I really appreciate videos where people who have actually experienced qpr's talk about what they're like instead of just robotically defining the term like some other educational videos. It just makes it feel a lot more human and normalizes what I'm feeling myself. Idk if that makes sense but this vid is great ty
I completely agree with that! I promoted this video amongst a number of others that discuss Queerplatonic Relationships in my newest video on my channel! I think from people who have actually experienced them talking about what they are actually like in practice is the best way to learn. I maybe waited till too late into my video to describe my personal experiences but people can skip to that chapter and I hope talking about my experiences as much as I did was helpful for people too.
If I had to define a QPP/QPR, I would say that, just like romantic relationships, they have long-term commitments, and, just like friendships, they are less possessive and therefore are also less exclusive social bonds. I think partnerships exist in a spectrum, at one extreme of the spectrum there are traditional monogamous romantic relationships, while on the other extreme there are non-monogamous Aromantic partnerships (friendships), while polyamorous relationships and Quasi/Queer-Platonic Partnerships or Relationships (QPPs/QPRs) would exist around the middle of this spectrum.
Okay so correct me if I'm wrong, I'm still trying to figure this out. I'm demisexual. If it is the case that people in a QPR can take part in *healthy* sexual or romantic act then the difference between a QPR and a sexual/romantic relationship is the intent and expectations of the relationship. Sex is a part of a sexual relationship and all parties are consenting and aware of that expectation. In a QPR the relationship is a platonic and the intent is to form deep trust and affection, sex and romance is possible, but never the expectation. Am I getting this right? And just in case I define demi as "an asexual person who does not feel sexual attraction, but has the potential to develop attraction after they have bonded with another person" I know that is stupid specific, but it's the best way I've found to get across to allosexuals who don't understand that demi *is* ace
It's more like the ancient version of friends they'd touch like hold hands, might kiss, might sleep in the same bed but if they had sex or not they'd not change from friends, ect. It sounds more like a revival of this very ancient friendship style where yeah to our eyes and minds its a friends ++ situation sex may or may not be existent in it & they trust each other its like they're emotionally romantic rather then sexually romantic.
I featured a picture of Chandler/Joey as a Queerplatonic-level friendship in my newest video, all about QPRs, and on my fandom channel (VioletEmerald) they were featured as a QPR in a fanvideo collab I hosted back in 2017!
I like to define it as the grey line between partners and friends. More then friends, less then 'lovers'. Sure, you enjoy going on dates and spending time with said person, and small romantic gestures, but anything more then that, for me at least, feels odd, strange, and forced. it doesn't feel right. but at the same time you don't wanna be just friends. I can't explain the longing for being more then friends, other then wishing for a deeper bond with said person as you have a deeper connection w/ them then with your friends.
One of my QPPs said a way to say it is like more than friends but no romantic, and I think that's a pretty good way to put it!!! This is a good video btw!! I'd send it to someone if they didn't know anything about QPRs!! /g
Thank you so much for this! So much of figuring out what you want out of a relationship of any kind with someone is having the language to express it to them, so I'm extremely grateful you guys put this out there!
Thank you for making this I feel like people don't talk about this enough. I've been in a qpr for about a month now and I'm happy to see that there are videos out there to help people to understand more about what a qpr is.
Ive had romantic love and I've had platonic love. The emotions and intensity are identical. The boundaries and intentions of what I want between us are what is different.
