who i am. I also feel way better with the people surronding me now because I don't feel like they hate me anymore, they just show their feelings on different ways than me, and now i dont want to die. Im kind of happy with my life, It's so strange. But at the same time, I'm kind of scared of what would happen if things change.
thank you for sharing this. :)
keep talking to your lover. No one is a mind reader, even the most empathetic. We might think we know what you're thinking but usually we're wrong. Say what's on your mind and error on the side of saying too much. Yes, you can't take it back but you can say more to qualify it and bury it if need be. So many lonely people live in their minds. It's a scary place.
My last relationship was similar. She had very bad issues with her father and family. And no matter how much care I have her it was never enough. But nothing I could do was good enough because she didn’t know how to love herself and couldn’t communicate her own needs likely because she didn’t know how to identify them. I loved her so much but this is her time and her journey to learn how to love herself. I’m cheering for you Kylie.
How are you today?
RuPaul said it best "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else..." very true! I love this video ^^ Good luck to all of you learning how to love yourself it really is a hard thing to accomplish and maintain but I promise it is worth the effort!
I used to think my friends were boring people when I was in school because they weren't popular and hung out with ME. Looking back now, I realize my friends were the nicest and kindest people and the popular kids were shallow and talked about each other behind their backs. I feel so guilty now.
Same here, always think back how good it could be if I were thinking differently
This is incredible advice. As someone with partners that have a hard time with Self love and Self esteem, it's something I really, truly wish they could take to heart, but that's the hardest part. One can take on this message, one can understand it, but internalizing and applying it? That's the hard part.
Please keep posting these at these times (: always wake up and watch these, makes my day better
Never loved no one but myself. Every person that I "loved" was a reflection of self love.
unfocused locust. ;-)
Self-love is only one half of the reason. Other-love is the other.
+Doford fr
You're selfish huh
kinda same. i don't think it's selfish that the people who i thought i loved (apart from family) are exactly like me. i liked a guy cause he looked like me, i know, pretty shallow. then the other people that i like are the ones who have the same personality as me.
I was that person putting myself in toxic situations very well knowing that nothing good would come out of it. I checked into therapy and really started to understand the concept of self-love. You may or may not do therapy, but really try to be kinder to yourself. Your worth it.
Thank you School of Life for helping me make sense of myself. I'm grateful I get the opportunity to rewatch this when I need a reminder to love myself again.
To say "I love you," one must first learn to say, "I." - Ayn Rand.
I had to send this to a friend, because she wasn't feeling well about herself. Thank you for making this! I hope your day is great!
Never have "we accept the love we think we deserve" been broken down so thoroughly. Thank you.
As someone who's been in relationships with others who didn't love themselves enough, I think this is some absolutely great advice and hope more people can learn this. However, it's also worth noting that loving yourself or at least valuing yourself too much can also cause problems in relationships. Like all things in life, it's really just about finding the right equilibrium.
self love too much, theres something that we called 'narcissistic' aight
Narcissism is a form of compensation for self-hatred. It might look like self-love on the outside, but it's really just self hatred on the inside: a constant shame about who you are, so you try to deny it by lying about who you are to other people. It does sort of depend on your definition of love, but I think a healthy definition could be limitless and still not mean narcissism.
+Chris Gewirtz wow that's a good explaination. thanks for the information.
Have been in relationships with others who hated themselves. No way to convince some people from the fact that they are lovely.
What a pleasant coincidence. I just finished the part about self love from Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving" yesterday and was ruminating about it since then.
Just 5hrs ago this video was uploaded.
P.S.
To all the staff of The School of Life channel, I'm very grateful to all the knowledge you've offered me and the world. I want you to know that you've helped me mature and understand life much more substantially than before, and that you've also contributed greatly to my overall happiness and my wellbeing. For that I'll be eternally grateful.
I really hope that my words of gratitude reach you.
I hate myself and lost so many chances to be happy...
Me too friend. Me too.
me too.
You learned from those experiences, and now you know how to not do the same in the future.
Same.
I am losing a chance in this moment because of that
The only video of yours that I disagree with.
I never got the whole "you have to love yourself before you love someone else" cliche. Me and my partner are both pretty self-hating, and I have felt moments of "why would you love me?" as has she. But being loved by someone when you don't love yourself can be the thing that helps you to love yourself and see your own value. If this amazing beautiful person can love me, then I must be worth more than I know.
