“WHAT SECURITY REALLY MEANS FOR WOMEN” (EP. 91)
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- Опубліковано 1 лис 2023
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(Ep. 91) “WHAT SECURITY REALLY MEANS FOR WOMEN” (EP. 91)
COMMENT SECTION ACTIVATED!!!
This weeks episode stemmed from a comment that Tyler Perry went viral with in saying that if a woman is completely satisfied in all areas except financially, would she be willing to lead in that area of the relationship. We also had off-camera conversation with the producer of our show Lola as a woman to be able to weigh in on the topic as well. We posed the question, “As a woman if you make more than a man could you still respect him as the head of the household considering he’s satisfied you every other way, if not why should finances be the deal breaker?”
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@duke @omar.bolden @just.Jalon
Intro song: @xaroc__ - Pledge of Allegiance
Having this conversation without a woman present is questionable. I feel like a woman would’ve added value to this episode.
They were talking with a woman behind the camera towards the end.
We could hardly hear her
I agree
I agree! Before I even watched the episode I was wondering where was the female guest.
Exactly. This makes no sense.
We need that part 2 fellas! A female guest for a woman's perspective would be perfect!
Yes, because certain answers needed to come from a woman.
Yes, because some of the assumptions were off.
There is many women that have invested in a man before, to not see a return on their investment or to end up single. That is a major reason why many women will not take the risk on a man that is not already established.
Honestly there's a difference between a man who isn't financially able right now and working towards bettering himself financially, and a man who is okay in being complacent. Then it becomes another problem or a man lacking ambition and being a mooch and nothing to offer or just simply unwilling to elevate EVER.
As a long time listener - this is first time I feel they missed the mark. But I think its a combo of speaking on a woman’s mindset whilst not being a woman. And a reflection of their own experiences.
Because I’m scratching my head thinking, “Who are these women they are speaking of?!”
Thisssss!
Same!!
It’s kinda crazy that we’re telling women to be more flexible in dating under their tax bracket, and then when they do and it fails then we tell them to pick better men… it seems like niggas is not focused on a solution but finding ways to protect their pride…
Probably 7% of ALL women have to be more “flexible” dating “below” their tax bracket. Majority of women being more realistic with themselves, lifestyles and worthiness will come down to their own tax bracket. And see they just need to adjust their desires for real for real
I think there should be a part 2 with women present to give a different perspective.
I agree
Money = Security
It’s not about Ego. I think it’s dangerous to even insinuate that it’s about ego. It’s about STABILITY. Nobody wants to be with a man that is not delivering. It’s not about instagram. It’s not about a restaurant tab. We NEED stability. The same way you all need us resting in our feminine we need you all resting in your masculine. A man with no money is not stable. Simple. I agree that you should not discriminate if you’re a female millionaire who’s income is hard to match, but we’re not about to normalize men barely being able to come up with 50k a year.
I would love a part 2 with Brittnay,Candice and Chanel 💚
Also for myself personally, having security is not based on finances. I wanted someone who was willing to build with me , whatever that was. An umbrella of all things. Someone i could have children with that would be there every step of the way and putting in just as much effort. Someone I could trust to be loyal to me. Someone with the same mindset around money or willing to compromise so we both get our wants and needs met but the bills are paid before anything else. Also a friendship so we could tell each other anything and truly grow together and work on things if anything came up that would distance us. Etc . I found all those things in my husband and when we first met we both were working at Steak ‘n Shake and he lived with his family at the time. Meanwhile I lived in my own place with my son. Therefore I believe anything is possible if both people in the relationship have the same goals and are likeminded.
Love every word you said. Security does not stop at the finances, guys.
Trust me most will SAY it’s not about money but us men know that it definitely means money so I’m not sure a woman being there would help unless she’s super honest. Even those with money say they aren’t comfortable unless the man makes more than them. We go by reality on what women go for every day not what they say. Actions speak louder than words.