Edit: there’s a good news edit near the end yall :3 I want to tell my friend that I like them qplatonically and want to be in a QPR with them, but I don't know how to start? Well I did 'start' and fail 3 times. Tl;dr. We live 2,000+ miles away from each other after I moved. I tried explaining to them what a QPR is, but idk if they understand. We hopefully will see each other irl again around our birthdays Jan/Feb. But if I tell/ask them then and it doesn't go well, it better not be awkward cause they'll only be able to stay with me for a while until they can fly back home. Idk how to tell them I like them and ask if they want to be in a QPR and what I want in a QPR. Help? ~~~ First I was bringing up the topic of QPRs (over text cause that was our only form of communication besides calling) and I was about to explain it to them, but I got interrupted irl, and they said they looked it up and that QPRs look cool. But there are many partly accurate descriptions of QPRs, but something they always seem to mess up is that not all of them are the same. And I cannot find anyone else with the same idea of what they want in a QPR, this video is the closest I found. I told them I had a plush (qplatonic crush) on someone, but didn't know how to tell the plush, they asked me to tell them, but I said I couldn't yet. But I did try to explain QPRs again to they and that they can look different to different people. I told them for me, I wanted a QPR thats not that "much like a romantic relationship, but as committed, emotionally intimate, and maybe physically (cuddles only) intimate like a romantic relationship, but otherwise still platonic." And that I'd be 100% of if my QPP dated someone romantically. I did, however, send them a playlist of songs I made for my plush (them) with the reason 'I am too scared to tell them but I did make a playlist, would you like to hear it?' And they said it was "beautiful that you create playlists to try to express your feelings" which just felt sooo... idk, something poetic and nice. But, the first song was the most obviously "us" song in existence, with things we commonly do and our inside jokes, I couldn't believe how perfect the song was... but they didn't seem to see it. That all happened Sept 23rd. Wow... I did not know that was exactly a month ago. I want to find a way to re-introduce them to the idea, re-explain what it means to me, and somehow tell them that I love them and want to be in a QPR with them. I don't even know how to do that with normal romantic relationships. The only idea I had was to send them the playlist that was obviously for them, but that didn't work. We live 2,000+ miles away after my family moved a year ago. But hopefully we will see each other early next year, around our birthdays, or right after both of our schools end, or both. One idea I had was to write my thoughts on a paper, and make it one of the gifts I make for them (a 'Christmas' one, a 'graduated' one, a 'long distance friendship' one, a 'birthday' one, and finally a 'QPR' one), and they'd open each one in whatever order they want like Russian roulette to me. The QPR one will have a meaningful present, a card explaining my thoughts/feelings, and confetti; the confetti is made out of cute QPR colors, and strips of paper that say quotes that I feel describe what I want in our relationship (a lot of them will be quotes from here). Idk if thats over-the-top or problematic in some way. Partly I'm worried cause if it makes them uncomfortable, they would be stuck with me for a while until they can leave and go back 2,000+ miles home. ~~~ June 30th, 2023. I prepared. I meticulously cut 42 perfect squares of various shades of pink, yellow, and white. I folded them all into origami flowers. • 42 is one of our inside jokes • the flowers were shades of the QPR flag I brought two blue razberry ‘tongue painter’ ring pops. • when we were in middle school, we said we’d ’instantly date’ a boy who ‘proposed’ dating with a ring pop; silly inside joke I made a ship name between our two names and accidentally made a slant rhyme while I was writing. “Together, we’re a STAR! Will you be my QPR?” • when we were in middle school, we said we’d ’instantly date’ a boy who said ‘I ship [insert ship name of themself and one of us]’; silly inside joke I packed “Loveless” by Alice Olson. I flew all the way from Arizona to Illinois, and they flew from Maine to Illinois. I unpacked it all and made it into a gift basket, but hid it in plain sight. About a month prior to this endeavor, my online “friend” outted me to my irl brother because I wouldn’t date him. But my brother admitted he’s an ally, despite our homophobic parents. He told me that, if I was attracted to girls/nonbinary, even though he knows I’m not, I would be “cute” with Owl. I admitted I wanted to be in a QPR with them, and my brother was happy for me. So my brother did what he could to help me. He convinced my older brother to go with him and his own girlfriend, out to a park, while I was with Owl. I’ll tell you, I procrastinated til the last minute. I thought I had missed my opportunity with them because they were only