Once you know, you go. Emotional abuse will wear you down and leaving gets more difficult with every additional day. Narcs are an eternal rollercoaster... just make sure you find a safe way to leave...
@@yannickngarambe2230 so true …. It’s really difficult…. Whenever we break all the cords with them,,,,, they just jump in ….. really difficult to get rid of them
@@yannickngarambe2230 that’s the worst thing a person can do to you in this world, take advantage for you mentally, emotionally and psychologically. Because if your mental is not strong, you will have no life !! Your mental is everything !! they know that and they are perfect demons on this earth I don’t play with people like that.
My ex only got worse, even to a point where I had to get a court order against him. That saved me from staying. Due to financial issues, we stayed as house mates for 5 y!(After the divorce)I lost all my savings, could never got the chance to make new friends or go out on dates. I left my country to get away from him. I am still on my healing journey and find it difficult to set boundaries but I will never allow people to treat me like that again. I waisted 20+ years of my life and see the damage it did to my children.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Every day I'm so grateful I got out. That was 35 years ago. I've never looked back. Back in 1989 the word narcissist was not even part of mainstream vernacular. So I had no word or label I could call him. 35 years later he hasn't changed at all. According to our adult sons (39 &44) he's e even worse
He suggested we stay in the same house as roommates...nice, except he said he was going to date and not to worry he would not bring her there. I'm two months now in my own apartment - growing in my faith, have more joy and no chaos. Not an easy path but at least it is healthy.
100% accurate. I left 20 year relationship with ex husband, tried dating again shortly after divorce and I got caught up in another 5 year relationship with another either high trait narc or highly dismissive avoidant🤦♀️🤦♀️ free from that now and only focused on my healing!! Should have done that after divorce but learned the hard way🤔😒 working in on my anxious attachment and childhood trauma from having a narcissistic father. All makes sense now!! Thank you for your work!!🙏
Shame and false guilt. My partner is SO good at making me feel bad, even though I have tried SO hard to make him happy. And yes, there is shame from allowing myself to be sucked into the relationship in the first place.
Stop it right now. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. ITS VERY EARLY CHILDHOOD PROGRAMING. NOT YOUR SHAME. EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTFUL PARENTA ALCOHOLIC OR THER ADDICT PARENTS NOT TEACHING YOU HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. Thats what you need to focus on.
Thank you for explaining this situation. I've been thinking that I am losing my mind. Made the decision to let go and move on months ago so haven't been able to figure out why I keep reverting back to needing the relationship so badly. If only I could turn my brain off. I know it's something inside of me and your explanation has made it clearer that yes, I'm on the right path.
Dig deep, cover your bases and believe in yourself. You may find things tricky at times but know that your energy will work for you, unlike when they depleted you so profoundly.
I did all of the above and now I’m trying to get a divorce. I let him convince me of so much and I feel like such a fool, however I’m not gonna let this beat me. I am already moving toward my own self after all these years. The self doubt is so real. His words are so deep in my heart they seem like my own but I have to focus on the facts and I can see my value from what I’ve done in my life.
The reason why you feel like that is that you have transferred your innate love for a needy parent onto him. Listen to Tim he knows what he's talking about
It's actually much easier than what he's describing. But you have to do it right. You actually have to make a strong power play and protect yourself and create a safe place for yourself. Nothing is HARDER than the day to day existence in a disfunctional relationship. You won't understand it until you get out. Literally anything is easier than feeling forced to deny your reality and identity.
Well…there is a huge assumption the narc will follow the guidelines especially as it pertains to the kids. I have never found him to ever collaborate but rather sabotage the plan!
@@caroleminke6116 what does that mean? you're convoluting feminism n Narcissism here. Your comment implies that all Narcs are men, meanwhile there's a ton of guys like me here too
When you end it, also prepare yourself to ignore the upcoming smear campaign, with pre-warnings to your most important contacts. It likely has also already been going on in the background. And it is possible you will be falsely called out and shamed in public / on social media, right in front of your friends, family, and peers.
It’s taken 14 years for my ex to accept what I’m saying to accept that I don’t want to be with him , he’s tried and succeed to make my life hell , always getting involved what i have going on , weather it be a relationship or a new job he’s been finding out ways to talk an flirt with my colleagues! Now he’s taken custody over my child because of my health his plan wasn’t to aid me but to leave me alone! He’s changed my sons number he’s told him lies to solidify his plan to leave me alone because that’s all he has ever wanted after I broke up with him 14 years ago
When you are so much empathy, first of all you are not judgemental, especially when you didn’t receive love properly in the childhood, you develop this bad patterns to always forgive someone who is doing you wrong several times and it’s bad.
