To add: Some of the reasons we stay are deeply rooted due to wounds from childhood or throughout life - when we recognize that those may be causing us to cling to relationships that aren't right, I cannot recommend proper counseling enough. Do not go it alone! There are people who are able and willing to help you work through those things.
I've just broken up with a guy... since I'm aware of a mental dysfunction I have (affection addiction). Therapy really does make a difference in my decisions and your video was the proof I did the right thing (to every person out there: if I did it, so can you!♡) Thank you Emily ☆
Yes! Yes! Yes! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I didn’t meet the right person for me until I was 31. I dated a lot but didn’t have a boyfriend for 9 years but God convicted me that He had the right man for me and He would make it clear when I found him. I had sooo much social pressure from well meaning friends and family that basically said I was too picky and that I was going to “miss out” on life. I’m so glad I did not. Thanks for reminding more women that they shouldn’t stay out of fear of being alone.
you're so blessed. The press from family, friends and community can really influence us. I got married and settled for less. Instead of focusing on myself and really working on the personal issues that I had, i just got excited and liked this guy and married him. It's sad because your whole life gets upside down and it impacts everything single thing. I am sad that I waited 28 years and marry someone who was not compatible with me. in the end, it's the girl that suffers a lot, especially when you come from the community that is very judgmental.
I was just saying this to my mother! People be like: you're way too picky! And I'm just like: 🤯😳🧐🤓🙇🏻♀️ I am not! But apparently it is not my time... yet!
I'll never forget a conversation with a young coworker. She told me that walking down the aisle toward the man who ended up being her first (but not last/final) husband, she KNEW, absolutely KNEW, that it was a mistake. She knew it wasn't nerves or cold feet--she knew it was just WRONG. But she proceeded down the aisle. Two years later, divorced. Fear, loneliness, pressure, habit (been a couple for so long, might as well)....all, indeed, terrible reasons to get married.
I just ended a relationship last week and I’ve been second guessing myself ever since. I’m 35 and I was single for 10 years before meeting him. It was terrifying, so this speaks right to my heart. Thank you so much for posting this!
35 years too! And my last relationship was 10 years ago 🤗 I often ask my friends and myself, "what if you (I) never marry, then what?"... What I have is "today", and that's what I will celebrate. However life pans out, God is good and I am mighty glad to be alive and in Him :)🤗💃
I made this mistake. Both because of my own limiting beliefs, and pressure. It ended up being an abusive, manipulative relationship and I had to get a divorce. By God's grace, now I am safe and I can have a new start. I won't repeat my past and I'm thankful for the wisdom now, but it was a painful experience to walk through.
Soo true. My ex and I broke up a year ago after many hard conversations. And I am really glad we did. However, as I'm still single, I still get these comments from well meaning people, like "Well, maybe you shouldn't have done that. He was a nice guy after all." I laugh at them cause I know what I desire and deserve but it can be really annoying at times.
Great info! Already married but dated someone before for 3 years before realizing it wasn’t who God had for me. So. Much. Heartache. Once I completely surrendered my will to Gods .... wow God provided and 3 years and 2 kids later I thank God everyday!!!! I Love this channel 💗💗💗
I think deep down I am scared that I will do this one day, because I am 20 and have never been in a relationship. Thank you for giving me this reminder to not listen to that little voice if I feel like there is actually someone else💛
@Michelle Herselman Live your single life to the fullest. I'm single and 25 but I hope I can meet the right person hopefully by next year. I'm trying to make the most of my single life. So far I've studied abroad, went to concerts, traveled, went to cafes, young adult group, mass. Trying to try new hobbies. Eventually the right person will come into your life but know you are beautiful, loved and really young. You only are young once. I'm making the most of my 20s. Even though I'd really would want to be in a relationship I haven't met the right person and that's ok. Talk to God about your hopes and dreams and pray for your future spouse. God knows your heart. Know that the devil is trying to deceive you bu making you believe you won't find anyone. It's not true. The right man will come and love you for you. The wait will be worth it. God Bless Michelle! ❤💕
Emily, within the last few days I ceased contact with a man who was pursuing me. Although he was nice and kind I know deep down that he is not right for me and that entering into a relationship with him would be a waste of time as well as hurtful and deceiving towards him.
AMEN!! Amen, amen, amen! This was me in my last relationship. I stayed for much longer than I should have despite all the red flags. We had even started talking about marriage, and it absolutely terrified me that my vocation of marriage was closer than I thought, but if I broke it off who else would be there for me? This was actually one of his fears and I soon developed it as well. Now, I realize it's not because my vocation was closer than I thought, it was because it was with the wrong guy. Six and a half months later I met my current boyfriend and I couldn't be happier
Wow Jesus answered my prayer through you! I broke up with someone two months ago and I’ve been doubting my decision recently. I know the relationship was toxic and there was a lot of manipulation, but still I was afraid that I would never find someone who could love me like he did. Uhg THANKS Emily
As with many other women, this hit home for me and was my greatest fear too while being in a relationship with a "Christian" man for 3.5 years. I would get severely anxious everytime I thought or we talked about marriage because he wasn't Catholic and didn't care about God the way I do. Finally I got the courage to leave him and it was the most difficult and painful thing I've ever been through. I was purely convinced that if I left him, I would have absoutley no chance at ever being a wife nor mother. A year has passed and while I am single and still get down about it sometimes, this is a reminder it would have been so much worse staying with him and of God's protection. I would have not been able to deepen my faith the way I have over the past year without the heartache. I am hopeful to meet someone one day, but I dedicated and live my life for God from now on, not a boy. Everyday is a prayer that would have never been said, had I not leave him. ❤
LOVE THIS! good word! very spirit led and honest. Hard truth is hard to say and hard to accept. Ive broken up with multiple people (would not recommend dating a lot of people but that was my story) and I'm so thankful I did because now I'm 32, which in the grand scheme of things is not old imo..but if I had followed "my plan" of wanting to be married by 25 I would have settled for a 'nice guy' who 'loved me' but was unwilling to change ways that would be detrimental to a marriage and now I've met the man that God has for me! Praise the Lord. He is SO kind, SO loving, our communication is good -definitely takes work!- he is willing to work on things and talk about deep things about our lives and the Lord, prays for us, others and over me often...i'm not listing these things to brag, I'm saying WAIT on the LORD. SEEK FIRST the Lord and His Kingdom, go after God, Surrender to the Lord, allow yourself to be "lonely" even though its hard, cry when you are lonely, but then draw close to the one who is always there...your heavenly Father. GOD IS SO GOOD TO US. we only need to follow Him..
