The Emotional Roller Coaster of Starting A New Life in a New Country
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 лют 2023
- This move to Lisbon has been marked by high and low moments and in this video I share my honest emotions. It's not easy moving to a new country where you don't know anyone, don't speak the language and have to start from scratch. I've done it many times before already: moving from the US to Mexico, to Thailand and to Indonesia. Somehow this feels harder than before -- once the initial excitement and novelty wares off and you're faced with the reality of life, it can hit you pretty hard.
I know that this video isn't for everyone, but if you ever find yourself in a similar situation in a new place, trying to start over, know that you're not alone.
As a mother of three grown up sons, all I want to do is give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be alright.
♥️
I am straight but regardless, when I was your age I ended a long term relationship and I had and still have a seasonal job as a Wildland firefighter. With that it gives me 6 months of personal time on my own. I ended up getting depressed and went traveling to seek something that was missing. I realized, wherever you go, there you are! You take your discomfort, sadness, and depression with you, a beautiful environment doesn’t change how you feel deep inside. So I started working on myself, the deep inner self. I read a lot of books, went to healing sessions, took training etc. The thing is, whatever childhood trauma, it could be mental, emotional, physical that you have you cannot get beyond that until you deal with it. Some ppl look back and say that I don’t have any trauma because they had a perfect childhood until they started looking at how other kids treated them growing up and realized that, that was their trauma, not fitting in as a child, not being able to fit in and being Ostracized. That wasn’t my trauma but just giving an example how simple things like that could dramatically change a child growing up which willl still effect them in some way today. Bottom line is, you need to dig deeper than the surface of what makes you do, say, act a certain way and find those patterns that you have developed over a lifetime and deal with them, uncover them, acknowledge them before you are able to move beyond them. Otherwise, you subconsciously will continue to relive them over and over again, unable to move beyond.
Some ppl are unable to search deeply within themselves because they don’t know how, are afraid of what they will find or to scared to deal with what they encounter, but until you do, you will keep reliving the same lesson life throws at you. An author that really helped me was Carolyn Myass. She wrote a couple books, (audio as well) Anatomy of the Spirit and Sacred Contract that really helped me delve into my past and was able to get beyond trigger points, or a subconscious level of why I was reliving a lot of things which were from my childhood. It’s funny how that happens in life, or with the mind. Anyway, I thought I would just share that and. I know each person has their own path(s) to walk and each person is different but we also share a lot more common ground than you think. Take care, and hope you find your happiness!
Hi Adrien. I have noticed from your videos, and particularly this one, that you are exceptionally articulate. You have also, for a person in his early thirties, led a varied and interesting life; you have created and developed a successful business, which is apparently still growing, and you have lived in ew York, Mexico, Thailand, Indonesia, and now Portugal. You must have hundreds of stories -- funny, sad, scary, suspenseful -- arising from your experiences on this journey as well as much useful advice to share. Have you ever thought about starting on a memoir? Not because you want write a best-seller but rather in order to have a project that not only takes you out of yourself, but that would also be so much fun to work on, and that might help other people down the road. You could take your laptop to cafes and bistros and type away while drinking coffee and eating pastries. Who knows, you might even meet some interesting and like-minded people in this process. Just a thought. Also, I think you learned Spanish while you were in Mexico, and I am sure you have learned to communicate in Bahasa Indonesia, so how about Portuguese? Are you taking classes? Do you have a tutor? A language-exchange partner who is in a similar career or who s gay (but don't have expectations other than learning language and sharing life experiences, opinions, etc.). You are definitely correct: we take our issues with us wherever we go, and it is only you who is responsible for your happiness and peace of mind, not your boyfriend or your potential boyfriend. I wish you the best. You are smart and self-aware, so you will find your way.
New York (damn, I was sure I corrected that)
Thanks for sharing, I am sure everyone can relate to your story at one level or another. I do understand you feel you might be ' suffering ' more than most but believe me Adrien we all have our demons, hopes, fears and concerns. its just a pert of living a life.