It took 15 years for me to realise that it would never work. One night, after he completely lost it, I knew I HAD to get out. Three little kids, living in fear, and I'm always getting between his rage and their terror. Years later, I realise I have complex trauma, which obviously made the situation worse. I'm not saying it was my fault, but it was an impossible relationship. I've been alone for 12 years now and I don't know if I could ever find a relationship that is healthy.
I was in a narcissistic relationship with a DOOMSDAY CULT called the Jehovah's Witnesses. I was born in for 50 years. I left the cult and am free. No way would I ever go back. You can use this same advice in various areas in your life. ❤
@@tammyg8031 bread into a narcissist religion had narcissistic alcoholic parents and married a narcissist. Also two of my sisters are narcissist thank you you clarified that it wasn’t just me that felt like I was in a doomsday cold as well thank you sister Tammy.
Bruh my wife has two narc parents, her mother could never hold a relationship together. All my sisters in law are narcs n there boyfriends n husband's are miserable... I was the first guy to marry into this family and man there isn't a single girl from my past (right back till 12 years old) that woulda treated me this bad... I knew there was nothing there after the first date, but being religious n a virgin approaching my mid 20s I put myself under pressure... Man do I regret that 9 years n 3 kids later
In the UK women's centres sometimes have a visiting solicitor if you can't afford to pay for a solicitor, worth checking out before making big decisions
I don’t know why I felt so much guilt, liked if I don’t stay or keep trying then I’m giving up or abandoning her, all the while she would tell me how great she was, never had any struggles, no problems, she’s all good (all the while mean spirited, vindictive argumentative) no one who’s that content is so evil. I kept being so understanding while she was hurting me, the good times seemed good as long as I was doing what she wanted but I always felt anxious about the shoe dropping…. I knew it wasn’t a normal relationship because as bad and toxic as it has gotten… why won’t she agree that we should amicably go out separate ways 😮?? Then it’s hit me…. She is literally feeding off my emotions and self destruction… I’m in a fog and gotta get out… so I am running
It took me 16 years to realize, my husband wasn't going to change. A friend of mine told me... it's the mans responsibility to hold the family together.. not the woman's. God never designed the woman to be in control. I looked at her and said I don't even know what that looks like... Every relationship I've ever been in I've been the one having to hold it together... She said then that's how you know it's not God. 🤯 P.S. praying my divorce is finalized this year.
I have to disagree that it's a difficult process. Once I made the choice to divorce the relief and peace was immediate and undeniable. The pain of being in the relationship was infinitely worse.
@@happypetalshealing7011 using twinflames and similar explanations fall under "magical thinking" and refuse to aknowledge someone saying no. Had a narc use this theory on me to make me question the reality of not wanting them any closer. If you hear things around destiny, best-ever and so on at an early stage, be careful...
@@jenynz5334 stay strong. 3 months since my escape and I am getting my sense of self back and it is finally quiet... so beautifully quiet. Good that you left. Amazing!
Suffering how?? Because unless it’s literally life issues beyond your control, you need to GET UP. If that situation was slowly destroying you and you found the courage to leave, then why on earth would you allow yourself to suffer WORSE than what you escaped, I’m giving you the same tough l love I had to give myself… GET UP
Once you know, you go. Emotional abuse will wear you down and leaving gets more difficult with every additional day. Narcs are an eternal rollercoaster... just make sure you find a safe way to leave...
Truth
True. Never let them know that you’re leaving either & block them as best you can.
@@yannickngarambe2230 so true …. It’s really difficult…. Whenever we break all the cords with them,,,,, they just jump in ….. really difficult to get rid of them
Thank you
@@yannickngarambe2230 that’s the worst thing a person can do to you in this world, take advantage for you mentally, emotionally and psychologically. Because if your mental is not strong, you will have no life !! Your mental is everything !! they know that and they are perfect demons on this earth I don’t play with people like that.
My ex only got worse, even to a point where I had to get a court order against him. That saved me from staying. Due to financial issues, we stayed as house mates for 5 y!(After the divorce)I lost all my savings, could never got the chance to make new friends or go out on dates. I left my country to get away from him. I am still on my healing journey and find it difficult to set boundaries but I will never allow people to treat me like that again. I waisted 20+ years of my life and see the damage it did to my children.