able to hang out for a few days with me. But they had one extra day. I have extreme anxiety disorders, but I pushed through. (Given, this was the 4th year in a row I’ve tried doing this, and the first time I didn’t back out… sorta; also, I had already explained the concept of a QPR to them prior, so keep that in mind) July 7th, 2023. When we were alone, I got the basket out. It was so awkward because I didn’t have a plan. I awkwardly got different items out, not knowing which one to start with and how much I should explain as I went. I felt sick. I couldn’t breathe at times, but they told me it was ok, and I could take my time and breathe. I showed them the basket, with the 42 flowers. And I read an excerpt of “Loveless”. First explaining who the two characters were that were a part of the conversation. I read to her the “confession” between Rooney and Georgia, which I felt described my feelings better than I could myself. I then gave them the ringpop and gave myself the matching one, whilst reminding them of what we said in middle school. Finally, I gave them the letter and read it to them, explaining that STAR was a ship name, and reminding them of that inside joke as well. They took everything out of my hands and onto the couch behind me, and then they hugged me, a strong, close, longlasting hug. It felt like we were there for so long. Then they said yes. Once the hug was over, they asked me to, again, clarify what a QPR is, and I explained it to them. They said that that would make them happy too. I told them that the flowers were the QPR flag colors and that there was two of them. They were ecstatic about that. How much detail I had put into it all. Then we finally walked upstairs to hang out outside with our matching ‘tongue painting’ ring pops, while we played a mystery board game. So that’s how we got into a QPR :3 🩷💛🤍🤎🖤 ~~~ Right now, I am in Arizona still. They’re in Maine still. But when we both are done with college, we plan to try to live closer together. We don’t talk much because neither of us are good at communicating long distance, and we are both super busy; but we check up on each other every month. In an ideal world, we’d be next door neighbors, sharing a backyard, a pool, and a dog. 💕
@@lia_berry ~ I sadly still haven’t told them. Maybe next July though, when we see each other again. We both moved, but we still somehow ended up 2,000+ miles away from each other still. First it was Washington to Illinois, now it’s Arizona to Maine. I’m still wayyy too scared to tell them. I’d rather keep them as a friend if the other option has the possibility of harming the relationship we’ve built up so far. They’re really important to me. Maybe I’ll ask them to be in a QPR with me next June, maybe I’ll ask once we’re out of college, or maybe some other time.
@@The1stPurpleCati have a kinda similar experience to yours. How did it go? It's been a year and you might not even respond but oh well😅 I hope it went well
@@lia_berry - Hello! I was just recently reminded to add an update! So I added an update to the original post, but I also added it in the replies somewhere. I wish you luck on your journey! And I’d be happy to help if ever needed.
Ima come back here I did and realized this was the feeling all along I've had for most people I thought I had a crush on, any questions I'll gladly explain
I really appreciate videos where people who have actually experienced qpr's talk about what they're like instead of just robotically defining the term like some other educational videos. It just makes it feel a lot more human and normalizes what I'm feeling myself. Idk if that makes sense but this vid is great ty
I completely agree with that! I promoted this video amongst a number of others that discuss Queerplatonic Relationships in my newest video on my channel! I think from people who have actually experienced them talking about what they are actually like in practice is the best way to learn. I maybe waited till too late into my video to describe my personal experiences but people can skip to that chapter and I hope talking about my experiences as much as I did was helpful for people too.
I want to tell my friend that this is how I feel about them. They have a boyfriend, and I don't want to hurt her or her boyfriend.
do they know about queerplatonic relationships?
Relatable. Both my platonic loves are dating each other. 😂
Thank you for this. Me and my partner have been trying to find a term that fits us for a while, and I think we finally found something that fits.
im so happy for you!! 💖
If I had to define a QPP/QPR, I would say that, just like romantic relationships, they have long-term commitments, and, just like friendships, they are less possessive and therefore are also less exclusive social bonds.
I think partnerships exist in a spectrum, at one extreme of the spectrum there are traditional monogamous romantic relationships, while on the other extreme there are non-monogamous Aromantic partnerships (friendships), while polyamorous relationships and Quasi/Queer-Platonic Partnerships or Relationships (QPPs/QPRs) would exist around the middle of this spectrum.
