The Shocking Florida Machete Murder

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  • Опубліковано 25 кві 2019
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    Watch the new and 7th season of BuzzFeed Unsolved: True Crime! • BuzzFeed Unsolved - Tr... Violence terrorizes a quiet Florida community.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 11 тис.

  • @BuzzFeedUnsolvedNetwork
    @BuzzFeedUnsolvedNetwork  5 років тому +8285

    Make sure to leave your questions for our Post Mortem episode down below!

    • @ilovebugs6994
      @ilovebugs6994 5 років тому +88

      What is your favorite cupcake

    • @sam-ws3dp
      @sam-ws3dp 5 років тому +161

      which one of you is more likely to buy a machete-

    • @WillddKvic
      @WillddKvic 5 років тому +52

      BuzzFeed Unsolved Network I love the show!! Question for post mortem- if you two were in the hot daga, what food would you be?? Love you guys!!

    • @puppylover-hp8yr
      @puppylover-hp8yr 5 років тому +44

      What would your last meal be

    • @apoorvajoshi225
      @apoorvajoshi225 5 років тому +102

      #RoastMortem Why does Shane looks like one of the boring and nerdy Harvard students from Legally blonde 😂😂

  • @megankron9294
    @megankron9294 4 роки тому +17105

    lmaoo Francis straight up said " rip to Athalia, but im different.." then died THE SAME WAY

    • @JaviXT
      @JaviXT 4 роки тому +483

      "but im different" lmaoooo

    • @loveisanopendoor5745
      @loveisanopendoor5745 4 роки тому +575

      i bet francis said 👁👄👁 when she saw a man with a machete walking towards her

    • @mromatic17
      @mromatic17 4 роки тому +201

      lol that’s why pride is one of the 7 deadly sins

    • @sabinfigaro7334
      @sabinfigaro7334 4 роки тому +101

      How do you not get seen chopping people, let alone walking with a machete. I got stopped for walking with an axe.. at night...but it's not a suburb it's just the one road...in a rural community in Alaska...when no one is around.. Soo imagine being in a neighborhood wearing a white shirt.. after butchering someone...no one saw? No maids? BS.

    • @amp4105
      @amp4105 4 роки тому +15

      @@loveisanopendoor5745 how do you say a facial expression

  • @pyrenox
    @pyrenox 5 років тому +13960

    "Clementine, the bluejay, was never seen again."
    *A gasp in the audience*

  • @madshadow8586
    @madshadow8586 3 роки тому +5907

    Old crimes really be like "It happened in the mayors' office and the only person around was the mayor, but he wouldn't have done it so it's unsolvable."

  • @peps1943
    @peps1943 3 роки тому +2649

    "I CANT THINK WITH ALL THIS EVIDENCE DISTRACTING ME!! Get it out of here!" -Florida cops

    • @winecrimesfoodandtime7119
      @winecrimesfoodandtime7119 3 роки тому +19

      Exactly

    • @Ke0h298
      @Ke0h298 Рік тому +8

      only in Florida

    • @jellybeanboy
      @jellybeanboy Рік тому +12

      "Now.... Back to my hunch!"

    • @JCMProductions
      @JCMProductions Рік тому +7

      @@jellybeanboy look for clues, I tell ya, we’ll draw chalk around where the body is, that way we’ll know it was

  • @veryvanii
    @veryvanii 4 роки тому +5870

    shane: i got a nosebleed in a church once
    ryan: 👁👄👁

  • @minaswife8027
    @minaswife8027 5 років тому +5561

    Florida: Hose it off
    Iceland: Solitary confinement
    The watcher: Hailed

  • @HunterNorth90
    @HunterNorth90 3 роки тому +6358

    The thing with Shane's bird is the only time in the whole series I've seen Shane getting riled up by Ryan and not the other way around. Shane doesn't joke around when it comes to his birds.

    • @frostythehoeman6969
      @frostythehoeman6969 3 роки тому +40

      Bird people creep me out 😬

    • @DenitaArnold
      @DenitaArnold 3 роки тому +86

      Yes, but it was his pet. Ryan should have backed down. I can't watch this ep cuz this.

    • @Chi-pv7dk
      @Chi-pv7dk 3 роки тому +420

      @@DenitaArnold really bro it ain’t that deep he was fine afterwards

    • @multifandombish1855
      @multifandombish1855 3 роки тому +56

      @@frostythehoeman6969 idk what's so creepy about Bird ppl?

    • @ryanrex5327
      @ryanrex5327 3 роки тому +33

      @@DenitaArnold Snowflake

  • @Olives23485
    @Olives23485 3 роки тому +8022

    I love how the murder happend on the porch in broad daylight yet the case still remains unsolved

    • @winecrimesfoodandtime7119
      @winecrimesfoodandtime7119 3 роки тому +63

      Exactly?

    • @jordankane554
      @jordankane554 3 роки тому +456

      As a born and raised Floridian, I can say, that seems perfectly logical

    • @johnlouis1416
      @johnlouis1416 3 роки тому +227

      You love how there was a Legitimate Witneas and he said "he seems to be going to the neighbors house... oh well ill just make sure *I don't confirm* he walked into that home"
      *goes to Wrestle a Gator as a work out and eats a Raw Burmese Python as a post workout meal*

    • @jamesswindley9599
      @jamesswindley9599 2 роки тому +35

      Florida 😂 I don’t get why Florida is a joke in America 😂

    • @thebatmanwholaughs7877
      @thebatmanwholaughs7877 2 роки тому +51

      Well it is Florida

  • @ronnnaway
    @ronnnaway 4 роки тому +5291

    "Detective, we found a pool of the killer's blood in that hallway."
    "Hmmm, gross. Mop it up. Now, back to my hunch."

