Getting myself out of a rut.

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  • Опубліковано 30 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 185

  • @luna1r
    @luna1r 3 роки тому +95

    Damn, this video really called me out. I'm living almost the same daily life - working/studying from home, not really having a lot of friends, not going outside, spending most of my time in front of screens...it gets really draining.
    Your channel is a huge inspiration for me, I hope you're aware of that!

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +10

      A lot of us do unfortunately, but we can always change things around x

    • @Denny-up3pi
      @Denny-up3pi 2 роки тому

      Wow feeling the same:/ what an impact had pande*** on our lives🤨

  • @IsabellaDemarko
    @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +19

    PLEASE READ: Natural birth control devices are not 100% effective, please do you’re own research or speak to a doctor if considering switching. ALSO: This video is for entertainment not a guide. it only speaks for my own experience and is not intended to speak for all, nor should it be used as a guide for mental health issues. Please bare in mind that there is a lot that was not said in the video in order to keep a short and simple narrative. I am aware that this video is lacking a counter perspective, however I do do always acknowledge it. I am always working to present my content as responsibly as possible. Thank you.

  • @joegreenslade7577
    @joegreenslade7577 3 роки тому +62

    This is just the video I needed, I've been feeling in a rut as well. I moved to London after landing my first professional acting role, but now it's come to an end and I just feel like I've lost my mojo; it's only been two weeks 🙄 Nice to know I'm not the only one. I hope you enjoy America, and keep doing things that make you happy!!!!

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +7

      I feel you on that one! I need to find my mojo again too

  • @cheshtasharma2641
    @cheshtasharma2641 3 роки тому

    Hey , I am of same age as you and I have been going through the exact same situation. Since the last 2 years my life has been all about working from home ,studying for an exam with zero social life. Tomorrow is my sincere second attempt on the exam and although I am aware that i will be scoring much than last year, my heart knows it is just not enough. I have a very salary job but even then i feel like i am not happy. I don’t know how my exam will go tomorrow but now i am actually happy that i will be over this. I sincerely need a lifestyle change and watching your video actually felt i am seeing myself.

  • @taylorlynn-art
    @taylorlynn-art 3 роки тому +5

    I’ve been following you for 5-6 years on UA-cam originally for the Bratz content, but now I’m invested in your journey! We’re the same age, and I feel like going through these life stages simultaneously. I feel you with this video 💯 Hoping your journey here in the states helps.

  • @Erdf3542
    @Erdf3542 3 роки тому +10

    I don’t have instagram, snapchat or tiktok. I have facebook for family members but don’t post on it. I’m 28 and I noticed a few years ago how social media was having a really bad effect on my mental health. Ever since I stopped scrolling down on other people’s feed I have noticed that I’m much more comfortable in my body as well as where I’m at in life. I have also implemented that I don’t need to be available to others 24/7 just because we all have smartphones. Good on you for noticing what’s causing you harm.

  • @teresaelena
    @teresaelena 3 роки тому

    I'm 35 living in Holland but a native NYer and I've been in a rut for 5 years since my dad passed away. Dealing with moving to a new country, new language, culture. I did my Master's here. Couldn't find work. Pandemic. Thats a long story short. You are amazing for sharing this journey because I relate so much to what you're going through; my fiance and I have been trying to have a baby for 3 years and its been so difficult; I was also on BC for over a decade. I've found comfort in self care, astrology and tarot reading and its giving me a sense of awareness to move forward in my life and to be kind to myself through the process. Oh! And I too have been struggling to grow my hair for years!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your stories. You're not alone and I wish you the best on your journey getting out of your rut!!! You've got this

  • @TidesThatVibe
    @TidesThatVibe 3 роки тому +1

    Love how absolutely real this is. You're wise before your years and so genuine. Rooting for you as you visit my country! 💕👏

  • @mbenzz3717
    @mbenzz3717 2 роки тому

    Great video! I laughed out loud when you said you were obsessed with America because I've been obsessed with all things English for as long as I can remember! Kings, Queens, the country, the sea, TEA, lol. I adore England and can't wait to get over there someday. I hope you had an amazing time while you were here in the US and that you were able to get out of your rut. ❤

  • @madisonsabsoluterandomness5411
    @madisonsabsoluterandomness5411 3 роки тому +31

    So proud of you 💖
    We all get like this sometimes and I’m sure you will find your way out of the rut!
    I’m sure I’ll come back to this video many times because I feel this way quite often.
    However I actually find that watching your videos make me snap out of it and get back on track. You are so well spoken, so thank you.

