SURPRISING SIGNS You're Dealing With A NARCISSIST (Watch These Red Flags)| Lisa Romano
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- 50 narcissistic traits or red flags indicating narcissism include projection, gaslighting, shift blaming, causing unnecessary drama. Covert narcissists who use crazymaking communication do so to undermine your self confidence. When you 'know the signs' of covert narcissism, you are better able to be objective about what you are experiencing.
Signs you're with a covert narcissist are not always easy to spot. When you are dating a narcissist, you experience brain fog, ptsd, and incredible self doubt. Narcissistic traits are weapons that cause psychological abuse. Narcissistic abuse victims struggle with being able to trust their inner realities. In this video, I discuss 50 signs of narcissism. It is important to remember that narcissistic traits and signs of covert narcissism exist on a spectrum. If you are dating or married to or work with a narcissist, and you suspect someone you know has narcissistic traits, remember to look for patterns in their behavior. Overtime, narcissistic characteristics, traits, signs, symptoms and red flags emerge.
Ways to recognize you are with a covert narcissist is to pay attention to whether or not their actions match their words. The covert narcissistic mother, for instance, will tell her daughter or son one thing and do the complete opposite. When the adult child of a narcissistic parent then confronts the narcissistic mother, the mother will deny she said what she said at all. Signs of narcissism in parents include pathological lying, shift blaming, gaslighting, and complete denial of facts.
Codependency is tied to narcissism. Codependent people often attract narcissists. Two people, one relationship but both partners focus on the need of the narcissist. To learn more about healing codependency and symptoms of codependency, check out this video here on UA-cam.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
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#50narcissistictraits #50signsofnarcissism #covertnarcissistwhousescrazymakingcommunication
Untill i discovered Lisa a romano,s youtube channel, i mean, i have been a people pleaser all my life. And without these videos and the internet, i would never have seen my self, like i see me now, so clearly. I've been listening to Lisa.s youtube channel for over 1 year, and im so glad, that now i know im not crazy, im not what everyone said. and i have a right to exist in conversations. i am setting boundries now, i say no, i show feelings.
i say: year what ever if they dont like me. im done pleasing everyone forever and ever. they won't love me anyways, because they can't se me. them.f..... narcissist. over and out.
Sophie Nielsen. yes i am also so blessed.....Lisa vids have saved my life.....smiles
Lisa is the first person I ever saw to discuss codependency. What a revelation. I will remember how that video hit me for as long as I live.
quite same for me. YESSS Sophie ! YESSS !!!
Exactly. Many times I just feel invisible to people. Thinking to myself like why are good people put on this earth to be hurt, neglected or abused. That’s all I give is love and time and what do I get? I’m glad there is a community of folks to relate to. I’ve been feeling so rejected these days.
Denali Hope I know what you mean. I’ve been asked over by my Aunt for Christmas, not happened since the nineties that I wasn’t just considered the charity case. If you get my meaning!
I have started to attract healthy people in my life, and now I am spoiled, lol. I have a wonderful boyfriend who, in almost 3 years has never yelled at me or put me down. I have friends who encourage me in my goals and respect me. Now when I encounter a narc, I'm like, bleh. No, thanks. It really helps to stay no contact because the peace and joy without destructive criticism in my life feels so great. I do feel guilty, however, for avoiding these people, like I am skipping school or something. But I try to remind myself that I am not required to accept abuse.
Congratulations! That sounds wonderful! Can you share what you have done to get to this place?
This is my dream... Still waiting. Lol.
Im genuinely so happy for you, you deserve GREAT things & people! Im enmeshed in a horrible 20+ yr marriage with a Covert Narcissist, & I've done everything in the world, it feels, to " make him happy"/"fix him." Yes, im a 125% CPTSD. I feel so empty, weak, depleted inside & out, Ive even given up self care. I dont feel hunger or thirst, I fake "normal" emotions because I can't feel them inside normally at this point. Yes, I left, once, due to stalking & physical abuse, but the kids & Family ( both my biolological parents are deceased) begged me, at the end of that summer, yo go back, and, believing that codependent lie, I "stayed for the kids", + he would've lost his job if I pushed through on the charges. Flash forward 7 yrs, oldest son is in counseling, my life is a nightmare, I've been stripped of any equality that I was begrudgingly granted as I am fghting 2 autoimmune disorders, a fractured L2 vertebral bone, advanced osteoporosis for age ( 52) sacroilliitus, grade 3 of 4, and chronic kidney desease, stage3b, from perfect kidney funtion in Feb. 2019, to the moderate stage found in end August. Im starting to think I won't get my "Happy Ending", but I'm only now learning about CPTSD. Be Blessed, Everyone, & Stay Strong!
Please read the comment I just posted at the top of all comments. It is how to finally change it. May God be with you and may you find that way to love You first no matter how scary it is. At this point you have nothing left to loose in facing the fear of loving you first. Give to yourself what it is you are lacking in your life. Give to yourself what it is that you are so desperately seeking. No longer do for others when it hurts you to do. When it hurts you, then the answer is no. Once you start doing that, the way others around you treat you will change. Only do what feels ok and not hurtful to You to do for others around you.
