I wish I didn’t get married to the first person who’d “showed” me a crumb of attention, go through some many dead end jobs, saved more money, not collected any student loans debt, and took better care of my credit. Saying NO isn’t a bad thing in life, especially dealing with people.
I wish they would have offered a financial literacy course in high school that gave details on student loans, home loans, car loans, having baby cost, taxes, etc. Apply everything possible.
I regret not moving away immediately after graduating college. I'm in my late 30's and I'm finally not ashamed to say that I'm not where I want to be. I work in corporate America and I'm not fulfilled. I thought I would be married by 25 (still not married and no kids) I'm glad I didn't rush that because I have classmates on their 2nd divorce with a house full of kids. I'm truly waiting on that husband sent from God just for me. (I'm good on them kids tho 😂) I'm praying for guidance on finally being happy in my professional life. Love watching you EJ! You're a real one!
@@theosymommy That was so sweet of you to say, thank you so much! I have fell victim to comparing myself to others and then had to realize, everything is not as it seems. I may not be where I want to be but as long as I have breath, there is still a chance and I'm still thankful because I'm sure some have looked at me and wished to be where I am. Thank you again... you're awesome!! 😊
You said everything in my heart. You are not alone in your boat. I'm right there with you. But I also wish I pushed to move away to a college further away to truly focus on my schooling and not everyone else needing me.
I am 42….stayed too long and made too many decisions based on how others would feel. Don’t do that. Like she said….find your lane, stay in it and ride it out. The right people will find you. 👍🏾
You’re young and realize this. At 65 now I’m enjoying my life for me! Learning how to love me! Retired and if I wanna lay in bed, and order take and watch movies all day, heyyyy, my life, my lane! Stay encouraged Queen!
As a very confused and lost twenty-something, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for this. My mom passed away a few years ago, and this honestly brought tears to my eyes because it felt like sitting down and having a deep, real conversation with a maternal figure. I really needed this, EJ. Take care
Nekophilia I know it has been a while since you posted this and I pray things are going spectacular for you! I just wanted to share with you my parents passed when I was 13 & 16 and boy was I lost and honestly in an unknown grief spiral. EJ has given excellent advise here! (We just love her) I would just add to get counseling for your lost. It unlock so much in me. Again, I pray all is going well for you.
I regret bad relationships that should have ended a lot earlier than they did. I mean romantic relationships and friendships. I wish I would have cut them a lot sooner!
My biggest regret was abandoning my heavenly Father for 30 years to pursue what the world had to offer. Gratefully, this Prodigal Son returned and was forgiven. Now I’m blessed with genuine vs fleeting joy and a clear conscience.
This is me now. Idk how imma go back.. I’m ashamed of myself, I’m running from God like Jonah. I’m embarrassed to go back to my church family even though they’ve reached out to me.... I feel so condemned. I’m ashamed to ask God for forgiveness again. Cuz I’m gonna screw up again sigh... I’m just all around a bad person. Ps...Suicidal and depressed
@@vikingrolloishot1789 Isolation is the worst thing you can do. It's okay to accept help especially when they are reaching out to you. Don't worry about other people. Do what ever it takes for you to be in a better mental space. We all fall down and will continue to do so because we are not perfect. 🙏🏾
@@vikingrolloishot1789 Never be ashamed to return to God and ask for help. He WANTS you to. Please read Isaiah 1:18,19 and Psalm 103:8-10. I wish you all the best! ❤
Financial mistakes: student loans, brand new car, credit cards, etc. I’m 31 and it’s still setting me back. Why are we not taught financial literacy in school but geometry is a requirement?!
Because the world (government) wants us dependent on them; to be little soldiers and work for others. There’s no nurturing g for independence such as a business owner or learn to trade stocks. It’s go to college because the colleges give benefits to high schools so it’s encouraged vs. trade school reps have a harder time giving talks to students as an alternative. Be a unicorn. Be different. Don’t follow the crowd.
I regret being a "people pleaser" for the majority of my younger years because it delayed my journey of getting to know "me". So if I could do it over, I would never allow someone's opinion of me dictate how I move in MY life.
I feel you, I was raised to be a people pleaser. 2 narcissistic parents, that always judged and were never satisfied. And they were mean. God fixed it though and is still fixing it.
I am in my 40’s. I regret not being focused and putting other people’s needs before my own. But thanks be to God I am on the path I want to be on now. I still desire a degree however, God has opened doors for me I should not have been able to walk through.
Pray for me that, I can walk through those doors. Got degrees but had to stop at 25 for 9 years due to dialysis and a kidney transplants. Felt like I had to start all the way over again.
I wish I would have had a side hustle in college - hair, nails, selling jewelry ,something so that I could have paid for school instead of taking out "12 thousand" student loans. :) Wish I would have listed to grandma when she said "that cuteness will wear off , you need to be smart."
Things I wish I knew in my 20’s: 1. Do take college courses I Actually need 2. Don’t reject love 3. Don’t let people manipulate you into changing to please them 4. Whatever you start, FINISH! 5. Pay attention to your finances I have a LOT of regrets now that I’m 40.😔😔😔😔
At 20years old and going on 21 this year, I needed to hear this. Especially with the college thing. Your family will pressure you into pursuing a degree in a field that you don’t like but since “it makes you a lot of money” it’s alright. My spiritual and mental health come before anything. If The Lord didn’t direct me that way then it’s not for me. Don’t let the opinions of others run your life because 9/10 they’ll talk about you whether you get paid $25,000 a year or $150,000 a year. Do what makes you happy.
Money does become important as you get older. When I was 20, I didn't want to follow the safe degree path my parents wanted because it was boring and I wanted to do something fulfilling. I did it anyway just to please them. Spent my 20s traveling, trying to figure out my life and doing short stints in that field I studied. Fast forward 20 years later and I thank God I listened to my parents. That boring degree pays well and having money to do whatever I want and pursue hobbies and side hustles without worrying about how the side hustle will pay the bills is such a relief. Everything is not for everyone but money is nice. Especially when you live on your own
Im 29 years old and i must say you have to find a balance. Do something that makes you happy but do something that makes money that makes you happy. Unfortunately money makes the world go around and as much as you don't see the point of the greed you can't travel or move out or buy the car or buy the clothes or start the business or get the house/ apartment without money and believe me that causes so much stress. When you want to be on your own but your bank account is telling you that you have to move back in with your parents and not be able to take the trips you planned. So you don't have to do what they want but take you time and mak sure what you choose will contribute to your financial life as well
I do agree with you. Often you dont know what u want to do when u are fresh out of H.S. Even the ppl that think they know, change they minds. I went to college for 3 yrs "undecided" until I figured it out...prayed the whole time, took the aptitude tests, eventually found my passion for nutrition/wellness taking a prereq for something else. 20yrs later I still love what I do!!! I dont make 6 figures, but I live well with good money mgt. Jobs arent always fun, but love for what u do will keep u focused during tough times. Be blessed, wishing you well in finding what you were created to do in life and give back to this world!
They’ll talk about you whether you make 25k or 150k. I’m about to start stomping and shouting. It’s NEVER enough. Live for your happiness and only yours.
The only thing I regret not doing is fully applying myself in school, work, etc. There were plenty of times I did not give 100% (especially in school).
Same here. High school I was following around fake “friends”. The beginning of college, I followed around boys. None of them were in school. Grades sucked. Finally, I got my sh*t together at 20, dumped my worthless boyfriend. Transfer from that community college I hated to a HBCU. Best decision ever. Graduated. I didn’t do well with my grades because I still was following around friends. Baby got my second degree with no financial assistance, graduated with honors!
From someone is who turning 30 in the next couple of months, the #1 thing I would go back change about myself and advise 20 somethings to do...Embrace Discipline Early. I truly feel like if I took a more disciplined approach in life...I'd be much more successful in the areas I need it the most. Especially my physical health. Discipline and consistency are the two most valuable character traits you can have. I agree 100% about financial literacy and self-doubt. I didn't do or experience a lot of things I probably should because of fear and low self esteem. Live your life fearlessly. Don't beat yourself up when you mess up. Keep moving forward.
You are so right in my 50's Im still kind of dealing with the bad choices.I told my children to be careful of the choices you make because some of those can lead to mistakes that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.Some mistakes you can over come but some... Be careful yall.