Two of my close friends just got engaged this year! I’m in my late 20s and it’s hard to not think I’ll have to settle for some guy just to get married. But there’s no fear in love. Perfect love casts fear out 1 John 4:18 💕💕 thanks for this reminder Emily!!
My goodness I needed this. Such a good reminder for me in the future. My fiancé just broke up with me a week ago - and now I’m coming to realise it was for the best and I was staying for the wrong reasons
This came at SUCH a good time - I just got out of a relationship where this was a fear of mine, but after a lot of painful introspection I realized that I wasn’t happy, and that he was not the man for me. I haven’t felt more free and at peace in a long time, and now I am putting my trust in Him that He will show me the right man on HIS timing and not my own.
Thank you for posting this, Emily! I was in the wrong relationship for 3 years before I finally broke it off with my ex-boyfriend. My thought process for staying was exactly what you said: "I will never find anyone else." And you know what? Maybe I never will. I hope and pray I do but I would rather be single than be with the wrong person. Counseling is helpful, too. It was a gift to myself to ask "Why did I stay so long? Why did I allow myself to be treated poorly?" and talk it out with a trusted person. Going through this has opened my eyes to how many women stay in the wrong relationship. I am in the Western New York area if anyone needs an ear to listen or any counseling recommendations!
Great video, Emily! My last and only relationship ended in 2015 when I was thirty and I'm 35 now and still a virgin and still single. It's difficult to meet a guy who gives me butterflies and who also likes me back and respects my abstinence/chastity values. In the meantime, I went to open mic nights to share poetry and do stand up comedy, obviously not now because of the pandemic, but I feel it's empowering to be 35, single and having art goals in my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I hold onto hope that I will meet the right guy.
Blessings and joy to you! Having a partner in life is great, but not at all necessary to live a joyful and meaningful life. I hope you meet the right person one day, and you'll think the wait was well worth it :)
Beautiful thoughts! But: What I find difficult is how to separate those red flags from accepting that not everything is 'perfect' in a relationship between a man and a woman. I mean: There are things that should clearly lead to a break up. I think high standards are good, but personally I don't believe that there is 'Mister Perfect' and if my boyfriend does not fulfil my dream-expectations 24/7 to 100 percent he's the wrong person. I'm sure that's not what you where talking about! But I think there are of course cases and reasons to forgive, to grow together, to really get to know each other's non-perfections and to work through this
Definitely hard to figure out. That was my reasoning for staying, and eventually marrying, someone that was imperfect (as we all are), but who made me feel lots of confusion. Deep down, I knew he wasn't "the one", but I rationalized his flaws. Turns out, I was/sometimes still am, enduring emotional and verbal abuse... I just didn't have terms for my experience until about 2 years ago. Thankfully, God is good and has been with me in my journey.
Fear is a real thing. It’s crazy how controlling we allow it to be when it comes to certain aspects of our lives. I feel like I have to fight my fears minute by minute sometimes.
This was so insightful! So important to not settle out of fear! I’m not ready to get married anytime soon but I feel like I learned a lot from this video💕💕😊
Hi Emily! I know you are right and 100% agree with you. I don’t want to make this mistake, but I’m going to be 38 this year, and my desire to marry is so strong I fear that I may end up settling. All of my friends are married and I feel very lonely. I don’t know how to be happy by myself.
This is so true! It's also important to remark the pressure that we may receive from family members or friends, when we tell them "I don't think he is the right man for me" and they react by telling you "If you break up with him, you won't find someone that loves you as he does". There's no malicious intent behind those comments but it makes it so much more difficult to make that decision.
Thank you Emily. I wonder why pre-marital counselling has to wait until engagement. Shouldn't there be discernment counselling first before the official proposal? Broken engagements are much more painful, though ultimately less painful and less expensive than a divorce. Anyway, you can take that thought to your priest, priest friends, and others. Just sharing my opinion
I agree with everything you said here and would just like to add some thoughts. When we get that voice in the back of our mind that says, "but what if it takes me just as long to meet someone else?" I think we need to recognize that as a lie from the devil. I understand that some might have those fears and concerns about not being able to meet someone else later on. But, we must also acknowledge that the enemy can and will use our own thoughts against us to bring us down. Also consider that Proverbs 4:23 says to guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life. Other versions say that out of it come the issues of life. But, I want to share a thought that has been life-changing for me - and after having thought about it, I thought: "of course! Why had I not thought of it before?!" Yes, we should guard our hearts, but what does that look like? What does that mean? One of the ways we can guard our hearts is to realize that our thoughts feed our feelings. Think about one of those garden fountains, the ones that have multiple level ponds, where the very top fountain gets the water and spills over and feeds the fountains below it from it's own water. If that upper pond water is contaminated, it's going to feed that contaminated water to the rest of the ponds below it. It's sort of the same way with our minds and hearts - if your mind is contaminated with toxic unhealthy thoughts like "what if I never meet anyone else?" it's going to feed your heart and have you believe those toxic ideas from your mind. In order to deal with the issue, you must decontaminate your mind from those toxic thoughts. Even study Scripture and let God's Words clear out and replace those contaminating thoughts. Furthermore, ask yourself where that thought comes from. Yes, it comes from fear. But why do you fear that? Are you trusting God to do His will in your life, or are you fearful that He won't do yours? Is God first in your life, or is your desire to be married first in your life? I'm not trying to sound harsh. But I think it is worth it to get to the heart of the matter and really surrender these issues to God and let Him work these things out in you.
