Reframe How You See Yourself | Hayley Ep 3
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- Опубліковано 24 жов 2022
- So much of our energy in life goes into what other people think about us. But, we can never know what people truly think, and ultimately it doesn’t matter. What matters is what we think of ourselves. In this week’s episode, Alex and Hayley work on cultivating an accurate and loving self-image.
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What I think is really interesting about listening to Hayley is that she thinks or has been told she's "stupid" but I see and hear a very intelligent woman who has had such negative messages given to her throughout her life. She is able to understand the concepts put to her and discuss them intelligently and be courageous enough to say she needs time to process the very different changes she will hopefully make. Keep going Hayley. I look forward to listening to more episodes. Thank you too Alex for producing this amazing series.
thank you so much for your really lovely , encouraging words . I really appreciate you taking the time and trouble to write them . I really needed to read this today and i thank you ever so much . I honestly thank you . I send you love . thank you ❤ 🙂 x x
I have so much admiration and love for Haley, I personally have the pleasure of knowing her and calling her my friend. She has taught and helped me immensely. If only everyone was such a true genuine pure human being like her the world would be such a beautiful place ❤️❤️❤️
aww ❤ Rachel ❤ bless you hunny . You have helped me and taught me sooo much too . Love you ❤ x x x x
Hayley is gutsy. Here she is showing up for herself and that takes a lot of guts. I'm getting a lot out of these episodes.
Thank you so much Janet ! ❤
Repressing anger is a big thing for people! Working on anger repression helps anger come up in the body again that helps with setting a boundary.
Sure does!
its really interesting Eveline . I do feel it in certain situations …just not others . Thank you for your thoughts 😊
Hayley, you are incredible. I so admire your courage and bravery in doing this. This is so helpful for so many other people who watch it too. 🎉 👏 👏
Thank you, Alex, for making these sessions available. Also, thank you Hayley for giving permission to be recorded. I so identify with Hayley. I have/had a similar pattern to Hayley's (been working on it a lot so it's not as dominant as it used to be). I was a parentified child growing up and was given the strong message that the welfare of my whole family (parents and siblings) depended on me and me alone, so I unconsciously carried that sense of responsibility well into adulthood. When I became ill with CFS/M.E. I couldn't fulfill that role any longer and I not only felt a sense of guilt but also had a huge identity crisis as so much of who I had been, before becoming ill, had been tied to the needs and welfare of others and neglecting my own in the process. One of the biggest things that helped me to reframe my role in their life was the shock of how they treated me when I became too unwell to continue making their needs my priority. They raged and tried to bully me back into taking responsibility for them. I worked with a counselor, and it shocked and deeply saddened me to realise that the people I had sacrificed so much of my life for only cared about what I could (or no longer could) do for them. They continued to refuse to take responsibility for themselves and called me selfish (which cut deep because like Hayley I didn't know how to care for my own needs and felt deeply selfish for even trying but I was really too ill to cope with anything else). In order to drag me back they'd invent crisis after crisis until I just ended up completely walking away from them all. I had tried to set boundaries with them, but they were having none of it. They left me with no alternative, and I became deeply depressed over this situation the sense of loss was tremendous. Not only had my world come crashing down as a result of CFS/M.E. but now also the people that had inhabited that world had become complete strangers. I'm doing better these days. I've come a long way over the years. I still suffer from CFS/M.E. but with these videos and other supportive materials you've been making available online I'm beginning to feel that there is light at the end of this long and difficult tunnel after all. Again, thank you Alex and Hayley.
