“ARE LOVE LANGUAGES EVEN REAL?” (EP. 72)
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2024
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EP. 72) “ARE LOVE LANGUAGES EVEN REAL?”
We got an episode for the fellas! We talking love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and finally acts of service. We all agreed that our top love language was acts of service and broke down why.
It took us some time to be in tune with our love languages and operate on that emotional level. Learning our love languages was complete self discovery through our own experiences of each love language and how it impacted us. Omar read the book “5 Love Languages“ which led him to his self discovery.
Knowing your love language will help you vocalize your feelings when things have a positive or negative effect on you emotionally. It will also better help you express those emotions and how to come to a resolve.
A big question we had was “Can someone adjust their love language based on their partners ability to give them what they need?
Leave your answers in the comments!
Also, we’d love to hear what your love languages are and why?
If you’re enjoying this episode please do us a favor and share with your friends and family! 🙏🏾
🚨Check out the full episode on UA-cam and all streaming platforms {NICEANDNEATTHEPODCAST}🚨
🥃🥃🥃 Drop that if you’re tapped in
@duke @omar.bolden @just.Jalon
Intro song: @xaroc__ - Pledge of Allegiance
This podcast and you three men are a powerful depiction of black excellence 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. Our community NEEDS this and I’m glad that you’ve all risen up to the responsibility. These healthy conversations are just so amazing to watch. Honestly, I’m a very proud listener, and I pray that God will grant you every skill and resource that you need to keep going and to take nice and neat around the world!
Love languages go both ways. There’s a way you like to be loved AND the way you show love to others. The 2 can be different.
True! I love quality time but show love through acts of service
Absolutely
O is correct. Naturally if you're not receiving your main love language you will feel unloved. There will be a lot of doubt and second guessing in that relationship. Imagine your love language being words of affirmation and your partner NEVER gives you compliments, never says I appreciate you for... never verbally expresses how they feel about you. You will feel deprived of love. That's how children can grow up in a seemingly healthy household and still say they never felt loved. Just think about kids who just want a hug (physical touch) from their mom or dad, but all they get is gifts. Or an "i love you" "great job, I'm proud of you" (words of affirmation) and they never receive it.
This was a great topic guys!
The last 15 minutes of this is so beautiful. I love the transition into giving each other your friendship love language. So sweet! Definitely leaders talking to leaders here. Thank you for being here.
jalon the sociologist :) that harmony and interracial comment was onto something 🎯
My boy 💯❤️
@@carolynmcintyre2199 let him know. We appreciate all the guys
The words of affirmations y’all gave each other is so rewarding to hear and the way Omar expressed his love of the gift Jalon bought him!
Ive been told I was childish for having “acts of service” be my love language but not wanting to have to ask for the service to be done, I knew that interpretation was off but couldn’t verbalize why! The “you see me” piece is key; having to ask puts the onus on me creating a sense of burden, I will let you know that’s my love language and then it’s up to you, the value in acts of service comes from feeling seen and cared for it’s deeper than the act itself
I love hearing men have these discussions! Fellas y’all are really filling a community need with this podcast. Thank you so much 🥃
The friend words of affirmations was my fav ! I love to see a group of well rounded and grounded brothers being great inspiration to men . This was great ! ❤
Gary Chapman explains very well that if you are not receiving or giving the love language specific to you and your partner, you have to learn how. There isn’t any negotiation.
Don’t shy away from physical touch amongst each other. A solid hug from your brother can help someone off a ledge.
Awesome episode!!!! Three black men that always make me proud to watch. You represent well! It was refreshing to hear men talk about love languages. I even got a little teary when ya'll gave each other flowers in the end. Love it! 😊
it’s the “this just in” for me 😂 love that for you Jalon.
Everyone operates within all 5 it’s just the way we prioritize them. It’s also different when we receive versus when we give. For example, my love language when giving is gifts & affirmation but if I’m on the receiving end I want acts of service.
Your love language changes throughout your life.
It should be normal for men to receive gifts
I received flowers from a random woman recently and I had never gotten flowers never wanted them but that day for the first time brought me to tears because of how good it felt to receive a floral gift know your value and so should your lover
Turning the tables and when y'all gave each other affirmations absolutely warmed my heart 🖤👑 we need more of this amongst friend groups!
