You put this so beautifully. I will be conscious in my actions. Lord help me. I will stop and breathe. I will forgive myself. I will apologize when I’m hurtful. I will stop yelling. Please pray for me during this process.
Yes, these are perfect affirmations!! It's a process for all of us and you're taking the steps to make a change, that means more than you know! Keep it up and thanks for watching.💛🙏
And me too sis. We got this. I acknowledge that it's wrong, and I know how it affected me, I believe in discipline and firmness not emotional abuse. Praying for us both.
i disagree. they will react how they FEEL which has nothing to do with choice. i’m thinking about if they are being yelled at, specifically. or if a parent is just generally abusive.
Coming from a family of incredibly harsh adults, these videos are so helpful to me. I deal with anxiety and I’m so reactive. Most of the time my first reaction to “bad behavior” is to react the way my own mom did. I have been trying so hard to work this out and be a peaceful parent. I want to be their peace. I’m so grateful for these videos.
Thank you Jackilyn! I am so happy you've found this helpful. The fact that you want to be better for your children and break those negative cycles is wonderful and half the battle. I think a great book for you would be The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali. She has much to say and offer about the type of healing you speak of. 💛💛
I think ALL parents need to here this during this time Of Covid-19 pandemic!!! Kids are home 24 hours out the day 7 days a week now, and I know it gets hard. Thank you for this!
This just happen.. I was going to do my online school down stairs and my mom was very mad and annoyed and she screamed her lungs out at me, it’s been almost 45 minutes and I’m still crying I do think all parents need to here this cause now I just feel sick from crying so much and now I’m upset and it’s just not a good thing to do to anyone.
I’m only 16 but I want to be the best parent possible, without violence. I don’t want my children’s childhood to end up like mine. So thank you for your videos!
Hi! I'm so glad you found the video helpful and you are right, it is a challenge to change patterns of behavior but so important. Thanks so much for watching! ❤
Yes I feel so awful after then I promise myself I won’t do it again , but then I get stressed or he deliberately disobeys me and then I’m triggered all over again😔
One of my triggers is rushing, i must be bad with time because i am rushing every morning even when i wake up extra early. I searched for this video because i feel bad yelling all the time, i have to get it together. THANKS a bunch for the tips.
That's a big one for me too. Happy to hear you are working on mindfulness and have set the goal to stop yelling. You and your children will benefit so much.❤ I'm so glad you found the video helpful, thank you for watching!
I loved what you said Monica about spacing the trigger from our response. I Think this is huge when it comes to be able to access our logical-executive functioning part of the brain. In that “in between time “ we can use cool down strategies, such as, taking deep breaths or positive self talk that would help us get faster to that calm demeanor our children need
Whispering really works for me 😆 how did you know I needed this video today? The morning after my husband worked a double = easily triggered mommy 😔 so thankful for forgiveness and forward progress.
I remember in 2012 I watched a talk about how children are innocent, and they didn't ask us to become parents and bring them into our world of yelling. They want a shot at life and naturally they are created and they arrive into whatever environment we have already prepared for them! If our environment is already angry, toxic, blaming, excuse-making, quick to jump to conclusions, our sweet babies will be at our mercy. And yelling isn't a good mercy. My kids are now 11 and 13. They are at each other all the time, and I feel like I'm constantly putting out fires between them. I can drop what I'm doing and walk over to my child and hug him, rather than yelling at him. It works very well. If physical touch is one of their love languages, that SHOULD work. With my older boy, I ask him to listen to how he sounds when he's yelling. I invite him to stop, take a breath, and find a different, more gentle way to express himself. His vocabulary is extensive so talking does work for him. Great video! "You're strengthening your relationship with your child." And "Explain that you're learning, too." Very good wisdom!
Thanks so much! It sounds like you are setting an amazing example and truly teaching them valuable lessons. What a blessing that article was for you. Thanks for sharing! ❤❤
I love this! This women is smart. Everyone should listen to this video even if you don't have kids or don't yell at people. This here will change your life when applied in every area of life.