How can I be at the same time a lot less lost and absolutely more confused? 😭
Okay so correct me if I'm wrong, I'm still trying to figure this out. I'm demisexual.
If it is the case that people in a QPR can take part in *healthy* sexual or romantic act then the difference between a QPR and a sexual/romantic relationship is the intent and expectations of the relationship. Sex is a part of a sexual relationship and all parties are consenting and aware of that expectation. In a QPR the relationship is a platonic and the intent is to form deep trust and affection, sex and romance is possible, but never the expectation.
Am I getting this right?
And just in case
I define demi as "an asexual person who does not feel sexual attraction, but has the potential to develop attraction after they have bonded with another person" I know that is stupid specific, but it's the best way I've found to get across to allosexuals who don't understand that demi *is* ace
yes you are getting it right! that is how i personally identify a qpr but also remember you define your relationship how you feel comfortable
now i understand it, thanks!
It's more like the ancient version of friends they'd touch like hold hands, might kiss, might sleep in the same bed but if they had sex or not they'd not change from friends, ect. It sounds more like a revival of this very ancient friendship style where yeah to our eyes and minds its a friends ++ situation sex may or may not be existent in it & they trust each other its like they're emotionally romantic rather then sexually romantic.
THIS def RIGHT HERE
How do u favorite a youtube comment
Emotionally romantic! Yes!
I feel like Joey and Chandler from friends are like a QPR. And Lapis and Peridot from Steven Universe are like a QPR. Thoughts?
It makes so much sense if Lapidot is a QPR since Peridot was confirmed ace I think.
isn't she a confirmed aroace, actually?
I featured a picture of Chandler/Joey as a Queerplatonic-level friendship in my newest video, all about QPRs, and on my fandom channel (VioletEmerald) they were featured as a QPR in a fanvideo collab I hosted back in 2017!
As an aro ace person, this is what I dream of :))
oh my god, my qpp described a qpr as friends with benefits but without the benefits too so hearing that here made me very happy
I like to define it as the grey line between partners and friends.
More then friends, less then 'lovers'.
Sure, you enjoy going on dates and spending time with said person, and small romantic gestures, but anything more then that, for me at least, feels odd, strange, and forced. it doesn't feel right. but at the same time you don't wanna be just friends. I can't explain the longing for being more then friends, other then wishing for a deeper bond with said person as you have a deeper connection w/ them then with your friends.
This is how me and my best friend feel for each other
Is queerplatonic relationship is like Friend crush is like "date" but not romantically dating
One of my QPPs said a way to say it is like more than friends but no romantic, and I think that's a pretty good way to put it!!! This is a good video btw!! I'd send it to someone if they didn't know anything about QPRs!! /g
Thank you for making this video
of course! theres no content and there needs to be more.
Thank you so much for this! So much of figuring out what you want out of a relationship of any kind with someone is having the language to express it to them, so I'm extremely grateful you guys put this out there!
thanks so much!
Can you have a QPR where you don’t feel romantic attraction but the other person does?
yes!
Oh thank god, that’s what I was confused about-
I feel oddly c o m f o r a t a b l e here. I like it :>
i’m gonna ask my friend to be my qpp today :,)
sav schofield How’d it go?
How did it go?
HOW’D IT GO?
How'd it gooo
How'd it go?
This is such a well made video. Thank you!
thanks so much for saying that! glad you enjoyed!
Thank you for making this I feel like people don't talk about this enough. I've been in a qpr for about a month now and I'm happy to see that there are videos out there to help people to understand more about what a qpr is.
This helped me and my QPP figure out how we are attracted to eachother
What’s the difference between queerplatonic and alterous? Thanks.
I think they can be the same.