Question: would you allow your daughter to marry a man who is comfortable being financially dependent on her? He doesn't lack ambition but a man comfortable staying at home and cooking etc
I definitely think that the mark was missed on this episode. The reality behind the frustration of the quote is that bw specifically are expected to play the role of holding men down while other races and cultures don’t expect that of their women. Honestly we do a disservice to our men when we let them think that they can have the dream life while the bw is carry the financial burden. heck in other races and cultures men can’t even get a wife if their finances aren’t in order and no one shames the woman or tells her that she has to do it because that’s her only option and she owes atleast that much. MONEY MATTERS !! and I truly despise that black women are expected to have the lesser when it wouldn’t be a problem elsewhere
The challenge for women is how to discern a man who is worthy of being invested in. Some women have invested in men and were burned so they prefer not to take that risk. It’s fear.
And sidenote getting facials, getting our hair done, nails etc is an investment for me (can't speak for all women but I think the percentage is high). Women are judged more on how we look especially when dating and in a relationship so it's defo an investment.
Imagine, as a woman, wanting a man who is financially stable is categorized as ego... When it comes to supporting a family, and allowing a woman to thrive in her natural feminine state the man having that financial stability is very important. The balance requires a man who is rooted and grounded enough to provide that for their family.
Just my perspective- people in the comments tend to have this notion that a podcast like this is supposed to fit everyone’s narrative. While not perfect, the premise is to share the perspectives of 3 black men. While the idea of adding a woman’s perspective is not mutually exclusive to this, the normative approach is just the 3 guys.
🥃🥃🥃
Other races think completely different I agree with Omar. Other races would be appalled to not provide financially
Let’s be clear Duke… a man has to be mentally and emotionally stable for a woman to think about investing, most importantly he has to have a clear vision… not uncertain about his own future.. women don’t mind investing in a man that’s invested in her… and some women don’t spend money on BS nails that break and waste money to go get re done just do it ya self some women want land and generational wealth and just need a king to just love on like the dude I wanna be with works for a warehouse and I am a truck driver but he’s still the King.
I just feel like this conversation assumes that black men are disproportionately underpaid vs black women or financially delayed… the data doesn’t support that. Yes, we may be more educated BUT financially we are in similar places, with women slightly BEHIND because of the wage gap. Soooooooo WHY must we “date down” 🤔
Good subject. I honestly missed a woman voice on this subject. Can you guys do a part 2?
A lot of women are upset but I appreciate hearing men’s perspectives without having to interrupt lol. I don’t fully agree but I’m also not a man lol. Your dialogue is giving me great dialogue for my own relationship
i commend you guys for still releasing this episode despite the inconvenience that occurred while also thinking outside of the box and adding that additional clip. as always i enjoyed the discussion and would love to hear the perspective of a woman on this subject if possible. thank you for all you do! 💕🥂
I think the reality is that women aren't afraid to invest in men and building relationships. But more times than not, women find themselves investing time and energy and love, and it turns out to be for naught. There is a lot of cheating and emotional detachment that happeens on either side as soon as you're not getting what you want in a long term relationship. If you even make it long term and don't find out your partner was doing dirty because they were mad or there was impatience wherever something is lacking. With all the access to other individuals, it makes it easier to go and get what you aren't getting at home and that leads to wounds and even more distrust for the opposite sex. A lot of people are hurting and unhealed because their love and trust was taken for granted, and that turns into not wanting to waste that time again.
This is such a great and multidimensional conversation. I hope there’s a part 2, objectively discussing the average man in America. I don’t believe the average man is a protector, emotionally intelligent and just missing the financial piece. 😗
Kfs podcast is done . I need y’all to hold it down ! This the only podcast with substance 😩😩😩❤❤❤❤
I'm so glad Duke touched on how we spend our money. People assume BC you don't spend your money the way they spend theirs that it means you're broke or not on their level. The reality is people spend their money on what they value. Just BC we don't value the same things doesn't mean anything!
I agree with Tyler Perry find a man with a good character BC the money can always come. Looking at relationships from a biblical standpoint the woman is the wisdom. So imagine how far you can elevate an already good man when you come in and pour into him.
