I have a talent. Im a dancer at heart. "The girl is gifted!"..my ballet teachers told my mother so many times. "You should support her she will get far." my teachers told my mom. But my father hated it when I focused on dancing too much. He would scream and break dishes. He also told me Im basic...not talented enough to become professional.and my traumatized neglected older sister destroyed my selfesteem too..she made me feel incompetent and inferior at every turn so that she could build her own ego in comparison. As an adult...I never felt good enough at anything ever!!😢 my severe lack of selfesteem was like an invisible disability. I didnt had the courage to apply for dance education. I was depressed and i was hiding and avoiding until I started healing. Its only now that I see what a wonderful sensitive smart talented little girl I was. Its a shame that I ended up in the wrong jobs, on medications, long term unemployed, depressed and underachieving in the past. But healing is my hope. I might never be a professional dancer. Im 35 now...but I am dancing again to nourish my soul and I will give myself the love and encouragement that I so deeply needed when I was little. And I will do my best with what I have from where I am and thats enough
Siblings can cause as much trauma as parents can and sibling abuse isn't acknowledged enough (Usually that's also the parents fault for not intervening more, though).
@@ChildrensRightsFirst947 YES! It's not acknowledged or covered nearly enough. And yes, it is the parents' fault for not intervening... even promoting it
I feel like imposter syndrome comes on because of an “idealistic I” mindset.Because when a person is rejected who they were as a kid,they would start thinking that “ideal self” would help.Through out their life,they still would have the same mindset,cause they dont even know who they are,let alone reflect on the past!Comparing the real self and the ideal self of the person,they start autoagression,because they dont match the “perfect picture”.The perfect picture,that would make their parents accept and love them..
When I was a child, I spent my Saturday mornings watching cartoons that helped me escape my chaotic childhood. Now, as an adult, I watch Daniel Mackler's videos that help me heal from that trauma. Thanks for the great insights, Daniel!
Most psychotherapists don't follow up with their former clients to find out if the therapy actually helped the clients. They probably don't want to know.
When you dig into psychiatry.. you find out it’s not really scientific based.. there are no real tests for adhd, depression etc.. it’s mostly subjective and based on what the patient says they “feel” or even what the parents say about their children… it’s very money driven by big fpharma
@@le_th_lmaooo some people reply or accept a meeting afterwards to just check in but yeah a lot just don't care bc well it's a job and not their whole existence
We observe other professionals and we assume that they’ve got it all figured out, because they want to present a confident image that we can trust in. But the truth is that we all have our flaws and the journey is never over. It’s a lifelong experience of learning.
Amen and Amen 💛 '...people don't have chemical imbalances, people have unresolved traumas!' Thankyou for being so bold in speaking out about what so few dare to say! What a huge lying system we're entrenched in!
yeah and no. there are a lot of people who lack crucial nutrients in their diet which coupled with not enough sleep no exercise and perhaps some kind of mild or advanced substance use does result in a chemical imbalance. speaking out of experience: i had traumas, but also a bad lifestyle. after quitting drinking completely, adopting a healthy balanced diet with regular exercise, I had this feeling that I had forgotten to relate to: I felt as well as when I was 16.(im 36). I don't have data (frankly nobody does) but I think a lot of depression is caused by a bad lifestyle. And I am not trying to push the agenda that the speaker in this video debunks: that we are biological robots and need to take the pill if we break down..: I speak of the eastern approach, mind and body must both be fixed. I do think that diet and exercise should be part of psychotherapy, needless to say once the body is healthy it is a lot easier to tackle and kind of mental problem. division of body and soul in Western thought did lead to major advancements in science, but the problems of this approach are really starting to show: your md only treats your body usually not fixing the cause: your unhealthy lifestyle, the shrink only tries to treat your mind (if so, worse yet if they do the same your md does with pills)..
I agree with all of you. Diet and lifestyle are definitely potential causes/remedies of chronic health condtions, both "physical" and "mental" (though as one of you said, that distinction itself is part of the problem.) A healthy gut and low inflammation has been shown in many anecdotal instances to resolve psychopathy, depression, cancers, arthritus, other auto-immune disorders, etc. The keto diet has helped many people recover healthy minds though it can take several months to several years. Bottom line - we need healthcare to become much more wholistically approached, involving nutrition, exercise, relationships, and talk therapy/ trauma resolution.
Comments saying if I understand correctly, that the trauma causes the chemical imbalance. Interesting to see how entrenched and pervasive this idea is.
You’re profound. It’s actually interesting how egotistical so many people are. Isn’t that a sign of an abusive system. This video is helpful very helpful
Your videos are kind of terrifying sometimes. They are so true. They make me always glued to the screen and listening to every word. The things about the family, the mental health system, people in power. Its terrifying becouse it touches deep truth within me and the consciousness about my past and the world. Its also empowering. Thanks Daniel.
You are a beautiful human being, Mr. Mackler, and a truly gifted healing artist. It also helps that you are incredibly knowledgeable and articulate as well. Thank you for sharing your talent and yourself here. ☮️❤️🐾
You are so very candid and comforting to listen to, to watch, to sit back and just "be with" virtually. Thank you Daniel. I don't go to therapy because I'm a stubborn ass that wants to solve every problem on his own, but your videos help. In fact, I might be too shy to open up in person and this "by proxy" therapy is working, slowly but surely. Please keep sharing, and let the algorithms point me in the right direction so I can conquer my demons and move forward with my life.
"It seems like a scam that therapists should have to go to school for this when actually if you're healthy it's normal." Omg this is exactly what I've been afraid to say, after my own experience going to school for it and (briefly) stepping into the field. Thank you for saying it. In general it often is just "be the good, maybe even knowledgeable friend they never had and give them space to be themselves" that's by far the most helpful. That's all most of us are looking for. Of course there's the ethical nuance of the job, and training for that sort of thing, but as you said in another video even the that should just be common sense if you're gonna be a therapist. I swear, even if someone who is "the problem" comes into therapy, they were almost certainly the victim at some point, and it generally seems to be a lot easier for someone to take accountability if the whole balanced picture is acknowledged. You have to be able to have that balanced compassion, insight, and tough love. It's obviously more complicated than that but I just find if you have to train someone on how to be therapeutic, they're never gonna fully succeed at it. It's a skill that comes from life experience and healing. I just find so many therapeutic methods and psychological studies to not be very scientific at all. Some methods work at certain times to be sure, but it's just... I feel like the field lost its way. By which I mean it never found the way, not yet. Anyway, I'm done ranting. Your videos have been an extreme breath of fresh air for me Daniel. I'm gonna be watching your documentaries too. You've already shared so much good wisdom but also please keep posting, your energy, care, and knowledge is very much needed.
He taught us so much about this whole world. Like finding a good solid therapist is very important and still it's not enough, the truth is that we have to face our life even the most ugly parts and it's scary. In a non-complacent way also
hey, just wanted to to tell u i watch a lot of ur videos, ur my favorite channel on trauma etc, i find the way u talk very clear and simple, and it always resonate well, it doesnt look like a psychologist talking, but an authetic person that have gone through trauma herself, i say it as a compliment.
Enlightening as always. I really appreciate how you pause with stillness. So often UA-camrs are aggressively pushing and not reflecting in the moment like a real life human scenario would be, Ideally.
Nothing is going to be perfect, because none of us are perfect. Even therapists have a life filled with life's issues. You were right about people needing someone to really listen. An unbiased listener is what it's all about. For me, I quit taking all the drugs that were supposed to help that didn't. It's a process. The important thing is knowing that support is there.
There's no such thing as unbiased listener. The professional has its own but if they're actually professional, they will acknowledge them and confront them if necessary
I love where you took this. Your point about making therapy safe for THEM (the people coming to therapy) was so poignant. I couldn't help but think, instead of making these people (coming to therapy) safe for the THERAPIST and society at large. The mental health system is fundamentally afraid of their patients, of what they might do, or maybe even worse, of what they might say. They are erally uncomfortable at the thought of their world being fundamentally a lie. Thank you Daniel, you are keeping me sane in this insane state they've left me with after they poisoned me with ritalin. Everything is painful now. But I find joy and peace listening to your very truthful insights.
As usual you're laser precise and complete in this observation. It's easy to be decent but feel odd because the "world" is often far from it. The part about the kid being emotionally healthy/wise but made to feel like the "bad one" is not only common, it's universal, I'm certain. Being decent/gifted also tends to be something that makes parents/others feel insecure and thus abuse the kid/person so that forces them to as you say shut down to the knowing and being of that. Deep inner self awareness, self acceptance including inner "demons", and open honest respect for self and others is all that's needed to be skillful as a therapist. On that ground they'll naturally be attentive to the client and themselves and will naturally tend to work towards the needed knowledge, skill, and understanding to be effective. In my experience it's extremely rare to find such a therapist. Let's just say, you're the *only* therapist with even close to your degree of humility, respect, honesty, openness and deep awareness. You may very well be an awakened being, to be honest.
From all the best therapists, you’re one of the best. Your ability to empathize with people is amazing. Your teachers followed the books, you followed your intuition.
I love this video. The title gave me an assumption that it would be a fairy mellow video. However, what an impactful video! I love Daniel’s relentless truth-telling.
Diagnoses from the DSM - like putting a dress on an elephant!! Hahahaha, love this, thanks Daniel!! My psychiatrist will like it too.. (I've got a good one who dislikes the DSM). Top notch vid. I think you're the only person who I always agree with!