    • @uaintrecognizemehoe8128
      @uaintrecognizemehoe8128 4 роки тому +34

      Lunch**

    • @boltzy_
      @boltzy_ 4 роки тому +10

      Stolen

    • @ronnnaway
      @ronnnaway 4 роки тому +6

      I didn't realize before posting this that someone else already did

    • @boltzy_
      @boltzy_ 4 роки тому +22

      @@ronnnaway yall just happen to have the same comment

    • @xXxGordO241xXx
      @xXxGordO241xXx 4 роки тому +4

      *STOLEN COMMENT!!!*
      original one has 3.8k plus likes somewhere around there

  • @lyb927
    @lyb927 4 роки тому +5654

    “DETECTIVE! We found a pool of the killers blood in the hallway!”
    “Hmmm... gross! Mop it up!”

    • @alicelortie9684
      @alicelortie9684 4 роки тому +122

      J Biggs JOHN MULANEY😍❤️

    • @LonelyMarshtomp
      @LonelyMarshtomp 3 роки тому +275

      Now... back to my hunch...

    • @avapauli2219
      @avapauli2219 3 роки тому +143

      I know, we’ll draw chalk around the body... that way we’ll know where it was...

    • @TheFagerlund
      @TheFagerlund 3 роки тому +46

      *Ok lets wrap this up were done here bois another day of hard police work*

    • @NoorAlam-tj4mn
      @NoorAlam-tj4mn 3 роки тому +34

      @@TheFagerlund lez go get ourselves some well earned doughnuts, lads, we’ve done enough for today

  • @mqzd24
    @mqzd24 3 роки тому +6422

    francis would be that lady who absolutely refuses to wear a mask

  • @AzaStark
    @AzaStark 3 роки тому +3334

    Shane: * talks about the time he walked into a church and got a nosebleed innocently *
    Ryan (internally): *_WHeRE's mY HoLY waTER?!?_*

    • @lelouchvibritannia4028
      @lelouchvibritannia4028 3 роки тому +163

      Exactly what I'm thinking. Shane is a demon. He bled due to being around holy artifacts and prayers.

    • @johnrubin3907
      @johnrubin3907 3 роки тому +108

      Even tho he has disrespected so many haunted things, and nothing happened to him. I am starting to think Shane is a demon

    • @spork9207
      @spork9207 3 роки тому +76

      Shane * walks into church. God * give the demon a nose bleed

    • @ollies08
      @ollies08 3 роки тому +56

      More evidence that shane is a demon

    • @AsianSpeciminYT
      @AsianSpeciminYT 2 роки тому +4

      i agree with your pfp picture 🤝

  • @icantthinkofaname1483
    @icantthinkofaname1483 5 років тому +5251

    "Clementine, the blue jay, was never seen again."
    That's a little sus. I'm gonna say the bird did it

    • @loretta5653
      @loretta5653 5 років тому +33

      Birds are evil

    • @adambump5297
      @adambump5297 5 років тому +52

      Yes a little tiny Blue Jay lifting a nearly three pound metal object it makes too much sense.

    • @loretta5653
      @loretta5653 5 років тому +27

      Witchcraft?

    • @darthfred45
      @darthfred45 4 роки тому +93

      Clementine put down the machete

    • @loretta5653
      @loretta5653 4 роки тому +26

      Yea! Birds These Days, Amirite?

  • @checkman
    @checkman 4 роки тому +5740

    It's always someone innocently walking their dog, hiking, or jogging who find bodies.

    • @briannadenton3879
      @briannadenton3879 4 роки тому +472

      crystalheckman this is why I don’t do any of the above

    • @choochoopicklepie
      @choochoopicklepie 4 роки тому +354

      crystalheckman this is why I don’t leave the house

    • @chandlerwaddell8364
      @chandlerwaddell8364 4 роки тому +110

      Don't excercise a surefire way to hit the suspect list

    • @oliver4730
      @oliver4730 4 роки тому +194

      @@choochoopicklepie No one's leaving their house now, rn would be the perfect to dump a body if you thing about it

    • @TheIdiotChihuahua
      @TheIdiotChihuahua 4 роки тому +138

      Natalie Johnson don’t give people ideas

  • @thatsnotamber
    @thatsnotamber 3 роки тому +1019

    athalia: **gets murdered**
    francis: too bad but i’m built different

    • @jana5728
      @jana5728 2 роки тому +22

      she's not like other girls

  • @CobraFeather
    @CobraFeather 3 роки тому +493

    with the clothes found you could find the shoe size, shirt size, a estimate of the wrist size, and experts could estimate how tall they were, if they were more chubby then a normal human, how big their arm was, and other things that could help a lot during a investigation

    • @lisad359
      @lisad359 3 роки тому +77

      Notes taken, if doing a crime wear the wrong size lol

    • @tunners
      @tunners 2 роки тому +4

      the clothes would have probably shrunk in the water

    • @lolarose8973
      @lolarose8973 2 роки тому +24

      @@tunners there would most likely still be some way to identify the size, they probably wouldn't shrink beyond recognition

  • @Lucy-er3se
    @Lucy-er3se 5 років тому +5469

    Frances: Im gonna prove that this place is safe by walking alone in the dark !
    murderer : am I a joke to you ?

    • @razkable
      @razkable 5 років тому +11

      i mean it was 9 months later so...

    • @babyvia6712
      @babyvia6712 5 років тому +38

      Dude if that’s ur pfp u are fine as hell

    • @Lucy-er3se
      @Lucy-er3se 5 років тому +20

      @@babyvia6712 aww that's sweet thanks

    • @Emma-up9zr
      @Emma-up9zr 5 років тому +13

      Olivia Eyes
      What a mood

    • @HezeJunior
      @HezeJunior 5 років тому +2

      LMFAO 😭💀

  • @EllaIngram
    @EllaIngram 5 років тому +1492

    Frances: yeahh this place is super safe and I’m gonna PROVE IT!
    Frances: *gets murdered*

  • @fourleafclover8519
    @fourleafclover8519 3 роки тому +213

    * watches a show called unsolved *
    * gets mad when they don’t solve it *

  • @DismemberedHat
    @DismemberedHat 2 роки тому +314

    The fact he was found to be innocent, not just "not guilty" is INCREDIBLY TELLING and tells me there's something missing here. To get a verdict of "innocent", it means you have to have evidence that you did not commit the murder. Period. Not just "there's not enough evidence that he did it" but actual evidence to prove that you did not commit this crime. Like if you had a completely rock solid alibi like you were in another country at the time of the murder. "Innocent" requires evidence that you didn't do it, not just a lack of evidence that you did

    • @gaaraxnaru
      @gaaraxnaru 2 роки тому +28

      I think Ryan just misspoke here. I don't think you can be found innocent in a US court, just not guilty. Or a mistrial. You can also have a guilty verdict thrown out.

