Mistakes that will cost you when dating - Benjamin Zulu
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- Love is not a sprint. It’s a long slow walk. There are many stages of development necessary to build solid foundations. Too many couples rush into certain territories far too soon and negatively impact the direction and outcome of their relationships.
Most relationships never recover from these mistakes. On this episode, Benjamin Zulu outlines common and very costly mistakes that all dating couples should avoid
#SwitchTV #Fullcirclewithjoyce #BenjaminZulu
Love is not a sprint. It’s a long slow walk. There are many stages of development necessary to build solid foundations. Too many couples rush into certain territories far too soon and negatively impact the direction and outcome of their relationships.
Most relationships never recover from these mistakes. On this episode, Benjamin Zulu outlines common and very costly mistakes that all dating couples should avoid. Do not forget to subscribe to our UA-cam channel.. Click here to subscribe -- ua-cam.com/users/switchtvkenya
So nice. ..heart warming
Hahahaha hahaha
Aki you people are hillarious today
Date with a purpose great advice !!
Truth
Maturity does not equate longevity...... I hv met 60 yrs old immature people. The ability to solve life issues with wisdom is complete maturity even if u r 17.But Benjamin has put it well that the specific part of brain that deals with emotions matures at 25.good show.
Topic ya maturity issa whole episode Zulu needs to tackle 😂
God bless the woman that birthed Zulu
Benjamin such a wonderful man and the information is very essential to all young women out there. I believe sometimes you will learn after you have understood that you can't keep on short changing your self for a man and please woman! It's beauty to be single. Discover yourself!
I have been learning alot from Benjamin ,since I bumped on his talk on UA-cam . Thanks alot and May the Almighty God continue blessing you each and every days of your life.
Joyce’s reaction was priceless. It made my day !!
Very sharp Benjamin Zulu. Insightful discussion.
For a lady who graduated from the university at the age of 18 and bagged a Masters at the age of 21, you can't say she should wait till she is 25 before dating.
And already has a good job too..
Congrats on your degrees. But I don't see how they have to do with what he's talking about. As experience has proved to us, our degrees help none in the love life. You may go ahead and date before 25. Let us know how that works out for you. Maybe you'll be the one to prove his theory wrong.
What I was trying to highlight is that some people develop faster than others, and finish school early too. Which means she has probably encountered her stages of confusion much earlier. I agree with you that degrees do not help one's love life. What I was trying to bring out was that she had cleared most of the things that 23 and 24 year olds are still working on and gained some clarity in her career direction.
Also, you can't tell an African mum that you are not dating anybody or thinking of marriage at 21 when you have finished all your studies. Nobody would even guess that you are 21 unless you tell them...
By the time she is 25, she would already be a more senior officer at her work place, no body would even know that she is just 25, and guys that are supposed to be asking her out would be looking at her as a boss lady that doesn't want to have anything to do with guys or that isn't interested in getting married
Thank u so much , mubarikiwe
Virtuous women are low key. #wisdom
"Dont fall in love with him before u get his assurance...dont be afraid to lose him or he will take u in on his own terms n not on ur own terms..DATE WITH PURPOSE ,FOR WOMEN"-that hit me hard
I'm 32 yr old lady dating a 37 yr old....my career path came late in life at 29yrs feel like it's never late...love the show👏🔥👍
This dude is out here saving lives. What he's saying is so true.
Talk of wisdom😨.
Absolutely!
In a humorous way
Very true.marriage needs lots of advice
Naked truth indeed
Here is a summary of what has been mentioned :
1)Dating too soon, before 25
2)Dating for way too long (when it goes over 2 years, you’re wasting your time)
‼️The man pursues but the woman determines the standard‼️
3)Don’t commit too soon (eg.getting pregant)
4)Don’t involve so many people in your relationship
Thanks
Sure the woman to determine the standards makes sense
I totally agree with number 2
Thank you!
Thanks darling
I just had a break up yesterday and trust me this talk really helped me big time . I feel like my spirit is free.