I'm very happy for the 2 of you.
If there were more smart people out there who understood 2 way love these days, the world would be a better place.
Thank you so much for this video... My husband of 13 years (separated now but still married), is a narcissist. I found this out about 3 years ago. I am codependent. I am trying to break free from his "spell", so to speak. Some days I feel confused, lonely, dark, and emotional. Like I need him. Then there are days I feel empowered, independent, bright, and me again. It takes one sweet text, or call from him to make me smile. Just to get a second text, or call from him to make me upset.. He drains the life out of me. Narcissistic Vampirism..He gets his energy from taking mine. Very exhausting..He fit EVERY trait you named.
I was about to ask you "how to break these chains that has me weighed down".... Right at that moment I answered it for myself... I have to know I deserve to be truely loved, respected, an cared about. I am enough.. Now I just need to believe that.. :)
your videos are very encouraging..
thank you for taking time to make them......
Part two.Be mindful of the ways they always make you responsible / to blame for how things work out, as if YOU could have changed the out come. And how they use their ANGER to make you jumpy and anxious to get you to do things, so in turn, you, can make them stop yelling or complaining about the thing at hand. That is how they make you jump through hoops and make you feel less than. That is how they get you to do things for them, while they think THEY don't have to do anything or change themselves in any way to improve on the relationship between the two of you. Some-how it's ALWAYS YOU who has to change or do something better, it's NEVER THEM.And don't bother explaining things to them or expecting them to get it or understand your pain or feelings, they won't budge, becos they don't care. You can explain it a thousand ways, and they might change for a little while, but they always go back to their OLD ways, becos they worked in the past.
I can relate to this.
yes, its like a sales tactic, to pressure and rush you so you react emotionally only.
i agree... because i experience the same... been suffering this kind of relatioship for years...
@@basicinfo2022 ... Pressure you and rush you so you react emotionally. Well said! Fits my son to a tee. In my situation the pressure is in their critique of me and going on and on about something I did and they add snarky little digs, little insults until I burst out with a firm "stop it". They keep poking me so I finally burst out in intense anger. Which is exactly what they want so that they can yell and accuse me of being very out of line. And then they scream big twisted insults at me for my anger! I become exhausted for hours and they're just laughing and making snarky remarks to me about me and my character.
so its been a year of no contact. and working on my boundaries and i dont have a problem saying no and i dont feel guilty anymore
so accurate, yet family members are the worst.
Totally agree
Paul Ward ....I would agree !
Mommas
sissy deshields .
I would agree...some are demonic ! She knows EXACTLY what she is doing ! Anything to antagonize, block and thwart any attempts to succeed at ANYTHING ! Some people are FORCED to live a NARCOpath for financial reasons ! NO more !!
@@jengable4888 she will call after 6 months of me avoiding her and be so sweet and say things like. Momma misses your beautiful little face and then she will say something to make me feel worthless ...
I have been rejected so many times I think my wanting so much to be loved makes me fall victim to the narcissist.
Well, stop it.....................
Hope you’re doing well 💛
Learn to love yourself first
Then, u will find somebody that will truly love you
I wish you all the best Kristi
This is so true!
Look at the human magnet syndrome
it is also easy to realize when you are chatting with a narcissist if you disagree with them. they are the ones who call you names and put you down personally instead of attacking your idea only and discussing why they disagree with you
Yes! And its abrupt, overt, public, and shocking. They are completely immersed in their perspective and monologue of being righteous and the holy victim of your honesty and bravery to not be a hater. They are easily threatened, and will harbor your existence with reputation smears and life destruction...your friends, partnerships, colleagues will believe them...its phenomenal.
"narc parents can treat you as extensions of themselves, like property... or no attachment or bond at all"
I think my NF did both intermittently.
Any personal growth is brutally crushed by them.
Very painful to realize the scapegoat prison suit...equally painful to learn you were never wanted, and daddy wasn't your dad. The lifelong indifference makes social connections difficult to understand. These books, videos and courses are very helpful
You should add a self pitty to the bunch. It is almost stifling how much self pitty and self importance there is.
yes and that is because everyone in their mind is wrong and out to get them.
Its not allways playing the victim but they can also really feel that way. They are badly injured
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. to be fair though there are some mean people who enjoy inflicting misery and pain
💯💯💯💯💯
N parents affect sibling relations badly
It's funny that when the benefits stop the so called friendship stops as well.
Exactly!!!!
True!
Very true! And instantly!! Just stop and pay attention and you will see how one sided the so called friendships were. So grateful for Lisa A Romano!♥️
Or the “relationship”
Yes or you secretly get replaced
I finally realized the whole concept of narcissism a few months ago. I was in a relationship for almost 4 yrs, we finally broke up after he attacked me. I could never figure out why he would act the way he did. My co-worker was a narcissist as well, she stopped talking to me because I didn't do what she wanted. Now I know better.
You are an expert now but keep your guard up they are every where.