I think we feel like impostors when we take a social role (mother, teacher, scientist, doctor, politician ...) and we hide behind it, because it socially convenient and for the power trip that it grants. We actually ARE impostors when we do this! We forget the real meaning of being a parent, politician or anything, which ideally is to love! Being our vulnerable self is really dangerous!
Yes, and driven by shame underneath it all. The person's identity is wrapped around a role, and they get "Role X is a good person and I am a Role X so I am a good person."
@@196cupcake indeed! I am a [whatever] therefore I have the moral high ground ... I also spot a power trip, as in I am a [whatever] therefore you do what you have been told (learn this lesson, accept this new law, take this medication, have this spiritual practice, and on and on and on). I think, we needs social roles, but we need to know also WHY and HOW a person is using that role.
❤❤❤ Those were my words to you, as well, many years back. That's because created a safe place and your attitude was one of compassion and nuance and I felt understood and protected coming to this page and listening to your perspective. You understood that in that phase of my life that was what I needed the most. You are one of the ultimate wise and fair therapists out here that I actually accept influence from, the caveat being that I think highly of others in the field as well, and I think I honour them as well, while your demeanour fits with my worldview, maybe that's why I think of you as friend on the other side of the world. I go off and live my life and whenever you post it's like a "hey, you're in town, I hope you're OK and life is treating you well" feeling and then we go off to live with that fondness that you're a good person, a good influence on the world, and so may you live long and share your thoughts with people for years to come. 🙂🙏
Not all anxiety and depression is from past trauma. Some of it is because of our sick culture of the present, and all the loneliness and verbal abuse people are currently going through.
Yes, and illness. Although, illness can be linked to past traumatic experiences. I imagine social media, particularly instagram, tik tok, Facebook, is not helping.
I don't know. It seems if you have a truly healthy sense of self and genuine self-love, the culture around us, the verbal abuse, etc., have much less impact on us. It also seems like when we genuinely love ourselves, loneliness is only a minor nuissance at worst. So I think I'd say that anxiety and depression are the flowers that result from our roots.
Straight talk! I love your passion and wisdom. Unravelling the family origins is so key to compassionate understanding. It is pushing me to be somatic psychedelic therapist. The emotions are the soul of the being.
God, I have to say thanks for this. I've been on a similar journey of pain and healing and also all on my own. This scared me initially , but like you, I felt like I just 'knew' things, understood them, understood how our thoughts and feelings work and how to help and allow them. At REALLY hard times, I would think, "fuck I need help, I need therapy and even had family members suggest therapy if ever I opened up about how bad I felt. But everytime I would seriously consider it, I had this small intuitive nag that said "no you need to do this on your own" and yes, I would always get through each bad phase, understanding more and more by just watching, allowing and analysing the inner processes. Two times, I did reach out and have an assessment phonecall with two therapists and yet I left each phonecall thinking wtf!? How dehumanising they were and how invalidating. Even in my own triggered, vulnerable state, I knew what I had been learning on my own was more valuable and correct than what they were offering, and I have no 'qualifications" , just the actual experience. Which I see now, is much more valuable, helpful and true. However, during tough times, I also sometimes still get this imposter syndrome. Like who me? Who stays on her own, doesn't really feel like I connect to others, lives in my own bubble , no qualifications, but feels I know more about the human condition that most qualified therapists?! So just thank you. Thank you for validating that I can trust myself. Only recently, I had three days of feeling so heavy and depressed, I felt worried, but also a sense of needing to let the energy state be. I could barely function or get out of bed, then on the fourth morning, it changed to terrible anxiety and I knew my energy was shifting, the emotion was coming. And I had a few waves of tears, starting and then numbing out, in waves and finally it came, it broke and I sobbed soo hard, my chest hurt and I could hardly breathe. It settled after 15 mins and I made myself a cuppa and relaxed into watching a game, then gently started to tidy up and did some shopping. Come the evening, I went for my walk in the dark. (The dark is soothing and means you don't have to 'put the smile on' for others.) After my earlier cry, my heart felt open, exposed, vulnerable, but there was this innocence and childlikeness about it. And my walk was amazing, I was taking it slow, so lost in the moment, amazed and fascinated by everything, house designs, boats, lights, streets, and I knew it was because I had cleared some heavy emotion and pain within my energy and under it, was my free inner child, that we all have. I had reconnected to it and it felt wonderful. If we can sit with the pain, the anxiety, the depression, the grief, the confusion, no matter how bad, trust it and allow it, it will shift and cleanse when the emotional grief arises, feel it , cry , scream, roar, let it out. It will clear you and liberate you. ❤ The reason a lot of people never get to this place, is because the world does not allow you to. You have to 'go to work' and be 'responsible', so much is demanded of us to carry on and function in our daily lives, that we don't have time to break down, allow and be with what needs to happen. Life, the system, forces us to push through , inturn pushing down. I had to spend 3 days barely getting out of bed before that energy shifted and most people are not allowed that luxury. I'm only fortunate enough to because of my label 'aspergers' so I have no responsibilities keeping me from needing to process whatever. A real fuck up for people who need as much undemanding time as they need. All people really want and need, is connection, time , interest, validation, love and compassion. ❤
I often wonder how you feel about the idea of bringing more personality, relatability, & emotion from the professionals side in psychotherapy sessions. I've only spoken with one & while he was a good listener and a fairly good responder to what I spoke of, he just seemed somewhat by the book & stale. Not that I thought he would be stale if he had more freedom of expression, but he just seemed held back by how he learned to conduct sessions. Maybe I'm being unrealistic but you just have a gripping way of viewing psychology & I've been interested in your content & perspective for a while now. Thanks for all your videos
Such a good talk. What struck me is the phrase "gifted child." Strictly logically, "gifted" is superfluous, but we immediately realise it's simply a figure of speech, a rhetorical device, used famously by Alice Miller, and almost certainly borne out of a deep frustration with the denial and the suppression of the gifts in question. But to me, it speaks of a defence that is improvised, like a haphazard civilian barricade in a narrow street. It feels to me that after all these decades, a more robust voicing of our frustration would make us feel less and less need to use a single figure of speech repeatedly.
I know these voices telling you you are a failure, too well. As a piano pedagogy student I was told my personality was too friendly. Funny enough, I have a big class and all my students take part in the semester concerts. Each one has his special relationship with the piano. None of my students would have lasted one month with my mentors at the Music College. Terrible that these are the people teaching in the art form, probably most near to human emotions.
You are an excellent therapist and champion of the people. I concur with everything you've said here and think that the current schooling and system and requirements for therapists is a scam. The DSM, the emphasis on classifying and diagnosing and correcting "chemical imbalances" is absurd, but it follows the medical system model of treating humans like simple machines that must be repaired from the outside rather than as organisms that can heal themselves if given healthy conditions. I can see why trained pyschologists and teachers believe the stuff, but it saddens me that they do. I've often been told by strangers I meet or talk to on the internet that I'd be a great therapist. Unfortunately, my degree is in engineering, so I cannot legally practice therapy. Maybe I should try "life coaching" though! Incidentally, I also suffer from imposter syndrome. I think it is related to the Dunning-Kruger effect: the more intelligent and sensitive and aware you are, the more you know that you don't know and more aware of your own blindspots and limitations you are. Fools think they know everything. Wise people know they know nothing. It's hard not to feel like an imposter when you realize how limited our collective understanding of reality and the human body we are. I have recurring dreams where I'm still taking college classes, but can't find my class schedule and know I'm missing like three of the four classes I'm enrolled in. I stoo going to classes, miss finals, etc. I was a decent enough engineer when I worked, but it was never really my passion. I just did it because it's what my dad wanted for me. 🤷♂️
Thank you so much Daniel for this wonderful message. I've also known what you mentioned you knew intuitively, all my life and had never heard anyone else say this. I very greatly appreciate all the honesty and insight you share.
A lot of people, especially parents, can't go on like that for long, because they don't have the core strength and energy. Very soon they start pretending they have figured it out in order to save face.
@@allthe1who have that core strength and energy? You actually go through it, sometimes it's such a pain but sometimes it does feel easier and full of ourselves we do believe that we get over it. At least there's a serenity at some extent and this is the goal imo
Dear Daniel can you make a video on sibling trauma? Siblings can be quiete abusive and psychologists hardly ever talk about that. My older sister made me wash all the floors in our house with ice cold water completly naked to humiliate me. I was shaking cause I was cold and i was crying because of the how much she criticised me for being stupid and wrong
Asked the same questions of my clients and myself and got the same answers from both as well. I ended up not finishing my doctorate cause I had figured that out and shared those findings with many of the professors. It was then made clear (despite excellent grades) that I would not be graduating without serving my punishment… the observations and subsequent suggestions were NOT well-received. 😊
I'm undergoing therapy and receiving psychiatric care, but honestly I feel like I'm throwing money away. And watching the videos on your channel I identified a lot with the criticisms you make of the mental health system, I have similar thoughts. To me it all seems like a scam. Sorry for my bad English.
Degrees are a nice starting point but not an end goal. Honestly a very solid therapist would be able to see through that, the human (empathy, will to challenge the worldview) qualities make the crude difference, diagnosis can help to navigate what you are going through but not that much imo and you have the total right to challenge them bc a human being is complex but somehow simple entity, I don't believe much more else. Doctors are rational but not scientists, there's a huge difference between a researcher and someone who apply a logic that they learnt about
Thank you so much for this recording. It encourages me to be loyal to myself which is the best way how to deal with past burdens. I am working on how to reject lies forced on me and replace those with what is true for myself It is difficult and I need all determination I can get. I am really happy I found your chanell
When a child is taught to abandon some part of their real Self in order to be accepted or loved, they learn that they are fundamentally wrong or bad. Believing to other people (parents, teachers, whoever) damages their healthy self-perception and self-esteem. The abuse usually comes from people who have little or no psychological or spiritual self-awareness. No wonder such children have later problems with the IS.