Sorry for the breakup doll. You'll be okay
Sorry babe 🥰...he’s lost a good thing
Sorry doll hope you are better now
Hugs girl
Waah, take time
Can we have subtitles of the Swahili comments for some of us non Swahili speakers please -learning. (I feel left out on those minor yet important details) Asante. Love from South Africa🇿🇦
TheZandiey Hello fellow SA 🇿🇦 I agree with you with subtitles
Click on the three-dot ellipsis on top right hand corner and then select 'Caption' then 'English auto generated' and you should see the english captions. Enjoy!
Thanks for asking for all non Swahili speakers
I am sorted too
Thiza ndim lowo oba lost. Thank you for raising that
I thought the African union told all the African ls should learn swahili!!
This guy is special. Shout out from South Africa. One love
Lennon Syre Mamhare Fellow South African 🇿🇦
24 and still confused. Benjamin you're so right about that age thing
Not relly mamaa
😂😂😂😂Woishe I feel us
Wish I had this information before the mistakes I made in life...anyways...still learning..before planning to date or settle...amazing information
I got lost at 23 wow, ended up pregnant...these things i must teach my baby when she grows
Just like me here bt we shall teach our kids these things
My story
All will be well
The media also helps to confuse young people.
Good luck to both of you!
I don't completely agree with what he says. Maturity does not necessarily come with age but according to what one has been exposed to as they grow up. His theory will not work for everybody but a few so I would say know what is good for you and be led by the Holy Spirit 😉. Also dating late makes people desperate and will make the said mistakes cos of pressure from relatives, biological clock ticking etc. Cos rarely will one date the first person they meet so if you start at 26 and don't find the right guy how many will you pick to get Mr right. Also no one can say they know themselves fully at 25 cos learning of self is a lifelong continuous process. "My small sense"
True. Example is Barbie and bobi kyagulanye in Uganda started dating in teens and are still together and are very happy
I agree, maturity level is not dictated by age to some extent. Though he could be right in terms of emotional intelligence but not intelligence quotient
Yes you speak so much sense. A biggest asset a lady has is her youth. Not her degree or money etc. You said it yourself, age is a significant factor in all this. Starting at 26 gives a short window to find a suitable God fearing partner. If she is not gorgeous, she will struggle to find the partner she wishes. I urge all parents with daughtersr, Don't let them waste there youth. It is their most precious asset.
@Anne Sparks what do you mean when you say underage. Is it below 18? IMO a suitable advisor is you father or an older male. Your mum, not so much.
@Anne Sparks. Yes. I also believe he assumed that they didn't have sexual experiences before 25. In fact giving girls until 25 will just get them to heighten their body count. This is the true problem here that people are tiptoeing around.
Please, Benjamin you must write a book.
For sure he should
I second that
I second that
Very true
Surely
I love what I'm hearing."other pple study medicine for 7yrs and became DJs "It killed me 😃😃😃
But that's so True,that killed me too 🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me too 😂😂
That was also my favorite part🤣,Educative yet so hilourious😂😂
😂😂😂
Dont be wifened before you are a wife....only do wifely duties for your husband
💯
never ever do wifey shit for no man before he walked you down the aisle and called you wife before the altar
So true...
Hear, hear!
hay hyo ni Kali mwaaaah
😪😭😭😭when I was 19, I thought he loved me but he ate my mum’s money and played my heart silly .🥳Now I’m in upper 20’s and sane, he’s in 30’s still chasing me to see if I’m still foolish? Hahaaaaa, ngumu.
I feel like he is right am almost turning 26 and I discovered myself just when I turned 25 and knew the kind of people I want around...
Heeeh this guy I love this sanaa
Can I have Candy's number
True I feel like I can see properly now after I turned 25
Benjamin zulu a blessing to our world!!!!
U can say it again!!
Truest
Yes I agree with every word!