Emily, thank you! but we don't have to break all relationships if there is something wrong..we, as couple, can develop together, we do make mistakes and change. Recently you are posting videos about braveness to leave relationships. I am also interested in your thoughts about saving relationships, forgiving.
Sexual sin (fornication, adultery) will be *judged by God* . Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers *God will judge* (not YOU) . Therefore it is humanly impossible to forgive. You would put yourself in God's place or above God. That is exactly what sinners do all the time. Fornication defiles a "marriage" (not just dishonoring the husband or spouse, but...), also to a form of permanent adultery before the eyes of God. Blessed Jacinta warns us therefore that many "mariages" are "not pleasing to God" . 1 John 3 7 Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as He is righteous. 8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. 9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for His seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.
Oh thank you. This just confirmed that I made the right decision 💛 A few weeks ago I said “no” to a relationship with a great guy who just wasn’t the right guy. Since that time, I’ve had so much doubt because I’m 26. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if I should change my decision just because he’d at least be a good, godly guy. But, no. This video confirmed that it was the right decision. Thank you, Emily!
Me too, Emma - and I'm 32 after a long period of singleness... but if I wasn't wholeheartedly in at the start, I knew it was only going to get harder from there. I'm still open to God bringing us back together later if He wants but I couldn't in good conscience (or with inner peace!) enter the relationship currently. God bless you and all the ladies and gentlemen involved with this channel :)
Wow. Each time I watch one of your videos, your beauty slaps me in the face. Inside and out. You shine God's light and it's a wonderful opportunity we are given to see you grow in your faith. You grow with us and we grow with you, so much that I feel true friendship for you, even though we never met. Alhamdullilah Much love from a french muslim sister
Emily, Thank you for this video. I did that, really took me 1 day (of a 2-year relationship) to realize "I don't want to marry this man". For a marriage, for a family you have to be on the same page on what's important. And you know it hurt, sometimes it feels bad cause some things he did after the breakup. I was supposed to be married this May...but I'm gonna start my Masters degree this November 😁 God gave the greatest gift of a clarity of the things I couldn't dissmiss and Our Blessed Mother protected my heart as I asked her to do. You'll never regret a breakup, but you'll always regret choosing wrong the father of your children.
I think this is what happened with my parents. After my mom got divorced, she was worried she'd be a single mom to my half-brother forever and she married my dad months after they met. 20 years later, they're married still but basically operate like roommates who just happen to live in the same house but have separate lives. I'm thankful they got together since I was born as a result, but I don't want to do that and be stuck in a miserable marriage.
i’m so glad you shared this!! i’m a single mom and i feel this urgency to start dating ASAP so my daughter doesn’t grow up fatherless. i know that it’s wrong, and i’m working on it, but it helps so much to hear stories of how poorly that can turn out. thank you again!
Agree, it’s brave to break off the engagement but why get engaged if you’re already having doubts? Don’t accept the proposal if your heart is not in it!
I have watched this video over and over today. I am single but felt this exact way in a relationship last year--I knew it wasn't right but I stayed because I didn't want to be alone. To anyone reading, if your gut is telling you the relationship is not the match for you, end it. I promise you will be okay and find happiness being single. And one day, you WILL meet your match. You just have to have faith!
I missed out on a lot of girls / they missed out on me cause they stuck behind in bad relationships. None of their relationships turned around and prospered. None of them. I did talk one girl out of an engagement. She thanks me so much to this day for guiding her.
Can you do a video about to what degree you have to accept things you can't or don't want to but seem like small things in a relationship? Nobody is perfect so you have to find a middle ground. But what if there a "small" things you just can't accept ? Was that understandable? xD I don't know how to express it better xD
Yes please!!!!! That’s part of what I stayed in my last relationship because honestly, I didn’t know if any of those “little” things were big enough to break up over (spoiler alert, they were)
If we're called to marriage it means that God has set apart the perfect person for us...every day you're in the wrong relationship is a day of not moving closer to being with that person! It's tough for sure but settling is so much worse.
I'm 16 year old who discovered you channel through a recommendation in my youtube feed your topics may be for like adult women but this will be really useful for me in the future♥️♥️
So true!!!! This is the reason I haven’t been in a relationship yet and I’m 21 (filmed a video about this on my channel!), because I haven’t found anyone right yet! ❤️
Hey Emily! Great video! I was wondering if you would make a video about the season of engagement, how to make the most of that time, maybe a word about marriage prep, and your thoughts and advice. God bless!!
For people who don't have the courage to break up, I've been there and I want to tell you this: it's waaaay better to be single and in peace (even if sad moments happen) rather than be in an unhappy relationship. And it's better to be single than to be trapped into a marriage that you don't want. I've taken this as a general rule and I tell it myself when I'm tempted to settle.