Sending love and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts An Ta . Its really appreciated ! Our stories seem so similar ! Thank you for sharing your experiences . I’m just needing to pop out now …but i need to re read what you have written later . Thank you ! Sending you love and strength . ❤❤ . Thank you so much
@@hayley1473 Thank you Hayley! What you said in this session resonated so much with me. I used to be afraid of making any progress with my CFS/M.E. for fear I'd get sucked back into the same family dynamics that led me to becoming ill in the first place. yet I felt selfish for "abandoning" them (all healthy adults capable of looking after themselves). Detaching from my family has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it took time but in the end it was worth it. I'd love to say that they eventually came to understand, grew as a result and that we now share a healthier relationship. However, the sad truth is that they continue to resent me for prioritising my own needs instead of theirs (I had no choice because CFS/M.E. hit me like a huge ton of bricks, and I still remain affected after many years of struggling with this condition). It just showed me who the truly selfish ones were. Their resentment towards me used to bother me but now I'm fine with it ... part of the work of learning to love myself. My needs matter too and if they cared about me as they say they do they'd be supportive and want what's best for my recovery. They are still my family and I continue to care about them, but I have to love them from a distance. These sessions with Alex have been so validating for me and witnessing others face similar struggles, go through a journey of transformation and come out the other side is giving me a lot of hope. You are a beautiful person Hayley and I wish you every success on your journey back to health and beyond. Sending you much love too.
Hello An Ta, you are so very courageous. Wishing you well on your health journey.
@@frentbow Thankyou T Jones. I wish you well on your journey too.
@@anta3612 thank you ❤ . So sorry for my late reply . Yeah i will keep re reading your post , because there is such a lot in it . Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences . Thank you . Lots to think about . Sending love x x ❤I do appreciate your thoughts . thaey are so helpful x
Hayley is so articulate and intelligent I wish her every success in changing her view of her value. It’s amazing how strong she is to carry all of these issues on a daily basis.
Hi . Thank you so much - what a lovely encouraging , beautiful comment . I really do appreciate it . Thank you . I send you love ❤ x
Participating in this therapy and sharing your experience is gutsy. Well done Hayley. Wishing you success going forward.
Thank you T Jones! Its interesting re watching the episodes now i’m sat at home ! Its starting to make more sense to me . thank you
Alex you are absolutely amazing and I so agree, Hayley you are one gutsy wonderful lady.
aww thank you . Thank you for your lovely encouraging words x x
Wow! This session with Hayley really resonated with me. I was conditioned to focus on what others thought of me constantly. I lacked a sense of self because I was told I was selfish if I chose not to abandon myself. In the last year, I left the relationships that made me doubt myself and my intuition and I am finding my own voice by turning inward rather than seeking validation from others. It works. Great job Hayley!!!
You sound amazing Sandra ! Total respect to you ❤❤
Thank you again Hayley and Alex for letting us participate in those therapy sessions. Very helpful❤
thank you so much ❤
What a strong lady Hayley is, full of admiration for her
thank you . Thanks so much for your encouragement ❤❤
Thank you for sharing this. It's uncanny how much these resonate, especially because I have therapy on Tuesdays and this came up today, just as a very similar boundaries discussion did last week! Thank you to Hayley for having the courage to share publicly. She is most certainly not alone. In solidarity and gratitude, Emma 🙏🏻
So glad you found helpful Emma 🙂
Thank you Emma . Yes its really weird when things come up in different areas isnt it ! I was watching a podcast thing on someone and they were talking about boundary setting too ! Thank you 😊
@@hayley1473 Hayley! So lovely to connect with you. It sounds like we're both benefitting from some good synchronicity at the moment! All the best with your healing x
@@emmahenry1163 thank you ❤ . You too 😊x
I feel the same like Emma. Thank you Hayley for sharing your process here! It is so helpful to see that others experience the same. Thank you Alex for being so clear on things, especialy connected to the reset program. I am in module 4 now. It is good to switch between the program and the videos here to understand more. I can feel the resistance of you, Hayley and I fully get it! And I see the challenge or gentle pressure Alex put on the different views and behaviours. To respect other peoples choices and not trying to control is a big takeaway for me.
Calming and settling of your emotions - I am going to practice. Learnt so much - Thank you 🙏
Amazing work Hayley! You're such a kind and courageous woman and I really hope the future gets brighter for you. You deserve it
thank you hlj . so sorry for my late reply .thank you so much for your encouragement x x
I just love Haley. She’s got such a good soul 💕
aww thank you . thank you for seeing that and saying it x❤❤
@@hayley1473 you're welcome. it's shines through. ❤
@@thescapegoatclub ❤❤ thank you
@@hayley1473❤ I really, really hope the therapy works for you. you just seem to be such a down-to-earth, good person who deserves a bit of peace. I can relate to some of your experiences and feelings and I just am rooting for you so much. I find your courage and honesty inspiring. thank you for being so damn brave!💕
@@thescapegoatclub thank you 😊. thank you so much for your encouraging words . They are so helpful and i really appreciate it . Sending you love and peace back . We have both got this ❤ . I reckon we are strong ! sending love x
I keep fingers crossed for you Hayley, thank you for sharing your journey. Thanks Alex, it is very inspiring and educational.