There isn’t just love in romantic relationships you can love a person as a friend in a relationship just as much with no romantic
Ive had romantic love and I've had platonic love. The emotions and intensity are identical. The boundaries and intentions of what I want between us are what is different.
thanks!
this is really helpful for my current identity crisis👍
Edit: there’s a good news edit near the end yall :3
I want to tell my friend that I like them qplatonically and want to be in a QPR with them, but I don't know how to start? Well I did 'start' and fail 3 times.
Tl;dr. We live 2,000+ miles away from each other after I moved. I tried explaining to them what a QPR is, but idk if they understand. We hopefully will see each other irl again around our birthdays Jan/Feb. But if I tell/ask them then and it doesn't go well, it better not be awkward cause they'll only be able to stay with me for a while until they can fly back home. Idk how to tell them I like them and ask if they want to be in a QPR and what I want in a QPR. Help?
~~~
First I was bringing up the topic of QPRs (over text cause that was our only form of communication besides calling) and I was about to explain it to them, but I got interrupted irl, and they said they looked it up and that QPRs look cool. But there are many partly accurate descriptions of QPRs, but something they always seem to mess up is that not all of them are the same. And I cannot find anyone else with the same idea of what they want in a QPR, this video is the closest I found.
I told them I had a plush (qplatonic crush) on someone, but didn't know how to tell the plush, they asked me to tell them, but I said I couldn't yet. But I did try to explain QPRs again to they and that they can look different to different people. I told them for me, I wanted a QPR thats not that "much like a romantic relationship, but as committed, emotionally intimate, and maybe physically (cuddles only) intimate like a romantic relationship, but otherwise still platonic." And that I'd be 100% of if my QPP dated someone romantically.
I did, however, send them a playlist of songs I made for my plush (them) with the reason 'I am too scared to tell them but I did make a playlist, would you like to hear it?' And they said it was "beautiful that you create playlists to try to express your feelings" which just felt sooo... idk, something poetic and nice. But, the first song was the most obviously "us" song in existence, with things we commonly do and our inside jokes, I couldn't believe how perfect the song was... but they didn't seem to see it.
That all happened Sept 23rd. Wow... I did not know that was exactly a month ago. I want to find a way to re-introduce them to the idea, re-explain what it means to me, and somehow tell them that I love them and want to be in a QPR with them. I don't even know how to do that with normal romantic relationships. The only idea I had was to send them the playlist that was obviously for them, but that didn't work. We live 2,000+ miles away after my family moved a year ago.
But hopefully we will see each other early next year, around our birthdays, or right after both of our schools end, or both. One idea I had was to write my thoughts on a paper, and make it one of the gifts I make for them (a 'Christmas' one, a 'graduated' one, a 'long distance friendship' one, a 'birthday' one, and finally a 'QPR' one), and they'd open each one in whatever order they want like Russian roulette to me. The QPR one will have a meaningful present, a card explaining my thoughts/feelings, and confetti; the confetti is made out of cute QPR colors, and strips of paper that say quotes that I feel describe what I want in our relationship (a lot of them will be quotes from here). Idk if thats over-the-top or problematic in some way. Partly I'm worried cause if it makes them uncomfortable, they would be stuck with me for a while until they can leave and go back 2,000+ miles home.
~~~
June 30th, 2023.
I prepared.
I meticulously cut 42 perfect squares of various shades of pink, yellow, and white. I folded them all into origami flowers.
• 42 is one of our inside jokes
• the flowers were shades of the QPR flag
I brought two blue razberry ‘tongue painter’ ring pops.
• when we were in middle school, we said we’d ’instantly date’ a boy who ‘proposed’ dating with a ring pop; silly inside joke
I made a ship name between our two names and accidentally made a slant rhyme while I was writing. “Together, we’re a STAR! Will you be my QPR?”
• when we were in middle school, we said we’d ’instantly date’ a boy who said ‘I ship [insert ship name of themself and one of us]’; silly inside joke
I packed “Loveless” by Alice Olson.
I flew all the way from Arizona to Illinois, and they flew from Maine to Illinois.