Also, I think it's cruel to make people with self esteem issues think that they can't find love until they are fixed.
very true man
It's all a matter of perspective. For you, your relationship is working which is excellent. For other self loathers (the ones this video is directed at) they will desire love but upon finding it, reject it on the grounds that anyone who could love them must be negative themselves (by virtue of the fact that they love the self loather.)
Alternatively one may feel that they do not deserve another's affection and push it away on those grounds, or they may accept the love but be too self centered and confused about it making it so that the relationship inevitably breaks down.
Everyone is different, and everyone will respond differently in certain situations. It's great that your relationship is working, and that will be the case for others, but for some it is important that you love yourself because otherwise it'll be difficult for you to accept love.
It's not saying you can't find love until you stop hating yourself, because most people do throughout their lives. It's more saying you need to accept that you are worthy of love, in some aspect, before you will succeed in it.
maybe your case is very specific: you both as self-hating and aware of that, so you can deal with the situation.
Most people are unaware of the consequences o self-hating in relationships; and the case shown in the video is about a mixed couple - and the mystery it may be to someone who is not a self-hating: why this person who seemed to like me one minute ago, doesn't any more?
agree
This is, by an astronomically large margin, the most helpful video I've ever seen.
WOW. It all makes sense now. I've always crashed my relationships and now I know why. I do hate myself.
...But now what?
See a counselor is what I would recommend.
You need to address it. Either through journaling, therapy, talking with friends, etc
show self love by spanking the sausage.
DoctorProfessorPablo
Thank you for your input :)
The problem I kind of see with that, is that I had been well aware of the fact that I really don't like myself. And that, to solve that, I have been trying all sorts of things, like much of what you kindly suggested, already. Most things failed, unfortunately. (at least the two latter suggestions, I could still try journaling, thanks!)
So apart from that, I have been doing my best already, but didn't gain any ground. What's new to me is simply the association of this with my problems regarding relationships. While extremely interesting to see the association, it doesn't really offer me any new angles of attack on the underlying issue.
However, this channel seems very valuable, maybe I should continue browsing through the content and see where this takes me...
Ulysses the courier
A fine idea, good Sir! I shall act accordingly! My best regards!
Once again a lovely, helpful and compassionate video by TSoL. Thank you :)
Reading through the comments and seeing how many people have a hard time loving themselves. I no longer feel so alone. I've truly been working on this for quite some time now. Not giving up. It's strange how such a task can be so difficult.
well, that explains why i have a hard time fitting into any group, even when i'm widely welcomed and appreciated.
thanks for revealing my troubles! ha
you also smell bad.
Ive always felt so unlovable and full of self hatred and I know its probably because of my family circumstances when I was a child. But when I try to reflect back on my childhood, I realised my ideal form of love had always been my grandmother. She loves me unconditionally and effortlessly and now I'm trying to love myself and accept my imperfections. It is easier to love other people rather than loving ourselves simply because we haven't fully known the complexity of another as much as we do ourselves. Ive been trying to love myself for months and it has never been easy but it is worth it. Haven't seen my grandma in months and I miss her so much, thank you grandma.
This is exactly what I experience when I am in love or think that I am in love. I always get this feeling that should the person I am in love with happen to show any interest in me at all, that will be the end of my miserable life and he will be blessing me with his affection and my love for him or my qualities/character/looks will never be enough. such a problematic belief I have.
My initial reaction to finding out someone loves me isn't anger, it's more of an "Oh..... Really?" moment. I was initially confused as to why they love me, but i moved past that and realized that it doesn't matter why (at least not completely, if they only love you for your body then that's just wrong), but it matters as to whether I love them, and myself, back. A relationship where only one person loves will inevitably crumble.
"if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else" mighty goddess Ru knows it all
As someone who has never fallen in love (and even questioning my ability to do so even in my thirties), I can also relate to this - I never learned to love myself. With all the criticism and bullying I experienced growing up (especially in school), I have difficulty with accepting praise as it often feels undeserved (it might be for something that "isn't a big deal" or because they are just sugarcoating)
Very nice :) I love love love the calmly humanistic view of the world u guys proclaim. Also: this viedo kind of reminded me of some of Erich Fromms arguments in 'Art of Loving'.