Same with me too sister. I didn’t realize how important the choices we made were in our 20s. Nursing school was what I wanted since I was 10 years old but when I almost failed out, I made the choice to WAKE up and get real with myself. Oh, did I mention my instructor said she saw that I wasn’t stupid, so she asked what my problem was. That’s when I realized my smooth talking was not working. That’s just what I needed. I returned to school 10 years later and received my BSN while on the Dean’s list. So proud of myself 😍
I do too love. But I look back on my 20s, and I don’t think I was actually lazy.. I was depressed. 20s are the years of self doubt, self esteem issues, feeling lost, not knowing your purpose, not knowing what you wanna do with your life, fake friends and toxic relationships, etc. That can lead to feeling beyond overwhelmed, not motivated and becoming severely depressed and anxious. You were probably just lost/depressed. I SO wish I would’ve got an education and career before I had my kids as well.. Big regret. However, I trust the process. 🙏🏽❤️
In my late 30s and no kids and still no regrets there, but do regret the debt of college and how it effected my life. Still don't own a home because of it.
@@ALexi-2002 You can get those forgiven for a certain amount, and anything 15 years old and older. You can get a house , go through first time home buyer program. That’s how we got ours, get a good realtor and they let you kno about different programs.
There really needs to be a prerequisite class in college Life Skills 101. It would focus on financial literacy, home economics, networking, relationship building and problem solving.
It always gives me a bit of peace when people in their 30s and 40s explain how they did not have it all together in their 20s…cuz I’m 25 and I’m doing some things well but LORD KNOWS LOL!!!
Trust me, we tell you so that you can learn from our mistakes and help you avoid them! When ever you have a decision to make, always think big picture not just in that moment. Think, how will this affect me in 20 or 30 years. If my grandchildren heard this about me would I be proud or ashamed of myself? Because every decision will come back to haunt you, especially the wrong ones!!
You’re the kind of UA-camr that I will let the adds play all the way through for. You are amazing. I regret not knowing who I am or having a voice until recently. I’m 35.
This reached me so deeply because I’m 33 and I just started speaking up it’s hard and sometimes I think it’s not worth it but I have to take control of my life!!! I’m just realizing who I am and being married Having a epiphany lol is hell
I am in my early 50’s and I did some of the same things. Honestly you are further along than I was at your age. Your 20’s are for making mistakes. This is your introduction to adulthood. Your 30’s you discover that You’re A Grown Azz Woman doing Grown things. For me my 40’s was my second adolescence with more knowledge . Keep your birth control, I had my one and only at 44. I also went through an emotional roller coaster in my 40’s now in my 50’s I Don’t Care. I do what I want, I don’t care what anyone has to say or what they think. Not caring about the small stuff is so liberating. I got my Associates degree in nursing in my 30’s, my Bachelors in my late 40’s and now in my 50’s working on a dual degree Master’s and Doctorate., with menopause knocking at the door. You’re on the right track keep going
Sadly, a lot of times, people have told us things but we didn’t want to hear it. I was so busy being “grown” that I didn’t realize that of was dumb as a box of rocks. It took way too long for me to realize that my parents actually knew what they were talking about.
@@joygirl09 That's the frustrating part. At some point down the road they'll say that, but for right now, it's in one ear and out the other. We have all said this same thing, but the truth is that few will ever take the nuggets of wisdom to heart.
@@blackcatlady2172 yeah that’s sad. I didn’t listen to everything my elders told me but I listened to the important things and learned the lessons the easy way.
I just turned 39 and I was having this conversation with my friend not about my 20 but about my early 30's.. we need these conversations... I'm subscribed.. love ejspeaks.. I regret not loving myself more.
I regret all the time I wasted on toxic people and bad relationships. Ugh. 🤦🏾♀️ That "house full of kids" took me out 🤣. I didn't want any but the Lord blessed me with 3.
#1 thing I regret from my 20s is getting married! I was too young (22) and wasn't prepared...trying to be grown and defy my parents! Smh 2. You hit the nail on the head about those Student Loans! They used to offer way too much money over what tuition costs were... them refund checks were great back then but 20 yrs later I'm still paying back money for a school I didn't even graduate from. I did go back and graduate from nursing school though and fortunately I don't owe any loans for that!
I will be 31 in September, Lord willing. Some of my regrets from my 20s are: not speaking up for myself in my relationship, staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of my child, not traveling more, not setting and enforcing boundaries for myself, and living my life according to what others think I should be doing with my life. 🤷 This was a good video and a necessary conversation.
I regret: picking the wrong major in undergrad, fornicating, letting people stress me about getting married, changing careers, and not doing push-ups to keep my breasts from drooping.
Almost 30, and I’m shocked at how fast time flies. I regret having a lot of self doubt as well. I try not to dwell in the past, but I know my life could’ve been SO different if I just put myself out there and took a chance.
As the adult child who’s mother is 15 years older than me, I missed a great deal. When I got married and had children I realized how much sound parenting I DID NOT receive. Fortunately, I was pretty solid on what I wanted for my own children. That revelation revealed a mountain of insecurities in me and my abilities because I had never been affirmed or guided towards anything. I would literally tell God, “You gone have to teach me and give me the words cause I don’t have a clue.” HE did!!! 🙌🏾 The struggle ain’t over but with 2 in college and 1 half done with HS, I’m closer to the opportunity to spend more time on me. Hmmmm, who am I for real? What should I be when I grow up? 😍
I wish I understood the power of the word( NO ) in my twenties, And being Confident enough to not be moved when I did say no. I don't have that problem now😁
Thank you for this! I'm in my 40's, and self doubt has been the biggest issue since my 20's. I regret Investing so much time, and energy into people that only cared about themselves.
The AirCrack was Real!!! Bless your Heart, you walked a Tough Road. But Look at Yourself, YOU ARE HERE!!! Shining and don't even know it. I bet there is a line of folks that can wrap around a corner who would wait in line to share how you inspire. But you wouldn't know because you are too busy taking care of business, making the hard stuff look easy 😉✊🏾💗
By the grace of God, one of my first jobs was Walmart. The human resource manager was AMAZING and explained how 401k's work and I've had one ever since. Rolling them over to the next job, used it to put down my down payment on my house and my car etc.
Girl you are speaking truth! I was so unfocused when it came to college and I really needed that guidance. My 20s was a MESSS!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I wish I had LISTENED to those that tried to give me guidance. I thought I was grown and knew better, but one thing I tell my kids now is TAKE YOUR TIME. STOP TRYING TO RUSH THINGS AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. Because it's so easy to get in way over your head in a lot of different areas.
When I say I'm 40 EJ and I cried watching this because I just came out of a 3 year waste of a relationship. Used for so long and not getting any where feeling lost and disgusted with myself for being stupid. And realizing at this age if I'm not looking to love me then I need to just not continue.. thank you for this. Stay blessed, you are truly beautiful inside out and you never know how far your content goes in the lives of others at any age
The biggest regret I have is not appreciating my dad as a teenager. My dad died when I was 19 and I felt like I had so much time to be with him. As a teenager its so hard to see life beyond yourself. You were definitely spot on about the toxic relationships. I didn't realize how fast "1 more time" turns into 1 more year or 5 more months or just 1 more week. Honestly I just regret all the time I wasn't being myself. Listening to other people when it comes to my own happiness is one of the most frustrating things I've ever done.
My biggest regret from my 20s would have to be reckless financial choices, similar to what you said. The mindset that tomorrow may never come but that credit card is here today. Well, tomorrow did come and the bills are due. Also, I regret not spending more time with family members who have now passed on.
I regret not becoming a Respiratory Therapist AND a Surgical Tech. I regret getting married. I regret not listening to my mom regarding finances. I regret not buying a home for myself and one or two to flip. I regret not traveling . I regret being so quick tempered. I regret allowing myself to be so ignorant. Ej, u are funny, smart and beautiful👍
i regret being married too, my mom told me not to do it...but i only did it because i felt trapped but...marriage is a trap when not with the right person😳 especially when they make way more money than you...yet still want you to help pay...
@@oddgoddess5576 when you're mismatched you never feel or act like a team. A team where u have one another's back. Being lonely in marriage is not cool either. I don't blame my ex spouse for all that was wrong in our marriage. " We" didn't belong together. The way I view marriage now vs then is very different. Feeling trapped at home is unfortunate also. I get that. Right there is where I could have done something like move into my own little spot and progressed from there. I've done my share of looking back, with regret and I choose to look forward. 🙏
@@silvergray2345 And that’s the thing like we have had several conversations about how we should not be together and he keeps trying to be with me &it doesn’t make any sense because at the end of the day I don’t want to be with him I’ve said it in his face.