My life has changed. My friends have changed. My husband has grown and is more emotionally aware. He actually watches these videos. I respect ✊ the people in my life and I am truly grateful for the truth you speak. Love me some Lisa A in the morning with coffee.
Wow thank you Edith!!!! I am so happy for you! I am enjoying my coffee too!
Basically, Everyone in My immediate family! It took forever to learn how to Break away, from them...And, Move forward.
Hey I hope it worked and you're still living free and happier
It does seem to run in families.
I really think this world is infested with them. And we're always outnumbered.
Thank God someone made a video critiquing Fifty Shades, and showing it for what it really is. Pretty much all the red flags of narc abuse and psychopathic or narco-pathic personality were showcased in the first film. And the trailer for the second one is out which shows the 'hoovering stage' and gives this false sense that a woman change change a man like this.
It seems weird to me that there are all kinds of hollywood films which seem to glamourize narcissism or even psychopathy, by making it sexy and mysterious. I hate to think about how many women are being programmed to think this kind of relationship is sexy or something to be sought after, after watching the film or reading the book.
Good Will Hunting and Inception are great movies that dont glamorize or romanticize narcissism
My grandmother is so controlling, she always thinks I’m being rebellious if I don’t listen to her and I’m a 26 year old adult!
you just identified my ex, my 2 sisters & nieces, my mom, & at least 5 of my coworkers!
DAMN!!!! 🤔🤔🤔
These low lives are everywhere
Ignorance is not bliss .. I thought I was Aware but I have a lot to learn. thank you !
This video brought back memories of mother, sister, and all other narcissists I've met over the years
Like you, I knew a psychopath narc when I was single too and in a place of vulnerability. He entered the scene, pretending literally to be interested in everything I was and pulling out all the stops. It was a rapid escalation in a very short time, and he claimed to be my soul mate, excessively flattering me, and was saying 'I love you' after probably about 3 weeks of knowing me. At the the time I was dazzled by the connection, but eventually startled having weird or sickening gut feelings around him that I keep ignoring or suppressing (writing of as 'you're just being paranoid'). It is because deep down I knew in my gut he was manipulating me, and and was actually getting sick satisfaction out of seeing my reactions to things he did. Trying to make women jealous, and triangulating was like entertainment to him - he literally felt no guilt or conscience at all, it was disturbing. I felt constantly taken off-guard by things he said and did, was losing my center completely. About three months later I found out what narcissistic abuse was after talking to another woman who had a similar strange experience to me, and that is when things really clicked. Literally it was like this guy was following the exact playbook.
Feel like I could have written this myself!
Same but he said he loved me a week after meeting each other! It took me a month to realise he was toxic. Luckily for me he ghosted so I had to really look into my pain of why I was suffering for not having someone who made me feel so sick physically, mentally and spiritually. I then understood my codependency and worked on it. Then I found out about narcissism and it all made sense. I restored myself fully 3 months later. I'm living a fully awakened life now thanks to having met the devil and understood his message. It's an energy warfare. Light and dark. I was forced to looking into my shadow and this has propelled my growth. I am thankful I met the devil but more so for having respected myself by not chasing him when I was still in love, because I knew he was toxic.
Gosh, I wish I'd gotten this head up. I'm glad you did.
This is exactly my story! I'm here because I keep questioning and doubting whether he was a narc or whether i'm actually a bad person, but then I come across another story like this and it's so clear (for a while, until I start to miss him again). How are these people so similar its as if they work from a script? I don't believe they actually know what they're doing, how are they all so scarily similar?
OMG, the things you named happened between me and my soon to be ex Narc husband. The beginning of the relationship was exactly what you outlined. I remembered thinking one time, wow! he's so over the top with the complements.... he too told me he loved me within a 3 week or so time span. How is it they do the exact same thing? LOL
it's been difficult for me to reach a state of allowing myself to be vulnerable around people, because I'm so cautious of these qualities in others, because I've been so hurt
It is smart for you to be careful dear one...Love your divine self in the process so you do not 'need' others or fear losing them...
You mean traits. Qualities = good.
I m not divine but saved by an awesome God.
A co-dependent person has to look at their life and ask themselves what are they lacking? What are they not getting from others that they do desperately want.. There is your root. That is what you didn’t get as a child for one reason or another.. Theb you have to realize you’re continually attracting the same exact outcome over and over of never having those needs met and you never will. What you have to do is meet those needs for yourself. That is how you will change the external. Instead of seeking that validation outside, validate your own self, your self. Put yourself first. Love yourself first. Let go of the fears you will be labeled “selfish” or whatever negative label you’ve been taught to attribute to putting your needs first, and do it!.. Forget what others say, look out for you, take care of you! Then the world will respond and take care of you too. Until then, you will always be walked on and taken advantage of, and never never have Your needs met.
Lisa , your "dear one" melts my heart every time. I feel loved when you say that, does it even make sense?
Coverts manipulate through niceness. They are super 'nice' people then think they are the 'nicest people they know'
New Worldorder A red flag to look out for is when someone is really nice and charming to you in public but treats you like you’re nothing in private. Occasionally their mask will slip in public with the odd cruel or cold comment to their completely adoring and worshipping followers.