I know what you mean. We have to look ahead as best we can,with a good counsellor and support systems. We WILL heal. God bless you
I'm sorry you're going through this. Every day I'm so grateful I got out. That was 35 years ago. I've never looked back. Back in 1989 the word narcissist was not even part of mainstream vernacular. So I had no word or label I could call him.
35 years later he hasn't changed at all. According to our adult sons (39 &44) he's e even worse
He suggested we stay in the same house as roommates...nice, except he said he was going to date and not to worry he would not bring her there. I'm two months now in my own apartment - growing in my faith, have more joy and no chaos. Not an easy path but at least it is healthy.
This can't be the best for you mentally. If you don't share children just move on with your life
@fryfully Do you both own the house? Is he still living there? I applaud you for taking action for your mental house. ❤❤
100% accurate. I left 20 year relationship with ex husband, tried dating again shortly after divorce and I got caught up in another 5 year relationship with another either high trait narc or highly dismissive avoidant🤦♀️🤦♀️ free from that now and only focused on my healing!! Should have done that after divorce but learned the hard way🤔😒 working in on my anxious attachment and childhood trauma from having a narcissistic father. All makes sense now!!
Thank you for your work!!🙏
Shame and false guilt. My partner is SO good at making me feel bad, even though I have tried SO hard to make him happy. And yes, there is shame from allowing myself to be sucked into the relationship in the first place.
Stop it right now.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.
ITS VERY EARLY CHILDHOOD PROGRAMING.
NOT YOUR SHAME.
EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTFUL PARENTA
ALCOHOLIC OR THER ADDICT PARENTS NOT TEACHING YOU HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
Thats what you need to focus on.
Thank you for explaining this situation. I've been thinking that I am losing my mind. Made the decision to let go and move on months ago so haven't been able to figure out why I keep reverting back to needing the relationship so badly. If only I could turn my brain off. I know it's something inside of me and your explanation has made it clearer that yes, I'm on the right path.
It took me 5 years to be accept my husband wouldn’t change. My heart is still broken and I pray every day, but I am mercifully away from him.
Dig deep, cover your bases and believe in yourself. You may find things tricky at times but know that your energy will work for you, unlike when they depleted you so profoundly.
You’re not his mother & narcs see everyone including kids as a sources of mommy supply 💔❤️🩹☮️
I did all of the above and now I’m trying to get a divorce. I let him convince me of so much and I feel like such a fool, however I’m not gonna let this beat me. I am already moving toward my own self after all these years. The self doubt is so real. His words are so deep in my heart they seem like my own but I have to focus on the facts and I can see my value from what I’ve done in my life.
The reason why you feel like that is that you have transferred your innate love for a needy parent onto him.
Listen to Tim he knows what he's talking about
@ oh yes he does. I have been listening to him for a while and he’s helped me move on finally after so long.
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
Jag håller med. Gott nytt år
If only it was this easy 😔
It's actually much easier than what he's describing. But you have to do it right. You actually have to make a strong power play and protect yourself and create a safe place for yourself.
Nothing is HARDER than the day to day existence in a disfunctional relationship. You won't understand it until you get out. Literally anything is easier than feeling forced to deny your reality and identity.
@ your so right.. but so hard when you can’t afford to live in your own. Feel so trapped by him
Well…there is a huge assumption the narc will follow the guidelines especially as it pertains to the kids. I have never found him to ever collaborate but rather sabotage the plan!
Narcs see everyone including kids as a source of mommy supply 💔❤️🩹♥️
@@caroleminke6116 Yes, everyone is a pawn ♟️
@@caroleminke6116 what does that mean? you're convoluting feminism n Narcissism here. Your comment implies that all Narcs are men, meanwhile there's a ton of guys like me here too
Thank you so much im sure this will help A LOT OF PEOPLE
When you end it, also prepare yourself to ignore the upcoming smear campaign, with pre-warnings to your most important contacts. It likely has also already been going on in the background. And it is possible you will be falsely called out and shamed in public / on social media, right in front of your friends, family, and peers.