Thank you Benjamin.....I fully agree with what you’re saying....I made the same mistakes of Dating early when I was on the age of 19 to 25 and it never worked until I took time for myself to learn and understand who I really am as a person ,my purpose in this world , having a personal relationship with Christ and knowing what I want and look for in a relationship or with a man ....And now at 27 am can say that with confidence that I found my other personal person he is 35 and we have built a very stronger bond and connection because we know who we are On our own and what we expect from each other and where we are going in short we have a common mindset and we have same endgoals which is marriage and building a home together and we are happy.
Wow nice fr you. Am turning 23 october. I blv in my personality ..ppl view me as mature and strong woman. But sometimes i feel am not mature enough. Am in a situationship. A guy loves me he gives me every details abt him . he has a son 5yrs old. The guy is working.He says he loves me he wants me as a wife. I told him not any soon. He said he really needs to help me out and marry me. But no am really genuinely not ready getting married below 25or 26. So this guy is 32years old. He seems focused respinsible and hard working.. But not known him fr long. I stil do not feel if he can treat me as much as i want. Whenever i talk to my family abt him..no one suports it. My sister says he is just manupulating u wth wht he has achieved..lik he is nt serious he can marry u and later he will stop u from attaing wht ur dreams are. So am in confusion of wht th guy tells me and gives me details abt him self his family members,e.tc. ...i just wanna have fun wth him but not getting married to him any soon. Until i prepare pshycologycally n really know my strength in this life.Though maturity is not defined by age. But lol i just need time.
Wow, this is the exact same thing that happened to me. I am happy with where I am right now and having to date with my mind and heart very sober.
@@phostinemulongo9051 give it time
and make sure you don't lose a good man
Thanks so much for this. This year I decided to embark on self discovery journey. I decided not to date. At some point I thought I am being weird. Am glad am not the first to yearn for deeper self understanding.
I made the same mistake of dating early 🤣🤣.
You have encouraged me.
@@phostinemulongo9051 you're too young to start baby mama dramas please.It's not easy
Omw, if u studied medicine for seven years and became a DJ, this comparison is on point😂😂😂👏
The comparison indeed is 💯 on point😂😂😂
Also a BTS stan✨✨
Army💜💜💜
"it's not the man or the woman you marry that gives you the greatest happiness, it's achieving your purpose in life!" those deep words need to be shouted much louder to a society obsessed with romanticized relationships and love while paying less attention to self care and self purpose. Thank you Benjamin! Love from Nigeria!
You said it
What is tricky about waiting though is my experience is different being single over 40 I wish married before 26. Actually you don't have a husband packaged and waiting! The fatigue of dating and failing has been my experience!!!
It's truly exhausting.
I believe it's necessary to take a break when fatigued and get back when better.
3verything happens for a reason ...some people marry at 50 and end up getting patners for life
Same WhatsApp
😁😂 ati he's so romantic he bought me lollipop and chocolate 😂 Benjamin should grace the show on a daily
This statement 😁😁😹
This guy is funny I tell you 🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣The lollipop part
I have told people that it's a lie to say that you are staying in a bad relationship for children. Children know when their parents don't love each other and it affects them badly. That is short term thinking....thank you Benjamin.
YOU ARE BRILIANT BENJAMIN .IRENE IN UK
Wow!! I love watching these interviews, Benjamin shares amazing information, he's so funny as well 🤣😂😄 Thank you Joyce for asking the right questions as well!
I'm watching from SA, I love the show..
Ohhh me too...
I have learned a lot from Benjamin.
We are in class, with Benj as a lecturer and we learn something new from every session. Thank you for this empowering program
Too true! I was lost at 23 am 26 now and its like i finally just woke up! Perspectives have shifted so much in such a short period of time and i will reclaim my shine!#its never too late.
I woke up at 27.after 5 years dating. Gosh... Believe me i was coming from a dream.
Dont fall in love before you get the assurance that he is the one....i have already fallen in love
Am turning 21,and the point on 'don't get in love before assurance', this was for me for real😭, I'm now thinking of concentrating on my books, get my 1st class degree, build my life in this short 4years,thanks Benjamin for the talk, Girls hope tumeskia
i m 31years and I married 24yers and we have one girl and I'm happy.