I became involved with an introverted and very nice person who, before long, was criticising my chosen profession and seemed to derive glee criticising my work in front of others, in time she was passive-aggressively making me the butt of jokes around others beyond the work criticisms, while behaving like a turtle dove when we were alone at home (which was incredibly confusing)--that is, until she started putting distance between us, started talking about me to her friends, refused to talk about the relationship with me even when I told her I knew she was talking with them instead talking with me, the person who loved her. I even suggested counseling; she went and then refused to engage.
When we broke up, it was clear I was in her discard stage. At one point as she was getting closure (I agreed to her request to have two different sessions where she'd be able to vent in one and one where I could if I wanted, and wouldn't you know that when she was done, she said I wasn't going to get the same opportunity), she hissed at me, "You're so nice." Apparently my being nice was an affront to her and her sense of self; my take was that she felt like I had usurped her role, her false self. She had seemed to have the same sort of reaction to the fact that I lived for years in a city that she'd lived outside of but had an attachment to and she seemed to resent whenever we went there that I knew all of the short cuts and so much about it. For some reason, that'd been her city when making new friends in the different part of the state where we lived. Like I had robbed her of specialness. It's not like I overrode her in conversations with others about the city; she was free to claim it as her own.
I think what sunk the relationship and contributed to that contemptuousness was that I'd tried to talk with her about making me the butt of jokes and how I found it hurtful. Normally I can take being the butt of a joke except when it's excessive and truly cutting. The closure meeting was a full 2 years from that interaction and she basically was telling me "How dare you have had feelings about that."
Wow! Going no-contact with someone like that sounds like a true blessing. Be good to yourself.
Exactly my ex tried to tell my mum that he is not manpliuative to me as he has so many friends and he is loved
@@GemintheMud 💯🎯💯🎯💯
I've found one-sided friendships never lasts...one person will pull away from the Narcissist.
Christine Haigh YESSSSSS! Very true! I it is liberating and exciting when I read comments that sound just like me. “One-sided friendships.
Yip , just done the same with people in my life , feeling a bit selfish at the moment and awkward and scared of the boundaries ive been putting up. Im not a free for all anymore xx
Fix that hair. My neck hurts.
@@inspireone7500 🎯🎯🎯
Lisa-I am writing each of the 50 traits in your video and leaving space to write in examples of how some of the narcs in my life have exhibited each trait.
Great idea!
The ex narc I was involved every time I said I loved him he would roll his eyes and say “ here she comes with boring subject again”. The same narcissistic that would do charity work and post all over social media . Never showed any affection in public and when my mom was being treated w cancer , not even once he asked about her . Thk god it only lasted 5 months
They personify fakeness
Dear Lisa-I cannot thank you enough for your insightful videos. I was raised by an alcoholic, sexually addicted, incestuous, narcissist father and a malignant narcissist/sociopath mother. I was scapegoated by my sociopath mother and malignant narcissistic fraternal twin sister which means I was kicked around even when I was in the womb. When we were born my sister weighed seven pounds and I weighed under four pounds. She got to go home with mother and father and I was in the incubator for four months. My mother used to tell me she did not visit me even one time because she was busy caring for her "only" daughter. Mother used to also tell me she wished I had never been born among other abusive remarks. I married and divorced three malignant narcissistic men who were wonderful to me before marriage and then turned into my malignant narcissist mother right after the wedding. The second marriage produced a son who is now an adult and it is my utter most disappointment to admit he has turned out to be a carbon copy of his malignant narcissist father. I have been in therapy for many years on and off and even went to treatment for six weeks for PTSD. However, it is your videos and your insightful comments that have helped me so very much. I will keep watching and taking notes. Blessings to you dear Lisa.
Healing Strong Same here..
Thank you very valuable information and insight. I'm still healing and will likely be for the rest of my days. Through my own processing I'm beginning to realize the importance of self discovery and the value in accepting the damage that has been done to me. There is a a part of me still blaming and shaming myself for things that were not in my control. Forgiveness and acceptance are the only keys for a much joyful and peaceful life. Be well. Peace, Jxx
Absolutely have no time for your feelings there is the bomb right there
You are always on point. We need to watch ourselves, go back mentally through our histories to see our relationships, actions, etc with more accuracy. My sister is a perfect example of your description of a narcissist - she has undermined me all my life while being a devoted older sister supposedly, as well as her husband - she has destroyed his relationship with their son and made sure he (the son) has no real relationship with any of us, his mother's family, including his grandmother. But she maintains such a facade of family unity that when she picked a screaming fight with in front of all of them, and I cut off contact with her, my family has blamed me for the rift. But I have felt much better ever since and my perspective on my sister, my family and myself has become much more realistic - I can see my sister for the wounded soul she must be, how I played into it all and my mother's part in it (always playing us off against each other). I have watched so many of your videos and cannot thank you enough. Sorry to go on at such length.