Man, we got your back! You’re not alone in this!
Your situation is certainly not unique though I understand it feels very isolating and lonely. I am of the belief that finding the true right fit is actually pretty rare. Many are in relationships because they think they are supposed to be. Stick on something bad is worse than being alone. You can find yourself bringing more unhappiness than happiness.
I never found a true partner in life until I was 43 and I feel fortunate that it happened at all. I believe finally coming to peace with potentially being alone the rest of my life and being able to be happy alone allowed me to finally make good choices, not settle for less than I deserve. Then bam, the right thing happened as soon so happily settled on that. Ultimately, you need to find a way to be happy with your own company. Find good friends. Maybe it will happen but if your focus is so big on that being what completes you, you may choose people bad for you just to have that thing.
I wish for you all good things and peace and happiness.
Follow your heart ♥️ love will come to you one day. Love from Amsterdam
Hi Adrein. I just wanted to say that I experience the same feelings of longing, loneliness and confusion. I find that I am so ready to share all the wonderful things about life with someone but can't seem to find anyone that values keeping me in their life. So I just want you to know, you are not alone. I live in California and I have experienced years of the same. People don't seem to be making meaningful connections in today's world. And it doesn't seem to matter where in the world you are. Thank you for sharing what you are really feeling on the inside. Being open, honest and raw are very rare these days. I feel comfort in knowing that I am not alone, after hearing you. You have created a really amazing life for yourself, and the right person will be drawn to you. I agree that your feelings and awareness of your situation are likely heightened because you have more time and silence than the majority of people. If you ever need a friend, please know we are here for you. There are some really incredible people out there whom you may have never met, but who are willing to go the distance to make sure you know you are loved, valued and understood.
I feel you, I’m 67; single, I find that so many people is lacking in character , don’t get so down on yourself, live baby live and love with find you, that is my hope for you and me.
Hi Adrien, try to put into practice enjoying yourself, you will always be your best company, you can practice it when you listen to music, enjoying a delicious dish, reading a book or a simple walk, enjoy yourself through your senses. When you least expect it, someone special will arrive. Connect with yourself, feel a complete being and in harmony.
I recently moved to Lisbon (after having been moving around a lot over the last eleven years) and I relate so much to what you are saying!
Amazing video!! I recently considered a move to Bali, Indonesia from California and came across your videos and this is what I needed to hear!!! The entrepreneur lifestyle definitely makes it hard to date unless your person has the same lifestyle. Also I think your very handsome and maybe fate will put us in the same paths. Blessings
Adrien you enter my thoughts sometimes I think, where is his little doggie? Does he still make contact with his family? Do they assist when he needs help? So yeah, we all need caring and affection To know we are loved Soon you will be permanently in Lisbon Feel your feet on the ground It takes time and patience We are here and enjoy being part of your story
Sending you such a massive hug. I really pray you and your person find each at the perfect time ❤️ my partner and I will be applying for D8 soon and that’s how I found your videos - absolutely just loved your energy just from the visa video (imagine that 🙂). You seem to be a gem of a human Adrien, thank you so much for sharing so honestly and I think a ton of us are rooting for you 🤗❤️
I resonated with a lot of things you said.
I am currently in that phase and for some reason I’m scared.
Also planning to move to Portugal
Would love to See more videos like That ❤❤❤ i feeling the exact Same way. Thank you for sharing
You are starting a new phase and it is completely normal to feel low.
Some problems that are purely circumstantial are helped by changing the circumstances, the most important thing I learned when spending longer time in foreign places, that your deepest issues follow you wherever you go. It was a huge lesson. These might take on a different form, but you will start feeling the same lack, the same problems, the same negative emotions and you will be perplexed why.
Even if you were a couple, you would still feel the same, but would have another person to project on and maybe share some worries. The feelings would still be similar, but in a closed bubble of 2 people. It was confirmed by experience.
I would say the circumstances here are much better to evolve than in Bali and going back into an environment where you get distracted will just get years wasted. I would break down each problems I have in smaller segments, they will become more manageable that way.