Question...is it a bad reason to NOT get married because you’re AFRAID of marriage/are stubborn and have decided that’s not something you want for yourself/have taken matters into your own hands and decided marriage is not for me? Sorry for the cynicism, but I’ve seen so many questionable relationships and marriages over the years that I really just don’t believe there’s something called a good marriage or the “right person” out there for me. And I don’t wonder if that’s why many people decide to stay single, because they’ve given up hope and don’t want to fall into a desperation/loneliness marriage
I definitely think this is a reason many people struggle to find someone/commit. Not sure if you're a person of faith, but I found this resource and a few others to be particularly helpful on this issue. www.lifegivingwounds.org/ Also, my spiritual director shared a truth I found very freeing - that happiness is an inside job. He mentioned reading studies on individuals in marriages or single, to see whether being in a bad relationship had ramifications for the person's general happiness. They found it didn't. The consistent factor between those who reported themselves as happy was that they found an internal reason to be happy in life, not determined by external factors (family member/spouse/work). We all have fears. The only bad thing about it is if you let your life be dictated by them. :) Whether we get married or not isn't the point. I will pray for you to not be limited by your fears and that your life decisions be made in freedom.
As Pastor John Hagee said in one of his sermons, "There's no such thing as 'harmless fear.'" And then there's Zach Williams' song "Fear is a Liar," which is another thing to consider for this sort of scenario.
Hello Emily, I wanted to ask what are your thoughts about anticonception. If sb doesn't want to have kids but wants to be close to their spouse, what's so wrong about it?
Women should rise up and be brave, honest and truthfull with themselves and there partner. We should be able to choose the best for ourselves. Bless your heart ♥
Here are my last 5 videos, in order! 1. This one 2. My top tip for motherhood 3. Andrew goes to seminary/discernment/God's call for your life 4. Fear of Trusting and how to overcome it in all relationships 5. If he makes you feel guilty for waiting for marriage I've been making plenty of content all across the board lately :)
Nah...lol...the only one I have ever felt a true connection with...is already married...to the Catholic church......how ironic life can be sometimes. ...Plus every time I was engaged , my family stopped it . I surrender to whatever ..being single and am okay with that lol...not mentioning you're right Emily..the amount of divorces in the courthouses...is extensive.
The problem with this is you gave an emotional answer and not a rational one - Which i guess is a real differnce between women and men. The truth is you may never meet somone else by constantly thinking the grass is greener somewhere else. Thats just being realistic. I think there is way too much "discernment talk" in Catholic circles, at the end of the day you have to live in the real world and work with what god gave you, and who god put in your life. I think unless there a serious problems with a man/red flags/non negotiable issues you should give them a chance. If a man loves you he will try to be worthy of you, if a man asks you on a date you should give them a chance. If a man wants to be with you give them chance. (Hint 1: The men who want you, are the ones who ask you out) (Hint 2: The men you chase after who show little interest in you, are not interested in you) I personally know too many catholic women in the 27+ age range who sit around and wonder why they are not married. Its no mystery to me why they are not married, they all knocked back decent men and they all have unrealisticly high standards. Life is a vale of tears, no one has a perfect marriage, get over it. Women change their feelings every day of the week, ask your male friends/family if you should marry them they will give you a realistic answer.
To add: Some of the reasons we stay are deeply rooted due to wounds from childhood or throughout life - when we recognize that those may be causing us to cling to relationships that aren't right, I cannot recommend proper counseling enough. Do not go it alone! There are people who are able and willing to help you work through those things.
I've just broken up with a guy... since I'm aware of a mental dysfunction I have (affection addiction). Therapy really does make a difference in my decisions and your video was the proof I did the right thing (to every person out there: if I did it, so can you!♡)
Thank you Emily ☆
God indeed is wonderful. You have no idea how timely your message came, I felt like God was talking to me directly. God bless you greatly dear.
this is soooooo important!!!
Yes! Yes! Yes! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I didn’t meet the right person for me until I was 31. I dated a lot but didn’t have a boyfriend for 9 years but God convicted me that He had the right man for me and He would make it clear when I found him. I had sooo much social pressure from well meaning friends and family that basically said I was too picky and that I was going to “miss out” on life. I’m so glad I did not. Thanks for reminding more women that they shouldn’t stay out of fear of being alone.
Thank you for sharing, Mary! This is encouraging for me to hear in the midst of standing for my convictions more than convenience for marriage.
you're so blessed. The press from family, friends and community can really influence us. I got married and settled for less. Instead of focusing on myself and really working on the personal issues that I had, i just got excited and liked this guy and married him. It's sad because your whole life gets upside down and it impacts everything single thing. I am sad that I waited 28 years and marry someone who was not compatible with me. in the end, it's the girl that suffers a lot, especially when you come from the community that is very judgmental.
I was just saying this to my mother! People be like: you're way too picky! And I'm just like: 🤯😳🧐🤓🙇🏻♀️ I am not! But apparently it is not my time... yet!
I'll never forget a conversation with a young coworker. She told me that walking down the aisle toward the man who ended up being her first (but not last/final) husband, she KNEW, absolutely KNEW, that it was a mistake. She knew it wasn't nerves or cold feet--she knew it was just WRONG. But she proceeded down the aisle. Two years later, divorced. Fear, loneliness, pressure, habit (been a couple for so long, might as well)....all, indeed, terrible reasons to get married.
