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Only half of your friends actually like you, according to science
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- Опубліковано 14 сер 2024
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I feel like this is a pretty big misinterpretation of the science. It's not that 50% of your friends don't like you or actively hate you, it's that 50% of your friends don't consider you the same level of friend you consider them. That could even go in the positive direction - they consider you a closer friend than you consider them. All the study tells you is we're not good at determining how other people feel about our friendships, not that half of the people we call friends hate us.
It also shows an interesting point about human psychology that people would interpret the above as, "half of your friends secretly hate you". Not everything is so negative, not everything is black and white.
You are my heroine for setting this straight
That's a good point. And considering the scale was between 0-5, it's impressive 50% were matched up one to one in the first place, I think.
Just because they don't hate you doesn't mean they will be there when you need them or stand up for you when it's the right thing to do. I would much rather have someone hate me than be a fake, fair-weather friend. FWFs will let you down big time because they take your friendship for granted and don't care about betraying your trust. At least someone who actively hates you will avoid you and situations where they even could let you down.
Exactly. This is what happens when (typically) someone with no scientific background tries to use science to prove a preexisting notion they have instead of approaching something with an objective mind. People need to understand that papers are worded in a very specific and exact way for a reason and that you can't just exchange expressions like "don't reciprocate" with "dislike" and make your own conclusions based on that
I have plenty of people I don’t consider to be my friends but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. They’re good people, we’re just not close
Exactly!
+
Thank you. I nearly mentioned this myself. Most people in my "tribe," I don't really know because we don't really maintain contact because more pressing matters capture our attention.
Same
Not what is being discussed.
The people you consider your friends, are at a 50/50 chance, not you're friends and in fact, don't like you at all.
Anna: Half of your friends don't like you
Me: *looks at the twelve people I invited to my birthday party*
Me: Six of you shall betray me before the year is up
😄😄😄
Party with the cat no loss!
This scenario feels weirdly biblical
😆 🤣 😂
In my experience, all of your friends don't like you, they just find you convenient.
Well someone rating you a 0 on that scale just means they feel like they don't know you. It doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you or even hate you. You can like someone and not consider them a friend.
I guess but how can you truly like someone you don’t know, wouldn’t you just be liking the illusion of whoever you think they are in your head.
@@Fralinda1257 yeah. But how well can you truly know anyone, anyway? Saying you like someone is basically saying you like how they make you feel.
That's the parts where Anna completely misrepresented the results of that study.
I expect this from the internet, but from Anna it is disappointing, even though it's on something not important.
Agree
no it means they dont like you. you cant like anyone and consider them a friend since theres no such thing as friends
I've found this out myself as well. People have a tendency to call others, including me, friends way too fast, so I have dismissed them as acquaintances, kept the relation that way, though I would like the relation to further itself, it just takes more time than just taking a drink together once or twice. Usually people I've met have felt offended by it, until I just explain myself, and then it makes more sense for them
I call people friends because aquaintence is a mouthful. But I also internally know that I have different levels of friendship. Just because I call someone a friend didn't mean I want to be super close to them. It just means, in some relation to my life (concerts, weight room, sports,etc) I like them enough to share that aspect of life with them. Very few people have ever known the whole (ish) of me enough to be considered a close friend.
I've always wanted friends, but i've only ever found acquaintances.
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle it is so hard in this world to find people who are willing and able to get close to others. I wish you the best and hope you can find one or two you can call a friend and if you do you will be lucky.
@@chandrawatson2237 Nah, i'm 46 depressed anxious and waiting for my parents to die so i can kill myself. Friends are extremely unlikely at this point.
Yeah, even before I found this out, I would differentiate between friends and friendly acquaintances-which is fine.
I am more into getting along with others, even if not close, than having enemies.
What I found interesting is how this kind of research is read as "universal science", when is much more like psychologists from the U.S. making studies about their own culture -- a self-anthropology they call "science on human psychology".
culture shmulture. humans are humans.
Of course humans are humans but cultures are different from each other and Gabriel has a valid point.
That’s a great point
This is why psychology is bs. It's based off studies created and interpreted by people with almost identical upbringings, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, culture, and gender.
Completely agree with you. Friendship differs quite a lot from one culture to another, even between subcultures.
