Thank you so much for your feedback. When I saw my work was included in your video, I was so surprised. I wrote the last page you critiqued. I noticed somethings been missing In my writing, but was struggling to figure out exactly what it was. When you mentioned the lack of emotional depth, that really clicked for me. This is why another pair of eyes can be so helpful. Again, great vid. Thank you! ❤
Lidiya, thank you so much for critiquing my work! I think that you gave very honest and uncensored advice for me and I will try to implement it to the best of my ability. I appreciate what you do:)
The "Granmuela braided flowers in my hair" submission at 15:07 is mine! I'm so happy you picked it for this video. And your comments on it, and on my craft, are so encouraging
@@multipodderymae gosh, that's so motivating to me! when i finish writing the book, i'll come back here and let you know that you were one of the reasons i made it to the finish line with it!
You'd be a great teacher. I've had horrible teachers who completely cross out all my sentences simply because it's not how they want it to be. They've forced me to change my writing style completely, trying to match up to their ideal essay. Those were my worst college experiences.
Another great video! Seeing editing in action and how small (or large) changes can immerse the reader even more is very helpful. Thank you to the writers who summited their work for this!
Thank you, I'm so glad it was helpful. And yes...I hope it's gentler than it has been this summer. I'm trying to take very good care of myself but that takes time!
It's so funny...she just started getting this weird croaky voice when she wants into the basement. She's 15 years old and I've never heard her meow like this until like, 2 weeks ago. LOL
Disclaimer: I'm pretty new to writing, I've just done a lot of research and read/watched lots of different guides and how-tos and how-not-tos, lol One thing that jumped out to me almost immediately in the "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING" excerpt at 23:58 is that every line of dialogue was accompanied by an action. You went through more foundational edits that needed to be made so I understand if you didn't want to cover line-level stuff like that. But for anyone else who may read this: Actions here and there are good, but not every line of dialogue needs to be accompanied by an action, or even an "X said" at the end. Once a conversation gets going, if it's well-written and your characters have distinguishable voices, readers will get the rhythm of things and you can just have lines one after the other without any dialogue tags or actions. If all you need your characters to do is talk, *let them*. People don't constantly fidget after every sentence they say, and a writer needs to trust themself and their readers to be capable of following a conversation without excessive hand-holding. The dialogue will feel a lot smoother and easier to read. It might be an attempt to avoid "said", but that's a word our brains kinda glaze over. It's like "the" and "and". It's 100% okay to just use "said" lol, it's not a bad word. Anyway... not trying to step on your toes -- I'll definitely sub and watch your videos to further my own craft -- but I feel strongly enough about that phenomenon that I wanted to leave a comment about it lol. I'm also halfway tempted to, when it's closer to the finished product, send in my own first page. But it's kind of fanfic? It takes place in a world not of my own making (mostly) but follows original characters. And I take it way too seriously, ha ha. I treat this thing like my own original fiction baby. Anyway, I'm glad I stumbled upon your channel!
I think in the last video I brought that up with one of the examples. I tend to only focus on one layer at a time, so while some samples probably need multiple levels of edits, I don't want to nitpick the trees when the forest still needs work...and I hope to not totally overwhelm and demoralize the writers who submit to me with layer upon layer of suggestions...goodness knows I had to go through it myself.
Thank you, Lydia, your feedback was so helpful. I am wondering, I heard you say in a number of these readings that the author could have benefitted from more "vivid description." Can you show us an example of what you mean by "vivid description," as compared to what's already there? ALSO, very helpful that you confirmed my hunch that 12-grade grammar rules to always use THAT WAS, or THAT HAD, etc., are no longer needed in modern times. I am sooo brainwashed. That whole section you read from mine is already gone from my novel, your feedback was incredible valuable to me as a writer who wants to improve her craft. Thanks again!
Yes, the next first page video I'm going to do will be one looking at published classic/popular books, and I'll point out a lot of these things I mention like vivid descriptions! I'm glad it was helpful. I still have to go prune my "that was"es...
I totally nitpick on the low level of editing in Indie books because it often spoils what could be a good story. I WISH authors would invest a bit more time/money into editing when they are self-publishing because I think they do their books and readers a disservice. I had a few DNFs this year that really could have used your line-editing. In one case, I loved the concept of the story, but I was just too distracted by all the hair-and-outfit descriptions and things the MC did in chapter one that completely contradicted everything we'd just been told about the world and character. So frustrating as a reader.
That's why I always read the first page before I buy a novel by an author that's new to me, indie or otherwise; usually, the first page will give you an indication of the quality when it comes to editing and such.
I agree completely. It's one reason I've been doing a lot of videos on line editing. I would love to see writers as a whole devote more time to this. On the other hand, a lot of indie writing is the modern equivalent of pulp, dime novels, and other cheap genre fiction and if this is what you're writing...fast, quick entertainment to pay your bills...there is only SO far you need to go and I try to be realistic about the fact that it does matter what your goal is.
To whoever wrote the first submission: I loved it and would totally read your book!
Thank you so much for your feedback. When I saw my work was included in your video, I was so surprised. I wrote the last page you critiqued. I noticed somethings been missing In my writing, but was struggling to figure out exactly what it was. When you mentioned the lack of emotional depth, that really clicked for me. This is why another pair of eyes can be so helpful. Again, great vid. Thank you! ❤
Yes, it is so nice to have another pair of eyes and I'm so glad it was helpful!