I really believe this conversation should have a panel of women on there with you all and that’s with a lot of the podcast you all present. Because a lot of the things that were stated seemed so one sided and bias. Great viewpoints yet the perspective was clearly from the man.
I think this episode would’ve had so much more value if your spouses were present. Nevertheless, great insight.
The part that you mentioned that if the women was making a big enough income, and my partner wanted me to purchase like a camera for them for their goals and dreams, and i could afford it easily i would definitely purchase it for them!
Y’all kinda lost me w this one, a self respecting woman’s perspective was needed
Yhew I am really growing as a woman cause I agree with every thing stated in the episode. It’s a super touchy subject because so many women have been on the failed end where they support a man financially and do not gain the desired outcome that Tyler Perry speaks of.
Love this show. Started watching faithfully pretty recently.. love watching a conversation being had.
Such a good example of of transparency that’s needed 👏🏾👏🏾 Love your insights Jalon!
Good convo ! I don’t think a woman had to be present to address this topic . Well done fellas
I love hearing men perspectives on how they interpret the needs of women. I also appreciate it being solely a mans perspective because there are so many women podcasts that provide perspectives for women. This is so refreshing and needed.
Totally agree with the security comments too. It’s not an ego or pride thing at all. Security means a lot more than financial. Especially this day and age.
The multiplying segment Duke started YIKES - that needs to be a co-ed conversation for sure
The segment Jason started about transparency GOLD
25k is a lot for anyone to invest in someone. That’s a down payment on a house… You all need a part 2 with female guest.
Youre right about the facade thats presented in dating, very glad I don't have to date strangers anymore. I STILL date my husband though! We are trying to constantly evolve and learn each other along the way.
This was a great convo. Very insightful. Great things were considered but I believe 2 women could of been invited to join this convo. To create a more equal conversation.
I'll tell you right now WE BE TERRIFIED TO INVEST 😂
Nah yall went craxy this episode. Jalon with the key scenarios
Yesss Duke!!! within the first 5 mins👏🏽👏🏽
Duuukkkkkeeeeee, you brought that thing around so good! Many women aren't honest with themselves and possibly don't know what they want. Because his money should never matter if those other things are 💯. If he has the skillset, as Jalon said, it's fair game. That's all I need him to have. Along with that skillet and his regard for me, we are going to take off no doubt. Mainly, because I believe in myself. Do women truly believe in their position and their power anymore? Are they operating out of PRIDE/EGO? I love this Ep. This is the first time I can truly say that men have addressed women from a loving manner but also operated in true leadership. I am sure you guys broke through to many women. ❤
good episode many great points. I know some don’t agree with it but they all made they statement and it all make sense. Like Omar said, one bad situation shouldn’t ruin your whole perspectives if you’re a genuine person on how you move. 💯
Other races 100% have women out-earning and out-growing men as well lol and a woman should have been a part of this conversation.
Listening to this conversation was a bit frustrating, because it seems to me that the view on women is that we're shallow and non-complex beings. The amount of times I disagreed with some sweeping statements made on women was disappointing, but I know that these brothers aren't closed minded and that they meant no harm. Hopefully a woman who isn't trying to find the man with the deepest pockets can add some well-needed nuance to this conversation. Love
11:07 Deserving is because you are being what you're asking for @duke
38:30 yeaaa i believe in transparency in all my relationships so that’s a good jewel 💎 ❤
If y’all ever consider a female co host, & the woman behind the camera isn’t free, I’m ready, willing, available ❤
Meh....nope, this was too generalized. Im the investor and take the risks more than my husband. I love hair and nails, but do them myself because i cant justify the costs but enjoy the pampering. We BOTH enjoy finer things but agree that Travel is higher on priority for us. Pampering is something i push for both of us. We BOTH enjoy a good massage day, or pedicure.
For 65% of our 20+ year relationship, I've made more financially. We are both on a level field now, and are secure, however we are working towards freedom. I STAY hustling for mine! ❤
This Episode Definitely Needed Two Women Included To Give Their Perspective…
Part 2 with “women” perspective please
i loved this episode! baby duke was talkingggggg!