Well said. Imposter syndrome, to me, is just the repercussions of your family constantly having their big, fat foot on the back of your neck, telling you you're not good enough...for anything. You go out into the world, you find out you succeed at things they never could, you find out even in today's hostile world that at least the people who don't like you are upfront about it (unlike your covert narc family) and this imposter syndrome is just another way of saying your family tried to crush your self esteem your whole life, telling you the world was sick. You come to the conclusion, yeah the world is F'd up, especially nowadays....but all in all? Its still more friendlier/warmer/welcoming than your toxic family, who really are the sick ones. Project much? LOL if I tried to explain "projection" to my worthless parents, they'd associate it with the big screen TV's they all own while they consume mindless entertainment....ugggh. God they're idiots.
We must examine thoroughly how we were brought up. Our family dynamic is everything. We must investigate how we had to meet our parents needs bc they never met ours as children. We learned to not be authentic bc we were never allowed to be ourselves. We had to walk on eggshells anticipating how we should act to Not Upset them. They were unpredictable so we had to adapt to that just to keep them from punishing me or belittling me.
Thank you for your thoughts - I too struggle with my insecurities based of my childhood... reality is brutal to hear it is a common problem we have. A global trauma. But what I want to ask is, I am not native english, what your very last sentence means, you say: "For the impostors they really are" ... are what? "They" are the ones who heal and see reality, so for impostors in power they are impostors, too? Did I get it reight, or what did you mean?
I hope one of these days you will cover or answer my question on why a person becomes obsessed with perfection?.. and how to get rid of this type of obsession.
I just make a video on perfectionism. Maybe you will find it useful? Perfectionism: Impossible Standards & Childhood Trauma ua-cam.com/video/_t6THwZatXI/v-deo.html
Maybe put more emphasis on how it’s a continuous cycle and most of the abusers are not conscious much of the time.Notice I said most. Blessings to you.
why am I surprised. conspiracy starts with pstents, and so do imposters. really good answer and multiple insights here. - spot real imposters - deeper themes of specific things that feel inauthentic to do in fields of work
I find myself having the opposite of this & the imposters put me in position to not be able to use the talents...and people call me grandiose and delusional on top of it
Hi Daniel. Would you consider making a video about feelings of blame? By that I mean feeling as though you were to blame for how your parents treated you. This has been coming up for me a lot, a sense that watching my mom in pain made me feel like I was the cause of it, and how I think I somehow internalised it and am still stuck with that belief somehow, even though I can reason with myself that I wasn't. And also how my dad sort of wanted an emotional connection with me that I wasn't able to provide and even though it wasn't appropriate I still felt like it was my own short comings that made me feel uncomfortable and to pull away. These feelings and senses of who I am are still core to how I feel around people - I've been noticing how angry I get when people zoom past me on their motorbikes without considering how dangerous it is to me and I think it's a kind of projection of that sense of blame - that really I still blame myself for the harm that was somehow inflicted on my parents and their pain and loneliness. I'm trying to somehow distill this ever present belief or sense or thought but it's slippery, even though it's always there I'm finding it hard to hold still and stare at ... any advice would be appreciated. Much love, thanks so much for your videos
..... although I agree with so much of what you say, I don't agree with this black and white depiction of all the imposters out there. I know what you mean though ... and as someone who's experienced enough trauma and abuse through people and the system, and has gone through so much healing, I today believe all the more, that anyone (!) can heal! We all have something of the 'imposter' in us. I don't believe or agree that there are those who are fully healthy deep down but made somehow broken only by others and then there are others who are fully lost beyond hope. Na! ....There are just one kind of human on this planet and we all need healing, some perhaps more than others and some the harder to reach since they don't believe they need healing ...
Sometimes I think imposter syndrome is overapplied. Some people feel this because they might be struggling to confront actually not being good at something that they want to be good at, but otherwise have a lot invested in so admitting that you aren't good is a big hurdle.
Hey Daniel, Ive been watching your channel for many years. I understand and strongly agree with your position about medications being harmful for treatment of mental illnesses. I was wondering if there are cases in your opinion that may warrant it even if it's short term to help someone get out of a funk and build stability so that they can heal. Oftentimes people suffering from mental illness get trapped in it due to their life circumstances. I was wondering if in those cases, would giving for example antidepressants for a short time so they can, for example, break out of their family system in order to heal do you think that would be a good use of the medications?
@@ethanjohnson3642He already answered that question. He thinks that except benzodiazépines for a short term bc of the angst, nothing is actually working really
And my question for you is: would you work as a psicotherapist again maybe in another way, I mean your way. It would be great if you could make a video on this ❤
We have client-reported measuring in some clinics after treatment in Canada and other countries. An evidence based questionnaire for clients. It is awesome, but therapists don’t always like it!
I really appreciate and value your content. Some of those spot on positive points. ..1 minute 30 seconds in forward. “Parents are imposters.” > correct. Mr and Mrs Parent. Thanks to figuring it out to step back from the somebody told me what somebody I was going to be. My 3 from a former marriage actually talk to me ..ALOT. I listen & learn. “Intuitively” < FREE hint By definition adult child = PTSD. An adult children of an alcoholic is like “a Ferrari running 90mph with the brakes on.” Movie > Cool Hand Luke | “What We Got Here Is Failure To Communicate.” As the warden kicks Paul Newman down the hill. The imposture parents are retreads from generational dysfunctional families from untreated unresolved chaotic trauma from neglect, abuse and worse. The world is full of imposters.
There is something wrong with the system. I have psychsomatic flu like symptoms for years from my mother and the system trying to force feed lies and manipulations down my throat. My anger is thru the roof !
I’m not sure. I was never a big fan of psychotherapy models myself. I just did my own thing. And it could be quite variable with different clients, or with the same client at any given time.
at 3'33'' the ''Dissociation'' expressed in Terms of some ''psycho-somatic'' Sign and Symptom so named, some ''symbolical, allegorical Communication System'' so to put it, also occurred to biblical ''Jaqob'' when the Majority of his ''Children'' from some of his ''Wives'', tried to ''kill'' his own ''preferred Child'', from a ''Wife'' among his several ''Wives'', and he developed so named ''Blindness'', somatic actually, because the ''Psyché'' who he was, ''refused'' to ''see'', also for ''know'' the ''Evil'' also ''Rä'' in middle eastern Language, for ''Unfairness, Unbalance, Lack of Integrity, Lack of Wholeness, Lack of Holiness, Lack of Sanctity and actually, 'Presence' of 'Corruption' indeed'', of the ''Siblings'', that among the so named ''human Family'' is also ''displayed'' by so called ''organized Gang Stalkers'', of whose ''evil, devilish Methods'' (for ''Devil'', cfr. also ''Satan'' biblically, that is the ''Allegory of a Sadist'' actually) also the ''united Nations Organization'' has issued a Document, at Site ohchr.org, titled ''Harassment Techniques''), and who allegedly were ''full operating'' already some 100 Years ago, as indicated in the Movie ''the Pacifist - Gertrud Woker: a forgotten Heroine'', by Fabian Chiquet, to be appreciated at Site filmingo.ch, where it can also be ''appreciated'' the so to call it ''christian Method'' that consists in ''first 'killing' an Individual, and then 'rehabilitating' him, her, his or her Name'' and even or especially ''making Money on it'' or also generally ''taking Profit from him, her'', (in the very Case of ''Jesus Christ'' himself, he was ''firstly abandoned by the 'Crows' that was 'corrupted' by the so named 'Fellows of Barabbah', whose Name is literally 'Son of the Father' or 'Daddy's Son' as it is vulgarly meant, and for ''the Father'' cfr, in ''Equilibrium'' the Movie of some 20 Years ago by Kurt Wimmer, and the ''Symbol'' for ''the Father'' also ''Tetragrammaton'' is like that on the ''Clothes of the residential Students'' in the Movie by ''revolutionary'' Movie Maker Marco Bellocchio, titled ''in Nome del Padre'', published some 50 Years ago, and later ''Jesus Christ'' was made literally ''brutally tortured, morally and physically'' by the ''Guards'' so named, ''on the Payroll'' of the ''Regime'' of that Time, so called, and eventually ''a crucified and bleeding, suffering'' Jesus Christ, is ''called to help Individuals in Need'' and also, a whole ''religious Institution'', also a ''Business'' or ''Enterprise'' so to call it, has been ''built'' upon him, and only in the recent Movie by ''Marco Bellocchio'' above mentioned, and titled ''Rapito'', one can ''see'' a ''Child'', indeed, that ''frees 'Jesus Christ' from the Cross'', and ''rescue him'', and for any ''wise, innately savant Child'', also ''you and me, everyone, when we were 'Children' indeed'', cfr. in ''le pétit Prince'' by Antoine Saint Exupéry, where ''the little Prince never 'gave up' a Demand, 'for Truth', once he had asked it, until he 'got a decent, reliable Answer' to it'', and cfr. in ''the Emperor's new Clothes'' by Don Juan Manuel, published some 700 Years ago, and edited again some 200 Years ago by Hans Christian Andersen, where and when ''only the Child, amid