I'm a single father of a 12 year old daughter, she recently got kicked out by her stepmother who is severely narcissistic, making her feel like nothing she did was good enough, and was disgusted her and I were so close because she hated me. She would shun her when she would catch her lying, it eventually came down to her being kicked out. So she is living with me. I've never dealt with a teenage daughter, and I hope I'm doing things right. I listen to her, comfort her, and teach her that what happened is not her fault. But as a man sometimes words are hard to find to help her. I hope this doesnt mean I'm a narcissist. I try hard to make her feel better, sometimes I get frustrated with her, because I dont know what else to say to comfort her. But i always listen and offer advice, tell her I'm proud of her, and i love her. Her mother walked away from her, and the step mother kicked her out simply because she wouldnt stay under her control, once she stood up to her, she kicked her out. And my other two babies have had their sister ripped away from them, and the step mother had the gull to blame my 12 year old. So I'm doing the best I can to be there for her. I hope it's enough. I'm all shes got.
This was amazing. When you said that about the Narc spouse creating fake social media accounts to keep tabs on you, I realized my ex was doing that on my youtube channel, pretending to be a subscriber, then hitting me with really horrible comments, then closing their account after the comment was left.
Lisa, I observe people having healthy conversations in real life and on TV. I try to analyse their the topics and the dynamics of of their talking. I always attracted Narcs cos I grew up in an abusive Narcissistic environment. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I'm also a recovering Codependent. Recently, I've learned about Narcissism after being abused by my Covert Narc aunt. I knew something was wrong with her behaviour n knew it was abuse. I only later realised she was a Narc. You clear up a lot of points for me. Thanks you. 🌹
Through experiences with my own ex-narc, the people your narc steered you away from are the normal ones. Maybe, use their manipulations to point you in the right direction?
Me and my 3 children have recently left my Narcissistic Spouse and are regrettably living w/ my parents. My mom is a Narcissist, which I have recently just discovered. Now it all makes sense on why I thought that my relationship was normal. Plus I am an Empath.
Today (not the first time) my Mom negatively spoke under her breath about me. When I confronted her for doing this and asked “what she said”, she Batted her eyes and said “that she didn’t say anything”. Of course, right?! I told her that this is the same BS that I had to deal with at my ex’s house.
I went into the bathroom, to get some space and I heard my father ask her what she did?? She had the nerve to say, “I don’t know, she’s accusing me of talking under my breath or something...” LOL
Really....lies! Acting like the victim. Like she didn’t do it and I’m the crazy one.
My goal is to be out of this madhouse by Christmas of this year. Wish me luck 🤞🏻
You are really good Lisa. Your mind goes a million miles an hour leaving no rocks unturned. I am very grateful for your thorough thinking and will have to listen to each video several times to fully absorb the complexity of your dialogue. Its so refreshing to find someone of such great substance and heart. Thank you.
Very nice analyses, thank you.
We diminish our own ability to love when we put up with a covert narcissist. So true!
So I’m NOT crazy!!! This was so much confirmation for me and I called out the illness properly!! I think by recognizing this I’m saving myself a lot of grief 😧
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"Not every narcissist you meet will smell good." Ha!
I really hope you get to read this. I know you get many, many comments. You're videos have been a complete game changer and have helped me realize who I am a product of. Since growing up with a Narcissist, and finding your videos I've learned to really follow my gut. I have walls up, as anyone who has been hurt does...however I see the red flags and I steer clear. There is someone I typed a heart felt e-mail to explaining how I felt by her negative past behavior and complete lack of interest in my life. Afterwords she typed up a short email totally overlooking her shortcomings and turned it around as if because of my past "traumas" her behavior was then an issue. HUGE red flag. She wanted to meet in person, I responded with," No thank you, I'm following my gut on this one."
I want to take this time to send out a HUGE thank you, as your videos are very well thought out and well structured. I now have so many answers to so many questions I had before stumbling upon your videos.
Thank you so much, Lisa. Therapists I’ve had would tell me I have narcissistic parents but not explain what that meant. It was only after I began my self-directed journey to healing from abuse that last year I came across YT videos about narcissism and I came to the devastating realisation that I’ve been attracting these types of people all my life. My depressions have become worse the more intolerable others’ behaviour is due to now having my eyes opened. I feel frozen like I can’t move on with my life but I am beginning to become more into the orbit of those who reciprocate my care, feelings and time. You, in particular, seem to get it, so thank you. 🙏🙏
I cannot thank you enough. I believe I have finally gotten away from every narc that was in my life and it has been difficult to identify the covert narcs who feign empathy and support in order to get you into their narc web and thereby begin the process of trying to destroy you. For the first time since my birth I feel free and I will now focus on healing. Namaste beautiful Lisa and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The anger I have for my parents now! It's so hard for me to forgive
Same here fam... much strenght
Me too!
I get it. Me too.
That's what agape is for..