Lidiya, thank you so much for critiquing my work! I think that you gave very honest and uncensored advice for me and I will try to implement it to the best of my ability. I appreciate what you do:)
The "Granmuela braided flowers in my hair" submission at 15:07 is mine! I'm so happy you picked it for this video. And your comments on it, and on my craft, are so encouraging
You're welcome! Lovely work!!
Girrrl, I'd read your book. I live for that kind of imagery.
@@multipodderymae gosh, that's so motivating to me! when i finish writing the book, i'll come back here and let you know that you were one of the reasons i made it to the finish line with it!
I know these videos take forever but I love them
You'd be a great teacher. I've had horrible teachers who completely cross out all my sentences simply because it's not how they want it to be. They've forced me to change my writing style completely, trying to match up to their ideal essay. Those were my worst college experiences.
Ugh! That's awful. I think it's so important to try and hold onto what compelled the writer to sit down and make something to begin with.
Another great video! Seeing editing in action and how small (or large) changes can immerse the reader even more is very helpful. Thank you to the writers who summited their work for this!
Yes, I tremendously appreciate everyone who is willing to put their work on the chopping block so I can demonstrate various types of editing!!
I dug this video. The breakdowns are so helpful. ❤️
I loved this video. I can apply quite a bit of your insights to my own attempts. 👍 PS Good luck with the perimenopause. Hope it’s gentle with you.
Thank you, I'm so glad it was helpful. And yes...I hope it's gentler than it has been this summer. I'm trying to take very good care of myself but that takes time!
Cute cat at the end! They were a frog in their past life lol.
It's so funny...she just started getting this weird croaky voice when she wants into the basement. She's 15 years old and I've never heard her meow like this until like, 2 weeks ago. LOL
Disclaimer: I'm pretty new to writing, I've just done a lot of research and read/watched lots of different guides and how-tos and how-not-tos, lol
One thing that jumped out to me almost immediately in the "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING" excerpt at 23:58 is that every line of dialogue was accompanied by an action. You went through more foundational edits that needed to be made so I understand if you didn't want to cover line-level stuff like that. But for anyone else who may read this:
Actions here and there are good, but not every line of dialogue needs to be accompanied by an action, or even an "X said" at the end. Once a conversation gets going, if it's well-written and your characters have distinguishable voices, readers will get the rhythm of things and you can just have lines one after the other without any dialogue tags or actions. If all you need your characters to do is talk, *let them*. People don't constantly fidget after every sentence they say, and a writer needs to trust themself and their readers to be capable of following a conversation without excessive hand-holding. The dialogue will feel a lot smoother and easier to read.
It might be an attempt to avoid "said", but that's a word our brains kinda glaze over. It's like "the" and "and". It's 100% okay to just use "said" lol, it's not a bad word.
Anyway... not trying to step on your toes -- I'll definitely sub and watch your videos to further my own craft -- but I feel strongly enough about that phenomenon that I wanted to leave a comment about it lol. I'm also halfway tempted to, when it's closer to the finished product, send in my own first page. But it's kind of fanfic? It takes place in a world not of my own making (mostly) but follows original characters. And I take it way too seriously, ha ha. I treat this thing like my own original fiction baby.
Anyway, I'm glad I stumbled upon your channel!
I think in the last video I brought that up with one of the examples. I tend to only focus on one layer at a time, so while some samples probably need multiple levels of edits, I don't want to nitpick the trees when the forest still needs work...and I hope to not totally overwhelm and demoralize the writers who submit to me with layer upon layer of suggestions...goodness knows I had to go through it myself.
Thank you, Lydia, your feedback was so helpful. I am wondering, I heard you say in a number of these readings that the author could have benefitted from more "vivid description." Can you show us an example of what you mean by "vivid description," as compared to what's already there? ALSO, very helpful that you confirmed my hunch that 12-grade grammar rules to always use THAT WAS, or THAT HAD, etc., are no longer needed in modern times. I am sooo brainwashed. That whole section you read from mine is already gone from my novel, your feedback was incredible valuable to me as a writer who wants to improve her craft. Thanks again!
Yes, the next first page video I'm going to do will be one looking at published classic/popular books, and I'll point out a lot of these things I mention like vivid descriptions! I'm glad it was helpful. I still have to go prune my "that was"es...
I totally nitpick on the low level of editing in Indie books because it often spoils what could be a good story. I WISH authors would invest a bit more time/money into editing when they are self-publishing because I think they do their books and readers a disservice. I had a few DNFs this year that really could have used your line-editing. In one case, I loved the concept of the story, but I was just too distracted by all the hair-and-outfit descriptions and things the MC did in chapter one that completely contradicted everything we'd just been told about the world and character. So frustrating as a reader.
That's why I always read the first page before I buy a novel by an author that's new to me, indie or otherwise; usually, the first page will give you an indication of the quality when it comes to editing and such.
I agree completely. It's one reason I've been doing a lot of videos on line editing. I would love to see writers as a whole devote more time to this. On the other hand, a lot of indie writing is the modern equivalent of pulp, dime novels, and other cheap genre fiction and if this is what you're writing...fast, quick entertainment to pay your bills...there is only SO far you need to go and I try to be realistic about the fact that it does matter what your goal is.