the 'general Public', showed to be 'uncorrupted and incorruptible', and to be 'honest, truthful', while especially 'Adults' showed to be 'Impostors' actually'' and some of them as ''Sadists'', also ''Brigands or Bandits'' according to ''the Laws of human Stupidity'' by ''revolutionary'' Scientist ''Carlo M. Cipolla'', who are Individuals who especially induce others to suffer from so ''medically, officially'' named ''Alienation Syndrome'', and some of them as ''Masochists'', who are ''Individuals who suffer of so ''medically, officially'' named ''Stockholm Syndrome'': and a ''Sign and Symptom'' for anyone, who ''suffer'', actually is ''pathological'' from ''Pathos'' in Greek for ''Suffering'', is ''Incongruity or Hypocrisy'', cfr. ''they 'publicly' behave differently than they do 'privately' and also 'they apparently are different, than they are intimately' , as in the Case of any 'Wolf in Sheep's Clothes' or also, a 'Sheep in Wolf's Clothes' so to allegorically put it, and there also is such an Example in the 'short' Movie titled 'I love Hooligans' to be 'freely' appreciated on-line or to be appreciated in the Document 'watch Boys on Film 16: Worlds collide' at Site vimeo.com Section 'watch' and 'on Demand', Movie 6 on 9'', and from ''Sadism'' and ''Masochism'' arises so named ''Pathology'' called ''Narcissism'', that induces Individuals to practice ''Gaslight'', the 'Phenomenon'' described in an homonymous Movie of some 80 Years go, ''starring'' Player Ingrid Bergmann, to be ''freely'' appreciated on-line; eventually the ''religious, institutional 'Diktat' so named'' that recites ''honor thy Mother and thy Father'', merely ''boosts and enables'' so called ''Hypocrisy'', also the ''Impostor Syndrome'', also ''Gaslight'', as practiced by ''Adults'' and later ''mimicked'' by ''grownup Children'' so called, in the Forms of ''Sadism and/or Masochism'' so named, unless a ''Child'' is ''rebellious'' enough, and decides to ''reasonably, exercising the own 'Reasoning' Capabilities, or Skills, the own 'Logos' as it is called in Greek of the ancient, original Philosophers of some 2500 Years ago, and as it is named in the biblical Book of 'John', Chapter 1, Verse 1, at Site biblehub.com Version 'interlinear' and 'multi' Languages'', and ''analyzes the own 'Autobiography' so named'' and ''detects any 'Element' that may have induced him, her to become a 'Sadist and/or a Masochist' and actively tries, struggles for, 'healing' it'', as it was ''concretely'' done by ''revolutionary'' Author ''Alejandro Jodorowsky'', cfr. his ''the Dance of Reality'' a Book, translated in 2 Movies, ''the Dance of Reality'' and ''endless Poetry'', to be acquired at Site amazon); at 4'57'' any ''Diagnosis'' according to some ''Doctrine'', has to do with ''Business'' that is based on ''Money'' or ''hold a social Position for the own 'social Status' amid Society, that grants a 'monetary Income' actually'' (in ''totalitarian'' so named Regimes, such as also the ''Dictatorship of the Majority'' indeed, renamed as ''Democracy'', the ''social Status'' is held by ''adhering to the 'Regime' and its 'Laws', despite they are 'unlawful' in the Eye of 'G.d' so to put it, they are against 'the Intelligence of the Conscience, of the Soul, divine', who one is'', and in all Cases ''Money have taken the Place of 'G.d', of 'the Source', 'Savitr' in Sanskrit, 'Svet' in Russian, of the 'living Light' so named'', and Individuals ''praise it, seek 'Support and Guidance from it' instead of 'referring to G.d actually' on the Contrary of what happened some 2500 Years ago, internationally, cfr. this in the Work of spiritual Science and divine Art by 'LaoZhi' from China, 'Mahavira Tirthankara' from India, 'Siddharta Buddha' from Nepal, 'Plato original Philosopher' and 'Pythagoras spiritual Mathematician' from Greece, 'Zoroaster Prophet' from Iran, Persia'', and cfr. ''Money'' as well as ''Sexuality, Sex'' appointed as ''Today's G.d'' and ''Support, Guidance'' for ''People'', in ''que Diable suis-je venue faire sur cette Terre'' by ''revolutionary'' medical Doctor Ghislaine Saint Pierre Lanctôt, and concerning ''oneself as a Soul'' on the other Hand, cfr. her ''je me souviens de qui je suis'', the ''Anthem'' at youtube Channel ''Personocratia Idessa''), and above mentioned ''Gertrud Woker'' was ''officially diagnosed'' as ''Paranoïd'', and ''hospitalized'' that is equal to ''jailed'', as for those in the Documentary Movies ''forbidden Voices'' by Barbara Miller, at Site vimeo.com Section ''watch'' and ''on Demand'', and in ''weiterleben'' by Hans Haldimann, at Site filmingo.ch.
The more I have thought about myself, the more I realized the mental health system made me stigmatize myself. There always had to be something "wrong", not just a frank conversation that humans go through traumatic life situations and of course that is going to lead to stress. Humans are not good at listening. Our society is not making it any easier for people to listen to each other. We are all self monologuing AT others not talking WITH others
Hey Daniel, How did this world of denial and imposters begin? Why did we transition from animal-unconscious honesty to human-conscious denial and imposters? If we properly define the problem, the solution becomes clear. I find that no one has even touched upon this subject, none other than Jeremy Griffith in his work, namely his book 'Freedom'.
I think you get a lot of things right, and also, here are some misc. comments: 1. It's ironic how many CBT oriented therapists buy into the concept of imposter syndrome. They shouldn't, because imposter vs. not-imposter are not distinct categories, so "imposter syndrome" is a black/white cognitive distortion. 2. Your critical take on medication reminded me of an idea, extension: many of the people who've bought into the idea of psychiatric medication as a solution would, at other times, deride using "drugs" as a solution to one's real-world problems. Like, "you won't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle." Sure, sometimes people have reasonably good lives and their unhappiness can be largely attributed to "brain chemistry." At other times, "depression" is largely due to circumstances so bad that it would be unreasonable to expect anyone to be happy with. For the latter, it is offensive to suggest that their displeasure can be resolved with medication (or psychotherapy interventions). (Example on the extreme end, to highlight the part I'm talking about) - enslaved African Americans needed emancipation rather than SSRIs. In that sense, in less extreme yet still harmful situations, meds/therapy can be thought of as tools to more effectively oppress people, rather than something intended to help those people. Less extreme example: a person who's real problem is lack of connection or relationship, the kind where it would be inappropriate for a therapist to fill that role. SSRIs aren't a replacement for a spouse, and it is offensive to suggest as much, but often psychotherapists do. "What you, client, really need is X, but since I can't/won't give you X, but I'll give you Y, and now that you have Y you are supposed to believe that not having X is no longer a problem. 3. Sometimes there is a good deal of truth behind imposter syndrome. Like, if you're a therapist giving therapy to slaves then, yes, you kind of are an imposter: your identity as one who tries to help people is a false identity.
The therapist got scared of my rage when it was life coming back. I had stuff to say she's not comfortable with and she got defensive and she did get rid of me bc this is what professionnals do when they don't deal with their counter-transferrence HA. She hurted me a lot and wow it was so horrible but I'm going through it rediscovering how difficult it is, how rage is what scares the most in those highly polished domestic called civilized societies. Sadness allows us to empathize but wow pure rage is hella scary especially from women and females alike
"Inside a cynical person lies a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin
I have a talent. Im a dancer at heart. "The girl is gifted!"..my ballet teachers told my mother so many times. "You should support her she will get far." my teachers told my mom. But my father hated it when I focused on dancing too much. He would scream and break dishes. He also told me Im basic...not talented enough to become professional.and my traumatized neglected older sister destroyed my selfesteem too..she made me feel incompetent and inferior at every turn so that she could build her own ego in comparison. As an adult...I never felt good enough at anything ever!!😢 my severe lack of selfesteem was like an invisible disability. I didnt had the courage to apply for dance education. I was depressed and i was hiding and avoiding until I started healing. Its only now that I see what a wonderful sensitive smart talented little girl I was. Its a shame that I ended up in the wrong jobs, on medications, long term unemployed, depressed and underachieving in the past. But healing is my hope. I might never be a professional dancer. Im 35 now...but I am dancing again to nourish my soul and I will give myself the love and encouragement that I so deeply needed when I was little. And I will do my best with what I have from where I am and thats enough
🩰 what an inspirational story!!! Thank you for sharing and giving me strength too!!
Siblings can cause as much trauma as parents can and sibling abuse isn't acknowledged enough (Usually that's also the parents fault for not intervening more, though).
im so glad to hear your story
🩰
@@ChildrensRightsFirst947 YES! It's not acknowledged or covered nearly enough. And yes, it is the parents' fault for not intervening... even promoting it
I feel like imposter syndrome comes on because of an “idealistic I” mindset.Because when a person is rejected who they were as a kid,they would start thinking that “ideal self” would help.Through out their life,they still would have the same mindset,cause they dont even know who they are,let alone reflect on the past!Comparing the real self and the ideal self of the person,they start autoagression,because they dont match the “perfect picture”.The perfect picture,that would make their parents accept and love them..
thanks for your great comment. It sums it up all for me and you nailed it down exactly right.
Spot on! Thank you
Absolutely
When I was a child, I spent my Saturday mornings watching cartoons that helped me escape my chaotic childhood. Now, as an adult, I watch Daniel Mackler's videos that help me heal from that trauma.
Thanks for the great insights, Daniel!