I usually feel like I have no friends, but I've found that it helps to just decide certain people are my friend, and then treat them like that and possibly saying that out loud. Those people tend to treat me the same way then, which has helped me a lot in actually buidling friendships
Can you provide me with a step-by-step guide?
I've always been friendly and people have pretended to be friends with me, but i've never had any real friends.
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle Yeah, I feel the same way. I can talk to a lot of people but they just feel like acquaintances.
1. Maybe change the enviornment- take a new class or something (find people that are interested in the same things as you are)
2. This is the most important. Even if things are hard pay attention to your relationships they are like plants - you have to water them and
3.don't give up (only if the person really really offends you) I've learned to forgive the mistakes of my friends over the years and they have done the same for me. But that works out only if you talk about them.
So number 4. Talk, share what's bothering you
5. Don't lovebomb. Decent people will love you for who you are, not for what you give them. In time you'll find out that some people are just manipulative and you don't want to be friends with them. Better to have none than a lot of bad people around you.
6. Most people actually don't have a lot of REAL friends. The society we live in makes it hard too. So don't worry you'll find real friends. They don't need to be many. You can be perfectly fine with one person you can count on. Hope that helps.
@@eatplastic9133 I've done 1 through 4 and never 5, but i still ended up with none. Not even one person i could really count on, except for my immediate family.
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle dont worry bro, me too. I always wanted friends i could rely and trust to the end like in the movies, and always ended up dissapointed. Had best mates who let me down. Mates they come and they go, like girlfriends. You can't rely on them. They may rely on you for a bit, but good luck getting it in return.
Pretty sure I have about 4 friends, and all 4 are actually good friends. But I can see this being relevant to people who actually have a social life.
dude, same here
i don't go out, nor do I get introduced to new people ever
same
4 friends sounds like a social life to me lol just cuz my friends are my brother, my boyfriend, and I have a long distance bestfriend since 7th grade. So I have 3 but they’re all basically my family and tbh like she said about the having 5 meaningful relationships I give my all to these three people, emotional support and all and I can’t find myself to find the energy to pursue anymore friendships beyond them. Besides the rest of my family. I mean maybe that’s my thing, I put a lot of energy into my family that I don’t have energy for other people even tho I do consider myself a people person and I enjoy talking to new people. But yeah I agree this is definitely a person with a big social life problem.
4 good friends is a pretty rich social life IMO. I have 3, but two of them are my boyfriends so it is a bit different. Outside of my partnerships, I only have 1 good friend
Agh same
What she didn't talk about is how, for every person described here, there must be somebody living the opposite experience. If a person A think they have 10 friends, while only 5 of these people actually consider themselves their friend, then there exist people like person B, who think they only have 5 friends while actually 10 ppl would consider to be their friend. It looks more like miscommunication than a depressing fact
Well, I think it's more that everyone is on both ends of unrequited friendship simultaneously with different people, not that half of people are on one end and half of people are on the other.
Nice sentiment, science says no.
The wording on the scale is interesting though. Even if I had to rate a person a zero for "I don't know them", that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like that person. All it means to me is that I'm not close to them. There's plenty of people that I barely know that I like.
I think the biggest problem here is that most people are alarmingly bad at recognizing their own feelings and others', but, mainly, their own. I was never one to make "friends" easily, my social circle has always been small, and even though I used to feel bad about myself because of it, I learned to embrace it and only then realized that most people don't have many friends either, they just think or pretend they do. Now, I have a few close friends who I can be pretty much certain that they appreciate my friendship back, because we took the time to build a foundation together and we have helped each other when needed.
yes, this is so true
I mean half of zero is still zero so....
😄 (hugs to you)
💯
That's me too haha
yeah whats your point?
I think people also have different ideas of what a friend is , some people need that constant connection and interaction whilst others which I say low maintances friends don't, someone who is high maintanece may consider someone they don't talk to every week as not a friend where as someone low maintanece would if they still talk once a month or so
This is so true. I have a lot of work this year and I can't really go out very often and there are very few people that understand- most take it personally
I'm that low maintenence friend. But attract high maintenence people who need to see me every day. I'm setting boundaries. But I always feel guilty.