This is so sad! I feel for her. ♥️
I seriously wish every girl had an Emily Wilson to help guide her. So many ladies need a spiritual sister to guide her and keep her grounded.
I told a friend of mine that until you say I do before God and your family and friends, you can always back out. Great video!
I just ended a relationship last week and I’ve been second guessing myself ever since. I’m 35 and I was single for 10 years before meeting him. It was terrifying, so this speaks right to my heart. Thank you so much for posting this!
35 years too! And my last relationship was 10 years ago 🤗 I often ask my friends and myself, "what if you (I) never marry, then what?"...
What I have is "today", and that's what I will celebrate. However life pans out, God is good and I am mighty glad to be alive and in Him :)🤗💃
I made this mistake. Both because of my own limiting beliefs, and pressure. It ended up being an abusive, manipulative relationship and I had to get a divorce. By God's grace, now I am safe and I can have a new start. I won't repeat my past and I'm thankful for the wisdom now, but it was a painful experience to walk through.
Soo true. My ex and I broke up a year ago after many hard conversations. And I am really glad we did. However, as I'm still single, I still get these comments from well meaning people, like "Well, maybe you shouldn't have done that. He was a nice guy after all." I laugh at them cause I know what I desire and deserve but it can be really annoying at times.
Great info! Already married but dated someone before for 3 years before realizing it wasn’t who God had for me. So. Much. Heartache. Once I completely surrendered my will to Gods .... wow God provided and 3 years and 2 kids later I thank God everyday!!!! I Love this channel 💗💗💗
I'm 18 and don't plan on getting married for another decade but here I am. I just love watching your videos
Allow God to establish your plans...glad you are watching great content!!
That’s awesome! Just stay open to God and His plan for you!
I think deep down I am scared that I will do this one day, because I am 20 and have never been in a relationship. Thank you for giving me this reminder to not listen to that little voice if I feel like there is actually someone else💛
@Michelle Herselman Live your single life to the fullest. I'm single and 25 but I hope I can meet the right person hopefully by next year. I'm trying to make the most of my single life. So far I've studied abroad, went to concerts, traveled, went to cafes, young adult group, mass. Trying to try new hobbies. Eventually the right person will come into your life but know you are beautiful, loved and really young. You only are young once. I'm making the most of my 20s. Even though I'd really would want to be in a relationship I haven't met the right person and that's ok. Talk to God about your hopes and dreams and pray for your future spouse. God knows your heart. Know that the devil is trying to deceive you bu making you believe you won't find anyone. It's not true. The right man will come and love you for you. The wait will be worth it. God Bless Michelle! ❤💕
Emily, within the last few days I ceased contact with a man who was pursuing me. Although he was nice and kind I know deep down that he is not right for me and that entering into a relationship with him would be a waste of time as well as hurtful and deceiving towards him.
AMEN!! Amen, amen, amen! This was me in my last relationship. I stayed for much longer than I should have despite all the red flags. We had even started talking about marriage, and it absolutely terrified me that my vocation of marriage was closer than I thought, but if I broke it off who else would be there for me? This was actually one of his fears and I soon developed it as well. Now, I realize it's not because my vocation was closer than I thought, it was because it was with the wrong guy. Six and a half months later I met my current boyfriend and I couldn't be happier
Wow Jesus answered my prayer through you! I broke up with someone two months ago and I’ve been doubting my decision recently. I know the relationship was toxic and there was a lot of manipulation, but still I was afraid that I would never find someone who could love me like he did. Uhg THANKS Emily
Recently going through the same. May God help us and continue to show us we are enough and there is someone is going to treat us better than our past
As with many other women, this hit home for me and was my greatest fear too while being in a relationship with a "Christian" man for 3.5 years. I would get severely anxious everytime I thought or we talked about marriage because he wasn't Catholic and didn't care about God the way I do. Finally I got the courage to leave him and it was the most difficult and painful thing I've ever been through. I was purely convinced that if I left him, I would have absoutley no chance at ever being a wife nor mother. A year has passed and while I am single and still get down about it sometimes, this is a reminder it would have been so much worse staying with him and of God's protection. I would have not been able to deepen my faith the way I have over the past year without the heartache. I am hopeful to meet someone one day, but I dedicated and live my life for God from now on, not a boy. Everyday is a prayer that would have never been said, had I not leave him. ❤
LOVE THIS! good word! very spirit led and honest. Hard truth is hard to say and hard to accept. Ive broken up with multiple people (would not recommend dating a lot of people but that was my story) and I'm so thankful I did because now I'm 32, which in the grand scheme of things is not old imo..but if I had followed "my plan" of wanting to be married by 25 I would have settled for a 'nice guy' who 'loved me' but was unwilling to change ways that would be detrimental to a marriage and now I've met the man that God has for me! Praise the Lord. He is SO kind, SO loving, our communication is good -definitely takes work!- he is willing to work on things and talk about deep things about our lives and the Lord, prays for us, others and over me often...i'm not listing these things to brag, I'm saying WAIT on the LORD. SEEK FIRST the Lord and His Kingdom, go after God, Surrender to the Lord, allow yourself to be "lonely" even though its hard, cry when you are lonely, but then draw close to the one who is always there...your heavenly Father. GOD IS SO GOOD TO US. we only need to follow Him..
Two of my close friends just got engaged this year! I’m in my late 20s and it’s hard to not think I’ll have to settle for some guy just to get married. But there’s no fear in love. Perfect love casts fear out 1 John 4:18 💕💕 thanks for this reminder Emily!!