Maybe u could do a "diffrent kind of love"-type of video some time? #teamlove
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We? Aren't you just one dude?
I’m in my first relationship as a young adult and god do I struggle with this! I try to be better person for them but it’s so hard to let go off long established perceptions of myself.
love this channel for touching such intimate topics and making people feel understood.
could you make a vídeo explaining why are some people so hateful
I'll love to see this too
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Fairly sure they've done it before. Can't look for it right now but there's something about it on this channel.
Some are the same thing. They hate everything else because they hate themselves and don't think they're worthy. Other times, if you are referring to a partner, they can be reflecting yourself back to you. You hate yourself for the false fantasy of the story you think your life should be and, as stated in this video, you subconsciously are sending out the message of that very thing and it is mirrored back to you as a feedback to show what you've disowned in yourself. Re: Dr John Demartini. 👍🏻
It's because they hate themselves and they project that hatred on others to feel normal.
this is accurate. my mom use to be depressed all the time and hated herself and self sabotaged every relationship she had .... the minute a guy that she was dating started getting serous with her and started to love her , she couldn't take it and left. the longest relationships shes had were with abusive ass holes and she her self said " i dont deserve the love of someone better" my mom didnt start to love herself until she went through menopause and didnt want to be with any one any more sadly....
This helped me understand the extremely confusing actions of my ex. Than you for helping me get closer to peace of mind.
whoever voices this has the softest, kindest and most relaxing voice.
Don't you ever watch these videos knowing that they're probably true...but you don't abide by their teachings because you want to be bitter for some reason?
This touched me deeply. But not because I relate to the person who hates themselves but because I ended up losing a man who hated himself and before you know it I wasn't worthy of him when once I was a goodess. my fault was loving him. I tried to accept, convince him he was lovable and I never succeeded. And even as he told me I wasn't who he thought I was he still didn't love himself. I not only failed in making him realizing how amazing he is but also his love for me. Such is life. I hope one day he finds the courage to love himself and realize deep down he is lovable.
Alain, I'm reading essays in love right now and it's very touching and has made me cry several times but I love your mind and your words
What essays have you been reading?
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+tsuyayaka1 his book called "essays in love"
I feel like I might be a narcissist for not relating at all.
On the other hand, the fact I didn't relate made this all the more valuable to understanding other people, which I have trouble with sometimes.
I have increased my self-love aTON through meditation.
I increased my self love a ton through medication
xinic5 Nice one :)
Missing No what kind of meditation?
Meditation is the highest form of self love
It's disappointing how relatable this is, not because I feel this way, but because I was with someone who felt this way. And it resulted in a lot of heartbreak for me. :(
That's very selfish for someone to lead someone on... only to push them away.
Just like in The Perks of Being a Wallflower "We accept the love we think we deserve."
How does one love themselves? for the past year or so i've thought about suicide everyday, i don't have any motivation for anything or ambition or believe in anything anymore. When i feel happy i can't help but associate it with guilt because i feel i shouldn't be happy. And the worst part is i know everything i'm doing is wrong but i just can't figure out how to change myself even when i try.
*****
thanks i really appreciate the advice! means a lot to me. but yea i know i have depression, i can't afford real therapy so I've gone to a school does that does it for free basically they practice on you. it worked really well for the time that i did it but at the end the student really doesn't care and when they leave you have to partner with a new one and retell your story all over again. i'm afraid to try meds because i hear they can often make it worse and being the way i am i can't afford to make any worse. just don't know really what to do besides the small things like you said so i really appreciate the advice
Maybe you're expecting too much of yourself. Comparing yourself to others, that keeps you disappointed and only makes it harder for you to change. Accept that you are just like any other Human on this Planet and only you know what's best for you. Put yourself First before anything else. Do things differently. Try New things. Keep Learning & Discovering. Respect your Body & Mind. Take your time, you have your whole Life to conquer this. If you begin Today, you can learn how to Love yourself more & more each day. We are all on our own journey. It matters Greatly How we get there. ^^
You can't see a way ahead so you assume there is none. But only by moving ahead do you find the way ahead. Unseen possibilities will reveal themselves, each opened up by the last. Unexpected potential will grow in you. The reason for trying lies ahead of you. It always has done, it always will. Trying makes purpose happen.