Trust in Jesus. Jesus loves you way more than any human. God made u and u are his beloved
WOW! You hit the nail on the head about every single trait discussed. I met my covert narcissist (did not know she was then) and was in seventh heaven with all the love bombing she did. Suddenly, everything I liked to do, was her favorite thing to do, right down to drinking Chardonnay wine as to the normal Pinot Grigio that she always liked before she met me. That's part of the facade pulling you in. About six months in, all reciprocity ended, The mask fell off and it became a one-sided relationship, where I was now an option/convenience. She would lie about little things and then deny it. ALWAYS the victim. They make you think you're going crazy with the amount of gaslighting they do. You begin second-guessing everything you do or if you're doing anything right. Mind boggling and they will suck your soul from inside you.
I have been mocked and knocked down and treated like I was somehow mean when I stopped being around them cause they treated bad. It has been very traumatic. I changed myself in order to avoid one like this. But now I am not comfortable being myself cause I get treated bad if people see me happy
kimanial so true .. I stay happy and someone always says something negative to bring you down .. I say .. I’m so sorry you feel that way .. but I don’t .. thanks for your opinion jackass loo
1
Dujotup. Sup up
I feel exactly the same.. I'm scared to be Happy 💁🏾♀️
I was talking to a friend about narcissistic men and in the end she looked at me with her big beautiful eyes and said to me: “ Marianna, so... how can you tell the difference between a rarcissist and any other man?”.... I live in Greece and could absolutely understand what she was talking about. How do I manage in place where narcissism is the norm? Manipulation is everywhere overt and covert, and there have been times that I myself have used tactics to get myself out of the hook to be honest, when dealing with those people ( e.g. the grey rock) and many other techniques that was just a result of my trying to survive....
I’m so thankful to have come across this wonderful brilliant woman ! You mean so much to me ! Your videos have explained all the dis functional BS I’ve endured for 12 yrs !!! I’ve never disliked anyone as much as I do my malignant narcissist husband , I’m trying to figure out how to get out with a few cats 3 and a handicap brother ! Omg , at least now I don’t feel so alone , thank god I have my own bedroom and bathroom ,and do not get close to him , he’s absolutely disgusting !! Thank you Lisa for your life saving advice
I now realize that my mother , more my father was high on the narcissist spectrum. No,wonder I have been attracting those narcissistic freaks in my life
I've learned a few simple clues to identify a narc-
1/ if in a relationship are they more controlling than loving?
2/ if they are made aware of having hurt you do they say "I'm sorry" with obvious sincerety or do they make it your fault?
3/ after hurting you do they say "it was both of our faults and we just need to move on" (avoid accountability).
Oops- a few more to add but I'm out of time. Thanks for the video Lisa.
dboy6400 Spot on! My ex did all 3 consistently.
AMEN ! My father was a classic Golden child Narcissist ! As my brother is also ! Never got along with them , because of their selfish , bulling behavior !
As a single person I've got to be on my guard all times because I've seen and have encountered these types of individuals at work and other places.
I am a very nice person but I am as sharp as a razor. The very moment someone wants to minimise me in order to maximize themselves, that's the very moment I cut you off. No sweet words or preaching nor lecturing cannot change my mind. Narc people are quite dangerous and not to be taken lightly. I personally do not entertained nonsense from anyone that is appearing in any form of disguise. My inner spirit can detect them from a distance. I always pray and asked God for a discerning spirit. Never take people by face value but just allow your spirit to guide you and reveal them to you.
You are into something here my friend. This is by far, the most accurate description I have seeing about Narcissists.
Thank you so much.
♥️🧡💛💚💙💜💟
Hi Lisa! Just wanted to say hi and thank you for your dedication to us:) Like a friend we never met lol. This last year and a half as been a complete transformation for me. You had a big part of it! I’d like to tell everyone that no matter how dark it feels you’ll make it out! Do the work every day. You might slip back, but know that it’s something you’re learning about and will help you in the long run. It gets easier and easier! Don’t give up and give yourself the gift of being alone and discovering yourself and love yourself first. You’ll become solid in your truth and the narcissist won’t be able to get to you.
Thank you for the support Alysia. XOXO
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. I’m moving into my new life this weekend! So much abundance! What a change:) Thank you!
Had to watch this multiple times because there is so much truth in it. Thank you
i also noticed that some men will never abuse you physically- until you get sick in some way. then when you are vulnerable, they suddenly change and become abusive physically towards you
This is Gold seriously' thank you' taking notes so im armed with knowledge to never allow this to happen within friends' family or work
Lisa, thank you for this video. You’ve hit the nail on the head. Now I see narc traits everywhere. I understand that doesn’t make those people necessarily narcs, but it’s great to have this ability to see reality and not be engulfed in my own codependent tendencies.
Lisa. It seems that you met my covert narcissist ex partner. So many things you mention are so true and I have been dealing with. I call it: the huge fake show. It is all one huge façade. Sick, emotionless, emptyless, sad people without any regrets is what they are.