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +3

      You’re most welcome thank you for watching x

  • @abbeybuchman8927
    @abbeybuchman8927 3 роки тому +9

    You’re always so well spoken.♥️ Really needed this video

  • @ellienory8992
    @ellienory8992 3 роки тому +12

    I came off the pill this year - best thing I’ve ever done! Changed everything. I hope it does the same for you! x

  • @annikartdeco
    @annikartdeco 3 роки тому +8

    I've felt stuck for so long and although I can't change my surroundings much for now, I for sure could try and make the most of them! This truly inspired me to start actually taking action towards that, thank you. And good luck to your journey, this is very brave!❤

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому

      Thank you! I hope you will find whatever you are looking for x

  • @goldstonezz
    @goldstonezz 3 роки тому +2

    Excuse me? Been following you for ages and honestly im so proud of you. Literally going to the usa??????? HOW CRAZY. Been noticing your uplifted spirit on Instagram and i envy that outlook on life. Im happy for you, thanks for reminding me to be more in touch with reality

  • @JemimaDoesASMR
    @JemimaDoesASMR 3 роки тому

    Omg totally respect you not telling us where you're going and to unplug a little, but I'm SO KEEN TO HEAR ABOUT IT, sometimes a bit of a shock to the system is the best thing in the world, and it sounds like you're doing something you're going to really enjoy!

  • @blancasans1525
    @blancasans1525 3 роки тому

    I've been feeling this way for a while now too. I am 23 and it's been really really hard for me to find motivation to do anything, even the more basic things or things that I know will improve my mood. I feel like I'm slowly coming out of this rut, and I've realised that the early twenties are so full of big changes that I didn't see coming, that they threw me off. Thanks for this video, it's very brave of you to be so honest about this, I've struggled to talk about it even with my closest friends. Just try to push through this, and it will eventually get better. It helped to think about my life as a tv show, where there are seasons where good things happen, and other seasons where I feel a bit stuck. Sending love

  • @msparanoidmonkey
    @msparanoidmonkey 3 роки тому +1

    CHEERING FOR YOU FROM MY KITCHEN IN LONDON! You are such a shining light and I can't wait to see how your 5 weeks in the US go!! YESSSS xxx

  • @LittleMyMiss
    @LittleMyMiss 3 роки тому +2

    You go girl! I'm actually tearing up watching this because I understand your struggle and know what it's like to feel lonely, depressed and out of place.

  • @jennysheets3763
    @jennysheets3763 3 роки тому +1

    Love your honesty, transparency! Love this new series ♡♡♡♡♡♡ The struggle you describe will take all of us a lifetime of mistakes, setbacks, and breakthroughs to figure out. It is a daily discipline.

  • @rededwards706
    @rededwards706 3 роки тому

    WOW Isabella, I've been watching you on and off for years and have always felt so much comfort from watching your videos as we have the same aspirations regarding acting for a living, but it's not until now that I feel like we are the same person! The mindset you have etc, It's like a parallel me- I'm not trying to sound weird, but this video resonates with me on such a fresh level.

  • @shannonjulie98
    @shannonjulie98 3 роки тому +1

    This is amazing Isabella. The timing of it too. I’ve also been in a rut and severely depressed because of things that have happened to me this year. I’m only just now trying to start to make small changes and also a very big change (moving to the other side of my country) I’m determined to fight to make a better life for myself and I find this video to be really encouraging. I’ve probably said this before over the years, but your videos have always inspired me to do more with my life and now I’m finally doing that. Your channel has always been such a comfort for me, especially during this worst year of my life. I look forward to following your journey as I begin mine also. Congrats on getting to live the America dream! Ive always wanted visit there too! Where you’re staying looks amazing! I can’t wait to see more and I hope this does you the world of good. I wish you nothing but the best. 💖

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +1

      Thank you Shannon that means a lot to me that my videos could provide you some comfort xxxx

  • @ivysanders4368
    @ivysanders4368 3 роки тому

    Thank you so much for always being your authentic self. I hope that you have a wonderful time in the states!