Bruh i love this podcast, Two years in as a fan, Love healthy conversations,that are intelligent amongst fellow blakc men, not mention give advice for young millennials, as i am freshly 23 i take alot of advice from you brothas, like distant mentors, Appreciate the content fellas! please keep these video coming!
I love to see it! Black men giving each other their flowers it’s a beautiful thing to watch👏🏾
The end was so wholesome! Thank you guys for being open and vulnerable. It's so inspiring to see millennial black men love on each other and others the way y'all do
QUESTION: Would y'all mind doing a podcast episode on your process to get to the work? As a woman in my 30's, I'm fully aware that women enter into dating relationships with an easier ability to be vulnerable, emotionally open, and communicative of our needs. I'm also not ignorant to the fact that this type of work and way of partnership has been taboo in the Black community and Black male community for a very long time. I have done an immense amount of work on myself, am a lover of learning, and am fully aware and ready for the work that an intentional relationship requires.
However, I am noticing within myself that after a few (2-3 or so) months of dating someone, I am ready to begin the deep work with them of getting to know them at their core and being very intentional about the ways that I show love and show up for them, etc... and in that time, I find myself expecting the same in return. I'm also aware that that may not be fair or realistic if it's too early on.
I get that it takes time for a man to know if a certain woman is one that he wants to commit to and grow with. At what stage and how long into your current relationships did you actually begin doing "the work"... and by work I mean pushing past your discomforts and the ways that your partner challenged you to grow and committing to your personal growth, learning your own love languages, learning how to show your partner their love languages, vocalizing these things and the tension that may come with it, etc.
Another reason I'm asking this is because it helps to know at what point I can know that a man is just not interested in doing the intentional work that's required for a healthy relationship, he knows and isn't ready, or he genuinely just doesn't know so it may be my job to help him in that process.
As always, sooo grateful for this podcast! And if this episode already exists, please direct to me where I can find it! 🥃🥃🥃
wow, you deserve a wonderful partner just based on your thoughtfulness.
I have a similar request. It would be cool to have the “Dem the Rules” be…”do you walk away from someone who hasn’t or won’t do their inner work” or “is inner work required by both partners for it to be healthy” or “how do you help or support your partner in doing their inner work “
Omg you took all of my thoughts and worded it beautifully!!!
I appreciate yall's conversations because it gives me a lot of insight on relationships. That's an area were I lack and each time I watch a video of yall's I always gain a different perspective to ponder on so thank you!
Awesome! Thank you all for being vulnerable, true to yourselves and your relationships with your family, friends and fans! Great to see and hear🙏🏾
I sub....love the wisdom that flows, I can listen to Duke all day everyday. His posture, his calm soothing voice, his reasons in his understanding and wisdom. sigh! its attractive. Well done guys, I'm binging other videos
This was a beautiful episode! My first time watching but won’t be my last.
It’s all about balance that’s how you know the difference between lust and love language. Too much of anything isn’t good for you so it’s important to know when you may be indulging too much into one or the other. Also we all have primary love languages but all four service a purpose in a healthy, naturing and evolving relationship.
This was refreshing to watch! Thank you guys!
Love languages stretch beyond romantic relationships. You all definitely give into each others love languages in different ways.
I think all 5 love languages should be in a relationship, some are valued and mean more to you than some. I agree with you gentlemen.
this was so refreshing to hear from you three. keep sharing the valuable content!!🤞🏽🧡
I dont know of another podcast for men that is this excellent. I am so glad I found this podcast. If anyone knows of others like this pls let me know
I can't believe guys like this exist 😭😭😭
Love language is interesting. Attachment style theory however is far more revealing of human psychology.
you’re so right
🥃🥃🥃I love y’all man! Y’all been such a huge help in me being comfortable being myself
22:00 pure factuals... (i just subscribed kings because this episode was fire 🔥) the person has to be open to receiving that game 💯 thats the only way its gonna work
❤️❤️❤️ amazing! Strong , black , intelligent, men with integrity and emotional intelligence!