    • @emilybarclay8831
      @emilybarclay8831 Рік тому +9

      @@gaaraxnaru technically according to most justice systems you’re innocent until proven guilty, meaning anyone not found guilty is, in the law’s eyes, innocent

    • @gaaraxnaru
      @gaaraxnaru Рік тому +30

      @@emilybarclay8831 Technically, no. Most lawyers will tell you that there is a difference between being found "not guilty" and being "innocent". There's a reason why the term "innocent" isn't used in court sentebcing/verdicts. Outside of exonerations, I believe.

    • @Nonameforyoudangit
      @Nonameforyoudangit Рік тому +5

      @@gaaraxnaru Exactly - a good way to think about it is: innocent until found guilty or not guilty.

    • @gaaraxnaru
      @gaaraxnaru Рік тому +1

      @@Nonameforyoudangit Exactly.

  • @yeahokaysurethatsalright
    @yeahokaysurethatsalright 5 років тому +4523

    Next episode: The Suspicious Death and Disappearance of Shane's Parrot

    • @cassiess
      @cassiess 5 років тому +16

      Brock Obama YES

    • @Boy-fv6rm
      @Boy-fv6rm 5 років тому +9

      I had the same idea

    • @drmantistobboggangonzodr3961
      @drmantistobboggangonzodr3961 5 років тому +23

      For huge unsolved fans, a bit of trivia.... what was Shane’s parrots name???
      I have no idea. And no prizes, sorry! 😐 Deborah WINGer? Precious McFeathers? #postmortem Shane what was your parrots name? Was it Wheezy?

    • @kenna163
      @kenna163 5 років тому +14

      @@drmantistobboggangonzodr3961 It was Paco.

  • @Lollemaster
    @Lollemaster 5 років тому +1649

    *Innocent woman gets butchered*
    - Oh no
    *Clementine flies away*
    - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • @heavengarcia7112
      @heavengarcia7112 5 років тому +5

      Clementine was probably like ab god damn time someone did it

    • @AikiraBeats
      @AikiraBeats 5 років тому +2

      Right not clementine

  • @minutedetails7696
    @minutedetails7696 3 роки тому +176

    When Shane told Ryan about his nosebleed story, Ryan in his head be like “that’s a demon there”

  • @alexjourney7705
    @alexjourney7705 2 роки тому +127

    Ryan connecting the dots to Shane being a demon and Shane just keeps incriminating himself, not noticing how sus he sounds. Love it.

  • @aliababwa5153
    @aliababwa5153 4 роки тому +7335

    Just taking my machete on a walk. Hey wait a minute..is that MY BIRD?!

    • @hayhay6254
      @hayhay6254 4 роки тому +66

      Ali Ababwa I’m wheezing

    • @lancerider5979
      @lancerider5979 4 роки тому +9

      🤣🤣🤣😂😂

    • @Olster-xy5ol
      @Olster-xy5ol 4 роки тому +120

      For some reason I read this in Shane’s voice and it was amazing

    • @sapphirethewolf8596
      @sapphirethewolf8596 4 роки тому +12

      Olster5913 Same lol

    • @dara03
      @dara03 4 роки тому +7

      Hay Hay (wheeze)

  • @harrysb3002
    @harrysb3002 4 роки тому +4221

    can’t sell your house as a real estate agent?
    All Hail The Watcher

    • @clarissarojas7959
      @clarissarojas7959 4 роки тому +272

      Your neighbor won’t let you have any of his limes?
      All hail The Watcher

    • @Voidway20
      @Voidway20 3 роки тому +194

      Nose bleed when you enter a church?
      All hail The Watcher

    • @rylliewyllie
      @rylliewyllie 3 роки тому +172

      Get murdered with a machete?
      All Hail The Watcher

    • @hadiyapinky9091
      @hadiyapinky9091 3 роки тому +147

      Your murder case is still unsolved?
      All hail the watcher

    • @riatortilla9906
      @riatortilla9906 3 роки тому +91

      you have no clue why your even reading these replies where people are just repeating “all hail the watcher”?
      *all hail the watcher*

  • @LoganWH8
    @LoganWH8 3 роки тому +156

    Defense attorney: “Isn’t it a fact that you were looking for a spot where nobody could see you put that stuff in the swamp?”
    Dewey Lee: No. No it isn’t. What kind of question is that?

  • @solflorspaceman
    @solflorspaceman 4 роки тому +362

    “SIR WE FOUND A POOL OF THE VICTIM’S BLOOD IN THE YARD”
    “HM GROSS! MOP IT UP. NOW BACK TO MY HUNCH”

    • @winsuma8253
      @winsuma8253 3 роки тому +23

      I know! We'll draw chalk around the body. That way we'll know where it was.

    • @chrissparks7439
      @chrissparks7439 3 роки тому +4

      @@winsuma8253 "Ew no, that's gross"

    • @professorbaxtercarelessdre1075
      @professorbaxtercarelessdre1075 3 роки тому

      @@chrissparks7439 then that same cop probably proceeded to burp and fart constantly and just be generally gross

    • @natalierivera8421
      @natalierivera8421 10 місяців тому

      Wait what is this from? It sounds familiar but I can’t remember where I heard it 😩

    • @solflorspaceman
      @solflorspaceman 10 місяців тому

      @@natalierivera8421 John Mulaney!