My goodness I needed this. Such a good reminder for me in the future. My fiancé just broke up with me a week ago - and now I’m coming to realise it was for the best and I was staying for the wrong reasons
This came at SUCH a good time - I just got out of a relationship where this was a fear of mine, but after a lot of painful introspection I realized that I wasn’t happy, and that he was not the man for me. I haven’t felt more free and at peace in a long time, and now I am putting my trust in Him that He will show me the right man on HIS timing and not my own.
Thank you for posting this, Emily! I was in the wrong relationship for 3 years before I finally broke it off with my ex-boyfriend. My thought process for staying was exactly what you said: "I will never find anyone else." And you know what? Maybe I never will. I hope and pray I do but I would rather be single than be with the wrong person. Counseling is helpful, too. It was a gift to myself to ask "Why did I stay so long? Why did I allow myself to be treated poorly?" and talk it out with a trusted person. Going through this has opened my eyes to how many women stay in the wrong relationship. I am in the Western New York area if anyone needs an ear to listen or any counseling recommendations!
Would love to get an extended video about broken engagements! I feel like it’s not talked about enough!
Great video, Emily! My last and only relationship ended in 2015 when I was thirty and I'm 35 now and still a virgin and still single. It's difficult to meet a guy who gives me butterflies and who also likes me back and respects my abstinence/chastity values. In the meantime, I went to open mic nights to share poetry and do stand up comedy, obviously not now because of the pandemic, but I feel it's empowering to be 35, single and having art goals in my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I hold onto hope that I will meet the right guy.
Blessings and joy to you! Having a partner in life is great, but not at all necessary to live a joyful and meaningful life. I hope you meet the right person one day, and you'll think the wait was well worth it :)
Beautiful thoughts! But: What I find difficult is how to separate those red flags from accepting that not everything is 'perfect' in a relationship between a man and a woman. I mean: There are things that should clearly lead to a break up. I think high standards are good, but personally I don't believe that there is 'Mister Perfect' and if my boyfriend does not fulfil my dream-expectations 24/7 to 100 percent he's the wrong person. I'm sure that's not what you where talking about! But I think there are of course cases and reasons to forgive, to grow together, to really get to know each other's non-perfections and to work through this
Definitely hard to figure out. That was my reasoning for staying, and eventually marrying, someone that was imperfect (as we all are), but who made me feel lots of confusion. Deep down, I knew he wasn't "the one", but I rationalized his flaws.
Turns out, I was/sometimes still am, enduring emotional and verbal abuse... I just didn't have terms for my experience until about 2 years ago.
Thankfully, God is good and has been with me in my journey.
Fear is a real thing. It’s crazy how controlling we allow it to be when it comes to certain aspects of our lives. I feel like I have to fight my fears minute by minute sometimes.
Same here! But the fight is definitely worth it.
This was so insightful! So important to not settle out of fear! I’m not ready to get married anytime soon but I feel like I learned a lot from this video💕💕😊
Out of curiosity I would like to know how you know your not ready to marry yet.
Hi Emily! I know you are right and 100% agree with you. I don’t want to make this mistake, but I’m going to be 38 this year, and my desire to marry is so strong I fear that I may end up settling. All of my friends are married and I feel very lonely. I don’t know how to be happy by myself.
This is so true! It's also important to remark the pressure that we may receive from family members or friends, when we tell them "I don't think he is the right man for me" and they react by telling you "If you break up with him, you won't find someone that loves you as he does". There's no malicious intent behind those comments but it makes it so much more difficult to make that decision.
This is such an important message! Having no one is infinitely better in the long run than having the wrong one!
This is the hardest thing ever, especially discerning in the talking period.
Thank you Emily. I wonder why pre-marital counselling has to wait until engagement. Shouldn't there be discernment counselling first before the official proposal? Broken engagements are much more painful, though ultimately less painful and less expensive than a divorce. Anyway, you can take that thought to your priest, priest friends, and others. Just sharing my opinion
As a dude I really enjoy your videos Emily! Thank you for all your hard work!!
Emily, I recently went through a break up with a guy I was with for 7 years. It was really hard but this video helped so much. Thank you 💕
I agree with everything you said here and would just like to add some thoughts. When we get that voice in the back of our mind that says, "but what if it takes me just as long to meet someone else?" I think we need to recognize that as a lie from the devil. I understand that some might have those fears and concerns about not being able to meet someone else later on. But, we must also acknowledge that the enemy can and will use our own thoughts against us to bring us down. Also consider that Proverbs 4:23 says to guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life. Other versions say that out of it come the issues of life. But, I want to share a thought that has been life-changing for me - and after having thought about it, I thought: "of course! Why had I not thought of it before?!" Yes, we should guard our hearts, but what does that look like? What does that mean? One of the ways we can guard our hearts is to realize that our thoughts feed our feelings. Think about one of those garden fountains, the ones that have multiple level ponds, where the very top fountain gets the water and spills over and feeds the fountains below it from it's own water. If that upper pond water is contaminated, it's going to feed that contaminated water to the rest of the ponds below it. It's sort of the same way with our minds and hearts - if your mind is contaminated with toxic unhealthy thoughts like "what if I never meet anyone else?" it's going to feed your heart and have you believe those toxic ideas from your mind. In order to deal with the issue, you must decontaminate your mind from those toxic thoughts. Even study Scripture and let God's Words clear out and replace those contaminating thoughts.
Furthermore, ask yourself where that thought comes from. Yes, it comes from fear. But why do you fear that? Are you trusting God to do His will in your life, or are you fearful that He won't do yours? Is God first in your life, or is your desire to be married first in your life? I'm not trying to sound harsh. But I think it is worth it to get to the heart of the matter and really surrender these issues to God and let Him work these things out in you.