It’s taken 14 years for my ex to accept what I’m saying to accept that I don’t want to be with him , he’s tried and succeed to make my life hell , always getting involved what i have going on , weather it be a relationship or a new job he’s been finding out ways to talk an flirt with my colleagues! Now he’s taken custody over my child because of my health his plan wasn’t to aid me but to leave me alone! He’s changed my sons number he’s told him lies to solidify his plan to leave me alone because that’s all he has ever wanted after I broke up with him 14 years ago
@@PeacefulPPO my daughter's mother is beyond Evil when her mood flips:(
She's not my best friend anymore
Thanks a lot
Thank you ❤❤
Thank you
When you are so much empathy, first of all you are not judgemental, especially when you didn’t receive love properly in the childhood, you develop this bad patterns to always forgive someone who is doing you wrong several times and it’s bad.
My dad's a Narc n now I married a narc, have an eldest with such tendencies and a daughter who is starting to lean that way and I need help
It took 15 years for me to realise that it would never work. One night, after he completely lost it, I knew I HAD to get out. Three little kids, living in fear, and I'm always getting between his rage and their terror. Years later, I realise I have complex trauma, which obviously made the situation worse. I'm not saying it was my fault, but it was an impossible relationship. I've been alone for 12 years now and I don't know if I could ever find a relationship that is healthy.
I was in a narcissistic relationship with a DOOMSDAY CULT called the Jehovah's Witnesses. I was born in for 50 years. I left the cult and am free. No way would I ever go back. You can use this same advice in various areas in your life. ❤
@@tammyg8031 bread into a narcissist religion had narcissistic alcoholic parents and married a narcissist. Also two of my sisters are narcissist thank you you clarified that it wasn’t just me that felt like I was in a doomsday cold as well thank you sister Tammy.
This sounds like you're mixing up a personal condition n that of a cult
YES!
Bruh my wife has two narc parents, her mother could never hold a relationship together. All my sisters in law are narcs n there boyfriends n husband's are miserable... I was the first guy to marry into this family and man there isn't a single girl from my past (right back till 12 years old) that woulda treated me this bad... I knew there was nothing there after the first date, but being religious n a virgin approaching my mid 20s I put myself under pressure... Man do I regret that 9 years n 3 kids later
In the UK women's centres sometimes have a visiting solicitor if you can't afford to pay for a solicitor, worth checking out before making big decisions
I don’t know why I felt so much guilt, liked if I don’t stay or keep trying then I’m giving up or abandoning her, all the while she would tell me how great she was, never had any struggles, no problems, she’s all good (all the while mean spirited, vindictive argumentative) no one who’s that content is so evil. I kept being so understanding while she was hurting me, the good times seemed good as long as I was doing what she wanted but I always felt anxious about the shoe dropping…. I knew it wasn’t a normal relationship because as bad and toxic as it has gotten… why won’t she agree that we should amicably go out separate ways 😮?? Then it’s hit me…. She is literally feeding off my emotions and self destruction… I’m in a fog and gotta get out… so I am running
It took me 16 years to realize, my husband wasn't going to change. A friend of mine told me... it's the mans responsibility to hold the family together.. not the woman's. God never designed the woman to be in control. I looked at her and said I don't even know what that looks like... Every relationship I've ever been in I've been the one having to hold it together... She said then that's how you know it's not God. 🤯
P.S. praying my divorce is finalized this year.
Give up people
I have to disagree that it's a difficult process. Once I made the choice to divorce the relief and peace was immediate and undeniable. The pain of being in the relationship was infinitely worse.
Sir , please clear whether twinflame runners are narcissists or not ……… I found the traits exactly same
@@happypetalshealing7011 using twinflames and similar explanations fall under "magical thinking" and refuse to aknowledge someone saying no. Had a narc use this theory on me to make me question the reality of not wanting them any closer. If you hear things around destiny, best-ever and so on at an early stage, be careful...
"Twin Flames" lololol
@chrissemenko628 😅😂❤
There are no twin flames dear. That thinking is how you can find yourself in deep trouble.
Twin flames are two toxic ppl.
Because my Mother was a narcissist 😕
What if you don't believe in divorce?
I dont think they are people
Same
🌺✨💖💞💖✨🌺
I finally left and am suffering terribly... But I'm not going back 💯 💪🏻🤍
Hold on dear
@@jenynz5334 stay strong. 3 months since my escape and I am getting my sense of self back and it is finally quiet... so beautifully quiet. Good that you left. Amazing!
Thank you 💐💐
Suffering how?? Because unless it’s literally life issues beyond your control, you need to GET UP. If that situation was slowly destroying you and you found the courage to leave, then why on earth would you allow yourself to suffer WORSE than what you escaped, I’m giving you the same tough l love I had to give myself… GET UP