Saaaaaaaaaaame! Like a balm for the soul.
@@justamom4853at times more like a bomb for the soul 😭
Most psychotherapists don't follow up with their former clients to find out if the therapy actually helped the clients. They probably don't want to know.
When you dig into psychiatry.. you find out it’s not really scientific based.. there are no real tests for adhd, depression etc.. it’s mostly subjective and based on what the patient says they “feel” or even what the parents say about their children… it’s very money driven by big fpharma
Nope, most (not all) would prefer to believe they did.
@@le_th_lmaooo some people reply or accept a meeting afterwards to just check in but yeah a lot just don't care bc well it's a job and not their whole existence
We observe other professionals and we assume that they’ve got it all figured out, because they want to present a confident image that we can trust in. But the truth is that we all have our flaws and the journey is never over. It’s a lifelong experience of learning.
Amen and Amen 💛
'...people don't have chemical imbalances, people have unresolved traumas!'
Thankyou for being so bold in speaking out about what so few dare to say! What a huge lying system we're entrenched in!
Well, I guess the latter causes the former. So, he is right in saying that the cause should be addressed first.
yeah and no. there are a lot of people who lack crucial nutrients in their diet which coupled with not enough sleep no exercise and perhaps some kind of mild or advanced substance use does result in a chemical imbalance. speaking out of experience: i had traumas, but also a bad lifestyle. after quitting drinking completely, adopting a healthy balanced diet with regular exercise, I had this feeling that I had forgotten to relate to: I felt as well as when I was 16.(im 36). I don't have data (frankly nobody does) but I think a lot of depression is caused by a bad lifestyle. And I am not trying to push the agenda that the speaker in this video debunks: that we are biological robots and need to take the pill if we break down..: I speak of the eastern approach, mind and body must both be fixed. I do think that diet and exercise should be part of psychotherapy, needless to say once the body is healthy it is a lot easier to tackle and kind of mental problem. division of body and soul in Western thought did lead to major advancements in science, but the problems of this approach are really starting to show: your md only treats your body usually not fixing the cause: your unhealthy lifestyle, the shrink only tries to treat your mind (if so, worse yet if they do the same your md does with pills)..
@Llkc60 Good point. It’s intertwined though - the drinking, binge eating, sleep problems etc could be caused by unresolved trauma as well.
I agree with all of you. Diet and lifestyle are definitely potential causes/remedies of chronic health condtions, both "physical" and "mental" (though as one of you said, that distinction itself is part of the problem.)
A healthy gut and low inflammation has been shown in many anecdotal instances to resolve psychopathy, depression, cancers, arthritus, other auto-immune disorders, etc. The keto diet has helped many people recover healthy minds though it can take several months to several years.
Bottom line - we need healthcare to become much more wholistically approached, involving nutrition, exercise, relationships, and talk therapy/ trauma resolution.
Comments saying if I understand correctly, that the trauma causes the chemical imbalance. Interesting to see how entrenched and pervasive this idea is.
U are so authentic and real! dont ever listen to that voice! You changed the life of many! I have no words to tell u how much u mean to many people!
You’re profound. It’s actually interesting how egotistical so many people are. Isn’t that a sign of an abusive system. This video is helpful very helpful
Your videos are kind of terrifying sometimes. They are so true. They make me always glued to the screen and listening to every word. The things about the family, the mental health system, people in power. Its terrifying becouse it touches deep truth within me and the consciousness about my past and the world. Its also empowering. Thanks Daniel.
He taught us so much
You are a beautiful human being, Mr. Mackler, and a truly gifted healing artist. It also helps that you are incredibly knowledgeable and articulate as well. Thank you for sharing your talent and yourself here. ☮️❤️🐾
You are so very candid and comforting to listen to, to watch, to sit back and just "be with" virtually. Thank you Daniel. I don't go to therapy because I'm a stubborn ass that wants to solve every problem on his own, but your videos help. In fact, I might be too shy to open up in person and this "by proxy" therapy is working, slowly but surely. Please keep sharing, and let the algorithms point me in the right direction so I can conquer my demons and move forward with my life.
Maybe your 'demons' are hurt and scared parts of you, that need space to cry, or be angry, and be heard. I wish you healing in your own way.
@@LazuriteplaysYes, when I say demons I don't mean actual demons or supernatural forces. :) Thank you for your kindness.
Thank you for all the help Daniel ♥️, you helped me more than anyone else in my life.
Thanks 🙏
KING MACKLER BACK WITH THAT HEAT. Thank you SIR!
Lil' Daniel back with that heat 🔥🔥🔥
I've always felt like an imposter at work, so I tried so hard to over achieve to try to prove the opposite. All I did was burn myself out. 😢
"It seems like a scam that therapists should have to go to school for this when actually if you're healthy it's normal." Omg this is exactly what I've been afraid to say, after my own experience going to school for it and (briefly) stepping into the field. Thank you for saying it. In general it often is just "be the good, maybe even knowledgeable friend they never had and give them space to be themselves" that's by far the most helpful. That's all most of us are looking for. Of course there's the ethical nuance of the job, and training for that sort of thing, but as you said in another video even the that should just be common sense if you're gonna be a therapist. I swear, even if someone who is "the problem" comes into therapy, they were almost certainly the victim at some point, and it generally seems to be a lot easier for someone to take accountability if the whole balanced picture is acknowledged. You have to be able to have that balanced compassion, insight, and tough love. It's obviously more complicated than that but I just find if you have to train someone on how to be therapeutic, they're never gonna fully succeed at it. It's a skill that comes from life experience and healing. I just find so many therapeutic methods and psychological studies to not be very scientific at all. Some methods work at certain times to be sure, but it's just... I feel like the field lost its way. By which I mean it never found the way, not yet. Anyway, I'm done ranting. Your videos have been an extreme breath of fresh air for me Daniel. I'm gonna be watching your documentaries too. You've already shared so much good wisdom but also please keep posting, your energy, care, and knowledge is very much needed.
He taught us so much about this whole world. Like finding a good solid therapist is very important and still it's not enough, the truth is that we have to face our life even the most ugly parts and it's scary. In a non-complacent way also
hey, just wanted to to tell u i watch a lot of ur videos, ur my favorite channel on trauma etc, i find the way u talk very clear and simple, and it always resonate well, it doesnt look like a psychologist talking, but an authetic person that have gone through trauma herself, i say it as a compliment.
Thank you 😊
The idea of working in customer service (or similar) job before practicing therapy could be a wonderful requirement for therapists.
"Sit with them & listen" . Exactly. The central key to helping a person. Thank You.
Enlightening as always. I really appreciate how you pause with stillness. So often UA-camrs are aggressively pushing and not reflecting in the moment like a real life human scenario would be, Ideally.
Nothing is going to be perfect, because none of us are perfect. Even therapists have a life filled with life's issues. You were right about people needing someone to really listen. An unbiased listener is what it's all about.
For me, I quit taking all the drugs that were supposed to help that didn't. It's a process. The important thing is knowing that support is there.
There's no such thing as unbiased listener. The professional has its own but if they're actually professional, they will acknowledge them and confront them if necessary
I love where you took this. Your point about making therapy safe for THEM (the people coming to therapy) was so poignant. I couldn't help but think, instead of making these people (coming to therapy) safe for the THERAPIST and society at large. The mental health system is fundamentally afraid of their patients, of what they might do, or maybe even worse, of what they might say. They are erally uncomfortable at the thought of their world being fundamentally a lie.
Thank you Daniel, you are keeping me sane in this insane state they've left me with after they poisoned me with ritalin. Everything is painful now. But I find joy and peace listening to your very truthful insights.
As usual you're laser precise and complete in this observation. It's easy to be decent but feel odd because the "world" is often far from it. The part about the kid being emotionally healthy/wise but made to feel like the "bad one" is not only common, it's universal, I'm certain. Being decent/gifted also tends to be something that makes parents/others feel insecure and thus abuse the kid/person so that forces them to as you say shut down to the knowing and being of that.
Deep inner self awareness, self acceptance including inner "demons", and open honest respect for self and others is all that's needed to be skillful as a therapist. On that ground they'll naturally be attentive to the client and themselves and will naturally tend to work towards the needed knowledge, skill, and understanding to be effective. In my experience it's extremely rare to find such a therapist.
Let's just say, you're the *only* therapist with even close to your degree of humility, respect, honesty, openness and deep awareness. You may very well be an awakened being, to be honest.
From all the best therapists, you’re one of the best. Your ability to empathize with people is amazing. Your teachers followed the books, you followed your intuition.
I love this video.
The title gave me an assumption that it would be a fairy mellow video.
However, what an impactful video! I love Daniel’s relentless truth-telling.
Diagnoses from the DSM - like putting a dress on an elephant!! Hahahaha, love this, thanks Daniel!! My psychiatrist will like it too.. (I've got a good one who dislikes the DSM). Top notch vid. I think you're the only person who I always agree with!
I think we feel like impostors when we take a social role (mother, teacher, scientist, doctor, politician ...) and we hide behind it, because it socially convenient and for the power trip that it grants. We actually ARE impostors when we do this! We forget the real meaning of being a parent, politician or anything, which ideally is to love! Being our vulnerable self is really dangerous!
Yes, and driven by shame underneath it all. The person's identity is wrapped around a role, and they get "Role X is a good person and I am a Role X so I am a good person."
@@196cupcake indeed! I am a [whatever] therefore I have the moral high ground ... I also spot a power trip, as in I am a [whatever] therefore you do what you have been told (learn this lesson, accept this new law, take this medication, have this spiritual practice, and on and on and on). I think, we needs social roles, but we need to know also WHY and HOW a person is using that role.