Okay y’all just threw this one up fellas lol
Where is the female guest?
8:55 I really like this point here - there’s security in having a ego (I think because it’s rooted in self esteem) - a woman cooking for her husband (nourishing him) and a man providing* (taking care of her) for his wife sounds pretty good to me - I think people want to seem cute and trendy and reject roles - there will be a hierarchy in a relationship - I think the most optimal is man and woman - everyone must put in work for it to, work - I guess pick your work lol
tyler perry shares his opinion, the culture is in uproar. Jada airs it out, the culture is in uproar. Tory, Rkelly, Megan, etc. etc... Are we the only culture that makes opinion and other peoples lives a priority?
30:53 financial security is great and what we truly need, financial freedom is the goal but it’s not as attainable
Love listening to you guys but I think we need to revisit this topic again with the right woman/women to give a different perspective. There are many reasons why most women want a man to be more financially stable and it has nothing to do with the “city girl” or “ig baddie” ego of just give me some money so these people can see how you spoil me. There’s some very serious and real consequences to dating some men with less, that the average woman has already dealt with and probably wouldn’t want to repeat that experience. Patriarchy and the expectations society places on men can make dating a man with less a very uncomfortable experience if he’s insecure about his position in society. But only a woman can go into true detail about what happens in that scenario.
Hey guys! Can you speak about why do men be a competition with women. I believe a lot of women experience it having zero understanding of it and they’re role in it as well.
Okay Duke! 👏🏽
42:55 yea! You definitely have to be yourself regardless of how it’s goin. Remain the same. I had THE WORSE blind date but he didn’t know until I texted him after and told him it wouldn’t be another
Man I loved this convo! Wish I was there 😩 I have a lot to add 😆
Let me see your cards 🤣🤣🤣 that was good though cause people are hesitant and scared.
i would love to see Stephan Labossiere be a guest on this podcast to throw some gems for the fellas and ladies ✨🥂✨
Ouuf this is a heated one…I love it 🥵
Exactly why Im looking for a horse, rabbits, and turtles.
Tyler Perry Movies for a LONG time aided to the terible public perception that Black Men have. Probably just as bad if not worse than the Color Purple, just because he's CONSISTENTLY made movies that make black Men look horrible. I've stopped watching his movies for a long time.
33:20 he has to have a goal, ambition, a plan, maybe even finances to start if needed… like it’s easy to do if and when the man has ambitions and a plan. We make plans better, but you have to come with the blueprint already. A lot of men will have ideas but no real plan to make it happen. That’s where we get stuck. Because if I push too hard on the idea, it becomes nagging lol so the idea and plan need to be in place for us to come in and make it better or get behind and push for the next steps
The first half was definitely hitting harder they were on to something.
Duke you got to chill! ! too many bars
Im curious at what point in dating is this conversation of money coming up?
Can we stop the generalizations about what women want? I gotta say I disagree with a lot that was said on this episode 🥴
Same
I feel like initially men want money to attract a high value woman. Then, provide for both of your lifestyles. And, then hopefully leave a legacy for their family. Correct me if I'm wrong.
To answer your question. Me as a woman, I want money to provide generously for my entire family. And when married that multiplies with my husband's family too. I want to continue to uphold my family's generational wealth and standards.
Can you guys collab with Pour Minds & Know For Sure Pods please?!!
There were some good points raised in this episode however they should be a woman in pt 2. It’s better to hear from a woman since the topic is about women and finances in relationships
Why was there a need for a female to be present? I don’t understand.
This was a good conversation.
Hey Nice & Neat Podcast , really nice video! I was wondering if I could help you edit your videos and also make a highly engaging shorts out of them.