  • @squigglykinkle805
    @squigglykinkle805 4 роки тому +5328

    When I lived in Florida someone tried to break into my landlady’s apartment, so she chased him down the street with a machete

    • @lovestay871
      @lovestay871 4 роки тому +49

      Squiggly Kinkle that’s....terrifying!😨

    • @lovestay871
      @lovestay871 4 роки тому +72

      Wouldn’t wanna be that person

    • @amewolff3722
      @amewolff3722 4 роки тому +51

      I still live in Florida. Lol

    • @sweetestaphrodite
      @sweetestaphrodite 4 роки тому +270

      honestly, I want to reach that level of badass.

    • @anicoleww
      @anicoleww 4 роки тому +6

      nora 노라 yess

  • @dee3412
    @dee3412 4 роки тому +3647

    Old lady: this is the safest place ... I walk in the dark all the time
    Killer: hold my machete

    • @cedartheyeah.justyeah.3967
      @cedartheyeah.justyeah.3967 4 роки тому +22

      Killer: With your stomach. H e r e y o u g o ! Okay now hold this fire.

    • @Annie-hb8ob
      @Annie-hb8ob 4 роки тому +17

      or more like "give me my machete" haha

    • @janiemtz
      @janiemtz 4 роки тому +27

      Killer: Hold my machete, no wait, give it back I need that

    • @mustafamunir9801
      @mustafamunir9801 4 роки тому +5

      ME: HOLD MY MACHETE how is he gonna kill them
      My friend: with his fist duh

    • @majcry4188
      @majcry4188 4 роки тому +6

      Killer: Actually no I need it for something.

  • @lemonarsenic6063
    @lemonarsenic6063 2 роки тому +139

    "Only if I have some facts behind them,"
    Ryan, didn't you introduce the idea of alien abduction in the Gloria Ramirez case?

  • @gemlee5007
    @gemlee5007 3 роки тому +78

    I like how Shane's nose bled when he crossed the church's threshold, it just confirms that he's the final boss and the reason why ghosts won't appear with the both of them in the same room

  • @guymanmanguy1601
    @guymanmanguy1601 5 років тому +3556

    Old lady: I walk outside in the dark every day! It's safe! You won't get killed!
    Machete killer: I'm about to end this woman's whole career

  • @Catbaroncafe
    @Catbaroncafe 5 років тому +15649

    It’s wild that most of these stories remaining unsolved are just a result of really shoddy police work.

    • @yourworstnightmare6003
      @yourworstnightmare6003 5 років тому +674

      Or conspiracies (eg. people or towns working to cover evidence up or frame others).

    • @TheresaGreenwald
      @TheresaGreenwald 5 років тому +599

      This particular case seems intentionally shoddy.

    • @MagisterialVoyager
      @MagisterialVoyager 5 років тому +99

      @@yourworstnightmare6003 LMAO I was about to say cover up and conspiracy but you beat me to it.

    • @rhian4876
      @rhian4876 5 років тому +82

      *_shoddy_*

    • @kumikamii
      @kumikamii 5 років тому +22

      Janee Doe like the McElroy murder

  • @anikalra1427
    @anikalra1427 3 роки тому +114

    Francis: I'm simply built different
    Killer: I'm about to end this woman's whole life

  • @biblicallyaccuratesandwich
    @biblicallyaccuratesandwich 3 роки тому +232

    Shane is 100% a demon, nosebleed in church? No way he’s not.

  • @lillyalexa6560
    @lillyalexa6560 5 років тому +3771

    „I don‘t have any clothes covered in blood“
    Laughs in female

    • @awal4896
      @awal4896 4 роки тому +100

      I laughed way harder than I should have at this!!

    • @lindanicolausson6148
      @lindanicolausson6148 4 роки тому +4

      @@awal4896 I dont get it? Explain plz?

    • @awal4896
      @awal4896 4 роки тому +100

      Linda Nicolausson because of period blood

    • @dancinggouine9909
      @dancinggouine9909 4 роки тому +145

      right? i have so many blood stained clothes, my wardrobe definitely looks like I kill people.
      Like I kill people wearing only underwear, but still.

    • @thegrayyernaut
      @thegrayyernaut 4 роки тому +153

      @@dancinggouine9909 "The Florida Panties Killer is Still At Large"

  • @AlashiaTuol
    @AlashiaTuol 4 роки тому +4281

    I love how Ryan looks at the camera when Shane talks about his bloody nose and knows
    *_knows_*
    EXACTLY what the audience will think about that XD

    • @yazz5747
      @yazz5747 4 роки тому +78

      @T.R *laughs in conspiracy*

    • @CottonCandySharks
      @CottonCandySharks 4 роки тому +125

      @T.R That Shane is a demon! Trying desperately to get us to not believe in demons!

    • @peachbunni3
      @peachbunni3 4 роки тому +44

      Cotton Candy Sharks XDDD YEP!! No wonder why demons and ghost never show up. Shane is too strong.

    • @CottonCandySharks
      @CottonCandySharks 4 роки тому +15

      @@peachbunni3 absolute best fan theory! XD

    • @justanormaldude3772
      @justanormaldude3772 4 роки тому +10

      Cotton Candy Sharks foolish mortal, he is Satan of course! The devil himself!!

  • @koetheh0363
    @koetheh0363 3 роки тому +39

    Frances be like: "Athalia died? Oh, RIP! Anyways, it's literally so safe here.."
    *ends up getting murdered the same way*

  • @WeGoblinFolk
    @WeGoblinFolk 3 роки тому +76

    A "sharp-tongued, aggressive woman" whose name means "wholesome or healing." I'm not going to say her parents jinxed her, but her parents totally jinxed her.

  • @rachelanne7945
    @rachelanne7945 5 років тому +2619

    Ryan: I don’t jump to theories
    Also Ryan: Idk it was probably aliens

    • @prathamesh245
      @prathamesh245 5 років тому +6

      Guys please make a video on princess diana.