Such a revelation. I've heard the idea before, but somehow this video was done in a way that sent the message straight to the heart! I just love these videos! Thank you.
Absolutely! When someone compliments me on my looks, I often feel uncomfortable and even mad at them for doing so because I think they are mocking me or trying to make my feel better (not truly because they think i'm pretty). Most of the time, when someone compliments me I just want to shut them up or get mad at them. When someone is romantically interested in me, I often think they just want to have sex with me then leave me right after (maybe it's true). I want to love myself but I just don't know how
It is super tough dealing with these things. It takes time to get better at loving ourselves. Be patient with yourself and every person is equally important and special. So remember that when you are on the journey to healing. All the best!! **
Holy shit, that hit SO close to home. I'm just a little shocked by reading your comment, because I'm EXACTLY like every word you described, and I thought I was the only one. Thank you for putting it into words. It's almost like you're me 😂
I hope you all find the self love that you deserve , I know it’s hard and I know you’re trying , but you’re doing fucking great , I think you’re brave to be willing to plunge into one of the darkest depths of yourself . You truly are light .
No one will ever love me. I'm addicted to people who can never be there for me.
Same #af
How can someone be there for you when it sounds like you're not even there for yourself ..
I can never be there for you ;- )
+NATURAL LAW I'm so tired of being bored and lonely. I want to be loved and share my love. I don't hate myself. I'm fine with my personality and looks
leila es I'm glad to hear you have confidence in yourself. So why wouldn't someone be able to love you then? Someone who truly gets to know you as a good person shouldn't have any problems developing a relationship with you. Either these people you say can't be there for you don't know you good enough or you really don't know them. Try and get to know people on a Deeper level to find those that really Click with you. ^^
loving thyself is the best thing dawned upon to me after 28 years.. after years of allowing people to walk all over me when I hit the bottom, I realized why all this was happening to me coz somewhere I was idolizing those people,putting them on pedestals while considering myself not so beautiful or smart and now it's no more the case,i stand up for myself,i hv decluttered my life by keeping only positive people who add value to my life,cutting off all the scum bags who were putting me down. I am protecting myself,iam loving myself and I am gaining back my due happiness day by day
For people who need a good read on how to love yourself: "Love yourself like your life depends on it" by Kamal Ravikant. Changed my life.
I have a lack of self-love especially because of so many childhood traumas, family inflicted terrors and all that. I've tried so hard over the years to love me, one thing that keeps reminding me to love myself is seeing the perfections instead of imperfections. I can still look at the mirror and count at least half a million flaws on the outside, forget about the inside but I keep repeating to myself as the biggest guru of them all said; "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" - Rupaul.
Could you explain why I have never actually had a crush on anybody?
same that would really be interesting
You might be aromantic, as in: Incapable of feeling romantic attraction. Not that there's anything wrong with that :) I'm asexual myself, so I get it.
asexual?
+Billy Batson one who can't have feeling for either gender.
+Trixi Rabbit I have heard of aromantiscism, but I always denied that I could be aromantic. Honestly, it sounds terrifying to me that I might never be able to feel something like love
Comrade, this is very true. As I have experienced such feelings in my adolescence.
I was a lonely child. And thus my predicament began.
Whenever I had a friend or too many or someone who said they liked me, I always froze. I could not believe that these people could like me... In my mind they must have been some nobodies. People who if I wanted to be anybody I should never be with.
"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"
- Rupaul
can't say I didn't know what this video was getting at before I clicked it, yet once again they know me better than I admit to myself
Hard to love yourself when you're ugly and NO beauty is not skin-deep. Real world doesn't work like that. You get treated by the way you look and how many likes and followers you have. sad truth
You are right, humans are very superficial. But when you hate yourself you make everything that is not physical ugly. The more you believe you are ugly and worthless of someone else's love the more you will act to promote that belief. Also in my eyes it's pointless to dread on flaws of your body that you can not realistically change. That isn't your fault and you shouldn't think of it as a burden, it's just how life is. Do the most to be a beautiful as you can and you will see people will notice.