  • @nourghers
    @nourghers 3 роки тому

    I have no words. I'm just so proud and motivated by you. Thank you. Love you ❤

  • @kritikamargadarshini2866
    @kritikamargadarshini2866 3 роки тому

    Thank you for this video! It's like, I was blessed with it just when I needed it.

  • @florabliss6664
    @florabliss6664 3 роки тому +37

    Your life is so relatable to mine…in a bit different way ….this is so motivational for a challenged life that not only helps to beat procrastination, taking care of our health ,and grow our life into more successful fruitful existence. Lots of love ❤️.

  • @mermaidsister8886
    @mermaidsister8886 3 роки тому +1

    I feel that all of our lives have become this and you are a complete inspiration to fix that! I'm sure you will find your way out of the rut and I wish you good luck while doing so! Hope you enjoy America!

  • @giovannad.2903
    @giovannad.2903 3 роки тому

    Good luck Bella ♥️ totally relate

  • @zainabalghalibi7012
    @zainabalghalibi7012 3 роки тому

    Omg Isabella, I love you! I appreciate every video you upload, it strangely very relatable to my life, always timely, you always make me feel I’m not alone in whatever I’m going through.
    Thank you! You are successful, loved & appreciated!

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому

      Thank you my love that meant a lot to me reading it xxx

  • @rubywillow2794
    @rubywillow2794 3 роки тому

    I'm right there with you! I feel this. It's so easy to live in a box, and in comfort. This has been a good reminder to challenge my limits! Sending love & good vibes!

  • @dmace1331
    @dmace1331 3 роки тому

    I love so much that you are doing this and are so honest about where you are at right now. I am 100% experiencing everything you are talking about. 😘

  • @sylphira9947
    @sylphira9947 3 роки тому

    Nice! I also started a mental health and healing journey in September and looking forward to see more of yours!

  • @Ilikeoatmealmorethanyou
    @Ilikeoatmealmorethanyou 3 роки тому +1

    i'm excited to see where you decided to go to for 5 weeks! there is so much country side in the states to choose from!

  • @missbhoir
    @missbhoir 3 роки тому

    I've never said this for any celebrity ever, but you made go like "you made a fangirl" I mean it!! Wish you loads of love and progress as you discover the sync between your mind soul and body, your purpose and existence in this Universe. It's much more than working and keeping up with social media updates. Your soul is thanking you for giving it a chance to be heard! For giving Yourself much needed dip, fly over roller skates and much more!! Keep up baby girl!

  • @joseewasmer2774
    @joseewasmer2774 3 роки тому

    You're so right, I think I have to make some changes too especially regarding social media

  • @otherstuff5750
    @otherstuff5750 3 роки тому

    Thank you for sharing!

  • @TanyaKlein29
    @TanyaKlein29 3 роки тому

    Your videos are always so useful to me. I also am in a rut and just started to try and get out of it. I got rid of my socials. Trying to clean my depression apartment, and want to be more internal with my time. I spent a good 4 years in college working towards a degree I no longer enjoy and then I'm 2 and a half years out from graduation and I have no idea what I want to do so I'm trying to find a passion. This was so beautiful to see you finding something you enjoy and are able to get yourself up and out. Wishing you good luck and anyone else trying to get out of their "rut".

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому

      The k you xx I hope you find the life you are searching for x

  • @aoifeglynn2828
    @aoifeglynn2828 3 роки тому

    Thank you so much for your video I feel the extact same with my life. I really want to put a plan in place to stop feeling this way. So happy that you going to America and looking forward to seeing your adventure x

  • @katehildebrant8420
    @katehildebrant8420 3 роки тому +1

    Thank you so much for this video! I really needed it.