Security for me is if shit hit the fan I will be confident enough to know that I would not have to handle hard situations by myself. I shouldn’t have to use my money for every emergency or every hick up. I like to save money….I HAVE to save money cause if I don’t I just know we will either get evicted, loose a car, or whatever else. I don’t like being the only person contributing to that. Why do I have to be financially responsible and he can just spend his money however he wants just because he doesn’t make enough of it. Since I make and have more money, it automatically makes me a ATM for the household which I don’t think is fair, I can’t even invest in any self care because I have to save that money. Idk I just think y’all got it all wrong. We are tired of being the one’s that have to handle shit all the time, we can’t ever lean on our man for situations like that because he won’t be able to. It’s just not a life I want to live personally
I don’t think a female guest was needed. The gentleman do topics on both men and women every episode, and this demand for female voice is rarely requested. I’ve been a follower since day 1 so I know lol I think this triggered a lot of people so now they want a “voice”. The dialogue with the young woman was GREAT from what we could hear and you dropped many gems! I’m seeing in the comments that listeners want a part two with everyone’s partners and I think they’d be shocked that they may agree with you all
Thank you, I agree and wrote something similar. We can’t be biased just because it’s men speaking and some may not like what’s being said.
The only way that this conversation would make sense to me is if you all don’t believe in gender roles at all. As long as you aren’t expecting any other aspects of the relationship to be “bc I’m a woman” or “bc he is a man” I can understand this.
It’s crazy how y’all want us to make men our projects 🤣🤣 watch how that back fires
Song 🎵 intro???
I hate being the bread winner, I want him to buy me things too, I don’t like paying for everything like that is so irritating. Everything is always my treat I don’t even have the money or time to treat myself cause I have to be financially stable for two adults instead of just myself. My SO does not have to be rich but it’s nice when other can buy you things and I’m not even just talking bout material things. If a man can’t even pay for an experience for me then that’s just depressing asf for a woman like damn I can’t get nothing from this man.
Ain't no people like black people lololol 💯💯💯♥️
34:34 y’all wouldn’t believe how much a woman would pour into her man if we see the potential there. We ALL have fallen in love with potential and it went nowhere lol so after the lesson we have to really see you’re about the business before we jump out and do it again. But we definitely will pour into or invest in our man. I was buying beats and paying for studio time. Bruh went and wrote a song about another girl on my ahh 😂 but I’ll still invest in my next man as long as I can see the vision ❤
I feel you felt he only single out black women but he basically saying most black women are the breadwinners when it comes to a relationship in a black relationship 🤷🏾♀️
I liked how Duke & Omar trend ‘lightly’ with that Tyler Perry quote. Good job guys cause that’s some bs Tyler’s talkin’ smh
Big yikes 🤢
Asking how much is the facial and not covering it was corny!
I just feel like some of these mindsets are training women to take on the mindset of a man and from these men that say they are traditionlist I am SO confused.
“Women use the history of women to justify their future behaviour.” 👀👀👀
I think you all need a female perspective for this episode. Still great a podcast
As a “whole” blk women don’t pay for much.
Nooooo guys! Security is NOT just money. AND I really think it’d be helpful to speak to women who have often made more than the men they date. Women in tech, law, medicine, engineering, government, finance, etc.
There’s a lot of women who out earn men (not just black women).
I also think y’all’s ideas of what women do is of women who aspire to be under the helm of a man…which also can mean willfully under earning to protect the order.
Many other gyals don’t think like that.
No way is good, bad, better, or worse.
My main question is, have any of you all dated women who earn more than you. I wanna hear how your traditional views hold up
Who was the credible person? I think this episode missed the mark and should have had a woman and been a teaching experience from the men.
Y’all definitely missed the mark on this one.
I’m sorry you guys I think your podcasts are great but you guys should have had a black woman present or even a black and non black woman for this conversation for a true honest dialogue because no matter what you guys say you cannot speak on a black woman’s behalf because you don’t know how it feels to be a black woman and what we go through especially in society today.
I will say the misogynistic episodes are lame for more reasons than one. Both have been almost intellectually void. The "teaching women how to be a woman" has been so off base and really doesn't do this podcast any type of justice beyond raising engagement. I think in the long run it will muddy the brand/foundation. I know for me this is the last comment I'll make on misogyny on this channel.
It would be great to get @ToniT0ne on here or another woman with valuable insight on this topic for a part 2