@@oddgoddess5576 sometimes, u have to show a person. I truly don't expect for u to be cruel toward him however for your future peace of mind, if u honestly don't want to be with him, it's time to stop responding to him at all (no matter what he says). Those soul ties, for him, are strong. He's yet to really get past the idea of you not being in his life. U don't otherwise have to spend time telling him or convincing him. Handle your one life in terms of moving forward in your education, spirit, finances, home, family, jobs, decorating, etc, etc. He's basically holding a big STOP sign up in front of u. He's kinda in the way as long as u allow him to be. The two of u are not on the same page. Just because he's persistent doesn't mean it's love. Or even love for the both of u. Take time for your true, full healing.🙏
@@silvergray2345 thank you thank you thank you for this. I knee for a long while that we weren’t good for one another. I’ve sacrificed so much in the past that Im drained now. Looking forward to a better future.
To God I Give The Glory 1: Learn more about god, prayer and respecting my creation 2: Investment in myself and people 3: Give myself everything I wanted😜👍😅😅😅😅
This was so spot on! At 42 I'm still lost. I regret listening to people tell me I couldn't do things which then turned into me doubting myself in everything. I changed majors so many time in college I graduated with two business degrees. On jobs I doubted. And when presented with opportunities to pursue past dream careers/jobs, I doubted. I'm now in a place where the time to spend on study/researching/working on my dream is spent as a mother and caretaker. So now I just feel stuck.
This is good teaching right here! From finances, relationships, school debt, self-doubt, all of the things. I really appreciate you sharing (with all of the transparency), so others can glean from it and learn. What an awesome gift. As someone over 40 I have to say that our journeys work it’s way out with God. The awesomeness of the journey is the miracle of still becoming what he intended for you to become. I bid you all blessings. Have an amazing day.
EJ, I’m 40 years old and I’m working on my self doubt as well. I am working on me and listening to the good voice in my head and my family and friends that are encouraging me.
God works in mysterious ways I literally two seconds before I saw this video thought to myself where am I going in my life what purpose do I have? I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this I have so many talents and don’t know what to do with them
I regret falling in love with a toxic man and ended up a young single parent of 3 children who are my world. I had to hustle so hard to provide for them that I really miss their childhood and I still regret that. My children have their own issues but nothing I can't love them through. They are all almost grown but still have a lot of growing to do. EJ you are absolutely right about that student loan debt it is haunting me to this day but one day at a time my children and I will get through it.💖
this one hit home. Just turned 30 this year, have had my associate's degree finished for the last 5, but have allowed the fear of picking "the wrong path" and student loans to keep me from finishing my bachelor's. It definitely feels like I'm out of time to make the moves I need to make. In my 20s, I had always pictured myself having more things together by now than I actually do. Thank you for this video. It means a lot to someone like me who still feels like they have no idea what they should be doing or where they should be headed. These conversations are so damn important.
Straight talk!! Many of us have similar regrets but are afraid to speak up. I am older and have had more time to reflect. My biggest regret is staying too long in a toxic marriage.
Wish I was wiser about money/financial decisions, wish I would've got my degree in the field I'm trying to transition to. Wish I wasn't afraid to step out on faith and I wish I wouldn't have wasted time at a dead end job.
The way this video spoke to my entire soul.. I'm turning 30 in December and I've got all this anxiety about not having everything all together. Thank you EJ!!
@@sagittariuslady2846 that's kind of when it started for me.. feeling like I have this huge to do list but no time to truly get it done. But us Sagittarius girls will push through!!
@@ledena18 Come on Sagittarius QUEEN!! You got this. Yes, you DO need to make a list but make the list that feeds your soul & with ALL this WISDOM people are giving in the comments, you can definitely avoid some mistakes that other people have made. However, it doesn't mean that you still won't make any. Everyone experiences peaks & valley's. Be blessed sis! 🙌🏽
I am a 21 year young woman and I felt every part of this video. You are absolutely right. I am on an active self discovery journey. I love to learn though other people’s experiences and I am so glad you made this video❤️ Thank you for the amazing content you have a new subscriber
I love this transparency! Instead of being so bogged down on what everyone else has, how about we have these type of conversations in our community. Only way is up! TEAM EJ!!!
Babyyyyy, let me tell u that it wasn't a waste with that married man...it was a journey you had to endure to know that "if he will cheat with u, he'll cheat on you". It was a lesson you (and myself, included) needed to learn 🤗 The key is to never return to that class for that lesson 😉
@@brangeeellis3083 wait nah? What? It was a lesson she "had to endure"??!?! Come on sis! No ma'am! I don't know you, and you may very well cuss me out/shut me down on these here intranets, but babyyyy! Oh well, I'm willing to take that L. Some things aren't a "had to endure" thing. We choose certain things and consequences come from those choices. You don't have to spend 2 years with a married man to know "if he will cheat with you, he'll cheat on you."
@@MissHunterELA YES!! As a married man i will tell you. Several lessons. 1. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. 2. A divorce takes 90 days. If a man is married, and says he's "going through a divorce," and you ask him how long and he says 4 years or some bs like that, don't even get involved. He ain't getting a divorce. He ain't going through a divorce. He has no lawyer. He ain't even filled out the paperwork. Which brings me to my next point.... 3. He ain't leaving his wife. I don't care what he tells you. "We don't have sex." "We're basically just roommates." "We just together until the kids graduate." These are all lies. He ain't leaving his wife. She's the tenured employee. You're the unpaid intern. Do with that information what you will, but if you think you're gonna call the wife to intercede on your man's behalf by having a "woman to woman" conversation.... He ain't leaving his wife. And, you calling her ain't gonna change that.
You don’t understand how bad people, including myself, needed to hear this, needed to see that you as someone who has their life together now, needed to see this. Thank you!
I would never have gone to stenography school, I would never have called a certain man after 10 years just because I still had an unrealistic, schoolgirl crush on him, I would have cut my mom a little more slack for her shortcomings and been more gracious especially since I experienced my own shortcomings, and cut my dad LESS slack for not being around: you make a child, you raise that child, plain and simple. Finally, I would have been just a little more assertive and speak up more and not just let things happen to me.
Okay... Full transparency; initially I felt attacked 🤔😔😑. But then it felt like a release, a hug almost. To hear someone say EVERYTHING that I have been too embarrassed to say AND OWN IT. Thank you so much. You have no idea how on time this was for me. I literally prayed an hour because I didn't know what to do. It's a lot going on. I didn't know WHAT I was asking for but this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. ❣️
I have the same feelings about my student loans and I also used them to "finance" my life. I am thankful that my husband and I have broken that chain for our daughter. We also made the decision to limit our family so that we could have a better financial situation for our family. My favorite thing to tell my kids is to live their life on purpose by thinking about what life they want and behaving in a way to help that dream come. Love this video much needed ❤
Oh my goodness I am almost 60 and besides going to college which I didn’t do because no one suggested it I was 36 out of 300 kids and no one suggested college. I also didn’t job hop but you just described me. I’ve been trying to start a craft business for years and I just can’t get my nerve up to start. I grow up in the time where you could work your way up so I had my dream job as a assistant production manager at a famous design house. Then I got married had a baby , had 3 actually and became a stay at home mom. Now they are 26,25 and 18. I trying to find my space
At 20 years old going to 21, I should have paid more attention to those that provided more guidance. Definitely should have worked on scholarships more AND go away to another state for college. Also wished I knew the Lord and had a strong relationship with Him.
@@beastmode2563 Oh I’m already in a relationship with Him, I was just saying that in reference to what was going on in the past. I’m holding onto Him now.
I'm a 28 yr single mom, got pregnant at 15(had him at 16), kept by grandparents, mom was there but not there, father died at 11... *I love my child, I just wish I hadve waited went to school and been a marching 100 at famu, i wish I had WISDOM early on, been financially stable/had financial literacy, stopped looking for a better father for my son...just been better in general....BUT GOD*
God will give you the wisdom and guidance to find yourself and for your baby !! He makes a way , Stay focused love ❤️ I’m 28 also a young mom(14) with my gramma.
But by the grace of God. We can all go by the song "I am Redeemed". You got this girlfriend, just keep striving to be the best you can be for you and your family. Just keep saying I'm better today than yesterday and will be better tomorrow than today.♥️♥️
You are a soldier! That young girl had to figure A LOT on her own just to become The Woman you are TODAY!!! Forgive her for only doing the best she could with what she had. Bless the Baby Girl in your Heart, she is a Tough Little Momma! You can let her rest, or bring her out to play when you can. You paid for Karmic Debt so that your Son will not have to. Your Abundance is Coming, and I hope it is BEAUTIFUL!!!