  • @TH4TGVRL
    @TH4TGVRL 3 роки тому +2

    the girl with the passion for making amazing content is back better then ever- 💕✨

  • @ahzenan
    @ahzenan 3 роки тому

    Your hair looks so lovely! I have tried so many things still cannot get it to be fixed.

  • @lilyeichelis8346
    @lilyeichelis8346 3 роки тому

    i’m so exited for you to visit America!!!!

  • @marialauroba5772
    @marialauroba5772 3 роки тому

    Loved the video!! Update please

  • @jessbroughton8734
    @jessbroughton8734 3 роки тому +1

    you also have a good point social media has recked my brain ever since I started using it x love ur vids x .. jess :)

  • @lelo1489
    @lelo1489 3 роки тому

    Sounds like a great series

  • @DaisyRockbell
    @DaisyRockbell 3 роки тому

    i love your bare honesty i have been feeling the exact same way and want to move or leave the country (im from germany) but i really dont know where to start and how to finance everything, atm im on my apprenticeship but i really hate to work a 5`8 and i have been falling in a depressing hole for the past months

  • @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777
    @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777 3 роки тому

    Thanks a lot for this video Isabella. I really needed this, you have NO idea how much this video means to me. You are exactly how I imagine myself in my 20s. I am a student and smart phone addiction is literally destroying my academic life. I've tried to do a dopamine fast so many times and always failed but now I'm gonna do it seriously.
    Thank you again from the BOTTOM OF MY HEART. ❤️

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +1

      Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment x

  • @elishevabrodie6795
    @elishevabrodie6795 3 роки тому

    God this video hit so hard. I was feeling the exact same way. Toxic work environment, down on myself and how I was living my life and felt the biggest rut of my life. Which was hilarious because my mental health wasn't even the worst its ever been but it was getting to that place.....Recently moved to NYC and happier than ever....getting out more and having way more adventures and started a new job where people actually value me. Welcome to the States and I know we will get through this!

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому

      I’m glad you are feeling more valued now it’s so important x

  • @CandyAppleUT789
    @CandyAppleUT789 3 роки тому +8

    Really happy for you that you are motivated to make these good changes in your life. I wish you a safe flight to the United States looks like a beautiful area where you are going. I wish I could join you on your getting out of a rut journey but I have 0 energy right now the only thing I can do is go to my workplace, rest, eat and watch movies. I have also deactivated my Facebook account and I did decide to delete Instagram but I kept Pinterest. Best wishes to you and your family.

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +2

      Thank you love, I hope you’ll find your energy again soon ♥️ x

    • @CandyAppleUT789
      @CandyAppleUT789 3 роки тому

      @@IsabellaDemarko thank you, I am just pregnant right now don’t worry, energy is going to the lil baby!

  • @kayapapaya3896
    @kayapapaya3896 3 роки тому

    You are realllly talented and have the perfect voice for making documentaries

  • @cleophea777
    @cleophea777 3 роки тому

    lovely video and amazing plan!! all the best from Switzerland!!❣🌟❣🌈🎀

  • @LiveLoveLacee
    @LiveLoveLacee 3 роки тому

    Yes!! I needed this, thank you 💜

  • @nalu2680
    @nalu2680 3 роки тому

    This is so exciting! Welcome to America, Isabella!

  • @sarahlawley2076
    @sarahlawley2076 3 роки тому

    How exciting! Hope you have an amazing time. I find your videos so authentic and refreshing, thank you.

  • @emaduh
    @emaduh 3 роки тому

    This is one of the best videos I’ve come across on UA-cam ♥️ I wish you all the best in your life, you deserve happiness 💗

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +1

      Haha that’s quite a statement! Thank you love x

  • @samanthaflatt6154
    @samanthaflatt6154 3 роки тому

    Girl this is exactly what I need!

  • @alexandreacook9436
    @alexandreacook9436 3 роки тому

    I mean I feel the same, but at least you've done something about it. Not a small thing, but a really large crazy up you go sort of thing. I wish I was more like that.