Another tip is to *SING* what you want to say if it's appropriate to do so. Have a jingle that relates back to your family expectations. Choose a little tune that you can instinctively recall and you can freestyle or prepare little rhymes for instances that have commonly been a challenge for you all. Example: *(Tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb") *It's time to put your shoes on now Shoes on now, shoes on now It's time to put your shoes on now One foot at a time.* Or: "Speak to me with a quiet voice so I can hear your words." and you can do the same as part of your technique for letting some air out of that frustration balloon: " *I'M* going to use a quiet voice So you can hear my words." Experiment and learn what is helpful for you and *your* family. Find your *Groove*. ❤🎵
This is beautiful. You highlighted an essential aspect of being human whether you are a parent on not; making mistakes and instead if backing down and dying, you learn from them and grow from your mistakes. Children love it when you acknowledge your mistakes to their face. They slowly start respecting you and changing their attitude. Thank you for this.
Thank you Monica for these helpful videos, I share your videos with my page on Facebook help abused children and so many other groups I manage! They get great responses! Glad I found your channel!
Thank you so much for reaching out to let me know this. I am so happy to hear this and truly appreciate you helping to share this message with the world.🥰
I know this video is old but I came back to watch it again because I'm really struggling with my own reactions to my kids which in turn is making their behaviour worse. It's like this ongoing battle and I feel like all of us are losing. I was to be a nicer parent. I don't want my kids to remember me for always yelling like how I remember it being as a kid. Stress is a big trigger for me which is hard to mitigate because I just always feel stressed. It's not even about them or their behaviour it's what's going on in my own mind.
You aren't alone and it sounds like you're doing the work and making the effort to be a conscious parent. That alone makes a huge impacts. None of us are perfect and we all have to work to be our best selves. Thanks for watching and making the effort, parenting is not easy.❤😊
I'm trying peaceful living as well, it's for sure not just the parenting because when I go out in the world, the triggers are even more heightened lol So, I'm really trying to remember to control my reactions. Great Video Monica, you always deliver!
Hi Monica! This is a fantastic parenting resource. I would love to learn more about you, your childhood, how many kids do you have, what led you to dig deeper and come up with the content for this video? I am passionate about becoming a more compassionate and connected mom everyday. Thank you Monica!
Where I struggle is I get overwhelmed and overstimulated, I’ve got Autism. A big area for me is when we’re in public and she really pushed the boundaries and takes complete advantage of the situation, being sassy and not listening and then when we’re home I just want to explode because of everything, that build up when I get in and can finally show how I’m feeling is horrible
Thank you for this video I really need this. Ive had to in a way re parent myself as a mother and end toxic traits I seemed to inherit from my parents. My positive saying is "choose love"
I keep watching all of these videos on gentle parenting and it's all talk. I need examples. Like the example of the kid throwing a fit in the grocery store was brought up, but than what? What should I do!?
Thanks for your feedback. I'll keep you in mind for upcoming peaceful parenting post. Watch for my next Q&A video where I'll be answering specific questions with examples!
I am watching your video right now because my wife pointed out that I yell a lot at our kids. It had her in tears and my kids told her it’s normal😢😢😢. I have 4 kids 11, 9,5 and 3. I grew up in a military family where everything was order and scheduled while my wife had more of a liberalized childhood. I love my family so I desire to change but I noticed I’m a reactor. I tell them calm many time to correct the things they do and then after 5 or 6 times I BLOW UP. I shout and become very stern like my family did with me and I turned out great as I own 3 homes, retired at 35 with a income of 150k a year and never been to jail or used any hard drugs. So there has to be merit to that upbringing correct or am I doing it wrong???? I seen your tips on recognizing how to notice when to calm down and they truly work wonders 🙂. My main question is how can I make my wife happy but still implement the order and schedule to our parenting schedule without making her feel bad or like it has no value??? When ever I bring it up she say to me “well we can’t all be perfect like you”. I know I’m not perfect but I can’t help but feel I’m right but willing to work with her.