The part about financial literacy…that’s what I would have done differently. As you stated EJ, the community and family around me didn’t discuss money and the do’s and don’t of finances. So I ended up doing the same things in my twenties…taking out loans and racking up credit card debt. What I’m thankful for is knowing and doing better now, and my husband and I being able to teach our children that financially literacy piece and the importance of saving. Never want to revisit that again though…lol. Good stuff EJ, thank you for sharing. 🙂
Some members in my family knew what student loans were but still wanted me to take some out because they never told me about Pell Grants or Scholarships. The famous saying goes “If I knew now, what I knew then”. I’m with you that explaining early to children about financial literacy…very important and will thank you later 😊.
@@bridgettejohnson9085 you’re so right. When I realized later in life what financial literacy was and how lack therefore and not so smart decisions affect us, I then had to remind myself not to be too hard on what my family didn’t tell me…they were doing the best they could at the time. But as another saying goes, when you know better, you do better. I know better now, and that’s what we’re doing.
Yess on the relationship thing. Yes on the financial literacy and credit. I'm so glad u stuck with EjSpeaks... I think we ALL are 💗 yes on the comparing part...I'm finally getting to that point. Yes I wish I would got the downlow on ALLLLLLLL this ahead of time. I wish someone would told me what is REALLY like to have kids. All my life I said "my mom had 5 kids, imma have 5 kids" when the first one popped out, I was like "WHET?????!!" But I'm glad for the 2 i have, I just had NO CLUE ahead of time. Love ya ❤️❤️💗💗😘😘
I appreciate this video a lot. I’m 24 and man the relationship regret is real and the self doubt. I am a major cheerleader for others but never for myself… I am working on it daily though just trying to heal and forgive myself.
In my 20s, I wish I would have loved myself and understood what it meant and learned to have self worth. I wish I understood what is meant or looked like to have healthy relationships and boundaries. I have learned the lessons now but it took many heartbreak and being broken to find my true self.
literally started tearing up in the end, my life feels all over the place and like i’m just trying to keep my head above water. thank you for your honest message 🙏🏻💖💖 gonna keep at it 😊
I turn 24 in two days and doing a lot of reflecting on my 20’s so far and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this video. Thank you for this advice.
Just had this conversation with my co-queen today. We have to prepare our generations. They should benefit from our hard earned wisdom and not only roll their eyes at our "told you so". We MUST be proactive with their life guidance and education in all areas. We have to prepare them for the total world and that includes letting them know that we weren't perfect or ready for everything either. We will grow with them. If you plant a seed and don't tend to its growth, then it's failure is your failure too. Water it. Make sure it has the proper amount of sun. Pull up weeds. Fertilize and that thang will blossom!!! Thank you EJ for starting and sharing the conversation.
Loved this. And loved the little humor at the end about the 30s being a weird place how you said how you’re getting ready to be a big mama, getting ready to be old, and getting ready to die. Lol. I’m in my 30s, and I feel you on that.
I love and receive the message about self-doubt. I struggle REAL with that and it has kept me back from my dream. Comparing myself to my peers and not focusing on what MY road is and my personal contribution is to the world has paralyzed me. Your words are super encouraging. Thanks sis! ☺️💕💕🙏🏾
If you could do things a bit differently, what would it be?
I would have bought a house sooner.
Therapy before starting a family
Me too on buying a House
My mindset about my childhood. All the different schools. The student loans. All the stuff under my belt just to have it. And why I got married.
Gained WISDOM early on.
I wanted 10 kids, then 5. I have one. I'm done.
😂😂✋🏽
Lmao😂
Who was going to push them 10 kids out sis?
@@crowned_in_beauty me. My grandma had 9. My mom had 5. Come from a HUGE family most have more than 3. Another cousin and I are kinda the low bars
Me too
The hat. The lipstick. The honesty! I love it
Thank you ma’am
Yes she looks super cute!
Allat!
yessss
❤❤❤👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍❤❤❤
Yes ma’am! She never misses!
I wish I had loved myself more. That one thing would've changed everything.
Preach
Thank you. Yes.
_THIS_ is the comment of the century because it's the truth. I know my life would've been much different.
❤️❤️❤️
Yesss I feel the same way.
I regret not choosing me. I chose everyone else BUT ME. I had this heart to pour into so many other people I forgot to pour into myself.
I completely agree with this
This is so deep. I feel this in my soul! Underrated comment fr fr…
I felt this
Preach.
Relatable!
I wish I didn’t get married to the first person who’d “showed” me a crumb of attention, go through some many dead end jobs, saved more money, not collected any student loans debt, and took better care of my credit. Saying NO isn’t a bad thing in life, especially dealing with people.
Same here...😒😫
Same here on that getting married. That was not a good thing to do.
“I’m not crying because I’m a thug” 🤣🤣🤣
I misunderstood her at first and thought she said "I'm not crying b/c I'm a duck"...it took a min to click😅
@@bluebirdonmyshoulder5633 I was dying laughing 🤣
@@bluebirdonmyshoulder5633 🤣
Killed me 😂😂
Priceless🤣🤣✔️
I wish they would have offered a financial literacy course in high school that gave details on student loans, home loans, car loans, having baby cost, taxes, etc. Apply everything possible.
Financial literacy and savings I feel should start in elementary school.
I totally agree! I didn’t know what a credit score was until I messed it up and had to take years to repair it! I know now lol
Our entire world is based around money, so they should definitely teach financial literacy!
Yep
This.
I regret not moving away immediately after graduating college. I'm in my late 30's and I'm finally not ashamed to say that I'm not where I want to be. I work in corporate America and I'm not fulfilled. I thought I would be married by 25 (still not married and no kids) I'm glad I didn't rush that because I have classmates on their 2nd divorce with a house full of kids. I'm truly waiting on that husband sent from God just for me. (I'm good on them kids tho 😂) I'm praying for guidance on finally being happy in my professional life. Love watching you EJ! You're a real one!
Thanks for your transparency.. You are not alone... But best believe your wildest dreams will come true💖 Stay blessed🙏🏽
@@theosymommy That was so sweet of you to say, thank you so much! I have fell victim to comparing myself to others and then had to realize, everything is not as it seems. I may not be where I want to be but as long as I have breath, there is still a chance and I'm still thankful because I'm sure some have looked at me and wished to be where I am. Thank you again... you're awesome!! 😊
@T.V.H This speaks to my life as well and we will come out better for things going how they have so far!
I’m in the same boat . We gon be Alright !
You said everything in my heart. You are not alone in your boat. I'm right there with you. But I also wish I pushed to move away to a college further away to truly focus on my schooling and not everyone else needing me.
I am 25 and I wish I didn't put so much energy into people who don't even blink twice my way.
I am 42….stayed too long and made too many decisions based on how others would feel. Don’t do that. Like she said….find your lane, stay in it and ride it out. The right people will find you. 👍🏾
Girl say that shit!!!!!
You’re young and realize this. At 65 now I’m enjoying my life for me! Learning how to love me! Retired and if I wanna lay in bed, and order take and watch movies all day, heyyyy, my life, my lane! Stay encouraged Queen!
As a very confused and lost twenty-something, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for this.
My mom passed away a few years ago, and this honestly brought tears to my eyes because it felt like sitting down and having a deep, real conversation with a maternal figure. I really needed this, EJ.
Take care
Stay encouraged dear!!! Seek wisdom and ask God to put seasoned individuals to help guide you.
Nekophilia I know it has been a while since you posted this and I pray things are going spectacular for you! I just wanted to share with you my parents passed when I was 13 & 16 and boy was I lost and honestly in an unknown grief spiral. EJ has given excellent advise here! (We just love her) I would just add to get counseling for your lost. It unlock so much in me. Again, I pray all is going well for you.
I regret bad relationships that should have ended a lot earlier than they did. I mean romantic relationships and friendships. I wish I would have cut them a lot sooner!
I wish I never got into them in the first place sigh
I regret trying to maintain a friendship that was never there.
Same
Me too. All my fault. I knew better.
Yes yes yes indeed. They all had lessons to teach but we made the mistake of staying long after the lesson had concluded. 🤦♀️ but we made it anyway!
I regret rushing life, love and relationships. I would have taken my time for everything.
Amen!
Amen sis 👏👏👏
My biggest regret was abandoning my heavenly Father for 30 years to pursue what the world had to offer. Gratefully, this Prodigal Son returned and was forgiven. Now I’m blessed with genuine vs fleeting joy and a clear conscience.