I love the image of the garden fountain- thank you!!
Emily, thank you! but we don't have to break all relationships if there is something wrong..we, as couple, can develop together, we do make mistakes and change. Recently you are posting videos about braveness to leave relationships. I am also interested in your thoughts about saving relationships, forgiving.
I'd like to hear this. Good Idea!
Thank you for this comment ❤
Sexual sin (fornication, adultery) will be *judged by God* .
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers *God will judge* (not YOU) .
Therefore it is humanly impossible to forgive. You would put yourself in God's place or above God. That is exactly what sinners do all the time.
Fornication defiles a "marriage" (not just dishonoring the husband or spouse, but...), also to a form of permanent adultery before the eyes of God.
Blessed Jacinta warns us therefore that many "mariages" are "not pleasing to God" .
1 John 3
7 Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as He is righteous.
8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil.
9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for His seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.
Already married and yet I’m here watching! Love your videos and how you speak so charitably. Thanks Emily 💛💛
Oh thank you. This just confirmed that I made the right decision 💛 A few weeks ago I said “no” to a relationship with a great guy who just wasn’t the right guy. Since that time, I’ve had so much doubt because I’m 26. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if I should change my decision just because he’d at least be a good, godly guy. But, no. This video confirmed that it was the right decision. Thank you, Emily!
Me too, Emma - and I'm 32 after a long period of singleness... but if I wasn't wholeheartedly in at the start, I knew it was only going to get harder from there. I'm still open to God bringing us back together later if He wants but I couldn't in good conscience (or with inner peace!) enter the relationship currently. God bless you and all the ladies and gentlemen involved with this channel :)
Wow. Each time I watch one of your videos, your beauty slaps me in the face. Inside and out. You shine God's light and it's a wonderful opportunity we are given to see you grow in your faith. You grow with us and we grow with you, so much that I feel true friendship for you, even though we never met. Alhamdullilah
Much love from a french muslim sister
Emily,
Thank you for this video.
I did that, really took me 1 day (of a 2-year relationship) to realize "I don't want to marry this man". For a marriage, for a family you have to be on the same page on what's important. And you know it hurt, sometimes it feels bad cause some things he did after the breakup. I was supposed to be married this May...but I'm gonna start my Masters degree this November 😁 God gave the greatest gift of a clarity of the things I couldn't dissmiss and Our Blessed Mother protected my heart as I asked her to do. You'll never regret a breakup, but you'll always regret choosing wrong the father of your children.
I think this is what happened with my parents. After my mom got divorced, she was worried she'd be a single mom to my half-brother forever and she married my dad months after they met. 20 years later, they're married still but basically operate like roommates who just happen to live in the same house but have separate lives. I'm thankful they got together since I was born as a result, but I don't want to do that and be stuck in a miserable marriage.
i’m so glad you shared this!! i’m a single mom and i feel this urgency to start dating ASAP so my daughter doesn’t grow up fatherless. i know that it’s wrong, and i’m working on it, but it helps so much to hear stories of how poorly that can turn out. thank you again!
Hannah Henderson my parents literally same, just without the divorce.
Agree, it’s brave to break off the engagement but why get engaged if you’re already having doubts? Don’t accept the proposal if your heart is not in it!
Great timing omg ❤️ thank you for what you do. We need these kind of videos here on UA-cam.
Emily, this hit me so hard. Thank you for this. So helpful. ❤️
I have watched this video over and over today. I am single but felt this exact way in a relationship last year--I knew it wasn't right but I stayed because I didn't want to be alone. To anyone reading, if your gut is telling you the relationship is not the match for you, end it. I promise you will be okay and find happiness being single. And one day, you WILL meet your match. You just have to have faith!
I missed out on a lot of girls / they missed out on me cause they stuck behind in bad relationships. None of their relationships turned around and prospered. None of them. I did talk one girl out of an engagement. She thanks me so much to this day for guiding her.
I'm Early YAY! Love your Channel!
Yay! Thank you!
My best friend is in a toxic relationship rn for this reason and idk what to do honestly, i tried talking to her many times but idk..
Pray for her & keep talking to her.
Can you do a video about to what degree you have to accept things you can't or don't want to but seem like small things in a relationship?
Nobody is perfect so you have to find a middle ground. But what if there a "small" things you just can't accept ?
Was that understandable? xD I don't know how to express it better xD
Yes please!!!!! That’s part of what I stayed in my last relationship because honestly, I didn’t know if any of those “little” things were big enough to break up over (spoiler alert, they were)
So true😭😭 Anxiety & fear are real.
Even harder when you have kid/kids & felt obligation & pressure.
Thank you so much for your videos.
If we're called to marriage it means that God has set apart the perfect person for us...every day you're in the wrong relationship is a day of not moving closer to being with that person! It's tough for sure but settling is so much worse.
I'm 16 year old who discovered you channel through a recommendation in my youtube feed your topics may be for like adult women but this will be really useful for me in the future♥️♥️
EVERY woman needs to watch this!!
I’m going to guess before the video ends: because you’re lonely
You are correct!😂
I guessed sex. 😕😕
There's actually guys who do this too
Thank you for talking about things that not many people do :)
Loved the video!!!! You should do the other side, great reasons to get married😍
So true!!!! This is the reason I haven’t been in a relationship yet and I’m 21 (filmed a video about this on my channel!), because I haven’t found anyone right yet! ❤️
Loved loved loved this. I am divorced and this is such valuable advice to single women.
I am so glad you think it is helpful advice for women. Thank you for watching!