  • @timwiesenfeld8031
    @timwiesenfeld8031 3 роки тому +1

    I dropped the pill too and beware, it takes time to come back to normal. I took it 4 years and it took me 8 mths to get my period back and then another 2 yrs to have it regulary. Changing my sex drive etc was an equal struggle.

  • @erikagonianaki
    @erikagonianaki 3 роки тому +1

    I loved it 😍 I'm hoping you'll find everything you need to make your life complete

  • @jennibeefit1454
    @jennibeefit1454 3 роки тому +1

    i love this!!!! im so happy for you☺️

  • @jem4940
    @jem4940 3 роки тому +4

    Hey! Love this, If the cup doesn't work for you I really recommend period undies, they're great!

  • @suaadinterests
    @suaadinterests 3 роки тому

    I feel you ♥️

  • @bal9944
    @bal9944 3 роки тому +1

    Your UA-cam channel is great ❤️❤️ you're doing well baby

  • @ameliaroach7995
    @ameliaroach7995 3 роки тому

    I hope you enjoy being in the States!

  • @allierenee5545
    @allierenee5545 3 роки тому

    Omg I’m so excited to see future videos

  • @KN95X
    @KN95X 3 роки тому

    I definitely needed to watch this video 👏 the amount of screen time I use on the daily is pretty scary, I find I automatically reach for my phone as soon as I wake up to scroll through Instagram, Facebook etc before doing anything else. Even throughout the day I find myself scrolling, yet it’s still pretty much the same things I’ve already seen.. But feel the need to open apps & scroll, then binge watch tv series in the evenings - next thing the day is over and I feel I’ve hardly accomplished anything 🙃 It’s such an unhealthy habit that needs stopping 😵‍💫
    I hope you have the most incredible time in America (not jealous at all..🙄👀) Take care ❤️

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +1

      It’s defiantly a struggle most of us face, hopefully we can find ways to break this crazy screen addiction collectively x

  • @Just-Jaci
    @Just-Jaci 3 роки тому

    Beautiful video!

  • @willowm9577
    @willowm9577 3 роки тому

    wow this is so relatable. i love this video

  • @Диана-м5щ4ж
    @Диана-м5щ4ж 3 роки тому

    I have the same problems! But I don't have parents :/ So I will go to the doctor and to the psychologist to try to get myself back together.

  • @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777
    @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777 3 роки тому

    "Unsure about my future" me too and it's scary!!

  • @BiancaMelrose
    @BiancaMelrose 3 роки тому

    I needed this video🙏🏾thanks for sharing and being so open in this video Isabella💜💜💜

  • @kathawonka214
    @kathawonka214 3 роки тому +1

    You go girl!! I'm so proud of what you are doing and I can't wait to see you in the next video. This one made me realise some of my own struggles. Thank you for making the point!

  • @clarisse917
    @clarisse917 3 роки тому

    Loved this!

  • @niituhh
    @niituhh 3 роки тому

    This video came out just in time. I'm planning on working from home next year and I've been afraid of falling into that same empty lifestyle. But honestly, I feel too close to you and the fact that your going through something like this makes me feel less alone and more hopeful. So thank you so much for sharing this with us.
    I´m so happy for you! I deeply hope you find what you're looking for in life

  • @robynhitchen7820
    @robynhitchen7820 3 роки тому

    I think its such an important message to say that you have a good life but you're just not living it right. It makes it seem less of a task to turn things around.

  • @silverkitty2503
    @silverkitty2503 3 роки тому

    yup

  • @lifeinwarrnambool1216
    @lifeinwarrnambool1216 3 роки тому

    this video is soooooo relatable

  • @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777
    @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777 3 роки тому +1

    Menstrual cup are the MOST comfortable you will never regret using them. I've started using menstrual cup myself and I'm never going back.

  • @justicemcrae4619
    @justicemcrae4619 3 роки тому

    This is SO exciting for you! You’ll smash it 💖💖 I wish you could see all your accomplishments from an outsiders POV xxx

  • @sumirachandra3489
    @sumirachandra3489 3 роки тому

    I felt so relatable I gave my professional exams this year and i have no hope to study under pressure and life is not it's not going anywhere I feel stuck in some worse situation so yeah I am also in a rut 🙂🙂🙂🙂 a new kind of system is needed for the world this is getting too much now

  • @marinowy8998
    @marinowy8998 3 роки тому

    Wow I didn't expect this. I am excited for the next videos and let's all get out of a rut together guys. The moment I'm writing this comment I'm supposed to be doing homework for university lol.