This is me now. Idk how imma go back.. I’m ashamed of myself, I’m running from God like Jonah. I’m embarrassed to go back to my church family even though they’ve reached out to me.... I feel so condemned. I’m ashamed to ask God for forgiveness again. Cuz I’m gonna screw up again sigh... I’m just all around a bad person. Ps...Suicidal and depressed
Came back to Christ this year. I'm at peace
@@vikingrolloishot1789 Isolation is the worst thing you can do. It's okay to accept help especially when they are reaching out to you. Don't worry about other people. Do what ever it takes for you to be in a better mental space. We all fall down and will continue to do so because we are not perfect. 🙏🏾
@@vikingrolloishot1789 Never be ashamed to return to God and ask for help. He WANTS you to. Please read Isaiah 1:18,19 and Psalm 103:8-10. I wish you all the best! ❤
Amen
Financial mistakes: student loans, brand new car, credit cards, etc. I’m 31 and it’s still setting me back. Why are we not taught financial literacy in school but geometry is a requirement?!
Right! All those unnecessary requirements. Like………teach me “adulting” 101.
Because teachers don’t know either 🤣🤣🤣 they are just trying to figure out financial literacy like most other people
Because the world (government) wants us dependent on them; to be little soldiers and work for others. There’s no nurturing g for independence such as a business owner or learn to trade stocks. It’s go to college because the colleges give benefits to high schools so it’s encouraged vs. trade school reps have a harder time giving talks to students as an alternative.
Be a unicorn. Be different. Don’t follow the crowd.
For real! Give us something that we can really use as we set off in the world on our own.
It is taught from parents. Opening savings accounts at a young age.
I regret being a "people pleaser" for the majority of my younger years because it delayed my journey of getting to know "me". So if I could do it over, I would never allow someone's opinion of me dictate how I move in MY life.
I feel you, I was raised to be a people pleaser. 2 narcissistic parents, that always judged and were never satisfied. And they were mean. God fixed it though and is still fixing it.
Same!
"Discover your own lane, stay in it, and roll the heck out of it" - EJ Speaks, spoke that.
Yes she did
I am in my 40’s. I regret not being focused and putting other people’s needs before my own. But thanks be to God I am on the path I want to be on now. I still desire a degree however, God has opened doors for me I should not have been able to walk through.
What would you get your degree in?
Heard, Felt, & Understood ✊🏾💗...when you have the energy to get your degree.
Pray for me that, I can walk through those doors. Got degrees but had to stop at 25 for 9 years due to dialysis and a kidney transplants. Felt like I had to start all the way over again.
@@lilhypnotique wishing health, support and much success on your journey.
Amen, amen and amen!!!!!!!!!
I REGRET , NOT SPEAKING UP FOR MYSELF AND ALLOWING MY FAMILY TO OVERRIDE EVERYTHING
Right u got time still
Yup!!!
Me too
I feel u on this
This right here... is the truth!
I wish I would have had a side hustle in college - hair, nails, selling jewelry ,something so that I could have paid for school instead of taking out "12 thousand" student loans. :) Wish I would have listed to grandma when she said "that cuteness will wear off , you need to be smart."
Try $30k. I WISHED it was only 12k
Grandmas have a way of putting things. Facts
Things I wish I knew in my 20’s:
1. Do take college courses I Actually need
2. Don’t reject love
3. Don’t let people manipulate you into changing to please them
4. Whatever you start, FINISH!
5. Pay attention to your finances
I have a LOT of regrets now that I’m 40.😔😔😔😔
When you said “Focus on your own journey.” I felt that!
At 20years old and going on 21 this year, I needed to hear this. Especially with the college thing. Your family will pressure you into pursuing a degree in a field that you don’t like but since “it makes you a lot of money” it’s alright. My spiritual and mental health come before anything. If The Lord didn’t direct me that way then it’s not for me. Don’t let the opinions of others run your life because 9/10 they’ll talk about you whether you get paid $25,000 a year or $150,000 a year. Do what makes you happy.
Money does become important as you get older. When I was 20, I didn't want to follow the safe degree path my parents wanted because it was boring and I wanted to do something fulfilling. I did it anyway just to please them. Spent my 20s traveling, trying to figure out my life and doing short stints in that field I studied.
Fast forward 20 years later and I thank God I listened to my parents. That boring degree pays well and having money to do whatever I want and pursue hobbies and side hustles without worrying about how the side hustle will pay the bills is such a relief.
Everything is not for everyone but money is nice. Especially when you live on your own
Wishing you the best. This was an AWESOME video and conversation within. I'm in my late 30's and you'll be a step ahead with this knowledge.
Im 29 years old and i must say you have to find a balance. Do something that makes you happy but do something that makes money that makes you happy. Unfortunately money makes the world go around and as much as you don't see the point of the greed you can't travel or move out or buy the car or buy the clothes or start the business or get the house/ apartment without money and believe me that causes so much stress. When you want to be on your own but your bank account is telling you that you have to move back in with your parents and not be able to take the trips you planned. So you don't have to do what they want but take you time and mak sure what you choose will contribute to your financial life as well
I do agree with you. Often you dont know what u want to do when u are fresh out of H.S. Even the ppl that think they know, change they minds. I went to college for 3 yrs "undecided" until I figured it out...prayed the whole time, took the aptitude tests, eventually found my passion for nutrition/wellness taking a prereq for something else. 20yrs later I still love what I do!!! I dont make 6 figures, but I live well with good money mgt. Jobs arent always fun, but love for what u do will keep u focused during tough times. Be blessed, wishing you well in finding what you were created to do in life and give back to this world!
They’ll talk about you whether you make 25k or 150k.
I’m about to start stomping and shouting. It’s NEVER enough. Live for your happiness and only yours.
The only thing I regret not doing is fully applying myself in school, work, etc. There were plenty of times I did not give 100% (especially in school).
Same. But I'm gonna blame some of that on my depression
Same here. High school I was following around fake “friends”. The beginning of college, I followed around boys. None of them were in school. Grades sucked. Finally, I got my sh*t together at 20, dumped my worthless boyfriend. Transfer from that community college I hated to a HBCU. Best decision ever. Graduated. I didn’t do well with my grades because I still was following around friends. Baby got my second degree with no financial assistance, graduated with honors!
Made the choice to turn this around yesterday! I deserve to put in 100% effort so I can be proud of my effort. Level up time!!!
Me too!!
Me too, Just being stubborn wanting to do my own thing when I wanted to do it. Which was nothing. I'm at a job now that pays well but it's just a job.
I say pleasing family members when I would their needs before mine, when I should have put my needs before theirs. And setting boundaries with family.
Same
Same girl ☹😫
Preach
Some families are tox
💯💯💯
“I never quit a job”…”I got fired” facts lmao same here 😂😂😂🤣
More people need to be open about getting fired!
The way she set that up had me on the floor! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You are amazing. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” My biggest regret is not getting help for my depression sooner.
Same😩
You got help as soon as you could ❤️
Please tell me what you did
This🥺🥺🥺
From someone is who turning 30 in the next couple of months, the #1 thing I would go back change about myself and advise 20 somethings to do...Embrace Discipline Early. I truly feel like if I took a more disciplined approach in life...I'd be much more successful in the areas I need it the most. Especially my physical health. Discipline and consistency are the two most valuable character traits you can have.
I agree 100% about financial literacy and self-doubt. I didn't do or experience a lot of things I probably should because of fear and low self esteem. Live your life fearlessly. Don't beat yourself up when you mess up. Keep moving forward.
Amen! Hope you get more thumbs up for your comment.
Truth is you have to practice discipline more as we get older. More decisions and more life changing choices to make. Just part of life.
Oh my gosh yes!! I think people think of discipline as a dirty word, but it's so important!
This comment is everything! 🙌🏾
@Asia I cannot thank you enough. I really needed to hear this. I've been struggling to relearn discipline for several years now.
This is soooo real. Not to mention there are some who are still struggling in their 50's!!! Thank God for solid mentors to help get me on track.
Say it💯
You are so right in my 50's Im still kind of dealing with the bad choices.I told my children to be careful of the choices you make because some of those can lead to mistakes that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.Some mistakes you can over come but some... Be careful yall.
Truth
Yep. The struggle is still real in my 50's.