This happens because friendship doesn't mean much to some people. The whole point of friendship is that this person knows things about your life, that they're PRESENT, otherwise it is not really a friendship, but acquaintances. And coincidentally, the people who feel comfortable labeling as friendship something that isn't are usually the ones who show up only when they need something.
@@DeePeeZee I think that guilt is a very important tool, I think you feel guilty because you know that if you were in the place of others you wouldn't want to run into someone individualistic and to be considered a friend only when it suits them.
All kinds of friendship must be reciprocal, otherwise, it isn't a friendship and you have to be clear about it and not be a friend when it's convenient and when it isn't to feel detached from such a concept or responsibility.
It was Bilbo Baggins who said it best, when he said: “I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
I used to call everyone I know “my friends” but then as time goes by I find out that they don't really consider me as their friends. So, I learned to use other words such as acquaintance, classmate, workmates, etcetera because not everyone is your friends and not everyone who's not your friends are someone you hate or someone you don't like. You can like a person and not call them your friends and THAT'S OKAY.
1. University friendships can be pretty common. What do you have in common besides classes and partying?
2. Introverts are more likely to know who their friends are. We are also less likely to show up or participate in studies because we don't often want to talk to people. It's not that we're shy - we just prefer deep conversations over small talk.
friendships are a myth. they only exist in shows. this is real life
I struggled with this idea a lot when I was in high school; the fact that “people don’t have to like you to be your friend”. I had quite a few friends at the time but when I was struggling through some tough times, literally none of them were there for me. After a while, that ate me up from the inside - made me question why my own friends didn’t like me, spiralling me into my worst depression I ever had all due to the fact that I believed that notion so strongly - that your friends knew you best and if they didn’t like you then who would? (Didn’t help I actually knew these guys for 4-5 years at this point too)
Now I’m okay because I’ve finally accepted the fact that not everyone, not even your friends, need or have to like you, and that’s why everyone says it’s important to have a strong sense of self worth. It’s okay to be a little selfish because in the end your own happiness is most important, but it has to be you that attains that. Friends are lovely but they won’t always be there for you, and you can’t expect them to do that either because their living their own lives. Hopefully this wasn’t too pessimistic but these thoughts are really what helped me stop being so desperate for other’s love and attention haha.
This is an interesting one - someone not considering you a friend doesn’t actually mean anything about the quality of the relationship necessarily. It might, but it might also indicate that they’re insecure about their status as your friend, or feel like they haven’t hung out with you long enough for you to consider them a friend.
It doesn’t automatically translate to “this connection is shallow and meaningless and they hate me”
Ah, good point. Friends and friendly acquaintances are just as different as enemies.
Thanks Anna for dropping the truth about friendships on us. I had a feeling most of the people I know are not close friends and just people I hang out with when I am with my close friends. My close friends I can count on one hand.
*Me, having only two friends:* Hm I wonder who is who 😶
There's very few people I actually dislike, BUT there are definitely some people I'd consider to be acquaintances rather than friends. I like those people I consider acquaintances though! If I actually disliked someone, I just simply would not interact with them wherever possible. Just because I don't consider someone a friend, doesn't mean I dislike someone. It just means I don't feel close enough to that person to comfortably call them a friend.
Very easy experiment to confirm what the study is saying: All the people you hang out or interact with, check if you are the one that initiates contact most of the time. If so, make the choice "I'm not going to do anything unless they reach out to me first". See how many "friends" you still have after that
why though
Sometims this fails too. My "friends" asked me to chill all the time but they were only using me for their agenda
I don‘t think the solution is that easy lol
You can’t just have one criteria and judge everything by that - with some of my friends, although i am the one to initiate, they do many other things for me that I don‘t do as often/regularly
good way to miss out on potential friendships lol
Not really understanding these responses so far. If you think a friendship entirely hinging on you to maintain is healthy, then I guess we're just philosophically opposed
Pretty much learnt this the hard way, right after a bad breakup right before covid hit. Plus side made some new amazing friends post covid that I'm much closer to (they not only remembered my birthday, they gave me a surprise birthday dinner and got me presents)
I can relate to this!