Why do these people even exist… this girl has really done exactly all of these things people… glad to know I’m not alone with these people. I still even to this day feel sorry for her and worry about her but the constant hate talk and put downs about my family and my personality has made me force myself into keeping to myself and not reaching out to her anymore. I started the relationship very confident and positive. I now have no confidence and feel as though I could never get it right even though I offered all I had to offer and opened up to her about everything… they honestly use your insecurities and sensitive spots to try and get you chasing after there needs. It’s honestly shocking to happen to one self. Thank you for your videos and support. It’s really good to know that you can categorise certain points.
"Professionals" are often ignorant of narcissism/sociopathy etc
I went through a very dangerous situation, because of my husband & my mother. No, one would believe me. I had no idea what I was dealing with, until the fall of 2017. You coaches are doing a terrific job. I know enough to write my own book & I might. You all gave me my life back!!
Thanks for including siblings and friends in your list. These groups tend to get overlooked with focus on romantic relationships when friends and siblings are just as damaging. Maybe more so because your guard is down more with friends and siblings.
Great video, Lisa! I like that you covered the traits of all types of narcissistic relationships, ie, sibling, lover, friend, parent, as the dynamics show up differently for each kind.
Can never be repeated enough, listen to how you FEEL around the people in your life or when meeting people. Learn to really listen carefully and deeply. Develop this skill, its the 1st one all people should develop. Its the fastest radar, best indicator to getting to know if a person is good for you or not.
Cannot thank you enough for continuing to put out these videos ! Though I now know you need more than just info to recover, sometimes a clear voice talking about the Truth of what you're dealing with can give you a much needed boost in seeing things for what they actually are..... Thank you again..... Recovery from this is so extremely painful ~ I thank God for your knowledge and wisdom and encouragement..... Bless you Lisa.....
Number 19 is scary accurate. I remember when I met my husband he seemed to agree with EVERYTHING I said. He even validated my perspective with his own logic. Giving me an even broader more substantiated resolve in regards to my opinions and beliefs. And then years later (now) he will actually outright DENY having ever agreed with me on a given topic arguing with me that my perspective on given topic are unreasonable even though those ideas were largely inspired by him. And then when I remind him of the conversations we had previously he will either vehemently deny having ever agreed with me or present new ideas on the same topic stating that that's the way he meant it by blurring the lines of the contexts in which we had the discussion.
omg that song at the end startled me! It's sooo loud! but great video :)
Yes! exactly! playing the victim was what hooked me. Just like you say, the goal was not being asked for anything...also, I was discarded when I got pregnant, lilke he did not share any of the responsibility on the child.
Very informative. Learned and related to almost every single trait. I will use this knowledge to the best of my ability.
It's getting insane. Since I went no contact with my mom, my aunt (her sister) called me throwing insults. When I hung up on her she called my wife at home and told her that she should withhold sex from me and told her that my mom had sold her property and *was* going to give us half of it. When will she learn we can't be bought with money?
Ooooooooooo money as a hammer...BEWARE.
She doesnt know God in her life. Sad
Yeah, never talk to them again. Ever. Cutting ties with my family was not only the best thing I ever did but also, it was always going to come to that anyway. You just don't need and can't have that in your life. And if you notice, very few people have time for narcissists. They don't have friends and great lives.
its a lie. to get u talking with your mom again.
Yepp same here had a psycho narcissist who mirrored everything I liked...
I'm with one but can't get away please help 😢
Dtella55 I picked her up and she pulled down
As a Codependent Caretaker / Empath, listening to you gives me insights on my own Codependency. I thought my ex was my only NARC no, he was one of many!!
Scapegoated, derided, mocked, criticised and ridiculed and then disinherited! No contact with all of my family now..Thanks so much Lisa for all you do to help us move forward and find our true path.
I would love to see a video based on the 'point of transition' from the inner subconscious belief that we're worthless to the recognition that we may in fact actually be enough. When we have for so long doubted our value, the hardest thing is learning to trust our own judgement...
Lisa,
I can’t thank you enough for sharing your knowledge. It’s amazing how you hit the nail on the head. Whoa! It’s like you have the gift of healing. Thank you so much again.
Linda
I really like the fact you distinguish behavior from NPD. The NPD has cluster behaviors in all problem solving agenda.
Narcissism behaviors are adaptations resulting from either codependent addictive behaviors. Early development does not allow a lot of wiggle room for being you. It's a survival tactic. By adulthood it's a mask and a broken operating system.
These videos help sort, filter, and self emergence.
NPD has a wide variety of actual thinking, behavior, and is a way of life. You are a supply link in their chain of living...
Thank you Suzanne❤️
My antennas BEEN UP💯
I notice these traits the 1st time I meet peep 😁
REAL TALK 💯
Yes Lisa,you NAIL it👍👍.
Excactly like that,so thanks for all HELP 🤗❤😀,you change my life to be more HEALTHY and BETTER..❤🤗❤
Namaste 💜
I was married to a narc for 25 yrs, the biggest thing I noticed, is when they are being super nice to you for no reason, watch out, if you think you should check, close, or hide an account, jewelry, anything because you don’t really trust, follow your instinct and do it. It doesn’t matter how long you know them, once you say no, they WILL try to find a way to take it.