Changed my mind, I’m right she’s wrong. If she wants kids to be crack addicted gangbangers and sluts she can divorce me and raise them how she likes 50/50
We certainly are responsible for our emotions and actions. I enjoy in your videos that you share resources also. This is great. I too am much more reactive when running behind a bit. I have moments I could certainly work on myself. Rewriting that story is certainly important. Thank you for another great video with such great advice.
I know this is off topic and personal Monica though do you believe in God and read his word? I like your videos and I'm curios how some of your teaching ties in with the bible... because I want to parent according to his word and of course out of Love
I do! I really love this biblical breakdown in support of peace parenting through guidance and teaching. www.littleheartsbooks.com/2014/05/10/spare-the-rod-the-heart-of-the-matter-2/
It's so important to get help and the support needed if you have a mental illness. You can't properly take care of others if you aren't properly talking care of yourself.❤
Yelling at your kids triggers their flight or flight automatic response that actually wires them to self protect and become more aggressive... I guess at the end of the day it depends on the goals you have for your children and the type of world you want to see and person you want to be. As they say if you want to make a difference in the world, change starts at home. If you're really interested, I'd take a dive into peaceful/gentle parenting philosophy to try to get a better understanding of the approach. Here's a link to two videos that could help get you started on learning more about the philosophy- Peaceful Parenting Overview: ua-cam.com/video/L6wXKn2-rJM/v-deo.html & The Pitfalls of Punishment: ua-cam.com/video/I2PQLxIpMJw/v-deo.html . Lots of links in the descriptions of those videos for some additional helpful resources. Hope that helps clear some things up and I'll leave you with this: “Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.”- Yehuda Berg
I'll tell you why. One time my heart hurt so bad I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack when my parent screamed. Anytime she screamed I didn't see a parent, I saw an animal who couldn't control herself. So if you want to teach something, be an example. You yelling is telling me that you have no self control or discipline.
You put this so beautifully. I will be conscious in my actions. Lord help me. I will stop and breathe. I will forgive myself. I will apologize when I’m hurtful. I will stop yelling. Please pray for me during this process.
Yes, these are perfect affirmations!! It's a process for all of us and you're taking the steps to make a change, that means more than you know! Keep it up and thanks for watching.💛🙏
Yes me too ❤
I feel this, and I'm with you here.
Same
And me too sis. We got this. I acknowledge that it's wrong, and I know how it affected me, I believe in discipline and firmness not emotional abuse. Praying for us both.
Im always telling my kids its your choice in how you react, but its a great reminder to tell myself as a parent the same thing!
Yes it is! Thanks for watching! ☺
Love this
i disagree. they will react how they FEEL which has nothing to do with choice. i’m thinking about if they are being yelled at, specifically. or if a parent is just generally abusive.
Coming from a family of incredibly harsh adults, these videos are so helpful to me. I deal with anxiety and I’m so reactive. Most of the time my first reaction to “bad behavior” is to react the way my own mom did. I have been trying so hard to work this out and be a peaceful parent. I want to be their peace. I’m so grateful for these videos.
Thank you Jackilyn! I am so happy you've found this helpful. The fact that you want to be better for your children and break those negative cycles is wonderful and half the battle. I think a great book for you would be The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali. She has much to say and offer about the type of healing you speak of. 💛💛
I think ALL parents need to here this during this time Of Covid-19 pandemic!!! Kids are home 24 hours out the day 7 days a week now, and I know it gets hard. Thank you for this!
Thank you! Please feel free to share this video. So important for us to keep this all in mind during these uncertain times especially! ❤
This just happen.. I was going to do my online school down stairs and my mom was very mad and annoyed and she screamed her lungs out at me, it’s been almost 45 minutes and I’m still crying I do think all parents need to here this cause now I just feel sick from crying so much and now I’m upset and it’s just not a good thing to do to anyone.