I used to feel like an imposter person, like I was missing a large piece of what makes someone human.
❤❤❤ Those were my words to you, as well, many years back. That's because created a safe place and your attitude was one of compassion and nuance and I felt understood and protected coming to this page and listening to your perspective. You understood that in that phase of my life that was what I needed the most. You are one of the ultimate wise and fair therapists out here that I actually accept influence from, the caveat being that I think highly of others in the field as well, and I think I honour them as well, while your demeanour fits with my worldview, maybe that's why I think of you as friend on the other side of the world. I go off and live my life and whenever you post it's like a "hey, you're in town, I hope you're OK and life is treating you well" feeling and then we go off to live with that fondness that you're a good person, a good influence on the world, and so may you live long and share your thoughts with people for years to come. 🙂🙏
Not all anxiety and depression is from past trauma. Some of it is because of our sick culture of the present, and all the loneliness and verbal abuse people are currently going through.
Yes, and illness. Although, illness can be linked to past traumatic experiences. I imagine social media, particularly instagram, tik tok, Facebook, is not helping.
I don't know. It seems if you have a truly healthy sense of self and genuine self-love, the culture around us, the verbal abuse, etc., have much less impact on us. It also seems like when we genuinely love ourselves, loneliness is only a minor nuissance at worst. So I think I'd say that anxiety and depression are the flowers that result from our roots.
Straight talk! I love your passion and wisdom. Unravelling the family origins is so key to compassionate understanding. It is pushing me to be somatic psychedelic therapist. The emotions are the soul of the being.
God, I have to say thanks for this. I've been on a similar journey of pain and healing and also all on my own. This scared me initially , but like you, I felt like I just 'knew' things, understood them, understood how our thoughts and feelings work and how to help and allow them.
At REALLY hard times, I would think, "fuck I need help, I need therapy and even had family members suggest therapy if ever I opened up about how bad I felt.
But everytime I would seriously consider it, I had this small intuitive nag that said "no you need to do this on your own" and yes, I would always get through each bad phase, understanding more and more by just watching, allowing and analysing the inner processes.
Two times, I did reach out and have an assessment phonecall with two therapists and yet I left each phonecall thinking wtf!? How dehumanising they were and how invalidating. Even in my own triggered, vulnerable state, I knew what I had been learning on my own was more valuable and correct than what they were offering, and I have no 'qualifications" , just the actual experience.
Which I see now, is much more valuable, helpful and true. However, during tough times, I also sometimes still get this imposter syndrome. Like who me? Who stays on her own, doesn't really feel like I connect to others, lives in my own bubble , no qualifications, but feels I know more about the human condition that most qualified therapists?! So just thank you.
Thank you for validating that I can trust myself.
Only recently, I had three days of feeling so heavy and depressed, I felt worried, but also a sense of needing to let the energy state be. I could barely function or get out of bed, then on the fourth morning, it changed to terrible anxiety and I knew my energy was shifting, the emotion was coming.
And I had a few waves of tears, starting and then numbing out, in waves and finally it came, it broke and I sobbed soo hard, my chest hurt and I could hardly breathe. It settled after 15 mins and I made myself a cuppa and relaxed into watching a game, then gently started to tidy up and did some shopping.
Come the evening, I went for my walk in the dark. (The dark is soothing and means you don't have to 'put the smile on' for others.) After my earlier cry, my heart felt open, exposed, vulnerable, but there was this innocence and childlikeness about it.
And my walk was amazing, I was taking it slow, so lost in the moment, amazed and fascinated by everything, house designs, boats, lights, streets, and I knew it was because I had cleared some heavy emotion and pain within my energy and under it, was my free inner child, that we all have. I had reconnected to it and it felt wonderful.
If we can sit with the pain, the anxiety, the depression, the grief, the confusion, no matter how bad, trust it and allow it, it will shift and cleanse when the emotional grief arises, feel it , cry , scream, roar, let it out. It will clear you and liberate you. ❤
The reason a lot of people never get to this place, is because the world does not allow you to. You have to 'go to work' and be 'responsible', so much is demanded of us to carry on and function in our daily lives, that we don't have time to break down, allow and be with what needs to happen. Life, the system, forces us to push through , inturn pushing down.
I had to spend 3 days barely getting out of bed before that energy shifted and most people are not allowed that luxury.
I'm only fortunate enough to because of my label 'aspergers' so I have no responsibilities keeping me from needing to process whatever. A real fuck up for people who need as much undemanding time as they need.
All people really want and need, is connection, time , interest, validation, love and compassion. ❤
I often wonder how you feel about the idea of bringing more personality, relatability, & emotion from the professionals side in psychotherapy sessions. I've only spoken with one & while he was a good listener and a fairly good responder to what I spoke of, he just seemed somewhat by the book & stale. Not that I thought he would be stale if he had more freedom of expression, but he just seemed held back by how he learned to conduct sessions. Maybe I'm being unrealistic but you just have a gripping way of viewing psychology & I've been interested in your content & perspective for a while now. Thanks for all your videos
Daniel, you are a good person. I really like watching your videos.
Such a good talk. What struck me is the phrase "gifted child." Strictly logically, "gifted" is superfluous, but we immediately realise it's simply a figure of speech, a rhetorical device, used famously by Alice Miller, and almost certainly borne out of a deep frustration with the denial and the suppression of the gifts in question. But to me, it speaks of a defence that is improvised, like a haphazard civilian barricade in a narrow street. It feels to me that after all these decades, a more robust voicing of our frustration would make us feel less and less need to use a single figure of speech repeatedly.
I know these voices telling you you are a failure, too well. As a piano pedagogy student I was told my personality was too friendly. Funny enough, I have a big class and all my students take part in the semester concerts. Each one has his special relationship with the piano. None of my students would have lasted one month with my mentors at the Music College. Terrible that these are the people teaching in the art form, probably most near to human emotions.
Strongest resonance ! This channel is the most truthful
Daniel, you're one of the most REAL people I've met.
Thank you, Daniel, and bravo for your honesty and courage to be yourself!
what a beautiful godsend of a channel
there was a recent question on quora that asked, "how do you break an INFJ?"... can you believe that, how insane. You are amazing DM
Love this video Daniel. People saying Im wrong makes me feel crazy.
I agree with you 100%. Thank you for your videos, you have helped me a lot over the last four years.
Wise words indeed.
You are an excellent therapist and champion of the people. I concur with everything you've said here and think that the current schooling and system and requirements for therapists is a scam.
The DSM, the emphasis on classifying and diagnosing and correcting "chemical imbalances" is absurd, but it follows the medical system model of treating humans like simple machines that must be repaired from the outside rather than as organisms that can heal themselves if given healthy conditions.
I can see why trained pyschologists and teachers believe the stuff, but it saddens me that they do. I've often been told by strangers I meet or talk to on the internet that I'd be a great therapist. Unfortunately, my degree is in engineering, so I cannot legally practice therapy. Maybe I should try "life coaching" though!
Incidentally, I also suffer from imposter syndrome. I think it is related to the Dunning-Kruger effect: the more intelligent and sensitive and aware you are, the more you know that you don't know and more aware of your own blindspots and limitations you are. Fools think they know everything. Wise people know they know nothing. It's hard not to feel like an imposter when you realize how limited our collective understanding of reality and the human body we are.
I have recurring dreams where I'm still taking college classes, but can't find my class schedule and know I'm missing like three of the four classes I'm enrolled in. I stoo going to classes, miss finals, etc. I was a decent enough engineer when I worked, but it was never really my passion. I just did it because it's what my dad wanted for me. 🤷♂️
Thank you so much Daniel for this wonderful message. I've also known what you mentioned you knew intuitively, all my life and had never heard anyone else say this. I very greatly appreciate all the honesty and insight you share.
What a wonderful video! I wish more and more people could hear your words, Daniel ❤. Thank you gratefully!
Everyone is figuring out
A lot of people, especially parents, can't go on like that for long, because they don't have the core strength and energy. Very soon they start pretending they have figured it out in order to save face.
@@allthe1who have that core strength and energy? You actually go through it, sometimes it's such a pain but sometimes it does feel easier and full of ourselves we do believe that we get over it. At least there's a serenity at some extent and this is the goal imo
Thank you Daniel, you helped me again:) What a great video, I think it may be one of your best... :) I hope it gets a lot of views.
Dear Daniel can you make a video on sibling trauma?
Siblings can be quiete abusive and psychologists hardly ever talk about that. My older sister made me wash all the floors in our house with ice cold water completly naked to humiliate me. I was shaking cause I was cold and i was crying because of the how much she criticised me for being stupid and wrong
Asked the same questions of my clients and myself and got the same answers from both as well.
I ended up not finishing my doctorate cause I had figured that out and shared those findings with many of the professors. It was then made clear (despite excellent grades) that I would not be graduating without serving my punishment… the observations and subsequent suggestions were NOT well-received. 😊
I'm undergoing therapy and receiving psychiatric care, but honestly I feel like I'm throwing money away. And watching the videos on your channel I identified a lot with the criticisms you make of the mental health system, I have similar thoughts. To me it all seems like a scam. Sorry for my bad English.
Thank you 🙏, and your English is fine.