I'm 24 and was feeling like i should be dating since everyone around me is either married, engaged or in a serious relationship, this dude just made me relax.
Me too
Same....was feeling left out and lonely but thanks to Zulu sitaki kuwa married till I sort my life
This guy is really making sense I once was in a relationship with a guy when I was 16 peer pressure that’s what I think it was alafu I got pregnant n I got a child so the guy was older he was 27 at that time 10 years down the line I feel so embarrassed of my choices back then but I thank God we didn’t get married coz it would have been hell on earth.This kind of topics should be done more to save girls lives coz we are the ones who suffer later
Embarrassed
In Kenya Law that man defiled you and should be doing his 25 year Jail term still
Yes am 21 in campus n exploring my passion in wigs n I feel like am on the right track
We the same, let's move
you should speak about single mothers dating, whom and how should you date and especially if you have boy kids and are financially stable at what time of your life is it okay to introduce another man in the picture???
In Zulu's voice, "sista, raise your child as you carefully date. It's really about the right man in general, not the time of introduction" 🏃🏾♀️ I'm a single mother, my daughter is now 5yrs and I always feel paranoid thinking about a "foreigner" in her life. But I read that it needs to feel safe for me first. Which is yet to happen and I have no RUSH 🤣
When you sure with him like you want to settle with him now you can let them be friends..l also have boys
It needs wisdom
@Anne Sparks EXACTLY!!
@Anne Sparks i like this.
Fantastic time with Benjamin!!! Please I want Benjamin zulu to discuss the topic "Why do many men in their 50s and 60s in our society prefer girls in their early 20s?
Are you asking why fathers are eating their daughters?
Are you one of them or asking for someone
Am a woman. Just surprised how such men marry little girls.
@sharon most of these men are insecure with mature women who will challenge them and ask serious questions. Most of them are either divorced, widowed or separated. If not theyv been looking for finances . Others do it for society sake to prove they are still youthful.
Men are more sexually active at this age so they engagement in young who seems to be active too
Benjamin Zulu you are amazing. There is something about the culture in east Africa is that it is old fashion and conservative which is excellent and I love it. From a sister from west Africa filling connect with my East African family. In fact I feel much more connected and belong to East Africa but never been there. Thanks so much from a sister from São Tomé and Príncipe island.
“ dating too soon, dating before you are 25”
Me :At the age of 22 😬
haha me too
BOnjour my beautiful Kenyan people .I've just got 21 and my friends were putting pression on me ati how can I be single .Thank you for this show
BOnjour my beautiful Kenyan people .I've just got 21 and my friends were putting pression on me ati how can I be single .Thank you for this show you
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I wish I had this information around that age of 19 to 25
I agree how I wish
Don't regret
Same here
I am telling you
The description of the ages is quite true. At 23 I was very lost.
me right now
Same sis 😂😂😂 same, I just turned 24 a few months ago and I can clearly see the difference of last year me, and this year me.
Me too , at 23 , l was totally confused,
Me too dear
Me too..I am 23 and I think am totally lost..Thank you for reviving my spirit❤
So glad I found Benjamin's advice. I am still in my very early twenties and everything he is saying makes sense. Mainly on the dating part, the extra will surely put me well in the game.
Me too...
I'm glad it clicked when I turned 20.
Life's not all about just dating.
I'm now 21 and so after finding my purpose and building something of my own during this time..
Me too... I'm here and I'm learning so much.I feel like I've already kick-started my purposeful journey
Did you know Benjamin Zulu is also one of the best fitness trainer in town...I miss your sessions Benja.... Joyce Mwaura you're also the best host keep it up shining 💕🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💕
Am addicted to this channel...i hope thats a good thing
If all African men can look this way oh we Kenyan ladies will never regret
Hihihi.🤭 Eating sugar and...... denying...oh.gosh! I feel so bad.🙉.....am sure it is all over my face. 😲🙈🙈
Please, Benjamin you must write a book.