    • @nikkovalidor4890
      @nikkovalidor4890 5 років тому +7

      ryan also mocked the big about them using hypnosis when in any other case hed geniunely take it

    • @ahmedrizwan7235
      @ahmedrizwan7235 2 роки тому

      The Gloria Ramirez case theories in the end was exactly this 😂

  • @natelwood7606
    @natelwood7606 5 років тому +1904

    hosing down the blood reminds me of a john mulaney bit about crime in the 1930s:
    “detective, we found a pool of the killer’s blood”
    “hmm... gross. mop it up! now back to my hunch”

    • @sadiejones7763
      @sadiejones7763 5 років тому +11

      nathalie elwood random, but you are so pretty 🙃

    • @snowybookwyrm
      @snowybookwyrm 5 років тому +10

      bro i had the same thought

    • @lilyl.6715
      @lilyl.6715 5 років тому +7

      I thought the same thing I just couldn’t remember it was from a mulaney sketch

    • @sadiejones7763
      @sadiejones7763 5 років тому +16

      Yes because a girl gives another girl a compliment ?? Really

    • @sadiejones7763
      @sadiejones7763 5 років тому +2

      Yes how being goofy? And wait what? I didn’t like it lol

  • @bryant7542
    @bryant7542 3 роки тому +75

    Trail of blood leading to his house, hates the neighbor, his shirt and watch are found with the murder weapon.
    Witness: "Mr. Standford's beating ___"
    What more do you need? I guess nobody did it huh. Amazing.

  • @contentcop
    @contentcop 3 роки тому +80

    "On our ongoing investigation into why Florida is the way it is" actually made me laugh so hard I couldn't breath 🤣🤣

  • @chelseav418
    @chelseav418 4 роки тому +13743

    francis really pulled an "im not like other girls" and then got murdered the same way as athalia I CANT

    • @LemonSte
      @LemonSte 4 роки тому +144

      Well not the exact same lol, Frances got bludgeoned

    • @braceface1514
      @braceface1514 4 роки тому +93

      i howled do you hear me😭

    • @Iarenormal
      @Iarenormal 3 роки тому +21

      You can’t what?

    • @Iarenormal
      @Iarenormal 3 роки тому +18

      Lucas why can’t u breathe I mean like what u said wasn’t funny

    • @Iarenormal
      @Iarenormal 3 роки тому +11

      Daniel Godoy ok

  • @GippyHappy
    @GippyHappy 4 роки тому +12661

    "If I were Athalia I would simply not be murdered. Rip her but I'm different"
    -Frances, shortly before being murdered

    • @Yeeishaw
      @Yeeishaw 3 роки тому +484

      Frances really said breed: different 😈

    • @Nyrella
      @Nyrella 3 роки тому +71

      well not the same way tbh. no machete for francis.

    • @agentelvis81
      @agentelvis81 3 роки тому +18

      Not the same way at all. Did you watch the video?

    • @bobina321
      @bobina321 3 роки тому +11

      Woah cool, same exact comment as the top 2 above you

    • @piadylan1207
      @piadylan1207 3 роки тому +10

      those comments are taking me out 💀💀

  • @cantstoptheflow
    @cantstoptheflow Рік тому +27

    I would like to also comment that no one in town like Mrs. Athalia. She was described as a mean and spiteful older lady who would do all kinds of things to people to get her way. That’s why no one really cared about justice or her actual murder. Hope this lead to some insight!!!

  • @Emmad172
    @Emmad172 3 роки тому +31

    “A pool of blood?? Gross! Mop it up.” Big John Mulaney vibes

  • @motherlizzy4740
    @motherlizzy4740 5 років тому +3643

    "DETECTIVE! We found the killers blood in that hall!"
    "Hmmm, gross! Mop it up! Back to my hunch!"

    • @blakeblack5647
      @blakeblack5647 5 років тому +56

      Yeeeeesss I thought about the same thing 😂

    • @laysagna4909
      @laysagna4909 5 років тому +46

      Should I be upset or happy with myself for knowing where this is from?

    • @elizabethdesruisseau7826
      @elizabethdesruisseau7826 4 роки тому +29

      Laysagna definitely happy 😂

    • @lulava9613
      @lulava9613 4 роки тому +14

      I had the same exact thought through this whole episode

    • @samk5760
      @samk5760 4 роки тому +1

      YES

  • @misterkingdom3571
    @misterkingdom3571 5 років тому +2281

    "Hey that's my parrot. I think your head doesn't look good on your shoulders anymore."

  • @kokidos5700
    @kokidos5700 3 роки тому +78

    Francis:im not like other Girls
    Killer:LMAO no❤️

    • @heatherperleberg7816
      @heatherperleberg7816 2 роки тому +1

      Oh god the killer's a 14 year old white girl! It's worse than we ever thought possible!

  • @toffeeofthesnails
    @toffeeofthesnails 23 дні тому +5

    4:26 to quote John Mulany
    "Officer, we found a big pool of the killer's blood at the scene of the crime!"
    "Gross, mop it up!"

  • @jessiemay285
    @jessiemay285 5 років тому +4362

    #roastmortem killers should really consider not killing in February, Ryan is struggling

    • @jad_23
      @jad_23 5 років тому +19

      😂😂

    • @AKayfabe
      @AKayfabe 5 років тому +97

      Right! Everyone who murders please do so in June. It’s easy to pronounce

    • @hwafans
      @hwafans 5 років тому +82

      if this comment isn't a part of the roastmortem part of next weeks post mortem what's the point

    • @jad_23
      @jad_23 5 років тому +5

      @@hwafans ikr😂

    • @oneslikeme
      @oneslikeme 5 років тому +22

      This is one of the best roasts I've seen.

  • @snorsaxattacks
    @snorsaxattacks 4 роки тому +8387

    Nosebleed starting immediately upon entering holy ground.
    Shane = Demon. Confirmed.

    • @zero_s
      @zero_s 4 роки тому +304

      At that moment he knew, Shane at 9 years old knew, he have demon blood in him

    • @awooga2846
      @awooga2846 4 роки тому +336

      That’s why he denies the existence of demons and isn’t scared by ghosts because he knows he’s the true demon and trying to throw people off the scent

    • @craftylad2872
      @craftylad2872 4 роки тому +31

      That happened to my sister

    • @taeaortkc9885
      @taeaortkc9885 4 роки тому +65

      16:48 Ryan posits; Shane confirms.