Hey Emily! Great video! I was wondering if you would make a video about the season of engagement, how to make the most of that time, maybe a word about marriage prep, and your thoughts and advice.
God bless!!
For people who don't have the courage to break up, I've been there and I want to tell you this: it's waaaay better to be single and in peace (even if sad moments happen) rather than be in an unhappy relationship. And it's better to be single than to be trapped into a marriage that you don't want.
I've taken this as a general rule and I tell it myself when I'm tempted to settle.
Thank you so much for this great piece of advise I'll remember this forever.
It’s as if you’re speaking directly to me ♥️ Amazing vid!
Such timely advice!! Thank you Emily. 🙏
Thank you Emily, for your beautiful ministry!
Wow! God truly works in mysterious way. You are right, we already have the answers in our hearts. Thank you Emily! ❤❤
Question...is it a bad reason to NOT get married because you’re AFRAID of marriage/are stubborn and have decided that’s not something you want for yourself/have taken matters into your own hands and decided marriage is not for me? Sorry for the cynicism, but I’ve seen so many questionable relationships and marriages over the years that I really just don’t believe there’s something called a good marriage or the “right person” out there for me. And I don’t wonder if that’s why many people decide to stay single, because they’ve given up hope and don’t want to fall into a desperation/loneliness marriage
I definitely think this is a reason many people struggle to find someone/commit. Not sure if you're a person of faith, but I found this resource and a few others to be particularly helpful on this issue. www.lifegivingwounds.org/
Also, my spiritual director shared a truth I found very freeing - that happiness is an inside job. He mentioned reading studies on individuals in marriages or single, to see whether being in a bad relationship had ramifications for the person's general happiness. They found it didn't. The consistent factor between those who reported themselves as happy was that they found an internal reason to be happy in life, not determined by external factors (family member/spouse/work).
We all have fears. The only bad thing about it is if you let your life be dictated by them. :) Whether we get married or not isn't the point. I will pray for you to not be limited by your fears and that your life decisions be made in freedom.
This is powerful, I needed to hear this, thanks Em
Thanks Emily, timely advice as always!
Love this Emily!! So many women need to hear this wake up call!
As Pastor John Hagee said in one of his sermons, "There's no such thing as 'harmless fear.'" And then there's Zach Williams' song "Fear is a Liar," which is another thing to consider for this sort of scenario.
Very well said!
Channel never disappoints, thank you!
Really good advice. Thank you so much!!
Another terrible reason... "so I could become an adult."
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Hello Emily, I wanted to ask what are your thoughts about anticonception. If sb doesn't want to have kids but wants to be close to their spouse, what's so wrong about it?
YAY! You‘re so right! Thank you for this important words! 💕
You are so welcome!
You always say just what i need to hear it’s crazzyyy
Women should rise up and be brave, honest and truthfull with themselves and there partner. We should be able to choose the best for ourselves. Bless your heart ♥
Love this!!
Superb advice!
Commenting for the algorithm because people need to see this!!
This resonates. I am married.
Great video!! Are you going to be making content outside of relationships soon?
Here are my last 5 videos, in order!
1. This one
2. My top tip for motherhood
3. Andrew goes to seminary/discernment/God's call for your life
4. Fear of Trusting and how to overcome it in all relationships
5. If he makes you feel guilty for waiting for marriage
I've been making plenty of content all across the board lately :)
So so so true!
¡Gracias Emily! :)
Thank you
Preach girl!
One of my fav quotes:
“𝗜𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲, 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝘆(𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗼𝗳) 𝗙𝗘𝗔𝗥 𝗼𝗿 F͟A͟I͟T͟H͟?͟“
Hi Emily, could you talk about love dependence and nota being able to get over a man.
Here I was thinking you'd say that it's a way to escape our personal failures at living celibate lives but this is a nice surprise.
Nah...lol...the only one I have ever felt a true connection with...is already married...to the Catholic church......how ironic life can be sometimes. ...Plus every time I was engaged , my family stopped it . I surrender to whatever ..being single and am okay with that lol...not mentioning you're right Emily..the amount of divorces in the courthouses...is extensive.
what if i have no one i trust to speak to? will God be enough?🤍
Emily you are GLOWING wow so beautiful
You look beautiful! 💕
Don't be a wife to him before you're married to him.
Me like me not "taken" My Kind are the reason for problems & the good guys for fine and good in reality.........
............=shh!
The problem with this is you gave an emotional answer and not a rational one - Which i guess is a real differnce between women and men. The truth is you may never meet somone else by constantly thinking the grass is greener somewhere else. Thats just being realistic.
I think there is way too much "discernment talk" in Catholic circles, at the end of the day you have to live in the real world and work with what god gave you, and who god put in your life. I think unless there a serious problems with a man/red flags/non negotiable issues you should give them a chance.
If a man loves you he will try to be worthy of you, if a man asks you on a date you should give them a chance. If a man wants to be with you give them chance.
(Hint 1: The men who want you, are the ones who ask you out)
(Hint 2: The men you chase after who show little interest in you, are not interested in you)
I personally know too many catholic women in the 27+ age range who sit around and wonder why they are not married. Its no mystery to me why they are not married, they all knocked back decent men and they all have unrealisticly high standards.
Life is a vale of tears, no one has a perfect marriage, get over it.
Women change their feelings every day of the week, ask your male friends/family if you should marry them they will give you a realistic answer.
Ok. Totally different subject, but I would love to see you part your hair in the middle. I think it would suit you.
Agreed!
What if a man disrespects his woman?? She should be with him?
I'm early too😁