Degrees are a nice starting point but not an end goal. Honestly a very solid therapist would be able to see through that, the human (empathy, will to challenge the worldview) qualities make the crude difference, diagnosis can help to navigate what you are going through but not that much imo and you have the total right to challenge them bc a human being is complex but somehow simple entity, I don't believe much more else. Doctors are rational but not scientists, there's a huge difference between a researcher and someone who apply a logic that they learnt about
Thank you so much for sharing this! So relatable ❤
Thank you so much for this recording.
It encourages me to be loyal to myself which is the best way how to deal with past burdens. I am working on how to reject lies forced on me and replace those with what is true for myself
It is difficult and I need all determination I can get. I am really happy I found your chanell
You were such a talented therapist! If you ever go back to the field, I'll be the first in line to be your client. Hugs! ❤
When a child is taught to abandon some part of their real Self in order to be accepted or loved, they learn that they are fundamentally wrong or bad. Believing to other people (parents, teachers, whoever) damages their healthy self-perception and self-esteem. The abuse usually comes from people who have little or no psychological or spiritual self-awareness. No wonder such children have later problems with the IS.
10:59 rings so true!
Yep! Makes sense to me. Thanks Daniel :)
Well said. Imposter syndrome, to me, is just the repercussions of your family constantly having their big, fat foot on the back of your neck, telling you you're not good enough...for anything. You go out into the world, you find out you succeed at things they never could, you find out even in today's hostile world that at least the people who don't like you are upfront about it (unlike your covert narc family) and this imposter syndrome is just another way of saying your family tried to crush your self esteem your whole life, telling you the world was sick. You come to the conclusion, yeah the world is F'd up, especially nowadays....but all in all? Its still more friendlier/warmer/welcoming than your toxic family, who really are the sick ones. Project much? LOL if I tried to explain "projection" to my worthless parents, they'd associate it with the big screen TV's they all own while they consume mindless entertainment....ugggh. God they're idiots.
Blessings. Thank you.
I love this book by Jacqueline Small Becoming naturally Therapeutic Thankyou Daniel you are special xxx😊
So true. I can relate all to well to what you said here.
Can you do one about vulnerable narcissists?
We must examine thoroughly how we were brought up. Our family dynamic is everything. We must investigate how we had to meet our parents needs bc they never met ours as children. We learned to not be authentic bc we were never allowed to be ourselves. We had to walk on eggshells anticipating how we should act to Not Upset them. They were unpredictable so we had to adapt to that just to keep them from punishing me or belittling me.
Hope you do video on polyamory and any insights in it's psychological aspects
Thank you for your thoughts - I too struggle with my insecurities based of my childhood... reality is brutal to hear it is a common problem we have. A global trauma.
But what I want to ask is, I am not native english, what your very last sentence means, you say:
"For the impostors they really are" ... are what? "They" are the ones who heal and see reality, so for impostors in power they are impostors, too? Did I get it reight, or what did you mean?
No wonder I was in deep depression 😢. God Bless you
Great 😀Thanks !
I hope one of these days you will cover or answer my question on why a person becomes obsessed with perfection?.. and how to get rid of this type of obsession.
I just make a video on perfectionism. Maybe you will find it useful? Perfectionism: Impossible Standards & Childhood Trauma
ua-cam.com/video/_t6THwZatXI/v-deo.html
excellent video! information
Commenting to engage
Maybe put more emphasis on how it’s a continuous cycle and most of the abusers are not conscious much of the time.Notice I said most. Blessings to you.
This resonates.
why am I surprised. conspiracy starts with pstents, and so do imposters.
really good answer and multiple insights here.
- spot real imposters
- deeper themes of specific things that feel inauthentic to do in fields of work
I find myself having the opposite of this & the imposters put me in position to not be able to use the talents...and people call me grandiose and delusional on top of it
I experience this a lot.
Hi Daniel. Would you consider making a video about feelings of blame? By that I mean feeling as though you were to blame for how your parents treated you. This has been coming up for me a lot, a sense that watching my mom in pain made me feel like I was the cause of it, and how I think I somehow internalised it and am still stuck with that belief somehow, even though I can reason with myself that I wasn't. And also how my dad sort of wanted an emotional connection with me that I wasn't able to provide and even though it wasn't appropriate I still felt like it was my own short comings that made me feel uncomfortable and to pull away. These feelings and senses of who I am are still core to how I feel around people - I've been noticing how angry I get when people zoom past me on their motorbikes without considering how dangerous it is to me and I think it's a kind of projection of that sense of blame - that really I still blame myself for the harm that was somehow inflicted on my parents and their pain and loneliness. I'm trying to somehow distill this ever present belief or sense or thought but it's slippery, even though it's always there I'm finding it hard to hold still and stare at ... any advice would be appreciated. Much love, thanks so much for your videos
Thank you for this truthbomb ❤
I am interested in your point of view about David goggins personality. Did he heal all of his traumas or not?
..... although I agree with so much of what you say, I don't agree with this black and white depiction of all the imposters out there. I know what you mean though ... and as someone who's experienced enough trauma and abuse through people and the system, and has gone through so much healing, I today believe all the more, that anyone (!) can heal!
We all have something of the 'imposter' in us. I don't believe or agree that there are those who are fully healthy deep down but made somehow broken only by others and then there are others who are fully lost beyond hope. Na! ....There are just one kind of human on this planet and we all need healing, some perhaps more than others and some the harder to reach since they don't believe they need healing ...
well said
Amen ❤
Sometimes I think imposter syndrome is overapplied. Some people feel this because they might be struggling to confront actually not being good at something that they want to be good at, but otherwise have a lot invested in so admitting that you aren't good is a big hurdle.
Hey Daniel, Ive been watching your channel for many years. I understand and strongly agree with your position about medications being harmful for treatment of mental illnesses. I was wondering if there are cases in your opinion that may warrant it even if it's short term to help someone get out of a funk and build stability so that they can heal. Oftentimes people suffering from mental illness get trapped in it due to their life circumstances. I was wondering if in those cases, would giving for example antidepressants for a short time so they can, for example, break out of their family system in order to heal do you think that would be a good use of the medications?
Sounds like you already have a healthy mindset towards it to me.
Curious of Daniel's thoughts on it as well though.
@@ethanjohnson3642He already answered that question. He thinks that except benzodiazépines for a short term bc of the angst, nothing is actually working really
And my question for you is: would you work as a psicotherapist again maybe in another way, I mean your way. It would be great if you could make a video on this ❤
Are there any books or resources you found that were actually helpful and in line with how people should be helped and listened to?
I did make a list of books that I found helpful over the years: wildtruth.net/some-book-recommendations-psychology-and-more/
@@dmackler58 Thank you for replying, I'll check it out :)
We have client-reported measuring in some clinics after treatment in Canada and other countries. An evidence based questionnaire for clients. It is awesome, but therapists don’t always like it!
I really appreciate and value your content. Some of those spot on positive points. ..1 minute 30 seconds in forward. “Parents are imposters.” > correct. Mr and Mrs Parent.
Thanks to figuring it out to step back from the somebody told me what somebody I was going to be.
My 3 from a former marriage actually talk to me ..ALOT. I listen & learn. “Intuitively” < FREE hint
By definition adult child = PTSD.
An adult children of an alcoholic is like “a Ferrari running 90mph with the brakes on.”
Movie > Cool Hand Luke | “What We Got Here Is Failure To Communicate.” As the warden kicks Paul Newman down the hill.
The imposture parents are retreads from generational dysfunctional families from untreated unresolved chaotic trauma from neglect, abuse and worse.
The world is full of imposters.
There is something wrong with the system. I have psychsomatic flu like symptoms for years from my mother and the system trying to force feed lies and manipulations down my throat. My anger is thru the roof !
Which do you think is the best psychotherapy model ? As a patient and a therapist in training
I’m not sure. I was never a big fan of psychotherapy models myself. I just did my own thing. And it could be quite variable with different clients, or with the same client at any given time.