If you need company, things to focus on, what steps would bring you closer to that. Start building friendships, maybe offer English classes, participate in courses/trainings, learn Portughese in a group setting, where you can meet others. Start going to meditation groups, church whatever is your preferred avenue. After a while start offering help, where you can, it will loosen the energies of feeling boxed in, it will also get you other relationships.
Do not focus only on romantic relationships, but on building an enjoyable life. Things will evolve from there.
Maybe get a pet as well, it will be a responsibility, but will help you get you stay grounded. Start building towards a fuller life with slow steps. We are indeed, all with you.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. It’s true that being here is like an accelerator and forcing me to confront these issues head on. I hope ultimately I’ll be a better person for it.
@@ChatGayPT You are, even if it feels crappy. From my viewpoint, you are confronting the mundane in not just one way, so it is unfortunate, but normal that you feel out of place in a world where mundane is the norm. Being a nomad is a fun lifestyle, but let's not forget moving is listed as one of the top stressors in life, and changing a whole culture/continent, having no familiar people around is 2x as taxing. Give yourself a few months to get through the initial lows, start building a life, things will look different after a period.
I agree with My brother’s keeper . I felt exactly the same thing when I moved to Bali for quite a few months . Looking at myself, and seeking outside help - good counsellor- helped me immensely. Sending you the warmest hug Adrien ❤❤❤always here if you want a chat 😘
Love everything you've said in this video! I can relate to some parts. I am moving in May/June to Lisbon, if you want to - let's connect!:)
Sending you only positive vibes that everything you want from life will soon come your way and also the biggest hug from Sydney, Australia.
I also don’t know why I’m still single, I also know I chose a life where I have to be around the world and a career that’s so unique , sometimes it’s beautiful and I feel so lucky but sometimes it’s very lonely and being a woman with maternal instinct I also feel pressured because I’m 35, not to mention I feel selfish to just mind my business while my family is somewhere else. You could be my brother so, I hug you.
I've been watching your videos since you were in Chiang Mai. You are unique and interesting. I'm sure it would be easier for you if you were more mundane but your are not. Hang in there. I was in Portugal. I also lived in Brazil which I really prefer. Portugal is too sterile in comparison imho. I highly suggest you take a couple of vacations to Brazil. Rio is beautiful.
I feel less alone now thank you❤
It's so sad to see such a bright, intelligent human being so lost. You're clearly beautiful and brave. There aren't many people who accomplish what you have in your young life. You deserve to be loved and I have faith that you will. I know you feel lonely right now but one day you will find your home. Don't give up. You've trusted yourself and come so far. Finding a meaningful relationship is so difficult. Especially today but regardless of the struggle it's not impossible. Sending you loads if cuddles. Thank you for sharing 💖💖💖
Such a relatable video.
It took me awhile to reply. I was very moved to tears and sad for your pain. I applaud your courage to share and be candid about your experience there. Believe me, any of us followers of yours that have made major changes and moves in our lives seeking the dream or fulfillment of whatever it is we desire know exactly what you're going through here. Play the long game and stay the course like I know you will. Sending positive vibes that you meet your match. ❤
It takes bravery to share your vulnerabilities. You have enough self awareness to move forward in a positive direction. Speaking from a therapists perspective, tele-therapy is so widely available I think it’s an option you should explore and consider . I’m 100% sure you’ve done therapy in the past but i think you should re-visit it. Continue with the great content. Thank you
Hey Adrien, been watching your channel for some time and love all your real life content. Don't panic ...this is totally normal when you remove existing foundations and attempt a major solo relocation! Done it and experienced it but the self doubt and uncertainty will pass in time.....! Key thing for me is to get out and walk and explore and create the opportunity for the unexpected to happen!! Staying in and over thinking is usually going to make matters worse in my experience ....do it for a while but get out and start everyday interactions with strangers as soon as you can muster enough positive energy!