The term 'friend' has changed quite a lot since Facebook showed up. It has been diluted from what it was.
it's probably much worse off after you become disabled, I am paralyzed, as soon as I became disabled, a bunch of friends just disappeared, my best friend is the help that is hired to care for me
I hate that society is like this 😔
There's a big difference between a freind and a "friendly" acquaintance.
I do the bridesmaid/ groomsmen test. You can have about 6 close friends and I think about if I would be confident and comfortable to ask them to be part of my bridal party - and if they would ask me? Over the years those people who have had a spot have changed lol
I think there is a cultural/linguistic component here. From my impression, people in the US are way more likely to call someone a friend or use strong words of affection like "I love my friends" than we do in Germany. It just has become weirder not calling your acquaintances "friends" since Facebook came up, where you were by definition "friends" with any random stranger you once met at a party. Now when I have an acquaintance I don't consider as a friend, I use the term "buddy". Sounds nicer and more intimate than "acquaintance", but there's still that distinction to "friend".
In my neck of the english-speaking woods (pacific nw), 'buddy' would be distinctly closer than 'acquaintance', so I definitely wouldn't use it to describe someone who isn't my friend
Yea i think this applies to most of European cultures as well like i only consider like 3 people in my life outside of family to be my close friends the rest are "acquaintance" or friends of friends. I will only start to call someone a friend when they want to hang out with me one-on-one because if i don't i'll just open myself up for hurt and disappointment.
A good reframe of the “everyone hates me” anxiety could be- well statically half of my friends consider me their friend also 🤠
Bold of you to assume I have friends.
I think it’s always best to put quality time into the people you like and those who are worth your time, will stick around
This doesn't seem too shocking. People usually try to be non-confrontational and polite, and it's not like we usually verbally go "we're friends now, right?"
One person could view a particular relationship as a friendship when the other person just sees it as a pleasant acquaintance halfway between stranger and friend, like a neighbor.
I distuingish between friends and acquaintances. In the end I have a small amount of friends but a bunch of people to hang out with/have a fun evening. :)
I’ve discovered this during the pandemic. The ones that actually reach out were the ones I’ve become much closer. While the ones I thought I’d be the closest and I’D be the one to ALWAYS REACH out too just dropped me dead. They state they had their reasons, I was spiraling bc of the fact that I was working in the medical field, but not once did they try to reach out to me. But the ones that I consider my sisters have been thorough my lowest point and I realized what friendship really is. I still me those friends here and there but my mind always goes to “I know they dislike me… but why am I still here??” They are not toxic at all but maybe it’s more of like an acquaintance rather then friendship 🤷🏻♀️
I learned a while ago that even a best friend can betray you. I use the term friend with a lot of caution these days. My blood relative list is extremely small, two to be exact. So, I used to think that my friends were an extended family. I learned the hard way, that is not the case. I have a grand total of three close friends. I don't even meet the five mark.
the only important thing in my op is to have someone (blood related or not) you can count on. It's good that you have a strong bond with your family. In my experience the blood bond doesn't guarantee that the person will be there for me when I need them. I have few really close friends I know I can count on tho. One of them I've known for 15 years and is like a sister to me
Given the nature of my father's job, we moved around a lot when I was in school, as a result of which I didn't have any lasting friendships at school. The first time I watched 'Friends' in my early 20s was when I had this feeling for the first time in my life that none of the people I considered friends were actually my friends, even though I had been living with the same roommates for over 3 years at that time.
Over the years though I've changed my definition of friendship. Because most of my 'friends' are married (with/without kids) and/or have thriving careers, I realised I couldn't expect them to meet me as often as I'd like. So, it's the social media route with most of them, an occasional call and a rare meeting to watch a movie or to dine out. But it's okay. I now keep myself engaged with Netflix and Prime and, of course, UA-cam. I've also enrolled in a couple of courses to better myself and, incidentally, to reduce the amount of free time during my waking hours when I might feel friendless.
Same. I go with solitude route. Except none of my acquaintances (can't call them friends) are married.
On the plus side, there are people who like you and consider you a friend that you’re not even thinking about because you don’t consider them friends. So even though I’m right about some friends not liking me (or at least not considering me a friend), there are still more people who like me than I think.