Firstly, you are calling yourself "ugly" which isn't true! You are basing your opinion on the most common beauty standards and conventions that currently exist within your society, what you are forgetting is that beauty exists in many forms as we can see through history and culture. The conceptions of beauty change and differ depending on the time in history and the culture you belong to, this is proof that the cliché "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true. Also, how you perceive and think about beauty will effect how you see it in the world. Believe it or not there are people who have their own view of beauty that isn't just blindly followed by what society and media tell us it is. Everyone has a way they can emanate their own beauty and worth, but part of self-love is that you begin to see it more in yourself and others of all varieties. The philosopher Hume said this: "Beauty is no quality in things themselves: It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them; and each mind perceives a different beauty." Most importantly, please stop calling yourself ugly, and work on finding it more within yourself and others regardless of some of the insidious messages society is brainwashing us with.
While yes I can agree we are image obsessed and driven as a society, but there are things outside of appearances that can make one lovable. Things such as character, intelligence, personality, energy none of which can be bought/genetically given and are things people are attracted to beneath the image. If you're a visually focused individual its harder to find things you like about yourself since appearances = worth BUT surely you have some wonderful things about you that you're overlooking.
+PsycheandButterfly people can be ugly. this is possible
+Ismail Alkashim It's all a matter of perception, what may be ugly to you might not be ugly to the next person. It's not a particularly nice word to use towards just someone's appearance because it's a very one-dimensional way of perceiving beauty and it's all subjective. Someone may not fit your preference, but it doesn't mean that no beautiful qualities or features exist within them or someone else doesn't see their beauty. Beauty is a multidimensional thing.
I think it speaks to the strength of the channel's strength that because of previous videoes, this exactly the same understanding i reached after watching them, and have expressed and explained to people around me who pry into my nonexistent romantic life. Having my conclusions confirmed by a source i hold in high regard tickles my ego in just the right way.
When you think about it, this video doesn't help at all. It goes in length on why you should love yourself, but doesn't say a word on how.
Exactly...
That is something you have to figure out on your own. Continue to do research, because we all have different upbringings something that may work for me may not exactly work for you!
My story all the way. I only liked guys who had this special way of disengaging. I am 45 and am in my first relationship with someone who showed me from the get-go that he was crazy about me. Because of this awareness, I stayed and waited to see if I could fall in love with someone who loves me. I don't hate myself anymore... but the strong infatuation with men who disregard is still strong and there is still no "natural attraction" to the men who are clearly interested. I started falling in love with this guy who was so patient and clear about how he feels...it took a few months. But now I am crazy about him too.
Who's is the voice behind these videos?
you could sell ice to an eskimo with that voice
Mister DE BOTTON... HIMSELF !
This really changed by perception on love/self-love. Great video!
lol thumbs up if you make low-key self hating jokes about yourself 24/7 :)
i always thought i was so bad, now i know that it's true, cause i think you're so good and i'm nothing like you.
"If you can't love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen?" -Rupaul
Amen
The thing about loving yourself is that sometimes, u can come at a sort of "peak" where you're like: " I love myself enough, I don't need to keep loving myself anymore because I am perfect right now" that's great that you feel that way about yourself, but the truth is that you'll never really stop loving yourself. Because life is hard and complicated, so are people and so are you. Always look out for yourself, whether you're with someone or not, all of your general relationships with flourish once you learn to be kind to yourself.
So can I do if the person I love back is self destructive?
Love someone else.
+mechantechatonne that is entirely unhelpful
*what
punch him/her in the face and say 'beetch plz i love you cause i dont think you are so nasty as you think you are, now go watch SOL videos!'
No, it's not. There is no way you can solve for someone the issue that they don't love and are destroying themselves. All that efforts to do so will do is waste your time and inevitably you'll either have to take a front-row seat to watching a loved one hate themselves or decide to leave them the hell to it and get on with living your life and finding someone healthy to live it with. It takes just as much effort to break up with someone and find someone else as is does to suffer and sink into depression as your life is destroyed sticking with the same person.
Brilliant so true. That's why some people end up in a relationship with toxic partners who secretly hate themselves. So they self project their lack of self to everyone around them, making them miserable too.