Plus now my eyes are all red and puffy😂
@@bearchilic3954 sounds awful. i’m pretty sure she must do this all the time? how old are you? this is HER issue, not yours.
I’m only 16 but I want to be the best parent possible, without violence. I don’t want my children’s childhood to end up like mine. So thank you for your videos!
You absolutely can do it! Thank you for thinking about these things early, it's so important!
Exaclty what I was looking for! Hard to admit it but this lash out behavior is unacceptable and your video is so helpful.
Hi! I'm so glad you found the video helpful and you are right, it is a challenge to change patterns of behavior but so important. Thanks so much for watching! ❤
Yes I feel so awful after then I promise myself I won’t do it again , but then I get stressed or he deliberately disobeys me and then I’m triggered all over again😔
In tears..thank u so much for these words! I have to do better!
Taking the time to learn more is an amazing start and when you know better, you can do better! ❤🤗 Thank you for watching!
One of my triggers is rushing, i must be bad with time because i am rushing every morning even when i wake up extra early. I searched for this video because i feel bad yelling all the time, i have to get it together. THANKS a bunch for the tips.
That's a big one for me too. Happy to hear you are working on mindfulness and have set the goal to stop yelling. You and your children will benefit so much.❤ I'm so glad you found the video helpful, thank you for watching!
Your children are so blessed to have you as their Mom, Monica!!! 💕💕
So sweet, thank you, Oni!🤗🤗
I loved what you said Monica about spacing the trigger from our response. I Think this is huge when it comes to be able to access our logical-executive functioning part of the brain. In that “in between time “ we can use cool down strategies, such as, taking deep breaths or positive self talk that would help us get faster to that calm demeanor our children need
Yes!! That space is like a fork in the road, which path are we going to take? Thanks for watching! ☺
Whispering really works for me 😆 how did you know I needed this video today? The morning after my husband worked a double = easily triggered mommy 😔 so thankful for forgiveness and forward progress.
Yes double shift for daddy means double shift for mommy too right?! And yes, so grateful for forgiveness!❤
I whispered to help me stop yelling years ago, and it worked! I haven't yelled more than 1-3 times in the past 6.5 years!
I remember in 2012 I watched a talk about how children are innocent, and they didn't ask us to become parents and bring them into our world of yelling. They want a shot at life and naturally they are created and they arrive into whatever environment we have already prepared for them! If our environment is already angry, toxic, blaming, excuse-making, quick to jump to conclusions, our sweet babies will be at our mercy. And yelling isn't a good mercy. My kids are now 11 and 13. They are at each other all the time, and I feel like I'm constantly putting out fires between them. I can drop what I'm doing and walk over to my child and hug him, rather than yelling at him. It works very well. If physical touch is one of their love languages, that SHOULD work. With my older boy, I ask him to listen to how he sounds when he's yelling. I invite him to stop, take a breath, and find a different, more gentle way to express himself. His vocabulary is extensive so talking does work for him. Great video! "You're strengthening your relationship with your child." And "Explain that you're learning, too." Very good wisdom!
Thanks so much! It sounds like you are setting an amazing example and truly teaching them valuable lessons. What a blessing that article was for you. Thanks for sharing! ❤❤
I love this! This women is smart. Everyone should listen to this video even if you don't have kids or don't yell at people. This here will change your life when applied in every area of life.
Another tip is to *SING* what you want to say if it's appropriate to do so. Have a jingle that relates back to your family expectations. Choose a little tune that you can instinctively recall and you can freestyle or prepare little rhymes for instances that have commonly been a challenge for you all.
Example:
*(Tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb")
*It's time to put your shoes on now
Shoes on now, shoes on now
It's time to put your shoes on now
One foot at a time.*
Or:
"Speak to me with a quiet voice so I can hear your words."
and you can do the same as part of your technique for letting some air out of that frustration balloon:
" *I'M* going to use a quiet voice
So you can hear my words."
Experiment and learn what is helpful for you and *your* family.