I never will understand why black (or any race mind you) has to be a part of the compliments, they are strong, intelligent men with integrity and emotional intelligence, they just happen to be black, their race shouldn't have anything to do with any of those things, adding race makes it seem quite racist as in you are quite surprised they are all these things because of their race, but what do I know as a strong, intelligent white man with integrity and emotional intelligence.
I heard someone say most of our love languages reflect what we lacked and or need the most
My love language is always whatever I’m not getting at the time 😂
Ufff what an episode, you guys given us real Tea, growth after growth.. Thank you for the phenomenal narrative
This was one of my favorites! Way to uplift each other fellas
You guys are soooo needed. Great show! I would love to see you guys on the Breakfast Club. That would help get the word out about you
Definitely appreciate watching a different perspective and watching yalls podcast though so thank you! ❤
I am without words....this show. Thank you, beautiful men!
Gosh you all giving each other flowers. powerful ❤
I love it hereeeeeeee 💖
Here we gooo…can’t wait.
The end.Loved watching black men giving and receiving their Flowers ❤
i learnt so much in this episode....more blesssings to you men
Hey so I greatly appreciate all topics and perspectives from you gentlemen. I seriously feel like y’all give great advice on what men may feel/want and may not say in relationships. I would love to hear about fear of black men in America today vs. 60yrs ago and how women can be of better assistance in trying to create REAL change in black and men of all color lives…make it a bit easier. I’d also love to hear about your perspectives on the “strong black women” vs the feminine black women… or one that does both cause I do believe women respond very well to the King in the man but there are some “Boys” that really aren’t mature enough to be Men.. so when a man says “your too masculine” is it really me being masculine or me standing on what I believe is best for me…. I truly enjoy the show I would like to see the women on here again and get all perspectives .
This is so beautiful!! I dont remember the last time i watched such amazing men podcast! Shout out to Six the goddis who bought me here!
🔥🔥🔥episode!!
The interracial comment was spot on ❤️🔥
Regarding the love languages and if it still hits when not in love with the person I think y’all need to visit the different types of love…
Intro was littyyy !!!
You can feel loved by someone you are not “in love” with. All love is not romantic.
I love this 👏🏿😍😍
I absolutely love this 😊, very powerful episode!
The love language framework should just be a guide or tool not the end all be all for relationships. People take them too seriously. I heard female therapist share this same sentiment.
COMMENT: Love languages have to be a dynamic situation. If your partner travels a lot for work and is away physically, you have to adjust for example making quality time, gifts and affirmations more valuable to you than physical touch and acts of service. I totally agree all of these 5 are so dynamic and all really important
Preach brotha Jalon!
Fire
New supporter for sure, great episode.
man the end hit home.
Love the conversation
Love this podcast this was such a great conversation
Great segment
Love yall
Great talk🎉
Jalon and Omar talking about the coffee table book 💜
Great work.Pls if its okay cover issues around finances and how important that is in relationship and why
The concept, I treat people how I want to be treated is selfish. Within relationships this method cannot work. It should be I treat people how they want to be treated, therefore love languages need to be met, otherwise the relationship will be significantly hindered or will end under other reason’s. We cannot change our love languages for others, we can evolve within them. Our love languages are formed via childhood and adult traumas, & via positive and challenging experiences personally and socially. Love languages are fundamental to also understanding attachment theories, our personal and social patterns.
Just adding this, but there is a test. You don't just guess your love language, you take the test get results and see what percentage you are of each category
Ya'll should consider reading the book - The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman.
I love giving gifts to my partner !!
I think when we judge a person based on what their love languages is part of the issues. Love languages is a simplified tool for couples to use to cut out a lot of miscommunication. If you prefer to communicate some other way bc it doesn’t resonate then express that to your partner. No one wants to be judged for what they want so not judging a man for example for wanting gifts is important to create a safe space for your partner. ✨ if I find myself dating a man who’s closed off to trying to figure out the best way we want to communicate our needs, then he’s probably emotionally unavailable or unwilling to do the work for that particular relationship.
Oowh he said the f wooord 🤣
The real secret is giving love to your partner the way they want to be loved. Not give a love language to give or or think they need it. Or give love to your partner the way you want to be loved.