Same with me too sister. I didn’t realize how important the choices we made were in our 20s. Nursing school was what I wanted since I was 10 years old but when I almost failed out, I made the choice to WAKE up and get real with myself. Oh, did I mention my instructor said she saw that I wasn’t stupid, so she asked what my problem was. That’s when I realized my smooth talking was not working. That’s just what I needed. I returned to school 10 years later and received my BSN while on the Dean’s list. So proud of myself 😍
What made you change? What do you mean by smooth talking. This is 100% me, but I haven't started school yet.
I regret wasting my early 20s being lazy and not making moves on a career and my education before I had kids.
I do too love. But I look back on my 20s, and I don’t think I was actually lazy.. I was depressed. 20s are the years of self doubt, self esteem issues, feeling lost, not knowing your purpose, not knowing what you wanna do with your life, fake friends and toxic relationships, etc. That can lead to feeling beyond overwhelmed, not motivated and becoming severely depressed and anxious. You were probably just lost/depressed. I SO wish I would’ve got an education and career before I had my kids as well.. Big regret. However, I trust the process. 🙏🏽❤️
@@aantae Yes 20s are the years of self doubt. I graduated college this year and I have no idea what I want to do anymore.
In my late 30s and no kids and still no regrets there, but do regret the debt of college and how it effected my life. Still don't own a home because of it.
Same! I can't even find my degree🙄but God is able.
Chiiiilllleee
Okay, the student loan requirements have changed recently. If you need more info let me know.
@@daneshas1468 my student loans are from like 2006 -2008ish
@@ALexi-2002 You can get those forgiven for a certain amount, and anything 15 years old and older. You can get a house , go through first time home buyer program. That’s how we got ours, get a good realtor and they let you kno about different programs.
I’m in my 40’s and I can tell you there are way more than 5 things I regret about my 20’s 🤦🏾♀️
No lies were detected here! 🗣️🗣️💯
Same here. I have a list with bullets and subheadings.
@@deebroussard6072 Same!
I got 505 things 😂
@@deebroussard6072 you and me both. You and me both.
I just turned 40 and I’m still completely lost in life. I have some of these regrets as well. Thank you
Same here💓 Turning 39 soon and struggling with mental illness and finding my purpose.
@@alexisdondawest4152 I feel you there!
Love and Light to everyone going through their "messy in betweens" ❤
There really needs to be a prerequisite class in college Life Skills 101. It would focus on financial literacy, home economics, networking, relationship building and problem solving.
I’m 72 years old and I appreciate your message. You just told my story.
It always gives me a bit of peace when people in their 30s and 40s explain how they did not have it all together in their 20s…cuz I’m 25 and I’m doing some things well but LORD KNOWS LOL!!!
26 and I feel the same. Now I don't feel so bad lol
Trust me, we tell you so that you can learn from our mistakes and help you avoid them! When ever you have a decision to make, always think big picture not just in that moment. Think, how will this affect me in 20 or 30 years. If my grandchildren heard this about me would I be proud or ashamed of myself? Because every decision will come back to haunt you, especially the wrong ones!!
Yes! I’m 24 and have so much going on for me, but at the same time I feel a bit lost in it all
Just turned 30 last month. You’re
Right about everything
Gemini? ♊
I will be 30 next week, and you're right about her being right about EVERYTHING lol
@@novalove4790 💗June 2nd💗
@@taylorspastpresent1014 ayyyeeee 6/13♊💯
@Taylor's past & present enjoy 30dom
You’re the kind of UA-camr that I will let the adds play all the way through for. You are amazing. I regret not knowing who I am or having a voice until recently. I’m 35.
This reached me so deeply because I’m 33 and I just started speaking up it’s hard and sometimes I think it’s not worth it but I have to take control of my life!!! I’m just realizing who I am and being married Having a epiphany lol is hell
I am in my early 50’s and I did some of the same things. Honestly you are further along than I was at your age. Your 20’s are for making mistakes. This is your introduction to adulthood. Your 30’s you discover that You’re A Grown Azz Woman doing Grown things. For me my 40’s was my second adolescence with more knowledge . Keep your birth control, I had my one and only at 44. I also went through an emotional roller coaster in my 40’s now in my 50’s I Don’t Care. I do what I want, I don’t care what anyone has to say or what they think. Not caring about the small stuff is so liberating. I got my Associates degree in nursing in my 30’s, my Bachelors in my late 40’s and now in my 50’s working on a dual degree Master’s and Doctorate., with menopause knocking at the door. You’re on the right track keep going
Needed to hear this. Thanks.
Thank you sharing. Blessings 🌸
Your journey is so inspiring!
“Keep your birth control” Yes ma’am I thought I was in the clear in my 40’s now I’m 44 with a toddler 😂😂
#5!! Hit the nail on the head!! STOP comparing and stay in your own lane!!! Love this
Sadly, a lot of times, people have told us things but we didn’t want to hear it. I was so busy being “grown” that I didn’t realize that of was dumb as a box of rocks. It took way too long for me to realize that my parents actually knew what they were talking about.
We never want to hear it and think we’re wrong. We appreciate it after we get older and realize they were right
This! I literally told my little cousins this a couple weeks ago and they looked at me like I was speaking Chinese.
@@joygirl09 That's the frustrating part. At some point down the road they'll say that, but for right now, it's in one ear and out the other. We have all said this same thing, but the truth is that few will ever take the nuggets of wisdom to heart.
@@blackcatlady2172 yeah that’s sad. I didn’t listen to everything my elders told me but I listened to the important things and learned the lessons the easy way.
Yep…your right. For me, it was my granny imparting her “pearls of wisdom”; but if I could have her back today, I would truly listen to her knowledge…😌
I just turned 39 and I was having this conversation with my friend not about my 20 but about my early 30's.. we need these conversations... I'm subscribed.. love ejspeaks.. I regret not loving myself more.
Fab 40s are awaiting
I regret all the time I wasted on toxic people and bad relationships. Ugh. 🤦🏾♀️
That "house full of kids" took me out 🤣. I didn't want any but the Lord blessed me with 3.
#1 thing I regret from my 20s is getting married! I was too young (22) and wasn't prepared...trying to be grown and defy my parents! Smh
2. You hit the nail on the head about those Student Loans! They used to offer way too much money over what tuition costs were... them refund checks were great back then but 20 yrs later I'm still paying back money for a school I didn't even graduate from. I did go back and graduate from nursing school though and fortunately I don't owe any loans for that!
I will be 31 in September, Lord willing. Some of my regrets from my 20s are: not speaking up for myself in my relationship, staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of my child, not traveling more, not setting and enforcing boundaries for myself, and living my life according to what others think I should be doing with my life. 🤷 This was a good video and a necessary conversation.
Sameeeeee
I wish the good times could have lasted longer.
This is so true. All we have are memories and playbacks.
Wow.. yes amen to that
I regret: picking the wrong major in undergrad, fornicating, letting people stress me about getting married, changing careers, and not doing push-ups to keep my breasts from drooping.
What did you major in?
Girl I was good til we got to the push-ups, then I was 💀!! I breastfed 3 babies... ain't enough push-ups in THA WORLD!🤣😂
@@mirikaye5606 I was done by the end, just done😄😁😅🤣😂
Sis I promise it ain’t about the push-ups. Just genetics and pregnany
Oh the last one caught me off guard 😭😂
EJ you wasn't gonna listen to no one about that dude.
You're right but it's better to get it out there so she can recall on it later when she needed it
It’s true but after you’ve done exactly what someone warned you not to do, the lesson they tried to teach you will finally sink in.
Almost 30, and I’m shocked at how fast time flies. I regret having a lot of self doubt as well. I try not to dwell in the past, but I know my life could’ve been SO different if I just put myself out there and took a chance.
Honey I'm 65..you are still so young. You got this...
As the adult child who’s mother is 15 years older than me, I missed a great deal. When I got married and had children I realized how much sound parenting I DID NOT receive. Fortunately, I was pretty solid on what I wanted for my own children. That revelation revealed a mountain of insecurities in me and my abilities because I had never been affirmed or guided towards anything. I would literally tell God, “You gone have to teach me and give me the words cause I don’t have a clue.” HE did!!! 🙌🏾 The struggle ain’t over but with 2 in college and 1 half done with HS, I’m closer to the opportunity to spend more time on me. Hmmmm, who am I for real? What should I be when I grow up? 😍
I regret putting other family members lives & situations above my own.
self doubt is something serious. I’m struggling with it as well
Check out leeor on UA-cam 😊
I wish I understood the power of the word( NO ) in my twenties, And being Confident enough to not be moved when I did say no. I don't have that problem now😁
Networking will get you into doors that some degrees can't sadly 🚪
Thank you for this! I'm in my 40's, and self doubt has been the biggest issue since my 20's. I regret Investing so much time, and energy into people that only cared about themselves.