Well maybe I’m not so fond of them either…
This doesn't apply to people who stick to a small close group of deep, genuine friendships
Learning to differentiate friends from acquaintances was something I had to learn
I recently stopped spending time with someone who I've considered a Close Friend because I realized she was actually just a Good Person. Despite knowing each other for ~10 years, the support balance was way out of whack.
Going to college, I realised this fact and I was so upset and betrayed at first, but it makes sense. I've accepted this now and I'm even closer with my close friends
Yeah this makes sense. It’s actually really hard to find someone that you really really like and want to pursue a friendship with especially as an adult or even at uni.
Most girls at my high school were pretending… they were all the same - in behaviour clothing likes and opinions. It only took me until about three years to realise they were actually faking it most probably all or most of the time
That's why family is important. You may have a best friend you consider a brother or sister, but at the end of the day, your parents will be your parents, your brothers and sisters, your brothers and sisters, a unique bond and shared experience (growing up at home) that can never be emulated.
My therapist said you can have different types of friends. They don’t all need to be close friends. You can have your active friends, who you only call to workout with one another. You can have your food friends who love to go out and try new foods together. Or your bar friends, who are happy to grab drink. “Friends” don’t always have to be your ride or die friend
I had to do that plenty of times even this year, 2020 being the heaviest purging. A lot of those so-called friendships were inspired by trauma bonds that I had started to break, yet some are fine to at least regulate as acquaintances now.
It takes about 5 years for someone to be considered a friend. This is important because high-school and college mostly take 4 years. People may take less than that when it comes to transition from places or jobs. How many of your classmates or coworkers would you still talk to once school ends, when you move, or when you no longer work with each other?
Genuinely with love to trying to contribute: the pronunciation of anathema threw me. I went back to the wiki and the speaker icon said the same. If you're going to the wiki anyway, you can hear a common pronunciation of a word with a single click.
I consider your videos mandatory watching for my 7-year-old as she gets older. Thank you and please make more!
I have a tendency to pronounce things the way they're spelled! There's some words I know how to pronounce but still accidentally say it the way it's written. An unfortunate pitfall of being a writer & speaking multiple languages is they get v jumbled haha
@@AnnaAkana English is pretty bad with this in particular, because so many words are borrowed and don't fit the rules. (It seems to be more a pitfall of reading from a script. So many times I'm watching a show or movie and after one character says a word the second character has never heard before, the second character proceeds to repeat the word, pronouncing it differently. Bugs the crap out of me.)
I felt seen and heard that Anna finally covers this topic. Due to an incident with an ex-friend that broke my trust and bond with that person, this made me more cautious, paranoid and hesitant in forming new friendships, and as of now I only have one close friend who I already shared most parts of myself. But at the same time I craved and longed for want new friends: friends that I can really shared comfortably about anything even the personal ones, not just certain topics that are usually touched upon when you're with just acquaintances or guests, basically just having the same close bond and vibe I have with my close friend. I'm still hesitant of calling someone a friend because aside from the trust issues stemmed from that incident, some people may not consider me to be a (close) friend, they just consider me as a acquaintance or a commodity. It's both good and bad regarding this social tendency we have. I kinda miss being part of a squad.
Most of my friends are usually from work, or people that I met at a rave/night club scene. I will say, the more people you have as friends, the harder it is to keep up with all the people in your life. Therefore, I can see why some people wouldn't like me, or why I wouldn't invest in others. Truth is, time is a resource that we could never get back, so I'm okay staying as acquaintance to some people. Those true friends you have, those are definitely high quality friendships you want to retain.
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Swaggins, 2001
this uncormfortably accurate about alot of my friends that i meet in person but tbh its not suprising considering how our social groups work
If you can’t sit down and have a comfortable and respectful conversation with another person about the friendship and where it is or what it is, you ain’t friends and it may be time to reconsider what the relationship is or isn’t. If not with them, at least internally. Doing some of that this weekend for sure 😔
Forget a comfortable conversation, none of my acquaintances (can't call them friends) even send a text on my birthday.
"That I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Hated by half of the people I know" made me laugh 😂😂😂
that probably also means that there are a number of people out there who would consider you to be their friend, but you don't really think about??