The concept of self-hatred is strange, I mean why should you hate yourself? that doesn't make any sense, every life is valuable
good for you for not having the slightest idea of self hatred.
seems like you won in the lottery of life, you probably don't have a single flaw on your body
Look at Germany now, how the guilt of having nazis for ancestors makes them hate themselves so much they need to 'purify' germany by destroying it's own culture with immigration altogether.
how old are you
+Jane Black I see, well I mean you should know yourself everyone has deficiencies so
maybe you should not try to judge them as good or bad? Just perceive
them what they are.
this explains my last relationship. His anxiety really gets in the way, told him that he’s good enough and I tried to fight for what we had. I guess his self hate really gets in the upper hand. He pushed me away and our breakup has no so much of a closure. And it really put me in a mess. If only, he loves himself more, that’d be better.
And once again these are soooooooo depressing...
+The School of Life you helped me a lot the :D
+sir butterpopcorn th X
+The School of Life stuff like this should replace the commercials on tv
depressing? I feel renewed after watching this videos, totally the opposite of depressed
what? watch it again and pay attention...
I've learnt to love myself in my mid-50s and also look better than I've ever done, it's never too late
You guys seem to repeat your ideas A LOT. I have heard this in at least 4 different videos!!!! Come on, NEW IDEAS
Spiral and circles.
I've been watching SOL videos for several months and have never seen this one, at least not quite this message...
I'm amazed right now cause this video it explains a lot of things I should have known, but didn't.
The repetition is probably intentional. Alan mentioned a few times that religions know humans are forgetful and so will reinforce the most important messages multiple times a day.
mmm... even if you were right (I don't think so), maybe you shouldn't be so bossy with someone who brings you high quality teachings for free...
Repetition works
The Loving-Kindness meditation helps. I feel like it needs to play in my head constantly though. If someone else talked to me like my inner voice does- I'd punch them.
Having been in love with someone who hated themselves, I have experienced first-hand how frustrating and confusing it is to have the other person genuinely not understand why you like them, and try to convince you that they really are no good. A relationship where one person must constantly reassure another of their worthiness is doomed, simply because it's exhausting, and any healthy relationship will allow for both partners to be supported and reassured , just not all the time.
Dang. This hit home.
What do you do if you were in a relationship with someone who lacked self-love? How are we able to support them, and will they be able to love you back, once they've pushed you away in self-hatred? There needs to be a video about the other end. please help
Now it makes sense to me what had happened in that horrible relationship that destroyed the remainder of my self-esteem.
I knew about his self-loathing, but I never would have guessed that loving him (the way he was) made me less in his eyes. But it did, despite how much he wished me to believe otherwise.
The more we know!
So true, I can see myself doing better in my relationship when I treat myself in a kinder way.
since starting university and getting away from home, i kind of feeling this sense of something missing, maybe myself?
i am learning more about wellbeing and mindfullness so that i could understand more about living a life :') this channel is great
This video helped me understand why it's hard for people who don't love themselves to love others. That concept never made sense to me before.
I love this channel, beautiful insight . Thank you so much whoever made this channel.
Oh. My. God. So there's this girl at my gym who clearly flirts with me and is extraordinarily beautiful, but I was always strangely repulsed by her flirting. I had no idea why I wasn't thinking "wow this gorgeous girl likes me!" And instead was thinking "why does this girl like me?" Wow. Eye opener, I'm gonna have to approach this in an entirely new manner and perspective! Thank you so much School of Life or explaining this to me! It was so confusing for so long!
You can't even realize how much your videos have helped me. Thanks!
Never heard such wisdom in the way they've put this across.Absolute Magic !!It makes emotional sense to me
Its a pretty long process though. The first thing is ask oneself who am I? What elements come forth when reflecting upon that question? Then, ask oneself how do I feel about those things and why? Is it me who feels these things or do is my predetermination influence by others? While condensing, its important to keep be in touch with ones thoughs and feelings no matter how uncomfortable they seem to be at the moment. Once the answers get enlisted, next thing is to accept those thoughts and feelings, by confronting oneslf with the fact that one is a human, who does not have the power to control the way what one perceives to be real. Understanding ones own goods and bads. Realizing that everyone has pluses and minuses. Embracing the fact that we all share a comon way of existing as humans. And most important of all, forgiving oneself for the wrong doings and being greatful for the possiblity to see ones own imperfection. That['s how I see love.
Loving yourself makes everything easier. It is really worth giving it a try if you want to improve your well-being and relationships!