Find your *Groove*. ❤🎵
That's a great tip!!
You are a great mother with a beautiful mind set 👌🏾
You are too kind, thank you so much!💛💛
This is beautiful. You highlighted an essential aspect of being human whether you are a parent on not; making mistakes and instead if backing down and dying, you learn from them and grow from your mistakes. Children love it when you acknowledge your mistakes to their face. They slowly start respecting you and changing their attitude. Thank you for this.
Your videos are so thorough, focused, and clear. I really enjoy them, thank you!!
So happy to hear you are enjoying the videos! Thanks so much for watching.☺
Thank you Monica for these helpful videos, I share your videos with my page on Facebook help abused children and so many other groups I manage! They get great responses! Glad I found your channel!
Thank you so much for reaching out to let me know this. I am so happy to hear this and truly appreciate you helping to share this message with the world.🥰
I know this video is old but I came back to watch it again because I'm really struggling with my own reactions to my kids which in turn is making their behaviour worse. It's like this ongoing battle and I feel like all of us are losing. I was to be a nicer parent. I don't want my kids to remember me for always yelling like how I remember it being as a kid. Stress is a big trigger for me which is hard to mitigate because I just always feel stressed. It's not even about them or their behaviour it's what's going on in my own mind.
You aren't alone and it sounds like you're doing the work and making the effort to be a conscious parent. That alone makes a huge impacts. None of us are perfect and we all have to work to be our best selves. Thanks for watching and making the effort, parenting is not easy.❤😊
I'm trying peaceful living as well, it's for sure not just the parenting because when I go out in the world, the triggers are even more heightened lol So, I'm really trying to remember to control my reactions. Great Video Monica, you always deliver!
Haha yep, real world is amazing practice right?😂 Thanks so much!!
Hi Monica! This is a fantastic parenting resource. I would love to learn more about you, your childhood, how many kids do you have, what led you to dig deeper and come up with the content for this video? I am passionate about becoming a more compassionate and connected mom everyday. Thank you Monica!
How can this channel only have 8.03k subs after three years???
I just did my part to up her total. :)
So many thanks for this, Your words makes so much sense to me, better than the peaceful parenting books themselves !
Thank you, I am so glad you found this helpful, that means a lot!🥰
Just found your channel and I needed this video today ❤️
Hi Hannah, I'm so glad this message found you at the right time! ❤🤗
Where I struggle is I get overwhelmed and overstimulated, I’ve got Autism. A big area for me is when we’re in public and she really pushed the boundaries and takes complete advantage of the situation, being sassy and not listening and then when we’re home I just want to explode because of everything, that build up when I get in and can finally show how I’m feeling is horrible
Sweetie this was right on time! I'm a new mom and this has helped so much! So encouraging 😊
Oh I'm so glad! Congrats on becoming a mom! Thanks for watching! ❤☺
Thank you for this video I really need this. Ive had to in a way re parent myself as a mother and end toxic traits I seemed to inherit from my parents. My positive saying is "choose love"
Love that! So glad the video was helpful for you. Thank you for watching.🤗
my mom has NO clue what unconditional love is
I keep watching all of these videos on gentle parenting and it's all talk. I need examples. Like the example of the kid throwing a fit in the grocery store was brought up, but than what? What should I do!?
Thanks for your feedback. I'll keep you in mind for upcoming peaceful parenting post. Watch for my next Q&A video where I'll be answering specific questions with examples!
Distraction helps with my toddler
go to your car n talk to them
@@ems8717 maybe just hug her
Just what I needed today.
❤❤So glad you found it helpful.
I so love your channel.. keep up the hustle your channel has been growing and I'm loving it
Thank you so much for the support and kind comments!🤗❤
I was ready to hear about the tools to pro for the little ones as I have regulated myself and work towards having my little ones regulated.
This is a good idea for an upcoming video, thanks for the suggestion!
Thank you for this useful information
This is a very helpful video. ❤
You can find your *Groove* .!