at 3'33'' the ''Dissociation'' expressed in Terms of some ''psycho-somatic'' Sign and Symptom so named, some ''symbolical, allegorical Communication System'' so to put it, also occurred to biblical ''Jaqob'' when the Majority of his ''Children'' from some of his ''Wives'', tried to ''kill'' his own ''preferred Child'', from a ''Wife'' among his several ''Wives'', and he developed so named ''Blindness'', somatic actually, because the ''Psyché'' who he was, ''refused'' to ''see'', also for ''know'' the ''Evil'' also ''Rä'' in middle eastern Language, for ''Unfairness, Unbalance, Lack of Integrity, Lack of Wholeness, Lack of Holiness, Lack of Sanctity and actually, 'Presence' of 'Corruption' indeed'', of the ''Siblings'',
that among the so named ''human Family'' is also ''displayed'' by so called ''organized Gang Stalkers'', of whose ''evil, devilish Methods'' (for ''Devil'', cfr. also ''Satan'' biblically, that is the ''Allegory of a Sadist'' actually) also the ''united Nations Organization'' has issued a Document, at Site ohchr.org, titled ''Harassment Techniques''),
and who allegedly were ''full operating'' already some 100 Years ago, as indicated in the Movie ''the Pacifist - Gertrud Woker: a forgotten Heroine'', by Fabian Chiquet, to be appreciated at Site filmingo.ch,
where it can also be ''appreciated'' the so to call it ''christian Method'' that consists in ''first 'killing' an Individual, and then 'rehabilitating' him, her, his or her Name'' and even or especially ''making Money on it'' or also generally ''taking Profit from him, her'', (in the very Case of ''Jesus Christ'' himself, he was ''firstly abandoned by the 'Crows' that was 'corrupted' by the so named 'Fellows of Barabbah', whose Name is literally 'Son of the Father' or 'Daddy's Son' as it is vulgarly meant,
and for ''the Father'' cfr, in ''Equilibrium'' the Movie of some 20 Years ago by Kurt Wimmer, and the ''Symbol'' for ''the Father'' also ''Tetragrammaton'' is like that on the ''Clothes of the residential Students'' in the Movie by ''revolutionary'' Movie Maker Marco Bellocchio, titled ''in Nome del Padre'', published some 50 Years ago,
and later ''Jesus Christ'' was made literally ''brutally tortured, morally and physically'' by the ''Guards'' so named, ''on the Payroll'' of the ''Regime'' of that Time, so called,
and eventually ''a crucified and bleeding, suffering'' Jesus Christ, is ''called to help Individuals in Need'' and also, a whole ''religious Institution'', also a ''Business'' or ''Enterprise'' so to call it, has been ''built'' upon him, and only in the recent Movie by ''Marco Bellocchio'' above mentioned, and titled ''Rapito'',
one can ''see'' a ''Child'', indeed, that ''frees 'Jesus Christ' from the Cross'', and ''rescue him'',
and for any ''wise, innately savant Child'', also ''you and me, everyone, when we were 'Children' indeed'', cfr. in ''le pétit Prince'' by Antoine Saint Exupéry, where ''the little Prince never 'gave up' a Demand, 'for Truth', once he had asked it, until he 'got a decent, reliable Answer' to it'', and cfr. in ''the Emperor's new Clothes'' by Don Juan Manuel, published some 700 Years ago, and edited again some 200 Years ago by Hans Christian Andersen, where and when ''only the Child, amid the 'general Public', showed to be 'uncorrupted and incorruptible', and to be 'honest, truthful', while especially 'Adults' showed to be 'Impostors' actually'' and some of them as ''Sadists'',
also ''Brigands or Bandits'' according to ''the Laws of human Stupidity'' by ''revolutionary'' Scientist ''Carlo M. Cipolla'', who are Individuals who especially induce others to suffer from so ''medically, officially'' named ''Alienation Syndrome'',
and some of them as ''Masochists'',
who are ''Individuals who suffer of so ''medically, officially'' named ''Stockholm Syndrome'':
and a ''Sign and Symptom'' for anyone, who ''suffer'', actually is ''pathological'' from ''Pathos'' in Greek for ''Suffering'', is ''Incongruity or Hypocrisy'', cfr. ''they 'publicly' behave differently than they do 'privately' and also 'they apparently are different, than they are intimately' , as in the Case of any 'Wolf in Sheep's Clothes' or also, a 'Sheep in Wolf's Clothes' so to allegorically put it, and there also is such an Example in the 'short' Movie titled 'I love Hooligans' to be 'freely' appreciated on-line or to be appreciated in the Document 'watch Boys on Film 16: Worlds collide' at Site vimeo.com Section 'watch' and 'on Demand', Movie 6 on 9'',
and from ''Sadism'' and ''Masochism'' arises so named ''Pathology'' called ''Narcissism'', that induces Individuals to practice ''Gaslight'', the 'Phenomenon'' described in an homonymous Movie of some 80 Years go, ''starring'' Player Ingrid Bergmann, to be ''freely'' appreciated on-line;
eventually the ''religious, institutional 'Diktat' so named'' that recites ''honor thy Mother and thy Father'', merely ''boosts and enables'' so called ''Hypocrisy'', also the ''Impostor Syndrome'', also ''Gaslight'', as practiced by ''Adults'' and later ''mimicked'' by ''grownup Children'' so called, in the Forms of ''Sadism and/or Masochism'' so named,
unless a ''Child'' is ''rebellious'' enough, and decides to ''reasonably, exercising the own 'Reasoning' Capabilities, or Skills, the own 'Logos' as it is called in Greek of the ancient, original Philosophers of some 2500 Years ago, and as it is named in the biblical Book of 'John', Chapter 1, Verse 1, at Site biblehub.com Version 'interlinear' and 'multi' Languages'', and ''analyzes the own 'Autobiography' so named'' and ''detects any 'Element' that may have induced him, her to become a 'Sadist and/or a Masochist' and actively tries, struggles for, 'healing' it'',
as it was ''concretely'' done by ''revolutionary'' Author ''Alejandro Jodorowsky'', cfr. his ''the Dance of Reality'' a Book, translated in 2 Movies, ''the Dance of Reality'' and ''endless Poetry'', to be acquired at Site amazon);
at 4'57'' any ''Diagnosis'' according to some ''Doctrine'', has to do with ''Business'' that is based on ''Money'' or ''hold a social Position for the own 'social Status' amid Society, that grants a 'monetary Income' actually''
(in ''totalitarian'' so named Regimes, such as also the ''Dictatorship of the Majority'' indeed, renamed as ''Democracy'', the ''social Status'' is held by ''adhering to the 'Regime' and its 'Laws', despite they are 'unlawful' in the Eye of 'G.d' so to put it, they are against 'the Intelligence of the Conscience, of the Soul, divine', who one is'', and in all Cases ''Money have taken the Place of 'G.d', of 'the Source', 'Savitr' in Sanskrit, 'Svet' in Russian, of the 'living Light' so named'', and Individuals ''praise it, seek 'Support and Guidance from it' instead of 'referring to G.d actually' on the Contrary of what happened some 2500 Years ago, internationally, cfr. this in the Work of spiritual Science and divine Art by 'LaoZhi' from China, 'Mahavira Tirthankara' from India, 'Siddharta Buddha' from Nepal, 'Plato original Philosopher' and 'Pythagoras spiritual Mathematician' from Greece, 'Zoroaster Prophet' from Iran, Persia'',
and cfr. ''Money'' as well as ''Sexuality, Sex'' appointed as ''Today's G.d'' and ''Support, Guidance'' for ''People'', in ''que Diable suis-je venue faire sur cette Terre'' by ''revolutionary'' medical Doctor Ghislaine Saint Pierre Lanctôt, and concerning ''oneself as a Soul'' on the other Hand, cfr. her ''je me souviens de qui je suis'', the ''Anthem'' at youtube Channel ''Personocratia Idessa''),
and above mentioned ''Gertrud Woker'' was ''officially diagnosed'' as ''Paranoïd'', and ''hospitalized'' that is equal to ''jailed'', as for those in the Documentary Movies ''forbidden Voices'' by Barbara Miller, at Site vimeo.com Section ''watch'' and ''on Demand'', and in ''weiterleben'' by Hans Haldimann, at Site filmingo.ch.
The more I have thought about myself, the more I realized the mental health system made me stigmatize myself. There always had to be something "wrong", not just a frank conversation that humans go through traumatic life situations and of course that is going to lead to stress. Humans are not good at listening. Our society is not making it any easier for people to listen to each other. We are all self monologuing AT others not talking WITH others
Hey Daniel,
How did this world of denial and imposters begin? Why did we transition from animal-unconscious honesty to human-conscious denial and imposters?
If we properly define the problem, the solution becomes clear.
I find that no one has even touched upon this subject, none other than Jeremy Griffith in his work, namely his book 'Freedom'.
Truth
I think you get a lot of things right, and also, here are some misc. comments:
1. It's ironic how many CBT oriented therapists buy into the concept of imposter syndrome. They shouldn't, because imposter vs. not-imposter are not distinct categories, so "imposter syndrome" is a black/white cognitive distortion.
2. Your critical take on medication reminded me of an idea, extension: many of the people who've bought into the idea of psychiatric medication as a solution would, at other times, deride using "drugs" as a solution to one's real-world problems. Like, "you won't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle." Sure, sometimes people have reasonably good lives and their unhappiness can be largely attributed to "brain chemistry." At other times, "depression" is largely due to circumstances so bad that it would be unreasonable to expect anyone to be happy with. For the latter, it is offensive to suggest that their displeasure can be resolved with medication (or psychotherapy interventions).
(Example on the extreme end, to highlight the part I'm talking about) - enslaved African Americans needed emancipation rather than SSRIs. In that sense, in less extreme yet still harmful situations, meds/therapy can be thought of as tools to more effectively oppress people, rather than something intended to help those people.
Less extreme example: a person who's real problem is lack of connection or relationship, the kind where it would be inappropriate for a therapist to fill that role. SSRIs aren't a replacement for a spouse, and it is offensive to suggest as much, but often psychotherapists do. "What you, client, really need is X, but since I can't/won't give you X, but I'll give you Y, and now that you have Y you are supposed to believe that not having X is no longer a problem.
3. Sometimes there is a good deal of truth behind imposter syndrome. Like, if you're a therapist giving therapy to slaves then, yes, you kind of are an imposter: your identity as one who tries to help people is a false identity.
Yes! They are introjecting the role of imposter to protect the actual imposters all around them.
Daniel… other than the the child’s love for his parents… have you ever loved or been loved by anyone?
Yes - and yes. I would say that I have a lot of love in my life.
"TELLING THE TRUTH IN A LIAR WORLD" by C.V.
I’m also forced to take medications forcefully
I bet raw feelings are so uncomfortable for the therapists that they distance themselves
The therapist got scared of my rage when it was life coming back. I had stuff to say she's not comfortable with and she got defensive and she did get rid of me bc this is what professionnals do when they don't deal with their counter-transferrence HA. She hurted me a lot and wow it was so horrible but I'm going through it rediscovering how difficult it is, how rage is what scares the most in those highly polished domestic called civilized societies. Sadness allows us to empathize but wow pure rage is hella scary especially from women and females alike
♥️♥️♥️