Thanks for sharing all your vulnerabilities ....it helps everyone to understand they are not on their own and the everyday struggles are a common part of living a life which we sometimes choose to be different and full of challenges. I suspect everyone here feels and relates to your current pain ....so we are all holding our breaths and wishing you positive vibes to get through the current mini crisis. Keep going and keep an open mind ......
I can't add much more to all the comments except to say that your creativity seems to nourish you more than business ventures.
You are so good with words that I can imagine you writing, but that's a solitary path. Maybe you could join a class.. drawing, painting, pottery??
Adrien, I feel privileged to have listened to this video and I want you to know you were heard and felt. I am sending you a virtual warm embrace.
I feel the same; traveled the world for 19 years now, in my early 40’s, and still have a hard time relaxing and enjoying my life. I feel like i’m always searching for happiness, yet ignoring the amazing life I already have…
I don't think that there is anything I can say that hasn't already been said.. you have made a wonderful life for yourself and you are starting a new chapter.. and I think you have every reason to be optimistic.. especially given how much you have accomplished so far.. but you are brave for sharing and being so real . I wish and expect much happiness for you,❤️
Thank you ❤️
NOW NOW NOW Now is the time to extend your business into other items like tshirts, shorts, pants. Start researching manufacturers who can make your new design of fashion. Start using your artistic side to design some new garments to sell online and at markets. Join the local tennis club. Start a manifestation board on your ideal partner, purchasing your first home and your clothes business. Time is get busy. From Annie from OZ.
Actually you probably have already thought of this, because you are very good at interior design why not extend your sock business to include cushions and throws hand made in the Himalayas?
You are such a gorgeous and articulate soul, Ross below nailed it.. I agree that a project will take you out of yourself and hopefully connect you with like minded people.
I also ask the "universe" ie- manifest what I want and it does help, the universe provides darling, I wish you the very best and hear your sadness.
Hugs. xx
Mate, this was deep. When you least expect it the love of your life will appear. Keep being you. We are all destined to meet at least one love of a lifetime, yours will come. Big hug from Madrid. And on starting life in a new country... I miss my home city of Sydney 6 mths after moving to Madrid. But that's normal, it is getting easier. Madrid is way more progressive and cultural than Lisbon, you'd be better off here frankly.
That was deep!
Have you sought out a therapy online or one to one person session? I think you need a life coach just a thought;however, I am always on your team.
Shawn💞💞💞
I love Madrid, but I do find Lisbon to be more charming and cozy. I think I would feel even more lost in Madrid being as big as it is...the spanish also tend to be rather cliquish and it's hard to break into their friend circles in my experience.
@@ChatGayPT can't disagree with you.
🙏🥺your the best… it will work out… xxxxxxx
Being alone certainly is hard . I focus on making friends, it helps. Feel for you. Sending warm hugs x
Being alone is not hard when you are comfortable with yourself.
bro it's called life be loved and be happy man.
" for I have loved the Pilgrim soul in you."
This was what I felt for my late husband, and he for me, even though he was different than the men before him. You are just swell and will have someone special to you. It is very normal to be miserable sometimes. This is what will lead to being able to understand how to live the other person. Join a function where you get nothing in return. Those people will want to connect you with someone they care about. From a woman of a certain age.
Growth and awareness can be uncomfortable. In my own experience I have found that these reflective moments arise when big life changes (moving/uncertainty) are occurring or if major change is around the corner (a new experience you have to self-adjust or adapt for). Now is a time to listen to the important information that is surfacing about your needs, wants, ego, shadow and current approach. It doesn't feel great, I know, but don't let this opportunity pass you by. Write it down so you can reflect on blockages and opportunities. From there you can develop a new perspective and adjust your approach. For now just breathe and find peace in knowing that this is not happening to you, but for you 🙏🏽. Timing is everything and we are all exactly where we need to be right now.
If finding a partner is what you want then it's time to set your intentions, visualize your perfect match, cast a wider prospect net and put that energy into action 🙏🏽 Do what feels right for you.