I felt this, from the kids to the jobs😂 I had 4 by 22🤷🏾♀️I think the crack was airborne cause ain’t no way🤦🏾♀️
🤣
Lol😂😂😂 I’m sorry for laughing lol
The AirCrack was Real!!! Bless your Heart, you walked a Tough Road. But Look at Yourself, YOU ARE HERE!!! Shining and don't even know it. I bet there is a line of folks that can wrap around a corner who would wait in line to share how you inspire. But you wouldn't know because you are too busy taking care of business, making the hard stuff look easy 😉✊🏾💗
You had 4 jobs or 4 kids by 22?
Not airborne🤣🤣🤣
By the grace of God, one of my first jobs was Walmart. The human resource manager was AMAZING and explained how 401k's work and I've had one ever since. Rolling them over to the next job, used it to put down my down payment on my house and my car etc.
I loved working at Walmart! It was a really cool job for me
Girl you are speaking truth! I was so unfocused when it came to college and I really needed that guidance. My 20s was a MESSS!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I wish I had LISTENED to those that tried to give me guidance. I thought I was grown and knew better, but one thing I tell my kids now is TAKE YOUR TIME. STOP TRYING TO RUSH THINGS AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. Because it's so easy to get in way over your head in a lot of different areas.
Ova my head!
When I say I'm 40 EJ and I cried watching this because I just came out of a 3 year waste of a relationship. Used for so long and not getting any where feeling lost and disgusted with myself for being stupid. And realizing at this age if I'm not looking to love me then I need to just not continue.. thank you for this. Stay blessed, you are truly beautiful inside out and you never know how far your content goes in the lives of others at any age
The biggest regret I have is not appreciating my dad as a teenager. My dad died when I was 19 and I felt like I had so much time to be with him. As a teenager its so hard to see life beyond yourself.
You were definitely spot on about the toxic relationships. I didn't realize how fast "1 more time" turns into 1 more year or 5 more months or just 1 more week.
Honestly I just regret all the time I wasn't being myself. Listening to other people when it comes to my own happiness is one of the most frustrating things I've ever done.
My biggest regret from my 20s would have to be reckless financial choices, similar to what you said. The mindset that tomorrow may never come but that credit card is here today. Well, tomorrow did come and the bills are due. Also, I regret not spending more time with family members who have now passed on.
I regret not becoming a Respiratory Therapist AND a Surgical Tech. I regret getting married. I regret not listening to my mom regarding finances. I regret not buying a home for myself and one or two to flip. I regret not traveling . I regret being so quick tempered. I regret allowing myself to be so ignorant. Ej, u are funny, smart and beautiful👍
i regret being married too, my mom told me not to do it...but i only did it because i felt trapped but...marriage is a trap when not with the right person😳 especially when they make way more money than you...yet still want you to help pay...
@@oddgoddess5576 when you're mismatched you never feel or act like a team. A team where u have one another's back. Being lonely in marriage is not cool either. I don't blame my ex spouse for all that was wrong in our marriage. " We" didn't belong together. The way I view marriage now vs then is very different. Feeling trapped at home is unfortunate also. I get that. Right there is where I could have done something like move into my own little spot and progressed from there. I've done my share of looking back, with regret and I choose to look forward. 🙏
@@silvergray2345 And that’s the thing like we have had several conversations about how we should not be together and he keeps trying to be with me &it doesn’t make any sense because at the end of the day I don’t want to be with him I’ve said it in his face.
@@oddgoddess5576 sometimes, u have to show a person. I truly don't expect for u to be cruel toward him however for your future peace of mind, if u honestly don't want to be with him, it's time to stop responding to him at all (no matter what he says). Those soul ties, for him, are strong. He's yet to really get past the idea of you not being in his life. U don't otherwise have to spend time telling him or convincing him. Handle your one life in terms of moving forward in your education, spirit, finances, home, family, jobs, decorating, etc, etc. He's basically holding a big STOP sign up in front of u. He's kinda in the way as long as u allow him to be. The two of u are not on the same page. Just because he's persistent doesn't mean it's love. Or even love for the both of u. Take time for your true, full healing.🙏
@@silvergray2345 thank you thank you thank you for this. I knee for a long while that we weren’t good for one another. I’ve sacrificed so much in the past that Im drained now. Looking forward to a better future.
To God I Give The Glory
1: Learn more about god, prayer and respecting my creation
2: Investment in myself and people
3: Give myself everything I wanted😜👍😅😅😅😅
This was so spot on! At 42 I'm still lost. I regret listening to people tell me I couldn't do things which then turned into me doubting myself in everything. I changed majors so many time in college I graduated with two business degrees. On jobs I doubted. And when presented with opportunities to pursue past dream careers/jobs, I doubted. I'm now in a place where the time to spend on study/researching/working on my dream is spent as a mother and caretaker. So now I just feel stuck.
This is good teaching right here! From finances, relationships, school debt, self-doubt, all of the things. I really appreciate you sharing (with all of the transparency), so others can glean from it and learn. What an awesome gift. As someone over 40 I have to say that our journeys work it’s way out with God. The awesomeness of the journey is the miracle of still becoming what he intended for you to become. I bid you all blessings. Have an amazing day.
So true!
EJ, I’m 40 years old and I’m working on my self doubt as well. I am working on me and listening to the good voice in my head and my family and friends that are encouraging me.
Respect
God works in mysterious ways I literally two seconds before I saw this video thought to myself where am I going in my life what purpose do I have? I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this I have so many talents and don’t know what to do with them
You are not alone.
I regret falling in love with a toxic man and ended up a young single parent of 3 children who are my world. I had to hustle so hard to provide for them that I really miss their childhood and I still regret that. My children have their own issues but nothing I can't love them through. They are all almost grown but still have a lot of growing to do.
EJ you are absolutely right about that student loan debt it is haunting me to this day but one day at a time my children and I will get through it.💖
this one hit home. Just turned 30 this year, have had my associate's degree finished for the last 5, but have allowed the fear of picking "the wrong path" and student loans to keep me from finishing my bachelor's. It definitely feels like I'm out of time to make the moves I need to make. In my 20s, I had always pictured myself having more things together by now than I actually do. Thank you for this video. It means a lot to someone like me who still feels like they have no idea what they should be doing or where they should be headed. These conversations are so damn important.
Straight talk!! Many of us have similar regrets but are afraid to speak up. I am older and have had more time to reflect. My biggest regret is staying too long in a toxic marriage.
Wish I was wiser about money/financial decisions, wish I would've got my degree in the field I'm trying to transition to. Wish I wasn't afraid to step out on faith and I wish I wouldn't have wasted time at a dead end job.
I’m still in my early 20s so I appreciate these videos. So far I think I’m on the right track, but there’s always room for improvement.
The way this video spoke to my entire soul.. I'm turning 30 in December and I've got all this anxiety about not having everything all together. Thank you EJ!!
You’ve got this girl !!! And happy early birthday 💗
That’s what it is “anxiety “ , I’m 25 and I feel like I have a lot to do and so little time
@@Meg-cc6yc thank you!
@@sagittariuslady2846 that's kind of when it started for me.. feeling like I have this huge to do list but no time to truly get it done. But us Sagittarius girls will push through!!
@@ledena18 Come on Sagittarius QUEEN!! You got this. Yes, you DO need to make a list but make the list that feeds your soul & with ALL this WISDOM people are giving in the comments, you can definitely avoid some mistakes that other people have made. However, it doesn't mean that you still won't make any. Everyone experiences peaks & valley's. Be blessed sis! 🙌🏽
I am a 21 year young woman and I felt every part of this video. You are absolutely right. I am on an active self discovery journey. I love to learn though other people’s experiences and I am so glad you made this video❤️ Thank you for the amazing content you have a new subscriber
I love this transparency! Instead of being so bogged down on what everyone else has, how about we have these type of conversations in our community. Only way is up! TEAM EJ!!!
Wasting 2 and a half years on a married man and going to school for something just to say I did it
Babyyyyy, let me tell u that it wasn't a waste with that married man...it was a journey you had to endure to know that "if he will cheat with u, he'll cheat on you". It was a lesson you (and myself, included) needed to learn 🤗
The key is to never return to that class for that lesson 😉
@@brangeeellis3083 wait nah? What? It was a lesson she "had to endure"??!?! Come on sis! No ma'am! I don't know you, and you may very well cuss me out/shut me down on these here intranets, but babyyyy! Oh well, I'm willing to take that L.