    • @appleuwumer
      @appleuwumer 4 роки тому +59

      AS SOON AS I HEARD HIM SAY THAT I checked the comments LMAOOOOO I knew someone noticed it too😂

  • @CerealOverlord
    @CerealOverlord 3 роки тому +30

    9:32 Ryan, i think you meant Florida "flora". I highly doubt the residents of St. Augustine were fighting alligators with machetes'

    • @claytone.9706
      @claytone.9706 Рік тому +10

      Idk, this is Florida we're talking about...

  • @renip8605
    @renip8605 3 роки тому +28

    They absolutely caught me with the husband theory. I thought "Wow, really convenient that this guy happens to have a machete in his car"... And then everyone has one. Welcome to Florida! 😅

  • @andersont821
    @andersont821 5 років тому +334

    Florida: Hose it
    Iceland: solitary confinement
    Hotel: trivago

    • @alkaz3608
      @alkaz3608 5 років тому +1

      I hope people get this lol

    • @loxelotus
      @loxelotus 5 років тому +2

      Priest: machete pointer
      Mr. Stanford: hitting Ms. Ponsell

    • @haleighgates468
      @haleighgates468 5 років тому +2

      Yee: Haw

  • @lethalleithan8523
    @lethalleithan8523 5 років тому +1554

    Shane: “I got a nosebleed in church once”
    Ryan: “Next time on Buzzed Unsolved”

    • @tiffanycalhoun9993
      @tiffanycalhoun9993 5 років тому +8

      Lol I've gotten a nosebleed in church too. And i also started getting a fever too lmao

    • @ia490
      @ia490 5 років тому +17

      That's an episode for Unsolved Supernatural 😂

    • @lethalleithan8523
      @lethalleithan8523 5 років тому +2

      ai big fax lol

    • @gretablackwell495
      @gretablackwell495 5 років тому +29

      **demon Shane theorists screaming in the distance**

    • @itzame_ari
      @itzame_ari 5 років тому +2

      Khadijah I had a friend that, 3 times, had to leave the church because he would get sick, throw up and pass out during mass.

  • @lupusetmatrem7078
    @lupusetmatrem7078 3 роки тому +20

    The reason why Florida seems to be filled with crazy people is because of its open record policy. I don't remember what is actually called.
    Also, your state could be just as crazy.

    • @heidifredricks8641
      @heidifredricks8641 3 роки тому

      Freedom of information, you're so right.

    • @zipties8442
      @zipties8442 12 днів тому

      The sunshine law. All public records can be accessed easily if you ask the record office in the state of Florida.

  • @kingexplosionmurderfuckoff9376
    @kingexplosionmurderfuckoff9376 3 роки тому +9

    Poor Clementine, I hope Clementine lived a full happy life.

  • @ranchdip8779
    @ranchdip8779 5 років тому +1602

    the look ryan got on his face in the immediate instant after realizing shane got a nosebleed in church was "wait, demon?"

  • @briannahenderson2421
    @briannahenderson2421 5 років тому +2344

    Lol the hose the blood away thing reminds me of that John Mulaney joke
    _"we found a pool of the killer's blood in the hallway"_
    _"hmm gross, mop it up"_

    • @leslielemerond5766
      @leslielemerond5766 5 років тому +114

      Now, back to my hunch!

    • @arigat-o9670
      @arigat-o9670 5 років тому +53

      It’s like the criminals dressed up to rob the bank.

    • @hexcetera
      @hexcetera 5 років тому +32

      @@arigat-o9670 its like they were going to church in atlanta

    • @camrynpetti9128
      @camrynpetti9128 5 років тому +30

      Maryjane D. It’s like they made a day of it!

    • @citrusghost4536
      @citrusghost4536 5 років тому +46

      we'll draw chalk around where the body is, so we'll know where it was

  • @ksav4330
    @ksav4330 3 роки тому +20

    "Somebody clean this crime scene up so I can start investigating this crime scene"- St Augustine police

  • @danischmoyer6495
    @danischmoyer6495 2 роки тому +8

    In a trial, you are not declared “innocent”. You are declared “not guilty”. It’s an important distinction.

  • @micaelalerouxburch6947
    @micaelalerouxburch6947 5 років тому +739

    "Florida man kills pet bird, then decapitates the owner for good measure" #postmortem #foodforthought

  • @loganc.2824
    @loganc.2824 5 років тому +1022

    16:38
    Nosebleed in a church. Shane is actually a demon, confirmed.

    • @s0mb3rk1tt4g1rl
      @s0mb3rk1tt4g1rl 5 років тому +50

      No wonder he's never scared of ghosts/demons, he is a demonic entity himself!

    • @catbat367
      @catbat367 5 років тому +33

      This will be a great clip for the demon Shane madej compilations

    • @Badchicken06
      @Badchicken06 5 років тому +1

      hahahaha

    • @IonIsFalling7217
      @IonIsFalling7217 5 років тому +1

      100%

    • @antbeejacka1480
      @antbeejacka1480 5 років тому +4

      That would be the worst place because they would probably chuck a bible at you

  • @RanDeligero
    @RanDeligero 3 роки тому +43

    I still think of what happened to Clementine. Poor bird.

  • @nothingbutfun5654
    @nothingbutfun5654 Рік тому +5

    My AirPods disconnected in the car at full volume and it said “Your going to kill me with a machete”

  • @bun872
    @bun872 5 років тому +2615

    so what i’ve learned from BFU is that everyone in florida has a machete and everyone in New Orleans has an axe

    • @taylorlandry4333
      @taylorlandry4333 5 років тому +34

      I'm from Louisiana, its more like everyone in New Orleans has a gun lol

    • @karinay6774
      @karinay6774 5 років тому +74

      As a Floridian i can confirm we all have machetes

    • @MedinafamilyVlogs
      @MedinafamilyVlogs 5 років тому +9

      I disagree with this statement. I am from Florida and no one in my family nor my fiancé’s family owns a machete. Not sure about the New Orleans thing though.

    • @bananaboat5031
      @bananaboat5031 5 років тому +2

      @@taylorlandry4333 back then

    • @loretta5653
      @loretta5653 5 років тому +5

      I have an axe but no machete. I am from New Jersey.