Very pretty! And the video is so helpful, thank you
thank you Lisa....I allowed my life to be taken over by someone w narc like traits and when I started to feel rejected I tried harder and changed in ways I didnt recognize myself...started your 12 week breakthrough journey to begin my healing. thank you
The goal is to find your true self and then never let go!!!!! So glad you are on the 12 week journey with me dear one!
Amazing. I am definitely taking your course ! This information is better than anything I've learned in my 10 years of therapy. Having narcissist parents made me attract narcissist and I am finally awake. Thank you!
My ex his 5 sisters and his mum are all narcissists I don't k ow how I coped certainly don't know how my kids have coped as a golden child and a scapegoat
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I appreciate your time and hard work. I never really healed from my marriage. Now maybe I can.
This is a clear and concise exploration of narcissistic behaviors- from all types of relationships. I am recovering from codependency. I am so glad there is help from this. It's too painful.
OMG! My mother and my sister! Lisa, you just described my family and early life to a T! I cannot allow my sister even one toe into my life! But now my mother lives with me!
Oh my god. Ding, ding, ding, ding.... check, check, check, check..... i have to write these down....Thank you Lisa 🙏
Virtuosity! Not only do you list 50 traits easily, but you throw in a ton of bonus ones like you could keep going for another hour.
WoW. I feel like you are Cyrano de Bergerac listing all the ways his big nose can be described, and I am just trying to learn a few words in a new language like an immigrant. Chapeau Lisa :)
Did it all but very subtly done. He was a master manipulator and I mean it....a master.
Dear Lisa , watching your videos teach me to know myself better and also my old Codependent too. I didn't have the right terms to name those Narcissistic traits but I could see them clearly and be objective to my X husband , I finally could find the courage in me after 15 years in my marriage to ask him for divorce ,eventually when he couldn't fool or abuse me as before he went to divorce me for not obeying him, he cheated , lied and gave me nothing just more responsibility to taking care of our two kids . I can't be more agree with you on this video, and all your knowledge about these matters
I thank you for your amazing work you do.wish you Good Luck saving lives and sending lights into our hearts. Lots of Love & Blessing all the way from Canada XOX
I went no contact almost a year ago with a friend I had for sixteen years who used me as an emotional dumpster. After my narcissistic mother passed, I started to educate myself about narcissism. Thank you for what you do! It really, truly helps.
Thank you Lisa for making me and many other people understand what is REALLY going on and turn our back and walk away from our own Walt Disney movie going on in our heads.Thank you !
Hey Lisa!
Just found your channel and wanted to say you're great, this information is invaluable I have been struggling with these problems in my family for years and this helps validate what I've noticed! Much Love :)
I am so glad you are her!!!
This video was fabulous, Lisa! I see now that it's from 2016, but it's one of the best I've watched on this subject. Especially what you added about your friend at the end. Thank you!
Oh my God...I was looking at this video to do self improvement or to see if I carry these traits. I don't like feeling like a victim. I always felt I was strong emotionally and spiritually. I recently discovered that I've been a victim for many years. I would not speak up for myself. I would rather admit that I'm a narcissist rather to say I'm a victim. She is telling my life story.
Wow! So we're opening! Thank you! I'm learning so much about myself. I definitely have been attaching narcissistic people my whole life.
Is there anyone who isn't a narcissist?.., because I actually don't know anybody who doesn't have some of these issues.
I think most people can be narcissistic and present with narcissistic traits, but that does not imply they are narcissists.
I think people can have narcissistic traits without being harmful to others. E.g someone can love attention but not put others down to get it. A friend can be needy but also reciprocate when need.
The main thing is the lack of empathy and doing any and everything to serve the self at the EXPENSE of OTHERS.
People can have a plethora of these traits, but are only considered narcissistic based on the context of their history such as their childhood.
Yvonne Errend ...that is disturbing...no offense. Although I would agree it is so pervasive + unfortunately so true !
Yes alot of people i know are not like that
Thanks for the list explaining how a person who went through narcissistic abuse becomes isolated through no fault of their own. Thanks for the reminder to not assume that just because a grandiose narcissist looks allegedly to have hit bottom and that they are now changing and thanks for the reminder not to get enmeshed in a patient's story by not spending time in unhealthy pity for them if I do get a position to help people in nursing homes like I am hoping to do. Another thing. Thanks for the reminder not to believe gossip right away about men whom I don't know at all.
Thank you for all you do. You have really helped me to understand what happened to me. Long time watcher, finally commenting to say THANK YOU. : )
i find it interesting that a person can be on good behavior as long as you are dating- no matter how many years that is. however, not long after you marry them, they slowly begin to change and suddenly you wake up one day and realize you have married a narcissist. it seem that after you marry them, they suddenly realize they have you where they want you and it is ok to be themselves. and you are like - why didn't you show me that person before i married you?
This is my story dear one...
Wow. Watched this to see if my partner may be a narcissist. Turns out he is not, however I have learned my on and off again "friend" of 10 years is absolutely a narcissist. She is everything you said a female narcissist is.