  • @dolphychauhan7463
    @dolphychauhan7463 3 роки тому +1

    you can do it girl love you

  • @chevalsauer
    @chevalsauer 3 роки тому

    Hi gurl, I guess I thought that you would take up the rollerblading like crazy, but thats me, I'm 50 and loving it!!! It is very therapeutic and I believe that it will give you all the good stuff your body and brains loves and needs, just a tip. Do you need some serious tips on Rollerblading that I can give you??? Take care

  • @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777
    @thefrustratedneetaspirant7777 3 роки тому

    You posture is all I need right now

  • @2OO666
    @2OO666 3 роки тому +1

    Love you so much

  • @thenailpolishbottle7267
    @thenailpolishbottle7267 3 роки тому

    I am excited for you!!!

  • @amyblaine7624
    @amyblaine7624 3 роки тому +9

    I am in the exact same spot you are. I’m 22 and I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life. I don’t really have active friendships other than my boyfriend, I spend way too much time alone and online, and I don’t really nourish my body or mind nearly as much as I need to. This summer I felt really healthy in all facets of life, but this fall semester at uni really took a lot out of me and my physical and mental health just plummeted. I’ve actually decided to take a semester off to focus on my health. I’ll basically be doing this health journey with you!

    • @IsabellaDemarko
      @IsabellaDemarko  3 роки тому +1

      I feel you… I think a lot of us fee the same. It’s so important to take action and look after ourselves. X

  • @sillygoosegoose
    @sillygoosegoose 3 роки тому

    there's a google extension which blocks the youtube homepage! i think it's unhook

  • @merlokiii
    @merlokiii 3 роки тому

    I felt/feel the same, despite I interact with people everyday. But I don't go outside that often, I don't have a clear routine, little motivation, I feel easily drained.
    I know it won't last, but sometimes I really feel low 😅

  • @laurambjones
    @laurambjones 3 роки тому

    I needed this video well done girly xx

  • @imti7593
    @imti7593 3 роки тому +1

    Hey.. Love you, girl! You are the most beautiful woman ♥️

  • @Mandi.Pandi.
    @Mandi.Pandi. 3 роки тому

    I'm excited to watch your journey :) this video already motivated me to get up off my butt lol

  • @CallMeQuietASMR
    @CallMeQuietASMR 3 роки тому

    I’m less than 2 minutes in and already you’ve described me to a T! 😅

  • @devynsmith8838
    @devynsmith8838 3 роки тому

    come to texas! 🤩

  • @Amy-cv2cq
    @Amy-cv2cq 3 роки тому

    I’m literally in the same situation, but for me is difficult because it has caused me some kind of depression

    • @Amy-cv2cq
      @Amy-cv2cq 3 роки тому

      So excitiiiiing your journey 🥰

  • @FourThousandMilesTogether
    @FourThousandMilesTogether 3 роки тому

    Yessss this is so relatable!! Also gave me Georgia from Angus thongs and perfect snogging vibes when she throws out all her magazines, stops eating chips and listens to dolphin music 😆❤️

  • @jjelazcezar2405
    @jjelazcezar2405 3 роки тому +6

    Great motivation 😍 let's do this together 💪🏻😊

  • @siya4ful
    @siya4ful 3 роки тому +1

    So cool that you’re visiting the us! I used to really like your acting content, so i was wondering if you are considering trying to act again? Maybe it could help revamp your lifestyle!

  • @aggelotzeve9194
    @aggelotzeve9194 3 роки тому

    wow❣️

  • @buzziness4926
    @buzziness4926 3 роки тому +1

    I don't get it. I'm 10 I don't know what this is about??? 😕😕😕

  • @lottielee7440
    @lottielee7440 3 роки тому

    I wish I could do this but I’m chronically ill so I can barley leave the house