I unpacked it all and made it into a gift basket, but hid it in plain sight.
About a month prior to this endeavor, my online “friend” outted me to my irl brother because I wouldn’t date him. But my brother admitted he’s an ally, despite our homophobic parents. He told me that, if I was attracted to girls/nonbinary, even though he knows I’m not, I would be “cute” with Owl. I admitted I wanted to be in a QPR with them, and my brother was happy for me.
So my brother did what he could to help me. He convinced my older brother to go with him and his own girlfriend, out to a park, while I was with Owl.
I’ll tell you, I procrastinated til the last minute. I thought I had missed my opportunity with them because they were only able to hang out for a few days with me. But they had one extra day.
I have extreme anxiety disorders, but I pushed through. (Given, this was the 4th year in a row I’ve tried doing this, and the first time I didn’t back out… sorta; also, I had already explained the concept of a QPR to them prior, so keep that in mind)
July 7th, 2023.
When we were alone, I got the basket out. It was so awkward because I didn’t have a plan. I awkwardly got different items out, not knowing which one to start with and how much I should explain as I went. I felt sick. I couldn’t breathe at times, but they told me it was ok, and I could take my time and breathe.
I showed them the basket, with the 42 flowers. And I read an excerpt of “Loveless”. First explaining who the two characters were that were a part of the conversation. I read to her the “confession” between Rooney and Georgia, which I felt described my feelings better than I could myself.
I then gave them the ringpop and gave myself the matching one, whilst reminding them of what we said in middle school.
Finally, I gave them the letter and read it to them, explaining that STAR was a ship name, and reminding them of that inside joke as well.
They took everything out of my hands and onto the couch behind me, and then they hugged me, a strong, close, longlasting hug. It felt like we were there for so long.
Then they said yes.
Once the hug was over, they asked me to, again, clarify what a QPR is, and I explained it to them. They said that that would make them happy too.
I told them that the flowers were the QPR flag colors and that there was two of them. They were ecstatic about that. How much detail I had put into it all.
Then we finally walked upstairs to hang out outside with our matching ‘tongue painting’ ring pops, while we played a mystery board game.
So that’s how we got into a QPR :3
🩷💛🤍🤎🖤
~~~
Right now, I am in Arizona still. They’re in Maine still. But when we both are done with college, we plan to try to live closer together. We don’t talk much because neither of us are good at communicating long distance, and we are both super busy; but we check up on each other every month.
In an ideal world, we’d be next door neighbors, sharing a backyard, a pool, and a dog. 💕
hi, I just found this video because I'm in a similar situation to yours.. if you're still around I'd love an update on the situation :)
@@lia_berry ~ I sadly still haven’t told them. Maybe next July though, when we see each other again. We both moved, but we still somehow ended up 2,000+ miles away from each other still. First it was Washington to Illinois, now it’s Arizona to Maine.
I’m still wayyy too scared to tell them. I’d rather keep them as a friend if the other option has the possibility of harming the relationship we’ve built up so far. They’re really important to me. Maybe I’ll ask them to be in a QPR with me next June, maybe I’ll ask once we’re out of college, or maybe some other time.
@@The1stPurpleCati have a kinda similar experience to yours. How did it go? It's been a year and you might not even respond but oh well😅
I hope it went well
@@The1stPurpleCat i have a similar experience to yours. It's been a year, i hope you told them how you feel
@@lia_berry - Hello! I was just recently reminded to add an update! So I added an update to the original post, but I also added it in the replies somewhere.
I wish you luck on your journey!
And I’d be happy to help if ever needed.
this was awesome thank you for this:)
Thank you so much for that. 😀. I now realise that that is the kind of realtionship I want, but maybe a BIT more romantic? Idrk. It just really helps.
That is some amazing and lovely thing to learn about!
Ima come back here
I did and realized this was the feeling all along I've had for most people I thought I had a crush on, any questions I'll gladly explain
Queer platonic is just friendship
did you not watch the video bro