I use safe days, family planning is not good for my health...I don't know how I got paged 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That part was too funny
This guy speaks for me. These are things I badly want ma youth to learn.
Benjamin has really changed me from his talks.. I love you two.
Watching all the way from South Africa, I'm Zimbabwean, I'm 27 and I think this man just saved my life, I wish I could have known him sooner. Best lessons ever.
My Zimbabwean sis how are you . Benjamin anotaura shuwa
Patricia you are my home girl...
True indeed wish i had watched this and gotten this advice sooner
😂😂😂 interesting talk
Singles out there hang in,we will be okay
In my 30's, no children and enjoying it, but society can make you feel like there is something wrong with you, but be matured enough even when they say " The clock is ticking " that should not worry you. Let avoid doing things for wrong reasons. Let set those standards high, if they can't marry a woman with 4 kids, why do we become stepmothers to 10 kids🙈 when we don't even have one child. Zulu is coaching us we really need to practice it, date for a purpose, what more can we ask for! Game on😂😂🤸♂️🤸♂️
My dear no pressure I am 30 no kids and love myself like that.Children will come later.
@@prisillakimani3590 Yeah God has his way of doing things. 🤸♂️🤸♂️🤸♂️💃💃💃
Team 30 with no kids 😅
I’m 36 and no child or wife, you can’t imagine the pressure. Luckily I live abroad so I only deal with my people when I call. I should settle within two years though
@@TonnyOkello At 36 and you are matured enough to make the right decisions, that's good.All the best bro👏👏
I love this show but sometimes the host speaks Swahili a lot and forgets about viewers from other countries
Hello, apologies but it's due to his background.
Swahili is sweet..he can't resist it. Maybe use closed caption to help with translation.
"Don't fall in love before Assurance''..🔥🔥🔥
Always laughing at myself and other crazy mistakes people do. Benjamin always helping me learn and correct my mistakes. Joyce i laughed with you at the lady who in 3 months is already buying the inlaws expensive gifts
he is 100% right.. i did the same mistakes, got made pregnant at 21 & didnt work out. at 27 another pregnant with a man.. dated him for 10 years another pregnant with him.. and after 13 years got separated & now at 40, single mom with 3 Kids...i wish i knew that better before.
Don’t worry Love, it shall be well with you. God has an amazing plan for you, information is power!
Wueh!
Hugs girl 🤗. Children are a blessing from God so count yourself blessed. Get up, dress up and be ready to reclaim your shine!!
Am 23 and thanks to God I got this special advice after my breakup last night....but from now on words am a different person thanks to Zulu and Joyce......love it so much....
I wish I knew all this before 25.....that phase was just confusion
I love this,, am 26n not think of getting married soon,,, i second Benjamin words,, taking tym
Hmm.. really
Pamoja dada. I am 26 and not in the rush.
Joyce looking so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🍇❤️🍇🇺🇬
All this emphasis on a protection of a contract of marriage seems extremely off to me. A man will do exactly what he wants to do at the end of the day. It's rather simple ladies, if he has no regard to be in full submission to The Lord All Mighty, leave him alone.
Can't agree more
Eish I wish I knew this b4 turning 25. I'm 26 now but still I will use this information.
Very true before 25 find ur self ,love ur self, add value to ur self,the regrets will be less
I agree with the 25 advice. My mom always told me this as well.
Zulu has addressed the issue of "loss" which is the main reason for entanglement. Women cling to even lost men just so that they will say they have a "man" 😂
I feel like a female Benjamin Zulu. I have that look when I see mediocre 🙄 #getalifedude 🤦🏾♂️
Hehehe, female Benjamin Zulu....you should bring your wisdom ...Cate
I am glad I am watching this now, I ha e just got out of a long distance relationship and I have no regrets. I am starting on a clean slate thank you jesus
me too
In a long distance relationship dont know what to say.