I do also worry with research like this that is trying to quantify highly complex interactions into a simple numbered scale. It can create statistics like this, but it doesn't really tell you what the statistic means. Maybe there is someone in my life that I don't know all that well, and I consider them to be more of an acquaintance as a friend. That doesn't mean that I don't like them, or wouldn't if I got to know each other more. It's hard to interpret results like these without the qualitative data to back them up (e.g. you can ask participants to say or write out their reasoning too, and naturally that is a much bigger and more difficult study).
It may also be the case that they know me better than I know them - maybe I am more ready to share things about myself and they are more guarded. Since I don't know what's going on in their life, maybe I don't consider them as a friend because I couldn't say that I really know them.
There might be people in my life who I wouldn't really consider as a 'friend', but it might change my perspective if I found out that they thought of me as one, or at least I might change the way I interact with them.
I think thats a big cultural thing.
I'm from germany and here it takes a lot to go from aquaintance to friend.
I personaly haven't really noticed that, but it has been points out by a lot of americans moving to Germany.
I feel this. I never liked it when people acted like it is all in your mind that people dislike you. God gave us intuition for a reason. I know in my life people say they think I'm cool and a nice person. But when a party happens, somehow I wasn't invited. Or when i post on social media they liked it. But they like everyone elses post. I now learned to judge actions moreso than words.
only half of them hates me? Damn, need to pump up those numbers, those are rookie numbers
Okay so having 0 friends I can proudly say that 0 friends dislike me. Yay!
Lol. Thanks, Anna! My self-esteem is now boosted by watching this.
Wow it’s funny you said five because my grandpa used to say you are blessed to be able to count five true friends on one hand ✋🏻 and if you just have one a true friend is a gift and not many even have that one so cherish it. Just proves are elders really are the wises ☺️
If you're not spending quality time with people on your free time, they're not your friends. People that you talk to on a regular basis due to certain circumstances such as work or school and not outside of those circumstances, they're not your friends either. A friend is someone that knows something personal about you and still accepts you for those flaws, and they got your back when you need them. Otherwise, they're just acquaintances.
None of my friends initiate contact with me, I have to bother them if I want to talk to them. I think I’m bad at making and keeping friendships.
Lol, found this out years ago.
I cut cut cut cut cut away all the people who wanted me around as a doormat or emotional and mental garbage dump. I even cut away my family, abusive and narcissistic, completely unneeded.
I have 2 friends now. I'm good with that. Neither are pretending to like me just for company, we're actually invested in each others personal interests and development yet able to walk alone when need be.
Humans are inherently disgusting creatures with little to no self awareness. I'm glad I was able to find 2 who actually have it.
I feel like I don't have any close friends. I wonder if there are ppl who think we are close or used to think so.
Yup, this is me. The pandemic forced me to look at the people I really wanted to spend time with and, truly - risk my health for. The number is very.. very low. I'm cool with that, though.
I ended up getting to know one of my coworkers, oddly enough, when we were both out of the building, and now I consider her to be my "go-to" person.
I secretly hate one of my oldest, closest friends. I thought it was because I am a terrible person...but apparently it's normal. Well, that takes a load off!
Specially among women. I have a friend who basically confessed to me that I’m the only one who she isn’t jealous of nor does she feel like I am a competition to her. She is a people pleaser. Not shocking to me. I always thought that to be the dark side of people “pleasers” that basically they do things for you so you feel the need to like them and in a way in debt to be nice to them.
As an over-thinker, I appreciate this confirmation. One less thing for me to think about. 😊👌🏾
Friends with someone for 10+ years and I’ve been invited as her bridesmaid but she expects me and other friends to spend everything that goes with being a bridesmaid and refuses to shoulder expenses for her own wedding. Learned it now that just because you’ve known someone for a while doesn’t automatically mean the friendship is deep.
I have a lot of acquaintances but only one true friend
I am convinced that every single one of my friends is more important to me than I am to them.
What a luck is I don't have any friends. Or perhaps the people that know me makes it very obvious they do not like me.
I hate this. This is why I don't even want to bother trying to have a "social life."
If nobody really likes me anyway then wtf is the point
This actually just motivated me to spend more time on my amaaaazing close friends 😊
So yes it is possible that you like them but they do like you, it’s also possible that you both like each other just that you might like and feel closer to them than they like and feel closer to you.
wait is this why i noticed some of my friends don’t reach out and initiate conversations with me?