What if acts of service or physical touch or gifts is not their love language at all but quality time or words of affirmation is number one for them, then there is something that is still missing you know?
you all should definitely collaborate with know for sure podcast….that would be a powerful episode for both parties ! love y’all ❤
🔥
To me some people actually have deficit and they try to fulfill their deficit through their partner by using the " love language " system. Why can't you affirm yourself ? How do you know if your partner love language is really words of affirmation or he's just using the love language system to fulfill his narcissistic tendencies...
Jalon was on Socrates mode this episode 💯
Yeah he was 😂
QUESTION: does the way you give love to someone a good indication of how you want to receive love from that person?
If you’re listening with headphones, voice audio will only sound on the left. Just an FYI 😂.
WTF!! I was trying to figure out what happened to the sound 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Omar is definitely ready for marriage! I see the growth
The reason why none of y’all think gifts can be the love language of a man is because y’all are providers….providers do the gift giving.
QUESTION: can embracing or rejecting giving or receiving a love language an indication of past trauma? My ex was really damaged by his mom and i just couldn’t get through to him with acts of service or affirmations or quality time he’d always say he doesn’t need another mother and it was so wild to me because I wasn’t overbearing at all.. now that I’ve watched this episode, all the man wanted was lust languages .. Crazy
What is the song played at the beginning? Who wrote it? It is a bop! Love being apart of nice of nice and neat
The way y’all pour into each other & uplift each other is truly amazing! Great Episode!
Sorry to say this but love languages are often used as emotional #coping #mechanisms. I find that a person's love language is usually the form of love they didn't get from their parents...
For example if a person's parents never told them "l love you" they often develop 'words of affirmation' as their desired egoic yearning aka "love language" ... Or if their parents were absent then presence in the form of "quality time and acts of service" become their preferred expression of love from future partners. love languages in essence become used as spiritual supplements for what was lacking in one's childhood and future partners are then expected to fill that parental void in a specific way (which is unfair).
So basically what people never received as a child becomes what they seek as an adult from their intimate relationships/partners; subconsciously making their partners into the version of their parents they wish that had aka coping mechanism & enmeshment... The problem with love languages is the same as the problem with gift giving nowadays. Gifts are meant to be a love gesture but in modern times people focus more on receiving the gift they WANT or feel they NEED; they are more concerned with the utility and type of the gift instead of appreciating the intent/thought behind it... They worship and are attached more to the symbol💍 instead of appreciating what the symbol symbolises❤️.
The gesture which is the most important thing is ignored these days as most value the quality/price of the gift over the intention. 👈🏾This same dynamic is mirrored with love languages... Love is a gift that NO-ONE IS OWED, so for one to demand a certain gift or that all the gifts they receive be a certain way/type is actually spitting in the face of the gift giver and missing the point of gift giving. It's not about getting what YOU want (that's ego) it's about appreciation of the gift giver because noone is owed love/gifts/people who love them.
A balanced mature soul should be able to receive and fully appreciate all forms of love(gifts) without categorising and evaluating them as lesser/greater. Hankering on one form of love over others is a sign of pending internal spiritual work that still needs to be done to restore the internal balance that allows one to experience and appreciate all forms of love as just Love ❤️... Breaking love into different forms of unequal values/hierarchies is a sign of sickness (respectfully 🙏🏾✨️). It's the thought/intention behind the love(gift) that should count NOT the act/form. Demanding &/or feeling entitled to one form over others is sickness and immaturity. The love your parents never gave you is the love you must learn to give or cultivate INTERNALLY within yourself so that you don't have to look for, require or demand it EXTERNALLY from others. It is noone's responsibility/obligation to love you in the language your wounds prefer... that's trauma bonding/woundmating.
As a man I feel men are not given gifts except on holidays. Even as a boy no girl ever game me gifts. If anything, we as boy/men get girls flowers. Girls always get stuff so that’s probably why that’s their love language and not mens
wowww…this is such a great point
What is the name of the book Omar read about the different types of love languages?