Some things aren't a "had to endure" thing. We choose certain things and consequences come from those choices. You don't have to spend 2 years with a married man to know "if he will cheat with you, he'll cheat on you."
@@MissHunterELA YES!! As a married man i will tell you. Several lessons.
1. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
2. A divorce takes 90 days. If a man is married, and says he's "going through a divorce," and you ask him how long and he says 4 years or some bs like that, don't even get involved. He ain't getting a divorce. He ain't going through a divorce. He has no lawyer. He ain't even filled out the paperwork. Which brings me to my next point....
3. He ain't leaving his wife. I don't care what he tells you. "We don't have sex." "We're basically just roommates." "We just together until the kids graduate."
These are all lies. He ain't leaving his wife. She's the tenured employee. You're the unpaid intern. Do with that information what you will, but if you think you're gonna call the wife to intercede on your man's behalf by having a "woman to woman" conversation.... He ain't leaving his wife. And, you calling her ain't gonna change that.
You don’t understand how bad people, including myself, needed to hear this, needed to see that you as someone who has their life together now, needed to see this. Thank you!
I would never have gone to stenography school, I would never have called a certain man after 10 years just because I still had an unrealistic, schoolgirl crush on him, I would have cut my mom a little more slack for her shortcomings and been more gracious especially since I experienced my own shortcomings, and cut my dad LESS slack for not being around: you make a child, you raise that child, plain and simple. Finally, I would have been just a little more assertive and speak up more and not just let things happen to me.
Okay... Full transparency; initially I felt attacked 🤔😔😑. But then it felt like a release, a hug almost. To hear someone say EVERYTHING that I have been too embarrassed to say AND OWN IT. Thank you so much. You have no idea how on time this was for me. I literally prayed an hour because I didn't know what to do. It's a lot going on. I didn't know WHAT I was asking for but this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. ❣️
I have the same feelings about my student loans and I also used them to "finance" my life. I am thankful that my husband and I have broken that chain for our daughter. We also made the decision to limit our family so that we could have a better financial situation for our family. My favorite thing to tell my kids is to live their life on purpose by thinking about what life they want and behaving in a way to help that dream come.
Love this video much needed ❤
Oh my goodness I am almost 60 and besides going to college which I didn’t do because no one suggested it I was 36 out of 300 kids and no one suggested college. I also didn’t job hop but you just described me. I’ve been trying to start a craft business for years and I just can’t get my nerve up to start. I grow up in the time where you could work your way up so I had my dream job as a assistant production manager at a famous design house. Then I got married had a baby , had 3 actually and became a stay at home mom. Now they are 26,25 and 18. I trying to find my space
At 20 years old going to 21, I should have paid more attention to those that provided more guidance. Definitely should have worked on scholarships more AND go away to another state for college. Also wished I knew the Lord and had a strong relationship with Him.
AJ you can still have a relationship with God. His door is always open you just have to open it. Don't give up on that. You got this!
@@beastmode2563 Oh I’m already in a relationship with Him, I was just saying that in reference to what was going on in the past. I’m holding onto Him now.
Oh I'm so sorry I misread that. I'm glad you have a relationship with Him!
@@beastmode2563 No no you’re fine, I should have made my explanation clearer.
I'm a 28 yr single mom, got pregnant at 15(had him at 16), kept by grandparents, mom was there but not there, father died at 11... *I love my child, I just wish I hadve waited went to school and been a marching 100 at famu, i wish I had WISDOM early on, been financially stable/had financial literacy, stopped looking for a better father for my son...just been better in general....BUT GOD*
God will give you the wisdom and guidance to find yourself and for your baby !! He makes a way , Stay focused love ❤️ I’m 28 also a young mom(14) with my gramma.
But by the grace of God. We can all go by the song "I am Redeemed". You got this girlfriend, just keep striving to be the best you can be for you and your family. Just keep saying I'm better today than yesterday and will be better tomorrow than today.♥️♥️
You are a soldier! That young girl had to figure A LOT on her own just to become The Woman you are TODAY!!! Forgive her for only doing the best she could with what she had. Bless the Baby Girl in your Heart, she is a Tough Little Momma! You can let her rest, or bring her out to play when you can. You paid for Karmic Debt so that your Son will not have to. Your Abundance is Coming, and I hope it is BEAUTIFUL!!!
Just curious, why didn't you consider an abortion?
@@greent16 Religious family beliefs, underage
Wow. As a 22 year old woman who has already made HUGE financial/relationship mistakes between 18 and now….I needed this. Thank you ❤️
Yes. Enjoy your youth but try not to be reckless; it can impact the rest of your life. 😊
The part about financial literacy…that’s what I would have done differently. As you stated EJ, the community and family around me didn’t discuss money and the do’s and don’t of finances. So I ended up doing the same things in my twenties…taking out loans and racking up credit card debt. What I’m thankful for is knowing and doing better now, and my husband and I being able to teach our children that financially literacy piece and the importance of saving. Never want to revisit that again though…lol. Good stuff EJ, thank you for sharing. 🙂
Some members in my family knew what student loans were but still wanted me to take some out because they never told me about Pell Grants or Scholarships. The famous saying goes “If I knew now, what I knew then”. I’m with you that explaining early to children about financial literacy…very important and will thank you later 😊.
@@bridgettejohnson9085 you’re so right. When I realized later in life what financial literacy was and how lack therefore and not so smart decisions affect us, I then had to remind myself not to be too hard on what my family didn’t tell me…they were doing the best they could at the time. But as another saying goes, when you know better, you do better. I know better now, and that’s what we’re doing.
@@InTheRoomWithMarcie I couldn’t agree with you more 😁👌🏾
Yess on the relationship thing. Yes on the financial literacy and credit. I'm so glad u stuck with EjSpeaks... I think we ALL are 💗 yes on the comparing part...I'm finally getting to that point. Yes I wish I would got the downlow on ALLLLLLLL this ahead of time.
I wish someone would told me what is REALLY like to have kids. All my life I said "my mom had 5 kids, imma have 5 kids" when the first one popped out, I was like "WHET?????!!" But I'm glad for the 2 i have, I just had NO CLUE ahead of time.
Love ya ❤️❤️💗💗😘😘
I appreciate this video a lot. I’m 24 and man the relationship regret is real and the self doubt. I am a major cheerleader for others but never for myself… I am working on it daily though just trying to heal and forgive myself.
You can do it although sometimes it doesn’t appear so😃👍🏽
Ej: I'm not crying because... I'm a thug.
Me: Immediately likes the video
I KNOW DASSS RIGHT!!!!
In my 20s, I wish I would have loved myself and understood what it meant and learned to have self worth. I wish I understood what is meant or looked like to have healthy relationships and boundaries. I have learned the lessons now but it took many heartbreak and being broken to find my true self.
literally started tearing up in the end, my life feels all over the place and like i’m just trying to keep my head above water. thank you for your honest message 🙏🏻💖💖 gonna keep at it 😊
Ej: I cried too many nights to have stayed that long.
Me: I cried too many nights to have stayed that long.
And credit, no one taught me about credit.
Push through
I love how relatable your videos are...
I turn 24 in two days and doing a lot of reflecting on my 20’s so far and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this video. Thank you for this advice.
I wish I knew healthy boundaries, don’t make yourself small for the comfort of others & speak up when things bother you.
Just had this conversation with my co-queen today. We have to prepare our generations. They should benefit from our hard earned wisdom and not only roll their eyes at our "told you so". We MUST be proactive with their life guidance and education in all areas. We have to prepare them for the total world and that includes letting them know that we weren't perfect or ready for everything either. We will grow with them. If you plant a seed and don't tend to its growth, then it's failure is your failure too. Water it. Make sure it has the proper amount of sun. Pull up weeds. Fertilize and that thang will blossom!!! Thank you EJ for starting and sharing the conversation.
Loved this. And loved the little humor at the end about the 30s being a weird place how you said how you’re getting ready to be a big mama, getting ready to be old, and getting ready to die. Lol. I’m in my 30s, and I feel you on that.
I really can relate to all of these. I'm still working on the doubt.
Girllll yes, same here. Let us pray
This conversation about college definitely needs to be had. I wish I had someone who hounded me like that too.
I love and receive the message about self-doubt. I struggle REAL with that and it has kept me back from my dream. Comparing myself to my peers and not focusing on what MY road is and my personal contribution is to the world has paralyzed me. Your words are super encouraging. Thanks sis! ☺️💕💕🙏🏾