By the way, what you shared really spoke to me. I'm sending you a big hug all the way from Bali 🇮🇩
I feel ya. I moved from NYC to Turkey last May. Now I live between Turkey and Europe (180/90 as you know).
Self doubt will make you fear. Be yourself and walk without fear. Do meditation and bring back your true self. Whatever comes in your mind is a story making by your thought. Don’t trust your thought that make you doubt. Life has to move on with or without anyone. In the end everybody has to walk a lone. Welcome back to Bali soon and stay safe.
Living in comfortable place for so long and moving to a new place is always a challenging and it's normal,
Let's go through it and finds a partner and comeback to a place where you feel comfortable and living the best life with someone you love..
Hey Adrien, sorry to hear you're going through a bit of a rough patch. I'm not sure if this is what you want to hear but have you ever considered some kind of volunteering or activism? I know it sounds like a cliche but I believe that when we connect with others on something greater than just our own personal lives then it can really provide a stronger foundation for relationships to grow and maybe even a romantic relationship. That can also give you some structure to your weekly routine and get you out and about with the locals. I'm sure that will be easier in Portugal than Bali where expats are so restricted in what they can say or do. What are some of your passions or concerns?
❤
I appreciate the comment. Your thoughts take me back to when I had first moved to Mexico city. You're still really early on in your Lisbon journey. I have a feeling you'll find your groove soon.
I'm curious to know about your experience living in Mexico. I have grown so much as a gay man here. The gay experience is so different here than in the united states. It's been really healing and fun for me.
I lived mostly in Tulum so it wasn’t that enriching or a very gay place.
That was very open and transparent. Your moving to a place where you did not know anyone will result in short term loneliness until you meet and get to know people. Could you do some volunteer work where you could meet some people? I wish you well.
Back to Bali!! And try to go Hk sometimes... You will meet nice friends . 70℅ of my closes friends are Gay in Hong Kong choose base in Bali and travel meet people ❤
Adrien! You are SO ripe for profound spiritual transformation right now. Go into nature each day for the next week. Spend the entire day, since you have the time. Bring the marijuana if you want. Start meditating if you don't already. Meditate in nature every day for the next week. If it rains, meditate in the rain and feel each drop as it caresses your gorgeous face. If it's cold, bring a blanket. Wear clothes you're ok with getting dirty and don't be afraid to sit in the ground.
Give yourself a one week fast from looking for a partner. Just one week and spending time in nature, with your awareness turned inward, towards that black hole you feel in your soul. I promise you, if you do this, you will not recognize yourself in a week's time. Either way, Spirit has called and Your soul has definitely answered the call. Your awakening will happen very soon. I'm so excited for you!!
May you be be held Lovingly in the Mother's embrace for the healing that is occurring Now.
Start you another business, find another stream of income, take a class, btw you are a cutie. You are not the only person that is not booed up. It’s a lot of people who are looking for love, what do you want to do.
I am foreigner as well
Try Ulla at Karma Clinic xxx
I live in makassar city of Indonesia
You have clarity of your situation, you just don’t have the solution
If I am the other half, I would be worried that you might leave since you are not a citizen. Maybe that’s why people are uncertain in starting a relationship with you.
maybe the dating scene is better in Portugal compared to Bali.. I hear lots of Americans are living there now.
He’s lived in America, obviously he doesn’t want that 🤣
Brilliant. I can relate to some of it. 😎😌
Bali has a lot of dark market and lady boys, southern Portugal and Santa Luzia in Spain it's way better.
When you least expected, you’ll be elected. True happiness is found within .
Go back to Bali!!! Lisbon is trendy and expensive only good for a short time
What is your IG?
I’ve had some experience with Portuguese men , many of them are married to a woman but , a lot are bi , and have sex with men on the side.
I can’t speak on your situation but, he could fall into that category. That could explain why he isn’t always available.
Cheer up, there is a guy who is right for you, maybe he is already looking for you. ❤🌈🍷😘
He's not portuguese and not married 😄
Hi brother would you please share your ig here