I am watching your video right now because my wife pointed out that I yell a lot at our kids. It had her in tears and my kids told her it’s normal😢😢😢. I have 4 kids 11, 9,5 and 3. I grew up in a military family where everything was order and scheduled while my wife had more of a liberalized childhood. I love my family so I desire to change but I noticed I’m a reactor. I tell them calm many time to correct the things they do and then after 5 or 6 times I BLOW UP. I shout and become very stern like my family did with me and I turned out great as I own 3 homes, retired at 35 with a income of 150k a year and never been to jail or used any hard drugs. So there has to be merit to that upbringing correct or am I doing it wrong???? I seen your tips on recognizing how to notice when to calm down and they truly work wonders 🙂. My main question is how can I make my wife happy but still implement the order and schedule to our parenting schedule without making her feel bad or like it has no value??? When ever I bring it up she say to me “well we can’t all be perfect like you”. I know I’m not perfect but I can’t help but feel I’m right but willing to work with her.
Changed my mind, I’m right she’s wrong. If she wants kids to be crack addicted gangbangers and sluts she can divorce me and raise them how she likes 50/50
Love this
Thanks for the great advice!
You are welcome! Happy to hear you enjoyed the video.☺
Thank you so much i needed this 💖💖💖💖💖💖
Thank you for watching! ❤❤
We certainly are responsible for our emotions and actions.
I enjoy in your videos that you share resources also. This is great.
I too am much more reactive when running behind a bit.
I have moments I could certainly work on myself.
Rewriting that story is certainly important.
Thank you for another great video with such great advice.
Thank so much Roxanne, and thanks for the encouraging feedback! 🤗💛
It seems as if the more calmly and peacefully I am the more my kids act up. It is very draining to yell.
What about 13 yr old girls . If your about this life comment Helllp😩😆
I know this is off topic and personal Monica though do you believe in God and read his word? I like your videos and I'm curios how some of your teaching ties in with the bible... because I want to parent according to his word and of course out of Love
I do! I really love this biblical breakdown in support of peace parenting through guidance and teaching. www.littleheartsbooks.com/2014/05/10/spare-the-rod-the-heart-of-the-matter-2/
Wowww me loving your personality girl 👍👍😍just added your channel hope we help support each channel and stay connected ✌
Thank you!! I have done the same!😊
What about parents who have children but the parents may have underlining mental issues
It's so important to get help and the support needed if you have a mental illness. You can't properly take care of others if you aren't properly talking care of yourself.❤
I have mental illness and it’s definitely not easy I’ve almost left my kid with his father a couple times but I’m still here fighting. 🔥💯
I don't think or know if a kids can understand at four. How do you get kids to nap without yelling
You can do it! Check out my other videos on peaceful parenting in the Playlist. The one on positive discipline I think maybe helpful to you.☺
Her mouth and full teeth took all my attention!🤣
Music was kinda annoying
I still don’t see. What’s wrong with yelling at our kids !
Yelling at your kids triggers their flight or flight automatic response that actually wires them to self protect and become more aggressive... I guess at the end of the day it depends on the goals you have for your children and the type of world you want to see and person you want to be. As they say if you want to make a difference in the world, change starts at home. If you're really interested, I'd take a dive into peaceful/gentle parenting philosophy to try to get a better understanding of the approach. Here's a link to two videos that could help get you started on learning more about the philosophy- Peaceful Parenting Overview: ua-cam.com/video/L6wXKn2-rJM/v-deo.html & The Pitfalls of Punishment: ua-cam.com/video/I2PQLxIpMJw/v-deo.html . Lots of links in the descriptions of those videos for some additional helpful resources. Hope that helps clear some things up and I'll leave you with this:
“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.”- Yehuda Berg
I'll tell you why. One time my heart hurt so bad I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack when my parent screamed. Anytime she screamed I didn't see a parent, I saw an animal who couldn't control herself. So if you want to teach something, be an example. You yelling is telling me that you have no self control or discipline.