  • @veronicalarr7681
    @veronicalarr7681 4 роки тому +1739

    "Clementine, the Blue Jay, was never seen again." THE BIRDS WORK FOR THE BOURGEOISIE

  • @hf4189
    @hf4189 3 роки тому +46

    The real question is....
    *What the f are people doing going around pouring sugar in their neighbor's Cadillac's gas tanks?*

  • @tillyandrew5367
    @tillyandrew5367 4 роки тому +15

    The 1940s to 70s where rough, there were so many gruesome murders

  • @Kate-eo8vh
    @Kate-eo8vh 5 років тому +1494

    it was clearly Clementine. she wanted to fly, not walk.

  • @chrisgraham2327
    @chrisgraham2327 2 роки тому +8

    Disgruntled neighbours actually kill neighbours they've continually fought with quite often. Definitely not something that's unheard of

  • @idontevenknow628
    @idontevenknow628 3 роки тому +39

    17:03 the exact moment Ryan realized that Shane just might be a demon

  • @berniecleene2720
    @berniecleene2720 4 роки тому +1998

    Why did the music make it looked like the bird was the main loss

    • @lovestay871
      @lovestay871 4 роки тому +86

      Bernie Cleene the poor bird tho

    • @destinyfarmer3581
      @destinyfarmer3581 4 роки тому +202

      Because the bird was the main loss

    • @Subllama
      @Subllama 4 роки тому +31

      Bernie Cleene because it was :( jk rest in peace Athalia

    • @blitzvalentine363
      @blitzvalentine363 4 роки тому +22

      Because it was. Poor bird

    • @salenebrom6476
      @salenebrom6476 4 роки тому +4

      Cat and Kitty 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  • @galadrielpokracki8153
    @galadrielpokracki8153 5 років тому +248

    Cops in Reykjavik: Put em in solitary confinement.
    Cops in Florida: HOSE DOWN THE EVIDENCE

  • @JonahMcD
    @JonahMcD 2 роки тому +53

    Ryan: Maybe rumors that AREN’T rumors, like you eating that bird!
    Shane: :|
    Ryan: :D

  • @makennayork6047
    @makennayork6047 3 роки тому +5

    Feels like two different murderers to me. A crime of passion, followed by a Copycat who hoped it would be looped into Athalias murder.

  • @shadi2055
    @shadi2055 5 років тому +1798

    ryan heard all the complaints about his messy hair and decided to go full cockatoo... really paying his respects to shane's bird i guess #roastmortem

    • @aaryadevnani
      @aaryadevnani 5 років тому +28

      If this doesn't get in, I'mma be disappointed

    • @clea8383
      @clea8383 5 років тому +4

      This better get in

    • @yuh5470
      @yuh5470 5 років тому +4

      Thais should get in

    • @osayialeopinion9028
      @osayialeopinion9028 5 років тому +4

      Imma throw a fit if this doesn't get in

  • @annabellegrace206
    @annabellegrace206 5 років тому +1429

    today we found out that shane officially became a demon at age 9

    • @Luke_H.
      @Luke_H. 5 років тому +7

      But demons can't sub 2 pewds

    • @t0k3an0s2
      @t0k3an0s2 5 років тому +6

      Luke jason hines who says they cant

    • @chaosbros7744
      @chaosbros7744 5 років тому +37

      so that's why Ryan carries a bottle of holy water with him all the time

    • @amora803
      @amora803 5 років тому +3

      crazy but the current likes on this comment is “999”

    • @emilyelizabethkey5287
      @emilyelizabethkey5287 5 років тому +1

      Lesli G if you flip it upside down it’s 666

  • @Nana-vi4rd
    @Nana-vi4rd Рік тому +4

    St. Augustine is a weird place to live. In 1979 you couldn't even purchase baby cribs, at the local K-Mart store. Gifts for like a Baby shower but nothing like cribs, bottles, diapers, etc. You had to go to Jacksonville to purchase them at the time. Those that lived there at the time were not friendly at all. It was the only place in Florida I hated living in. And I had lived in Florida since 1965 until 2008 off and on. My three daughters were born in Florida. But living in St. Augustine was AWEFUL to say the least.

  • @bekind3340
    @bekind3340 2 роки тому +8

    I like the idea that in between takes, Ryan asked Shane about the parrot bit and if it was too far and Shane went “no no it was really great” but as soon as they started shooting again he regained that murderous look in his eyes

  • @campbellklecatsky
    @campbellklecatsky 5 років тому +1373

    Tbh the parrot probably just flew away. It’s a bird. Just flippity flapped off into the Florida sunset

    • @meganjones7790
      @meganjones7790 4 роки тому +50

      That part makes me curious because I want to know if (sadly) it's wings were clipped or if it could have just been like see ya.

    • @anthonyhutchins2300
      @anthonyhutchins2300 4 роки тому +18

      She was walking it though... Which I still don't understand lol. Did she have it on a leash? We're it's wings clipped?

    • @veeisntcool
      @veeisntcool 4 роки тому +9

      @@anthonyhutchins2300 They make harnesses to take your bird out for a walk (or a fly?)

    • @1TakoyakiStore
      @1TakoyakiStore 4 роки тому +6

      Interestingly there are spots in Florida where escaped parrots live.

    • @Justin-tb1sy
      @Justin-tb1sy 4 роки тому +4

      @@meganjones7790 even with clipped wings birds can get pretty far if they hit a wind draft

  • @maevefitzgerald3084
    @maevefitzgerald3084 5 років тому +284

    Police officer: Hey, there's a pool of the killers blood out here.
    Detective: Hmm...gross! Clean that up.

  • @juliamiller2523
    @juliamiller2523 3 роки тому +5

    As someone who's interacted with Florida police, I'm not surprised this went unsolved. Sometimes they don't really try too hard

  • @jediping
    @jediping 2 роки тому +4

    If Stanford really were embezzling, that could have added more fuel to his rage fire. The husband is also iffy, but seems more likely to have been the neighbor.