5 love language’s X Gary Chapman
Just want to speak on Omar saying, the gifts can't be a man #1 love language. What about the narcissist man that is basically a taker in all areas. What about the career criminal, the lazy, unmotivated man, etc. I'm just saying all they want is to receive in every area,.
Haven’t watched yet but…. 🥃🥃🥃
Omar is a rapper in his next life.
❤touché Jalon
Jalon likes confrontation (in Kanye’s president bush does not like black people voice)
Lust languages definitely tie in with love languages but I think the lust languages shouldn’t be explored until a friendship or Connection is strong.
There’s an official quiz online on the 5 love languages by the guy who wrote the book. My bf and I took it, I highly recommended!
Great vid btw, love this channel!
Thank you!! Listening to all this guessing is frustrating me
y'all should have blue tulesma here she's a life coach like no other , she's really the real deal and she's in LA
Can I ask where y'all got the lust languages info from? I will do some of my own research, of course, but Dr. Gottman and The Gottman Institute are the well-known researchers behind Love Languages universe, and, I'm just curious about the originators of the others.
Y'all took a perspective on this my brain would never have taken me to. I appreciate you displaying exactly how different the thought processes of men & women are & why they don't often end up at the same conclusion without being able to listen to & receive communication from each other.
I think it would be interesting for you to do a followup that includes at least the Languages of Apology because that book is a continuation on the conversation that people don't often continue on to, and it is a game changer for seeking repair in all of your relationships, romantic and otherwise. If perhaps you evolve this to a 2.0 after you have a chance to also read up on Love Languages for Singles and/or Love Languages for Kids or Teens too that would also be dope, especially because y'all have expressed starting families someday, but also here's a big why on the kids and teens. I am not a man, so I can only speak observationally, but those pre-teen/teen years are often when many men start really solidifying their beliefs based on their socialization up to that point & can end up hanging onto some pretty toxic societal messages about women, about relationships, about the value of other humans in general on their quest to fulfill what I like to call the "man checklist". Whether their dads were around or they have had mama ( or other female guardian) trauma up to that point also play a huge factor & some stay emotionally stuck there, their whole lives long based on their survival observation & coping mechanisms up to that point. I say this not to man bash at all, & more to highlight that, that ends up manifesting in future relationships in some pretty interesting and damaging ways, both for the man and the partner, if he doesn't realize the point at which he became emotionally stunted and because of whom. The Love Language world is so much bigger than the initial book, and y'all have a great platform to continue exploring pieces of it.
Last thing I'll say that kind of connects to the above is that it would be worthwhile for your audience to have an episode, perhaps with an expert, to discuss inner child work, unless Ive already missed that one, and here's why. I found the incredulity at Gifts being a man's #1 love language interesting from y'all. I know your reactions are sort of based on different personal experiences & the values I perceive through the show, but much like Jalon said, sometime the intent behind gift giving for men is much more important than they up to that point have had the ability to analyze. Not to make it about me, but I feel like this example is helpful. My father for instance, had the feeling of not being taken care of like other kids by the adults in his life and to be honest he had a hard start to life for a few reasons and he was neglected in many ways even though he always had a roof over his head and food to eat, so the way he expressed his love to my sister and I growing up was often via gifts because that's what would've made him feel taken care of by the adults in his life. We are different people though, and women --an experience he can not have or fully understand. We also grew up, very thankfully and gratefully due to our parents decisions, in very different circumstances, so he would often get upset with us for not reacting with the same glee his inner child would have had, had the same action been taken toward him. It's just my perspective but once again, just observationally over my 36 years of life, I can say that it's never just about the gifts being #1, & it's also fully about the gifts being #1 for those who may have had that void in their Love Languages. I won't even talk about how Love Languages shift with time and circumstance now because I've already written a book here, but you've got content on content to make if you decide to delve deeper into that world.
Hearing your words of Affirmation to each other is also definitely a thing we need more of in the world, so cheers to your solid friendship. It's a beautiful thing to see!
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
I disagree…loving someone else isn’t about you. You should love them how they receive it.
Also, audio never works in my right earphone when y’all start talking. I don’t have the issue with other podcast I listen to so just wanted to let you know.
Great episode!