I don't think some of the people I consider as friends actually hate me, I think it's a very harsh extreme concept. I do consider that I'm level 5 with 1 of my friend, she's like a sister to me. Then I'd probably bring another friend to level 4, 3 and the rest are just people I like but I don't consider them as friends per say. Also I do think that that level tends to fluctuate depending on periods, events in one's life and personnal dev. I had someone I considered at level 3, an actual friend and we had a rupture, I knew something was off and that I was more invested into that frienship when she showed more like a level 1/2 and rarely more. We scaled down evenif she said we are still friends but we don't share as much as I would like to share with people I do consider friends. It's just a different level, different vibe. Sometimes I feel like scaling relationships is not a good thing. That person to me is still a friend, we can talk for a long time about music and life and projects, but she's no good in hard times, specially when emotions are thrown on the table because she doens't know how to be vulnerable or deal with vulnerability in front of her. For some cases she's a great friend, amazing problem solver, fun to be around and has always a way to help me step back from stuff. But when i'm down, need reassuring, affection or comfort, she's not the one for it.
I believe every relationship we have brings us something and we bring something to it as well. I'm 35 and I can see my tribe is pretty small with 3 main true frienships and 2/3 not as closed but still great depending on situations. I don't think I would be able to manage more. I just hope the ones I like the most actually like me ahaha ! I don't hate anybody, If I really didn't like someone I wouldn't be friend with them at all but I know people who keep "friends" they don't like and I have no idea why XD
Yeah, the older you get, the more you can point your friends and friendly acquaintances.
In 2020 I started feeling like everyone secretly hated me. One told me "We all love you but trust your insticts". Turns out her and the entirety of my friend group actually didn't like me at all. They only "felt sorry for me" because I "had no actual friends". I was so mad about it because I literally rejected hanging out with other people because they were my BEST friends. By trusting them, I lost people genuinely interested in being my friend. They thought they were doing me a favour but were isolating me 🙃
there are many flavors of friendships out there and yeah I can see how certain people that I know might not like me. sometimes it's just chemistry and dynamic between people. as a people-pleaser that cares for opinions from my acquaintances, friends, and family, it's kinda hard for me to accept this fact :') but I'm slowly getting the hang of it, I think
Once you find out a friend hates you all of their kindness towards you just becomes disgusting.
This is why I have three friends lol, if I get that “they don’t really like me” inkling I cut them off… I guess there are some perks to being paranoid lol
Looking at the only two friends I have. I'm definitely gotta have to get rid of one who hates me!
I'm far too unstable to have this information.
And so I shall forget it and live in blissful ignorance.
I am someone who tends to underestimate the quality of relationships (due to past trauma, most likely). I always think of someone as a good aquaintance and then suddenly receive a really heartfelt birthday gift from them with a card that says I love you so much and value our friendship or something like that and I'm always like, wtf, how come they like me so much? And then quickly adjust my perception of that friendship to catch up with theirs, lol
Yes I knew it like forever. Not a big deal. You have to put effort into friendships and you can't do that with too many people. And the other friends don't hate you just because you are not a priority.
Yup, survival friends. True friends are hard to find.
Maybe because we inaccurately label people as friends when they are more like acquaintances or people we know?
There’s also another study (more like a mathematical proof) that your friends have more friends than you do.
Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
I don't think that they necessarily hate you. Most probably they just don't care because they literally can't do it for that many people, which is okay tbh. I would say that hating people it's even heavier than maintaining close relationships, so it doesn't sound very accurate to think that I could be capable of hating hundreds of individuals that I just consider to be acquaintances with whom I can spend some time with and enjoy it.
So true. She realized friends aren’t usually really friends. She must be nearing 30.
Jokes on you, I have no friends.
[EDIT: I commented before fully watching] 2016... we didn't have covid back then. i wonder how things have changed and shifted, in terms of the pandemic.
Jokles on you! I don't have friends! MWahaha
Well there goes a bunch of people I consider friends out the window.
"Half of your friends hate you" me thinking about who of my only 5 my friends secretly hates me.
*only half of your friends like you*
me with two friends: 👁👄👁
Waaaaiit a second! That means that more people considers themself your friend than you think! So you actually have loads of friends and don´t even know it :)