  • @spaghettiappletaterghost1009
    @spaghettiappletaterghost1009 4 роки тому +1775

    The woman: **is murdered**
    Me: **sad about the blue jay**

    • @emilycosgrove6906
      @emilycosgrove6906 4 роки тому +22

      I'm marathoning old BuzzFeed unsolved videos...And I live in St Augustine so when I got to this episode I remembered back to the last time I saw blue Jay which is probably like 8 months ago and I was like the blue jay lives and then I remember the lifespan of a blue jay is not 40 years and I got very sad 😢😂

    • @topangaleija
      @topangaleija 4 роки тому +29

      Same. And assuming the blue jay just flew away and was not taken by the murderer, it likely died quickly from having not been taught to survive in the wild. Unless it was originally caught as an adult in the wild, in which case yay freedom

    • @frostythehoeman6969
      @frostythehoeman6969 3 роки тому +13

      Hopefully the bluejay flew away bc ppl shouldn't keep those as pets

    • @Moo-2310
      @Moo-2310 3 роки тому +2

      If it was born in captivity, it probably died pretty quick. If it did originally live in the wild it probably flew off.

    • @jennaleelove680
      @jennaleelove680 3 роки тому +2

      @@frostythehoeman6969 She found it crippled and decided to take care of it.

  • @runa1248
    @runa1248 4 роки тому +3554

    "Shane had no bloody clothing"
    Women everywhere: *have so many clothes that have been ruined by blood*

    • @imjustlucy_29
      @imjustlucy_29 4 роки тому +183

      Well... a specific clothing that have been ruined by blood.

    • @IceKreacher
      @IceKreacher 4 роки тому +37

      I have so many clothes ruined by blood because of my pets. But I don't mind because I love them.

    • @sweetestaphrodite
      @sweetestaphrodite 4 роки тому +150

      *@Metalhead 1966*
      ...what?

    • @Ghostbuster07
      @Ghostbuster07 4 роки тому +67

      Metalhead 1966 um that’s not-..

    • @AerCloud
      @AerCloud 4 роки тому +55

      @@IceKreacher excuse me? What?

  • @danaok8048
    @danaok8048 3 роки тому +7

    my girl francis really said: i’m different 😈🥶
    *gets killed while walking*
    francis: oh

  • @davidthesinger683
    @davidthesinger683 4 роки тому +10

    Dude I freaking love Ryan's laugh. It's adorable!!

  • @frazer7238
    @frazer7238 4 роки тому +1262

    creepy music starts
    shE planTeD bamBoO

    • @Mara-yf1se
      @Mara-yf1se 4 роки тому +15

      The bamboo is the murder...
      Mystery solved!

    • @vampirepossum8544
      @vampirepossum8544 4 роки тому

      I hate the fact that made me chuckle

  • @g0thb4b3
    @g0thb4b3 5 років тому +1224

    what this video should be about: -An actress being murdered in Florida-
    what it’s really about: *_Roasting Florida for being weird af_*

    • @thomastv8663
      @thomastv8663 5 років тому +5

      Mai Quartiaz bruh I’m from South Florida and there’s no swamp and barely any gators

    • @user-lf6dn2jp2y
      @user-lf6dn2jp2y 5 років тому +6

      @@thomastv8663 r/NobodyAsked

    • @thomastv8663
      @thomastv8663 5 років тому +10

      N damn I’m just tryna defend my state 😢

    • @ricksanchez1149
      @ricksanchez1149 5 років тому

      @@thomastv8663 For what it's worth I think Florida is pretty dope. I love alligators, burmese pythons and meth. Jk, just the gators and pythons. Also, the weather is usually pretty sweet.

  • @sn0wbunny6
    @sn0wbunny6 3 роки тому +12

    Shane: *talks openly about the time he walked into church and got a nosebleed*
    My brain: The mystery of whether Shane is a demon or not will remain, unsolved.

  • @Lunch_Meat
    @Lunch_Meat 2 роки тому +8

    Ryan and Shane can never get their dreams of having haters. They are too lovable

  • @teogrunhut8764
    @teogrunhut8764 5 років тому +4513

    _Walking your bird in Florida is so unusual_
    *continues to walk down the street with an aligator*

    • @fishsauce617
      @fishsauce617 5 років тому +58

      *_Florida Man_*

    • @noellefritz5678
      @noellefritz5678 5 років тому +21

      1000 subscribers without a single video challenge somebody walked a rattle snake in my town once. On a leash. I live in Iowa, it not supposed to be a crazy state but

    • @teogrunhut8764
      @teogrunhut8764 5 років тому +4

      @@noellefritz5678 🤣🤣🤣🤔🤔

    • @mrprimor227
      @mrprimor227 5 років тому +8

      @@noellefritz5678 try walking 2 horny alligators then you'll understand what crazy is.

    • @iitzdev7481
      @iitzdev7481 5 років тому +9

      No no I’ve seen a guy walking a duck🤦‍♂️

  • @samthehypotheticaldad
    @samthehypotheticaldad 4 роки тому +2664

    Victim: *Was nearly beheaded*
    Me: NEARLY headless? How can you be NEARLY headless?

    • @crateredcallisto2854
      @crateredcallisto2854 4 роки тому +582

      Nearly Headless Nick: *I'm about to end this whole man's career*

    • @sophie29456
      @sophie29456 4 роки тому +26

      Snack discovery squad 🐍🦎🦜

    • @SMILESZ2
      @SMILESZ2 4 роки тому +21

      I see what you did there....

    • @5ft4inprotagonist24
      @5ft4inprotagonist24 4 роки тому +89

      is this...a Harry Potter reference?

    • @reematiq2186
      @reematiq2186 4 роки тому +40

      Potterheads 😁

  • @noabinnendijk361
    @noabinnendijk361 2 роки тому +6

    18:15 OBJECTION YOUR HONOR HE IS LEADING THE WITNESS

  • @matthewelvis5221
    @matthewelvis5221 2 роки тому +13

    “I don’t think that’s enough of a push”
    People in line for the Popeyes chicken sandwich in 2019 stabbing eachother: am I a joke to you?