thank you Klara . Appreciate your encouragement 😊
Grateful for this and for Hayleys courage to share
Helpful🙏🏻
Thank you 🙂
thank you so much 😊
Prioritising your own needs is an alien concept when you grow up with blame and shame. Consequences are a huge trigger especially growing up experiencing volatile behaviours, you learn you pay a price for challenging the narrative. I learned a huge lesson when my dad died of covid. We’d argued weeks prior to him becoming ill the argument wasn’t resolved. It was too late to make amends because he had already died before I had chance. I had to accept it was out of my control and not my fault
I am so sorry to hear of what you have been through . ❤ I just pray you find peace and healing . It resonates with me what you say about ‘challenging the narrative ‘ etc . Aww i am sorry - i send you so much love ❤ xx
I am soo excited for your process Hayley! I feel so much enthusiasm for your journey and can see the empowerment in your voice and body language. Such an intelligent lady !! Many many prayer hands and hearts!!!!
what a lovely comment . what a lovely thing to say . I thank you so much . Really needed to hear this today . I do thank you ❤❤ Jut really lovely of you x
Brilliant therapy this! I’m learning soo much. So many moments where I’ve said “ oh that’s good that’s really good!”❤
Thanks Dawn . Alex is brilliant isn't he ! So good !
@@hayley1473 and so are you lovely! An amazing client to work with. Amazing self reflection and evaluation on yourself. You melt my heart such a beautiful person with amazing strength ❤️🙏🥂
@@dawnbryant8778 Dawn what a lovely thing to say . I do thank you . such lovely encouragement . I so appreciate your help and thoughts ❤❤
What an amazing work ❤
aww thank you x
Really appreciate Hayley and Alex. Thank you!
thank you . Really appreciate your encouragement ❤❤
Great work Hayley and Alex
aww thank you 🙂
Thank you Hayley and Alex for another great episode
Thank you Bridget!
Thank you Bridget ! I’m just watching the episodes now and its starting to sink in more what i need to do . It takes me a while to figure stuff out . thank you 😊
I really see a lot of myself here. So afraid to set a boundary with my Mum because I don't want to hurt her and also because I'm afraid of her anger. I remember going to a therapy session once and saying I don't care about me as long as everyone else is OK. Being like this we attract all the people who will abuse our empathy, kindness. Just realising I'm codependent.
hi - so sorry to read of your troubles and sending you love ❤. I have managed to move on a little bit from where i was in this video - and set some gentle boundaries with mum . I struggle with other people too and always remember Alex saying to me ‘We teach people how to treat us ‘ - it’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime for me . But i am making some progress. I pray you are too . Aww - sending you love and strength and anything else you may need x x
Powerful insights here and Hayley, you're just amazing in so many ways and especially to be prepared to share with us. Bravo! Also I wanted to follow up the link to resources to help work on self image that you refer to Alex, at the end of the video, but I cant find them...can you help please?
Thanks Judy - sure thing - they are at intherapy.alexhoward.com
Judy thank you so much for your encouragement . Its so appreciated ❤
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Im thinking about codependency and people pleasing. Being hypervigilant about others needs and second guessing others.
Hayley is intelligent. I think people on the spectrum often are regarded as stupid because of the autism. I see Hayley is very self critcal because she believed that false criticism.
yes i was always criticised as a child - but the biggest critic was me . I’m not on the autism spectrum - but definately score high on the obsessive compulsive disorder scale and Beck depression inventory- i have been assessed as i have been part of research trails at Cambridge university over the years 🙂 . Happy to say i am doing loads better now after Alex’s help 🙂 Thank you for your interesting thoughts
Grateful for this and for Hayleys courage to share
Helpful🙏🏻
Aww thank you . Appreciated 😊