Ouh the same here
Is true I was dated for 7yrs and we never married each other.
This changed my life..I love his talks😍💕❤️
Some ladies (and gents sadly) forget mostly what is meant to be focused in with their life when at these ages. Focus on your personal development before rushing. @ 15:35
Am at 23yrs and trust me am totally confused but hey Benjamin u just a blessing in my life
Lol..me too turning23
Am 23 n I thought I was late bt am learning
Amazing
Neil Graham I visited the Chanel n am learning a lot. Thenks Sana God bless 🙏
Communication,and progress is the best sign your man is ready for a relationship
Very correct
Wish men were more candid and straightforward the games can be boring . Others still play within marriages.
Apo kwa dating for too long its true... Am a victim n now happily married after dating for 8months....
I dated him for 5 years and we broke up and in six months he was married and she was 3 months expectant.
Pole mrembo...hugs
Pole
Pole dear
Woi aneee!!!
Am 30 ,i wish i saw this when 20 ,have ruined my life you are sooo true
Hey Gladys it's never too late. You are still so young. Discover yourself first.
You are still young.Just stand up,Dust yourself and move on wiser.God bless
Joyce thank you so much for changing my life I was struggling with dating but after watching this interview things will surely change 💝💝💝God bless you guys
The interpretation of dating before marriage nowadays,is sexing before marriage.That is why pple are stuck in toxic relationships.If pple could understand the meaning of dating,this could have been so easy
Where was he when I was 20😭😭😭😭,,,,not too late I discovered him last year @24 and I am so happy I turned my life around.Now I'm 25 and he is right "the dawn of sanity" everything makes sense now.I know what I want and where I'm going
I like this show .... Am Zimbabwean but l am learning a lot of things from you guys .... l salute you Sir 😊😊😊😊🙌🏾
Am 23 and totally feel like he is talking about me
I got my first man when I was 27yrs after we producing 1 kid he started to go outside when i try to tell him he just run away. He start telling me about her mother.i decide to leave bt now i found him marry one of my best friend.ladies lets be seriously
I Just turned 25 last month.Wow...and I feel am ready to settle now koz am done with my campus studies.
Mami, ready to date... not settle.
Date with a job or career sister
I hate it when they interrupt him while speaking OMG! This guy is too good yhoooo. He needs his own channel
Women should know that men take longer to mature.
Dating a man below 27 years is a waste of time
Edit: Such men like to wonder with any skirt in town
I believe in this....
@ndirangu
You confirmed this? 😂
I wonder how most girls do not realize this. Young men like to play games
For young women: Do Not Be Quick to Trust
Challenge is even in their 30s and 40s many men just want to play non committal indecisive
I'd disagree with these to some extent.
@@njiruroy6976 please state your reasons for disagreeing
This guy is so true. OMG, thank you so much. It's like I was receiving free counselling session.
It's time this dude starts being paid by government to head a moral and guidance counseloring unit in this country. This guy is a blessing to kenya lakini sisi ni nani? We don't see it
Tbh there's no formula for this life thing.. take God at His Word and be fully dependent on Him
hahahahahahahahaha
Ooooh Benjamin Zulu😂😂😂.
Too much reality. Thank you for the notes😘😀
I’m 26 but I’m still doing theory for now🤣🤣 Waiting on God because I know the practical will be sweeter. Ladies don’t settle for less. Enjoy all the goodness in your singleness whilst developing and improving yourself then you’ll be able to attract the right person. Oh how I enjoyed the chat. Thank you Joyce and Mr Zulu for the great information and I love the humour alongside. God bless you. Greetings from Melbourne Australia🙏🏾😃
💪💪I agree with you I'm also 26 single without a child and I'm not in rush yet
What eti get married within the two years before he starts seeing your weaknesses.....really???
I am a Malaysian and really enjoyed this talk. Benjamin is a very wise and speaks with a lot of knowledge and experience. Totally agree with his advice. God bless him!
Lady work had when aman find u with vision and ur things he cannot play on u.